March 3, 2025 • 25 mins
Dr. Wendy is offering her Wendy wisdom with her drive by makeshift relationship advice. PLUS we are talking to Rachel Van Nortwick, founder of Vinylly, a dating app that matches people based on music compatibility, to discuss how AI is reshaping the online dating experience—reducing ghosting, improving compatibility, and helping singles form real connections beyond just a profile picture. AI-driven matchmaking is offering a smarter, more personalized approach to finding love. It's all on KFIAM-640!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to k
i AM six forty the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app. Welcome back to the Doctor
Wendy Wall Show on ki AM six forty live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app. This is the time of the
show and I'm continuing to answer your relationship questions that
you very kindly send to me in DMS, on Instagram
(00:20):
or emails during the week. The handle is at d
R Wendy Walsh and producer Kayla. We'll read them and
send them to me. Okay, here we go. Hey, Doctor Wendy,
this is my first time dating someone from a different country.
She has a thick accent and I want so badly
to understand her. How do I ask her to slow
(00:41):
down when she speaks without being offensive? Well, this is
a simple communication thing. So here's my communication. Sandwich starts
with a layer of love, followed by a layer of
something a little hard to chew on, backed up with
another layer of love. So you say something like, hey,
I love to watch you talk, and I'm so attracted
(01:03):
to you, You're so attractive or something some little compliment
and I want to understand you and get to know
you better. But sometimes you speak really fast and it's
hard for me to understand with your accent. But I
think it's important everything you're saying, and I want to
be able to fully understand. So would it be possible
for you to slow down a bit. See's as simple
(01:24):
as that. You're not being offensive, You're just saying I
like you. I want to hear what you're saying.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
You're cool.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Nobody's going to be offended by that, all right, Moving on,
dear doctor Wendy. My sister is not a good mother.
She is impatient and selfish. I want custody of my niece,
but I don't know how to go about doing that.
My sister and I are close, but she just wasn't
ready for motherhood. I have to step in. Shu, Okay,
(01:54):
where's the father? What's going on? I need more information?
And are we talking about not a good mother in
pain and selfish or abusive? First of all, you're not
gonna have any case in the world unless you document, document, document, document,
and you're going to have to go through the Department
of Child Services and all that nonsense. Start off by
supporting your sister and asking your sister go to a
(02:16):
parenting class with you, perhaps asking to take some of
the burden of motherhood off her by a babysitting the kid, more,
taking her out, more do the informal, supportive ant thing
as much as possible. I don't know where daddy is here,
but if he's not in the picture, then it's you two, Okay.
If he is in the picture, then you could go
(02:38):
to him and talk to him about what's going on.
And you've got to talk to your sister, right, You
got to talk to her about things instead of like
I need custody and I need to take over. Well,
that doesn't sound like a good mother either. Let's think
about what's the best thing for this child. And the
more adults who can be around a child, offering them
(02:59):
love and support, the better. So start by working within
the system, which is the system being your sister, to
try to be a co parent with her and helping
her relieve the burden of motherhood. Not criticizing her, but saying, hey,
do you want me to pick her up from school today?
And you know, just doing that because if you go
(03:19):
the other route and you're gonna be fighting with her,
you're going to have to go through the legal thing.
You're gonna have to document all kinds of abuses. You're
gonna have to make a case for the Department of
Children's Services. It's gonna be bad just saying, Oh, it's
heartbreaking though, because we watch kids, we want the best
for them. She's related to you, it's a family member.
I know exactly how you must feel. So thank you
(03:42):
for being a caring aunt and wanting to get involved.
You're just going to have to do it gently. Also,
make sure you establish a good relationship with the child
so they know they can come to you if anything
is happening. That's problematic, all right, dear doctor Wendy. I'm
lab because my eyes are already ahead reading this next
(04:03):
sentence and it's cracking me up. How do you condense
your roster? Remember they're talking about relationships and dating? How
do you condense your roster? I have four, but I'm
ready for a relationship. How do I choose just one?
I like them all very much? Well, you lucky person,
don't I can't even tell your DM there if you're
(04:25):
a man or a woman. First of all, let me
say this, I hope you're being honest with the four
people that you're with that you're being non exclusive. That's
the first thing. Secondly, I hope you're using protection. We
don't need to be passing diseases around between each other.
Just need to say that as an auntie.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
All right.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
So the next question is it's you know, I mention
all the time that our brains suffer from this thing
called paradox of choice.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
The more choice.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
We are given in life, the less likely we are
to make a choice. And when we do make a choice,
we value that choice less. The problem that you're feeling
there's four of them and you can't ma make a
decision is because your brain is stuck in paradox of choice.
So I'm going to tell you get rid of two
right away. There are two on that. Come on, there
are two out of four that you could say, I
(05:10):
don't think it's working out, but thank you, right there
are two.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
I guarantee you can figure out those two.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Then the next two you're gonna say, I would like
an exclusive relationship.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
How do you feel about that? You might find that
you think.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
They're all waiting in the wings for you because they
want to make this commitment, but they maybe all have
in their own situationships everywhere, and maybe nobody wants to commit.
Maybe you should have that conversation with all four of
them and see their reaction. But you're going to have
to find out where their head is and then also
ask yourself really what your needs are for the future.
(05:45):
You know.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
I used to.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Say that a lot of women have a Cinderella complex
in their head and they think that a prince Charmie
is going to sweep them off their feet and take
away all their problems and love them forever and be
financially secure. But you know, your idea a power guy,
it just might be a guy who can power a stroller.
My best advice as an auntie is choose the one
(06:07):
who gives the most care to you. They might not
be the most gorgeous, they might not be the most rich,
but they shouldn't be poor. And do they care for you?
Do they show empathy? Are they conscientious? You know, recently
my husband's very empathetic, which is rare to find it.
(06:30):
A guy I just scored, I really scored. We were
in Australia for our honeymoon and we were in the
Natural History Museum and he said, I want to find
out more about the Aboriginal experience. So we walk into
a little room, you know how they do at museums
where they're showing videos, and they were playing this movie
and we sat for a while and it was a tragic,
tragic story of the history of the Aboriginal people in
(06:54):
native people in Australia and how are they they were
treated by the English, et cetera. And we walked out
into the sunlight afterwards, and he's like, well, that is
ruined my whole day. How am I going to enjoy
myself anywhere anytime today? And that's when I knew I
married the right guy because he was as empathetic and
compassionate as I am. And at the end of the day,
(07:16):
that's going to be the quality that you're going to
need in a long term relationship. So how do you
pair down this roster? You ask yourself who gives the
most care, and you question them on commitment, as the
highest price you can charge for sex is care and commitment.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
All right, when we.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Come back, I have a very special guest. We're going
to talk to us about a dating app. It's based
on music and your music likes and dislikes.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Really interesting.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on k
I AM six forty with Live Everywhere on the iHeartRadio App.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Welcome back to.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
The Doctor Wendywell Show on KFI AM six forty, Live
Everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. Okay, I'm really excited to
introduce my next guest, because I'm going to start by
telling you a story. I was in Australia last week
and I was having dinner with a group of people
and one of my friends recently got married in September,
(08:22):
and her husband is you know, it's sort of they
wouldn't have met each other in real life if it
wasn't for the apps, because they work in different industries,
they lived in different part of the cities, et cetera.
And I said, how did you meet? And she said,
we met on a dating app that matches you based
on your musical tastes. And I thought to myself, really, like,
(08:45):
that's the foundation for their marriage, is that they liked.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
The same record.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Well, I had to get her on the show, not
that woman, but the founder of finally, a dating app,
that matches people based on music compatibility.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Welcome Rachel van Nortwig. How are you.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
I'm doing well. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
So you launched vinyally about six years ago, and tell
me how you got the idea that matching people based
on taste in music would work.
Speaker 4 (09:20):
Sure, So, you know, by age six, I had fallen
in love with my parents' records and started collecting vinyl,
and by age fifteen I was hooked on live music.
I've now been to over six hundred shows myself, and
I was at one point married to somebody who was
a less enthusiastic plus one when it came to seeing
(09:41):
live music. And for me, you know, that's something that's
so important. It's part of my lifestyle and my identity.
There wasn't an app like vinylly, and so I set
out to create one.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
So how does it work? First of all, before we
get into how do it works? Why do you think
music compatibility signals life compatibility as far as you know,
living together, sharing bills, raising kids, caring for each other.
What is the common denominator with music?
Speaker 4 (10:13):
So, of course, you know there's so much that goes
into a relationship. But you know, when you have a
common bond, and a common bond that is something that's
deep and tied to who you are as a person.
That always helps, right to have that kind of foundational
appreciation for someone else. And so the great thing about
Vinylly is it's actually backed by science. So science has
(10:36):
proven that shared music in relationship, in relationships actually increases dopamine,
it lowers a stress hormone, cortisol, and it strengthens communications.
So there's you know a lot of reasons right that
you know, music can help and be healthy in a relationship,
as well as the fact that just in today's world,
(10:59):
you know, it's the way that young people express themselves.
Daters have also said, you know, more than seventy percent
of them said that if they did not match music
with their partner, it would be a field breaker. So
there's a lot of reasons that music is sort of
the way for violly.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
And certain genres of music are connected to certain cultural groups, right,
the difference between say, rap, classical jazz, and country, they
might be different people. Although there are some people who
appreciate it all, like my husband. But you know, it's
interesting because when people are dating, it's very common now
for them to like make a music list as according
(11:39):
ritual and send it.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
To somebody a Spotify list or what have you. Was
this kind of a takeoff on that.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Yeah, So you know, when I was younger, we used
to make mixtapes for you know, our friends or the
people we were dating. We put such time and effort
into you know, how we ordered it, what it meant,
even like how we you know, created artwork on the outside.
And so you know, yeah, in a way, you know,
(12:07):
finally is sort of a modern day version of that.
You actually can you know, create playlists on the app
for people to check out before they decide to push
play on you, and you can share music, you know,
back and forth. So yes, in a way, it's it's
very much the same.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
So it's interesting because I met my husband, you know,
four and a half years ago. We got married in August,
and I was doing a lot of long hard drives
because I have a farm in Oregon that I was
remodeling and I do twelve hours on the freeway. And
he was the first one to ever send me a
playlist on Apple Music. And my initials are WW, so
(12:46):
my nick name is Dub and so the first playlist,
which is called dub music, and I listened to it
and it was love songs expressing everything he was experiencing.
And then it became dubbed music. The next one came,
and then young dub music, stuff from my childhood that
might be reminiscent that we must share in common. And
then classical dub, and then let's go disco dub, and
(13:10):
I probably have twenty different until it became wedding recessional
songs for dub.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
So I understand this like he was expressing himself through
the music and also showing me that he knew me
and stages of life. And I happen to be I'm
not I'm not into music. In other words, I let
the AI choose my playlist.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
I just go.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
If I get on a Staremaster, I'm embarrassed to tell
you this, Rachel. I get on a Staremaster, I just
type in the word Beyonce and I get like Beyonce music.
You know, it starts with to the left, to the left,
and the next thing you know, it's all music for Staremaster.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
So he though knows music deep.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
And when we were in Australia last week, we went
to the Sydney opera house to listen to symphony, and
he looks at me and he's like, I can't believe
this chamber orchestra doing Beethoven seven.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
They're like batting out of their league.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
And I'm like, I don't know what you're saying, but okay,
it sounds good to me. So how does vinyly work?
When people go online? Do they list their favorite artists?
How does it work?
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Sure? So vinyal way. Users can sink their Spotify or
use our profile generator to sign up. We ask basic
questions about what they're looking for, and then on a
proprietary algorithm produces matches. Right, so it's a pretty quick
sign up. You can shuffle through matches or fast forward
(14:39):
listening to playlists, and you know when you're ready to
press play a match. You can use our music conversation starters.
And then lastly, without having to leave the chat, users
can actually search, suggest and buy a concert ticket.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Oh that's great.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
So it's literally for music fans, but also for someone
who's not a music fan to really get to know
somebody psyche by asking, by looking, you can actually go
into their Spotify and see what they're listening to.
Speaker 4 (15:07):
Yeah. Absolutely, you can see, you know, all of their
songs that they've been listening to, and you can actually
push play and listen to the music as well.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
This is fascinating. I love it.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
All right, Rachel.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
When we come back, there's another subject I want to
talk about, which is how artificial intelligence is reshaping the
online dating experience. Hopefully it's reducing the swiping, because my
thumb is nearly broken from back in the day.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
But let's have you weigh in on that.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
When we come back, you are listening to the Doctor
Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty or live
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Welcome back to the home Stredge of the Doctor Wendy
Wall Show on KFI AM six forty, live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. My guest is Rachel Van Nordwick, founder
of Vinyally. It's spelled vias and vig i n y
l l y finally like finally, finally I met the
one on Vinyly.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
I love it. It's a dating app.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
That matches people based on music compatibility. All right, let's
talk about AI. How can AI change dating experience? How,
let's start with the beginning. How can it reduce ghosting?
Speaker 4 (16:24):
Well, that's a great place to start. So there's a
lot of uses for AI of course within dating apps,
but one of the most important ones is for you know,
the dating app developers to implement AI, uh, you know,
for you know, prevention of ghosting, of bots, of cat fishing, like,
(16:48):
there's just that there's a lot of ways that they
can implement you know, AI to to protect people from
you know, people that aren't actually on that app to
try to meet someone. Now I'm saying that from just
you know, that's a ghosting that's you know, built by uh,
(17:08):
you know, a bought not by you know, it's not
ghosting of somebody who you're just chatting with and then
they decide not to talk to you anymore. So there's
there's ways that you know, we can be responsible as developers.
But then in terms of ghosting, listen, it's it's tough.
You know, it's tough out there when you're talking to
somebody and then all of a sudden, you know, the
(17:29):
line just goes cold. I think breaking the way.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
They're breaking when someone just and I always say to people,
you know, if somebody doesn't have the relationship skills or
the communication skills to say, hey, it was lovely chatting
with you, I don't think romance is in the cards
for us, but you know, good luck in the future.
If they don't even have that basic skill to say
goodbye in a polite way, then you are saved from
(17:54):
them in a relationship. Thank good goodness they ghost PC.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
Because yes.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Now, so, first of all, is artificial intelligence being used
yet in the dating apps?
Speaker 4 (18:09):
Yeah, so we were the first actually to uh, you know,
go out with AI in the app, and so we
decided to do it in a fun way. We use
AI to let users replicate like buying drinks in real life,
but in the app you get to blend you know,
your genres that you like as well as the matches
genres and create like a bespoke cocktail and it's fun.
(18:32):
You can send it. It's actually like a complete recipe
with instructions and you can then also, you know, if
you went on a first date, make that in real life.
So we used it, you know, for for fun, but
there's also ways that you know, we're implementing a I
on that will be rolling out that other dating apps
used too, which is just helping, you know, helping with
(18:54):
your matches. Right, So, you know, we think that we're
good at at, you know, identifying who would be a
match for us based on swiping or on our app.
You know, it's going through the matches and pushing play. However,
there's sometimes when actually, you know, AI can be helpful
and provide matches to you that you may have overlooked,
(19:14):
but that actually proven over a larger database would prove
out to be a good match for you.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
So they're basically like your mother telling you this is
the person you should date.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
I guess, how about like your best friend you're.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Best with that.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
So basically the algorithms, you know, I sort of joke
sometimes that TikTok algorithm is so good that it knows
your soul, right, I mean, it's probably listening to our
conversation right now. It's listening to everything, and then it
provides you exactly the videos that you need to help
yourself at that moment. So you're saying, artificial intelligence and
(19:52):
dating apps can figure out really who you are and
what you need and be able to provide the right
people were you.
Speaker 4 (20:01):
It can help I think it's you know, listen, I
think there is still very much a human effort that
you know, we shouldn't try to actually you know, go
away from right. So it's important that you know, I
feel or a user feels like they have control over
(20:21):
their matches.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
But where it.
Speaker 4 (20:24):
Can be helpful is, you know, I can't or we
can't see across you know, the rest of the people
on the app to understand where maybe you know, a
better match might be. But that's how AI can can
be helpful. So I think use the right way. It's
a great addition, but I think it's still important for
users to feel like they have control over their actions
(20:45):
on the app.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
So I always say that finding a good made is
partly biological, being physically attracted to somebody, having the right
pheromones to have good compatibility biologically, then psychologically having a
good attached and style to be able to form a
secure attachment. And then there's the social and the dating
apps have done the social really well. You know, the income,
(21:08):
the zip code, the geographics, uh, you know, what somebody
does for a living.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Whether they're what they eat, whether they're.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Vegan or carnivore, what their politics are, the social piece.
I find the dating apps has done a really good
job at can A. I work in those other areas,
psychological and biological.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
I think, so I think that there are opportunities for
it to be implemented responsibly. I think that you know,
AI can tell us things about ourselves that maybe we
aren't actually either aware of or you know, don't lead with.
So I think you know, whether you're on a dating
(21:48):
app or in real life, my advice always is to
date intentionally. Make sure that you know you know what's
important to you. Don't waiver. It's easy sometimes if you've
been on dating apps for a long time and you
meet someone and they don't quite say all of your characteristics,
but you're just so you know, you're just trying to
meet someone that you kind of compromise it's not worth it.
(22:11):
And so I think, you know, AI can kind kind
of you know, be a north star and provide you
with you know, these are the types of matches you
should go for based on you telling us you know,
this is what you want. And I would say that's
a great that's a great guide. But it's just something
for us to I'll be conscious of.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
You know, you talked about intentional dating. And I often
use a term rational love, meaning that if we allow
always our instincts. Now, some of us have great instincts.
We come from a healthy, happy family, We have a
secure attachment style, trust our instincts. But they are another
you know, forty fifty percent of the population who have
(22:50):
an anxious attachment style and avoidant attachment style, and literally
their attraction takes them right back to the scene of
the crime, the person who will actually hurt. And so
we need to learn rational love, which is intellectually this
is what I need, and I'm going to make myself
choose this good person instead of this, you know what,
(23:12):
I perceive to be a high value mate who's just
going to be a player and hurt me in some way.
And I hope that AI can start to present that
to people, and I bet ya. So my theory is
that AI is going to get so good that they'll
be able to actually predict people's romantic attachment style based
(23:33):
on frequency of texts, the kind of words they use
in the text, how long of texts they write. It's
very obvious to me when I see people that it's
so it's so obvious their attachment style. So I bet
you AI is going to figure it out pretty soon too.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Which is cool.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
So, Rachel that where do people find vinyly.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
So vinally is available both on iOS and android. It's
also if you want more information, it's on vinyleapp dot
com and we are in the US, UK and Canada.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
So whether you're a music fan or not, it sounds
like Vinyly might be a new way and a fun way,
especially if you have an AI robot making you cocktails to.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Find a mate.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Thank you so much for being with us, Rachel Van
Nortwick of the dating app Vinyly that matches you based
on music tastes. You have been listening to the Doctor
Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty. I'm here
for you every Sunday from seven to nine. You can
also find me all over the internet. But come on
to the social media. I'll see you on Instagram at
(24:39):
Dr Wendy Walsh. It's always my pleasure to be with you.
You've been listening to the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show KFI
AM six forty. We live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always
hear us live on KFI Am six forty from seven
to nine pm on Sunday, and anytime on demand on
the iHeartRadio app.
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to k
i AM six forty the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app. Welcome back to the Doctor
Wendy Wall Show on ki AM six forty live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app. This is the time of the
show and I'm continuing to answer your relationship questions that
you very kindly send to me in DMS, on Instagram
(00:20):
or emails during the week. The handle is at d
R Wendy Walsh and producer Kayla. We'll read them and
send them to me. Okay, here we go. Hey, Doctor Wendy,
this is my first time dating someone from a different country.
She has a thick accent and I want so badly
to understand her. How do I ask her to slow
(00:41):
down when she speaks without being offensive? Well, this is
a simple communication thing. So here's my communication. Sandwich starts
with a layer of love, followed by a layer of
something a little hard to chew on, backed up with
another layer of love. So you say something like, hey,
I love to watch you talk, and I'm so attracted
(01:03):
to you, You're so attractive or something some little compliment
and I want to understand you and get to know
you better. But sometimes you speak really fast and it's
hard for me to understand with your accent. But I
think it's important everything you're saying, and I want to
be able to fully understand. So would it be possible
for you to slow down a bit. See's as simple
(01:24):
as that. You're not being offensive, You're just saying I
like you. I want to hear what you're saying.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
You're cool.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Nobody's going to be offended by that, all right, Moving on,
dear doctor Wendy. My sister is not a good mother.
She is impatient and selfish. I want custody of my niece,
but I don't know how to go about doing that.
My sister and I are close, but she just wasn't
ready for motherhood. I have to step in. Shu, Okay,
(01:54):
where's the father? What's going on? I need more information?
And are we talking about not a good mother in
pain and selfish or abusive? First of all, you're not
gonna have any case in the world unless you document, document, document, document,
and you're going to have to go through the Department
of Child Services and all that nonsense. Start off by
supporting your sister and asking your sister go to a
(02:16):
parenting class with you, perhaps asking to take some of
the burden of motherhood off her by a babysitting the kid, more,
taking her out, more do the informal, supportive ant thing
as much as possible. I don't know where daddy is here,
but if he's not in the picture, then it's you two, Okay.
If he is in the picture, then you could go
(02:38):
to him and talk to him about what's going on.
And you've got to talk to your sister, right, You
got to talk to her about things instead of like
I need custody and I need to take over. Well,
that doesn't sound like a good mother either. Let's think
about what's the best thing for this child. And the
more adults who can be around a child, offering them
(02:59):
love and support, the better. So start by working within
the system, which is the system being your sister, to
try to be a co parent with her and helping
her relieve the burden of motherhood. Not criticizing her, but saying, hey,
do you want me to pick her up from school today?
And you know, just doing that because if you go
(03:19):
the other route and you're gonna be fighting with her,
you're going to have to go through the legal thing.
You're gonna have to document all kinds of abuses. You're
gonna have to make a case for the Department of
Children's Services. It's gonna be bad just saying, Oh, it's
heartbreaking though, because we watch kids, we want the best
for them. She's related to you, it's a family member.
I know exactly how you must feel. So thank you
(03:42):
for being a caring aunt and wanting to get involved.
You're just going to have to do it gently. Also,
make sure you establish a good relationship with the child
so they know they can come to you if anything
is happening. That's problematic, all right, dear doctor Wendy. I'm
lab because my eyes are already ahead reading this next
(04:03):
sentence and it's cracking me up. How do you condense
your roster? Remember they're talking about relationships and dating? How
do you condense your roster? I have four, but I'm
ready for a relationship. How do I choose just one?
I like them all very much? Well, you lucky person,
don't I can't even tell your DM there if you're
(04:25):
a man or a woman. First of all, let me
say this, I hope you're being honest with the four
people that you're with that you're being non exclusive. That's
the first thing. Secondly, I hope you're using protection. We
don't need to be passing diseases around between each other.
Just need to say that as an auntie.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
All right.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
So the next question is it's you know, I mention
all the time that our brains suffer from this thing
called paradox of choice.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
The more choice.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
We are given in life, the less likely we are
to make a choice. And when we do make a choice,
we value that choice less. The problem that you're feeling
there's four of them and you can't ma make a
decision is because your brain is stuck in paradox of choice.
So I'm going to tell you get rid of two
right away. There are two on that. Come on, there
are two out of four that you could say, I
(05:10):
don't think it's working out, but thank you, right there
are two.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
I guarantee you can figure out those two.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Then the next two you're gonna say, I would like
an exclusive relationship.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
How do you feel about that? You might find that
you think.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
They're all waiting in the wings for you because they
want to make this commitment, but they maybe all have
in their own situationships everywhere, and maybe nobody wants to commit.
Maybe you should have that conversation with all four of
them and see their reaction. But you're going to have
to find out where their head is and then also
ask yourself really what your needs are for the future.
(05:45):
You know.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
I used to.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Say that a lot of women have a Cinderella complex
in their head and they think that a prince Charmie
is going to sweep them off their feet and take
away all their problems and love them forever and be
financially secure. But you know, your idea a power guy,
it just might be a guy who can power a stroller.
My best advice as an auntie is choose the one
(06:07):
who gives the most care to you. They might not
be the most gorgeous, they might not be the most rich,
but they shouldn't be poor. And do they care for you?
Do they show empathy? Are they conscientious? You know, recently
my husband's very empathetic, which is rare to find it.
(06:30):
A guy I just scored, I really scored. We were
in Australia for our honeymoon and we were in the
Natural History Museum and he said, I want to find
out more about the Aboriginal experience. So we walk into
a little room, you know how they do at museums
where they're showing videos, and they were playing this movie
and we sat for a while and it was a tragic,
tragic story of the history of the Aboriginal people in
(06:54):
native people in Australia and how are they they were
treated by the English, et cetera. And we walked out
into the sunlight afterwards, and he's like, well, that is
ruined my whole day. How am I going to enjoy
myself anywhere anytime today? And that's when I knew I
married the right guy because he was as empathetic and
compassionate as I am. And at the end of the day,
(07:16):
that's going to be the quality that you're going to
need in a long term relationship. So how do you
pair down this roster? You ask yourself who gives the
most care, and you question them on commitment, as the
highest price you can charge for sex is care and commitment.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
All right, when we.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Come back, I have a very special guest. We're going
to talk to us about a dating app. It's based
on music and your music likes and dislikes.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Really interesting.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on k
I AM six forty with Live Everywhere on the iHeartRadio App.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Welcome back to.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
The Doctor Wendywell Show on KFI AM six forty, Live
Everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. Okay, I'm really excited to
introduce my next guest, because I'm going to start by
telling you a story. I was in Australia last week
and I was having dinner with a group of people
and one of my friends recently got married in September,
(08:22):
and her husband is you know, it's sort of they
wouldn't have met each other in real life if it
wasn't for the apps, because they work in different industries,
they lived in different part of the cities, et cetera.
And I said, how did you meet? And she said,
we met on a dating app that matches you based
on your musical tastes. And I thought to myself, really, like,
(08:45):
that's the foundation for their marriage, is that they liked.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
The same record.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Well, I had to get her on the show, not
that woman, but the founder of finally, a dating app,
that matches people based on music compatibility.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Welcome Rachel van Nortwig. How are you.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
I'm doing well. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
So you launched vinyally about six years ago, and tell
me how you got the idea that matching people based
on taste in music would work.
Speaker 4 (09:20):
Sure, So, you know, by age six, I had fallen
in love with my parents' records and started collecting vinyl,
and by age fifteen I was hooked on live music.
I've now been to over six hundred shows myself, and
I was at one point married to somebody who was
a less enthusiastic plus one when it came to seeing
(09:41):
live music. And for me, you know, that's something that's
so important. It's part of my lifestyle and my identity.
There wasn't an app like vinylly, and so I set
out to create one.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
So how does it work? First of all, before we
get into how do it works? Why do you think
music compatibility signals life compatibility as far as you know,
living together, sharing bills, raising kids, caring for each other.
What is the common denominator with music?
Speaker 4 (10:13):
So, of course, you know there's so much that goes
into a relationship. But you know, when you have a
common bond, and a common bond that is something that's
deep and tied to who you are as a person.
That always helps, right to have that kind of foundational
appreciation for someone else. And so the great thing about
Vinylly is it's actually backed by science. So science has
(10:36):
proven that shared music in relationship, in relationships actually increases dopamine,
it lowers a stress hormone, cortisol, and it strengthens communications.
So there's you know a lot of reasons right that
you know, music can help and be healthy in a relationship,
as well as the fact that just in today's world,
(10:59):
you know, it's the way that young people express themselves.
Daters have also said, you know, more than seventy percent
of them said that if they did not match music
with their partner, it would be a field breaker. So
there's a lot of reasons that music is sort of
the way for violly.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
And certain genres of music are connected to certain cultural groups, right,
the difference between say, rap, classical jazz, and country, they
might be different people. Although there are some people who
appreciate it all, like my husband. But you know, it's
interesting because when people are dating, it's very common now
for them to like make a music list as according
(11:39):
ritual and send it.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
To somebody a Spotify list or what have you. Was
this kind of a takeoff on that.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Yeah, So you know, when I was younger, we used
to make mixtapes for you know, our friends or the
people we were dating. We put such time and effort
into you know, how we ordered it, what it meant,
even like how we you know, created artwork on the outside.
And so you know, yeah, in a way, you know,
(12:07):
finally is sort of a modern day version of that.
You actually can you know, create playlists on the app
for people to check out before they decide to push
play on you, and you can share music, you know,
back and forth. So yes, in a way, it's it's
very much the same.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
So it's interesting because I met my husband, you know,
four and a half years ago. We got married in August,
and I was doing a lot of long hard drives
because I have a farm in Oregon that I was
remodeling and I do twelve hours on the freeway. And
he was the first one to ever send me a
playlist on Apple Music. And my initials are WW, so
(12:46):
my nick name is Dub and so the first playlist,
which is called dub music, and I listened to it
and it was love songs expressing everything he was experiencing.
And then it became dubbed music. The next one came,
and then young dub music, stuff from my childhood that
might be reminiscent that we must share in common. And
then classical dub, and then let's go disco dub, and
(13:10):
I probably have twenty different until it became wedding recessional
songs for dub.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
So I understand this like he was expressing himself through
the music and also showing me that he knew me
and stages of life. And I happen to be I'm
not I'm not into music. In other words, I let
the AI choose my playlist.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
I just go.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
If I get on a Staremaster, I'm embarrassed to tell
you this, Rachel. I get on a Staremaster, I just
type in the word Beyonce and I get like Beyonce music.
You know, it starts with to the left, to the left,
and the next thing you know, it's all music for Staremaster.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
So he though knows music deep.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
And when we were in Australia last week, we went
to the Sydney opera house to listen to symphony, and
he looks at me and he's like, I can't believe
this chamber orchestra doing Beethoven seven.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
They're like batting out of their league.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
And I'm like, I don't know what you're saying, but okay,
it sounds good to me. So how does vinyly work?
When people go online? Do they list their favorite artists?
How does it work?
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Sure? So vinyal way. Users can sink their Spotify or
use our profile generator to sign up. We ask basic
questions about what they're looking for, and then on a
proprietary algorithm produces matches. Right, so it's a pretty quick
sign up. You can shuffle through matches or fast forward
(14:39):
listening to playlists, and you know when you're ready to
press play a match. You can use our music conversation starters.
And then lastly, without having to leave the chat, users
can actually search, suggest and buy a concert ticket.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Oh that's great.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
So it's literally for music fans, but also for someone
who's not a music fan to really get to know
somebody psyche by asking, by looking, you can actually go
into their Spotify and see what they're listening to.
Speaker 4 (15:07):
Yeah. Absolutely, you can see, you know, all of their
songs that they've been listening to, and you can actually
push play and listen to the music as well.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
This is fascinating. I love it.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
All right, Rachel.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
When we come back, there's another subject I want to
talk about, which is how artificial intelligence is reshaping the
online dating experience. Hopefully it's reducing the swiping, because my
thumb is nearly broken from back in the day.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
But let's have you weigh in on that.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
When we come back, you are listening to the Doctor
Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty or live
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Welcome back to the home Stredge of the Doctor Wendy
Wall Show on KFI AM six forty, live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. My guest is Rachel Van Nordwick, founder
of Vinyally. It's spelled vias and vig i n y
l l y finally like finally, finally I met the
one on Vinyly.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
I love it. It's a dating app.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
That matches people based on music compatibility. All right, let's
talk about AI. How can AI change dating experience? How,
let's start with the beginning. How can it reduce ghosting?
Speaker 4 (16:24):
Well, that's a great place to start. So there's a
lot of uses for AI of course within dating apps,
but one of the most important ones is for you know,
the dating app developers to implement AI, uh, you know,
for you know, prevention of ghosting, of bots, of cat fishing, like,
(16:48):
there's just that there's a lot of ways that they
can implement you know, AI to to protect people from
you know, people that aren't actually on that app to
try to meet someone. Now I'm saying that from just
you know, that's a ghosting that's you know, built by uh,
(17:08):
you know, a bought not by you know, it's not
ghosting of somebody who you're just chatting with and then
they decide not to talk to you anymore. So there's
there's ways that you know, we can be responsible as developers.
But then in terms of ghosting, listen, it's it's tough.
You know, it's tough out there when you're talking to
somebody and then all of a sudden, you know, the
(17:29):
line just goes cold. I think breaking the way.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
They're breaking when someone just and I always say to people,
you know, if somebody doesn't have the relationship skills or
the communication skills to say, hey, it was lovely chatting
with you, I don't think romance is in the cards
for us, but you know, good luck in the future.
If they don't even have that basic skill to say
goodbye in a polite way, then you are saved from
(17:54):
them in a relationship. Thank good goodness they ghost PC.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
Because yes.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Now, so, first of all, is artificial intelligence being used
yet in the dating apps?
Speaker 4 (18:09):
Yeah, so we were the first actually to uh, you know,
go out with AI in the app, and so we
decided to do it in a fun way. We use
AI to let users replicate like buying drinks in real life,
but in the app you get to blend you know,
your genres that you like as well as the matches
genres and create like a bespoke cocktail and it's fun.
(18:32):
You can send it. It's actually like a complete recipe
with instructions and you can then also, you know, if
you went on a first date, make that in real life.
So we used it, you know, for for fun, but
there's also ways that you know, we're implementing a I
on that will be rolling out that other dating apps
used too, which is just helping, you know, helping with
(18:54):
your matches. Right, So, you know, we think that we're
good at at, you know, identifying who would be a
match for us based on swiping or on our app.
You know, it's going through the matches and pushing play. However,
there's sometimes when actually, you know, AI can be helpful
and provide matches to you that you may have overlooked,
(19:14):
but that actually proven over a larger database would prove
out to be a good match for you.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
So they're basically like your mother telling you this is
the person you should date.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
I guess, how about like your best friend you're.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Best with that.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
So basically the algorithms, you know, I sort of joke
sometimes that TikTok algorithm is so good that it knows
your soul, right, I mean, it's probably listening to our
conversation right now. It's listening to everything, and then it
provides you exactly the videos that you need to help
yourself at that moment. So you're saying, artificial intelligence and
(19:52):
dating apps can figure out really who you are and
what you need and be able to provide the right
people were you.
Speaker 4 (20:01):
It can help I think it's you know, listen, I
think there is still very much a human effort that
you know, we shouldn't try to actually you know, go
away from right. So it's important that you know, I
feel or a user feels like they have control over
(20:21):
their matches.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
But where it.
Speaker 4 (20:24):
Can be helpful is, you know, I can't or we
can't see across you know, the rest of the people
on the app to understand where maybe you know, a
better match might be. But that's how AI can can
be helpful. So I think use the right way. It's
a great addition, but I think it's still important for
users to feel like they have control over their actions
(20:45):
on the app.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
So I always say that finding a good made is
partly biological, being physically attracted to somebody, having the right
pheromones to have good compatibility biologically, then psychologically having a
good attached and style to be able to form a
secure attachment. And then there's the social and the dating
apps have done the social really well. You know, the income,
(21:08):
the zip code, the geographics, uh, you know, what somebody
does for a living.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Whether they're what they eat, whether they're.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Vegan or carnivore, what their politics are, the social piece.
I find the dating apps has done a really good
job at can A. I work in those other areas,
psychological and biological.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
I think, so I think that there are opportunities for
it to be implemented responsibly. I think that you know,
AI can tell us things about ourselves that maybe we
aren't actually either aware of or you know, don't lead with.
So I think you know, whether you're on a dating
(21:48):
app or in real life, my advice always is to
date intentionally. Make sure that you know you know what's
important to you. Don't waiver. It's easy sometimes if you've
been on dating apps for a long time and you
meet someone and they don't quite say all of your characteristics,
but you're just so you know, you're just trying to
meet someone that you kind of compromise it's not worth it.
(22:11):
And so I think, you know, AI can kind kind
of you know, be a north star and provide you
with you know, these are the types of matches you
should go for based on you telling us you know,
this is what you want. And I would say that's
a great that's a great guide. But it's just something
for us to I'll be conscious of.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
You know, you talked about intentional dating. And I often
use a term rational love, meaning that if we allow
always our instincts. Now, some of us have great instincts.
We come from a healthy, happy family, We have a
secure attachment style, trust our instincts. But they are another
you know, forty fifty percent of the population who have
(22:50):
an anxious attachment style and avoidant attachment style, and literally
their attraction takes them right back to the scene of
the crime, the person who will actually hurt. And so
we need to learn rational love, which is intellectually this
is what I need, and I'm going to make myself
choose this good person instead of this, you know what,
(23:12):
I perceive to be a high value mate who's just
going to be a player and hurt me in some way.
And I hope that AI can start to present that
to people, and I bet ya. So my theory is
that AI is going to get so good that they'll
be able to actually predict people's romantic attachment style based
(23:33):
on frequency of texts, the kind of words they use
in the text, how long of texts they write. It's
very obvious to me when I see people that it's
so it's so obvious their attachment style. So I bet
you AI is going to figure it out pretty soon too.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Which is cool.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
So, Rachel that where do people find vinyly.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
So vinally is available both on iOS and android. It's
also if you want more information, it's on vinyleapp dot
com and we are in the US, UK and Canada.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
So whether you're a music fan or not, it sounds
like Vinyly might be a new way and a fun way,
especially if you have an AI robot making you cocktails to.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Find a mate.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Thank you so much for being with us, Rachel Van
Nortwick of the dating app Vinyly that matches you based
on music tastes. You have been listening to the Doctor
Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty. I'm here
for you every Sunday from seven to nine. You can
also find me all over the internet. But come on
to the social media. I'll see you on Instagram at
(24:39):
Dr Wendy Walsh. It's always my pleasure to be with you.
You've been listening to the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show KFI
AM six forty. We live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always
hear us live on KFI Am six forty from seven
to nine pm on Sunday, and anytime on demand on
the iHeartRadio app.
Dr. Wendy Walsh on Demand News
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!