See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Episode Transcript
Back to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM
six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Now, if
you or someone you love has struggled with addiction, and
it sounds like a commercial, a struggle addiction, call the number. No,
I'm not saying that. I have a guest who I
really think you should listen to. Local boy from Encino
(00:21):
in the valley here. His name is Richard Tait, and
he has become one of the nation's leading recovery experts.
You probably heard of Cliffside Malibu. We've all heard of
that one. It was the place where the celebrities would
go so they could be all quiet about their problems.
He founded that. Now he works with a place called
Carrera Treatments, Treatment, Wellness and SPA. Like adding the spa thing,
(00:42):
and to Richard, it makes it more exciting. Welcome to
the show.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Thank you, Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
The first thing I want to ask you, I was
reading your bio. You yourself overcame addiction, but you also
were homeless at one point.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Yeah, I lost twenty five years to addiction. And at
the end, you know, the money all drives up and
you can't go to these Motel sixes anymore, and you
don't have the thirty dollars a night to do it.
So my best thinking was to sneak on boats in
(01:17):
the marina.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Yeah. And on the second night people came home to
their boat and I was scared beyond belief and I
just started running and I had nowhere to go.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
You know, It's funny. The other night, my husband and
I were walking doing our late night walk around the marina,
and we were looking into the boat like looking from
afar and saying, oh, they actually live on their boat.
There's a light on there. Look, they have black sheets down,
but you can see the crack of light. They're watching Netflix.
And we could see who was living on boats and
who wasn't. And then my husband actually said, what keeps
homeless people from just walking on and sleeping on these boats? Right,
(01:57):
It's actually a thing.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
It's actually a thing. And I didn't know that, and
I never saw anybody else, but that was my best thinking.
I had nowhere to go.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
And so what was your rock bottom or do you
have to hit rock bottom anymore? Or what was your
moment that caused you to really finally heal?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Well, now you can't wait for rock bottom because seventy
percent of the street drugs have ventanyl in them, and
one out of every six pills or so has a
lethal dose of ventanyl in it. So that's over.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
We all know people who lost young adults during COVID
to this ventanyl crisis. You think everybody knows a family
who lost somebody.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
That's right, and it's the most heartbreaking thing. Look, there's
nothing more unnatural than bearing your child. Just the thought
of it makes my throat start to close. Yeah, yeah,
it's so you know, we're out of time. That's the
name of my podcast, not to plug anything here, but
(02:57):
I hope you're going to be on.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Oh I definitely want to come on.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Thank God. And yeah that's my story and I'm sticking
to it.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
So this is a show about love and relationships, and
I would say that addiction. You know when people say
I'm all about secure relationships, hanging in there, doing the work,
But I always say, except if the relationship is toxic,
if there's emotional abuse, physical abuse, domestic violence, child abuse,
and addiction, did you lose your relationship because of this?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
You know, I wasn't big on relationships when I was using,
so I didn't have a healthy relationship ever, So that's
not no. I lost I lost the relationship when I
started working around the clock because it's a twenty four hour,
seven day a week, three hundred and sixty five day
year business. So when you're working like that, you're working
(03:55):
pretty much around the clock, sixteen to eighteen hours.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
And this is the business of helping out. There's regards
its correct.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Well, Look, if you leave your wife sitting in a
restaurant on date night.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Or because someone's having a crisis.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
That's right, or in a movie theater alone. You know,
there's only so many times somebody with self esteem is
going to tolerate that, right. But if a father left
his daughter with me and she's an intravenous heroin user
and she's been there for three weeks and her system's clean,
she's going to go out and use the same amount
(04:32):
of heroine that she did before, and she's not going
to be able to and she's not going to have
the tolerance for it, right because her system's clean. So
you know what am I supposed to tell the father?
I'm sorry it was date night? Right?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
So I also want to say, and I'm sure you're
well aware of this that Sigmund Freud said one of
the most healthy defenses against psychic pain is sublimation. Sublimation
is taking your own pain, finding others who have the
same pain, and attending to them and caring for them.
And at the sime same time, there are two brains listening.
As you're caring for that young girl, you're reinforcing the
(05:06):
self care that you need. So part of your recovery
and indeed survival, I would venture to guess, is caring
for others.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
You cannot think of your own problems and be of
service to others and still think about your problems. You can't.
It goes one way or the other. So the second
you take your full focus and you put it on
another human being, there's no room in your mind for
your own problems. There just isn't.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
And you're doing such good now. I understand that you
have helped more than ten thousand families who have a
family member who suffered from addiction. What advice do you
give if there is if there are marital problems talking
specifically about relationships.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Here, well, if it's meritable, if it's problems with a child.
Because of the child, you have to be aligned there
is no separation, and.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
So therefore you end up treating the whole family, even
though there's one person who's addicted.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Always. But what I would suggest before you start dealing
with the child is get a therapist for the parents
to sit there and talk about a strategy in dealing
with the child. This isn't something you're winging. Okay, you
have to go in with a strategy and a plan.
It's just like a marriage. You know, You've got to
be strategic about it.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Right, it is a marriage.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
That's thank exactly, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
It's funny because I had a teacher once who was
a marriage and family therapist, and she was teaching us
family systems therapy, and she said, you know, all we
dream of when they come in with a family members
say fix this person or fix that person. And that's
what we call the identified patient. And all we wish
we could do is send all the miners home and
(07:03):
just work with the adults. Right, even though they'll often
say it's this teenager who's using cannabis, or it's this
you know, this is our problem. It obviously is a
system that works together like a machine. But really the
adults should be handling these problems.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Well, they're the parents right right, and these children are
walking around with you know, not even a full brain, right.
Your frontal cortex doesn't isn't even developed into your what
twenty three twenty.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Five in there, twenty five if you're not using cannabis.
I heard an addiction counselor tell me a psychologist the
other day that for every year you're using cannabis, add
another year to waiting for the prefrontal cortex to develop.
I'm like, oh my gosh, so many FEMA.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
I don't know if that's true, but I do know
that if you're smoking pot before the age of twenty five,
you're changing the chemical makeup of your brain, and you're
you're not getting out of that brain the full power
that you would have had. That I know for sure.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Oh that's for sure. When we come back, I want
to talk specifically about you have a new book coming
out came out just this month, right fresh fresh off
the press.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Hit number one yesterday.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Wow, it is called I forgot to add that you host.
This is Richard Taate. He hosts a hit podcast called
We're Out of Time. It ranks number one in mental health,
number one in Health and Fitness and Top twenty overall
on Apple Podcasts. I'm sure people can find it on
the iHeartRadio app, where all the podcasts in the world are.
The new book is called Experiencing Transcendent, The Freedom of
(08:40):
Recovering from Addiction and Trauma, and we're going to talk
about that when we come back. You're listening to the
Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI Am six forty re
live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My guest Richard Tate,
a man who has done so much to help so
many people who struggle with addiction, someone who has been
in recovery himself for a very long time, runs Carrera Treatment,
(09:03):
Wellness and SPA. His new book, Experiencing Transcendence, The Freedom
of Recovering from Addiction and Trauma. Richard, what is transcendence
doesn't sound scientific to me.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Transcendence is like the sixth stage of change. So the
first stage is a complete denial, right, and then you
go to am I sure that maybe it's a problem,
And then you go all the way through the stages
until you get to maintenance. Maintenance is about staying sober
one day at a time, taking the right action after
(09:38):
the next right action after the next right action, transcendence
very few people get. But you can get it. You
can get it, and what that means is you no
longer have a problem with drugs and alcohol.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Wow, you've transcended that, like literally forgetting you're an addict.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
You don't forget, okay, but it has no pull on
you at all. Right, so you have to think of
it like this. Okay, the AA way, which I love
AA by the way. Okay, it gave me a great foundation.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
We know the twelve step works.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
We do, we do, but people need more. Okay, some
people need more, and I was one of those people
that needed more. Okay, I mean, thank god there was more,
because I guarantee you ten thousand families are grateful that
I didn't die and it was close.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
You know. So so what are the things that people
can do. Let's say they are somebody in recovery who
still live in that day to day maintenance phase. What
are the things that help them towards transcendence.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Well, here's the thing. Most people never get there. What
they do is they white knucklet right. They just they're
just a great metaphor. Well, it's not mine, it's a's
but you know they're white knuckling it and they're just
kissing God's rear, begging him to stay sober all day long.
(11:09):
And you know what, nobody loves God more than me.
But I got to tell you that's not good for thriving. Okay,
it's not. You're you're taking so much energy trying to
stay sober. Where's the energy for thriving and living your
best life? Okay? And so transcendence is about you're not
(11:32):
saddled with this disease forever. It's not a disease model.
It's if you do the work, if you're going to
therapy all the time, if you're working on yourself right,
if you've created something in your life that is more
valuable to you than the drinking and using, then you
can have transcendence. But you gotta work for it. You
(11:55):
gotta work for it.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Okay. I'm going to give you probably the worst metaphor,
but it just seemed to come into my head and
it made so much sense to me. So I nursed
each of my kids for three years. And weaning a
toddler is no pretty thing. I mean, the breast and
breast milk is their everything. It's their comfort, it helps
me go to sleep at night. It's their food source,
it is everything. And I remember reading a book on
(12:17):
how to wean a toddler off their favorite heroine, which
is mother's milk, and it said you can't just take
away something, you have to replace it with a different
kind of mother. And so while the sleeping in three
sports bras and e turtleneck was part of the thing,
the other part is literally doing more reading time with
(12:38):
them or more play time with them, helping them understand
that losing something is not so bad when they're gaining
something else. So it sounds like part of transcendence for
somebody struggling with addiction is about finding new passions and
new loves.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
The only thing I heard in that whole thing was
you breastfed your kids.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
For six years.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
For six years, I mean, we are breastfeeding for two
years or a year and a half. And I asked
my ex, I'm like, you waiting for the kid to
get a car before.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
You saw this, I just kept reading all these books
about brain development and blah blah blah. Okay, so my
kid did go.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
To Harvard, so there it is, there it is, and
never got sick.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
I merely got sick one time. Was that strep throat
thing that first year.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
That's the greatest thing, you know, we we did that,
we had the way we weaned off that was we
just you know, I'm sure you did too. You froze
all of milk, right, yeah, and then over time.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Oh, you moved it from breast. My kids were so
flipping spoiled that they never learned or they refused rubber nipples,
so they only had it from the source their entire life. Ohs.
And people would say, she's pacifying herself on you, and
I go, I know that's what she needs to do
(13:56):
right now.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
That's so you want to know what that's so wonderful?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
O oh my god. But anyway, that's what I thought
of because I remember how hard it was that all
night and the crying, and I realized they were giving
up their first drug, right, and how do we replace it?
Right and finding a way to not just distract ourselves
and as you say, not to white knuckle it and
say I'm strong and I can get through this. But
how about there's something else that I'm so passionate about,
(14:24):
And for you, would you say it's about the giving
that you've done for others and continue to do.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Listen, I only know one way, okay, and it's different
from everyone else. Okay. I believe when you walk into
a treatment center you're so full of shame, Okay, that
to kick somebody when they're down is the ultimate and disrespect. Okay.
I would never do something like that. So love is
(14:51):
our base. And drug addicts and alcoholics are extremely talented,
and they're all suspicious, and they all think it's about
the money. And the second they think that, okay, you've
lost the alliance that you need, the therapeutic alliance that
you need in order to make change. So really, what
(15:13):
I've got is two hundred and fifty of the sweetest
souls you'll ever meet. And the first one hundred whereby
invitation only, okay, And I don't know if that's ever
been done. And the reason it was so important to
us is because we've never had someone here who is
desensitized to the process of helping another human being, because
(15:37):
if we did, that person would be shown the door. Obviously,
this is a love call, That's what it is. It's
a love call and it means everything because that's the foundation.
Unless you have that foundation, there is no treatment, There
is no healing because they're not open, they're not cracked open.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
You know, a few weeks ago, I had the head
of cannabi research from UCLA here on the.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Show, doctor Timothy Pong.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Yes, he's so great, and he was saying that there's
an epidemic in cannabis. Like so many parents are so
happy that their gen Z kids aren't drinking alcohol. They're
just so excited that they're not drinking, but they're using
so much cannabis, right, And is the journey the same
whether someone's kid is addicted to cannabis or alcohol or
(16:25):
is a little different.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
It's a little different. I mean, you know, alcohol affects
your decision making, right, so the second you're on alcohol,
you're you think it's a good idea to get behind
the wheel of a car, or to buy illegal drugs
off the street, or you know any number of stupid
things that can Remember when we talked about at the beginning,
when I said their frontal cortex isn't developed, so now
(16:48):
they're drunk on top of it, and they think they're indestructible,
and those are three horrible combinations together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
So that's that's my take on that.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Where can people get your book, Experience Transcendence Richard.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Experiencing Transcendence You can get on Amazon dot com. It
just hit number one yesterday on.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
What was it, the Kimball the Kindle Kindle, Yeah, yeah, Kindle, right,
whatever that is.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
And we're doing really well. It just came out a
month ago.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Experiencing Transcendence The Freedom of Recovering from Addiction and Trauma
by Richard Tate. Richard, what a pleasure to meet you
here in the studio. Thanks for being with us.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
The pleasure was all mine and that.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Sadly for me because I'd like to be here all night.
Brings the Doctor Wendywall Show to a close. Have you
missed any part of the show. Remember producer Kayla puts
it all up on the iHeartRadio app. You can listen
to it anytime during the week. Follow me on my
social at Doctor Wendy Walsh. I'm there. I'm still hacked
by TikTok. If anybody listening who works at TikTok, here's
the problem. The hackers took my thing. They're not doing
(17:58):
anything with it. So TikTok very kindly froze the account.
But now TikTok doesn't know whether I'm the hackers or
I'm me, So if anybody knows a real human that
works at TikTok, please tell them to open up the
account called doctor Wendy Walsh. Oh and send me the
password because it's me. But on Instagram, I'm there every
day at doctor Wendy Walsh, and I'm always here for you.
(18:18):
Every Sunday from seven to nine on KFI. You have
been listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI
Am six forty were live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Burden
The Burden is a documentary series that takes listeners into the hidden places where justice is done (and undone). It dives deep into the lives of heroes and villains. And it focuses a spotlight on those who triumph even when the odds are against them. Season 5 - The Burden: Death & Deceit in Alliance On April Fools Day 1999, 26-year-old Yvonne Layne was found murdered in her Alliance, Ohio home. David Thorne, her ex-boyfriend and father of one of her children, was instantly a suspect. Another young man admitted to the murder, and David breathed a sigh of relief, until the confessed murderer fingered David; “He paid me to do it.” David was sentenced to life without parole. Two decades later, Pulitzer winner and podcast host, Maggie Freleng (Bone Valley Season 3: Graves County, Wrongful Conviction, Suave) launched a “live” investigation into David's conviction alongside Jason Baldwin (himself wrongfully convicted as a member of the West Memphis Three). Maggie had come to believe that the entire investigation of David was botched by the tiny local police department, or worse, covered up the real killer. Was Maggie correct? Was David’s claim of innocence credible? In Death and Deceit in Alliance, Maggie recounts the case that launched her career, and ultimately, “broke” her.” The results will shock the listener and reduce Maggie to tears and self-doubt. This is not your typical wrongful conviction story. In fact, it turns the genre on its head. It asks the question: What if our champions are foolish? Season 4 - The Burden: Get the Money and Run “Trying to murder my father, this was the thing that put me on the path.” That’s Joe Loya and that path was bank robbery. Bank, bank, bank, bank, bank. In season 4 of The Burden: Get the Money and Run, we hear from Joe who was once the most prolific bank robber in Southern California, and beyond. He used disguises, body doubles, proxies. He leaped over counters, grabbed the money and ran. Even as the FBI was closing in. It was a showdown between a daring bank robber, and a patient FBI agent. Joe was no ordinary bank robber. He was bright, articulate, charismatic, and driven by a dark rage that he summoned up at will. In seven episodes, Joe tells all: the what, the how… and the why. Including why he tried to murder his father. Season 3 - The Burden: Avenger Miriam Lewin is one of Argentina’s leading journalists today. At 19 years old, she was kidnapped off the streets of Buenos Aires for her political activism and thrown into a concentration camp. Thousands of her fellow inmates were executed, tossed alive from a cargo plane into the ocean. Miriam, along with a handful of others, will survive the camp. Then as a journalist, she will wage a decades long campaign to bring her tormentors to justice. Avenger is about one woman’s triumphant battle against unbelievable odds to survive torture, claim justice for the crimes done against her and others like her, and change the future of her country. Season 2 - The Burden: Empire on Blood Empire on Blood is set in the Bronx, NY, in the early 90s, when two young drug dealers ruled an intersection known as “The Corner on Blood.” The boss, Calvin Buari, lived large. He and a protege swore they would build an empire on blood. Then the relationship frayed and the protege accused Calvin of a double homicide which he claimed he didn’t do. But did he? Award-winning journalist Steve Fishman spent seven years to answer that question. This is the story of one man’s last chance to overturn his life sentence. He may prevail, but someone’s gotta pay. The Burden: Empire on Blood is the director’s cut of the true crime classic which reached #1 on the charts when it was first released half a dozen years ago. Season 1 - The Burden In the 1990s, Detective Louis N. Scarcella was legendary. In a city overrun by violent crime, he cracked the toughest cases and put away the worst criminals. “The Hulk” was his nickname. Then the story changed. Scarcella ran into a group of convicted murderers who all say they are innocent. They turned themselves into jailhouse-lawyers and in prison founded a lway firm. When they realized Scarcella helped put many of them away, they set their sights on taking him down. And with the help of a NY Times reporter they have a chance. For years, Scarcella insisted he did nothing wrong. But that’s all he’d say. Until we tracked Scarcella to a sauna in a Russian bathhouse, where he started to talk..and talk and talk. “The guilty have gone free,” he whispered. And then agreed to take us into the belly of the beast. Welcome to The Burden.