October 6, 2025 • 35 mins
Dr. Wendy is getting into Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban divorce, Selena Gomez, and Benny Blanco marriage and answering your relationship questions with her drive by makeshift relationship advice. It's all on KFIAM-640!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app. This is the Doctor Wendy Wall Show.
If you're new to my show, I have a PhD
in clinical psychology. I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology
professor and I'm obsessed, obsessed with the science of love.
(00:22):
I've been reading research on this for decades. On the
show Today News on Nicole Kidman and Keith Urbans split
how when a woman has way more money than a man,
it might actually be healthier for their relationship. And if
you are a single heterosexual woman, you better listen up
because I'm going to reveal the five must have photographs
(00:45):
that you need to put in your dating app profile
to showcase that you really are a high value woman.
Produced Kayla you with me, Oh time value woman sitting Ollie,
welcome again to the show. Good to have you, Hi,
Thank you. I will not put on a fake British
accent because Kayla told me that she went to an
(01:05):
HR meeting and we're not allowed to do that.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
It's true, right, Ali. I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Thank you so much. I don't know, I would do
a bad one anyway. Do the English like Nicole Kidman
and Keith Urban as much as the Ausies? The English
I love Nicole Kidman, but don't care about Keithabin. Yeah,
because it's country music. Yeah, who knows about that?
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
So on Monday it was announced that the Oscar winning
actress aged fifty eight, one of those with the age
after each time, and the Grammy winning country star age
fifty seven, one year between them, announced that they are
splitting little background. The two of them met back in
two thousand and five here in town at a Good
Day LA event. It's an Ausy event, I guess, promoting Australia.
(01:50):
Then they became engaged just a year later. They were
married in June of two thousand and six in Sydney.
You know, Julu and I did our honeymoon in Sydney
in February. And I was on a treadmill the other
day at a hotel because I travel for work, and
they had like you know how they put the big
screen in front of you when you're on the treadmill.
I was walking, like walking up hill whatever, and they
(02:11):
had this whole tour of Sydney Harbor and the Opera
House and where we stayed, and it was like I
relived my whole honeymoon. It was so cute. Anyway, they
got married there so apparently very shortly after their marriage.
So they got married in June. About four or five
months later, in October, Keith Urban entered rehab for substance
use issues. Good for him, taking care of himself, getting
(02:34):
the care he needed. Then two years later they had
their first child, Sunday Rose. This want to add here
that this is the only pregnancy, successful pregnancy that Nicole had.
We don't know how many miscarriages. That's our private business.
But the next daughter that came along two years later
was grew by surrogacy.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
She also, I'm gonna talk about more about this, has
two older children and these were adopted during her marriage
to Tom Cruise. Remember those years. Okay, that was long
before her relationship with Keith Urban. So sometime early this summer,
rumors started that they started living apart and that Keith
had moved out of their Nashville home. You know, they
have so many homes, right, They get a home in
(03:19):
LA They had apartments in Sydney and London, whatever. But
this week their separation was confirmed publicly, and Nicole actually
filed for divorce the next day on Tuesday, citing irreconcilable differences.
Their marriage lasted nearly twenty years. They were in their
nineteenth or twentieth year. I want to say this because
(03:41):
I think it's really important. A twenty year marriage is
not a failed marriage. A twenty year marriage is a
successful marriage. Now, if I were going to be misjudger
out there, I might say, man, I could have waited
a couple more years till at least the youngest who's fourteen,
got a little bit more on her feet. But basically,
(04:02):
whenuntil death to us part was invented, death was pretty imminent.
You've heard me say that a thousand times. Our relationships
are coming to a close because our life expectancies keep extending.
So even the most monogamous of people might expect to
have two or three long stints of monogamy in their lifespan.
If you still subscribe to the myth that you're going
(04:23):
to get married in your twenties and you're going to
find your soulmate and you're going to stay together for
sixty years fifty years, you're crazy that is the vast
minority of humans on the planets, on the planets, all
the planets, apparently, not just this one. And so I
want you, if you are a person who has experienced divorce,
(04:46):
to get that word failure out of your head. Now.
I do want to give you a little warning that
second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages.
Third marriages haven't even a higher divorce rate because in
some ways, divorce doesn't teach you how to be a
better partner. Divorce doesn't teach you how to be a
better partner or to choose a better partner. Divorce teaches
(05:10):
you that you can survive divorce, that you can get
through it. So therefore people tend to throw in the
dew a little easier. So my caveat is this, if
you have experienced divorce, this is an opportunity for you
to go to therapy and figure out what your piece
in it all was. And in fact, if you only
blame your ex, then I can promise you there's a
big piece that's yours, just by the fact that you're
(05:31):
just blaming your ex. Okay, So what did I want
to say about Keith Urban moving out? Rumors are he
moved out sometime in the summer. She filed Nicolebot's in
property in Portugal sometime this year and she filed for
residency in Portugal. Now her kids are fourteen and seventeen,
(05:52):
so there's still school age, but high school. I was
trying to figure out, like where do they go to school,
because apparently they did go to school in La and
they also go to school on the road, some kind
of homeschoolly thing. So it's interesting is Nicole and she
applied for like the most custody. Apparently children are slated
to spend three hundred and six days per year with
Nicole and fifty nine days with Keith every year. Interesting,
(06:17):
so maybe she's taken him to Portugal to finish off
that business of motherhood. I don't know, but anyway, it
appears that they did the right thing for celebrities, which
is they negotiated all the terms around property division and
child custody long before anything became public. They did this
(06:37):
all privately, right, So I actually think if you're going
to be a celebrity and you're going to go through
a divorce, this is the a one way to do it. Kila,
Why do you look at me like divorce is a
bad thing.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
No, it's just like because the way you were, like,
if you're going to be a celebrity and you're going
to go through a divorce, this is how you got
to think about it. People who don't know if they're
going to be divorceity or celebrity.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
But you're not top next week if they win the lottery.
That's right. You know those those emails from Michelle Cube
here at KFI. Oh my girl, Okay listen. So she
is our lotto captain. Besides being like the executive, she's
a big week. She's agamug a big big tea whatever.
But not only is she a big cheese, but every
single week she goes out and buys lottery tickets on
(07:20):
behalf of like how many people we got into? Seventy
people here, A lot of people into Yeah, I think
we should cap that.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I think I'm not in it.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Why is it, babe? I know?
Speaker 4 (07:29):
I for I thought about the money, doctor Wendy. It's
about if I win the lottery, sharing it with the
jabbronis around these parts.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
I don't want to do I want to take the
money and go.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
I don't want to divide by seven.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
But if you guys know, yeah, by seventy, but all.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
These lotteries are like billions, so you would still get
like a million.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
I mean, if you guys all in, then I can
you know, run the place because we'll leave exactly.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
So. But anyway, what she does every week she goes
and buys these tickets, She takes pictures of them all,
she up loads it into this mass email. She keeps
some kind of spreadsheet about who's paid up and who
hasn't and who owes. Can you imagine the work? Can
you imagine the work?
Speaker 2 (08:09):
I can't. Michelle holds everything.
Speaker 5 (08:10):
Now.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Michelle's seriously a superhero around here.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
My point is we could all be a celebrity celebrity
in a minute, sure, Michelle, if Michelle keeps doing what
she's doing. But please, if there's any take home from this,
a twenty year relationship is never a failed relationship, Okay.
A relationship is only a failure if you didn't learn something,
if you didn't grow, if you didn't become a different
person on the other side, that's when you can call
(08:34):
it a failure. If you just go make the same
mistakes over again, Okay, then you're a failure when we
come back. I mentioned that Nicole has two other children
with Tom Cruise, and some people speculate that she has
experienced something very tragic, which is parental alienation. Let's talk
(08:55):
about this and break it down when we come back.
Maybe that's you. Have you experienced that.
Speaker 6 (09:00):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on Demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
You know, I have had a number of listeners write
to me on social media by you can always send
me little dms on Instagram, et cetera at Doctor Wendy
Walsh and I try to address things as I see needed,
and it is very common I have learned for some
of our listeners to have experienced something called parental alienation.
(09:31):
This is often just involving the kids emotionally in the
divorce and one party, the mother or the father, completely
bad mouthing the x to the children, telling the children
that if they see their father or their mother that
they will be betraying the other parent, manipulating these poor kids.
(09:54):
It can be so damaging to children, but particularly also
damaging to the adult who loves their kids and wants
to see them. So I mentioned earlier that Nicole Kidman
comes to mind. When people talk about her family, they
often forget that she has two older children from her
(10:16):
marriage to Tom Cruise. Remember way back when Isabella and
Connor these children are now adults in their early thirties.
I think they're like thirty one and thirty three or
thirty and thirty two or something. Now, these children were
adopted during the marriage of Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise.
They got married in nineteen ninety, so maybe one is
(10:39):
still in his late maybe the boy's still in his
late twenties. Anyway, Nicole has said publicly in the media
when she was a young woman that she's always wanted
a big family, and that those adoptions came after she
had had a miscarriage early in her marriage. So there
was a time, you might remember it when Tom Nicole
(11:00):
were like the perfect Hollywood couple. They were raising their
kids between Los Angeles and London. But then when the
marriage ended in two thousand and one, Isabella was around eight,
Connor was six. That's when remember Tom Cruise is very
big in the Church of Scientology, and that's when the
Church of Scientology's influence really happened. Tom remained inside the church,
(11:27):
Nicole very quietly left she wasn't vocal about it all. Now,
there were some very credible journalists who covered Scientology for
years and said they reported at the time that the
church had labeled Nicole a quote suppressive person, effectingly effectively
cutting her off from the church Tom and her children overnight.
(11:50):
The kid's primary home became their father's world, not hers. Now,
kudos to Nicole. She's never spoken publicly or with bitterness
about what went on. When people ask her in interviews,
the only thing she said is they're adults. They've made
their choices, and I love them unconditionally. Now, if you
(12:14):
do a deep dive on the internet, you will see
that there have been tiny glimmers of reconnection. Isabella has
actually liked a few of her mother's social media posts.
Can you believe? Now we have to look at who's
liking who's the social media so.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
We know it.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
And actually Connor occasionally attends public events in Los Angeles
with her. But they have both apparently stayed very loyal
to their father's church of Scientology. You know, you think
about it, and this explained so much about how years
later when he was married to Katie Holmes. Remember, her
dad was a lawyer and they drew up all this
(12:49):
stuff sort of on the side. I'm trying to remember
what all happened, But they fought so fiercely for her daughter, Surrey.
That was back in twenty twelve. Maybe Katie I had
seen firsthand what happened to a call and how easily
the church can dominate a custody battle, and so maybe
she just like, I'm getting out and I'm keeping my kids.
(13:09):
But let's talk about parental alienation in general.
Speaker 5 (13:13):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Basically, it means when one parent undermines, denigrades, or blocks
the child's relationship with the other parent, sometimes falsely portraying
that other parent as unfit or even dangerous. So what
can happen to the kids is, over time, they take
these messages inside themselves, right, and they start to reject
or even fear that other parent, and they have no proof,
(13:38):
They're just basing it on what the other parent said, right.
It can cause long lasting emotional distress, depression, and of
course confusion about loyalty. So there are a number of
experts out there talking about what people can do. I
pulled some of their data and research. If you're in
(13:58):
this situation, first of all, my heart goes out to you.
I am so so sorry this has happened to you.
Let me tell you what you can do. First of all,
document everything, everything everything. Keep a journal with dates, times,
what your child says, how they appear, angry, confused, whatever,
any Keep any text, keep any emails, keep any social media,
keep voicemails. Just document, create a file, okay, because there's
(14:22):
a long life ahead for your kids, and there's potential
for healing it anywhere on the lifespan. Also, try to
engage neutral witnesses. So if you're a parent that has
some form of shared custody, or you try to see
your kids at school when you're supposed to and they
don't let you, and whatever, there might be witnesses like teachers, coaches, therapists,
et cetera. So when people are evaluating custody in the courts,
(14:48):
they're looking for consistency amongst all kinds of witnesses, not
just your They don't just want to take your word
for it, right. You need to get other people involved.
Do the best you can to get your child into therapy,
right even if you need and it to be court appointed.
If you feel that your child is emotionally being hurt,
then go appeal to the judge. My child needs therapy.
This is terrible and what you've got to do, and
(15:10):
this comes from my heart deeply. Just continue to offer
loving support to your kids. Getting mad at your kids,
maybe they're teenagers or something is not going to work, okay,
Just let them know that you're there for them, you
love them. And even if you think they're not reading
the letters you write or the emails you send, someday
(15:32):
you'll have that whole packet to handle them. So keep
writing to them, right, don't attack them, avoid any kind
of public attacks. Don't let the child feel this torn
between loyalty makes it worse. Just say I love you,
I'm always here for you, I'll never leave you. Just
keep hammering that message home, and of course, seek legal modification.
(15:55):
Don't give up. These are your children. File motions with
the court, tododify existing parenting time, request a custody evaluator.
As courts to structure a plan. Right and at the
same time, you're going to look really good to a
judge if you work on yourself, because remember when x'es
(16:16):
say bad things about you, they're always working with a
tiny little grain of truth, right, and then they explode
it up in some big way. They inflate it. So
go to therapy, go to drug rehab, if you need
to take some parenting classes. Avoid these negative backlashes because
she's going to be keeping records too, so be careful.
(16:37):
Keep your fingers off your keyboard or he's going to
be I'm putting genders on. It doesn't matter one way
or another. Somebody's going to be collecting what you're writing
as well. You know, I think Nicole Kidman's story, in
my personal opinion, is a tragedy of parental alienation. You know,
she lost her children not through neglect or abandonment, but
(17:00):
through an ideology a religion. Really, I thought religion was
supposed to be about love and acceptance and community and
family and caring. But I gotta say, this woman has
some extraordinary emotional maturity. We have not seen any public
anger from Nicole Kidman, no retaliation, just this steadfast maternal love.
(17:26):
It's like she's been waiting in the wings all her life.
So I encourage her kids, if they're listening, to please
reach out to your mom. She loves you. I don't
think the story's finished, right, I mean, as I said,
there are reports that they've been liking her pictures on
social media. The sun has shown up at some red carpet.
Things might not seem like much, but what they're saying is, hey, Mom,
(17:49):
I see you. I'm reaching out and who are we
to judge from the outside, But if you are in
that situation, if you are experiencing parental alienation, please follow
my advice. It's heartbreaking. I couldn't imagine it, could not
imagine it. When we come back, let's talk about money
(18:11):
and love. The research has changed. It used to be
that when women make a whole lot more money than
their husbands, the husbands were more likely to cheat or
leave them or hate them. But there's a new man
coming out on the horizon, and I've got some good
news for you, ladies.
Speaker 6 (18:26):
You're listening to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
I would like to welcome my Instagram audience, who whoever's here.
Let me know where you're watching from. It's always fun
when you put a little comment up in the comment
stream and I can see that you're not only from
Los Angeles and southern California, but you're often from around
the country and around the world, which is a lot
of fun. After this segment, not now, after this segment,
I'm going to be opening the lines and taking your
(18:55):
calls if you have any relationship questions. The number is
pinned up there. If you're on Instagram, remember download the
iHeartRadio app and then you can hear both sides of
the conversation. All right, I want to talk a little
bit about money and love. You know, the research used
to be very clear that when a woman made more
money than her husband, apparently it threatened his masculinity and
(19:17):
he was more likely to cheat on her. But we
have some new role models out there in the news.
This week, music producer Benny Blanco and mega star singer
Selena Gomez surprised fans with a wedding announcement. You know,
Selena actually has made more money with Kerr cosmetics company
called Rare Beauty than I think the music industry, that's
(19:40):
my guess. But she's worth one point three billion dollars now.
Benny is a hit making producer. He's worth about fifty million.
But their relationship does kind of flip the old script
where a woman's wealth was seen as a liability. But
I think that some of these guys, I'm going to
(20:00):
include that other one, that Kelsey boy, you know, that
young man who's got that girlfriend, what's her name, Taylor something, yeah,
something like that. That they're another power couple and an
NFL edgend, Trav NFL legend, Travis Kelsey and of course
Taylor Swift. She's worth one point six billion dollars. Reportedly,
he's still worth about like eighty ninety millions, So they're
(20:21):
doing okay.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
You know.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
A twenty twenty three Pew Research study showed that when
women are the primary earners, that women are the primary
earners in forty five percent of Americans households. And this
separates out single mothers. This is just of married heterosexual families,
women forty five percent, that's almost half, earn more money
than their husbands. So I think men are moving beyond
(20:48):
this provider role, right. They're realizing that if they want
to get one of these fabulous, powerful women, that they've
got to find other ways to be indispensable. And one
of the ways is to support her and be her cheerleader.
In fact, Ollie, do we have the tape of what
Benny Blanco said on a podcast about Selena and he
was giving advice to young men about how to be
(21:09):
a better guy, a better boyfriend, a better husband.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
I think people's biggest problems, especially men, are that we
don't listen all the time. You got to listen. Just
shut them up and listen. Listen to what they're saying.
There a woman is going to tell you exactly what
she needs. Like when guys are like, I don't know
what you want, so I don't know what she told
you already, You're just an idiot. You're not listening when
you're away from your partner. You just try to think
the little things that's gonna make them feel more comfortable better.
(21:34):
When I see something happening, it's about guiding the missile,
not adding a jet pack on top of it. If
I see her getting to a place where I'm like, man,
in five minutes from now, this room could explode, I'm
never gonna let it get to that. Five minutes from now,
I'm gonna say, what are all the tools that I
know that work for her, that I've learned over Like,
(21:55):
I'm not gonna exacerbate a situation. I'm going to try
to calm it down, because why do I want to
be in that position where we're both just like upset
about something. I don't want to just calment down and
tell her what she wants to hear. I'm not saying that.
I'm not saying like to your partner, be like, yes,
you're right, You're totally right, like everything you know. I
think you listen and you say like, Okay, let's not
(22:16):
let it get there, let's like just talk about this.
And I do think physical touch is always like a
very big way, like if you're in a conversation with
your partner, like it's like sometimes just like a hand
helps or just holding their hand while you're telling them,
or giving them a hug while you're telling them. And
if someone's upset, let them talk it out first. And
then after they talk it out, be like, okay, well
(22:39):
here's what I think you know.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
And every guy I can talk like this things so
Ali I listen to him all day long giving men
relationship advice. You know what's funny is that I was
I was talking with this man at the car show
the other day. I was with my husband Julio, and
I was saying something about the town we were in.
I go, yeah, I wish they had better restaurants and
he's like, oh, well, you know, you can always go
(23:01):
to this Mexican place or whatever, and you can always
do this, and you can always do that. And then
he was giving me all this advice of bad places
to eat that I didn't really want to eat at.
And then he caught himself and he said, oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't give you empathy for what you were feeling.
My wife tells me I rushed to just problem solve
(23:22):
for women instead of just listening to them and saying
that must be a terrible feeling. And I was like, dude,
guys are changing. Guys are changing. Also, I want to
say that men may not have more income than their
female mates, but that's different from accomplishments. Right, little secret
iron a little bit more than my husband, but you know,
(23:44):
he puts out major movies and does all kinds of
cool stuff, and he's got his cool porsches and his
fun life, and I just I think he's a compt
he's smarter than me. He's a great writer. So I'm like,
I really respect him. I do want to say this, ladies,
this doesn't mean you shouldn't have a prenup. Everybody's shut
a prenup no matter how much money you make or
don't make. Right. The biggest problem in all of this, though,
(24:07):
is that women are afraid. They're afraid to date somebody
who makes less than them because somehow they have this
whole Cinderella story in their head churning around. It's like
old patriarchy. And this is when we have this made
in crunch, right, this is when women who say, I
got educated and I made money, so I deserve a
man who makes more money than me. And that's why
(24:29):
you get all these men left out in the cold
angry at women because they're not being chosen. Right. Women
do the choosing, By the way, Ladies, you're not supposed
to be sitting on a shelf like a pretty little
thing waiting to be chosen. You're the one who's selected,
So select a great guy, right, all right. When we
come back, I am heading to the phone. I'm going
to be taking your calls. The number is one eight
(24:51):
hundred five to zero one five three four. If you
have a relationship question, let me weigh in one eight
hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one eight hundred
five two zero one five three four. You are listening
to the doctor Wendy Wells Show.
Speaker 6 (25:06):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Okay, first of all, there's a question somebody just put
on Instagram. She says, I've been friends with a man
for twenty five years and I got to four sixteen
years ago. So I assume he's married. Now you're not.
He's had marital problems for so many years and now
his wife is cheating on him. How long do I
support him? Well, there's a difference between support and friendship
and having boundaries and not. I guess you're really asking
(25:37):
is where's the boundary here? Are you saying he should
leave her and marry you? If so, that's not your
decision to make. That's his life, right, And you say support,
I don't know what that support means. I assume it's
not financial support. But I think you're getting tired of
him complaining about his bad marriage and not doing anything
(25:57):
about it, And in which case you can put a
boundary up to say, dude, when you bring that up,
I don't want to hear about it because you haven'ten
taking my advice, so I don't want to hear about it,
all right, if you would like to call with a
relationship question. The numbers one eight hundred five to zero
one KFI. Okay, producer Kayla, who do we have? We have?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Gilbert with a comment, Gilbert.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
With a comment, Hi, Gilbert with a comment. It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 7 (26:19):
Hello, doctor, thank you for taking my calls. Actually, the
first time I've ever listened to your show driving, I
heard it interesting.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Oh, thank you. Well, you should be tuning in every Sunday,
and you know you can listen to the show anytime
on the iHeartRadio app because Cayleb puts them all up there.
So what's your comment?
Speaker 8 (26:36):
Love?
Speaker 5 (26:36):
Thank you?
Speaker 7 (26:38):
So I was listening to what you were saying, and
my opinion is the two examples that you use were
not the greatest because hey, they're both financially well off.
Speaker 6 (26:50):
Yes they do.
Speaker 7 (26:50):
One does make more than the other.
Speaker 5 (26:52):
I really get it, but I think those scenarios are
really more.
Speaker 7 (26:56):
That you're talking about is about people that are making
that kind of creepy right.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
So Taylor and Kelsey and Benny and Selina are like
out of this stratosphere. They don't really relate to our
lives because the dudes are still wealthy, like let's face it, right,
if regular people have to discuss spending, right, and spending
decisions about whether the lights stay on and which bill
to pay, and these people can just buy a vineyard
(27:23):
and not have to consult with their spouse, right, So
I totally understand Gilbert, that's a very, very valid comment.
But I do like that these guys are very masculine
role models and they are at least championing their wives'
success and supporting and cheerleading their wives. I do like
that part.
Speaker 7 (27:44):
Yes, thanks for colling go ahead. I was gonna say,
if you listen to the way this Benny guy talks, Hey,
he's not really talking about her, he's talking towards her,
and he sounds like a girl.
Speaker 5 (28:00):
So I just think more and more men are being deep,
are being feminized, and that's why you're having that. I'm
not saying, don't misquote me that I don't think. I
don't believe that men should cheat on their wives period, right,
and I think I think with their or women cheat
on their husbands. But I just think that this type
of conversation is feminizing men even more.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Well, Gilbert, thanks for calling that is a valid point,
but not one that I agree with I think emotions, feelings, vulnerability, honesty,
don't have a gender. I think it's not feminizing men
for them to talk about emotions and feelings. I think
(28:42):
it's actually humanizing them because men do have feelings. Many
men have been acculturated, taught by their parents to suck
it up, and the only emotion that we've seemed to
allow them to show is anger. And so the fact
that they can have a sense of what a woman
is experiencing, have feelings of empathy and compassion. I don't
(29:02):
think this is feminizing a man. I think it's humanizing
a man, and I like it a lot. But Gilbert,
thanks for your call. All right, Producer Kyla, who do
we get next?
Speaker 2 (29:10):
We have Jim with a question.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Jim, Hi, Jim, It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 9 (29:16):
Hello.
Speaker 8 (29:16):
Can you hear me?
Speaker 9 (29:17):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (29:17):
I can. What's your question? So?
Speaker 8 (29:20):
I'm turning thirty this coming January, and I haven't really
accomplished thank you. It's kind of a bittersweet thing because
I haven't really accomplished much with my life. I still
work a very little painting job, i still live with
my parents, and I'm just starting to get my life together.
I'm starting to like as we take classes to give
(29:42):
my CDL, which is for truck driving, and just starting
to like move out and like or at least planning
on moving on eventually. And I'm just wondering, like, what
do you what kind of advice do you have for
somebody who is interested in dating somebody who is probably
who more than likely is because of their around the
same age as probably accomplished a lot more.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
So, Jim, I don't want you to think about your competition.
I want you to think about how far you've come
and where you're going. I love that you tell me
this in an optimistic way, not like, Ugh, I live
with my parents. I don't make much money. You said, Hey,
I still live with my parents, meaning it's not going
to be forever. You said, I have a job, I'm
training for this, I'm moving forward. This is what excites
(30:26):
women excite. They get excited by men with passion, goals
and ambition of every single income level. That, in itself, Jim,
is more important than anything. Thanks for calling. I think
we have somebody else holding who do we have producer Kayla?
I see her on the phone actually talking to somebody, Allie,
who we got.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
We have Sonny.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
Honny, Hi, Sonny, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 9 (30:50):
Hi, Doctor Wendy. So I want to talk about grandparent alienation.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Oh I know.
Speaker 9 (31:00):
Yeah. My thirty six year old daughter and her eleven
year old son lived with me for ten years and
he supported me for the last three years after my
husband died until she met a man, dated him for
three months, eloped without even telling the eleven year old,
(31:24):
and this man forbids her from having me in her life.
And part of it is his ideology. Ideology now Mike,
which is one year old, I would rather not say okay,
so it sounds like, okay, well, this is a question.
(31:45):
I'm going to be super fast. The eleven year old
is dying, he's suffering, he's gone through suicidal things with therapists.
He wants me in his life because I'm not weekend grandma.
I've been every day grandma since first. But here's the
thing that I'm afraid of, doctor Wendy. I'm afraid that
if I go to court and file for grandparents' visitation
(32:09):
with my thirty six dollars thirty six year old daughter,
that I am putting the nail in a coffin forever
for her and I to have a relationship. Okay, that's
right now.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
So Sonny, I'm going to interrupt you because it's a
really complicated story. But the grandparent alienation you are feeling,
you're basically asking the question, do I go do the
formal channels and go to court and apply for some
form of custody. This is a child who sees me
as a secure attachment figure. I was in his life
every day for ten years, and now I've been thrown
out by a new son in law, et cetera. I
(32:44):
think you should start with going to a good licensed
therapist to help you come clear inside yourself about what
your next steps are. I also think you do need
to document, and you do need to reach out to
your grandchild as often as possible. Again, don't bash the stepdaddy,
don't bash your daughter. Just let this child know that
they are still so deeply loved by you. But start
(33:06):
with a licensed therapist who can help you get clear
within yourself before you do anything. Sonny, thank you so much.
I'm so sorry you're going through this all right, Producer, Kayla,
do we have anyone else's show?
Speaker 2 (33:17):
We had to disconnect. He wanted to know.
Speaker 4 (33:20):
He said that his uncle gave him advice when he
was younger to if you're not interested in a girl,
get her to break up with you, say you lost
your job, just stop being a slot, stop taking care
of her. He wants to know if that solid of
the advice, because it's always worked excellent for him.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Of course it works excellent. Guys are so afraid to
break up, you know, a guy so rarely break up.
First of all, I you know, I've never been broken
up on. But I've had lots of guys that wouldn't
commit to me or wouldn't marry me, but they never
actually said I don't want to ever see you again.
They kind of keep women as backup mates, and we
hate it because we're being slowly weaned, we're being slowly ghosted.
(33:56):
So that is very bad advice that your uncle gave you,
this advice that, oh, you know, just start misbehaving and
she'll break up with you, because that's what guys do,
and it only makes us more angry. Trust me, it
only makes us more angry. You know, the first step
to learning good relationship communication skills is even being able
(34:17):
to communicate a breakup that says, hey, I I this
has been great, but I'm not happy and I don't
want to be in this relationship anymore, and then follow
up the words with behavior because you know then the
guys are the back and forth and back and forth
and come in just to enjoy the sex and then
leave for a while. But I told you I was
breaking up. No, just be honest and truthful. We can
(34:38):
handle any truth, but what we can't handle are all
those mixed messages. Good question. All right. When we come back,
I am going to head to social media because I
see the dms flying in with relationship questions. You've been
listening to Doctor Wendy Wallace. You can always hear us
live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine
(34:59):
pm month Sunday, and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio
app
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app. This is the Doctor Wendy Wall Show.
If you're new to my show, I have a PhD
in clinical psychology. I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology
professor and I'm obsessed, obsessed with the science of love.
(00:22):
I've been reading research on this for decades. On the
show Today News on Nicole Kidman and Keith Urbans split
how when a woman has way more money than a man,
it might actually be healthier for their relationship. And if
you are a single heterosexual woman, you better listen up
because I'm going to reveal the five must have photographs
(00:45):
that you need to put in your dating app profile
to showcase that you really are a high value woman.
Produced Kayla you with me, Oh time value woman sitting Ollie,
welcome again to the show. Good to have you, Hi,
Thank you. I will not put on a fake British
accent because Kayla told me that she went to an
(01:05):
HR meeting and we're not allowed to do that.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
It's true, right, Ali. I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Thank you so much. I don't know, I would do
a bad one anyway. Do the English like Nicole Kidman
and Keith Urban as much as the Ausies? The English
I love Nicole Kidman, but don't care about Keithabin. Yeah,
because it's country music. Yeah, who knows about that?
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
So on Monday it was announced that the Oscar winning
actress aged fifty eight, one of those with the age
after each time, and the Grammy winning country star age
fifty seven, one year between them, announced that they are
splitting little background. The two of them met back in
two thousand and five here in town at a Good
Day LA event. It's an Ausy event, I guess, promoting Australia.
(01:50):
Then they became engaged just a year later. They were
married in June of two thousand and six in Sydney.
You know, Julu and I did our honeymoon in Sydney
in February. And I was on a treadmill the other
day at a hotel because I travel for work, and
they had like you know how they put the big
screen in front of you when you're on the treadmill.
I was walking, like walking up hill whatever, and they
(02:11):
had this whole tour of Sydney Harbor and the Opera
House and where we stayed, and it was like I
relived my whole honeymoon. It was so cute. Anyway, they
got married there so apparently very shortly after their marriage.
So they got married in June. About four or five
months later, in October, Keith Urban entered rehab for substance
use issues. Good for him, taking care of himself, getting
(02:34):
the care he needed. Then two years later they had
their first child, Sunday Rose. This want to add here
that this is the only pregnancy, successful pregnancy that Nicole had.
We don't know how many miscarriages. That's our private business.
But the next daughter that came along two years later
was grew by surrogacy.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
She also, I'm gonna talk about more about this, has
two older children and these were adopted during her marriage
to Tom Cruise. Remember those years. Okay, that was long
before her relationship with Keith Urban. So sometime early this summer,
rumors started that they started living apart and that Keith
had moved out of their Nashville home. You know, they
have so many homes, right, They get a home in
(03:19):
LA They had apartments in Sydney and London, whatever. But
this week their separation was confirmed publicly, and Nicole actually
filed for divorce the next day on Tuesday, citing irreconcilable differences.
Their marriage lasted nearly twenty years. They were in their
nineteenth or twentieth year. I want to say this because
(03:41):
I think it's really important. A twenty year marriage is
not a failed marriage. A twenty year marriage is a
successful marriage. Now, if I were going to be misjudger
out there, I might say, man, I could have waited
a couple more years till at least the youngest who's fourteen,
got a little bit more on her feet. But basically,
(04:02):
whenuntil death to us part was invented, death was pretty imminent.
You've heard me say that a thousand times. Our relationships
are coming to a close because our life expectancies keep extending.
So even the most monogamous of people might expect to
have two or three long stints of monogamy in their lifespan.
If you still subscribe to the myth that you're going
(04:23):
to get married in your twenties and you're going to
find your soulmate and you're going to stay together for
sixty years fifty years, you're crazy that is the vast
minority of humans on the planets, on the planets, all
the planets, apparently, not just this one. And so I
want you, if you are a person who has experienced divorce,
(04:46):
to get that word failure out of your head. Now.
I do want to give you a little warning that
second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages.
Third marriages haven't even a higher divorce rate because in
some ways, divorce doesn't teach you how to be a
better partner. Divorce doesn't teach you how to be a
better partner or to choose a better partner. Divorce teaches
(05:10):
you that you can survive divorce, that you can get
through it. So therefore people tend to throw in the
dew a little easier. So my caveat is this, if
you have experienced divorce, this is an opportunity for you
to go to therapy and figure out what your piece
in it all was. And in fact, if you only
blame your ex, then I can promise you there's a
big piece that's yours, just by the fact that you're
(05:31):
just blaming your ex. Okay, So what did I want
to say about Keith Urban moving out? Rumors are he
moved out sometime in the summer. She filed Nicolebot's in
property in Portugal sometime this year and she filed for
residency in Portugal. Now her kids are fourteen and seventeen,
(05:52):
so there's still school age, but high school. I was
trying to figure out, like where do they go to school,
because apparently they did go to school in La and
they also go to school on the road, some kind
of homeschoolly thing. So it's interesting is Nicole and she
applied for like the most custody. Apparently children are slated
to spend three hundred and six days per year with
Nicole and fifty nine days with Keith every year. Interesting,
(06:17):
so maybe she's taken him to Portugal to finish off
that business of motherhood. I don't know, but anyway, it
appears that they did the right thing for celebrities, which
is they negotiated all the terms around property division and
child custody long before anything became public. They did this
(06:37):
all privately, right, So I actually think if you're going
to be a celebrity and you're going to go through
a divorce, this is the a one way to do it. Kila,
Why do you look at me like divorce is a
bad thing.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
No, it's just like because the way you were, like,
if you're going to be a celebrity and you're going
to go through a divorce, this is how you got
to think about it. People who don't know if they're
going to be divorceity or celebrity.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
But you're not top next week if they win the lottery.
That's right. You know those those emails from Michelle Cube
here at KFI. Oh my girl, Okay listen. So she
is our lotto captain. Besides being like the executive, she's
a big week. She's agamug a big big tea whatever.
But not only is she a big cheese, but every
single week she goes out and buys lottery tickets on
(07:20):
behalf of like how many people we got into? Seventy
people here, A lot of people into Yeah, I think
we should cap that.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I think I'm not in it.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Why is it, babe? I know?
Speaker 4 (07:29):
I for I thought about the money, doctor Wendy. It's
about if I win the lottery, sharing it with the
jabbronis around these parts.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
I don't want to do I want to take the
money and go.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
I don't want to divide by seven.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
But if you guys know, yeah, by seventy, but all.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
These lotteries are like billions, so you would still get
like a million.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
I mean, if you guys all in, then I can
you know, run the place because we'll leave exactly.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
So. But anyway, what she does every week she goes
and buys these tickets, She takes pictures of them all,
she up loads it into this mass email. She keeps
some kind of spreadsheet about who's paid up and who
hasn't and who owes. Can you imagine the work? Can
you imagine the work?
Speaker 2 (08:09):
I can't. Michelle holds everything.
Speaker 5 (08:10):
Now.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Michelle's seriously a superhero around here.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
My point is we could all be a celebrity celebrity
in a minute, sure, Michelle, if Michelle keeps doing what
she's doing. But please, if there's any take home from this,
a twenty year relationship is never a failed relationship, Okay.
A relationship is only a failure if you didn't learn something,
if you didn't grow, if you didn't become a different
person on the other side, that's when you can call
(08:34):
it a failure. If you just go make the same
mistakes over again, Okay, then you're a failure when we
come back. I mentioned that Nicole has two other children
with Tom Cruise, and some people speculate that she has
experienced something very tragic, which is parental alienation. Let's talk
(08:55):
about this and break it down when we come back.
Maybe that's you. Have you experienced that.
Speaker 6 (09:00):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on Demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
You know, I have had a number of listeners write
to me on social media by you can always send
me little dms on Instagram, et cetera at Doctor Wendy
Walsh and I try to address things as I see needed,
and it is very common I have learned for some
of our listeners to have experienced something called parental alienation.
(09:31):
This is often just involving the kids emotionally in the
divorce and one party, the mother or the father, completely
bad mouthing the x to the children, telling the children
that if they see their father or their mother that
they will be betraying the other parent, manipulating these poor kids.
(09:54):
It can be so damaging to children, but particularly also
damaging to the adult who loves their kids and wants
to see them. So I mentioned earlier that Nicole Kidman
comes to mind. When people talk about her family, they
often forget that she has two older children from her
(10:16):
marriage to Tom Cruise. Remember way back when Isabella and
Connor these children are now adults in their early thirties.
I think they're like thirty one and thirty three or
thirty and thirty two or something. Now, these children were
adopted during the marriage of Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise.
They got married in nineteen ninety, so maybe one is
(10:39):
still in his late maybe the boy's still in his
late twenties. Anyway, Nicole has said publicly in the media
when she was a young woman that she's always wanted
a big family, and that those adoptions came after she
had had a miscarriage early in her marriage. So there
was a time, you might remember it when Tom Nicole
(11:00):
were like the perfect Hollywood couple. They were raising their
kids between Los Angeles and London. But then when the
marriage ended in two thousand and one, Isabella was around eight,
Connor was six. That's when remember Tom Cruise is very
big in the Church of Scientology, and that's when the
Church of Scientology's influence really happened. Tom remained inside the church,
(11:27):
Nicole very quietly left she wasn't vocal about it all. Now,
there were some very credible journalists who covered Scientology for
years and said they reported at the time that the
church had labeled Nicole a quote suppressive person, effectingly effectively
cutting her off from the church Tom and her children overnight.
(11:50):
The kid's primary home became their father's world, not hers. Now,
kudos to Nicole. She's never spoken publicly or with bitterness
about what went on. When people ask her in interviews,
the only thing she said is they're adults. They've made
their choices, and I love them unconditionally. Now, if you
(12:14):
do a deep dive on the internet, you will see
that there have been tiny glimmers of reconnection. Isabella has
actually liked a few of her mother's social media posts.
Can you believe? Now we have to look at who's
liking who's the social media so.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
We know it.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
And actually Connor occasionally attends public events in Los Angeles
with her. But they have both apparently stayed very loyal
to their father's church of Scientology. You know, you think
about it, and this explained so much about how years
later when he was married to Katie Holmes. Remember, her
dad was a lawyer and they drew up all this
(12:49):
stuff sort of on the side. I'm trying to remember
what all happened, But they fought so fiercely for her daughter, Surrey.
That was back in twenty twelve. Maybe Katie I had
seen firsthand what happened to a call and how easily
the church can dominate a custody battle, and so maybe
she just like, I'm getting out and I'm keeping my kids.
(13:09):
But let's talk about parental alienation in general.
Speaker 5 (13:13):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Basically, it means when one parent undermines, denigrades, or blocks
the child's relationship with the other parent, sometimes falsely portraying
that other parent as unfit or even dangerous. So what
can happen to the kids is, over time, they take
these messages inside themselves, right, and they start to reject
or even fear that other parent, and they have no proof,
(13:38):
They're just basing it on what the other parent said, right.
It can cause long lasting emotional distress, depression, and of
course confusion about loyalty. So there are a number of
experts out there talking about what people can do. I
pulled some of their data and research. If you're in
(13:58):
this situation, first of all, my heart goes out to you.
I am so so sorry this has happened to you.
Let me tell you what you can do. First of all,
document everything, everything everything. Keep a journal with dates, times,
what your child says, how they appear, angry, confused, whatever,
any Keep any text, keep any emails, keep any social media,
keep voicemails. Just document, create a file, okay, because there's
(14:22):
a long life ahead for your kids, and there's potential
for healing it anywhere on the lifespan. Also, try to
engage neutral witnesses. So if you're a parent that has
some form of shared custody, or you try to see
your kids at school when you're supposed to and they
don't let you, and whatever, there might be witnesses like teachers, coaches, therapists,
et cetera. So when people are evaluating custody in the courts,
(14:48):
they're looking for consistency amongst all kinds of witnesses, not
just your They don't just want to take your word
for it, right. You need to get other people involved.
Do the best you can to get your child into therapy,
right even if you need and it to be court appointed.
If you feel that your child is emotionally being hurt,
then go appeal to the judge. My child needs therapy.
This is terrible and what you've got to do, and
(15:10):
this comes from my heart deeply. Just continue to offer
loving support to your kids. Getting mad at your kids,
maybe they're teenagers or something is not going to work, okay,
Just let them know that you're there for them, you
love them. And even if you think they're not reading
the letters you write or the emails you send, someday
(15:32):
you'll have that whole packet to handle them. So keep
writing to them, right, don't attack them, avoid any kind
of public attacks. Don't let the child feel this torn
between loyalty makes it worse. Just say I love you,
I'm always here for you, I'll never leave you. Just
keep hammering that message home, and of course, seek legal modification.
(15:55):
Don't give up. These are your children. File motions with
the court, tododify existing parenting time, request a custody evaluator.
As courts to structure a plan. Right and at the
same time, you're going to look really good to a
judge if you work on yourself, because remember when x'es
(16:16):
say bad things about you, they're always working with a
tiny little grain of truth, right, and then they explode
it up in some big way. They inflate it. So
go to therapy, go to drug rehab, if you need
to take some parenting classes. Avoid these negative backlashes because
she's going to be keeping records too, so be careful.
(16:37):
Keep your fingers off your keyboard or he's going to
be I'm putting genders on. It doesn't matter one way
or another. Somebody's going to be collecting what you're writing
as well. You know, I think Nicole Kidman's story, in
my personal opinion, is a tragedy of parental alienation. You know,
she lost her children not through neglect or abandonment, but
(17:00):
through an ideology a religion. Really, I thought religion was
supposed to be about love and acceptance and community and
family and caring. But I gotta say, this woman has
some extraordinary emotional maturity. We have not seen any public
anger from Nicole Kidman, no retaliation, just this steadfast maternal love.
(17:26):
It's like she's been waiting in the wings all her life.
So I encourage her kids, if they're listening, to please
reach out to your mom. She loves you. I don't
think the story's finished, right, I mean, as I said,
there are reports that they've been liking her pictures on
social media. The sun has shown up at some red carpet.
Things might not seem like much, but what they're saying is, hey, Mom,
(17:49):
I see you. I'm reaching out and who are we
to judge from the outside, But if you are in
that situation, if you are experiencing parental alienation, please follow
my advice. It's heartbreaking. I couldn't imagine it, could not
imagine it. When we come back, let's talk about money
(18:11):
and love. The research has changed. It used to be
that when women make a whole lot more money than
their husbands, the husbands were more likely to cheat or
leave them or hate them. But there's a new man
coming out on the horizon, and I've got some good
news for you, ladies.
Speaker 6 (18:26):
You're listening to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
I would like to welcome my Instagram audience, who whoever's here.
Let me know where you're watching from. It's always fun
when you put a little comment up in the comment
stream and I can see that you're not only from
Los Angeles and southern California, but you're often from around
the country and around the world, which is a lot
of fun. After this segment, not now, after this segment,
I'm going to be opening the lines and taking your
(18:55):
calls if you have any relationship questions. The number is
pinned up there. If you're on Instagram, remember download the
iHeartRadio app and then you can hear both sides of
the conversation. All right, I want to talk a little
bit about money and love. You know, the research used
to be very clear that when a woman made more
money than her husband, apparently it threatened his masculinity and
(19:17):
he was more likely to cheat on her. But we
have some new role models out there in the news.
This week, music producer Benny Blanco and mega star singer
Selena Gomez surprised fans with a wedding announcement. You know,
Selena actually has made more money with Kerr cosmetics company
called Rare Beauty than I think the music industry, that's
(19:40):
my guess. But she's worth one point three billion dollars now.
Benny is a hit making producer. He's worth about fifty million.
But their relationship does kind of flip the old script
where a woman's wealth was seen as a liability. But
I think that some of these guys, I'm going to
(20:00):
include that other one, that Kelsey boy, you know, that
young man who's got that girlfriend, what's her name, Taylor something, yeah,
something like that. That they're another power couple and an
NFL edgend, Trav NFL legend, Travis Kelsey and of course
Taylor Swift. She's worth one point six billion dollars. Reportedly,
he's still worth about like eighty ninety millions, So they're
(20:21):
doing okay.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
You know.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
A twenty twenty three Pew Research study showed that when
women are the primary earners, that women are the primary
earners in forty five percent of Americans households. And this
separates out single mothers. This is just of married heterosexual families,
women forty five percent, that's almost half, earn more money
than their husbands. So I think men are moving beyond
(20:48):
this provider role, right. They're realizing that if they want
to get one of these fabulous, powerful women, that they've
got to find other ways to be indispensable. And one
of the ways is to support her and be her cheerleader.
In fact, Ollie, do we have the tape of what
Benny Blanco said on a podcast about Selena and he
was giving advice to young men about how to be
(21:09):
a better guy, a better boyfriend, a better husband.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
I think people's biggest problems, especially men, are that we
don't listen all the time. You got to listen. Just
shut them up and listen. Listen to what they're saying.
There a woman is going to tell you exactly what
she needs. Like when guys are like, I don't know
what you want, so I don't know what she told
you already, You're just an idiot. You're not listening when
you're away from your partner. You just try to think
the little things that's gonna make them feel more comfortable better.
(21:34):
When I see something happening, it's about guiding the missile,
not adding a jet pack on top of it. If
I see her getting to a place where I'm like, man,
in five minutes from now, this room could explode, I'm
never gonna let it get to that. Five minutes from now,
I'm gonna say, what are all the tools that I
know that work for her, that I've learned over Like,
(21:55):
I'm not gonna exacerbate a situation. I'm going to try
to calm it down, because why do I want to
be in that position where we're both just like upset
about something. I don't want to just calment down and
tell her what she wants to hear. I'm not saying that.
I'm not saying like to your partner, be like, yes,
you're right, You're totally right, like everything you know. I
think you listen and you say like, Okay, let's not
(22:16):
let it get there, let's like just talk about this.
And I do think physical touch is always like a
very big way, like if you're in a conversation with
your partner, like it's like sometimes just like a hand
helps or just holding their hand while you're telling them,
or giving them a hug while you're telling them. And
if someone's upset, let them talk it out first. And
then after they talk it out, be like, okay, well
(22:39):
here's what I think you know.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
And every guy I can talk like this things so
Ali I listen to him all day long giving men
relationship advice. You know what's funny is that I was
I was talking with this man at the car show
the other day. I was with my husband Julio, and
I was saying something about the town we were in.
I go, yeah, I wish they had better restaurants and
he's like, oh, well, you know, you can always go
(23:01):
to this Mexican place or whatever, and you can always
do this, and you can always do that. And then
he was giving me all this advice of bad places
to eat that I didn't really want to eat at.
And then he caught himself and he said, oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't give you empathy for what you were feeling.
My wife tells me I rushed to just problem solve
(23:22):
for women instead of just listening to them and saying
that must be a terrible feeling. And I was like, dude,
guys are changing. Guys are changing. Also, I want to
say that men may not have more income than their
female mates, but that's different from accomplishments. Right, little secret
iron a little bit more than my husband, but you know,
(23:44):
he puts out major movies and does all kinds of
cool stuff, and he's got his cool porsches and his
fun life, and I just I think he's a compt
he's smarter than me. He's a great writer. So I'm like,
I really respect him. I do want to say this, ladies,
this doesn't mean you shouldn't have a prenup. Everybody's shut
a prenup no matter how much money you make or
don't make. Right. The biggest problem in all of this, though,
(24:07):
is that women are afraid. They're afraid to date somebody
who makes less than them because somehow they have this
whole Cinderella story in their head churning around. It's like
old patriarchy. And this is when we have this made
in crunch, right, this is when women who say, I
got educated and I made money, so I deserve a
man who makes more money than me. And that's why
(24:29):
you get all these men left out in the cold
angry at women because they're not being chosen. Right. Women
do the choosing, By the way, Ladies, you're not supposed
to be sitting on a shelf like a pretty little
thing waiting to be chosen. You're the one who's selected,
So select a great guy, right, all right. When we
come back, I am heading to the phone. I'm going
to be taking your calls. The number is one eight
(24:51):
hundred five to zero one five three four. If you
have a relationship question, let me weigh in one eight
hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one eight hundred
five two zero one five three four. You are listening
to the doctor Wendy Wells Show.
Speaker 6 (25:06):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Okay, first of all, there's a question somebody just put
on Instagram. She says, I've been friends with a man
for twenty five years and I got to four sixteen
years ago. So I assume he's married. Now you're not.
He's had marital problems for so many years and now
his wife is cheating on him. How long do I
support him? Well, there's a difference between support and friendship
and having boundaries and not. I guess you're really asking
(25:37):
is where's the boundary here? Are you saying he should
leave her and marry you? If so, that's not your
decision to make. That's his life, right, And you say support,
I don't know what that support means. I assume it's
not financial support. But I think you're getting tired of
him complaining about his bad marriage and not doing anything
(25:57):
about it, And in which case you can put a
boundary up to say, dude, when you bring that up,
I don't want to hear about it because you haven'ten
taking my advice, so I don't want to hear about it,
all right, if you would like to call with a
relationship question. The numbers one eight hundred five to zero
one KFI. Okay, producer Kayla, who do we have? We have?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Gilbert with a comment, Gilbert.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
With a comment, Hi, Gilbert with a comment. It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 7 (26:19):
Hello, doctor, thank you for taking my calls. Actually, the
first time I've ever listened to your show driving, I
heard it interesting.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Oh, thank you. Well, you should be tuning in every Sunday,
and you know you can listen to the show anytime
on the iHeartRadio app because Cayleb puts them all up there.
So what's your comment?
Speaker 8 (26:36):
Love?
Speaker 5 (26:36):
Thank you?
Speaker 7 (26:38):
So I was listening to what you were saying, and
my opinion is the two examples that you use were
not the greatest because hey, they're both financially well off.
Speaker 6 (26:50):
Yes they do.
Speaker 7 (26:50):
One does make more than the other.
Speaker 5 (26:52):
I really get it, but I think those scenarios are
really more.
Speaker 7 (26:56):
That you're talking about is about people that are making
that kind of creepy right.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
So Taylor and Kelsey and Benny and Selina are like
out of this stratosphere. They don't really relate to our
lives because the dudes are still wealthy, like let's face it, right,
if regular people have to discuss spending, right, and spending
decisions about whether the lights stay on and which bill
to pay, and these people can just buy a vineyard
(27:23):
and not have to consult with their spouse, right, So
I totally understand Gilbert, that's a very, very valid comment.
But I do like that these guys are very masculine
role models and they are at least championing their wives'
success and supporting and cheerleading their wives. I do like
that part.
Speaker 7 (27:44):
Yes, thanks for colling go ahead. I was gonna say,
if you listen to the way this Benny guy talks, Hey,
he's not really talking about her, he's talking towards her,
and he sounds like a girl.
Speaker 5 (28:00):
So I just think more and more men are being deep,
are being feminized, and that's why you're having that. I'm
not saying, don't misquote me that I don't think. I
don't believe that men should cheat on their wives period, right,
and I think I think with their or women cheat
on their husbands. But I just think that this type
of conversation is feminizing men even more.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Well, Gilbert, thanks for calling that is a valid point,
but not one that I agree with I think emotions, feelings, vulnerability, honesty,
don't have a gender. I think it's not feminizing men
for them to talk about emotions and feelings. I think
(28:42):
it's actually humanizing them because men do have feelings. Many
men have been acculturated, taught by their parents to suck
it up, and the only emotion that we've seemed to
allow them to show is anger. And so the fact
that they can have a sense of what a woman
is experiencing, have feelings of empathy and compassion. I don't
(29:02):
think this is feminizing a man. I think it's humanizing
a man, and I like it a lot. But Gilbert,
thanks for your call. All right, Producer Kyla, who do
we get next?
Speaker 2 (29:10):
We have Jim with a question.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Jim, Hi, Jim, It's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 9 (29:16):
Hello.
Speaker 8 (29:16):
Can you hear me?
Speaker 9 (29:17):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (29:17):
I can. What's your question? So?
Speaker 8 (29:20):
I'm turning thirty this coming January, and I haven't really
accomplished thank you. It's kind of a bittersweet thing because
I haven't really accomplished much with my life. I still
work a very little painting job, i still live with
my parents, and I'm just starting to get my life together.
I'm starting to like as we take classes to give
(29:42):
my CDL, which is for truck driving, and just starting
to like move out and like or at least planning
on moving on eventually. And I'm just wondering, like, what
do you what kind of advice do you have for
somebody who is interested in dating somebody who is probably
who more than likely is because of their around the
same age as probably accomplished a lot more.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
So, Jim, I don't want you to think about your competition.
I want you to think about how far you've come
and where you're going. I love that you tell me
this in an optimistic way, not like, Ugh, I live
with my parents. I don't make much money. You said, Hey,
I still live with my parents, meaning it's not going
to be forever. You said, I have a job, I'm
training for this, I'm moving forward. This is what excites
(30:26):
women excite. They get excited by men with passion, goals
and ambition of every single income level. That, in itself, Jim,
is more important than anything. Thanks for calling. I think
we have somebody else holding who do we have producer Kayla?
I see her on the phone actually talking to somebody, Allie,
who we got.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
We have Sonny.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
Honny, Hi, Sonny, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 9 (30:50):
Hi, Doctor Wendy. So I want to talk about grandparent alienation.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Oh I know.
Speaker 9 (31:00):
Yeah. My thirty six year old daughter and her eleven
year old son lived with me for ten years and
he supported me for the last three years after my
husband died until she met a man, dated him for
three months, eloped without even telling the eleven year old,
(31:24):
and this man forbids her from having me in her life.
And part of it is his ideology. Ideology now Mike,
which is one year old, I would rather not say okay,
so it sounds like, okay, well, this is a question.
(31:45):
I'm going to be super fast. The eleven year old
is dying, he's suffering, he's gone through suicidal things with therapists.
He wants me in his life because I'm not weekend grandma.
I've been every day grandma since first. But here's the
thing that I'm afraid of, doctor Wendy. I'm afraid that
if I go to court and file for grandparents' visitation
(32:09):
with my thirty six dollars thirty six year old daughter,
that I am putting the nail in a coffin forever
for her and I to have a relationship. Okay, that's
right now.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
So Sonny, I'm going to interrupt you because it's a
really complicated story. But the grandparent alienation you are feeling,
you're basically asking the question, do I go do the
formal channels and go to court and apply for some
form of custody. This is a child who sees me
as a secure attachment figure. I was in his life
every day for ten years, and now I've been thrown
out by a new son in law, et cetera. I
(32:44):
think you should start with going to a good licensed
therapist to help you come clear inside yourself about what
your next steps are. I also think you do need
to document, and you do need to reach out to
your grandchild as often as possible. Again, don't bash the stepdaddy,
don't bash your daughter. Just let this child know that
they are still so deeply loved by you. But start
(33:06):
with a licensed therapist who can help you get clear
within yourself before you do anything. Sonny, thank you so much.
I'm so sorry you're going through this all right, Producer, Kayla,
do we have anyone else's show?
Speaker 2 (33:17):
We had to disconnect. He wanted to know.
Speaker 4 (33:20):
He said that his uncle gave him advice when he
was younger to if you're not interested in a girl,
get her to break up with you, say you lost
your job, just stop being a slot, stop taking care
of her. He wants to know if that solid of
the advice, because it's always worked excellent for him.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Of course it works excellent. Guys are so afraid to
break up, you know, a guy so rarely break up.
First of all, I you know, I've never been broken
up on. But I've had lots of guys that wouldn't
commit to me or wouldn't marry me, but they never
actually said I don't want to ever see you again.
They kind of keep women as backup mates, and we
hate it because we're being slowly weaned, we're being slowly ghosted.
(33:56):
So that is very bad advice that your uncle gave you,
this advice that, oh, you know, just start misbehaving and
she'll break up with you, because that's what guys do,
and it only makes us more angry. Trust me, it
only makes us more angry. You know, the first step
to learning good relationship communication skills is even being able
(34:17):
to communicate a breakup that says, hey, I I this
has been great, but I'm not happy and I don't
want to be in this relationship anymore, and then follow
up the words with behavior because you know then the
guys are the back and forth and back and forth
and come in just to enjoy the sex and then
leave for a while. But I told you I was
breaking up. No, just be honest and truthful. We can
(34:38):
handle any truth, but what we can't handle are all
those mixed messages. Good question. All right. When we come back,
I am going to head to social media because I
see the dms flying in with relationship questions. You've been
listening to Doctor Wendy Wallace. You can always hear us
live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine
(34:59):
pm month Sunday, and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio
app
Dr. Wendy Walsh on Demand News
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