September 15, 2025 • 34 mins
Even though the Chargers game shaved an hour off the show, Tim Conway Jr. packed three hours of laughs into two. From almost making it to the L.A. Zoo (“Everyone wins at the Zoo!”), to hilarious takes on birth order quirks and getting hit on in traffic stops, Conway and crew didn’t miss a beat. Thompson getting pulled over turned into pure comedy. It’s everything you love about the show, just in a tighter package.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's k IF I am six forty and you're listening
to the Conway Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app.
You can't see everything that the La County Fair has
to offer in one day.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
It's almost really tough, especially if you want to do
any of the rides and on the midnight and all that.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
But it used to be great because when when my
daughter was you know, and she loved that. You know,
she loves those Orange County Fair the La County Fair man,
it's just a you get such a big smile and
or it takes you know, take her friends with us.
But when when we first started going out there, you know,
two thousand and seven, two thousand and eight, they still
had horse racing. So I would spend the entire day
(00:41):
at the track where they had horse racing, and my
wife and daughter would go on rides and eat food
and all that stuff. And everybody won. Everybody was a winner. Yeah,
somebody came out happy. Yeah that's me. But it was great.
Then they sold those dates to either you know, sant
Anita or Los Alaminos, and now they have no horse
racing out there. Yeah, my grandma used to do it.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
She would be there while we were like walking around,
so we'd go in and check on her while she's
betting horses.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Was she a rat track or track rat?
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Yeah, she went like every couple of every couple of weeks.
Oh very great, Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, somebody asked me
to do remember who it was. How often I go
to the track? I'm like, we usually only when they're open,
you know, slide out there. But I probably go about
three or four times a month. You know, sometimes I'll
go Saturday and Sunday. If I lose on Saturday, I'll
(01:30):
go back Sunday to get my money back. And that
sometimes doesn't happen.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
And at this point, so it doesn't go with you
at all, No, because I burned her out when she
was younger. I took her to the track every weekend,
and she loved it because you played in the infield
with the other kids, or you know, I cruised around
with me. But I remember the one time where my
wife got really pissed off, and she doesn't get that
pissed that often. But I said, I was taking Sophie
(01:55):
to the zoo, and we went to the zoo and
were planning on going to the zoo. The la Zoo
and we got there. It was everyone gets in for
free day, and so there were like ten thousand people
waiting to get in line, waiting in line to get in,
and I'm like, I don't want to do this. It's
hot outside. I'll just go to the track with her.
(02:16):
So she was about six or seven, and I drag
her out to Santa Anita. And you know, in my defense,
she saw animals either way, so you know, pretty horsey
ding dong. So I'm I'm out there, and Mike Willman,
who runs publicity, out there, he said, hey, the guy
that was going to present the trophy in the feature
(02:36):
race in the eighth race, he got into an accident
or something happened at home and he couldn't make it.
Will you give the trophy out for the eighth race?
I said, yeah, sure right, I got nothing going on.
So the eighth race wins. I think it was Doug
O'Neill's horse to win. And then over the loudspeaker, they say,
ladies and gentlemen, now presenting the award for you know,
the San Jose Handicap or San Gabriel Handicap.
Speaker 4 (03:01):
Ladies.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
John mcar him every night on kfive ladies and gentlemen.
Tim Conway, D're right. So you know, the eight people
know who know who I was, were out there and
I'm presenting the trophy to the guy, to Doug O'Neill
and the owner of the horse, I think it was
Paul Readham, and my phone rings and my wife said, hey,
how's the zoo And I said, it's going pretty good.
(03:24):
You know, it's a little crowded because it was free day,
but it's kind of cool, which was true. That's true, right,
And she says, she goes, that's that's weird because I'm
watching TV and you're on TV. And I left the
TV on TVG when I left, and she's now watching
me give away the trophy in the feature race.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I can't even imagine her watching that and what and
she and she was cleaning the house and just happened
to look up and see and then she goes, hey,
that's my husband and daughter on TV.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
And I thought they were at the zoo, right, And
she goes, you're not the zoo, right. I'm like, well,
we tried to go to the zoo, right, but it
just the attempt was made.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
It's not like you, that's right, lied per se that's right,
I tried. Did you try to pull the Hey it's
my kid too.
Speaker 5 (04:16):
I think it's funny. That's so Uh it's the same
story as when your dad was supposed to take you
to church.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Oh yeah, went We end up at the Winchells and
my mom walked into Wincheles and she's like, oh boy,
never I never got to go with my dad to
church again. It really doesn't fall far from the tree,
Oh it doesn't. And then when I got home, you know,
my wife was pissed because I lied to her. Right,
and she grabs Sophia and Sophia's hands, she smells her hands.
(04:44):
She goes, why do her hands smell like cigarettes? I'm like, osh,
she might have picked up a snipe or a you know,
a cigarette butt out there. You know kids do they
pick up stuff? And she goes, yeah, but both she goes,
both of her hands smell like cigarettes. I'm like, well,
I don't know. I mean, so, did you pick up
a cigarette while you're out there? And she goes, yeah,
I think I picked up a cigarette. And she goes
put her clothes smell like my women, are you are
(05:05):
you accusing me of letting her smoking? Of letting her
smoke at the track because I didn't she did not
smoke a cigarette.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
The implication, did you did you give our child a cigarette?
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I didn't believe it. I was getting rolled. But then
she started, you know, she started kindergarten like I don't know,
like three months later. And in kindergarten they have all
the parents there and there's probably about thirty kids in
the class, and like eighty ninety parents, you know, grandparents, uncles,
you know, a lot of people show up to see
(05:39):
their kid go to school for the very first time.
And I was there, and so missus F was her name.
She was a long name, but they called her missus F.
And she had given a speech to the whole class
and all the parents. And in the speech I remember,
she said, if your kid comes home with an art project,
don't throw the art project in the trash in front
(06:00):
of the kid. And I turned to my wife and go,
who does that? Who when the kid comes home with
art project, who throws it in the trash? And the
teacher heard me ask that, and she goes By the way,
it happened twice last year where the kid came to
school the next day and said mom, threw my gift
that I made for mom for Mother's Day. She threw
(06:21):
it in the trash in front of me. I'm like, wow,
that is a horrible human being.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
And then right after that, she asked the kids what
they did for summer break, and so sends up and says,
dad took me to the track.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Well.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I Then she said, are there any questions? And I
raised my hand and I could see my daughter put
her head down on her desk, going.
Speaker 6 (06:41):
Please, please, don't let this guy speak. Oh my god, almighty.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
So she points to me and she goes, yes, sir,
And I said, this is my daughter, Sophia. And I
was just wondering if there's a no smoking section this class,
because she took all summer to quit smoking. And this
was the reaction from the forty five parents and the
(07:08):
thirty students or eighty parents and thirty students in the class.
After I said she picked she chows all summer to
quit smoking. She finally accomplished, accomplished it is there a
no smoking section in this class? And here's the reaction.
(07:30):
Nobody laughed crickets, and and I said to her afterwards,
I said, hey, missus f I said, what's going on here.
I said, that's not bad material, but yet nobody reacted
to it. And I said, what's going on? And she says, well,
you can't make jokes nowadays about kids and smoking, Like, well,
(07:53):
sure you can. I just did that was pretty good.
When she said nah, because you can't do that, and
I said, that's where we are in life. I said, Okay,
it's gonna be a long year, a long year with
this crew because they got a lot more of these
wait chicken on deck. Wow, long year, ma'am.
Speaker 7 (08:14):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
I was telling the story of my mom and dad
would take us to Disneyland once a year, and they
would tell us three months or four months in advance,
you know, right around Christmas. Hey, we're going in on
April ninth, so you got to behave. And one of
my brothers decided not to behave. He bought itching powder
and spread it all over the desks of all the
kids and they all and I'm I'm ninety nine percent
(08:43):
sure this happened where the kids, all the kids' parents
had to come pick them up because they were all
itching like crazy. I know, what it was. They didn't
know what it was, and they're breaking out in like
hives and stuff. And I I'm about ninety nine percent
sure that the fire department was called as well, because
they were next door, and the paramedics came over to
see to try to figure out what happened, and they
(09:05):
found a box of itching power in my brother's desk.
I'm starting to.
Speaker 5 (09:12):
Understand the three day suspension.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Yeah, he's lucky he didn't get expelled.
Speaker 5 (09:17):
Yeah, I mean that turned into a big deal, right,
because what if those what if one of those kids
was allergic or had a condition or something and you know,
they got swollen eyes or whatever it was killed or exactly,
and got their lungs and you know it was.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
It's a big deal, a big deal. So I'm with
the principal and the teacher that there had to be
some action. Right, Normally, I'd pick I'd support my brother,
but I think he crossed the line, okay, just barely.
So he was told by my dad, you did this,
he got in trouble, you got caught. You're not going
to Disneyland this year. And I thought, whoo, my dad
(09:52):
never ever does stuff like that. Ever, So all the
kids going. He's serious. Yes, And so the morning we're going,
you know, you always wake up early and you have breakfast,
and he always took us out of school to go.
So it's a big special day, you know, he didn't
have to go to school. And we're all going to
Disneyland on a day where we're you know, we're supposed
to go to school. And so Disneyland was fairly empty
(10:12):
and you could walk around and enjoy yourself. And we
all get in the car except my brother with the
itching powder, and he was in the house and he
wasn't coming, and I thought, wow, how far is my
dad going to drive down the block here? Until he
turns around and picks this kid back up and he
pulls the car around. We're going out the driveway and
(10:33):
my brother, Jake says, hey, Dad, can you will you
stop the car? And my dad stops the car and
my brother says, if my brother's not going, I'm not going. Wow, Jake,
isn't that great? Yeah? That says a lot about his character,
the greatest guy in the world. He says, if I'm
not if my brother's not going, I'm not going. Who
(10:55):
was your reaction? I'm my reaction was, hey, more room
for me. Why are we sitting still? Yeah, Dad, why
why did you stop? Just slow down, Jake, get the
hell out of here. And he my dad ended up
taking all of us, right, he did. Yeah, he ended
up taking all of us. But there was such a
defining moment in my brother's childhood, right, Like, he's the
(11:17):
only kid that said no, no, we're all going or
I'm not going. It's just so great. It brings a
tear to my eyes. It really, I mean, it really
is special. That's consistent with who he was.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
And he is a sweet man, sweetest guy in the wood.
Speaker 5 (11:28):
He is really sweet man.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I mean he's obviously he was born in the wrong family.
Well you're all sweet n He's over the top. I mean,
he rescues dogs all the time. He's always upbeat. He
doesn't hate anybody, never gets pissed at anybody, can just
hang up on a good friend. No way you'd go
to the track with the guy, right, But he's always
(11:50):
always upbeat. And I don't know how he does it, man,
but you know, he works. He doesn't have kids, but
they have like five or six dogs, and those dogs
in the world to him, and he's and he's just
a really decent human being, like a really good person.
And you know, of all the brothers and sisters, I
(12:11):
think his his character. I don't know where it was formed,
but somebody had an influence on him that we all
didn't catch. The No, he's fourth, fourth, fifth city. Yeah,
he's fourth, fourth born, so he's close to the middle there. Yeah,
he's a middle kid out of six. Right, the three
and four are the you know, the two medals.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Right.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Do you find that, I don't know how much you've
looked into that. Do you find that that the order
of births with all your siblings kind of go true
to form from what we've always heard, the first in
the middle and the last and all that.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
You know what I don't I'm not really sure what
what those theories are like is it? I know that
my sister got a lot in life. She was the
first born. Oh, she was the first thing. She's the oldest,
she's but we have we had one girl, and then
my dad had five boys. My mom, mom and dad.
My mom had something to do with it too.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
I think the girl thing makes sense, but also the
firstborn thing makes sense, so she got she doubled it. Oh,
my God, I the privilege. I guess you could say.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
My dad wrote a song about her. My dad has
never written a song in his life. You wrote a
song about her. And there's a million pictures of her
around around, you know, our house growing up. I think
there's one of me, and try to find one of
the youngest.
Speaker 5 (13:25):
So long man to hear some of the characteristics of
the first middle Okay, so first natural leader, high achiever, organized,
on time, know it all, bossy, responsible, adult pleaser, obeys
the rules the middle.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
That makes sense. Wait, it goes slowly again. The firstborn
is one natural.
Speaker 5 (13:42):
Leader, high achiever, very organized, very organized, on time, always
know it all. Yeah, I think I think she knows
you guys on Thursday nights, not Friday nights to tapings.
Speaker 4 (13:57):
She didn't know.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
She didn't know that right, So maybe not and not
all of it. She knew bossy uh as a kid? Yeah,
get in the wheel.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
Well that's a little yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Pretty bossy as a kid, right, Responsible? Yes?
Speaker 5 (14:10):
Yes, adult pleaser yeah, obeys the rules.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Yeah, pretty much. Okay. She had by the way, she
had a massive, massive bedroom. It was supposed to be
like the master bedroom to the house that we lived
in in the valley and the rest of the boys
were in one room. That's so cool. Five of us
in one room. And she had a fireplace in her room,
a walk in closet fire place in her room, and
(14:37):
had two different exposures, like she looked west and north
from her windows.
Speaker 5 (14:42):
Two different exposures.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Huge ass room. Good for her. And we were all piled.
We had two bunk beds and a car bed, you know.
So we had two bunk beds that we lived that
we slept in, and my brother had one of those
like speed racer car beds. Stinky boys. God, it was unbelievable.
I don't know why we put up with that, because
you had to. Well we could have. We could have.
(15:05):
I mean, there's five of us. We could have taken over.
You should have. We should have. We couldn't have taken
her out.
Speaker 5 (15:12):
Middle child, okay, middle child, flexible, easygoing, social peacemakers, independent, secretive,
may feel like life is unfair, strong negotiator and generous.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Okay, that's like yeah, my brother yeah, like like Corey
and and and Jake. Yeah, that's that's kind of them, right.
Speaker 5 (15:28):
Okay, the babies of the family. All right, this is
sean risk taker outgoing, creative, self centered, Oh yeah, financial,
financially irresponsible, not.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
No, he's not that, but competitive so far, he's like,
you know, eight for nine, yeah, nine for ten.
Speaker 5 (15:46):
Bored, easily, very easily, likes to be pampered. I don't know,
I don't know, sense of humor, very funny. And that
was for those Okay, if you're the only child close
to parents, self control, leader, mature, dependable, demanding, unforgiving, private,
and sensitive.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Wow. Man, oh man, that's wild. How I mean, it's
such a generalization. But man, do they nail it. I
hit a lot of accurate. Yeah, I hit a lot
of those. Yeah, that's wild. That's crazy, man, that's a
you know that that the youngest one. I mean, you
describe my brother Sean to the tea, except that he's
financially he's not irresponsible. He owns a two restaurants and
(16:28):
Steamboat Springs, Colorado here. Okay, Yeah, I worked up from nothing.
He was like a busboy.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
So with six, you find those ones that are in
the middle, they're they're sort of like a variance of
those things.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Yeah. Yeah, that pretty much nailed them, though, I guess.
So there's six kids, The three and four are the
middle one. Yeah, yeah, I guess so, yeah, yeah, Well
that's that's that's about right. But that's that's wild how
you can generalize like that, that's crazy.
Speaker 7 (16:51):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KF
I am six forty.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
I only have one of those stories. Crusher was like
a nine hundred of them. But where you know, you
get you got hit on by somebody who's really influential
in the business, in show business or you know, really
could make your your life better, you know, with a
job promotion and crap like them. But there was a
big agent in Hollywood, agent slash manager, and I met him.
(17:27):
Oh I thought you were going to say Judy Denton.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Oh no, no, no, no, way was Judy and I
dated for three months?
Speaker 4 (17:37):
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (17:38):
No, I'm just gonna but I I was at with
my dad at God. I think it was like the
our Senial Hall show. It was one of those late
night talk shows. I know, it wasn't the Tonight Show.
I think it was our Sinio Hall. And that manager
was there. He represented some other big actor or whatever,
and we just talking backstage in the green room and
(18:01):
and I didn't even know the guy was gay. I thought,
you know, we were just chit chatting. And he said
he had a poker game at his house every you know,
month or so. He says, a lot of you know, uh,
you know, big Hollywood types show up and we just
played poker for a couple hours. I said, oh, yeah, poker. Yeah,
barely even know and I and I said, I said, yeah,
(18:25):
you know, if I'm in the area, you're playing, and
you know, stop by. And went over there, and sure not.
They're like seven people there, and I ended up knowing
like two of them. I knew one was a writer
and the other guy was an actor, and the other
guys were like producers and you know, Hollywood times. And
so we're playing poker. Everyone's you know, drinking, smoking, having
(18:46):
a good time. And then one guy gets up, he goes,
I got you know, kids to take the soccer in
the morning. Guy got to go, so he splits. Another
guy splits, So we're down to like four people and
we're playing blackjack. So you know, you know, it's not
poker anymore. You can't play poker three people. So we're
playing blackjack and you know, other games. And it wasn't
for a lot of money, and so I said, I
(19:06):
gotta use your bathroom. So I go to the bathroom
in there for two minutes, and I come out and
all the other players have split, and this guy's on
the couch with a glass of wine, right and nothing on. No, well,
(19:27):
he was fully closed, you know, he wasn't there. We
weren't there yet. And he said, uh, he says, hey,
why don't you sit down and we'll talk about your career? Right,
and and then I remember he goes, he goes, won
don't you sit down and we'll talk about your career?
(19:49):
So where'd you go to breakfast? Jesus Christ's smoked by
everybody tonight get a grand slammer. Moon's over my hand.
It was Beverly Hills Hotel was very good. Look I'm
(20:09):
not I'm not a cheap breakfast. I'm not a Denny's guy.
You know that ruddy freshman. No, no, no, no, this
is Mimosa time. You know, if you're gonna, you know,
hang with t bones speak if you know what I mean. No,
(20:33):
but I you know I was I split, not obviously
I did split, and I and you know, but I
always I always thought I wanted to call like the
all the other guys that were playing that night and go, hey,
you know, that move may work on some of the guys,
but I wasn't into it, and I was I wanted
to like call him and go, hey, did you guys
(20:54):
do this with other guys? I mean, you gout, you know,
you set another guy up to get the you know,
and I I don't know. That's what I was wonder
about the process.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
When you went to the bathroom, was there a discussion
to be had or the second the door closed to
the bathroom they all grabbed the coats and ran.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Obviously there was there was you know, this has either
happened before or he said, hey, you guys got to
get out of here. You know, I got the I
got young t bones to to tackle here. The smoking
lamp has been it. But it was on the elevator
ride down. It was on a big condo complex, like
(21:31):
on the you know, twenty twentieth floor or something like that.
But on the elevator ride down, I'm like, man, I
wonder if like other guys have you done this or
maybe they hang maybe they don't. And I felt dirty.
I felt like I was like, you know, if he
if you know, maybe if he just said, hey, you
know you went to.
Speaker 5 (21:53):
This, you know, but did you question whether you were
sending him signals here?
Speaker 8 (21:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Because I thought maybe I let him down. You know,
if you've.
Speaker 5 (22:06):
Left something upstairs and you realized it when you got
to the bottom of the elevator, which.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Oh yeah, oh you like a jacket or coat or something. Yeah, yeah,
I don't know, leave it there. I don't know. I
don't know. That's what's You didn't have cell phones back
then to text him the call or go back there. Yeah,
I buzz him up and go, hey, I left my
card again up there. Maybe I was given the wrong
(22:36):
leave behind my penny Lovers and Cardigan are still up there.
Can I slide up them? Ascott?
Speaker 6 (22:45):
Yeah, maybe I was giving them wrong signals. It's my fault.
It's always the guy, always the I've got.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
I've never had a I've never had the let's talk
about your sort of career, or the implication that I
could advance your card.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
I never had any of that.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
I just had straight out, well, you never know what
you want I want life until you try a little
bit of everything.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Is that right? I've had that verbatim said to me. Yeah,
Like somebody once said to me. They said, hey, are
you gay? And I said, well, I said not now.
But you know, it's a long life. You know, you
never know. You had a glimpse of a guy and say, hey,
that's get butterflies, and all of a sudden you're off
to the races. What kind of fun. But you know,
(23:26):
but that's but that has happened before. I know a
woman who was married to a guy and she and
I think she's even told the story on the air
before him. I think we had her on it and
she told this story. But she was a heterosexual woman
with a guy. I think she had a daughter. And
she was playing tennis one day with another couple and
(23:48):
the and the woman like hooked up, not hooked up,
but glanced over the other woman and they both approached
the net and they said, look, I'm married and you're married,
but I think I'm supposed to spy the rest of
my life with you. And the other woman said, I
have the exact same feeling. And they both divorced their
husbands and they got married and they're still together today.
(24:09):
That was twenty years ago. Isn't that wild? That's why
I say it's a long life. You know, you never
know what you want in life, to try a little
bit of everything. I mean, it's you know, I obviously
you know, you know. I think, look, I'm fifty eight.
I think you know that you know the clock is
run out. But I think when you're younger, you know,
(24:29):
especially nowadays, I don't know. You know, you're in a
bar and you look across the you know, the bar,
and you see another guy, go wow, what happened? That's
kind of weird feeling, right, But I think as you
get older, you're like, you know what, I think, it's
just time to go to bed, you know. I think
as you get older, you're you know, you're you're you know,
you get set in your waist. I use the same
(24:51):
detergent I've used since I was a kid. I get
the same haircut, I get the same shoes. You don't.
You don't expand your life, you don't open yourselves up
for new idea. But if you're young, if you're like eighteen,
nineteen twenty, and you know, it's not a big thing
anymore to be gay. I think that those that kids
nowadays I have not more I hate to like misphrase it,
(25:15):
but they have they're more open. This generation to like
everything and anything, and back when I was growing up,
you know, that just wasn't the case, you know, at all.
So nice to see progress. We weren't part of it.
But it's nice to see, you know, society progress. You
weren't part of it, Yes, right, I wasn't part of it,
(25:37):
you evidently, Richard far Down. Yeah, that's right. Did you
turn it all down? Cross?
Speaker 4 (25:41):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
When he when he said you never know what you want,
like to try a little with everything? My responsible since
he because he just prior to that, he had asked
me if I was dating anybody, and I wasn't, but
he said, because you know, And then afterwards I said.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Yes, it's pretty serious's between me and this one girl.
I'm not seeing anybody at the time. That's wild, all right, man.
Everybody loves Krozer. That's the name of the name of
the new name of the Showbody loves. Everybody loves Cruiser
because everybody loves Cruiser.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
At one point in the industry here in La, the
radio industry exects new of me because of my tight
white jeans.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Oh my god, tell you, why why do we just
know this somebody here? For ten years I've never explored
your tight white jeans. Apparently it got around. All right,
we got to come back with your tight white jeans,
and please tell me you stuffed them into some cowboy boots.
Speaker 7 (26:37):
All right, you're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand
from KFI Am six forty.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Now you've done something that CHP hated.
Speaker 8 (26:48):
Well, I mean they're right, they're out there, you know,
cruising looking for you know, back or doing stuff that
they shouldn't be doing that's unsafe.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Well you know of it before you go on here?
Are you realized that the laws in California made for
your protection? Of course, thank you sir. So they would
rather you obey them, Yes.
Speaker 8 (27:06):
And I typically do. And I don't know what happened
in this one instance. The car kind of got away
from me, I guess, and I was driving too fast.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
It's an empty for you way. It's midnight, Yes.
Speaker 4 (27:18):
It was midnight. There weren't a lot of cars in
the road.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
So and it's not like you drive a car that's
going to shake it at eighty five eighty eight.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
No, that's a really smooth ride.
Speaker 8 (27:25):
But I'll tell you also, and this is because we
talk a lot about the way I used to drive.
Speaker 4 (27:29):
I don't really drive that you know, crazy like a
crazy man anymore.
Speaker 8 (27:33):
So, but I apparently I still have it somewhere in
me because the car, I guess got away from me
or whatever I drove for whatever I became impatient or
you know. So anyway, it's midnight and I see that
thing that just makes your heartstop, which the lights, you know,
come on they you know, they're red and blue, and
then yes, thank you, and that's exactly And then.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
This way, did you get scared or you angry?
Speaker 4 (27:54):
I was scared?
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Okay, that means you're still young, Okay, as you get older,
like my grandfather at one point flipped where he was
no longer scared, he was pissed.
Speaker 8 (28:03):
Now I was scared. And they have such bright lights.
I mean, I don't know where the candle power comes
from on these lights, but it was like God that
this is insane. I'm gonna get up like a sunburn
from this light. And so I'm frightened, and I pull
over to the you know, and the right lane, and
then I heart oh yeah, and I'm thinking, oh no,
(28:26):
I can't hear because the windows up, So I roll
the window down and I'm still driving you know. But
now I'm in the right lane and goes hot. I
can't understand what he's saying, and so then I rolled
the other window down so I could hear it, and
and I hear I've got both windows down, and I'm
(28:50):
now I pull off the road.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
Okay.
Speaker 8 (28:52):
So now I'm there on the shoulder of the road
full stop, and he pulls up on him and he
goes cos. I'm like, did he tell me like to
throw the keys out of the car or what is
he telling me? I don't know what he's telling me.
I still can't understand him, so I'm figuring. And then
then quickly he said Claus, exit oh and exit okay.
(29:13):
So he wanted me to go to the next exit
and pull off. So I did pull off, and then
Lanham lankershim exactly and then and I just figured he
wanted me to turn. It's weird how you think that
technology would have matched the technology that the lights have,
you know what I mean. But it doesn't. It's not
(29:35):
clearly they've really outpaced the audio part of that whole thing.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
I think they do that on purpose, so you know,
they confuses the guy. Then he takes off and there's
a chase.
Speaker 8 (29:45):
I see, but I'm not exaggerating. I couldn't understand except
for exit. I got that, and then I turned at
the bottom.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Did you not understand because you had too much to drink?
That was.
Speaker 8 (30:01):
So I pull over to the to the right, and
this dude, uh you know, comes up to and he's
this tall, good looking dude. It's like everybody, all all
our cops are just like they're just at a central casting,
like right out of chips, you know.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
And there he is, and he's and he says.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
You know, you'll no longer get the Barney fipes.
Speaker 8 (30:20):
And exactly, it's you know, and you also don't get
like the boss hog. You know what I mean, You're
not getting that. So this he said, is your license pleasing?
And he says, you know, I got you. I got
your speeding back there. I said, oh really, I said
to guys. And the first thing I said, hey man,
I'm so sorry. I couldn't understand what you were saying.
That's what I pull over. I pulled ahead. I just couldn't.
(30:40):
I was desperate to understand what you were saying. He said,
it's okay, it's okay, just need to see your license.
Digs the license and he goes, I got you for speeding.
And I was still like racked with guilt that I
was unable to understand him before, like I couldn't follow
his instructions. I felt like that maybe that was he
thought I was messing with him. He looks the license,
he said, this is still your addresses.
Speaker 4 (30:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (30:57):
I said, okay, I said, how that was I going?
He said eighty five?
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Wow?
Speaker 4 (31:04):
I said what eighty five? He said, yeah, eighty five.
Speaker 8 (31:08):
I said, when I was, he said, I said, well,
and then this is pretty classic. I said, well, I
really I thought people were passing me. And he said,
when I was following you, you were the fastest guy
out there.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
I thought, well that's probably true.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Yeah, all right, you're the fastest.
Speaker 8 (31:26):
And so I So he goes back, and then right
as he's leaving, this other person comes up, like, I guess,
you know, his partner. And I look over and it's
a woman and she's stunning. Okay, I'm thinking, are you
kidding me? Are you a real cop? I mean, are
you an actress? Maybe like studying for a role as
(31:47):
a cop. She was that attractive, and and so I said,
aren't you late for an audition. No, No, I did
not say that. I said I did the same thing.
I felt so bad. I said, hey, I want to apologize.
I said I did and understand what you guys were saying.
That's why I pulled over. And then I pulled the head.
She said it's okay, she said, we'll be right back.
They go back to the cruiser. I think that's what
(32:08):
they call them.
Speaker 4 (32:08):
Cruisers.
Speaker 8 (32:09):
Sure, And it was like a minute, maybe two minutes,
and they came back and they gave me the license.
She came back and she said, be careful with your speed.
She said, it's that speeding tickets are expensive and it's dangerous.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (32:23):
Man.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Then let me go and they split.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Holy smoked.
Speaker 8 (32:26):
He did ask me if I was if I had
been drinking, and I said the answer was truthfully no.
And I think that's kind of what they were worried about.
If I'd been drinking at all, I think it might
have been a different conversation.
Speaker 4 (32:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
I never drink, and even like one beer. If we
have a beer at dinner, I have gen drive home.
Because I had a buddy of mine who had a
couple of drinks and he got rear ended at a
stop sign and he got a DUI for it. Right,
I mean he was blamed in the collision because he
(32:56):
had like it wasn't over the limit, but he had
alcohol in his system and somebody was hurting the car
behind him. Sure, and it wasn't his fault. He was
sitting there, stopped and a guy hit him. That's how
paranoid I am about about drinking and driving. If I'm
homeworking on the garage, like on a Saturday night, and
I've had a couple of beers, I'll ask Jen to
bring the car in from the curb into the garage. Wow,
(33:18):
isn't that crazy?
Speaker 4 (33:19):
That's really I mean, that's but.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
See this, this is what I envision. I go to
move the car off the curb, somebody hits me and
I've had, you know, nineteen drinks and it's done. I'm
over right.
Speaker 8 (33:31):
Well, that's a level of caution, that's.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
It's border bordering on a problem. Yeah, I mean that
I have a problem. I'm What's funny about this is
you were surrounded by drinkers. I remember you telling a
story with McClean Stevenson driving me, Yeah, from a ballgame
downtown and he literally had like a gin and tonic
in his hand while he was driving. All Right, I've
never used that name on the air. I said it
(33:57):
was my dad's friend.
Speaker 4 (33:58):
But I'm so sorry. Maybe it was not McLean Stephenson.
Maybe it was not. I mean serious, I just I picked.
I picked the name. McLean Stephenson could have been anybody.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Conway Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. Now you
can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty
four to seven pm Monday through Friday, and anytime on
demand on the iHeart Radio app.
It's k IF I am six forty and you're listening
to the Conway Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app.
You can't see everything that the La County Fair has
to offer in one day.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
It's almost really tough, especially if you want to do
any of the rides and on the midnight and all that.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
But it used to be great because when when my
daughter was you know, and she loved that. You know,
she loves those Orange County Fair the La County Fair man,
it's just a you get such a big smile and
or it takes you know, take her friends with us.
But when when we first started going out there, you know,
two thousand and seven, two thousand and eight, they still
had horse racing. So I would spend the entire day
(00:41):
at the track where they had horse racing, and my
wife and daughter would go on rides and eat food
and all that stuff. And everybody won. Everybody was a winner. Yeah,
somebody came out happy. Yeah that's me. But it was great.
Then they sold those dates to either you know, sant
Anita or Los Alaminos, and now they have no horse
racing out there. Yeah, my grandma used to do it.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
She would be there while we were like walking around,
so we'd go in and check on her while she's
betting horses.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Was she a rat track or track rat?
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Yeah, she went like every couple of every couple of weeks.
Oh very great, Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, somebody asked me
to do remember who it was. How often I go
to the track? I'm like, we usually only when they're open,
you know, slide out there. But I probably go about
three or four times a month. You know, sometimes I'll
go Saturday and Sunday. If I lose on Saturday, I'll
(01:30):
go back Sunday to get my money back. And that
sometimes doesn't happen.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
And at this point, so it doesn't go with you
at all, No, because I burned her out when she
was younger. I took her to the track every weekend,
and she loved it because you played in the infield
with the other kids, or you know, I cruised around
with me. But I remember the one time where my
wife got really pissed off, and she doesn't get that
pissed that often. But I said, I was taking Sophie
(01:55):
to the zoo, and we went to the zoo and
were planning on going to the zoo. The la Zoo
and we got there. It was everyone gets in for
free day, and so there were like ten thousand people
waiting to get in line, waiting in line to get in,
and I'm like, I don't want to do this. It's
hot outside. I'll just go to the track with her.
(02:16):
So she was about six or seven, and I drag
her out to Santa Anita. And you know, in my defense,
she saw animals either way, so you know, pretty horsey
ding dong. So I'm I'm out there, and Mike Willman,
who runs publicity, out there, he said, hey, the guy
that was going to present the trophy in the feature
(02:36):
race in the eighth race, he got into an accident
or something happened at home and he couldn't make it.
Will you give the trophy out for the eighth race?
I said, yeah, sure right, I got nothing going on.
So the eighth race wins. I think it was Doug
O'Neill's horse to win. And then over the loudspeaker, they say,
ladies and gentlemen, now presenting the award for you know,
the San Jose Handicap or San Gabriel Handicap.
Speaker 4 (03:01):
Ladies.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
John mcar him every night on kfive ladies and gentlemen.
Tim Conway, D're right. So you know, the eight people
know who know who I was, were out there and
I'm presenting the trophy to the guy, to Doug O'Neill
and the owner of the horse, I think it was
Paul Readham, and my phone rings and my wife said, hey,
how's the zoo And I said, it's going pretty good.
(03:24):
You know, it's a little crowded because it was free day,
but it's kind of cool, which was true. That's true, right,
And she says, she goes, that's that's weird because I'm
watching TV and you're on TV. And I left the
TV on TVG when I left, and she's now watching
me give away the trophy in the feature race.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I can't even imagine her watching that and what and
she and she was cleaning the house and just happened
to look up and see and then she goes, hey,
that's my husband and daughter on TV.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
And I thought they were at the zoo, right, And
she goes, you're not the zoo, right. I'm like, well,
we tried to go to the zoo, right, but it
just the attempt was made.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
It's not like you, that's right, lied per se that's right,
I tried. Did you try to pull the Hey it's
my kid too.
Speaker 5 (04:16):
I think it's funny. That's so Uh it's the same
story as when your dad was supposed to take you
to church.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Oh yeah, went We end up at the Winchells and
my mom walked into Wincheles and she's like, oh boy,
never I never got to go with my dad to
church again. It really doesn't fall far from the tree,
Oh it doesn't. And then when I got home, you know,
my wife was pissed because I lied to her. Right,
and she grabs Sophia and Sophia's hands, she smells her hands.
(04:44):
She goes, why do her hands smell like cigarettes? I'm like, osh,
she might have picked up a snipe or a you know,
a cigarette butt out there. You know kids do they
pick up stuff? And she goes, yeah, but both she goes,
both of her hands smell like cigarettes. I'm like, well,
I don't know. I mean, so, did you pick up
a cigarette while you're out there? And she goes, yeah,
I think I picked up a cigarette. And she goes
put her clothes smell like my women, are you are
(05:05):
you accusing me of letting her smoking? Of letting her
smoke at the track because I didn't she did not
smoke a cigarette.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
The implication, did you did you give our child a cigarette?
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I didn't believe it. I was getting rolled. But then
she started, you know, she started kindergarten like I don't know,
like three months later. And in kindergarten they have all
the parents there and there's probably about thirty kids in
the class, and like eighty ninety parents, you know, grandparents, uncles,
you know, a lot of people show up to see
(05:39):
their kid go to school for the very first time.
And I was there, and so missus F was her name.
She was a long name, but they called her missus F.
And she had given a speech to the whole class
and all the parents. And in the speech I remember,
she said, if your kid comes home with an art project,
don't throw the art project in the trash in front
(06:00):
of the kid. And I turned to my wife and go,
who does that? Who when the kid comes home with
art project, who throws it in the trash? And the
teacher heard me ask that, and she goes By the way,
it happened twice last year where the kid came to
school the next day and said mom, threw my gift
that I made for mom for Mother's Day. She threw
(06:21):
it in the trash in front of me. I'm like, wow,
that is a horrible human being.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
And then right after that, she asked the kids what
they did for summer break, and so sends up and says,
dad took me to the track.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Well.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
I Then she said, are there any questions? And I
raised my hand and I could see my daughter put
her head down on her desk, going.
Speaker 6 (06:41):
Please, please, don't let this guy speak. Oh my god, almighty.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
So she points to me and she goes, yes, sir,
And I said, this is my daughter, Sophia. And I
was just wondering if there's a no smoking section this class,
because she took all summer to quit smoking. And this
was the reaction from the forty five parents and the
(07:08):
thirty students or eighty parents and thirty students in the class.
After I said she picked she chows all summer to
quit smoking. She finally accomplished, accomplished it is there a
no smoking section in this class? And here's the reaction.
(07:30):
Nobody laughed crickets, and and I said to her afterwards,
I said, hey, missus f I said, what's going on here.
I said, that's not bad material, but yet nobody reacted
to it. And I said, what's going on? And she says, well,
you can't make jokes nowadays about kids and smoking, Like, well,
(07:53):
sure you can. I just did that was pretty good.
When she said nah, because you can't do that, and
I said, that's where we are in life. I said, Okay,
it's gonna be a long year, a long year with
this crew because they got a lot more of these
wait chicken on deck. Wow, long year, ma'am.
Speaker 7 (08:14):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
I was telling the story of my mom and dad
would take us to Disneyland once a year, and they
would tell us three months or four months in advance,
you know, right around Christmas. Hey, we're going in on
April ninth, so you got to behave. And one of
my brothers decided not to behave. He bought itching powder
and spread it all over the desks of all the
kids and they all and I'm I'm ninety nine percent
(08:43):
sure this happened where the kids, all the kids' parents
had to come pick them up because they were all
itching like crazy. I know, what it was. They didn't
know what it was, and they're breaking out in like
hives and stuff. And I I'm about ninety nine percent
sure that the fire department was called as well, because
they were next door, and the paramedics came over to
see to try to figure out what happened, and they
(09:05):
found a box of itching power in my brother's desk.
I'm starting to.
Speaker 5 (09:12):
Understand the three day suspension.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Yeah, he's lucky he didn't get expelled.
Speaker 5 (09:17):
Yeah, I mean that turned into a big deal, right,
because what if those what if one of those kids
was allergic or had a condition or something and you know,
they got swollen eyes or whatever it was killed or exactly,
and got their lungs and you know it was.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
It's a big deal, a big deal. So I'm with
the principal and the teacher that there had to be
some action. Right, Normally, I'd pick I'd support my brother,
but I think he crossed the line, okay, just barely.
So he was told by my dad, you did this,
he got in trouble, you got caught. You're not going
to Disneyland this year. And I thought, whoo, my dad
(09:52):
never ever does stuff like that. Ever, So all the
kids going. He's serious. Yes, And so the morning we're going,
you know, you always wake up early and you have breakfast,
and he always took us out of school to go.
So it's a big special day, you know, he didn't
have to go to school. And we're all going to
Disneyland on a day where we're you know, we're supposed
to go to school. And so Disneyland was fairly empty
(10:12):
and you could walk around and enjoy yourself. And we
all get in the car except my brother with the
itching powder, and he was in the house and he
wasn't coming, and I thought, wow, how far is my
dad going to drive down the block here? Until he
turns around and picks this kid back up and he
pulls the car around. We're going out the driveway and
(10:33):
my brother, Jake says, hey, Dad, can you will you
stop the car? And my dad stops the car and
my brother says, if my brother's not going, I'm not going. Wow, Jake,
isn't that great? Yeah? That says a lot about his character,
the greatest guy in the world. He says, if I'm
not if my brother's not going, I'm not going. Who
(10:55):
was your reaction? I'm my reaction was, hey, more room
for me. Why are we sitting still? Yeah, Dad, why
why did you stop? Just slow down, Jake, get the
hell out of here. And he my dad ended up
taking all of us, right, he did. Yeah, he ended
up taking all of us. But there was such a
defining moment in my brother's childhood, right, Like, he's the
(11:17):
only kid that said no, no, we're all going or
I'm not going. It's just so great. It brings a
tear to my eyes. It really, I mean, it really
is special. That's consistent with who he was.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
And he is a sweet man, sweetest guy in the wood.
Speaker 5 (11:28):
He is really sweet man.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I mean he's obviously he was born in the wrong family.
Well you're all sweet n He's over the top. I mean,
he rescues dogs all the time. He's always upbeat. He
doesn't hate anybody, never gets pissed at anybody, can just
hang up on a good friend. No way you'd go
to the track with the guy, right, But he's always
(11:50):
always upbeat. And I don't know how he does it, man,
but you know, he works. He doesn't have kids, but
they have like five or six dogs, and those dogs
in the world to him, and he's and he's just
a really decent human being, like a really good person.
And you know, of all the brothers and sisters, I
(12:11):
think his his character. I don't know where it was formed,
but somebody had an influence on him that we all
didn't catch. The No, he's fourth, fourth, fifth city. Yeah,
he's fourth, fourth born, so he's close to the middle there. Yeah,
he's a middle kid out of six. Right, the three
and four are the you know, the two medals.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
Right.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Do you find that, I don't know how much you've
looked into that. Do you find that that the order
of births with all your siblings kind of go true
to form from what we've always heard, the first in
the middle and the last and all that.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
You know what I don't I'm not really sure what
what those theories are like is it? I know that
my sister got a lot in life. She was the
first born. Oh, she was the first thing. She's the oldest,
she's but we have we had one girl, and then
my dad had five boys. My mom, mom and dad.
My mom had something to do with it too.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
I think the girl thing makes sense, but also the
firstborn thing makes sense, so she got she doubled it. Oh,
my God, I the privilege. I guess you could say.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
My dad wrote a song about her. My dad has
never written a song in his life. You wrote a
song about her. And there's a million pictures of her
around around, you know, our house growing up. I think
there's one of me, and try to find one of
the youngest.
Speaker 5 (13:25):
So long man to hear some of the characteristics of
the first middle Okay, so first natural leader, high achiever, organized,
on time, know it all, bossy, responsible, adult pleaser, obeys
the rules the middle.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
That makes sense. Wait, it goes slowly again. The firstborn
is one natural.
Speaker 5 (13:42):
Leader, high achiever, very organized, very organized, on time, always
know it all. Yeah, I think I think she knows
you guys on Thursday nights, not Friday nights to tapings.
Speaker 4 (13:57):
She didn't know.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
She didn't know that right, So maybe not and not
all of it. She knew bossy uh as a kid? Yeah,
get in the wheel.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
Well that's a little yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Pretty bossy as a kid, right, Responsible? Yes?
Speaker 5 (14:10):
Yes, adult pleaser yeah, obeys the rules.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Yeah, pretty much. Okay. She had by the way, she
had a massive, massive bedroom. It was supposed to be
like the master bedroom to the house that we lived
in in the valley and the rest of the boys
were in one room. That's so cool. Five of us
in one room. And she had a fireplace in her room,
a walk in closet fire place in her room, and
(14:37):
had two different exposures, like she looked west and north
from her windows.
Speaker 5 (14:42):
Two different exposures.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Huge ass room. Good for her. And we were all piled.
We had two bunk beds and a car bed, you know.
So we had two bunk beds that we lived that
we slept in, and my brother had one of those
like speed racer car beds. Stinky boys. God, it was unbelievable.
I don't know why we put up with that, because
you had to. Well we could have. We could have.
(15:05):
I mean, there's five of us. We could have taken over.
You should have. We should have. We couldn't have taken
her out.
Speaker 5 (15:12):
Middle child, okay, middle child, flexible, easygoing, social peacemakers, independent, secretive,
may feel like life is unfair, strong negotiator and generous.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Okay, that's like yeah, my brother yeah, like like Corey
and and and Jake. Yeah, that's that's kind of them, right.
Speaker 5 (15:28):
Okay, the babies of the family. All right, this is
sean risk taker outgoing, creative, self centered, Oh yeah, financial,
financially irresponsible, not.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
No, he's not that, but competitive so far, he's like,
you know, eight for nine, yeah, nine for ten.
Speaker 5 (15:46):
Bored, easily, very easily, likes to be pampered. I don't know,
I don't know, sense of humor, very funny. And that
was for those Okay, if you're the only child close
to parents, self control, leader, mature, dependable, demanding, unforgiving, private,
and sensitive.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Wow. Man, oh man, that's wild. How I mean, it's
such a generalization. But man, do they nail it. I
hit a lot of accurate. Yeah, I hit a lot
of those. Yeah, that's wild. That's crazy, man, that's a
you know that that the youngest one. I mean, you
describe my brother Sean to the tea, except that he's
financially he's not irresponsible. He owns a two restaurants and
(16:28):
Steamboat Springs, Colorado here. Okay, Yeah, I worked up from nothing.
He was like a busboy.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
So with six, you find those ones that are in
the middle, they're they're sort of like a variance of
those things.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Yeah. Yeah, that pretty much nailed them, though, I guess.
So there's six kids, The three and four are the
middle one. Yeah, yeah, I guess so, yeah, yeah, Well
that's that's that's about right. But that's that's wild how
you can generalize like that, that's crazy.
Speaker 7 (16:51):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KF
I am six forty.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
I only have one of those stories. Crusher was like
a nine hundred of them. But where you know, you
get you got hit on by somebody who's really influential
in the business, in show business or you know, really
could make your your life better, you know, with a
job promotion and crap like them. But there was a
big agent in Hollywood, agent slash manager, and I met him.
(17:27):
Oh I thought you were going to say Judy Denton.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Oh no, no, no, no, way was Judy and I
dated for three months?
Speaker 4 (17:37):
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (17:38):
No, I'm just gonna but I I was at with
my dad at God. I think it was like the
our Senial Hall show. It was one of those late
night talk shows. I know, it wasn't the Tonight Show.
I think it was our Sinio Hall. And that manager
was there. He represented some other big actor or whatever,
and we just talking backstage in the green room and
(18:01):
and I didn't even know the guy was gay. I thought,
you know, we were just chit chatting. And he said
he had a poker game at his house every you know,
month or so. He says, a lot of you know, uh,
you know, big Hollywood types show up and we just
played poker for a couple hours. I said, oh, yeah, poker. Yeah,
barely even know and I and I said, I said, yeah,
(18:25):
you know, if I'm in the area, you're playing, and
you know, stop by. And went over there, and sure not.
They're like seven people there, and I ended up knowing
like two of them. I knew one was a writer
and the other guy was an actor, and the other
guys were like producers and you know, Hollywood times. And
so we're playing poker. Everyone's you know, drinking, smoking, having
(18:46):
a good time. And then one guy gets up, he goes,
I got you know, kids to take the soccer in
the morning. Guy got to go, so he splits. Another
guy splits, So we're down to like four people and
we're playing blackjack. So you know, you know, it's not
poker anymore. You can't play poker three people. So we're
playing blackjack and you know, other games. And it wasn't
for a lot of money, and so I said, I
(19:06):
gotta use your bathroom. So I go to the bathroom
in there for two minutes, and I come out and
all the other players have split, and this guy's on
the couch with a glass of wine, right and nothing on. No, well,
(19:27):
he was fully closed, you know, he wasn't there. We
weren't there yet. And he said, uh, he says, hey,
why don't you sit down and we'll talk about your career? Right,
and and then I remember he goes, he goes, won
don't you sit down and we'll talk about your career?
(19:49):
So where'd you go to breakfast? Jesus Christ's smoked by
everybody tonight get a grand slammer. Moon's over my hand.
It was Beverly Hills Hotel was very good. Look I'm
(20:09):
not I'm not a cheap breakfast. I'm not a Denny's guy.
You know that ruddy freshman. No, no, no, no, this
is Mimosa time. You know, if you're gonna, you know,
hang with t bones speak if you know what I mean. No,
(20:33):
but I you know I was I split, not obviously
I did split, and I and you know, but I
always I always thought I wanted to call like the
all the other guys that were playing that night and go, hey,
you know, that move may work on some of the guys,
but I wasn't into it, and I was I wanted
to like call him and go, hey, did you guys
(20:54):
do this with other guys? I mean, you gout, you know,
you set another guy up to get the you know,
and I I don't know. That's what I was wonder
about the process.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
When you went to the bathroom, was there a discussion
to be had or the second the door closed to
the bathroom they all grabbed the coats and ran.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Obviously there was there was you know, this has either
happened before or he said, hey, you guys got to
get out of here. You know, I got the I
got young t bones to to tackle here. The smoking
lamp has been it. But it was on the elevator
ride down. It was on a big condo complex, like
(21:31):
on the you know, twenty twentieth floor or something like that.
But on the elevator ride down, I'm like, man, I
wonder if like other guys have you done this or
maybe they hang maybe they don't. And I felt dirty.
I felt like I was like, you know, if he
if you know, maybe if he just said, hey, you
know you went to.
Speaker 5 (21:53):
This, you know, but did you question whether you were
sending him signals here?
Speaker 8 (21:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Because I thought maybe I let him down. You know,
if you've.
Speaker 5 (22:06):
Left something upstairs and you realized it when you got
to the bottom of the elevator, which.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Oh yeah, oh you like a jacket or coat or something. Yeah, yeah,
I don't know, leave it there. I don't know. I
don't know. That's what's You didn't have cell phones back
then to text him the call or go back there. Yeah,
I buzz him up and go, hey, I left my
card again up there. Maybe I was given the wrong
(22:36):
leave behind my penny Lovers and Cardigan are still up there.
Can I slide up them? Ascott?
Speaker 6 (22:45):
Yeah, maybe I was giving them wrong signals. It's my fault.
It's always the guy, always the I've got.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
I've never had a I've never had the let's talk
about your sort of career, or the implication that I
could advance your card.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
I never had any of that.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
I just had straight out, well, you never know what
you want I want life until you try a little
bit of everything.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Is that right? I've had that verbatim said to me. Yeah,
Like somebody once said to me. They said, hey, are
you gay? And I said, well, I said not now.
But you know, it's a long life. You know, you
never know. You had a glimpse of a guy and say, hey,
that's get butterflies, and all of a sudden you're off
to the races. What kind of fun. But you know,
(23:26):
but that's but that has happened before. I know a
woman who was married to a guy and she and
I think she's even told the story on the air
before him. I think we had her on it and
she told this story. But she was a heterosexual woman
with a guy. I think she had a daughter. And
she was playing tennis one day with another couple and
(23:48):
the and the woman like hooked up, not hooked up,
but glanced over the other woman and they both approached
the net and they said, look, I'm married and you're married,
but I think I'm supposed to spy the rest of
my life with you. And the other woman said, I
have the exact same feeling. And they both divorced their
husbands and they got married and they're still together today.
(24:09):
That was twenty years ago. Isn't that wild? That's why
I say it's a long life. You know, you never
know what you want in life, to try a little
bit of everything. I mean, it's you know, I obviously
you know, you know. I think, look, I'm fifty eight.
I think you know that you know the clock is
run out. But I think when you're younger, you know,
(24:29):
especially nowadays, I don't know. You know, you're in a
bar and you look across the you know, the bar,
and you see another guy, go wow, what happened? That's
kind of weird feeling, right, But I think as you
get older, you're like, you know what, I think, it's
just time to go to bed, you know. I think
as you get older, you're you know, you're you're you know,
you get set in your waist. I use the same
(24:51):
detergent I've used since I was a kid. I get
the same haircut, I get the same shoes. You don't.
You don't expand your life, you don't open yourselves up
for new idea. But if you're young, if you're like eighteen,
nineteen twenty, and you know, it's not a big thing
anymore to be gay. I think that those that kids
nowadays I have not more I hate to like misphrase it,
(25:15):
but they have they're more open. This generation to like
everything and anything, and back when I was growing up,
you know, that just wasn't the case, you know, at all.
So nice to see progress. We weren't part of it.
But it's nice to see, you know, society progress. You
weren't part of it, Yes, right, I wasn't part of it,
(25:37):
you evidently, Richard far Down. Yeah, that's right. Did you
turn it all down? Cross?
Speaker 4 (25:41):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
When he when he said you never know what you want,
like to try a little with everything? My responsible since
he because he just prior to that, he had asked
me if I was dating anybody, and I wasn't, but
he said, because you know, And then afterwards I said.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Yes, it's pretty serious's between me and this one girl.
I'm not seeing anybody at the time. That's wild, all right, man.
Everybody loves Krozer. That's the name of the name of
the new name of the Showbody loves. Everybody loves Cruiser
because everybody loves Cruiser.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
At one point in the industry here in La, the
radio industry exects new of me because of my tight
white jeans.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Oh my god, tell you, why why do we just
know this somebody here? For ten years I've never explored
your tight white jeans. Apparently it got around. All right,
we got to come back with your tight white jeans,
and please tell me you stuffed them into some cowboy boots.
Speaker 7 (26:37):
All right, you're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand
from KFI Am six forty.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Now you've done something that CHP hated.
Speaker 8 (26:48):
Well, I mean they're right, they're out there, you know,
cruising looking for you know, back or doing stuff that
they shouldn't be doing that's unsafe.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Well you know of it before you go on here?
Are you realized that the laws in California made for
your protection? Of course, thank you sir. So they would
rather you obey them, Yes.
Speaker 8 (27:06):
And I typically do. And I don't know what happened
in this one instance. The car kind of got away
from me, I guess, and I was driving too fast.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
It's an empty for you way. It's midnight, Yes.
Speaker 4 (27:18):
It was midnight. There weren't a lot of cars in
the road.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
So and it's not like you drive a car that's
going to shake it at eighty five eighty eight.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
No, that's a really smooth ride.
Speaker 8 (27:25):
But I'll tell you also, and this is because we
talk a lot about the way I used to drive.
Speaker 4 (27:29):
I don't really drive that you know, crazy like a
crazy man anymore.
Speaker 8 (27:33):
So, but I apparently I still have it somewhere in
me because the car, I guess got away from me
or whatever I drove for whatever I became impatient or
you know. So anyway, it's midnight and I see that
thing that just makes your heartstop, which the lights, you know,
come on they you know, they're red and blue, and
then yes, thank you, and that's exactly And then.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
This way, did you get scared or you angry?
Speaker 4 (27:54):
I was scared?
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Okay, that means you're still young, Okay, as you get older,
like my grandfather at one point flipped where he was
no longer scared, he was pissed.
Speaker 8 (28:03):
Now I was scared. And they have such bright lights.
I mean, I don't know where the candle power comes
from on these lights, but it was like God that
this is insane. I'm gonna get up like a sunburn
from this light. And so I'm frightened, and I pull
over to the you know, and the right lane, and
then I heart oh yeah, and I'm thinking, oh no,
(28:26):
I can't hear because the windows up, So I roll
the window down and I'm still driving you know. But
now I'm in the right lane and goes hot. I
can't understand what he's saying, and so then I rolled
the other window down so I could hear it, and
and I hear I've got both windows down, and I'm
(28:50):
now I pull off the road.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
Okay.
Speaker 8 (28:52):
So now I'm there on the shoulder of the road
full stop, and he pulls up on him and he
goes cos. I'm like, did he tell me like to
throw the keys out of the car or what is
he telling me? I don't know what he's telling me.
I still can't understand him, so I'm figuring. And then
then quickly he said Claus, exit oh and exit okay.
(29:13):
So he wanted me to go to the next exit
and pull off. So I did pull off, and then
Lanham lankershim exactly and then and I just figured he
wanted me to turn. It's weird how you think that
technology would have matched the technology that the lights have,
you know what I mean. But it doesn't. It's not
(29:35):
clearly they've really outpaced the audio part of that whole thing.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
I think they do that on purpose, so you know,
they confuses the guy. Then he takes off and there's
a chase.
Speaker 8 (29:45):
I see, but I'm not exaggerating. I couldn't understand except
for exit. I got that, and then I turned at
the bottom.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Did you not understand because you had too much to drink?
That was.
Speaker 8 (30:01):
So I pull over to the to the right, and
this dude, uh you know, comes up to and he's
this tall, good looking dude. It's like everybody, all all
our cops are just like they're just at a central casting,
like right out of chips, you know.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
And there he is, and he's and he says.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
You know, you'll no longer get the Barney fipes.
Speaker 8 (30:20):
And exactly, it's you know, and you also don't get
like the boss hog. You know what I mean, You're
not getting that. So this he said, is your license pleasing?
And he says, you know, I got you. I got
your speeding back there. I said, oh really, I said
to guys. And the first thing I said, hey man,
I'm so sorry. I couldn't understand what you were saying.
That's what I pull over. I pulled ahead. I just couldn't.
(30:40):
I was desperate to understand what you were saying. He said,
it's okay, it's okay, just need to see your license.
Digs the license and he goes, I got you for speeding.
And I was still like racked with guilt that I
was unable to understand him before, like I couldn't follow
his instructions. I felt like that maybe that was he
thought I was messing with him. He looks the license,
he said, this is still your addresses.
Speaker 4 (30:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (30:57):
I said, okay, I said, how that was I going?
He said eighty five?
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Wow?
Speaker 4 (31:04):
I said what eighty five? He said, yeah, eighty five.
Speaker 8 (31:08):
I said, when I was, he said, I said, well,
and then this is pretty classic. I said, well, I
really I thought people were passing me. And he said,
when I was following you, you were the fastest guy
out there.
Speaker 4 (31:23):
I thought, well that's probably true.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Yeah, all right, you're the fastest.
Speaker 8 (31:26):
And so I So he goes back, and then right
as he's leaving, this other person comes up, like, I guess,
you know, his partner. And I look over and it's
a woman and she's stunning. Okay, I'm thinking, are you
kidding me? Are you a real cop? I mean, are
you an actress? Maybe like studying for a role as
(31:47):
a cop. She was that attractive, and and so I said,
aren't you late for an audition. No, No, I did
not say that. I said I did the same thing.
I felt so bad. I said, hey, I want to apologize.
I said I did and understand what you guys were saying.
That's why I pulled over. And then I pulled the head.
She said it's okay, she said, we'll be right back.
They go back to the cruiser. I think that's what
(32:08):
they call them.
Speaker 4 (32:08):
Cruisers.
Speaker 8 (32:09):
Sure, And it was like a minute, maybe two minutes,
and they came back and they gave me the license.
She came back and she said, be careful with your speed.
She said, it's that speeding tickets are expensive and it's dangerous.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (32:23):
Man.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Then let me go and they split.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Holy smoked.
Speaker 8 (32:26):
He did ask me if I was if I had
been drinking, and I said the answer was truthfully no.
And I think that's kind of what they were worried about.
If I'd been drinking at all, I think it might
have been a different conversation.
Speaker 4 (32:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
I never drink, and even like one beer. If we
have a beer at dinner, I have gen drive home.
Because I had a buddy of mine who had a
couple of drinks and he got rear ended at a
stop sign and he got a DUI for it. Right,
I mean he was blamed in the collision because he
(32:56):
had like it wasn't over the limit, but he had
alcohol in his system and somebody was hurting the car
behind him. Sure, and it wasn't his fault. He was
sitting there, stopped and a guy hit him. That's how
paranoid I am about about drinking and driving. If I'm
homeworking on the garage, like on a Saturday night, and
I've had a couple of beers, I'll ask Jen to
bring the car in from the curb into the garage. Wow,
(33:18):
isn't that crazy?
Speaker 4 (33:19):
That's really I mean, that's but.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
See this, this is what I envision. I go to
move the car off the curb, somebody hits me and
I've had, you know, nineteen drinks and it's done. I'm
over right.
Speaker 8 (33:31):
Well, that's a level of caution, that's.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
It's border bordering on a problem. Yeah, I mean that
I have a problem. I'm What's funny about this is
you were surrounded by drinkers. I remember you telling a
story with McClean Stevenson driving me, Yeah, from a ballgame
downtown and he literally had like a gin and tonic
in his hand while he was driving. All Right, I've
never used that name on the air. I said it
(33:57):
was my dad's friend.
Speaker 4 (33:58):
But I'm so sorry. Maybe it was not McLean Stephenson.
Maybe it was not. I mean serious, I just I picked.
I picked the name. McLean Stephenson could have been anybody.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Conway Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. Now you
can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty
four to seven pm Monday through Friday, and anytime on
demand on the iHeart Radio app.
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