Richard Taite is an Encino native who overcame homelessness and addiction. He is now one of the nation's leading recovery experts. His new book is "Experiencing Transcendence: The Freedom of Recovering from Addiction and Trauma" which introduces a concept called Transcendence, a sixth and final stage of recovery that moves beyond simply managing a condition to a state of complete healing and freedom.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Back to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM
six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Now, if
you or someone you love has struggled with addiction, and
it sounds like a commercial, a struggle addiction.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Call the number.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
No, I'm not saying that. I have a guest who
I really think you should listen to. Local boy from
Encino in the valley here. His name is Richard Tait,
and he has become one of the nation's leading recovery experts.
You probably heard of Cliffside Malibu. We've all heard of
that one. It was the place where the celebrities would
(00:34):
go so they could be all quiet about their problems.
He founded that. Now he works with a place called
Carrera Treatments, Treatment, Wellness and Spy like adding the spa
thing and to Richard makes it more exciting.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Thank you, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
The first thing I want to ask you, I was
reading your bio. You yourself overcame addiction, but you also
were homeless at one point.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Yeah, I lost twenty five years to addiction. And at
the end, you know, the money all drives up and
you can't go to these Motel sixes anymore, and you
don't have the thirty dollars a night to do it.
So my best thinking was to sneak on boats in
(01:17):
the marina.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Yeah. And on the second night people came home to
their boat and I was scared beyond belief and I
just started running and I had nowhere to go.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
You know, It's funny. The other night, my husband and
I were walking doing our late night walk around the marina,
and we were looking into the boat like looking from
afar and saying, oh, they actually live on their boat.
There's a light on there. Look, they have black sheets down,
but you can see the crack of light. They're watching Netflix.
And we could see who was living on boats and
who wasn't. And then my husband actually said, what keeps homeless?
People are just walking on and sleeping on these boats. Right,
(01:57):
It's actually a thing.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
It's actually a thing. And I didn't know that and
I never saw anybody else, but that was my best thinking.
I had nowhere to go.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
And so what was your rock bottom or do you
have to hit rock bottom anymore? Or what was your
moment that caused you to really finally heal?
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Well, now you can't wait for rock bottom because seventy
percent of the street drugs have ventanyl in them, and
one out of every six pills or so has a
lethal dose of ventanyl in it. So that's over.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
We all know people who lost young adults during COVID
to this ventanyl crisis. You think everybody knows a family
who lost somebody.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
That's right, and it's the most heartbreaking thing. Look, there's
nothing more unnatural than bearing your child. Just the thought
of it makes my throat start to close. Yeah, yeah,
it's so you know, we're out of time. That's the
name of my podcast, not to plug anything here, but
(02:57):
I hope you're going to be on.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Oh I definitely want to come on.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Thank God. And yeah that's my story and I'm sticking
to it.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
So this is a show about love and relationships, and
I would say that addiction. You know when people say
I'm all about secure relationships, hanging in there, doing the work,
But I always say, except if the relationship is toxic,
if there's emotional abuse, physical abuse, domestic violence, child abuse,
and addiction, did you lose your relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Because of this?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
You know, I wasn't big on relationships when I was using,
so I didn't have a healthy relationship ever, So that's
not no. I lost I lost the relationship when I
started working around the clock because it's a twenty four hour,
seven day a week, three hundred and sixty five day
year business. So when you're working like that, you're working
(03:55):
pretty much around the clock, sixteen to eighteen hours.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
And this is the business of helping us regress correct.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Well, Look, if you leave your wife sitting in a
restaurant on date night.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Or because someone's having a crisis.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
That's right, or in a movie theater alone. You know,
there's only so many times somebody with self esteem is
going to tolerate that, right. But if a father left
his daughter with me and she's an intravenous heroin user
and she's been there for three weeks and her system's clean,
she's going to go out and use the same amount
(04:32):
of heroine that she did before, and she's not going
to be able to and she's not going to have
the tolerance for it, right because her system's clean. So
you know what am I supposed to tell the father?
I'm sorry it was date night? Right?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
So I also want to say, and I'm sure you're
well aware of this, that Sigmund Freud said, one of
the most healthy defenses against psychic pain is sublimation. Sublimation
is taking your own pain, finding others who have the
same pain, and attending to them and caring for them.
And at this sime same time, there are two brains listening.
As you're caring for that young girl, you're reinforcing the self.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Care that you need.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
So part of your recovery and indeed survival, I would
venture to guess, is caring for others.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
You cannot think of your own problems and be of
service to others and still think about your problems. You can't.
It goes one way or the other. So the second
you take your full focus and you put it on
another human being, there's no room in your mind for
your own problems. There just isn't.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
And you're doing such good now.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
I understand that you have helped more than ten thousand
families who have a family member who suffered from addiction.
What advice do you give if there is if there
are marital problems talking specifically about relationships.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Here, well, if it's meritable, if it's problems with a child,
because of the child, you have to be aligned. There
is no separation, and so therefore you.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
End up treating the whole family even though there's one
person who's addicted.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Always. But what I would suggest before you start dealing
with the child is get a therapist for the parents
to sit there and talk about a strategy in dealing
with the child. This isn't something you're winging. Okay, you
have to go in with a strategy and a plan.
It's just like a marriage. You know, you've got to
be strategic about it, right.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
It is a marriage.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
That's a thank you exactly, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
It's funny because I had a teacher once who was
a marriage and family therapist, and she was teaching us
family systems therapy, and she said, you know, all we
dream of when they come in with a family member,
say fix this person or fix that person, And that's
what we call the identified patient. All we wish we
could do is send all the miners home and just work.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
With the adults.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Right, even though they'll often say it's this teenager who's
using cannabis, or it's this you know, this is our problem.
It obviously is a system that works together like a machine,
But really the adults should be handling these problems.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Well, they're the parents, right right, and these children are
walking around with you know, not even a full brain, right.
Your frontal cortex doesn't isn't even developed into your what
twenty three twenty five.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
In there, twenty five if you're not using cannabis.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
I heard an addiction counselor tell me a psychologist the
other day that for every year you're using cannabis, add
another year to waiting for the prefrontal cortex to develop.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I'm like, oh my gosh, so many fema.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
I don't know if that's true, but I do know
that if you're smoking pot before the age of twenty five,
you're changing the chemical makeup of your brain, and you're
you're not getting out of that brain the full power
that you would have had. That I know for sure.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Oh that's for sure.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
When we come back, I want to talk specifically about
You have a new book coming out came out just
this month, right fresh fresh.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Off the press, hit number one yesterday.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Wow. It is called I forgot to add that you host.
This is Richard Taate. He hosts a hit podcast called
We're Out of Time. It ranks number one in mental health,
number one in health and Fitness and Top twenty overall
on Apple Podcasts. I'm sure people can find it on
the iHeartRadio app where all the podcasts in the world are.
The new book is called Experiencing Transcendent, The Freedom of
(08:40):
Recovering from Addiction and Trauma, and we're going to talk
about that when we come back. You're listening to the
Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty Relive
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My guest Richard Tate, a
man who has done so much to help so many
people who struggle with addiction, someone who has been in
recovery himself for a very long time, runs Carrera Treatment,
(09:03):
Wellness and SPA. His new book, Experiencing Transcendence, The Freedom
of Recovering from Addiction and Trauma. Richard, what is transcendence
doesn't sound scientific to me. No.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
Transcendence is like the sixth stage of change. So the
first stage is a complete denial, right, and then you
go to am I sure that maybe it's a problem,
And then you go all the way through the stages
until you get to maintenance. Maintenance is about staying sober
one day at a time, taking the right action after
(09:38):
the next right action after the next right action. Transcendence
very few people get. But you can get it. You
can get it, and what that means is you no
longer have a problem with drugs and alcohol. Wow, you've
transcended that.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Like literally forgetting you're an addict.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
You don't forget, okay, but it has no pull on
you at all. Right, so you have to think of
it like this. Okay, the AA way, which I love
AA by the way. Okay, it gave me a great foundation.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
We know the twelve step works.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
We do, we do, but people need more. Okay, some
people need more, and I was one of those people
that needed more. Okay, I mean, thank god there was more,
because I guarantee you ten thousand families are grateful that
I didn't die and it was close, you know.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
So so what are the things that people can do.
Let's say they are somebody in recovery who still live
in that day to day maintenance phase. What are the
things that help them towards transcendence.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Well, here's the thing. Most people never get there. What
they do is they white knucklet right, They just they're.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Just a great metaphor.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Well it's not mine, it's a's, but you know, they're
white knuckling it and they're just kissing God's rear, begging
him to stay sober all day long. And you know what,
nobody loves God more than me. But I got to
tell you that's not good for thriving. Okay, it's not
You're you're taking so much energy trying to stay sober.
(11:23):
Where's the energy for thriving and living your best life? Okay?
And so transcendence is about you're not saddled with this
disease forever. It's not a disease model. It's if you
do the work, if you're going to therapy all the time,
if you're working on yourself right, if you've created something
(11:46):
in your life that is more valuable to you than
the drinking and using, then you can have transcendence. But
you gotta work for it. You gotta work for it.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
I'm going to give you probably the worst metaphor, but
it just seemed to come into my head and it
made so much sense to me. So I nursed each
of my kids for three years. And weaning a toddler
is no pretty thing. I mean, the breast and breast
milk is their everything. It's their comfort. It helps me
go to sleep at night. It's their food source, it
is everything. And I remember reading a book on how
(12:18):
to wean a toddler off their favorite heroine, which is
mother's milk, and it said you can't just take away something,
you have to replace it with a different kind of mother.
And so while the sleeping in three sports bras and
e turtleneck was part of the thing, the other part
is literally doing more reading time with them or more
(12:38):
play time with them, helping them understand that losing something
is not so bad when they're gaining something else. So
it sounds like part of transcendence for somebody struggling with
addiction is about finding new passions and new loves.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
The only thing I heard in that whole thing was
you breastfed your kids.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
For six years.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
For six years, I mean we were breastfeeding for two
years or a year and a half. And I asked
my ex, I'm like, you're waiting for the kid to
get a car before you stop this.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
I just kept reading all these books about brain development
and blah blah blah. Okay, so my kid did go
to Harvard.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
So there it is. There it is, and never got sick.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Merely got sick one time. Was that strep throat thing
that first year.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
That's the greatest thing, you know, we we did that,
we had the way we weaned off, that was we
just you know, I'm sure you did too. You froze
all of milk, right, Yeah, And then over.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Time different breasts. My kids were so flipping spoiled that
they never learned or they refused rubber nipples, so they
only had it from the source their entire life. Oh's
And people would say, she's pacifying herself on you, and
I go, I know that's what she needs to do
(13:56):
right now.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
That's so you want to know what that's so wonderful?
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Oh, oh my god.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
But anyway, that's what I thought of because I remember
how hard it was that all night and the crying,
and I realized they were giving up their first drug, right,
and how do we replace it right and finding a
way to not just distract ourselves and as you say,
not to white knuckle it and say I'm strong and
I can get through this. But how about there's something
else that I'm so passionate about and for you, would
(14:25):
you say it's about the giving that you've done for
others and continue to do listen.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
I only know one way, okay, and it's different from
everyone else. Okay. I believe when you walk into a
treatment center you're so full of shame, Okay, that to
kick somebody when they're down is the ultimate and disrespect. Okay.
I would never do something like that. So love is
(14:51):
our base. And drug addicts and alcoholics are extremely talented,
and they're all suspicious, and they all think it's about
the money. And the second they think that, okay, you've
lost the alliance that you need, the therapeutic alliance that
you need in order to make change. So really, what
(15:13):
I've got is two hundred and fifty of the sweetest
souls you'll ever meet. And the first one hundred whereby
invitation only, okay, And I don't know if that's ever
been done. And the reason it was so important to
us is because we've never had someone here who is
desensitized to the process of helping another human being, because
(15:37):
if we did, that person would be shown the door. Obviously,
this is a love call, That's what it is. It's
a love call and it means everything because that's the foundation.
Unless you have that foundation, there is no treatment, There
is no healing. Because they're not open, they're not cracked open.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
You know, a few weeks ago, I had the head
of cannabi research from UCLA here on the.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Show, doctor Timothy Pong.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Yes, he's so great, and he was saying that there's
an epidemic in cannabis. Like so many parents are so
happy that their gen Z kids aren't drinking alcohol. They're
just so excited that they're not drinking, but they're using
so much cannabis, right, And is the journey the same
whether someone's kid is addicted to cannabis or alcohol or
(16:25):
is a little different.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
It's a little different. I mean, you know, alcohol affects
your decision making, right, so the second you're on alcohol,
you're you think it's a good idea to get behind
the wheel of a car, or to buy illegal drugs
off the street, or you know any number of stupid
things that can Remember when we talked about at the beginning,
when I said their frontal cortex isn't developed, so now
(16:48):
they're drunk on top of it, and they think they're indestructible,
and those are three horrible combinations together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
So that's that's my take on that.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Where can people get your book Experience Transcendence Richard.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Experiencing Transcendence you can get on Amazon dot com. It
just hit number one yesterday on what was it, the
Kimball the.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Kindle Kindle, Yeah, yeah, right, whatever that is, and.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
We're doing really well. It just came out a month ago.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Experiencing Transcendence The Freedom of Recovering from Addiction and Trauma
by Richard Tate. Richard, what a pleasure to meet you
here in the studio. Thanks for being with us.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
The pleasure was all mine.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
And that sadly for me because I'd like to be
here all night. Brings the Doctor Wendywall Show to a close.
Have you missed any part of the show. Remember producer
Kayla puts it all up on the iHeartRadio app. You
can listen to it anytime during the week. Follow me
on my social at Doctor Wendy Walsh.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I'm there.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
I'm still hacked by TikTok. If anybody listening who works
at TikTok. Here's the problem. The hackers took my thing.
They're not doing anything with it, so TikTok very kindly
froze the account. But now TikTok doesn't know whether I'm
the hackers or I'm me. So if anybody knows a
real human that works at TikTok, please tell them to
open up the account called doctor Wendy Walsh. Oh and
(18:11):
send me the password because it's men. But on Instagram,
I'm there every day at doctor Wendy Walsh and I'm
always here for you. Every Sunday from seven to nine
on KFI. You have been listening to the Doctor Wendy
Walsh Show on KFI Am six forty were live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app
Back to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM
six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Now, if
you or someone you love has struggled with addiction, and
it sounds like a commercial, a struggle addiction.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Call the number.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
No, I'm not saying that. I have a guest who
I really think you should listen to. Local boy from
Encino in the valley here. His name is Richard Tait,
and he has become one of the nation's leading recovery experts.
You probably heard of Cliffside Malibu. We've all heard of
that one. It was the place where the celebrities would
(00:34):
go so they could be all quiet about their problems.
He founded that. Now he works with a place called
Carrera Treatments, Treatment, Wellness and Spy like adding the spa
thing and to Richard makes it more exciting.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Thank you, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
The first thing I want to ask you, I was
reading your bio. You yourself overcame addiction, but you also
were homeless at one point.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Yeah, I lost twenty five years to addiction. And at
the end, you know, the money all drives up and
you can't go to these Motel sixes anymore, and you
don't have the thirty dollars a night to do it.
So my best thinking was to sneak on boats in
(01:17):
the marina.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Yeah. And on the second night people came home to
their boat and I was scared beyond belief and I
just started running and I had nowhere to go.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
You know, It's funny. The other night, my husband and
I were walking doing our late night walk around the marina,
and we were looking into the boat like looking from
afar and saying, oh, they actually live on their boat.
There's a light on there. Look, they have black sheets down,
but you can see the crack of light. They're watching Netflix.
And we could see who was living on boats and
who wasn't. And then my husband actually said, what keeps homeless?
People are just walking on and sleeping on these boats. Right,
(01:57):
It's actually a thing.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
It's actually a thing. And I didn't know that and
I never saw anybody else, but that was my best thinking.
I had nowhere to go.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
And so what was your rock bottom or do you
have to hit rock bottom anymore? Or what was your
moment that caused you to really finally heal?
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Well, now you can't wait for rock bottom because seventy
percent of the street drugs have ventanyl in them, and
one out of every six pills or so has a
lethal dose of ventanyl in it. So that's over.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
We all know people who lost young adults during COVID
to this ventanyl crisis. You think everybody knows a family
who lost somebody.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
That's right, and it's the most heartbreaking thing. Look, there's
nothing more unnatural than bearing your child. Just the thought
of it makes my throat start to close. Yeah, yeah,
it's so you know, we're out of time. That's the
name of my podcast, not to plug anything here, but
(02:57):
I hope you're going to be on.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Oh I definitely want to come on.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Thank God. And yeah that's my story and I'm sticking
to it.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
So this is a show about love and relationships, and
I would say that addiction. You know when people say
I'm all about secure relationships, hanging in there, doing the work,
But I always say, except if the relationship is toxic,
if there's emotional abuse, physical abuse, domestic violence, child abuse,
and addiction, did you lose your relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Because of this?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
You know, I wasn't big on relationships when I was using,
so I didn't have a healthy relationship ever, So that's
not no. I lost I lost the relationship when I
started working around the clock because it's a twenty four hour,
seven day a week, three hundred and sixty five day
year business. So when you're working like that, you're working
(03:55):
pretty much around the clock, sixteen to eighteen hours.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
And this is the business of helping us regress correct.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Well, Look, if you leave your wife sitting in a
restaurant on date night.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Or because someone's having a crisis.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
That's right, or in a movie theater alone. You know,
there's only so many times somebody with self esteem is
going to tolerate that, right. But if a father left
his daughter with me and she's an intravenous heroin user
and she's been there for three weeks and her system's clean,
she's going to go out and use the same amount
(04:32):
of heroine that she did before, and she's not going
to be able to and she's not going to have
the tolerance for it, right because her system's clean. So
you know what am I supposed to tell the father?
I'm sorry it was date night? Right?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
So I also want to say, and I'm sure you're
well aware of this, that Sigmund Freud said, one of
the most healthy defenses against psychic pain is sublimation. Sublimation
is taking your own pain, finding others who have the
same pain, and attending to them and caring for them.
And at this sime same time, there are two brains listening.
As you're caring for that young girl, you're reinforcing the self.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Care that you need.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
So part of your recovery and indeed survival, I would
venture to guess, is caring for others.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
You cannot think of your own problems and be of
service to others and still think about your problems. You can't.
It goes one way or the other. So the second
you take your full focus and you put it on
another human being, there's no room in your mind for
your own problems. There just isn't.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
And you're doing such good now.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
I understand that you have helped more than ten thousand
families who have a family member who suffered from addiction.
What advice do you give if there is if there
are marital problems talking specifically about relationships.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Here, well, if it's meritable, if it's problems with a child,
because of the child, you have to be aligned. There
is no separation, and so therefore you.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
End up treating the whole family even though there's one
person who's addicted.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Always. But what I would suggest before you start dealing
with the child is get a therapist for the parents
to sit there and talk about a strategy in dealing
with the child. This isn't something you're winging. Okay, you
have to go in with a strategy and a plan.
It's just like a marriage. You know, you've got to
be strategic about it, right.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
It is a marriage.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
That's a thank you exactly, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
It's funny because I had a teacher once who was
a marriage and family therapist, and she was teaching us
family systems therapy, and she said, you know, all we
dream of when they come in with a family member,
say fix this person or fix that person, And that's
what we call the identified patient. All we wish we
could do is send all the miners home and just work.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
With the adults.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Right, even though they'll often say it's this teenager who's
using cannabis, or it's this you know, this is our problem.
It obviously is a system that works together like a machine,
But really the adults should be handling these problems.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Well, they're the parents, right right, and these children are
walking around with you know, not even a full brain, right.
Your frontal cortex doesn't isn't even developed into your what
twenty three twenty five.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
In there, twenty five if you're not using cannabis.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
I heard an addiction counselor tell me a psychologist the
other day that for every year you're using cannabis, add
another year to waiting for the prefrontal cortex to develop.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I'm like, oh my gosh, so many fema.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
I don't know if that's true, but I do know
that if you're smoking pot before the age of twenty five,
you're changing the chemical makeup of your brain, and you're
you're not getting out of that brain the full power
that you would have had. That I know for sure.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Oh that's for sure.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
When we come back, I want to talk specifically about
You have a new book coming out came out just
this month, right fresh fresh.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Off the press, hit number one yesterday.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Wow. It is called I forgot to add that you host.
This is Richard Taate. He hosts a hit podcast called
We're Out of Time. It ranks number one in mental health,
number one in health and Fitness and Top twenty overall
on Apple Podcasts. I'm sure people can find it on
the iHeartRadio app where all the podcasts in the world are.
The new book is called Experiencing Transcendent, The Freedom of
(08:40):
Recovering from Addiction and Trauma, and we're going to talk
about that when we come back. You're listening to the
Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty Relive
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My guest Richard Tate, a
man who has done so much to help so many
people who struggle with addiction, someone who has been in
recovery himself for a very long time, runs Carrera Treatment,
(09:03):
Wellness and SPA. His new book, Experiencing Transcendence, The Freedom
of Recovering from Addiction and Trauma. Richard, what is transcendence
doesn't sound scientific to me. No.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
Transcendence is like the sixth stage of change. So the
first stage is a complete denial, right, and then you
go to am I sure that maybe it's a problem,
And then you go all the way through the stages
until you get to maintenance. Maintenance is about staying sober
one day at a time, taking the right action after
(09:38):
the next right action after the next right action. Transcendence
very few people get. But you can get it. You
can get it, and what that means is you no
longer have a problem with drugs and alcohol. Wow, you've
transcended that.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Like literally forgetting you're an addict.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
You don't forget, okay, but it has no pull on
you at all. Right, so you have to think of
it like this. Okay, the AA way, which I love
AA by the way. Okay, it gave me a great foundation.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
We know the twelve step works.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
We do, we do, but people need more. Okay, some
people need more, and I was one of those people
that needed more. Okay, I mean, thank god there was more,
because I guarantee you ten thousand families are grateful that
I didn't die and it was close, you know.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
So so what are the things that people can do.
Let's say they are somebody in recovery who still live
in that day to day maintenance phase. What are the
things that help them towards transcendence.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Well, here's the thing. Most people never get there. What
they do is they white knucklet right, They just they're.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Just a great metaphor.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Well it's not mine, it's a's, but you know, they're
white knuckling it and they're just kissing God's rear, begging
him to stay sober all day long. And you know what,
nobody loves God more than me. But I got to
tell you that's not good for thriving. Okay, it's not
You're you're taking so much energy trying to stay sober.
(11:23):
Where's the energy for thriving and living your best life? Okay?
And so transcendence is about you're not saddled with this
disease forever. It's not a disease model. It's if you
do the work, if you're going to therapy all the time,
if you're working on yourself right, if you've created something
(11:46):
in your life that is more valuable to you than
the drinking and using, then you can have transcendence. But
you gotta work for it. You gotta work for it.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
I'm going to give you probably the worst metaphor, but
it just seemed to come into my head and it
made so much sense to me. So I nursed each
of my kids for three years. And weaning a toddler
is no pretty thing. I mean, the breast and breast
milk is their everything. It's their comfort. It helps me
go to sleep at night. It's their food source, it
is everything. And I remember reading a book on how
(12:18):
to wean a toddler off their favorite heroine, which is
mother's milk, and it said you can't just take away something,
you have to replace it with a different kind of mother.
And so while the sleeping in three sports bras and
e turtleneck was part of the thing, the other part
is literally doing more reading time with them or more
(12:38):
play time with them, helping them understand that losing something
is not so bad when they're gaining something else. So
it sounds like part of transcendence for somebody struggling with
addiction is about finding new passions and new loves.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
The only thing I heard in that whole thing was
you breastfed your kids.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
For six years.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
For six years, I mean we were breastfeeding for two
years or a year and a half. And I asked
my ex, I'm like, you're waiting for the kid to
get a car before you stop this.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
I just kept reading all these books about brain development
and blah blah blah. Okay, so my kid did go
to Harvard.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
So there it is. There it is, and never got sick.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Merely got sick one time. Was that strep throat thing
that first year.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
That's the greatest thing, you know, we we did that,
we had the way we weaned off, that was we
just you know, I'm sure you did too. You froze
all of milk, right, Yeah, And then over.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Time different breasts. My kids were so flipping spoiled that
they never learned or they refused rubber nipples, so they
only had it from the source their entire life. Oh's
And people would say, she's pacifying herself on you, and
I go, I know that's what she needs to do
(13:56):
right now.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
That's so you want to know what that's so wonderful?
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Oh, oh my god.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
But anyway, that's what I thought of because I remember
how hard it was that all night and the crying,
and I realized they were giving up their first drug, right,
and how do we replace it right and finding a
way to not just distract ourselves and as you say,
not to white knuckle it and say I'm strong and
I can get through this. But how about there's something
else that I'm so passionate about and for you, would
(14:25):
you say it's about the giving that you've done for
others and continue to do listen.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
I only know one way, okay, and it's different from
everyone else. Okay. I believe when you walk into a
treatment center you're so full of shame, Okay, that to
kick somebody when they're down is the ultimate and disrespect. Okay.
I would never do something like that. So love is
(14:51):
our base. And drug addicts and alcoholics are extremely talented,
and they're all suspicious, and they all think it's about
the money. And the second they think that, okay, you've
lost the alliance that you need, the therapeutic alliance that
you need in order to make change. So really, what
(15:13):
I've got is two hundred and fifty of the sweetest
souls you'll ever meet. And the first one hundred whereby
invitation only, okay, And I don't know if that's ever
been done. And the reason it was so important to
us is because we've never had someone here who is
desensitized to the process of helping another human being, because
(15:37):
if we did, that person would be shown the door. Obviously,
this is a love call, That's what it is. It's
a love call and it means everything because that's the foundation.
Unless you have that foundation, there is no treatment, There
is no healing. Because they're not open, they're not cracked open.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
You know, a few weeks ago, I had the head
of cannabi research from UCLA here on the.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Show, doctor Timothy Pong.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Yes, he's so great, and he was saying that there's
an epidemic in cannabis. Like so many parents are so
happy that their gen Z kids aren't drinking alcohol. They're
just so excited that they're not drinking, but they're using
so much cannabis, right, And is the journey the same
whether someone's kid is addicted to cannabis or alcohol or
(16:25):
is a little different.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
It's a little different. I mean, you know, alcohol affects
your decision making, right, so the second you're on alcohol,
you're you think it's a good idea to get behind
the wheel of a car, or to buy illegal drugs
off the street, or you know any number of stupid
things that can Remember when we talked about at the beginning,
when I said their frontal cortex isn't developed, so now
(16:48):
they're drunk on top of it, and they think they're indestructible,
and those are three horrible combinations together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
So that's that's my take on that.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Where can people get your book Experience Transcendence Richard.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Experiencing Transcendence you can get on Amazon dot com. It
just hit number one yesterday on what was it, the
Kimball the.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Kindle Kindle, Yeah, yeah, right, whatever that is, and.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
We're doing really well. It just came out a month ago.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Experiencing Transcendence The Freedom of Recovering from Addiction and Trauma
by Richard Tate. Richard, what a pleasure to meet you
here in the studio. Thanks for being with us.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
The pleasure was all mine.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
And that sadly for me because I'd like to be
here all night. Brings the Doctor Wendywall Show to a close.
Have you missed any part of the show. Remember producer
Kayla puts it all up on the iHeartRadio app. You
can listen to it anytime during the week. Follow me
on my social at Doctor Wendy Walsh.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I'm there.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
I'm still hacked by TikTok. If anybody listening who works
at TikTok. Here's the problem. The hackers took my thing.
They're not doing anything with it, so TikTok very kindly
froze the account. But now TikTok doesn't know whether I'm
the hackers or I'm me. So if anybody knows a
real human that works at TikTok, please tell them to
open up the account called doctor Wendy Walsh. Oh and
(18:11):
send me the password because it's men. But on Instagram,
I'm there every day at doctor Wendy Walsh and I'm
always here for you. Every Sunday from seven to nine
on KFI. You have been listening to the Doctor Wendy
Walsh Show on KFI Am six forty were live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app
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