Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's k if I am six forty and you're listening
to the Conway Show on demand on the iHeartRadio APPE night,
Let's go come on dance at.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
So Morgan.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
If I went to the club and I played this
and I was danceing, people would think I'm out of place.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Yeah, a little bit. I'm saying we should have a
Tim Conway Junior night.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Yes at the club.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Would you get you a whole poster and everything, sell
tickets at the door.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
And we'll start with this song, yeah, and we'll end
up we'll end with ymc A. She's gonna play mash
all night.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
But they're great dancing songs. Though, I really think it
would be a hit.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I think, I really truly believe if you're playing all
those what how do you describe Let me try to
describe this sound or the songs you guys play in
the nowadays retro grunge, garage, new age punk.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Not at all, no complete opposite.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
It's much more hip hop hip hop. Okay, So how
out of all the people, what's the biggest club you've
ever been to locally in LA Are there a thousand
people in there?
Speaker 4 (01:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Definitely?
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Okay, So out of a thousand people and you guys,
instead of playing a hip hop song that nobody can
hear each other because it's so loud. If you guys
played YMCA, how many of the thousand people would know
it and dance to it?
Speaker 3 (01:35):
I think all of them?
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Isn't that that's quite true?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Right?
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Last time you said, oh, it would go viral? I
really do think it would go viral. Would they see
the whole club young people watching crazy?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Would they try it or would they are? I guarantee
you it would go viral, and for that and your
podcast it would take off.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Right, So I'll be going out this weekend. Should I
request on podcast, I might lose.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
A job, you know what.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
You might move up to the queen of you know
of TikTok totally.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
If we go viral, I'll give you credit. Okay, what is.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Ever gonna leave? Or was gonna be like, oh y
m c A, I'm out of here, grab my coat.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
I think if there's a few drinks and people, they're
gonna love it.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
They're gonna go crazy. You're gonna go crazy? Yeah no,
because everybody you know is sitting around the club. They're
playing this music where you know, a lot of them
know the lyrics, but a lot of them don't know
the lyrics. And you know, people are drinking and they're
you know, they're they're enjoying one another, and all of
a sudden, ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, we have
(02:42):
a we have a surprise guest evening talk show on
AM six forty. People like, what the hell?
Speaker 2 (02:49):
What then?
Speaker 1 (02:49):
What's going on? What's going on with this guy? What's
going on this dude? And he'd liked to lead you
guys all in a in a dance off. He calls it.
Speaker 5 (03:01):
All right day Conway here from KFI.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Get up on.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Your feet, everyone, and even you gals and those short skirts,
come on and you guys with the leggings.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Let's go.
Speaker 5 (03:13):
We're all doing this together.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Y m c A.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
If you know it, or if you don't know it,
call your grandma, she'll know it. Hey, we're gonna bang
this out, everybody. Come on, young man, young man, come on, guys,
let's go. And I'm even willing to go down there
(03:40):
and introduce it.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
What huge hit?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Can we make this happen? Because this is a thing, okay, And.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
But by the way. If it works and it goes
viral and it's a big deal, I get another shot,
not with this, with a different song. I keep getting
a different song until I until I bomb, till it bombs. Yeah,
as as I bomb, I walk out of there by
tail between my legs and I split and I never
come back.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
This is a new reality show idea. This is brilliant.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yeah, Conway, until he bums, how many weeks will he
make it? Right?
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:13):
The mass a hole right. But I really truly think
that's that would be a huge deal because you know,
every one of those kids saw their mom or dad
do it.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
And everyone knows and like, you know it. You know
the YMC Well, I think the younger generation too. I'm
twenty seven. I think you know even the what's the
generation after me? I forgot the name. They're whatever they are.
I think they all know the YMCA song too.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
I think they call them Jenny's generation.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
I I just think they're messed up.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
But no generation, No, I think it's generation I. Oh,
I think, Well, I think.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
They still know the lyrics to the YMCA song.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
I'm sure they do. I'm sure they do. All right, Well,
we're gonna want Uh, I'm a little busy, Like at
three am, I'm usually sleeping while you guys are clubbing. Oh,
but I would love for somebody to do that, videotape
it and watch that crowd go crazy.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
I'm going to try this weekend. Okay, I am all right,
I'll see if so, I'll see if I can even
get a DJ to play it.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Okay, maybe it doesn't even know it doesn't even have
it with him, right, Why would you have them with them?
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Right?
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I think when you were DJ, did you play that
song whym oh and was it always a hit?
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:16):
For the most part. That's great weddings, parties, Oh, weddings,
especially with Yes, that's kind of cool.
Speaker 6 (05:26):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Mark Thompson is in the house, and I was just
telling Mark that my my wife gets pissed at me
for a very good reason too. And I get pissed
at myself for doing this too. But I'd say ten
times in the last three years maybe more, that I've
been cooking something at night and I eat it, I
(05:53):
go to bed, wash the dish throat, the dishwash whatever,
and then my wife wakes up the next day and
the gas stove is still on, the burner's still on.
That's not low, extremely low. But it's dangerous though. Yeah,
it's really dangerous. And I did it at my my
father in law's house. I was I was outside barbecuing
right next to his house, boiling corn, and I forgot.
(06:17):
Everybody went to bed, and the water all evaporated, and
now the corn was on fire, and that could have
burned the house down with you know, five or six
people inside. Yeah, that's horrible, But you think there'd be
a kill switch on it.
Speaker 7 (06:29):
Yeah, Actually, that's actually a really good idea. Why isn't
there Ye, after some time, there should be some kind
of shit. My TV goes off after two hours that
nobody's watching.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yeah, I think it's a good idea.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
I bet there is a kill switch out there where
it's just on expensive crap, you know, stuff that we
I see that we are not buying.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Last night, it was three a m.
Speaker 7 (06:50):
And I'm awakened by my darling, Courtney, who says that
the switch what do you call the plug outlet and
the kitchen is making a sound like sound like you
don't worry that when the thing and you push it
back in because it's pop because of the fuse that
kind of sound, and right to gp it.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Right to.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
I said, right to the internet to see what the
problem is. Well, I first said, it's fine, go back
to sleep. It's a it's supposed to do that. It's
supposed to make that sense. No, no, no, it's making it
over and over and over again. And I said, honey,
go back to sleep. It's three am, or jet lag
from Columbia. I don't did you get home yesterday? We
got home over the weekend.
Speaker 7 (07:28):
Okay, still yeah, sure, yeah, So we got home like Saturday.
So I'm awakened again by her like ten minutes later,
and she goes, no, no, it's still happening. It's making a
pop pop pop sound. And I said, okay, I said,
let me go get up. I go out there, and
sure enough she's right. It's making a popping sound, like
(07:48):
as though it's tripping some kind of whatever that is
the circuit behind it whatever. I know nothing. I thought
of you, Conway, because you know all of this stuff.
And I and so I said, look, you know what,
it's fine, it's supposed to do that.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
I know it's making that sound.
Speaker 7 (08:06):
And she goes to the Internet, and the Internet Internet says,
if it's making that sound, you need to take power
off of that. You need to turn the power off
that's feeding that outlet. So I go out to the panel.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Do you know where the panel is?
Speaker 7 (08:22):
I barely know where the panel is. This is again
where I thought of you and Krozier. Both of you
could do this without thinking about it. And I'm now
trying to decipher at three point thirty in the morning,
exactly you know through the writing what is the appropriate
breaker to turn off. So I turn off a bunch
of them, and I get back into bed and I said, Okay,
it's done.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
You're fine. We'll deal with this in the morning.
Speaker 7 (08:46):
And then she and I can't really get to sleep
at this point, g nob and up, but she won't
let it go. She's on the Internet and she said, okay,
we need to start calling electricians.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
It says we you need to call electricians.
Speaker 7 (08:58):
I said, really, And then I go to the Internet
and it's true, you need to call an electrician if
this is a repeated issue. But having turned off the
circuit breaker, you're probably in no danger. So we start
calling electricians. Unfortunately, in Los Angeles, because it's a big city.
Twenty four to seven, just one right after the other available,
(09:19):
twenty four to seven, twenty four to seven, twenty four
to seven.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Did you look on the internet or yellow paper?
Speaker 7 (09:23):
We looked on the internet, and there they all are,
and we just started at the top. Twenty four to seven.
We called the next place, twenty four to seven, next place,
twenty four to seven, and fifteen places were called, and
none of them answered the phone, or could you actually
reach an electrician who was available? We've got no one
available at this hour. Well, this hour is within the
(09:45):
twenty four hours that you say you're there.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
It's not twenty four it's twenty four straight hours exactly.
And you people should be up because they could charge
you double triple, quite absolute.
Speaker 7 (09:56):
I would have, yeah, exactly so, but none of them
were up, and so we end up finally reaching someone.
But it wasn't until morning daybreak. USA Repairs Steve at
USA Repairs, and thank God for Steve. He comes out
and he said, wow, your whole panel is fried. He said,
there's been a fire. And then he I look and
(10:17):
I smell, and you can smell all the smoke and stuff.
There's been a fire in there, and he said, and
your subpanel is fried also, which is supposed to what
is that tim that's supposed to catch if the front
if the main panel gets overrun.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Buddy, I don't know who you think you're talking to.
Speaker 7 (10:32):
He said, because of the power surge. Clearly this is
what happened. So sure enough, Oh, so you had a
power surge in the area. So the other homes were
affected too, right, exactly, the other homes were affected.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
And you don't have a power surge.
Speaker 7 (10:45):
Protector apparently, or it wasn't sufficient or whatever, that's what
he was saying. So we had to replace the entire thing.
The temperature in the home now is like fifty nine degrees.
We're freezing. We haven't slept. Thanks to Steve from the
USA Repairs, he came out, he cleared his schedule, he did,
he replaced it. It had another panel right there in the
(11:05):
car that we could in his truck, and so he
did all the work.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
All right, don't give me the price yet. Let's let's
save that for the next break.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I'm not gonna tell you much it cost me.
Speaker 5 (11:15):
It was.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
It was expensive.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
You don't get to say how much it was.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I don't think so. I think he gave me. I
think he was fair.
Speaker 7 (11:20):
Okay, but I also don't want to go, oh my god,
I don't want to hear that.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Oh man, he saw you coming. I know, I don't
need that.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
I don't know what the price was.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
I don't need that. I don't need that.
Speaker 7 (11:32):
But the last thing I'll say is that DWP who
caused the problem to begin with, you know, DWP with
the City of Los Angeles. Yeah, they moved, Yeah, they
turned all all the power, the power shirts in the neighborhoods.
You say, all the power is off in the neighborhood
and will be for another twelve hours.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
No way, right, It is fifty it's not even sixty degrees.
It was freezing last night.
Speaker 7 (11:55):
It is brutal, man, It's unacceptable, it really is. And
there was nobody out there working on it at all,
a pee guy. So that we're timed out, we got
to go. So there's like another shift.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
I got two questions for you, Okay, A how long
do you think I've been on the radio in LA.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Thirty years?
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Almost thirty years, you're right now, Okay, how many years
I've been telling people not to move into the City
of La because of the services.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
I'm guessing almost thirty thirty years.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Yeah, yeah, So that's on you, Bob.
Speaker 6 (12:26):
You're listening to Tim Conway Junior on demand from KFI
AM six forty.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
All right, let's play a little Adam Carolla audio. He's
at a home depot. One of the funniest things on
the internet right now. He goes to home depot and
tells people this is not going to work.
Speaker 8 (12:43):
Out Sometimes to walk home to people and grow whatever
your planning, it's not gonna this isn't what this this
not gonna workck gonna work.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Some closet thing.
Speaker 8 (12:55):
If I ever see a chick buying dow so, I'm like,
it's whatever you're playing, it's not gonna work.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
It's something for hanging.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Something not gonna work.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Also had to have the wood cut.
Speaker 8 (13:08):
In the back. That means no, saw I saw a home. Man,
it's just not gonna work. I should just go head
her off.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I just go.
Speaker 8 (13:17):
Look, I'll give you forty dollars for all this crap.
You'll thank me. Get a bottle of Sharenay go home.
It's not gonna work. I'm telling you, it's not gonna work.
It's caught some dude behind me looking at my Sana tube,
going it's not gonna work.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
And then he left there she is. Then he goes
to the parking lot and he finds her and she
she didn't have the plywood cuts short enough to stick
in her car, and she now can't get it into
the trunk.
Speaker 8 (13:47):
It's gonna try to stuff all that stuff into a
ninety two sad and it's not gonna work.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
What I tell you in the store, what I tell
you fifteen minutes ago.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I said, it's not gonna work.
Speaker 8 (14:00):
It's a failure to launch.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
I can't even get the plywood in the.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Back of it. It's not gonna work.
Speaker 8 (14:06):
Again, people think I'm being cruel. I'm helping people. People
should pay me for the service, right. I just come
up and explain to them it's just not gonna work.
I can do it with couples too. She's now inside
the car. She's calling.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Her partner.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
I'm not gonna say boyfriend. I'm not gonna say girlfriend.
Speaker 8 (14:31):
She's calling her partner because the ply's not gonna make it.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
You think we're going out this exit. We are not.
We're going on a victory lab. We are going on.
Speaker 8 (14:41):
A victory lap. Well, that's why you have to go
to Home Depot because you neverver know what you're gonna see.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
That's classic, man. I wish you did one of those today.
That is some funny. Yes, man, Adam Carolla is with us.
Adam Carolla, how you bob?
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Oh man, I'm good. I'm on the set of a
Byron Allen game show right now from Colin literally in
between episodes.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
That it's not Comics Unleashed, is it?
Speaker 5 (15:17):
No, it's funny. You should ask which is a show
that another Byron Allen show? But this is not comics
and least oh I see.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Okay, Hey, I the stuff you do at Home Depot
is my favorite stuff and I preferred one of those
a day. I don't know if you can squeeze that in,
but that's the funniest crap on the internet right now.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
I'm so flattered you watched Jimmy. Yeah, people been kind
of you know. The rally is is I My shop
is almost literally across the street from the Home Depot,
and I go there all the time to get you know,
because of all the home improvement stuff I do. So
I have a guy who works for me, a producer
(16:01):
and I say to them, I'm going to home Depot.
He just goes, well, mind if I tag along and
I can just film you while you go to the
home Depot, and I go, yeah, come on, let's go,
and we just go and it's just really found humor.
But I think after the success of That's Not Going
to Work, which was a sort of bit I did
(16:23):
at the end on one of them, I think we're
going to go back there and do more episodes That's
Not going to Work and face guy. Just stand at
the checkout at home Depot.
Speaker 5 (16:33):
See people walking out with pufflers and plywood and oriented strandboard,
and then I decide.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
Whatever they're doing, if it's going to work or not.
And I don't think it's going to work. I stood
there just organically looking at a woman with a cart
in front of us, and I just kept saying, it's
not going to work. Whatever it is she thinks she's doing,
she's not going to do it right. And we followed
her out to the park. He couldn't even get the
plywood into the back of her jet.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
That was a great payoff to that. Yeah, that is
so classic, man. That's my Home Depot as well. And
I go probably, I don't know, three nights a week.
I love that they're open all ten o'clock. But I
will say that it was a little different from Lows,
and I got to remind myself where I am so
I can find stuff. I wish they were uniformly the same,
where I didn't have to figure out where I was
(17:21):
all the time.
Speaker 5 (17:23):
Would you say the difference between the Home Depot and
the Lows is the difference between an outback steakhouse and
a sizzler.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
You didn't get a meal, you know what I mean?
Off a little more. It's a little nicer night out.
Speaker 5 (17:43):
Right.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
That's great, That's classic. I sometimes slide up to the
Lows off the five and the two ten freeways. It's
much bigger than mine.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
You know mine.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
Now I'm at I'm at the home so much. It's funny.
Speaker 5 (18:03):
I'll be walking around, and you know, I walk with
purpose when I'm there, and people inevitably come up to
me and they'll go, hey, we're the we're the plumbing pictures,
and I go, I don't work here, and then I
go Aisle seven.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
That's so classic.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
I My wife said to me, she said, where do
you go? Sometimes you don't come home with anything. And
I said, well, I said, they have this thing way
back in the in the back of home depot, almost
near you know, near the restrooms on the on the
north side. I said, there's if you go back there
and you look on the third shelf, there's a thing
they sell there that's so great. It's called forty five
(18:41):
minutes to myself.
Speaker 4 (18:43):
Yeah, that's right, that's right.
Speaker 5 (18:46):
Yeah, No, no Babylon from the wives. Just a little
smell of fresh cut plywood, hearing a little classic rock
in the speaker above your head, and a little bit
of Armenian being spoken.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
Two miles over. And he had just taken a deep
breath and exhale slowly.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
I love the variety of aisles that they mentioned. When
I ask for a product, I sometimes get thirty eight,
and then they ask somebody else, No, it's eighteen, somebody else,
Oh it's eight. I love the range of stuff, the
range of answers.
Speaker 5 (19:23):
I think there should be tipping in a world where
I pick up tie food and she wants twenty percent.
And I got out of my car right like every
bery set like, Okay, you go to Starbucks, you get
a plain black coffee, they want ten percent. They want
a tip on everything now right home depot. You can
(19:47):
get a retired veteran to go get you seventy feet
of anchor chain, wrap it up, cut it, drag it
to the drag it to the cashure and he hits nothing.
Nothing for that guy.
Speaker 4 (20:01):
You're gonna be a lot. You get nine.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
They help you out with the stuff. Do you get
you can get? You can done hit.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
With once a while they will, but it's embarrassing to ask.
But I will say this Corolla that if you have
trouble putting your stuff in your car, and I'm sure
you don't, man, every guy that walks through that parking
lot is willing to help you. It's a real guys thing.
It's a real guy's move.
Speaker 4 (20:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
And they'll also help you when you're backing it out, dude.
Would be something women will never do. They will let
you plow into a special needs bust filled with children
before they would start moving their hand, you know, stop
closer further. And by the way, every Hispanic guy I've
ever worked with on a construction site can do the
(20:48):
super loud whistle. So when you're backing up, you're about
to hit the concrete hupper they do the whistle and.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Everyone stops that.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
All this panics can do.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
That's so great. I know you got to get out
of here. You got to go back to Byron Allen's
Game show, which I thought i'd never say to it.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Yeah, that show.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
But you got to tell the story and how you
you didn't want to have pre treated wood cut, but
they said in Malibu, they are not going to cut
that for you. That's a great story.
Speaker 5 (21:26):
Well, it's very emblematic of California in general. Treated treated
lumber is like pressure treated lumber. It's what you would
use if you're using it exterior wood, like building a
pergolaar or deck or something, or contact with concrete. Regular
wood could get rotted and moldy and whatever outside. So
(21:50):
the pre treated stuff is just treated with a chemical.
And when I bought a piece of two by four
that was pressure treated from the Malibu animal lumber, the
guy warned me they can't cut it for me. They
can't cut it in half with their sliding compound Mirosoft.
Because a lot of people don't drive trucks there, they
probably cut them with But he said, we won't cut
(22:11):
that one. And I said why not? And he said,
it's an epa environmental thing. There's chemicals in the wood
by the way, You're just going to take it home
and cut it by the way when you're using it.
But they won't, and their soul was outdoors and they said,
we can't do it because it'll harm the environment. And
a week later the entire place burnt to the ground.
(22:32):
Every tesla, every futon, every piece of furniture, all the car,
it all just burn to the ground and the whole
toxic stew slid into the sea. Five days after that
when the rains hit and I thought, thank god, that
guy didn't.
Speaker 4 (22:47):
Cut that pressure treated too by four.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Right, it.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Really is fantastic. That's a great buddy. You got to
do some more. Please, I'm begging you. The home Depot
stuff is just I showed it to my sister. She's
passed it around. Everyone that sees it absolutely loves it.
And there's nobody else that can do it like you.
Please more home Depot stuff we got.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
Yeah, they're calling me to the state, so this is perfect. Yeah,
I'm going out.
Speaker 5 (23:15):
I'll go out Friday and knock knock some more app
but there's more comings.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
We're live on KFI AM six forty Conway Show on
demand on the iHeartRadio app. Now, you can always hear
us live on KFI Am six forty four to seven
pm Monday through Friday, and anytime on demand on the
iHeart Radio app.