Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to the Doctor Wendywall Show on KFI AM
six forty live.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
I don't know if you remember, but last year, well
it's got to be more than a year ago now,
because I've been married more than a year. Oh gosh,
at least a year and a half ago. I did
a special on KFI called Worthy of Love, and I
talked about and two people who had challenges in the
(00:27):
dating scene. You might remember there was a woman who
had had a previous career in the pornography industry, the
adult film industry, and she held so much shame about
her prior job, and of course the men she dated
either loved or hated the fact that she had this
prior job. We had, well, that was the live show
(00:50):
where I proposed to my now husband live on the air,
where I shared the fact that a full ten percent
of American men have experienced incarceration and they're out on
dating apps. The vast majority, of course, are for nonviolent crimes,
and many have made amends and changed their lives, and
yet they are often discriminated against while dating. And you
(01:13):
may also remember a young woman who recently got married
who met her husband on a dating app and she
has cerebral palsy and talked about dating with disabilities. I
wanted to kind of revisit this again because I firmly
believe that everybody is worthy of love. Everybody deserves love.
(01:35):
We don't need to date down, so to speak, that
we can be cherished no matter who we are or
what are circumstances. My next guest knows that well. Her
name is Emily Goodson. She's an author, a keynote speaker,
and a former human resources leader, and she is working hard,
(01:57):
like me, to transform how we think about relationships and
our own self worth and connection. You might remember she
had a op ed in the La Times, an essay
that I remember reading very closely.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
I thought it was beautiful.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
And it was called I'm a disabled woman? Is that
a dating deal breaker? Our first book is coming out soon.
Welcome Emily Goodson.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Hi Emily, Hi doctor Wendy.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
So I'm sure everyone wants to know a little bit
about your story, and thank you so much for sharing
the intimate side of your growth and development, and thank
you for being brave enough to share.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
It with everybody.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
So can we talk about your disability or as my
previous guest used to call it your different abilities.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Yes, absolutely, should I just dive in.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Yeah, what happened?
Speaker 3 (02:53):
What happened? Well, when I was eight years old, I
had brain injury, So essentially something well, a clump of
blood vessels burst in my brain stem and started bleeding.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
And was it there something that happened on the playground
or it just happened.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
No, that's a great question. It just happened. It was
just random. I was traveling with my family and I
fell down and then pretty soon thereafter started to lose
control on the left side of my body. And that's
when they figured out something had happened, and so it
(03:34):
just you know, it started bleeding and and what happened
is I eventually had surgery to remove this little clump
so it wouldn't bleed again. But you know, as a
result of all of this, I became an am partially
paralyzed on the left side of my body. And you know,
I grew up and you know, was very successful from
(03:58):
a lot of standpoints. You know, as a child and
a teenager, and we learned to walk but with a limp,
and you know, a significant sort of difference in links
between my two legs. And I was very successful in school.
I was you know, very successful you know, in college, internships,
(04:21):
all of that. But I was never successful in love
or in dating. And you know what I came to
to find as an adult is I had, you know,
internalized a lot of shame and a lot of stories
about my disability and about what that meant in terms
(04:41):
of you know, worthiness and how people were perceiving it.
That was really in his and.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I'm sure it works.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
You know, I have a friend doctor Eva Ritvo, who's
a psychiatrist and and she wrote a book on beauty
at one point and really talks a lot about internal beauty, right,
And what happens is whatever we belie leave about ourselves
will get reflected back to us by the environment.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Right.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
So can you give me an example of in the
early days, maybe a way you might have behaved or
thought that was reinforcing this low self esteem?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Well, I, you know, I think the biggest one that
I'll share, and also, don't let me forget, I have
a side note about Eva that I want to tell you.
I you know, I think the biggest one was I
really struggled to express myself and so there were you
(05:39):
know a lot of young men and you know, the
older men eventually that I was interested in romantically. And
I think because I didn't feel worthy and potentially, you know,
because there weren't very many representations of disabled love in society.
(06:01):
You know, I didn't feel worthy in voicing those interests
and so, you know, I really so it's like.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
You automatically put men in the friend zone because you
figured that's where they wanted you to be.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
That's interesting. Yes, yes, I think that's correct. Yeah, I
mean I would have said my answer to that, And
you know what I allude to my la times is
I felt like men always put me in the friend zone.
But you're right, I put myself there because I wasn't
always expressing my interest or showing my interest.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
So when we come back, we're going to go for
a short break. I want to hear about what shifted
inside you and how that changed your life. And I
also want to talk about your new book coming out
called Dating Disability Fifteen Stories of dealing with the BS
and building confidence. My guest is Emily Goodson. She explained
(06:53):
to us that she suffered a brain injury as a child,
is partially paralyzed on the left side of her body
tended to men in the friend zone. Would I be correct,
Emily to say that while these men put you in
the friend zone, whoever put whoever in there, it was
it was a safe place, right, It was a safe
place for you.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
So what changed?
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Yes, I decided I didn't want to be safe. And
I think what happened is I I had had enough,
and you know, I moved to California. I grew up
on the East Coast forever and or forever for my
teenage and young adult years, my twenties, and then moved
(07:36):
to California right before the pandemic to start my own
business as doing HR consulting. And you know, I think
when the pandemic hit, all of us, myself included, did
you know so much reflecting? And you know, I really
started to take a hard look with him inside myself,
and I knew this is something I really wanted. Like
(07:58):
I knew I wanted partnership and I wanted a committed
romantic relationship. And so that you know what changed is
I decided things needed to change. And so I found
a coach that I started working with and she really
helps me uncover what I needed to and start to
(08:19):
express myself better.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
And how did it go? How did the dating go?
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Oh? My, how did the dating go? Well? It went great,
I mean, I you know, I mean it was very
scary and very emotional, and you know, I would you tell.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Did you meet people on dating apps?
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Mostly in person? I have never really cared for dating apps.
I've tried them here and there, but I prefer to
meet people in person. And so the men I met
after I worked with my coach, almost all of them
I met in person.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
And where did you?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I know everyone's going to ask this, like, where do
you go to meet people nowadays? Were you in bars
and restaurants, Starbucks, grocery stores?
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Actually? Actually, doctor, I have a great story for you.
I was thinking of this over the weekend because I
meet people. One of the best ways I meet men
right now is walking down the street and wearing a
ball cap.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
And I'm not kidding you know what I say?
Speaker 3 (09:25):
The men love men straight men love baseball caps, so.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I especially if you happen to be wearing their team.
Is it a Yankee hat?
Speaker 3 (09:34):
No? No, I wear I wear a Dodgers hat. Like
and this is the thing, is I wear a Dodgers hat?
In New York. And so either they love the Dodgers
and they're stopping me for that reason, or they're stopping
me because they have something to say about how much
better the Yankees are than the Dodgers. But I mean,
it's without fail, I'm telling you it is. It is
(09:55):
a good, a good little life trick. Interesting.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
And I used to and how women to just go
take a golf lesson and go to a hockey games.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Yourself a baseball hat.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
I'm telling Neil that is good news.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
So are you in a relationship now, Emily, No, I'm not.
But you're still having fun on the dating scene, and
you seem to have lost a lot of your apprehension about.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
It all exactly, and that's what's most important.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
So let's talk about your book. You have a book
coming out soon called Dating Disability, Fifteen stories of dealing
with the BS and building confidence. Where did these fifteen
stories come about? Are they all about your life or
did you interview other people?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Tell me about the book?
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Great question, They're all about my life. The first eight
are stories of sort of how I built this unhealthy
inter narrative around myself and around dating and around sexuality.
Quite honestly, and then the next seven are how I
broke out of that, so stories of working with my coaches,
(11:03):
and stories of expressing myself to men and having more
productive like encounters. And then it concludes with takeaways for
people who want to date, people who are working on themselves,
and parents children with physical disabilities, and I also have
some takeaways for my haters in case they exist.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
You know, it sounds like this book Dating Disability has
some jewels of wisdom for even people who do not
have physical disabilities but may have low self esteem and
be afraid to put themselves.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Out there a hunter berset because at the end of
the day, that's really what it's about, is it's about
me building better self worth and confidence in myself and
in expressing my needs. And you know, I speak one
of the groups I particularly enjoy speaking to is middle
and high schoolers, and you know, they are at such
(12:04):
an important age, you know, to work on self worth
and growth and confidence. And so I think there are
a lot of gems in there for you know, people
who you know, just just need some extra support, you know,
and growing and being who they who they're meant to be.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
So besides the baseball cap trick.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Can you share with our listeners another jewel of wisdom
that would help anybody in the dating world?
Speaker 3 (12:31):
I yes, I feel like I could share a lot.
I think if I had to pick one is you
know I talk about this in the book, and this
is something I borrowed from my Soul Cycle instructor. Is
to focus on getting one percent better. You don't have
to get ten percent better overnight, just have to get
(12:53):
one percent better each day. And that was something I
really judged myself harsh. I judged my self very harshly
for a number of years, which is not a good thing,
and many of us do it. And I remember, you know,
when I first started telling men who I was romantically
and sexually interested in that you know that I felt
(13:15):
that way. I was really hard on myself of like,
why can't I have this conversation in person? Like I
sent a text, you know, why couldn't I have pushed
myself to do this in person? And that wasn't fair
that I wasn't being fair on myself to myself. And
I think, you know, we have to remember that, particularly
when we're have struggled with self esteem or have struggled
(13:37):
with self worth. You know, that's a lot to come
out the other side of. And bravo for anyone who
does that. And if you are just taking small steps
like that's okay, you're going to get to a place
you know where I did, where you're you're not afraid
to just say it on the phone, to say like
I wanted you to kiss me or I want to
(13:57):
kiss you know you're you're going to get there, but
you're not. We're not going to get there overnight. And
so yeah, So I I really that one percent better
applies to a lot of things.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Yes, I think we can all think about just getting
a little bit better every single day. Emily Goodson, you
said you had we have very little time left, but
you said you have a quick story about friend of
the show here, doctor Eva Ritfoe, who's a psychiatrist in Miami,
who've we've had on the show a number of times
in the past.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
I have my portrait has been in two of her
photography exhibits for The Bold Beauty Project.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
She runs a charity called The Bold Beauty Project where
she has makeup artists and wardrobe people glam up people
with who may have physical disabilities and do a beautiful
photographic exhibit. I think her most recent one was at
UCLA in the spring, right, yeah, which is great. Oh well,
I'm going to have to look for your picture there,
Emily Goodson. Where can people get the book? The book
(14:52):
is called Dating Disability Fifteen Stories of dealing with the
BS and building confidence. Where can people get it?
Speaker 3 (14:58):
They can get it right now on my publisher's website,
which is called Amplify, and they'll be able to get
it later this fall and winter on Amazon and Barnes
and Noble and my website. Ecgodson dot com also has
full link and it has so amplify.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Amplify dot com is where they go.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Amplify dot com. Yeah, I think Amplify Publishing.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Yeah, okay, Emily. When you meet that guy and you
guys get into a relationship, you have to promise to
come back on the show and tell us your love story.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
I promise, Doctor Wendy.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Thanks for being with us.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
And that brings the Doctor Wendywall Show to a close.
It is always my pleasure to be here every Sunday
from seven to nine pm. If you'd like to follow
me on my social media, you certainly may. The handle
is at Doctor Wendy Walsh and if you miss any
part of the show, remember just download that iHeartRadio app.
You can listen to it anytime. Just just type in
(15:54):
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