November 24, 2025 • 33 mins
Dr. Wendy has the perfect advice for people who feel their partner isn't listening. PLUS we are talking to Dr. Lois Lee, founder of Children of the Night, an organization dedicated to saving kids from sex work.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf
I Am six forty the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app. Okay, Producer Kayla, who do
we got?
Speaker 2 (00:14):
We have Caitlin with a question. Caitlyn.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hi, Caitlyn is doctor Wendy.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Hi, Doctor Wendy. Thank you good your question Caitlan. She
the question is referring back. Okay, my husband got fired.
He's been very successful. I'm sixty he's sixty two. I
have to live under the same roof.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
But he's been so mean. I wish I couldn't carry him.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
And and.
Speaker 6 (00:46):
What do I do?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Dr Wendy?
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Okay, I mean, I can't help this man.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I know you can't help this man. It's not your
job to help this man. It's his job to help himself.
So listen up, listen up. It's if you cannot get
him to go to therapy. That's the first and foremost.
He's got to go to therapy. If he won't go
to therapy. Did you know that if one partner goes
to therapy, it can also help resolve some of the conflict.
(01:12):
Think of a relationship as a machine with different moving parts,
and if you fix one part, it can affect the
other part. And so you're a good therapist for you
might be able to help you understand what's going on
with his crisis because he was fired, and understand better
ways to react to his anger. You do not have
(01:33):
to take his anger, but a good therapist can tell
you behaviors that can help you do the right thing
for you and your mental health when he gets irritable
and angry. And so first choice is hav ingim go
to therapy. Second choice, couple's therapy, a third choice.
Speaker 7 (01:47):
You go to.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Therapy and you will find new ways. But I'm sorry,
Caitlyn that you're dealing with this. This sounds very, very painful,
and he sounds like he's in a lot of pain too.
But it's not your job to heal him. His job
to heal him, all right, Producer, Kayla, who else we got?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
We got Antonio with a question.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Antonio, Hi, Antonia, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5 (02:09):
Hello, thank you for taking my call.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Oh it's Tony. How are you? I said Antonia like
it was a woman. Is Antonia your name?
Speaker 5 (02:17):
Antonio?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Yeah, it's like Brigitta Daugastino. I get it. Okay, what's
your question, Antonio.
Speaker 5 (02:27):
Okay, So I've heard so much about, especially from dating
advice people, about it's like about why chem chemistry is
so important? Chemistry, this chemistry that, but whenever I look
online to just figure out, like, well what does it mean,
and like it just gives me a bad answer. So
what can we define? What is chemistry? Or at least
what are people referring to when they refer to chemistry
(02:49):
and how do you build it with somebody? That's it?
It was so important?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Excellent question, Antonio. So when people refer to chemistry, they
talk about this invisible feeling, this feeling of attraction to
each other that often results in very good sex. It's
like the neuro hormones of lust sort of connect with
each other. Now, interestingly enough, the research shows that just
(03:16):
because you have great chemistry, and I'm talking here mostly
about physical chemistry, this almost magnetic pull towards each other
and this great sex that is not correlated with relationship compatibility.
In fact, research done on couples who had arranged marriages
showed that these couples were able to actually grow a
(03:39):
kind of chemistry together over time because neither one was
planning to go anywhere. There were also, I like to
say there's always six people in a relationship and an
arranged marriage. I got two sets of parents who are
there to be soundboards and encourage and be supportive to
keep this relationship together, so it is possible. And the
big answer is it's about time together, touch and communication,
(04:04):
being able to honestly talk about what you're experiencing, and
being able to inquire in a really authentic way about
what somebody else is experiencing. And that is how you
build chemistry. Antonio, thank you for calling. Okay, producer Kyla,
do we have someone else?
Speaker 2 (04:19):
We have a couple more people we have Kim with
a question.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Kim, was that cam or Ken?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Kim?
Speaker 4 (04:23):
Him? Hi?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Kim, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
Hi, thank you for taking my call. My question is this,
how should.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Financially stable women handle paying for dates?
Speaker 5 (04:34):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Excellent question, Kim. I love this. Okay. If you've been
listening to my show for a while, you know I
always say sperm chases egg, not the reverse. And if
you want a man to love you, he'd better be
able to provide for you and at the beginning, at
the first dating. So let me say this not till
date three to five somewhere in there. Okay, I'm one
(04:55):
of those financially independent women. I have a fabulous husband.
Now I'm going to make a video of how much
he gives to me. And it doesn't have to do
with financial He is such a giving man in every
way possible. But it was around our fifth dinner, our
fifth dress up. He pay dinner. The check comes and
I say to him, I think it's time we talk
(05:16):
a little bit about money, and he goes, sure, I pay,
That's what he said. And I said, well, I'd like
to find a way to contribute. And he said, well,
next time we go for a hi, Q can pack
a picnic, is what he said, which was great. Now
further down the road we had deeper conversations, but what
he was saying is I want to be the man.
Right now, I'm still not ready to talk about that.
(05:39):
So let him pay at the beginning, and in fact,
don't offer to pay on a first, second, or third
date unless you hate him and you're breaking up and
you're not going to see him again. But even if
you're financially independent, you will what's that word, emasculate him.
You'll make him feel like less than a man if
(06:01):
you're offering to pay, or you'll be attracting the predator
men because there are also a class of men out
there who don't date. They hunt, they're after women's wallets,
and they're out there too. So test him to make
sure he's not one of those. Okay, let him pay him?
Speaker 4 (06:17):
All right?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Who else we got, Kayla, We have Tony with the question.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Hi, Tony, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 6 (06:23):
Hey, doctor Wendy. A few weeks ago, you had this
story about young women are complaining that guys are dusty,
and they say dusty means they don't have sympathy or empathy. Like,
what exactly are they talking about? Do they want guys
to act like fems or like they're gay friends and
they have sympathy for empathy for everything, like every crisis
(06:45):
or every melodrama they're supposed to like have a bleeding
heart for everything.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
No.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
In fact, there is research to show that women love
a man who can cry, but not very often. Right So,
right now, women are putting a lot of pressure on
men to do something they haven't been forced to do
in the past, which is to have better communication skills
and better empathy and not all men have this ability.
(07:12):
Right now, there is research to show that it can
be learned. Empathy can be learned. A great example Tony
I was talking to an older gentleman at a car
show recently, and it was in a small town, and
I said to him, yeah, the only thing I don't
like about this town is there's like nowhere good to eat.
There aren't great restaurants. He goes, what do you mean
there's a Mexican place and then you could eat here,
(07:33):
and you could eat there, and what are you complaining
about kind of thing? And then he said he paused,
and he said, oh, my wife told me that I'm
not showing empathy when a woman talks. Instead of me
telling you how to solve your problem by what restaurants
are around, I think I'm supposed to say, Wow, what
kind of food do you like that you're unable to find? Oh,
(07:54):
that must be terrible. And he actually caught himself and
explained it. I was like, oh, wow, his why he's
really training him. I do think that women are putting
too much pressure on men to be more emotional, but
I also think that many of great great men are
stepping up to the plate. You know, when I met
my husband, he said to me, Look, if I can't
(08:14):
learn to have good relationship skills with you, I'll learn
it from nobody. I'll never figure this out, right, So
but don't put don't always put gender on it, Tony.
Just because somebody has empathy doesn't mean they're feminine or
it's connected with their sexual orientation. That's those are stereotypes.
(08:35):
The truth is there are lots of empathetic men, and
there are lots of not very epathetic women or gay
men for that matter, So we can't necessarily attach it
with gender. But thank you for calling. All right, I
think you have time to go to social media just
for one quick question, Dear doctor Wendy. My boyfriend and
I love each other good, and I feel like I'm
(08:56):
the only one planning dates, initiating conversations, or keeping us
emotionally connected. How do I bring up feeling underappreciated without
sounding accusatory? Or do I need to rethink this relationship entirely?
All right, I don't know how long you've been going out,
and I don't know how long you've been doing all
the heavy lifting in this relationship. My first advice would
(09:17):
be stopped doing it. And see what happens. See if
he picks up the way, it starts carrying some of
the weight, right, Like, why are you? Why are you
planning it all? You know a great example One time
I had a teenager who never did her laundry. Made
me crazy. I was doing all the laundry and you know,
I didn't mind putting it from the washer the dryer
is the folding that took so long. And I went
(09:37):
to see some like therapist who specialize in parenting, some
parenting expert, and she goes, why this is your problem,
not hers. She obviously is fine with dirty clothes, fine
with piles, fine with wrinkle clothes. Why are you doing?
And so I said, all right, well, I'm going to
take her clothes out of the dryer and put them
in a pile. I actually asked her where would you
like me to put them? She said, in a pile
in the corner of my room, which I continued to
(09:58):
do until the pile grew so bad that eventually she
folded her own clothes. So, if you stop planning dates,
he might be sick of all the TV dinners, the
frozen pizzas, and he might actually plan a date or
you'll actually see what you're signed up for, and then
you might want to rethink the whole relationship. But if
you overdo it gives him no space to do That's
all I'm going to say. All right, when we come back,
(10:18):
where are we going after this?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Ooh?
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Are you in a relationship where your partner doesn't listen
to you very much? Hmmm, maybe it's your delivery. Let
me talk about this when we come back.
Speaker 7 (10:30):
You're listening to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
am six forty.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
I'm going to tell you a story about somebody who
didn't listen to me. And that was my oldest daughter
when she was three years old. Literally, you know how
first time new moms get all worried that there's some
defect in their kid, I'm sorry, different ability, And so
I would tell her to do things or ask her
to she would like totally like not hear me, and
(11:01):
I got really freaked out. I talked to the people
at the preschool and they cut it. Oh someone, she
just said to us, you might want to take her
to UCLA to the specialist. So I'd take her up
to UCLA to whoever the specialist was there. Or whatever
place you take small children to get their hearing tested.
A little side story that was in the waiting room
when she told an old lady that she liked to
(11:22):
drink wine, and she was three. I would sometimes let
her put her baby finger in my red wine glass.
I don't know why I did, and she'd lick it off. Anyway,
you arrest me. She's fine now anyway. So they put
these kids in a little booth, like a sound boof
thing with a glass and then not a glass of wine,
(11:44):
glass to look through a window. And then they put
big headset on them and they say, okay, honey, every
time you hear a little beep, point with your finger.
Let's practice point with your finger up, you know. So
I watched her point he finger. They came out, the
doctor met with me and said, okay, here's the problem
with your child. She does not have a hearing problem.
She does not listen to you. She's ignoring you. That's
all that's happening. So now I realize people to that
(12:08):
in adult relationships too. Romantic relationships boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, whatever.
Somebody says, hey, my partner doesn't listen. They don't listen
to me. I don't know why I'm talking. They don't
listen to me. All right, let me explain what could
possibly be going on. Here's what I know. You know,
healthy marriages are all about healthy communication. Healthy communication means
(12:33):
actually listening to each other. But it's actually not uncommon
to go through periods where you feel unheard or the
person is just not responding. Now, I've divided the reasons
why somebody might not be listening to you into two categories.
One would be intentional reasons they're doing it on purpose,
and the other is unintentional reasons. So intentional reasons, maybe
(12:56):
they're feeling blamed. Maybe in the past, when you were
telling them something it was very critical, you were attacking,
you were blaming them. Maybe at the time, you yourself
were a little emotionally deregulated, right, so you went off
on them. They don't listen. It's too painful. Maybe you
talk too much. I have that problem. But I'm a
(13:19):
professor and I'm a radio host, so I have a
place to put my words. But what if I'm in
an intimate relationship without a radio show, and I expect
my partner to listen to all my words. Some partners
get lost by too many words. You might just be
taken too long to say what you want to say. Look,
it could because you're a little nervous, or you're expecting
(13:40):
them to be negative, so you're just filling the void
with words. Well, you're too long winded. It's not working.
Maybe they feel hurt, Maybe you've said some pretty hurtful
things in the past and they don't want to deal
with it. Or maybe let's hope this isn't happening. They
are feeling manipulated. Maybe you're the kind of person who's
(14:03):
not honest, or you use passive, aggressive ways to explain things.
I saw a comedian a couple of weeks ago and
he said, hey, I'm married. Now you know what that means.
Whatever your wife says, it's just like the opposite game
when you're a kid and she goes, no, I'm fine,
she doesn't mean it. And she goes no, I don't
want to go there. She doesn't mean it. They will
say the opposite and so maybe you're being a little
(14:25):
controlling or manipulative. Now there could be unintentional reasons, like
childhood trauma. I knew a man not so long ago
who was blindsided by divorce. This happens. Blindsided by divorce.
He didn't even see it coming. And I asked him, like, really,
she just packed her things, you came home, she was gone,
(14:46):
that was it. And he said, well, there were these
really long emails, but I just deleted them. I didn't
even read them. And I'm like what, and he was like,
it was too much for me. It was overwhelming to me.
Turns out, once we talked further, I learned that he
had some learning differences, and he had trouble reading and writing.
(15:07):
He uses the robot to make most of his emails now.
And he also had some early childhood trauma and was
so afraid of her leaving that he just avoided and
ignored relationship stuff. And I'm like, yeah, well, she didn't
just blindside you. You blindsided yourself because you didn't pay attention, right,
So what do you do? I learned this in graduate school.
(15:31):
One of my professors said to me, whenever there's conflict
in an interpersonal relationship, family at the Thanksgiving table maybe,
or even your love relationship, instead of getting stuck in
the content, instead of saying but I told you, but
you said it is the third time I sent me
to Rahmma instead comment on the dynamic. Step back and say, hey, honey,
(15:52):
I noticed whenever I bring up this thing that you
either don't do it or don't respond. And I'm wondering
how it feels when I bring it up all the time.
I'm wondering what it's activating in you. Yeah, you can
use those words, say doctor Wendy said, you can use
those words. I wonder what's bringing up for you. I
wonder what that experience is like for you. I wonder
(16:13):
what's happening inside you. I want to know you better.
I want to understand you better. That's a whole lot
different than you never listen, you know, listen to me.
I've said it over and over. Nobody wants to deal
with that. How about, Hey, can you help me understand
what's going on between us? That's all you gotta do. Hey,
when we come back, I have a very, very very
(16:34):
special guest. I'm going to take it down a notch.
She is the founder of an organization. I know you've
heard about Children of the Night. It was literally the
first organization of its kind in America. It's a nonprofit
social service agency dedicated solely to the rescue of I'm
(16:55):
going to use her words now not mine, child prostitutes.
I was taught never to use that word. I got
to ask her why we don't say sex trafficked children,
Doctor Lowis Lee.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
When we come back, you're.
Speaker 7 (17:06):
Listening to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM
six forty.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Okay. I promised you this is going to be a
little bit of heavy segment. It's one that's hard for
me to think about as a mother of daughters. My
guest is doctor Lois Lee, the founder of an organization.
I'm sure you're quite familiar with Children of the Night,
America's first and most acclaimed nonprofits social services agency dedicated
(17:37):
solely to the rescue, stabilization, and education of children who
have been working as prostitutes. Doctor Lois Lee, thank you
so much for joining us.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
You know, the first thing I have to get out
of the way is I have been trained and taught
not to use the word child prostitute, but instead to
use the words traffic, sex trafficked children. But you don't
use that term. Can you explain why?
Speaker 4 (18:08):
Well, the kids don't use it, the children I work with,
the young people I work with don't. And if I
was talking about it. They'd never call me because they
don't see how that relates to them at all. They say,
quite frankly, they feel that it's a word that glamorizes
what happened to them, and there was nothing glamorous about
what happened to them. They prostituted, they were forced to
do it, and it was demeaning and it was awful,
(18:29):
and they just they feel like it's also a way
that the government makes it look like they're doing something.
And what happened was that I had trained thousands of
vice cops across the country, and then I trained a
lot of DOJ and FAI agents and became a really
big issue, and the government came to the child sex
trafficking issue through Janet Reno in a town hall meeting
(18:52):
when we met, and I told her that her people
are federal people refuse to prosecute cases against pamps. At
that time, on a federal level, the locals were doing it,
but on the federal level we wanted it because the
sentences were so much longer. And she said, you give
me the I'm going to give you my private facts,
and you give me the name of anybody it's not
working for not helping you, and I did. And boys,
(19:15):
she'd set people out and moved the government like just
moved them into action. And they thought they were going
to set up, you know, a child prostitution problem. They
thought they'd found a gold mine, so to speak, and
went back to Washington. And what they found They got
millions and millions, millions of dollars from Congress. And what
they found is there were not that many prostitutes here.
There's one hundred thousand, two hundred thousand.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
That doesn't care to prostitutes well.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
But not for the millions and millions and millions and
millions and millions of dollars they got.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
So where did they put the money? And they pardon,
where'd they put the money? If they raised all this money, put.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
The money into programs for young children who are for
children who were pregnant, maternity homes. The other thing is
the term sex track. They couldn't get professionals to come
work with prostituted children. But if they changed the term
to sex trafficking, then it was powerful to professionals. And
(20:10):
they did a lot of heavy handed stuff which needed
to be done. For instance, they forced them they changed
the law in twenty eighteen and forced the Department of
Children's Services to provide services to these kids, because when
I started forty six years ago, they flat out refused
to do anything.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
So there were crafter you rescued these children. You couldn't
get them into foster care.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
Oh no, I couldn't even if I couldn't even get
them in jail. At that point, I went to judges
and I asked judges to find them guilty of prostitutions
so we'd have money to stick them in treatment programs.
And they said, no, we can't do that because they're
not crimes against property and they're only hurting themselves and
it does not justify or warrant spending taxpayers funds on them.
So there were literally no services for these kids. And
(20:53):
so that's why I created Children of the Night. I
abandoned my career as an academic and started putting together
resources and building a program for them. You can imagine,
for like almost forty over forty years, I was taking
children into my home. I was taking them into a program.
There was no oversight, nobody wanted them, nobody bothered and
(21:15):
there were a lot of people, you know, for different
for bad reasons, taking them in there was no contributing
to the delinquency of a minor. When it came to
these children, they're considered repugnant and heartbreaking.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Heartbreaking, I said, I ran.
Speaker 4 (21:30):
A sex trafficking hotline, not one of the kids I
work with off Figaro or any of the ghettos, and
you know, escaping temps would be calling that because they
just don't see the parallel, and they often are turned
away by those organizations case after case because they're not,
you know, their children, and they deserve to be treated
like children. But they're not like then, I said, well,
(21:53):
girl who just got pregnant because of daddy or you know,
because of something else. You know, it's they're not so
compliant because they've been roughed up their entire lives.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Sure, so let's talk about Children of the Night. So
Children of the Night has employees and vans and they
go out at night and try to encourage kids to
get off the street. How does it work.
Speaker 4 (22:14):
Well, we rescued over seventeen thousand kids. We don't just rescue,
We rescue, we stabilize that, we educate, and we have
a scholarship program to put them in college. We have
any kids are in college today. What happens is that
we're the only real hotline that knows what to do.
And this answers the phone twenty four to seven for
kids who need to get off the streets, who are
(22:36):
running away from a pentp you know, because it doesn't
happen like in the afternoon between nine and five Monday
through Friday. And then it's a matter of manipulating the
situation to where she can get away from him safely.
Because you have to remember, these girls are out there,
their prostitutes, they are hopping in and out of cars.
So if we can get them into an uber, then
we can get them out of that area into a
(22:57):
safe location.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
And where do where are these safe locations? Like how
do you where do you put them?
Speaker 3 (23:02):
If?
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Is it in foster care? And what kind of stabilization program?
Speaker 4 (23:05):
No, no, no, no no. If they're children, they have
to go to foster care. You're not allowed to touch them.
And that's they mandated that. The federal government mandated that
in twenty eighteen, which is a good thing. I mean,
it's not really an appropriate resource for them because these
are tough kids, and what do you do? Put them
on a foster prome at four o'clock in the morning,
when they're half naked, you know, drug scars and everything else.
(23:27):
So it's not a good workable program. But there are
services for them so that when they're older, when they're eighteen,
they can still get money for college, they can they
have their medical services if at any time they get sick,
and they have independent housing. So many of them will
resurf us again, and we will use that system to
help them when they're eighteen. But for us, it's a
matter of maneuving them and even the police call us
(23:49):
because they need us to do a relocation because they've
got a girl who told them about a pampa. She
can't go back. So because we're dealing with growth eighteen
and over all we do is verify that there's a
responsible adult on the other It doesn't have to be
a parent. It can be a sister, a cousin, somebody
who's not involved in prostitution, who's got a job, who's stable,
and so then it's a matter we do have. We
(24:09):
use domestic violence shelters a lot because they have the
same protocol as we had when we were running our home.
But our home is for children, and so now we
can't do that because of these new laws, which is okay.
So but we get them closed with the medical treatment,
we get them a plane ticket by the time they
get to there where they're being relocated, and they can
(24:30):
be relocated in the middle of the night and put
on a plane. They've got food, they've got clothing, everything,
everything's been shipped to them, shipped for them through Amazon.
Thank god for Amazon. We say that all the time
because it allows us to move very quickly, rather than
going to the garage and packing up things and then
shipping them in the you know, at the post office
the next day. It's just it's it's very labor intensive.
(24:53):
So once they're there and they're stabilized, we get them
the medical treatment, We get them therapists because a lot
of therapy now is done through Zoom, and then we
sign them up for our tutoring program. We have a
Zoom tutoring program. We tutor for the to the ged,
We teach the tests, and we sponsor high school graduation
every year. When we fly them out, they get to
stay in Universal studios. They get to go to the
(25:15):
studios for their grad night. We have a cap and
gown ceremony, it's really a.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Big deal business. Amazing.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
Even if we go to the Children the Night website
and you look at programs, so you look at graduations,
you can see the kids.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
We bring in and we have to go to a
quick break the kids that were Doctor Lee. This is
so interesting. We have to go to a quick break
before we do. I want to make sure that we
say the phone number out a few times if you
want to reach out to Children of the Night. The
numbers one eight hundred five five one thirteen hundred extension zero.
(25:48):
That's one eight hundred and five to five, one thirteen
hundred extension zero. When we come back, Doctor Lois Lee
is going to tell us about the new Doctor Lois
Lee Show, a podcast where she interviews some rehabilitated former
teen prostitutes.
Speaker 7 (26:06):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Welcome back, a home stretch of the Doctor Wendywell Show
on AM six forty. My guest is doctor Lois Lee,
founder of Children of the Night. It's an organization I
am sure you have heard of because it's America's first
and most acclaimed nonprofit and social service agency dedicated solely
to the rescue of child prostitutes across the United States.
(26:37):
Doctor Lee, before we talk about your podcast, I want
to know about what made you create this organization. You
were only twenty five years old and you were in
graduate school, and how did this all come about?
Speaker 4 (26:51):
Well, I was seeing the police, benatarist and customers, and
so I was meeting the prostitutes young women in the
courtroom because was part of the dissents for their arrest.
And then met a young woman who was a heroin
attict and running an escort service. And she called me
one night about a girl that was missing and foul
play and I tracked it down and it was the
Hillside strangler. She turned out to be victim number eleven.
She's a seventeen year old girl. And the fact that
(27:16):
nobody would help her and that the police wouldn't even respond.
They said things to be like, oh, she's just a horde.
She changed trick houses wings in the car out there.
It was awful. So I just I went on the
news and I said, if you're involved in the prostitution
business and you think you know to the Hillside stranglers,
don't and you don't want to talk to cops. Don't
call them, call me And thank god for ABC, NBC
(27:37):
and KFWB. The game is full time reporters. And we
ran with the tips from my home phone because that's
where they came. The calls came in, and I refused
to work with the police because of the way they behaved,
and we chased them down. It ended up that I
ended up putting together the key witnesses to prosecute them,
and I too, testified as an expert witness. So that
changed my life. That took me from the the lush
(28:00):
of the Ivory Tower into the streets and I began
to find twelve and thirteen eleven year old kids and
the police go, nah, she's not you know, she's got
a record. I'm going you better look at this, and
I go get birth certificates from the parents and finally
they said, oh my god, she's telling the truth.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
You know. So heartbreaking work. So you decided this year
to create a podcast to bring greater awareness to this
problem to everybody. It's called The Doctor Leis Lee Show.
You can find it on the iHeartRadio app as well
as on YouTube. Why did you decide to create the
podcast and what can people expect by listening to it.
Speaker 4 (28:39):
Well, I mean, and I've been doing this for forty
six years. I've helped seventeen thousd I've rescued seventeen thousand kids,
and it's just it's hard to get to do all
the things that really need to be done. I really
need to teach other people who want to do this
job to do this kind of work. And I also
(29:00):
want people to understand what happened to these women and
that rehabilitation is is something that is possible and it's
not going to be done with a crash pad or
you know, something really cheap. But it takes work, it
takes time, and it takes understanding. And so it gives
me an opportunity to let the women talk about where
they are today and to talk to them about how
(29:21):
we met and what the Children Night program was like.
And a lot of stuff comes up to where like
they're teaching moments for people who want to do sex
trafficking programs of how to relate what programs are relevant,
and then what happened to them, And that's fairly bruf.
There's no need to go through detail because many of
them have children, and one of the things that came
up with in the podcast is many of them do
(29:42):
have children. I say, what do you tell your kids?
And you know, you always know there's some jerk in
the family or someone in your life is going to
tell the kids what you did when you were a teenager.
So it's best if you get there first. And so
they all have different ways of dealing with it. And
I asked, you want me to put together a monthly
zoom meeting with a top notch psychologist to work this out,
and we'll call it what to Do with What to
(30:03):
Tell the Kids? And so that new program will kick
off in January. It's already in motion in terms of development.
It's pretty much developed. It's just coordinating schedules now.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
And all the money that you raise for Children of
the Night is private donations, correct, You're not government funded.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
Now. I've raised sixty million dollars in the last forty
six years, all private. I don't want to be tied
to government because well, first of all, I'm dealing in
an area to where they want access to the kids,
and I'm happy to you know, if the kids want
to talk to them, that's fine, and many of them do.
But at the same time, I don't work for them.
I mean, they will tell me things like the head
(30:41):
of the FBI in New York tried to tell me
they wouldn't send me any kids because I was not
going to take them to the beach and I was
not going to take them to the movie, and they
would not be leaving the facility. And I said, I'm
not a prison. Go find some other place for your kids.
I'm sorry, I can't help them, but you don't run me,
you know. So I've had to stand down a lot
of very powerful people in order to do what I do,
and very much for you and all like a mother,
(31:02):
hen and these are my children.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
And I also think that you your voice has gone
a very long way. Even using the legal system to
change the laws. We can celebrate the fact that prostitution
is now not illegal, but it is illegal to be
a customer. Is that correct?
Speaker 4 (31:20):
Yes, that is correct, And that so adults women are
no longer arrested, and children are immediately given access to
Department Children's Services, well who their programs need to be
overhauled to deal with kids who are not so you know,
we're no longer dealing with kids on the farm or
mom died I mean we're dealing with, you know, kids
who've been roughed up a lot in their life, not
just prostitute kids, but lots of kids.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
I recently saw the interview, an interview on YouTube I
think it was Australia sixty minutes with Virginia Guffrey before
she passed away, talking about you know, our first sexual
abuse happened at seven and then fourteen and by the
time gir they Well with her posh accent, came along,
you know, she knew no boundaries because people had abuse
(32:06):
her her whole life. It's so sad to think about.
How can people donate to Children of the Night.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
Just go to Children Ofthanight dot org the website and
you can donate right there.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
I think, as we go ahead, well there's an.
Speaker 4 (32:21):
Address there too if you want to mail in a check.
You know, people have different ways they like to transport
their money.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
Children of the Night dot org. As we head into
the holiday season, it is a time of course we
should all be giving all year long, because not only
does it help others, but there's research to show it
supports and improves your own mental health. To donate and
give and improve the lives of others. So childreno thenight
dot org might be a place for your holiday giving.
(32:49):
Doctor Lois Lee, thank you so much for joining us
on KFI. I'm so excited to listen to the podcast again.
It's the Doctor Lois Lee Show. You can find it
on the I Heart Radio app as well as on YouTube.
Thanks for being with us. Thank you, Wendy, and thank
you for joining us on the Doctor Wendy Walls Show.
A reminder, next week we have a very special three
(33:12):
and a half hour Dr Wendy Wall Show, and I
have an entire hour devoted to a very interesting interview
with doctor Justin Garcia, the director of the famed Kinsey Institute,
So you're not going to want to miss that. I'm
here for you every Sunday from seven to nine pm,
but we're starting way earlier next week. Check your local listings.
(33:34):
You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always
hear us live on KFI Am six forty from seven
to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on
the iHeartRadio app.
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf
I Am six forty the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app. Okay, Producer Kayla, who do
we got?
Speaker 2 (00:14):
We have Caitlin with a question. Caitlyn.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hi, Caitlyn is doctor Wendy.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Hi, Doctor Wendy. Thank you good your question Caitlan. She
the question is referring back. Okay, my husband got fired.
He's been very successful. I'm sixty he's sixty two. I
have to live under the same roof.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
But he's been so mean. I wish I couldn't carry him.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
And and.
Speaker 6 (00:46):
What do I do?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Dr Wendy?
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Okay, I mean, I can't help this man.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I know you can't help this man. It's not your
job to help this man. It's his job to help himself.
So listen up, listen up. It's if you cannot get
him to go to therapy. That's the first and foremost.
He's got to go to therapy. If he won't go
to therapy. Did you know that if one partner goes
to therapy, it can also help resolve some of the conflict.
(01:12):
Think of a relationship as a machine with different moving parts,
and if you fix one part, it can affect the
other part. And so you're a good therapist for you
might be able to help you understand what's going on
with his crisis because he was fired, and understand better
ways to react to his anger. You do not have
(01:33):
to take his anger, but a good therapist can tell
you behaviors that can help you do the right thing
for you and your mental health when he gets irritable
and angry. And so first choice is hav ingim go
to therapy. Second choice, couple's therapy, a third choice.
Speaker 7 (01:47):
You go to.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Therapy and you will find new ways. But I'm sorry,
Caitlyn that you're dealing with this. This sounds very, very painful,
and he sounds like he's in a lot of pain too.
But it's not your job to heal him. His job
to heal him, all right, Producer, Kayla, who else we got?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
We got Antonio with a question.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Antonio, Hi, Antonia, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 5 (02:09):
Hello, thank you for taking my call.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Oh it's Tony. How are you? I said Antonia like
it was a woman. Is Antonia your name?
Speaker 5 (02:17):
Antonio?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Yeah, it's like Brigitta Daugastino. I get it. Okay, what's
your question, Antonio.
Speaker 5 (02:27):
Okay, So I've heard so much about, especially from dating
advice people, about it's like about why chem chemistry is
so important? Chemistry, this chemistry that, but whenever I look
online to just figure out, like, well what does it mean,
and like it just gives me a bad answer. So
what can we define? What is chemistry? Or at least
what are people referring to when they refer to chemistry
(02:49):
and how do you build it with somebody? That's it?
It was so important?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Excellent question, Antonio. So when people refer to chemistry, they
talk about this invisible feeling, this feeling of attraction to
each other that often results in very good sex. It's
like the neuro hormones of lust sort of connect with
each other. Now, interestingly enough, the research shows that just
(03:16):
because you have great chemistry, and I'm talking here mostly
about physical chemistry, this almost magnetic pull towards each other
and this great sex that is not correlated with relationship compatibility.
In fact, research done on couples who had arranged marriages
showed that these couples were able to actually grow a
(03:39):
kind of chemistry together over time because neither one was
planning to go anywhere. There were also, I like to
say there's always six people in a relationship and an
arranged marriage. I got two sets of parents who are
there to be soundboards and encourage and be supportive to
keep this relationship together, so it is possible. And the
big answer is it's about time together, touch and communication,
(04:04):
being able to honestly talk about what you're experiencing, and
being able to inquire in a really authentic way about
what somebody else is experiencing. And that is how you
build chemistry. Antonio, thank you for calling. Okay, producer Kyla,
do we have someone else?
Speaker 2 (04:19):
We have a couple more people we have Kim with
a question.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Kim, was that cam or Ken?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Kim?
Speaker 4 (04:23):
Him? Hi?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Kim, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
Hi, thank you for taking my call. My question is this,
how should.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Financially stable women handle paying for dates?
Speaker 5 (04:34):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Excellent question, Kim. I love this. Okay. If you've been
listening to my show for a while, you know I
always say sperm chases egg, not the reverse. And if
you want a man to love you, he'd better be
able to provide for you and at the beginning, at
the first dating. So let me say this not till
date three to five somewhere in there. Okay, I'm one
(04:55):
of those financially independent women. I have a fabulous husband.
Now I'm going to make a video of how much
he gives to me. And it doesn't have to do
with financial He is such a giving man in every
way possible. But it was around our fifth dinner, our
fifth dress up. He pay dinner. The check comes and
I say to him, I think it's time we talk
(05:16):
a little bit about money, and he goes, sure, I pay,
That's what he said. And I said, well, I'd like
to find a way to contribute. And he said, well,
next time we go for a hi, Q can pack
a picnic, is what he said, which was great. Now
further down the road we had deeper conversations, but what
he was saying is I want to be the man.
Right now, I'm still not ready to talk about that.
(05:39):
So let him pay at the beginning, and in fact,
don't offer to pay on a first, second, or third
date unless you hate him and you're breaking up and
you're not going to see him again. But even if
you're financially independent, you will what's that word, emasculate him.
You'll make him feel like less than a man if
(06:01):
you're offering to pay, or you'll be attracting the predator
men because there are also a class of men out
there who don't date. They hunt, they're after women's wallets,
and they're out there too. So test him to make
sure he's not one of those. Okay, let him pay him?
Speaker 4 (06:17):
All right?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Who else we got, Kayla, We have Tony with the question.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Hi, Tony, it's doctor Wendy.
Speaker 6 (06:23):
Hey, doctor Wendy. A few weeks ago, you had this
story about young women are complaining that guys are dusty,
and they say dusty means they don't have sympathy or empathy. Like,
what exactly are they talking about? Do they want guys
to act like fems or like they're gay friends and
they have sympathy for empathy for everything, like every crisis
(06:45):
or every melodrama they're supposed to like have a bleeding
heart for everything.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
No.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
In fact, there is research to show that women love
a man who can cry, but not very often. Right So,
right now, women are putting a lot of pressure on
men to do something they haven't been forced to do
in the past, which is to have better communication skills
and better empathy and not all men have this ability.
(07:12):
Right now, there is research to show that it can
be learned. Empathy can be learned. A great example Tony
I was talking to an older gentleman at a car
show recently, and it was in a small town, and
I said to him, yeah, the only thing I don't
like about this town is there's like nowhere good to eat.
There aren't great restaurants. He goes, what do you mean
there's a Mexican place and then you could eat here,
(07:33):
and you could eat there, and what are you complaining
about kind of thing? And then he said he paused,
and he said, oh, my wife told me that I'm
not showing empathy when a woman talks. Instead of me
telling you how to solve your problem by what restaurants
are around, I think I'm supposed to say, Wow, what
kind of food do you like that you're unable to find? Oh,
(07:54):
that must be terrible. And he actually caught himself and
explained it. I was like, oh, wow, his why he's
really training him. I do think that women are putting
too much pressure on men to be more emotional, but
I also think that many of great great men are
stepping up to the plate. You know, when I met
my husband, he said to me, Look, if I can't
(08:14):
learn to have good relationship skills with you, I'll learn
it from nobody. I'll never figure this out, right, So
but don't put don't always put gender on it, Tony.
Just because somebody has empathy doesn't mean they're feminine or
it's connected with their sexual orientation. That's those are stereotypes.
(08:35):
The truth is there are lots of empathetic men, and
there are lots of not very epathetic women or gay
men for that matter, So we can't necessarily attach it
with gender. But thank you for calling. All right, I
think you have time to go to social media just
for one quick question, Dear doctor Wendy. My boyfriend and
I love each other good, and I feel like I'm
(08:56):
the only one planning dates, initiating conversations, or keeping us
emotionally connected. How do I bring up feeling underappreciated without
sounding accusatory? Or do I need to rethink this relationship entirely?
All right, I don't know how long you've been going out,
and I don't know how long you've been doing all
the heavy lifting in this relationship. My first advice would
(09:17):
be stopped doing it. And see what happens. See if
he picks up the way, it starts carrying some of
the weight, right, Like, why are you? Why are you
planning it all? You know a great example One time
I had a teenager who never did her laundry. Made
me crazy. I was doing all the laundry and you know,
I didn't mind putting it from the washer the dryer
is the folding that took so long. And I went
(09:37):
to see some like therapist who specialize in parenting, some
parenting expert, and she goes, why this is your problem,
not hers. She obviously is fine with dirty clothes, fine
with piles, fine with wrinkle clothes. Why are you doing?
And so I said, all right, well, I'm going to
take her clothes out of the dryer and put them
in a pile. I actually asked her where would you
like me to put them? She said, in a pile
in the corner of my room, which I continued to
(09:58):
do until the pile grew so bad that eventually she
folded her own clothes. So, if you stop planning dates,
he might be sick of all the TV dinners, the
frozen pizzas, and he might actually plan a date or
you'll actually see what you're signed up for, and then
you might want to rethink the whole relationship. But if
you overdo it gives him no space to do That's
all I'm going to say. All right, when we come back,
(10:18):
where are we going after this?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Ooh?
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Are you in a relationship where your partner doesn't listen
to you very much? Hmmm, maybe it's your delivery. Let
me talk about this when we come back.
Speaker 7 (10:30):
You're listening to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
am six forty.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
I'm going to tell you a story about somebody who
didn't listen to me. And that was my oldest daughter
when she was three years old. Literally, you know how
first time new moms get all worried that there's some
defect in their kid, I'm sorry, different ability, And so
I would tell her to do things or ask her
to she would like totally like not hear me, and
(11:01):
I got really freaked out. I talked to the people
at the preschool and they cut it. Oh someone, she
just said to us, you might want to take her
to UCLA to the specialist. So I'd take her up
to UCLA to whoever the specialist was there. Or whatever
place you take small children to get their hearing tested.
A little side story that was in the waiting room
when she told an old lady that she liked to
(11:22):
drink wine, and she was three. I would sometimes let
her put her baby finger in my red wine glass.
I don't know why I did, and she'd lick it off. Anyway,
you arrest me. She's fine now anyway. So they put
these kids in a little booth, like a sound boof
thing with a glass and then not a glass of wine,
(11:44):
glass to look through a window. And then they put
big headset on them and they say, okay, honey, every
time you hear a little beep, point with your finger.
Let's practice point with your finger up, you know. So
I watched her point he finger. They came out, the
doctor met with me and said, okay, here's the problem
with your child. She does not have a hearing problem.
She does not listen to you. She's ignoring you. That's
all that's happening. So now I realize people to that
(12:08):
in adult relationships too. Romantic relationships boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, whatever.
Somebody says, hey, my partner doesn't listen. They don't listen
to me. I don't know why I'm talking. They don't
listen to me. All right, let me explain what could
possibly be going on. Here's what I know. You know,
healthy marriages are all about healthy communication. Healthy communication means
(12:33):
actually listening to each other. But it's actually not uncommon
to go through periods where you feel unheard or the
person is just not responding. Now, I've divided the reasons
why somebody might not be listening to you into two categories.
One would be intentional reasons they're doing it on purpose,
and the other is unintentional reasons. So intentional reasons, maybe
(12:56):
they're feeling blamed. Maybe in the past, when you were
telling them something it was very critical, you were attacking,
you were blaming them. Maybe at the time, you yourself
were a little emotionally deregulated, right, so you went off
on them. They don't listen. It's too painful. Maybe you
talk too much. I have that problem. But I'm a
(13:19):
professor and I'm a radio host, so I have a
place to put my words. But what if I'm in
an intimate relationship without a radio show, and I expect
my partner to listen to all my words. Some partners
get lost by too many words. You might just be
taken too long to say what you want to say. Look,
it could because you're a little nervous, or you're expecting
(13:40):
them to be negative, so you're just filling the void
with words. Well, you're too long winded. It's not working.
Maybe they feel hurt, Maybe you've said some pretty hurtful
things in the past and they don't want to deal
with it. Or maybe let's hope this isn't happening. They
are feeling manipulated. Maybe you're the kind of person who's
(14:03):
not honest, or you use passive, aggressive ways to explain things.
I saw a comedian a couple of weeks ago and
he said, hey, I'm married. Now you know what that means.
Whatever your wife says, it's just like the opposite game
when you're a kid and she goes, no, I'm fine,
she doesn't mean it. And she goes no, I don't
want to go there. She doesn't mean it. They will
say the opposite and so maybe you're being a little
(14:25):
controlling or manipulative. Now there could be unintentional reasons, like
childhood trauma. I knew a man not so long ago
who was blindsided by divorce. This happens. Blindsided by divorce.
He didn't even see it coming. And I asked him, like, really,
she just packed her things, you came home, she was gone,
(14:46):
that was it. And he said, well, there were these
really long emails, but I just deleted them. I didn't
even read them. And I'm like what, and he was like,
it was too much for me. It was overwhelming to me.
Turns out, once we talked further, I learned that he
had some learning differences, and he had trouble reading and writing.
(15:07):
He uses the robot to make most of his emails now.
And he also had some early childhood trauma and was
so afraid of her leaving that he just avoided and
ignored relationship stuff. And I'm like, yeah, well, she didn't
just blindside you. You blindsided yourself because you didn't pay attention, right,
So what do you do? I learned this in graduate school.
(15:31):
One of my professors said to me, whenever there's conflict
in an interpersonal relationship, family at the Thanksgiving table maybe,
or even your love relationship, instead of getting stuck in
the content, instead of saying but I told you, but
you said it is the third time I sent me
to Rahmma instead comment on the dynamic. Step back and say, hey, honey,
(15:52):
I noticed whenever I bring up this thing that you
either don't do it or don't respond. And I'm wondering
how it feels when I bring it up all the time.
I'm wondering what it's activating in you. Yeah, you can
use those words, say doctor Wendy said, you can use
those words. I wonder what's bringing up for you. I
wonder what that experience is like for you. I wonder
(16:13):
what's happening inside you. I want to know you better.
I want to understand you better. That's a whole lot
different than you never listen, you know, listen to me.
I've said it over and over. Nobody wants to deal
with that. How about, Hey, can you help me understand
what's going on between us? That's all you gotta do. Hey,
when we come back, I have a very, very very
(16:34):
special guest. I'm going to take it down a notch.
She is the founder of an organization. I know you've
heard about Children of the Night. It was literally the
first organization of its kind in America. It's a nonprofit
social service agency dedicated solely to the rescue of I'm
(16:55):
going to use her words now not mine, child prostitutes.
I was taught never to use that word. I got
to ask her why we don't say sex trafficked children,
Doctor Lowis Lee.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
When we come back, you're.
Speaker 7 (17:06):
Listening to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM
six forty.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Okay. I promised you this is going to be a
little bit of heavy segment. It's one that's hard for
me to think about as a mother of daughters. My
guest is doctor Lois Lee, the founder of an organization.
I'm sure you're quite familiar with Children of the Night,
America's first and most acclaimed nonprofits social services agency dedicated
(17:37):
solely to the rescue, stabilization, and education of children who
have been working as prostitutes. Doctor Lois Lee, thank you
so much for joining us.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
You know, the first thing I have to get out
of the way is I have been trained and taught
not to use the word child prostitute, but instead to
use the words traffic, sex trafficked children. But you don't
use that term. Can you explain why?
Speaker 4 (18:08):
Well, the kids don't use it, the children I work with,
the young people I work with don't. And if I
was talking about it. They'd never call me because they
don't see how that relates to them at all. They say,
quite frankly, they feel that it's a word that glamorizes
what happened to them, and there was nothing glamorous about
what happened to them. They prostituted, they were forced to
do it, and it was demeaning and it was awful,
(18:29):
and they just they feel like it's also a way
that the government makes it look like they're doing something.
And what happened was that I had trained thousands of
vice cops across the country, and then I trained a
lot of DOJ and FAI agents and became a really
big issue, and the government came to the child sex
trafficking issue through Janet Reno in a town hall meeting
(18:52):
when we met, and I told her that her people
are federal people refuse to prosecute cases against pamps. At
that time, on a federal level, the locals were doing it,
but on the federal level we wanted it because the
sentences were so much longer. And she said, you give
me the I'm going to give you my private facts,
and you give me the name of anybody it's not
working for not helping you, and I did. And boys,
(19:15):
she'd set people out and moved the government like just
moved them into action. And they thought they were going
to set up, you know, a child prostitution problem. They
thought they'd found a gold mine, so to speak, and
went back to Washington. And what they found They got
millions and millions, millions of dollars from Congress. And what
they found is there were not that many prostitutes here.
There's one hundred thousand, two hundred thousand.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
That doesn't care to prostitutes well.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
But not for the millions and millions and millions and
millions and millions of dollars they got.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
So where did they put the money? And they pardon,
where'd they put the money? If they raised all this money, put.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
The money into programs for young children who are for
children who were pregnant, maternity homes. The other thing is
the term sex track. They couldn't get professionals to come
work with prostituted children. But if they changed the term
to sex trafficking, then it was powerful to professionals. And
(20:10):
they did a lot of heavy handed stuff which needed
to be done. For instance, they forced them they changed
the law in twenty eighteen and forced the Department of
Children's Services to provide services to these kids, because when
I started forty six years ago, they flat out refused
to do anything.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
So there were crafter you rescued these children. You couldn't
get them into foster care.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
Oh no, I couldn't even if I couldn't even get
them in jail. At that point, I went to judges
and I asked judges to find them guilty of prostitutions
so we'd have money to stick them in treatment programs.
And they said, no, we can't do that because they're
not crimes against property and they're only hurting themselves and
it does not justify or warrant spending taxpayers funds on them.
So there were literally no services for these kids. And
(20:53):
so that's why I created Children of the Night. I
abandoned my career as an academic and started putting together
resources and building a program for them. You can imagine,
for like almost forty over forty years, I was taking
children into my home. I was taking them into a program.
There was no oversight, nobody wanted them, nobody bothered and
(21:15):
there were a lot of people, you know, for different
for bad reasons, taking them in there was no contributing
to the delinquency of a minor. When it came to
these children, they're considered repugnant and heartbreaking.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Heartbreaking, I said, I ran.
Speaker 4 (21:30):
A sex trafficking hotline, not one of the kids I
work with off Figaro or any of the ghettos, and
you know, escaping temps would be calling that because they
just don't see the parallel, and they often are turned
away by those organizations case after case because they're not,
you know, their children, and they deserve to be treated
like children. But they're not like then, I said, well,
(21:53):
girl who just got pregnant because of daddy or you know,
because of something else. You know, it's they're not so
compliant because they've been roughed up their entire lives.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Sure, so let's talk about Children of the Night. So
Children of the Night has employees and vans and they
go out at night and try to encourage kids to
get off the street. How does it work.
Speaker 4 (22:14):
Well, we rescued over seventeen thousand kids. We don't just rescue,
We rescue, we stabilize that, we educate, and we have
a scholarship program to put them in college. We have
any kids are in college today. What happens is that
we're the only real hotline that knows what to do.
And this answers the phone twenty four to seven for
kids who need to get off the streets, who are
(22:36):
running away from a pentp you know, because it doesn't
happen like in the afternoon between nine and five Monday
through Friday. And then it's a matter of manipulating the
situation to where she can get away from him safely.
Because you have to remember, these girls are out there,
their prostitutes, they are hopping in and out of cars.
So if we can get them into an uber, then
we can get them out of that area into a
(22:57):
safe location.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
And where do where are these safe locations? Like how
do you where do you put them?
Speaker 3 (23:02):
If?
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Is it in foster care? And what kind of stabilization program?
Speaker 4 (23:05):
No, no, no, no no. If they're children, they have
to go to foster care. You're not allowed to touch them.
And that's they mandated that. The federal government mandated that
in twenty eighteen, which is a good thing. I mean,
it's not really an appropriate resource for them because these
are tough kids, and what do you do? Put them
on a foster prome at four o'clock in the morning,
when they're half naked, you know, drug scars and everything else.
(23:27):
So it's not a good workable program. But there are
services for them so that when they're older, when they're eighteen,
they can still get money for college, they can they
have their medical services if at any time they get sick,
and they have independent housing. So many of them will
resurf us again, and we will use that system to
help them when they're eighteen. But for us, it's a
matter of maneuving them and even the police call us
(23:49):
because they need us to do a relocation because they've
got a girl who told them about a pampa. She
can't go back. So because we're dealing with growth eighteen
and over all we do is verify that there's a
responsible adult on the other It doesn't have to be
a parent. It can be a sister, a cousin, somebody
who's not involved in prostitution, who's got a job, who's stable,
and so then it's a matter we do have. We
(24:09):
use domestic violence shelters a lot because they have the
same protocol as we had when we were running our home.
But our home is for children, and so now we
can't do that because of these new laws, which is okay.
So but we get them closed with the medical treatment,
we get them a plane ticket by the time they
get to there where they're being relocated, and they can
(24:30):
be relocated in the middle of the night and put
on a plane. They've got food, they've got clothing, everything,
everything's been shipped to them, shipped for them through Amazon.
Thank god for Amazon. We say that all the time
because it allows us to move very quickly, rather than
going to the garage and packing up things and then
shipping them in the you know, at the post office
the next day. It's just it's it's very labor intensive.
(24:53):
So once they're there and they're stabilized, we get them
the medical treatment, We get them therapists because a lot
of therapy now is done through Zoom, and then we
sign them up for our tutoring program. We have a
Zoom tutoring program. We tutor for the to the ged,
We teach the tests, and we sponsor high school graduation
every year. When we fly them out, they get to
stay in Universal studios. They get to go to the
(25:15):
studios for their grad night. We have a cap and
gown ceremony, it's really a.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Big deal business. Amazing.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
Even if we go to the Children the Night website
and you look at programs, so you look at graduations,
you can see the kids.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
We bring in and we have to go to a
quick break the kids that were Doctor Lee. This is
so interesting. We have to go to a quick break
before we do. I want to make sure that we
say the phone number out a few times if you
want to reach out to Children of the Night. The
numbers one eight hundred five five one thirteen hundred extension zero.
(25:48):
That's one eight hundred and five to five, one thirteen
hundred extension zero. When we come back, Doctor Lois Lee
is going to tell us about the new Doctor Lois
Lee Show, a podcast where she interviews some rehabilitated former
teen prostitutes.
Speaker 7 (26:06):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Welcome back, a home stretch of the Doctor Wendywell Show
on AM six forty. My guest is doctor Lois Lee,
founder of Children of the Night. It's an organization I
am sure you have heard of because it's America's first
and most acclaimed nonprofit and social service agency dedicated solely
to the rescue of child prostitutes across the United States.
(26:37):
Doctor Lee, before we talk about your podcast, I want
to know about what made you create this organization. You
were only twenty five years old and you were in
graduate school, and how did this all come about?
Speaker 4 (26:51):
Well, I was seeing the police, benatarist and customers, and
so I was meeting the prostitutes young women in the
courtroom because was part of the dissents for their arrest.
And then met a young woman who was a heroin
attict and running an escort service. And she called me
one night about a girl that was missing and foul
play and I tracked it down and it was the
Hillside strangler. She turned out to be victim number eleven.
She's a seventeen year old girl. And the fact that
(27:16):
nobody would help her and that the police wouldn't even respond.
They said things to be like, oh, she's just a horde.
She changed trick houses wings in the car out there.
It was awful. So I just I went on the
news and I said, if you're involved in the prostitution
business and you think you know to the Hillside stranglers,
don't and you don't want to talk to cops. Don't
call them, call me And thank god for ABC, NBC
(27:37):
and KFWB. The game is full time reporters. And we
ran with the tips from my home phone because that's
where they came. The calls came in, and I refused
to work with the police because of the way they behaved,
and we chased them down. It ended up that I
ended up putting together the key witnesses to prosecute them,
and I too, testified as an expert witness. So that
changed my life. That took me from the the lush
(28:00):
of the Ivory Tower into the streets and I began
to find twelve and thirteen eleven year old kids and
the police go, nah, she's not you know, she's got
a record. I'm going you better look at this, and
I go get birth certificates from the parents and finally
they said, oh my god, she's telling the truth.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
You know. So heartbreaking work. So you decided this year
to create a podcast to bring greater awareness to this
problem to everybody. It's called The Doctor Leis Lee Show.
You can find it on the iHeartRadio app as well
as on YouTube. Why did you decide to create the
podcast and what can people expect by listening to it.
Speaker 4 (28:39):
Well, I mean, and I've been doing this for forty
six years. I've helped seventeen thousd I've rescued seventeen thousand kids,
and it's just it's hard to get to do all
the things that really need to be done. I really
need to teach other people who want to do this
job to do this kind of work. And I also
(29:00):
want people to understand what happened to these women and
that rehabilitation is is something that is possible and it's
not going to be done with a crash pad or
you know, something really cheap. But it takes work, it
takes time, and it takes understanding. And so it gives
me an opportunity to let the women talk about where
they are today and to talk to them about how
(29:21):
we met and what the Children Night program was like.
And a lot of stuff comes up to where like
they're teaching moments for people who want to do sex
trafficking programs of how to relate what programs are relevant,
and then what happened to them, And that's fairly bruf.
There's no need to go through detail because many of
them have children, and one of the things that came
up with in the podcast is many of them do
(29:42):
have children. I say, what do you tell your kids?
And you know, you always know there's some jerk in
the family or someone in your life is going to
tell the kids what you did when you were a teenager.
So it's best if you get there first. And so
they all have different ways of dealing with it. And
I asked, you want me to put together a monthly
zoom meeting with a top notch psychologist to work this out,
and we'll call it what to Do with What to
(30:03):
Tell the Kids? And so that new program will kick
off in January. It's already in motion in terms of development.
It's pretty much developed. It's just coordinating schedules now.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
And all the money that you raise for Children of
the Night is private donations, correct, You're not government funded.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
Now. I've raised sixty million dollars in the last forty
six years, all private. I don't want to be tied
to government because well, first of all, I'm dealing in
an area to where they want access to the kids,
and I'm happy to you know, if the kids want
to talk to them, that's fine, and many of them do.
But at the same time, I don't work for them.
I mean, they will tell me things like the head
(30:41):
of the FBI in New York tried to tell me
they wouldn't send me any kids because I was not
going to take them to the beach and I was
not going to take them to the movie, and they
would not be leaving the facility. And I said, I'm
not a prison. Go find some other place for your kids.
I'm sorry, I can't help them, but you don't run me,
you know. So I've had to stand down a lot
of very powerful people in order to do what I do,
and very much for you and all like a mother,
(31:02):
hen and these are my children.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
And I also think that you your voice has gone
a very long way. Even using the legal system to
change the laws. We can celebrate the fact that prostitution
is now not illegal, but it is illegal to be
a customer. Is that correct?
Speaker 4 (31:20):
Yes, that is correct, And that so adults women are
no longer arrested, and children are immediately given access to
Department Children's Services, well who their programs need to be
overhauled to deal with kids who are not so you know,
we're no longer dealing with kids on the farm or
mom died I mean we're dealing with, you know, kids
who've been roughed up a lot in their life, not
just prostitute kids, but lots of kids.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
I recently saw the interview, an interview on YouTube I
think it was Australia sixty minutes with Virginia Guffrey before
she passed away, talking about you know, our first sexual
abuse happened at seven and then fourteen and by the
time gir they Well with her posh accent, came along,
you know, she knew no boundaries because people had abuse
(32:06):
her her whole life. It's so sad to think about.
How can people donate to Children of the Night.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
Just go to Children Ofthanight dot org the website and
you can donate right there.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
I think, as we go ahead, well there's an.
Speaker 4 (32:21):
Address there too if you want to mail in a check.
You know, people have different ways they like to transport
their money.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
Children of the Night dot org. As we head into
the holiday season, it is a time of course we
should all be giving all year long, because not only
does it help others, but there's research to show it
supports and improves your own mental health. To donate and
give and improve the lives of others. So childreno thenight
dot org might be a place for your holiday giving.
(32:49):
Doctor Lois Lee, thank you so much for joining us
on KFI. I'm so excited to listen to the podcast again.
It's the Doctor Lois Lee Show. You can find it
on the I Heart Radio app as well as on YouTube.
Thanks for being with us. Thank you, Wendy, and thank
you for joining us on the Doctor Wendy Walls Show.
A reminder, next week we have a very special three
(33:12):
and a half hour Dr Wendy Wall Show, and I
have an entire hour devoted to a very interesting interview
with doctor Justin Garcia, the director of the famed Kinsey Institute,
So you're not going to want to miss that. I'm
here for you every Sunday from seven to nine pm,
but we're starting way earlier next week. Check your local listings.
(33:34):
You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always
hear us live on KFI Am six forty from seven
to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on
the iHeartRadio app.
Dr. Wendy Walsh on Demand News
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