November 25, 2024 • 31 mins
Dr. Wendy is talking all things Thanksgiving including how being thankful changes your brain, proposing over the holidays, and surviving holidays with the ex. PLUS why teenage love is really important. It's all on KFIAM-640!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to k
I Am six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio appf I Am six forty. You
have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor
Wendy Walls Show. If you are new to my show,
I have a PhD in clinical psychology. I'm a psychology professor,
and I'm obsessed with the science of love and all
(00:22):
our relationships. And our relationships get a little bit dicey
around this time of year because the holidays are upon us.
So in the show, I want to talk a little
bit about Thanksgiving and the other holidays coming up, dealing
with your ex. Also, do you remember your first love?
We all remember our first love, don't we. Our heart
(00:44):
still goes pitter patter. I'm going to talk about why
teenage love is not puppy love and why it's very
very important. And if you have any doubt that the
science of love is a bona fide quantifiable science, then
you better stay close because I Am going to talk
to you about some of the latest breakthroughs in the
(01:05):
science of love because it opens up the whole game
board of life for all of us. Before we get
to it, I want to say hello to producer Kayla.
How are you, baby? I am wonderful. Doctor Wendy, how
are you? Your hair's like in a broccoli. Yeah, we
call it a pineapple, doctor Wendy. Well, and one of
my kids I used to call it a broccoly broccoli
when they were three. I guess when you grow up,
(01:26):
it becomes a pineapple, and if you're beautiful, you get
called a fine apple. Oh, a fineapple. That's so cute
and raoul. How you doing. I'm great, I'm great. Happy
early Thanksgiving. I know it's coming up, it's coming up.
And Brigitta, good to see you again. Great, So listen.
I love your show. I'm a fan. Thank you. Feel
free to pipe in if I say anything wrong, because
I do say things wrong all the time. Thing wrong.
(01:48):
I just so interesting in everything. So I've talked about
this before. Thanksgiving is a thing for a number of reasons.
One is I think it's the biggest American holiday. And
the reason why I think it's the biggest American holiday
is because the only one that's a two day holiday.
I mean, I know Thursday's a Thanksgiving and Friday's the
shopping day. But you know, basically most people, not all.
(02:10):
I know a lot of you essential workers in those
stores for US Christmas shoppers are there on Friday, but
a lot of people take the two days off and
make a long weekend. So when I was growing up
in Canada, the big holiday was Christmas because it was
also two day holiday, Christmas and Boxing Day. Here, I
was just shocked that Christmas was only one day and
(02:31):
every other holiday for the most part, not like Presence
Day and whatever, but a lot of them are religious holidays.
But Thanksgiving is the one thing that every American seems
to celebrate, and they get together around a table and
hopefully when you sit around that table on Thursday, you
will express thanks. And there is science that supports the
(02:54):
idea that gratitude has really big benefits for both your
mental and physical health. There have been studies that show
that people who practice gratitude regularly just have higher levels
of positivity, positive emotions. That means reduced depression and anxiety.
But the big one that I love is better resilience
(03:16):
and better stress management. You know, when I'm feeling down,
you know that saying counter blessings, but it's really true
when you're feeling down instead of looking up, meaning that
people who seem to be happier seem to have more stuff,
but instead look at people who have less and feel
good and grateful for what you do have. It can
make you resilient. Now, there are also some physiological benefits
(03:40):
to gratitude. Grateful people sleep better, they have less intrusive
thoughts in the night, They tend to have lower blood
pressure and heart health, a stronger immune system, reduced inflammation.
This is true, it's all been proven by science. So
and also, when you're feeling grateful for your life, you
have more healthy behaviors like exercise, and you also have
(04:00):
better social bonds with your friends. So how do you
practice gratitude? Well, I love the Thanksgiving tradition of going
around the table and asking everybody instead of saying prayers.
Or you can't say prayers too if you want, if
that's your thing, you can literally just say what you're
grateful for, and that in itself can lower your blood
(04:21):
pressure just stopping to think about it. For the rest
of us, on a regular basis, when it's not Thanksgiving,
we can be keeping gratitude journals. We can make it
a point to express appreciation and gratitude to others for
no reason. I try to. I know this sounds funny,
but I don't. Maybe just says I can't stop myself,
(04:43):
and I just have no verbal editing, no break on me.
When I'm out in public and I see somebody wearing something,
or their hair a certain way, or their shoes whatever,
I compliment them all the time, strangers in public. And
you would not believe how people's faces just brighten up.
They just totally love to be a compliment. You can
talk to anybody in public. Okay, anyway, I hope you
(05:07):
have a wonderful Thanksgiving. But I know there's going to
be one thing that's going to come up, not just
gratitude at the table, talk of politics. We know it's
going to come up. We know that every family in
America has people on one side of the table or another.
This is very similar to the entire history of America.
(05:30):
Whenever I hear people say, oh my god, We've never
been so polarized as before the Civil War. I recently,
Julio and I my darling new husband, Julio and I
watched Hamilton. You know, I had not seen Hamilton live.
I'd only seen it streaming over COVID when we were
at home, and I didn't know how to turn on
the subtitles back then, and they were talking so fast
(05:52):
and singing. And I've never taken an American history course.
You know. I became an American in two thousand and eight,
and at that time, my daughter, who was a fourth grader,
trained me for the test. She gave me all the
test questions to take the citizenship test. But I've never
taken an American history course. And for those of you
who say that's terrible, I will ask you, did you
(06:13):
ever study about the big Battle on the Plains of
Abraham between Montcalm and Wolf. It's the final battle in
the Seven Years War between Britain and France that shaped Canada,
Just saying do you know about that?
Speaker 2 (06:27):
All right?
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So I watched it with him with subtitles, and now
I understand so much about American history. But also during
Alexander Hamilton's tide, well, I mean he got shot by
the vice president. It's wild. There was a lot of division.
So here's what I want to tell you about how
you should handle it. You have a choice. You could
(06:49):
make a deal ahead of time and say, guys, we're
gonna have a wonderful family Thanksgiving. There will be no
talk of politics. Let's just put it aside. You can
do that, or you can do the other more civil thing,
which is allow somebody to express themselves and simply nod
and smile or say thank you for sharing that, and
then you can add your side. You don't have to
(07:10):
suck it up and say nothing. But then once that's done,
everybody said they're piece. Just shut up. Okay, just don't
heart because if you're trying to, it's a little too
late to try to convince somebody because their vote's already gone.
And if you start hammering them but but the issues
are and you're not it, then it becomes a fight,
(07:30):
and then you're being a bully at your Thanksgiving table.
So I'm going to ask you to either keep politics
off the table or simply allow everybody to state their
thing once you state yours, and then say pass the potatoes. Right,
that's how you're supposed to do it. We're supposed to
love each other as family and friends who come together
(07:54):
to break bread in gratitude for our relatively wonderful lives.
It's easy to look around the globe and find people
not doing so well.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Another movie we watched this week. Have you ever heard
Kayla called The Blitz? No? Okay, so you know the
guy who did Twelve Years a Slave, He was a
writer director. Did you just see that movie? No? I cried, Yeah,
I don't watch movies like that. It was really distressing. Yeah, okay,
Well he did another one and it was it's called
The Blitz, and it's about the Blitz of London. Blitz
when they were bombing the Germans were bombing London and
(08:27):
they send a little you know, they send all their
kids away on trains to the countryside to be taken
care of. And this one sweet little boy he jumps
off the train and tries to go back to London
to find his mother and all the bad people's hands
he ends up in and some good people and what
he learns about race and racism because he happens to
be bi racial. It's based on a true story. They
have a picture of the real boy.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
I won't tell you the ending, but honestly, I jumped
off the couch and screamed a number of times. It's
streaming somewhere I don't remember where. It was apple or whatever,
but I jumped off, so you should see the blitz. Anyway,
you look at lives like that. You look at times
in history, you look at families separated, and then look
at your life here in La You're complaining about the
(09:10):
cost of your latte and what the freeway traffic is like. No,
I don't mean to dismiss those who have real problems.
I'm just saying we can all find something to be
grateful for, all right. The other thing that happens around
this time of year for many many people is they're
about to enter a holiday season where they have to
deal with their X because they have kids. Together, let's
(09:34):
talk about ways to survive the holidays with your ex.
When we come back. You are listening to the Doctor
Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty Live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. So you know
it's the season. The season for KFI Pastathon is happening.
You know, you guys say postathon. But I lived in
Italy once upon a time, and every time I ordered pasta,
they said, you mean pasta. That's how they say it
(10:14):
in Italy. Well, the fourteenth annual KFI Pastathon is here.
Chef Bruno's charity, Katerina's Club, provides more than twenty five
thousand meals every week to kids in need in Southern California,
and it all happens because of your generosity. Now you
got three ways you can help. You can just go
right now to KFI AM six forty dot com slash
Pastathon and donate money. Or you can shop at any
(10:37):
Smart and Final store and donate any amount of checkout.
Or go to any Wendy's restaurant. I don't own them, Okay,
when I was in high school, you know what the
picture the saying they put underneath my high school picture,
what Wendy's Hot and juicy, because that's what the ads said.
I do not on the rest Anyway, you can head
into any Wendy's restaurant in Southern California and donate five
(10:58):
dollars or more and get a cupon book for Wendy's goodies.
And remember we do an all day KFI Live broadcast
from the Anaheim White House restaurant. That's going to be
on Giving Tuesday, that's December third, So come on out
and see us from five am to ten pm. You
can donate on site. You can bring pasta and sauce,
drop it off and as always, one hundred percent of
(11:19):
your donation goes to Katerina's Club. We love our chef Bruno.
He's a great guy, alrighty, But your ex may not
be a great guy or a great gal. Let's talk
about surviving the holidays with your ex. Now. I want
to be clear about one thing. There's only one reason
to be anywhere near your ex for the holidays, and
(11:41):
that is your young children's happiness. Did you notice how
I qualified that your young children's happiness. Many couples, after
they separate or divorce, choose to come back together for holidays, birthdays,
religious holidays, et cetera, for their young children's happiness. By
(12:02):
the time kids hit about teenage life, you can split
them up. It's okay, you don't have to. So Rule
number one. These are doctor Wendy's. I made up these rules.
They mean nothing rules here. They are doctor Wendy's. Rule
Number one. Co parenting doesn't mean that you have to
be together for all the holiday events. Who thought that up?
(12:24):
Are you going to be this fake family from time
to time? Now? What you should consider, of course, is
the age of the children. If they are under the
age of twelve, you might consider doing some family things together.
When my girls were little, so we split up when
my kids were two and seven, and Daddy used to
come on Christmas morning sometimes, but he would only stay
(12:47):
like an hour, bring a couple gifts. He would show
up with a black trash bag with presents and say,
I'm bad, Zenna. I'm bad, Senna. I didn't get that.
But anyway, also can sit extended family members. Let's say
you have had a fairly long relationship and let's say
your mother in law is aging and you love her,
(13:10):
and she's still ex mother in law whatever, you didn't
divorce her, right. There might be other reasons that there
are other family members that you care about that you
want to show appreciation for. You know, I commend my
brother my brother every Christmas. In kid's birthdays, there would
be the kid's grandparents. Now, the kid's grandparents were the
parents of his ex wife, but they were still always
(13:33):
welcome at any kid's event. And I will say, near
the end of their lives, when they weren't doing so well,
who was there taking care of them? My brother? I'm ranting,
but no, the daughter lived further away, he was closer,
So there you go. It worked also things to consider
the cost of airfare and hotels. Look, if it's completely
impractical for you to fly the kids halfway across the
(13:55):
country or all the way across the country, just so
you can do this united, you know what, take a breather, alternate,
do it different years. Kids will understand whatever you explain
to them, right, So remember that rule number one. Co
parenting doesn't mean you have to all be together at
all these holiday events. Rule number two, Please consider the
(14:15):
feelings of your current partner. You love your husband, your wife,
your boyfriend, your girlfriend, whoever's on the scene now. So
talking to them about how they feel about this is
important because they are your future and they have an
opinion in all of this. Right, we had a discussion
(14:35):
we were trying to figure out and we've got older
kids so it doesn't really matter that much, but we
were kind of thinking, well, maybe he could spend Christmas
with his kids and I would spend Christmas with my kids,
and I'm like, no, dude, we're a married couple. Now
we're gonna have Christmas wherever. We're gonna have Christmas. If
any of those adults want to show up, they're not kids.
Any of those adults want to show up, We'll tell
them where Christmas is right and they can show up
(14:57):
for it. So consider the feelings of your current partner.
In this case, it was me, all right. Rule number three,
The word holidays is plural. Okay, get this through your noggin.
There are many days to celebrate. There's Thanksgiving, there's the
day after Thanksgiving. There's Hankah. There's eight days of Hanukah.
(15:17):
There's Christmas Eve, there's Christmas Day, there's Boxing Day. There's
New Year's Eve, there's New Year's Day. There are so
many there's quantza. I don't know. There's so many holidays
around the holidays. That's why we call them the holidays.
The producer, Kayla, did you notice this giant tree in
our Yeah, it's already here.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Yeah it is.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
OK. So many days. It could be November and there's
Christmas right here in the right job. See many many days.
So that means there are many meals on those many days.
Is it okay to have Christmas breakfast with one Christmas
dinner with another? Sure, but make a plan. Start talking
(15:57):
about the schedule early. You might late already this year,
so why don't you start talking about next year? Now?
This is the time to sort it all out. Do
you think I'm crazy, Kayla? I think no. I don't
want it's wrong, which is making a plan. I think
that that makes a lot of sense. But people are
afraid to set boundaries. I think with their exes, you know,
because they think, oh, you know, they leave the guilt
(16:19):
about the kids. And then a lot of times sometimes
you're not dealing with somebody rational. It's hard to rationalize
with irrational people. There's a reason why you're not together.
There you go, you know that, right? Yeah, yeah, you know.
I want everyone to have happy, wonderful holidays together, whether
it's together or with their ex or with the kids.
(16:40):
And let me tell you, if the kids are trying
to guilt you out, and they're young adults, just turn
your back, close your ears. It doesn't matter, okay, because
it's true. They all become twelve years old. Remember Chris
Merrill was saying that they have all their exes and steps.
Speaking of young adults, even younger than adults, teenagers, Oh
my god, can we talk about teen love? It is
(17:01):
more than puppy love. When we come back, you are
listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM
six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show KFI AM
six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You know,
I was reading this article recently about teenage love. We
like to think of teenage love as puppy love, like
somehow it doesn't matter. But let me tell you my
(17:37):
first love that began in high school, ended by the
end of high school, still stays in my heart forever.
You hear that, Carl, Do you hear that, Carl? Always?
It stays with us. I wonder, because you know, is
it that it's the first time our brain gets all
those neurohormones of love, but it really does stay with us.
(18:00):
You know, recently I watched a movie that was kind
of about a first love and the pain that can
come with it. I don't know if you saw this movie.
It's called My Old Ass. Yeah, I can say it
because that's the name of the movie. My Old Ass
came out this past summer. It actually premiered at the
Sundance Film Festival in January, and the movie starts off
(18:21):
when an eighteen year old girl, just before she's leaving
high school heading to go to college, gets with a
group of girlfriends and tries magic mushrooms for the first time,
and then she hallucinates and she meets a version of
herself who's thirty nine years old played by Aubrey Plaza
that's not going to be happier at forty you are
(18:43):
happy and I'm not forty people, you don't look happy.
I feel like you're having a midlife crisis. Well, I
feel like you're high on mushroom. Okay. So throughout the movie,
Plaza comes back as this thirty nine year old older
person and the young girls trying to find out about
her future, of course, but the one thing she tells
(19:04):
her is do not date anyone named Chad. Stay away
from Chad.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Well.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Of course, within days, she meets Chad and Chad becomes
her teenage love.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Now.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I am not going to give away the ending to
my old ass, but I will tell you that Aubrey Plaza,
who plays the thirty nine year old version of this girl,
the Young Girls played by Maizie Stella, Aubrey Plaza had
some history with that dude, and there's a reason why
she said don't date him. But it's not the reason
(19:40):
you're thinking. And I'm not giving away the ending. Listen.
What I'm trying to say is first love's matter. One
study asked adults aged twenty through ninety four to recall
when in life they had felt the strongest feelings of
(20:01):
love or strongest emotions now. If the people doing the
study were in their twenties, they said that it was
right now. They were most in love right now. But
for every other age group, they said the peak of
their emotions was age fifteen Teenaged relationships are often the
most emotionally intense relationships of our lives. It's really important
(20:26):
to understand the gravity of these relationships. You see, adolescence
is a critical period of identity formation. I teach developmental psychology,
and I love this section of the teaching where we're
trying to figure out who we are separate from our
family of origin, and the famous developmental psychologist Eric Erickson
(20:48):
basically said that teenage life is an attempt to arrive
at the definition of our own identity by projecting our
self image on another and seeing it refines selected back
to us and eventually clarified. So that's all well and good.
If your first teenage love is something that is bittersweet
(21:11):
because it always ends, I'm not always some of you
have been married to your teenage love great, but for
the most part it ends bittersweet, but something that helps
you form an intimate bond with somebody. Now, I should
also say teenage love is also the first viable evidence
of attachment insecurity. I talk about attachment a lot, right,
(21:32):
So our early life experiences, often below the age of three,
often when we're nonverbal, often when we can't store it
as memories, become feelings in our bones, and we form
a kind of model for love. We have this idea
like love is should feel this way, And if those
first three years were filled with care and attention and
(21:55):
loving times, then we're going to go out and choose
partners like that. But if it was harm, if it
was neglect, then we're going to choose those kinds of partners.
And people think, oh, it was that teenaged relationship that
screwed them up for the rest of their love life. No,
it was actually the parent child relationship earlier, right. And
(22:18):
we are starting to see nowadays, because teens have a
hard time managing their feelings, that teen dating violence is
actually on the rise because teens have so much trouble
understanding and coping with the big emotions that come with love.
When someone is a stalker, even if they're stalking online,
(22:39):
trying to figure out where that person is, that is
an example of an attachment insecurity, right. An anxious attachment
style violence is often an attempt to coerce and keep
the partner close. Right. They don't hate the partner, they
just don't want the partner to leave them, right. And
we do know that teenage relationships don't last forever, and
(23:04):
they're vital to the formation of our sense of self.
They're often an opportunity for sexual exploration. Sometimes they're fun,
and unfortunately they're usually not long lived, and the breakup
is so painful for teenagers. I wish I could just
(23:25):
go hug all the teenagers going through a breakup because
it is a really, really big thing. So anyway, I
hope that what I've been talking about will make you
think back to your first love and if you happen
to have a teenager in your house, that you will
have greater understanding to the enormity of what they're experiencing
(23:46):
and the lessons they're learning, and that if you see
red flags now like God forbid dating violence or controlling behavior,
that you're going to intervene and get some therapy for
your teenager. Really very important. All right, I'm going to
go to my social media and answer some of your
relationship questions. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls
(24:06):
Show on KFI AM six forty Live everywhere on the
iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty Welcome back to.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
The Doctor Wendy Walls Show on i AM six forty
Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Okay, let me go
to my social media. If you've got a question, please
send it in the DMS. I will always keep your
identity private. It is a joy for me to weigh
in on your love lives as a wise old Auntie
(24:40):
and professor. I'm not a therapist, but I got opinions.
All right, here we go. Here's the first one. Hey,
doctor Wendy, is it true that if you date multiple
people until someone offers you exclusivity, you are pushing your
future partner away. It's an interesting question. Until someone offers
(25:00):
you exclusivity. This is what I don't like, offers you exclusivity.
I actually can't tell by the handle on this person
whether they're male or female. Not that it hugely matters.
Exclusivity isn't something you wait to get an offer on.
It is something you demand, insist on, and negotiate and
(25:25):
hopefully before you have sex for the first time. Now,
please understand that this keeps you from getting stuck in situationships, right,
these undefined relationships where you're having sex and dating, but
nobody's a boyfriend or a girlfriend. So when I say
you negotiate exclusivity, you basically don't have to say, Look,
(25:49):
you know, I want you to be my boyfriend. I
want you to be my girlfriend. I don't want you
to see anybody else. No, no, no. The conversation should go
like this, Assuming you've had a number of dates, Assuming
you're looking for a long term relationship and exclusivity, So
this leaves all the people looking for short term fun aside.
I'm not talking to you right now, assuming that you're
looking for that. You simply say, hey, I have really
(26:12):
been enjoying getting to know you, and I'm ready to
take our relationship physical for the next step. And while
we're getting to know each other, i'd like to know
that I'm the only person you're sleeping with. That's all
you say. Now, I know some of you are going
to but that lie. Well, then why are you having
sex with someone you don't trust? Wait until you have
(26:34):
deep trust with that person. So again, you don't wait
for someone to offer you exclusivity. You are the one
who should insist on it. Now, you've also said, is
it true that if you date multiple people you're pushing
your future partner away. I'm not sure what you mean
by that part of the question, except that I will
(26:55):
say this, When I dated a bunch of different people
at the same time time, I satisfied myself emotionally, physically.
Whatever a with pieces of people that add it up
to a hole. So therefore I didn't have that longing
for one partner that was a good match for me.
So I think you have to be sick of being
(27:17):
single and you have to be a little bit lonely.
But if you have filled your dance card with all
kinds of people, yeah, are you even going to notice
your future partner when they walk in because you're going
to be busy with the three others you're dating. Just
saying you have to have a hole to fill, I
don't mean it that way, Kayla. I saw the look
(27:39):
on your face. I do not mean it that way.
I'm just saying you have a hole in your heart
that needs to be filled. All right, let me move
on to the next question. Uh, dear doctor Wendy, if
a woman doesn't even have my number saved in her phone,
is this a clear sign she isn't into me? Oh?
I have so many questions around this one. First of all,
(28:00):
how do you know your numbers not saved in her phone?
How do you know that she's not? So what I'm
thinking is that you texted this woman and she said,
who is this? Speaking as someone who forgets to save
numbers all the time, I am polite though when I
(28:21):
say to people, excuse me, I'm sorry. I don't recognize
your number, which remind me who you are as I
text back. So I would say, sometimes it's an honest mistake,
but it doesn't mean that it's a clear sign she's
not into you. But if she was really, really, really
into you, she would have saved your number with little
hearts beside it and such, just saying, yeah, it's a
(28:42):
sign of something we don't know what, all right, Dear
doctor Wendy. If a guy takes me on a date
to a restaurant but doesn't eat or order anything, does
this mean he isn't doing well financially. I just don't
understandstand why. Who had asked me to eat and he
would not eat? WHOA? There's a lot here that did
(29:04):
happen to me once, By the way, I literally went
out to dinner with a guy who ordered nothing but
water and he kept saying it wasn't hungry. He paid,
and yeah, I think it was financial problems, I really do.
And it all petered out soon after that. But yeah,
you know, the whole point of going out on a
(29:24):
date and sharing food together. It's an intimate thing. I mean,
it's very common for people to say would you like
a bite of this, and actually feed the other person. Right,
This is where we are imitating so many mating behaviors
of different species, right, they all kind of feed each other.
In certain species, it's about fattening up the woman so
(29:47):
she gets fertile and can get pregnant easily. That's why
guys are like, why did she disorder a salad? But yeah,
I mean you could ask him flat out. He's probably
not going to tell you the truth because he's embarrassed
about it. I don't know I would. Yeah, I'm trying
to think of what happened the night that he didn't order.
I think I just kept hammering him on about like,
(30:08):
why are you eating? What's wrong? No, I'm just not hungry.
I'm not hungry. And then of course the stories came
out during dinner about a big job opportunity that he'd
just lost. So no matter what he was feeling poor,
you could be right on that one. That's what I'd say,
all right, I think we have time for one mole
before we go to the break. Dear doctor Wendy. I
was on a date at a very nice restaurant with
(30:28):
a bow, but he kept looking at the people in
the restaurant and watching the front door. Is he uninterested
in my conversation or dating multiple people? I found it
quite rude. Yes, it was rude, probably all of the above.
He was probably looking for his wife to walk in
that door. He probably just seeing who was gonna see
him with this person? You hot, whatever, I don't know,
(30:51):
not cool, I don't know. I just don't think i'd
go out with him again. I just don't think I would.
All right, when we come back, I've got more questions
from social media. If you'd like to send me a
social media question, the handle is at d R Wendy
Walsh at doctor Wendy Walsh. You're listening to the Doctor
Wendy Walsh Show and KFI AM six forty live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh.
(31:16):
You can always hear us live on KFI AM six
forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime
on demand on the iHeartRadio app
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to k
I Am six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio appf I Am six forty. You
have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor
Wendy Walls Show. If you are new to my show,
I have a PhD in clinical psychology. I'm a psychology professor,
and I'm obsessed with the science of love and all
(00:22):
our relationships. And our relationships get a little bit dicey
around this time of year because the holidays are upon us.
So in the show, I want to talk a little
bit about Thanksgiving and the other holidays coming up, dealing
with your ex. Also, do you remember your first love?
We all remember our first love, don't we. Our heart
(00:44):
still goes pitter patter. I'm going to talk about why
teenage love is not puppy love and why it's very
very important. And if you have any doubt that the
science of love is a bona fide quantifiable science, then
you better stay close because I Am going to talk
to you about some of the latest breakthroughs in the
(01:05):
science of love because it opens up the whole game
board of life for all of us. Before we get
to it, I want to say hello to producer Kayla.
How are you, baby? I am wonderful. Doctor Wendy, how
are you? Your hair's like in a broccoli. Yeah, we
call it a pineapple, doctor Wendy. Well, and one of
my kids I used to call it a broccoly broccoli
when they were three. I guess when you grow up,
(01:26):
it becomes a pineapple, and if you're beautiful, you get
called a fine apple. Oh, a fineapple. That's so cute
and raoul. How you doing. I'm great, I'm great. Happy
early Thanksgiving. I know it's coming up, it's coming up.
And Brigitta, good to see you again. Great, So listen.
I love your show. I'm a fan. Thank you. Feel
free to pipe in if I say anything wrong, because
I do say things wrong all the time. Thing wrong.
(01:48):
I just so interesting in everything. So I've talked about
this before. Thanksgiving is a thing for a number of reasons.
One is I think it's the biggest American holiday. And
the reason why I think it's the biggest American holiday
is because the only one that's a two day holiday.
I mean, I know Thursday's a Thanksgiving and Friday's the
shopping day. But you know, basically most people, not all.
(02:10):
I know a lot of you essential workers in those
stores for US Christmas shoppers are there on Friday, but
a lot of people take the two days off and
make a long weekend. So when I was growing up
in Canada, the big holiday was Christmas because it was
also two day holiday, Christmas and Boxing Day. Here, I
was just shocked that Christmas was only one day and
(02:31):
every other holiday for the most part, not like Presence
Day and whatever, but a lot of them are religious holidays.
But Thanksgiving is the one thing that every American seems
to celebrate, and they get together around a table and
hopefully when you sit around that table on Thursday, you
will express thanks. And there is science that supports the
(02:54):
idea that gratitude has really big benefits for both your
mental and physical health. There have been studies that show
that people who practice gratitude regularly just have higher levels
of positivity, positive emotions. That means reduced depression and anxiety.
But the big one that I love is better resilience
(03:16):
and better stress management. You know, when I'm feeling down,
you know that saying counter blessings, but it's really true
when you're feeling down instead of looking up, meaning that
people who seem to be happier seem to have more stuff,
but instead look at people who have less and feel
good and grateful for what you do have. It can
make you resilient. Now, there are also some physiological benefits
(03:40):
to gratitude. Grateful people sleep better, they have less intrusive
thoughts in the night, They tend to have lower blood
pressure and heart health, a stronger immune system, reduced inflammation.
This is true, it's all been proven by science. So
and also, when you're feeling grateful for your life, you
have more healthy behaviors like exercise, and you also have
(04:00):
better social bonds with your friends. So how do you
practice gratitude? Well, I love the Thanksgiving tradition of going
around the table and asking everybody instead of saying prayers.
Or you can't say prayers too if you want, if
that's your thing, you can literally just say what you're
grateful for, and that in itself can lower your blood
(04:21):
pressure just stopping to think about it. For the rest
of us, on a regular basis, when it's not Thanksgiving,
we can be keeping gratitude journals. We can make it
a point to express appreciation and gratitude to others for
no reason. I try to. I know this sounds funny,
but I don't. Maybe just says I can't stop myself,
(04:43):
and I just have no verbal editing, no break on me.
When I'm out in public and I see somebody wearing something,
or their hair a certain way, or their shoes whatever,
I compliment them all the time, strangers in public. And
you would not believe how people's faces just brighten up.
They just totally love to be a compliment. You can
talk to anybody in public. Okay, anyway, I hope you
(05:07):
have a wonderful Thanksgiving. But I know there's going to
be one thing that's going to come up, not just
gratitude at the table, talk of politics. We know it's
going to come up. We know that every family in
America has people on one side of the table or another.
This is very similar to the entire history of America.
(05:30):
Whenever I hear people say, oh my god, We've never
been so polarized as before the Civil War. I recently,
Julio and I my darling new husband, Julio and I
watched Hamilton. You know, I had not seen Hamilton live.
I'd only seen it streaming over COVID when we were
at home, and I didn't know how to turn on
the subtitles back then, and they were talking so fast
(05:52):
and singing. And I've never taken an American history course.
You know. I became an American in two thousand and eight,
and at that time, my daughter, who was a fourth grader,
trained me for the test. She gave me all the
test questions to take the citizenship test. But I've never
taken an American history course. And for those of you
who say that's terrible, I will ask you, did you
(06:13):
ever study about the big Battle on the Plains of
Abraham between Montcalm and Wolf. It's the final battle in
the Seven Years War between Britain and France that shaped Canada,
Just saying do you know about that?
Speaker 2 (06:27):
All right?
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So I watched it with him with subtitles, and now
I understand so much about American history. But also during
Alexander Hamilton's tide, well, I mean he got shot by
the vice president. It's wild. There was a lot of division.
So here's what I want to tell you about how
you should handle it. You have a choice. You could
(06:49):
make a deal ahead of time and say, guys, we're
gonna have a wonderful family Thanksgiving. There will be no
talk of politics. Let's just put it aside. You can
do that, or you can do the other more civil thing,
which is allow somebody to express themselves and simply nod
and smile or say thank you for sharing that, and
then you can add your side. You don't have to
(07:10):
suck it up and say nothing. But then once that's done,
everybody said they're piece. Just shut up. Okay, just don't
heart because if you're trying to, it's a little too
late to try to convince somebody because their vote's already gone.
And if you start hammering them but but the issues
are and you're not it, then it becomes a fight,
(07:30):
and then you're being a bully at your Thanksgiving table.
So I'm going to ask you to either keep politics
off the table or simply allow everybody to state their
thing once you state yours, and then say pass the potatoes. Right,
that's how you're supposed to do it. We're supposed to
love each other as family and friends who come together
(07:54):
to break bread in gratitude for our relatively wonderful lives.
It's easy to look around the globe and find people
not doing so well.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Another movie we watched this week. Have you ever heard
Kayla called The Blitz? No? Okay, so you know the
guy who did Twelve Years a Slave, He was a
writer director. Did you just see that movie? No? I cried, Yeah,
I don't watch movies like that. It was really distressing. Yeah, okay,
Well he did another one and it was it's called
The Blitz, and it's about the Blitz of London. Blitz
when they were bombing the Germans were bombing London and
(08:27):
they send a little you know, they send all their
kids away on trains to the countryside to be taken
care of. And this one sweet little boy he jumps
off the train and tries to go back to London
to find his mother and all the bad people's hands
he ends up in and some good people and what
he learns about race and racism because he happens to
be bi racial. It's based on a true story. They
have a picture of the real boy.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
I won't tell you the ending, but honestly, I jumped
off the couch and screamed a number of times. It's
streaming somewhere I don't remember where. It was apple or whatever,
but I jumped off, so you should see the blitz. Anyway,
you look at lives like that. You look at times
in history, you look at families separated, and then look
at your life here in La You're complaining about the
(09:10):
cost of your latte and what the freeway traffic is like. No,
I don't mean to dismiss those who have real problems.
I'm just saying we can all find something to be
grateful for, all right. The other thing that happens around
this time of year for many many people is they're
about to enter a holiday season where they have to
deal with their X because they have kids. Together, let's
(09:34):
talk about ways to survive the holidays with your ex.
When we come back. You are listening to the Doctor
Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty Live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. So you know
it's the season. The season for KFI Pastathon is happening.
You know, you guys say postathon. But I lived in
Italy once upon a time, and every time I ordered pasta,
they said, you mean pasta. That's how they say it
(10:14):
in Italy. Well, the fourteenth annual KFI Pastathon is here.
Chef Bruno's charity, Katerina's Club, provides more than twenty five
thousand meals every week to kids in need in Southern California,
and it all happens because of your generosity. Now you
got three ways you can help. You can just go
right now to KFI AM six forty dot com slash
Pastathon and donate money. Or you can shop at any
(10:37):
Smart and Final store and donate any amount of checkout.
Or go to any Wendy's restaurant. I don't own them, Okay,
when I was in high school, you know what the
picture the saying they put underneath my high school picture,
what Wendy's Hot and juicy, because that's what the ads said.
I do not on the rest Anyway, you can head
into any Wendy's restaurant in Southern California and donate five
(10:58):
dollars or more and get a cupon book for Wendy's goodies.
And remember we do an all day KFI Live broadcast
from the Anaheim White House restaurant. That's going to be
on Giving Tuesday, that's December third, So come on out
and see us from five am to ten pm. You
can donate on site. You can bring pasta and sauce,
drop it off and as always, one hundred percent of
(11:19):
your donation goes to Katerina's Club. We love our chef Bruno.
He's a great guy, alrighty, But your ex may not
be a great guy or a great gal. Let's talk
about surviving the holidays with your ex. Now. I want
to be clear about one thing. There's only one reason
to be anywhere near your ex for the holidays, and
(11:41):
that is your young children's happiness. Did you notice how
I qualified that your young children's happiness. Many couples, after
they separate or divorce, choose to come back together for holidays, birthdays,
religious holidays, et cetera, for their young children's happiness. By
(12:02):
the time kids hit about teenage life, you can split
them up. It's okay, you don't have to. So Rule
number one. These are doctor Wendy's. I made up these rules.
They mean nothing rules here. They are doctor Wendy's. Rule
Number one. Co parenting doesn't mean that you have to
be together for all the holiday events. Who thought that up?
(12:24):
Are you going to be this fake family from time
to time? Now? What you should consider, of course, is
the age of the children. If they are under the
age of twelve, you might consider doing some family things together.
When my girls were little, so we split up when
my kids were two and seven, and Daddy used to
come on Christmas morning sometimes, but he would only stay
(12:47):
like an hour, bring a couple gifts. He would show
up with a black trash bag with presents and say,
I'm bad, Zenna. I'm bad, Senna. I didn't get that.
But anyway, also can sit extended family members. Let's say
you have had a fairly long relationship and let's say
your mother in law is aging and you love her,
(13:10):
and she's still ex mother in law whatever, you didn't
divorce her, right. There might be other reasons that there
are other family members that you care about that you
want to show appreciation for. You know, I commend my
brother my brother every Christmas. In kid's birthdays, there would
be the kid's grandparents. Now, the kid's grandparents were the
parents of his ex wife, but they were still always
(13:33):
welcome at any kid's event. And I will say, near
the end of their lives, when they weren't doing so well,
who was there taking care of them? My brother? I'm ranting,
but no, the daughter lived further away, he was closer,
So there you go. It worked also things to consider
the cost of airfare and hotels. Look, if it's completely
impractical for you to fly the kids halfway across the
(13:55):
country or all the way across the country, just so
you can do this united, you know what, take a breather, alternate,
do it different years. Kids will understand whatever you explain
to them, right, So remember that rule number one. Co
parenting doesn't mean you have to all be together at
all these holiday events. Rule number two, Please consider the
(14:15):
feelings of your current partner. You love your husband, your wife,
your boyfriend, your girlfriend, whoever's on the scene now. So
talking to them about how they feel about this is
important because they are your future and they have an
opinion in all of this. Right, we had a discussion
(14:35):
we were trying to figure out and we've got older
kids so it doesn't really matter that much, but we
were kind of thinking, well, maybe he could spend Christmas
with his kids and I would spend Christmas with my kids,
and I'm like, no, dude, we're a married couple. Now
we're gonna have Christmas wherever. We're gonna have Christmas. If
any of those adults want to show up, they're not kids.
Any of those adults want to show up, We'll tell
them where Christmas is right and they can show up
(14:57):
for it. So consider the feelings of your current partner.
In this case, it was me, all right. Rule number three,
The word holidays is plural. Okay, get this through your noggin.
There are many days to celebrate. There's Thanksgiving, there's the
day after Thanksgiving. There's Hankah. There's eight days of Hanukah.
(15:17):
There's Christmas Eve, there's Christmas Day, there's Boxing Day. There's
New Year's Eve, there's New Year's Day. There are so
many there's quantza. I don't know. There's so many holidays
around the holidays. That's why we call them the holidays.
The producer, Kayla, did you notice this giant tree in
our Yeah, it's already here.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Yeah it is.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
OK. So many days. It could be November and there's
Christmas right here in the right job. See many many days.
So that means there are many meals on those many days.
Is it okay to have Christmas breakfast with one Christmas
dinner with another? Sure, but make a plan. Start talking
(15:57):
about the schedule early. You might late already this year,
so why don't you start talking about next year? Now?
This is the time to sort it all out. Do
you think I'm crazy, Kayla? I think no. I don't
want it's wrong, which is making a plan. I think
that that makes a lot of sense. But people are
afraid to set boundaries. I think with their exes, you know,
because they think, oh, you know, they leave the guilt
(16:19):
about the kids. And then a lot of times sometimes
you're not dealing with somebody rational. It's hard to rationalize
with irrational people. There's a reason why you're not together.
There you go, you know that, right? Yeah, yeah, you know.
I want everyone to have happy, wonderful holidays together, whether
it's together or with their ex or with the kids.
(16:40):
And let me tell you, if the kids are trying
to guilt you out, and they're young adults, just turn
your back, close your ears. It doesn't matter, okay, because
it's true. They all become twelve years old. Remember Chris
Merrill was saying that they have all their exes and steps.
Speaking of young adults, even younger than adults, teenagers, Oh
my god, can we talk about teen love? It is
(17:01):
more than puppy love. When we come back, you are
listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM
six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show KFI AM
six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You know,
I was reading this article recently about teenage love. We
like to think of teenage love as puppy love, like
somehow it doesn't matter. But let me tell you my
(17:37):
first love that began in high school, ended by the
end of high school, still stays in my heart forever.
You hear that, Carl, Do you hear that, Carl? Always?
It stays with us. I wonder, because you know, is
it that it's the first time our brain gets all
those neurohormones of love, but it really does stay with us.
(18:00):
You know, recently I watched a movie that was kind
of about a first love and the pain that can
come with it. I don't know if you saw this movie.
It's called My Old Ass. Yeah, I can say it
because that's the name of the movie. My Old Ass
came out this past summer. It actually premiered at the
Sundance Film Festival in January, and the movie starts off
(18:21):
when an eighteen year old girl, just before she's leaving
high school heading to go to college, gets with a
group of girlfriends and tries magic mushrooms for the first time,
and then she hallucinates and she meets a version of
herself who's thirty nine years old played by Aubrey Plaza
that's not going to be happier at forty you are
(18:43):
happy and I'm not forty people, you don't look happy.
I feel like you're having a midlife crisis. Well, I
feel like you're high on mushroom. Okay. So throughout the movie,
Plaza comes back as this thirty nine year old older
person and the young girls trying to find out about
her future, of course, but the one thing she tells
(19:04):
her is do not date anyone named Chad. Stay away
from Chad.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Well.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Of course, within days, she meets Chad and Chad becomes
her teenage love.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Now.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I am not going to give away the ending to
my old ass, but I will tell you that Aubrey Plaza,
who plays the thirty nine year old version of this girl,
the Young Girls played by Maizie Stella, Aubrey Plaza had
some history with that dude, and there's a reason why
she said don't date him. But it's not the reason
(19:40):
you're thinking. And I'm not giving away the ending. Listen.
What I'm trying to say is first love's matter. One
study asked adults aged twenty through ninety four to recall
when in life they had felt the strongest feelings of
(20:01):
love or strongest emotions now. If the people doing the
study were in their twenties, they said that it was
right now. They were most in love right now. But
for every other age group, they said the peak of
their emotions was age fifteen Teenaged relationships are often the
most emotionally intense relationships of our lives. It's really important
(20:26):
to understand the gravity of these relationships. You see, adolescence
is a critical period of identity formation. I teach developmental psychology,
and I love this section of the teaching where we're
trying to figure out who we are separate from our
family of origin, and the famous developmental psychologist Eric Erickson
(20:48):
basically said that teenage life is an attempt to arrive
at the definition of our own identity by projecting our
self image on another and seeing it refines selected back
to us and eventually clarified. So that's all well and good.
If your first teenage love is something that is bittersweet
(21:11):
because it always ends, I'm not always some of you
have been married to your teenage love great, but for
the most part it ends bittersweet, but something that helps
you form an intimate bond with somebody. Now, I should
also say teenage love is also the first viable evidence
of attachment insecurity. I talk about attachment a lot, right,
(21:32):
So our early life experiences, often below the age of three,
often when we're nonverbal, often when we can't store it
as memories, become feelings in our bones, and we form
a kind of model for love. We have this idea
like love is should feel this way, And if those
first three years were filled with care and attention and
(21:55):
loving times, then we're going to go out and choose
partners like that. But if it was harm, if it
was neglect, then we're going to choose those kinds of partners.
And people think, oh, it was that teenaged relationship that
screwed them up for the rest of their love life. No,
it was actually the parent child relationship earlier, right. And
(22:18):
we are starting to see nowadays, because teens have a
hard time managing their feelings, that teen dating violence is
actually on the rise because teens have so much trouble
understanding and coping with the big emotions that come with love.
When someone is a stalker, even if they're stalking online,
(22:39):
trying to figure out where that person is, that is
an example of an attachment insecurity, right. An anxious attachment
style violence is often an attempt to coerce and keep
the partner close. Right. They don't hate the partner, they
just don't want the partner to leave them, right. And
we do know that teenage relationships don't last forever, and
(23:04):
they're vital to the formation of our sense of self.
They're often an opportunity for sexual exploration. Sometimes they're fun,
and unfortunately they're usually not long lived, and the breakup
is so painful for teenagers. I wish I could just
(23:25):
go hug all the teenagers going through a breakup because
it is a really, really big thing. So anyway, I
hope that what I've been talking about will make you
think back to your first love and if you happen
to have a teenager in your house, that you will
have greater understanding to the enormity of what they're experiencing
(23:46):
and the lessons they're learning, and that if you see
red flags now like God forbid dating violence or controlling behavior,
that you're going to intervene and get some therapy for
your teenager. Really very important. All right, I'm going to
go to my social media and answer some of your
relationship questions. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls
(24:06):
Show on KFI AM six forty Live everywhere on the
iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty Welcome back to.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
The Doctor Wendy Walls Show on i AM six forty
Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Okay, let me go
to my social media. If you've got a question, please
send it in the DMS. I will always keep your
identity private. It is a joy for me to weigh
in on your love lives as a wise old Auntie
(24:40):
and professor. I'm not a therapist, but I got opinions.
All right, here we go. Here's the first one. Hey,
doctor Wendy, is it true that if you date multiple
people until someone offers you exclusivity, you are pushing your
future partner away. It's an interesting question. Until someone offers
(25:00):
you exclusivity. This is what I don't like, offers you exclusivity.
I actually can't tell by the handle on this person
whether they're male or female. Not that it hugely matters.
Exclusivity isn't something you wait to get an offer on.
It is something you demand, insist on, and negotiate and
(25:25):
hopefully before you have sex for the first time. Now,
please understand that this keeps you from getting stuck in situationships, right,
these undefined relationships where you're having sex and dating, but
nobody's a boyfriend or a girlfriend. So when I say
you negotiate exclusivity, you basically don't have to say, Look,
(25:49):
you know, I want you to be my boyfriend. I
want you to be my girlfriend. I don't want you
to see anybody else. No, no, no. The conversation should go
like this, Assuming you've had a number of dates, Assuming
you're looking for a long term relationship and exclusivity, So
this leaves all the people looking for short term fun aside.
I'm not talking to you right now, assuming that you're
looking for that. You simply say, hey, I have really
(26:12):
been enjoying getting to know you, and I'm ready to
take our relationship physical for the next step. And while
we're getting to know each other, i'd like to know
that I'm the only person you're sleeping with. That's all
you say. Now, I know some of you are going
to but that lie. Well, then why are you having
sex with someone you don't trust? Wait until you have
(26:34):
deep trust with that person. So again, you don't wait
for someone to offer you exclusivity. You are the one
who should insist on it. Now, you've also said, is
it true that if you date multiple people you're pushing
your future partner away. I'm not sure what you mean
by that part of the question, except that I will
(26:55):
say this, When I dated a bunch of different people
at the same time time, I satisfied myself emotionally, physically.
Whatever a with pieces of people that add it up
to a hole. So therefore I didn't have that longing
for one partner that was a good match for me.
So I think you have to be sick of being
(27:17):
single and you have to be a little bit lonely.
But if you have filled your dance card with all
kinds of people, yeah, are you even going to notice
your future partner when they walk in because you're going
to be busy with the three others you're dating. Just
saying you have to have a hole to fill, I
don't mean it that way, Kayla. I saw the look
(27:39):
on your face. I do not mean it that way.
I'm just saying you have a hole in your heart
that needs to be filled. All right, let me move
on to the next question. Uh, dear doctor Wendy, if
a woman doesn't even have my number saved in her phone,
is this a clear sign she isn't into me? Oh?
I have so many questions around this one. First of all,
(28:00):
how do you know your numbers not saved in her phone?
How do you know that she's not? So what I'm
thinking is that you texted this woman and she said,
who is this? Speaking as someone who forgets to save
numbers all the time, I am polite though when I
(28:21):
say to people, excuse me, I'm sorry. I don't recognize
your number, which remind me who you are as I
text back. So I would say, sometimes it's an honest mistake,
but it doesn't mean that it's a clear sign she's
not into you. But if she was really, really, really
into you, she would have saved your number with little
hearts beside it and such, just saying, yeah, it's a
(28:42):
sign of something we don't know what, all right, Dear
doctor Wendy. If a guy takes me on a date
to a restaurant but doesn't eat or order anything, does
this mean he isn't doing well financially. I just don't
understandstand why. Who had asked me to eat and he
would not eat? WHOA? There's a lot here that did
(29:04):
happen to me once, By the way, I literally went
out to dinner with a guy who ordered nothing but
water and he kept saying it wasn't hungry. He paid,
and yeah, I think it was financial problems, I really do.
And it all petered out soon after that. But yeah,
you know, the whole point of going out on a
(29:24):
date and sharing food together. It's an intimate thing. I mean,
it's very common for people to say would you like
a bite of this, and actually feed the other person. Right,
This is where we are imitating so many mating behaviors
of different species, right, they all kind of feed each other.
In certain species, it's about fattening up the woman so
(29:47):
she gets fertile and can get pregnant easily. That's why
guys are like, why did she disorder a salad? But yeah,
I mean you could ask him flat out. He's probably
not going to tell you the truth because he's embarrassed
about it. I don't know I would. Yeah, I'm trying
to think of what happened the night that he didn't order.
I think I just kept hammering him on about like,
(30:08):
why are you eating? What's wrong? No, I'm just not hungry.
I'm not hungry. And then of course the stories came
out during dinner about a big job opportunity that he'd
just lost. So no matter what he was feeling poor,
you could be right on that one. That's what I'd say,
all right, I think we have time for one mole
before we go to the break. Dear doctor Wendy. I
was on a date at a very nice restaurant with
(30:28):
a bow, but he kept looking at the people in
the restaurant and watching the front door. Is he uninterested
in my conversation or dating multiple people? I found it
quite rude. Yes, it was rude, probably all of the above.
He was probably looking for his wife to walk in
that door. He probably just seeing who was gonna see
him with this person? You hot, whatever, I don't know,
(30:51):
not cool, I don't know. I just don't think i'd
go out with him again. I just don't think I would.
All right, when we come back, I've got more questions
from social media. If you'd like to send me a
social media question, the handle is at d R Wendy
Walsh at doctor Wendy Walsh. You're listening to the Doctor
Wendy Walsh Show and KFI AM six forty live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh.
(31:16):
You can always hear us live on KFI AM six
forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime
on demand on the iHeartRadio app
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