May 26, 2025 • 28 mins
Thompson Tipping Story // – Thompson Voiceover Stories // Jay Leno Pt 1Jay Leno PT 2
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's k IF.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
I am six forty and you're listening to the Conway
Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. Mark Thompson very
generous man when he goes on vacation.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
You said you're like a Rockefeller. Let me just speak
here of this. I'm not.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
I'm just I just tip an appropriate amount. I'm not
something like overtiper it. But use the term Rockefeller. Well,
when I go into a hotel and I'm a new guest,
I'm tipping like a Rockefeller, because.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
What does Rockefeller mean? Well, how much to night?
Speaker 4 (00:35):
It's not that, it's before that even happens. And when
they take the bags out of the cab, I give
that guy ten bucks. And then the guy takes the
bag from the cab to the front desk of that
guy ten bucks, and the guy from the from the
desk up to the to the room, he'll get between
ten and twenty, depending on how many bags we have.
So I try to are like a Rocker Oak. Then
I tipped the front desk person who's going to be
the room. So my point is when I come in,
(00:56):
I come in hot okay, but I'm not you know,
for a normal dinner or something I'm not like some
incredible tipper at all, but I but when I'm at
a hotel, I've just come back from a hotel, So
that's where this comes from. I always take care of
the maid service people, always, so between five and twenty
every day, but most of the time it's twenty bucks
(01:16):
a day, no between. Usually it's between five and fifteen.
So the reason it's that is because if I've asked
her something, Hey can I get some extra mouth washed
there or something like that, and then I'll leave them more,
you know what I mean. So anyway, point is this,
We've been there for three days, all right.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
This is so she could stand to make fifteen bucks
over the three days.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
Right, five bucks or more? In this case, I did
leave her. We left her. I think she I'm gonna
say she was maybe twice that thirty bucks, which is
probably not okay, so.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Not a big deal. Shoud get a condo and MAUI.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
But I'm what I'm saying is that we're compulsied. I'm
compulsive about it, like I really because I think that
they get stiffed a lot to buy a boat. So
last day we said what time we're leaving?
Speaker 3 (01:58):
In Courty said don't be out of here by forty five.
I said, okay.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
And so I'm going down to get a coffee and
I see the lady who cleans the room and she's
right there and she's got that cart, you know, with
all that stuff. And I said, hello, good morning, Thank
you so much. I said, we're going to be leaving
at eleven forty five and want you to know you'll
be able to get into the room. Then she said, oh,
thank you. I said, you've been taking care of the room.
Every day you've been cleaning it. She said yes, I
(02:22):
said every day you've been cleaning it.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
She said, all these conditions on this ship.
Speaker 4 (02:27):
So I gave her a five in addition to the
money we're going to leave her at the end. I
gave her a five kind of person. She said, oh,
thank you very very much. So that's why I point.
It's not it's not like a lot of money. But
the point is I let to let it fly. I
walk about fifteen feet and there's another lady there with
a cleaning cart.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Another five, and she asks me, when will you be
leaving the room? Ah, tag team.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
And I said, hill be leaving at eleven forty five.
I said, Have you been taking care of the room
every day? She said, yes, I'm taking care of it
every day. I said no, but are you the person
who's actually taking care of it? Because she spoke English
better than the first lady.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Right, But I would say, before we continue, do you
think the Rockefellers ever had this conversation?
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (03:09):
You know what, I shouldn't have mentioned the Rockefellers. You're
going to let the Rockefelders go. Okay, you know, really
you can kill a story like nobody else.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
What is your problem?
Speaker 4 (03:18):
So then I why can't you do what I do
for you, which is just sit.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
There and laugh? Did you make her crawl on her
hands and get the pain in the end of the store.
You got to kill my store. It's not that great to.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Begin with, all right, So you got the two ladies
fighting for the five.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
So then she says, I said, oh, I thought that
lady was the lady who cleaned the room. She said, no, no, no, no,
I've been cleaning the room every day. So now I'm thinking, oh,
I just blew away five bucks on that last lady,
and now I'm going to blow and no. And so
I reach in, I get a five and I give
her the five dollars, but I said, thank you very
much much. I said, maybe he left a little bit
more behind for you. And then I am at the elevators,
(03:58):
about about to turn the corner with the other and
there's a third Oh no, I swear it. Oh my god, incredible.
She's got a cart just like the other two ladies.
And I said, we're at the We're at the corner.
She said hello, she initiated, said good morning. I said hello.
I said, we're going to be We're at the end
of the host says oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
I cleaned your room.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
To each other.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
And I just reached in my pocket. I give her
another five and that's it. It was the longest. Yeah,
it was the most expensive hallway that I had run into.
But that was so one of those people is not
telling the truth.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Right, at least one of them. Two of them, maybe, yeah,
maybe two of them. Do you.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
I like it when they leave an envelope with their
name on it. I think that's that's a cool thing, right,
and then you can just slip it in there, yeah, right,
because otherwise you don't know if they're going to come in,
and they don't know if you're coming back and you
just left a twenty there and they don't know whether
to take it or not right, or sometimes they'll have
a pen and a piece of paper you can write
thank you.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Do you write them a note? Yes?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
I do.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
I read a little little smiley face. You do. Yeah? Yeah,
I really like to bond with the people to clean
the room.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
I right, I thank you. The room looks beautiful. Rockefeller JD.
I give them the old j D. Yeah. But I
those uh, those people they're good. But the banging on
(05:25):
the door when you're sleeping at eleven thirty when you're
supposed to check out at ten thirty, it's that sometimes
drives me crazy.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
Well, when you get the knock on the door and
you open it, it's not them. It's like they're supervisory.
Else's dressed in like my business goes excuse me, I
just want to know what time you'll be leaving.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Yeah, And I purposely frows my hair up and I answer, nude.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
I can help you, we'll be we'll come back, we'll
come back. Thanks.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
That sends them off.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
But that's that's great though, that these you know, these
are they all retired, they've.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
All got it they've all got a plan, a retirement plan.
That's great, buddy. What hotel was it nice? The Palace Hotel,
which I really like and is very old school. That's
why I like to everybody get on and then here's
something else. When you tip early, they particuted the doorman
and everybody. They all know your name. When you come
down to the lobby, mister Thompson, good morning. You know,
it's like there's just a different vibe. It feels like home.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
You know.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I heard from you remember John from the John and
Jeff Show. Oh yeah, I think so, The John a
Jeff Show. You spa on kalis X. I learned this
from him. He said, when you go to a crowded bar,
like it's five deep around the whole bar. It's a
club or you know, a restaurant whatever it is, and
you're watching sports, or you know, it's a club at
a disco tech.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
And you're dancing.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
But when you get your first beer or your first drink,
you pay, you know, twelve dollars for a drink, and
you give him an additional twenty right there, and you say, hey,
here's the twelve dollars of the drink, and here's a
twenty for you, and he looks at you and he
remembers that phase. And now every time he scans the
barney sees your face, he comes right up to you.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
That's exact, same con early tip, exact same concept, early tip, right.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, tip them early, but don't tip them long or
whatever they're saying is tip em early.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
But not like I don't know, but I.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
Know what tip stands for, to ensure prompt service. Oh,
there'd be tips, yeah, okay, yeah, that I'd always heard that,
And that's when he gave away to all those women tips. Yeah,
tips to ensure prompts. And well the case of the
John and Jeff guy, it worked. In the case of
my you know, at the beginning of my stay, it
worked as well.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
That's right. Yeah, all right, Tom.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Anyway, very very good little run through gratuity Land. There
you go, buddy, you are a big tipper.
Speaker 5 (07:49):
You're listening to Tim Conway, jun you're on demand from KF.
I am six forty.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
And I just talked commercial for McDonald's their popcorn chicken.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Oh yes, and I'm big, big, I'm gonna try.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I'm not a jack in the box, jack in the
box popcorn chicken and I'm a big Jack in the
Box guy, so I had to try the popcorn chicken.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
Very very good.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
No, yeah, I would give it an eight out of ten,
maybe an eight eight point five.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
I agree. Oh you've had it. It's so good. It
really is good.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Huh.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
So simple and it's like this is it's a spot.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
It comes in a little kind of little container there,
pop that open.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
You set to go. Got to enjoy yourself.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Man, what the hell the one of the worst voiceover
sessions come for a commercial ever that I ever had
in my career for Jack in the Box. And it
wasn't Jack in the Box's fault. It's just a bunch
of stuff came together and it was It was awful.
It was nightmare.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Oh really.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
It was on a Friday, and it was first of all,
the last session on a Friday was supposed to be
a four o'clock record session.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
In Santa Monica.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
And that's fine.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
I go there, I'm on time, and they said, we're
having problems with the studio to delay.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
It's a delayed. It was an hour.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
Now it's five o'clock on a Friday, okay, which is
which is not a problem for me.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
But when I tell you what happened.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
So and now it's after five, it's like five twenty,
and I go and they go, yeah, I'm sorry about this,
and go now it's no problem. I'm out here, I'm
having a cup of coffee, I'm reading, and finally they say, okay,
we're ready for you.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
I walk in and the first thing I hear.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
Somebody say is I was supposed to be at my
kid's birthday party forty five minutes ago. They go, oh, man,
this is just awful. And then they said, Mark, great,
nice to me. You. Let's get let's get going because
we're kind of we like what you did with your audition.
Just do it like you know.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
So pressure's on you now right right right.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
And it was one of those things where there's they
want you to say a lot in a very short time.
So it's like you have a thirteen or fourteen seconds
is what I recall a gap to crush this copy,
and the copy is really you have to really rush it,
(10:01):
and yet you also want to give it though whatever
they love it needs okay, And without getting into a
long thing about it, they said, we need you to
do it more like and then as they're starting to
talk and I'm in a studio and another studio.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
You're not in the same room with them. Okay.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
They're holding up this thing. It's a talkback thing. It
looks like a remote control for a TV. And it
isn't working now. So they say, Mark, we like what
you're doing. But and I go, gosh, I'm sorry, I
can't hear you right now. And they go and is
this any better? And they go, Mark, we need you to.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Can't?
Speaker 3 (10:38):
I can't.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
And all I'm thinking about now is I'm not giving
them the read I want they want. The timeframe is
so short, and everybody wants to go home, okay, and
it's not my fault.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
I just got here. Okay. So then.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
That continues for like five minutes, and now I'm sweating
like a guy having a stroke. Okay. This guy gets
up from them. I hadn't even seen him before, like
Brando and Apocalypse. Now he looked like that. He was
like in my mind, he was huge. He was probably
pretty good size, shaved head, and the lighting was like
right down on him and and he said, I'm so
and so I'm Jack. I'm the guy who plays you know,
(11:15):
he's the actual guy who runs the agency. And he's
the voice of JACKO. Okay, okay, So I go, oh
my god, it's a pleasure to meet you. I I
you know, I've heard nice things, right, He goes, uh,
he says, well, it's great to have you here. But
and all of this is while the the talkback is
still breaking up. I'm having trouble here, but I'm you know,
I'm kind of just like going through the pleasantries because
I know what he's saying, right, And he goes, I
(11:36):
really need you to and I'm like, oh my god,
this is a bad and so I just took another
run at it, and it was too long and it
wasn't with that, and I said, you know, maybe we'll
just do this a different day. And literally, I I
the session just evaporated. It just went away. Is that right, Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's it was crazy, man. So I cannot when.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
You're driving home, You're probably a million thoughts are going
through your headline.
Speaker 4 (12:01):
And I called the Asian. I said, you know, this
just got away. There was so much stuff going on,
and we the session started late, and people wanted to
go home. I don't think I was giving him the
read I wanted. And it was just I felt, and
I'm really sorry. And then I didn't even tell them
the talkback thing, which is but it just made it
all awful.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Every note I couldn't really hear them, you know.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
I went out on commercial editions for a while, and
then I remember I was out on Sunset Boulevard for
a It was for one of those dryer sheets that
you throw in fire, and they were going to do
a real close up on it, like through a microscope
and you could see the fibers inside the dryer sheet.
(12:40):
And so the guys says, he brought us in bout
three at a time, and three guys come in and
we could see what the other guys were doing through
the window. And the director said, once you come in,
give us your name, and then wiggle your body like
you're a fiber in one of these dryer sheets. And
I said, by look, I don't think you got the
(13:03):
right guy.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
I'm not your guy. And he goes, no, he goes,
I want you to do this. I want to. I
think you could.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I think you could be great wiggling your body like
a dryer, like a fiber and a dryer sheet. And
I said, I honestly, God I'm not. I am so
not your guy. You're wasting your time if you even
put this on video. And he said, no, no, no, he goes,
we're running out of time. We really want you to do.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
It right now.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
I said, I'm not going to I'm not your guy,
and I left and the guy called my agent. He
was so pissed. Oh wow, you know that that he
he said, I stormed out of there.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
I didn't.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
I just said I'm not your guy for this. You know,
there's forty people in this room that can do that
better than I can.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
I'm just not that guy.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
And I remember my I stopped going to a commercial commercial.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Editions, so that was the one that d Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I said this for actors and people who are like
you know, you know, acceptable to ideas and can go
in and out of flowing and out of things.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
That's not me. Did you ever see you saw the
spot on the air.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Yeah, and it looked they picked the right guys and gallows.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
But wasn't me.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Man, I'm just not that kind of guy.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
I've never been.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
I know a lot of people when they listen to
the show are like, wow, that guy's probably a hot dancer.
But I'm really not. I'm just I don't like move
that way. I just don't think like that. You probably
dance pretty. You do dance because you dance on TV.
Speaker 4 (14:25):
I did it on Fox eleven, but you know you don't.
Let's not undercut your acting at Licorice Pizza. You distinguished
yourself quite handsome.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
It was not dancing.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
By the way, did you see that guy on He's
getting a lot of publicity on TikTok and YouTube where
he's the dancing weather Man.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
He's stile act. He stole that. That's your act, and
he never gave you credit for it.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Yeah, but it's been decades now, so look, you know,
I hope he does really well with it, and then
I hope he burns in a fiery pit of hell.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
But he talks about it as if he created. No,
that's not that I didn't know. That's blame. That's super lame.
Speaker 5 (14:58):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from kf
I Am sixty Leto's with us.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Jay Leno, how you Bob tem I just enjoying your
inspiring rags target story there?
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Yeah, which target story?
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Well, your life story? How you came up and used
to listen to the station that I was thinking of
a kid's day, you know. But gee, you know I
used to eat a McDonald's every day, and then one
day I went to high school, and then he graduated.
Now I worked there, and now I've been on Shakes
now for fifteen years. And just think I started eating here.
(15:35):
You know, I really heard a person do their own eulogy.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
That's so great. I'm glad you picked up on that
I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
I couldn't help. But think of my father. You know,
that guy Luigi whatever his name is, shot, the guy right,
the most Italian name you could possibly get, sure. And
my when I was a kid in my every time
you had touch of my fog. I have a time
I played Italians untouchable every time, the bad guys and
my dad. I had to read that Storga. He's probably
just half a time. He's not even all Italian. Gut,
(16:04):
I mean that Italian did something wrong. They're not really Italian,
They're just some other thing, you know, Right.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Jay, I got a great idea for you, and and
I don't I don't want you to say yes or
no right now, but I have an opportunity for.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
Both of us, all right, You have a great car collection.
Is that true?
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Well, I have some cars.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
I think you have hundreds of cars. All right, Okay,
I think you could.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Add to it by buying and displaying the car that
I raised my family on, my two thousand and seven
Lincoln Navigator. You can add it to your collection. Well,
I'll make your sweet deal and then people can come
by the when they come buy the shop, they're like, oh,
that's Conway's old car.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Yeah. I just I just couldn't handle the crowd. That's fine.
I don't have the room, you know, I just think
that would be a huge, huge problem. But yeah, yeah, no,
that's I got that car.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Yeah, I still got the car.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Well, that was not a cheap car. That was like,
when did you buy it? It was last year.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
It was sixty five thousand dollars when I bought it,
and I didn't know how I was going to pay
for it back in two thousand and seven.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Oh okay, but he stated, but Jay, you was state
of the art.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
It was the first one that had navigation. Uh, it
had you know, electric everything. It was great, and then
all the other cars passed it and now it's uh,
you know, it's it's outdated. I have to buy a
new DVD to update the navigation.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Why actually wasn't the first to have navigation.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
It was the first time in my in my group
of friends.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
I think Columbus might argue with you.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Okay, all right, but Jay, look I had navigation. Nobody
had navigation back then. I had satellite radio built in.
Nobody had that back then.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Nobody.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Well, that's a life of privilege.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Yes, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
You're a baby, and that's right.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
And I had that car for eighteen years. I'm going
to tell you what's wrong with it though. Every time
I go out to start it, the back of the
car is sitting on the back tire.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
So there must be something wrong with the rear suspension.
Is that right?
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah? I think what you have what's called a flat tire.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Now, the tires are the tires are in great shape.
The car sits on the tires. If it's if it's uh,
you know, it sits long enough. What's the problem do
you think, Well.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Tires get a flat spot. Maybe just don't have enough
You might not have enough air.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
I'm telling you, the tires are fine. The car comes
down and sits on the tires. Then I started up
and the car comes up off the tires.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Well, that does have an air suspensions, Yes, yes, it does.
Well your air suspensions.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
Okay, all right, So is that something you can work
on for me or not?
Speaker 1 (18:42):
You know, I can't do it right now because I'm
on the phone. I'm bugging the jerk on the phone.
I can't do it now. But yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd
love to. Yeah, that's it sounds like just the kind
of project like it involved in that is great.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
I saw you on with Bill Maher talking and they're
still beating you up on for this this accident that
you had in Pittsburgh.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
You know, this is what I love about the press.
It's so stupid.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
It's dumb as hell.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
You know, I'm dyslexic, so I don't Campbell. I go
to Vegas and they go, Sarah, it's twenty one, you
have twenty eight. What you know. I don't know how
to gamble. I'm I just liked the idea that the
mob would drive to Greensburg, Pennsylvania, wait at the Hampton
in on a rainy day for me to show up
and throw me down the hill. I mean, hilarious, hilarious.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Let me ask you a question, are do you are
you listening to some of these new comics like this
THEO Vonn.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
You know who he is.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
I want to call the new comed you know, I
like anything I hate more than comics, trash and other comics.
This guy's no good thing, you know, God bless anybody
makes a living. It's a tough business. And if you
can make a living doing it without you know, being
racist and thing, you know whatever, I'm good for you.
It's okay. So I don't you know, I do like
everybody doing it because there and you know, you have
(19:58):
different senses of humor, you know. I mean I watched
it on comics and they're doing jokes on memo and
I'm Scott what I never use those things. Okay, fine,
So it's just different, but it doesn't mean it's not funny.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
I love THEO Vaughn and I think that that he's
like the new Norm MacDonald of comedy. I think that,
you know that he's he's pretty simple. And people always
thought that nor McDonald wasn't that bright, but I thought
he was the funniest of all.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Nor McDonald came this close to winning everything on Who
Wants to Be a Millionaire?
Speaker 3 (20:32):
Oh is that right.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
He got all the ways. She knew everything. He was
a smart guy. He was well read. Wow, and he
was really conservative. People think he's like, you know, the
Hollywood liberals. He wasn't.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
I remember when he went on Larry King and he
said to Larry, I'm deeply, deeply I'm a deeply, deeply
closeted homosexual. And Larry King said, oh, so you're a homosexual,
because no, Larry, Larry, I'm telling you, Larry, Larry, what's
wrong with you?
Speaker 3 (20:59):
I'm deep flee deeply closet. Yea, he was.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
He was funny. David tell his story. He used to
bring his mother to see me.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
All right, hold on, say, hold him on.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Say.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Jay Leno was about to tell us the greatest story
in the history of the world about Norm McDonald's mom
going to see Jay Leno in concert.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
So hang on, we'll get to that story.
Speaker 5 (21:21):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on de Mayo from
KFI AM six forty.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Jay Leno is whether us, Jay, welcome back to the program.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Thank you, thank you for talking about Norm McDonald.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Yeah, so Nor McDonald used to his mom used to
go to your show.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Yeah, amaz he used to bring his mom to see
me because I work clean so he can take his
mom to see the other comics. So it was funny.
But one day he takes his mom to Vegas. He
takes three thousand dollars out of the bank. They're checking
in at the hotel. He says his mom, I'm gonna
go over here to the table. I'll be right back.
(21:59):
He goes to the table, loses all his money. He
can't even pay for the hotel. Now he loses all
the money that he has. He had three thousand dollars
to treat his mom for the weekend. And he gets back,
he goes any money. It's so stupid.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Yeah, so stupid, and he had that's all the money
he had.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Yeah, I mean, great comic, genuine original. You know, there's
some people that are funny because they tell jokes. He
just says things funny a lot of times. It's not
necessarily a joke, it's just the way he says it,
and he uses unusual words. And a Wiener dog. This
guy is a wiener dog. And you're laughing at the
(22:46):
name wiener dog, but he keeps repeating. You know, he's
just really brilliant. He was fascinating to listen to it
kind of like almost like a Mark Twain, you know,
you just enjoy hearing him speak.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
When when he was on I think he was on
with Conan O'Brien, and you know, he had a set
that he was going to do, you know, four to
five minutes, and then Conan said, oh, Norm McDonald's going
to stay with us, and Norm m MacDonald flipped out.
He says during the commercial where he goes, I don't
have anything else. I don't know, you know, when we
come back for another five minutes, I've got nothing, And
Conan said, well, just make something up, and he turned
(23:19):
a thirty second joke into a five minute joke about
some kind of moth or something.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
And was brilliant.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Oh I think that's the one about the moth it goes, Yeah,
I remember that, Yeah, I remember that story. It was
about a moss goes to the dentist and the whole
thing that that that final dentist goes, why did you
pick me? And the mosqu says, your light was on?
And it's a great joke. It's a great joke.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
Yeah, And I really miss him. He used to come
on with us all the time.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Just one of the nicest guys in the world, never
affected by show business.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
He was good friends, yeh.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
You know, he had a lot of guys that were friends,
not necessarily comics, but you know, friends that they were
just normal everyday guys.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Yeah, interesting people. You know. He just he he didn't
have a very good meter for sexist or or whatever.
You know, Timmy, it was all just funny. So he
would all often get in trouble.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Yeah, it was. It was great.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
So I turned my TV on the other day, and
you know, if you have I don't know what I have.
I think it's a spectrum. But before spectrum comes on,
I have just some.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Kind of well, you would not talk about an aarrow disease.
Now you're talking about cable, that's right, yeah, yeah, And.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
I and I have and I and I turned the
TV on and forever they were running Conan reruns, and
you know, so you watch a little of that, then
you go on to Cable whatever. And now Letterman has
his own station where it's all his old reruns, which
is great because that's when Letterman was.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Funny, right, right, and some funny.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Yeah, But but nowadays, you know, with the this guy
needs no introduction, there's no humor in those things.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
He's a very serious man.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Nowadays, this straight interview, that is true.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
But Jay, you never gave up comedy. He did well.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
You know, Dave was never comfortable being a stand up comedian.
Day was a brilliant host and truly a funny comedian,
but he didn't like the road. I mean, one of
the funniest things was let him in on the road
opening for Tony Orlando. I mean, that's just the funniest
combination you could imagine. He was just so uncomfortable because
he was always wildly ironic in his humor and if
(25:35):
you need to get that or you don't. I mean,
he always made me laugh. I mean since the first
time I saw him. I went up to him and
I said, you know, I love the way you you're
your great wordsmith. I like how you weave words together.
And he goes, how can you get up there and
just start talking him not being nervous. So we kind
of fed off each other. You know. He took from
me a certain amount of energy, and I took from him. Boy,
(25:56):
that's a really clever way of speaking and talking. You know.
So really, when I would do his show, it's still
my favorite time of my career, just going on and
just let him deliberately try to sidetrack me, and then
I would I would come back. And it was always
it was always just my favorite time in my career
because it wasn't like it wasn't any competition. It was
(26:18):
just another comic and he was the guy with the show,
and it was wonderful. I really enjoyed it. I really
looked back fondly on those days.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
What about what was your relationship with Johnny Carson? Did
you hang with Johnny?
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Well, no, you don't hang with you know, I grew
up in New England, where you know, like to me,
the strangest thing of being in California. Oh Jay, these
are my parents, Bomb and Agnes. Well, how are you missing? Missus? Mancheli?
I can't call you Bob and Agnes. I'm sorry. You're
my friend's parents. So I would go, well, thank you,
mister Carson. He goes ditch Johnny. You okay? Johnny? I
mean I just I always.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
I'm with you.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
I'm with you, you know, It's just a different way
of being brought up. You just people are elders, and
so with Johnny, I could never I couldn't say to Johnny, Hey, Johnny,
nice tie pal. You know you can't you can't do that.
But with let them and I could, and that was
it was a fun part.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
I'm the same way.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
I have friends from you know, third grade, you know,
Matt McDaniel, Robbie Fox, Mike Hennessee. And when I when
I run into their parents, I still call them mister
Fox or missus McDaniel and missus Tennessee.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
And I can't stop that.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Yeah. Well, my own, my own history teacher came to
see me. Uh can of you know, I guess you
drink mister robshad com me Fred coll me Fred. I'm
not giving. I'm just giving a guy named Fred or whiskey. Okay,
you're gonna have a soft drink. Mister. You know you're
my history teacher. I'm sorry, I can't you know. Yeah, no,
it's just very very funny.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
It's it's it's being brought up properly, is what that
is by calling.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Somebody that's true, just being you know, when I was
a kid, I used to love the Danny Thomas Show
because Danny town was was a performer and he would
be at home with his family and then at night
he would go out to the club to work and
come home again. I thought, well, wouldn't it be great
if you could be a comedian. We're not going out
of time. You could just go to the club. A
(28:02):
tie out joke. So when Flapper's open, when the Comedy
Magic Club opening a Mossa Beach, I would say to
my I'm going to see my agent, Sit Helper, and
I'm going to get out to the club. You know,
hid Helper with Dandy Thomas's agent on the show.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
That's great.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
It always used to make me laugh. I thought, oh God,
I'm living the life I wanted to live when I
was a little kid.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
That's awesome, Buddy, break a leg tonight. They still say thanks.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Thanks, good luck and keep you know, write a book
about that inspiring story about I will.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
All right, Thanks Jaylen.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
We're live on KFI AM six forty Conway show on
demand on the iHeart Radio app. Now you can always
hear us live on KFI AM six forty four to
seven pm Monday through Friday, and anytime on demand on
the iHeart Radio app.
It's k IF.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
I am six forty and you're listening to the Conway
Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. Mark Thompson very
generous man when he goes on vacation.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
You said you're like a Rockefeller. Let me just speak
here of this. I'm not.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
I'm just I just tip an appropriate amount. I'm not
something like overtiper it. But use the term Rockefeller. Well,
when I go into a hotel and I'm a new guest,
I'm tipping like a Rockefeller, because.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
What does Rockefeller mean? Well, how much to night?
Speaker 4 (00:35):
It's not that, it's before that even happens. And when
they take the bags out of the cab, I give
that guy ten bucks. And then the guy takes the
bag from the cab to the front desk of that
guy ten bucks, and the guy from the from the
desk up to the to the room, he'll get between
ten and twenty, depending on how many bags we have.
So I try to are like a Rocker Oak. Then
I tipped the front desk person who's going to be
the room. So my point is when I come in,
(00:56):
I come in hot okay, but I'm not you know,
for a normal dinner or something I'm not like some
incredible tipper at all, but I but when I'm at
a hotel, I've just come back from a hotel, So
that's where this comes from. I always take care of
the maid service people, always, so between five and twenty
every day, but most of the time it's twenty bucks
(01:16):
a day, no between. Usually it's between five and fifteen.
So the reason it's that is because if I've asked
her something, Hey can I get some extra mouth washed
there or something like that, and then I'll leave them more,
you know what I mean. So anyway, point is this,
We've been there for three days, all right.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
This is so she could stand to make fifteen bucks
over the three days.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
Right, five bucks or more? In this case, I did
leave her. We left her. I think she I'm gonna
say she was maybe twice that thirty bucks, which is
probably not okay, so.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Not a big deal. Shoud get a condo and MAUI.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
But I'm what I'm saying is that we're compulsied. I'm
compulsive about it, like I really because I think that
they get stiffed a lot to buy a boat. So
last day we said what time we're leaving?
Speaker 3 (01:58):
In Courty said don't be out of here by forty five.
I said, okay.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
And so I'm going down to get a coffee and
I see the lady who cleans the room and she's
right there and she's got that cart, you know, with
all that stuff. And I said, hello, good morning, Thank
you so much. I said, we're going to be leaving
at eleven forty five and want you to know you'll
be able to get into the room. Then she said, oh,
thank you. I said, you've been taking care of the room.
Every day you've been cleaning it. She said yes, I
(02:22):
said every day you've been cleaning it.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
She said, all these conditions on this ship.
Speaker 4 (02:27):
So I gave her a five in addition to the
money we're going to leave her at the end. I
gave her a five kind of person. She said, oh,
thank you very very much. So that's why I point.
It's not it's not like a lot of money. But
the point is I let to let it fly. I
walk about fifteen feet and there's another lady there with
a cleaning cart.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Another five, and she asks me, when will you be
leaving the room? Ah, tag team.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
And I said, hill be leaving at eleven forty five.
I said, Have you been taking care of the room
every day? She said, yes, I'm taking care of it
every day. I said no, but are you the person
who's actually taking care of it? Because she spoke English
better than the first lady.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Right, But I would say, before we continue, do you
think the Rockefellers ever had this conversation?
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (03:09):
You know what, I shouldn't have mentioned the Rockefellers. You're
going to let the Rockefelders go. Okay, you know, really
you can kill a story like nobody else.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
What is your problem?
Speaker 4 (03:18):
So then I why can't you do what I do
for you, which is just sit.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
There and laugh? Did you make her crawl on her
hands and get the pain in the end of the store.
You got to kill my store. It's not that great to.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Begin with, all right, So you got the two ladies
fighting for the five.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
So then she says, I said, oh, I thought that
lady was the lady who cleaned the room. She said, no, no, no, no,
I've been cleaning the room every day. So now I'm thinking, oh,
I just blew away five bucks on that last lady,
and now I'm going to blow and no. And so
I reach in, I get a five and I give
her the five dollars, but I said, thank you very
much much. I said, maybe he left a little bit
more behind for you. And then I am at the elevators,
(03:58):
about about to turn the corner with the other and
there's a third Oh no, I swear it. Oh my god, incredible.
She's got a cart just like the other two ladies.
And I said, we're at the We're at the corner.
She said hello, she initiated, said good morning. I said hello.
I said, we're going to be We're at the end
of the host says oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
I cleaned your room.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
To each other.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
And I just reached in my pocket. I give her
another five and that's it. It was the longest. Yeah,
it was the most expensive hallway that I had run into.
But that was so one of those people is not
telling the truth.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Right, at least one of them. Two of them, maybe, yeah,
maybe two of them. Do you.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
I like it when they leave an envelope with their
name on it. I think that's that's a cool thing, right,
and then you can just slip it in there, yeah, right,
because otherwise you don't know if they're going to come in,
and they don't know if you're coming back and you
just left a twenty there and they don't know whether
to take it or not right, or sometimes they'll have
a pen and a piece of paper you can write
thank you.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Do you write them a note? Yes?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
I do.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
I read a little little smiley face. You do. Yeah? Yeah,
I really like to bond with the people to clean
the room.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
I right, I thank you. The room looks beautiful. Rockefeller JD.
I give them the old j D. Yeah. But I
those uh, those people they're good. But the banging on
(05:25):
the door when you're sleeping at eleven thirty when you're
supposed to check out at ten thirty, it's that sometimes
drives me crazy.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
Well, when you get the knock on the door and
you open it, it's not them. It's like they're supervisory.
Else's dressed in like my business goes excuse me, I
just want to know what time you'll be leaving.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Yeah, And I purposely frows my hair up and I answer, nude.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
I can help you, we'll be we'll come back, we'll
come back. Thanks.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
That sends them off.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
But that's that's great though, that these you know, these
are they all retired, they've.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
All got it they've all got a plan, a retirement plan.
That's great, buddy. What hotel was it nice? The Palace Hotel,
which I really like and is very old school. That's
why I like to everybody get on and then here's
something else. When you tip early, they particuted the doorman
and everybody. They all know your name. When you come
down to the lobby, mister Thompson, good morning. You know,
it's like there's just a different vibe. It feels like home.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
You know.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I heard from you remember John from the John and
Jeff Show. Oh yeah, I think so, The John a
Jeff Show. You spa on kalis X. I learned this
from him. He said, when you go to a crowded bar,
like it's five deep around the whole bar. It's a
club or you know, a restaurant whatever it is, and
you're watching sports, or you know, it's a club at
a disco tech.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
And you're dancing.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
But when you get your first beer or your first drink,
you pay, you know, twelve dollars for a drink, and
you give him an additional twenty right there, and you say, hey,
here's the twelve dollars of the drink, and here's a
twenty for you, and he looks at you and he
remembers that phase. And now every time he scans the
barney sees your face, he comes right up to you.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
That's exact, same con early tip, exact same concept, early tip, right.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, tip them early, but don't tip them long or
whatever they're saying is tip em early.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
But not like I don't know, but I.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
Know what tip stands for, to ensure prompt service. Oh,
there'd be tips, yeah, okay, yeah, that I'd always heard that,
And that's when he gave away to all those women tips. Yeah,
tips to ensure prompts. And well the case of the
John and Jeff guy, it worked. In the case of
my you know, at the beginning of my stay, it
worked as well.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
That's right. Yeah, all right, Tom.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Anyway, very very good little run through gratuity Land. There
you go, buddy, you are a big tipper.
Speaker 5 (07:49):
You're listening to Tim Conway, jun you're on demand from KF.
I am six forty.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
And I just talked commercial for McDonald's their popcorn chicken.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Oh yes, and I'm big, big, I'm gonna try.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I'm not a jack in the box, jack in the
box popcorn chicken and I'm a big Jack in the
Box guy, so I had to try the popcorn chicken.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
Very very good.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
No, yeah, I would give it an eight out of ten,
maybe an eight eight point five.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
I agree. Oh you've had it. It's so good. It
really is good.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Huh.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
So simple and it's like this is it's a spot.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
It comes in a little kind of little container there,
pop that open.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
You set to go. Got to enjoy yourself.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Man, what the hell the one of the worst voiceover
sessions come for a commercial ever that I ever had
in my career for Jack in the Box. And it
wasn't Jack in the Box's fault. It's just a bunch
of stuff came together and it was It was awful.
It was nightmare.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Oh really.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
It was on a Friday, and it was first of all,
the last session on a Friday was supposed to be
a four o'clock record session.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
In Santa Monica.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
And that's fine.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
I go there, I'm on time, and they said, we're
having problems with the studio to delay.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
It's a delayed. It was an hour.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
Now it's five o'clock on a Friday, okay, which is
which is not a problem for me.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
But when I tell you what happened.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
So and now it's after five, it's like five twenty,
and I go and they go, yeah, I'm sorry about this,
and go now it's no problem. I'm out here, I'm
having a cup of coffee, I'm reading, and finally they say, okay,
we're ready for you.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
I walk in and the first thing I hear.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
Somebody say is I was supposed to be at my
kid's birthday party forty five minutes ago. They go, oh, man,
this is just awful. And then they said, Mark, great,
nice to me. You. Let's get let's get going because
we're kind of we like what you did with your audition.
Just do it like you know.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
So pressure's on you now right right right.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
And it was one of those things where there's they
want you to say a lot in a very short time.
So it's like you have a thirteen or fourteen seconds
is what I recall a gap to crush this copy,
and the copy is really you have to really rush it,
(10:01):
and yet you also want to give it though whatever
they love it needs okay, And without getting into a
long thing about it, they said, we need you to
do it more like and then as they're starting to
talk and I'm in a studio and another studio.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
You're not in the same room with them. Okay.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
They're holding up this thing. It's a talkback thing. It
looks like a remote control for a TV. And it
isn't working now. So they say, Mark, we like what
you're doing. But and I go, gosh, I'm sorry, I
can't hear you right now. And they go and is
this any better? And they go, Mark, we need you to.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Can't?
Speaker 3 (10:38):
I can't.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
And all I'm thinking about now is I'm not giving
them the read I want they want. The timeframe is
so short, and everybody wants to go home, okay, and
it's not my fault.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
I just got here. Okay. So then.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
That continues for like five minutes, and now I'm sweating
like a guy having a stroke. Okay. This guy gets
up from them. I hadn't even seen him before, like
Brando and Apocalypse. Now he looked like that. He was
like in my mind, he was huge. He was probably
pretty good size, shaved head, and the lighting was like
right down on him and and he said, I'm so
and so I'm Jack. I'm the guy who plays you know,
(11:15):
he's the actual guy who runs the agency. And he's
the voice of JACKO. Okay, okay, So I go, oh
my god, it's a pleasure to meet you. I I
you know, I've heard nice things, right, He goes, uh,
he says, well, it's great to have you here. But
and all of this is while the the talkback is
still breaking up. I'm having trouble here, but I'm you know,
I'm kind of just like going through the pleasantries because
I know what he's saying, right, And he goes, I
(11:36):
really need you to and I'm like, oh my god,
this is a bad and so I just took another
run at it, and it was too long and it
wasn't with that, and I said, you know, maybe we'll
just do this a different day. And literally, I I
the session just evaporated. It just went away. Is that right, Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's it was crazy, man. So I cannot when.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
You're driving home, You're probably a million thoughts are going
through your headline.
Speaker 4 (12:01):
And I called the Asian. I said, you know, this
just got away. There was so much stuff going on,
and we the session started late, and people wanted to
go home. I don't think I was giving him the
read I wanted. And it was just I felt, and
I'm really sorry. And then I didn't even tell them
the talkback thing, which is but it just made it
all awful.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Every note I couldn't really hear them, you know.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
I went out on commercial editions for a while, and
then I remember I was out on Sunset Boulevard for
a It was for one of those dryer sheets that
you throw in fire, and they were going to do
a real close up on it, like through a microscope
and you could see the fibers inside the dryer sheet.
(12:40):
And so the guys says, he brought us in bout
three at a time, and three guys come in and
we could see what the other guys were doing through
the window. And the director said, once you come in,
give us your name, and then wiggle your body like
you're a fiber in one of these dryer sheets. And
I said, by look, I don't think you got the
(13:03):
right guy.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
I'm not your guy. And he goes, no, he goes,
I want you to do this. I want to. I
think you could.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I think you could be great wiggling your body like
a dryer, like a fiber and a dryer sheet. And
I said, I honestly, God I'm not. I am so
not your guy. You're wasting your time if you even
put this on video. And he said, no, no, no, he goes,
we're running out of time. We really want you to do.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
It right now.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
I said, I'm not going to I'm not your guy,
and I left and the guy called my agent. He
was so pissed. Oh wow, you know that that he
he said, I stormed out of there.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
I didn't.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
I just said I'm not your guy for this. You know,
there's forty people in this room that can do that
better than I can.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
I'm just not that guy.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
And I remember my I stopped going to a commercial commercial.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Editions, so that was the one that d Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I said this for actors and people who are like
you know, you know, acceptable to ideas and can go
in and out of flowing and out of things.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
That's not me. Did you ever see you saw the
spot on the air.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Yeah, and it looked they picked the right guys and gallows.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
But wasn't me.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Man, I'm just not that kind of guy.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
I've never been.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
I know a lot of people when they listen to
the show are like, wow, that guy's probably a hot dancer.
But I'm really not. I'm just I don't like move
that way. I just don't think like that. You probably
dance pretty. You do dance because you dance on TV.
Speaker 4 (14:25):
I did it on Fox eleven, but you know you don't.
Let's not undercut your acting at Licorice Pizza. You distinguished
yourself quite handsome.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
It was not dancing.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
By the way, did you see that guy on He's
getting a lot of publicity on TikTok and YouTube where
he's the dancing weather Man.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
He's stile act. He stole that. That's your act, and
he never gave you credit for it.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Yeah, but it's been decades now, so look, you know,
I hope he does really well with it, and then
I hope he burns in a fiery pit of hell.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
But he talks about it as if he created. No,
that's not that I didn't know. That's blame. That's super lame.
Speaker 5 (14:58):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from kf
I Am sixty Leto's with us.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Jay Leno, how you Bob tem I just enjoying your
inspiring rags target story there?
Speaker 3 (15:11):
Yeah, which target story?
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Well, your life story? How you came up and used
to listen to the station that I was thinking of
a kid's day, you know. But gee, you know I
used to eat a McDonald's every day, and then one
day I went to high school, and then he graduated.
Now I worked there, and now I've been on Shakes
now for fifteen years. And just think I started eating here.
(15:35):
You know, I really heard a person do their own eulogy.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
That's so great. I'm glad you picked up on that
I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
I couldn't help. But think of my father. You know,
that guy Luigi whatever his name is, shot, the guy right,
the most Italian name you could possibly get, sure. And
my when I was a kid in my every time
you had touch of my fog. I have a time
I played Italians untouchable every time, the bad guys and
my dad. I had to read that Storga. He's probably
just half a time. He's not even all Italian. Gut,
(16:04):
I mean that Italian did something wrong. They're not really Italian,
They're just some other thing, you know, Right.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Jay, I got a great idea for you, and and
I don't I don't want you to say yes or
no right now, but I have an opportunity for.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
Both of us, all right, You have a great car collection.
Is that true?
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Well, I have some cars.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
I think you have hundreds of cars. All right, Okay,
I think you could.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Add to it by buying and displaying the car that
I raised my family on, my two thousand and seven
Lincoln Navigator. You can add it to your collection. Well,
I'll make your sweet deal and then people can come
by the when they come buy the shop, they're like, oh,
that's Conway's old car.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Yeah. I just I just couldn't handle the crowd. That's fine.
I don't have the room, you know, I just think
that would be a huge, huge problem. But yeah, yeah, no,
that's I got that car.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Yeah, I still got the car.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Well, that was not a cheap car. That was like,
when did you buy it? It was last year.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
It was sixty five thousand dollars when I bought it,
and I didn't know how I was going to pay
for it back in two thousand and seven.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Oh okay, but he stated, but Jay, you was state
of the art.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
It was the first one that had navigation. Uh, it
had you know, electric everything. It was great, and then
all the other cars passed it and now it's uh,
you know, it's it's outdated. I have to buy a
new DVD to update the navigation.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Why actually wasn't the first to have navigation.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
It was the first time in my in my group
of friends.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
I think Columbus might argue with you.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Okay, all right, but Jay, look I had navigation. Nobody
had navigation back then. I had satellite radio built in.
Nobody had that back then.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Nobody.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Well, that's a life of privilege.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Yes, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
You're a baby, and that's right.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
And I had that car for eighteen years. I'm going
to tell you what's wrong with it though. Every time
I go out to start it, the back of the
car is sitting on the back tire.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
So there must be something wrong with the rear suspension.
Is that right?
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah? I think what you have what's called a flat tire.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Now, the tires are the tires are in great shape.
The car sits on the tires. If it's if it's uh,
you know, it sits long enough. What's the problem do
you think, Well.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Tires get a flat spot. Maybe just don't have enough
You might not have enough air.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
I'm telling you, the tires are fine. The car comes
down and sits on the tires. Then I started up
and the car comes up off the tires.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Well, that does have an air suspensions, Yes, yes, it does.
Well your air suspensions.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
Okay, all right, So is that something you can work
on for me or not?
Speaker 1 (18:42):
You know, I can't do it right now because I'm
on the phone. I'm bugging the jerk on the phone.
I can't do it now. But yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd
love to. Yeah, that's it sounds like just the kind
of project like it involved in that is great.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
I saw you on with Bill Maher talking and they're
still beating you up on for this this accident that
you had in Pittsburgh.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
You know, this is what I love about the press.
It's so stupid.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
It's dumb as hell.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
You know, I'm dyslexic, so I don't Campbell. I go
to Vegas and they go, Sarah, it's twenty one, you
have twenty eight. What you know. I don't know how
to gamble. I'm I just liked the idea that the
mob would drive to Greensburg, Pennsylvania, wait at the Hampton
in on a rainy day for me to show up
and throw me down the hill. I mean, hilarious, hilarious.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Let me ask you a question, are do you are
you listening to some of these new comics like this
THEO Vonn.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
You know who he is.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
I want to call the new comed you know, I
like anything I hate more than comics, trash and other comics.
This guy's no good thing, you know, God bless anybody
makes a living. It's a tough business. And if you
can make a living doing it without you know, being
racist and thing, you know whatever, I'm good for you.
It's okay. So I don't you know, I do like
everybody doing it because there and you know, you have
(19:58):
different senses of humor, you know. I mean I watched
it on comics and they're doing jokes on memo and
I'm Scott what I never use those things. Okay, fine,
So it's just different, but it doesn't mean it's not funny.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
I love THEO Vaughn and I think that that he's
like the new Norm MacDonald of comedy. I think that,
you know that he's he's pretty simple. And people always
thought that nor McDonald wasn't that bright, but I thought
he was the funniest of all.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Nor McDonald came this close to winning everything on Who
Wants to Be a Millionaire?
Speaker 3 (20:32):
Oh is that right.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
He got all the ways. She knew everything. He was
a smart guy. He was well read. Wow, and he
was really conservative. People think he's like, you know, the
Hollywood liberals. He wasn't.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
I remember when he went on Larry King and he
said to Larry, I'm deeply, deeply I'm a deeply, deeply
closeted homosexual. And Larry King said, oh, so you're a homosexual,
because no, Larry, Larry, I'm telling you, Larry, Larry, what's
wrong with you?
Speaker 3 (20:59):
I'm deep flee deeply closet. Yea, he was.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
He was funny. David tell his story. He used to
bring his mother to see me.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
All right, hold on, say, hold him on.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Say.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Jay Leno was about to tell us the greatest story
in the history of the world about Norm McDonald's mom
going to see Jay Leno in concert.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
So hang on, we'll get to that story.
Speaker 5 (21:21):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on de Mayo from
KFI AM six forty.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Jay Leno is whether us, Jay, welcome back to the program.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Thank you, thank you for talking about Norm McDonald.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Yeah, so Nor McDonald used to his mom used to
go to your show.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Yeah, amaz he used to bring his mom to see
me because I work clean so he can take his
mom to see the other comics. So it was funny.
But one day he takes his mom to Vegas. He
takes three thousand dollars out of the bank. They're checking
in at the hotel. He says his mom, I'm gonna
go over here to the table. I'll be right back.
(21:59):
He goes to the table, loses all his money. He
can't even pay for the hotel. Now he loses all
the money that he has. He had three thousand dollars
to treat his mom for the weekend. And he gets back,
he goes any money. It's so stupid.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Yeah, so stupid, and he had that's all the money
he had.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
Yeah, I mean, great comic, genuine original. You know, there's
some people that are funny because they tell jokes. He
just says things funny a lot of times. It's not
necessarily a joke, it's just the way he says it,
and he uses unusual words. And a Wiener dog. This
guy is a wiener dog. And you're laughing at the
(22:46):
name wiener dog, but he keeps repeating. You know, he's
just really brilliant. He was fascinating to listen to it
kind of like almost like a Mark Twain, you know,
you just enjoy hearing him speak.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
When when he was on I think he was on
with Conan O'Brien, and you know, he had a set
that he was going to do, you know, four to
five minutes, and then Conan said, oh, Norm McDonald's going
to stay with us, and Norm m MacDonald flipped out.
He says during the commercial where he goes, I don't
have anything else. I don't know, you know, when we
come back for another five minutes, I've got nothing, And
Conan said, well, just make something up, and he turned
(23:19):
a thirty second joke into a five minute joke about
some kind of moth or something.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
And was brilliant.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Oh I think that's the one about the moth it goes, Yeah,
I remember that, Yeah, I remember that story. It was
about a moss goes to the dentist and the whole
thing that that that final dentist goes, why did you
pick me? And the mosqu says, your light was on?
And it's a great joke. It's a great joke.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
Yeah, And I really miss him. He used to come
on with us all the time.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Just one of the nicest guys in the world, never
affected by show business.
Speaker 3 (23:54):
He was good friends, yeh.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
You know, he had a lot of guys that were friends,
not necessarily comics, but you know, friends that they were
just normal everyday guys.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Yeah, interesting people. You know. He just he he didn't
have a very good meter for sexist or or whatever.
You know, Timmy, it was all just funny. So he
would all often get in trouble.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Yeah, it was. It was great.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
So I turned my TV on the other day, and
you know, if you have I don't know what I have.
I think it's a spectrum. But before spectrum comes on,
I have just some.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Kind of well, you would not talk about an aarrow disease.
Now you're talking about cable, that's right, yeah, yeah, And.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
I and I have and I and I turned the
TV on and forever they were running Conan reruns, and
you know, so you watch a little of that, then
you go on to Cable whatever. And now Letterman has
his own station where it's all his old reruns, which
is great because that's when Letterman was.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Funny, right, right, and some funny.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Yeah, But but nowadays, you know, with the this guy
needs no introduction, there's no humor in those things.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
He's a very serious man.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Nowadays, this straight interview, that is true.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
But Jay, you never gave up comedy. He did well.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
You know, Dave was never comfortable being a stand up comedian.
Day was a brilliant host and truly a funny comedian,
but he didn't like the road. I mean, one of
the funniest things was let him in on the road
opening for Tony Orlando. I mean, that's just the funniest
combination you could imagine. He was just so uncomfortable because
he was always wildly ironic in his humor and if
(25:35):
you need to get that or you don't. I mean,
he always made me laugh. I mean since the first
time I saw him. I went up to him and
I said, you know, I love the way you you're
your great wordsmith. I like how you weave words together.
And he goes, how can you get up there and
just start talking him not being nervous. So we kind
of fed off each other. You know. He took from
me a certain amount of energy, and I took from him. Boy,
(25:56):
that's a really clever way of speaking and talking. You know.
So really, when I would do his show, it's still
my favorite time of my career, just going on and
just let him deliberately try to sidetrack me, and then
I would I would come back. And it was always
it was always just my favorite time in my career
because it wasn't like it wasn't any competition. It was
(26:18):
just another comic and he was the guy with the show,
and it was wonderful. I really enjoyed it. I really
looked back fondly on those days.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
What about what was your relationship with Johnny Carson? Did
you hang with Johnny?
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Well, no, you don't hang with you know, I grew
up in New England, where you know, like to me,
the strangest thing of being in California. Oh Jay, these
are my parents, Bomb and Agnes. Well, how are you missing? Missus? Mancheli?
I can't call you Bob and Agnes. I'm sorry. You're
my friend's parents. So I would go, well, thank you,
mister Carson. He goes ditch Johnny. You okay? Johnny? I
mean I just I always.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
I'm with you.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
I'm with you, you know, It's just a different way
of being brought up. You just people are elders, and
so with Johnny, I could never I couldn't say to Johnny, Hey, Johnny,
nice tie pal. You know you can't you can't do that.
But with let them and I could, and that was
it was a fun part.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
I'm the same way.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
I have friends from you know, third grade, you know,
Matt McDaniel, Robbie Fox, Mike Hennessee. And when I when
I run into their parents, I still call them mister
Fox or missus McDaniel and missus Tennessee.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
And I can't stop that.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Yeah. Well, my own, my own history teacher came to
see me. Uh can of you know, I guess you
drink mister robshad com me Fred coll me Fred. I'm
not giving. I'm just giving a guy named Fred or whiskey. Okay,
you're gonna have a soft drink. Mister. You know you're
my history teacher. I'm sorry, I can't you know. Yeah, no,
it's just very very funny.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
It's it's it's being brought up properly, is what that
is by calling.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Somebody that's true, just being you know, when I was
a kid, I used to love the Danny Thomas Show
because Danny town was was a performer and he would
be at home with his family and then at night
he would go out to the club to work and
come home again. I thought, well, wouldn't it be great
if you could be a comedian. We're not going out
of time. You could just go to the club. A
(28:02):
tie out joke. So when Flapper's open, when the Comedy
Magic Club opening a Mossa Beach, I would say to
my I'm going to see my agent, Sit Helper, and
I'm going to get out to the club. You know,
hid Helper with Dandy Thomas's agent on the show.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
That's great.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
It always used to make me laugh. I thought, oh God,
I'm living the life I wanted to live when I
was a little kid.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
That's awesome, Buddy, break a leg tonight. They still say thanks.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Thanks, good luck and keep you know, write a book
about that inspiring story about I will.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
All right, Thanks Jaylen.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
We're live on KFI AM six forty Conway show on
demand on the iHeart Radio app. Now you can always
hear us live on KFI AM six forty four to
seven pm Monday through Friday, and anytime on demand on
the iHeart Radio app.
Tim Conway Jr. on Demand News
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