August 25, 2025 • 23 mins
Hour 2- Dr. Wendy is talking about 3 habits of happy couples. PLUS we are talking to Miram Katz an LA-based actor, writer, and public speaking coach. She performs improv comedy live regularly and has acted on camera and done voice over for film, TV, commercials, video games, and more. Ex Appeal Podcast, Miriam is interviewing every personshe has ever been romantic with on any level (!).
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy wall Show on KFI
AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. So,
as all of you know, because I never stopped talking
about it, I got married to the love of my
life a little over a year ago. We've been together
five years though, and during our courtship, because I had
(00:31):
had so many struggles and challenges in my dating and
relationship life in the past, reminder, I was the common
denominator in all I was picking them, I was sticking
with them. I decided, you know, I'd spent these two
decades mostly just focusing on raising my kids. I had
(00:51):
a little romantic compartment sometimes here and there outside of
their awareness. But all the time I was, you know,
finishing my PhD in psychology, writing a dissertation about attachment theory,
continuing to blog and make videos and on social media
and here on KFI, all I was doing was preaching
(01:12):
the science of love. And I often wonder did I
build this whole brand just to heal myself? Maybe I did.
And when I met my now husband, my sweet Julio
I remember at every step of the way, I would
say to myself, what would Dr Walsh say? What would
(01:33):
doctor Wendy say here? What should I do there? And
it was like I had become my own wingwoman as
I proceeded through it. But it's not over. Now that
we're married and we're in day to day life, I
am still very aware and recall and are constantly reading
research on what it takes to be a happy couple. Right,
(01:57):
what are the habits that make life the best? And
you would be spread. I actually narrowed down to three
that I want to talk about today. Three habits of
happy couples. You'd be surprised how simple they are. You know,
people think that in order to have a healthy marriage,
you've got to like make sure you have date night,
(02:18):
make sure you take romantic weekends away, make sure you're
everything's fifty to fifty. You know what, The research doesn't
support that all that makes relationships happy or makes them
stick together. The real secret to long lasting love probably
are not grand gestures, but they're more small, frequent, daily habits,
(02:43):
and they are backed by science. So I want to
talk about three proven rituals that help happy couples thrive
and tell you that Julu and I do these things
on a regular basis. The first one you've heard me
say a million times, I'm gonna say it again. Gratitudetud
tude re wires your brain just saying thank you and
(03:06):
meaning it with a smile, touching them on the arm
or the shoulder or the cheek whenever they do something nice.
It boosts relationship satisfaction and even commitment, and it can
help buffer couples during tough times. So I often use
the phrase catch them being good just during the day.
Be aware of your partner and catch them being good,
(03:27):
and when they are good, reward that behavior by an
expression of gratitude. So if she takes out the trash,
if he does the dishes, really a true thank you, honey,
that's so nice. I notice that Julio and I say
the words thanks probably ten times a day to each
(03:47):
other because there's always something right. Thanks for doing that,
Thanks for doing that, Thanks, Oh thanks, I got that,
No great thanks. We are like constantly expressing gratitude to
each other and I think it goes a long way.
So worded it as water what you want to grow,
not the weeds. If you're finding in your relationship you're
more often pointing out bad behavior or negative traits. You're
(04:09):
on a downward spile to spiral to something not good,
So definitely catch them being good and reward them. Now,
this other one is also important, and I've read a
lot of research to support it. You have to do
new things together. You see, here's the human brain. It's
really cool. It likes to have a set schedule, a
(04:31):
set routine, and it likes to go on automatic function.
But if you do that too long, then the brain
gets bored and it seeks novelty, no matter what it is.
Maybe it's your work schedule. If you do the same
thing over and over on the same timeframe and drive
the same roads and eat the same lunch, after a while,
you get bored. You need stimulation. So in your long
(04:53):
term committed relationship, if you find you guys are into
too much of a routine, you've got to mix it up.
And one of the best ways to mix it up
is to just see your partner in a different light,
in a different location, doing something different. And let me
tell you, I don't mean to be ragging on the dudes,
but they grump about this. Why do we have to
(05:14):
go out to dinner with that couple. Why do we
have to see that play? Why are we going there?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Like?
Speaker 2 (05:19):
They like to be set in their ways. I'm just saying,
so you want to keep it alive by coming up
with new and exciting activities. I think I mentioned a
couple of weeks ago that my husband Julio, said, Oh,
we're going somewhere Friday night. I'm like, well, where are
we going? Just have exercise clothes on. I'm like okay,
And he took me to a candlelight couples pilates class.
(05:43):
Oh is that sweetie so romantic? It literally had champagne afterwards.
It was so cute. So think of these novel, simple experiences.
It may be a new museum, a new hiking trail,
a new drive to another place. You know, just see
your partner in a new light by putting them in
a new location. The final thing. And I mean this
from the bottom of my heart. There's so much research
(06:05):
to support this frequency of sex is less important in
long term satisfaction than frequency of touch. Holding hands when
you walk, wrapping your leg around your partner while you're
on the couch together watching Netflix, touching toes in bed.
All this releases dopamine, and it can encourage bonding. These
(06:31):
little touches that must happen quite frequently are more important
than frequency of sex. Skin to skin contact actually strengthens
emotional connection, and you're making dopamine work for love. I
also want to say one other thing. Here's a bonus one.
(06:52):
I said three, but here's four. You've got to do
something together where you both share a talent, a voice, whatever,
share something that you're doing constructively together. You figure out
what that thing is. But you've got to have commonality.
You're not roommates. You got together for a reason, and
not just to have sex or not just to raise kids.
(07:13):
Some little hobby, something that you guys can do together.
All right, when we come back, let's hope that your
spouse does not become your ex. My next guest is
a podcaster who decided to track down every one of
her exes, and each episode is a conversation with them
(07:34):
about what went wrong. You're listening to The Doctor Wendy
Wall Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. Welcome back to The Doctor Wendy Walls
Show on k I AM six forty live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. I promised you I had a very
interesting guest. First of all, I want you to know
that I am one of these people that after I
(07:56):
break up with somebody, I pretty much go some for life.
I mean, I'm not in touch with my exes. We
don't become friends, we don't want to hang out, and
the last thing I would want to do is call
them to process. I don't know, maybe I'm just not brave.
My next guest is very brave. She is a LA
based actor, writer, public speaking coach. She even performs improv
(08:20):
and that is really hard to do, and even does
a little comedy. Her name is Miriam Katz and guess
what her new podcast is called ex Appeal. Hi Miriam,
how are you?
Speaker 3 (08:32):
I am wonderful and it is so fun to talk
to you.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
So tell me about the incarnation of this How did
you come up with the idea of this podcast.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
I felt like I needed some closure. I felt like
I had dated a lot of people, and I felt
this kind of heavy feeling, like I needed to go
back and have second breakups, and I just wanted to reconnect,
open it up, and then close it forever. But I
feel like breakups in the moment can be so emotional
(09:03):
and so upsetting that you don't necessarily even hear what
the person is saying or get to say what you
really wanted to say, And years later you're in such
a different place. So some of it is about finding
out what happened, and then some of it is about
getting to say things that you never said. And some
of that is very loving. People I've dated have really
changed me, and it's nice to be able to say that.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
So your podcast X Appeal, the premise is you are
going to find one hundred people that you have been
romantically involved with, how many.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
On some level? On level? So you did not boots
with them all, not all, not not to boots us all.
No one of them was from the fifth grade. So
I have recorded thirteen so far, and yes, the sort
of fun lofty goal is one hundred. We'll see what happens.
But honestly, already with these thirteen, it has been extraordinary.
(09:58):
A lot has happened. I've and so surprised by every conversation.
It's a wild ride, truly.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
So for anyone listening and you hear that word one hundred,
I want to remind you that I've said this all
the time on the show. Men have this anthropologically wired
wariness of women who may have had a lot of
sexual partners, and what ends up happening is men who
have more sexual partners the playas out there get women approved,
(10:27):
like they're vetted by women, and so we actually like
them more because of their sexual experience, and then men
tend to devalue women for their sexual experience. But none
of the math makes sense. In other words, peers are
having sex with peers across the lifespan at about the
same rate. So before you judge, just know that it's
(10:50):
very common for people to hit middle age or older
and have had dozens and dozens of dozens of partners.
So okay, we're shooting for a hunt.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Yes, And I luckily feel that I have not been devalued.
I feel like people are fine with my life experience,
so it's gone. Okay. Maybe that's urban living good.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
You never worried about your number. I love that no story.
I used to lie when I was young, and then
at a certain point when I hit I remember, I
don't know how old I was, so somewhere in my twenties,
and I wrote down this list. I tried to name
every person I'd had sex with on a piece of paper.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Oh wow, And I got.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
To thirty and it freaked me out so much because
I was believing the stupidness of the culture. And so
from at that moment, I stopped writing and stopped counting.
I never never looked back.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Okay, so these fie you're all you're on your way
to doing the podcast right there? You got your lists exactly.
I think I don't know we're going to turn you.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
I think I burned it. Okay, So starting off with
mister fifth grade, did you have him on the podcast?
I did?
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Yeah. I tracked him down. Wendy. I hadn't talked to
him since nineteen ninety one and I and honestly, we
hadn't really had a conversation before during or after our
one single pizza date, and it was very interesting to
find him to see that he completely remembered the date
and that it was this formative life experience for him too.
But we had had these two separate experiences, and this
(12:15):
conversation was the first time we burst those bubbles and
had an experience together, and it was very cool to
see that he was smart and funny and kind and yeah,
not that anything was going to happen between Hanna. No, No,
he's married. He lived in Montana. It wasn't like that.
(12:36):
It was just, oh, maybe I had some good taste.
I didn't actually find that out in the fifth grade,
but maybe somewhere in me I had some good instincts
early on.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
So wait a minute, you said he was married, So
his wife let him do this podcast to go meet
with his ex.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
She did. And I would not say that every single
wife or partner would be comfortable with it. We shall see,
but so far I've done okay. And in fact, my
high school boyfriend was wary to do it because he
didn't love talking about his younger years. And his wife
was the one that told me he had to do it,
(13:11):
not just encourage him. She said, you have to have
this conversation. You have to go back and remember these times.
So it's it's you know, everyone has their own way
of dealing with this.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So was your high school boyfriend like your first love.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Yes? Absolutely. I was fifteen and I felt so hard
and he felt so hard, and it was really beautiful
to acknowledge that together. So maybe for the last time,
I don't know that we need to keep on having
this conversation, but to talk about what we remembered and
how intense the feelings were, and it was really beautiful
(13:46):
to go back and remember that together.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
It's kind of interesting. I mean, I bet it felt
good to know that he was having the same experience.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
It was lovely because I think sometimes we think, oh,
no one's thinking about me the same way, or yeah,
I think I've been surprised at how much people do remember.
There was somebody that I there was a woman I
sped up within a strip club, and.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
You hooked up with a woman in a strip club.
That's technically an X.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
It's technically an ex she was on and I would
have thought as a stripper that I would have just
been another person that she had an experience with. But
she really remembered it and had told people the story.
So I think I'm actually finding out it's less that oh,
nobody remembers you. It's everybody is very sensitive and everybody
(14:37):
feels things, and there these are experiences for everybody. But yes,
I just threw that at you. There's women on the show,
and yes, sometimes it's just a hookup, and sometimes it's
a hook up truly in a VIP room and a
strip club.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
All right, we have to go to break but when
we come back, I want to address two topics. One is,
you have a current boyfriend and he's allowing you to
do this I su And the second topic is we
all have had some bad breakups with some toxic people.
Don't give it away, but I want to know if
you've had any real bad boys back. You are listening.
(15:13):
You are listening to the Dr Wendy Wall Show on
KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Welcome back to the Dr Wendywall Show on KFI AM
six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My guest
is Miriam Katz. She's an actor, writer, public speaking coach.
She does improv. She's a performer. She's unafraid of the mic.
She's unafraid to bring every one of her exes into
the podcast studio. Her podcast is called X Appeal. Okay, Miriam,
(15:52):
first question, you have a current boyfriend and he's letting
you meet your exes?
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Yes, my father was also concerned about this, but it
is completely okay. I have a wonderful boyfriend. There's three
zeros in there, and he's super supportive. He has connected
me to people to help with marketing, He's helped me
with editing. He's wonderful. And yeah, he's not listening to
(16:20):
the actual episodes. He does not need to hear any
of these stories. If I was doing a podcast about
another subject, unser he would listen to every single second.
But that is the boundary, which I'm more than comfortable with,
the same way I wouldn't want my parents to listen
to this. But he is. I mean, I actually was
had started working on the podcast before I met him,
so it was already part of the deal. But it's
(16:42):
not that he's faking it. He really is very supportive
and wants me to thrive. And yeah, it feels like
the sign of a very comfortable, very supportive guy.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
If you are one lucky woman to have that guy,
I am mine. He'd be curled up in a fur
ball in bed all day and never come out if
he knew that I was doing well.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
I will say one of my exes introduced us, and
I'm giving a toast at that guy's wedding in one week.
So it's a life of this.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
That's amazing because I just I can ask my therapist
about this because I really am not really friendly. I
have one ex, but he's from decades ago and he's
on the other side of the country, so we check
in on birthdays and holidays, but not I'm not friends
with any of my exes. I wonder if there's something
wrong with me. I'm gonna have to ask myself.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
I think a lot of people are like that. I
think it's not necessarily for everyone, but I do think
some kind of a second breakup, a real conversation can
be very useful for anyone who has an ex, not
necessarily like I'm doing with every single one. But now
you mention the question.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
You mentioned that this is a feeling of closure and
that you're learning a lot. They can't all have been
hunky dory. I'm sure you've had some breakups that were
completely painful, or you've had relationships with people that were
a little bit toxic, because you know, you're a woman
like I am, and sometimes we make these weird choices.
So have you had any of those guys on.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
I have had people on that were difficult and painful.
Next season, I hope to have on. I have not
asked to me yet, but I hope to have on
someone who I nicknamed the Devil. So yes, I know
it's really intense, but yes, that's what he was called.
And he was difficult and he was abrasive, and he
(18:31):
was like that from the very beginning, and yet I
was drawn to him. And that is one of the
questions of a podcast of why was I drawn to
some of these people who had toxic traits or didn't
always treat me as well as they should have, or
even didn't like me as much as I liked them.
You know, I was part of that equation, which I
think is definitely part of the story of the podcast.
You can't just say I hate my ex, my ex
(18:53):
is a jerk. You chose that person and you were
involved in that relationship. So yeah, there's no one I
don't want to have on the podcast. I am very
excited to have The Devil on to see if there's
something I can learn about what happened, why I was
drawn to him, what was going on with him? Did
I trigger him in particular? He you know, I think
(19:15):
I made him mad. There's something I almost think my
enthusiasm and my optimism, I.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Promise you he treated you bad. He treated everybody bad,
that's what he because his mother treated him bad.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
All Yes, starl maybe we'll find that out. Maybe we'll
find out something about his mama. But yeah, I think
there's always more nuance to the story, and for me,
learning that has been very healing.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Have you reached out to anyone who said no flippant
way I did.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
There was somebody who was, like, you know, devil adjacent
and I ran into him on the street. He doesn't
even live here anymore. And I ran into him, not
in my neighborhood, and he said, absolutely not. But you
know what, I wrote down the date that I ran
into him. And I'm going to reach back out in
three years because I'm going to work on this project
for a while. So you know, I called.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Out for three years to mature.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Yeah, And I actually think the older you get, the
more you start to think, ah, who cares? You know,
I don't know that I would have done this project
fifteen years ago.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
And people who are emotions culture even more don't suddenly
start to like to talk about feelings.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
I hear you I hear you, but I think it's possible.
I think something, you know, Yeah, I want to hold
out hope that I will have who is one of
the one hundred? Because yeah, I want to learn about
all these people.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
I think people are more comfortable with revealing private things
about themselves certainly than they were fifteen twenty years ago.
So well, we shall see. I am optimistic.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
So your podcast launches which.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Date September twenty first, and the first season we'll have
ten episodes, and the plan right now is to ten
episodes a year for ten years. We will see what happens.
I'm very I'm very open.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
I do improv as you said, Wow, okay, So where
do they find X appeal?
Speaker 3 (21:08):
iHeartRadio of course, and then every every single other place
that you could find a podcast, Yeah and appeal Miriam
Kats Before.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
We go, Miriam, what do you think listeners are going
to get out of this? Is this going to impact
their own relationships?
Speaker 3 (21:26):
I mean, what a beautiful thing. I mean I think
even when I bring this up to people, they have
very strong reactions. So I think there's certainly going to
be some interest. But I would say there's patterns in dating,
as you of course know, and so if there's some
kind of a similar situation. I've dated people who are
in open relationships. At some point was an open relationship.
There's someone I dated who is a sex addit and
(21:48):
had an intimacy disorder. There's all sorts of types of things,
and I think other people can connect with them. So
possibly they can feel some closure from my closure, or
possibly they will consider reaching out to somebody that they
feel like they need to have one final conversation with. Oka.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
You promise me one thing. If you get the Devil
to come on your podcast, You're going to bring him
on KFI and we'll have a little three step here
on the radio.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
I am as amazing. You can give us your doctor
Lee advice exactly.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Oh he's going to be terrified both of us on him.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
Yeah, all right, I know.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Get the podcast in a couple more weeks. X Appeal
wherever you find your podcast, especially on the iHeartRadio app Miriam,
thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
I appreciate, Wendy. This is a pleasure.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
You are amazing, Miriam Katz from X Appeal, and that
brings the Doctor Wendy Wall Show to a close. I'm
always here for you every Sunday from seven to nine pm,
and you can also follow me on my social media
at doctor Wendy Walsh. You've been listening to the Doctor
Wendy Wallsh Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere
(22:55):
on the iHeartRadio app. Listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You
can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty
from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on
demand on the iHeartRadio app
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy wall Show on KFI
AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. So,
as all of you know, because I never stopped talking
about it, I got married to the love of my
life a little over a year ago. We've been together
five years though, and during our courtship, because I had
(00:31):
had so many struggles and challenges in my dating and
relationship life in the past, reminder, I was the common
denominator in all I was picking them, I was sticking
with them. I decided, you know, I'd spent these two
decades mostly just focusing on raising my kids. I had
(00:51):
a little romantic compartment sometimes here and there outside of
their awareness. But all the time I was, you know,
finishing my PhD in psychology, writing a dissertation about attachment theory,
continuing to blog and make videos and on social media
and here on KFI, all I was doing was preaching
(01:12):
the science of love. And I often wonder did I
build this whole brand just to heal myself? Maybe I did.
And when I met my now husband, my sweet Julio
I remember at every step of the way, I would
say to myself, what would Dr Walsh say? What would
(01:33):
doctor Wendy say here? What should I do there? And
it was like I had become my own wingwoman as
I proceeded through it. But it's not over. Now that
we're married and we're in day to day life, I
am still very aware and recall and are constantly reading
research on what it takes to be a happy couple. Right,
(01:57):
what are the habits that make life the best? And
you would be spread. I actually narrowed down to three
that I want to talk about today. Three habits of
happy couples. You'd be surprised how simple they are. You know,
people think that in order to have a healthy marriage,
you've got to like make sure you have date night,
(02:18):
make sure you take romantic weekends away, make sure you're
everything's fifty to fifty. You know what, The research doesn't
support that all that makes relationships happy or makes them
stick together. The real secret to long lasting love probably
are not grand gestures, but they're more small, frequent, daily habits,
(02:43):
and they are backed by science. So I want to
talk about three proven rituals that help happy couples thrive
and tell you that Julu and I do these things
on a regular basis. The first one you've heard me
say a million times, I'm gonna say it again. Gratitudetud
tude re wires your brain just saying thank you and
(03:06):
meaning it with a smile, touching them on the arm
or the shoulder or the cheek whenever they do something nice.
It boosts relationship satisfaction and even commitment, and it can
help buffer couples during tough times. So I often use
the phrase catch them being good just during the day.
Be aware of your partner and catch them being good,
(03:27):
and when they are good, reward that behavior by an
expression of gratitude. So if she takes out the trash,
if he does the dishes, really a true thank you, honey,
that's so nice. I notice that Julio and I say
the words thanks probably ten times a day to each
(03:47):
other because there's always something right. Thanks for doing that,
Thanks for doing that, Thanks, Oh thanks, I got that,
No great thanks. We are like constantly expressing gratitude to
each other and I think it goes a long way.
So worded it as water what you want to grow,
not the weeds. If you're finding in your relationship you're
more often pointing out bad behavior or negative traits. You're
(04:09):
on a downward spile to spiral to something not good,
So definitely catch them being good and reward them. Now,
this other one is also important, and I've read a
lot of research to support it. You have to do
new things together. You see, here's the human brain. It's
really cool. It likes to have a set schedule, a
(04:31):
set routine, and it likes to go on automatic function.
But if you do that too long, then the brain
gets bored and it seeks novelty, no matter what it is.
Maybe it's your work schedule. If you do the same
thing over and over on the same timeframe and drive
the same roads and eat the same lunch, after a while,
you get bored. You need stimulation. So in your long
(04:53):
term committed relationship, if you find you guys are into
too much of a routine, you've got to mix it up.
And one of the best ways to mix it up
is to just see your partner in a different light,
in a different location, doing something different. And let me
tell you, I don't mean to be ragging on the dudes,
but they grump about this. Why do we have to
(05:14):
go out to dinner with that couple. Why do we
have to see that play? Why are we going there?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Like?
Speaker 2 (05:19):
They like to be set in their ways. I'm just saying,
so you want to keep it alive by coming up
with new and exciting activities. I think I mentioned a
couple of weeks ago that my husband Julio, said, Oh,
we're going somewhere Friday night. I'm like, well, where are
we going? Just have exercise clothes on. I'm like okay,
And he took me to a candlelight couples pilates class.
(05:43):
Oh is that sweetie so romantic? It literally had champagne afterwards.
It was so cute. So think of these novel, simple experiences.
It may be a new museum, a new hiking trail,
a new drive to another place. You know, just see
your partner in a new light by putting them in
a new location. The final thing. And I mean this
from the bottom of my heart. There's so much research
(06:05):
to support this frequency of sex is less important in
long term satisfaction than frequency of touch. Holding hands when
you walk, wrapping your leg around your partner while you're
on the couch together watching Netflix, touching toes in bed.
All this releases dopamine, and it can encourage bonding. These
(06:31):
little touches that must happen quite frequently are more important
than frequency of sex. Skin to skin contact actually strengthens
emotional connection, and you're making dopamine work for love. I
also want to say one other thing. Here's a bonus one.
(06:52):
I said three, but here's four. You've got to do
something together where you both share a talent, a voice, whatever,
share something that you're doing constructively together. You figure out
what that thing is. But you've got to have commonality.
You're not roommates. You got together for a reason, and
not just to have sex or not just to raise kids.
(07:13):
Some little hobby, something that you guys can do together.
All right, when we come back, let's hope that your
spouse does not become your ex. My next guest is
a podcaster who decided to track down every one of
her exes, and each episode is a conversation with them
(07:34):
about what went wrong. You're listening to The Doctor Wendy
Wall Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. Welcome back to The Doctor Wendy Walls
Show on k I AM six forty live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. I promised you I had a very
interesting guest. First of all, I want you to know
that I am one of these people that after I
(07:56):
break up with somebody, I pretty much go some for life.
I mean, I'm not in touch with my exes. We
don't become friends, we don't want to hang out, and
the last thing I would want to do is call
them to process. I don't know, maybe I'm just not brave.
My next guest is very brave. She is a LA
based actor, writer, public speaking coach. She even performs improv
(08:20):
and that is really hard to do, and even does
a little comedy. Her name is Miriam Katz and guess
what her new podcast is called ex Appeal. Hi Miriam,
how are you?
Speaker 3 (08:32):
I am wonderful and it is so fun to talk
to you.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
So tell me about the incarnation of this How did
you come up with the idea of this podcast.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
I felt like I needed some closure. I felt like
I had dated a lot of people, and I felt
this kind of heavy feeling, like I needed to go
back and have second breakups, and I just wanted to reconnect,
open it up, and then close it forever. But I
feel like breakups in the moment can be so emotional
(09:03):
and so upsetting that you don't necessarily even hear what
the person is saying or get to say what you
really wanted to say, And years later you're in such
a different place. So some of it is about finding
out what happened, and then some of it is about
getting to say things that you never said. And some
of that is very loving. People I've dated have really
changed me, and it's nice to be able to say that.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
So your podcast X Appeal, the premise is you are
going to find one hundred people that you have been
romantically involved with, how many.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
On some level? On level? So you did not boots
with them all, not all, not not to boots us all.
No one of them was from the fifth grade. So
I have recorded thirteen so far, and yes, the sort
of fun lofty goal is one hundred. We'll see what happens.
But honestly, already with these thirteen, it has been extraordinary.
(09:58):
A lot has happened. I've and so surprised by every conversation.
It's a wild ride, truly.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
So for anyone listening and you hear that word one hundred,
I want to remind you that I've said this all
the time on the show. Men have this anthropologically wired
wariness of women who may have had a lot of
sexual partners, and what ends up happening is men who
have more sexual partners the playas out there get women approved,
(10:27):
like they're vetted by women, and so we actually like
them more because of their sexual experience, and then men
tend to devalue women for their sexual experience. But none
of the math makes sense. In other words, peers are
having sex with peers across the lifespan at about the
same rate. So before you judge, just know that it's
(10:50):
very common for people to hit middle age or older
and have had dozens and dozens of dozens of partners.
So okay, we're shooting for a hunt.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Yes, And I luckily feel that I have not been devalued.
I feel like people are fine with my life experience,
so it's gone. Okay. Maybe that's urban living good.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
You never worried about your number. I love that no story.
I used to lie when I was young, and then
at a certain point when I hit I remember, I
don't know how old I was, so somewhere in my twenties,
and I wrote down this list. I tried to name
every person I'd had sex with on a piece of paper.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Oh wow, And I got.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
To thirty and it freaked me out so much because
I was believing the stupidness of the culture. And so
from at that moment, I stopped writing and stopped counting.
I never never looked back.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Okay, so these fie you're all you're on your way
to doing the podcast right there? You got your lists exactly.
I think I don't know we're going to turn you.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
I think I burned it. Okay, So starting off with
mister fifth grade, did you have him on the podcast?
I did?
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Yeah. I tracked him down. Wendy. I hadn't talked to
him since nineteen ninety one and I and honestly, we
hadn't really had a conversation before during or after our
one single pizza date, and it was very interesting to
find him to see that he completely remembered the date
and that it was this formative life experience for him too.
But we had had these two separate experiences, and this
(12:15):
conversation was the first time we burst those bubbles and
had an experience together, and it was very cool to
see that he was smart and funny and kind and yeah,
not that anything was going to happen between Hanna. No, No,
he's married. He lived in Montana. It wasn't like that.
(12:36):
It was just, oh, maybe I had some good taste.
I didn't actually find that out in the fifth grade,
but maybe somewhere in me I had some good instincts
early on.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
So wait a minute, you said he was married, So
his wife let him do this podcast to go meet
with his ex.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
She did. And I would not say that every single
wife or partner would be comfortable with it. We shall see,
but so far I've done okay. And in fact, my
high school boyfriend was wary to do it because he
didn't love talking about his younger years. And his wife
was the one that told me he had to do it,
(13:11):
not just encourage him. She said, you have to have
this conversation. You have to go back and remember these times.
So it's it's you know, everyone has their own way
of dealing with this.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So was your high school boyfriend like your first love.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Yes? Absolutely. I was fifteen and I felt so hard
and he felt so hard, and it was really beautiful
to acknowledge that together. So maybe for the last time,
I don't know that we need to keep on having
this conversation, but to talk about what we remembered and
how intense the feelings were, and it was really beautiful
(13:46):
to go back and remember that together.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
It's kind of interesting. I mean, I bet it felt
good to know that he was having the same experience.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
It was lovely because I think sometimes we think, oh,
no one's thinking about me the same way, or yeah,
I think I've been surprised at how much people do remember.
There was somebody that I there was a woman I
sped up within a strip club, and.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
You hooked up with a woman in a strip club.
That's technically an X.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
It's technically an ex she was on and I would
have thought as a stripper that I would have just
been another person that she had an experience with. But
she really remembered it and had told people the story.
So I think I'm actually finding out it's less that oh,
nobody remembers you. It's everybody is very sensitive and everybody
(14:37):
feels things, and there these are experiences for everybody. But yes,
I just threw that at you. There's women on the show,
and yes, sometimes it's just a hookup, and sometimes it's
a hook up truly in a VIP room and a
strip club.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
All right, we have to go to break but when
we come back, I want to address two topics. One is,
you have a current boyfriend and he's allowing you to
do this I su And the second topic is we
all have had some bad breakups with some toxic people.
Don't give it away, but I want to know if
you've had any real bad boys back. You are listening.
(15:13):
You are listening to the Dr Wendy Wall Show on
KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Welcome back to the Dr Wendywall Show on KFI AM
six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My guest
is Miriam Katz. She's an actor, writer, public speaking coach.
She does improv. She's a performer. She's unafraid of the mic.
She's unafraid to bring every one of her exes into
the podcast studio. Her podcast is called X Appeal. Okay, Miriam,
(15:52):
first question, you have a current boyfriend and he's letting
you meet your exes?
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Yes, my father was also concerned about this, but it
is completely okay. I have a wonderful boyfriend. There's three
zeros in there, and he's super supportive. He has connected
me to people to help with marketing, He's helped me
with editing. He's wonderful. And yeah, he's not listening to
(16:20):
the actual episodes. He does not need to hear any
of these stories. If I was doing a podcast about
another subject, unser he would listen to every single second.
But that is the boundary, which I'm more than comfortable with,
the same way I wouldn't want my parents to listen
to this. But he is. I mean, I actually was
had started working on the podcast before I met him,
so it was already part of the deal. But it's
(16:42):
not that he's faking it. He really is very supportive
and wants me to thrive. And yeah, it feels like
the sign of a very comfortable, very supportive guy.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
If you are one lucky woman to have that guy,
I am mine. He'd be curled up in a fur
ball in bed all day and never come out if
he knew that I was doing well.
Speaker 3 (17:02):
I will say one of my exes introduced us, and
I'm giving a toast at that guy's wedding in one week.
So it's a life of this.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
That's amazing because I just I can ask my therapist
about this because I really am not really friendly. I
have one ex, but he's from decades ago and he's
on the other side of the country, so we check
in on birthdays and holidays, but not I'm not friends
with any of my exes. I wonder if there's something
wrong with me. I'm gonna have to ask myself.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
I think a lot of people are like that. I
think it's not necessarily for everyone, but I do think
some kind of a second breakup, a real conversation can
be very useful for anyone who has an ex, not
necessarily like I'm doing with every single one. But now
you mention the question.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
You mentioned that this is a feeling of closure and
that you're learning a lot. They can't all have been
hunky dory. I'm sure you've had some breakups that were
completely painful, or you've had relationships with people that were
a little bit toxic, because you know, you're a woman
like I am, and sometimes we make these weird choices.
So have you had any of those guys on.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
I have had people on that were difficult and painful.
Next season, I hope to have on. I have not
asked to me yet, but I hope to have on
someone who I nicknamed the Devil. So yes, I know
it's really intense, but yes, that's what he was called.
And he was difficult and he was abrasive, and he
(18:31):
was like that from the very beginning, and yet I
was drawn to him. And that is one of the
questions of a podcast of why was I drawn to
some of these people who had toxic traits or didn't
always treat me as well as they should have, or
even didn't like me as much as I liked them.
You know, I was part of that equation, which I
think is definitely part of the story of the podcast.
You can't just say I hate my ex, my ex
(18:53):
is a jerk. You chose that person and you were
involved in that relationship. So yeah, there's no one I
don't want to have on the podcast. I am very
excited to have The Devil on to see if there's
something I can learn about what happened, why I was
drawn to him, what was going on with him? Did
I trigger him in particular? He you know, I think
(19:15):
I made him mad. There's something I almost think my
enthusiasm and my optimism, I.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Promise you he treated you bad. He treated everybody bad,
that's what he because his mother treated him bad.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
All Yes, starl maybe we'll find that out. Maybe we'll
find out something about his mama. But yeah, I think
there's always more nuance to the story, and for me,
learning that has been very healing.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Have you reached out to anyone who said no flippant
way I did.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
There was somebody who was, like, you know, devil adjacent
and I ran into him on the street. He doesn't
even live here anymore. And I ran into him, not
in my neighborhood, and he said, absolutely not. But you
know what, I wrote down the date that I ran
into him. And I'm going to reach back out in
three years because I'm going to work on this project
for a while. So you know, I called.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Out for three years to mature.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Yeah, And I actually think the older you get, the
more you start to think, ah, who cares? You know,
I don't know that I would have done this project
fifteen years ago.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
And people who are emotions culture even more don't suddenly
start to like to talk about feelings.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
I hear you I hear you, but I think it's possible.
I think something, you know, Yeah, I want to hold
out hope that I will have who is one of
the one hundred? Because yeah, I want to learn about
all these people.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
I think people are more comfortable with revealing private things
about themselves certainly than they were fifteen twenty years ago.
So well, we shall see. I am optimistic.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
So your podcast launches which.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Date September twenty first, and the first season we'll have
ten episodes, and the plan right now is to ten
episodes a year for ten years. We will see what happens.
I'm very I'm very open.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
I do improv as you said, Wow, okay, So where
do they find X appeal?
Speaker 3 (21:08):
iHeartRadio of course, and then every every single other place
that you could find a podcast, Yeah and appeal Miriam
Kats Before.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
We go, Miriam, what do you think listeners are going
to get out of this? Is this going to impact
their own relationships?
Speaker 3 (21:26):
I mean, what a beautiful thing. I mean I think
even when I bring this up to people, they have
very strong reactions. So I think there's certainly going to
be some interest. But I would say there's patterns in dating,
as you of course know, and so if there's some
kind of a similar situation. I've dated people who are
in open relationships. At some point was an open relationship.
There's someone I dated who is a sex addit and
(21:48):
had an intimacy disorder. There's all sorts of types of things,
and I think other people can connect with them. So
possibly they can feel some closure from my closure, or
possibly they will consider reaching out to somebody that they
feel like they need to have one final conversation with. Oka.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
You promise me one thing. If you get the Devil
to come on your podcast, You're going to bring him
on KFI and we'll have a little three step here
on the radio.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
I am as amazing. You can give us your doctor
Lee advice exactly.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Oh he's going to be terrified both of us on him.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
Yeah, all right, I know.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Get the podcast in a couple more weeks. X Appeal
wherever you find your podcast, especially on the iHeartRadio app Miriam,
thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
I appreciate, Wendy. This is a pleasure.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
You are amazing, Miriam Katz from X Appeal, and that
brings the Doctor Wendy Wall Show to a close. I'm
always here for you every Sunday from seven to nine pm,
and you can also follow me on my social media
at doctor Wendy Walsh. You've been listening to the Doctor
Wendy Wallsh Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere
(22:55):
on the iHeartRadio app. Listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You
can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty
from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on
demand on the iHeartRadio app
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