Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Ken,
Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hello James, what do you think?
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I'm good? Ken? How are you?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I'm doing very well. I had a question for you.
I'm single and I want to be married, and I
don't like dating. I don't I would rather The question is,
can I pray that God would lead a specific girl
to me or me to a specific girl, being that
(00:33):
he being that you know everything, and you know what's
around the corner and down the road, and it would
be very important to me that it would be someone
that would be very helpful. Sure, the sole mate, well.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
The right mate, Well, a few things to look at.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Is one.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
There's nowhere in scripture that says there's one person for
you until you marry them. Once you marry, oh that
should be the person. So it's not about you know,
having a soulmate s o U l mate. It's about
having a soul mate, just one. So that's the important part. Now,
(01:17):
sometimes people get caught up in looking for the perfect
person so intensely that they miss all the wonderful, imperfect
people just like themselves that are available. So you do
a little checklist with yourself and you say, because being
(01:38):
single and being available are two different things. You can
be single and not have someone in your life and
still not be emotionally at that place or intellectually at
that place where you're ready to have that relationship. If
you check all those things off and you say, okay,
I'm ready to go, then you get. Then you move
forward in prayer so that God will help you with discernment.
(01:58):
Not about you know, just lead me to this person.
You're a part, You're a participant in this. That's like
you know, sitting in front of your broken down car
and say, God, fix this. No, you know, guide my hand,
give me the intellect, the ability, the will, the desire
to learn and to make the best decision I can
(02:19):
and to live with consequences should I not. Those are
the things that you want, is that you God's given
you the tools. When you're a child and you're being raised,
your parents really has given you tools. A bad parent
is the one that does everything for you that's not
helping you because sooner or later they're not going to
be around. So God wants to give you these tools
(02:40):
on how to decide who's good for you, and it's
not just outwardly appearance. How to decide who's going to
be a healthy partner and what things is it? Does
that mean it's somebody that believes everything you do. No,
there's going to be people. You're going to have differences
maybe in politics or different you know, tastes in food
or music or.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
What have you.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
All that's okay, and then you're going to have similarities
things that you want to to, you know, share with
one another. A good place to find somebody should you
be looking, is in places that you like to go yourself.
You know, people go to bars and things like that
to meet someone, and it's what are you gonna meet there?
(03:19):
You're going to meet someone in a bar rather than
if you like to read and you're in a library
or a bookstore or something like that. You're you're more
likely to meet somebody of like mind or even church.
These types of things are you know, if they're a
part of who you are, then they're probably going to
be a part of who they are. Praying is a
wonderful thing when it comes to looking for a mate.
(03:42):
Ken just don't get into that pattern of kind of
waiting for God to bring them to your doorstep, because
it's not about a special delivery. It's about, you know,
being confident and knowing what you want and not settling
by way of you know, I see people that they
(04:02):
get in the same bad relationships over and over again
just because the man or woman is blonde hair and
blue eyed. Well, that's what I like, that's what I
and so they get lost in that rather than the
character of the individual. And and and looking at the
outward outward appearance is going to be what probably draws
you in first. And these are general tools that God's
(04:24):
already given you. It's about using them, not about necessarily
God bringing them to your door. How long have you
been single? Ken?
Speaker 2 (04:33):
For years?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Three years, yes, sir. And the last relationship how long
was it the lower fifteen years? And was it a marriage?
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Okay, so three years out of a fifteen year marriage.
Why do you think now is the time.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
That I certainly do not imply being single?
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
It's not that I want to be married to be married,
but I want someone special in my life. And you know,
unfortunately the marriage didn't work out.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Why didn't Why didn't it work out?
Speaker 2 (05:15):
She fell in love with someone else us and.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
She left you?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
And that's a rough one, isn't it. Yeah, that was tough,
and uh, you a little gun shy this time around.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I guess it would be a good way to describe it.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Just remember people are individuals, Ken, and not you know,
every woman's the same and not every man's the same.
And and don't put the sins of York's wife on
someone new, because that's a hard You know a lot
of times guys will come out of a relationship like
that and learning to trust becomes difficult. And uh, and
(06:02):
you can't put that on the new people in your life.
You kind of have to trust them and let them
fall or stand as they may. But you you know
what you what you're looking for? What was it about
your ex wife that attracted you to her?
Speaker 2 (06:20):
She she wasn't necessary. Actually, my ex father in law
also wanted to introduce us. He hadnam me for that
eight years before I ever met her, and so we
he introduced us and we started dating and she seemed
like a wonderful person. She is a wonderful person. But yeah,
(06:42):
she she was attractive and well educated.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
And what do you think went wrong then? Ken?
Speaker 2 (06:52):
I guess maybe over a course of time we grew apart.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Yeah, but that's I don't really accept that. So that's
not how people work. People grow. Life is constantly going
back and forth, and you're growing. People say growing apart,
but really that's that's laziness, that's just people not wanting
to participate in the marriage anymore. So what is it
that did you lose focus and start putting your attention
(07:23):
somewhere else? Or obviously she did, but what was it?
If she's a good person, you're a good person. There's
no reason why the two of you can't be together.
And something along the lines there somebody stopped paying attention
to someone else or stopped paying attention to themselves. There's
nothing worse than watching a loved one let themselves go,
(07:47):
whether it's physically, emotionally, or intellectually. They don't read, they
don't experience things, they don't care that really can you know,
lead to problems in the marriage too. But something happened
along the line, Ken, And I asked you because I
don't want you to bring it into the next relationship
because you play a part in it. You you understand that, right, yes? Okay?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
In the in the works of my sister in law
who called me afterwards and talked to me. She said that,
you know, I want you to know that this is
not the first time that you know, what she described
was nine years previous. You know, she had been seeing
someone else in as well, and she said that, you know,
(08:38):
when she talked to my wife that she had told
her years back that you know, I'm just not in
love with him, And yeah, I wish I had not
gotten married to h.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
And so, yeah, love is a strange thing. People expect
to stay in that feeling of love and no one does.
I mean, it's a process. It's something you you work
into and if you don't work at it, it's like
anything else, it will atrophy. But I think people use
that as an excuse to kind of do what they want.
(09:12):
Most importantly, can be introspective, look at where you played
a part in that breakup, and don't bring that into
the next relationship. But if you really are seeking somebody
and seek the will of God, and you know when
you're going just after your own lust or after what
you want, let things grow naturally and healthily and they
(09:36):
become more stable. And make sure that the soil is good,
and that means that you yourself are healthy and in
a good place, and you enjoy your own company, and
that you are well versed in who you are before
you go bringing someone else into that equation. Dave, Welcome
to Jesus Christia.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
A little thank you for taking my call. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
My pleasure question is.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Is that was invited to attend a church by a friend,
a coworker, and I did some inquiry on the church,
and their policy is that if you are a divorced person,
which I am, and it doesn't matter why you're divorced,
whether you know your spouse had cheated or whether it
was for some of them, you may attend services and
(10:25):
church functions, but you are not able or allowed by
their policy to hold membership.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
And to hold a position in leadership. Your phone broke up.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Yeah, you're not allowed to hold Actually you're not allowed
to hold any type of church membership at all, leadership
or not. You're just allowed to attend.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Oh oh that's different.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Okay, So I wanted to know your thoughts on that.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Well, there's you know, that's that's at the discretion of
that particular church. If they perceive things that way. I
will say this, it makes for kind of a strange situation.
What if you were to have been divorced and remarried
that same person.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
You know what, I didn't ask that, but I did
ask about what if you were divorced prior to being saved?
Speaker 1 (11:16):
And what was their response?
Speaker 3 (11:18):
His response was, it doesn't matter why you're divorced. And
in addition to that, it was, even if you're a
church member and for some reason or another you do
get divorced, you still may attend the church, but you
are no longer a member.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Yeah, it sounds a little harsh to me personally looking
at the fact that Jeremiah three talks about God divorcing Israel.
So now you have God committing a sin in their eyes,
and that would be a problem because divorce is one
of those things that God hates. But it's it's bigger
(11:57):
than just the word or just the act. It's the
the attitude of a disposable marriage is what's what angers God.
And I think sometimes gets people get so hyper focused
on the word and the concept that they that they
amplify that to a point where that becomes the big deal.
(12:18):
And in this particular case, now I've heard rightly so
that many people, many churches don't want anybody in leadership
to have been divorced. Usually that's that's under their understanding
of Christianity. If they're not Christians, it's technically not a
sin in the church because they don't believe in the church.
(12:42):
That's not to say that you don't sin as a
non Christian, of course you do, but it's it's the
Scripture talks about why would you judge them by the
standard of Christianity If they're not Christians. You shouldn't expect
the world to act anything different than the world because
that's who they are. So I find it strange, and
(13:02):
they're not really here to explain themselves. I would say
that that sounds like a church. By the description you're giving,
that maybe is not the right one for you.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Okay, well, thank you very much taking my call. I
really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
You're welcome, Dave, and churches do have their own insight
and their own ways, and it is their church, but
it doesn't mean you have to participate in it. Chris,
Welcome to Jesus Christow.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
I've been a follower and disciple for the last thirty
years of you and I have some confusion and sometimes
frustration on how to pray to the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
What do I say?
Speaker 2 (13:46):
What do I call them disease?
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Well, what what do you mean specifically praying to the
Holy Spirit.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Sometimes I just feel weird because I pray to my
Papa and I pray to you, and then when it
comes to the Holy Spirit, it feels weird sometimes.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
To say Holy Spirit or or Spirit. It's almost like
it's a way.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Out there type of prayer.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Oh, I see, because you're not. It's it's because I
came in the physical form. You get that. And even
the concept of Father, although you don't see him, you
get that. And then the spirit seems well, in scripture,
it's a dove and I'm going to pray to a dove.
It doesn't make sense. I understand that. You that the concept, Yeah,
it gets it's a little ethereal and kind of hard
(14:31):
to place. But in scripture you find that Matthew six
talks about praying to the Heavenly Father, and John fourteen
talks about praying in the name of Jesus Christ. And
then there's scriptures that will say pray, pray to the Spirit.
But keep in mind that in throughout scripture when it
(14:54):
talks about the spirit, the spirit really is who's moving
you to be with those moments. It even says that
the Spirit is praying with you, is interceding with you
when you're in prayer to begin with. So that quite frankly,
a lot of the emotional or that that physical reaction
you have to a scripture or to being in a
(15:19):
church service, hearing worship or doing some of those motivations
that make you even desire to pray are coming from
the Spirit to begin with. So you really are more
intimate and understanding of the Spirit than one may think
because you're interacting with the Spirit on a daily basis.
If you imagine the Spirit is who brings you to me,
(15:40):
to motivates you, motivates you to open your heart to me,
and I bring you to the Father. So in that relationship,
when you're praying to the Spirit, there's no difference. If
it helps you to see a physical shape or to
understand that way, then so be it. But don't think
that it's The term spirit just sounds so out there
(16:02):
and so non tangible that it seems like it gets
in the way, but it really shouldn't. It's about taking
the time to pray and to focus yourself on the
things of God. And really, I'll invite you to do
this next time you pray Chris. As Scripture says, there's
(16:23):
different ways to pray with others by yourself. Sometimes it
refers to a prayer closet of going away and kind
of locking yourself away. If you remember in Scripture, there
was even times where I wanted others to sit and
pray with me, and then there's times where I just
went and prayed by myself. And I want you to
take some time and go in maybe a little more
(16:43):
of a formal setting. And this doesn't have to be
all the time, but just for this moment and go
somewhere where no one else is and get in a
position that's comfortable for you and clear your mind and
clear yourself of the worries of the day and just
receive and just feel the presence of God and start
(17:05):
to pray. And in that time and that opportunity, you'll
be open to the interaction of God and what God
has and feel the spirit, feel the spirit of God
come upon you when you're starting to pray. John, Welcome
to the Jesus Christ Show.
Speaker 4 (17:25):
Oh Jesus call you today.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
I am well John, and you good excellent.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
I have a question for you, and just a little background.
My son, my youngest son, is in prison, and the
last time I visited him, we were talking and one
of the things he said to me was that he is.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Lonely every day and prison will do that.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
What to say? And I'm thinking you might have some
good suggestions, because I'm sure the answer lies in your word,
and I would like to know what those words are.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Well, he says that, And may I ask what he's
in for.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
It's he was charged with a sex crime. But I
feel he's in there for extremely bad decisions and lack
of common sense because he was given many opportunities to
avoid confinement. It's bad, okay.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Well, there's a purpose to loneliness sometimes, and in prison
you can fight that loneliness. But that seems to be
part of the problem that he that got him there
in the first place was not understanding loneliness or not
understanding proper relationships to begin with. When you say that
(19:04):
plays a party, okay, So there's a lot to be
learned here just on the face of things that taking
this time or having that alone time. There's different levels
of loneliness. There's this the most simplistic level of loneliness
is the absence of another human being or the absence
of that kind of communion or companionship. Okay, that could
(19:29):
be just someone not there. You're by yourself, But being
by yourself isn't always being lonely. Correct, correct, Okay, So
there's different levels of loneliness. In this particular case, I
think that that your son's dealing with a lot of
issues of not knowing how to be with himself, for one,
and in the case of his particular situation, we don't
(19:52):
know the details and no need to get into the details.
I ask you those things about you know, a little
sketch of why is in there, because that often points
to other things that are going on in his life.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Well.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Decision making skills are poor, it seems, and also execution
of emotions or certain feelings. And so now as he
sits lonely in a jail cell, which is not a
bad thing, by the way, he needs to start learning
those things and understanding as to why he doesn't want
(20:26):
to be with himself. So with that being said, when
it comes to scripture and faith, religion and sharing those things,
you can only pass along what you do yourself. And say,
you know, it hurts me to hear that you were
(20:46):
lonely or that you have that deep loneliness when you're here.
And I can only tell you you know that that's
not going to change. There's nothing that's going to pull
you out of this jail. You have your sentence and
you will be here for the remainder. But I can
tell you what works for me, and when you read
(21:09):
scripture or when you pray, or when you spend time
with God, that the walls don't matter, the roof doesn't matter,
that the room doesn't matter, Whether you're with somebody or
not with someone doesn't matter, because you're with God and
you share those things and you give him the tools
and what he does with the tools is up to
(21:30):
him himself. But there are Bibles everywhere in prison, and
it's a matter of using them. And he looks, from
what you've told me, tends to look for an easy
way to deal with things rather than the best way.
And in this particular case, he's not going anywhere, and
(21:50):
he's confronted. He's forced to look at himself, the ugly
things he's done, the mistakes that he's made, and that's
probably not comfortable. There's no distraction, because that's another form
of loneliness, John, that people look for distraction. They're not lonely,
they're bored. They don't they don't want to think about themselves.
They don't want to think about ways to change themselves,
ways to grow, they don't want to be introspective. So
(22:13):
they're looking for distractions. And that comes in the form
of another person. Can come in the form of video games,
it can come in form of a book, it could
come in form of a lot of things. But really
he doesn't want to be confronted with himself every single day.
It sounds like, I.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
Thank you so much for these words, and I will
try to put them together and send those to them
and pray with me that it will help.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Absolutely, And I know that the world is a very
cynical place in the rolling of eyes when it comes
to people in prison, but they're not over. Their interaction
with humanity will be different, and rightly so, there are
people that absolutely positively should be locked up. And in
(23:06):
the case of your son, we don't have all the
information here. So my outline to you was to know
that it's not necessarily a bad thing. And as a parent,
I know it's difficult when a child of any age
calls out, even a child who's in prison calls out
to you in need or in pain. But remember that
you watched this child grow up, and you watch them
(23:27):
go through the pain of learning how to walk or
going to school, or learning how to read, or any
of these things, and the process of understanding your own
space and understanding how to interact with others or be alone.
Being alone is a gift. It really really is a gift.
(23:48):
If you can learn to be alone with yourself, you
can learn to enjoy yourself, if you can learn to
take those moments of alone time and use them productively
to get to know yourself better, or to be so
introspective that you're correcting those things that might be annoying
or problematic, whatever it is. If you take that time,
that alone time, and you use it like that, you
(24:10):
will be the most attractive human being to other people.
Trust me. People look for relationships and reach out and
desire to not be lonely in quotes because they want
that distraction from their own self. And it doesn't mean
that relationships are bad, Oh goodness, no, the relationships are wonderful.
(24:30):
The entire the entirety of Scripture is about relationships between
man and man, and man and woman and woman and woman,
and humanity in general, and humanity with God. So relationships
are wonderful, However, they start with an understanding of who
you are. It's not about putting two halves together to
(24:52):
make a whole. It's putting two holes together to make
something greater, this tertiary property, this third thing that comes
together when these two are joined in any way, shape
or four, and as friends, as business partners, as spouses.
And unless you understand how to be whole by yourself,
(25:12):
you will never be a good partner. You'll be used.
Other people will use you as a distraction in their life.
Other people will use you in different ways. You'll even
use them. But you'll never have that true, that wonderful relationship,
that balance unless your whole and being a whole comes
from spending time alone, not lonely, but alone. You know,
(25:38):
time goes by so quickly around here. I wanted to
finish up just a real quick thought dealing with loneliness.
In the New Testament, the word for lonely only occurs twice,
and it's never used to describe people. It's used to
describe desolate places. And I thought that that's a very
(26:00):
important understanding of that concept of loneliness because we hear
about it on the program so often. Lonely and what
does God have planned for me? I'm so lonely, and
you don't understand. Especially during the holidays, my goodness, during
the holidays, it gets even more compacted and more intense
(26:21):
because people feel the pressure, the outside pressure of the
need to be home for the holidays or have that connection. Look,
you turn on the TV and whatever those channels are
that my producer, Neil watches constantly over the holiday season.
But you see all those those shows are about the relationships.
(26:43):
Oh the holiday times. You know, we're bringing these relationships together.
But loneliness, the experience of loneliness, happens at any time,
not just over the holidays. But the power of that
thought that the word lonely never used in the New
Testament to describe people. You have Mark one forty five
(27:05):
and Luke five sixteen that are talking about the they're
talking about the wilderness like a desolate location. And so
that points to the importance of spending time with yourself
and knowing and that's not always loneliness. It doesn't mean
that there isn't times of loneliness, real genuine loneliness, but
(27:28):
finding yourself and empowering yourself to not be caught up
in those things, to to really enjoy who you are
and who God made you individually. That's just the best
way to move forward into to have better relationships in life.
(27:48):
And there are extreme cases where you know people are
in prison, that's a different type of lonely experience, but
in most situations, it's about not being in a good
place of comfort with your own self, knowing who you
are and understanding who you are and being okay with that.
(28:12):
The world is a weird place to begin with, and
the world wants to make you feel bad about yourself
and good about yourself. They want to raise you up
and they want to knock you down. And we talked
a little bit about that last week. But there's that
kind of weird attitude where people want to pick on,
you know, people that are bullied, or people that pick
on you, or people that are always constantly nitpicking about
(28:33):
who you are and what you do. That's a deflection.
They don't want to think about themselves, They don't want
to worry about the things that they need to change.
And really that's a type of person that's not comfortable
with themselves. And what I want you to be is
to be whole, to be comfortable, and then that will
(28:53):
get rid of loneliness. Thank you for joining me this Sunday.
I hope you join me every Sunday. Remember these words
above all else. I am with you always.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
Kf I a M six forty on demand
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Ken,
Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hello James, what do you think?
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I'm good? Ken? How are you?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I'm doing very well. I had a question for you.
I'm single and I want to be married, and I
don't like dating. I don't I would rather The question is,
can I pray that God would lead a specific girl
to me or me to a specific girl, being that
(00:33):
he being that you know everything, and you know what's
around the corner and down the road, and it would
be very important to me that it would be someone
that would be very helpful. Sure, the sole mate, well.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
The right mate, Well, a few things to look at.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Is one.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
There's nowhere in scripture that says there's one person for
you until you marry them. Once you marry, oh that
should be the person. So it's not about you know,
having a soulmate s o U l mate. It's about
having a soul mate, just one. So that's the important part. Now,
(01:17):
sometimes people get caught up in looking for the perfect
person so intensely that they miss all the wonderful, imperfect
people just like themselves that are available. So you do
a little checklist with yourself and you say, because being
(01:38):
single and being available are two different things. You can
be single and not have someone in your life and
still not be emotionally at that place or intellectually at
that place where you're ready to have that relationship. If
you check all those things off and you say, okay,
I'm ready to go, then you get. Then you move
forward in prayer so that God will help you with discernment.
(01:58):
Not about you know, just lead me to this person.
You're a part, You're a participant in this. That's like
you know, sitting in front of your broken down car
and say, God, fix this. No, you know, guide my hand,
give me the intellect, the ability, the will, the desire
to learn and to make the best decision I can
(02:19):
and to live with consequences should I not. Those are
the things that you want, is that you God's given
you the tools. When you're a child and you're being raised,
your parents really has given you tools. A bad parent
is the one that does everything for you that's not
helping you because sooner or later they're not going to
be around. So God wants to give you these tools
(02:40):
on how to decide who's good for you, and it's
not just outwardly appearance. How to decide who's going to
be a healthy partner and what things is it? Does
that mean it's somebody that believes everything you do. No,
there's going to be people. You're going to have differences
maybe in politics or different you know, tastes in food
or music or.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
What have you.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
All that's okay, and then you're going to have similarities
things that you want to to, you know, share with
one another. A good place to find somebody should you
be looking, is in places that you like to go yourself.
You know, people go to bars and things like that
to meet someone, and it's what are you gonna meet there?
(03:19):
You're going to meet someone in a bar rather than
if you like to read and you're in a library
or a bookstore or something like that. You're you're more
likely to meet somebody of like mind or even church.
These types of things are you know, if they're a
part of who you are, then they're probably going to
be a part of who they are. Praying is a
wonderful thing when it comes to looking for a mate.
(03:42):
Ken just don't get into that pattern of kind of
waiting for God to bring them to your doorstep, because
it's not about a special delivery. It's about, you know,
being confident and knowing what you want and not settling
by way of you know, I see people that they
(04:02):
get in the same bad relationships over and over again
just because the man or woman is blonde hair and
blue eyed. Well, that's what I like, that's what I
and so they get lost in that rather than the
character of the individual. And and and looking at the
outward outward appearance is going to be what probably draws
you in first. And these are general tools that God's
(04:24):
already given you. It's about using them, not about necessarily
God bringing them to your door. How long have you
been single? Ken?
Speaker 2 (04:33):
For years?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Three years, yes, sir. And the last relationship how long
was it the lower fifteen years? And was it a marriage?
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Okay, so three years out of a fifteen year marriage.
Why do you think now is the time.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
That I certainly do not imply being single?
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
It's not that I want to be married to be married,
but I want someone special in my life. And you know,
unfortunately the marriage didn't work out.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Why didn't Why didn't it work out?
Speaker 2 (05:15):
She fell in love with someone else us and.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
She left you?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
And that's a rough one, isn't it. Yeah, that was tough,
and uh, you a little gun shy this time around.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I guess it would be a good way to describe it.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Just remember people are individuals, Ken, and not you know,
every woman's the same and not every man's the same.
And and don't put the sins of York's wife on
someone new, because that's a hard You know a lot
of times guys will come out of a relationship like
that and learning to trust becomes difficult. And uh, and
(06:02):
you can't put that on the new people in your life.
You kind of have to trust them and let them
fall or stand as they may. But you you know
what you what you're looking for? What was it about
your ex wife that attracted you to her?
Speaker 2 (06:20):
She she wasn't necessary. Actually, my ex father in law
also wanted to introduce us. He hadnam me for that
eight years before I ever met her, and so we
he introduced us and we started dating and she seemed
like a wonderful person. She is a wonderful person. But yeah,
(06:42):
she she was attractive and well educated.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
And what do you think went wrong then? Ken?
Speaker 2 (06:52):
I guess maybe over a course of time we grew apart.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Yeah, but that's I don't really accept that. So that's
not how people work. People grow. Life is constantly going
back and forth, and you're growing. People say growing apart,
but really that's that's laziness, that's just people not wanting
to participate in the marriage anymore. So what is it
that did you lose focus and start putting your attention
(07:23):
somewhere else? Or obviously she did, but what was it?
If she's a good person, you're a good person. There's
no reason why the two of you can't be together.
And something along the lines there somebody stopped paying attention
to someone else or stopped paying attention to themselves. There's
nothing worse than watching a loved one let themselves go,
(07:47):
whether it's physically, emotionally, or intellectually. They don't read, they
don't experience things, they don't care that really can you know,
lead to problems in the marriage too. But something happened
along the line, Ken, And I asked you because I
don't want you to bring it into the next relationship
because you play a part in it. You you understand that, right, yes? Okay?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
In the in the works of my sister in law
who called me afterwards and talked to me. She said that,
you know, I want you to know that this is
not the first time that you know, what she described
was nine years previous. You know, she had been seeing
someone else in as well, and she said that, you know,
(08:38):
when she talked to my wife that she had told
her years back that you know, I'm just not in
love with him, And yeah, I wish I had not
gotten married to h.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
And so, yeah, love is a strange thing. People expect
to stay in that feeling of love and no one does.
I mean, it's a process. It's something you you work
into and if you don't work at it, it's like
anything else, it will atrophy. But I think people use
that as an excuse to kind of do what they want.
(09:12):
Most importantly, can be introspective, look at where you played
a part in that breakup, and don't bring that into
the next relationship. But if you really are seeking somebody
and seek the will of God, and you know when
you're going just after your own lust or after what
you want, let things grow naturally and healthily and they
(09:36):
become more stable. And make sure that the soil is good,
and that means that you yourself are healthy and in
a good place, and you enjoy your own company, and
that you are well versed in who you are before
you go bringing someone else into that equation. Dave, Welcome
to Jesus Christia.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
A little thank you for taking my call. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
My pleasure question is.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Is that was invited to attend a church by a friend,
a coworker, and I did some inquiry on the church,
and their policy is that if you are a divorced person,
which I am, and it doesn't matter why you're divorced,
whether you know your spouse had cheated or whether it
was for some of them, you may attend services and
(10:25):
church functions, but you are not able or allowed by
their policy to hold membership.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
And to hold a position in leadership. Your phone broke up.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Yeah, you're not allowed to hold Actually you're not allowed
to hold any type of church membership at all, leadership
or not. You're just allowed to attend.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Oh oh that's different.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Okay, So I wanted to know your thoughts on that.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Well, there's you know, that's that's at the discretion of
that particular church. If they perceive things that way. I
will say this, it makes for kind of a strange situation.
What if you were to have been divorced and remarried
that same person.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
You know what, I didn't ask that, but I did
ask about what if you were divorced prior to being saved?
Speaker 1 (11:16):
And what was their response?
Speaker 3 (11:18):
His response was, it doesn't matter why you're divorced. And
in addition to that, it was, even if you're a
church member and for some reason or another you do
get divorced, you still may attend the church, but you
are no longer a member.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Yeah, it sounds a little harsh to me personally looking
at the fact that Jeremiah three talks about God divorcing Israel.
So now you have God committing a sin in their eyes,
and that would be a problem because divorce is one
of those things that God hates. But it's it's bigger
(11:57):
than just the word or just the act. It's the
the attitude of a disposable marriage is what's what angers God.
And I think sometimes gets people get so hyper focused
on the word and the concept that they that they
amplify that to a point where that becomes the big deal.
(12:18):
And in this particular case, now I've heard rightly so
that many people, many churches don't want anybody in leadership
to have been divorced. Usually that's that's under their understanding
of Christianity. If they're not Christians, it's technically not a
sin in the church because they don't believe in the church.
(12:42):
That's not to say that you don't sin as a
non Christian, of course you do, but it's it's the
Scripture talks about why would you judge them by the
standard of Christianity If they're not Christians. You shouldn't expect
the world to act anything different than the world because
that's who they are. So I find it strange, and
(13:02):
they're not really here to explain themselves. I would say
that that sounds like a church. By the description you're giving,
that maybe is not the right one for you.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Okay, well, thank you very much taking my call. I
really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
You're welcome, Dave, and churches do have their own insight
and their own ways, and it is their church, but
it doesn't mean you have to participate in it. Chris,
Welcome to Jesus Christow.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
I've been a follower and disciple for the last thirty
years of you and I have some confusion and sometimes
frustration on how to pray to the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
What do I say?
Speaker 2 (13:46):
What do I call them disease?
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Well, what what do you mean specifically praying to the
Holy Spirit.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Sometimes I just feel weird because I pray to my
Papa and I pray to you, and then when it
comes to the Holy Spirit, it feels weird sometimes.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
To say Holy Spirit or or Spirit. It's almost like
it's a way.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Out there type of prayer.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Oh, I see, because you're not. It's it's because I
came in the physical form. You get that. And even
the concept of Father, although you don't see him, you
get that. And then the spirit seems well, in scripture,
it's a dove and I'm going to pray to a dove.
It doesn't make sense. I understand that. You that the concept, Yeah,
it gets it's a little ethereal and kind of hard
(14:31):
to place. But in scripture you find that Matthew six
talks about praying to the Heavenly Father, and John fourteen
talks about praying in the name of Jesus Christ. And
then there's scriptures that will say pray, pray to the Spirit.
But keep in mind that in throughout scripture when it
(14:54):
talks about the spirit, the spirit really is who's moving
you to be with those moments. It even says that
the Spirit is praying with you, is interceding with you
when you're in prayer to begin with. So that quite frankly,
a lot of the emotional or that that physical reaction
you have to a scripture or to being in a
(15:19):
church service, hearing worship or doing some of those motivations
that make you even desire to pray are coming from
the Spirit to begin with. So you really are more
intimate and understanding of the Spirit than one may think
because you're interacting with the Spirit on a daily basis.
If you imagine the Spirit is who brings you to me,
(15:40):
to motivates you, motivates you to open your heart to me,
and I bring you to the Father. So in that relationship,
when you're praying to the Spirit, there's no difference. If
it helps you to see a physical shape or to
understand that way, then so be it. But don't think
that it's The term spirit just sounds so out there
(16:02):
and so non tangible that it seems like it gets
in the way, but it really shouldn't. It's about taking
the time to pray and to focus yourself on the
things of God. And really, I'll invite you to do
this next time you pray Chris. As Scripture says, there's
(16:23):
different ways to pray with others by yourself. Sometimes it
refers to a prayer closet of going away and kind
of locking yourself away. If you remember in Scripture, there
was even times where I wanted others to sit and
pray with me, and then there's times where I just
went and prayed by myself. And I want you to
take some time and go in maybe a little more
(16:43):
of a formal setting. And this doesn't have to be
all the time, but just for this moment and go
somewhere where no one else is and get in a
position that's comfortable for you and clear your mind and
clear yourself of the worries of the day and just
receive and just feel the presence of God and start
(17:05):
to pray. And in that time and that opportunity, you'll
be open to the interaction of God and what God
has and feel the spirit, feel the spirit of God
come upon you when you're starting to pray. John, Welcome
to the Jesus Christ Show.
Speaker 4 (17:25):
Oh Jesus call you today.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
I am well John, and you good excellent.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
I have a question for you, and just a little background.
My son, my youngest son, is in prison, and the
last time I visited him, we were talking and one
of the things he said to me was that he is.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Lonely every day and prison will do that.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
What to say? And I'm thinking you might have some
good suggestions, because I'm sure the answer lies in your word,
and I would like to know what those words are.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Well, he says that, And may I ask what he's
in for.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
It's he was charged with a sex crime. But I
feel he's in there for extremely bad decisions and lack
of common sense because he was given many opportunities to
avoid confinement. It's bad, okay.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Well, there's a purpose to loneliness sometimes, and in prison
you can fight that loneliness. But that seems to be
part of the problem that he that got him there
in the first place was not understanding loneliness or not
understanding proper relationships to begin with. When you say that
(19:04):
plays a party, okay, So there's a lot to be
learned here just on the face of things that taking
this time or having that alone time. There's different levels
of loneliness. There's this the most simplistic level of loneliness
is the absence of another human being or the absence
of that kind of communion or companionship. Okay, that could
(19:29):
be just someone not there. You're by yourself, But being
by yourself isn't always being lonely. Correct, correct, Okay, So
there's different levels of loneliness. In this particular case, I
think that that your son's dealing with a lot of
issues of not knowing how to be with himself, for one,
and in the case of his particular situation, we don't
(19:52):
know the details and no need to get into the details.
I ask you those things about you know, a little
sketch of why is in there, because that often points
to other things that are going on in his life.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Well.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Decision making skills are poor, it seems, and also execution
of emotions or certain feelings. And so now as he
sits lonely in a jail cell, which is not a
bad thing, by the way, he needs to start learning
those things and understanding as to why he doesn't want
(20:26):
to be with himself. So with that being said, when
it comes to scripture and faith, religion and sharing those things,
you can only pass along what you do yourself. And say,
you know, it hurts me to hear that you were
(20:46):
lonely or that you have that deep loneliness when you're here.
And I can only tell you you know that that's
not going to change. There's nothing that's going to pull
you out of this jail. You have your sentence and
you will be here for the remainder. But I can
tell you what works for me, and when you read
(21:09):
scripture or when you pray, or when you spend time
with God, that the walls don't matter, the roof doesn't matter,
that the room doesn't matter, Whether you're with somebody or
not with someone doesn't matter, because you're with God and
you share those things and you give him the tools
and what he does with the tools is up to
(21:30):
him himself. But there are Bibles everywhere in prison, and
it's a matter of using them. And he looks, from
what you've told me, tends to look for an easy
way to deal with things rather than the best way.
And in this particular case, he's not going anywhere, and
(21:50):
he's confronted. He's forced to look at himself, the ugly
things he's done, the mistakes that he's made, and that's
probably not comfortable. There's no distraction, because that's another form
of loneliness, John, that people look for distraction. They're not lonely,
they're bored. They don't they don't want to think about themselves.
They don't want to think about ways to change themselves,
ways to grow, they don't want to be introspective. So
(22:13):
they're looking for distractions. And that comes in the form
of another person. Can come in the form of video games,
it can come in form of a book, it could
come in form of a lot of things. But really
he doesn't want to be confronted with himself every single day.
It sounds like, I.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
Thank you so much for these words, and I will
try to put them together and send those to them
and pray with me that it will help.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Absolutely, And I know that the world is a very
cynical place in the rolling of eyes when it comes
to people in prison, but they're not over. Their interaction
with humanity will be different, and rightly so, there are
people that absolutely positively should be locked up. And in
(23:06):
the case of your son, we don't have all the
information here. So my outline to you was to know
that it's not necessarily a bad thing. And as a parent,
I know it's difficult when a child of any age
calls out, even a child who's in prison calls out
to you in need or in pain. But remember that
you watched this child grow up, and you watch them
(23:27):
go through the pain of learning how to walk or
going to school, or learning how to read, or any
of these things, and the process of understanding your own
space and understanding how to interact with others or be alone.
Being alone is a gift. It really really is a gift.
(23:48):
If you can learn to be alone with yourself, you
can learn to enjoy yourself, if you can learn to
take those moments of alone time and use them productively
to get to know yourself better, or to be so
introspective that you're correcting those things that might be annoying
or problematic, whatever it is. If you take that time,
that alone time, and you use it like that, you
(24:10):
will be the most attractive human being to other people.
Trust me. People look for relationships and reach out and
desire to not be lonely in quotes because they want
that distraction from their own self. And it doesn't mean
that relationships are bad, Oh goodness, no, the relationships are wonderful.
(24:30):
The entire the entirety of Scripture is about relationships between
man and man, and man and woman and woman and woman,
and humanity in general, and humanity with God. So relationships
are wonderful, However, they start with an understanding of who
you are. It's not about putting two halves together to
(24:52):
make a whole. It's putting two holes together to make
something greater, this tertiary property, this third thing that comes
together when these two are joined in any way, shape
or four, and as friends, as business partners, as spouses.
And unless you understand how to be whole by yourself,
(25:12):
you will never be a good partner. You'll be used.
Other people will use you as a distraction in their life.
Other people will use you in different ways. You'll even
use them. But you'll never have that true, that wonderful relationship,
that balance unless your whole and being a whole comes
from spending time alone, not lonely, but alone. You know,
(25:38):
time goes by so quickly around here. I wanted to
finish up just a real quick thought dealing with loneliness.
In the New Testament, the word for lonely only occurs twice,
and it's never used to describe people. It's used to
describe desolate places. And I thought that that's a very
(26:00):
important understanding of that concept of loneliness because we hear
about it on the program so often. Lonely and what
does God have planned for me? I'm so lonely, and
you don't understand. Especially during the holidays, my goodness, during
the holidays, it gets even more compacted and more intense
(26:21):
because people feel the pressure, the outside pressure of the
need to be home for the holidays or have that connection. Look,
you turn on the TV and whatever those channels are
that my producer, Neil watches constantly over the holiday season.
But you see all those those shows are about the relationships.
(26:43):
Oh the holiday times. You know, we're bringing these relationships together.
But loneliness, the experience of loneliness, happens at any time,
not just over the holidays. But the power of that
thought that the word lonely never used in the New
Testament to describe people. You have Mark one forty five
(27:05):
and Luke five sixteen that are talking about the they're
talking about the wilderness like a desolate location. And so
that points to the importance of spending time with yourself
and knowing and that's not always loneliness. It doesn't mean
that there isn't times of loneliness, real genuine loneliness, but
(27:28):
finding yourself and empowering yourself to not be caught up
in those things, to to really enjoy who you are
and who God made you individually. That's just the best
way to move forward into to have better relationships in life.
(27:48):
And there are extreme cases where you know people are
in prison, that's a different type of lonely experience, but
in most situations, it's about not being in a good
place of comfort with your own self, knowing who you
are and understanding who you are and being okay with that.
(28:12):
The world is a weird place to begin with, and
the world wants to make you feel bad about yourself
and good about yourself. They want to raise you up
and they want to knock you down. And we talked
a little bit about that last week. But there's that
kind of weird attitude where people want to pick on,
you know, people that are bullied, or people that pick
on you, or people that are always constantly nitpicking about
(28:33):
who you are and what you do. That's a deflection.
They don't want to think about themselves, They don't want
to worry about the things that they need to change.
And really that's a type of person that's not comfortable
with themselves. And what I want you to be is
to be whole, to be comfortable, and then that will
(28:53):
get rid of loneliness. Thank you for joining me this Sunday.
I hope you join me every Sunday. Remember these words
above all else. I am with you always.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
Kf I a M six forty on demand
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