August 27, 2025 • 11 mins
#PARENTING – Talking to Kids About Porn, Parents Don’t Need to Try Harder – to Ease Parenting Stress, Forget Self-Reliance and Look for Ways to Share the Care.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Justin Worsham is here.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
He is host of the Dad Podcast and we talk
things all all things parenting with Justin. Hello, and today
we're having a very delicate conversation about how to talk
to your children about porn. It's in all their pockets,
if they have a cell phone easily accessible, it will
find them in some places even if they're not looking
for it, whether it's friends or just happenstance.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
And I've actually talked to you about this.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I had a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend who's got kids,
who and her son at twelve thirteen kind of this
just happened to appear on his phone and she and
her husband had to sit down and talk to him
about what that means, what that is that he saw.
And unfortunately it's not just you know, two people in love,
is it? These days? It is crazy stuff and it's
(00:48):
a tough conversation to have. Why is that out there?
Why am I seeing it? What does it mean? And
why son? You don't want this?
Speaker 3 (00:57):
The Common Sense Media which is like a nonprofit website
that helps provide like you can if you're gonna take
your kid to a rated R movie, you can go
to Common Sense Media and they'll give you, like the
things that are going to happen that movie, why it's
rated R.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
They'll get specific without spoiling the movie.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
So they have found that when you look at thirteen
to seventeen year olds, the majority, so more than half
of them have have seen porn at some point.
Speaker 5 (01:22):
It's been there higher than that.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
I think it is right. I think that a lot
has to be unreported.
Speaker 6 (01:27):
Yeah, I'd be curious if that's a self reported number.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Yeah, because technology, like for us, you had the Playboy
fairy that would randomly somehow we had I don't know
how this even ended up, but in my neighborhood there
was a woodpile like tree limbs and somehow, like two
hustler ripped up magazines had found themselves in.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
There, and yeah, that's what we called it.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
You guys, you have the Playboy fairy that just somehow, somehow,
we just get discovered. I had this theory when I
became a father, But so far, the opportunity, for lack
of a better way putting it, has presented itself because
maybe my kids have cell phones and they don't need it.
But like I was, like, am I supposed to like
just act.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Drawer full of them.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Yeah, my dad had a duffel bag in the closet
that I was looking for Christmas presents and I found
one day after school. But uh, this is and then
the other thing, like this is.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Much better than any present. I'll tell you.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
That was.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
Car the comedic brain and me kicked into gear to.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Try to figure out what like playful title I could say,
and then tack on the word eight to the end,
like it's number eight in.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
The series the franchise, like it's fast and furious.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
But I immediately got afraid that whatever came up when
first would be inappropriate for radios. But but I like,
I don't know what you guys think about this.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
I don't. I'm not.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
I'm not too worried about the pornography. And my kids, like,
I'm sure if they've partaken in it, I don't. I
don't know it hasn't. I've talked to them about it
when they had we had to talk when they were
about eight and five.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
I said that, you.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Know, eventually you'll be able to look up on your computer,
like and you'll be able to see pornography. And I
just want you to know that it's normal. And I
think healthy to have that curiosity is healthy.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
To do what you're seeing is not normal.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
That's what I said. I go, I think it's healthy
to want to watch it. I think it's healthy and
fine to watch it, I said. But the thing that
as your father, I need you to understand is that
whatever you're watching is not an accurate representation of what
sex is like. That's not what it's supposed to be.
And I would encourage you not to make what when
you start having sex feel like you have to recreate
whatever you're seeing.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
Right.
Speaker 6 (03:40):
Uh, there's also a very biological or physiological thing that
happens to your brain when you watch it. Like it's
not just uh, it's not just I watched Star Wars
and thinks that and think that robots can walk around
their by themselves, or I could use the force, or
that I can use the force so that I would
(04:01):
pilot an X wing fight.
Speaker 5 (04:02):
Or whatever with zero training. Yeah, y ridiculous.
Speaker 6 (04:07):
But because there, because it is, it is such a
it's a animalistic reaction to it, right. It's it's the
same reason why we crave foods. We have to have
it to survive. Sex is one of those things is
you have to have to survive, and when you trigger
that in your brain, it wants to go back to
(04:29):
that place where it got it in the first place.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Like it if it's an addiction, yes, well.
Speaker 6 (04:35):
I mean it can lead to that, yes, if you're
not aware of it when it happens, Like if your
kids got into it and they're like, well, you know,
Dad says it's okay, or Dad says it's natural. But
the feeling is every day I gotta go get more.
And then, just like an addiction, the normal stuff doesn't
(04:55):
scratch the itch and you start getting weird. I had
that conversation, and that's the kind of that's the danger
of the For some people.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
It's not a big deal.
Speaker 6 (05:04):
For some people, they look at it they're like, not
my thing, or I don't care, or I know it's
fake or whatever, and they don't get into that. But
I think the concern is the younger you get into it,
that's what rewires your brain and shows you that that's
where to find that kind of satisfaction. I think the
data behind this is probably pretty correlated with the same
(05:24):
kind of data with alcohol, right, Like they know that
if you the more, the younger you have a taste
of alcohol for the first time, the more likely you
are to become an alcoholic. I am not a psychologist,
I'm not an expert, but I've always had this kind
of theory that I'm like, but what if genetically you
were already predisposed?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
And so that just kind of that's the first step.
And I would say the same thing has to go
with pornography, like my dad.
Speaker 5 (05:48):
Uh wait, your dad your story when we come back?
Speaker 4 (05:50):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (05:51):
Sorry, yeah, I.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Hope we're not going to sand bag your late father
non addiction.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
I have to come back.
Speaker 6 (06:00):
But maybe justin Alves in our big family's secret, we
have some minutes we've been talking with justin this very
very delicate issue about talking to your kids about pornography
and the way that you frame it. It's hard to
keep kids away from it, especially considering technology these days, and.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
It's more of.
Speaker 6 (06:23):
Giving them the tools to figure out what it is, yeah,
and to figure out how to deal with it if
it's shown to them, if they find themselves drawn to it, Like,
how do they then have the tools to deal with
whatever's going on in their head.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
I like this guy who they quoted in this article.
He's he works at an elementary school in Pennsylvania. His
name's Albernakio and he calls himself a sexual literacy teacher.
So what he talks about in like when they have
the first remember when I think when we were young
we all got split up. I don't know that they
split them up like in boy and girl classes anymore.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
Yeah they did. For our school, they did.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Yeah with a guys talked to him And now I
think everybody's all together. And it seems from what I've
learned from my kids at the stuff they've everything is
a lot more vague. Like what it was in my
elementary school was we all got together with one of
the six grade teachers who happened to be my teacher,
and he gave like a quick lesson on like STDs
and pregnancy and how sex works, and then it was
(07:20):
like Q and A for forty minutes.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
And it was there.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
What was great is that even at that time where
people would get made fun of, it seemed like that
seemed to be a very safe space in my opinion.
But it's what he talks about is that he can
he makes the comparison of like sex being very much
like pizza, that there you can get any variation of toppings,
and it depends on what you like, and what you
like can change and all that.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
I don't think that there's going to be a world
that you.
Speaker 5 (07:45):
Can believe no pineapple, right, No, like you just had.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
That's the swinger of pizzas. So I think that you.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Don't like pineapple, so.
Speaker 4 (08:08):
You justineapple.
Speaker 6 (08:11):
That's funny. He never has a second cuple of months
finapp Wait a minute, So anyway, but let's go back.
You hard before I know, before the before the break,
you were going to say something about your.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
Dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
When my sister had a party when she turned twenty one,
and my dad never let us have parties at the house,
and so she invited all her friends. Everybody's going to
be drinking. My parents collected everybody's keys. Everybody was of
age that was drinking. That was important to my parents.
And my dad noticed that everybody was just kind of
milling around and hanging out, and so he thought it
would be funny if he put an adult film on
the television in the living room, just my dad or
(08:55):
my sister twenty one. It was her twenty first birthday party,
oh boy, and so all of her friends were there
and he puts on this this adult film at.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
His daughter's party. Stepdaughter, this story, I don't.
Speaker 5 (09:09):
Didn't make it better.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
No, I could tell you of all the stories I
have about my dad.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
This is probably what he's very proud of.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
He was He's not gonna tap you on the shoulder
for this one, I'm sure from the afterlife, but he
so anyway, he puts it on.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
Nobody noticed except for his eight year old son. Muah.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
I was sitting down like watching it intently, and then
he saw he came in from like checking on the
people in the backyard, and he goes, oh, he said,
I have like a vague memory of this, and he goes.
He goes, I just didn't want to freak you out
and go what are you doing? I can scare you
because I didn't want it to be taboo.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
So he said. He goes, so, uh, well what you're watching?
Speaker 5 (09:47):
Son?
Speaker 4 (09:47):
And I go, I had some movie. I go, it's
not very good and I go, but he goes plot
he goes, what's it about?
Speaker 3 (09:54):
I go, I don't know, but I think this guy
is like a king or whatever, because all of these
women seem to want to take care of him.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
For some and that was all I got. He's like, Okay,
well maybe you should go to bed, And I went
to bed.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
And then there were a couple other times where like
he would forget his adult film in the VHS and
I would come home after school and I'd put it in.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
I'd see it. And I think it was because there
was regular jokes.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
There was also a lot of conversation that, like, sex
was very much an open topic in my house.
Speaker 4 (10:17):
So I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
It was not taboo like it was, And I think
I never wrestled with any of that addiction or any
of that kind of stuff.
Speaker 4 (10:27):
I just looked it up.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Roughly about eleven percent of Americans say that they have
an addiction to porn.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Gary's parents had outside sex even when he was an
adult because they wanted to keep it private.
Speaker 5 (10:40):
I think that's the antithesis of private.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Well, it was out of the home.
Speaker 5 (10:46):
It's on the back porch right.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
What you guys can't see at home is the prideful
smirk on Shannon's face. I don't know if it comes
through the radio, I could see it because I've seen
it so many times.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Listen, if everyone's parents are being thrown under the bus.
Gary parents out the best.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
I'm proud of that. We don't have time for your parents.
Speaker 6 (11:05):
What happened, Well, she said that her dad had a drawing.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
Oh, that's right, that's right. Why is that bad? That's
not bad, it's not horrible.
Speaker 6 (11:14):
No, no, no, no, everyone has their suns like he
left him in the bathroom or strewn about the house.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Specifically, like my dad put a porn on my birthday party.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Exactly right.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
That's creepy, especially he was your stepdad.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
That's just weird than you. Just always And we come
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Back to Gary and Shannon
Justin Worsham is here.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
He is host of the Dad Podcast and we talk
things all all things parenting with Justin. Hello, and today
we're having a very delicate conversation about how to talk
to your children about porn. It's in all their pockets,
if they have a cell phone easily accessible, it will
find them in some places even if they're not looking
for it, whether it's friends or just happenstance.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
And I've actually talked to you about this.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I had a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend who's got kids,
who and her son at twelve thirteen kind of this
just happened to appear on his phone and she and
her husband had to sit down and talk to him
about what that means, what that is that he saw.
And unfortunately it's not just you know, two people in love,
is it? These days? It is crazy stuff and it's
(00:48):
a tough conversation to have. Why is that out there?
Why am I seeing it? What does it mean? And
why son? You don't want this?
Speaker 3 (00:57):
The Common Sense Media which is like a nonprofit website
that helps provide like you can if you're gonna take
your kid to a rated R movie, you can go
to Common Sense Media and they'll give you, like the
things that are going to happen that movie, why it's
rated R.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
They'll get specific without spoiling the movie.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
So they have found that when you look at thirteen
to seventeen year olds, the majority, so more than half
of them have have seen porn at some point.
Speaker 5 (01:22):
It's been there higher than that.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
I think it is right. I think that a lot
has to be unreported.
Speaker 6 (01:27):
Yeah, I'd be curious if that's a self reported number.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Yeah, because technology, like for us, you had the Playboy
fairy that would randomly somehow we had I don't know
how this even ended up, but in my neighborhood there
was a woodpile like tree limbs and somehow, like two
hustler ripped up magazines had found themselves in.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
There, and yeah, that's what we called it.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
You guys, you have the Playboy fairy that just somehow, somehow,
we just get discovered. I had this theory when I
became a father, But so far, the opportunity, for lack
of a better way putting it, has presented itself because
maybe my kids have cell phones and they don't need it.
But like I was, like, am I supposed to like
just act.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Drawer full of them.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Yeah, my dad had a duffel bag in the closet
that I was looking for Christmas presents and I found
one day after school. But uh, this is and then
the other thing, like this is.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Much better than any present. I'll tell you.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
That was.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
Car the comedic brain and me kicked into gear to.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Try to figure out what like playful title I could say,
and then tack on the word eight to the end,
like it's number eight in.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
The series the franchise, like it's fast and furious.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
But I immediately got afraid that whatever came up when
first would be inappropriate for radios. But but I like,
I don't know what you guys think about this.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
I don't. I'm not.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
I'm not too worried about the pornography. And my kids, like,
I'm sure if they've partaken in it, I don't. I
don't know it hasn't. I've talked to them about it
when they had we had to talk when they were
about eight and five.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
I said that, you.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Know, eventually you'll be able to look up on your computer,
like and you'll be able to see pornography. And I
just want you to know that it's normal. And I
think healthy to have that curiosity is healthy.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
To do what you're seeing is not normal.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
That's what I said. I go, I think it's healthy
to want to watch it. I think it's healthy and
fine to watch it, I said. But the thing that
as your father, I need you to understand is that
whatever you're watching is not an accurate representation of what
sex is like. That's not what it's supposed to be.
And I would encourage you not to make what when
you start having sex feel like you have to recreate
whatever you're seeing.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
Right.
Speaker 6 (03:40):
Uh, there's also a very biological or physiological thing that
happens to your brain when you watch it. Like it's
not just uh, it's not just I watched Star Wars
and thinks that and think that robots can walk around
their by themselves, or I could use the force, or
that I can use the force so that I would
(04:01):
pilot an X wing fight.
Speaker 5 (04:02):
Or whatever with zero training. Yeah, y ridiculous.
Speaker 6 (04:07):
But because there, because it is, it is such a
it's a animalistic reaction to it, right. It's it's the
same reason why we crave foods. We have to have
it to survive. Sex is one of those things is
you have to have to survive, and when you trigger
that in your brain, it wants to go back to
(04:29):
that place where it got it in the first place.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Like it if it's an addiction, yes, well.
Speaker 6 (04:35):
I mean it can lead to that, yes, if you're
not aware of it when it happens, Like if your
kids got into it and they're like, well, you know,
Dad says it's okay, or Dad says it's natural. But
the feeling is every day I gotta go get more.
And then, just like an addiction, the normal stuff doesn't
(04:55):
scratch the itch and you start getting weird. I had
that conversation, and that's the kind of that's the danger
of the For some people.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
It's not a big deal.
Speaker 6 (05:04):
For some people, they look at it they're like, not
my thing, or I don't care, or I know it's
fake or whatever, and they don't get into that. But
I think the concern is the younger you get into it,
that's what rewires your brain and shows you that that's
where to find that kind of satisfaction. I think the
data behind this is probably pretty correlated with the same
(05:24):
kind of data with alcohol, right, Like they know that
if you the more, the younger you have a taste
of alcohol for the first time, the more likely you
are to become an alcoholic. I am not a psychologist,
I'm not an expert, but I've always had this kind
of theory that I'm like, but what if genetically you
were already predisposed?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
And so that just kind of that's the first step.
And I would say the same thing has to go
with pornography, like my dad.
Speaker 5 (05:48):
Uh wait, your dad your story when we come back?
Speaker 4 (05:50):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (05:51):
Sorry, yeah, I.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Hope we're not going to sand bag your late father
non addiction.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
I have to come back.
Speaker 6 (06:00):
But maybe justin Alves in our big family's secret, we
have some minutes we've been talking with justin this very
very delicate issue about talking to your kids about pornography
and the way that you frame it. It's hard to
keep kids away from it, especially considering technology these days, and.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
It's more of.
Speaker 6 (06:23):
Giving them the tools to figure out what it is, yeah,
and to figure out how to deal with it if
it's shown to them, if they find themselves drawn to it, Like,
how do they then have the tools to deal with
whatever's going on in their head.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
I like this guy who they quoted in this article.
He's he works at an elementary school in Pennsylvania. His
name's Albernakio and he calls himself a sexual literacy teacher.
So what he talks about in like when they have
the first remember when I think when we were young
we all got split up. I don't know that they
split them up like in boy and girl classes anymore.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
Yeah they did. For our school, they did.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Yeah with a guys talked to him And now I
think everybody's all together. And it seems from what I've
learned from my kids at the stuff they've everything is
a lot more vague. Like what it was in my
elementary school was we all got together with one of
the six grade teachers who happened to be my teacher,
and he gave like a quick lesson on like STDs
and pregnancy and how sex works, and then it was
(07:20):
like Q and A for forty minutes.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
And it was there.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
What was great is that even at that time where
people would get made fun of, it seemed like that
seemed to be a very safe space in my opinion.
But it's what he talks about is that he can
he makes the comparison of like sex being very much
like pizza, that there you can get any variation of toppings,
and it depends on what you like, and what you
like can change and all that.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
I don't think that there's going to be a world
that you.
Speaker 5 (07:45):
Can believe no pineapple, right, No, like you just had.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
That's the swinger of pizzas. So I think that you.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Don't like pineapple, so.
Speaker 4 (08:08):
You justineapple.
Speaker 6 (08:11):
That's funny. He never has a second cuple of months
finapp Wait a minute, So anyway, but let's go back.
You hard before I know, before the before the break,
you were going to say something about your.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
Dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
When my sister had a party when she turned twenty one,
and my dad never let us have parties at the house,
and so she invited all her friends. Everybody's going to
be drinking. My parents collected everybody's keys. Everybody was of
age that was drinking. That was important to my parents.
And my dad noticed that everybody was just kind of
milling around and hanging out, and so he thought it
would be funny if he put an adult film on
the television in the living room, just my dad or
(08:55):
my sister twenty one. It was her twenty first birthday party,
oh boy, and so all of her friends were there
and he puts on this this adult film at.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
His daughter's party. Stepdaughter, this story, I don't.
Speaker 5 (09:09):
Didn't make it better.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
No, I could tell you of all the stories I
have about my dad.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
This is probably what he's very proud of.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
He was He's not gonna tap you on the shoulder
for this one, I'm sure from the afterlife, but he
so anyway, he puts it on.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
Nobody noticed except for his eight year old son. Muah.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
I was sitting down like watching it intently, and then
he saw he came in from like checking on the
people in the backyard, and he goes, oh, he said,
I have like a vague memory of this, and he goes.
He goes, I just didn't want to freak you out
and go what are you doing? I can scare you
because I didn't want it to be taboo.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
So he said. He goes, so, uh, well what you're watching?
Speaker 5 (09:47):
Son?
Speaker 4 (09:47):
And I go, I had some movie. I go, it's
not very good and I go, but he goes plot
he goes, what's it about?
Speaker 3 (09:54):
I go, I don't know, but I think this guy
is like a king or whatever, because all of these
women seem to want to take care of him.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
For some and that was all I got. He's like, Okay,
well maybe you should go to bed, And I went
to bed.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
And then there were a couple other times where like
he would forget his adult film in the VHS and
I would come home after school and I'd put it in.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
I'd see it. And I think it was because there
was regular jokes.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
There was also a lot of conversation that, like, sex
was very much an open topic in my house.
Speaker 4 (10:17):
So I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
It was not taboo like it was, And I think
I never wrestled with any of that addiction or any
of that kind of stuff.
Speaker 4 (10:27):
I just looked it up.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Roughly about eleven percent of Americans say that they have
an addiction to porn.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Gary's parents had outside sex even when he was an
adult because they wanted to keep it private.
Speaker 5 (10:40):
I think that's the antithesis of private.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Well, it was out of the home.
Speaker 5 (10:46):
It's on the back porch right.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
What you guys can't see at home is the prideful
smirk on Shannon's face. I don't know if it comes
through the radio, I could see it because I've seen
it so many times.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Listen, if everyone's parents are being thrown under the bus.
Gary parents out the best.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
I'm proud of that. We don't have time for your parents.
Speaker 6 (11:05):
What happened, Well, she said that her dad had a drawing.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
Oh, that's right, that's right. Why is that bad? That's
not bad, it's not horrible.
Speaker 6 (11:14):
No, no, no, no, everyone has their suns like he
left him in the bathroom or strewn about the house.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Specifically, like my dad put a porn on my birthday party.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Exactly right.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
That's creepy, especially he was your stepdad.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
That's just weird than you. Just always And we come
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Back to Gary and Shannon
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