October 27, 2025 • 31 mins
Dr. Wendy dives into Prince Andrew’s controversy and the conversation around age of consent, plus the secrets it’s actually okay to keep from your partner. Then, she’s back with her signature drive-by makeshift relationship advice and a dose of endy wisdom. It’s all on KFIAM-640!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf
I am six forty the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app. This is the Doctor Wendy
Walls Show. Happy Sunday. If you're new to my show,
I have a PhD in clinical psychology. I'm not a therapist.
I'm a psychology professor. Oh but I am obsessed with
(00:25):
the science of love and I am here to help
you have better, healthier, happier relationships. Coming up on today's show,
why the age of consent? You know, consent for? You
know what consents for keeps moving higher, but according to reports,
a little too late for Prince Andrew. Two secrets that
(00:45):
are absolutely okay to keep from your romantic partner. I
will explain. Also, if you've ever been ghosted by a friend,
I've got some news to help you heal. And it
is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I have a very special
guest joining me in the studio. Who can you imagine
as a young woman at age of thirty, got a
diagnosis of stage four breast cancer. Stage four, there's no
(01:10):
stage five, right, She's happy and healthy. Today She's going
to tell us how she did it, and what we
can do to motivate ourselves better. First up Prince Andrews
in the news again this poor man I think he wishes.
I say that carefully because there are victims of sexual
assault and many of them under age. That where our
(01:32):
heart should go first. But when I say poor man,
I just mean the media is not going away. Okay,
you're going to deal with it. This week, members of
Parliament in the UK are looking at the public account.
They're a specific group called the Public Account Select Committee.
They're pushing hard for a full investigation into Andrews's longwistanding
(01:57):
privileged accommodation at the Royal law. Now, a royal lodge
is a very large home on Windsor State. You have
to remember the Royal family is partially financed by tax
money from the citizens of the UK, so they have
some say. Right, we should also say that, you know,
(02:18):
King Charles and the Queen managed money very well and
all of their real estate holdings, and they're quite wealthy
in their own right. But last week or they are
now looking into whether he's leasing, renting, who's paying the
maintenance costs, whether he's misusing public funds. Basically, he did
formally announce that he will stop using the title Duke
(02:39):
of York and relinquish a number of royal honors so
as not to distract from the work of his majesty
in the royal family. Why all this now because the
book from one of his reported victims, Virginia Goufrey. The
book is called Nobody's Girl. I have read reviews of it.
It is a tough, tough read. This is a woman
(03:02):
who had such a hard life. But in her book
she alleges three sexual encounters with Prince Andrew when she
was only seventeen years old and details abuse and trafficking
under Jeffrey Epstein. Prince Andrew denies the allegations. I want
to talk a little bit about how the age of
sexual consent has changed over the centuries, over the decades.
(03:27):
If you talk to evolutionary psychologists, they would tell you
that in our evolutionary past, generally as soon as a
girl became fertile, she would be become sexually active. You know,
my choice, not whatever. But here's the thing. Way back when,
in our anthropological past, girls weren't getting their periods until
(03:49):
much later. They were like sixteen seventeen, when all this
was happening, all right, So why are we hitting puberty
so early? In fact, it's estimated that ten percent of
a American girls have something called precocious puberty, where they're
entering their first cycle, like under the age of ten. Okay, now,
(04:11):
clearly their minds are not developed enough, but these girls
also are more likely to become victim of sexual abuse
or sexual assault because visually they look more mature, but
their brain has not developed.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Right.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
So back in Victorian England, if we start there, we
go from our anthropological past where it was quite late,
it start to get very very low. And Victorian England
the age of consent was shockingly low, as low as
the age of ten or twelve years. Again, this was
not about romantic freedom here, this was about property law.
(04:50):
Women and girls were seen as dependents and property and
dads wanted to get rid of them. And back in
Victorian England, you had one or two choices. You either
got taken a man who was going to support you,
or you would enter the brothel. Oh three choices, or
the convent. So you had these three choices, right, So
it started to move up under progressive reformers like a
(05:12):
woman named Josephine Butler and the Social Purity movement, and
they fought to raise the age to sixteen or eighteen.
Now in law in the United States, laws shifted state
by state by state. I should tell you that at
the beginning. So I have like the nerdiest husband, and
the two of us watch a lot of historical documentaries,
and we just watched one by Ken Burns on Benjamin Franklin.
(05:35):
That was quite good. And now we're doing a history
of Canada. No, that's the formation of Canada. But anyway,
one of the things that we knew, what we learned
is that in order to populate the colonies, they were
shipping over young girls, often out of orphanages, and often
as young as thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, to be wives of
the colonists. Right. So it wasn't until the mid twentieth
(05:58):
century that we had this idea that adolescence was a thing.
It was you know, it's used to be thought the
kids were just little adults in little bodies, right. But
after World War Two, the teenager culture sort of rose
as a distinct stage, large part because of developmental theorists
like Eric Erickson. Students read up on that it's going
to be on the quiz, and then laws started to
(06:21):
be Okay, let's say sixteen or eighteen years right now,
I will say that in more recent years we have
things like the Me Too movement that reframed actually consent entirely,
because during that wave of feminism we talked about it
being a power imbalance, not just a chronological age. So
(06:45):
in other words, there could be a state where it
is legal for a seventeen year old to marry a
forty year old seventeen year old girl forty year old man.
We could look at that and say, yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's illegal, But the power gap keeps genuine consent really questionable.
(07:06):
We would say that in workplace too, if there's a
power dynamic, if it's a boss and an underling, well,
does she really have the freedom to say no? She
might lose her job? Right, So why these opinions keep evolving, Well,
we are learning more and more about neuroscience and the
development of the brain. The prefrontal cortex is not fully
(07:27):
developed until age twenty five or so. Actually, if you
use cannabis, it slows it down. Every year you use cannabis,
Wait two more years for your prefrontal cortex to be
fully developed, I will say that, so we are understanding
that it takes a while. Also, when we talk about
gender women gaining some more agency, right, moral responsibility, and
(07:50):
the media exposure of scandals from r Kelly to Ebstein,
we are now understanding that people are taking advantage. I
don't know if you read the article the New York
Times about the sex trafficking going on right here in
our city on Figaroa Street. Kids coming either runaways or
kids coming out of foster care immediately being sucked up
(08:12):
into this terrible business. So we need to crack down
on this. And also we now have more cultural empathy. Right,
there was a time where we called people child prostitutes.
Can you imagine now we need to protect them. We
say we need to rescue a girl who's been trafficked.
Everything's been flipped around in one way or another. You know,
(08:34):
I talk a lot about romantic relationships, and I always
talk about being one hundred percent honest, because that's who
I am. But they're actually two secrets that you have
my permission to keep from your partner. I'll tell you
what they are when we come back. You're listening to
the doctor Wendy Walls Show.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Am six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I'd like to
welcome my Instagram audience. Hey everybody, If you guys want
to see what it's like here in the what we
we're in a studio at iHeartRadio, just go on to
my Instagram at doctor Wendy Walsh at Dr Wendy Walsh. Also,
if you have relationship questions, you can always send them
in a DM because sometimes I just go there and
(09:21):
answer those questions. Since I take calls this week, though,
I really want to take calls. So after I talk
about what I'm about to talk about, which are two
things that I think it's absolutely okay to lie to
your partner about, there a lot of other things that
are not okay to lie about. Just throwing that out there, Kayla,
then we're going to take your calls after that. And
(09:41):
producer Kayla has put the number up in my Instagram.
If you're listening on KFI, here's the number. You know it,
it's probably you probably already have had a heart one
eight hundred five to zero one five three four that's
one eight hundred five two zero, one five three four
or one KFI. Now listen, don't call yet with your
relationship questions because I need to talk about something first.
(10:03):
But I'll let you know when we open the lines. Okay.
So we know that trust is the foundation for having
a secure attachment. There is plenty of research, some of
it out of the Kinsey Institute, that says that when
people lie on their dating app profiles, and we know
everybody realises a little bit, right, Men get a little taller,
men make a little more money. Women lie about their
(10:24):
weight and their age a little bit. It's a white lie, right,
But if it's a major lie, people get very upset
when they meet in the real world and see that
this is not what they expected. You know, I happen
to be an Airbnb host, and Airbnb tells you very clearly,
let them know what they're going to get. They'll choose
if they know that they're getting the truth. So if
(10:45):
you say the floors creak, say the floors Greek. If
you say the hot water goes out, sometimes say it right,
because there are people who want that rustic thing whatever.
So just always be honest. It's not like you're trying
to over sell them and have them show up and
then go, this is not like the pictures, so you
want to be as real. Same with dating profiles. Now,
(11:07):
when you get into a relationship and you start doing
a lot of these little white lies, psychologists might say
that these are micro fractions, little doubts, and they can
actually build up a lot of white lies add up
to one big lie that's like I don't trust this person. Right.
(11:29):
What lying does is it makes your partner have to
endure something called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance means holding two
separate feelings at the same time. So you might have
a friend that you really really like this friend and
you have stuff in common, but you don't like their
politics or you don't like their religion or whatever, but
(11:53):
you put up with it. You hold that double feeling
because you like your friend and you focus on what
you do have in common. But in romantic relationships it's
a little bit different. Right, if you start to think
on a regular basis, should I be in this, Is
this a good match for me? Then you could have problems.
So there is also researchers show this is a big
(12:14):
preamble before I can tell you the two things you're
allowed to lie about it. Studies show that couples who
practice radical honesty report higher long term satisfaction even after
very painful disclosures. Right. One of my favorite psychologists, her
name is Harriet Lerner. I think she's the one who
(12:36):
wrote Drama of the Gifted Child is really good book.
Her quote is, deception kills love faster than confrontation ever could. Right,
So we want to be honest in our relationships. Now,
having said that, I'm going to give you two things
that I feel it's okay to fib about, and I'll
explain why. Okay, Number one, specially with women, more so
(13:01):
with women than men. Past sexual experiences, right, your body, count,
your number, what you did with somebody. So there's this thing.
My husband, Julio used to say that he gets historical jealousy. Well,
psychologists actually call it something like retroactive jealousy. But it's
a real thing. You See, men have evolved in their
(13:21):
brains to want to quarantine a woman and something called monogamy. Yeah,
men have been in monogamy to keep all the other
guys away, right, and so in order to keep other
men away from your eggs, he has this fantasy that
he's the only one, and if you start telling him
about your past, he's going to start freaking out. Hey,
you can't change male sexual psychology in one generation. You
(13:45):
think you can by one conversation, good luck you better.
So that's the one thing you can lie about your
number and your past sexual experience. The other and this
is a big one, we all have crushes. Just because
you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're not going to
find other people attractive, right. You don't need to go
home and share that, Okay, You're just going to make
that person feel insecure. So that means keep it to yourself,
(14:08):
whether it's somebody you're looking at on Instagram or somebody
you work with. You know, evolutionary psychologists say that humans
always have backup mates. We have this idea in the
back of our head, like, well, you know it doesn't
work out with my partner, I can always go that direction.
Keep it to yourself because backup mates are actually good
for your mental health. People have lower rates of depression. Right.
(14:30):
So anyway, when we come back, if you have a
relationship question, I am going to be taking your calls.
In fact, I see producer Kyla dashing into the soundroom
right now so you can turn on those lines for you.
If you have a relationship question, let me weigh in.
I'm happy to do that. The number is one eight
hundred five two zero one five three four. That's one
(14:50):
eight hundred five two zero one KFI.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. This is the time of the
show where I am taking your calls and also answering
your social media questions. If you'd like to give us
a call, The number is one eight hundred five two
zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred five
two zero one five three four, better known as one KFI.
(15:23):
Uh okay, producer Kayla. Who do we have? First, we
have Brandon with a question. Brandon. Hi, Brandon, It's doctor Wendy. Hello.
Are you there? Uh? Oh, we have a bad connection
producing Oh there we are. Hi Brandon, how are you?
Speaker 3 (15:41):
I'm doing well? How are you good?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
What's your question? Hi?
Speaker 3 (15:45):
My question is sorry about that. My question is for you.
I'm a twenty three year old college grad student, and
I would like to be I want to take it seriously.
But the problem is it feels like there's no where
to meet girls either. If you go somewhere, someone's wall
older you or somebody as well younger than you. So
you know, where do you find girls? That's sort of
(16:06):
not in the dating ask could I try that? And
that hadn't gone too well.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Okay, So you're in graduate school, you're twenty three years old.
You're looking for a real girlfriend, like, you're not looking
for hook cups or a short term relationship. Is that
what I'm hearing correct? Okay? So you meet people through
shared activities, right? So I know you're really busy with
school and you've got your deadlines, but you do need
to join clubs on campus because that's where you meet
(16:32):
people who have the same common interest, whatever it may be.
There's also some research to show that young people are
heading back to church in droves. I think the world
is so chaotic to them and they don't know what
to believe is real or not, and many people are
finding faith. So if that's in your purview, then maybe
you want to go to church and meet someone there.
It used to be that we would meet people very
(16:53):
easily at gyms or doing something health related, but now
people have their headsets on and they're just working out
and their not talking to each other. University gyms may
be different, and particularly group exercise classes, because you will
find that there are more women than men in group
exercise classes on campus. So that's another one. But you've
(17:16):
really got to figure out what you're interested in on
campus and go to these clubs and join them and
become like not just a tendee, like a leader organizer,
plan stuff. That's where you're going to meet people. And
I understand that if you're just going out to a
bar and restaurant, you're right, you're going to meet these
twenty year olds that look twenty three, and you're gonna
make twenty eight year olds that look twenty three or whatever.
(17:38):
So think about campus related things, and especially if you're
looking for a kind, giving person, then get involved in
any kind of volunteer opportunity because that's where the compassionate, empathetic,
kind young women will be. Thank you for calling Brandon.
All right, I'm gonna move on to social media, and
I want to say that before I get to the
(17:58):
questions you guys put in my d I'm looking at
some of the instant comments that are coming in on
Instagram right now. If you'd like to join the conversation,
you just go to my Instagram at doctor Wendy Walsh
and one young man said, we just got married and
we're in the middle of the storming phase. How do
we fix this? So that's not necessarily typical, it's not
(18:23):
necessarily common. It sounds like the storming phase to you
is a lot of border skirmishes, trying to figure out
what you still have a right to in the household
in terms of your own autonomy, right, And so I
think if you can step back from an individual fight
(18:44):
and ask yourself, what are we really arguing about? Is
it that I don't have enough time to myself, she's
getting mad that I'm going out with my friends, or
is it that she doesn't like the way I've lined
up dis bachelor's in the drawer or whatever? Is it
about that? Or is it about a to me, because
a healthy relationship is like a two circled Venn diagram
(19:05):
right where you have to keep some independence one of
those circles and the other circle so you can bring
new stuff into the relationship new, exciting experiences and news.
But in the middle there's this common interest thing. I
want to remind you, if you are a newlywed, you
cannot change anybody else. It is not your job to
change anybody else. You're not supposed to change anybody else.
(19:28):
So these storms and these arguments are probably useless. I
think you should ask yourself, how can I change my
reaction to them. I told this story many, many times,
many many times. I'll tell it again because it's so important.
When I first moved in with my now husband, Julio,
he leaves drawers and cupboards open an inch or two
in a haphazard way. It drives me crazy. It's not
neat and not tidy. Why why? Why why? And I
(19:51):
mentioned to him a couple of times a nice way,
and nothing changed. And then I thought, wait, whose problem
is this? Is this his problem mine? It's mine. So
I turned it into a healthy workout. When I see
the drawers there, I do deep squats. I use a
knee and ankle and elbow, and I close the drawers.
And every time I close a drawer, I say I
love you, Julio. I love you, Julio. I say it
(20:12):
out loud because I'm reminding my own brain why I'm there.
So focus on what's right and what's good in your
relationship instead of saying, we're in a storming phase. How
do we get out of it? How about? What are
your needs? What are her needs? What can you accept?
How can you talk about this? Okay? One other question
that came up on my Instagram here live is how
(20:34):
do I support a friend who's in an unhappy relationship. Well,
I'm sensing by the question that you are asking me,
do I have to keep listening to this nonsense because
she's not changing or he's not changing. They just keep
saying it over and over and I don't know what
to do. So let me say, first of all, if
they are in any kind of safety issue, a domestic
(20:54):
violence relationship, your job is not to abandon them and say, well,
if you don't leave, we won't be friends. You know.
It's not like a drug intervention. It's you saying I'm
here to support you when you're ready to leave, and
you wait until you get that call and you never
say I told you so. I just want to say
that all the research supports that. On the other hand,
if they just don't like their spouse or their boyfriend
or the girlfriend, and they're using you as a trauma
(21:15):
dumping board. They're just calling you to whine and complain
and nothing's ever changing. Then you need to talk about
your feelings, which are Hey, I listen to you all
the time and I'm happy to give you empathy, but
it doesn't seem like you're working to make any big changes.
So I'm left feeling helpless because I don't know how
I can help you. You just set your feelings out there.
(21:37):
You also might ask how can I help you? What
would you like me to do now? I say no, no,
I just want you to listen and say, well, I
can only be on the phone for a few minutes.
You can set boundaries, all right. So that's how you
support a friend who's in an happy relationship. You make
sure that you're protected and you're healthy as well. Okay,
(21:59):
do we have time for one? I'm more allie. I
have some DMS here too. We're elseat we have to go. Okay,
I'm going to go back to social media when we
come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
So people send me questions all kinds of ways. Sometimes
when I'm live on Instagram, I will see them pop
them in the comments. Sometimes I get them in my DMS.
Sometimes they send me emails through my website or through
my iHeartRadio. I don't know how you guys find all
these ways to reach me, but you do. So here's
an email I got recently. Dear doctor Wendy, I enjoy
(22:38):
listening to you on my local TV. Oh that's probably
my local now segments all right in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
I recently ended my relationship because my gut was telling
me something. I checked his phone text messages and discovered
what I was afraid of. He had been texting with
a beautiful, smart and successful woman on LinkedIn, sort of
(22:58):
using it as a dating platform for himself. I'm glad
to let him go, but I can't get him out
of my head. And I wonder why I wasn't good
enough for him? What was it about me that didn't
satisfy him? He said so many beautiful words to me,
such as I was a love of his life, he
had future plans, et cetera. As the days pass I
(23:22):
can't help but wonder what I don't have that he
wanted or needed. Oh baby, I don't want to hug you.
Uh uh, she continues. Am I not smart enough, sexy enough,
pretty enough, interesting enough, skin nut tight enough, or I'm
just too nice? I don't know? How will I avoid
this happening again? Well, this is an excellent question because
(23:44):
this is right up my alley. First of all, there's
nothing wrong with you. This is him. He was cheating
on you. It's called emotional cheating. Now, we all kind
of have backup mates in the back of our minds,
but we don't act on them, and we certainly don't
share them with our partner. But this wasn't he was
full on flirting. You caught him or whatever. So there's
nothing wrong with you. It was about him being a
(24:05):
liar to you and also being not at his state
of readiness. If he's ever going to be at his
state of readiness, how can you avoid it happening again?
You go sit on a desert island by yourself and
never date a man. Okay, you have to have alligator
skin to get back on that horse back in the pool.
You got to do more than dippetoe. But now you've learned.
(24:28):
Now you've learned, and your intenne will be up. Although
you know, my therapist would say that when two people meet,
they do kind of an unconscious handshake. Hey, you treat
me this way, Yeah, I'll treat you that way. Cool,
And then they say what movies do you like? What
kind of music are you into? But really they're feeling
each other out to find out if they can work
(24:48):
out their early childhood conflict. So I would suggest having
your therapist as a wingman or wingwoman, meaning going to
therapy to say why am I attracted to cheaters? Because
maybe there were some little signs early on that you
missed and now you want to have another set of
eyes on it when you start dating again. Okay, now
(25:09):
this is not blaming the victim, This is not blaming
you by any means, because this is unconscious and out
of our awareness. But an educated, licensed therapist will be
more aware and that could help you as well. But
don't turn off love completely. I'm sorry this happened, and
yes it hurts, but there's nothing wrong with you. You
are perfect, you are sexy, you are beautiful, you are
(25:30):
all those things. It's okay, to be moral and nice
and everything else, and the right guy is going to
appreciate that in you. All right, dear doctor Wendy. I
got into a huge fight with my in laws and
my husband took his mom's side. As the wife, I
feel it is my husband and I against the world.
(25:52):
He doesn't agree. How can we get on the same page?
Speaker 3 (25:56):
All right?
Speaker 1 (25:57):
I do not know the details of this actual fight,
but I want to remind you. I think it was
a few weeks ago. We had a therapist on the
show who wrote a book about mother in law's monster
in laws, so we speak. It is most no, it's
more often the mother of the husband who's problematic because
(26:17):
in her mind, this is her little boy and no
woman will ever be good enough for him. And if
she is a single mother, and if he is an
only child, well good luck with that, okay, Because these
women unconsciously create an enmeshed relationship. So, in other words,
in his mind, he is so attached to her that
(26:39):
he can't have boundaries because on some deep level he's
afraid she'll abandon him. Now, if she does abandon him,
he's a grown man. He's going to be fine. And
if she does it's a threat, and it's going to
last a couple of weeks and she'll come back around
because she wants to see the grand kids whatever. But
he doesn't know that. He thinks like a five year
old boy that thinks mommy's going to leave me. Right,
So couples therapy is going to help, because it's going
(27:03):
to help the two of you talk about this. But secondly,
you have to have a good relationship with her. It
can't be you against the two of them in this triangle.
In order for you to get back into relationship with
your husband, you're gonna have to slightly win her over
a little bit. It's just a strategy, Okay, just a strategy.
(27:25):
But I would definitely definitely getting couples therapy together so
that the two because nobody's right or wrong here. These
are both unconscious processes, right, and it can be painful,
really painful, all right, Dear doctor Wendy. I've been dating
my boyfriend for about a year, and last night I
went through his social media. Oh here we go, you
(27:47):
know what she found? And I looked at his for
you page and his likes, and they were full of
girls in workout clothes with huge boobs, butts, very pretty women.
And it made me feel insecure and a bit embarrassed
because my partner is basically letting other women know that
he finds them attractive. And it wasn't just huge influencers,
(28:10):
it was even small creators. Okay, all right, I want
everyone to just am I overreacting as a question. Yes,
all right, men are visually wired. Just because a man
looks doesn't mean he's gonna you know, he looks at
it on the menu doesn't mean he's going to order it. Right.
If you had found a whole bunch of dms and
they were sexy and flirty, that's a whole other thing. Example,
(28:32):
when my social media gal took over my Instagram, at
one point, my for you page was filled with cute
little brown babies, real live ones, gorgeous babies, because I
have two biracial children and I was posting pictures of
them a lot. So the algorithm thought, oh, you like
(28:54):
small black children to look at those pretty pictures, And
actually I do. I love babies, I really really love babies,
and my for you page is still got a lot
of babies in it. It's all racist now because I
just keep clicking on babies. It's my visual entertainment. Okay,
this is his visual entertainment. Now I happen to have
a husband whose for you page is just filled with
(29:16):
cars because he can look at cars and baseball. That's
all he looks at. Right, So I'm lucky I don't
have to deal with this challenge. But you know, it's
like women who have such a hard time that their
guy goes to strip club. They're a dude, they're visual.
It doesn't mean they're having an affair, doesn't mean they're
leaving you. I mean, for them, it's no different than
you going to get a pedicure. Like you have to
(29:39):
understand male sexual psychology. If you have a secure relationship,
you could talk about it together. I remember one time
there's this famous I don't know if he's still alive,
Helmut Newton. Remember Helmut Newton from the eighties and nineties.
He was a very avant garde fashion photographer and took
a lot of topless pictures of models and whatever. And
I was reading an article of about him and his
(30:00):
wife in Vanity Fair years ago, and they said that
the wife would point they'd be at the beach and
can and she would point out girls with great boobs, like, oh,
look at those boobs, honey, don't miss those. And I'm like,
what a good wife, right, don't she understood? It's visual.
It's visual again, whole different thing. If you looked at
(30:21):
a bunch of dms and he's hand in his phone
number and he's meeting people. But look, it's just looking.
It's window shopping, not even shopping, it's window looking like
being in a museum. All right, I think we have
time for one more real quick. I just read this
one DM, and I'm like, oh my god, let me
just try quickly. Dear doctor Wendy, I had sex on
(30:42):
a first day. Did I already lose?
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Yes, I mean it depends. If you want to have
a really fun rob and a great short term relationship,
you have are even in the right place. But if
you're hoping to turn this around and turn it into
a long term monogamous relationship and convince him that I
don't do this with all the boys, it's an uphill battle.
It is an uphill battle. Here we gotta go. You're
listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from kfi
AM six forty
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf
I am six forty the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app. This is the Doctor Wendy
Walls Show. Happy Sunday. If you're new to my show,
I have a PhD in clinical psychology. I'm not a therapist.
I'm a psychology professor. Oh but I am obsessed with
(00:25):
the science of love and I am here to help
you have better, healthier, happier relationships. Coming up on today's show,
why the age of consent? You know, consent for? You
know what consents for keeps moving higher, but according to reports,
a little too late for Prince Andrew. Two secrets that
(00:45):
are absolutely okay to keep from your romantic partner. I
will explain. Also, if you've ever been ghosted by a friend,
I've got some news to help you heal. And it
is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I have a very special
guest joining me in the studio. Who can you imagine
as a young woman at age of thirty, got a
diagnosis of stage four breast cancer. Stage four, there's no
(01:10):
stage five, right, She's happy and healthy. Today She's going
to tell us how she did it, and what we
can do to motivate ourselves better. First up Prince Andrews
in the news again this poor man I think he wishes.
I say that carefully because there are victims of sexual
assault and many of them under age. That where our
(01:32):
heart should go first. But when I say poor man,
I just mean the media is not going away. Okay,
you're going to deal with it. This week, members of
Parliament in the UK are looking at the public account.
They're a specific group called the Public Account Select Committee.
They're pushing hard for a full investigation into Andrews's longwistanding
(01:57):
privileged accommodation at the Royal law. Now, a royal lodge
is a very large home on Windsor State. You have
to remember the Royal family is partially financed by tax
money from the citizens of the UK, so they have
some say. Right, we should also say that, you know,
(02:18):
King Charles and the Queen managed money very well and
all of their real estate holdings, and they're quite wealthy
in their own right. But last week or they are
now looking into whether he's leasing, renting, who's paying the
maintenance costs, whether he's misusing public funds. Basically, he did
formally announce that he will stop using the title Duke
(02:39):
of York and relinquish a number of royal honors so
as not to distract from the work of his majesty
in the royal family. Why all this now because the
book from one of his reported victims, Virginia Goufrey. The
book is called Nobody's Girl. I have read reviews of it.
It is a tough, tough read. This is a woman
(03:02):
who had such a hard life. But in her book
she alleges three sexual encounters with Prince Andrew when she
was only seventeen years old and details abuse and trafficking
under Jeffrey Epstein. Prince Andrew denies the allegations. I want
to talk a little bit about how the age of
sexual consent has changed over the centuries, over the decades.
(03:27):
If you talk to evolutionary psychologists, they would tell you
that in our evolutionary past, generally as soon as a
girl became fertile, she would be become sexually active. You know,
my choice, not whatever. But here's the thing. Way back when,
in our anthropological past, girls weren't getting their periods until
(03:49):
much later. They were like sixteen seventeen, when all this
was happening, all right, So why are we hitting puberty
so early? In fact, it's estimated that ten percent of
a American girls have something called precocious puberty, where they're
entering their first cycle, like under the age of ten. Okay, now,
(04:11):
clearly their minds are not developed enough, but these girls
also are more likely to become victim of sexual abuse
or sexual assault because visually they look more mature, but
their brain has not developed.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Right.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
So back in Victorian England, if we start there, we
go from our anthropological past where it was quite late,
it start to get very very low. And Victorian England
the age of consent was shockingly low, as low as
the age of ten or twelve years. Again, this was
not about romantic freedom here, this was about property law.
(04:50):
Women and girls were seen as dependents and property and
dads wanted to get rid of them. And back in
Victorian England, you had one or two choices. You either
got taken a man who was going to support you,
or you would enter the brothel. Oh three choices, or
the convent. So you had these three choices, right, So
it started to move up under progressive reformers like a
(05:12):
woman named Josephine Butler and the Social Purity movement, and
they fought to raise the age to sixteen or eighteen.
Now in law in the United States, laws shifted state
by state by state. I should tell you that at
the beginning. So I have like the nerdiest husband, and
the two of us watch a lot of historical documentaries,
and we just watched one by Ken Burns on Benjamin Franklin.
(05:35):
That was quite good. And now we're doing a history
of Canada. No, that's the formation of Canada. But anyway,
one of the things that we knew, what we learned
is that in order to populate the colonies, they were
shipping over young girls, often out of orphanages, and often
as young as thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, to be wives of
the colonists. Right. So it wasn't until the mid twentieth
(05:58):
century that we had this idea that adolescence was a thing.
It was you know, it's used to be thought the
kids were just little adults in little bodies, right. But
after World War Two, the teenager culture sort of rose
as a distinct stage, large part because of developmental theorists
like Eric Erickson. Students read up on that it's going
to be on the quiz, and then laws started to
(06:21):
be Okay, let's say sixteen or eighteen years right now,
I will say that in more recent years we have
things like the Me Too movement that reframed actually consent entirely,
because during that wave of feminism we talked about it
being a power imbalance, not just a chronological age. So
(06:45):
in other words, there could be a state where it
is legal for a seventeen year old to marry a
forty year old seventeen year old girl forty year old man.
We could look at that and say, yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's illegal, But the power gap keeps genuine consent really questionable.
(07:06):
We would say that in workplace too, if there's a
power dynamic, if it's a boss and an underling, well,
does she really have the freedom to say no? She
might lose her job? Right, So why these opinions keep evolving, Well,
we are learning more and more about neuroscience and the
development of the brain. The prefrontal cortex is not fully
(07:27):
developed until age twenty five or so. Actually, if you
use cannabis, it slows it down. Every year you use cannabis,
Wait two more years for your prefrontal cortex to be
fully developed, I will say that, so we are understanding
that it takes a while. Also, when we talk about
gender women gaining some more agency, right, moral responsibility, and
(07:50):
the media exposure of scandals from r Kelly to Ebstein,
we are now understanding that people are taking advantage. I
don't know if you read the article the New York
Times about the sex trafficking going on right here in
our city on Figaroa Street. Kids coming either runaways or
kids coming out of foster care immediately being sucked up
(08:12):
into this terrible business. So we need to crack down
on this. And also we now have more cultural empathy. Right,
there was a time where we called people child prostitutes.
Can you imagine now we need to protect them. We
say we need to rescue a girl who's been trafficked.
Everything's been flipped around in one way or another. You know,
(08:34):
I talk a lot about romantic relationships, and I always
talk about being one hundred percent honest, because that's who
I am. But they're actually two secrets that you have
my permission to keep from your partner. I'll tell you
what they are when we come back. You're listening to
the doctor Wendy Walls Show.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Am six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I'd like to
welcome my Instagram audience. Hey everybody, If you guys want
to see what it's like here in the what we
we're in a studio at iHeartRadio, just go on to
my Instagram at doctor Wendy Walsh at Dr Wendy Walsh. Also,
if you have relationship questions, you can always send them
in a DM because sometimes I just go there and
(09:21):
answer those questions. Since I take calls this week, though,
I really want to take calls. So after I talk
about what I'm about to talk about, which are two
things that I think it's absolutely okay to lie to
your partner about, there a lot of other things that
are not okay to lie about. Just throwing that out there, Kayla,
then we're going to take your calls after that. And
(09:41):
producer Kayla has put the number up in my Instagram.
If you're listening on KFI, here's the number. You know it,
it's probably you probably already have had a heart one
eight hundred five to zero one five three four that's
one eight hundred five two zero, one five three four
or one KFI. Now listen, don't call yet with your
relationship questions because I need to talk about something first.
(10:03):
But I'll let you know when we open the lines. Okay.
So we know that trust is the foundation for having
a secure attachment. There is plenty of research, some of
it out of the Kinsey Institute, that says that when
people lie on their dating app profiles, and we know
everybody realises a little bit, right, Men get a little taller,
men make a little more money. Women lie about their
(10:24):
weight and their age a little bit. It's a white lie, right,
But if it's a major lie, people get very upset
when they meet in the real world and see that
this is not what they expected. You know, I happen
to be an Airbnb host, and Airbnb tells you very clearly,
let them know what they're going to get. They'll choose
if they know that they're getting the truth. So if
(10:45):
you say the floors creak, say the floors Greek. If
you say the hot water goes out, sometimes say it right,
because there are people who want that rustic thing whatever.
So just always be honest. It's not like you're trying
to over sell them and have them show up and
then go, this is not like the pictures, so you
want to be as real. Same with dating profiles. Now,
(11:07):
when you get into a relationship and you start doing
a lot of these little white lies, psychologists might say
that these are micro fractions, little doubts, and they can
actually build up a lot of white lies add up
to one big lie that's like I don't trust this person. Right.
(11:29):
What lying does is it makes your partner have to
endure something called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance means holding two
separate feelings at the same time. So you might have
a friend that you really really like this friend and
you have stuff in common, but you don't like their
politics or you don't like their religion or whatever, but
(11:53):
you put up with it. You hold that double feeling
because you like your friend and you focus on what
you do have in common. But in romantic relationships it's
a little bit different. Right, if you start to think
on a regular basis, should I be in this, Is
this a good match for me? Then you could have problems.
So there is also researchers show this is a big
(12:14):
preamble before I can tell you the two things you're
allowed to lie about it. Studies show that couples who
practice radical honesty report higher long term satisfaction even after
very painful disclosures. Right. One of my favorite psychologists, her
name is Harriet Lerner. I think she's the one who
(12:36):
wrote Drama of the Gifted Child is really good book.
Her quote is, deception kills love faster than confrontation ever could. Right,
So we want to be honest in our relationships. Now,
having said that, I'm going to give you two things
that I feel it's okay to fib about, and I'll
explain why. Okay, Number one, specially with women, more so
(13:01):
with women than men. Past sexual experiences, right, your body, count,
your number, what you did with somebody. So there's this thing.
My husband, Julio used to say that he gets historical jealousy. Well,
psychologists actually call it something like retroactive jealousy. But it's
a real thing. You See, men have evolved in their
(13:21):
brains to want to quarantine a woman and something called monogamy. Yeah,
men have been in monogamy to keep all the other
guys away, right, and so in order to keep other
men away from your eggs, he has this fantasy that
he's the only one, and if you start telling him
about your past, he's going to start freaking out. Hey,
you can't change male sexual psychology in one generation. You
(13:45):
think you can by one conversation, good luck you better.
So that's the one thing you can lie about your
number and your past sexual experience. The other and this
is a big one, we all have crushes. Just because
you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're not going to
find other people attractive, right. You don't need to go
home and share that, Okay, You're just going to make
that person feel insecure. So that means keep it to yourself,
(14:08):
whether it's somebody you're looking at on Instagram or somebody
you work with. You know, evolutionary psychologists say that humans
always have backup mates. We have this idea in the
back of our head, like, well, you know it doesn't
work out with my partner, I can always go that direction.
Keep it to yourself because backup mates are actually good
for your mental health. People have lower rates of depression. Right.
(14:30):
So anyway, when we come back, if you have a
relationship question, I am going to be taking your calls.
In fact, I see producer Kyla dashing into the soundroom
right now so you can turn on those lines for you.
If you have a relationship question, let me weigh in.
I'm happy to do that. The number is one eight
hundred five two zero one five three four. That's one
(14:50):
eight hundred five two zero one KFI.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. This is the time of the
show where I am taking your calls and also answering
your social media questions. If you'd like to give us
a call, The number is one eight hundred five two
zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred five
two zero one five three four, better known as one KFI.
(15:23):
Uh okay, producer Kayla. Who do we have? First, we
have Brandon with a question. Brandon. Hi, Brandon, It's doctor Wendy. Hello.
Are you there? Uh? Oh, we have a bad connection
producing Oh there we are. Hi Brandon, how are you?
Speaker 3 (15:41):
I'm doing well? How are you good?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
What's your question? Hi?
Speaker 3 (15:45):
My question is sorry about that. My question is for you.
I'm a twenty three year old college grad student, and
I would like to be I want to take it seriously.
But the problem is it feels like there's no where
to meet girls either. If you go somewhere, someone's wall
older you or somebody as well younger than you. So
you know, where do you find girls? That's sort of
(16:06):
not in the dating ask could I try that? And
that hadn't gone too well.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Okay, So you're in graduate school, you're twenty three years old.
You're looking for a real girlfriend, like, you're not looking
for hook cups or a short term relationship. Is that
what I'm hearing correct? Okay? So you meet people through
shared activities, right? So I know you're really busy with
school and you've got your deadlines, but you do need
to join clubs on campus because that's where you meet
(16:32):
people who have the same common interest, whatever it may be.
There's also some research to show that young people are
heading back to church in droves. I think the world
is so chaotic to them and they don't know what
to believe is real or not, and many people are
finding faith. So if that's in your purview, then maybe
you want to go to church and meet someone there.
It used to be that we would meet people very
(16:53):
easily at gyms or doing something health related, but now
people have their headsets on and they're just working out
and their not talking to each other. University gyms may
be different, and particularly group exercise classes, because you will
find that there are more women than men in group
exercise classes on campus. So that's another one. But you've
(17:16):
really got to figure out what you're interested in on
campus and go to these clubs and join them and
become like not just a tendee, like a leader organizer,
plan stuff. That's where you're going to meet people. And
I understand that if you're just going out to a
bar and restaurant, you're right, you're going to meet these
twenty year olds that look twenty three, and you're gonna
make twenty eight year olds that look twenty three or whatever.
(17:38):
So think about campus related things, and especially if you're
looking for a kind, giving person, then get involved in
any kind of volunteer opportunity because that's where the compassionate, empathetic,
kind young women will be. Thank you for calling Brandon.
All right, I'm gonna move on to social media, and
I want to say that before I get to the
(17:58):
questions you guys put in my d I'm looking at
some of the instant comments that are coming in on
Instagram right now. If you'd like to join the conversation,
you just go to my Instagram at doctor Wendy Walsh
and one young man said, we just got married and
we're in the middle of the storming phase. How do
we fix this? So that's not necessarily typical, it's not
(18:23):
necessarily common. It sounds like the storming phase to you
is a lot of border skirmishes, trying to figure out
what you still have a right to in the household
in terms of your own autonomy, right, And so I
think if you can step back from an individual fight
(18:44):
and ask yourself, what are we really arguing about? Is
it that I don't have enough time to myself, she's
getting mad that I'm going out with my friends, or
is it that she doesn't like the way I've lined
up dis bachelor's in the drawer or whatever? Is it
about that? Or is it about a to me, because
a healthy relationship is like a two circled Venn diagram
(19:05):
right where you have to keep some independence one of
those circles and the other circle so you can bring
new stuff into the relationship new, exciting experiences and news.
But in the middle there's this common interest thing. I
want to remind you, if you are a newlywed, you
cannot change anybody else. It is not your job to
change anybody else. You're not supposed to change anybody else.
(19:28):
So these storms and these arguments are probably useless. I
think you should ask yourself, how can I change my
reaction to them. I told this story many, many times,
many many times. I'll tell it again because it's so important.
When I first moved in with my now husband, Julio,
he leaves drawers and cupboards open an inch or two
in a haphazard way. It drives me crazy. It's not
neat and not tidy. Why why? Why why? And I
(19:51):
mentioned to him a couple of times a nice way,
and nothing changed. And then I thought, wait, whose problem
is this? Is this his problem mine? It's mine. So
I turned it into a healthy workout. When I see
the drawers there, I do deep squats. I use a
knee and ankle and elbow, and I close the drawers.
And every time I close a drawer, I say I
love you, Julio. I love you, Julio. I say it
(20:12):
out loud because I'm reminding my own brain why I'm there.
So focus on what's right and what's good in your
relationship instead of saying, we're in a storming phase. How
do we get out of it? How about? What are
your needs? What are her needs? What can you accept?
How can you talk about this? Okay? One other question
that came up on my Instagram here live is how
(20:34):
do I support a friend who's in an unhappy relationship. Well,
I'm sensing by the question that you are asking me,
do I have to keep listening to this nonsense because
she's not changing or he's not changing. They just keep
saying it over and over and I don't know what
to do. So let me say, first of all, if
they are in any kind of safety issue, a domestic
(20:54):
violence relationship, your job is not to abandon them and say, well,
if you don't leave, we won't be friends. You know.
It's not like a drug intervention. It's you saying I'm
here to support you when you're ready to leave, and
you wait until you get that call and you never
say I told you so. I just want to say
that all the research supports that. On the other hand,
if they just don't like their spouse or their boyfriend
or the girlfriend, and they're using you as a trauma
(21:15):
dumping board. They're just calling you to whine and complain
and nothing's ever changing. Then you need to talk about
your feelings, which are Hey, I listen to you all
the time and I'm happy to give you empathy, but
it doesn't seem like you're working to make any big changes.
So I'm left feeling helpless because I don't know how
I can help you. You just set your feelings out there.
(21:37):
You also might ask how can I help you? What
would you like me to do now? I say no, no,
I just want you to listen and say, well, I
can only be on the phone for a few minutes.
You can set boundaries, all right. So that's how you
support a friend who's in an happy relationship. You make
sure that you're protected and you're healthy as well. Okay,
(21:59):
do we have time for one? I'm more allie. I
have some DMS here too. We're elseat we have to go. Okay,
I'm going to go back to social media when we
come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
So people send me questions all kinds of ways. Sometimes
when I'm live on Instagram, I will see them pop
them in the comments. Sometimes I get them in my DMS.
Sometimes they send me emails through my website or through
my iHeartRadio. I don't know how you guys find all
these ways to reach me, but you do. So here's
an email I got recently. Dear doctor Wendy, I enjoy
(22:38):
listening to you on my local TV. Oh that's probably
my local now segments all right in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
I recently ended my relationship because my gut was telling
me something. I checked his phone text messages and discovered
what I was afraid of. He had been texting with
a beautiful, smart and successful woman on LinkedIn, sort of
(22:58):
using it as a dating platform for himself. I'm glad
to let him go, but I can't get him out
of my head. And I wonder why I wasn't good
enough for him? What was it about me that didn't
satisfy him? He said so many beautiful words to me,
such as I was a love of his life, he
had future plans, et cetera. As the days pass I
(23:22):
can't help but wonder what I don't have that he
wanted or needed. Oh baby, I don't want to hug you.
Uh uh, she continues. Am I not smart enough, sexy enough,
pretty enough, interesting enough, skin nut tight enough, or I'm
just too nice? I don't know? How will I avoid
this happening again? Well, this is an excellent question because
(23:44):
this is right up my alley. First of all, there's
nothing wrong with you. This is him. He was cheating
on you. It's called emotional cheating. Now, we all kind
of have backup mates in the back of our minds,
but we don't act on them, and we certainly don't
share them with our partner. But this wasn't he was
full on flirting. You caught him or whatever. So there's
nothing wrong with you. It was about him being a
(24:05):
liar to you and also being not at his state
of readiness. If he's ever going to be at his
state of readiness, how can you avoid it happening again?
You go sit on a desert island by yourself and
never date a man. Okay, you have to have alligator
skin to get back on that horse back in the pool.
You got to do more than dippetoe. But now you've learned.
(24:28):
Now you've learned, and your intenne will be up. Although
you know, my therapist would say that when two people meet,
they do kind of an unconscious handshake. Hey, you treat
me this way, Yeah, I'll treat you that way. Cool,
And then they say what movies do you like? What
kind of music are you into? But really they're feeling
each other out to find out if they can work
(24:48):
out their early childhood conflict. So I would suggest having
your therapist as a wingman or wingwoman, meaning going to
therapy to say why am I attracted to cheaters? Because
maybe there were some little signs early on that you
missed and now you want to have another set of
eyes on it when you start dating again. Okay, now
(25:09):
this is not blaming the victim, This is not blaming
you by any means, because this is unconscious and out
of our awareness. But an educated, licensed therapist will be
more aware and that could help you as well. But
don't turn off love completely. I'm sorry this happened, and
yes it hurts, but there's nothing wrong with you. You
are perfect, you are sexy, you are beautiful, you are
(25:30):
all those things. It's okay, to be moral and nice
and everything else, and the right guy is going to
appreciate that in you. All right, dear doctor Wendy. I
got into a huge fight with my in laws and
my husband took his mom's side. As the wife, I
feel it is my husband and I against the world.
(25:52):
He doesn't agree. How can we get on the same page?
Speaker 3 (25:56):
All right?
Speaker 1 (25:57):
I do not know the details of this actual fight,
but I want to remind you. I think it was
a few weeks ago. We had a therapist on the
show who wrote a book about mother in law's monster
in laws, so we speak. It is most no, it's
more often the mother of the husband who's problematic because
(26:17):
in her mind, this is her little boy and no
woman will ever be good enough for him. And if
she is a single mother, and if he is an
only child, well good luck with that, okay, Because these
women unconsciously create an enmeshed relationship. So, in other words,
in his mind, he is so attached to her that
(26:39):
he can't have boundaries because on some deep level he's
afraid she'll abandon him. Now, if she does abandon him,
he's a grown man. He's going to be fine. And
if she does it's a threat, and it's going to
last a couple of weeks and she'll come back around
because she wants to see the grand kids whatever. But
he doesn't know that. He thinks like a five year
old boy that thinks mommy's going to leave me. Right,
So couples therapy is going to help, because it's going
(27:03):
to help the two of you talk about this. But secondly,
you have to have a good relationship with her. It
can't be you against the two of them in this triangle.
In order for you to get back into relationship with
your husband, you're gonna have to slightly win her over
a little bit. It's just a strategy, Okay, just a strategy.
(27:25):
But I would definitely definitely getting couples therapy together so
that the two because nobody's right or wrong here. These
are both unconscious processes, right, and it can be painful,
really painful, all right, Dear doctor Wendy. I've been dating
my boyfriend for about a year, and last night I
went through his social media. Oh here we go, you
(27:47):
know what she found? And I looked at his for
you page and his likes, and they were full of
girls in workout clothes with huge boobs, butts, very pretty women.
And it made me feel insecure and a bit embarrassed
because my partner is basically letting other women know that
he finds them attractive. And it wasn't just huge influencers,
(28:10):
it was even small creators. Okay, all right, I want
everyone to just am I overreacting as a question. Yes,
all right, men are visually wired. Just because a man
looks doesn't mean he's gonna you know, he looks at
it on the menu doesn't mean he's going to order it. Right.
If you had found a whole bunch of dms and
they were sexy and flirty, that's a whole other thing. Example,
(28:32):
when my social media gal took over my Instagram, at
one point, my for you page was filled with cute
little brown babies, real live ones, gorgeous babies, because I
have two biracial children and I was posting pictures of
them a lot. So the algorithm thought, oh, you like
(28:54):
small black children to look at those pretty pictures, And
actually I do. I love babies, I really really love babies,
and my for you page is still got a lot
of babies in it. It's all racist now because I
just keep clicking on babies. It's my visual entertainment. Okay,
this is his visual entertainment. Now I happen to have
a husband whose for you page is just filled with
(29:16):
cars because he can look at cars and baseball. That's
all he looks at. Right, So I'm lucky I don't
have to deal with this challenge. But you know, it's
like women who have such a hard time that their
guy goes to strip club. They're a dude, they're visual.
It doesn't mean they're having an affair, doesn't mean they're
leaving you. I mean, for them, it's no different than
you going to get a pedicure. Like you have to
(29:39):
understand male sexual psychology. If you have a secure relationship,
you could talk about it together. I remember one time
there's this famous I don't know if he's still alive,
Helmut Newton. Remember Helmut Newton from the eighties and nineties.
He was a very avant garde fashion photographer and took
a lot of topless pictures of models and whatever. And
I was reading an article of about him and his
(30:00):
wife in Vanity Fair years ago, and they said that
the wife would point they'd be at the beach and
can and she would point out girls with great boobs, like, oh,
look at those boobs, honey, don't miss those. And I'm like,
what a good wife, right, don't she understood? It's visual.
It's visual again, whole different thing. If you looked at
(30:21):
a bunch of dms and he's hand in his phone
number and he's meeting people. But look, it's just looking.
It's window shopping, not even shopping, it's window looking like
being in a museum. All right, I think we have
time for one more real quick. I just read this
one DM, and I'm like, oh my god, let me
just try quickly. Dear doctor Wendy, I had sex on
(30:42):
a first day. Did I already lose?
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Yes, I mean it depends. If you want to have
a really fun rob and a great short term relationship,
you have are even in the right place. But if
you're hoping to turn this around and turn it into
a long term monogamous relationship and convince him that I
don't do this with all the boys, it's an uphill battle.
It is an uphill battle. Here we gotta go. You're
listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from kfi
AM six forty
Dr. Wendy Walsh on Demand News
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