December 17, 2025 • 15 mins
They’re then joined by The Dad Podcast host Justin Worsham to unpack the rise of “gentle parenting” — what it actually means, how it differs from authoritarian parenting, and why setting firm boundaries doesn’t require raising your voice. The conversation tackles the controversial question of whether a little discipline crosses into harm, or if that framing misses the point entirely.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, we like, I'm talking to Justin Warsham, He's we
talk about parenting issues with Justin because.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
He's the best. So it's a scary time when you
say something to Shannon and she's self edits right, like
oh yes, it's like that is the terrifying moment. It
feels very much like what I imagine Pandora's Box to
be because there is a curiosity. There's a curiosity of
the unknown, but you also feel safe and unknown. I
will also say this though, if you wait her out,
she'll often tell you really like if you don't play
(00:28):
it like I did.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
I don't even care what you were thinking, she'll hit
you it vellcrow parents?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
What is a velcrow parent? I grabbed this.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Because I while coming through weirdly enough and I looked
into it very unrelated. There were like six kind of
trending articles about being a having a velcro kid, a
kid that is attached to you at the side like separation,
anxiety and this is horrible and a pet is what
I like? Those dude, so and then they stubled across
this one that was new that it said being a
(00:59):
velcrow parent and the downsides of it and what I
liked about it was it said, you know a lot
of people think helicopter parenting is being a velcrow parent,
but it's actually not, because helicopter parenting is just monitoring,
whereas velcro parenting you are fused with your kid emotionally
and physically, like you are invested in every moment and
(01:20):
everything that they do. And again, it's the part that
fascinates me about all this kind of like really trying
to be super invested in your kid is that on paper,
everyone would assume that the more invested you are in
your chick, your child's emotional and mental well being, that
that should be a good thing. But for whatever reason,
(01:40):
the way human beings seem to be wired is that
it does not seem to work out well like helicopter
There's all this research that's coming in helicopter parenting, this
velcrow parenting. They even talk about it here that it
leads to increased anxiety and all, And I think it
really just stems my theory as it stems from your
removing negative experiences.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Like parents being objective voices.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
When it came to how I was feeling about a
particular thing, not very mature attitude to have looking back, Yeah,
I'm valuing that looking back, I don't think in a minute,
I think.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
You going like, my dad's really being the check.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
But I would looking back, I'm thinking, you know, they
were not so wrapped up in my if I was
upset about losing a game, or like I played in
a game, if I was upset about you know, insert
being upset about something here, emotional or upset about something,
they never matched my emotions.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
They would just.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
Say, yeah, that sucked and you know, move on like this,
so shall pass or whatever. And being detached like that
an objective I think is helpful. If you had a
parent that was like, I know, it was the worst
game ever, this is awful.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
I feel like that spiral would just continue to their
snowball would continue to pick up.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
It.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Talks a lot about it during the pandemic of people
who were afraid and nervous during the pandemic.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Their kids were nervous and afraid during the pandemic.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Figure out why, and you idiots, Yeah, well, I mean
this this is one of those we make fun of
and talk a lot about kids and their anxieties these days.
And this seems like the velcrow parent just the mechanism
of being that close and that invested in your kid
(03:20):
and their outcomes. You don't allow them to have their
own feelings. And if you are that person who is anxious,
they only learn from watching you. If that's how you
deal with tough situations, is you break down and shut
down and I can't because it's so I'm so anxious. I,
(03:41):
then you're teaching them to do that exact same thing,
and it's I. That's not to say you can give
all your kids all the tools that they need to
function in life and they throw them all out or
they don't use them, or they hate them or whatever.
That's not that's not a guarantee, but it just seems
like this, Uh, we parents oftentimes don't do the calculation
(04:05):
of I need to show by example how to deal
with situations as much as as much as we should.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
I wish I had.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Maybe I'll do some digging into this, because all this
makes me believe we talk a lot about, like you said,
your parents, I think we all, everybody at this table
and probably most of the people listening, all have this thing.
When we were growing up, our parents didn't really care
about what we thought or what we wanted a lot,
you know what I mean. They weren't neglectful, they weren't
indifferent to us entirely, but it was just there this
fible like I don't know why you're talking right now.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
This is not your place to talk. Go do kid things. Yeah,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
We spoke, there would be a record scratch and someone
would throw a cocktail at our head.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Yeah, and then they're out of here.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
And we grew up with We grew up with jokes
and movies about like you know what I jokingly called
dads from the fifties who didn't express emotions and they
you know, they say I love you or I'm proud
of you one time when you're fifty seven, and then
you know, like it all happens and somehow or you're
anger for that and I I and maybe it's just
about being in the middle.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
But it's I don't I don't know why that's such.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
A negative thing for you to not constantly blow sunshine
up your kids, but or praise them or be so invested,
Like why do we think it's neglectful because you're just
letting them kind of live their life a little bit.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
M I didn't blow sunshine.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
It was realistic, but he always said I love you.
That was a big thing because he I don't think
he grew up with a lot of that. I don't know,
but I I mean, I don't know, but he was
very much always wanted to let you know I love you,
even if you know you're screwing up or whatever.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
That never went away.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
The withholding love never happened, and I think that is
a very important thing.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
It was important for me that.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
To have that, Like you know, you always know that
you're loved, even when you're a piece of crap kid
or whatever, You're still loved. It doesn't mean that they
are approving what you're doing, but they still love you.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Yeah, that no matter what. And I think, am I wrong?
Like I just I think you.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Can have that without this without feeling like I'm making
every decision for little Timmy and they have to do
this so they can get into this school, and this
is what you need to do. And then I need
to know everything that's going on in your life at
all points. Like I know, I teeter on that personally,
but I also there's a lot that I just like,
you're gonna figure this out.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Well, it's because and I think the difference is that
you are invested in their lives, but you're not overinvested
and you're not controlling it.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
No.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
I mean you're invested in the outcome.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
You obviously care about what they're going through, and you
care about what how they handle whatever situation, but you're
not the one who's on the sidelines with the clipboard
yelling at him.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Going now, now, you say you do want to be
a show choir for the rest of your life, Yeah,
you're right, right whatever.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
I'm at the point where I feel like I'm somebody
that they walk by in a grocery store, because like
they come by and they're like, this is I go listen.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
I don't think that's a good idea, but you go
ahead and do you? Man? I say that a lot
now in my house.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
Can you know you can be the bump first on
the on the bowling alley the guardrails. You can't guide
the ball, but you can be there to make sure
it's on the right uh lane.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
I like it myself.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
The fake bumpers, like, I think they're there visually, but
if you come in hard and fast at one of
those walls, I'm gonna let you hit it.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
I'm gonna let you gutter it. Yeah, because I.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Really, I really think that's where people really get to
learn and grow in the gutter. In the gutter, like
I mean, I know this is a sappy example, but.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Just landed in the gutter a couple of times.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Just when we come back, we'll talk more.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Gut her time.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
By the way, great, here's my podcast, Great guy, Great.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Solo venture here. This is when the band starts to
break up ka Yoka.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Justin Worsham is host of The Dad Podcast and joins
us each Wednesday where we tackle parenting. What is going
on with the trends. There's so many trends when it
comes to parenting. We went into velcrow parents and what
that entail. A gentle parenting continues to kind of make
the rounds, at least on TikTok and social media about
(08:07):
more often than not, I see, you know, I've got
this gentle parenting worked. It's working out. It's happening, you know,
because a kid will have one behavioral win. And then
some people who say this gentle parenting thing not working out.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
I think if for the ones that I've seen where
gentle parenting is working, I think it's that they're doing it.
Like in this example that I found, this person was
doing gentle parenting but was having all these negative results.
And when they kind of did some self reflection, what
they found is that they had actually transitioned into being permissive,
which is basically anything kind of goes and you want
to be more middle of the road. And I would
(08:43):
perceive gentle parenting as it is authoritarian, but it is
like you're really not raising your voice. You're having a
conversation when you when you feel like instead of saying no,
you're having a conversation where you inform the kid as
to why the answer would be no, instead of just
going no, we're not doing that.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
And I there's no way I could live in that
gentle parenting world.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
I don't undertan trust me, there's parts of me that
wishes I was a stronger person than I could. But
I barely Like it's better now that they're teenagers, but
there were multiple times when my kids were younger that
I could barely listen to their stories, like it was
just it was hard, it was rough. They're not interesting.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
People when they're young, dumb when they're young, yes, and
boring to a lot of it in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
It's such a weird thing to love them so much
at the same time loving somebody who's completely uninteresting.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Isn't that weird? Is Thereah? Because my wife does it
all the time, exactly?
Speaker 4 (09:36):
Is there advice on, you know, listening to kids' stories
when they you know.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
They're they're of that age where they like to talk
a lot.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
And they're not really not really saying anything, but you
want to show them that you're interested in what they
have to say.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
But they need to learn to edit, right.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
They need to learn to edit and maybe only speak
for the important stuff.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Or I don't think I ever se they remember any
of that.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Like, did I waste a lot of time with my
nephews listening to innate stories?
Speaker 3 (09:58):
I don't think so. Well, here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I laughed you because obviously I was a kid who
talked a lot. I talked a lot with adults. My
dad liked me to hang around adults. He thought it
was good for me, and my mom would kind of
give me a hard time about talking a lot.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
But when my.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Step mom came into the picture, she would listen to
me all the time like and was always like would
ask me questions like it's her superpower. My stepmom is
really really good with kids, like the grandkids, doesn't matter
what age they are, like, she's just always invested.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
And I had moments of that.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
But I also I think there were more moments where
I was engaged in listening, but there were some moments
where I'm just like, I don't have it in the
tank today, Like I just don't.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
I'm sorry you don't have the band way.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
It gets a lot better when they're older, but I
think it meant I remember it meaning a lot to
me when I was like six and seven years old
that my stepmom would listen to me. So I don't
know that it has to be you. I think again
that I've seen data. Really as long as you're getting
it at least thirty percent of.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
The time, remember still winning a lot as a child
you didn't talk about.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
I don't remember having like dissertations the way that some
kids have today, where they've got like a yarn they're
spending for quite a while, you know, I don't remember
doing that to adults.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
I had cousins.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
We would get together and we would put on shows
for for whoever would watch, and it was really awful.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
It was just awful.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
And I think of it as a parent like, oh,
it's variety show time.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Yeah, we used to do that, and we would always
put the time we put a time you got you got?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
No, I always okay, you have five minutes. Even a
caundar kid, well that's the good.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
A little pitchy dog, well they need to learn to edit.
They have to figure that out.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
And also they have to, you know, give me a story,
give me a beginning, middle.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
And end.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
But see, this is this work on the closer that
this is.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Kind of the in my opinion, like the key to
my parenting philosophy, Like you have gentle parenting where I
just feel like everything about making that person feel good
and all that. All I hear when I hear, when
I listen to that is that no part of the real.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
World is looking to make you feel good when you leave.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Your parents' house or the sweet cuddling of your grandmother's arms.
Nobody's trying to go how can I make Justin feel
good about himself today? And I don't understand why this
seems to be so important to us as parents. I'm
not saying that we need to manufacture tearing people down either.
That's not my point. I'm just saying, don't just be
genuine right like you can. It's not hard to genuinely
(12:30):
trust me. I care way more about my kid's dumb
stories than what you should. Right. There's no way that
my kid could come in here and tell a goofy
story and you be equally invested as you for letting
me off those you're welcome, so it's already baked in.
I think you don't have to worry about manufacturing the interest.
And I don't know how you're doing them any papers
if they're not interesting by telling them there are. I
(12:52):
used to worry because my younger son I would give
a lot of guff to and now he jokes about
it all the time like he gets it.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
And to go back to what Shane was or what
you were saying earlier in terms of you know, there
was a time when we weren't listened to, when we
as kids, we were not expected to involve ourselves in
the conversation of the adults in the room. And we
all know people who have allowed their kids to have
that interaction with adults, and then when they come into
(13:17):
your house or there's a bigger event they're all involved.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
And you're like, who is this kid? Who does he
think he is?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
He's not funny, he doesn't know anything that he's talking
about about. You know, we're talking about taxes or divorces
or something like that, and he's like, yeah, tell me
about it, bro, you're fourteen.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
I want all of us to genuinely take some time
to think about do you know anybody whose parents like
love them so much and thought they were so great
and so perfect that actually turned out perfect and interesting.
I've always said that just a little dusting of abuse
makes people interesting, Yeah, but not you know, physical or No,
I'm not dusting, That's what I mean spanking. There's a
(13:57):
lot more comedians that were great in the eighties. I'm
just saying when spanking was also cocaine. There's a difference
bet spanking and beating. And I mean this sincerely, right,
I'm not.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
This discover it always causes problems.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Yes, but still I think I think all I'm saying
is you can err on the side of not being
super nice to your kid.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Not everything has to be gentle. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
I think a little abuse is good, right, Yeah, maybe
dusting shrinkle, especially.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
If it's unintentional, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Where you're just like, what I mean is like you
had a moment, right, You're just like, Ah, that was
I'm sorry, man, I'm not.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
Supposed to do That was a moment's intentional abuse.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Oh my bad? Right? Isn't it like.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
You can't act in the heat of a moment when
you're mad as a parent, you have to be intentional
about punishments.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
I don't think that's realistic though. Realistically, you have a moment.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
I don't think you understand about my experience in parenting
and how you should listen to me.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
I'm sorry, you know what, Honestly, you've given me a
lot of profound advice.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
A lot of them came out of her gut. I
can't wait to tune in the podcasts.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
The word profound because yesterday there was a story calling
Irhea profound.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
So remember that?
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Yeah, you said that, like you genuinely thought you made
that up.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
From a dream. You said, Wait, you remember that, right,
because otherwise I just said that I'll allow for no reason.
And we're running out of time for Elmer to dump this.
Get it, get it, profound, profound boy,
Well, we like, I'm talking to Justin Warsham, He's we
talk about parenting issues with Justin because.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
He's the best. So it's a scary time when you
say something to Shannon and she's self edits right, like
oh yes, it's like that is the terrifying moment. It
feels very much like what I imagine Pandora's Box to
be because there is a curiosity. There's a curiosity of
the unknown, but you also feel safe and unknown. I
will also say this though, if you wait her out,
she'll often tell you really like if you don't play
(00:28):
it like I did.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
I don't even care what you were thinking, she'll hit
you it vellcrow parents?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
What is a velcrow parent? I grabbed this.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Because I while coming through weirdly enough and I looked
into it very unrelated. There were like six kind of
trending articles about being a having a velcro kid, a
kid that is attached to you at the side like separation,
anxiety and this is horrible and a pet is what
I like? Those dude, so and then they stubled across
this one that was new that it said being a
(00:59):
velcrow parent and the downsides of it and what I
liked about it was it said, you know a lot
of people think helicopter parenting is being a velcrow parent,
but it's actually not, because helicopter parenting is just monitoring,
whereas velcro parenting you are fused with your kid emotionally
and physically, like you are invested in every moment and
(01:20):
everything that they do. And again, it's the part that
fascinates me about all this kind of like really trying
to be super invested in your kid is that on paper,
everyone would assume that the more invested you are in
your chick, your child's emotional and mental well being, that
that should be a good thing. But for whatever reason,
(01:40):
the way human beings seem to be wired is that
it does not seem to work out well like helicopter
There's all this research that's coming in helicopter parenting, this
velcrow parenting. They even talk about it here that it
leads to increased anxiety and all, And I think it
really just stems my theory as it stems from your
removing negative experiences.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Like parents being objective voices.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
When it came to how I was feeling about a
particular thing, not very mature attitude to have looking back, Yeah,
I'm valuing that looking back, I don't think in a minute,
I think.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
You going like, my dad's really being the check.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
But I would looking back, I'm thinking, you know, they
were not so wrapped up in my if I was
upset about losing a game, or like I played in
a game, if I was upset about you know, insert
being upset about something here, emotional or upset about something,
they never matched my emotions.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
They would just.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
Say, yeah, that sucked and you know, move on like this,
so shall pass or whatever. And being detached like that
an objective I think is helpful. If you had a
parent that was like, I know, it was the worst
game ever, this is awful.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
I feel like that spiral would just continue to their
snowball would continue to pick up.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
It.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Talks a lot about it during the pandemic of people
who were afraid and nervous during the pandemic.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Their kids were nervous and afraid during the pandemic.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Figure out why, and you idiots, Yeah, well, I mean
this this is one of those we make fun of
and talk a lot about kids and their anxieties these days.
And this seems like the velcrow parent just the mechanism
of being that close and that invested in your kid
(03:20):
and their outcomes. You don't allow them to have their
own feelings. And if you are that person who is anxious,
they only learn from watching you. If that's how you
deal with tough situations, is you break down and shut
down and I can't because it's so I'm so anxious. I,
(03:41):
then you're teaching them to do that exact same thing,
and it's I. That's not to say you can give
all your kids all the tools that they need to
function in life and they throw them all out or
they don't use them, or they hate them or whatever.
That's not that's not a guarantee, but it just seems
like this, Uh, we parents oftentimes don't do the calculation
(04:05):
of I need to show by example how to deal
with situations as much as as much as we should.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
I wish I had.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Maybe I'll do some digging into this, because all this
makes me believe we talk a lot about, like you said,
your parents, I think we all, everybody at this table
and probably most of the people listening, all have this thing.
When we were growing up, our parents didn't really care
about what we thought or what we wanted a lot,
you know what I mean. They weren't neglectful, they weren't
indifferent to us entirely, but it was just there this
fible like I don't know why you're talking right now.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
This is not your place to talk. Go do kid things. Yeah,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
We spoke, there would be a record scratch and someone
would throw a cocktail at our head.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Yeah, and then they're out of here.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
And we grew up with We grew up with jokes
and movies about like you know what I jokingly called
dads from the fifties who didn't express emotions and they
you know, they say I love you or I'm proud
of you one time when you're fifty seven, and then
you know, like it all happens and somehow or you're
anger for that and I I and maybe it's just
about being in the middle.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
But it's I don't I don't know why that's such.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
A negative thing for you to not constantly blow sunshine
up your kids, but or praise them or be so invested,
Like why do we think it's neglectful because you're just
letting them kind of live their life a little bit.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
M I didn't blow sunshine.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
It was realistic, but he always said I love you.
That was a big thing because he I don't think
he grew up with a lot of that. I don't know,
but I I mean, I don't know, but he was
very much always wanted to let you know I love you,
even if you know you're screwing up or whatever.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
That never went away.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
The withholding love never happened, and I think that is
a very important thing.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
It was important for me that.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
To have that, Like you know, you always know that
you're loved, even when you're a piece of crap kid
or whatever, You're still loved. It doesn't mean that they
are approving what you're doing, but they still love you.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Yeah, that no matter what. And I think, am I wrong?
Like I just I think you.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Can have that without this without feeling like I'm making
every decision for little Timmy and they have to do
this so they can get into this school, and this
is what you need to do. And then I need
to know everything that's going on in your life at
all points. Like I know, I teeter on that personally,
but I also there's a lot that I just like,
you're gonna figure this out.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Well, it's because and I think the difference is that
you are invested in their lives, but you're not overinvested
and you're not controlling it.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
No.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
I mean you're invested in the outcome.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
You obviously care about what they're going through, and you
care about what how they handle whatever situation, but you're
not the one who's on the sidelines with the clipboard
yelling at him.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Going now, now, you say you do want to be
a show choir for the rest of your life, Yeah,
you're right, right whatever.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
I'm at the point where I feel like I'm somebody
that they walk by in a grocery store, because like
they come by and they're like, this is I go listen.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
I don't think that's a good idea, but you go
ahead and do you? Man? I say that a lot
now in my house.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
Can you know you can be the bump first on
the on the bowling alley the guardrails. You can't guide
the ball, but you can be there to make sure
it's on the right uh lane.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
I like it myself.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
The fake bumpers, like, I think they're there visually, but
if you come in hard and fast at one of
those walls, I'm gonna let you hit it.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
I'm gonna let you gutter it. Yeah, because I.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Really, I really think that's where people really get to
learn and grow in the gutter. In the gutter, like
I mean, I know this is a sappy example, but.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Just landed in the gutter a couple of times.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Just when we come back, we'll talk more.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Gut her time.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
By the way, great, here's my podcast, Great guy, Great.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Solo venture here. This is when the band starts to
break up ka Yoka.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Justin Worsham is host of The Dad Podcast and joins
us each Wednesday where we tackle parenting. What is going
on with the trends. There's so many trends when it
comes to parenting. We went into velcrow parents and what
that entail. A gentle parenting continues to kind of make
the rounds, at least on TikTok and social media about
(08:07):
more often than not, I see, you know, I've got
this gentle parenting worked. It's working out. It's happening, you know,
because a kid will have one behavioral win. And then
some people who say this gentle parenting thing not working out.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
I think if for the ones that I've seen where
gentle parenting is working, I think it's that they're doing it.
Like in this example that I found, this person was
doing gentle parenting but was having all these negative results.
And when they kind of did some self reflection, what
they found is that they had actually transitioned into being permissive,
which is basically anything kind of goes and you want
to be more middle of the road. And I would
(08:43):
perceive gentle parenting as it is authoritarian, but it is
like you're really not raising your voice. You're having a
conversation when you when you feel like instead of saying no,
you're having a conversation where you inform the kid as
to why the answer would be no, instead of just
going no, we're not doing that.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
And I there's no way I could live in that
gentle parenting world.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
I don't undertan trust me, there's parts of me that
wishes I was a stronger person than I could. But
I barely Like it's better now that they're teenagers, but
there were multiple times when my kids were younger that
I could barely listen to their stories, like it was
just it was hard, it was rough. They're not interesting.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
People when they're young, dumb when they're young, yes, and
boring to a lot of it in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
It's such a weird thing to love them so much
at the same time loving somebody who's completely uninteresting.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Isn't that weird? Is Thereah? Because my wife does it
all the time, exactly?
Speaker 4 (09:36):
Is there advice on, you know, listening to kids' stories
when they you know.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
They're they're of that age where they like to talk
a lot.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
And they're not really not really saying anything, but you
want to show them that you're interested in what they
have to say.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
But they need to learn to edit, right.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
They need to learn to edit and maybe only speak
for the important stuff.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Or I don't think I ever se they remember any
of that.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Like, did I waste a lot of time with my
nephews listening to innate stories?
Speaker 3 (09:58):
I don't think so. Well, here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I laughed you because obviously I was a kid who
talked a lot. I talked a lot with adults. My
dad liked me to hang around adults. He thought it
was good for me, and my mom would kind of
give me a hard time about talking a lot.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
But when my.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Step mom came into the picture, she would listen to
me all the time like and was always like would
ask me questions like it's her superpower. My stepmom is
really really good with kids, like the grandkids, doesn't matter
what age they are, like, she's just always invested.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
And I had moments of that.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
But I also I think there were more moments where
I was engaged in listening, but there were some moments
where I'm just like, I don't have it in the
tank today, Like I just don't.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
I'm sorry you don't have the band way.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
It gets a lot better when they're older, but I
think it meant I remember it meaning a lot to
me when I was like six and seven years old
that my stepmom would listen to me. So I don't
know that it has to be you. I think again
that I've seen data. Really as long as you're getting
it at least thirty percent of.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
The time, remember still winning a lot as a child
you didn't talk about.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
I don't remember having like dissertations the way that some
kids have today, where they've got like a yarn they're
spending for quite a while, you know, I don't remember
doing that to adults.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
I had cousins.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
We would get together and we would put on shows
for for whoever would watch, and it was really awful.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
It was just awful.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
And I think of it as a parent like, oh,
it's variety show time.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Yeah, we used to do that, and we would always
put the time we put a time you got you got?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
No, I always okay, you have five minutes. Even a
caundar kid, well that's the good.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
A little pitchy dog, well they need to learn to edit.
They have to figure that out.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
And also they have to, you know, give me a story,
give me a beginning, middle.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
And end.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
But see, this is this work on the closer that
this is.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Kind of the in my opinion, like the key to
my parenting philosophy, Like you have gentle parenting where I
just feel like everything about making that person feel good
and all that. All I hear when I hear, when
I listen to that is that no part of the real.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
World is looking to make you feel good when you leave.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Your parents' house or the sweet cuddling of your grandmother's arms.
Nobody's trying to go how can I make Justin feel
good about himself today? And I don't understand why this
seems to be so important to us as parents. I'm
not saying that we need to manufacture tearing people down either.
That's not my point. I'm just saying, don't just be
genuine right like you can. It's not hard to genuinely
(12:30):
trust me. I care way more about my kid's dumb
stories than what you should. Right. There's no way that
my kid could come in here and tell a goofy
story and you be equally invested as you for letting
me off those you're welcome, so it's already baked in.
I think you don't have to worry about manufacturing the interest.
And I don't know how you're doing them any papers
if they're not interesting by telling them there are. I
(12:52):
used to worry because my younger son I would give
a lot of guff to and now he jokes about
it all the time like he gets it.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
And to go back to what Shane was or what
you were saying earlier in terms of you know, there
was a time when we weren't listened to, when we
as kids, we were not expected to involve ourselves in
the conversation of the adults in the room. And we
all know people who have allowed their kids to have
that interaction with adults, and then when they come into
(13:17):
your house or there's a bigger event they're all involved.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
And you're like, who is this kid? Who does he
think he is?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
He's not funny, he doesn't know anything that he's talking
about about. You know, we're talking about taxes or divorces
or something like that, and he's like, yeah, tell me
about it, bro, you're fourteen.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
I want all of us to genuinely take some time
to think about do you know anybody whose parents like
love them so much and thought they were so great
and so perfect that actually turned out perfect and interesting.
I've always said that just a little dusting of abuse
makes people interesting, Yeah, but not you know, physical or No,
I'm not dusting, That's what I mean spanking. There's a
(13:57):
lot more comedians that were great in the eighties. I'm
just saying when spanking was also cocaine. There's a difference
bet spanking and beating. And I mean this sincerely, right,
I'm not.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
This discover it always causes problems.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Yes, but still I think I think all I'm saying
is you can err on the side of not being
super nice to your kid.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Not everything has to be gentle. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
I think a little abuse is good, right, Yeah, maybe
dusting shrinkle, especially.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
If it's unintentional, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Where you're just like, what I mean is like you
had a moment, right, You're just like, Ah, that was
I'm sorry, man, I'm not.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
Supposed to do That was a moment's intentional abuse.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Oh my bad? Right? Isn't it like.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
You can't act in the heat of a moment when
you're mad as a parent, you have to be intentional
about punishments.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
I don't think that's realistic though. Realistically, you have a moment.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
I don't think you understand about my experience in parenting
and how you should listen to me.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
I'm sorry, you know what, Honestly, you've given me a
lot of profound advice.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
A lot of them came out of her gut. I
can't wait to tune in the podcasts.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
The word profound because yesterday there was a story calling
Irhea profound.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
So remember that?
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Yeah, you said that, like you genuinely thought you made
that up.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
From a dream. You said, Wait, you remember that, right,
because otherwise I just said that I'll allow for no reason.
And we're running out of time for Elmer to dump this.
Get it, get it, profound, profound boy,
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