October 6, 2025 • 35 mins
Dr. Wendy is getting into Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban divorce, Selena Gomez, and Benny Blanco marriage and answering your relationship questions with her drive by makeshift relationship advice. It's all on KFIAM-640!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app. This is the Doctor Wendy Wall Show.
If you're new to my show, I have a PhD
in clinical psychology. I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology
professor and I'm obsessed, obsessed with the science of love.
(00:22):
I've been reading research on this for decades. On the
show Today News on Nicole Kidman and Keith Urbans split
how when a woman has way more money than a man,
it might actually be healthier for their relationship. And if
you are a single heterosexual woman, you better listen up
because I'm going to reveal the five must have photographs
(00:45):
that you need to put in your dating app profile
to showcase that you really are a high value woman. Producer, Kayla,
you with me, your high value woman sitting right here, Ollie,
welcome again to the show.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Good to have you, Hi, thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
I will not put on a fake British accent because
Kayla told me that she went to an HR meeting
and we're not allowed to do that.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
It's true, right, Ali. I appreciate that thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
I don't know I would do a bad one anyway.
Do the English like Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban as
much as the Ausies?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
The English I love Nicole Kidman, but don't care about keithab.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Yeah, because it's country music. Who knows about that? Okay.
So on Monday it was announced that the Oscar winning
actress aged fifty eight, one of those with the age
after each time, and the Grammy winning country star age
fifty seven, one year between them, announced that they are
splitting little background. The two of them met back in
two thousand and five here in town at a Good
(01:45):
Day LA event. It's an Ausy event, I guess, promoting Australia.
Then they became engaged just a year later. They were
married in June of two thousand and six in Sydney.
You know, Julu and I did our honeymoon in Sydney
in February. And I was on a treadmill the other
day at a hotel because I travel for work, and
(02:05):
they had like you know how they put the big
screen in front of you when you're on the treadmill.
I was walking, like walking up hill whatever, and they
had this whole tour of Sydney Harbor and the Opera
House and where we stayed, and it was like I
relived my whole honeymoon. It was so cute. Anyway, they
got married there so apparently very shortly after their marriage.
So they got married in June. About four or five
(02:27):
months later, in October, Keith Urban entered rehab for substance
use issues. Good for him, taking care of himself, getting
the care he needed. Then two years later they had
their first child, Sunday Rose. This want to add here
that this is the only pregnancy, successful pregnancy that Nicole had.
We don't know how many miscarriages. That's our private business.
(02:49):
But the next daughter that came along two years later
was grew by surrogacy.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
She also, I'm gonna talk about more about this late
has two older children and these were adopted during her
marriage to Tom Cruise. Remember those years. Okay, that was
long before her relationship with Keith Urban. So sometime early
this summer, rumors started that they started living apart and
that Keith had moved out of their Nashville home. You know,
they have so many homes, right, They get a home
(03:19):
in LA, They had apartments in Sydney and London, whatever.
But this week their separation was confirmed publicly, and Nicole
actually filed for divorce the next day on Tuesday, citing
irreconcilable differences. Their marriage lasted nearly twenty years. They were
in their nineteenth or twentieth year. I want to say
(03:41):
this because I think it's really important. A twenty year
marriage is not a failed marriage. A twenty year marriage
is a successful marriage. Now, if I were going to
be misjudger out there, I might say, man, I could
have waited a couple more years till at least the
youngest who's fourteen, got a little bit more on her feet.
But basically, when until death to us part was invented,
(04:04):
death was pretty iminent. You've heard me say that a
thousand times. Our relationships are coming to a close because
our life expectancies keep extending. So even the most monogamous
of people might expect to have two or three long
stints of monogamy in their lifespan. If you still subscribe
to the myth that you're going to get married in
(04:24):
your twenties and you're going to find your soulmate and
you're going to stay together for sixty years, fifty years,
you're crazy. That is the vast minority of humans on
the planets, on the planets, all the planets, apparently, not
just this one. And so I want you, if you
are a person who has experienced divorce, to get that
(04:47):
word failure out of your head. Now. I do want
to give you a little warning that second marriages have
a higher divorce rate than first marriages. Third marriages haven't
even a higher divorce rate because in some ways, divorce
doesn't teach you how to be a better partner. Divorce
doesn't teach you how to be a better partner or
to choose a better partner. Divorce teaches you that you
(05:11):
can survive divorce, that you can get through it. So
therefore people tend to throw in the dowl a little easier.
So my caveat is this, if you have experienced divorce,
this is an opportunity for you to go to therapy
and figure out what your piece in it all was.
And in fact, if you only blame your ex, then
I can promise you there's a big piece that's yours
just by the fact that you're just blaming your ex. Okay, So,
(05:36):
what did I want to say about Keith Urban moving out?
Rumors are he moved out sometime in the summer. She
filed Nicolebot's and property in Portugal sometime this year and
she filed for residency in Portugal. Now her kids are
fourteen and seventeen, so there's still school age about high school.
I was trying to figure out, like, where do they
(05:56):
go to school, because apparently they did go to school
in La and they also go to school on the road,
some kind of homeschoolly thing. So it's interesting is Nicole
and she applied for like the most custody. Apparently children
are slated to spend three hundred and six days per
year with Nicole and fifty nine days with Keith every year. Interesting,
(06:17):
so maybe she's taken him to Portugal to finish off
that business of motherhood. I don't know, but anyway, it
appears that they did the right thing for celebrities, which
is they negotiated all the terms around property division and
child custody long before anything became public. They did this
(06:37):
all privately, right, So I actually think if you're going
to be a celebrity and you're going to go through
a divorce, this is the a one way to do it. Kaila,
Why do you look at me like divorce is a
bad thing.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
No, it's just like because the way you were, like,
if you're going to be a celebrity and you're going
to go through a divorce, this is.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
How you got to think about it. People don't know
if they're going to be.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Divorce or a celebrity, but you're going to next week
if they win the lottery.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
You know those those emails from Michelle Cube here at KFI.
Oh my girl, Okay, listen. So she is our lotto captain.
Besides being like the executive is she's a big week.
She's a mugamug, a big big tea whatever. But not
only is she a big cheese, but every single week
she goes out and buys lottery tickets on behalf of
like how many people we got into? Seventy people here?
(07:23):
A lot of people. A yeah, I think we should
cap that.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I think I'm not in it.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Why it's like, Babe, I know I'm gonna put in
for you.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Igot about the money, doctor, Wendy. It's about if I
win the lottery, sharing it with the jabbronis around these parts.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
I don't want to do. I want to take the.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
Money and go I don't want to divide by seven,
but if you guys know, yeah, by seventy.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
But these lotteries are like billions, so you would still
get like a million.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
I mean, if you guys all in, then I can
you know, run the place, oh, because we'll leave exactly.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
So. But anyway, what she does every week she goes
and buys these tickets, She takes pictures of them all,
she up loads it into this mass email. She keeps
some kind of spreadsheet about who's paid up and who
has it and who ows. Can you imagine the work?
Can you imagine the work?
Speaker 2 (08:09):
I can't.
Speaker 4 (08:09):
Michelle holds everything down. Michelle's seriously a superhero around here.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
My point is we could all be a celebrity in
a minute, sure, Michelle, if Michelle keeps doing what she's doing.
But please, if there's any take home from this, A
twenty year relationship is never a failed relationship, okay. A
relationship is only a failure if you didn't learn something,
if you didn't grow, if you didn't become a different
person on the other side, that's when you can call
(08:34):
it a failure. If you just go make the same
mistakes over again. Okay, then you're a failure. When we
come back. I mentioned that Nicole has two other children
with Tom Cruise, and some people speculate that she has
experienced something very tragic, which is parental alienation. Let's talk
(08:55):
about this and break it down when we come back.
Maybe that's you. Have you experienced that.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on Demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
You know, I have had a number of listeners write
to me on social media by you can always send
me little dms on Instagram, et cetera at Doctor Wendy
Walsh and I try to address things as I see needed,
and it is very common I have learned for some
of our listeners to have experienced something called parental alienation.
(09:31):
This is often just involving the kids emotionally in the
divorce and one party, the mother or the father, completely
bad mouthing the x to the children, telling the children
that if they see their father or their mother that
they will be betraying the other parent, manipulating these poor kids.
(09:54):
It can be so damaging to children, but particularly also
damaging to the adult who loves their kids and wants
to see them. So I mentioned earlier that Nicole Kidman
comes to mind. When people talk about her family, they
often forget that she has two older children from her
(10:16):
marriage to Tom Cruise. Remember way back when Isabella and Connor.
These children are now adults in their early thirties. I
think they're like thirty one and thirty three or thirty
and thirty two or something. Now, these children were adopted
during the marriage of Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. They
got married in nineteen ninety, so maybe one is still
(10:40):
in his late maybe the boy's still in his late twenties. Anyway,
Nicole has said publicly in the media when she was
a young woman that she's always wanted a big family
and that those adoptions came after she had had a
miscarriage early in her marriage. So there was a time
you might remember it when Tom and Nicole were like
(11:01):
the perfect Hollywood couple. They were raising their kids between
Los Angeles and London. But then when the marriage ended
in two thousand and one, Isabella was around eight, Connor
was six. That's when remember Tom Cruise is very big
in the Church of Scientology, and that's when the Church
of Scientology's influence really happened. Tom remained inside the church.
(11:27):
Nicole very quietly left. She wasn't vocal about it all. Now,
there were some very credible journalists who covered Scientology for
years and said they reported at the time that the
church had labeled Nicole a quote suppressive person, effectingly effectively
cutting her off from the church Tom and her children overnight.
(11:50):
The kid's primary home became their father's world, not hers. Now,
Kudos to Nicole. She's never spoken publicly or with bitterness
about what went on. When people ask her in interviews,
the only thing she said is they're adults. They've made
their choices, and I love them unconditionally. Now, if you
(12:14):
do a deep dive on the internet, you will see
that there have been tiny glimmers of reconnection. Isabella has
actually liked a few of her mother's social media posts.
Can you believe? Now we have to look at who's
liking who's the social media so we know it. And
actually Connor occasionally attends public events in Los Angeles with her.
But they have both apparently stayed very loyal to their
(12:37):
father's church of Scientology. You know, you think about it,
and this explained so much about how years later, when
he was married to Katie Holmes, remember her dad was
a lawyer, and they drew up all this stuff sort
of on the side. I'm trying to remember what all happened,
but they fought so fiercely for her daughter, Surrey. That
was back in twenty twelve. Maybe Katie I had seen
(13:00):
firsthand what happened to a call and how easily the
church can dominate a custody battle, and so maybe she
just like, I'm getting out and I'm keeping my kids.
But let's talk about parental alienation in general, right. Basically,
it means when one parent undermines, denigrades, or blocks the
child's relationship with the other parent, sometimes falsely portraying that
(13:23):
other parent as unfit or even dangerous. So what can
happen to the kids is, over time, they take these
messages inside themselves, right, and they start to reject or
even fear that other parent, and they have no proof,
They're just basing it on what the other parent said, right.
It can cause long lasting emotional distress, depression, and of
(13:47):
course confusion about loyalty. So there are a number of
experts out there talking about what people can do. I
pulled some of their data and research. If you're in
this situation, First of all, my heart goes out to you.
I am so so sorry this has happened to you.
Let me tell you what you can do. First of all,
document everything, everything everything. Keep a journal with dates, times,
(14:09):
what your child says, how they appear, angry, confused, whatever,
any Keep any text, keep any emails, keep any social media,
keep voicemails. Just document, create a file, okay, because there's
a long life ahead for your kids, and there's potential
for healing it anywhere on the lifespan. Also, try to
engage neutral witnesses. So if you're a parent that has
(14:32):
some form of shared custody, or you try to see
your kids at school when you're supposed to and they
don't let you, and whatever, there might be witnesses like teachers, coaches, therapists,
et cetera. So when people are evaluating custody in the courts,
they're looking for consistency amongst all kinds of witnesses, not
just your They don't just want to take your word
(14:53):
for it, right. You need to get other people involved.
Do the best you can to get your child into therapy, right,
even if you need it to be court appointed. If
you feel that your child is emotionally being hurt. Then
go appeal to the judge. My child needs therapy. This
is terrible and what you've got to do, and this
comes from my heart deeply. Just continue to offer loving
(15:15):
support to your kids. Getting mad at your kids, maybe
they're teenagers or something is not going to work, okay,
Just let them know that you're there for them, you
love them. And even if you think they're not reading
the letters you write or the emails you send, someday
you'll have that whole packet to handle them. So keep
writing to them right, don't attack them, avoid any kind
(15:39):
of public attacks. Don't let the child feel this torn
between loyalty makes it worse. Just say I love you,
I'm always here for you, I'll never leave you. Just
keep hammering that message home, and of course, seek legal modification.
Don't give up. These are your children. File motions with
the court to mind existing parenting time, request a custody evaluator,
(16:04):
as courts to structure a plan right and at the
same time, you're going to look really good to a
judge if you work on yourself, because remember when x'es
say bad things about you, they're always working with a
tiny little grain of truth right, and then they explode
it up in some big way. They inflate it. So
(16:24):
go to therapy, go to drug rehab, if you need
to take some parenting classes. Avoid these negative backlashes because
she's going to be keeping records too, so be careful.
Keep your fingers off your keyboard or he's going to
be I'm putting genders on. It doesn't matter one way
or another. Somebody's going to be collecting what you're writing
(16:45):
as well. You know, I think Nicole Kidman's story, in
my personal opinion, is a tragedy of parental alienation. You know,
she lost her children not through neglect or abandonment, but
through an ideology a religion. Really, I thought religion was
(17:06):
supposed to be about love and acceptance and community and
family and caring. But I gotta say, this woman has
some extraordinary emotional maturity. We have not seen any public
anger from Nicole Kidman, no retaliation, just this steadfast maternal love.
(17:26):
It's like she's been waiting in the wings all her life.
So I encourage her kids, if they're listening, to please
reach out to your mom. She loves you. I don't
think the story's finished, right, I mean, as I said,
there are reports that they've been liking her pictures on
social media. The sun has shown up at some red carpet.
Things might not seem like much, but what they're saying is, hey, Mom,
(17:49):
I see you. I'm reaching out and who are we
to judge from the outside, But if you are in
that situation, if you are experiencing parental alienation, please follow
my advice. It's heartbreaking. I couldn't imagine it, could not
imagine it. When we come back, let's talk about money
(18:11):
and love. The research has changed. It used to be
that when women make a whole lot more money than
their husbands, the husbands were more likely to cheat or
leave them or hate them. But there's a new man
coming out on the horizon, and I've got some good
news for you, ladies.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
You're listening to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
I would like to welcome my Instagram audience, who whoever's here.
Let me know where you're watching from. It's always fun
when you put a little comment up in the comment
stream and I can see that you're not only from
Los Angeles and southern California, but you're often from around
the country and around the world, which is a lot
of fun. After this segment, not now, after this segment,
I'm going to be opening the lines and taking your calls.
(18:55):
If you have any relationship questions. The number is pinned
up there. If you're on Instagram, remember download the iHeartRadio
app and then you can hear both sides of the conversation.
All right, I want to talk a little bit about
money and love. You know, the research used to be
very clear that when a woman made more money than
her husband, apparently it threatened his masculinity and he was
(19:18):
more likely to cheat on her. But we have some
new role models out there in the news. This week,
music producer Benny Blanco and mega star singer Selena Gomez
surprised fans with a wedding announcement. You know, Selena actually
has made more money with Kerr cosmetics company called Rare
(19:38):
Beauty than I think the music industry. That's my guest.
But she's worth one point three billion dollars now. Benny
is a hit making producer. He's worth about fifty million.
But their relationship does kind of flip the old script
where a woman's wealth was seen as a liability. But
I think that some of these guys. I'm going to
(20:00):
include that other one, that Kelsey boy, you know, that
young man who's got that girlfriend, what's her name, Taylor something, Yeah,
something like that, that they're another power couple and an
NFL edgend, Trav NFL legend, Travis Kelsey, And of course
Taylor Swift. She's worth one point six billion dollars. Reportedly,
he's still worth about like eighty ninety millions, So they're
(20:21):
doing okay.
Speaker 5 (20:23):
You know.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
A twenty twenty three Pew Research study showed that when
women are the primary earners, that women are the primary
earners in forty five percent of Americans households. And this
separates out single mothers. This is just of married heterosexual families,
women forty five percent, that's almost half, earn more money
than their husbands. So I think men are moving beyond
(20:48):
this provider role, right. They're realizing that if they want
to get one of these fabulous, powerful women, that they've
got to find other ways to be indispensable, and one
of the ways is to support her and be her cheerleader.
In fact, Ollie, do we have the tape of what
Benny Blanco said on a podcast about Selena, and he
was giving advice to young men about how to be
(21:09):
a better guy, a better boyfriend, a better husband.
Speaker 6 (21:12):
I think people's biggest problems, especially men, are that we
don't listen all the time. You got to listen. Just
shut them up and listen. Listen to what they're saying.
There a woman is going to tell you exactly what
she needs. Like when guys are like, I don't know
what you want, so I don't know what she told
you already, You're just an idiot. You're not listening. When
you're away from your partner. You just try to think
of little things that's gonna make them feel more comfortable better.
(21:34):
When I see something happening, it's about guiding the missile,
not adding a jet pack on top of it. If
I see her getting to a place where I'm like, man,
in five minutes from now, this room could explode, I'm
never gonna let it get to that. Five minutes from now,
I'm gonna say, what are all the tools that I
know that work for her, that I've learned over Like,
(21:55):
I'm not gonna exacerbate a situation. I'm going to try
to calm it down, because why do I want to
be in that position where we're both just like upset
about something. I don't want to just calment down and
tell her what she wants to hear. I'm not saying that.
I'm not saying like to your partner, be like, yes,
you're right, You're totally right, like everything you know. I
think you listen and you say like, Okay, let's not
(22:16):
let it get there, let's like just talk about this.
And I do think physical touch is always like a
very big way, like if you're in a conversation with
your partner, like it's like sometimes just like a hand
helps or just holding their hand while you're telling them,
or giving them a hug while you're telling them. And
if someone's upset, let them talk it out first. And
then after they talk it out, be like, Okay, well
(22:39):
here's what I think you know.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
And every guy can talk like this. Thanks Allie. I
listen to him all day long giving men relationship advice.
You know what's funny is that I was I was
talking with this man at the car show the other day.
I was with my husband Julio, and I was saying
something about the town we were in. I go, yeah,
I wish they had better restaurants, and he's like, oh, well,
you know, you can always go to this Mexican place
(23:02):
or whatever, and you can always do this, and you
can always do that. And then he was giving me
all this advice of bad places to eat that I
didn't really want to eat at. And then he caught
himself and he said, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't give
you empathy for what you were feeling. My wife tells
me I rushed to just problem solve for women instead
(23:23):
of just listening to them and saying that must be
a terrible feeling. And I was like, dude, guys are changing.
Guys are changing. Also, I want to say that men
may not have more income than their female mates, but
that's different from accomplishments. Right, little secret iron a little
bit more than my husband, but you know, he puts
(23:44):
out major movies and does all kinds of cool stuff,
and he's got his cool porsches and his fun life,
and I just I think he's a compant. He's smarter
than me. He's a great writer. So I'm like, I
really respect him. I do want to say this, ladies,
this doesn't mean you shouldn't have a prenup. Everbody shouted
a prenup no matter how much money you make or
don't make. Right. The biggest problem in all of this, though,
(24:07):
is that women are afraid. They're afraid to date somebody
who makes less than them because somehow they have this
whole Cinderella story in their head churning around. It's like
old patriarchy. And this is when we have this mate
in crunch, right, this is when women who say I
got educated and I made money, so I deserve a
man who makes more money than me. And that's why
(24:29):
you get all these men left out in the cold
angry at women because they're not being chosen.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Right.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Women do the choosing, by the way, ladies, you're not
I supposed to be sitting on a shelf like a
pretty little thing waiting to be chosen. You're the one
who's select, So select a great guy, right.
Speaker 5 (24:45):
All right.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
When we come back, I am heading to the phone.
I'm going to be taking your calls. The number is
one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
If you have a relationship question, let me weigh in
one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one
eight hundred five two zero one five three four. You
are listening to the Doctor Wendy Welsh Show.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Okay, first of all, there's a question somebody just put
on Instagram. She says, I've been friends with a man
for twenty five years and I got to four sixteen
years ago. So I assume he's married. Now you're not.
He's had marital problems for so many years and now
his wife is cheating on him. How long do I
support him? Well, there's a difference between support and friendship
and having boundaries and not. I guess you're really asking
(25:37):
is where's the boundary here? Are you saying he should
leave her and marry you? If so, that's not your
decision to make. That's his life, right, And you say support,
I don't know what that support means. I assume it's
not financial support. But I think you're getting tired of
him complaining about his bad marriage and not doing anything
(25:57):
about it, And in which case you can put a
boundary up to say, dude, when you bring that up,
I don't want to hear about it because you haven't
been taking my advice, so I don't want to hear
about it all right, if you would like to call
with a relationship question, the numbers one eight hundred five
to zero one kfi. Okay, producer, Kayla, Who do we have?
Speaker 3 (26:12):
We have?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Gilbert with a comment.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Gilbert with a comment, Hi, Gilbert with a comment. It's
doctor Wendy.
Speaker 7 (26:19):
Hello, doctor, thank you for taking my calls. Actually, the
first time I've ever listened to your show driving I
heard it. I'm interesting.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Oh, thank you. Well, you should be tuning in every Sunday,
and you know you can listen to the show anytime
on the iHeartRadio app because Cayleb puts them all up there.
So what's your comment?
Speaker 8 (26:36):
Love?
Speaker 7 (26:36):
Thank you? So I was listening to what you were saying,
and my opinion is the two examples that you use
were not the greatest because hey, they're both financially well off.
Yes they do. One does make more than the other.
I really get it, but I think those scenarios are
really more. That you're talking about is about people that
(26:59):
are making that kind of crazy.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Right, So Taylor and Kelsey and Benny and Selina are
like out of this stratosphere. They don't really relate to
our lives because the dudes are still wealthy, Like, let's
face it, right, if regular people have to discuss spending, right,
and spending decisions about whether the lights stay on and
which bill to pay, and these people can just buy
(27:23):
a vineyard and not have to consult with their spouse, right.
So I totally understand Gilbert, that's a very, very valid comment.
But I do like that these guys are very masculine
role models and they are at least championing their wives
success and supporting and cheerleading their wives. I do like
that part.
Speaker 8 (27:44):
Yes, thanks for colleague, go ahead.
Speaker 7 (27:49):
I was gonna say, if you listen to the way
this Benny guy talks, Hey, he's not really talking about her,
he's talking towards her, and he sounds like a girl.
So I just think more and more men are being deep,
are being feminized, and that's why you're having I'm not saying,
don't miscoote me that. I don't think. I don't believe
that men should cheat on their wives period, right, and
(28:12):
I think with their or women cheat on their husbands.
But I just think that this type of conversation is
feminizing men even more.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Well, Gilbert, thanks for calling that is a valid point,
but not one that I agree with. I think emotions, feelings, vulnerability, honesty,
don't have a gender. I think it's not feminizing men
for them to talk about emotions and feelings. I think
(28:42):
it's actually humanizing them, because men do have feelings. Many
men have been acculturated, taught by their parents to suck
it up, and the only emotion that we've seemed to
allow them to show is anger. And so the fact
that they can have a sense of what a woman
is experiencing, have feelings of empathy and compassion. I don't
(29:02):
think this is feminizing a man. I think it's humanizing
a man, and I like it a lot. But Gilbert,
thanks for your call. All right, Producer, Kayla, who do
we get next?
Speaker 2 (29:10):
We have Jim with a question.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Jim, Hi, Jim, It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5 (29:16):
Hello. Can you hear me?
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (29:17):
I can. What's your question? So?
Speaker 5 (29:20):
I'm turning thirty this coming January, and I haven't really
accomplished thank you. It's kind of a bittersweet thing because
I haven't really accomplished much with my life. I still
worked a very little painting job, I still live with
my parents, and I'm just starting to get my life together.
I'm starting to like as we take classes to give
(29:42):
my CDL, which is for truck driving, and just starting
to like move out and like or at least planning
on moving on eventually. And I'm just wondering, like, what
do you what kind of advice do you have for
somebody who is interested in dating somebody who is probably
who more than likely is because of their around the
same age as probably accomplished a lot more.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
So, Jim, I don't want you to think about your competition.
I want you to think about how far you've come
and where you're going. I love that you tell me
this in an optimistic way, not like, Ugh, I live
with my parents. I don't make much money. You said, Hey,
I still live with my parents, meaning it's not going
to be forever. You said, I have a job, I'm
training for this, I'm moving forward. This is what excites
(30:26):
women excite. They get excited by men with passion, goals,
and ambition of every single income level. That, in itself, Jim,
is more important than anything. Thanks for calling. I think
we have somebody else holding who do we have? Producer Kayla?
I see her on the phone actually talking to somebody,
Allie who we got we have Sonny, Honny, Hi, Sonny,
(30:48):
it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 8 (30:50):
Hi, Doctor Wendy. So I want to talk about grandparent alienation.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Oh I know.
Speaker 8 (31:00):
Yeah. My thirty six year old daughter and her eleven
year old son lived with me for ten years and
he supported me for the last three years after my
husband died, until she met a man, dated him for
three months, eloped without even telling the eleven year old. Oh,
(31:24):
and this man forbids her from having me in her life.
And part of it is his ideology. Ideology. Now Mike,
which is one year old, I would rather not say.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Okay, so it sounds like, okay, well, this is a question.
Speaker 8 (31:45):
I'm going to be super fast. The eleven year old
is dying, he's suffering, he's gone through suicidal things with therapists.
He wants me in his life because I'm not weekend grandma.
I've been every day grandma since first. But here's the
thing that I'm afraid of, doctor Wendy. I'm afraid that
if I go to court and file for grandparents' visitation
(32:09):
with my thirty six dollars thirty six year old dollar,
that I am putting the nail in a coffin forever
for her and I to have a relationship.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Okay, that's right now. So Sonny, I'm going to interrupt
you because it's a really complicated story. But the grandparent
alienation you are feeling, you're basically asking the question, do
I go do the formal channels and go to court
and apply for some form of custody. This is a
child who sees me as a secure attachment figure. I
was in his life every day for ten years, and
now I've been thrown out by a new son in law,
(32:42):
et cetera. I think you should start with going to
a good, licensed therapist to help you come clear inside
yourself about what your next steps are. I also think
you do need to document, and you do need to
reach out to your grandchild as often as possible. Again,
don't bash the stepdaddy, don't bash your daughter. Just let
this child know that they are still so deeply loved
(33:05):
by you. But start with a licensed therapist who can
help you get clear within yourself before you do anything. Sonny,
thank you so much. I'm so sorry you're going through
this all right, Producer, Kayla, do we have anyone else's show?
Speaker 2 (33:17):
We had to disconnect. He wanted to know.
Speaker 4 (33:20):
He said that his uncle gave him advice when he
was younger to if you're not interested in a girl,
get her to break up with you. Say you lost
your job, just stop being a slot, stop taking care
of her. He wants to know, have that solid of
the advice because it's always worked excellent for him.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Of course it works excellent. Guys are so afraid to
break up, you know, a guy so rarely break up.
First of all, I you know, I've never been broken
up on, but I've had lots of guys that wouldn't
commit to me or wouldn't marry me, but they never
actually said I don't want to ever see you again.
They kind of keep women as backup mates. And we
hate it because we're being slowly weaned, we're being slowly ghosted.
(33:56):
So that is very bad advice that your uncle gave you,
this advice that, oh, you know, just start misbehaving and
she'll break up with you, because that's what guys do,
and it only makes us more angry. Trust me, it
only makes us more angry. You know. The first step
to learning good relationship communication skills is even being able
(34:17):
to communicate a breakup that says, hey, I I this
has been great, but I'm not happy and I don't
want to be in this relationship anymore. And then follow
up the words with behavior because you know then the
guys are the back and forth and back and forth
and come in just to enjoy the sex and then
leave for a while. But I told you I was
breaking up. No, just be honest and truthful. We can
(34:38):
handle any truth, but what we can't handle are all
those mixed messages. Good question.
Speaker 7 (34:45):
All right.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
When we come back, I am going to head to
social media because I see the dms flying in with
relationship questions. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Wallace. You
can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty
from seven to nine pm month Sunday, and anytime on
demand on the iHeartRadio app
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app. This is the Doctor Wendy Wall Show.
If you're new to my show, I have a PhD
in clinical psychology. I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology
professor and I'm obsessed, obsessed with the science of love.
(00:22):
I've been reading research on this for decades. On the
show Today News on Nicole Kidman and Keith Urbans split
how when a woman has way more money than a man,
it might actually be healthier for their relationship. And if
you are a single heterosexual woman, you better listen up
because I'm going to reveal the five must have photographs
(00:45):
that you need to put in your dating app profile
to showcase that you really are a high value woman. Producer, Kayla,
you with me, your high value woman sitting right here, Ollie,
welcome again to the show.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Good to have you, Hi, thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
I will not put on a fake British accent because
Kayla told me that she went to an HR meeting
and we're not allowed to do that.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
It's true, right, Ali. I appreciate that thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
I don't know I would do a bad one anyway.
Do the English like Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban as
much as the Ausies?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
The English I love Nicole Kidman, but don't care about keithab.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Yeah, because it's country music. Who knows about that? Okay.
So on Monday it was announced that the Oscar winning
actress aged fifty eight, one of those with the age
after each time, and the Grammy winning country star age
fifty seven, one year between them, announced that they are
splitting little background. The two of them met back in
two thousand and five here in town at a Good
(01:45):
Day LA event. It's an Ausy event, I guess, promoting Australia.
Then they became engaged just a year later. They were
married in June of two thousand and six in Sydney.
You know, Julu and I did our honeymoon in Sydney
in February. And I was on a treadmill the other
day at a hotel because I travel for work, and
(02:05):
they had like you know how they put the big
screen in front of you when you're on the treadmill.
I was walking, like walking up hill whatever, and they
had this whole tour of Sydney Harbor and the Opera
House and where we stayed, and it was like I
relived my whole honeymoon. It was so cute. Anyway, they
got married there so apparently very shortly after their marriage.
So they got married in June. About four or five
(02:27):
months later, in October, Keith Urban entered rehab for substance
use issues. Good for him, taking care of himself, getting
the care he needed. Then two years later they had
their first child, Sunday Rose. This want to add here
that this is the only pregnancy, successful pregnancy that Nicole had.
We don't know how many miscarriages. That's our private business.
(02:49):
But the next daughter that came along two years later
was grew by surrogacy.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
She also, I'm gonna talk about more about this late
has two older children and these were adopted during her
marriage to Tom Cruise. Remember those years. Okay, that was
long before her relationship with Keith Urban. So sometime early
this summer, rumors started that they started living apart and
that Keith had moved out of their Nashville home. You know,
they have so many homes, right, They get a home
(03:19):
in LA, They had apartments in Sydney and London, whatever.
But this week their separation was confirmed publicly, and Nicole
actually filed for divorce the next day on Tuesday, citing
irreconcilable differences. Their marriage lasted nearly twenty years. They were
in their nineteenth or twentieth year. I want to say
(03:41):
this because I think it's really important. A twenty year
marriage is not a failed marriage. A twenty year marriage
is a successful marriage. Now, if I were going to
be misjudger out there, I might say, man, I could
have waited a couple more years till at least the
youngest who's fourteen, got a little bit more on her feet.
But basically, when until death to us part was invented,
(04:04):
death was pretty iminent. You've heard me say that a
thousand times. Our relationships are coming to a close because
our life expectancies keep extending. So even the most monogamous
of people might expect to have two or three long
stints of monogamy in their lifespan. If you still subscribe
to the myth that you're going to get married in
(04:24):
your twenties and you're going to find your soulmate and
you're going to stay together for sixty years, fifty years,
you're crazy. That is the vast minority of humans on
the planets, on the planets, all the planets, apparently, not
just this one. And so I want you, if you
are a person who has experienced divorce, to get that
(04:47):
word failure out of your head. Now. I do want
to give you a little warning that second marriages have
a higher divorce rate than first marriages. Third marriages haven't
even a higher divorce rate because in some ways, divorce
doesn't teach you how to be a better partner. Divorce
doesn't teach you how to be a better partner or
to choose a better partner. Divorce teaches you that you
(05:11):
can survive divorce, that you can get through it. So
therefore people tend to throw in the dowl a little easier.
So my caveat is this, if you have experienced divorce,
this is an opportunity for you to go to therapy
and figure out what your piece in it all was.
And in fact, if you only blame your ex, then
I can promise you there's a big piece that's yours
just by the fact that you're just blaming your ex. Okay, So,
(05:36):
what did I want to say about Keith Urban moving out?
Rumors are he moved out sometime in the summer. She
filed Nicolebot's and property in Portugal sometime this year and
she filed for residency in Portugal. Now her kids are
fourteen and seventeen, so there's still school age about high school.
I was trying to figure out, like, where do they
(05:56):
go to school, because apparently they did go to school
in La and they also go to school on the road,
some kind of homeschoolly thing. So it's interesting is Nicole
and she applied for like the most custody. Apparently children
are slated to spend three hundred and six days per
year with Nicole and fifty nine days with Keith every year. Interesting,
(06:17):
so maybe she's taken him to Portugal to finish off
that business of motherhood. I don't know, but anyway, it
appears that they did the right thing for celebrities, which
is they negotiated all the terms around property division and
child custody long before anything became public. They did this
(06:37):
all privately, right, So I actually think if you're going
to be a celebrity and you're going to go through
a divorce, this is the a one way to do it. Kaila,
Why do you look at me like divorce is a
bad thing.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
No, it's just like because the way you were, like,
if you're going to be a celebrity and you're going
to go through a divorce, this is.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
How you got to think about it. People don't know
if they're going to be.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Divorce or a celebrity, but you're going to next week
if they win the lottery.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
You know those those emails from Michelle Cube here at KFI.
Oh my girl, Okay, listen. So she is our lotto captain.
Besides being like the executive is she's a big week.
She's a mugamug, a big big tea whatever. But not
only is she a big cheese, but every single week
she goes out and buys lottery tickets on behalf of
like how many people we got into? Seventy people here?
(07:23):
A lot of people. A yeah, I think we should
cap that.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I think I'm not in it.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Why it's like, Babe, I know I'm gonna put in
for you.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Igot about the money, doctor, Wendy. It's about if I
win the lottery, sharing it with the jabbronis around these parts.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
I don't want to do. I want to take the.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
Money and go I don't want to divide by seven,
but if you guys know, yeah, by seventy.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
But these lotteries are like billions, so you would still
get like a million.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
I mean, if you guys all in, then I can
you know, run the place, oh, because we'll leave exactly.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
So. But anyway, what she does every week she goes
and buys these tickets, She takes pictures of them all,
she up loads it into this mass email. She keeps
some kind of spreadsheet about who's paid up and who
has it and who ows. Can you imagine the work?
Can you imagine the work?
Speaker 2 (08:09):
I can't.
Speaker 4 (08:09):
Michelle holds everything down. Michelle's seriously a superhero around here.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
My point is we could all be a celebrity in
a minute, sure, Michelle, if Michelle keeps doing what she's doing.
But please, if there's any take home from this, A
twenty year relationship is never a failed relationship, okay. A
relationship is only a failure if you didn't learn something,
if you didn't grow, if you didn't become a different
person on the other side, that's when you can call
(08:34):
it a failure. If you just go make the same
mistakes over again. Okay, then you're a failure. When we
come back. I mentioned that Nicole has two other children
with Tom Cruise, and some people speculate that she has
experienced something very tragic, which is parental alienation. Let's talk
(08:55):
about this and break it down when we come back.
Maybe that's you. Have you experienced that.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on Demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
You know, I have had a number of listeners write
to me on social media by you can always send
me little dms on Instagram, et cetera at Doctor Wendy
Walsh and I try to address things as I see needed,
and it is very common I have learned for some
of our listeners to have experienced something called parental alienation.
(09:31):
This is often just involving the kids emotionally in the
divorce and one party, the mother or the father, completely
bad mouthing the x to the children, telling the children
that if they see their father or their mother that
they will be betraying the other parent, manipulating these poor kids.
(09:54):
It can be so damaging to children, but particularly also
damaging to the adult who loves their kids and wants
to see them. So I mentioned earlier that Nicole Kidman
comes to mind. When people talk about her family, they
often forget that she has two older children from her
(10:16):
marriage to Tom Cruise. Remember way back when Isabella and Connor.
These children are now adults in their early thirties. I
think they're like thirty one and thirty three or thirty
and thirty two or something. Now, these children were adopted
during the marriage of Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. They
got married in nineteen ninety, so maybe one is still
(10:40):
in his late maybe the boy's still in his late twenties. Anyway,
Nicole has said publicly in the media when she was
a young woman that she's always wanted a big family
and that those adoptions came after she had had a
miscarriage early in her marriage. So there was a time
you might remember it when Tom and Nicole were like
(11:01):
the perfect Hollywood couple. They were raising their kids between
Los Angeles and London. But then when the marriage ended
in two thousand and one, Isabella was around eight, Connor
was six. That's when remember Tom Cruise is very big
in the Church of Scientology, and that's when the Church
of Scientology's influence really happened. Tom remained inside the church.
(11:27):
Nicole very quietly left. She wasn't vocal about it all. Now,
there were some very credible journalists who covered Scientology for
years and said they reported at the time that the
church had labeled Nicole a quote suppressive person, effectingly effectively
cutting her off from the church Tom and her children overnight.
(11:50):
The kid's primary home became their father's world, not hers. Now,
Kudos to Nicole. She's never spoken publicly or with bitterness
about what went on. When people ask her in interviews,
the only thing she said is they're adults. They've made
their choices, and I love them unconditionally. Now, if you
(12:14):
do a deep dive on the internet, you will see
that there have been tiny glimmers of reconnection. Isabella has
actually liked a few of her mother's social media posts.
Can you believe? Now we have to look at who's
liking who's the social media so we know it. And
actually Connor occasionally attends public events in Los Angeles with her.
But they have both apparently stayed very loyal to their
(12:37):
father's church of Scientology. You know, you think about it,
and this explained so much about how years later, when
he was married to Katie Holmes, remember her dad was
a lawyer, and they drew up all this stuff sort
of on the side. I'm trying to remember what all happened,
but they fought so fiercely for her daughter, Surrey. That
was back in twenty twelve. Maybe Katie I had seen
(13:00):
firsthand what happened to a call and how easily the
church can dominate a custody battle, and so maybe she
just like, I'm getting out and I'm keeping my kids.
But let's talk about parental alienation in general, right. Basically,
it means when one parent undermines, denigrades, or blocks the
child's relationship with the other parent, sometimes falsely portraying that
(13:23):
other parent as unfit or even dangerous. So what can
happen to the kids is, over time, they take these
messages inside themselves, right, and they start to reject or
even fear that other parent, and they have no proof,
They're just basing it on what the other parent said, right.
It can cause long lasting emotional distress, depression, and of
(13:47):
course confusion about loyalty. So there are a number of
experts out there talking about what people can do. I
pulled some of their data and research. If you're in
this situation, First of all, my heart goes out to you.
I am so so sorry this has happened to you.
Let me tell you what you can do. First of all,
document everything, everything everything. Keep a journal with dates, times,
(14:09):
what your child says, how they appear, angry, confused, whatever,
any Keep any text, keep any emails, keep any social media,
keep voicemails. Just document, create a file, okay, because there's
a long life ahead for your kids, and there's potential
for healing it anywhere on the lifespan. Also, try to
engage neutral witnesses. So if you're a parent that has
(14:32):
some form of shared custody, or you try to see
your kids at school when you're supposed to and they
don't let you, and whatever, there might be witnesses like teachers, coaches, therapists,
et cetera. So when people are evaluating custody in the courts,
they're looking for consistency amongst all kinds of witnesses, not
just your They don't just want to take your word
(14:53):
for it, right. You need to get other people involved.
Do the best you can to get your child into therapy, right,
even if you need it to be court appointed. If
you feel that your child is emotionally being hurt. Then
go appeal to the judge. My child needs therapy. This
is terrible and what you've got to do, and this
comes from my heart deeply. Just continue to offer loving
(15:15):
support to your kids. Getting mad at your kids, maybe
they're teenagers or something is not going to work, okay,
Just let them know that you're there for them, you
love them. And even if you think they're not reading
the letters you write or the emails you send, someday
you'll have that whole packet to handle them. So keep
writing to them right, don't attack them, avoid any kind
(15:39):
of public attacks. Don't let the child feel this torn
between loyalty makes it worse. Just say I love you,
I'm always here for you, I'll never leave you. Just
keep hammering that message home, and of course, seek legal modification.
Don't give up. These are your children. File motions with
the court to mind existing parenting time, request a custody evaluator,
(16:04):
as courts to structure a plan right and at the
same time, you're going to look really good to a
judge if you work on yourself, because remember when x'es
say bad things about you, they're always working with a
tiny little grain of truth right, and then they explode
it up in some big way. They inflate it. So
(16:24):
go to therapy, go to drug rehab, if you need
to take some parenting classes. Avoid these negative backlashes because
she's going to be keeping records too, so be careful.
Keep your fingers off your keyboard or he's going to
be I'm putting genders on. It doesn't matter one way
or another. Somebody's going to be collecting what you're writing
(16:45):
as well. You know, I think Nicole Kidman's story, in
my personal opinion, is a tragedy of parental alienation. You know,
she lost her children not through neglect or abandonment, but
through an ideology a religion. Really, I thought religion was
(17:06):
supposed to be about love and acceptance and community and
family and caring. But I gotta say, this woman has
some extraordinary emotional maturity. We have not seen any public
anger from Nicole Kidman, no retaliation, just this steadfast maternal love.
(17:26):
It's like she's been waiting in the wings all her life.
So I encourage her kids, if they're listening, to please
reach out to your mom. She loves you. I don't
think the story's finished, right, I mean, as I said,
there are reports that they've been liking her pictures on
social media. The sun has shown up at some red carpet.
Things might not seem like much, but what they're saying is, hey, Mom,
(17:49):
I see you. I'm reaching out and who are we
to judge from the outside, But if you are in
that situation, if you are experiencing parental alienation, please follow
my advice. It's heartbreaking. I couldn't imagine it, could not
imagine it. When we come back, let's talk about money
(18:11):
and love. The research has changed. It used to be
that when women make a whole lot more money than
their husbands, the husbands were more likely to cheat or
leave them or hate them. But there's a new man
coming out on the horizon, and I've got some good
news for you, ladies.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
You're listening to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
I would like to welcome my Instagram audience, who whoever's here.
Let me know where you're watching from. It's always fun
when you put a little comment up in the comment
stream and I can see that you're not only from
Los Angeles and southern California, but you're often from around
the country and around the world, which is a lot
of fun. After this segment, not now, after this segment,
I'm going to be opening the lines and taking your calls.
(18:55):
If you have any relationship questions. The number is pinned
up there. If you're on Instagram, remember download the iHeartRadio
app and then you can hear both sides of the conversation.
All right, I want to talk a little bit about
money and love. You know, the research used to be
very clear that when a woman made more money than
her husband, apparently it threatened his masculinity and he was
(19:18):
more likely to cheat on her. But we have some
new role models out there in the news. This week,
music producer Benny Blanco and mega star singer Selena Gomez
surprised fans with a wedding announcement. You know, Selena actually
has made more money with Kerr cosmetics company called Rare
(19:38):
Beauty than I think the music industry. That's my guest.
But she's worth one point three billion dollars now. Benny
is a hit making producer. He's worth about fifty million.
But their relationship does kind of flip the old script
where a woman's wealth was seen as a liability. But
I think that some of these guys. I'm going to
(20:00):
include that other one, that Kelsey boy, you know, that
young man who's got that girlfriend, what's her name, Taylor something, Yeah,
something like that, that they're another power couple and an
NFL edgend, Trav NFL legend, Travis Kelsey, And of course
Taylor Swift. She's worth one point six billion dollars. Reportedly,
he's still worth about like eighty ninety millions, So they're
(20:21):
doing okay.
Speaker 5 (20:23):
You know.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
A twenty twenty three Pew Research study showed that when
women are the primary earners, that women are the primary
earners in forty five percent of Americans households. And this
separates out single mothers. This is just of married heterosexual families,
women forty five percent, that's almost half, earn more money
than their husbands. So I think men are moving beyond
(20:48):
this provider role, right. They're realizing that if they want
to get one of these fabulous, powerful women, that they've
got to find other ways to be indispensable, and one
of the ways is to support her and be her cheerleader.
In fact, Ollie, do we have the tape of what
Benny Blanco said on a podcast about Selena, and he
was giving advice to young men about how to be
(21:09):
a better guy, a better boyfriend, a better husband.
Speaker 6 (21:12):
I think people's biggest problems, especially men, are that we
don't listen all the time. You got to listen. Just
shut them up and listen. Listen to what they're saying.
There a woman is going to tell you exactly what
she needs. Like when guys are like, I don't know
what you want, so I don't know what she told
you already, You're just an idiot. You're not listening. When
you're away from your partner. You just try to think
of little things that's gonna make them feel more comfortable better.
(21:34):
When I see something happening, it's about guiding the missile,
not adding a jet pack on top of it. If
I see her getting to a place where I'm like, man,
in five minutes from now, this room could explode, I'm
never gonna let it get to that. Five minutes from now,
I'm gonna say, what are all the tools that I
know that work for her, that I've learned over Like,
(21:55):
I'm not gonna exacerbate a situation. I'm going to try
to calm it down, because why do I want to
be in that position where we're both just like upset
about something. I don't want to just calment down and
tell her what she wants to hear. I'm not saying that.
I'm not saying like to your partner, be like, yes,
you're right, You're totally right, like everything you know. I
think you listen and you say like, Okay, let's not
(22:16):
let it get there, let's like just talk about this.
And I do think physical touch is always like a
very big way, like if you're in a conversation with
your partner, like it's like sometimes just like a hand
helps or just holding their hand while you're telling them,
or giving them a hug while you're telling them. And
if someone's upset, let them talk it out first. And
then after they talk it out, be like, Okay, well
(22:39):
here's what I think you know.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
And every guy can talk like this. Thanks Allie. I
listen to him all day long giving men relationship advice.
You know what's funny is that I was I was
talking with this man at the car show the other day.
I was with my husband Julio, and I was saying
something about the town we were in. I go, yeah,
I wish they had better restaurants, and he's like, oh, well,
you know, you can always go to this Mexican place
(23:02):
or whatever, and you can always do this, and you
can always do that. And then he was giving me
all this advice of bad places to eat that I
didn't really want to eat at. And then he caught
himself and he said, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't give
you empathy for what you were feeling. My wife tells
me I rushed to just problem solve for women instead
(23:23):
of just listening to them and saying that must be
a terrible feeling. And I was like, dude, guys are changing.
Guys are changing. Also, I want to say that men
may not have more income than their female mates, but
that's different from accomplishments. Right, little secret iron a little
bit more than my husband, but you know, he puts
(23:44):
out major movies and does all kinds of cool stuff,
and he's got his cool porsches and his fun life,
and I just I think he's a compant. He's smarter
than me. He's a great writer. So I'm like, I
really respect him. I do want to say this, ladies,
this doesn't mean you shouldn't have a prenup. Everbody shouted
a prenup no matter how much money you make or
don't make. Right. The biggest problem in all of this, though,
(24:07):
is that women are afraid. They're afraid to date somebody
who makes less than them because somehow they have this
whole Cinderella story in their head churning around. It's like
old patriarchy. And this is when we have this mate
in crunch, right, this is when women who say I
got educated and I made money, so I deserve a
man who makes more money than me. And that's why
(24:29):
you get all these men left out in the cold
angry at women because they're not being chosen.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Right.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Women do the choosing, by the way, ladies, you're not
I supposed to be sitting on a shelf like a
pretty little thing waiting to be chosen. You're the one
who's select, So select a great guy, right.
Speaker 5 (24:45):
All right.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
When we come back, I am heading to the phone.
I'm going to be taking your calls. The number is
one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
If you have a relationship question, let me weigh in
one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one
eight hundred five two zero one five three four. You
are listening to the Doctor Wendy Welsh Show.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Okay, first of all, there's a question somebody just put
on Instagram. She says, I've been friends with a man
for twenty five years and I got to four sixteen
years ago. So I assume he's married. Now you're not.
He's had marital problems for so many years and now
his wife is cheating on him. How long do I
support him? Well, there's a difference between support and friendship
and having boundaries and not. I guess you're really asking
(25:37):
is where's the boundary here? Are you saying he should
leave her and marry you? If so, that's not your
decision to make. That's his life, right, And you say support,
I don't know what that support means. I assume it's
not financial support. But I think you're getting tired of
him complaining about his bad marriage and not doing anything
(25:57):
about it, And in which case you can put a
boundary up to say, dude, when you bring that up,
I don't want to hear about it because you haven't
been taking my advice, so I don't want to hear
about it all right, if you would like to call
with a relationship question, the numbers one eight hundred five
to zero one kfi. Okay, producer, Kayla, Who do we have?
Speaker 3 (26:12):
We have?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Gilbert with a comment.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Gilbert with a comment, Hi, Gilbert with a comment. It's
doctor Wendy.
Speaker 7 (26:19):
Hello, doctor, thank you for taking my calls. Actually, the
first time I've ever listened to your show driving I
heard it. I'm interesting.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Oh, thank you. Well, you should be tuning in every Sunday,
and you know you can listen to the show anytime
on the iHeartRadio app because Cayleb puts them all up there.
So what's your comment?
Speaker 8 (26:36):
Love?
Speaker 7 (26:36):
Thank you? So I was listening to what you were saying,
and my opinion is the two examples that you use
were not the greatest because hey, they're both financially well off.
Yes they do. One does make more than the other.
I really get it, but I think those scenarios are
really more. That you're talking about is about people that
(26:59):
are making that kind of crazy.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Right, So Taylor and Kelsey and Benny and Selina are
like out of this stratosphere. They don't really relate to
our lives because the dudes are still wealthy, Like, let's
face it, right, if regular people have to discuss spending, right,
and spending decisions about whether the lights stay on and
which bill to pay, and these people can just buy
(27:23):
a vineyard and not have to consult with their spouse, right.
So I totally understand Gilbert, that's a very, very valid comment.
But I do like that these guys are very masculine
role models and they are at least championing their wives
success and supporting and cheerleading their wives. I do like
that part.
Speaker 8 (27:44):
Yes, thanks for colleague, go ahead.
Speaker 7 (27:49):
I was gonna say, if you listen to the way
this Benny guy talks, Hey, he's not really talking about her,
he's talking towards her, and he sounds like a girl.
So I just think more and more men are being deep,
are being feminized, and that's why you're having I'm not saying,
don't miscoote me that. I don't think. I don't believe
that men should cheat on their wives period, right, and
(28:12):
I think with their or women cheat on their husbands.
But I just think that this type of conversation is
feminizing men even more.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Well, Gilbert, thanks for calling that is a valid point,
but not one that I agree with. I think emotions, feelings, vulnerability, honesty,
don't have a gender. I think it's not feminizing men
for them to talk about emotions and feelings. I think
(28:42):
it's actually humanizing them, because men do have feelings. Many
men have been acculturated, taught by their parents to suck
it up, and the only emotion that we've seemed to
allow them to show is anger. And so the fact
that they can have a sense of what a woman
is experiencing, have feelings of empathy and compassion. I don't
(29:02):
think this is feminizing a man. I think it's humanizing
a man, and I like it a lot. But Gilbert,
thanks for your call. All right, Producer, Kayla, who do
we get next?
Speaker 2 (29:10):
We have Jim with a question.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Jim, Hi, Jim, It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5 (29:16):
Hello. Can you hear me?
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (29:17):
I can. What's your question? So?
Speaker 5 (29:20):
I'm turning thirty this coming January, and I haven't really
accomplished thank you. It's kind of a bittersweet thing because
I haven't really accomplished much with my life. I still
worked a very little painting job, I still live with
my parents, and I'm just starting to get my life together.
I'm starting to like as we take classes to give
(29:42):
my CDL, which is for truck driving, and just starting
to like move out and like or at least planning
on moving on eventually. And I'm just wondering, like, what
do you what kind of advice do you have for
somebody who is interested in dating somebody who is probably
who more than likely is because of their around the
same age as probably accomplished a lot more.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
So, Jim, I don't want you to think about your competition.
I want you to think about how far you've come
and where you're going. I love that you tell me
this in an optimistic way, not like, Ugh, I live
with my parents. I don't make much money. You said, Hey,
I still live with my parents, meaning it's not going
to be forever. You said, I have a job, I'm
training for this, I'm moving forward. This is what excites
(30:26):
women excite. They get excited by men with passion, goals,
and ambition of every single income level. That, in itself, Jim,
is more important than anything. Thanks for calling. I think
we have somebody else holding who do we have? Producer Kayla?
I see her on the phone actually talking to somebody,
Allie who we got we have Sonny, Honny, Hi, Sonny,
(30:48):
it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 8 (30:50):
Hi, Doctor Wendy. So I want to talk about grandparent alienation.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Oh I know.
Speaker 8 (31:00):
Yeah. My thirty six year old daughter and her eleven
year old son lived with me for ten years and
he supported me for the last three years after my
husband died, until she met a man, dated him for
three months, eloped without even telling the eleven year old. Oh,
(31:24):
and this man forbids her from having me in her life.
And part of it is his ideology. Ideology. Now Mike,
which is one year old, I would rather not say.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Okay, so it sounds like, okay, well, this is a question.
Speaker 8 (31:45):
I'm going to be super fast. The eleven year old
is dying, he's suffering, he's gone through suicidal things with therapists.
He wants me in his life because I'm not weekend grandma.
I've been every day grandma since first. But here's the
thing that I'm afraid of, doctor Wendy. I'm afraid that
if I go to court and file for grandparents' visitation
(32:09):
with my thirty six dollars thirty six year old dollar,
that I am putting the nail in a coffin forever
for her and I to have a relationship.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Okay, that's right now. So Sonny, I'm going to interrupt
you because it's a really complicated story. But the grandparent
alienation you are feeling, you're basically asking the question, do
I go do the formal channels and go to court
and apply for some form of custody. This is a
child who sees me as a secure attachment figure. I
was in his life every day for ten years, and
now I've been thrown out by a new son in law,
(32:42):
et cetera. I think you should start with going to
a good, licensed therapist to help you come clear inside
yourself about what your next steps are. I also think
you do need to document, and you do need to
reach out to your grandchild as often as possible. Again,
don't bash the stepdaddy, don't bash your daughter. Just let
this child know that they are still so deeply loved
(33:05):
by you. But start with a licensed therapist who can
help you get clear within yourself before you do anything. Sonny,
thank you so much. I'm so sorry you're going through
this all right, Producer, Kayla, do we have anyone else's show?
Speaker 2 (33:17):
We had to disconnect. He wanted to know.
Speaker 4 (33:20):
He said that his uncle gave him advice when he
was younger to if you're not interested in a girl,
get her to break up with you. Say you lost
your job, just stop being a slot, stop taking care
of her. He wants to know, have that solid of
the advice because it's always worked excellent for him.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Of course it works excellent. Guys are so afraid to
break up, you know, a guy so rarely break up.
First of all, I you know, I've never been broken
up on, but I've had lots of guys that wouldn't
commit to me or wouldn't marry me, but they never
actually said I don't want to ever see you again.
They kind of keep women as backup mates. And we
hate it because we're being slowly weaned, we're being slowly ghosted.
(33:56):
So that is very bad advice that your uncle gave you,
this advice that, oh, you know, just start misbehaving and
she'll break up with you, because that's what guys do,
and it only makes us more angry. Trust me, it
only makes us more angry. You know. The first step
to learning good relationship communication skills is even being able
(34:17):
to communicate a breakup that says, hey, I I this
has been great, but I'm not happy and I don't
want to be in this relationship anymore. And then follow
up the words with behavior because you know then the
guys are the back and forth and back and forth
and come in just to enjoy the sex and then
leave for a while. But I told you I was
breaking up. No, just be honest and truthful. We can
(34:38):
handle any truth, but what we can't handle are all
those mixed messages. Good question.
Speaker 7 (34:45):
All right.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
When we come back, I am going to head to
social media because I see the dms flying in with
relationship questions. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Wallace. You
can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty
from seven to nine pm month Sunday, and anytime on
demand on the iHeartRadio app
Dr. Wendy Walsh on Demand News
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Male Room with Dr. Jesse Mills
As Director of The Men’s Clinic at UCLA, Dr. Jesse Mills has spent his career helping men understand their bodies, their hormones, and their health. Now he’s bringing that expertise to The Male Room — a podcast where data-driven medicine meets common sense. Each episode separates fact from hype, science from snake oil, and gives men the tools to live longer, stronger, and happier lives. With candor, humor, and real-world experience from the exam room and the operating room, Dr. Mills breaks down the latest health headlines, dissects trends, and explains what actually works — and what doesn’t. Smart, straightforward, and entertaining, The Male Room is the show that helps men take charge of their health without the jargon.