@DrWendyWalsh says you can find true love at any age (07/07) Hour 1

Dr. Wendy says you can find true love at any age and why some people change their type. The research is fascinating. Can emotional intimacy be jump started? Wendy's most common relationship advice questions and what to do if your partner doesn't seem to want sex. It's all on KFIA-640!

#RelationshipAdvice #Relationships #RelationshipGoals #MatureLove #Bride #WeddingPlanning #ScienceOfLove #TrueLove

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you'relistening to kf I Am six forty,
the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demandon the iHeartRadio appf I Am six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Welsh
Show where I love. You know. I just had a latte in the
afternoon, late afternoon, early evening. Does this mean I'm going to be
up all night? I can feelthe cream in my throat. Sorry about

(00:22):
that if you are new to myshow. I have a PhD in clinical
psychology, but I'm obsessed with thescience of love. I've written three books
on relationships, did a dissertation onattachment theory, and I love love.
I love how difficult it is,how challenging it is, how euphoric it
is, how exciting it is,and how it involves a lot of thinking

(00:47):
and problem solving. That's what Ilike about it. One of the things
people ask me from time to timeis is ever too late? You know?
I remember my mom actually died ofbreast cancer when I was thirty.
A little did we know that mydad was going to die of lung cancer
a few months later? But Iremember coming home from the funeral of my
mom and saying to my dad andhe was, I think the ripe old

(01:08):
age of fifty nine, and sayingto him, are you do you think
you'll ever marry again? And wrongtime to ask, but you know nothing
like the present, and he said, oh no, not at my age.
You see. Back then, thatwas this idea that if you lost

(01:29):
your first mate or your primary mate, or your secure attachment figure and you
are of a certain age, thatmaybe there was no chance for you.
But things have changed, you know. I always say that because of our
very long life expectancies, even themost monogamous people might find themselves having one

(01:51):
or two or even three long stintsof monogamy because we're living so long and
very few people meet their quote unquotesoulmate. Hate that when they're in their
early twenties and then stay together untildeath, do they part. In fact,
I hate it when people say thata relationship is a failed relationship.

(02:13):
You know, the only failed relationshipis the one that you stay in when
you're being hurt and you're failing togrow within it. That's a failed relationship.
If you look at duration as theonly litmus test then you're not understanding
intimacy. But I digress. Thequestion is is it too late ever to
find love? Well, I'm aboutto get married in a few weeks.

(02:36):
Oh my gosh, ron like theone month countdown now, and there's so
much to do. I've been printingmenus and folding ribbons around napkins, and
I made my own big wedding garlandat a preserved eucalyptus I had. I'm
doing a real diy thing. It'sso much fun. And I noticed that

(02:57):
Remember I always say that relationships area between tribes, and even if you
don't have like a traditional tribe,when two people marry or divorce for that
matter, when the bridge is blownup or when the bridge is extended,
it impacts how everybody in your orbitrelates in their own social world. They

(03:17):
have an impact in some way.I am literally feeling certain friends moving away,
like in other words, they neededto me, need to be their
single girlfriend. And then I'm feelingthese other friends moving forward and getting closer
to me. So it's really fascinating, and pay attention to that. I

(03:38):
was up at my wedding venue acouple of weeks ago doing a tech walk
through. That's we've got to donowadays, a tech walk through for the
wedding. Where the speaker is goingto go, there's going to be a
mic, it's a hardwired bluetooth.Where's the music coming from? iPad whatever?
Anyway, So I'm doing a techwalk through with the person who's helping
me, and I happen to meetthe owner of the vineyard and the wedding

(04:00):
facility and he said to me,by the way, he said, I
am getting Mary or I think he'djust gotten married, but he had planned
to hold the reception on the sameday as my wedding, and he said,
I had to give up my weddingday for you. Now, this
was a very spry man of ageeighty five. And I said to him,

(04:25):
where did you meet your new wife? He said, women are everywhere,
especially at my age, and Ineeded to get a wife. Actually,
a cute little story. You knowwhy he owns a big wedding venue
because he's a good dad. Andonce upon a time he built a vineyard
and a tasting room for his adultdaughter because she wanted to have a tasting
room, and she did and hegoes in. Then after three years she

(04:46):
got so bored with it, sheleft. She'd know what to do,
he said. So I decided I'djust keep reducing grapes and put weddings in
there. Anyway, eighty five yearsold, a newlywed, very happy.
And then the other day I madean eighty seven year old woman and she
is going through a divorce. Iguess at any time, you could just

(05:09):
go enough, right, And shewhispers to me, you know, I
reconnected with someone that I dated fortyfive years ago. And I said,
ooh, did you get a tingle? She said, I did. This
is my point that the feelings don'thave an expiration date. Come on,

(05:31):
if you're listening to me, Iwant you right now to think about the
first love of your life. Huh, you feel it in your stomach a
little bit? Right? The feelingsare real now. Across the lifespan,
we do change. We change whowe are, what role we're playing.

(05:54):
We change our type and who wereinterested in. I mean, when I
was a young woman, I justwanted gorgeous tall athletes, didn't we all
right? Evolutionary psychologists would say thatthat would be my reproductive urges getting into
play there. But now I likenerdy intellectuals right, So why is it

(06:17):
that people change their romantic type?And your type might be like what people
look like, what kind of personalitythey have, what your shared interests are
like to do together, or yourcore values. You know, there are
tons of people who might, ina different time of their life, been

(06:40):
like I only did blanz, Ionly did tall, duck and handsome,
and then all of a sudden,it's something completely different later. So why
do people change their type sometimes?And I would say this is the case
for me. They just decide tomake a conscious change. Here's an interesting
little piece of research I came across. Did you know that the more extroverted

(07:03):
you are and the more open experiences, the more likely you are to change
your type. Makes sense if you'reopen to new experiences. So people who
are extroverts and more open, that'sme. They're open to meeting different kinds
of people and getting out of theircomfort zone. But you know, sometimes

(07:24):
we make a conscious change because we'veevolved. Our values, change, our
hobbies, change, our career changes, our priorities shift. Maybe we've done
the work and gone to therapy andsaid I'm not going to pick that type
again. That type hurts. Idon't like that. But also you might
have a different type later in lifejust because your life circumstances have changed.

(07:47):
I mean, think about it.In young adulthood, you're looking for a
mate if you want to reproduce,who you can raise kids with. Right,
So it's a different set of thingsthat you're looking for, maybe financial
stability or somebody who's family orient right. As people move into midlife, it's
more common that they're looking for emotionalintimacy and good companionship. And later in

(08:09):
life it's all about companionship. It'sall about mutual care. I have always
said that a relationship is an exchangeof care. The care can take many
different forms, but as we age, it is often instrumental care, taking
care of each other as our bodiesstart to slowly fail us. So,

(08:31):
but if you have been choosing thewrong kind of person forever, I think
you need to talk to your therapistand make one of these conscious choices.
Hey, producer, Kayla, youwith us? Alis here? You are?
There? You are? Do youremember your first love? Of course?
And do you get a little tinglein your tummy? Mmm? No,

(08:52):
I mean we still talk. He'scool. He was like, oh,
but oh you wouldn't go back withhim at all. Now you're tip
to change, No, but Istill care about him and I always check
in and make sure that he's good. That is so nice. Yeah.
Well, when we come back,if you're meeting somebody new or you wanted
to rekindle with the old, let'stalk about how you can actually jumpstart emotional

(09:13):
intimacy. I know I've talked aboutthe thirty six questions to fall in love
before, but I'm gonna tell youwhich ones if you had to narrow it
down to like ten of them,which ones you should actually be asking in
your dating life. Also, Iwas on a podcast this week and the
podcast person who interviewed me said,what are the most common questions if you
will ask you and I'll share themwith you. And in addition, she

(09:35):
said, is there any one questionthat completely stumps you? Yes, and
I'll share that with you too.You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls
Show on k I AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh ondemand from KFI AM six forty AFI

(09:58):
Am six forty. You have DocWendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Missy,That's what I think love is being able
to really see someone and accept themfor who they are, but most importantly,
knowing that your intimate can see youcompletely, even with your flaws,

(10:22):
and still love you, and maybemost of all, you still love yourself,
knowing that you're real. I wantto remind everybody that there are very
few rights and wrongs. There area lot of lessons we learn along the
way. Someone said to me theother day, Doctor Wendy, I don't

(10:43):
know how you put all that personalstuff out there on social media. Don't
you feel shame? And I said, why, It's just human experience.
It's just me trying to understand inthis case past relationships, and I roll
in it and everyone's roll in it. There's been a lot of research on

(11:05):
what it is to fall in love, what does it take, and what
are the things people should be doingand talking about in the early stages of
dating. I should pause here tosay you could do it at any time
of your relationship. In fact,us thinking about it. Four years ago,
when Julio and I met, wedid the thirty six Questions to fall
in love. I think we areready for a reboot. So back in

(11:30):
nineteen ninety seven, a psychologist bythe name of doctor Arthur Aaron at Stonybrook
University in New York came up withthirty six questions to fall in love.
He formulated this list back in nineteenninety seven. It was published in the
New York Times. It became sopopular around the world that the New York

(11:50):
Times even made an app Now whatis the goal? The goal was to
speed up the creation of emotional intimacybetween two strangers. So he tested it
on one heterosexual man heterosexual woman.He gave them this list of thirty six
questions. It takes about ninety minutesto complete. So good first date thing,

(12:15):
maybe second or third date. Atthe end, he did another experiment
which has been replicated all over theplace. They've put people in a lab
strangers and said, all I wantyou to do is look into each other's
eyes for four minutes. Do youknow how that squeamish that is? Oh?

(12:37):
Yeah, it makes people feel like, oh my goodness, they can
see into my soul. And Iguess what they found is that people will
report feelings of love. So whatdoctor Aaron did is he took this couple
total strangers, had them ask eachother the thirty six questions. Then he

(12:58):
had them stare into each other's eyesfor four minutes, and guess what,
the couple got married six months later. So what is it about these magical
questions? And I'll tell you,And I'll tell you what he did was
brilliant because it's kind of a slowbuild. If you go on a date
with somebody and the first thing yousay is you know, tell me about

(13:20):
your trauma. What do you fearmost in the world, somebody's going to
go running, because that's way toTMI. It's way too intimate, too
soon. So it starts off withwhat you might perceive as lightweight rapport building,
things like, given the choice ofanyone in the world, who would

(13:41):
you want as a dinner guest andwhy? I often ask that as an
icebreaker question in some of my classesthat I teach, because it tells you
who they're a fan of, somethingabout their value system, et cetera.
You might ask somebody you ever thoughtwould you like to be FAMS? And
if so, for what you know, there are many people would be like,

(14:03):
no, I don't like to speakin front of crowds. What did
you just learn there? They're anintrovert or maybe they just have a lot
of shame about public stuff. Rightthen positive things again, just rapport building.
What would constitute a perfect day foryou? So you're getting into their
imaginations and you're sharing your answering.You're both answering both questions. By the

(14:26):
way, I love the long gettingthe brain to go into long term thinking
because if you're on a first orsecond or third date, you want someone
to be thinking what could happen downthe road. So one of the questions
is, if you were able tolive until the age of ninety and retain
either your mind or your body ofa thirty year old for the last sixty

(14:52):
years of your life, which wouldyou want? Isn't that a cute question?
Mind or your body? Because ifsomebody's as my body, then you
know something about their values and what'simportant. Right. Maybe they're highly sexual,
Maybe they believe in the youth culturewe have that they would choose their
body over their in my head isjust swimming with that idea. I would

(15:13):
never in a million years choose mybody over my mind. Mind always comes
first, and then somewhere even justin the first date, you might One
of the questions is name three thingsthat you think you and I already have
in common. So the brain isalready getting into couple life. It's looking
for reasons to be together. Thenit gets a little deeper, right the

(15:37):
thirty six questions to fall in lovego to things like what do you value
most in friendship? What's your mosttreasured memory, what's your most awful memory?
See what roles do love and affectionlay in your life. I remember
years ago I was on a datewith somebody and he wouldn't ever touch me

(16:00):
in public. And I realized afterwe talked about it, it was just
a cultural thing. His family didn'tand he didn't and they didn't. He
just hated PDAs public displays of perfection. Also in the section two is things
like how close and warm is yourfamily? And then moving into the third
section, it's again getting into theWII make three we statements for us like,

(16:25):
for instance, we're both in thisroom and we're both feeling fill in
the blank, maybe nervous. Andthen it gets deeper and deeper. Of
all the people in your family,which death would you find most disturbing?
And why now you know who theirprimary attachment figure is. Right, if

(16:48):
your house suddenly caught on fire,after you got out your loved ones,
after you got out your pets,and you had time to go back for
one more thing, what would bethat thing? Oh? I love this
one. If you were going todie tonight with no opportunity to communicate with
anyone, what would you most regretnot having told someone? And why haven't

(17:11):
you told them yet? So you'realready getting into the tender secrets that we
hold close to our breast. Bythe way, later in the show,
I have a guest on and heis a researcher on secrets and how secrets
are so dangerous for us. Well, there are total of thirty six questions

(17:32):
in thirty six questions to fall inlove, And if you were actually to
take it's on an app you canjust downloaded. If you're actually to be
alone with somebody in a room andyou were to both answer these sets of
questions, as I said, ittakes about ninety minutes to two hours,
So you know, have a drink, have a meal, keep chatting,
and then take some time to reallystare into each other's eyes. The vast

(17:53):
majority of people report feelings of lovebecause it's emotional intimacy. And why do
I harp on emotional intimacy because there'sso much research to show that it is
the ultimate glue that holds a relationshiptogether. It's not about the sex,
it's not about the money. Andif it is about the section and the
money, for you, you're notin a real relationship. It's about the

(18:15):
emotional connection. It's like our intimaterelationships are. If you be my mommy,
I'll be your mommy. Right,we all get baby like in those
moments, all right, when wecome back. I was on a podcast
this week and the host asked me, what are the most common questions Dr

(18:36):
Wendy that you get asked? AndI rattled them off with the answers I'm
gonna share with you when we comeback. You are listening to the Doctor
Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM sixforty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio
app. You're listening to Doctor WendyWalsh on demand from KFI AM six forty.

(18:56):
No, it's it smelled bad.I wouldn't be loving you, I
wouldn't be hugging you. Not ifyou smell bad. Kay if I am
six forty, you have doctor WendyWalsh with you. This is the Doctor
Wendy Walsh Show, wishful thinking gentlemen. In fact, the number one reason
that people say they don't like aparticular partner is poor personal hygiene. So

(19:18):
take your showers, folks. We'rein a heat wave. Take a shower,
stay cool. Uh, Kayla,do you know who? Jenna Kramer
is a country in western sing Shehas an iHeart podcast. Oh, I've
never heard of her. Well,she has a podcast called a Wine Down,
but the wine is spelt like I'mwhining to wind down. And I've

(19:38):
been on a broadcast a few times. She's very bright. But she wanted
to talk to me this week aboutweddings because she's getting married and so.
But at the end of the interviewwe chatted for quite a while, she
said, h are there any questionslike you don't know the answer to?
Wait? Wait, let me firstsay one of the most common questions people

(19:59):
ask you. And so I thought, and I rattled it down to three.
And Kayla, maybe you agree withme because you go into my social
media and get all those dms andget those questions and I know there's some
So if there's one I'm missing,let me know after I tell you what
I think. My top three questionsare that people ask, okay, uh.
The first one is one hundred percent, I guarantee. It's when to

(20:23):
begin the sexual relationship in a brandnew relationship that came out. Yeah,
that's always it. And you know, I used to say, well,
you should have sex when you havetrust. It shouldn't be one week or
two weeks or thirty days. Youknow. I wrote a book called The
Thirty Day Love Detoks based on once. The title was based on one study

(20:47):
that said that if you have sexwithin thirty days of meeting somebody, you
have a ninety percent chance of beingbroken up within one year. If you
wait only ninety days, then youhave a one in four chance you'll be
together a year later. This hasto do that with the fact you use
those ninety days to build that emotionalintimacy. Right. So my answer now

(21:07):
is kind of like, you know, because people are like, well,
I don't know, I don't havea good picker, and my stomach doesn't
tell me, and I don't knowwhen I can trust them, And so
you can't trust somebody until you've testedthem. And I say this to people
of all genders, not that you'regoing to openly manipulate somebody and set up

(21:30):
these weird situations to see if theypass or fail. But life will do
that for you. All you haveto do is be observant, right and
stop letting your brain go. Well, you know he was away in New
York and they don't have phones inNew York. I understand he'll call me
when he comes back. You knowthat's rationalizing forgiving whatever. No, you

(21:52):
should instead be like, uh,he failed, You left me for two
weeks and hasn't checked in, soobviously he doesn't want me to share my
body with him in the future inmy heart. So you see, what
you need to do is watch,be a watcher, and then you'll know
when it's safe to have sex ina new relationship. It is the oldest
trade in the history of mankind.Women attempt to trade sex in exchange for

(22:17):
love. I will remind you thatmen do not fall in love through sex.
A dude can have sex with thesame woman every week for six months
and not like are one bit morethan he did the first week? If
in her his mind that's the categoryall right. I would say the second
most common question I get is acouple question, and it is can a

(22:41):
couple recover from an affair? Weget that a lot, don't we,
kayleb cover someone finds out that somebodyelse cheated and we get back into love.
And the answer is yes. Butboth people have to want to Both
people have to want to do thework, so it can't be like one
person. I mean, some peopleuse an affair just to exit the relationship.

(23:03):
They don't know how to break up, so they just act out until
the other person pushes them out.I was actually on a set, you
know, I shoot these videos forthis wonderful app called Local Now, and
I do a bunch of you know, relationship and self help and stuff and
talk about the research and uh.It was a set with all guys like
guys at lighting, audio, teleprompter, camera, guys, whatever. And

(23:26):
I said, hey, gentlemen,how do you guys, what's the most
common way that guys break up witha woman? And I swear like half
of them said, you just startdating somebody else, like you don't even
tell them. I'm like, oh, so sometimes that's when a fair is.
But if both people, you know, want to keep the relationship.
If there's a good reason, likethere's children in the nest, it is

(23:48):
possible. You need a therapist,and it's going to take time. But
both people have to want you,all right. And the third one is
also a couple of one. Iget uh. People say, you know,
doctor Wendy, I love my spouse, but I'm not actually in love
with them anymore. What do Ido? And I always say, you
have gone from lust to love andyou're in companionship love or intellectual commitment love.

(24:15):
And what you're really saying is whatcan we do to feel more passionate
about each other? And there areall kinds of things you can do,
which I'm actually going to talk aboutin the next segment after the break.
I want to talk about what ifyour wife doesn't seem to want sex anymore?
What can you do? There's somethings. This is all psychology,
folks, basic psychology. Kayla.Is there any major question you think I

(24:37):
missed that gets asked a lot?The only thing I can think about is
communication questions. How often reach outor like, all right, it's my
partner, and yeah, the timingabout reaching out well, how often and
whether the text or phone thing alwayshas to do with attachment style, right
If somebody has an anxious attachment style, they want to they're going to be

(25:00):
wanting to be in constant contact rightaway. They're going to be like,
they didn't text me, four hourshave gone by, Oh my god,
what am I going to do?What's normal? They say, what is
normal? What's a normal amount ofcommunication? And the truth is, there's
no such thing as a rule thatthis must happen for every couple. There's
no normal. It's how do youfeel about it. If it's not enough

(25:22):
communication for you, then it's nota good match. Right then, before
we got off, Jana Kramer askedme, is there a question that often
stumps you, doctor Wendy, Andthe answer is, yeah, the questions
about polyamory. Because even though we'vehad guests on the show who are polyamorous,
who have researched polyamory, we doknow, Okay, the research is

(25:47):
clear, it's not for everybody.In fact, it's for about five percent
of the population because the rest ofus have sexual jealousy that we are not
putting to bed. It's there.We are passionate about our partner and we
don't want to share so. AndI also worry and protect those who may
enter into an open relationship because afear because they think their partner will leave

(26:11):
them if they don't. And thatis no reason to do it. But
if two people manage to control,manage whatever they're sexual jealousy and it works
for them, who am I tomoralize? But it does stump me.
I don't understand it, Kyla,do you understand it? Could it ever
work for you? It's too newand I'm way too jealous. Yeah,

(26:33):
yeah, I think I'm way toojealous too. I can't put that away.
It's there, Uh, speaking ofvoice, I wonder where Julio is
right now? No, I'm joking, all right, when we come back.
There is some research on why inlong term monogamy, long term heterosexual
monogamous relationship, women's sexual desire oftenbut not always, often declines. Let's

(26:56):
talk about why and dudes, whatyou can do about it. You are
listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on
demand from KFI Am six forty,Hem I am six forty. You have
doctor Wendy Walsh with you. Thisis the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I
want to remind everybody I'm not atherapist, and I'm certainly not a sex

(27:18):
therapist. I'm a psychology professor,but I read the research intently. It's
funny. One of my students saidto me one time, Oh, my
mom loves to listen to you,said, oh, your professor is that
sex doctor on the radio. AndI'm like, I don't talk about sex
that much except when I do,and everybody remembers it then. But it
always has to do with my interestin the research and educating people on what

(27:45):
happens out there according to the data, so that we can handle our own
lives well enough. So I wantedto talk a little bit something that is
kind of common question that's always putto me, and it's often by heterosexual
men who say, my wife doesn'twant to have sex anymore. What do

(28:07):
I do? So, first ofall, it's normal. Women's sexual desire
often declines during long term monogamy.Now not always. I can hear you
hear the emails flying in right now, because I myself have been in a
relationship where I had the high desireand the partner had the low desire.

(28:30):
But it's never going to be equaland matched all the time. I mean
that would be like some romantic comedymovie, you know. So let's talk
about what the research says of someof the reasons why women's sexual desire tends
to decline during long term monogamy.So you might be surprise to hear this,

(28:51):
guys, but women often find sexboring. Not all women and not
all the time. There is researchto support the idea, yeah, that
women actually need more novelty than mendo in their sexual relationship. For men,
it is a little more like aphysical act. It's a cleaning of
the pipes, if you will.It's something that just happens. It's more

(29:15):
spontaneous. However, with women,we may need a new candle, a
NIGHTI, new sheets, a newroom, a new position, a new
place. It doesn't have to bea new partner, folks. Okay,
it doesn't have to be that.When we talk about novelty, but something
different and that can ignite things forwomen. The other thing is women's sexual

(29:41):
desire, according to the research,tends to be responsive, meaning that it
goes underground until something shows up thatturns us on. Now, we are
not visually wired, so that's somethingthat shows up that turns us on.
Probably isn't you walking into the room, dude. It could be reading fifty

(30:02):
Shades of Gray, or reading aHarlequin romance, or going on a vacation
to a balmy beach wearing a bathingsuit and feeling the warm wind tickle our
skin. Right, that's a responseand a trigger that might make something show
up. And another thing for women, not all women again, Okay,

(30:26):
I can hear you high testosterone emotionallyavoidant women who are like I could just
have sex for sex's sake. Idon't care about all this other stuff.
Okay, fine, right to me, I got it. But for most
women, sex is also deeply intertwinedwith their emotional life. And nothing will
kill a sex drive faster in awoman than anger, especially unspoken anger if

(30:49):
she's unable to have a voice toexpress it or fear. Fear is not
a good thing. How do youget your body to relax if you're afraid
of a guy, intimidated by aguy, or if you're angry with him.
So ask yourself what's going on emotionallyfor her? Another thing Sex for

(31:10):
women is often about body image.It's deeply connected to their body image.
How beautiful we feel. Just likenote to dudes out there, Instead of
saying you never give me sex,I want it more, why don't you
just help her feel beautiful, Tellher she's gorgeous. That might create a
spark. And finally, and thisis true, women are exhausted. We're

(31:36):
tired. If your wife is workingfull time and raising kids and maintaining the
house and getting taking care of everybody, at the end of the day,
she has to attend to your needstoo. Uh uh uh. She just
wants to get some sleep, right, she just wants to get some sleep.
So what do you do? Well, the most important thing is you
want to openly communicate, not blame, not a hughes, not guilt somebody.

(32:02):
Just say things like, just observe, Hey, I noticed in the
last year or so, we've beenhaving a lot less sex. How do
you feel about that? Or what'sthat experience like for you? Just these
open ended questions that get her totalk for sure, for sure when you're
communicating this, please do not begThere is nothing more un sexy than someone

(32:29):
begging for sex or getting angry aboutnot Like, who's going to look at
a guy and go, oh,I see you're so mad at me because
I don't have sex with you.Okay, I'm going to relax and open
up for you doning. No,it's not gonna work that way, So
just talk about it. Talk aboutwhat your experience liked and your feelings,
and talk about what they're feelings.But do it with a licensed sex therapist.

(32:50):
There are lots of psychologists out therewho hold a license. You can
talk candidly, safely, comfortably intheir office. Together, make your lady,
your woman, your wife feel specialand desired. You know. There
are some guys out there who thinkif they can make her feel afraid that

(33:15):
they will leave, then maybe shewill worry about their needs. But it
usually doesn't work that way. Sosaying things like well, if I don't
get it from you, you knowI might get it somewhere else, or
just teasing her with us. It'sa new girl at work, you know.

(33:36):
If you do all that I'm tellingyou, her body shuts down more
than ever because she starts to feelangry. Instead, say things like,
not only don't only I see theother thing? When you're helping her feel
beautiful, It shouldn't only be abouther physical beauty. And I'm going to
share something with you. So whenI was young, I was a ten.
I'm sorry I can say it becauseit is true. You can find

(33:58):
modeling pictures of me on life andI'm sure I was a ten. I
was so sick and tired of everyguy in the world telling me, Oh,
you're so beautiful. I'm so attractedto you, You're so beautiful.
It's nothing I did to make thathappen. It's just I was a member
of the Lucky Jean Club. Okay, nothing I did when a guy said
to me, Hey, you're reallysmart. I love the way you thought

(34:22):
that. Oh you're so articulate.When I hear that, I go,
oh, I feel special, Ifeel desired. And finally, I have
to say this, gentleman, doyour share of the household labor. Do
what you need to do, becauseif she's too tired, she's too tired.
So you know what four play isfor a woman watching a man load

(34:45):
the dishwasher, Just saying that's whatthe research says on this, folks.
Hey, when we come back,I am going to go to my social
media and I'm going to answer afew of your questions, not the ones
that I told you are common Igot some new and quite interesting questions coming
up. You're listening to the DoctorWendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy

(35:08):
Walsh. You can always hear uslive on KFI AM six forty from seven
to nine pm on Sunday and anytimeon demand on the iHeartRadio app