Dr. Wendy is talking about the most commonly used emojis globally and why weighloss drugs are causing divorces. PLUS Dr. Wendy is offering her Wendy wisdom her drive by makeshift relationship advice. It's all on KFIAM-640!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf
I Am six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app kf I AM six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Kayla, how's your water line? We
can talk about Kayla's water line tonight. Producer, Kayla, it's.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It's uh, it's it's surviving.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
But you meet me eyeliner in the place that my
eye doctor told me not to put.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Eel eyeliner and glue and eyelash.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Oh, I don't want to hear mahomminis and your product
that cleans your waterline at night when you'll take your macabos?
All right, okay, girl talk, girl talk. Hey everybody, Doctor
Wendy Walsh here. If you're new to my show, I
have a PhD in clinical psychology. I'm obsessed with the
science of love. I'm a psychology professor at cal State
Channel Islands. And this weekend, well you probably know because
(00:49):
I've been talking about how long do I get to
keep talking about my new husband forever?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Forever?
Speaker 4 (00:54):
Well, the web bess he just bought me. He bought
me a cookie today and Soshi's so cooky. I think
you could talk about him all day.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
That's so nice. Well, we went to his uncle's birthday.
Uncle Sixto in New York City turned eighty years old
this week. Honestly, I have never been to such a
fun party in decades. Those Dominicans know how to party.
First of all, a live band. That's until the family
(01:21):
band came on. Everybody seemed to be a musician and
pick up an instrument or a microphone. But then the
way the meal went like I'm used to like, Oh,
you sit down, you have your little dainty little course
meal with some soft little music. So I want to
put a New Yorky accent on when you do win
and then you get up and you dance. No no, no,
band starts at the beginning during the salad. In between
(01:42):
every course there was another song and everybody would just
jump up and dance. So you never felt full in
anything at the end of the night because the four
courses came in between lots of dancing time. Anyway, the
next day, Julio, my sweet husband, was looking at my
shoes and apparently I broke the heels off both of
(02:03):
my pumps and I never even knew, Oh, you were
partying super doing the selsa the merengue. It was so
much fun. Point being family is everything, and I didn't
realize how thirsty I've been for extended family, wanting to
have people around me, and sitting beside my eighty six
year old's knew not stepmother's mother in law, mother in
(02:26):
law that were was just a delight. So anyway, that
was my weekend, flew back from New York. Although I
happen to follow the news this week, and I don't
know if you've got I'm sure everybody's seen this unless
you've been under rock. People members of our highest levels
of government have been texting each other like teenage girls
(02:48):
only about a war and using emojis. Right, So I
think instead of getting into the politics of it, Okay,
should it be fired? Should he not?
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Was it a leak?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Who cares? Okayres I want to talk about relationships here.
So I think that this is evidence that it's important
to learn how to read and understand emojis. If you don't,
you do it yet it's a modern, firm, modern form.
There we go of hieroglyphics, and I actually have this
theory that we have been in the last couple decades
(03:20):
thanks to technology evolving away from the written word. How
many people who be honest with yourself now? Not if
I say something that sounds like you have been in
a book group, but you haven't been able to read
the whole book lately. Focus right, our focus is gone. Okay,
some of you are. I see you're doing fine, great,
(03:42):
But it is the audio that has become more and
more important. You're listening to podcasts, you're listening to KFI.
We're listening, and then we read. When we read texts,
we're doing it so quickly. You better give us some diagrams.
We are looking for those emojis so we know how
the person said it. If you're texts without emojis, people
are interpreting them as if you're angry every time. No,
(04:06):
they're interpreting them based on whatever mood they're in at
that moment. So I did a little bit of searching
around first of all, before I get into it. Kayla,
do you use emojis? Yes, of course you do. I'm
an emoji gir your emoji girl, And what are your
favorite emojis you would like to use white heart? A
white heart? What does that mean?
Speaker 4 (04:25):
It's just I don't use the red heart. I think
a white heart just seems more pure and loving. It
just seems more deep for me. The emoji with the
hearts around it, like cuddles like yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
And kissy face kissle. Are you with us? What are
your favorite emojis?
Speaker 4 (04:45):
The peach emoji, the peat that means butt cheeks, I mean.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
The red heart. I tend to Brita. Do you use emojis?
I do? What do you use? What are your favorites?
I think I use a lot of aliens. I guess
I like them. I don't know. I see those aliens.
I don't know what they mean. What do the aliens mean?
I literally mean the aliens are coming?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
How often do you text about the aliens coming?
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Apparently all the time that I am an alien or
someone who's an alien. Also, I use the skull a lot,
you know, like I'm dead. Ha ha Oh. So the
skull doesn't mean actually bad bad news. It means you're laughing.
If you send someone that and someone actually died, rude.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Oh my gosh, she's right.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Peers, No, don't do doctor, but something funny.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
I'm dead.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Ha that's bad emoji kid doctor.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Okay, so I it's an ironic skull. When I'm delivering
bad news in a text, like oh I'm so sorry
I committed I can't come to your party, I always
include that sad face that has just the one tear
an alien an alien. They will have no idea what
it means.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Well.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I did some research, which turns out the most common
used one is the face with the two that's laughing
with the two tears, face of tears of joy, and
I guess it gives you away as the millennial, which
apparently does it. Oh gen Z is like, don't use that,
and then red heart is also the second most popular,
(06:20):
and then that I didn't know that the tilted on
an angle person laughing with tears means you're rolling on
the floor. Yeah, get that all right. I do use
a lot of thumbs up because I'm lazy. And if
somebody says, yeah, so we're meeting at five o'clock whatever,
I don't like to go, Yeah, i'll see you there,
that'll be fun. I just give thumbs up. That's all
I do. Thumbs up. You know, recently I was reading
(06:41):
in somewhere that there was a court case where someone
I think it was someone who was ordering hay or
grain or meat or something from a farmer had placed
the no had gotten the email from the farmer saying
do you want your regular order this month whatever? And
the person respond or the farmer no, he ordered it,
(07:02):
and the farmer one of them responded back with a
thumbs up. Anyway, turns out they didn't want this thing,
and they said, I'm not paying for it. I didn't
order it. And he said, yeah, you gave a thumbs up.
Thumbs up means you ordered it. So they go all
the way to court arguing about whether the thumb's up
counted as a legal trick contractual agreement, and the jud said, yes,
(07:24):
it did it did.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
I think it should have good?
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Yeah, I think that's good. Okay, So other things, thumbs up,
crying the full.
Speaker 5 (07:31):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I do the prayer things all the time. The prayer hands.
I don't really pray in real life, but I like
the little hands because they come after the word thank you. Yes,
so it's gratitude.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Yes, yes, that's my that's in my frequently used.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
I'm not calling on. Yeah, you can pray I don't
call on the spirits. I don't like to waste God's time, okay,
because I know God's busy with a bunch of other stuff.
So there we go. Fire. Now, I'm really confused about
this flame of fire? What do you think it means?
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Oh, whenever I see something amazing, I say, that's fire.
Is that millennial brigitta? Because everybody uses fire? Yeah, it's fire.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
But back in the day in Twitter, somebody insulted me
by putting a bunch of fires because they were basically
going burn, Like you said something nasty to me and
then a bunch of fires.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
I think, yeah, that's not that's not that clip it
that you were old.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Okay. And the eyes, now, I only use those two
eyeballs when I'm literally saying I see you across the room.
I got eyes on you. I'm watching you.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
That's that's creepy, that's right.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
But I think that's the point. Its like when it's
supposed to be ironic and funny, like or look around,
I'm here already at the restaurant.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
In your eyes.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Okay, what did you use the eyes for? It's actually like, like,
what did you mean?
Speaker 4 (08:46):
Like like I see you but not like physically see
you like or or where are you?
Speaker 2 (08:50):
What are you doing? I'm looking for you? Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Now there's one that Julio uses a lot that I
started adopting because he sends me news stories that are shocking,
one after another.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Are shot.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
You just open the New York Times any day and
you will be shocked by anything you read. It's just
keeps you awake at night. And he does that face,
that shocked face. It's like with eyes wide open, like.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
The awkward one. Yeah, like, oh yeah, I like that one.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
I send that out a lot. All right, let's talk
about what's coming up in today's socause I just want
to say, please learn how to use emoji's, learn how
to use them correctly. And can I just say this
while we're talking about text, Probably not a good idea
to have long intimate conversations by text. The purpose of
(09:37):
text is so you can be efficient and you can
simply say, you know, parking is out front, I'll meet
you there at six. That's it. It's for like plans, organizations.
Are you almost near, great, we'll see you soon. I'll
get the table. Whatever. Text is not where you talk
about intimate things. Now I know you're listening and like,
but that's the only place I talk about intimate things. Right,
(09:59):
There is a whole young generation that needs to learn
to get emotional feelings out their lips. They need to
speak them because there's too much you know, if you're
relying only on text to build a relationship. And I
know young people say, well, you know, we're at the
just texting stage. Like it's a whole stage of relationship.
But there's so much room for somebody to misinterpret your tone,
(10:23):
what you meant by that word. It's really important that
we all practice. And no matter what, I just don't
want to say this. If you're ever in that position,
it is probably not a good idea to plan and
execute a war. Oh no, an attack, whatever it is,
bomb's dropping somewhere, don't don't do it.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
I don't care.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
I guess they're all going to keep their jobs. But
the emojis, come on, they were a very teenage girl.
Fist bump, pray in hands, biceps. Oh my god, if
you haven't seen him, you should see him. All right,
when we come back, I want to talk about some
things in our culture that you might not be aware
are going on. First of all, did you know that
this whole trend of weight loss drugs is causing divorces.
(11:08):
I'm going to explain why. Also, if you are a
single heterosexual woman and you are just plain all tired
of situation ships. If you don't know what situationship is,
it is a undefined relationship where everybody's afraid to say
are we exclusive, or are you my boyfriend? Or what's
happening here? So just keep meeting and having dinner in
(11:30):
sex but you kind of know they're dating other people
because you haven't had the conversation. So everybody's feeling insecure
about the whole situation. These are called situation ships. If
you're tired of them, I'm going to tell you how
to fix them as well. I'm going to be taking
your calls if you have relationship questions. A little later
in the show, I am going to announce the phone
(11:51):
number you can call in. You can also send questions
on Instagram. Send me a DM on Instagram. Bruce Kayla
will get them. She'll look also very interesting doctor coming
on a board, certified family physician and lead functional medicine
physician at a place called love Life. She's going to
talk about fertility. If you're trying to get pregnant and
(12:11):
mental well being as well menopause, and I need to
listen up to that one. That's all I say. So
when we come back, let us talk about ozempic and
those other drugs that are causing divorces. Who knew you're
listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM
six forty were live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 6 (12:31):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Six forty KI Am six forty. You know, doctor Wendy
Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show. Hey,
if you're a TikToker, as long as TikTok's around, you
might as well come on over. I'm live on TikTok
right now. The handle is at Dr Wendy Walsh at
doctor Wendy Walsh. And after this I'm going to go
to Instagram, I think, but right now we're on TikTok.
(12:58):
It's fun. It's fun seeing everybody, and I like it
when people put in the comments where they're listening from,
because I've learned that people are listening on the iHeartRadio app.
Did you know that KFI AM six forty is the
most listened to station on the iHeartRadio app. And also
another thing I'm going to keep drilling into your head
because did you know if you download the iHeartRadio app,
(13:21):
you search in the search bar the words doctor Wendy Walsh,
up I come, and then there's a little button called preset.
Preset you know what that means if you miss any
part of the show, it as soon as you open
your app, there it is, it just shows up for you. Preset.
Hit that button, all right. Talking about weight loss drugs,
so I saw an interesting journalist on television who had
(13:45):
lost about I think he'd lost about eighty pounds taking
ozepic or we go v or what are the names.
There's a bunch of them now. I think they're all
made by the Danish. Anyway. One of the people interviewing
this journalist asked him, did you find that you experienced
more anxiety and depression? And he had the most interesting answer.
(14:09):
He said, no, I don't think more. But I think
what happens is when your favorite medication food is not there,
feeling's bubble to the surface. He actually told a story
of having had a hard day at work, feeling a
little bit down. So he did his usual, which is
(14:31):
go to a KFC, order a whole bocket a chicken,
and sit down and be ready to just go for it.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
This is a man who had experienced obesity in his past.
And he got through one piece, he got halfway through
the second piece, and he felt completely full. Like he
described it as the kind of full you have after
Thanksgiving dinner you just can't eat right. And so he
(14:58):
sat there looking at the to the bucket of chicken
that was his favorite thing, and he couldn't get it
into him. And at that moment he felt completely sad,
not because he was missing the food, but was because
he didn't have the food high to compensate for the
feelings of sadness that were there already. So it's not
to say that these drugs cause mental health conditions. It's
(15:22):
that previous mental health conditions that were self medicated with
food now are quite realized. But some new research has
come out saying that people who take this drug are
more likely to get divorced. Let's talk about the factors
that go into divorce. First of all, I'm going to
(15:43):
say some this my opinion, Okay, but I just need
to say it consciously or unconsciously, So it might be
unconscious people aren't even aware of it. If you suddenly
decide and you're in a long term, happy marriage, and
you decide, I want to get fit, whether it's go
to the gym, take a weight loss drug, whatever, I
(16:04):
promise you. You're getting ready for the mating marketplace. You're testing
your value out there in the world. So I don't
think that these medications are causing divorces. I think there
are people who are thinking about maybe getting divorced and
then saying, well, let me just see if I can
(16:26):
right now. A couple things happen in relationships after one
person loses a lot of weight. First of all, there's
a big change in lifestyle preferences. I was reading an
article that a couple said that their favorite thing used
to their favorite things they used they used to do
together were eating and drinking. That was like what they did,
that was their thing, and one of them wanted to
just now go to the gym or for a walk
(16:47):
and wasn't interested.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Right.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
There's also a big shift in self confidence on both sides.
So the person who lost the weight goes out there
in the world gets all this attention, their self confidence
goes up. There's their partner who has not lost the
weight and feels less than Also, I hate to say it,
(17:10):
but there are some partners who already have low self
esteem and don't want their partner to lose weight because
they're afraid that their partner will leave them, will find
a new or better mate, So they're more encouraging bad behaviors. Right, Obviously,
there might be financial costs when you lose weight. What
(17:33):
is the first thing you do? You bust some new clothes,
some fancy sneakers for the gym. You're going to the
gym all of a sudden, your partner's going wait a minute.
Of course you are saving money on food. But the
big thing is that couples need to talk about this
before it begins, because I guarantee if you're causing any
(17:54):
kind of change in your appearance, and you've been in
a long term relationship, monogamous, relatively happy, but maybe you've
hit the dult rooms. You know, it's not affairs that
kill relationships. Is boredom, right, People who haven't added enough
novelty together so they're bored. And whether it's going to
the gym to lose weight, cutting your hair, changing your
(18:17):
hair color, taking a weight loss drug. On some level,
you're getting ready for the mating marketplace. All right, are
we going to start taking some calls? Producer Kalb I
think we should. If you have a relationship question and
you would like to call me, you certainly may. We're
taking calls next. The number is one eight hundred five
two zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred
(18:41):
five two zero one KFI. Give me a call. You
can change your name for anonymity, and I'll be happy
to weigh in with my relationship wisdom. You're listening to
the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 6 (18:59):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
I Am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show. Right now, I'd
like to welcome my Instagram audience. Hi ig, how you
guys doing. If you want to see our show, see
our show, not just hear it, come on to Instagram.
I'm about to take your calls. Answer your relationship questions.
If you'd like to give us a call, the number
is one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
(19:28):
That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
Just a reminder. I'm a psychology professor, not a therapist.
But I've written three books on relationships, wrote my dissertation
on attachment theory, and well I used my own advice
and found the love of my life and recently got married.
So I've got some wisdom for you. Okay, Producer Kayla,
who do we have?
Speaker 7 (19:49):
First?
Speaker 2 (19:49):
We have Simon with a question.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Simon. Hi, Simon, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 7 (19:54):
Hey, how are you? Doctor Goode?
Speaker 1 (19:56):
What's your question?
Speaker 8 (20:00):
Recently? So, I'm self employed, I have a bunch of
some downtime, and and I've been exercising a lot more recently.
You know, I've considered myself like it's been miraculous, honestly,
like how fast.
Speaker 5 (20:15):
I've seen results.
Speaker 7 (20:17):
But I'm.
Speaker 8 (20:20):
Yeah, the best shape of my life. I love it.
Thank you so much. Everybody's commenting saying, oh my god,
because it's a thing, right, So it feels great. So
I'm trying to encourage my wife.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Here we go over.
Speaker 8 (20:34):
I've been trying to encourage her to run the same
level as been playing. You know, like, I'm so into
this right now, I'm seeing results, Like I love looking
at myself and everyone I'm showering. After I shower, you
can see the results. It's encouraged. So I've been trying
to gently encourage her to do the same thing, you know, like, hey,
you know, what do you do today? Oh, you have
(20:55):
some client to work out?
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Blah blah blah.
Speaker 8 (20:57):
So she's not a grossly uberweight or anything. You'd be
like I would say forty. I'd say if she lost,
she'd be like an ideal weight. But I'm having a
hard time encouraging her, like having her do it herself.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
It's got to come from inside her. You're called extrinsic,
and you're called pressure to her. Here's the thing about
people in relationships. So Simon, I'm so proud of you.
You went to the gym, you lost this weight, You're
in great shape, you feel great. You know the endorphins.
You want to share it with your wife. But when
she hears you say, honey, you got some time today,
(21:34):
why don't you go to the gym, you know what,
a part of her hears I don't love you the
way you look, right, even though I know you say, Well,
what do I tell her? I love her the way
she is, but I want her to feel as good
as I feel. And I've worked so hard on this.
It's not going to work. We can't change anybody else. Ever,
I wish we could all learn that it's not our
job to change anybody else. You know, I'll share with you.
(21:57):
I once had an employee who kept saying she wanted
to lose weight. Saying she wanted to lose weight, so
I bought her health club membership, thinking I was helping
and supporting her. Well, I might as well have thrown
my money in the toilet. She never went. It's got
to come from inside, right, So my thing to you
is keep doing what you're doing, simon, enjoy model it,
(22:21):
be happy, but don't criticize her. She may eventually get
around to it, or she may not. She may feel
threatened by all the attention you might be getting at
the gym. Fine, you know that's sort of what happens
with it all. But you can't pressure somebody else into
losing weight or getting in shape just because you did,
(22:41):
Because she's actually hearing that she's being criticized. How about
just focusing on why she's fun to be with and
how much you love her and see if that works.
Oh breaks my heart? Okay, Producer, Kayla, who do we
have next?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
We have Mike with a question.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Mike, Hi, Mike. It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
Doctor. Hi, doctor. And I'm in a sort of dilemma
because there's a girl at work and she started chasing me. Well,
I feel like he's chasing me.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Okay, how do you think this girl? First of all,
let me ask a question, Mike. How old is this
person at work?
Speaker 3 (23:21):
She's in her mid twenty mid twenties.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Okay, it's on the cusp of whether you should use
the term girl because she's probably a woman. So there's
a woman at work and you perceive, yeah, you perceive
that she's been chasing you. So and what what has
she done or said that made you think she's chasing you?
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Well, well, she she offered to you know, she she
wanted to go after some drinks.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Oh, she asked you to drinks. That's full on chasing.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
Yeah. Yeah. And then on our breaks we have separates chiffs.
She wants to she she asked me coworkers if you
know where I'm at.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
And well she's asking about your whereabouts from co workers
on your break.
Speaker 6 (24:06):
That's cool.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Okay, So what's your dilemma, Mike.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Well, there's an age gap issue. I really wasn't and
I really wasn't looking for a relationship. But we've come
to you know, like she actually drove to where far
to meet me to have good drinks.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Okay, wait, what's the age gap?
Speaker 7 (24:30):
Mike?
Speaker 1 (24:30):
What's the age gap?
Speaker 7 (24:32):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (24:34):
I'm scared to tell you. I tell you, but I
will not change.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
I will love and respect you.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
Let's just say I'm old enough to be her.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Father, so that means you could be fifty and she's
twenty five. Yeah, so she's got some daddy issues there,
doesn't she? Mike?
Speaker 3 (24:53):
Is that is that what it is? Well? Well, I
was avoiding. I was avoiding revealing my age. But she
actually went up and tried to do research and found out.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
That didn't stop her.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
That didn't stop her. So I was intrigued. But you know,
I'm not trying to you know, but we really hit
it off, we really really, you know.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Just let me tell you. Okay, So there are no
rules except this, Mike. The person who has the more
years in their life, the more years under their belt,
always holds the power because of life experience. And so
you might think, oh no, but she's young and pretty.
She has much more power than me. She has sexual power. No, no, no, Mike,
(25:40):
you have the ability to manipulate her like you wouldn't believe.
So my advice to you is, oh, what's the other thing.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Well, here's the thing. He's been wanting to always meet
up with me, text me it five hours. But she
has boyfriends, so I'm really comforted.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Oh wait, now the plot thickens. So she's texting you
at odd hours, meets you for drinks. She's twenty five,
you're fifty. You work together, and now it's revealed she
has a boyfriend. Okay, Mike, you need to run really
fast and far. You need to set up a boundary,
which is, don't answer a text if it's an inappropriate hour.
This could impact your workplace. I mean, who knows, she
(26:20):
could be setting you up for a sexual harassment case.
We don't know, right, but if there's a boyfriend on
the scene, you don't want her as your girlfriend because
she'll do it to you anyway. No, no, no, no, no, Mike,
now that I have that new information, my advice is
set up some boundaries. No way, Jose or no way, Miguel. Okay,
do we have time for another one?
Speaker 2 (26:41):
We gotta go.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Okay. When we come back from the break, I have
a few more people waiting. If you'd like to give
me a call, the number is one eight hundred five
two zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred
five to zero, one five three four. You're listening to
the Doctor Wendy while showing KFI AM six forty live
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 6 (26:57):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy watch on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
Kf I Am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh
with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Wells Show. I
am taking your calls. If you have a relationship question,
the number is one eight hundred five to zero one
five three four. That's one eight hundred five to zero
one KFI Okay, Producer, Kayla, who do we have next?
Speaker 2 (27:19):
We have Sarah with a question.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Sarah, Hi, Sarah, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 9 (27:23):
Hi, Doctor Wendy. I'm going to have to have you
guide me along with this.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
I'm going to guide you. Sarah. Sarah's one of my
favorite names, by the way.
Speaker 9 (27:31):
Okay, thank you.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
What's your issue?
Speaker 9 (27:33):
Okay? My issue is I met a guy three months ago,
right for Christmas. Younger guy a difference.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
What's the age differences A younger guy.
Speaker 9 (27:41):
That's a difference. I'm older, fourteen.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Years fourteen years, you're fourteen years older.
Speaker 9 (27:46):
Okay, and he's totally He keeps telling me he's totally
attracted older women. Blah blah blah, wisdom, experience, all of this.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Uh huh.
Speaker 9 (27:54):
Initially I was not attracted to the guy. I got
to know him, I became attracted.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
That's what we were doing. We get attracted to a
guy's whole personality and brains and everything. Yep, yes, so
now you're attracted to him.
Speaker 8 (28:10):
Okay.
Speaker 9 (28:11):
Now, Oh, when he tells me at the beginning, he's
not into playing games, into relationships, he's not into this
or that. In my opinion, he's playing games. Is I
don't know, just to let go, not calling, always telling me,
like inferring he has somewhere to go. Oh, he's going
to see a friend, and he always makes sure he
(28:33):
gets a pronoun her in. You know, if.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Oh, he's trying to make you afees. Okay, hey, Sarah,
I know this, I know this, Stuy, you don't even
have to tell me more. Let me tell you what's
going on here. So this guy's fourteen years younger. You
met him, you weren't really that much attracted to him,
but he told you I'm really not into playing games.
I'm serious. But yet you feel like he's playing games
with you. Well, let's define games for a second. Plenty
(28:56):
of people who say I don't like drama and I
don't want to play games actually don't have strong relationship skills.
The translation of I don't want to play games is
please don't hurt me. You just stay loyal to me
while I figure out everything else in my life. But
I'm too afraid of being hurt by you, so you
(29:17):
better be loyal now. What he's doing is exhibiting classic
signs of two things, a kind of avoidant attachment style,
this kind of not calling, and being really inconsistent in
his pattern of communication. But then all this oh, yeah,
I'm busy tonight. Sorry, I'm going to see some friends,
leaving it vague right friends, and always throwing in a
pronoun she yeah, she's got to go. And so you're
(29:40):
at the three month mark, right, I say that you
have one chance here to not play a game and
be totally straight. So the next time you're on the
phone with him, you're gonna say, hey, you know, when
I met you, you said you didn't want to play games.
I get that, and I've been spending some time getting
(30:00):
to know you and I'm enjoying my members start communication sandwich.
Start out with a layer of love, follow with a
layer of something hard at chew on, back it up
with a layer of love. So you're gonna say, I'm
finding myself really attracted to you and I'm enjoying getting
to know you better. However, i'm feeling you pull away,
being a little bit vague of who you're with, and
(30:21):
then even trying to I don't know, make me jealous
by he's saying you're with a woman in some way, right,
So and then say, but you know, I'd like to
continue getting to know you, but this kind of behavior
is not okay for me. What would you like to do?
You end with what would you like to do? Just
put it in his court. Now he's going to try
to gaslight you and go I don't know what you mean.
(30:42):
You know, I've just been busy and I am calling.
I think I'm calling enough. I don't know what kind
of how much calling you need? Right, it's going to
try to make you feel bad about who you are.
If this happens, then you got your answer and you
move along. You say thank you. It's probably not a
good match for me, but it's really nice getting to
know you, and good luck. Right If, on the other hand,
he shows compassion and he says, oh gosh, I didn't
(31:04):
even realize I was doing that. I'm so sorry. Yeah,
let's try again and I'll make a bigger effort then
you can. You can chance it, but you got a
good chance to get out. I think is a fifty
to fifty ball, Sarah, but I would definitely try him
one more time. All right, Producer, Kayla, who do we
have next?
Speaker 2 (31:22):
We have Greg with a question.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Greg. Hi, Greg, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 7 (31:26):
Hey, doctor Wendy. How are you good?
Speaker 1 (31:29):
What's your question?
Speaker 7 (31:31):
Well, here we go. I'm going to give you a
little background. I'm a retired physical education teacher and coach.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Retire pe teacher.
Speaker 7 (31:40):
Yeah I was. I was married for thirty four years.
Congratulation beautiful son, and my wife decided that she would
be better off with a few years remaining in her
life to pursue her dreams. And she's now instructor and
(32:01):
all that. I've been retired and I was in a
relationship for three years. But I'm not trying to sound
all that. But I'm a pretty good looking guy. And
she got all worried that I was going to cheat
on her because she had men in her past that
(32:23):
had done that. I'm like, no, I'm a good, solid soul.
You got to understand. Finally couldn't take it anymore. After
three years, she just kept implying that, and we broke up.
And now I'm by myself.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
So what's your question?
Speaker 7 (32:44):
Is it okay to enjoy being by yourself like playing
guitar and just walking?
Speaker 1 (32:52):
So let me explain great I want to. I want
to address two things in what you said. So you
had this long term marriage for thirty four years. That
sounds like it was a successful marriage. You know, this
whole idea of when til death do us part is
going to happen like you know after you know, because
you promise that is not true. Most people are going
(33:12):
to have two or three or more long stance and
monogamy in their lifespan. But it sounds like your career
was a success, your relationship with us a success. Then
you got into a three year relationship with somebody who
had their own trauma. This has nothing to do with you,
not how good looking you are, and I'm sure you're
really good looking, but her accusing you of cheating all
the time or worrying that you might cheat, really had
(33:33):
to do with her early life experiences with abandonment that
she then reconfirmed by dating other guys who would cheat
on her. I like to say that we actually try
to find the person who will bring us our worst
nightmares until we worked out some of our early childhood trauma.
(33:54):
So your question to me now, is you seem happy,
you're playing guitar, you're retired, you're financially solved, and do
you need a relationship. Well, here's what the research says
on that, Greg. Social support is very important as we age.
Loneliness and isolation is very bad for people. But you
don't sound lonely. You don't sound isolated. I bet you.
(34:14):
You're involved in clubs and you're doing things with all
kinds of people. Greg, you don't need a relationship. Unless
you feel you need a relationship, you do need people
around you. Sounds like you've got grown sons. Maybe you
might even have grandkids. If not now, but on the horizon,
you got people. Greg, You're gonna be fine. Okay, I
think we have time for one more. Who do we have? Producer? Ky?
Speaker 2 (34:33):
We all the.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Lines are I've never seen this many lines? Okay, I'm
doing this every week? Was on a live this amount? Okay?
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Yeah, a lot? We have Henry.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Henry's last with the question Henry. Hi, Henry, It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5 (34:47):
Hi, Wendy. How are you good?
Speaker 1 (34:49):
We have less than a minute and a half. Can
you be quick? Love?
Speaker 5 (34:51):
All right, let me bost it here then. So, I've
had somebody that's for me as a as a contractor
significantly younger than me. She's I'm not twice her age,
but I'm in my mid fifties and she's in her
mid thirties.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Okay, fine.
Speaker 5 (35:10):
We've known each other for three years. We've hit it off,
we've had a lot of fun. A few weeks ago
she approached me and just said, Hey, I would like
to pursue a romantic relationship with you.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
How do you feel about that, Henry, a woman in
her thirties walked up to you while you're in your
fifties and said, I want to pursue a romantic relationship
with you. How do you feel about it?
Speaker 5 (35:31):
Well, you know, I'm flattered. I'm I was kind of
head over heels. And then the practical me said, no, wait,
you know a slow year role here. She works for
me even as a contractor.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
She still works for you as a contractor.
Speaker 5 (35:47):
So I presented that to her and she said, look,
I have plenty of work. I'm financially fine. I won't
work for you anymore. It's worth it to me to
give that up if we can, if we can see
where this goes.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
That's a smart puh.
Speaker 7 (36:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (36:04):
So, and I had a little guilt with that, but anyway,
we haven't taken the next step. I just said, man,
I really like you and I'm attracted to you, but
I need to mullis over because I don't want you
to get hurt and I want to make sure we're
doing the right thing here. So so that's kind of
where I am in a nutshell.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Okay, do you want to know what I'm going to
tell you to do? Date? This woman. You know, the
reason why we work is so that we can find mates,
so that we can make our life beautiful and attract mates.
Work is the means to the end of finding the relationships.
So if this woman who's known you for three years
(36:43):
is so into you that she's ready to give up
those contracts as an independent contractor for your company so
that you, guys can pursue a personal relationship. You know
when you say, oh, I want to make sure neither
of us get hurt, there are no guarantees.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
There are no.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
Guarantees, Henry. Love comes with a big chance of rainfall,
lots of it. So I'm telling you you should go
for this. She sounds great. You sound ethical, You sound loyal,
you sound smart. You guys should be in bed sniggling, canoogling.
That's what you should be doing, Henry, Thank you so
much for calling. I guess we don't have time for anymore.
(37:18):
Okay next week, Okay between seven and nine, you guys
all call back because it's so much fun to talk
to you. Thanks so much for listening. Let's go to
the twenty four hour KFI Newsroom with Brigitta Degastino. You're
listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM
six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been
listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear us
(37:39):
live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine
pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio
app
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf
I Am six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app kf I AM six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Kayla, how's your water line? We
can talk about Kayla's water line tonight. Producer, Kayla, it's.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It's uh, it's it's surviving.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
But you meet me eyeliner in the place that my
eye doctor told me not to put.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Eel eyeliner and glue and eyelash.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Oh, I don't want to hear mahomminis and your product
that cleans your waterline at night when you'll take your macabos?
All right, okay, girl talk, girl talk. Hey everybody, Doctor
Wendy Walsh here. If you're new to my show, I
have a PhD in clinical psychology. I'm obsessed with the
science of love. I'm a psychology professor at cal State
Channel Islands. And this weekend, well you probably know because
(00:49):
I've been talking about how long do I get to
keep talking about my new husband forever?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Forever?
Speaker 4 (00:54):
Well, the web bess he just bought me. He bought
me a cookie today and Soshi's so cooky. I think
you could talk about him all day.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
That's so nice. Well, we went to his uncle's birthday.
Uncle Sixto in New York City turned eighty years old
this week. Honestly, I have never been to such a
fun party in decades. Those Dominicans know how to party.
First of all, a live band. That's until the family
(01:21):
band came on. Everybody seemed to be a musician and
pick up an instrument or a microphone. But then the
way the meal went like I'm used to like, Oh,
you sit down, you have your little dainty little course
meal with some soft little music. So I want to
put a New Yorky accent on when you do win
and then you get up and you dance. No no, no,
band starts at the beginning during the salad. In between
(01:42):
every course there was another song and everybody would just
jump up and dance. So you never felt full in
anything at the end of the night because the four
courses came in between lots of dancing time. Anyway, the
next day, Julio, my sweet husband, was looking at my
shoes and apparently I broke the heels off both of
(02:03):
my pumps and I never even knew, Oh, you were
partying super doing the selsa the merengue. It was so
much fun. Point being family is everything, and I didn't
realize how thirsty I've been for extended family, wanting to
have people around me, and sitting beside my eighty six
year old's knew not stepmother's mother in law, mother in
(02:26):
law that were was just a delight. So anyway, that
was my weekend, flew back from New York. Although I
happen to follow the news this week, and I don't
know if you've got I'm sure everybody's seen this unless
you've been under rock. People members of our highest levels
of government have been texting each other like teenage girls
(02:48):
only about a war and using emojis. Right, So I
think instead of getting into the politics of it, Okay,
should it be fired? Should he not?
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Was it a leak?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Who cares? Okayres I want to talk about relationships here.
So I think that this is evidence that it's important
to learn how to read and understand emojis. If you don't,
you do it yet it's a modern, firm, modern form.
There we go of hieroglyphics, and I actually have this
theory that we have been in the last couple decades
(03:20):
thanks to technology evolving away from the written word. How
many people who be honest with yourself now? Not if
I say something that sounds like you have been in
a book group, but you haven't been able to read
the whole book lately. Focus right, our focus is gone. Okay,
some of you are. I see you're doing fine, great,
(03:42):
But it is the audio that has become more and
more important. You're listening to podcasts, you're listening to KFI.
We're listening, and then we read. When we read texts,
we're doing it so quickly. You better give us some diagrams.
We are looking for those emojis so we know how
the person said it. If you're texts without emojis, people
are interpreting them as if you're angry every time. No,
(04:06):
they're interpreting them based on whatever mood they're in at
that moment. So I did a little bit of searching
around first of all, before I get into it. Kayla,
do you use emojis? Yes, of course you do. I'm
an emoji gir your emoji girl, And what are your
favorite emojis you would like to use white heart? A
white heart? What does that mean?
Speaker 4 (04:25):
It's just I don't use the red heart. I think
a white heart just seems more pure and loving. It
just seems more deep for me. The emoji with the
hearts around it, like cuddles like yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
And kissy face kissle. Are you with us? What are
your favorite emojis?
Speaker 4 (04:45):
The peach emoji, the peat that means butt cheeks, I mean.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
The red heart. I tend to Brita. Do you use emojis?
I do? What do you use? What are your favorites?
I think I use a lot of aliens. I guess
I like them. I don't know. I see those aliens.
I don't know what they mean. What do the aliens mean?
I literally mean the aliens are coming?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
How often do you text about the aliens coming?
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Apparently all the time that I am an alien or
someone who's an alien. Also, I use the skull a lot,
you know, like I'm dead. Ha ha Oh. So the
skull doesn't mean actually bad bad news. It means you're laughing.
If you send someone that and someone actually died, rude.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Oh my gosh, she's right.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Peers, No, don't do doctor, but something funny.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
I'm dead.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Ha that's bad emoji kid doctor.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Okay, so I it's an ironic skull. When I'm delivering
bad news in a text, like oh I'm so sorry
I committed I can't come to your party, I always
include that sad face that has just the one tear
an alien an alien. They will have no idea what
it means.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Well.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I did some research, which turns out the most common
used one is the face with the two that's laughing
with the two tears, face of tears of joy, and
I guess it gives you away as the millennial, which
apparently does it. Oh gen Z is like, don't use that,
and then red heart is also the second most popular,
(06:20):
and then that I didn't know that the tilted on
an angle person laughing with tears means you're rolling on
the floor. Yeah, get that all right. I do use
a lot of thumbs up because I'm lazy. And if
somebody says, yeah, so we're meeting at five o'clock whatever,
I don't like to go, Yeah, i'll see you there,
that'll be fun. I just give thumbs up. That's all
I do. Thumbs up. You know, recently I was reading
(06:41):
in somewhere that there was a court case where someone
I think it was someone who was ordering hay or
grain or meat or something from a farmer had placed
the no had gotten the email from the farmer saying
do you want your regular order this month whatever? And
the person respond or the farmer no, he ordered it,
(07:02):
and the farmer one of them responded back with a
thumbs up. Anyway, turns out they didn't want this thing,
and they said, I'm not paying for it. I didn't
order it. And he said, yeah, you gave a thumbs up.
Thumbs up means you ordered it. So they go all
the way to court arguing about whether the thumb's up
counted as a legal trick contractual agreement, and the jud said, yes,
(07:24):
it did it did.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
I think it should have good?
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Yeah, I think that's good. Okay, So other things, thumbs up,
crying the full.
Speaker 5 (07:31):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I do the prayer things all the time. The prayer hands.
I don't really pray in real life, but I like
the little hands because they come after the word thank you. Yes,
so it's gratitude.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Yes, yes, that's my that's in my frequently used.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
I'm not calling on. Yeah, you can pray I don't
call on the spirits. I don't like to waste God's time, okay,
because I know God's busy with a bunch of other stuff.
So there we go. Fire. Now, I'm really confused about
this flame of fire? What do you think it means?
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Oh, whenever I see something amazing, I say, that's fire.
Is that millennial brigitta? Because everybody uses fire? Yeah, it's fire.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
But back in the day in Twitter, somebody insulted me
by putting a bunch of fires because they were basically
going burn, Like you said something nasty to me and
then a bunch of fires.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
I think, yeah, that's not that's not that clip it
that you were old.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Okay. And the eyes, now, I only use those two
eyeballs when I'm literally saying I see you across the room.
I got eyes on you. I'm watching you.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
That's that's creepy, that's right.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
But I think that's the point. Its like when it's
supposed to be ironic and funny, like or look around,
I'm here already at the restaurant.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
In your eyes.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Okay, what did you use the eyes for? It's actually like, like,
what did you mean?
Speaker 4 (08:46):
Like like I see you but not like physically see
you like or or where are you?
Speaker 2 (08:50):
What are you doing? I'm looking for you? Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Now there's one that Julio uses a lot that I
started adopting because he sends me news stories that are shocking,
one after another.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Are shot.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
You just open the New York Times any day and
you will be shocked by anything you read. It's just
keeps you awake at night. And he does that face,
that shocked face. It's like with eyes wide open, like.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
The awkward one. Yeah, like, oh yeah, I like that one.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
I send that out a lot. All right, let's talk
about what's coming up in today's socause I just want
to say, please learn how to use emoji's, learn how
to use them correctly. And can I just say this
while we're talking about text, Probably not a good idea
to have long intimate conversations by text. The purpose of
(09:37):
text is so you can be efficient and you can
simply say, you know, parking is out front, I'll meet
you there at six. That's it. It's for like plans, organizations.
Are you almost near, great, we'll see you soon. I'll
get the table. Whatever. Text is not where you talk
about intimate things. Now I know you're listening and like,
but that's the only place I talk about intimate things. Right,
(09:59):
There is a whole young generation that needs to learn
to get emotional feelings out their lips. They need to
speak them because there's too much you know, if you're
relying only on text to build a relationship. And I
know young people say, well, you know, we're at the
just texting stage. Like it's a whole stage of relationship.
But there's so much room for somebody to misinterpret your tone,
(10:23):
what you meant by that word. It's really important that
we all practice. And no matter what, I just don't
want to say this. If you're ever in that position,
it is probably not a good idea to plan and
execute a war. Oh no, an attack, whatever it is,
bomb's dropping somewhere, don't don't do it.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
I don't care.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
I guess they're all going to keep their jobs. But
the emojis, come on, they were a very teenage girl.
Fist bump, pray in hands, biceps. Oh my god, if
you haven't seen him, you should see him. All right,
when we come back, I want to talk about some
things in our culture that you might not be aware
are going on. First of all, did you know that
this whole trend of weight loss drugs is causing divorces.
(11:08):
I'm going to explain why. Also, if you are a
single heterosexual woman and you are just plain all tired
of situation ships. If you don't know what situationship is,
it is a undefined relationship where everybody's afraid to say
are we exclusive, or are you my boyfriend? Or what's
happening here? So just keep meeting and having dinner in
(11:30):
sex but you kind of know they're dating other people
because you haven't had the conversation. So everybody's feeling insecure
about the whole situation. These are called situation ships. If
you're tired of them, I'm going to tell you how
to fix them as well. I'm going to be taking
your calls if you have relationship questions. A little later
in the show, I am going to announce the phone
(11:51):
number you can call in. You can also send questions
on Instagram. Send me a DM on Instagram. Bruce Kayla
will get them. She'll look also very interesting doctor coming
on a board, certified family physician and lead functional medicine
physician at a place called love Life. She's going to
talk about fertility. If you're trying to get pregnant and
(12:11):
mental well being as well menopause, and I need to
listen up to that one. That's all I say. So
when we come back, let us talk about ozempic and
those other drugs that are causing divorces. Who knew you're
listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM
six forty were live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 6 (12:31):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Six forty KI Am six forty. You know, doctor Wendy
Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show. Hey,
if you're a TikToker, as long as TikTok's around, you
might as well come on over. I'm live on TikTok
right now. The handle is at Dr Wendy Walsh at
doctor Wendy Walsh. And after this I'm going to go
to Instagram, I think, but right now we're on TikTok.
(12:58):
It's fun. It's fun seeing everybody, and I like it
when people put in the comments where they're listening from,
because I've learned that people are listening on the iHeartRadio app.
Did you know that KFI AM six forty is the
most listened to station on the iHeartRadio app. And also
another thing I'm going to keep drilling into your head
because did you know if you download the iHeartRadio app,
(13:21):
you search in the search bar the words doctor Wendy Walsh,
up I come, and then there's a little button called preset.
Preset you know what that means if you miss any
part of the show, it as soon as you open
your app, there it is, it just shows up for you. Preset.
Hit that button, all right. Talking about weight loss drugs,
so I saw an interesting journalist on television who had
(13:45):
lost about I think he'd lost about eighty pounds taking
ozepic or we go v or what are the names.
There's a bunch of them now. I think they're all
made by the Danish. Anyway. One of the people interviewing
this journalist asked him, did you find that you experienced
more anxiety and depression? And he had the most interesting answer.
(14:09):
He said, no, I don't think more. But I think
what happens is when your favorite medication food is not there,
feeling's bubble to the surface. He actually told a story
of having had a hard day at work, feeling a
little bit down. So he did his usual, which is
(14:31):
go to a KFC, order a whole bocket a chicken,
and sit down and be ready to just go for it.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
This is a man who had experienced obesity in his past.
And he got through one piece, he got halfway through
the second piece, and he felt completely full. Like he
described it as the kind of full you have after
Thanksgiving dinner you just can't eat right. And so he
(14:58):
sat there looking at the to the bucket of chicken
that was his favorite thing, and he couldn't get it
into him. And at that moment he felt completely sad,
not because he was missing the food, but was because
he didn't have the food high to compensate for the
feelings of sadness that were there already. So it's not
to say that these drugs cause mental health conditions. It's
(15:22):
that previous mental health conditions that were self medicated with
food now are quite realized. But some new research has
come out saying that people who take this drug are
more likely to get divorced. Let's talk about the factors
that go into divorce. First of all, I'm going to
(15:43):
say some this my opinion, Okay, but I just need
to say it consciously or unconsciously, So it might be
unconscious people aren't even aware of it. If you suddenly
decide and you're in a long term, happy marriage, and
you decide, I want to get fit, whether it's go
to the gym, take a weight loss drug, whatever, I
(16:04):
promise you. You're getting ready for the mating marketplace. You're testing
your value out there in the world. So I don't
think that these medications are causing divorces. I think there
are people who are thinking about maybe getting divorced and
then saying, well, let me just see if I can
(16:26):
right now. A couple things happen in relationships after one
person loses a lot of weight. First of all, there's
a big change in lifestyle preferences. I was reading an
article that a couple said that their favorite thing used
to their favorite things they used they used to do
together were eating and drinking. That was like what they did,
that was their thing, and one of them wanted to
just now go to the gym or for a walk
(16:47):
and wasn't interested.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Right.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
There's also a big shift in self confidence on both sides.
So the person who lost the weight goes out there
in the world gets all this attention, their self confidence
goes up. There's their partner who has not lost the
weight and feels less than Also, I hate to say it,
(17:10):
but there are some partners who already have low self
esteem and don't want their partner to lose weight because
they're afraid that their partner will leave them, will find
a new or better mate, So they're more encouraging bad behaviors. Right, Obviously,
there might be financial costs when you lose weight. What
(17:33):
is the first thing you do? You bust some new clothes,
some fancy sneakers for the gym. You're going to the
gym all of a sudden, your partner's going wait a minute.
Of course you are saving money on food. But the
big thing is that couples need to talk about this
before it begins, because I guarantee if you're causing any
(17:54):
kind of change in your appearance, and you've been in
a long term relationship, monogamous, relatively happy, but maybe you've
hit the dult rooms. You know, it's not affairs that
kill relationships. Is boredom, right, People who haven't added enough
novelty together so they're bored. And whether it's going to
the gym to lose weight, cutting your hair, changing your
(18:17):
hair color, taking a weight loss drug. On some level,
you're getting ready for the mating marketplace. All right, are
we going to start taking some calls? Producer Kalb I
think we should. If you have a relationship question and
you would like to call me, you certainly may. We're
taking calls next. The number is one eight hundred five
two zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred
(18:41):
five two zero one KFI. Give me a call. You
can change your name for anonymity, and I'll be happy
to weigh in with my relationship wisdom. You're listening to
the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 6 (18:59):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
I Am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show. Right now, I'd
like to welcome my Instagram audience. Hi ig, how you
guys doing. If you want to see our show, see
our show, not just hear it, come on to Instagram.
I'm about to take your calls. Answer your relationship questions.
If you'd like to give us a call, the number
is one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
(19:28):
That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
Just a reminder. I'm a psychology professor, not a therapist.
But I've written three books on relationships, wrote my dissertation
on attachment theory, and well I used my own advice
and found the love of my life and recently got married.
So I've got some wisdom for you. Okay, Producer Kayla,
who do we have?
Speaker 7 (19:49):
First?
Speaker 2 (19:49):
We have Simon with a question.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Simon. Hi, Simon, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 7 (19:54):
Hey, how are you? Doctor Goode?
Speaker 1 (19:56):
What's your question?
Speaker 8 (20:00):
Recently? So, I'm self employed, I have a bunch of
some downtime, and and I've been exercising a lot more recently.
You know, I've considered myself like it's been miraculous, honestly,
like how fast.
Speaker 5 (20:15):
I've seen results.
Speaker 7 (20:17):
But I'm.
Speaker 8 (20:20):
Yeah, the best shape of my life. I love it.
Thank you so much. Everybody's commenting saying, oh my god,
because it's a thing, right, So it feels great. So
I'm trying to encourage my wife.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Here we go over.
Speaker 8 (20:34):
I've been trying to encourage her to run the same
level as been playing. You know, like, I'm so into
this right now, I'm seeing results, Like I love looking
at myself and everyone I'm showering. After I shower, you
can see the results. It's encouraged. So I've been trying
to gently encourage her to do the same thing, you know, like, hey,
you know, what do you do today? Oh, you have
(20:55):
some client to work out?
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Blah blah blah.
Speaker 8 (20:57):
So she's not a grossly uberweight or anything. You'd be
like I would say forty. I'd say if she lost,
she'd be like an ideal weight. But I'm having a
hard time encouraging her, like having her do it herself.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
It's got to come from inside her. You're called extrinsic,
and you're called pressure to her. Here's the thing about
people in relationships. So Simon, I'm so proud of you.
You went to the gym, you lost this weight, You're
in great shape, you feel great. You know the endorphins.
You want to share it with your wife. But when
she hears you say, honey, you got some time today,
(21:34):
why don't you go to the gym, you know what,
a part of her hears I don't love you the
way you look, right, even though I know you say, Well,
what do I tell her? I love her the way
she is, but I want her to feel as good
as I feel. And I've worked so hard on this.
It's not going to work. We can't change anybody else. Ever,
I wish we could all learn that it's not our
job to change anybody else. You know, I'll share with you.
(21:57):
I once had an employee who kept saying she wanted
to lose weight. Saying she wanted to lose weight, so
I bought her health club membership, thinking I was helping
and supporting her. Well, I might as well have thrown
my money in the toilet. She never went. It's got
to come from inside, right, So my thing to you
is keep doing what you're doing, simon, enjoy model it,
(22:21):
be happy, but don't criticize her. She may eventually get
around to it, or she may not. She may feel
threatened by all the attention you might be getting at
the gym. Fine, you know that's sort of what happens
with it all. But you can't pressure somebody else into
losing weight or getting in shape just because you did,
(22:41):
Because she's actually hearing that she's being criticized. How about
just focusing on why she's fun to be with and
how much you love her and see if that works.
Oh breaks my heart? Okay, Producer, Kayla, who do we
have next?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
We have Mike with a question.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Mike, Hi, Mike. It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
Doctor. Hi, doctor. And I'm in a sort of dilemma
because there's a girl at work and she started chasing me. Well,
I feel like he's chasing me.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Okay, how do you think this girl? First of all,
let me ask a question, Mike. How old is this
person at work?
Speaker 3 (23:21):
She's in her mid twenty mid twenties.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Okay, it's on the cusp of whether you should use
the term girl because she's probably a woman. So there's
a woman at work and you perceive, yeah, you perceive
that she's been chasing you. So and what what has
she done or said that made you think she's chasing you?
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Well, well, she she offered to you know, she she
wanted to go after some drinks.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Oh, she asked you to drinks. That's full on chasing.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
Yeah. Yeah. And then on our breaks we have separates chiffs.
She wants to she she asked me coworkers if you
know where I'm at.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
And well she's asking about your whereabouts from co workers
on your break.
Speaker 6 (24:06):
That's cool.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Okay, So what's your dilemma, Mike.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Well, there's an age gap issue. I really wasn't and
I really wasn't looking for a relationship. But we've come
to you know, like she actually drove to where far
to meet me to have good drinks.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Okay, wait, what's the age gap?
Speaker 7 (24:30):
Mike?
Speaker 1 (24:30):
What's the age gap?
Speaker 7 (24:32):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (24:34):
I'm scared to tell you. I tell you, but I
will not change.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
I will love and respect you.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
Let's just say I'm old enough to be her.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Father, so that means you could be fifty and she's
twenty five. Yeah, so she's got some daddy issues there,
doesn't she? Mike?
Speaker 3 (24:53):
Is that is that what it is? Well? Well, I
was avoiding. I was avoiding revealing my age. But she
actually went up and tried to do research and found out.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
That didn't stop her.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
That didn't stop her. So I was intrigued. But you know,
I'm not trying to you know, but we really hit
it off, we really really, you know.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Just let me tell you. Okay, So there are no
rules except this, Mike. The person who has the more
years in their life, the more years under their belt,
always holds the power because of life experience. And so
you might think, oh no, but she's young and pretty.
She has much more power than me. She has sexual power. No, no, no, Mike,
(25:40):
you have the ability to manipulate her like you wouldn't believe.
So my advice to you is, oh, what's the other thing.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Well, here's the thing. He's been wanting to always meet
up with me, text me it five hours. But she
has boyfriends, so I'm really comforted.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Oh wait, now the plot thickens. So she's texting you
at odd hours, meets you for drinks. She's twenty five,
you're fifty. You work together, and now it's revealed she
has a boyfriend. Okay, Mike, you need to run really
fast and far. You need to set up a boundary,
which is, don't answer a text if it's an inappropriate hour.
This could impact your workplace. I mean, who knows, she
(26:20):
could be setting you up for a sexual harassment case.
We don't know, right, but if there's a boyfriend on
the scene, you don't want her as your girlfriend because
she'll do it to you anyway. No, no, no, no, no, Mike,
now that I have that new information, my advice is
set up some boundaries. No way, Jose or no way, Miguel. Okay,
do we have time for another one?
Speaker 2 (26:41):
We gotta go.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Okay. When we come back from the break, I have
a few more people waiting. If you'd like to give
me a call, the number is one eight hundred five
two zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred
five to zero, one five three four. You're listening to
the Doctor Wendy while showing KFI AM six forty live
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 6 (26:57):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy watch on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
Kf I Am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh
with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Wells Show. I
am taking your calls. If you have a relationship question,
the number is one eight hundred five to zero one
five three four. That's one eight hundred five to zero
one KFI Okay, Producer, Kayla, who do we have next?
Speaker 2 (27:19):
We have Sarah with a question.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Sarah, Hi, Sarah, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 9 (27:23):
Hi, Doctor Wendy. I'm going to have to have you
guide me along with this.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
I'm going to guide you. Sarah. Sarah's one of my
favorite names, by the way.
Speaker 9 (27:31):
Okay, thank you.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
What's your issue?
Speaker 9 (27:33):
Okay? My issue is I met a guy three months ago,
right for Christmas. Younger guy a difference.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
What's the age differences A younger guy.
Speaker 9 (27:41):
That's a difference. I'm older, fourteen.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Years fourteen years, you're fourteen years older.
Speaker 9 (27:46):
Okay, and he's totally He keeps telling me he's totally
attracted older women. Blah blah blah, wisdom, experience, all of this.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Uh huh.
Speaker 9 (27:54):
Initially I was not attracted to the guy. I got
to know him, I became attracted.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
That's what we were doing. We get attracted to a
guy's whole personality and brains and everything. Yep, yes, so
now you're attracted to him.
Speaker 8 (28:10):
Okay.
Speaker 9 (28:11):
Now, Oh, when he tells me at the beginning, he's
not into playing games, into relationships, he's not into this
or that. In my opinion, he's playing games. Is I
don't know, just to let go, not calling, always telling me,
like inferring he has somewhere to go. Oh, he's going
to see a friend, and he always makes sure he
(28:33):
gets a pronoun her in. You know, if.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Oh, he's trying to make you afees. Okay, hey, Sarah,
I know this, I know this, Stuy, you don't even
have to tell me more. Let me tell you what's
going on here. So this guy's fourteen years younger. You
met him, you weren't really that much attracted to him,
but he told you I'm really not into playing games.
I'm serious. But yet you feel like he's playing games
with you. Well, let's define games for a second. Plenty
(28:56):
of people who say I don't like drama and I
don't want to play games actually don't have strong relationship skills.
The translation of I don't want to play games is
please don't hurt me. You just stay loyal to me
while I figure out everything else in my life. But
I'm too afraid of being hurt by you, so you
(29:17):
better be loyal now. What he's doing is exhibiting classic
signs of two things, a kind of avoidant attachment style,
this kind of not calling, and being really inconsistent in
his pattern of communication. But then all this oh, yeah,
I'm busy tonight. Sorry, I'm going to see some friends,
leaving it vague right friends, and always throwing in a
pronoun she yeah, she's got to go. And so you're
(29:40):
at the three month mark, right, I say that you
have one chance here to not play a game and
be totally straight. So the next time you're on the
phone with him, you're gonna say, hey, you know, when
I met you, you said you didn't want to play games.
I get that, and I've been spending some time getting
(30:00):
to know you and I'm enjoying my members start communication sandwich.
Start out with a layer of love, follow with a
layer of something hard at chew on, back it up
with a layer of love. So you're gonna say, I'm
finding myself really attracted to you and I'm enjoying getting
to know you better. However, i'm feeling you pull away,
being a little bit vague of who you're with, and
(30:21):
then even trying to I don't know, make me jealous
by he's saying you're with a woman in some way, right,
So and then say, but you know, I'd like to
continue getting to know you, but this kind of behavior
is not okay for me. What would you like to do?
You end with what would you like to do? Just
put it in his court. Now he's going to try
to gaslight you and go I don't know what you mean.
(30:42):
You know, I've just been busy and I am calling.
I think I'm calling enough. I don't know what kind
of how much calling you need? Right, it's going to
try to make you feel bad about who you are.
If this happens, then you got your answer and you
move along. You say thank you. It's probably not a
good match for me, but it's really nice getting to
know you, and good luck. Right If, on the other hand,
he shows compassion and he says, oh gosh, I didn't
(31:04):
even realize I was doing that. I'm so sorry. Yeah,
let's try again and I'll make a bigger effort then
you can. You can chance it, but you got a
good chance to get out. I think is a fifty
to fifty ball, Sarah, but I would definitely try him
one more time. All right, Producer, Kayla, who do we
have next?
Speaker 2 (31:22):
We have Greg with a question.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Greg. Hi, Greg, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 7 (31:26):
Hey, doctor Wendy. How are you good?
Speaker 1 (31:29):
What's your question?
Speaker 7 (31:31):
Well, here we go. I'm going to give you a
little background. I'm a retired physical education teacher and coach.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Retire pe teacher.
Speaker 7 (31:40):
Yeah I was. I was married for thirty four years.
Congratulation beautiful son, and my wife decided that she would
be better off with a few years remaining in her
life to pursue her dreams. And she's now instructor and
(32:01):
all that. I've been retired and I was in a
relationship for three years. But I'm not trying to sound
all that. But I'm a pretty good looking guy. And
she got all worried that I was going to cheat
on her because she had men in her past that
(32:23):
had done that. I'm like, no, I'm a good, solid soul.
You got to understand. Finally couldn't take it anymore. After
three years, she just kept implying that, and we broke up.
And now I'm by myself.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
So what's your question?
Speaker 7 (32:44):
Is it okay to enjoy being by yourself like playing
guitar and just walking?
Speaker 1 (32:52):
So let me explain great I want to. I want
to address two things in what you said. So you
had this long term marriage for thirty four years. That
sounds like it was a successful marriage. You know, this
whole idea of when til death do us part is
going to happen like you know after you know, because
you promise that is not true. Most people are going
(33:12):
to have two or three or more long stance and
monogamy in their lifespan. But it sounds like your career
was a success, your relationship with us a success. Then
you got into a three year relationship with somebody who
had their own trauma. This has nothing to do with you,
not how good looking you are, and I'm sure you're
really good looking, but her accusing you of cheating all
the time or worrying that you might cheat, really had
(33:33):
to do with her early life experiences with abandonment that
she then reconfirmed by dating other guys who would cheat
on her. I like to say that we actually try
to find the person who will bring us our worst
nightmares until we worked out some of our early childhood trauma.
(33:54):
So your question to me now, is you seem happy,
you're playing guitar, you're retired, you're financially solved, and do
you need a relationship. Well, here's what the research says
on that, Greg. Social support is very important as we age.
Loneliness and isolation is very bad for people. But you
don't sound lonely. You don't sound isolated. I bet you.
(34:14):
You're involved in clubs and you're doing things with all
kinds of people. Greg, you don't need a relationship. Unless
you feel you need a relationship, you do need people
around you. Sounds like you've got grown sons. Maybe you
might even have grandkids. If not now, but on the horizon,
you got people. Greg, You're gonna be fine. Okay, I
think we have time for one more. Who do we have? Producer? Ky?
Speaker 2 (34:33):
We all the.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Lines are I've never seen this many lines? Okay, I'm
doing this every week? Was on a live this amount? Okay?
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Yeah, a lot? We have Henry.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Henry's last with the question Henry. Hi, Henry, It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5 (34:47):
Hi, Wendy. How are you good?
Speaker 1 (34:49):
We have less than a minute and a half. Can
you be quick? Love?
Speaker 5 (34:51):
All right, let me bost it here then. So, I've
had somebody that's for me as a as a contractor
significantly younger than me. She's I'm not twice her age,
but I'm in my mid fifties and she's in her
mid thirties.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Okay, fine.
Speaker 5 (35:10):
We've known each other for three years. We've hit it off,
we've had a lot of fun. A few weeks ago
she approached me and just said, Hey, I would like
to pursue a romantic relationship with you.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
How do you feel about that, Henry, a woman in
her thirties walked up to you while you're in your
fifties and said, I want to pursue a romantic relationship
with you. How do you feel about it?
Speaker 5 (35:31):
Well, you know, I'm flattered. I'm I was kind of
head over heels. And then the practical me said, no, wait,
you know a slow year role here. She works for
me even as a contractor.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
She still works for you as a contractor.
Speaker 5 (35:47):
So I presented that to her and she said, look,
I have plenty of work. I'm financially fine. I won't
work for you anymore. It's worth it to me to
give that up if we can, if we can see
where this goes.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
That's a smart puh.
Speaker 7 (36:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (36:04):
So, and I had a little guilt with that, but anyway,
we haven't taken the next step. I just said, man,
I really like you and I'm attracted to you, but
I need to mullis over because I don't want you
to get hurt and I want to make sure we're
doing the right thing here. So so that's kind of
where I am in a nutshell.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Okay, do you want to know what I'm going to
tell you to do? Date? This woman. You know, the
reason why we work is so that we can find mates,
so that we can make our life beautiful and attract mates.
Work is the means to the end of finding the relationships.
So if this woman who's known you for three years
(36:43):
is so into you that she's ready to give up
those contracts as an independent contractor for your company so
that you, guys can pursue a personal relationship. You know
when you say, oh, I want to make sure neither
of us get hurt, there are no guarantees.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
There are no.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
Guarantees, Henry. Love comes with a big chance of rainfall,
lots of it. So I'm telling you you should go
for this. She sounds great. You sound ethical, You sound loyal,
you sound smart. You guys should be in bed sniggling, canoogling.
That's what you should be doing, Henry, Thank you so
much for calling. I guess we don't have time for anymore.
(37:18):
Okay next week, Okay between seven and nine, you guys
all call back because it's so much fun to talk
to you. Thanks so much for listening. Let's go to
the twenty four hour KFI Newsroom with Brigitta Degastino. You're
listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM
six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been
listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear us
(37:39):
live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine
pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio
app
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