September 1, 2025 • 34 mins
Hour 1: Dr. Wendy is breaking down the Travis and Taylor love story saga. PLUS, WE BELIEVE IN COFFEE DATES. We are also getting some Wendy wisdom with Dr. Wendy's drive by makeshift relationship advice. It's all on KFIAM-640
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app KFI AM six forty. You have
doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy
wall Show. Coming up in the next two hours. Let
us talk a lot about America's royal couple, Taylor Swift
(00:23):
and Travis Kelsey. I have so much to say about
their relationship. Plus, there are some things that we can
do for our own mental health that's pretty simple and
according to research, it can help boost our mood. Plus,
if you're a woman and you've been asked out on
a coffee date from a dating app and you feel
(00:45):
that this is lowering the bar, I'm gonna break it
down and analyze it for you. Producer Kayla you with me,
m oh of course, Doctor Wendy Hallou So, did you
actually watch the two hours of the post a couple
of weeks ago with Travis Kelce's brother Jason. I think
it's called New Heights and Taylor Swift. I can't say
(01:07):
I watched the entire two We'll get ready because I'm
going to give you the best summary. I want to
say that I dipped into it thinking I'll find a
little bit of SoundBite here, a little SoundBite there, and
then I'll just wait in on it. I got so addicted,
and I did not expect to like these people as
(01:29):
much as I like them after spending two hours with them.
If you've been living under a rock this week, Travis
Kelcey finally proposed to Taylor Swift, or maybe she proposed
to him. We don't know the order. What we know
is that they did a fabulous photo shoot in a garden.
She wore a Calvin Kleine sun dress that was sold
(01:50):
out across the country. The next day. He gave her
a big fat diamond or she bought it, they bought it.
I don't know. They've been together two years, right, I
feel like this couple has become America's royal couple. And okay,
beauty and celebrity aside. There are lots of beautiful and
(02:11):
celebrated couples out there, but there's some things we can
learn from this pair. First of all, they're authentic, and
we can learn how to be more authentic by watching them.
I know they may have fewer problems because they've got
that other thing, money and fame. But you know, money
and fame brings a different set of problems, media scrutiny,
(02:35):
time crunched, career schedules. It's just like in life, nobody
gets out alive and nobody gets out without problems. I
just want to say that if you think money or
fame is going to solve your problems, it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
What this pair doesn't seem to have, which is really
common among celebrity couples, is any competition between them. Like
they both seem to truly support each other. So a
few weeks ago, they were on Travis's brothers Jason's podcast,
and here are some of the things I saw. First
(03:08):
of all, Taylor loves his enthusiasm. Listen to this.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah, he's the good kind of crazy.
Speaker 4 (03:14):
And I knew that he wasn't crazy the first couple
of times that we talked.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
I was just like he's he's.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Truly, like he's truly getting to know me in a
way that's very natural, very pure, very normal.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Like also like just the way that he could.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
Make me laugh so immediately about normal things, Like Travis
is like he's just a vibe booster in everyone's life
that he's in. He's like a human exclamation point, Like
you know, he's like when you take a picture on
your phone and you put the like you push the
enhanced color button. That's like what you do.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
So I use so many more exclamation points now. But
I think it was just like you.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Also, you were so you're.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
So non judge mental about people, and you were not
judgmental about the fact that I knew nothing.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
About the world you were in. You were nice. If
you were so.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Nice, clean slate. I can tell you a funny story.
When my now husband Julio first texted me on a
dating app. He wrote his first response to my hi,
because you know, it was bumble and the girl has
to talk first, and I don't think women should pitch men,
so you just say hi. He wrote back my name
in all caps, Wendy, and then five exclamation marks, and
(04:30):
I was like, whoa, look at that enthusiasm. So apparently
Travis uses lots of exclamation marks to guys. Pay attention
to that. But the thing I also loved in listening
to it is that there were some green flags that
both of them talked about in their relationship, their ability
to sustain long term, real world friendships, and I think
(04:54):
her ability to kind of turn off her celebrity persona
and just be a real person.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
When we first started dating, he was like, I always
wanted to go and really vacation in Europe and see Australia.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
And oh that's the wrong one. Wait stop that clip.
We're getting there to travel. This is the one where
he says that she describes the green flag of him
being that his friends, that he's had friends since he
was like four years old. Do we have that clip.
Speaker 4 (05:26):
He's got which is an incredible, like a huge green flag,
Is that Travis has had the same friends since he's
probably four years old. Yes, literally, And he's incredibly good
at maintaining friendships and he's so loyal and his friends
are equally loyal and they're just the funniest, most hilarious.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Group of people.
Speaker 5 (05:43):
Yeah, and you want to talk about green flags. The
first game she went to the Bears game, she literally
went through the front door of the stadium.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Yeah, we walked right in, just right in like.
Speaker 5 (05:53):
To tic like general admission, through, general admission through with
the everybody on the bus to the game. Oh my god.
I was just like, Oh, she's just in it. She's down,
she's down for the ride. She's here for she's here for.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
The fudd She's like, I'll friends, I'll go through the mud.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
I'll be a part of a chiefs kingdom.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Part of the Chiefs kingdom. Apparently she wore before any
of us knew they were dating, she wore a mask
in a baseball cap and went to a number of
games and she walked in nonchalantly with a bunch of
his friends who were kind of big guys around her
and nobody recognized her, which I thought was really cool.
So they began their dating life by traveling the world.
I know it sounds luxurious, but come on, travel is
(06:33):
not always easy. You got to deal with jet leg
an unsettled stomach, all kinds of travel woes. But they
also had the excitement of seeing the world.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
When we first started dating, he was like, I always
wanted to go and really vacation in Europe and see
Australia and you know.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Go to Asia. And I was like, well, I got
I got a tour for that. You know it's coming up.
Speaker 5 (06:58):
Oh nice, she got room for six or five guid.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Yeah, we can figure it out.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
How Like, No, that's what the dimensions are wild, but
we'll make some room. I think we'll have to leave
some some equipment trunks behind.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Her on the size, but absolutely we'd be happy to
have you.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
And we got to, you know, we got to travel
the world and have vacations and adventures when I wasn't
on stage, which was really fun.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
So this is how they built their romance on tour
with him supporting her career. I do want to say,
having watched the two hours of this podcast, that she's
definitely the talker. She really spoke the most, and he
looked at her adoringly. He laughed at her jokes. If
(07:45):
she did something said something self deprecating, he was quick
to say, that's not true. You know you are an athlete.
I see what you do in heels. I could never
do it. And they just really really support each other
and it feels it just felt so authentic and real.
So when we come back, I want to talk about
how they're handling gender roles, the endorsement from various family
(08:09):
members including coach Andy Reid, and five things we can
all learn from Taylor and Travis when we come back.
You are listening to the doctor Wendy Walsh show on
KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Hey,
if I am six forty, you have doctor Wendy Walsh
with you, and I'm with Taylor and Travis. Well they're
(08:30):
not here actually in the studio, but I'm fangirling about them.
And I don't usually do this. So here's the thing.
I can usually see through celebrity couples stick and their
false romances and their red carpet fake kisses and all
that stuff. I mean, I can see through it. But
having watched these two with his brother on the podcast
(08:51):
for two hours, I am just my jaw is dropping
about how real and authentic they are. I want to
say something about gender roles. First of all, nobody owned
any role. Guys, if you like to bake and sew,
knock yourself up. I actually grew up with a dad
(09:12):
who is in the Navy, but his hobby was making
frilly little girl dresses and he made my mother evening
gowns too. He sewed. That was his hot well. He
also built boats and worked on cars. He was just
a really, really talented guy, but it never seemed weird.
He also did most of the cooking the other thing.
What did my mother do? No, I'm joking. So I
(09:35):
found it really interesting. In the podcast with Taylor Swift
and Travis Kelsey when they talked about what she does
on the off season, listen to what she says on
essentially gender roles, her gender roles.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Yeah, I like to sew.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
I specialize, as you know, in children's purses and baby blankets.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
I make two things. Love to paint, I love to cook.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
I have a different baking obsession every six months.
Speaker 5 (10:08):
I am the luckiest man in the world.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Do you see how he fans over her, how thrilled
he is to be with her. They go on to
talk about her sourdough obsession. Listen to this.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
We're very deep in a sour dough obsession that has.
Speaker 5 (10:23):
Taken in my life.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
I am aware, Yeah, and I'm You've got me deep in.
Speaker 5 (10:30):
I'm lucky. I'm run working is as much as I
am running, as much as I am because I am
I am getting the caloric intake.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
He he asked me to send him two loaves of
sour dough at training camp. I'm like, I'm like wrapping
sourdough loaves in like like Surrehan rapper whatever, like like
cling film, The sour dough is taken over my life
in a huge way. I'm really talking about bread. Uh
sixty percent.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Of the time.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
It's it's become it's become.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
A huge, huge factor all I mean.
Speaker 5 (11:04):
And she's getting good with making all these different versions
of it. Oh yeah, my favorite one was probably, I mean,
the regular sour dough is one of my favors. With
the blueberry.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Yeah, we do.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
There's a blueberry lemon, there's cinnamon swirl, cinnamon raisin, and
this one. I've been workshopping for the girls because they
love everything rainbow fun fetti, sour dough.
Speaker 5 (11:25):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Yeah, no, it will because they love.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
Sprinkles like we put you know, we put sprinkles in
everything when we hang out. Yeah, it's really uh yeah,
she's a love for life now.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Having gone through my own sour dough obsession a while back,
I will tell you that I think it is the
biggest sign of nurturing. Let's pay attention to the subliminal messages.
You know, she likes to drop those Easter eggs, although
she does say in this podcast that she never drops
Easter eggs about her personal life, only you know her
art and albums coming out, et cetera. But she says
(12:01):
the only things she sews are kids purses and baby blankets.
And do you know what a sour dough obsession is.
It's like having a newborn baby. You got to feed it,
you got to take its temperature, you got to change
it's diaper. Now, I would put it in the oven
at night, just the starter with just the light on
(12:22):
inside the oven, and that would bring it to the
perfect temperature, so would be bubbly in the moment. It's
a whole thing and it dominates. I've even set alarms
for three am to stretch and fold. So but they
do say in the podcast that she has taught him.
They've done it side by side, he stretched and folds.
I assume he means the dough just as well as
(12:43):
she does. So anyway, all I want to say enclosure
is who cares? Who does what? But isn't it sweet
that she's got this homebody side. I predict babies soon,
I really do. But the other thing that makes them
so real and authentic, and I think everyone should pay
attention to this, is they have tribal endorsement from both
(13:04):
sides in fact, the famous coach Andy Reid is now
telling everybody that he's the one who set them up.
Apparently he long before this, was already friends with Taylor's dad.
Speaker 5 (13:17):
Andy Reid has recently revealed that he was the one
who set you guys up. How true is this revelation
by Big Gred.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
Whatever Andy Reid says, We're gonna stand.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
By he says.
Speaker 5 (13:30):
It, that's all the same, That's what happened.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
He's been friends with my dad. My dad is the
most social man who's ever been born.
Speaker 5 (13:39):
Shout out to Scott.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
They also talked about this summer they went through a
time where her dad had quadruple or quintuplet by pass surgery,
her mom had a knee replacement. They were all there
nurturing them. They really are the bridge between families and
they're doing work of being connected in an intimate way
(14:03):
with their family. They were also asked about how they
deal with all the media attention on their relationship, and
here's what they said.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
So, I do detach from the Internet in a huge way,
like I'm just not I I have had my comments
disabled on Instagram for like ten years now, and first
I don't miss it.
Speaker 5 (14:23):
I found that out after THEIRS tour comments, We're going
to be the first one.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Dude. The problem is I get so mad.
Speaker 5 (14:32):
I then go and look at all the other comments,
and then Twitter just feeds me more.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Read like this, whereas whereas I'm like, I don't know
what this is, but get it out of my office.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
It's on fire.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
My business is making music and taking care of my fans,
and I have ways of monitoring what they want from
me and how best to entertain them, which is my job.
And everything else. I'm just sort of like, it's not
my business. I have actual business that I need to run.
Can you imagine if we just talked about what people
(15:07):
said about our relationship, because that if we talked.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
About that, that would be all.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
We talked about. Because there's so much chatter. It's like
we're busy having an actual relationship.
Speaker 5 (15:17):
I want to hear sward bread puns.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Yeah, and you will, And that's a promise.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Love this couple. It's going to be fun watching them.
It's going to be the wedding of a century. What
can we learn from them? Number One, go out there
get your heart broken. If you can't write songs about it,
make a painting or make some sour dough about it
while you're crying. Wait until you're old enough to make
the good decision for commitment and wait for the right one.
Number two, get family approval. You know, don't try to
(15:47):
do things besides behind your fans back. They have your
best interests at heart. Get that approval. Ignore what society
says that you know you should have this tall prince
charm or this hot Instagram model. Go with your hearts.
And the biggest I found is shamelession of your partner,
(16:09):
not a competitor. So I noticed Julio and I do
that all the time. We are like each other's cheerleader
and supporter right and have whatever gender roles you want.
And if you value your partner, they will feel valuable
to you. There's actually research on this. The couples who
think their partner is fabulous have a happy relationship. So
(16:32):
think your partner's fabulous. Hey, when you come back, if
you're a single woman and you think a coffee date
is lowering the bar, we need to talk. You're listening
to The Doctor, Wendy Wall Show and KFI AM six
forty We Live Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Welcome back to the Dr Wendy Wash Show, a KFI
AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Okay,
So I got approached this week by reporter at Cosmo magazine.
Remember when Cosmopolitan was all the rage. Of course, now
everything's online, and she wanted me to comment on this
trend on social media where women are debating the value
(17:21):
of a coffee date as a first date. Now, let
me make something clear. A lot of women out there
think that going for short coffee is lowering the bar.
In other words, they're saying, dude doesn't even have to sacrifice.
I mean, he shows up for twenty thirty minutes, he
(17:41):
buys me a cup of coffee, and then I get ghosted. No, no,
I want to get dressed up. I want to be
taken out to a full on dinner. I want him
to be into me and be ready to sacrifice. I
understand that logic. I want to see a guy sacrifice
(18:01):
for them. That is just basic anthropology. Right in our history,
when a guy spent money or time this helped a
woman feel like she was being courted. It's an age
old mating strategy. But I need to say this, it
doesn't always apply in today's times, when plenty of women
(18:25):
earn way more money than men. Now, I'm not suggesting
that women should ever pay for that first date. But
the other issue are dating apps. You know, dating apps
should be called mating apps or get the phone number apps.
They should not be called dating apps. You don't date
on the app, stop messaging forever on the app. Just
don't do it. But the other thing is it puts
(18:47):
so much pressure on two people. So I like to
think that coffee dates are a great way to decide
if you'd like to have a real date. I like
to think of them like the rom comms would say,
is a cute meat a first sighting? Take the pressure off.
(19:08):
I don't know about you, but back in the day,
I showed up, I took the time to get dressed up,
I spent money on new shoes, hair makeup, got a
babysitter for the kids, showed up a fancy restaurant with
a dud, a person who is a complete mismatch. What
(19:29):
do you do then, right, you try to get yourself
out of it. You get through this long evening a
I think it's not a good idea to put this
kind of pressure on because somebody's dating app profile, it's
just like a little billboard on the street. You don't
know what they're really like. Dating apps mean that can
(19:52):
or even if you're just dming somebody on Instagram, because
young people aren't using dating apps so much anymore. They're
going on Instagram and just setting a DM. Dating apps
mean that complete strangers are often meeting for the first time,
never even having spoken a word on the phone. And
I should pause here to say, never meet a human
(20:13):
in the real world until you've had a phone conversation.
Make them pass the phone test. You can learn so
much about somebody just the tone of their voice and
whether they got humor or whether they can, you know,
charm you on the phone if somebody will not get
on the telephone with you, and just once you meet
you in the real And by the way, there are
only two times in my life that they allowed myself
(20:34):
to meet someone in public who just texted me on
the app and did not get on the phone. And
there was a reason. I'm not going to say it,
I don't want to embarrass them, but there was a reason.
Both times of why they didn't want to get on
the phone. I mean, if you meet a stranger in
the real world having only sent a couple texts to
each other, neither partner knows what they're getting into. So
(20:58):
what a twenty minute cost coffee date does is it
gives you an exit strategy if the date is a disappointment. Look,
the classiest people can get through fifteen or twenty minutes
and then say, oh gosh, look at the time. Got
a meeting to get to. Gotta go right, and we
can all be polite. The thing I also want to
(21:20):
tell women who believe that coffee dates first dates as
a coffee date is low are lowering the bar is
that high value women are busy. We are very busy.
Our time is precious. If you're prepared to donate an
entire evening to a complete stranger who you've met on
(21:41):
an app, what message does it send to this dude
that you got nothing better to do? You see, the
less available a woman is, the more her value goes up.
I know, I hear you right now. I don't want
to play games, you know, and just leave you a
real relationship. I want to be authentic. You know what
then show up and no makeup in your gym clothes
on a coffee date. If you want to be that authentic, No,
(22:03):
I don't recommend that, but get somewhere in between. Be casual,
be pretty, don't overdo it, but also don't donate all
your time at the beginning. Now another, so I'm a
big believer in coffee dates. Just to close that a
little bit. If someone you know wants to go and
do the big, huge hurrah, fine, if you want to
(22:25):
go to that, maybe they got tickets to a great
concert or whatever, but you're going to be locked in
for a few hours with somebody who might be a
complete mismatch for you, and you know, we get our
hopes up and eh, and it's such a disappointment. So
coffee dates. I'm a big fan of coffee dates. Now,
what do you do if somebody you meet on an
(22:45):
app ask you out on a first date for something
you're not so interested in doing, Whether it's a movie.
I never suggest a movie as a first date ever, ever, ever,
because what do you How do you get to know
a stranger sitting in a dark theater and it's kind
of creepy. You're just looking ahead of the screen. No no, no,
no no. So can a woman say, you know, I
(23:06):
really don't want to do that, let's do this. It
totally depends if you, as a woman, know that traditionally
you have few strong boundaries, and you say yes to
everyone and yes to everything. I think for you, learning
to be selective is very important. On the other hand,
if you are one of those people men or women
(23:27):
who protect yourself from intimacy by being way too choosy
at the beginning, then maybe it's time for you to
take a risk and do something out of your comfort zone. Now.
I do think it's okay if somebody invites you to
something that you're just absolutely not interested in, to suggest
(23:48):
an alternative date idea. I mean, if they want to
do some thrill sinking thing that you're not into, like
let's hike to the top of whatever. No, I'm not
into that, or let's bungee jump or let's raise car whatever.
It's okay to say, I think that's a great idea,
but I'm really not into that right now. Remember, you
(24:08):
can communicate anything by using doctor Wendy's communication sandwich. Here's
how you make the sandwich. You start with a layer
of love, Hey, that's a great idea. Wow, you're really
into that. You're so brave. I'm so proud of you.
And then you follow it up with a layer of
something a little harder to chew on, which is the decline.
But you know that's not really me. I don't really
(24:31):
think I'm not into that band. I'm sorry, and then
close it with something great, right, but hey, why don't
we go to xyz? And it doesn't matter where we
end up. I know you're gonna be fun to hang
out with. It'll be a fun night. We'll make it fun. Right.
That's the communication sandwich, layer of something positive, a clear
(24:52):
no and boundary, not a wishy washy want no, not
for me, thanks anyway, but and then a compliment at
the end. This is how we all need to learn
how to communicate. So go on those coffee dates, ladies.
Just twenty thirty minutes so you can look cute, but
don't not over the top cute. Okay, you don't need
the eyelashes for the coffee date, just sam. Hey, when
we come back, I'm heading to my social media to
(25:14):
answer your relationship questions. Remember I'm not a therapist, I'm
a psychology professor. But I've had a lot of life
experience and written three books on relationships, and I am
happy to weigh in on your love life. Just go
to my Instagram at Dr Wendy Walsh. That's at doctor
Wendy Walls. Shoot me a DM. Producer Kayla's going to
read it and I'm gonna answer your questions when we
come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall
(25:36):
Show on KFI AM six forty one Live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. Okay, back to the Doctor Wendywall Show
on KFI AM six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
If you would like to send me a relationship question reminder,
you can always DM me anytime during the week. Producer
Kaylin and I go into it on Sundays. We find
the questions and pull them out. So if I don't
(25:57):
get to you this week, it maybe next week or
the week after. But just send a DM to at
Dr Wendy Walsh. At doctor Wendy Walsh, I will not
reveal your Instagram handle, I will not say your name.
Don't you worry. Okay, let's get to it. Uh. Dear
doctor Wendy my partner and I have been together for
(26:18):
five years and we still love each other. The spark
feels like it's fading. We fallen into a routine and
intimacy is rare. How can we reignite passion without forcing
it or making it feel artificial? Oh? I love this question.
This is this idea that spontaneity is natural and that
(26:42):
somehow scheduling things like date night and sex is considered unromantic.
It's forcing it in some way. Well, you know what,
when you go to the gym, you force yourself, You
force yourself to go there, You force yourself to work out,
and you feel so much better later because you did
that right. Relationships are the same way. If you feel
(27:07):
the spark is fading, it's because you're not sparkly. Why
aren't you being sparkly? What do you need to do
to add I don't want to say the word excitement,
novelty to your relationship. There's so much research to show
do something different with your partner that you, guys haven't
done in a long time. I mentioned a few weeks
ago that my husband Julio surprised me with a couples
(27:29):
evening pilates glass, complete with candlelight and champagne afterwards, and
we stretched each other. It was so cute, it was
so dorky romantic, and I loved it. So think about
something different that you can do with your partner and
invite them. Be spontaneous. You be spontaneous. Don't say to them,
(27:50):
we're losing the spark. What can we do? We're losing
intimistic No no, no, Create joy, create excitement, create novelty.
Invite them into your sparkle and the spark will come back.
I promise you. Dear doctor Wendy, I'm currently dating someone
who checks all the boxes yay, kind, responsible, attractive, but
(28:16):
I sometimes find myself missing the thrill and unpredictability of
my ex who was totally emotionally unavailable. Am I sabotaging
something healthy because I'm addicted to drama? Or is there
something deeper missing here?
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Whoo?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
So much to unpack, so much to unpack? Okay, so
it sounds like you used to be addicted to drama.
That literally, you confuse feelings of love with feelings of
pain because they were unavailable. Right, so you missed that
roller coaster high. I'm gonna tell you a story. I
(28:56):
used to be that way. I love those bad boys,
the highs, the low. I hated the crying and the lows,
but I love the highs when they came. And then
once I learned listen closely to tolerate kindness, I realized
that love shouldn't feel like a roller coaster. I mean,
(29:17):
at the very beginning, yeah, it's exciting, but it should
feel like peace. It should feel like calm, It should
feel like safety, it should feel like security. So, yeah,
you are a little addicted to drama and has to
do with your attachment style. And also you're currently dating.
(29:38):
It's like when people say the girl I'm dating right
now or the guy I'm dating right now, there's this
qualifier like it's right now, it's probably not gonna last.
How about I am dating someone who checks all the boxes, kind, responsible,
and attractive. I want you to stay attracted to that.
I think it's good for you. Moving right along in
(30:01):
the Instagram, if you want to send me a relationship question,
go to Instagram at doctor Wendy Walash send me a DM.
All right, Hi, doctor Wendy. My husband and I have
very different communication styles. I like to talk things out immediately, well,
he needs space to process. This often leads to him
shutting down and me feeling abandoned. How can we bridge
(30:23):
this gap without escalating conflict every time? All right, so
takes two to tango. You said something that I loved.
You said that you were aware of your feelings. Basically,
you said it leads to him shutting down and you
feeling abandoned. So I'm going to ask you to start
(30:48):
by stopping feeling abandoned. I want you replace that feeling
with something else. When he is, as you call it,
shutting down, but then the logical part of you called
it needing space to process. I need you to say
that out loud. I can see that you need space
to process. I'm going to work hard not to feel abandoned.
(31:10):
When you're ready, let's talk about this. You've got to
shift your brain. Do you know we can make choices
actually about feelings, especially when they're unwarranted. You know he's
coming back to the table. You know he doesn't have
to change. Being in a relationship is not ever about
trying to get somebody else to change. It's about us
(31:35):
learning how to accept them and to adapt to the
ways that they are. And so I love that you
have so much insight that you're quite aware that this
is an old abandonment issue that probably has nothing to
do with him. So when these moments happen, I want
you to practice saying I see you need space to process.
(31:58):
I would like to talk about this. I'm going to
work hard not to feel abandoned. I'm gonna go on
with my hobby. I'm going to the gym, I'm gonna
get busy. Let me know what you can come back
to the table. We can talk about this. Keep it
light and happy, so it's something he's ready to come
back to. Not okay, Well, when you're finally ready, we
could talk about this. No no, no, no no. You
(32:20):
need to make it a safe place for him to
come and eventually have this conversation. But do the shift
inside yourself. Ask yourself, are you really feeling abandoned or
does this belong somewhere else? Okay, I think you have
time for one more. So, Hi, doctor Wendy. I'm in
a long distance relationship and while we talk every day,
(32:43):
I'm beginning to feel more like a pen pal than
a partner. Uh oh, how can we maintain emotional and
romantic closeness while we're miles apart and don't see each
other that often, Well, there is research on that. Did
you know that people in long distance relationships, they're two
factors according to research, that can help them stay connected
when they're far away. One is when you say we
(33:07):
talk every day, The question is are you facetiming and
looking at them? So if you're using tech to actually
FaceTime and be kind of in feeling like you're in
the room with them, that's much better than talking. And
sometimes when people say we talk every day, now you
called yourself a pen pal, that tells me you're not talking,
you're texting. No, no, no. The ones who actually talk
(33:28):
on the phone and FaceTime a number of times every
day and stay involved in each other's day in life
do so much better. And the second thing is what
you talk about. You have to talk about feelings and intimacy,
not schedules. So where are you going today? What you
have for lunch?
Speaker 4 (33:48):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Yeah, did you see that movie? Oh that's cool, it's
not love. You can say things like, let's talk about
our dreams someday when we're together, fine, in the same place.
What are we going to build together, a family, a house,
a life? How will it be? You know, even to
(34:09):
this day, I have been with my husband now more
than five years. We often talk about future plans for
let's do this, Let's oh, someday we should go here,
we should do that. It really keeps us inspired because
we're always planning and dreaming together and being intimate in
that way. So yeah, just texting every day is not
(34:30):
going to do it. And don't just talk about schedules.
All right, Uh, we have go to break. When we
come back, I'm going to continue to answer your social
media questions. If you want to send me a DM
DM on Instagram, It's doctor Wendy Walsh. You're listening to
the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty.
We live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty
This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app KFI AM six forty. You have
doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy
wall Show. Coming up in the next two hours. Let
us talk a lot about America's royal couple, Taylor Swift
(00:23):
and Travis Kelsey. I have so much to say about
their relationship. Plus, there are some things that we can
do for our own mental health that's pretty simple and
according to research, it can help boost our mood. Plus,
if you're a woman and you've been asked out on
a coffee date from a dating app and you feel
(00:45):
that this is lowering the bar, I'm gonna break it
down and analyze it for you. Producer Kayla you with me,
m oh of course, Doctor Wendy Hallou So, did you
actually watch the two hours of the post a couple
of weeks ago with Travis Kelce's brother Jason. I think
it's called New Heights and Taylor Swift. I can't say
(01:07):
I watched the entire two We'll get ready because I'm
going to give you the best summary. I want to
say that I dipped into it thinking I'll find a
little bit of SoundBite here, a little SoundBite there, and
then I'll just wait in on it. I got so addicted,
and I did not expect to like these people as
(01:29):
much as I like them after spending two hours with them.
If you've been living under a rock this week, Travis
Kelcey finally proposed to Taylor Swift, or maybe she proposed
to him. We don't know the order. What we know
is that they did a fabulous photo shoot in a garden.
She wore a Calvin Kleine sun dress that was sold
(01:50):
out across the country. The next day. He gave her
a big fat diamond or she bought it, they bought it.
I don't know. They've been together two years, right, I
feel like this couple has become America's royal couple. And okay,
beauty and celebrity aside. There are lots of beautiful and
(02:11):
celebrated couples out there, but there's some things we can
learn from this pair. First of all, they're authentic, and
we can learn how to be more authentic by watching them.
I know they may have fewer problems because they've got
that other thing, money and fame. But you know, money
and fame brings a different set of problems, media scrutiny,
(02:35):
time crunched, career schedules. It's just like in life, nobody
gets out alive and nobody gets out without problems. I
just want to say that if you think money or
fame is going to solve your problems, it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Right.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
What this pair doesn't seem to have, which is really
common among celebrity couples, is any competition between them. Like
they both seem to truly support each other. So a
few weeks ago, they were on Travis's brothers Jason's podcast,
and here are some of the things I saw. First
(03:08):
of all, Taylor loves his enthusiasm. Listen to this.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah, he's the good kind of crazy.
Speaker 4 (03:14):
And I knew that he wasn't crazy the first couple
of times that we talked.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
I was just like he's he's.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Truly, like he's truly getting to know me in a
way that's very natural, very pure, very normal.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Like also like just the way that he could.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
Make me laugh so immediately about normal things, Like Travis
is like he's just a vibe booster in everyone's life
that he's in. He's like a human exclamation point, Like
you know, he's like when you take a picture on
your phone and you put the like you push the
enhanced color button. That's like what you do.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
So I use so many more exclamation points now. But
I think it was just like you.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Also, you were so you're.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
So non judge mental about people, and you were not
judgmental about the fact that I knew nothing.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
About the world you were in. You were nice. If
you were so.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Nice, clean slate. I can tell you a funny story.
When my now husband Julio first texted me on a
dating app. He wrote his first response to my hi,
because you know, it was bumble and the girl has
to talk first, and I don't think women should pitch men,
so you just say hi. He wrote back my name
in all caps, Wendy, and then five exclamation marks, and
(04:30):
I was like, whoa, look at that enthusiasm. So apparently
Travis uses lots of exclamation marks to guys. Pay attention
to that. But the thing I also loved in listening
to it is that there were some green flags that
both of them talked about in their relationship, their ability
to sustain long term, real world friendships, and I think
(04:54):
her ability to kind of turn off her celebrity persona
and just be a real person.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
When we first started dating, he was like, I always
wanted to go and really vacation in Europe and see Australia.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
And oh that's the wrong one. Wait stop that clip.
We're getting there to travel. This is the one where
he says that she describes the green flag of him
being that his friends, that he's had friends since he
was like four years old. Do we have that clip.
Speaker 4 (05:26):
He's got which is an incredible, like a huge green flag,
Is that Travis has had the same friends since he's
probably four years old. Yes, literally, And he's incredibly good
at maintaining friendships and he's so loyal and his friends
are equally loyal and they're just the funniest, most hilarious.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Group of people.
Speaker 5 (05:43):
Yeah, and you want to talk about green flags. The
first game she went to the Bears game, she literally
went through the front door of the stadium.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Yeah, we walked right in, just right in like.
Speaker 5 (05:53):
To tic like general admission, through, general admission through with
the everybody on the bus to the game. Oh my god.
I was just like, Oh, she's just in it. She's down,
she's down for the ride. She's here for she's here for.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
The fudd She's like, I'll friends, I'll go through the mud.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
I'll be a part of a chiefs kingdom.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Part of the Chiefs kingdom. Apparently she wore before any
of us knew they were dating, she wore a mask
in a baseball cap and went to a number of
games and she walked in nonchalantly with a bunch of
his friends who were kind of big guys around her
and nobody recognized her, which I thought was really cool.
So they began their dating life by traveling the world.
I know it sounds luxurious, but come on, travel is
(06:33):
not always easy. You got to deal with jet leg
an unsettled stomach, all kinds of travel woes. But they
also had the excitement of seeing the world.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
When we first started dating, he was like, I always
wanted to go and really vacation in Europe and see
Australia and you know.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Go to Asia. And I was like, well, I got
I got a tour for that. You know it's coming up.
Speaker 5 (06:58):
Oh nice, she got room for six or five guid.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Yeah, we can figure it out.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
How Like, No, that's what the dimensions are wild, but
we'll make some room. I think we'll have to leave
some some equipment trunks behind.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Her on the size, but absolutely we'd be happy to
have you.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
And we got to, you know, we got to travel
the world and have vacations and adventures when I wasn't
on stage, which was really fun.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
So this is how they built their romance on tour
with him supporting her career. I do want to say,
having watched the two hours of this podcast, that she's
definitely the talker. She really spoke the most, and he
looked at her adoringly. He laughed at her jokes. If
(07:45):
she did something said something self deprecating, he was quick
to say, that's not true. You know you are an athlete.
I see what you do in heels. I could never
do it. And they just really really support each other
and it feels it just felt so authentic and real.
So when we come back, I want to talk about
how they're handling gender roles, the endorsement from various family
(08:09):
members including coach Andy Reid, and five things we can
all learn from Taylor and Travis when we come back.
You are listening to the doctor Wendy Walsh show on
KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Hey,
if I am six forty, you have doctor Wendy Walsh
with you, and I'm with Taylor and Travis. Well they're
(08:30):
not here actually in the studio, but I'm fangirling about them.
And I don't usually do this. So here's the thing.
I can usually see through celebrity couples stick and their
false romances and their red carpet fake kisses and all
that stuff. I mean, I can see through it. But
having watched these two with his brother on the podcast
(08:51):
for two hours, I am just my jaw is dropping
about how real and authentic they are. I want to
say something about gender roles. First of all, nobody owned
any role. Guys, if you like to bake and sew,
knock yourself up. I actually grew up with a dad
(09:12):
who is in the Navy, but his hobby was making
frilly little girl dresses and he made my mother evening
gowns too. He sewed. That was his hot well. He
also built boats and worked on cars. He was just
a really, really talented guy, but it never seemed weird.
He also did most of the cooking the other thing.
What did my mother do? No, I'm joking. So I
(09:35):
found it really interesting. In the podcast with Taylor Swift
and Travis Kelsey when they talked about what she does
on the off season, listen to what she says on
essentially gender roles, her gender roles.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Yeah, I like to sew.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
I specialize, as you know, in children's purses and baby blankets.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
I make two things. Love to paint, I love to cook.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
I have a different baking obsession every six months.
Speaker 5 (10:08):
I am the luckiest man in the world.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Do you see how he fans over her, how thrilled
he is to be with her. They go on to
talk about her sourdough obsession. Listen to this.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
We're very deep in a sour dough obsession that has.
Speaker 5 (10:23):
Taken in my life.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
I am aware, Yeah, and I'm You've got me deep in.
Speaker 5 (10:30):
I'm lucky. I'm run working is as much as I
am running, as much as I am because I am
I am getting the caloric intake.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
He he asked me to send him two loaves of
sour dough at training camp. I'm like, I'm like wrapping
sourdough loaves in like like Surrehan rapper whatever, like like
cling film, The sour dough is taken over my life
in a huge way. I'm really talking about bread. Uh
sixty percent.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Of the time.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
It's it's become it's become.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
A huge, huge factor all I mean.
Speaker 5 (11:04):
And she's getting good with making all these different versions
of it. Oh yeah, my favorite one was probably, I mean,
the regular sour dough is one of my favors. With
the blueberry.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Yeah, we do.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
There's a blueberry lemon, there's cinnamon swirl, cinnamon raisin, and
this one. I've been workshopping for the girls because they
love everything rainbow fun fetti, sour dough.
Speaker 5 (11:25):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Yeah, no, it will because they love.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
Sprinkles like we put you know, we put sprinkles in
everything when we hang out. Yeah, it's really uh yeah,
she's a love for life now.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Having gone through my own sour dough obsession a while back,
I will tell you that I think it is the
biggest sign of nurturing. Let's pay attention to the subliminal messages.
You know, she likes to drop those Easter eggs, although
she does say in this podcast that she never drops
Easter eggs about her personal life, only you know her
art and albums coming out, et cetera. But she says
(12:01):
the only things she sews are kids purses and baby blankets.
And do you know what a sour dough obsession is.
It's like having a newborn baby. You got to feed it,
you got to take its temperature, you got to change
it's diaper. Now, I would put it in the oven
at night, just the starter with just the light on
(12:22):
inside the oven, and that would bring it to the
perfect temperature, so would be bubbly in the moment. It's
a whole thing and it dominates. I've even set alarms
for three am to stretch and fold. So but they
do say in the podcast that she has taught him.
They've done it side by side, he stretched and folds.
I assume he means the dough just as well as
(12:43):
she does. So anyway, all I want to say enclosure
is who cares? Who does what? But isn't it sweet
that she's got this homebody side. I predict babies soon,
I really do. But the other thing that makes them
so real and authentic, and I think everyone should pay
attention to this, is they have tribal endorsement from both
(13:04):
sides in fact, the famous coach Andy Reid is now
telling everybody that he's the one who set them up.
Apparently he long before this, was already friends with Taylor's dad.
Speaker 5 (13:17):
Andy Reid has recently revealed that he was the one
who set you guys up. How true is this revelation
by Big Gred.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
Whatever Andy Reid says, We're gonna stand.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
By he says.
Speaker 5 (13:30):
It, that's all the same, That's what happened.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
He's been friends with my dad. My dad is the
most social man who's ever been born.
Speaker 5 (13:39):
Shout out to Scott.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
They also talked about this summer they went through a
time where her dad had quadruple or quintuplet by pass surgery,
her mom had a knee replacement. They were all there
nurturing them. They really are the bridge between families and
they're doing work of being connected in an intimate way
(14:03):
with their family. They were also asked about how they
deal with all the media attention on their relationship, and
here's what they said.
Speaker 4 (14:10):
So, I do detach from the Internet in a huge way,
like I'm just not I I have had my comments
disabled on Instagram for like ten years now, and first
I don't miss it.
Speaker 5 (14:23):
I found that out after THEIRS tour comments, We're going
to be the first one.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Dude. The problem is I get so mad.
Speaker 5 (14:32):
I then go and look at all the other comments,
and then Twitter just feeds me more.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Read like this, whereas whereas I'm like, I don't know
what this is, but get it out of my office.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
It's on fire.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
My business is making music and taking care of my fans,
and I have ways of monitoring what they want from
me and how best to entertain them, which is my job.
And everything else. I'm just sort of like, it's not
my business. I have actual business that I need to run.
Can you imagine if we just talked about what people
(15:07):
said about our relationship, because that if we talked.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
About that, that would be all.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
We talked about. Because there's so much chatter. It's like
we're busy having an actual relationship.
Speaker 5 (15:17):
I want to hear sward bread puns.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Yeah, and you will, And that's a promise.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Love this couple. It's going to be fun watching them.
It's going to be the wedding of a century. What
can we learn from them? Number One, go out there
get your heart broken. If you can't write songs about it,
make a painting or make some sour dough about it
while you're crying. Wait until you're old enough to make
the good decision for commitment and wait for the right one.
Number two, get family approval. You know, don't try to
(15:47):
do things besides behind your fans back. They have your
best interests at heart. Get that approval. Ignore what society
says that you know you should have this tall prince
charm or this hot Instagram model. Go with your hearts.
And the biggest I found is shamelession of your partner,
(16:09):
not a competitor. So I noticed Julio and I do
that all the time. We are like each other's cheerleader
and supporter right and have whatever gender roles you want.
And if you value your partner, they will feel valuable
to you. There's actually research on this. The couples who
think their partner is fabulous have a happy relationship. So
(16:32):
think your partner's fabulous. Hey, when you come back, if
you're a single woman and you think a coffee date
is lowering the bar, we need to talk. You're listening
to The Doctor, Wendy Wall Show and KFI AM six
forty We Live Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Welcome back to the Dr Wendy Wash Show, a KFI
AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Okay,
So I got approached this week by reporter at Cosmo magazine.
Remember when Cosmopolitan was all the rage. Of course, now
everything's online, and she wanted me to comment on this
trend on social media where women are debating the value
(17:21):
of a coffee date as a first date. Now, let
me make something clear. A lot of women out there
think that going for short coffee is lowering the bar.
In other words, they're saying, dude doesn't even have to sacrifice.
I mean, he shows up for twenty thirty minutes, he
(17:41):
buys me a cup of coffee, and then I get ghosted. No, no,
I want to get dressed up. I want to be
taken out to a full on dinner. I want him
to be into me and be ready to sacrifice. I
understand that logic. I want to see a guy sacrifice
(18:01):
for them. That is just basic anthropology. Right in our history,
when a guy spent money or time this helped a
woman feel like she was being courted. It's an age
old mating strategy. But I need to say this, it
doesn't always apply in today's times, when plenty of women
(18:25):
earn way more money than men. Now, I'm not suggesting
that women should ever pay for that first date. But
the other issue are dating apps. You know, dating apps
should be called mating apps or get the phone number apps.
They should not be called dating apps. You don't date
on the app, stop messaging forever on the app. Just
don't do it. But the other thing is it puts
(18:47):
so much pressure on two people. So I like to
think that coffee dates are a great way to decide
if you'd like to have a real date. I like
to think of them like the rom comms would say,
is a cute meat a first sighting? Take the pressure off.
(19:08):
I don't know about you, but back in the day,
I showed up, I took the time to get dressed up,
I spent money on new shoes, hair makeup, got a
babysitter for the kids, showed up a fancy restaurant with
a dud, a person who is a complete mismatch. What
(19:29):
do you do then, right, you try to get yourself
out of it. You get through this long evening a
I think it's not a good idea to put this
kind of pressure on because somebody's dating app profile, it's
just like a little billboard on the street. You don't
know what they're really like. Dating apps mean that can
(19:52):
or even if you're just dming somebody on Instagram, because
young people aren't using dating apps so much anymore. They're
going on Instagram and just setting a DM. Dating apps
mean that complete strangers are often meeting for the first time,
never even having spoken a word on the phone. And
I should pause here to say, never meet a human
(20:13):
in the real world until you've had a phone conversation.
Make them pass the phone test. You can learn so
much about somebody just the tone of their voice and
whether they got humor or whether they can, you know,
charm you on the phone if somebody will not get
on the telephone with you, and just once you meet
you in the real And by the way, there are
only two times in my life that they allowed myself
(20:34):
to meet someone in public who just texted me on
the app and did not get on the phone. And
there was a reason. I'm not going to say it,
I don't want to embarrass them, but there was a reason.
Both times of why they didn't want to get on
the phone. I mean, if you meet a stranger in
the real world having only sent a couple texts to
each other, neither partner knows what they're getting into. So
(20:58):
what a twenty minute cost coffee date does is it
gives you an exit strategy if the date is a disappointment. Look,
the classiest people can get through fifteen or twenty minutes
and then say, oh gosh, look at the time. Got
a meeting to get to. Gotta go right, and we
can all be polite. The thing I also want to
(21:20):
tell women who believe that coffee dates first dates as
a coffee date is low are lowering the bar is
that high value women are busy. We are very busy.
Our time is precious. If you're prepared to donate an
entire evening to a complete stranger who you've met on
(21:41):
an app, what message does it send to this dude
that you got nothing better to do? You see, the
less available a woman is, the more her value goes up.
I know, I hear you right now. I don't want
to play games, you know, and just leave you a
real relationship. I want to be authentic. You know what
then show up and no makeup in your gym clothes
on a coffee date. If you want to be that authentic, No,
(22:03):
I don't recommend that, but get somewhere in between. Be casual,
be pretty, don't overdo it, but also don't donate all
your time at the beginning. Now another, so I'm a
big believer in coffee dates. Just to close that a
little bit. If someone you know wants to go and
do the big, huge hurrah, fine, if you want to
(22:25):
go to that, maybe they got tickets to a great
concert or whatever, but you're going to be locked in
for a few hours with somebody who might be a
complete mismatch for you, and you know, we get our
hopes up and eh, and it's such a disappointment. So
coffee dates. I'm a big fan of coffee dates. Now,
what do you do if somebody you meet on an
(22:45):
app ask you out on a first date for something
you're not so interested in doing, Whether it's a movie.
I never suggest a movie as a first date ever, ever, ever,
because what do you How do you get to know
a stranger sitting in a dark theater and it's kind
of creepy. You're just looking ahead of the screen. No no, no,
no no. So can a woman say, you know, I
(23:06):
really don't want to do that, let's do this. It
totally depends if you, as a woman, know that traditionally
you have few strong boundaries, and you say yes to
everyone and yes to everything. I think for you, learning
to be selective is very important. On the other hand,
if you are one of those people men or women
(23:27):
who protect yourself from intimacy by being way too choosy
at the beginning, then maybe it's time for you to
take a risk and do something out of your comfort zone. Now.
I do think it's okay if somebody invites you to
something that you're just absolutely not interested in, to suggest
(23:48):
an alternative date idea. I mean, if they want to
do some thrill sinking thing that you're not into, like
let's hike to the top of whatever. No, I'm not
into that, or let's bungee jump or let's raise car whatever.
It's okay to say, I think that's a great idea,
but I'm really not into that right now. Remember, you
(24:08):
can communicate anything by using doctor Wendy's communication sandwich. Here's
how you make the sandwich. You start with a layer
of love, Hey, that's a great idea. Wow, you're really
into that. You're so brave. I'm so proud of you.
And then you follow it up with a layer of
something a little harder to chew on, which is the decline.
But you know that's not really me. I don't really
(24:31):
think I'm not into that band. I'm sorry, and then
close it with something great, right, but hey, why don't
we go to xyz? And it doesn't matter where we
end up. I know you're gonna be fun to hang
out with. It'll be a fun night. We'll make it fun. Right.
That's the communication sandwich, layer of something positive, a clear
(24:52):
no and boundary, not a wishy washy want no, not
for me, thanks anyway, but and then a compliment at
the end. This is how we all need to learn
how to communicate. So go on those coffee dates, ladies.
Just twenty thirty minutes so you can look cute, but
don't not over the top cute. Okay, you don't need
the eyelashes for the coffee date, just sam. Hey, when
we come back, I'm heading to my social media to
(25:14):
answer your relationship questions. Remember I'm not a therapist, I'm
a psychology professor. But I've had a lot of life
experience and written three books on relationships, and I am
happy to weigh in on your love life. Just go
to my Instagram at Dr Wendy Walsh. That's at doctor
Wendy Walls. Shoot me a DM. Producer Kayla's going to
read it and I'm gonna answer your questions when we
come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall
(25:36):
Show on KFI AM six forty one Live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. Okay, back to the Doctor Wendywall Show
on KFI AM six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
If you would like to send me a relationship question reminder,
you can always DM me anytime during the week. Producer
Kaylin and I go into it on Sundays. We find
the questions and pull them out. So if I don't
(25:57):
get to you this week, it maybe next week or
the week after. But just send a DM to at
Dr Wendy Walsh. At doctor Wendy Walsh, I will not
reveal your Instagram handle, I will not say your name.
Don't you worry. Okay, let's get to it. Uh. Dear
doctor Wendy my partner and I have been together for
(26:18):
five years and we still love each other. The spark
feels like it's fading. We fallen into a routine and
intimacy is rare. How can we reignite passion without forcing
it or making it feel artificial? Oh? I love this question.
This is this idea that spontaneity is natural and that
(26:42):
somehow scheduling things like date night and sex is considered unromantic.
It's forcing it in some way. Well, you know what,
when you go to the gym, you force yourself, You
force yourself to go there, You force yourself to work out,
and you feel so much better later because you did
that right. Relationships are the same way. If you feel
(27:07):
the spark is fading, it's because you're not sparkly. Why
aren't you being sparkly? What do you need to do
to add I don't want to say the word excitement,
novelty to your relationship. There's so much research to show
do something different with your partner that you, guys haven't
done in a long time. I mentioned a few weeks
ago that my husband Julio surprised me with a couples
(27:29):
evening pilates glass, complete with candlelight and champagne afterwards, and
we stretched each other. It was so cute, it was
so dorky romantic, and I loved it. So think about
something different that you can do with your partner and
invite them. Be spontaneous. You be spontaneous. Don't say to them,
(27:50):
we're losing the spark. What can we do? We're losing
intimistic No no, no, Create joy, create excitement, create novelty.
Invite them into your sparkle and the spark will come back.
I promise you. Dear doctor Wendy, I'm currently dating someone
who checks all the boxes yay, kind, responsible, attractive, but
(28:16):
I sometimes find myself missing the thrill and unpredictability of
my ex who was totally emotionally unavailable. Am I sabotaging
something healthy because I'm addicted to drama? Or is there
something deeper missing here?
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Whoo?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
So much to unpack, so much to unpack? Okay, so
it sounds like you used to be addicted to drama.
That literally, you confuse feelings of love with feelings of
pain because they were unavailable. Right, so you missed that
roller coaster high. I'm gonna tell you a story. I
(28:56):
used to be that way. I love those bad boys,
the highs, the low. I hated the crying and the lows,
but I love the highs when they came. And then
once I learned listen closely to tolerate kindness, I realized
that love shouldn't feel like a roller coaster. I mean,
(29:17):
at the very beginning, yeah, it's exciting, but it should
feel like peace. It should feel like calm, It should
feel like safety, it should feel like security. So, yeah,
you are a little addicted to drama and has to
do with your attachment style. And also you're currently dating.
(29:38):
It's like when people say the girl I'm dating right
now or the guy I'm dating right now, there's this
qualifier like it's right now, it's probably not gonna last.
How about I am dating someone who checks all the boxes, kind, responsible,
and attractive. I want you to stay attracted to that.
I think it's good for you. Moving right along in
(30:01):
the Instagram, if you want to send me a relationship question,
go to Instagram at doctor Wendy Walash send me a DM.
All right, Hi, doctor Wendy. My husband and I have
very different communication styles. I like to talk things out immediately, well,
he needs space to process. This often leads to him
shutting down and me feeling abandoned. How can we bridge
(30:23):
this gap without escalating conflict every time? All right, so
takes two to tango. You said something that I loved.
You said that you were aware of your feelings. Basically,
you said it leads to him shutting down and you
feeling abandoned. So I'm going to ask you to start
(30:48):
by stopping feeling abandoned. I want you replace that feeling
with something else. When he is, as you call it,
shutting down, but then the logical part of you called
it needing space to process. I need you to say
that out loud. I can see that you need space
to process. I'm going to work hard not to feel abandoned.
(31:10):
When you're ready, let's talk about this. You've got to
shift your brain. Do you know we can make choices
actually about feelings, especially when they're unwarranted. You know he's
coming back to the table. You know he doesn't have
to change. Being in a relationship is not ever about
trying to get somebody else to change. It's about us
(31:35):
learning how to accept them and to adapt to the
ways that they are. And so I love that you
have so much insight that you're quite aware that this
is an old abandonment issue that probably has nothing to
do with him. So when these moments happen, I want
you to practice saying I see you need space to process.
(31:58):
I would like to talk about this. I'm going to
work hard not to feel abandoned. I'm gonna go on
with my hobby. I'm going to the gym, I'm gonna
get busy. Let me know what you can come back
to the table. We can talk about this. Keep it
light and happy, so it's something he's ready to come
back to. Not okay, Well, when you're finally ready, we
could talk about this. No no, no, no no. You
(32:20):
need to make it a safe place for him to
come and eventually have this conversation. But do the shift
inside yourself. Ask yourself, are you really feeling abandoned or
does this belong somewhere else? Okay, I think you have
time for one more. So, Hi, doctor Wendy. I'm in
a long distance relationship and while we talk every day,
(32:43):
I'm beginning to feel more like a pen pal than
a partner. Uh oh, how can we maintain emotional and
romantic closeness while we're miles apart and don't see each
other that often, Well, there is research on that. Did
you know that people in long distance relationships, they're two
factors according to research, that can help them stay connected
when they're far away. One is when you say we
(33:07):
talk every day, The question is are you facetiming and
looking at them? So if you're using tech to actually
FaceTime and be kind of in feeling like you're in
the room with them, that's much better than talking. And
sometimes when people say we talk every day, now you
called yourself a pen pal, that tells me you're not talking,
you're texting. No, no, no. The ones who actually talk
(33:28):
on the phone and FaceTime a number of times every
day and stay involved in each other's day in life
do so much better. And the second thing is what
you talk about. You have to talk about feelings and intimacy,
not schedules. So where are you going today? What you
have for lunch?
Speaker 4 (33:48):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Yeah, did you see that movie? Oh that's cool, it's
not love. You can say things like, let's talk about
our dreams someday when we're together, fine, in the same place.
What are we going to build together, a family, a house,
a life? How will it be? You know, even to
(34:09):
this day, I have been with my husband now more
than five years. We often talk about future plans for
let's do this, Let's oh, someday we should go here,
we should do that. It really keeps us inspired because
we're always planning and dreaming together and being intimate in
that way. So yeah, just texting every day is not
(34:30):
going to do it. And don't just talk about schedules.
All right, Uh, we have go to break. When we
come back, I'm going to continue to answer your social
media questions. If you want to send me a DM
DM on Instagram, It's doctor Wendy Walsh. You're listening to
the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty.
We live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty
Dr. Wendy Walsh on Demand News
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