Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to KFI AIX on demand. Jim, Welcome to
the Jesus Christ Show. Hello, Hi you Jim. How can
I help you?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Is this double H?
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Yes, this is the Holy Host H to the h
H Squared.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I get it. My major question is I'm going through
a divorce after thirty one years and.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Then, oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Jim.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Yeah, yeah, it's you know, things happened in the world.
It was financial, some emotional, some other stuff.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
It's financial finances is what brought this to the surface.
Oh yeah, yeah, Oh that breaks my heart. I thought
that something so well.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Okay, but and she's the thing is that she's involved
in a major church, and we were involved in that
major church together, and then since she made the decime
to divorce meetings stuff. It's the church. It seems like
it backs them up. But they kind of make a
statement the families forever, you know, and a lot of
(01:10):
their teachings about family forever. And you know, I was
a good part of the church for many years, and
you know, I haven't had any contact with these people
and I and I've tried to go back a couple
of times. It just I just didn't feel like I
was wanted to kind of thing, you know, So, so
I kind of feel bad about that. My wife and
my youngest daughters still go. But you know, I see,
(01:33):
And there's another whole aspect of this too. I mean
a couple of years ago, I got double pneumonia and
the swine flu, and I had died a couple of
times on the on live support.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yeah, I think, uh, my goodness, so you died a
couple of times and and and this, yeah, this is
did we speak before? No, I don't think huh, you
don't hear that often the whole died a couple of times. Now,
(02:03):
when when this occurred? Uh? When this occurred? Uh? This
is a clinical death, right that they're just stopping at
the heartbeat, is what you're talking about, right, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
First time has stopped or they failed two and a
half minutes, and a couple of days later the three
and a half minutes.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
My goodness.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
So you've everything all that stuff.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
So you've had your share of some some ugly times
and some very rough times, and you're trying to work
yourself through them. Now.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Yeah, that's that's exactly what the title.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Well, you're the thing that it is about. Churches is
their their community, and unfortunately, sometimes in that community they
don't always know how to deal with everything. We've kind
of this has been a running theme throughout the show
and started with the concept of Halloween and paganism, all
these things and what you cut out of your life
(02:54):
and what you don't. Sometimes the church really doesn't know
how to respond to certain ugly parts of life, the
divorce and things like that, or even the death of
someone or strange circumstances or whatever it is, and they
just they don't run to the aid of And this
(03:15):
isn't all churches, but some do. And this may or
may not be the church that you were attending in
the case, but in that case as well. But really
the important thing is for you to find a church
to grow and to be rooted in, regardless of whether
it's that church you were originally in or not. Is
(03:35):
there a what is your goal in all of this?
What are you trying to Are you trying to get
the family back together? Are you trying to make yourself
whole again? What is your goal?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
I think the primary thing would be to make myself
whole again so I can get the family back again.
We have four children, too, So we're not just we
didn't just screw up their lives, you know, their friends
and all of our friends, all of the relatives. I mean,
thirty one years of building up. Yeah, it's a lot.
It's a lot of you know. And then the crazy
(04:06):
thing is that, you know it, I think there's some
way it could be admitted. I just don't know how
to get it all back together. And you know, it's
a long I think it's a long term plan, but
you know, and I just don't feel comfortable going back
to that church right now. And they haven't even, like
I said, they haven't even reached out. One Diamond said, hey,
(04:28):
you know how you doing.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
You know, it's like, really is it a large church?
Speaker 2 (04:34):
A very large church.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, that happens.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
It's a very lot of there's many, many of them,
you know. So it's as like I said, it's just ah,
and there's you know, there's some factors in churches. I've
always been turned off about it as a hypocritical attitude
of some people. It's like it's Okay, you shouldn't do that,
or and I should do this, and listening to you
how you're saying that to find the middle road, because
(05:00):
everything you do is not always So that's a terrible thing.
You know just by watching you know, you know, Halloween
movie or something. You know, that's not like you're the
devil worship or you're enjoying a movie or something.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
No. I find that the church likes the pendulum to
swing hard left or hard right. And and that doesn't mean
to be mediocre. I say in scripture, if you're luke warm,
I'll spit you out of my mouth. It's not to
be lukewarm. It's a matter of finding that true balance, Jim.
It's a matter of saying, okay, well, where is a
place of health for me and something that will not
(05:35):
distract or take me away from the Gospel or my faith.
And in your circumstances, going through pain or a divorce
or any of these things can be quite distracting. And
God's desire is always for reconciliation when possible. If your
wife's not here to talk and speak for herself, but
(05:57):
I'd be I'd be curious to see, Jim, if your
wife was on the phone and I asked her why
you guys got a divorce? What do you think the
top three reasons she would give, Oh.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
She would probably start off with you, I don't have
to have a steady income, you know, because I had,
you know, I've obviously you know, I was in the
hospital for two weeks, but you know, a couple of
years ago then they you know, it took me two
or three months they recuperate from that.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
So, okay, what would be the second I.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Would say, So that would be the financial aspect that
I would think. It would be any type of any
type of drinking of alcohol whatsoever. But at the same time,
she she goes out and has Martinias and has a
beer too. And I'm not I'm a casual drinker, but
you know, she thinks that that, you know, and I've
never ever gotten I'm not a person to get abusive,
(06:48):
uh ever, you know, but you know, okay, I'll let you.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
We'll go by these point by point here.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
But and then the third, I would say, the relationship
that I had with the four kids. You know, the
all four kids are pretty much like and I hate
to say this, but on my side, you know, they
take their mama's you know, their mother with has gone
through a menopause, you know, so after doing all that
(07:15):
menopause and stuff and everything, she did like a one
eighty at one point, and I was, you know, I
was financially trying to help her in her business, her
things that she was doing, and she got to be
kind of a drain on the family money. And then okay, yeah,
we owned her sisters a bunch of money and her
sister ever paid it back. Okay, Well, well we have
(07:36):
a bunch of issues there.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
You know, there's a lot of issues there, and those
going in a couple of different directions, Jim, So, I
would say the financial one may deal with something just
beyond finances. Have you always been kind of in and
out of work?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
No, you know, never. Actually, I've only a couple of
businesses and I've done I've made you know, tons of money.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
And the self employed mostly or I've.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Worked for companies for you know, for five six, seven
years and maybe you know, with a general manager, made
tons of money. And then we've always lived in you know,
in South County. It's always my kids always went to
the same elementary school, the same middle school. Now like
kids always you know, they were in sports and wrestling, softball, whatever.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Well, I'm going to say this, Jim, just out of
because the sake of time and the opportunity we have
is that you need to take those three answers that
you gave me that you think your wife would say,
and you need to make a list for yourself is
to what part you played in them and how you
can change them or where you need to work on them.
You know, sickness and things like that. It will come
(08:45):
and go, but you have to look at those things.
I want you to go through each one of them
and decide what your part in them, in each of
them is, And I want you to call me back
next week preferably if you can, if not, the following week,
and let's again so we can go over those, sort
through those and see what your part is for making
you a better you first before you get back into
(09:08):
the relationship. John, Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Yes, I've had a question about your name.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
What the name Jesus?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Yeah, what is a real name?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Because well, it all depends on it, John, It all
depends on from where you stand. The actual name is
Yeshumaier in the Hebrew, but it's not the full name.
The Jesus or Joshua is actually referring to my actual name.
(09:45):
Jesus is the modification of that name, and it's what
people are most comfortable with now. But a lot of
people think that the term Christ that comes after it
is part of my name, and it's not. That actually
stands for my title. It means the chosen one. And
(10:06):
then in context, it was pointing out that I was
the Messiah that was spoken about in the Old Testament. Now,
if you have questions further than that, maybe your question
was actually more about this program and what this show
is about. While I will leave that up to you
and do an investigation on your own, I'm sure you're
a very very smart man who can figure that out
(10:28):
as to why we're here and what we're doing. And
that's a whole different question. But names are important throughout scripture.
If you look at the names of people, they had
more weight and more meaning than they do now. Now
sometimes people will name their child after somebody special or
after something special, or about the time that they were
born and things like that, And in two thousand years ago,
(10:53):
it was more important to have a name that described
something really that's what it was doing. It was a
name that described a situation or a person or a
happenstance that was surrounding that person's birth. That really lent
itself to the beauty of the name. Last names didn't exist.
Last names were simply a description of where you were
(11:15):
from or a description of who you were born, unto
maybe your parents. That's why, like the name Josephson or
Johnson or these types of things that you hear you think, oh, well,
that's the last name. No, really, if you take it apart,
it was referring to someone being Joseph's son, John's son,
(11:37):
and it was a description as from where they came,
which was of great importance. In the Bible. You'll find
a lot of that. Joseph of Arimathea, Jesus of Nazareth,
these types of things, and judas is Scariot describing certain
attributes or places they come from, or things that they did.
And in that way you learn a little something about
(11:59):
someone just by hearing their name. Scott, Welcome to the
Jesus Christ.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Saw hi, hi, but glad you could take my call.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
My pleasure. What's going on?
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Well, I just you know, I'm just kind of in
a quandary. I've been married for about ten years and
me and my wife have you know, got along great
early on and now it's developed more kind of into
roommate status, and we haven't been intimate in about three
(12:36):
or four years.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Oh goodness.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Yeah, And I don't know how to turn it around.
And I'm kind of a passionate one, and you know,
I tried to do the romance and all that stuff,
and she's just cold to that. And I'm not shooting
my own horn, but I'm you know, I'm an attractive man,
and so I just don't know what's healthy and what
(13:02):
I should where you draw the line or what well?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
And is it? Would you consider your home a Christian home?
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Okay, so you're both believers? Yeah, okay. And you say
three or four years ago, did it like kind of
trickle out?
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Yeah, it kind of trickled out. I mean, you know,
we had our ups and downs in our relationships like
any couple does, and everything like that, and then it
just kind of disappeared and never been able to get
that part back. I mean, we get along great as friends,
we go out and do things together, we go on
(13:45):
vacations together, but the physical part is not existent.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
And you know what, I want to talk to you
more about this because I think it's it's it's a
bigger issue than some people may think. And the fact
that you were so bold to call in, and a
lot of a lot of men wouldn't In this case,
I really want to take a look at a couple
of things and ask you some questions. Can you can
you stick around for a moment, Yeah, okay, hold on,
(14:12):
and then when we come back, I'll ask you a
couple more questions. We were talking with Scott. Scott, you're
still with us. You were saying that you've been married
for ten years.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Yeah, about ten years, okay.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
And the past four or so three four years, three
or four years, your wife slowly had less and less
interest in sex. And you say, other than that, the
relationship is great. You guys, you know, go out, you
see movies, you hang out together, you go on vacations together,
but no sex.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Has your wife prior had any medical issues at all
or changed medications or anything like that?
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Well, yeah, I mean she said some medications when it
comes to the things such as fibromyogia and that nature,
which which could be a contributing factor. She has some
hormone issues and some sleep bud sure issues and so forth,
But she's never been you know, a real sexual type
(15:14):
of creature.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
So going into this marriage, when you guys were first married,
she wasn't even it's terribly interested in sex.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
Or yes she was, but not she wasn't a wild
yet like some of the ladies I'd had.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
In the past.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Wow. Well, okay, okay, Scott. That that might be filed
under t M. I maybe, but I appreciate the insight
the reason why I ask these things. This is not
a medical show. Of course, we look at the spiritual
aspects of things, and from a biblical and mainstream Christian perspective.
But I asked those things because all of that kind
(15:53):
of points to the direction of, you know, where one
might look for answers in something like this. Now, when
it first started, you say, three or four years ago,
what would be the excuse or the response to you
becoming amorous and approaching her sexually?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
For her?
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah, when she just shut you down cold. I have
a headache. I've got to rearrange my sock drawer. What
kind of response?
Speaker 3 (16:22):
I mean, it would just be just about anything, you know,
it would be you know, not feeling well, too much
stress at work, you know, those kind of kind of things.
Even when we get away on vacations or whatever. It
seemed to always land on her cycle. So to seek
(16:43):
those kinds of issues that you would come up with.
And you know, we've been rebuilding our relationship slowly, you know,
like I said, we've had some ups and downs.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
And okay, well what are those ups and downs When
you say you're rebuilding, what are you rebuilding? What was
torn down or broken?
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Well, you know, I have a son for a previous
marriage that lived with live for a bit. Not a
previous marriage, but a previous girlfriend, and uh, you know
that caused a little bit of differences of opinion. Years ago.
I used to drink. I repented and I haven't drank
in years and stuff like that. So there, there, there
(17:17):
were some of those issues that that.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
What kind of drinker were you? Were you a mean drunk? Well,
I'm sloppy, sloppy okay, yeah, an embarrassing drunk okay yeah?
And did did And that was done in front of
her quite often.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Uh yeah, she was. She wore a witnessed to that.
But at the same time, you know, she loves me
and uh loved her and I went and took care
of that, and she's always been supportive of that and Uh,
you know that that isn't the issue certainly now.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Uh, that's that's some time ago.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
And uh, you know.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
The reason why I bring that up though, Scott, So
you know is that sometimes in relationships you get in
different modes. And let's say she, of course she loves you,
you love her, and she's in that mode of taking
care of you when you're sloppy, drunk, and it takes
her energy and all of those things that sometimes the
(18:22):
resentment builds up, and then when you're well, your partner
can become quite distant, still working through those things in
those memories or gosh, I remember this or that as
they one start to learn the new you and how
the new you works and the healthy you works and
all of those things, and they can be resentful of, well,
how came you didn't do it sooner? Or do you
(18:44):
not care? There's a lot of things the if I
majill the illnesses, let's put it that way. The illness
is that you named four or five of them actually
that might play a part, or even hormones specifically. Some
of them deal with pain, some of them do not.
Does she ever comment about pain?
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Oh, yeah, she's a pain quite a bit and so on,
But I don't think that that would be necessarily the
reason behind it. I guess my concern is, you know,
I'm married, I.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
But her fibromyalogia does that does that manifest itself in pain?
Speaker 3 (19:28):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Okay, Yeah, and that's been since you.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
That's been pretty much.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
You know, the whole marriage, okay. And the hormone thing
that that concerns me quite a bit. The hormone. You
said there was hormone issues and she on medication, yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
Yeah, some degree. I mean she didn't take the estrogens
and stuff like that because the cancer so far, but
she she takes, you know, some different medications which could
affect could.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Affect that absolutely, not only could, but probably do. I mean,
there's a lot to it. And the reason why I
wanted to kind of hear that stuff because those things
you need to see a medical doctor and see how
this plays. And she's got to have interest in doing
that because she's gonna have to play a big part scripturally.
(20:17):
The reason why we didn't go straight to scripture because
I could tell that there was something underlying. There's some
other concerns as well, But I would encourage you to
read First Corinthians, chapter seven and goes through the concept
of the principles for a married life. And one of
those things in verse five talks about not depriving one
(20:39):
another of sex. When you're married, you should never deprive
each other of sex except for times of prayer and
menstruation period. So and I know sometimes people have headaches,
it doesn't matter. Coming together and having that time to
be together is very important for both men and women,
(20:59):
and it's health. So it sounds to me like this
is beyond just celibacy or her not being interested.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
And it sounds like beyond just the spiritual needs and
the and the things that I mentioned in one Corinthians
seven is that there's some medical issues that need to
be addressed. And the only the thing about sex when
you're married, there's a partnership. That partnership, Scott is something
(21:29):
that you've built along with your wife, and you build
it up and you say, you're you're good looking man.
I'm sure she's a beautiful woman. And and those are
the things that that first brought you together. And you
see different things in each other and it's exciting and
you engage in this this wonderful God given union that
(21:49):
is Uh, it's only for you guys. You know, it's
intimate and it's connective and it's beautiful and all those things.
But outside of the picture, it's like watching, you know,
people dance without music. It looks silly, and if people
(22:10):
thought about what they were doing when they dance, it
becomes silly. But when you're just feeling the music and
letting yourself go, it's wonderful. So similarly so is sex
in marriage. That when you let yourself go and you're
so connected, then you just react and you do and
you enjoy. But if you start to parse it or
(22:32):
intellectualize it or make too much out of it, it
becomes awkward and weird. So when there's a space of
time of any kind, let alone three or four years,
re engaging that part of your life will be strange
and not exciting like when you were first married. Strange
(22:53):
where you're learning about each other's bodies and once and
desires and things like that. It becomes a new type
of strange because is whether you believe it or not,
whether you're good looking, she's good looking, whether you've been
with people in your past or she's been with me,
it doesn't matter. There's still that that that desire to
be accepted by your partner, and in the back of
(23:13):
your head the thought, well did I do something to
make her not want me? Or her thinking well, you know,
I've gone through you know, hormone issues and medical issues
and and I don't know, maybe she has scars or
dozen or bodies body has changed and there's a new
(23:37):
awkwardness that comes to it comes to play in the situation,
and and so you know it's going to be awkward.
And I think in order to bring that back one,
I think sharing times of intimacy and scripture and prayer
and things like that a great start too, to get
(23:59):
into some counseling, possibly with the pastor to help guide
you guys back into that part of your lives. And
three and very important is to go see seek medical
help and sit down with a doctor and really go
not just for the aches and pains or for the
things that she's going through, but you go in with
her and to talk about the fact that you guys
(24:20):
aren't having sex, that you guys aren't coming together and
having that part of your life, because the resentment is
already going to be wedged in there at this point,
no matter how kind you are no matter how kind
she is, and it's going to take a little bit
to kind of break that and not feel weird about
(24:40):
it and just make it natural and normal again and
part of your relationship, which is where it should be
and needs to be. If you, you know, get to
that point, it can be a huge problem in a relationship.
And you know, God bless you for standing by her
and not taking the easy way out and looking for
(25:02):
you know, other sexual partners and so on the world
would say, oh, yeah, you deserve it, go do it.
You got it. And partially she is abandoning the marriage,
and I get that. But to stand firm and strong
in your conviction convictions and look at this as an
opportunity of growth and newness in the relationship can be
(25:23):
very wonderful and exciting. It's just going to need some
outside help to get you to that point. So you
read that homework that I gave you in First Corinthians,
chapter seven. You pray on what your next step is.
You pray with your wife, You find pastoral counseling or
somebody that can help bring those issues together about reigniting that,
and you find medical help to figure out what is
(25:46):
going on and how some of the medications or the
hormone balance or imbalance or these types of things are
affecting her desire to be with you sexually. We started
earlier today talking about the concept of paganism and how
it permeates really everything, that if as a believer you
(26:10):
are trying to run from anything dealing with paganism, that
you will have an easier time trying to pick an
actor who hasn't been in a film with who Tony
Kevin Bacon. And that is to say that in life
(26:31):
and in culture, the cultures are built upon really somebody
living in a place looking to the left and looking
to the right and seeing what the natural resources are
to make clothing, to make food, and this becomes the culture.
So if you know, you see the Mexican culture culture,
(26:53):
or you see you know, to this side, you see
a Native American culture, or you keep looking around and seeing, oh, well,
this is the German culture and the if you pull
them apart, you'll start seeing that they intertwine quite a bit.
And the Mexican culture the use of certain instruments, including
(27:18):
you know, playing certain types of songs that sound like
their oompapa when you when you hear them you go, well,
where did that come? Well, that comes from Germany. So
when you see these things or hear them and you go,
well where did this come from? Where you'll find that
they meld together. American Indians are no longer living in teepees. Well,
culture changes and grows, and it's not that the accordion
(27:44):
was native to Mexico. It's that it's brought there and
then that gets used and the foods if you look,
it's the region. I'm always humored by people that go
into different parts of Central America and the like in
start looking for tortillas, thinking well, right, they've got beans,
(28:06):
they've got rice, they've got it. No, they don't, and
that there's difference. Even though there's gonna be similarities in
certain places, are going to be differences in others. And
this is the same with religion or faith. You have
the Word of God, which is in scripture and pointing
to things both culturally that were going on in the time,
(28:28):
both with Pagans and with our Jewish brothers and sisters,
and these things are all taking part and going in
different directions for serving particular purposes, and still intertwined with
their immediate cultures as well. The food of the day
and the you know, you think of the passover, you
think of the things that are taking place with the
(28:48):
breaking of bread. That's all because that was the culture
of the time. So some things around religion will change
as well if you'd want to rid yourself of all
pagan concepts. It's not about Halloween. Halloween really, although it's
a derivative if you trace it all the way back
to Sowin, which was a Celtic festival. Yes well you
(29:10):
can say, well that's pagan, but then you have Pope
Gregory Iird designating November first is All Saints' Day. Then
the day prior automatically became All Hollows Eve and that
becomes Halloween. So it has a Christian twist throughout the
centuries as well. And you start looking at these things
and seeing that it's more than just the obvious. And
(29:31):
that's what I want from you when you're using discernment,
discern not just based on the obvious, but about a
true understanding about what's going on. There are things in
Christianity that our direct result of paganism. The cross, most certainly,
the fish and the application of the fish. Fish most certainly.
(29:53):
You look at the symbol for Virgo. You can look
it up online and you'll see the fish embedded in
that very symbol, along with the Hebrew character from them,
you'll see these things. There's more to it than just
a clean lineage, and that's because people are participating in it.
(30:13):
Doesn't mean have the necronomicon in your house or pentagrams.
It's not what I'm saying saying use good judgment, healthy judgment.
Don't have that attitude of just zero tolerance, because that's
just lazy spirituality. I appreciate you taking the time to
join me today. Enjoy yourself, and above all things, be safe.
And more importantly than all the craziness in the world,
(30:36):
these simple words I want you to remember. I am
with you always. KFI Am six on demand
You're listening to KFI AIX on demand. Jim, Welcome to
the Jesus Christ Show. Hello, Hi you Jim. How can
I help you?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Is this double H?
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Yes, this is the Holy Host H to the h
H Squared.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I get it. My major question is I'm going through
a divorce after thirty one years and.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Then, oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Jim.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Yeah, yeah, it's you know, things happened in the world.
It was financial, some emotional, some other stuff.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
It's financial finances is what brought this to the surface.
Oh yeah, yeah, Oh that breaks my heart. I thought
that something so well.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Okay, but and she's the thing is that she's involved
in a major church, and we were involved in that
major church together, and then since she made the decime
to divorce meetings stuff. It's the church. It seems like
it backs them up. But they kind of make a
statement the families forever, you know, and a lot of
(01:10):
their teachings about family forever. And you know, I was
a good part of the church for many years, and
you know, I haven't had any contact with these people
and I and I've tried to go back a couple
of times. It just I just didn't feel like I
was wanted to kind of thing, you know, So, so
I kind of feel bad about that. My wife and
my youngest daughters still go. But you know, I see,
(01:33):
And there's another whole aspect of this too. I mean
a couple of years ago, I got double pneumonia and
the swine flu, and I had died a couple of
times on the on live support.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yeah, I think, uh, my goodness, so you died a
couple of times and and and this, yeah, this is
did we speak before? No, I don't think huh, you
don't hear that often the whole died a couple of times. Now,
(02:03):
when when this occurred? Uh? When this occurred? Uh? This
is a clinical death, right that they're just stopping at
the heartbeat, is what you're talking about, right, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
First time has stopped or they failed two and a
half minutes, and a couple of days later the three
and a half minutes.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
My goodness.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
So you've everything all that stuff.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
So you've had your share of some some ugly times
and some very rough times, and you're trying to work
yourself through them. Now.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Yeah, that's that's exactly what the title.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Well, you're the thing that it is about. Churches is
their their community, and unfortunately, sometimes in that community they
don't always know how to deal with everything. We've kind
of this has been a running theme throughout the show
and started with the concept of Halloween and paganism, all
these things and what you cut out of your life
(02:54):
and what you don't. Sometimes the church really doesn't know
how to respond to certain ugly parts of life, the
divorce and things like that, or even the death of
someone or strange circumstances or whatever it is, and they
just they don't run to the aid of And this
(03:15):
isn't all churches, but some do. And this may or
may not be the church that you were attending in
the case, but in that case as well. But really
the important thing is for you to find a church
to grow and to be rooted in, regardless of whether
it's that church you were originally in or not. Is
(03:35):
there a what is your goal in all of this?
What are you trying to Are you trying to get
the family back together? Are you trying to make yourself
whole again? What is your goal?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
I think the primary thing would be to make myself
whole again so I can get the family back again.
We have four children, too, So we're not just we
didn't just screw up their lives, you know, their friends
and all of our friends, all of the relatives. I mean,
thirty one years of building up. Yeah, it's a lot.
It's a lot of you know. And then the crazy
(04:06):
thing is that, you know it, I think there's some
way it could be admitted. I just don't know how
to get it all back together. And you know, it's
a long I think it's a long term plan, but
you know, and I just don't feel comfortable going back
to that church right now. And they haven't even, like
I said, they haven't even reached out. One Diamond said, hey,
(04:28):
you know how you doing.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
You know, it's like, really is it a large church?
Speaker 2 (04:34):
A very large church.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, that happens.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
It's a very lot of there's many, many of them,
you know. So it's as like I said, it's just ah,
and there's you know, there's some factors in churches. I've
always been turned off about it as a hypocritical attitude
of some people. It's like it's Okay, you shouldn't do that,
or and I should do this, and listening to you
how you're saying that to find the middle road, because
(05:00):
everything you do is not always So that's a terrible thing.
You know just by watching you know, you know, Halloween
movie or something. You know, that's not like you're the
devil worship or you're enjoying a movie or something.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
No. I find that the church likes the pendulum to
swing hard left or hard right. And and that doesn't mean
to be mediocre. I say in scripture, if you're luke warm,
I'll spit you out of my mouth. It's not to
be lukewarm. It's a matter of finding that true balance, Jim.
It's a matter of saying, okay, well, where is a
place of health for me and something that will not
(05:35):
distract or take me away from the Gospel or my faith.
And in your circumstances, going through pain or a divorce
or any of these things can be quite distracting. And
God's desire is always for reconciliation when possible. If your
wife's not here to talk and speak for herself, but
(05:57):
I'd be I'd be curious to see, Jim, if your
wife was on the phone and I asked her why
you guys got a divorce? What do you think the
top three reasons she would give, Oh.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
She would probably start off with you, I don't have
to have a steady income, you know, because I had,
you know, I've obviously you know, I was in the
hospital for two weeks, but you know, a couple of
years ago then they you know, it took me two
or three months they recuperate from that.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
So, okay, what would be the second I.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Would say, So that would be the financial aspect that
I would think. It would be any type of any
type of drinking of alcohol whatsoever. But at the same time,
she she goes out and has Martinias and has a
beer too. And I'm not I'm a casual drinker, but
you know, she thinks that that, you know, and I've
never ever gotten I'm not a person to get abusive,
(06:48):
uh ever, you know, but you know, okay, I'll let you.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
We'll go by these point by point here.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
But and then the third, I would say, the relationship
that I had with the four kids. You know, the
all four kids are pretty much like and I hate
to say this, but on my side, you know, they
take their mama's you know, their mother with has gone
through a menopause, you know, so after doing all that
(07:15):
menopause and stuff and everything, she did like a one
eighty at one point, and I was, you know, I
was financially trying to help her in her business, her
things that she was doing, and she got to be
kind of a drain on the family money. And then okay, yeah,
we owned her sisters a bunch of money and her
sister ever paid it back. Okay, Well, well we have
(07:36):
a bunch of issues there.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
You know, there's a lot of issues there, and those
going in a couple of different directions, Jim, So, I
would say the financial one may deal with something just
beyond finances. Have you always been kind of in and
out of work?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
No, you know, never. Actually, I've only a couple of
businesses and I've done I've made you know, tons of money.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
And the self employed mostly or I've.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Worked for companies for you know, for five six, seven
years and maybe you know, with a general manager, made
tons of money. And then we've always lived in you know,
in South County. It's always my kids always went to
the same elementary school, the same middle school. Now like
kids always you know, they were in sports and wrestling, softball, whatever.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Well, I'm going to say this, Jim, just out of
because the sake of time and the opportunity we have
is that you need to take those three answers that
you gave me that you think your wife would say,
and you need to make a list for yourself is
to what part you played in them and how you
can change them or where you need to work on them.
You know, sickness and things like that. It will come
(08:45):
and go, but you have to look at those things.
I want you to go through each one of them
and decide what your part in them, in each of
them is, And I want you to call me back
next week preferably if you can, if not, the following week,
and let's again so we can go over those, sort
through those and see what your part is for making
you a better you first before you get back into
(09:08):
the relationship. John, Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Yes, I've had a question about your name.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
What the name Jesus?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Yeah, what is a real name?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Because well, it all depends on it, John, It all
depends on from where you stand. The actual name is
Yeshumaier in the Hebrew, but it's not the full name.
The Jesus or Joshua is actually referring to my actual name.
(09:45):
Jesus is the modification of that name, and it's what
people are most comfortable with now. But a lot of
people think that the term Christ that comes after it
is part of my name, and it's not. That actually
stands for my title. It means the chosen one. And
(10:06):
then in context, it was pointing out that I was
the Messiah that was spoken about in the Old Testament. Now,
if you have questions further than that, maybe your question
was actually more about this program and what this show
is about. While I will leave that up to you
and do an investigation on your own, I'm sure you're
a very very smart man who can figure that out
(10:28):
as to why we're here and what we're doing. And
that's a whole different question. But names are important throughout scripture.
If you look at the names of people, they had
more weight and more meaning than they do now. Now
sometimes people will name their child after somebody special or
after something special, or about the time that they were
born and things like that, And in two thousand years ago,
(10:53):
it was more important to have a name that described
something really that's what it was doing. It was a
name that described a situation or a person or a
happenstance that was surrounding that person's birth. That really lent
itself to the beauty of the name. Last names didn't exist.
Last names were simply a description of where you were
(11:15):
from or a description of who you were born, unto
maybe your parents. That's why, like the name Josephson or
Johnson or these types of things that you hear you think, oh, well,
that's the last name. No, really, if you take it apart,
it was referring to someone being Joseph's son, John's son,
(11:37):
and it was a description as from where they came,
which was of great importance. In the Bible. You'll find
a lot of that. Joseph of Arimathea, Jesus of Nazareth,
these types of things, and judas is Scariot describing certain
attributes or places they come from, or things that they did.
And in that way you learn a little something about
(11:59):
someone just by hearing their name. Scott, Welcome to the
Jesus Christ.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Saw hi, hi, but glad you could take my call.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
My pleasure. What's going on?
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Well, I just you know, I'm just kind of in
a quandary. I've been married for about ten years and
me and my wife have you know, got along great
early on and now it's developed more kind of into
roommate status, and we haven't been intimate in about three
(12:36):
or four years.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Oh goodness.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Yeah, And I don't know how to turn it around.
And I'm kind of a passionate one, and you know,
I tried to do the romance and all that stuff,
and she's just cold to that. And I'm not shooting
my own horn, but I'm you know, I'm an attractive man,
and so I just don't know what's healthy and what
(13:02):
I should where you draw the line or what well?
Speaker 1 (13:08):
And is it? Would you consider your home a Christian home?
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Okay, so you're both believers? Yeah, okay. And you say
three or four years ago, did it like kind of
trickle out?
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Yeah, it kind of trickled out. I mean, you know,
we had our ups and downs in our relationships like
any couple does, and everything like that, and then it
just kind of disappeared and never been able to get
that part back. I mean, we get along great as friends,
we go out and do things together, we go on
(13:45):
vacations together, but the physical part is not existent.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
And you know what, I want to talk to you
more about this because I think it's it's it's a
bigger issue than some people may think. And the fact
that you were so bold to call in, and a
lot of a lot of men wouldn't In this case,
I really want to take a look at a couple
of things and ask you some questions. Can you can
you stick around for a moment, Yeah, okay, hold on,
(14:12):
and then when we come back, I'll ask you a
couple more questions. We were talking with Scott. Scott, you're
still with us. You were saying that you've been married
for ten years.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Yeah, about ten years, okay.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
And the past four or so three four years, three
or four years, your wife slowly had less and less
interest in sex. And you say, other than that, the
relationship is great. You guys, you know, go out, you
see movies, you hang out together, you go on vacations together,
but no sex.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Has your wife prior had any medical issues at all
or changed medications or anything like that?
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Well, yeah, I mean she said some medications when it
comes to the things such as fibromyogia and that nature,
which which could be a contributing factor. She has some
hormone issues and some sleep bud sure issues and so forth,
But she's never been you know, a real sexual type
(15:14):
of creature.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
So going into this marriage, when you guys were first married,
she wasn't even it's terribly interested in sex.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
Or yes she was, but not she wasn't a wild
yet like some of the ladies I'd had.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
In the past.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Wow. Well, okay, okay, Scott. That that might be filed
under t M. I maybe, but I appreciate the insight
the reason why I ask these things. This is not
a medical show. Of course, we look at the spiritual
aspects of things, and from a biblical and mainstream Christian perspective.
But I asked those things because all of that kind
(15:53):
of points to the direction of, you know, where one
might look for answers in something like this. Now, when
it first started, you say, three or four years ago,
what would be the excuse or the response to you
becoming amorous and approaching her sexually?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
For her?
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah, when she just shut you down cold. I have
a headache. I've got to rearrange my sock drawer. What
kind of response?
Speaker 3 (16:22):
I mean, it would just be just about anything, you know,
it would be you know, not feeling well, too much
stress at work, you know, those kind of kind of things.
Even when we get away on vacations or whatever. It
seemed to always land on her cycle. So to seek
(16:43):
those kinds of issues that you would come up with.
And you know, we've been rebuilding our relationship slowly, you know,
like I said, we've had some ups and downs.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
And okay, well what are those ups and downs When
you say you're rebuilding, what are you rebuilding? What was
torn down or broken?
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Well, you know, I have a son for a previous
marriage that lived with live for a bit. Not a
previous marriage, but a previous girlfriend, and uh, you know
that caused a little bit of differences of opinion. Years ago.
I used to drink. I repented and I haven't drank
in years and stuff like that. So there, there, there
(17:17):
were some of those issues that that.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
What kind of drinker were you? Were you a mean drunk? Well,
I'm sloppy, sloppy okay, yeah, an embarrassing drunk okay yeah?
And did did And that was done in front of
her quite often.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Uh yeah, she was. She wore a witnessed to that.
But at the same time, you know, she loves me
and uh loved her and I went and took care
of that, and she's always been supportive of that and Uh,
you know that that isn't the issue certainly now.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Uh, that's that's some time ago.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
And uh, you know.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
The reason why I bring that up though, Scott, So
you know is that sometimes in relationships you get in
different modes. And let's say she, of course she loves you,
you love her, and she's in that mode of taking
care of you when you're sloppy, drunk, and it takes
her energy and all of those things that sometimes the
(18:22):
resentment builds up, and then when you're well, your partner
can become quite distant, still working through those things in
those memories or gosh, I remember this or that as
they one start to learn the new you and how
the new you works and the healthy you works and
all of those things, and they can be resentful of, well,
how came you didn't do it sooner? Or do you
(18:44):
not care? There's a lot of things the if I
majill the illnesses, let's put it that way. The illness
is that you named four or five of them actually
that might play a part, or even hormones specifically. Some
of them deal with pain, some of them do not.
Does she ever comment about pain?
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Oh, yeah, she's a pain quite a bit and so on,
But I don't think that that would be necessarily the
reason behind it. I guess my concern is, you know,
I'm married, I.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
But her fibromyalogia does that does that manifest itself in pain?
Speaker 3 (19:28):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Okay, Yeah, and that's been since you.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
That's been pretty much.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
You know, the whole marriage, okay. And the hormone thing
that that concerns me quite a bit. The hormone. You
said there was hormone issues and she on medication, yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
Yeah, some degree. I mean she didn't take the estrogens
and stuff like that because the cancer so far, but
she she takes, you know, some different medications which could
affect could.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Affect that absolutely, not only could, but probably do. I mean,
there's a lot to it. And the reason why I
wanted to kind of hear that stuff because those things
you need to see a medical doctor and see how
this plays. And she's got to have interest in doing
that because she's gonna have to play a big part scripturally.
(20:17):
The reason why we didn't go straight to scripture because
I could tell that there was something underlying. There's some
other concerns as well, But I would encourage you to
read First Corinthians, chapter seven and goes through the concept
of the principles for a married life. And one of
those things in verse five talks about not depriving one
(20:39):
another of sex. When you're married, you should never deprive
each other of sex except for times of prayer and
menstruation period. So and I know sometimes people have headaches,
it doesn't matter. Coming together and having that time to
be together is very important for both men and women,
(20:59):
and it's health. So it sounds to me like this
is beyond just celibacy or her not being interested.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
And it sounds like beyond just the spiritual needs and
the and the things that I mentioned in one Corinthians
seven is that there's some medical issues that need to
be addressed. And the only the thing about sex when
you're married, there's a partnership. That partnership, Scott is something
(21:29):
that you've built along with your wife, and you build
it up and you say, you're you're good looking man.
I'm sure she's a beautiful woman. And and those are
the things that that first brought you together. And you
see different things in each other and it's exciting and
you engage in this this wonderful God given union that
(21:49):
is Uh, it's only for you guys. You know, it's
intimate and it's connective and it's beautiful and all those things.
But outside of the picture, it's like watching, you know,
people dance without music. It looks silly, and if people
(22:10):
thought about what they were doing when they dance, it
becomes silly. But when you're just feeling the music and
letting yourself go, it's wonderful. So similarly so is sex
in marriage. That when you let yourself go and you're
so connected, then you just react and you do and
you enjoy. But if you start to parse it or
(22:32):
intellectualize it or make too much out of it, it
becomes awkward and weird. So when there's a space of
time of any kind, let alone three or four years,
re engaging that part of your life will be strange
and not exciting like when you were first married. Strange
(22:53):
where you're learning about each other's bodies and once and
desires and things like that. It becomes a new type
of strange because is whether you believe it or not,
whether you're good looking, she's good looking, whether you've been
with people in your past or she's been with me,
it doesn't matter. There's still that that that desire to
be accepted by your partner, and in the back of
(23:13):
your head the thought, well did I do something to
make her not want me? Or her thinking well, you know,
I've gone through you know, hormone issues and medical issues
and and I don't know, maybe she has scars or
dozen or bodies body has changed and there's a new
(23:37):
awkwardness that comes to it comes to play in the situation,
and and so you know it's going to be awkward.
And I think in order to bring that back one,
I think sharing times of intimacy and scripture and prayer
and things like that a great start too, to get
(23:59):
into some counseling, possibly with the pastor to help guide
you guys back into that part of your lives. And
three and very important is to go see seek medical
help and sit down with a doctor and really go
not just for the aches and pains or for the
things that she's going through, but you go in with
her and to talk about the fact that you guys
(24:20):
aren't having sex, that you guys aren't coming together and
having that part of your life, because the resentment is
already going to be wedged in there at this point,
no matter how kind you are no matter how kind
she is, and it's going to take a little bit
to kind of break that and not feel weird about
(24:40):
it and just make it natural and normal again and
part of your relationship, which is where it should be
and needs to be. If you, you know, get to
that point, it can be a huge problem in a relationship.
And you know, God bless you for standing by her
and not taking the easy way out and looking for
(25:02):
you know, other sexual partners and so on the world
would say, oh, yeah, you deserve it, go do it.
You got it. And partially she is abandoning the marriage,
and I get that. But to stand firm and strong
in your conviction convictions and look at this as an
opportunity of growth and newness in the relationship can be
(25:23):
very wonderful and exciting. It's just going to need some
outside help to get you to that point. So you
read that homework that I gave you in First Corinthians,
chapter seven. You pray on what your next step is.
You pray with your wife, You find pastoral counseling or
somebody that can help bring those issues together about reigniting that,
and you find medical help to figure out what is
(25:46):
going on and how some of the medications or the
hormone balance or imbalance or these types of things are
affecting her desire to be with you sexually. We started
earlier today talking about the concept of paganism and how
it permeates really everything, that if as a believer you
(26:10):
are trying to run from anything dealing with paganism, that
you will have an easier time trying to pick an
actor who hasn't been in a film with who Tony
Kevin Bacon. And that is to say that in life
(26:31):
and in culture, the cultures are built upon really somebody
living in a place looking to the left and looking
to the right and seeing what the natural resources are
to make clothing, to make food, and this becomes the culture.
So if you know, you see the Mexican culture culture,
(26:53):
or you see you know, to this side, you see
a Native American culture, or you keep looking around and seeing, oh, well,
this is the German culture and the if you pull
them apart, you'll start seeing that they intertwine quite a bit.
And the Mexican culture the use of certain instruments, including
(27:18):
you know, playing certain types of songs that sound like
their oompapa when you when you hear them you go, well,
where did that come? Well, that comes from Germany. So
when you see these things or hear them and you go,
well where did this come from? Where you'll find that
they meld together. American Indians are no longer living in teepees. Well,
culture changes and grows, and it's not that the accordion
(27:44):
was native to Mexico. It's that it's brought there and
then that gets used and the foods if you look,
it's the region. I'm always humored by people that go
into different parts of Central America and the like in
start looking for tortillas, thinking well, right, they've got beans,
(28:06):
they've got rice, they've got it. No, they don't, and
that there's difference. Even though there's gonna be similarities in
certain places, are going to be differences in others. And
this is the same with religion or faith. You have
the Word of God, which is in scripture and pointing
to things both culturally that were going on in the time,
(28:28):
both with Pagans and with our Jewish brothers and sisters,
and these things are all taking part and going in
different directions for serving particular purposes, and still intertwined with
their immediate cultures as well. The food of the day
and the you know, you think of the passover, you
think of the things that are taking place with the
(28:48):
breaking of bread. That's all because that was the culture
of the time. So some things around religion will change
as well if you'd want to rid yourself of all
pagan concepts. It's not about Halloween. Halloween really, although it's
a derivative if you trace it all the way back
to Sowin, which was a Celtic festival. Yes well you
(29:10):
can say, well that's pagan, but then you have Pope
Gregory Iird designating November first is All Saints' Day. Then
the day prior automatically became All Hollows Eve and that
becomes Halloween. So it has a Christian twist throughout the
centuries as well. And you start looking at these things
and seeing that it's more than just the obvious. And
(29:31):
that's what I want from you when you're using discernment,
discern not just based on the obvious, but about a
true understanding about what's going on. There are things in
Christianity that our direct result of paganism. The cross, most certainly,
the fish and the application of the fish. Fish most certainly.
(29:53):
You look at the symbol for Virgo. You can look
it up online and you'll see the fish embedded in
that very symbol, along with the Hebrew character from them,
you'll see these things. There's more to it than just
a clean lineage, and that's because people are participating in it.
(30:13):
Doesn't mean have the necronomicon in your house or pentagrams.
It's not what I'm saying saying use good judgment, healthy judgment.
Don't have that attitude of just zero tolerance, because that's
just lazy spirituality. I appreciate you taking the time to
join me today. Enjoy yourself, and above all things, be safe.
And more importantly than all the craziness in the world,
(30:36):
these simple words I want you to remember. I am
with you always. KFI Am six on demand
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