Dr. Wendy teaching us the power of NO. PLUS we are talking to Dr. Jaclyn Tolentino, Board-Certified Family Physician and Lead and functional medicine physician at Love.Life. She is telling us about fertility and mental well-being. It's all on KFIAM-640!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy
Wall Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio App.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
If you have not.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Been following my social media lately and you're a woman,
you need to get on there. And here's why. So
I have a social media manager, December Brown. She's fabulous
and she did some analytics into my social media and
she said, you know, most of your listeners are women.
There are women between the ages of twenty five and
(00:36):
sixty five, right, They're all there. Plenty of them are single,
and you need to talk directly to them. Forget about
all the other categories of fabulous humans out there, forget
about the different styles of relationships. Just focus on getting
a healthy heterosexual relationship for women. I mean, here on
the Doctor Wendy Walls Show, I talk to everybody about everything.
(00:56):
But the reason why I'm telling you that this is
how my social media is going is because she recently
asked me to make a video, which I haven't done yet.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I'm going to do it soon.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Called the power of no because December is always shocked
when I say the power is in the word no.
The best power is the power that isn't used, it's
just there. I also, before I talk about the power
of no one, I want to say one other thing.
Plenty of times in my social media people will comment, oh, Grandma,
(01:29):
are old auntie? Your relationship advice is out of fashion.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Now it's out of style. Things have changed, And you
know what, I.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Always comment back, clearly, you're a dude. Because guys love
to tell women that things have changed because they want
women to believe that female sexual freedom is about behaving
like a man. And I have always said that adopting
(01:59):
a man of anything is not female freedom. So plenty
of women, in owning their own orgasm and enjoying their sexuality,
have found themselves falling into situation ships. If you don't
know that word, learn it situation ships, maybe you're in one.
Didn't even know that it's called that These are a
(02:20):
relationship that is undefined and unfulfilling. It's often a series
of sexy dates where a woman feels like she's in
the wings, waiting to be called on stage and crowned
as the girlfriend. Like somehow, one day a dude is
going to wake up and it's going to dawn on
(02:41):
him that he should be paying for what he's getting
for free. Doesn't happen like that, right, And the secret
to eliminating situation ships is one word. It is the
word no. But there's a problem. Women are afraid when
they are given the opportunity to say that simple word no.
(03:03):
Deep down in our ancient female psyches, we fear that
we will be disliked or worse, rejected or abandoned, left
alone in the wilderness to parish. Yet that's an ancient
fear we have. This is part of our evolutionary wiring.
So there are plenty of women out there that fear
abandonment more than they want a healthy relationship. The fear
(03:30):
leads them instead of the desire for a healthy relationship.
I want to remind you that last year there were
more than two million weddings in America. They did not
come from hook ups and situationships. I'm just gonna say
it right out there. I know some of you will
send me emails or right on my social media that's
not true. My husband was a one night stand and
(03:53):
I stayed with him.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Great.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
That's called anecdotal evidence.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
That is not real data or statistical probability.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
All right.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Also, in our current lifetime, women have been socialized to
be nice, to be sweet, to be compliant, and there's
perhaps no more crucial time where we want to really
show that we are cooperative. When we're dating ahead or
sexual male. There's some piece of us that flirts with
(04:24):
a misguided notion that our female value lies in being chosen,
that somehow we have to be his prize. Oh my god,
I'm gonna lose it. I've got some big news for you, ladies,
and it comes down to basic biology. I've said it
for ten years on the show. I'm going to keep
on saying it. At the basic biological level. Sperm chases egg,
(04:47):
not the reverse. And the power of no may be
your secret power. So there's another reason why no is important,
has less to do with biology, maybe more to do
with psychology. All genders value what they have to work for.
The more obstacles. I'm not saying manipulation. This is not
(05:08):
about manipulation. Gentle obstacles that a suitor is faced with,
the more he will up his game and consider his
person to be on a higher shelf, right, a higher
shelf than someone who's a hookup or a situationship. Okay,
if you're still not convinced, there's research to support the
idea that in a new relationship, if you delay the
(05:32):
onset of the first sexual experience in a new relationship
and spend that time building some emotional intimacy, this is
highly correlated with better long term relationship outcomes. I should
pause here to say, Look, if you want a short
term relationship and you want like swinging from the chandeliers
in a French maid's outfit, sex, great, enjoy, have fun, Fine, fine, fine,
(05:54):
no problem there. But if you're looking for a long term,
committed heterosexual relationship, people who have sex within thirty days
of meeting have about a ninety percent chance of being
broken up within one year, and those who wait as
long as ninety days have a one in four chance
they'll be together a year later. Not naming any names,
(06:17):
but there's a certain husband and wife team that I
know because I'm the wife, and we waited that time.
We got to know each other first. I'm gonna remind
you again in case you didn't hear it the first
time around. This is not your grandmother's advice. It's not
about withholding sex to manipulate a man. This is about
giving yourself a gift, giving yourself a period to assess
(06:39):
a partner before you expose your eggs and your bloodstream
to a loser. I find it hysterical that women wouldn't
give the keys to their apartment to a stranger to
go in and water their plants while they're out of town,
yet they would easily expose their eggs and their bloodstream
to him. It doesn't make sense, it's not rational. I
(07:02):
believe that adopting a no policy is practicing ancient female
mating strategy. I'm not gonna lie to you. Sex is
a much higher risk copy for women than it is
than men. Because of our unique biology. Women are more
likely to contract an STI. They're more likely to fall
in love with a loser because of a big hit
(07:24):
of oxytocin during sex. Worst of all, they could contract
an eighteen year case of parenthood. By not allowing yourself
to be lured and tricked into situationships, you reduce all
of these risks. Now, I know you got mixed messages.
In our culture, right, we have told women that you
(07:44):
have now achieved sexual freedom, you have birth control. Everything's
going to be fine. And now may I gently inquire
how many of you single women in situationships feel free?
Speaker 2 (07:56):
How free do you really feel?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Remember, opting a male model of anything is not female freedom.
So here's what you have to do. You have to
ignore that female competition out there. Don't be thinking about
the other women that are rolling over easy, grow a
backbone and some alligator skin, because as soon as you
(08:19):
start using the word no, a lot of guys are
not going to bother to do the work, or they
wanted short term relationship, They're going to disappear. You're going
to feel abandoned. That's okay, that is normal. You should
be doing the touchdown cheer because you saved yourself a
lot of time and cast a wider net. Don't just
look at this small group of what are you calling them?
Alpha high value man?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Forget it.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Your idea of a power guy might just be a
guy who can power a stroller. Google that the Latte
dads in Sweden. They're so cute and they're loving their babies. Look,
you have to learn how to value yourself, respect your
intelligent body, and sometimes go against culture's misguide message to women.
It's going to be challenging, but I have faith in you.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy wall Show on KFI
AM six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
So you know, I go out in the world.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I see people, I see places. I'm always thinking about
my show. I'm always thinking about what you my listener,
needs to hear. And I happen to tour this really cool
facility in El Segundo called love Life. I use the
word facility, but I mean it's a health club, like
how a health club should be, where it actually cares
about your health.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Like they've got gyms and pickleball, but then you.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Know, really healthy food and a whole spa situation and pilates.
But they also have physicians. And I ran into this
amazing doctor, doctor Jaqueline Tolentino. Hi, doctor Jacqueline, how are you.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
I'm good, I'm good. Thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
And I said, I gotta have or my show because
she started talking and she talked about all the subjects
we talk about regularly on the show. So in a minute,
we're going to talk about my favorite subject, with a menopause,
because a lot of our listeners are a little, oh,
let's just call us women of a certain age, and
as a result, they may not be aware of the
(10:19):
medical interventions available to them, or how it's impacting their
relationship or their sex life, et cetera. But there's something
else I talk about a lot, doctor Jacqueline. Right now,
we're in the information age. We're not so much agrarian
based anymore, and women are uniquely suited to talk and
text and extract information. And as a result, many women
(10:40):
in our culture are burning some important years of their
fertility window, gaining higher education and building their careers. All
makes sense, it's all about survival. But then they get
into their thirties, because the average age of first time
marriage now in America is thirty, which many doctors would
say is the beginning of the end of the fertility window.
(11:03):
So let's talk about the emotional and psychological aspect of something.
I'm sure you deal with a lot your primary care,
but that you're the first line of defense right when
people come to you and say, why aren't I pregnant?
First of all, what is the perfect age to get pregnant?
Is there one?
Speaker 4 (11:23):
You know? I would say that there is not a
perfect age to get pregnant. The perfect age to get
pregnant is the age that is right for you. I'd
also say that fertility journeys, they're rarely just physical. We
know that that emotional weight, the hope, the fear, there's grief,
there's frustration. For some women that are going through infertility.
It can take a huge toll on your mental health.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
And I'm sure the hormones that they're sometimes taking right
Like if they're going to have IVF and they have
to you guys have to extract some eggs, they have
to raise their hormones, and that can cause some major
relationship strife. It's like constant PMS, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
Yes, Yes, I mean from a relationship standpoint, we know
that these women who are really struggling with fertility, it's overwhelming.
And not only is it overwhelming, it's complicated on so
many levels. And the stress that women are experiencing who
are really struggling with this journey, that takes a toll
on everything else, including the hormones, including the neurotransmitters in
(12:24):
the brain, including the relationships and how they feel, and
of course even about themselves and how they're feeling throughout
the journey. So it becomes really complicated.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Yeah, I'm sure when your body is failing you, you
feel like somehow a failure in some way. And doctor Tolentino,
you are part of a team that's called integrative care
at Love Life. Now what does it mean when we
say integrative care.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
When I think of the word integrative, I think of
utilizing many different modalities to support health and healing fertility.
So this isn't just about people seeing a primary doctor.
It's about utilizing all of the different tools they have
in their toolbox, including even seeing other practitioners in different
(13:12):
spaces like Eastern medicine practitioners, and maybe even utilizing a
health coach or a registered dietitian and integrating the care
that they might experience with their personal trainer, etc. So
it becomes a fabric, and integrative medicine is really about
molding together this fabric of care where people have a
care team and they're not just relying on one specific
(13:33):
person for support.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
So when it comes to an area like fertility, how
does integrative care assist oh man.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
You know, when I think of integrative care from a
fertility standpoint, people are typically seeing possibly an obgyn or
even a reproductive doctor, but then they're also adding in acupuncture.
They may also be seeing a functional medicine practitioner like
myself to really focus in on the root cause. Whether
we're looking at anatomical concerns, or we want to make
(14:03):
sure that somebody's nutrients status is great, or we're looking
at the levels of hormones and how the brain is
signaling down to the ovaries, or maybe we're even taking
a look at their nervous system and their stress response.
So not only are they seeing myself, but they're seeing
a whole host of care teen experts to really help
them understand what's going on and how can we improve
(14:24):
the condition.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
You know, I happen to teach health psychology, and we
talk about how the brain informs the body.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
The body informs the.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Brain, and it is not uncommon for couples to go
through a lot of fertility treatments and then literally give
up and then six months later get pregnant naturally. And
that's because the stress has been reduced, right, Yes, yes.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
I mean so many women what they struggle with is
doctors will tell them, Oh, it's fine, you just need
to relax. Oh, and that's so hard to relax at
a time when you're also struggling with this situation. So
it's almost like some women who are really struggling with this,
they might feel dismissed and they might feel as though
they're not really being heard when they're saying, Hey, I'm
struggling with this and then need some support beyond just
(15:09):
what you're giving me. And that's also where an integrative
care team can help support that. Not only are we
listening to our patients, we're doing different kinds of dynamic
testing and also different types of dynamic support. Either they're
getting acupuncture, they're focusing on their stress response. They have
this beautiful facility and love life, so they're also getting
that care there and it becomes a beautiful mix of
(15:31):
three hundred and sixty degree wellness where we're hitting on
every aspect.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
So for those couples out there who might be struggling
with fertility right now, what's the single most important bit
of advice you can give them?
Speaker 4 (15:45):
I would say, know that you're not alone, and that
if you find yourself in a position where you're struggling
to get pregnant and you're not sure what the next
step might look like. That it's important for you to
feel that you have a support team that's behind you,
who's going to help you with every step along the way.
There are so many couples that are really struggling with fertility,
(16:08):
and there are so many different types of dynamic treatments
that are supportive to help support this journey, to make
sure that you get to the goal, which is not
only having the baby, but also helping to support the
postpartum time peering and what that care looks like. So
making sure that you feel as though you're supported with
your care team. I also think that it's not just
the one size fits all to see one particular practitioner
(16:31):
and then just hang on that word. If you feel
that there's more to explore with your fertility journey, honor
that maybe that means seeing an integrative care team. Maybe
that means doing some additional research or even just opening
up to your partner that you want to explore more
modalities for support.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
That is wonderful advice. Reach out.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
There are people out there, they have different ideas and opinions.
Now when we talk about women's health, we have to
go to break. We talk about across the life lifespan,
what we're dealing with. You know, you mentioned postpartum, which
is the only time in my life I've been on
an antidepressant.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
That was quite a ride, that postpartum life.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
But now many of our listeners are at the other
end of things, when the factory is shutting down and
meneprouse is now finally being talked about as a realistic,
real important health issue and lots of treatments are available.
Let's talk about it when we come back. My guest
is doctor Jacqueline Tolentino of Love Life in El Segundo.
(17:31):
You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI
AM six forty one.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Welcome back to a Doctor Wendywall's Show on KFI AM
six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Just reminder,
if you ever miss any part of the show, you
can always download it later listen to it on the
iHeartRadio app. My guest is doctor Jacqueline Tolentino of Love
Life it's so hard to explain what love life is.
But it's basically a health club and it's also a
(18:02):
doctor's office and a spa and a great restaurant all
in one.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
In else Agindo, let's talk about menopause.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I am so happy to see that it has come
out of the closet, that we can all talk about it,
and that it's much more than just a bunch of
hot flashes. Right.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Menopause affects every cell in your body, it does.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
And what's crazy about menopause and this experience that so
many women are having is that even though we all
are going through it and we all may experience it,
the personal experience that is what varies dramatically from women
to women. And it's not just about hot flashes, correct.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
It can be about a lot of mental health stuff.
I'm gonna tell you a story, like when I first
started to experience menopause, I would get lost in traffic,
I would have a brain fog or I couldn't even
remember where I was. That caused anxiety, obvious, a little
bit of a depression. I was actually a regular on
the Doctor Drew Show at the time, and I was
(19:05):
late for my shop because of what happened, and he
sent me immediately to a beautiful doctor who set me
up with hormone replacement therapy. And I have to tell
you this story, doctor Toltino, because it's so funny. I
said to her, you know, I just want to do
everything natural. Okay, I'm just I don't want to do
anything like hormones.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
I just want to be natural. And she looked at
me and in.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
The sweetest way, she said, well, what's natural is your
cells are dying, but we can keep them alive.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
A little longer. I'm like, sign me up.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
So that was how she sold hormone replacement therapy to me,
and I got to tell you it changed my life.
Let's talk about what these hormonembalances often due to women
who are of a certain.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
Any yesh, yeah, I mean for women who are going
through menopause or even pairing menopause. It becomes a rocky
road of estrogen that's rapidly declining, of progesterone that's going down,
of testosterone that's also going down. And so that experience
for some women during that rocky road, that's what brings
up a whole host of symptoms that so many women
(20:17):
may not attribute or associate with menopause. And I think
the reason why is because number one, when they go
see a doctor and they talk about things that might
overlap at that time period of life, they might feel
dismissed and the doctor might not realize that. When you
put all of the symptoms together, these are women who
are experiencing not just the hot flashes and not just
(20:38):
possibly the irregular period or the vaginal dryness, but they're
also experienced changes in their metabolism, their immune system.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Oh yeah, that belly fat. That's an unwelcome guest that
shows up right now.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
They're not you know, they're noticing weight gains. And then
comes in some of the mental health type concerns where
we're thinking about the brain fog, the headaches, the anxiety,
the irritability, and so putting all those pieces together, we
realized that seventy five percent of women who are in
perimenopause to menopause are going to experience some of these
constellations of symptoms.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Thats a lot, and it is a lot.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
And we should say that perimenopause can start as young
as age thirty five, right.
Speaker 4 (21:19):
It can. It can. There are women in their thirties
who are experiencing this, and the doctors haven't quite put
that together, that this could be a woman who's really
going through pairing that up off.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Yeah, I have to tell you a story.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
So after that nice doctor gave me the hormone replacement,
you know, I started. Now you should know, at the time,
I had kids in elementary school. One of them was
on the spectrum. I had to like totally keep my
head together.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
In the game. I was single mom.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
I mean, it was all just so stressful time for me,
and of course everyone was blaming the overwhelming stressors and
the lifestyle instead of what was going on. So I
was at my kids' school. It was like maybe the
third day. I'd put testoster own cream on my leg,
and I was doing a morning like bake sale thing
with her class, a breakfast thing, and I felt the
(22:07):
warm sun on my back, and something happened. I guess
the testosterone finally hit my brain. I felt a little,
just a tiny shift of dizziness for a second, and
then the next thing I know, I felt neurotransmitters in
my brain exploding into bursts of happy sunshine. I was
literally singing that song walking on Sunshine. I was like whoa,
(22:29):
because in comparison to how I had been feeling, I
probably just got up to normal. But how comparison to
how I had been feeling, I was just like I
couldn't believe it.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
I could actually feel it in my brain.
Speaker 4 (22:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Yeah, so it really it saved my life. It literally said.
And I want to ask you another thing.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
I've been following a lot of doctors on TikTok who
talk about menopause. I don't know why TikTok gives me
those videos, but anyway, they think I need them. And
they have been saying that all these scares about estrogen
are unfounded, and that these scares about cancer have to
do with synthetic progesterone that they used to give women.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
Have you heard that, Yes, I have so. Interestingly enough,
over the course of the last twenty years, there's been
a lot of misinformation about estrogen, in particular because of
how the studies were conducted and how the information was disseminated,
(23:32):
from very early on in the early two thousand, around
two thousand and three when the WHI study came out,
and after that point, there were so many women who
became very fearful of hormones because of the fact that
that was a big part of the conversation that you know,
women should be scared because it was going to cause cancer,
et cetera. Fast forward to now in twenty twenty five,
(23:55):
when we look back, we as physicians and many physicians
that have done a lot more research into this have
realized that the studies, that the way that they were
conducted and the information that was disseminated was wrong, and
that we should not fear estrogen. And even in the
past couple of decades, as of late, you'll see that
(24:17):
for women who have even had breast cancer who were
put on hormone replacement including estrogen, twenty four out of
the twenty five studies did not show that this created
an issue of recurrence. And it doesn't make sense to
me because biologically, you think about how important estrogen is
for life, your entire body.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
For all of us, well, certainly for your heart.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
Estrogen and the res orestrogen everywhere.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
There's far more chance that a woman will die of
heart disease than breast cancer. It just seems like breast
cancer has a better pr agency or something.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
But it is our heart we're supposed to be.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
Protecting, right, yes, and so you know, for some women
who really are thinking about it in terms of how
can I utilize something that's going to be helpful for
my bones, for cardiovascular protection, for brain health, against dementia,
and a whole host of other symptoms. Biodonical hormone doesn't answer.
(25:16):
Home Hormone replacement therapy is one of their tools in
their toolbox to help support and protect them, not only
to get rid of the seventy five percent of symptoms,
but also to help support this as well.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Well.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
It is certainly an option that many women are now
turning towards and talking to their doctors about.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
I am living proof. Thank you so much for being
with us, doctor Jacqueline Tolentino. You can find her at
love Life. I love the name of this. A health
club called love Life, a health club that's actually about
your health, has doctors there and good food and pickleball.
But anyway, you are there as a thriving Board certified
family physician and a lead functional medicine physician at love Life.
(25:56):
Thank you so much for being with us on the
Doctor Wendy Wall Show.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
Thank you so much. Take care and.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
When we come back.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Speaking of menopause, did you know a new study is
out the more money a woman makes in her relationship,
the more likely she is to divorce. Let's talk about
how we can prevent that. When we come back. You're
listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM
six forty we Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on Demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Welcome back to the home stretch of the Doctor Wendy
Walls Show on KFI AM six forty, Live Everywhere on
the iHeartRadio App. Speaking of the iHeartRadio App, producer Kayla
and I learned something this week. We learned that if
you go on the iHeartRadio app, listen, this is important.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Are you listening, I'm talking to you?
Speaker 4 (26:48):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (26:48):
You go, you download the iHeartRadio app. Right in the
little search bar you search doctor Wendy Walsh. There comes
up Doctor Wendy on Demand. I'm like leaning against a
gray wall and a gray sweater. I think my nephew
took that picture or something upun time. Anyway, there's a
little button at the top. After you open up my
thing called Preset. You press the preset button.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Oh and guess what.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Every time a new episode gets put up, boom, you
get it right away in your box.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
So you open the app. There it is right there.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
So everybody needs to do that preset thing because you know,
you don't always have to be up so late on
Sunday nights, and maybe you have other plans. You know,
things come up Sunday night, family dinner, hot date, whatever.
So you just have that preset and you'll get it
just by opening the app. Okay, you download the iHeartRadio app,
you search doctor Wendy Walls, you hit the preset button.
(27:37):
All right, I'll keep reminding you about this. So this week,
you know, I do a lot of media around the country,
and media outlets reach out to me for comment, and
Today Newsweek or this week Newsweek magazine asked me to
comment on new research that has just come out.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
It's not surprising. It's what I've been saying all along.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Which is that couples are far more likely to get
divorced if the woman is the primary breadwinner or makes
substantially more money than the guy. So, regardless of income,
couples where the woman was the primary owner were two
to three times more likely to get divorced. So upper classes,
(28:20):
middle class, lower class. If the woman was pulling in
the big pay more, two to three times they have divorce.
So let's talk about why this is. I like to
think there are two versions to this story. There's the
woman's side and there's the band's side. On the wife's side, look,
let's be clear, when a woman has economic clout and
(28:44):
the ability to support herself, she puts up with less problems,
less strife. Right, when times get tough in a marriage,
if she's got the paycheck, she can easily fly the coup.
She's always always going to be fine. Right. The other
thing when it comes to the woman's side of this
story is, you know, in the last few decades, we
(29:05):
have seen an exodus of many women out of the household.
We have not seen a corresponding influx of men into
the household. And many high earning women aren't so happy
about the division of domestic labor because often they're expected
to still do the lion's share of work at home,
and they're tired, and they come home and they're tired. Now,
(29:31):
I do want to add, by the way, that my
fabulous new husband, Julio loves to wash dishes, do laundry,
and clean floors.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Like literally after dinner. I love to cook.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
He likes to do the dishes after dinner. I sit
there sipping my glass of wine watching him do the dishes.
I keep him company, I chat with him. I used
to try to help out, but he told me I
wasn't doing it right.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
I love that. Okay.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
On the male side of why divorces are higher when
the woman makes so much more, you know, so much
of men's identity, sadly, their masculinity, their self confidence is
related in their minds to their earning potential. There's actually
some other research that I saw years ago. It said
(30:15):
that men who make less money than their wives, the
flip side of this, are more likely to have affairs
and one you know, some psychologists say, well, that's the
way they have to support their feelings of lost masculinity. Right,
this makes them feel very masculine. Or maybe they feel
completely envious or less than with their wife, or they
(30:36):
feel competitive with their wife, maybe they're hostile. Right, So
this is the men's side of things. So I think
that men do need to rethink their value. They need
to focus on gaining esteem from all the contributions that
happen in a relationship, parenting, domestic responsibilities, yes, income. I
(30:57):
know a couple months where she was a high power attorney.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
He was a stay at home dad. She didn't want
to have anything to do with money.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
She just had enough documents to fill out and bills
to pay at work and stuff to do that. She
wanted to come home and be a mom and live
in a household and be happy.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
So he.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Managed the money and the payments and everything, and so
that was the way it worked for them. He got
his power by being the spender or the saver and
managing things, and she got her power by going out
there and doing what she does well. Right. I also
think that women need to change their idea of you know,
(31:37):
what is a power man. I see all these videos
on TikTok and Instagram, and women are all looking for
quote unquote, this high value man. I want to have
this man. I want to learn to get a man
who will support me. I want to be a trad wife.
You know what. Those jobs are few and far between,
and there's like no job security, there's no retirement plan,
(32:00):
there's nothing, and family law has been eroded.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
I mean women, these are really.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Risky jobs to just give up everything and go get
supported by a man one hundred percent. I remember one
time I had a family attorney on this show and
he was saying that his best advice to people getting
married is that if a woman chooses or a man
whoever chooses to stay home and leave the labor force,
that the person who is working outside of the home
(32:27):
should pay a weekly paycheck to the other person in
their name as payment for the labor they're doing in
the household. Wouldn't that be great? I think we all
should do that, all right. I want to remind you
that you guys are on the same team. The relationship
should be the winner in all of this. So if
(32:47):
you're in a situation, ladies, where you make a lot
more than your husband, rather than feeling disgruntled about his contribution,
you need to appreciate what he's doing. Dudes, you need
to understand that is still manly to take care of kids,
It's still manly to take care of your house. It
is still manly to be a good supportive partner. I
(33:08):
also has fed a video this week on TikTok. It's
something I talk about in my developmental psychology class.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
All the time. When we talk about gender.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
In Sweden, they actually make men take some of the
parental leave, Like you can't have just one gender person
take it the whole time, They have to split it up.
So what has evolved? They call them the latte dads.
They're roving bands of tattooed, bearded, gorgeous guys, all baby wearing,
(33:37):
sitting in the cafes, changing diapers, playing with babies. And
so there's cute little TikTok video that was sent to
me of all these guys. I was like, Oh, it's
so wonderful and it looks so manly to me. But listen,
if you're in that situation, I want you to have
some open communication about all your feelings with your partner.
You might want to go back and revisit your gender
(33:59):
roles and what they mean and what you expect from
the other person, and work together on your financial planning.
You know, sometimes it's whoever has the paycheck gets the control.
And they're not a benevolent leader. Okay, they're taking too
much control. You have to share in whatever you're saving
for planning for spending right, and it's important you understand
(34:19):
the value of supporting somebody else's career. Guys, women have
done it for decades and it's a very big accomplishment
to help someone and be their backbone and if needed,
counseling and therapy. Because I don't want to see you
guys divorced. Okay, I like you when happy couples stay together.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Especially when you have kids. All right.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
That brings the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show to a close.
I am always here every Sunday night from seven to
nine pm. If you would like to follow me on
my social media, please do. The handle is at dr
Wendy Walsh at doctor Wendy Walsh. After a very long break,
I am back and I've been posting videos every day,
so it'll be good to see you there, comment with you,
and I love you all.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Thanks for being here.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
You have been listening to the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show
on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always
hear us live on KFI AM six forty from seven
to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on
the iHeartRadio app.
This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy
Wall Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio App.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
If you have not.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Been following my social media lately and you're a woman,
you need to get on there. And here's why. So
I have a social media manager, December Brown. She's fabulous
and she did some analytics into my social media and
she said, you know, most of your listeners are women.
There are women between the ages of twenty five and
(00:36):
sixty five, right, They're all there. Plenty of them are single,
and you need to talk directly to them. Forget about
all the other categories of fabulous humans out there, forget
about the different styles of relationships. Just focus on getting
a healthy heterosexual relationship for women. I mean, here on
the Doctor Wendy Walls Show, I talk to everybody about everything.
(00:56):
But the reason why I'm telling you that this is
how my social media is going is because she recently
asked me to make a video, which I haven't done yet.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I'm going to do it soon.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Called the power of no because December is always shocked
when I say the power is in the word no.
The best power is the power that isn't used, it's
just there. I also, before I talk about the power
of no one, I want to say one other thing.
Plenty of times in my social media people will comment, oh, Grandma,
(01:29):
are old auntie? Your relationship advice is out of fashion.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Now it's out of style. Things have changed, And you
know what, I.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Always comment back, clearly, you're a dude. Because guys love
to tell women that things have changed because they want
women to believe that female sexual freedom is about behaving
like a man. And I have always said that adopting
(01:59):
a man of anything is not female freedom. So plenty
of women, in owning their own orgasm and enjoying their sexuality,
have found themselves falling into situation ships. If you don't
know that word, learn it situation ships, maybe you're in one.
Didn't even know that it's called that These are a
(02:20):
relationship that is undefined and unfulfilling. It's often a series
of sexy dates where a woman feels like she's in
the wings, waiting to be called on stage and crowned
as the girlfriend. Like somehow, one day a dude is
going to wake up and it's going to dawn on
(02:41):
him that he should be paying for what he's getting
for free. Doesn't happen like that, right, And the secret
to eliminating situation ships is one word. It is the
word no. But there's a problem. Women are afraid when
they are given the opportunity to say that simple word no.
(03:03):
Deep down in our ancient female psyches, we fear that
we will be disliked or worse, rejected or abandoned, left
alone in the wilderness to parish. Yet that's an ancient
fear we have. This is part of our evolutionary wiring.
So there are plenty of women out there that fear
abandonment more than they want a healthy relationship. The fear
(03:30):
leads them instead of the desire for a healthy relationship.
I want to remind you that last year there were
more than two million weddings in America. They did not
come from hook ups and situationships. I'm just gonna say
it right out there. I know some of you will
send me emails or right on my social media that's
not true. My husband was a one night stand and
(03:53):
I stayed with him.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Great.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
That's called anecdotal evidence.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
That is not real data or statistical probability.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
All right.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Also, in our current lifetime, women have been socialized to
be nice, to be sweet, to be compliant, and there's
perhaps no more crucial time where we want to really
show that we are cooperative. When we're dating ahead or
sexual male. There's some piece of us that flirts with
(04:24):
a misguided notion that our female value lies in being chosen,
that somehow we have to be his prize. Oh my god,
I'm gonna lose it. I've got some big news for you, ladies,
and it comes down to basic biology. I've said it
for ten years on the show. I'm going to keep
on saying it. At the basic biological level. Sperm chases egg,
(04:47):
not the reverse. And the power of no may be
your secret power. So there's another reason why no is important,
has less to do with biology, maybe more to do
with psychology. All genders value what they have to work for.
The more obstacles. I'm not saying manipulation. This is not
(05:08):
about manipulation. Gentle obstacles that a suitor is faced with,
the more he will up his game and consider his
person to be on a higher shelf, right, a higher
shelf than someone who's a hookup or a situationship. Okay,
if you're still not convinced, there's research to support the
idea that in a new relationship, if you delay the
(05:32):
onset of the first sexual experience in a new relationship
and spend that time building some emotional intimacy, this is
highly correlated with better long term relationship outcomes. I should
pause here to say, Look, if you want a short
term relationship and you want like swinging from the chandeliers
in a French maid's outfit, sex, great, enjoy, have fun, Fine, fine, fine,
(05:54):
no problem there. But if you're looking for a long term,
committed heterosexual relationship, people who have sex within thirty days
of meeting have about a ninety percent chance of being
broken up within one year, and those who wait as
long as ninety days have a one in four chance
they'll be together a year later. Not naming any names,
(06:17):
but there's a certain husband and wife team that I
know because I'm the wife, and we waited that time.
We got to know each other first. I'm gonna remind
you again in case you didn't hear it the first
time around. This is not your grandmother's advice. It's not
about withholding sex to manipulate a man. This is about
giving yourself a gift, giving yourself a period to assess
(06:39):
a partner before you expose your eggs and your bloodstream
to a loser. I find it hysterical that women wouldn't
give the keys to their apartment to a stranger to
go in and water their plants while they're out of town,
yet they would easily expose their eggs and their bloodstream
to him. It doesn't make sense, it's not rational. I
(07:02):
believe that adopting a no policy is practicing ancient female
mating strategy. I'm not gonna lie to you. Sex is
a much higher risk copy for women than it is
than men. Because of our unique biology. Women are more
likely to contract an STI. They're more likely to fall
in love with a loser because of a big hit
(07:24):
of oxytocin during sex. Worst of all, they could contract
an eighteen year case of parenthood. By not allowing yourself
to be lured and tricked into situationships, you reduce all
of these risks. Now, I know you got mixed messages.
In our culture, right, we have told women that you
(07:44):
have now achieved sexual freedom, you have birth control. Everything's
going to be fine. And now may I gently inquire
how many of you single women in situationships feel free?
Speaker 2 (07:56):
How free do you really feel?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Remember, opting a male model of anything is not female freedom.
So here's what you have to do. You have to
ignore that female competition out there. Don't be thinking about
the other women that are rolling over easy, grow a
backbone and some alligator skin, because as soon as you
(08:19):
start using the word no, a lot of guys are
not going to bother to do the work, or they
wanted short term relationship, They're going to disappear. You're going
to feel abandoned. That's okay, that is normal. You should
be doing the touchdown cheer because you saved yourself a
lot of time and cast a wider net. Don't just
look at this small group of what are you calling them?
Alpha high value man?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Forget it.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Your idea of a power guy might just be a
guy who can power a stroller. Google that the Latte
dads in Sweden. They're so cute and they're loving their babies. Look,
you have to learn how to value yourself, respect your
intelligent body, and sometimes go against culture's misguide message to women.
It's going to be challenging, but I have faith in you.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy wall Show on KFI
AM six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
So you know, I go out in the world.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I see people, I see places. I'm always thinking about
my show. I'm always thinking about what you my listener,
needs to hear. And I happen to tour this really cool
facility in El Segundo called love Life. I use the
word facility, but I mean it's a health club, like
how a health club should be, where it actually cares
about your health.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Like they've got gyms and pickleball, but then you.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Know, really healthy food and a whole spa situation and pilates.
But they also have physicians. And I ran into this
amazing doctor, doctor Jaqueline Tolentino. Hi, doctor Jacqueline, how are you.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
I'm good, I'm good. Thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
And I said, I gotta have or my show because
she started talking and she talked about all the subjects
we talk about regularly on the show. So in a minute,
we're going to talk about my favorite subject, with a menopause,
because a lot of our listeners are a little, oh,
let's just call us women of a certain age, and
as a result, they may not be aware of the
(10:19):
medical interventions available to them, or how it's impacting their
relationship or their sex life, et cetera. But there's something
else I talk about a lot, doctor Jacqueline. Right now,
we're in the information age. We're not so much agrarian
based anymore, and women are uniquely suited to talk and
text and extract information. And as a result, many women
(10:40):
in our culture are burning some important years of their
fertility window, gaining higher education and building their careers. All
makes sense, it's all about survival. But then they get
into their thirties, because the average age of first time
marriage now in America is thirty, which many doctors would
say is the beginning of the end of the fertility window.
(11:03):
So let's talk about the emotional and psychological aspect of something.
I'm sure you deal with a lot your primary care,
but that you're the first line of defense right when
people come to you and say, why aren't I pregnant?
First of all, what is the perfect age to get pregnant?
Is there one?
Speaker 4 (11:23):
You know? I would say that there is not a
perfect age to get pregnant. The perfect age to get
pregnant is the age that is right for you. I'd
also say that fertility journeys, they're rarely just physical. We
know that that emotional weight, the hope, the fear, there's grief,
there's frustration. For some women that are going through infertility.
It can take a huge toll on your mental health.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
And I'm sure the hormones that they're sometimes taking right
Like if they're going to have IVF and they have
to you guys have to extract some eggs, they have
to raise their hormones, and that can cause some major
relationship strife. It's like constant PMS, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
Yes, Yes, I mean from a relationship standpoint, we know
that these women who are really struggling with fertility, it's overwhelming.
And not only is it overwhelming, it's complicated on so
many levels. And the stress that women are experiencing who
are really struggling with this journey, that takes a toll
on everything else, including the hormones, including the neurotransmitters in
(12:24):
the brain, including the relationships and how they feel, and
of course even about themselves and how they're feeling throughout
the journey. So it becomes really complicated.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Yeah, I'm sure when your body is failing you, you
feel like somehow a failure in some way. And doctor Tolentino,
you are part of a team that's called integrative care
at Love Life. Now what does it mean when we
say integrative care.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
When I think of the word integrative, I think of
utilizing many different modalities to support health and healing fertility.
So this isn't just about people seeing a primary doctor.
It's about utilizing all of the different tools they have
in their toolbox, including even seeing other practitioners in different
(13:12):
spaces like Eastern medicine practitioners, and maybe even utilizing a
health coach or a registered dietitian and integrating the care
that they might experience with their personal trainer, etc. So
it becomes a fabric, and integrative medicine is really about
molding together this fabric of care where people have a
care team and they're not just relying on one specific
(13:33):
person for support.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
So when it comes to an area like fertility, how
does integrative care assist oh man.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
You know, when I think of integrative care from a
fertility standpoint, people are typically seeing possibly an obgyn or
even a reproductive doctor, but then they're also adding in acupuncture.
They may also be seeing a functional medicine practitioner like
myself to really focus in on the root cause. Whether
we're looking at anatomical concerns, or we want to make
(14:03):
sure that somebody's nutrients status is great, or we're looking
at the levels of hormones and how the brain is
signaling down to the ovaries, or maybe we're even taking
a look at their nervous system and their stress response.
So not only are they seeing myself, but they're seeing
a whole host of care teen experts to really help
them understand what's going on and how can we improve
(14:24):
the condition.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
You know, I happen to teach health psychology, and we
talk about how the brain informs the body.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
The body informs the.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Brain, and it is not uncommon for couples to go
through a lot of fertility treatments and then literally give
up and then six months later get pregnant naturally. And
that's because the stress has been reduced, right, Yes, yes.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
I mean so many women what they struggle with is
doctors will tell them, Oh, it's fine, you just need
to relax. Oh, and that's so hard to relax at
a time when you're also struggling with this situation. So
it's almost like some women who are really struggling with this,
they might feel dismissed and they might feel as though
they're not really being heard when they're saying, Hey, I'm
struggling with this and then need some support beyond just
(15:09):
what you're giving me. And that's also where an integrative
care team can help support that. Not only are we
listening to our patients, we're doing different kinds of dynamic
testing and also different types of dynamic support. Either they're
getting acupuncture, they're focusing on their stress response. They have
this beautiful facility and love life, so they're also getting
that care there and it becomes a beautiful mix of
(15:31):
three hundred and sixty degree wellness where we're hitting on
every aspect.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
So for those couples out there who might be struggling
with fertility right now, what's the single most important bit
of advice you can give them?
Speaker 4 (15:45):
I would say, know that you're not alone, and that
if you find yourself in a position where you're struggling
to get pregnant and you're not sure what the next
step might look like. That it's important for you to
feel that you have a support team that's behind you,
who's going to help you with every step along the way.
There are so many couples that are really struggling with fertility,
(16:08):
and there are so many different types of dynamic treatments
that are supportive to help support this journey, to make
sure that you get to the goal, which is not
only having the baby, but also helping to support the
postpartum time peering and what that care looks like. So
making sure that you feel as though you're supported with
your care team. I also think that it's not just
the one size fits all to see one particular practitioner
(16:31):
and then just hang on that word. If you feel
that there's more to explore with your fertility journey, honor
that maybe that means seeing an integrative care team. Maybe
that means doing some additional research or even just opening
up to your partner that you want to explore more
modalities for support.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
That is wonderful advice. Reach out.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
There are people out there, they have different ideas and opinions.
Now when we talk about women's health, we have to
go to break. We talk about across the life lifespan,
what we're dealing with. You know, you mentioned postpartum, which
is the only time in my life I've been on
an antidepressant.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
That was quite a ride, that postpartum life.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
But now many of our listeners are at the other
end of things, when the factory is shutting down and
meneprouse is now finally being talked about as a realistic,
real important health issue and lots of treatments are available.
Let's talk about it when we come back. My guest
is doctor Jacqueline Tolentino of Love Life in El Segundo.
(17:31):
You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI
AM six forty one.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Welcome back to a Doctor Wendywall's Show on KFI AM
six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Just reminder,
if you ever miss any part of the show, you
can always download it later listen to it on the
iHeartRadio app. My guest is doctor Jacqueline Tolentino of Love
Life it's so hard to explain what love life is.
But it's basically a health club and it's also a
(18:02):
doctor's office and a spa and a great restaurant all
in one.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
In else Agindo, let's talk about menopause.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I am so happy to see that it has come
out of the closet, that we can all talk about it,
and that it's much more than just a bunch of
hot flashes. Right.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Menopause affects every cell in your body, it does.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
And what's crazy about menopause and this experience that so
many women are having is that even though we all
are going through it and we all may experience it,
the personal experience that is what varies dramatically from women
to women. And it's not just about hot flashes, correct.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
It can be about a lot of mental health stuff.
I'm gonna tell you a story, like when I first
started to experience menopause, I would get lost in traffic,
I would have a brain fog or I couldn't even
remember where I was. That caused anxiety, obvious, a little
bit of a depression. I was actually a regular on
the Doctor Drew Show at the time, and I was
(19:05):
late for my shop because of what happened, and he
sent me immediately to a beautiful doctor who set me
up with hormone replacement therapy. And I have to tell
you this story, doctor Toltino, because it's so funny. I
said to her, you know, I just want to do
everything natural. Okay, I'm just I don't want to do
anything like hormones.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
I just want to be natural. And she looked at
me and in.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
The sweetest way, she said, well, what's natural is your
cells are dying, but we can keep them alive.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
A little longer. I'm like, sign me up.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
So that was how she sold hormone replacement therapy to me,
and I got to tell you it changed my life.
Let's talk about what these hormonembalances often due to women
who are of a certain.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
Any yesh, yeah, I mean for women who are going
through menopause or even pairing menopause. It becomes a rocky
road of estrogen that's rapidly declining, of progesterone that's going down,
of testosterone that's also going down. And so that experience
for some women during that rocky road, that's what brings
up a whole host of symptoms that so many women
(20:17):
may not attribute or associate with menopause. And I think
the reason why is because number one, when they go
see a doctor and they talk about things that might
overlap at that time period of life, they might feel
dismissed and the doctor might not realize that. When you
put all of the symptoms together, these are women who
are experiencing not just the hot flashes and not just
(20:38):
possibly the irregular period or the vaginal dryness, but they're
also experienced changes in their metabolism, their immune system.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Oh yeah, that belly fat. That's an unwelcome guest that
shows up right now.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
They're not you know, they're noticing weight gains. And then
comes in some of the mental health type concerns where
we're thinking about the brain fog, the headaches, the anxiety,
the irritability, and so putting all those pieces together, we
realized that seventy five percent of women who are in
perimenopause to menopause are going to experience some of these
constellations of symptoms.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Thats a lot, and it is a lot.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
And we should say that perimenopause can start as young
as age thirty five, right.
Speaker 4 (21:19):
It can. It can. There are women in their thirties
who are experiencing this, and the doctors haven't quite put
that together, that this could be a woman who's really
going through pairing that up off.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Yeah, I have to tell you a story.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
So after that nice doctor gave me the hormone replacement,
you know, I started. Now you should know, at the time,
I had kids in elementary school. One of them was
on the spectrum. I had to like totally keep my
head together.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
In the game. I was single mom.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
I mean, it was all just so stressful time for me,
and of course everyone was blaming the overwhelming stressors and
the lifestyle instead of what was going on. So I
was at my kids' school. It was like maybe the
third day. I'd put testoster own cream on my leg,
and I was doing a morning like bake sale thing
with her class, a breakfast thing, and I felt the
(22:07):
warm sun on my back, and something happened. I guess
the testosterone finally hit my brain. I felt a little,
just a tiny shift of dizziness for a second, and
then the next thing I know, I felt neurotransmitters in
my brain exploding into bursts of happy sunshine. I was
literally singing that song walking on Sunshine. I was like whoa,
(22:29):
because in comparison to how I had been feeling, I
probably just got up to normal. But how comparison to
how I had been feeling, I was just like I
couldn't believe it.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
I could actually feel it in my brain.
Speaker 4 (22:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Yeah, so it really it saved my life. It literally said.
And I want to ask you another thing.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
I've been following a lot of doctors on TikTok who
talk about menopause. I don't know why TikTok gives me
those videos, but anyway, they think I need them. And
they have been saying that all these scares about estrogen
are unfounded, and that these scares about cancer have to
do with synthetic progesterone that they used to give women.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
Have you heard that, Yes, I have so. Interestingly enough,
over the course of the last twenty years, there's been
a lot of misinformation about estrogen, in particular because of
how the studies were conducted and how the information was disseminated,
(23:32):
from very early on in the early two thousand, around
two thousand and three when the WHI study came out,
and after that point, there were so many women who
became very fearful of hormones because of the fact that
that was a big part of the conversation that you know,
women should be scared because it was going to cause cancer,
et cetera. Fast forward to now in twenty twenty five,
(23:55):
when we look back, we as physicians and many physicians
that have done a lot more research into this have
realized that the studies, that the way that they were
conducted and the information that was disseminated was wrong, and
that we should not fear estrogen. And even in the
past couple of decades, as of late, you'll see that
(24:17):
for women who have even had breast cancer who were
put on hormone replacement including estrogen, twenty four out of
the twenty five studies did not show that this created
an issue of recurrence. And it doesn't make sense to
me because biologically, you think about how important estrogen is
for life, your entire body.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
For all of us, well, certainly for your heart.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
Estrogen and the res orestrogen everywhere.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
There's far more chance that a woman will die of
heart disease than breast cancer. It just seems like breast
cancer has a better pr agency or something.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
But it is our heart we're supposed to be.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
Protecting, right, yes, and so you know, for some women
who really are thinking about it in terms of how
can I utilize something that's going to be helpful for
my bones, for cardiovascular protection, for brain health, against dementia,
and a whole host of other symptoms. Biodonical hormone doesn't answer.
(25:16):
Home Hormone replacement therapy is one of their tools in
their toolbox to help support and protect them, not only
to get rid of the seventy five percent of symptoms,
but also to help support this as well.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Well.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
It is certainly an option that many women are now
turning towards and talking to their doctors about.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
I am living proof. Thank you so much for being
with us, doctor Jacqueline Tolentino. You can find her at
love Life. I love the name of this. A health
club called love Life, a health club that's actually about
your health, has doctors there and good food and pickleball.
But anyway, you are there as a thriving Board certified
family physician and a lead functional medicine physician at love Life.
(25:56):
Thank you so much for being with us on the
Doctor Wendy Wall Show.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
Thank you so much. Take care and.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
When we come back.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Speaking of menopause, did you know a new study is
out the more money a woman makes in her relationship,
the more likely she is to divorce. Let's talk about
how we can prevent that. When we come back. You're
listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM
six forty we Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on Demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Welcome back to the home stretch of the Doctor Wendy
Walls Show on KFI AM six forty, Live Everywhere on
the iHeartRadio App. Speaking of the iHeartRadio App, producer Kayla
and I learned something this week. We learned that if
you go on the iHeartRadio app, listen, this is important.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Are you listening, I'm talking to you?
Speaker 4 (26:48):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (26:48):
You go, you download the iHeartRadio app. Right in the
little search bar you search doctor Wendy Walsh. There comes
up Doctor Wendy on Demand. I'm like leaning against a
gray wall and a gray sweater. I think my nephew
took that picture or something upun time. Anyway, there's a
little button at the top. After you open up my
thing called Preset. You press the preset button.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Oh and guess what.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Every time a new episode gets put up, boom, you
get it right away in your box.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
So you open the app. There it is right there.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
So everybody needs to do that preset thing because you know,
you don't always have to be up so late on
Sunday nights, and maybe you have other plans. You know,
things come up Sunday night, family dinner, hot date, whatever.
So you just have that preset and you'll get it
just by opening the app. Okay, you download the iHeartRadio app,
you search doctor Wendy Walls, you hit the preset button.
(27:37):
All right, I'll keep reminding you about this. So this week,
you know, I do a lot of media around the country,
and media outlets reach out to me for comment, and
Today Newsweek or this week Newsweek magazine asked me to
comment on new research that has just come out.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
It's not surprising. It's what I've been saying all along.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Which is that couples are far more likely to get
divorced if the woman is the primary breadwinner or makes
substantially more money than the guy. So, regardless of income,
couples where the woman was the primary owner were two
to three times more likely to get divorced. So upper classes,
(28:20):
middle class, lower class. If the woman was pulling in
the big pay more, two to three times they have divorce.
So let's talk about why this is. I like to
think there are two versions to this story. There's the
woman's side and there's the band's side. On the wife's side, look,
let's be clear, when a woman has economic clout and
(28:44):
the ability to support herself, she puts up with less problems,
less strife. Right, when times get tough in a marriage,
if she's got the paycheck, she can easily fly the coup.
She's always always going to be fine. Right. The other
thing when it comes to the woman's side of this
story is, you know, in the last few decades, we
(29:05):
have seen an exodus of many women out of the household.
We have not seen a corresponding influx of men into
the household. And many high earning women aren't so happy
about the division of domestic labor because often they're expected
to still do the lion's share of work at home,
and they're tired, and they come home and they're tired. Now,
(29:31):
I do want to add, by the way, that my
fabulous new husband, Julio loves to wash dishes, do laundry,
and clean floors.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Like literally after dinner. I love to cook.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
He likes to do the dishes after dinner. I sit
there sipping my glass of wine watching him do the dishes.
I keep him company, I chat with him. I used
to try to help out, but he told me I
wasn't doing it right.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
I love that. Okay.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
On the male side of why divorces are higher when
the woman makes so much more, you know, so much
of men's identity, sadly, their masculinity, their self confidence is
related in their minds to their earning potential. There's actually
some other research that I saw years ago. It said
(30:15):
that men who make less money than their wives, the
flip side of this, are more likely to have affairs
and one you know, some psychologists say, well, that's the
way they have to support their feelings of lost masculinity. Right,
this makes them feel very masculine. Or maybe they feel
completely envious or less than with their wife, or they
(30:36):
feel competitive with their wife, maybe they're hostile. Right, So
this is the men's side of things. So I think
that men do need to rethink their value. They need
to focus on gaining esteem from all the contributions that
happen in a relationship, parenting, domestic responsibilities, yes, income. I
(30:57):
know a couple months where she was a high power attorney.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
He was a stay at home dad. She didn't want
to have anything to do with money.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
She just had enough documents to fill out and bills
to pay at work and stuff to do that. She
wanted to come home and be a mom and live
in a household and be happy.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
So he.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Managed the money and the payments and everything, and so
that was the way it worked for them. He got
his power by being the spender or the saver and
managing things, and she got her power by going out
there and doing what she does well. Right. I also
think that women need to change their idea of you know,
(31:37):
what is a power man. I see all these videos
on TikTok and Instagram, and women are all looking for
quote unquote, this high value man. I want to have
this man. I want to learn to get a man
who will support me. I want to be a trad wife.
You know what. Those jobs are few and far between,
and there's like no job security, there's no retirement plan,
(32:00):
there's nothing, and family law has been eroded.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
I mean women, these are really.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Risky jobs to just give up everything and go get
supported by a man one hundred percent. I remember one
time I had a family attorney on this show and
he was saying that his best advice to people getting
married is that if a woman chooses or a man
whoever chooses to stay home and leave the labor force,
that the person who is working outside of the home
(32:27):
should pay a weekly paycheck to the other person in
their name as payment for the labor they're doing in
the household. Wouldn't that be great? I think we all
should do that, all right. I want to remind you
that you guys are on the same team. The relationship
should be the winner in all of this. So if
(32:47):
you're in a situation, ladies, where you make a lot
more than your husband, rather than feeling disgruntled about his contribution,
you need to appreciate what he's doing. Dudes, you need
to understand that is still manly to take care of kids,
It's still manly to take care of your house. It
is still manly to be a good supportive partner. I
(33:08):
also has fed a video this week on TikTok. It's
something I talk about in my developmental psychology class.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
All the time. When we talk about gender.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
In Sweden, they actually make men take some of the
parental leave, Like you can't have just one gender person
take it the whole time, They have to split it up.
So what has evolved? They call them the latte dads.
They're roving bands of tattooed, bearded, gorgeous guys, all baby wearing,
(33:37):
sitting in the cafes, changing diapers, playing with babies. And
so there's cute little TikTok video that was sent to
me of all these guys. I was like, Oh, it's
so wonderful and it looks so manly to me. But listen,
if you're in that situation, I want you to have
some open communication about all your feelings with your partner.
You might want to go back and revisit your gender
(33:59):
roles and what they mean and what you expect from
the other person, and work together on your financial planning.
You know, sometimes it's whoever has the paycheck gets the control.
And they're not a benevolent leader. Okay, they're taking too
much control. You have to share in whatever you're saving
for planning for spending right, and it's important you understand
(34:19):
the value of supporting somebody else's career. Guys, women have
done it for decades and it's a very big accomplishment
to help someone and be their backbone and if needed,
counseling and therapy. Because I don't want to see you
guys divorced. Okay, I like you when happy couples stay together.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Especially when you have kids. All right.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
That brings the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show to a close.
I am always here every Sunday night from seven to
nine pm. If you would like to follow me on
my social media, please do. The handle is at dr
Wendy Walsh at doctor Wendy Walsh. After a very long break,
I am back and I've been posting videos every day,
so it'll be good to see you there, comment with you,
and I love you all.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Thanks for being here.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
You have been listening to the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show
on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always
hear us live on KFI AM six forty from seven
to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on
the iHeartRadio app.
Dr. Wendy Walsh on Demand News
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