February 10, 2025 • 7 mins
Paul Corvino sits down with Dr. Katehakis. CEO of the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles, an industry-leading expert on human sexuality and relationship issues.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is CEOs you should know with division president of iHeartMedia,
Paul Corvino.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Today I'm here with doctor Alexandra Kdahakis, the CEO of
the Center for Healthy Sex. Welcome Alexandra, thank you. Okay,
so let's just first start off learning a little bit
about your journey. You're the founder of the center. Correct.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I founded it with my husband, Douglas Evans. We were
co founders.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
And is your husband also a therapist?
Speaker 1 (00:27):
No, he's not.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
He's an entrepreneur, an entrepreneur. Okay, so there's the right combination. Yes, Okay,
so now you you you're doing this, you know you're
you're specializing on therapy, working a lot in I guess
in sexual treatment, whether it's sex addiction or sex therapy.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Yeah, issues of sexual desire, dysfunction, orientation, I mean, all
the world of human sexuality is vast and nuanced. Yes,
and so we really, you know, kind of stretched out.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
How did you found this? How did you you have
to come up with money? Raise money? Yeah, find the location.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I just had an unbridled passion for understanding this problem,
watching people using sex as a weapon essentially against themselves
and not knowing how to kind of have what would
be considered a healthy sex life for them. So, with
my knowledge and studying and writing and researching, my husband
(01:31):
put together a business where he was essentially helping me
build programs to build an organization, and so we did
it from the.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Ground, telling me about the programs.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Well, we started out with individual therapy and I had
two interns, and from there we created an intensive outpatient
program where we were offering a two week program for
people who were struggling specifically with sex addiction. And they
were with us for about eight hours a day, so
there was two hours ofture in the morning, they go
(02:01):
to a twelve step meeting, have lunch another two hours.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
More women with sexual addiction or is that just as
I don't.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I think more men than women come forward with the problem.
I think there's a lot of shame for women around
being sexually compulsive or addicted or promiscuous. With men, men
can get away with it and they're thought of as whatever,
virile studs it's cool, and with women they're terribly shamed
(02:29):
if they are extraordinarily promiscuous. So women come through the door,
they just come from a different perspective. Their relationships are failing,
they can't keep a relationship together, and so they're serially
sexual in a codependent way. In other words, if somebody
has sex with me, then they'll love me. But when
(02:50):
it comes right down to it, they are issues of
profound pain around self esteem and feelings of worthiness and
typically comes from a family of origin.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Yeah, it seems to always be the case. So you
deal with it with sexual addiction. First of all, how
many people do you have working for you now? So
it grew organically? Yeah, it grew organically.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I think you know, at our height we had about
there were about nineteen or twenty of us.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
And that fluctuates constantly depending on what's going on and
who's there and where are you located. We're located in
West LA on Santa Monica Boulevard, right across from the
Mormon Temple, so Santa Monica Boulevard and overland. There's an
irony in that.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Yes, yes, there is. So now, is a lot of
your work being done remotely or is it all mostly
still in person?
Speaker 1 (03:44):
I think it's half and half. We have groups that
are remote, both for women and men, and then people
come in in person for you know, sex therapy issues
or sex and love addiction.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
You works a lot with couples.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Yeah, we also have couples coming into bally. Couples are
either restoring their relationship after one party has started to
get recovery with their addictive behaviors, or couples come in
with mismatched desire issues or problems with performance, whether it's
a rectile dysfunction or pelvic pain disorders, but they're struggling
(04:21):
with their sexual relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Right, So a lot of it was sexual addiction and
then a lot of it is about desire and dysfunction. Correct,
So what is I see on your LISTA is sexual addiction?
Betrayal trauma?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Well, betrayal trauma is what the partner typically suffers when
he or she discovers that they've been married to somebody
for twenty forty years who's never ever been faithful to them,
and when they discover.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
It, they just discover if the forty years do they
usually know that.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Though sometimes people have inklings where they've caught their partner
in the past, sometimes they've never caught the other person
at all, because the the quote betrayer has been living
a double life for so long and covering it up
so spectacularly that when the partner, the non betrayed, the
(05:15):
betrayed partner finds out it's devastating there.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
It's almost as if they found out they're living with
a different person that they thought they were living with.
For sure, that's got to that's got to be very difficult.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
It is traumatic.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
How do you how do you get around that? How
do you help someone through that?
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Well, we help stabilize them first, you know, the first
they have to come into reality that this is really happening.
And it takes a long time for some people to imagine.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
It's hard to accept that you that your life you
were living wasn't what you thought it was right.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
And not only that, but the body has symptoms. So
there's insomnia, there's an inability to get out of bed, depression, crying,
stomach problems, you name it, their physical manifestations of this.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
So so they're they're out there seeing their intern is
about stomach problems or maybe migraines or whatever else. Well,
and then they're treating that, and they're talking to therapists
and others about other things that are really unrelated. But
this is where it all comes from.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
It can happen that way. But I was pointing to
Once the person discovers the betrayal, that's when they have
all these traumatic acute stress symptoms. So stabilizing those symptoms
is the first step, and then helping that person feel
safe and devising plans for what it means to be safe.
Is their partner sleeping in the house in a separate bedroom,
(06:37):
do they need to leave the house? Are their kids safe?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
All of that. It's just fascinating. Yeah, and it's fascinating.
It's also scary, it's also said in many ways. Yeah,
but thanks to people like you and the Center for
Healthy Sex, it seems like help is on the way, yes,
and that it's something that people can get beyond. How
would our audience get in touch with you?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
How would they Well, you can find me directly alexat
Center for Healthysex dot com. Our website to Center for
Healthysex dot com, and our phone numbers three ten eight four,
three nine nine zero two and our intake counselors answer
the phones all day. If we can't help you, We've
got lots of resources all over the country, really all
over the world to help you find resources in your area.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
This is really a very fascinating and worthwhile interview. Thank you,
so much for coming on. Alexandra, the CEO for the
Center of Healthy Sex. This is Paul Corvino, the division
president of iHeartMedia in sunny Los Angeles, California, saying thank
you for listening. Thank you, Paul, thank you very much
for coming on.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Listen to CEOs you should know on the iHeartRadio app.
This is CEOs you should know with division president of iHeartMedia,
Paul Corvino.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Today I'm here with doctor Alexandra Kdahakis, the CEO of
the Center for Healthy Sex. Welcome Alexandra, thank you. Okay,
so let's just first start off learning a little bit
about your journey. You're the founder of the center. Correct.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I founded it with my husband, Douglas Evans. We were
co founders.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
And is your husband also a therapist?
Speaker 1 (00:27):
No, he's not.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
He's an entrepreneur, an entrepreneur. Okay, so there's the right combination. Yes, Okay,
so now you you you're doing this, you know you're
you're specializing on therapy, working a lot in I guess
in sexual treatment, whether it's sex addiction or sex therapy.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Yeah, issues of sexual desire, dysfunction, orientation, I mean, all
the world of human sexuality is vast and nuanced. Yes,
and so we really, you know, kind of stretched out.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
How did you found this? How did you you have
to come up with money? Raise money? Yeah, find the location.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I just had an unbridled passion for understanding this problem,
watching people using sex as a weapon essentially against themselves
and not knowing how to kind of have what would
be considered a healthy sex life for them. So, with
my knowledge and studying and writing and researching, my husband
(01:31):
put together a business where he was essentially helping me
build programs to build an organization, and so we did
it from the.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Ground, telling me about the programs.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Well, we started out with individual therapy and I had
two interns, and from there we created an intensive outpatient
program where we were offering a two week program for
people who were struggling specifically with sex addiction. And they
were with us for about eight hours a day, so
there was two hours ofture in the morning, they go
(02:01):
to a twelve step meeting, have lunch another two hours.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
More women with sexual addiction or is that just as
I don't.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I think more men than women come forward with the problem.
I think there's a lot of shame for women around
being sexually compulsive or addicted or promiscuous. With men, men
can get away with it and they're thought of as whatever,
virile studs it's cool, and with women they're terribly shamed
(02:29):
if they are extraordinarily promiscuous. So women come through the door,
they just come from a different perspective. Their relationships are failing,
they can't keep a relationship together, and so they're serially
sexual in a codependent way. In other words, if somebody
has sex with me, then they'll love me. But when
(02:50):
it comes right down to it, they are issues of
profound pain around self esteem and feelings of worthiness and
typically comes from a family of origin.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Yeah, it seems to always be the case. So you
deal with it with sexual addiction. First of all, how
many people do you have working for you now? So
it grew organically? Yeah, it grew organically.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I think you know, at our height we had about
there were about nineteen or twenty of us.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
And that fluctuates constantly depending on what's going on and
who's there and where are you located. We're located in
West LA on Santa Monica Boulevard, right across from the
Mormon Temple, so Santa Monica Boulevard and overland. There's an
irony in that.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Yes, yes, there is. So now, is a lot of
your work being done remotely or is it all mostly
still in person?
Speaker 1 (03:44):
I think it's half and half. We have groups that
are remote, both for women and men, and then people
come in in person for you know, sex therapy issues
or sex and love addiction.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
You works a lot with couples.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Yeah, we also have couples coming into bally. Couples are
either restoring their relationship after one party has started to
get recovery with their addictive behaviors, or couples come in
with mismatched desire issues or problems with performance, whether it's
a rectile dysfunction or pelvic pain disorders, but they're struggling
(04:21):
with their sexual relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Right, So a lot of it was sexual addiction and
then a lot of it is about desire and dysfunction. Correct,
So what is I see on your LISTA is sexual addiction?
Betrayal trauma?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Well, betrayal trauma is what the partner typically suffers when
he or she discovers that they've been married to somebody
for twenty forty years who's never ever been faithful to them,
and when they discover.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
It, they just discover if the forty years do they
usually know that.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Though sometimes people have inklings where they've caught their partner
in the past, sometimes they've never caught the other person
at all, because the the quote betrayer has been living
a double life for so long and covering it up
so spectacularly that when the partner, the non betrayed, the
(05:15):
betrayed partner finds out it's devastating there.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
It's almost as if they found out they're living with
a different person that they thought they were living with.
For sure, that's got to that's got to be very difficult.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
It is traumatic.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
How do you how do you get around that? How
do you help someone through that?
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Well, we help stabilize them first, you know, the first
they have to come into reality that this is really happening.
And it takes a long time for some people to imagine.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
It's hard to accept that you that your life you
were living wasn't what you thought it was right.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
And not only that, but the body has symptoms. So
there's insomnia, there's an inability to get out of bed, depression, crying,
stomach problems, you name it, their physical manifestations of this.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
So so they're they're out there seeing their intern is
about stomach problems or maybe migraines or whatever else. Well,
and then they're treating that, and they're talking to therapists
and others about other things that are really unrelated. But
this is where it all comes from.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
It can happen that way. But I was pointing to
Once the person discovers the betrayal, that's when they have
all these traumatic acute stress symptoms. So stabilizing those symptoms
is the first step, and then helping that person feel
safe and devising plans for what it means to be safe.
Is their partner sleeping in the house in a separate bedroom,
(06:37):
do they need to leave the house? Are their kids safe?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
All of that. It's just fascinating. Yeah, and it's fascinating.
It's also scary, it's also said in many ways. Yeah,
but thanks to people like you and the Center for
Healthy Sex, it seems like help is on the way, yes,
and that it's something that people can get beyond. How
would our audience get in touch with you?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
How would they Well, you can find me directly alexat
Center for Healthysex dot com. Our website to Center for
Healthysex dot com, and our phone numbers three ten eight four,
three nine nine zero two and our intake counselors answer
the phones all day. If we can't help you, We've
got lots of resources all over the country, really all
over the world to help you find resources in your area.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
This is really a very fascinating and worthwhile interview. Thank you,
so much for coming on. Alexandra, the CEO for the
Center of Healthy Sex. This is Paul Corvino, the division
president of iHeartMedia in sunny Los Angeles, California, saying thank
you for listening. Thank you, Paul, thank you very much
for coming on.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Listen to CEOs you should know on the iHeartRadio app.
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