September 28, 2025 • 29 mins
Wanting to be Married
Church has Policies about Divorce
Holy Spirit & How to Pray
Loneliness
Church has Policies about Divorce
Holy Spirit & How to Pray
Loneliness
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Ken,
Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show. Hello James, you say
I'm good, Ken, How are you?
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I'm doing very well. I had a question for you.
I'm single and I want to be married, and I
don't like dating.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I would rather The question is, can I pray that
God would lead a specific girl to me or me
to a specific girl, being that he being that you
know everything, and you know what's around the corner and
down the road, and it would be very important to
(00:42):
me that it would be someone that would be very helpful.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Sure, the soul mate, the right mate. Well, A few
things to look at is one. There's nowhere in scripture
that says there's one person for you until you marry them.
Once you marry them, that should be the person. So
it's not about you know, having a soulmate s o
(01:08):
U l mate. It's about having a soul mate, just one.
So that's the important part. Now, sometimes people get caught
up in looking for the perfect person so intensely that
they miss all the wonderful, imperfect people just like themselves
(01:30):
that are available. So you do a little checklist with
yourself and you say, because being single and being available
are two different things. You can be single and not
have someone in your life and still not be emotionally
at that place or intellectually at that place where you're
ready to have that relationship. If you check all those
things off and you say, okay, I'm ready to go,
(01:52):
then you get. Then you move forward in prayer so
that God will help you with discernment, not about you know,
just lead me to this person, and you're a part.
You're a participant in this. That's like you know, sitting
in front of your broken down car and say, God,
fix this. No, you know, guide my hand, give me
the intellect, the ability, the will, the desire to learn
(02:16):
and to make the best decision I can and to
live with consequences should I not. Those are the things
that you want, is that you God's given you the tools.
When you're a child and you're being raised your parents
really is giving you tools. A bad parent is the
one that does everything for you that's not helping you
because sooner or later they're not going to be around.
(02:37):
So God wants to give you these tools on how
to decide who's good for you, and it's not just
outwardly appearance. How to decide who's going to be a
healthy partner and what things is it? Does that mean
it's somebody that believes everything you do. No, there's going
to be people. You're gonna have differences, maybe in politics
or different you know, tastes in food or music or
what have you. All that's okay, and then you're gonna
(03:00):
have similarities things that you want to to, you know,
share with one another. A good place to find somebody
should you be looking, is in places that you like
to go yourself. You know, people go to bars and
things like that to meet someone, and it's what are
you gonna meet there? You're gonna meet someone in a
bar rather than if you like to read and you're
(03:22):
in a library or a bookstore or something like that.
You're you're more likely to meet somebody of like mind
or even church. These types of things are you know,
if they're a part of who you are, then they're
probably going to be a part of who they are.
Praying is a wonderful thing when it comes to looking
for a mate. Ken just don't get into that pattern
(03:44):
of kind of waiting for God to bring them to
your doorstep, because it's not about a special delivery. It's about,
you know, being confident and knowing what you want and
not settling by way of you know, I see people
that they get in the same bad relationships over and
over again just because the man or woman is blonde
(04:07):
hair and blue eyed. Well that's what I like, that's
what I and so they get lost in that rather
than the character of the individual. And and looking at
the outward outward appearance is going to be what probably
draws you in first. And these are general tools that
God's already given you. It's about using them, not about
necessarily God bringing them to your door. How long have
(04:30):
you been single? Ken?
Speaker 2 (04:32):
For years?
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Three years, yes, sir. And the last relationship how long
was it the lower fifteen years? And was it a marriage?
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Okay, so three years out of a fifteen year marriage.
Why do you think now is the time.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
That I certainly do not imply being single?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
It's not that I want to be married to be married,
but I want someone special in my life. And you know,
unfortunately the marriage didn't work out.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Why didn't Why didn't it work out?
Speaker 2 (05:14):
She fell in love with someone helped us and.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
She left you?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
And that's a rough one, isn't it. Yeah, that was tough,
and uh, you a little gun shy this time around.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
I guess it would be a good way to describe it.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Just remember people are individuals, Ken, and not you know,
every woman's the same and not every man's the same.
And and don't put the sins of your ex wife
on someone new, because that's a hard You know a
lot of times guys will come out of a relationship
like that and learning to trust becomes difficult. And uh,
(06:01):
and you can't put that on the new people in
your life. You kind of have to trust them and
let them fall or stand as they may. But you
you know what you what you're looking for. What was
it about your ex wife that attracted you to her?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
She she wasn't necessarily Actually, my ex father in lawlso
wanted to introduce us Vietnam me for that eight years
before I ever met her, And so we introduced us
and we started dating and she seemed like a wonderful person.
She is a wonderful person. But yeah, she she was
(06:43):
attractive and well educated.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
And what do you think went wrong then? Ken? I guess.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Maybe over a course of home we grew apart.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Yeah, but that's I don't really accept that. So that's
not how people work. People grow. Life is constantly going
back and forth, and you're growing. People say growing apart,
but really that's that's laziness, that's just people not wanting
to participate in the marriage anymore. So what is it
that did you lose focus and start putting your attention
(07:23):
somewhere else? Or obviously she did, but what was it?
If she's a good person, you're a good person. There's
no reason why the two of you can't be together.
And something along the lines there somebody stopped paying attention
to someone else, or stopped paying attention to themselves. There's
nothing worse than watching a loved one let themselves go,
(07:46):
whether it's physically, emotionally, or intellectually. They don't read, they
don't experience things, they don't care. That really can lead
to problems in the marriage too. But some thing happened
along the line, Ken, And I asked you because I
don't want you to bring it into the next relationship,
because you play a part in it. You you understand that, right, yes, okay?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
In the in the works of my sister in law
who called me afterwards, and talked to me. She said that,
you know, I want you to know that this is
not the first time that you know, what she described
was nine years previous. You know, she had been seeing
someone else in as well, and she said that, you
(08:37):
know when she talked to my wife that she had
told her years back that you know, I'm just not
in love with him, and you know, I wish I
had not gotten married to him.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Hm. And so yeah, love is a strange thing. People
expect to stay in that feeling of love and no
one does. I mean, it's a process. It's something you
you work into and if you don't work at it,
it's like anything else, it will atrophy. But I think
people use that as an excuse to kind of do
(09:09):
what they want. Most importantly, can be introspective, look at
where you played a part in that breakup, and don't
bring that into the next relationship. But if you really
are seeking somebody and seek the will of God, and
you know when you're going just after your own lust
(09:29):
or after what you want, let things grow naturally and
healthily and they become more stable. And make sure that
the soil is good, and that means that you yourself
are healthy and in a good place and you enjoy
your own company, and then that you are well versed
in who you are before you go bringing someone else
into that equation. Dave, Welcome to Jesus Christia.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
Well, thank you for taking my call. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
My pleasure business.
Speaker 4 (10:00):
I was invited to attend a church by a friend,
a coworker, and I did some inquiry on the church,
and their policy is that if you are a divorced person,
which I am, and it doesn't matter why you're divorced,
whether you know your spouse had cheated or whether it
was for some of them, you may attend services and
(10:25):
church functions, but you are not able or allowed by
their policy to hold membership.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
And to hold a position in leadership. Your phone broke up.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Yeah, you're not.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
Allowed to hold Actually you're not allowed to hold any
type of church membership at all, leadership or not. You're
just allowed to attend.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Oh oh that's different.
Speaker 4 (10:45):
Okay, So I wanted to know your thoughts on that.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Well, there's you know, that's that's at the discretion of
that particular church. If they perceive things that way. I
will say this, it makes for kind of a strange situation.
What if you were to have been divorced and remarried
that same person.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
You know what, I didn't ask that, but I did
ask about what if you were divorced prior to being saved?
Speaker 1 (11:16):
And what was their response?
Speaker 4 (11:18):
His response was, it doesn't matter why you're divorced. And
in addition to that, it was, even if you're a
church member and for some reason or another you do
get divorced, you still may attend the church, but you
are no longer a member.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Yeah, it sounds a little harsh to me personally looking
at the fact that Jeremiah three talks about God divorcing Israel.
So now you have God committing a sin in their eyes,
and that would be a problem because divorce is one
of those things that God hates. But it's it's bigger
(11:57):
than just the word or just the act. It's the
attitude of a disposable marriage is what's what angers God.
And I think sometimes gets people get so hyper focused
on the word and the concept that they that they
amplify that to a point where that becomes the big deal.
(12:17):
And in this particular case, now I've heard rightly so
that many people, many churches don't want anybody in leadership
to have been divorced. Usually that's that's under their understanding
of Christianity. If they're not Christians, it's technically not a
sin in the church because they don't believe in the church.
(12:41):
That's not to say that you don't sin as a
non Christian, of course you do, but it's it's the
scripture talks about why would you judge them by the
standard of Christianity If they're not Christians, you shouldn't expect
the world act anything different than the world because that's
who they are. Are. So I find it strange and
(13:02):
they're not really here to explain themselves. I would say
that that sounds like a church. By the description you're giving,
that maybe is not the right one for you.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Okay, well, thank you very much taking my call. I
really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
You're welcome, Dave, and churches do have their own insight
and their own ways, and it is their church, but
doesn't mean you have to participate in it. Chris, welcome
to the Jesus Christ Show.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
I've been a follower and disciple for the last thirty
years of you and I have some confusion and sometimes
frustration on how to pray to the Holy Spirit. What
do I say? What do I call them disease?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Well, what what do you mean specifically praying to the
Holy Spirit?
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Sometimes I just feel weird because I pray to my
Papa and I pray to you, and then when it
comes to the whole spirit, it feels weird sometimes to
say Holy Spirit or or Spirit. It's almost like it's
a way out there type of prayer.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Oh, I see, because you're not. It's it's because I
came in the physical form. You get that. And even
the concept of Father, although you don't see him, you
get that. And then the spirit seems well, in scripture,
it's a dove and I'm going to pray to a dove.
It doesn't make sense. I understand that. You the concept, Yeah,
(14:33):
it gets. It's a little ethereal and kind of hard
to to place. But in scripture you find that Matthew
six talks about praying to the heavenly Father, and John
fourteen talks about praying in the name of Jesus Christ.
And then there's scriptures that will say pray, pray to
(14:56):
the Spirit. But keep in mind that in throughout scripture
when it talks about the spirit, the spirit really is
who's moving you to begin with those moments. It even
says that the Spirit is praying with you, is interceding
with you when you're in prayer to begin with, So
that quite frankly, a lot of the emotional or that
(15:19):
physical reaction you have to a scripture or to being
in a church service, hearing worship or doing some of
those motivations that make you even desire to pray are
coming from the Spirit to begin with. So you really
are more intimate and understanding of the Spirit than one
may think because you're interacting with the Spirit on a
(15:41):
daily basis. If you imagine the Spirit is who brings
you to me, to motivates you, motivates you to open
your heart to me, and I bring you to the Father.
So in that relationship, when you're praying to the Spirit,
there's no difference. If it helps you to see a
physical shape or to understand that way, then so be it.
(16:03):
But don't think that it's The term spirit just sounds
so out there and so non tangible that it seems
like it gets in the way, but it really shouldn't.
It's about taking the time to pray and to focus
yourself on the things of God. And really I'll invite
(16:26):
you to do this next time you pray Chris. As
Scripture says, there's different ways to pray with others by yourself.
Sometimes it refers to a prayer closet of going away
and kind of locking yourself away. If you remember in Scripture,
there was even times where I wanted others to sit
and pray with me, and then there's times where I
just went and prayed by myself. And I want you
(16:47):
to take some time and go in maybe a little
more of a formal setting. And this doesn't have to
be all the time, but just for this moment, go
somewhere where no one else is and get in a
position that's comfortable for you and clear your mind and
clear yourself of the worries of the day, and just
(17:08):
receive and just feel the presence of God and start
to pray. And in that time and that opportunity, you'll
be open to the interaction of God and what God
has and feel the spirit. Feel the spirit of God
come upon you when you're starting to pray. John, Welcome
(17:31):
to the Jesus Christ Show.
Speaker 5 (17:32):
Oh Jesus call you today.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I am well John, and you good excellent.
Speaker 5 (17:39):
I have a question for you, And just a little background.
My son, my youngest son, is in prison and the
last time I visited him, we were talking and one
of the things he said to me was that he
is lonely every day and that what to say. And
(18:05):
I'm thinking you might have some good suggestions, because I'm
sure the answer lies in your word, and I would
like to know what those words are.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Well, he says that, And may I ask what he's
in for.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
It's uh, he's he was charged with a sex crime.
But he I feel he's in there for extremely bad
decisions and lack of common sense because he was given
many opportunities to avoid confinements. It's bad.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Okay. Well, there's there's a purpose to loneliness sometimes, and
in prison you can fight that loneliness. But that seems
to be part of the problem that he that got
him there in the first place was not understanding loneliness
or not understanding proper relationships to begin with. When't you
(19:11):
say that plays a part? Okay, So there's a lot
to be learned here just on the face of things
that taking this time or having that alone time, there's
different levels of loneliness. There is this the most simplistic
level of loneliness is the absence of another human being
or the absence of that kind of communion or companionship. Okay,
(19:35):
that could be just someone not there. You're by yourself,
But being by yourself isn't always being lonely. Correct, correct, Okay,
So there's different levels of loneliness. In this particular case,
I think that that your son's dealing with a lot
of issues of not knowing how to be with himself,
for one, and in the case of his particular situation,
(19:59):
we don't know the details and no need to get
into the details. I ask you those things about you know,
a little sketch of ways in there, because that often
points to other things that are going on in his life.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Well.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Decision making skills are poor, it seems, and also execution
of emotions or certain feelings. And so now as he
sits lonely in a jail cell, which is not a
bad thing, by the way, he needs to start learning
those things and understanding as to why he doesn't want
(20:33):
to be with himself. So with that being said, when
it comes to scripture and faith, religion and sharing those things,
you can only pass along what you do yourself and say,
you know, it hurts me to hear that you're lonely
(20:54):
or that you have that deep loneliness when you're here,
And I can only tell you you know that that's
not going to change. There's nothing that's going to pull
you out of this jail cell. You have your sentence
and you will be here for the remainder. But I
can tell you what works for me, and when when
(21:15):
you read scripture or when you pray, or when you
spend time with God, that the walls don't matter, the
roof doesn't matter, that the room doesn't matter, Whether you're
with somebody or not with someone doesn't matter, because you're
with God and you share those things and you give
him the tools and what he does with the tools
(21:36):
is up to him himself. But there are Bibles everywhere
in prison, and it's a matter of using them. And
he looks, from what you've told me, he tends to
look for an easy way to deal with things rather
than the best way. And in this particular case, he's
(21:56):
not going anywhere, and he's confronted. He's forced to look
at himself, the ugly things he's done, the mistakes that
he's made, and that's probably not comfortable, there's no distraction,
because that's another form of loneliness, John, that people look
for distraction. They're not lonely, they're bored. They don't they
don't want to think about themselves. They don't want to
think about ways to change themselves, ways to grow, they
(22:18):
don't want to be introspective. So they're looking for distractions.
And that comes in the form of another person. Can
come in the form of, you know, video games, it
could come in form of a book, it could come
in form of a lot of things. But really he
doesn't want to be confronted with himself every single day.
It sounds like, I.
Speaker 5 (22:38):
Thank you so much for these words, and I will
try to put them together and send those to them
and pray with me that it will help.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Oh. Absolutely, And I know that the world is a
very cynical place and the rolling of eyes when it
comes to people in prison, but they're they're not over
or their interaction with humanity will be different and rightly so,
there are people that absolutely positively should be locked up.
(23:11):
And in the case of your son, we don't have
all the information here. So my outline to you was
to know that it's not necessarily a bad thing. And
as a parent, I know it's difficult when a child
of any age calls out, even a child who's in
prison calls out to you in need or in pain.
But remember that you watched this child grow up and
(23:34):
you watch them go through the pain of learning how
to walk or going to school, or learning how to read,
or any of these things, and the process of understanding
your own space and understanding how to interact with others
or be alone. Being alone is a gift. It really
(23:54):
really is a gift. If you can learn to be
alone with yourself, you can learn to enjoy yourself. You
can learn to take those moments of alone time and
use them productively to get to know yourself better, or
to be so introspective that you're correcting those things that
might be annoying or problematic, whatever it is. If you
take that time, that alone time, and you use it
(24:16):
like that, you will be the most attractive human being
to other people. Trust me. People look for relationships and
reach out and desire to not be lonely in quotes
because they want that distraction from their own self. And
it doesn't mean that relationships are bad, oh goodness, No,
the relationships are wonderful. The entire the entirety of scriptures
(24:40):
about relationships between man and man, and man and woman
and woman and woman, and humanity in general, and humanity
with God. So relationships are wonderful. However, they start with
an understanding of who you are. It's not about putting
two halves together to make a whole. It's putting two
(25:00):
holes together to make something greater, this tertiary property, this
third thing that comes together when these two are joined
in any way, shape or four, and as friends, as
business partners, as spouses. And unless you understand how to
be whole by yourself, you will never be a good partner.
(25:22):
You'll be used. Other people will use you as a
distraction in their life. Other people will use you in
different ways. You'll even use them. But you'll never have
that true, that wonderful relationship, that balance, unless your whole
and being a whole comes from spending time alone, not lonely,
but alone. You know, time goes by so quickly around here.
(25:47):
I wanted to finish up just a real quick thought
dealing with loneliness. In the New Testament, the word for
lonely only occurs twice, and it's never used to describe people.
It's used to describe desolate places. And I thought that
that's a very important understanding of that concept of loneliness
(26:12):
because we hear about it on the program so often.
Lonely and what does God have planned for me? I'm
so lonely, and you don't understand. Especially during the holidays,
my goodness, during the holidays, it gets even more compacted
and more intense because people feel the pressure, the outside
pressure of the need to be home for the holidays
(26:33):
or have that connection. Look, you turn on the TV
and whatever those channels are that my producer, Neil watches
constantly over the holiday season. But you see all those
those shows are about the relationships, oh the holiday times.
You know, we're bringing these relationships together. But loneliness, the
(26:55):
experience of loneliness, happens at any time, not just over
the holidays. But the power of that thought that the
word lonely never used in the New Testament to describe people.
You have Mark one forty five and Luke five sixteen
that are talking about the they're talking about the wilderness,
(27:18):
like a desolate location. And so that points to the
importance of spending time with yourself and knowing and that's
not always loneliness. It doesn't mean that there isn't times
of loneliness, real genuine loneliness, but finding yourself and empowering
yourself to not be caught up in those things, to
(27:43):
to really enjoy who you are and who God made
you individually. That's just the best way to move forward
into to have better relationships in life. And there are
extreme cases where you know people are in prison, it's
a different type of lonely experience, but in most situations,
(28:05):
it's about not being in a good place of comfort
with your own self, knowing who you are and understanding
who you are and being okay with that. The world
is a weird place to begin with, and the world
wants to make you feel bad about yourself and good
about yourself. They want to raise you up and they
(28:26):
want to knock you down. And we talked a little
bit about that last week. But there's that kind of
weird attitude where people want to pick on you know,
people that are bullies, or people that pick on you,
or people that are always constantly nitpicking about who you
are and what you do. That's a deflection. They don't
want to think about themselves. They don't want to worry
(28:47):
about the things that they need to change, and really
that's a type of person that's not comfortable with themselves.
And what I want you to be is to be whole,
to be comfortable, and then that will get rid of loneliness.
Thank you for joining me this Sunday. I hope you
join me every Sunday and remember these words above all else.
(29:08):
I am with you always, KF I am six forty
on demand
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Ken,
Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show. Hello James, you say
I'm good, Ken, How are you?
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I'm doing very well. I had a question for you.
I'm single and I want to be married, and I
don't like dating.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I would rather The question is, can I pray that
God would lead a specific girl to me or me
to a specific girl, being that he being that you
know everything, and you know what's around the corner and
down the road, and it would be very important to
(00:42):
me that it would be someone that would be very helpful.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Sure, the soul mate, the right mate. Well, A few
things to look at is one. There's nowhere in scripture
that says there's one person for you until you marry them.
Once you marry them, that should be the person. So
it's not about you know, having a soulmate s o
(01:08):
U l mate. It's about having a soul mate, just one.
So that's the important part. Now, sometimes people get caught
up in looking for the perfect person so intensely that
they miss all the wonderful, imperfect people just like themselves
(01:30):
that are available. So you do a little checklist with
yourself and you say, because being single and being available
are two different things. You can be single and not
have someone in your life and still not be emotionally
at that place or intellectually at that place where you're
ready to have that relationship. If you check all those
things off and you say, okay, I'm ready to go,
(01:52):
then you get. Then you move forward in prayer so
that God will help you with discernment, not about you know,
just lead me to this person, and you're a part.
You're a participant in this. That's like you know, sitting
in front of your broken down car and say, God,
fix this. No, you know, guide my hand, give me
the intellect, the ability, the will, the desire to learn
(02:16):
and to make the best decision I can and to
live with consequences should I not. Those are the things
that you want, is that you God's given you the tools.
When you're a child and you're being raised your parents
really is giving you tools. A bad parent is the
one that does everything for you that's not helping you
because sooner or later they're not going to be around.
(02:37):
So God wants to give you these tools on how
to decide who's good for you, and it's not just
outwardly appearance. How to decide who's going to be a
healthy partner and what things is it? Does that mean
it's somebody that believes everything you do. No, there's going
to be people. You're gonna have differences, maybe in politics
or different you know, tastes in food or music or
what have you. All that's okay, and then you're gonna
(03:00):
have similarities things that you want to to, you know,
share with one another. A good place to find somebody
should you be looking, is in places that you like
to go yourself. You know, people go to bars and
things like that to meet someone, and it's what are
you gonna meet there? You're gonna meet someone in a
bar rather than if you like to read and you're
(03:22):
in a library or a bookstore or something like that.
You're you're more likely to meet somebody of like mind
or even church. These types of things are you know,
if they're a part of who you are, then they're
probably going to be a part of who they are.
Praying is a wonderful thing when it comes to looking
for a mate. Ken just don't get into that pattern
(03:44):
of kind of waiting for God to bring them to
your doorstep, because it's not about a special delivery. It's about,
you know, being confident and knowing what you want and
not settling by way of you know, I see people
that they get in the same bad relationships over and
over again just because the man or woman is blonde
(04:07):
hair and blue eyed. Well that's what I like, that's
what I and so they get lost in that rather
than the character of the individual. And and looking at
the outward outward appearance is going to be what probably
draws you in first. And these are general tools that
God's already given you. It's about using them, not about
necessarily God bringing them to your door. How long have
(04:30):
you been single? Ken?
Speaker 2 (04:32):
For years?
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Three years, yes, sir. And the last relationship how long
was it the lower fifteen years? And was it a marriage?
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Okay, so three years out of a fifteen year marriage.
Why do you think now is the time.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
That I certainly do not imply being single?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
It's not that I want to be married to be married,
but I want someone special in my life. And you know,
unfortunately the marriage didn't work out.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Why didn't Why didn't it work out?
Speaker 2 (05:14):
She fell in love with someone helped us and.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
She left you?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
And that's a rough one, isn't it. Yeah, that was tough,
and uh, you a little gun shy this time around.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
I guess it would be a good way to describe it.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Just remember people are individuals, Ken, and not you know,
every woman's the same and not every man's the same.
And and don't put the sins of your ex wife
on someone new, because that's a hard You know a
lot of times guys will come out of a relationship
like that and learning to trust becomes difficult. And uh,
(06:01):
and you can't put that on the new people in
your life. You kind of have to trust them and
let them fall or stand as they may. But you
you know what you what you're looking for. What was
it about your ex wife that attracted you to her?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
She she wasn't necessarily Actually, my ex father in lawlso
wanted to introduce us Vietnam me for that eight years
before I ever met her, And so we introduced us
and we started dating and she seemed like a wonderful person.
She is a wonderful person. But yeah, she she was
(06:43):
attractive and well educated.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
And what do you think went wrong then? Ken? I guess.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Maybe over a course of home we grew apart.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Yeah, but that's I don't really accept that. So that's
not how people work. People grow. Life is constantly going
back and forth, and you're growing. People say growing apart,
but really that's that's laziness, that's just people not wanting
to participate in the marriage anymore. So what is it
that did you lose focus and start putting your attention
(07:23):
somewhere else? Or obviously she did, but what was it?
If she's a good person, you're a good person. There's
no reason why the two of you can't be together.
And something along the lines there somebody stopped paying attention
to someone else, or stopped paying attention to themselves. There's
nothing worse than watching a loved one let themselves go,
(07:46):
whether it's physically, emotionally, or intellectually. They don't read, they
don't experience things, they don't care. That really can lead
to problems in the marriage too. But some thing happened
along the line, Ken, And I asked you because I
don't want you to bring it into the next relationship,
because you play a part in it. You you understand that, right, yes, okay?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
In the in the works of my sister in law
who called me afterwards, and talked to me. She said that,
you know, I want you to know that this is
not the first time that you know, what she described
was nine years previous. You know, she had been seeing
someone else in as well, and she said that, you
(08:37):
know when she talked to my wife that she had
told her years back that you know, I'm just not
in love with him, and you know, I wish I
had not gotten married to him.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Hm. And so yeah, love is a strange thing. People
expect to stay in that feeling of love and no
one does. I mean, it's a process. It's something you
you work into and if you don't work at it,
it's like anything else, it will atrophy. But I think
people use that as an excuse to kind of do
(09:09):
what they want. Most importantly, can be introspective, look at
where you played a part in that breakup, and don't
bring that into the next relationship. But if you really
are seeking somebody and seek the will of God, and
you know when you're going just after your own lust
(09:29):
or after what you want, let things grow naturally and
healthily and they become more stable. And make sure that
the soil is good, and that means that you yourself
are healthy and in a good place and you enjoy
your own company, and then that you are well versed
in who you are before you go bringing someone else
into that equation. Dave, Welcome to Jesus Christia.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
Well, thank you for taking my call. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
My pleasure business.
Speaker 4 (10:00):
I was invited to attend a church by a friend,
a coworker, and I did some inquiry on the church,
and their policy is that if you are a divorced person,
which I am, and it doesn't matter why you're divorced,
whether you know your spouse had cheated or whether it
was for some of them, you may attend services and
(10:25):
church functions, but you are not able or allowed by
their policy to hold membership.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
And to hold a position in leadership. Your phone broke up.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Yeah, you're not.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
Allowed to hold Actually you're not allowed to hold any
type of church membership at all, leadership or not. You're
just allowed to attend.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Oh oh that's different.
Speaker 4 (10:45):
Okay, So I wanted to know your thoughts on that.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Well, there's you know, that's that's at the discretion of
that particular church. If they perceive things that way. I
will say this, it makes for kind of a strange situation.
What if you were to have been divorced and remarried
that same person.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
You know what, I didn't ask that, but I did
ask about what if you were divorced prior to being saved?
Speaker 1 (11:16):
And what was their response?
Speaker 4 (11:18):
His response was, it doesn't matter why you're divorced. And
in addition to that, it was, even if you're a
church member and for some reason or another you do
get divorced, you still may attend the church, but you
are no longer a member.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Yeah, it sounds a little harsh to me personally looking
at the fact that Jeremiah three talks about God divorcing Israel.
So now you have God committing a sin in their eyes,
and that would be a problem because divorce is one
of those things that God hates. But it's it's bigger
(11:57):
than just the word or just the act. It's the
attitude of a disposable marriage is what's what angers God.
And I think sometimes gets people get so hyper focused
on the word and the concept that they that they
amplify that to a point where that becomes the big deal.
(12:17):
And in this particular case, now I've heard rightly so
that many people, many churches don't want anybody in leadership
to have been divorced. Usually that's that's under their understanding
of Christianity. If they're not Christians, it's technically not a
sin in the church because they don't believe in the church.
(12:41):
That's not to say that you don't sin as a
non Christian, of course you do, but it's it's the
scripture talks about why would you judge them by the
standard of Christianity If they're not Christians, you shouldn't expect
the world act anything different than the world because that's
who they are. Are. So I find it strange and
(13:02):
they're not really here to explain themselves. I would say
that that sounds like a church. By the description you're giving,
that maybe is not the right one for you.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Okay, well, thank you very much taking my call. I
really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
You're welcome, Dave, and churches do have their own insight
and their own ways, and it is their church, but
doesn't mean you have to participate in it. Chris, welcome
to the Jesus Christ Show.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
I've been a follower and disciple for the last thirty
years of you and I have some confusion and sometimes
frustration on how to pray to the Holy Spirit. What
do I say? What do I call them disease?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Well, what what do you mean specifically praying to the
Holy Spirit?
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Sometimes I just feel weird because I pray to my
Papa and I pray to you, and then when it
comes to the whole spirit, it feels weird sometimes to
say Holy Spirit or or Spirit. It's almost like it's
a way out there type of prayer.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Oh, I see, because you're not. It's it's because I
came in the physical form. You get that. And even
the concept of Father, although you don't see him, you
get that. And then the spirit seems well, in scripture,
it's a dove and I'm going to pray to a dove.
It doesn't make sense. I understand that. You the concept, Yeah,
(14:33):
it gets. It's a little ethereal and kind of hard
to to place. But in scripture you find that Matthew
six talks about praying to the heavenly Father, and John
fourteen talks about praying in the name of Jesus Christ.
And then there's scriptures that will say pray, pray to
(14:56):
the Spirit. But keep in mind that in throughout scripture
when it talks about the spirit, the spirit really is
who's moving you to begin with those moments. It even
says that the Spirit is praying with you, is interceding
with you when you're in prayer to begin with, So
that quite frankly, a lot of the emotional or that
(15:19):
physical reaction you have to a scripture or to being
in a church service, hearing worship or doing some of
those motivations that make you even desire to pray are
coming from the Spirit to begin with. So you really
are more intimate and understanding of the Spirit than one
may think because you're interacting with the Spirit on a
(15:41):
daily basis. If you imagine the Spirit is who brings
you to me, to motivates you, motivates you to open
your heart to me, and I bring you to the Father.
So in that relationship, when you're praying to the Spirit,
there's no difference. If it helps you to see a
physical shape or to understand that way, then so be it.
(16:03):
But don't think that it's The term spirit just sounds
so out there and so non tangible that it seems
like it gets in the way, but it really shouldn't.
It's about taking the time to pray and to focus
yourself on the things of God. And really I'll invite
(16:26):
you to do this next time you pray Chris. As
Scripture says, there's different ways to pray with others by yourself.
Sometimes it refers to a prayer closet of going away
and kind of locking yourself away. If you remember in Scripture,
there was even times where I wanted others to sit
and pray with me, and then there's times where I
just went and prayed by myself. And I want you
(16:47):
to take some time and go in maybe a little
more of a formal setting. And this doesn't have to
be all the time, but just for this moment, go
somewhere where no one else is and get in a
position that's comfortable for you and clear your mind and
clear yourself of the worries of the day, and just
(17:08):
receive and just feel the presence of God and start
to pray. And in that time and that opportunity, you'll
be open to the interaction of God and what God
has and feel the spirit. Feel the spirit of God
come upon you when you're starting to pray. John, Welcome
(17:31):
to the Jesus Christ Show.
Speaker 5 (17:32):
Oh Jesus call you today.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I am well John, and you good excellent.
Speaker 5 (17:39):
I have a question for you, And just a little background.
My son, my youngest son, is in prison and the
last time I visited him, we were talking and one
of the things he said to me was that he
is lonely every day and that what to say. And
(18:05):
I'm thinking you might have some good suggestions, because I'm
sure the answer lies in your word, and I would
like to know what those words are.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Well, he says that, And may I ask what he's
in for.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
It's uh, he's he was charged with a sex crime.
But he I feel he's in there for extremely bad
decisions and lack of common sense because he was given
many opportunities to avoid confinements. It's bad.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Okay. Well, there's there's a purpose to loneliness sometimes, and
in prison you can fight that loneliness. But that seems
to be part of the problem that he that got
him there in the first place was not understanding loneliness
or not understanding proper relationships to begin with. When't you
(19:11):
say that plays a part? Okay, So there's a lot
to be learned here just on the face of things
that taking this time or having that alone time, there's
different levels of loneliness. There is this the most simplistic
level of loneliness is the absence of another human being
or the absence of that kind of communion or companionship. Okay,
(19:35):
that could be just someone not there. You're by yourself,
But being by yourself isn't always being lonely. Correct, correct, Okay,
So there's different levels of loneliness. In this particular case,
I think that that your son's dealing with a lot
of issues of not knowing how to be with himself,
for one, and in the case of his particular situation,
(19:59):
we don't know the details and no need to get
into the details. I ask you those things about you know,
a little sketch of ways in there, because that often
points to other things that are going on in his life.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Well.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Decision making skills are poor, it seems, and also execution
of emotions or certain feelings. And so now as he
sits lonely in a jail cell, which is not a
bad thing, by the way, he needs to start learning
those things and understanding as to why he doesn't want
(20:33):
to be with himself. So with that being said, when
it comes to scripture and faith, religion and sharing those things,
you can only pass along what you do yourself and say,
you know, it hurts me to hear that you're lonely
(20:54):
or that you have that deep loneliness when you're here,
And I can only tell you you know that that's
not going to change. There's nothing that's going to pull
you out of this jail cell. You have your sentence
and you will be here for the remainder. But I
can tell you what works for me, and when when
(21:15):
you read scripture or when you pray, or when you
spend time with God, that the walls don't matter, the
roof doesn't matter, that the room doesn't matter, Whether you're
with somebody or not with someone doesn't matter, because you're
with God and you share those things and you give
him the tools and what he does with the tools
(21:36):
is up to him himself. But there are Bibles everywhere
in prison, and it's a matter of using them. And
he looks, from what you've told me, he tends to
look for an easy way to deal with things rather
than the best way. And in this particular case, he's
(21:56):
not going anywhere, and he's confronted. He's forced to look
at himself, the ugly things he's done, the mistakes that
he's made, and that's probably not comfortable, there's no distraction,
because that's another form of loneliness, John, that people look
for distraction. They're not lonely, they're bored. They don't they
don't want to think about themselves. They don't want to
think about ways to change themselves, ways to grow, they
(22:18):
don't want to be introspective. So they're looking for distractions.
And that comes in the form of another person. Can
come in the form of, you know, video games, it
could come in form of a book, it could come
in form of a lot of things. But really he
doesn't want to be confronted with himself every single day.
It sounds like, I.
Speaker 5 (22:38):
Thank you so much for these words, and I will
try to put them together and send those to them
and pray with me that it will help.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Oh. Absolutely, And I know that the world is a
very cynical place and the rolling of eyes when it
comes to people in prison, but they're they're not over
or their interaction with humanity will be different and rightly so,
there are people that absolutely positively should be locked up.
(23:11):
And in the case of your son, we don't have
all the information here. So my outline to you was
to know that it's not necessarily a bad thing. And
as a parent, I know it's difficult when a child
of any age calls out, even a child who's in
prison calls out to you in need or in pain.
But remember that you watched this child grow up and
(23:34):
you watch them go through the pain of learning how
to walk or going to school, or learning how to read,
or any of these things, and the process of understanding
your own space and understanding how to interact with others
or be alone. Being alone is a gift. It really
(23:54):
really is a gift. If you can learn to be
alone with yourself, you can learn to enjoy yourself. You
can learn to take those moments of alone time and
use them productively to get to know yourself better, or
to be so introspective that you're correcting those things that
might be annoying or problematic, whatever it is. If you
take that time, that alone time, and you use it
(24:16):
like that, you will be the most attractive human being
to other people. Trust me. People look for relationships and
reach out and desire to not be lonely in quotes
because they want that distraction from their own self. And
it doesn't mean that relationships are bad, oh goodness, No,
the relationships are wonderful. The entire the entirety of scriptures
(24:40):
about relationships between man and man, and man and woman
and woman and woman, and humanity in general, and humanity
with God. So relationships are wonderful. However, they start with
an understanding of who you are. It's not about putting
two halves together to make a whole. It's putting two
(25:00):
holes together to make something greater, this tertiary property, this
third thing that comes together when these two are joined
in any way, shape or four, and as friends, as
business partners, as spouses. And unless you understand how to
be whole by yourself, you will never be a good partner.
(25:22):
You'll be used. Other people will use you as a
distraction in their life. Other people will use you in
different ways. You'll even use them. But you'll never have
that true, that wonderful relationship, that balance, unless your whole
and being a whole comes from spending time alone, not lonely,
but alone. You know, time goes by so quickly around here.
(25:47):
I wanted to finish up just a real quick thought
dealing with loneliness. In the New Testament, the word for
lonely only occurs twice, and it's never used to describe people.
It's used to describe desolate places. And I thought that
that's a very important understanding of that concept of loneliness
(26:12):
because we hear about it on the program so often.
Lonely and what does God have planned for me? I'm
so lonely, and you don't understand. Especially during the holidays,
my goodness, during the holidays, it gets even more compacted
and more intense because people feel the pressure, the outside
pressure of the need to be home for the holidays
(26:33):
or have that connection. Look, you turn on the TV
and whatever those channels are that my producer, Neil watches
constantly over the holiday season. But you see all those
those shows are about the relationships, oh the holiday times.
You know, we're bringing these relationships together. But loneliness, the
(26:55):
experience of loneliness, happens at any time, not just over
the holidays. But the power of that thought that the
word lonely never used in the New Testament to describe people.
You have Mark one forty five and Luke five sixteen
that are talking about the they're talking about the wilderness,
(27:18):
like a desolate location. And so that points to the
importance of spending time with yourself and knowing and that's
not always loneliness. It doesn't mean that there isn't times
of loneliness, real genuine loneliness, but finding yourself and empowering
yourself to not be caught up in those things, to
(27:43):
to really enjoy who you are and who God made
you individually. That's just the best way to move forward
into to have better relationships in life. And there are
extreme cases where you know people are in prison, it's
a different type of lonely experience, but in most situations,
(28:05):
it's about not being in a good place of comfort
with your own self, knowing who you are and understanding
who you are and being okay with that. The world
is a weird place to begin with, and the world
wants to make you feel bad about yourself and good
about yourself. They want to raise you up and they
(28:26):
want to knock you down. And we talked a little
bit about that last week. But there's that kind of
weird attitude where people want to pick on you know,
people that are bullies, or people that pick on you,
or people that are always constantly nitpicking about who you
are and what you do. That's a deflection. They don't
want to think about themselves. They don't want to worry
(28:47):
about the things that they need to change, and really
that's a type of person that's not comfortable with themselves.
And what I want you to be is to be whole,
to be comfortable, and then that will get rid of loneliness.
Thank you for joining me this Sunday. I hope you
join me every Sunday and remember these words above all else.
(29:08):
I am with you always, KF I am six forty
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