August 27, 2025 • 20 mins
NFL chaplains and bestselling authors George and Tondra Gregory join us to share lessons from 30 years of marriage and their new book, The Marriage Game Plan. From counseling players with the Jets, Giants, and Chargers to helping couples everywhere build stronger relationships, they explain why every marriage needs its own evolving “game plan.”
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
George and Tondra Gregory. They are chaplains in the NFL.
They've worked with the Giants, they've worked with the Jets.
They've said a lot of prayers, y'all. They do work
with the LA Chargers now and they are best selling authors.
They have written the Marriage game Plan, developing a winning
strategy for marital success. This is on the top of
the chart USA today. And how cool is it that
(00:24):
you spent some time. You've been on Good Morning America,
You've been on all of the shows, and you've spent
some time for us, and we really appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Thank you guys for having us.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
I love that true love Tuesday, nice ring.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Tell us about your love story. I mean, you guys
mentioned outside that we're thirty years married.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Thirty years, that's right, that's right.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
We met in college biology one o one first day
of class and I was looking at anatomy.
Speaker 6 (00:53):
Yes, and it is true that we met in biology,
but we had a lot of the same classes that
particular year, and we just kept seeing each other in
the same classes.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Tandra went and changed their schedule to reflect my classes,
and she was happy.
Speaker 6 (01:09):
He says that I went and signed up for all
of his classes once I saw him in biology. But
that but that part he's he's made that up. That's
his truth, but it's not the truth.
Speaker 7 (01:22):
Is that part of the marriage game plan?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
That that verbia is right there of that's your trip?
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Is that part of it?
Speaker 5 (01:31):
Yes?
Speaker 6 (01:32):
Is you can't assume the truths. You got to get
on the same page and create our truth. That's what
it's got to be.
Speaker 7 (01:39):
So how did this start?
Speaker 1 (01:40):
How did it start that you started working for teams
as chaplains?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Yeah, well, really.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
When we moved to New York City, we were we
planted a church in New York City and we were
trying to figure out how does as a church plan
do we get out of the four walls? And so
we started doing pre marriage counseling for couples who were
just living together and did know how to do marriage,
but they were trying to act like they were married.
And we created an organization called Journey for Life. That's
(02:06):
our marriage organization. And the New York Jets was the
first company to call us and they said, we need
help with our marriages. And so that's how we kind
of got our start with just an entry way, and
then we just through relationships and networking. We met coach
Anthony Lynn and he came to that church that we planted,
and who knew that a few years later.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
He was going to move out here. We were moving
out of New York.
Speaker 5 (02:31):
Somebody reintroduced us as a possibility and he looks at
resumes and he says, hey, this is my pastor and
his wife. There are no interviews. If he wants the role,
he's got the role. And so I didn't even move
out to LA before before I talked to him. I
moved out in faith because they connected us, and that's
(02:51):
how we got here.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
It's interesting that you said the Jets contacted you. The
organization knew that they needed help with a very personal thing,
which is the marriages of the people in the group
in the organization.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
That's right.
Speaker 5 (03:04):
It was their team chaplain, right, and so so you
see us as a chaplain pair duo. Tandra's a licensed therapist.
So when you get us, you get like a total package.
But not all chaplains in the NFL come equip to
do what we do. And that's not disparaging anyone. It
just really highlights what the LA Chargers have, right. And
(03:24):
so when they called, we were ready to go because
we've been doing this for so long, and Tandra, through
our thirty years of marriage, she's told me how many
times I get it wrong, that I know how to
help couples.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
And you listen to that and you hear her say that,
of course, yeah, of course. So the game plan, the
marriage game plan, This is the book developing a winning
strategy for marital success. Is it one game plan for everybody?
Or does each couple come up kind of with their
own game plan?
Speaker 7 (03:53):
How does it work?
Speaker 6 (03:54):
Yes, each couple comes up with their own game plan
because every marriage is unique of two unique individuals, and
everybody has to have a different game plan because you
got different personalities, you have different dynamics, different experiences. So
each couple needs to work together to develop their unique
(04:16):
game plan. And that's what our book does. It helps
couples lay out their unique game plan.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:22):
Yeah, So there's marriage books that tell you sort of
this objective truth and you say, well, man, that means
is this for everyone? Our book is not like that.
What we do is we give you a lot of
things like filling their blank exercises. Right after every chapter,
there's a putting it in actice practice section and in
that section, there's questions you answer and couple's activities, right,
(04:45):
so you're doing the work together.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
It's very interactive.
Speaker 5 (04:48):
And then we also have a QR code that you
can scan that you'll get a five minute coaching from
the coaches Tandra and I get. They'll take you to
a video of coaching. So what this is is just
a marriage book that you read, but it's a marriage
book that you experience and you develop your very own
game plan by how you answer the questions. And then
(05:09):
you get the chapter ten and we walk you how
to how to put it all together.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Something.
Speaker 7 (05:13):
It's like I could choose your own adventure book.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Yeah, that's right, that's right.
Speaker 5 (05:17):
If you're if you're a man or woman enough to
go down the adventure of putting to explore, then we
will help you develop your very own unique marriage game.
Speaker 7 (05:27):
Oh that's cool.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
And I would assume that, I mean, you obviously would
be great if people started their marriages with something like this,
at least this discussion, but it would pertain to people
I don't know, me twenty seven years into marriage.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
Sure, well, we didn't start off with a game plan
at all. In fact, that's why we wrote the marriage
game plan because thirty years ago when we first started off,
our first two years was hell, can I get an amen?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Amen? Okay, I was there too.
Speaker 5 (05:56):
Yeah, but sometimes when I tell that, they don't hear
your part. It's like that I'm just saying, oh no, no, no.
It was because we didn't have a game plan, right.
We come from different backgrounds, you know, we didn't know
how to communicate well with each other. I mean, Tanja
just thought I looked like Denzel, so she thought checked
the box.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
I'm good.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
I was wanted by those eyes.
Speaker 5 (06:17):
And like I said, biology one on one, I was
attracted to the anatomy already.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
But people need more.
Speaker 5 (06:24):
Than just an attraction to really have a successful game plan.
So we know this personally. So years later, in hindsight,
we thought, if we'd have had a game plan, we
would have probably enter into marriage more prepared. And so
that's what we that's why we wrote this book, is
because we want not only married couples but pre marriage
to also get a marriage game plan, because it definitely helps,
(06:47):
and you.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Never too.
Speaker 6 (06:50):
Far out or in such a place where it's just
never too late to get a marriage game plan. It
doesn't matter where you are on your journey in the beginning, middle,
tough time, good times. It's just never a bad time
to work on a marriage game plan. Marriage is hard work,
and it's a journey, and it's ever evolving and ever growing.
(07:10):
And even with the chapter ten developing your game plan,
we wrote it so that you can come back to
it and adjust it as life happens and you need
to make adjustments to your game plan. So it's not
like a one and done document. It's an ever evolving document.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
I want to talk to you guys about I think
a lot of couples feel like if they're going to
get a book like this, or they're going to go
through these exercises, then that means they're admitting that their
marriage is in trouble. Oh no, And I want to
talk about how that's kind of taboo and how I mean,
if you really care and you're it's it doesn't have
to be work, you know, in the sense of the word,
but that that's just not true. It just kind of
(07:47):
shows that you care to kind of check in with
each other.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Well, we're talking, we know this, Go ahead, sorry, we
know this.
Speaker 5 (07:53):
Ye is that pros still practice right and if pros
at an elite level still think they have to practice.
Then what do we do you as average couples, we
need to practice as well. This is exercise about practicing.
I think is the only one who didn't like practice?
Speaker 2 (08:09):
The only one.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
What's their wedding song going to be? Guys, Taylor and Travis.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
It's a John Mayer song. I think.
Speaker 7 (08:15):
Didn't she date him?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (08:17):
Okay, then that's that's that's that's awful.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
That's not funny. You're not respecting the love. We're talking
with George and Tondrack Gregory. They are the best selling
authors of The Marriage Game Plan. You can find it
anywhere you find really anything. You know how to you
know how to buy this stuff and have it by
your at your door by the afternoon, Amazon, wherever you know.
(08:40):
I googled it, came up with it. It can be
at my, uh my door this afternoon.
Speaker 7 (08:44):
Ask your question, because I thought of another one while
you were just my question.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
So you bring up you've worked in the NFL's chaplains
in both coasts, and you brought up Anthony Lynn. Anthony
Lynn's wife, if I'm not mistaken, worked in New York
while he was in LA. That's a challenging situation in
the NFL, marriages are tough. Guys are gone a lot.
I would imagine your phones ring all the time from
(09:10):
wives and from the husbands of how do I keep
her happy? How do I keep him home? Like all
the things. Sure, it's a very busy thing. How often
is your phone ringing?
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (09:20):
Well, I mean it rings constantly, right, because we like,
just like an NFL coach, right, we're marriage coaches. So
we're always coaching, We're always encouraging, we're always you know,
I don't want to say babysitting, but we're always We're
always there, right, And sometimes that's hard, but it's really
rewarding in a sense that because we've been married thirty years.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
It helps us to give back.
Speaker 5 (09:43):
It helps us to remember, hey, remember we were in
that particular place, and really it helps us to celebrate
where we've come from.
Speaker 6 (09:50):
But man, you yeah, I would just add, yes, that
it's a busy schedule.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
It's very demanding.
Speaker 6 (09:57):
It's a unique set of circumstances, and even couples who
don't have this highest.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
Level of pressure, marriage can be difficult.
Speaker 6 (10:06):
So I do think it's important for us to come
along with the couples to help them lay the foundation
while they're in the league, because the divorce rate outside
of the league is after retirement is around seventy percent. Wow,
And so they cannot wait to work on their relationship.
It's something that has to be implemented as they're on
(10:28):
this journey so that they have the foundation to continue
to build their family and marriage after they are no longer.
Speaker 7 (10:34):
Why is that so high.
Speaker 6 (10:37):
I think it's the pressures of the lifestyle, of having
a nomadic lifestyle, you know, in football. In the NFL,
football is king, it's the priority. I find that a
lot of times wives don't want to mess up their
husband's game, right, and so you don't want to bring
(10:58):
up any issues.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
So I find that.
Speaker 7 (11:00):
Sit on it and then then time and everything comes up.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Yeah, so you just never really get to go ahead.
Speaker 5 (11:05):
And then I've heard from a lot of former players
that man that so now I'm home, I'm less busy,
and we don't know each other because we weren't proactive.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And so here's what we know. No one gets married
to lose.
Speaker 5 (11:19):
We all want to win in our relationship, right, and
so we tell our pros. Unless you want to be
a part of the statistic, then you have to be
proactive instead of reactive. Being proactive is now, get a coach,
learn to do it, get our book right, go through
marriage retreats or getaways. But handle what you need to
handle now and that's what's in front of you, and
(11:41):
not plan for what is to come later.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Right.
Speaker 6 (11:43):
Yeah, And I think that's why our role as chaplains
and marriage coaches is so important because I do think
even with the high profile lifestyle, you don't know who
you can trust. And marriage is a private thing, whether
you on a high platform or not.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
People don't want you their business.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
They don't know if they can trust you, and so
just making sure they have those trusted people that they
can come to us and talk about the unique challenges
they may be facing in their relationship, and we create
that safe space to help them work through it, because
no one can really walk through marriage and figure it
out all by themselves.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Yeah, we all need help.
Speaker 5 (12:20):
That's what we say to people. Don't die in the
sea of lifeguards. There's so much help out here for couples,
but yet sometimes people drown in that ocean because they
don't want to call out or they don't want to
wave their hand, and yet we say, if you're married
and you're struggling today, reach out, don't die in the
sea of life.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
Well, like Shannon said, I mean, I think for a
lot of people, they assume that that it's going to
be looked at as they it's an acknowledgment that their
marriage is failing or it's not great or whatever, and they.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Don't want to do that.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Sure, well, I was going to ask the title of
the book game Plan makes it sound like it's an
overarching thing. You know, you started early, you continually kind
of update this plan and it grows and changes with
the relationship and with the family or whatever. But in
those moments where you're put into a situation that no
one expected, whether it's a death of a loved one,
(13:08):
of financial strain that comes out of nowhere, or something
like that, is does the game plan allow for those changes,
you know, pivoting in a moment's notice like that.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
Of course, that's why we talk about mindsets. This is
this is a football term, right, mindsets. You got to
have the mindset to know that the season is long.
I remember our first season here twenty seventeen, we were
oh to four. That's not good to start this season
and coach Link he comes into the locker room right
after we lose that fourth game and he says, we're
we're this is a long season. We're only oh to
(13:40):
four in the first quarter. We've got three more quarters
to go. And couples need to realize is that if
you're going through a difficult season right now, it might
not last or it shouldn't last, right And so so
what we teach couples is is have that mindset and
I love Our favorite movie is Gladiator, And what Gladiator
says to the warriors that are in the arena with him,
(14:04):
he says, I don't know what's going to come out
of those gates, but whatever comes out of those gates,
we have a better chance to make it if we
stay together. He said, you got that, Let's stay together.
And we'd like to say in marriage, you're better together
if you know that there's going to be some tough
seasons ahead. There's going to be somebody coming out through
that tunnel that's going to try to pularize you. But
you have a better chance of winning if you stay together.
Speaker 6 (14:27):
Yeah, And mindset is having that big picture in mind.
And then in the game plan, we give you questions
to ask, to keep checking up on each other because
our needs do change in different seasons, and each of
us are evolving, and so therefore to make sure that
we evolve together because we're changing. And this is why
(14:47):
so sad when couples that have been married thirty forty
years end up getting divorced. It's not evolving together if
you're if you're not evolving together, you're growing apart and
you're becoming more.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
And more strangers.
Speaker 6 (15:01):
That happens when we go through tough times like a
loss of a loved one or you know, fertility challenges
or any challenges that you face.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
If you're not having.
Speaker 6 (15:11):
Interdependence and connecting and learning each other in each season,
you can grow apart. And so that is a part
of the game plan of how to grow together in
each season of life. We can't predict what those seasons are,
but we can have a strategy of how we want
to navigate those unexpected challenges that life brings.
Speaker 7 (15:30):
Yeah, I'm thinking about the NFL situation.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
I'm just thinking, like, those are that's those are two
very different seasons. You know, if you got married early
in your career and you're gone, I mean there is
no off season truly, and you're gone, whether it's working
out five hours a day or whatever in the off season,
or as you're traveling with the team, or you're staying
with the team or whatever, and you're still that's a
completely different marriage than when you're suddenly in the same
(15:56):
house together twenty four to seven and you've got to
keep I would imagine you've got to keep some things
for yourself. Both the husband and the wife still have
some alone time, some individual time. But wow, that's very stark.
That's a very different marriage. Those are two separate marriages.
So yeah, I can see where that would be very challenging.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
I mean, I.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Mean from the woman's perspective, it's like, oh, you're in
my house, now, what what am I going to do it?
Speaker 2 (16:30):
That's a real deal, right.
Speaker 5 (16:32):
We not only do it pro athletes, but we also
do it with special.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Ops, yeah, or military.
Speaker 5 (16:38):
One military wife says, I've had fourteen different honeymoons, same husband,
but fourteen different honeymoons. And I asked, what do you
mean by that? She says, every time he comes back
from a duty deployment, a deployment, whatever happened over there,
which he cannot tell her it comes still comes home
with him, and so he has to come back to
(17:00):
her home, her environment, the way she's been disciplining the kids,
or the way that she's ran it, and enter into
her world. But that can be somewhat difficult, especially if
you're a type and you're a commander.
Speaker 6 (17:11):
Right right, Yeah, I definitely This is why I say, Shannon,
you really get it, because that's something that the women
do talk about, is I have my system going on,
I have my routine, and now I have to work
you into the routine just for a short amount of
time because you're gonna be leaving again and it kind.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Of disrupts the flow.
Speaker 6 (17:31):
So that is a challenge that couples need to get
a strategy and get on the same page about how
do we want to keep.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Evolving or changing our home.
Speaker 6 (17:42):
But communication is the big part that keeps us on
the same team moving in the same direction.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
If there's one tip you could give average normal people
like us the best thing you can do for your marriage,
what would it be? I know, I'm putting you on
the spot. Here is it date night? Is it checking
in with each other?
Speaker 7 (18:00):
What is that?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (18:01):
I would say this is mine because I have practiced this, right.
I've asked Tandra in every season of our marriage, how
am I doing? How am I doing? What could I
do better as a husband? How could I be there
for more for you more? How could I be a
better listener? How could I understand your heart more? I mean,
this is a complicated being right here, right, And so
(18:21):
the season that I.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
Knew her complicated complex.
Speaker 5 (18:25):
I guess it all depends on what day you asked
me then, But I just want to know. I don't
want to take advantage or sorry, take her for granted
to say what I knew about you and your last
season is you're still the same, right, And so learn
to ask questions that sometimes you might have to do
some work, and you might have to, you know, stay
up a little later organizing some things in your mind.
(18:46):
But man, ask the tough questions, how could I be
a better husband or wife?
Speaker 6 (18:51):
I would say, making sure you make your spouse and
your marriage a priority is going to be key, because
I think in the world we live in today, there's
so many demands on a couple to be pulled in
so many different directions, and it takes intentionality to make
each other a priority. Just as important as any other
(19:11):
appointment on your schedule is your appointment to connect with
your spouse and then your kids and your family. In
the book, we talk about winning the home game. That's
one way that you win the home game. I think
we focus so much on winning the away game in
our careers, in our hobbies, our sports, and everything that
we got pulling on us, and we focus on winning
(19:34):
in those areas, but sometimes the family and the marriage
gets put on the back burner. So that would be
my tip is just win the home game and keep
your family at the forefront because at the end of
the day, that's where your legacy will last. All the
other things we were sharing with another group, that's about
(19:55):
that ceo in New York City a few years ago
where of an insurance come company and the guy killed
that ceo and by the end of the day they
had replaced that ceo. Like his family is still grieving,
like I don't even know if all his family members
knew that he had been killed. But the fact that
you are replaceable in all these other areas, But the
(20:16):
area that you're not replaceable in is in your in
your family, in your kid's life, in your spouse's life.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
So yeah, so true, so true, George and Tondre Gregory.
The Marriage game Plan is the name of the book,
developing a winning strategy for marital success, available wherever you
get your books.
Speaker 7 (20:33):
Thanks. In a couple of weeks, we.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Come well, thanks for joining us on this labor day.
We will be back tomorrow. All tired now yeah, time
for a napping hour, four hours a show and it
just flew by like that. We'll see you tomorrow. You're
supposed to stay dry, everybody, Blessings,
George and Tondra Gregory. They are chaplains in the NFL.
They've worked with the Giants, they've worked with the Jets.
They've said a lot of prayers, y'all. They do work
with the LA Chargers now and they are best selling authors.
They have written the Marriage game Plan, developing a winning
strategy for marital success. This is on the top of
the chart USA today. And how cool is it that
(00:24):
you spent some time. You've been on Good Morning America,
You've been on all of the shows, and you've spent
some time for us, and we really appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Thank you guys for having us.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
I love that true love Tuesday, nice ring.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Tell us about your love story. I mean, you guys
mentioned outside that we're thirty years married.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Thirty years, that's right, that's right.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
We met in college biology one o one first day
of class and I was looking at anatomy.
Speaker 6 (00:53):
Yes, and it is true that we met in biology,
but we had a lot of the same classes that
particular year, and we just kept seeing each other in
the same classes.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Tandra went and changed their schedule to reflect my classes,
and she was happy.
Speaker 6 (01:09):
He says that I went and signed up for all
of his classes once I saw him in biology. But
that but that part he's he's made that up. That's
his truth, but it's not the truth.
Speaker 7 (01:22):
Is that part of the marriage game plan?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
That that verbia is right there of that's your trip?
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Is that part of it?
Speaker 5 (01:31):
Yes?
Speaker 6 (01:32):
Is you can't assume the truths. You got to get
on the same page and create our truth. That's what
it's got to be.
Speaker 7 (01:39):
So how did this start?
Speaker 1 (01:40):
How did it start that you started working for teams
as chaplains?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Yeah, well, really.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
When we moved to New York City, we were we
planted a church in New York City and we were
trying to figure out how does as a church plan
do we get out of the four walls? And so
we started doing pre marriage counseling for couples who were
just living together and did know how to do marriage,
but they were trying to act like they were married.
And we created an organization called Journey for Life. That's
(02:06):
our marriage organization. And the New York Jets was the
first company to call us and they said, we need
help with our marriages. And so that's how we kind
of got our start with just an entry way, and
then we just through relationships and networking. We met coach
Anthony Lynn and he came to that church that we planted,
and who knew that a few years later.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
He was going to move out here. We were moving
out of New York.
Speaker 5 (02:31):
Somebody reintroduced us as a possibility and he looks at
resumes and he says, hey, this is my pastor and
his wife. There are no interviews. If he wants the role,
he's got the role. And so I didn't even move
out to LA before before I talked to him. I
moved out in faith because they connected us, and that's
(02:51):
how we got here.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
It's interesting that you said the Jets contacted you. The
organization knew that they needed help with a very personal thing,
which is the marriages of the people in the group
in the organization.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
That's right.
Speaker 5 (03:04):
It was their team chaplain, right, and so so you
see us as a chaplain pair duo. Tandra's a licensed therapist.
So when you get us, you get like a total package.
But not all chaplains in the NFL come equip to
do what we do. And that's not disparaging anyone. It
just really highlights what the LA Chargers have, right. And
(03:24):
so when they called, we were ready to go because
we've been doing this for so long, and Tandra, through
our thirty years of marriage, she's told me how many
times I get it wrong, that I know how to
help couples.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
And you listen to that and you hear her say that,
of course, yeah, of course. So the game plan, the
marriage game plan, This is the book developing a winning
strategy for marital success. Is it one game plan for everybody?
Or does each couple come up kind of with their
own game plan?
Speaker 7 (03:53):
How does it work?
Speaker 6 (03:54):
Yes, each couple comes up with their own game plan
because every marriage is unique of two unique individuals, and
everybody has to have a different game plan because you
got different personalities, you have different dynamics, different experiences. So
each couple needs to work together to develop their unique
(04:16):
game plan. And that's what our book does. It helps
couples lay out their unique game plan.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:22):
Yeah, So there's marriage books that tell you sort of
this objective truth and you say, well, man, that means
is this for everyone? Our book is not like that.
What we do is we give you a lot of
things like filling their blank exercises. Right after every chapter,
there's a putting it in actice practice section and in
that section, there's questions you answer and couple's activities, right,
(04:45):
so you're doing the work together.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
It's very interactive.
Speaker 5 (04:48):
And then we also have a QR code that you
can scan that you'll get a five minute coaching from
the coaches Tandra and I get. They'll take you to
a video of coaching. So what this is is just
a marriage book that you read, but it's a marriage
book that you experience and you develop your very own
game plan by how you answer the questions. And then
(05:09):
you get the chapter ten and we walk you how
to how to put it all together.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Something.
Speaker 7 (05:13):
It's like I could choose your own adventure book.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Yeah, that's right, that's right.
Speaker 5 (05:17):
If you're if you're a man or woman enough to
go down the adventure of putting to explore, then we
will help you develop your very own unique marriage game.
Speaker 7 (05:27):
Oh that's cool.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
And I would assume that, I mean, you obviously would
be great if people started their marriages with something like this,
at least this discussion, but it would pertain to people
I don't know, me twenty seven years into marriage.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
Sure, well, we didn't start off with a game plan
at all. In fact, that's why we wrote the marriage
game plan because thirty years ago when we first started off,
our first two years was hell, can I get an amen?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Amen? Okay, I was there too.
Speaker 5 (05:56):
Yeah, but sometimes when I tell that, they don't hear
your part. It's like that I'm just saying, oh no, no, no.
It was because we didn't have a game plan, right.
We come from different backgrounds, you know, we didn't know
how to communicate well with each other. I mean, Tanja
just thought I looked like Denzel, so she thought checked
the box.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
I'm good.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
I was wanted by those eyes.
Speaker 5 (06:17):
And like I said, biology one on one, I was
attracted to the anatomy already.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
But people need more.
Speaker 5 (06:24):
Than just an attraction to really have a successful game plan.
So we know this personally. So years later, in hindsight,
we thought, if we'd have had a game plan, we
would have probably enter into marriage more prepared. And so
that's what we that's why we wrote this book, is
because we want not only married couples but pre marriage
to also get a marriage game plan, because it definitely helps,
(06:47):
and you.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Never too.
Speaker 6 (06:50):
Far out or in such a place where it's just
never too late to get a marriage game plan. It
doesn't matter where you are on your journey in the beginning, middle,
tough time, good times. It's just never a bad time
to work on a marriage game plan. Marriage is hard work,
and it's a journey, and it's ever evolving and ever growing.
(07:10):
And even with the chapter ten developing your game plan,
we wrote it so that you can come back to
it and adjust it as life happens and you need
to make adjustments to your game plan. So it's not
like a one and done document. It's an ever evolving document.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
I want to talk to you guys about I think
a lot of couples feel like if they're going to
get a book like this, or they're going to go
through these exercises, then that means they're admitting that their
marriage is in trouble. Oh no, And I want to
talk about how that's kind of taboo and how I mean,
if you really care and you're it's it doesn't have
to be work, you know, in the sense of the word,
but that that's just not true. It just kind of
(07:47):
shows that you care to kind of check in with
each other.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Well, we're talking, we know this, Go ahead, sorry, we
know this.
Speaker 5 (07:53):
Ye is that pros still practice right and if pros
at an elite level still think they have to practice.
Then what do we do you as average couples, we
need to practice as well. This is exercise about practicing.
I think is the only one who didn't like practice?
Speaker 2 (08:09):
The only one.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
What's their wedding song going to be? Guys, Taylor and Travis.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
It's a John Mayer song. I think.
Speaker 7 (08:15):
Didn't she date him?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (08:17):
Okay, then that's that's that's that's awful.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
That's not funny. You're not respecting the love. We're talking
with George and Tondrack Gregory. They are the best selling
authors of The Marriage Game Plan. You can find it
anywhere you find really anything. You know how to you
know how to buy this stuff and have it by
your at your door by the afternoon, Amazon, wherever you know.
(08:40):
I googled it, came up with it. It can be
at my, uh my door this afternoon.
Speaker 7 (08:44):
Ask your question, because I thought of another one while
you were just my question.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
So you bring up you've worked in the NFL's chaplains
in both coasts, and you brought up Anthony Lynn. Anthony
Lynn's wife, if I'm not mistaken, worked in New York
while he was in LA. That's a challenging situation in
the NFL, marriages are tough. Guys are gone a lot.
I would imagine your phones ring all the time from
(09:10):
wives and from the husbands of how do I keep
her happy? How do I keep him home? Like all
the things. Sure, it's a very busy thing. How often
is your phone ringing?
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (09:20):
Well, I mean it rings constantly, right, because we like,
just like an NFL coach, right, we're marriage coaches. So
we're always coaching, We're always encouraging, we're always you know,
I don't want to say babysitting, but we're always We're
always there, right, And sometimes that's hard, but it's really
rewarding in a sense that because we've been married thirty years.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
It helps us to give back.
Speaker 5 (09:43):
It helps us to remember, hey, remember we were in
that particular place, and really it helps us to celebrate
where we've come from.
Speaker 6 (09:50):
But man, you yeah, I would just add, yes, that
it's a busy schedule.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
It's very demanding.
Speaker 6 (09:57):
It's a unique set of circumstances, and even couples who
don't have this highest.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
Level of pressure, marriage can be difficult.
Speaker 6 (10:06):
So I do think it's important for us to come
along with the couples to help them lay the foundation
while they're in the league, because the divorce rate outside
of the league is after retirement is around seventy percent. Wow,
And so they cannot wait to work on their relationship.
It's something that has to be implemented as they're on
(10:28):
this journey so that they have the foundation to continue
to build their family and marriage after they are no longer.
Speaker 7 (10:34):
Why is that so high.
Speaker 6 (10:37):
I think it's the pressures of the lifestyle, of having
a nomadic lifestyle, you know, in football. In the NFL,
football is king, it's the priority. I find that a
lot of times wives don't want to mess up their
husband's game, right, and so you don't want to bring
(10:58):
up any issues.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
So I find that.
Speaker 7 (11:00):
Sit on it and then then time and everything comes up.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Yeah, so you just never really get to go ahead.
Speaker 5 (11:05):
And then I've heard from a lot of former players
that man that so now I'm home, I'm less busy,
and we don't know each other because we weren't proactive.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And so here's what we know. No one gets married
to lose.
Speaker 5 (11:19):
We all want to win in our relationship, right, and
so we tell our pros. Unless you want to be
a part of the statistic, then you have to be
proactive instead of reactive. Being proactive is now, get a coach,
learn to do it, get our book right, go through
marriage retreats or getaways. But handle what you need to
handle now and that's what's in front of you, and
(11:41):
not plan for what is to come later.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Right.
Speaker 6 (11:43):
Yeah, And I think that's why our role as chaplains
and marriage coaches is so important because I do think
even with the high profile lifestyle, you don't know who
you can trust. And marriage is a private thing, whether
you on a high platform or not.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
People don't want you their business.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
They don't know if they can trust you, and so
just making sure they have those trusted people that they
can come to us and talk about the unique challenges
they may be facing in their relationship, and we create
that safe space to help them work through it, because
no one can really walk through marriage and figure it
out all by themselves.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Yeah, we all need help.
Speaker 5 (12:20):
That's what we say to people. Don't die in the
sea of lifeguards. There's so much help out here for couples,
but yet sometimes people drown in that ocean because they
don't want to call out or they don't want to
wave their hand, and yet we say, if you're married
and you're struggling today, reach out, don't die in the
sea of life.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
Well, like Shannon said, I mean, I think for a
lot of people, they assume that that it's going to
be looked at as they it's an acknowledgment that their
marriage is failing or it's not great or whatever, and they.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Don't want to do that.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Sure, well, I was going to ask the title of
the book game Plan makes it sound like it's an
overarching thing. You know, you started early, you continually kind
of update this plan and it grows and changes with
the relationship and with the family or whatever. But in
those moments where you're put into a situation that no
one expected, whether it's a death of a loved one,
(13:08):
of financial strain that comes out of nowhere, or something
like that, is does the game plan allow for those changes,
you know, pivoting in a moment's notice like that.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
Of course, that's why we talk about mindsets. This is
this is a football term, right, mindsets. You got to
have the mindset to know that the season is long.
I remember our first season here twenty seventeen, we were
oh to four. That's not good to start this season
and coach Link he comes into the locker room right
after we lose that fourth game and he says, we're
we're this is a long season. We're only oh to
(13:40):
four in the first quarter. We've got three more quarters
to go. And couples need to realize is that if
you're going through a difficult season right now, it might
not last or it shouldn't last, right And so so
what we teach couples is is have that mindset and
I love Our favorite movie is Gladiator, And what Gladiator
says to the warriors that are in the arena with him,
(14:04):
he says, I don't know what's going to come out
of those gates, but whatever comes out of those gates,
we have a better chance to make it if we
stay together. He said, you got that, Let's stay together.
And we'd like to say in marriage, you're better together
if you know that there's going to be some tough
seasons ahead. There's going to be somebody coming out through
that tunnel that's going to try to pularize you. But
you have a better chance of winning if you stay together.
Speaker 6 (14:27):
Yeah, And mindset is having that big picture in mind.
And then in the game plan, we give you questions
to ask, to keep checking up on each other because
our needs do change in different seasons, and each of
us are evolving, and so therefore to make sure that
we evolve together because we're changing. And this is why
(14:47):
so sad when couples that have been married thirty forty
years end up getting divorced. It's not evolving together if
you're if you're not evolving together, you're growing apart and
you're becoming more.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
And more strangers.
Speaker 6 (15:01):
That happens when we go through tough times like a
loss of a loved one or you know, fertility challenges
or any challenges that you face.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
If you're not having.
Speaker 6 (15:11):
Interdependence and connecting and learning each other in each season,
you can grow apart. And so that is a part
of the game plan of how to grow together in
each season of life. We can't predict what those seasons are,
but we can have a strategy of how we want
to navigate those unexpected challenges that life brings.
Speaker 7 (15:30):
Yeah, I'm thinking about the NFL situation.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
I'm just thinking, like, those are that's those are two
very different seasons. You know, if you got married early
in your career and you're gone, I mean there is
no off season truly, and you're gone, whether it's working
out five hours a day or whatever in the off season,
or as you're traveling with the team, or you're staying
with the team or whatever, and you're still that's a
completely different marriage than when you're suddenly in the same
(15:56):
house together twenty four to seven and you've got to
keep I would imagine you've got to keep some things
for yourself. Both the husband and the wife still have
some alone time, some individual time. But wow, that's very stark.
That's a very different marriage. Those are two separate marriages.
So yeah, I can see where that would be very challenging.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
I mean, I.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Mean from the woman's perspective, it's like, oh, you're in
my house, now, what what am I going to do it?
Speaker 2 (16:30):
That's a real deal, right.
Speaker 5 (16:32):
We not only do it pro athletes, but we also
do it with special.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Ops, yeah, or military.
Speaker 5 (16:38):
One military wife says, I've had fourteen different honeymoons, same husband,
but fourteen different honeymoons. And I asked, what do you
mean by that? She says, every time he comes back
from a duty deployment, a deployment, whatever happened over there,
which he cannot tell her it comes still comes home
with him, and so he has to come back to
(17:00):
her home, her environment, the way she's been disciplining the kids,
or the way that she's ran it, and enter into
her world. But that can be somewhat difficult, especially if
you're a type and you're a commander.
Speaker 6 (17:11):
Right right, Yeah, I definitely This is why I say, Shannon,
you really get it, because that's something that the women
do talk about, is I have my system going on,
I have my routine, and now I have to work
you into the routine just for a short amount of
time because you're gonna be leaving again and it kind.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Of disrupts the flow.
Speaker 6 (17:31):
So that is a challenge that couples need to get
a strategy and get on the same page about how
do we want to keep.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Evolving or changing our home.
Speaker 6 (17:42):
But communication is the big part that keeps us on
the same team moving in the same direction.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
If there's one tip you could give average normal people
like us the best thing you can do for your marriage,
what would it be? I know, I'm putting you on
the spot. Here is it date night? Is it checking
in with each other?
Speaker 7 (18:00):
What is that?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (18:01):
I would say this is mine because I have practiced this, right.
I've asked Tandra in every season of our marriage, how
am I doing? How am I doing? What could I
do better as a husband? How could I be there
for more for you more? How could I be a
better listener? How could I understand your heart more? I mean,
this is a complicated being right here, right, And so
(18:21):
the season that I.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
Knew her complicated complex.
Speaker 5 (18:25):
I guess it all depends on what day you asked
me then, But I just want to know. I don't
want to take advantage or sorry, take her for granted
to say what I knew about you and your last
season is you're still the same, right, And so learn
to ask questions that sometimes you might have to do
some work, and you might have to, you know, stay
up a little later organizing some things in your mind.
(18:46):
But man, ask the tough questions, how could I be
a better husband or wife?
Speaker 6 (18:51):
I would say, making sure you make your spouse and
your marriage a priority is going to be key, because
I think in the world we live in today, there's
so many demands on a couple to be pulled in
so many different directions, and it takes intentionality to make
each other a priority. Just as important as any other
(19:11):
appointment on your schedule is your appointment to connect with
your spouse and then your kids and your family. In
the book, we talk about winning the home game. That's
one way that you win the home game. I think
we focus so much on winning the away game in
our careers, in our hobbies, our sports, and everything that
we got pulling on us, and we focus on winning
(19:34):
in those areas, but sometimes the family and the marriage
gets put on the back burner. So that would be
my tip is just win the home game and keep
your family at the forefront because at the end of
the day, that's where your legacy will last. All the
other things we were sharing with another group, that's about
(19:55):
that ceo in New York City a few years ago
where of an insurance come company and the guy killed
that ceo and by the end of the day they
had replaced that ceo. Like his family is still grieving,
like I don't even know if all his family members
knew that he had been killed. But the fact that
you are replaceable in all these other areas, But the
(20:16):
area that you're not replaceable in is in your in
your family, in your kid's life, in your spouse's life.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
So yeah, so true, so true, George and Tondre Gregory.
The Marriage game Plan is the name of the book,
developing a winning strategy for marital success, available wherever you
get your books.
Speaker 7 (20:33):
Thanks. In a couple of weeks, we.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Come well, thanks for joining us on this labor day.
We will be back tomorrow. All tired now yeah, time
for a napping hour, four hours a show and it
just flew by like that. We'll see you tomorrow. You're
supposed to stay dry, everybody, Blessings,
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