November 27, 2025 • 32 mins
We’re wrapping up the Best of Tim Conway Jr. Show: Thanksgiving Day Edition with some of the funniest and most revealing stories yet. The crew looks back on their childhood run-ins with trouble, including the time Bellio got seriously grounded. Then it’s time for a little “drug history” — was The Foosh a coke guy back in the day? We investigate. Tim opens up about his family celebrating his C grades, what it was like being a nervous kid trying to call a girl, and the moment his mom embarrassed him at just the wrong time. And to top it off, Tim confesses a childhood crush on his doctor.
It’s honest, awkward, and totally hilarious — the perfect way to end your Thanksgiving.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's camp I am sixty and you're listening to the
Conway Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. You bring
the turkey, We'll bring the nonsense. Happy Thanksgiving from the
Conway Show. I guess the most well behaved person on
the floor here on the fourth floor in our Burbank
(00:21):
location of iHeartMedia has got to be Sharon Bellio. Nobody.
When you meet Sharon Bellio, you assume that she's never
had any negative contact with the cops. I don't even
think you've ever been pulled over. Have you ever been
pulled over? Now, when I was younger, But when's the
last time cop pulled you over? It's been a long
(00:43):
like decades. Yeah, okay, because you do it, you don't
do anything wrong. I try to the rule. I believe
in playing by the rules. That's right now. But you
do it inside and outside of the workplace. Yeah, I'm
a rules follower, that's right.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
And you've never done, you know, anything to well, yeah,
slip on a banana peel. Yeah. But but you were arrested, Charles.
I wasn't arrested, No, but you did something. Well, they
came to the house to.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
The story orn Orn, how did what happened to you. Well,
I'll put this disclaimer out. Kids don't do this at
home because it can lead to bad things.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Okay, Okay.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
So it was a school night, so a couple of
my girlfriends came over. I was in ninth grade and
a couple of my girlfriends came over to you know,
we were working on a.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Homework project together.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
So we went down in the basement and there's a
phone down there, and there was a Yellow.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Pages and we were just horsing around.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
And then one of our friends wasn't there with us
that night, so we decided to like start ordering stuff
to a house to her house, yeah, like pizzas, and
we ordered like some tuxedos, and we ordered like a limo.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Wait a minute, where you grew up, they had they
had home delivery of tuxedos. No, oh no.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
But we placed orders with all these like different businesses
like and we were just cracking. We thought it was
because they believed us, and so they would take the order,
and we were making the order just outrageous that we
wanted like lime green tuxedos.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
You know, we're talking, yes.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
And I'm going to need three lime green tuxedos.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
You know.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
So they're taking all our information and we ordered the pizzas,
and we ordered like some fish, and we ordered all
kinds of stuff. Well, because we didn't let our friends'
parents in on it, and they were getting all these
phone calls to verify the orders, they called the police.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
And so then when they went to the three of they,
I don't.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Know how they figured out it was us, but they
went and my other friends denied it, but when they
found ice, I admitted.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
It was me. Oh man.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
So the police showed up to the house and they
made me call all the businesses that I call and.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Apologize how embarrassing it was.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
And actually the businesses were like, oh, they caught you finally,
So I learned my lesson.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Where'd they catch you? Like crawling over the state line? No?
Speaker 3 (03:15):
I think, No, I think. My friend like, oh, I
know exactly what it was. She thought somebody else did
it and they weren't involved in it. And that's when
I admitted that.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
You coped to it. Huh I coped to it? Wow?
What was the punishment? I got grounded? And? Uh? Did
they reduce your phone privileges? Oh? Yeah, yeah, you know
that was the thing. You had a lot of kids
on O this. But when you were a kid, you
had phone privileges, Yeah, and you could destroy them.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
I destroyed my phone grounding. Whoever hears of kids being
grounded anymore?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Never.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
I was grounded for like a whole month. I couldn't
go to any of the games at school. I really
go out after school.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeah, wow, your mom and dad were strict. They were.
You know, it's harder on the parents to ground kids
than it is the kids. I believe that to be true.
I think it's true.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
And it's hard for parents to stick to the grounding
because you know, you like, please please, please, please please,
and it's hard to say no.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
It wasn't hard for my dad. No, no months at
a time in my room. Really yeah, well that is
just for a C on my report card? Oh wow, man,
I we had a cake. If I got a C.
My dad be like, would you cheat?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Cheating? Did the did the congratulations?
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah? And congratulations was misspelled with a capital C. Yes,
that's right. Wow. You guys have seen my photos when
I was a child. That's wild, man. But we used
to do those phony phone calls. We never got the
cops called on this though. Well I always have to
overdo stuff.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
If I had maybe called one or two, it wouldn't
have been a But we called like twenty different places,
and I think their parents got bombarded with phone calls
and they weren't happy.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
We used to call. And I think this restaurant's not
there anymore, so I can tell this story on the air.
But there was Jerry's Deli and Encino and Jerry's Deli
in Studio City, and we were in the Studio City
one me and a buddy, and we found out the
manager of the Studio City I think his name was Greg,
(05:24):
And so we went to the payphone at the bowling
Alley at the Studio City location and we called the
Encino Jerry's Deli and we said, hey, it's a manager.
Greg goes, Hey, Greg, how you doing? Oh good? Okay,
but man, we're running short on a lot of stuff.
And he goes, what do you need? What do you need?
I said, well, we need you know, three big roast beefs.
(05:45):
We need five cakes, We need twenty loads of bray,
we need this, we need napkins, we need to play
it about it. We had like forty things. He goes,
Buddy goes, I'll put in the van. I'll be right over.
And we used to wait in the Jerry's Delian studio
City for him to bring all this crap over and
then just sit there and watch him all this stuff.
He was stupid, all right, but we had nothing to do.
(06:08):
I was a stupid thing. And then we called another
There was a deli in Sino called Froman's Deli, and
so we called the owner of the deli and said, hey,
we're opening up a restaurant across the street named Broman's Deli,
and we wanted to sell the same thing you're selling,
(06:28):
but at a cheaper price. Mcdows, yeah, And you know
what his response was, he goes, he goes, it's very
difficult run in business. I wish you the best luck.
Great response. Yeah, And I said, I said, hey, we're
going to run the same menu you're running. Can we
look at it? And he said, I'll have one of
my guys drive it over to you. Where are you?
He said, you're not going to be successful, and he
(06:52):
sort of he knew way a way to defuse it
by just saying, you know what, that's a great idea.
I think you guys are onto something. And that was
a great way to fuse it. But you can't make
phone calls like that anymore because everybody now has caller
ID and they know where you're calling from or call block,
and those things I think are gone. I don't think
you can make a phony phone calls. Do you do
that crows when you were a kid.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
I tend to think I did. It wasn't a thing
of mine. I might have done once.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
It was fun to do, you know, just to call
people and mess with them. But it does get out
of control when you know, when you order thousands of
dollars worth of toxedos, is your refrigerator running?
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Oh we did those too. Your cows in our garden.
We don't have a cow. We don't have a garden.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
Stupid, many people are going on.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
That was one of the dumbest things I've just heard
in my life. We were in ninth grade.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
Garden.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
We don't have a cow, but we don't have a garden.
It's like you got the best of them. Oh, your
refrigerators reading. We had to go kitchen or something.
Speaker 4 (08:09):
It was stupid.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
It was stupid, but it was you know, we had
nothing to do. You know, we're bored. It was it
was fun I enjoyed it. We're live on kf I
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Crozier, you struck me as a big coke guy in
the eighties or nineties.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
That trum no not true offered a couple of times
in my life, I didn't do anything for me, and uh,
I think the final death mell for that was my
dad dying from it.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
So that was good enough for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but you actually did try it, it didn't do anything.
Speaker 4 (08:43):
Yeah. I tried it a couple times, actually, I don't
even want to say a few times. A couple of times,
and it just it didn't do anything for me. I
literally thought people are losing their houses and cars over
this stuff. It doesn't do anything for me?
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Does grab you? I guess man?
Speaker 4 (08:55):
Grab my dad.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
The only time I I actually saw it, and I
saw a woman doing it and she said, hey, do
you want to do it? I'm like, I don't know,
I don't know. I'm not I don't like to lose
that kind of control. But I took some on my
finger and put it on my gums because they do
it like it's called a freeze remember them, I don't know.
And you put it on your gums. I remember that
being done, but I don't remember the name of it.
D Yeah, And you put on your gums and freeze
(09:17):
your gums. And it tasted like like aspirin. And I'm like,
it looks like it days like aspirin. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
I just did the sniff thing and it didn't so
I didn't taste it, and it just it did.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
I was like, what why it does grab people?
Speaker 4 (09:29):
Though?
Speaker 1 (09:30):
I know a guy that did it and he hated driving. He's,
you know, in the Midwest and like driving, and I'm
hated it and hated driving at nights you couldn't see anything.
But if he was doing cocaine on a weekend and
he was out, he would drive from downtown LA all
the way to like Chatsworth at night when he was
(09:53):
scared to death of driving to get some more grinding
his teeth. Yeah, they said the worst part of doing
cocaine is the when you try to go to sleep
and the birds don't stop chirping. It sounds like they're
in both ears. Really, that's what I heard.
Speaker 4 (10:07):
The thing. I was always fascinated by it in the
very few times I've been around it, around it, I
I it's it's an incredibly social drug.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Oh it is.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Yeah, Like I never asked for it or anything like that.
It was always one of those hey here, here, here,
you gotta do it. You're here here, everybody's doing it.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah. My my buddy that did that used to enjoy that.
He said, you end up talking to people for six hours.
You would never give the time of day two otherwise, Yeah,
you never even know they're they existed, and you have
a nine hour conversation with them. Stephus, you don't strike
me as a coke guy? Am I wrong? Am I
(10:41):
missing you?
Speaker 5 (10:43):
I'm terrified of all of that outside of uh, you know,
having a couple of drinks.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Oh I see, Okay, I didn't think it was gonna
say a couple drinks. Yeah. I thought he was gonna say, uh,
you know, like uh snorting. I thought say like math amphetamine, mushrooms,
sum or horse or h go. I'm terrified of everything
outside of the injections.
Speaker 5 (11:03):
Blues greens. Oh yeah, that that terrifies me too. Just
first I go as gummies.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Okay, you don't do injections.
Speaker 5 (11:13):
I'm honestly, I'm terrified to get blood drawn. So really,
oh yeah, oh you don't like needles. I hate needles.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
So did you get the COVID shot? I did?
Speaker 5 (11:23):
I was terrified and I was sweating when I did.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
You know the COVID or the inoculations now or injections. Man,
When I was a kid, it was like they're putting
a like a comedy pencil into your arm. It hurt
like hell, you know, like one of those not farmed
comedy pencils. But nowadays you can't feel it at all.
It's it's it's literally the width of a size of
(11:49):
a hair.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
The key is to not get it done by a
nurse or a doctor because those are not trained to
do it. What are they the phlebotomous or whatever. The
people that actually trained and licensed and all that stuff
to draw blood. They know how to do it and
not have any pain. I'm with you, I'm with you.
That's why I get minded Sears. That's where I got it.
Right outside of Sears. It's a little table.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Somebody set right, Yeah, guy set up a table, and
I got a flu shot right outside of Sears. God almighty,
what was it going on with me? Angel? You know
you don't strike me as a coke gal? Am I wrong?
Am I on the moon?
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
I don't know. I don't do that. I can't figure
you out. Wait, wait, so you don't Yeah, I don't
do it. Okay. Or you're not on it now, that's right,
you're not on cocaine now. No, okay, it seems like
she she's like she misses it all right, okay, quiet,
(12:52):
very quiet here, Oh, Kiki if she got something to say, Kiki,
is that is that you got coke? Queen? Was your
license plate? You were a dune cocaine? No? I have not, No,
I've done nothing. I am a good person and a
(13:13):
good girl person. He was always the first ones to
turn right. Yeah. Catholic goals? Are you Catholic?
Speaker 4 (13:25):
No?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
I'm not you not okay.
Speaker 4 (13:28):
Those are the ones that the first time they do it,
they go absolutely insane.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Yeah, if you don't want me ask, I don't want
to pry. Are you a god fearing woman?
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Ye ah?
Speaker 1 (13:38):
You religious? I am not religious? Okay, okay.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
Wait, she didn't understand the expression.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Yeah, you know, during the break, I'm gonna talk to
you a little bit about Catholicism to get you know,
because I know it's going to piss a lot of
people off, but it really is the only way to happen.
That makes a lot of people crazy.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
You know. I had some people when I was a
kid that you know, they used to come to the doors,
to your door and knock on you, you know, you
give you a little test. Are you familiar with Jesus
and all this stuff? And I had one couple come up.
I was ten, came up to the door and it
was like price is right was being interrupted, and I
was already irritated going to the door. And they asked me.
I said, are you familiar with the Lord? And I
go familiar, Yeah, sure, why not? And they asked me,
(14:23):
they said do you know his real name? And I thought,
isn't it Jesus? They go, no, it's down and I
went all right, thanks, closing the door, and I was done.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
You know, they give you that. The Mormons come by,
and they gave me one of those cards with Jesus on.
It is not what they do with the cards with
Jesus on.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
The Mormons.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Yeah, the Mormons, I don't know. The boys and the bikes, yes,
they were on bikes. They are very well dressed young
men and They gave me a card and it had
Jesus on it. Man, is that hard to throw away?
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Yeah, you feel that for putting it? Yes, you gotta
hang that or put it in a drawer somewhere, or
you know, put it in your wallet.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
Well, and that's why these people do you want to
screw with luck?
Speaker 1 (15:01):
You throw a picture of Jesus away? God Almighty, How
confident are you in life that you're going to throw
that away?
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Well?
Speaker 4 (15:09):
See, that was the thing with them. It was like
I felt like I was being like like punished or
something like that because I didn't have a bit of
knowledge or something about God. Like they made me feel
like really small and like dumb, and I was like,
what what you're coming to my door? Yeah, it was.
It wasn't even like the whole religious aspect of it.
It was just the way they come at me.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Yeah, I don't I like when they knock on the door. Look,
they're you know, young men and women. I think they're
they're fine. But I often am of the mindset of
uh man, I I don't know if I'm going to
change my religions today. I don't know. Do you get
into the conversation nah a little bit, a little bit
if it depends on how buzzed I am, you know
(15:47):
in the door. Yeah right, I've been defending how much
I'm down that day on TVG like, hey guys, you
got any more pictures of Jesus here? We need a
lot of help here in the in the nightcap, hang on,
I got a collection place over here. Had a lot
of help here with this last phrase. All right, what's
going on with the news.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
It's the best of Conway show. Perfect for Thanksgiving because
nothing says family time like hiding in your room and
listening to KFI. I think dong with you. I was
just talking to Bellio and she's great. She's great, You're great.
But Bellio and I we sort of have the same
like the same upbringing. Both of our dads were really
(16:34):
into the racetrack. We knew when they hit, we knew
when they didn't, and just a lot of this similar vibe. Yeah,
but I remember you remember like crows, you go back
stuff You probably don't, but Angel does. When remember the
cord that went from your home phone to your receiver
(16:56):
and it was all curled up. You know, it's like
a like a big like a noodle. Yeah, and if
you stretched it out, remember how pissed mom and Dad
would get, Oh my god, yes, you put a kink
in that noodle. Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
I didn't get that kink out, man, when it twisted
the other way?
Speaker 1 (17:11):
How did it get like that? I know, I know.
And then you'd hold it Stephoo said, you know, you
hold it upside down right, and it spins and you
try to do it that way, but it doesn't work,
and there's always that one kink, one kink in that cord.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
Or it would get so twisted that you could only
like pick up the phone like a two inches the
receiver because it was so twisted.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
You're like, hold on, let me get that. I got
to get that right here. I really think. I don't
think I've admitted to this on the air before, but
I think I could have been stuteley or as a kid,
except for my mom. And I blame my mom for
the why is that? I'll tell you why. When I
was in third grade, I was going to go to
a Halloween party and I wanted to invite a girl
(17:52):
named Carrie to the to the Halloween party, and and
I we started school, you know, late August, and this
party was going to be in you know, late October.
And literally every single day I got home, I got
her number. Remember how I got her number, But I
got her phone number. And every single day i'd come home,
(18:13):
i'd sit near the phone. I'd write stuff down to
say to her, because I was so nervous that sweet
that I would run.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Out of things to say, like what your kind of
things like.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Write down you know, like, hey, do you remember when
we were playing four square? You know that kind of crap,
And you know, i'd write down her mom's name and
her dad name, so I didn't forget those. You know,
I was buttoned up. I was buttoned up. And so
every day I'd come home and i'd and i'd sit
near the phone. I remember sitting in the kitchen right
(18:45):
near the phone, and I'd go to dial and then
i'd i'd chicken out. I'd go out and play, and
then i'd come back and I'd like, Okay, now I'm
gonna call. And then it was eight o'clock at night.
You couldn't call after eight, Yeah, so that day was blown.
I'd do the same thing over the next day, the
next day, the next day, weekends, weekdays, weekends, weekdays, for
about four weeks, wow, four or five weeks. I finally,
(19:09):
I think, I think I may have taken a shot
of my dad's gin to get up the courage to
call in third grade. Maybe maybe I don't know. I
don't know, I don't know. Maybe that's not true. But
but I finally got the courage to call. And it
was like, get seven o'clock on a Sunday. And I
remember this very very specific. I think it was. I
(19:31):
think it was the Sunday and it was at seven
o'clock at night. I hit all seven buttons, calls going,
you know, before he had a dillary code calls on
its way. It wrings her mom answers, and I said, hey,
you know, I introduced myself and I said, hey, can
I speak to your daughter? And she said, uh, I guess, so,
(19:55):
you know, very hesitant. I guess, so okay, in third
grades called my daughter. But I just want to invite her,
you know, and go to go her. This is so lame,
But I wanted to picture the idea of going to
the Halloween party as raggedy Ann and Andy, how weak
(20:16):
is that that's cute? How weak is that? That's cute? Oh?
My got goose bumps. I'd like to be at bottom
of that ocean. Was smooth one. So I the phone.
So she goes hold on one sec. And the girl
gets on the phone. She goes hello, I go hey,
(20:37):
it's uh, it's it's Tim. I'm in your She goes yeah,
she goes, I know exactly you are. And because I
really did have much conversation with her in school, I
was pretty sure I like paralyzing, paralyzed with shyness. And
we talked for like literally like thirty seconds, and she goes, Oh,
I'm so glad you call. You going to the party.
I'm going to the Halloween party. And I think it
(20:58):
was at Wendy's house. I said, yeah, yeah, it's right
up the street from her. And all of a sudden,
my mom comes by and she goes, who are you
talking to? And I said, I'm talking to a girl
I know in school, and she hangs the phone up.
She goes, you're not talking to girls in third grade
(21:18):
in my house. Hangs the phone up. Why would you
do that? Hangs it up? That was a rap. Didn't
go to the Halloween party didn't go with her. That
was a rap, like you never spoke about it. I'm
(21:38):
still not over it. I'm sitting here, you know, sweating.
You're working through it now. I'm working through it right now,
sweat my ass off. But my mom was a very strict,
strict woman, very strict Catholic. Hey, look, she got to
be kicked out of two churches, two parishes because the
priest wasn't on board with where life started. You know.
(22:00):
She was a strict strict Life starts a conception period,
and the period was the size of like Connecticut. There
was no wigger room with this woman. None. And so
if a priest said, well, you know, there's a lot
of people that you know, and she gets into the
you know abortion with the you know, incest or whatever,
my mom say no, no, no, no, that's not that's
(22:22):
bs and blew up. And we got kicked out at
two churches, Saint Mel's Church in Woodland Hills, and we
got kicked out of a Lady of Grace in Scene,
and we ended up in Saint Cyril's. We're the ones
that just kept drifting down Venture at Boulevard being kicked
out of one massive Catholic church after another. But my
mom had a policy, unless you're married, you cannot have
(22:43):
a woman sleepover at her house, like when we went
to visit her in Canada. If I was if I
had a girlfriend, and sometimes I did, we were not
allowed to stay at my mom's house as an adult.
As an adult, I was thirty seven Crozier. Wow, Wow,
I was thirty seven.
Speaker 4 (23:00):
I'm going to take this door off the hinges.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
And had a pretty serious girlfriend at thirty seven for
thirty I don't know thirty six. I gotta do the
math on that. But I was in my mid to
late thirties and she said, you're not coming over with
your girlfriend. She's not staying overnight. And I said, but
she'll stay in another room. No, that's not happening. So
(23:23):
when I got married in the early two thousands, everybody
at my mom's place in Canada thought I was marrying
another guy. Oh, because they said they were like, wow,
we never saw you with a woman. I said, because
my mom. It wasn't because of me. Because my mom
(23:44):
was crazy. I don't know if you know that. I
don't remember that. She's crazy.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
So she would allow you to have dudes over at
the place.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
No, I don't think she would either.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
No.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Oh, I don't know she would have gone down that
road with Maine. I think that would have been another discussion.
So you weren't allowed to have any No, No, I
could have friends over. No. But are you saying if
I if I was in a relationship with a guy,
would the guy be able to say there, no, but
what a guy friend? Yes? Absolutely, one hundred percent. Yeah.
And she was friends with all my friends. I mean
(24:13):
she knew like Robbie Fox, Mykennessee, m McDaniel, all these guys.
I mean she grew up. They were over at our
house more than I think I was. But this man,
I think I could have really rolled around if it
wasn't for my mom paralyzing me when I was thirty. Great,
I'm like, I forgot over that. I really don't. I
still run into that girl that I called on occasion,
(24:35):
and I run into her, and I still get nervous
around her because of what happened.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
I was gonna say, I was wondering whether or not
you completely avoided her the next day in school.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
I still see her today. I mean I saw her
a year ago.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
And she knows the story.
Speaker 4 (24:48):
And so you've since explained that to her.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Oh, I've told her that story twenty times, and she's like,
I can't believe their mom did that to you. I said,
you can't, you can't. I was there. How about being
on my annoy you in the house that she did it?
Stand next to the yellow phone in the kitchen. How
about that guy?
Speaker 2 (25:05):
All right?
Speaker 4 (25:05):
Just see her going click yeah, and you just sitting
there silently looking.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
I still had the receiver. She clicked it on the
on the phone, she pushed it down on the phone,
and I was still on, going hello, Hello. Then she
grabs it for me. You're not talking to a girl
in third grade in my house. That's never going to
happen again, all right, A right, all right? How many
more years until I'm eighteen?
Speaker 2 (25:29):
All right?
Speaker 1 (25:30):
What's going on with that news department?
Speaker 2 (25:32):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
It's Thanksgiving? Hey, look, be grateful you're not stuck on
the four or five in traffic. Enjoy the show or
don't whatever. You know, when you have a doctor and
there's nothing wrong with you, sometimes a year or two
goes by and you don't go to them, and then
it's hard to call them again.
Speaker 4 (25:58):
You feel guilty.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you feel like you let them down,
like like it was a friend that you're you know,
you're not. Oh God, are so weird? No, you don't,
not at all. Oh see, I lost touch with doctor Ballot.
I didn't get a new doctor. I just have him going.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Are you dating him?
Speaker 2 (26:16):
No?
Speaker 1 (26:16):
We weren't dating, although we did some things that people
who date to and if you want to know, got
to second base. In some countries we're dating and uh
some you know, wild dating too once a year, you know.
(26:46):
But so he was like two or three years and
then I didn't call him, and it's been like six
seven now it's been like twelve years, and I and
I and I think about him day. Isn't that weird?
I think about this doctor. He was the greatest doctor
every every and I think about every year about him
every day. Yes. Well, he had a great nickname. What
(27:10):
was it, small fingers? Oh, so I I have a
gray for you. Yeah. I have a friend of mine,
a guy named Robbie Fox, who called me up and
he goes, buddy, you're not going to believe this, but
my sister in law is friends with your old doctor,
doctor Darryl Balen, and he says, I'm going to his
(27:31):
house to have dinner to night. This is last week.
And I said, buddy, you got to get me back
in with this guy. And he goes, I'll try. So
he went there. He said, hey, Conway wants to come back,
and doctor Ballen was like, I don't know. I mean
he you know, he did sort of split and he
never he got this. He got off. Course he can
come back, he said, of course he can come back.
(27:53):
But I think about him every day. Isn't that weird?
Every day.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
I just recently got into starting up because I remember
finished all of it a Kirby enthusiasm. Okay, and that
is exactly the plot of an episode of Caribean, Is
that right? Yeah, it's such an episode, this classic.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
But I'm back, baby, I'm back. I can now call
him and go to see the world's greatest doctor. I
don't know if he's taken on any new patients, but man,
if if your doctor's name is doctor Darren Darryl Balin,
you get the missed doctor. I remember him telling me
on one year. This is like fourteen years ago. He
said tim. He said, he said of himself. He goes,
(28:30):
I drive a nice car. I'm a doctor. I'm in Tarzana.
I drive a nice car. He said, your cholesterol is
higher than my car payment. And I said, I know.
He goes, how do you know? And I said, well,
to steal a line from Brian Reagan, you told me
last year my cholesterol is high and I haven't done
anything about it. But he's probably thinking, why do I
(28:55):
want this guy back? Every time I say to him
his cholesterol is high, he just leaves here and just ignore.
Is that that information?
Speaker 4 (29:03):
He figures He's gonna stop seeing you one way or
the other.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Soon, That's right, that's right. Eventually everyone will stop seeing me.
But I got back in with them, which is, uh,
which is really cool.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
At first, the first appointment is going to be fun.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
Yeah right, yeah, yeah, yeah, the first appointment is going
to be Okay, we got another guy here that's gonna
check your prostate. Oh really, go wow, who's this guy?
Who's this dude? But Crozer, that's amazing, You've never had
a physical Yeah.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
And I'm really starting to get to the pointments like
I probably should really start being a little more proactive
on that stuff. It's not like a dentist appointment, though,
where they call you annually and say it's I have
my dentist appointment today six months. So they really need
to figure out a system work.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
How long you've been going to the same dentist about
four year?
Speaker 4 (29:51):
Five years?
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Okay, so you're dedicated.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
Yeah, yeah, although it was a seven year period. Wed,
I can go to a dentist.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Okay, man, are you sure you were you were born
like in nineteen ten when I went that first time?
Speaker 4 (30:03):
After like seven years, zero cavities?
Speaker 1 (30:05):
Okay, that's cool, that's cool. But you're in good shape.
I mean, do you eat well? You know, you work
out right? You know you don't work out in the garage. Yeah,
you don't smoke cigarettes?
Speaker 4 (30:16):
Right?
Speaker 1 (30:16):
And you have a two story house?
Speaker 4 (30:18):
I do?
Speaker 1 (30:18):
They said.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
They said people of the two story house live twelve
years longer than people in this single story house.
Speaker 4 (30:24):
I believe it.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Yeah, I've just made that up, but I think it's true.
I mean, you're climb You're climbing those stairs fifteen twenty
times a day.
Speaker 4 (30:32):
Yes, and I usually do two at a time, so
oh you do?
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Yeah, I'm gonna jump right here moving yeah, yeah, yeah,
but if you bend down to at a time.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Okay, so if you you could easily do it twenty
times a day. Yeah, and so if you do that,
you know twenty and there's probably what forty steps?
Speaker 4 (30:48):
Yeah, all right, damn that much?
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Maybe twenty five? Yeah, okay, twenty times twenty five is
five hundred steps.
Speaker 4 (30:55):
And I go up and down that one of the
fourth floor. Here I go. I don't use the elevators here.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Wait, you don't use you climb up to the fourth floor. Yeah, yeah,
I never do that. You haven't seen the elevators?
Speaker 4 (31:07):
Well, only like sometimes when I go down with you
when we're leaving.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Oh, I see, that's about it.
Speaker 4 (31:11):
That's the only time I see the elevator.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
That's classic you and Matt Muddy Smith he also doesn't
use the elevator.
Speaker 4 (31:17):
Are a couple of people I run into in the stairwell
and yeah, that's our exercise.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Yeah. I sometimes am so lazy that if I'm in
the elevator, I have somebody else press the button for me.
Speaker 4 (31:28):
Can you hit that You're just waiting for somebody to
come in.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
I'm exhausted. Can you hit that four for me? I'm exhausted,
all right, I Crozier, Angel, Stephush and Bellio. Great job everybody,
and you know what you guys are not. You're not losers,
all right? What's going on with that news department? Conway
Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. Now, you can
(31:52):
always hear us live on kf I Am six forty
four to seven pm Monday through Friday, and anytime on
demand on the iHeartRadio app
It's camp I am sixty and you're listening to the
Conway Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. You bring
the turkey, We'll bring the nonsense. Happy Thanksgiving from the
Conway Show. I guess the most well behaved person on
the floor here on the fourth floor in our Burbank
(00:21):
location of iHeartMedia has got to be Sharon Bellio. Nobody.
When you meet Sharon Bellio, you assume that she's never
had any negative contact with the cops. I don't even
think you've ever been pulled over. Have you ever been
pulled over? Now, when I was younger, But when's the
last time cop pulled you over? It's been a long
(00:43):
like decades. Yeah, okay, because you do it, you don't
do anything wrong. I try to the rule. I believe
in playing by the rules. That's right now. But you
do it inside and outside of the workplace. Yeah, I'm
a rules follower, that's right.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
And you've never done, you know, anything to well, yeah,
slip on a banana peel. Yeah. But but you were arrested, Charles.
I wasn't arrested, No, but you did something. Well, they
came to the house to.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
The story orn Orn, how did what happened to you. Well,
I'll put this disclaimer out. Kids don't do this at
home because it can lead to bad things.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Okay, Okay.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
So it was a school night, so a couple of
my girlfriends came over. I was in ninth grade and
a couple of my girlfriends came over to you know,
we were working on a.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Homework project together.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
So we went down in the basement and there's a
phone down there, and there was a Yellow.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Pages and we were just horsing around.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
And then one of our friends wasn't there with us
that night, so we decided to like start ordering stuff
to a house to her house, yeah, like pizzas, and
we ordered like some tuxedos, and we ordered like a limo.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Wait a minute, where you grew up, they had they
had home delivery of tuxedos. No, oh no.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
But we placed orders with all these like different businesses
like and we were just cracking. We thought it was
because they believed us, and so they would take the order,
and we were making the order just outrageous that we
wanted like lime green tuxedos.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
You know, we're talking, yes.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
And I'm going to need three lime green tuxedos.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
You know.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
So they're taking all our information and we ordered the pizzas,
and we ordered like some fish, and we ordered all
kinds of stuff. Well, because we didn't let our friends'
parents in on it, and they were getting all these
phone calls to verify the orders, they called the police.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
And so then when they went to the three of they,
I don't.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Know how they figured out it was us, but they
went and my other friends denied it, but when they
found ice, I admitted.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
It was me. Oh man.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
So the police showed up to the house and they
made me call all the businesses that I call and.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Apologize how embarrassing it was.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
And actually the businesses were like, oh, they caught you finally,
So I learned my lesson.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Where'd they catch you? Like crawling over the state line? No?
Speaker 3 (03:15):
I think, No, I think. My friend like, oh, I
know exactly what it was. She thought somebody else did
it and they weren't involved in it. And that's when
I admitted that.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
You coped to it. Huh I coped to it? Wow?
What was the punishment? I got grounded? And? Uh? Did
they reduce your phone privileges? Oh? Yeah, yeah, you know
that was the thing. You had a lot of kids
on O this. But when you were a kid, you
had phone privileges, Yeah, and you could destroy them.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
I destroyed my phone grounding. Whoever hears of kids being
grounded anymore?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Never.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
I was grounded for like a whole month. I couldn't
go to any of the games at school. I really
go out after school.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeah, wow, your mom and dad were strict. They were.
You know, it's harder on the parents to ground kids
than it is the kids. I believe that to be true.
I think it's true.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
And it's hard for parents to stick to the grounding
because you know, you like, please please, please, please please,
and it's hard to say no.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
It wasn't hard for my dad. No, no months at
a time in my room. Really yeah, well that is
just for a C on my report card? Oh wow, man,
I we had a cake. If I got a C.
My dad be like, would you cheat?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Cheating? Did the did the congratulations?
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah? And congratulations was misspelled with a capital C. Yes,
that's right. Wow. You guys have seen my photos when
I was a child. That's wild, man. But we used
to do those phony phone calls. We never got the
cops called on this though. Well I always have to
overdo stuff.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
If I had maybe called one or two, it wouldn't
have been a But we called like twenty different places,
and I think their parents got bombarded with phone calls
and they weren't happy.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
We used to call. And I think this restaurant's not
there anymore, so I can tell this story on the air.
But there was Jerry's Deli and Encino and Jerry's Deli
in Studio City, and we were in the Studio City
one me and a buddy, and we found out the
manager of the Studio City I think his name was Greg,
(05:24):
And so we went to the payphone at the bowling
Alley at the Studio City location and we called the
Encino Jerry's Deli and we said, hey, it's a manager.
Greg goes, Hey, Greg, how you doing? Oh good? Okay,
but man, we're running short on a lot of stuff.
And he goes, what do you need? What do you need?
I said, well, we need you know, three big roast beefs.
(05:45):
We need five cakes, We need twenty loads of bray,
we need this, we need napkins, we need to play
it about it. We had like forty things. He goes,
Buddy goes, I'll put in the van. I'll be right over.
And we used to wait in the Jerry's Delian studio
City for him to bring all this crap over and
then just sit there and watch him all this stuff.
He was stupid, all right, but we had nothing to do.
(06:08):
I was a stupid thing. And then we called another
There was a deli in Sino called Froman's Deli, and
so we called the owner of the deli and said, hey,
we're opening up a restaurant across the street named Broman's Deli,
and we wanted to sell the same thing you're selling,
(06:28):
but at a cheaper price. Mcdows, yeah, And you know
what his response was, he goes, he goes, it's very
difficult run in business. I wish you the best luck.
Great response. Yeah, And I said, I said, hey, we're
going to run the same menu you're running. Can we
look at it? And he said, I'll have one of
my guys drive it over to you. Where are you?
He said, you're not going to be successful, and he
(06:52):
sort of he knew way a way to defuse it
by just saying, you know what, that's a great idea.
I think you guys are onto something. And that was
a great way to fuse it. But you can't make
phone calls like that anymore because everybody now has caller
ID and they know where you're calling from or call block,
and those things I think are gone. I don't think
you can make a phony phone calls. Do you do
that crows when you were a kid.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
I tend to think I did. It wasn't a thing
of mine. I might have done once.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
It was fun to do, you know, just to call
people and mess with them. But it does get out
of control when you know, when you order thousands of
dollars worth of toxedos, is your refrigerator running?
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Oh we did those too. Your cows in our garden.
We don't have a cow. We don't have a garden.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
Stupid, many people are going on.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
That was one of the dumbest things I've just heard
in my life. We were in ninth grade.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
Garden.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
We don't have a cow, but we don't have a garden.
It's like you got the best of them. Oh, your
refrigerators reading. We had to go kitchen or something.
Speaker 4 (08:09):
It was stupid.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
It was stupid, but it was you know, we had
nothing to do. You know, we're bored. It was it
was fun I enjoyed it. We're live on kf I
AM six forty.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Crozier, you struck me as a big coke guy in
the eighties or nineties.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
That trum no not true offered a couple of times
in my life, I didn't do anything for me, and uh,
I think the final death mell for that was my
dad dying from it.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
So that was good enough for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but you actually did try it, it didn't do anything.
Speaker 4 (08:43):
Yeah. I tried it a couple times, actually, I don't
even want to say a few times. A couple of times,
and it just it didn't do anything for me. I
literally thought people are losing their houses and cars over
this stuff. It doesn't do anything for me?
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Does grab you? I guess man?
Speaker 4 (08:55):
Grab my dad.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
The only time I I actually saw it, and I
saw a woman doing it and she said, hey, do
you want to do it? I'm like, I don't know,
I don't know. I'm not I don't like to lose
that kind of control. But I took some on my
finger and put it on my gums because they do
it like it's called a freeze remember them, I don't know.
And you put it on your gums. I remember that
being done, but I don't remember the name of it.
D Yeah, And you put on your gums and freeze
(09:17):
your gums. And it tasted like like aspirin. And I'm like,
it looks like it days like aspirin. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
I just did the sniff thing and it didn't so
I didn't taste it, and it just it did.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
I was like, what why it does grab people?
Speaker 4 (09:29):
Though?
Speaker 1 (09:30):
I know a guy that did it and he hated driving. He's,
you know, in the Midwest and like driving, and I'm
hated it and hated driving at nights you couldn't see anything.
But if he was doing cocaine on a weekend and
he was out, he would drive from downtown LA all
the way to like Chatsworth at night when he was
(09:53):
scared to death of driving to get some more grinding
his teeth. Yeah, they said the worst part of doing
cocaine is the when you try to go to sleep
and the birds don't stop chirping. It sounds like they're
in both ears. Really, that's what I heard.
Speaker 4 (10:07):
The thing. I was always fascinated by it in the
very few times I've been around it, around it, I
I it's it's an incredibly social drug.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Oh it is.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Yeah, Like I never asked for it or anything like that.
It was always one of those hey here, here, here,
you gotta do it. You're here here, everybody's doing it.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah. My my buddy that did that used to enjoy that.
He said, you end up talking to people for six hours.
You would never give the time of day two otherwise, Yeah,
you never even know they're they existed, and you have
a nine hour conversation with them. Stephus, you don't strike
me as a coke guy? Am I wrong? Am I
(10:41):
missing you?
Speaker 5 (10:43):
I'm terrified of all of that outside of uh, you know,
having a couple of drinks.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Oh I see, Okay, I didn't think it was gonna
say a couple drinks. Yeah. I thought he was gonna say, uh,
you know, like uh snorting. I thought say like math amphetamine, mushrooms,
sum or horse or h go. I'm terrified of everything
outside of the injections.
Speaker 5 (11:03):
Blues greens. Oh yeah, that that terrifies me too. Just
first I go as gummies.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Okay, you don't do injections.
Speaker 5 (11:13):
I'm honestly, I'm terrified to get blood drawn. So really,
oh yeah, oh you don't like needles. I hate needles.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
So did you get the COVID shot? I did?
Speaker 5 (11:23):
I was terrified and I was sweating when I did.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
You know the COVID or the inoculations now or injections. Man,
When I was a kid, it was like they're putting
a like a comedy pencil into your arm. It hurt
like hell, you know, like one of those not farmed
comedy pencils. But nowadays you can't feel it at all.
It's it's it's literally the width of a size of
(11:49):
a hair.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
The key is to not get it done by a
nurse or a doctor because those are not trained to
do it. What are they the phlebotomous or whatever. The
people that actually trained and licensed and all that stuff
to draw blood. They know how to do it and
not have any pain. I'm with you, I'm with you.
That's why I get minded Sears. That's where I got it.
Right outside of Sears. It's a little table.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Somebody set right, Yeah, guy set up a table, and
I got a flu shot right outside of Sears. God almighty,
what was it going on with me? Angel? You know
you don't strike me as a coke gal? Am I wrong?
Am I on the moon?
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
I don't know. I don't do that. I can't figure
you out. Wait, wait, so you don't Yeah, I don't
do it. Okay. Or you're not on it now, that's right,
you're not on cocaine now. No, okay, it seems like
she she's like she misses it all right, okay, quiet,
(12:52):
very quiet here, Oh, Kiki if she got something to say, Kiki,
is that is that you got coke? Queen? Was your
license plate? You were a dune cocaine? No? I have not, No,
I've done nothing. I am a good person and a
(13:13):
good girl person. He was always the first ones to
turn right. Yeah. Catholic goals? Are you Catholic?
Speaker 4 (13:25):
No?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
I'm not you not okay.
Speaker 4 (13:28):
Those are the ones that the first time they do it,
they go absolutely insane.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Yeah, if you don't want me ask, I don't want
to pry. Are you a god fearing woman?
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Ye ah?
Speaker 1 (13:38):
You religious? I am not religious? Okay, okay.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
Wait, she didn't understand the expression.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Yeah, you know, during the break, I'm gonna talk to
you a little bit about Catholicism to get you know,
because I know it's going to piss a lot of
people off, but it really is the only way to happen.
That makes a lot of people crazy.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
You know. I had some people when I was a
kid that you know, they used to come to the doors,
to your door and knock on you, you know, you
give you a little test. Are you familiar with Jesus
and all this stuff? And I had one couple come up.
I was ten, came up to the door and it
was like price is right was being interrupted, and I
was already irritated going to the door. And they asked me.
I said, are you familiar with the Lord? And I
go familiar, Yeah, sure, why not? And they asked me,
(14:23):
they said do you know his real name? And I thought,
isn't it Jesus? They go, no, it's down and I
went all right, thanks, closing the door, and I was done.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
You know, they give you that. The Mormons come by,
and they gave me one of those cards with Jesus on.
It is not what they do with the cards with
Jesus on.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
The Mormons.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Yeah, the Mormons, I don't know. The boys and the bikes, yes,
they were on bikes. They are very well dressed young
men and They gave me a card and it had
Jesus on it. Man, is that hard to throw away?
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Yeah, you feel that for putting it? Yes, you gotta
hang that or put it in a drawer somewhere, or
you know, put it in your wallet.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
Well, and that's why these people do you want to
screw with luck?
Speaker 1 (15:01):
You throw a picture of Jesus away? God Almighty, How
confident are you in life that you're going to throw
that away?
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Well?
Speaker 4 (15:09):
See, that was the thing with them. It was like
I felt like I was being like like punished or
something like that because I didn't have a bit of
knowledge or something about God. Like they made me feel
like really small and like dumb, and I was like,
what what you're coming to my door? Yeah, it was.
It wasn't even like the whole religious aspect of it.
It was just the way they come at me.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Yeah, I don't I like when they knock on the door. Look,
they're you know, young men and women. I think they're
they're fine. But I often am of the mindset of
uh man, I I don't know if I'm going to
change my religions today. I don't know. Do you get
into the conversation nah a little bit, a little bit
if it depends on how buzzed I am, you know
(15:47):
in the door. Yeah right, I've been defending how much
I'm down that day on TVG like, hey guys, you
got any more pictures of Jesus here? We need a
lot of help here in the in the nightcap, hang on,
I got a collection place over here. Had a lot
of help here with this last phrase. All right, what's
going on with the news.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
It's the best of Conway show. Perfect for Thanksgiving because
nothing says family time like hiding in your room and
listening to KFI. I think dong with you. I was
just talking to Bellio and she's great. She's great, You're great.
But Bellio and I we sort of have the same
like the same upbringing. Both of our dads were really
(16:34):
into the racetrack. We knew when they hit, we knew
when they didn't, and just a lot of this similar vibe. Yeah,
but I remember you remember like crows, you go back
stuff You probably don't, but Angel does. When remember the
cord that went from your home phone to your receiver
(16:56):
and it was all curled up. You know, it's like
a like a big like a noodle. Yeah, and if
you stretched it out, remember how pissed mom and Dad
would get, Oh my god, yes, you put a kink
in that noodle. Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
I didn't get that kink out, man, when it twisted
the other way?
Speaker 1 (17:11):
How did it get like that? I know, I know.
And then you'd hold it Stephoo said, you know, you
hold it upside down right, and it spins and you
try to do it that way, but it doesn't work,
and there's always that one kink, one kink in that cord.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
Or it would get so twisted that you could only
like pick up the phone like a two inches the
receiver because it was so twisted.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
You're like, hold on, let me get that. I got
to get that right here. I really think. I don't
think I've admitted to this on the air before, but
I think I could have been stuteley or as a kid,
except for my mom. And I blame my mom for
the why is that? I'll tell you why. When I
was in third grade, I was going to go to
a Halloween party and I wanted to invite a girl
(17:52):
named Carrie to the to the Halloween party, and and
I we started school, you know, late August, and this
party was going to be in you know, late October.
And literally every single day I got home, I got
her number. Remember how I got her number, But I
got her phone number. And every single day i'd come home,
(18:13):
i'd sit near the phone. I'd write stuff down to
say to her, because I was so nervous that sweet
that I would run.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Out of things to say, like what your kind of
things like.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Write down you know, like, hey, do you remember when
we were playing four square? You know that kind of crap,
And you know, i'd write down her mom's name and
her dad name, so I didn't forget those. You know,
I was buttoned up. I was buttoned up. And so
every day I'd come home and i'd and i'd sit
near the phone. I remember sitting in the kitchen right
(18:45):
near the phone, and I'd go to dial and then
i'd i'd chicken out. I'd go out and play, and
then i'd come back and I'd like, Okay, now I'm
gonna call. And then it was eight o'clock at night.
You couldn't call after eight, Yeah, so that day was blown.
I'd do the same thing over the next day, the
next day, the next day, weekends, weekdays, weekends, weekdays, for
about four weeks, wow, four or five weeks. I finally,
(19:09):
I think, I think I may have taken a shot
of my dad's gin to get up the courage to
call in third grade. Maybe maybe I don't know. I
don't know, I don't know. Maybe that's not true. But
but I finally got the courage to call. And it
was like, get seven o'clock on a Sunday. And I
remember this very very specific. I think it was. I
(19:31):
think it was the Sunday and it was at seven
o'clock at night. I hit all seven buttons, calls going,
you know, before he had a dillary code calls on
its way. It wrings her mom answers, and I said, hey,
you know, I introduced myself and I said, hey, can
I speak to your daughter? And she said, uh, I guess, so,
(19:55):
you know, very hesitant. I guess, so okay, in third
grades called my daughter. But I just want to invite her,
you know, and go to go her. This is so lame,
But I wanted to picture the idea of going to
the Halloween party as raggedy Ann and Andy, how weak
(20:16):
is that that's cute? How weak is that? That's cute? Oh?
My got goose bumps. I'd like to be at bottom
of that ocean. Was smooth one. So I the phone.
So she goes hold on one sec. And the girl
gets on the phone. She goes hello, I go hey,
(20:37):
it's uh, it's it's Tim. I'm in your She goes yeah,
she goes, I know exactly you are. And because I
really did have much conversation with her in school, I
was pretty sure I like paralyzing, paralyzed with shyness. And
we talked for like literally like thirty seconds, and she goes, Oh,
I'm so glad you call. You going to the party.
I'm going to the Halloween party. And I think it
(20:58):
was at Wendy's house. I said, yeah, yeah, it's right
up the street from her. And all of a sudden,
my mom comes by and she goes, who are you
talking to? And I said, I'm talking to a girl
I know in school, and she hangs the phone up.
She goes, you're not talking to girls in third grade
(21:18):
in my house. Hangs the phone up. Why would you
do that? Hangs it up? That was a rap. Didn't
go to the Halloween party didn't go with her. That
was a rap, like you never spoke about it. I'm
(21:38):
still not over it. I'm sitting here, you know, sweating.
You're working through it now. I'm working through it right now,
sweat my ass off. But my mom was a very strict,
strict woman, very strict Catholic. Hey, look, she got to
be kicked out of two churches, two parishes because the
priest wasn't on board with where life started. You know.
(22:00):
She was a strict strict Life starts a conception period,
and the period was the size of like Connecticut. There
was no wigger room with this woman. None. And so
if a priest said, well, you know, there's a lot
of people that you know, and she gets into the
you know abortion with the you know, incest or whatever,
my mom say no, no, no, no, that's not that's
(22:22):
bs and blew up. And we got kicked out at
two churches, Saint Mel's Church in Woodland Hills, and we
got kicked out of a Lady of Grace in Scene,
and we ended up in Saint Cyril's. We're the ones
that just kept drifting down Venture at Boulevard being kicked
out of one massive Catholic church after another. But my
mom had a policy, unless you're married, you cannot have
(22:43):
a woman sleepover at her house, like when we went
to visit her in Canada. If I was if I
had a girlfriend, and sometimes I did, we were not
allowed to stay at my mom's house as an adult.
As an adult, I was thirty seven Crozier. Wow, Wow,
I was thirty seven.
Speaker 4 (23:00):
I'm going to take this door off the hinges.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
And had a pretty serious girlfriend at thirty seven for
thirty I don't know thirty six. I gotta do the
math on that. But I was in my mid to
late thirties and she said, you're not coming over with
your girlfriend. She's not staying overnight. And I said, but
she'll stay in another room. No, that's not happening. So
(23:23):
when I got married in the early two thousands, everybody
at my mom's place in Canada thought I was marrying
another guy. Oh, because they said they were like, wow,
we never saw you with a woman. I said, because
my mom. It wasn't because of me. Because my mom
(23:44):
was crazy. I don't know if you know that. I
don't remember that. She's crazy.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
So she would allow you to have dudes over at
the place.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
No, I don't think she would either.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
No.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Oh, I don't know she would have gone down that
road with Maine. I think that would have been another discussion.
So you weren't allowed to have any No, No, I
could have friends over. No. But are you saying if
I if I was in a relationship with a guy,
would the guy be able to say there, no, but
what a guy friend? Yes? Absolutely, one hundred percent. Yeah.
And she was friends with all my friends. I mean
(24:13):
she knew like Robbie Fox, Mykennessee, m McDaniel, all these guys.
I mean she grew up. They were over at our
house more than I think I was. But this man,
I think I could have really rolled around if it
wasn't for my mom paralyzing me when I was thirty. Great,
I'm like, I forgot over that. I really don't. I
still run into that girl that I called on occasion,
(24:35):
and I run into her, and I still get nervous
around her because of what happened.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
I was gonna say, I was wondering whether or not
you completely avoided her the next day in school.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
I still see her today. I mean I saw her
a year ago.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
And she knows the story.
Speaker 4 (24:48):
And so you've since explained that to her.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Oh, I've told her that story twenty times, and she's like,
I can't believe their mom did that to you. I said,
you can't, you can't. I was there. How about being
on my annoy you in the house that she did it?
Stand next to the yellow phone in the kitchen. How
about that guy?
Speaker 2 (25:05):
All right?
Speaker 4 (25:05):
Just see her going click yeah, and you just sitting
there silently looking.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
I still had the receiver. She clicked it on the
on the phone, she pushed it down on the phone,
and I was still on, going hello, Hello. Then she
grabs it for me. You're not talking to a girl
in third grade in my house. That's never going to
happen again, all right, A right, all right? How many
more years until I'm eighteen?
Speaker 2 (25:29):
All right?
Speaker 1 (25:30):
What's going on with that news department?
Speaker 2 (25:32):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
It's Thanksgiving? Hey, look, be grateful you're not stuck on
the four or five in traffic. Enjoy the show or
don't whatever. You know, when you have a doctor and
there's nothing wrong with you, sometimes a year or two
goes by and you don't go to them, and then
it's hard to call them again.
Speaker 4 (25:58):
You feel guilty.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you feel like you let them down,
like like it was a friend that you're you know,
you're not. Oh God, are so weird? No, you don't,
not at all. Oh see, I lost touch with doctor Ballot.
I didn't get a new doctor. I just have him going.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Are you dating him?
Speaker 2 (26:16):
No?
Speaker 1 (26:16):
We weren't dating, although we did some things that people
who date to and if you want to know, got
to second base. In some countries we're dating and uh
some you know, wild dating too once a year, you know.
(26:46):
But so he was like two or three years and
then I didn't call him, and it's been like six
seven now it's been like twelve years, and I and
I and I think about him day. Isn't that weird?
I think about this doctor. He was the greatest doctor
every every and I think about every year about him
every day. Yes. Well, he had a great nickname. What
(27:10):
was it, small fingers? Oh, so I I have a
gray for you. Yeah. I have a friend of mine,
a guy named Robbie Fox, who called me up and
he goes, buddy, you're not going to believe this, but
my sister in law is friends with your old doctor,
doctor Darryl Balen, and he says, I'm going to his
(27:31):
house to have dinner to night. This is last week.
And I said, buddy, you got to get me back
in with this guy. And he goes, I'll try. So
he went there. He said, hey, Conway wants to come back,
and doctor Ballen was like, I don't know. I mean
he you know, he did sort of split and he
never he got this. He got off. Course he can
come back, he said, of course he can come back.
(27:53):
But I think about him every day. Isn't that weird?
Every day.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
I just recently got into starting up because I remember
finished all of it a Kirby enthusiasm. Okay, and that
is exactly the plot of an episode of Caribean, Is
that right? Yeah, it's such an episode, this classic.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
But I'm back, baby, I'm back. I can now call
him and go to see the world's greatest doctor. I
don't know if he's taken on any new patients, but man,
if if your doctor's name is doctor Darren Darryl Balin,
you get the missed doctor. I remember him telling me
on one year. This is like fourteen years ago. He
said tim. He said, he said of himself. He goes,
(28:30):
I drive a nice car. I'm a doctor. I'm in Tarzana.
I drive a nice car. He said, your cholesterol is
higher than my car payment. And I said, I know.
He goes, how do you know? And I said, well,
to steal a line from Brian Reagan, you told me
last year my cholesterol is high and I haven't done
anything about it. But he's probably thinking, why do I
(28:55):
want this guy back? Every time I say to him
his cholesterol is high, he just leaves here and just ignore.
Is that that information?
Speaker 4 (29:03):
He figures He's gonna stop seeing you one way or
the other.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Soon, That's right, that's right. Eventually everyone will stop seeing me.
But I got back in with them, which is, uh,
which is really cool.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
At first, the first appointment is going to be fun.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
Yeah right, yeah, yeah, yeah, the first appointment is going
to be Okay, we got another guy here that's gonna
check your prostate. Oh really, go wow, who's this guy?
Who's this dude? But Crozer, that's amazing, You've never had
a physical Yeah.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
And I'm really starting to get to the pointments like
I probably should really start being a little more proactive
on that stuff. It's not like a dentist appointment, though,
where they call you annually and say it's I have
my dentist appointment today six months. So they really need
to figure out a system work.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
How long you've been going to the same dentist about
four year?
Speaker 4 (29:51):
Five years?
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Okay, so you're dedicated.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
Yeah, yeah, although it was a seven year period. Wed,
I can go to a dentist.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Okay, man, are you sure you were you were born
like in nineteen ten when I went that first time?
Speaker 4 (30:03):
After like seven years, zero cavities?
Speaker 1 (30:05):
Okay, that's cool, that's cool. But you're in good shape.
I mean, do you eat well? You know, you work
out right? You know you don't work out in the garage. Yeah,
you don't smoke cigarettes?
Speaker 4 (30:16):
Right?
Speaker 1 (30:16):
And you have a two story house?
Speaker 4 (30:18):
I do?
Speaker 1 (30:18):
They said.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
They said people of the two story house live twelve
years longer than people in this single story house.
Speaker 4 (30:24):
I believe it.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Yeah, I've just made that up, but I think it's true.
I mean, you're climb You're climbing those stairs fifteen twenty
times a day.
Speaker 4 (30:32):
Yes, and I usually do two at a time, so
oh you do?
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Yeah, I'm gonna jump right here moving yeah, yeah, yeah,
but if you bend down to at a time.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Okay, so if you you could easily do it twenty
times a day. Yeah, and so if you do that,
you know twenty and there's probably what forty steps?
Speaker 4 (30:48):
Yeah, all right, damn that much?
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Maybe twenty five? Yeah, okay, twenty times twenty five is
five hundred steps.
Speaker 4 (30:55):
And I go up and down that one of the
fourth floor. Here I go. I don't use the elevators here.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Wait, you don't use you climb up to the fourth floor. Yeah, yeah,
I never do that. You haven't seen the elevators?
Speaker 4 (31:07):
Well, only like sometimes when I go down with you
when we're leaving.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Oh, I see, that's about it.
Speaker 4 (31:11):
That's the only time I see the elevator.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
That's classic you and Matt Muddy Smith he also doesn't
use the elevator.
Speaker 4 (31:17):
Are a couple of people I run into in the stairwell
and yeah, that's our exercise.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Yeah. I sometimes am so lazy that if I'm in
the elevator, I have somebody else press the button for me.
Speaker 4 (31:28):
Can you hit that You're just waiting for somebody to
come in.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
I'm exhausted. Can you hit that four for me? I'm exhausted,
all right, I Crozier, Angel, Stephush and Bellio. Great job everybody,
and you know what you guys are not. You're not losers,
all right? What's going on with that news department? Conway
Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. Now, you can
(31:52):
always hear us live on kf I Am six forty
four to seven pm Monday through Friday, and anytime on
demand on the iHeartRadio app
Tim Conway Jr. on Demand News
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