Ask Christopher West

Questions answered this episode:

1. Learning to see the world through TOB lenses has given me such clarity and rest. My question today is about holiness. Could you explain what holiness actually is? I come from a Protestant background, and growing up, the word holy was reserved for God alone. It seemed using that word to describe other people, like Mary and the saints, in some way was an attempt to put them on the same level as God...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I have a little girl, about 5 months old, and I was visiting a friend with a baby boy the same age. While visiting and playing with our babies, we both at one point pretended to eat our babies' feet, cheeks, and legs, and were talking about how we just wanted to eat them. And we really meant it! Obviously, we don't want to do our babies harm, but there is something in us that just wants to eat th...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I'm a single woman trying to discern if I'm called to marriage, but I'm not sure it would be responsible for me to have kids. I manage my depression, anxiety, and OCD well now because of downtime, sleep, and control over my day-to-day. However, I'm really bad at sleep deprivation and fear the stress, isolation, and lack of routines in early motherhood would cause my mental health to take a seriou...

Questions answered this episode:

1. My question is regarding modesty for moms, particularly. Growing up and in dating and marriage, I was always careful to dress modestly. However, now that I'm a mom and breastfeeding especially, I find it a lot easier and more comfortable to wear shirts that are a little bit more low cut. It makes breastfeeding a lot easier. Part of me feels like my stretched out boobs aren't going to tempt anyone...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I was listening to an episode in which you were asked whether Jesus and Mary had sexual desires. And you said they had natural sexual desires, but not lustful desires. The distinction between these two concepts is not obvious to me. I'm wondering if you can elaborate more on what Jesus and Mary experienced in more concrete terms related to sexual desire.
2. My daughter is 29 and identifies as transge...

Questions answered this episode:

1. Last year, I broke up with my boyfriend of three years, whom I really believed I was going to marry. One of our struggles was his porn addiction, which sadly led him to abuse his sister. Devastated, I chose to forgive and love him, reasoning that if God forgives us, I should do the same. He even introduced me to TOB. But now I wonder: how can he and his sister heal when she acts like he doesn't e...

Questions answered this episode:

1. How can you tell if you're looking at someone with lust or with proper reverence? I saw a beautiful woman during mass one day, and I just wanted to look at her and admire her beauty. But I feel like there's a fine line between awe and lust that I can't quite pinpoint. Or another example: for some reason, I find a woman's pregnancy attractive. But am I looking at them just for pleasure or with awe...

Questions answered this episode:

1. My fiancé and I recently became engaged. I was in the seminary where I wrote my master's thesis on TOB, and my fiancé has also learned about it. We've been trying to live out TOB teachings in our engagement, which has been a true blessing. However, we keep on falling into lust. We've tried all sorts of mechanisms to prevent it, but we keep losing the battle. Lately the burden has become heavier, ...

Questions answered this episode:

1. In the Theology of the Body, you speak about how the female body reflects God's love through its capacity to receive, nurture, and bring forth life. After a traumatic first C-section, I struggle to understand how this truth applies to my story. Although I later had a second C-section, it's the trauma of that first birth I continue to carry. At times I feel my body failed me and find it difficult ...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I'm a young man currently discerning the priesthood and applying to enter the seminary next year. For most of my life, I've struggled with lust and masturbation. Even though I'm in control today, I know this is a cross I have to bear for the rest of my life. What is your opinion on day counting or keeping streaks as an additional way of motivating myself to stay pure and chaste? Second, is this j...

Questions answered this episode:

1. You talk on your podcast about how a spouse is vast and deep interiorly, using the analogy of deep sea diving. If you commit to exploring that interior life, you'll never be bored. My husband and I have been married for 11 years. Recently, some things from our pre-marriage days came up. That hurt deeply, but helped us grow deeper together. The past seems like the most obvious place to go deep sea ...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I've been married for over 10 years. My spouse and I have a good solid faith filled relationship. Sometimes, however, the thought of having a spiritual director sounds interesting to me. I just wondered what spiritual direction looks like for a married individual. Part of me feels like having a spiritual director would take the place of sharing deep things with my spouse. How can spiritual directi...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I'm currently dating a good Catholic man. I feel we may be called to marriage, and a deepening of our prayer life together may help us better discern that call. We pray the rosary together every night, which has been a tremendous blessing. But I feel the need to expose my heart in prayer with him in a way that the rosary does not fully allow. I was not raised in a family that prayed aloud, so I'm...

Questions answered this episode:

1. Suppose a couple marries in the Catholic Church but mutually agrees to use contraception initially, intending to have children later. On their wedding night, they engage in marital relations. After seven years, they stop using contraception and have two children. In this situation, would their marriage be considered consummated from the wedding night, even though they were not open to life then, ...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I’m engaged and will be married in August 2026. My fiancé and I both have sexual pasts, but we have waited and are continuing to wait to have sex for the first time in marriage. This has been very difficult. My fiancé has gotten frustrated with my response when he is trying to be playfully sexy. I don't want to venture too far down that path as it has gotten us too close to sex in the past....

Questions answered this episode:

1. Hi Christopher and Wendy, this is Matt. I wrote previously regarding a season of deep relational pain and sexual brokenness in our marriage. First, we have to share a miracle. The sacrifice you suggested—asking the global community to fast for our healing—brought a new wine of healing and self-giving love that seemed impossible. We're now in a golden hour of intense reconnection. Howe...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I just wondered about Latin Masses in the Catholic Church. I live in the United States, and no one speaks Latin here, so I wondered what the draw is to go to Latin Masses. It feels like in Catholic circles those who go to Latin Masses are considered more Catholic. If God made our bodies and speaks to us through our bodies, shouldn't it be more helpful to go to a mass that we can understand using ...

Questions answered this episode:

1. While meditating on the crucifixion, I wondered why our Lord is not completely nude in art portraying it. My research pointed to reverence for Christ and preserving his dignity, reading that he "voluntarily accepted humiliation, but it need not be perpetuated." While this makes sense, I wonder how to look at this through a TOB lens. Why does it feel irreverent to depict Jesus nude, when other art...

Questions answered this episode:

1. I hope you can help connect the dots with something stirring in my heart. In your Marian mystery course, you discussed when the Bible mentions Jerusalem, it's ultimately a reference to Mary, and how a woman opening herself to conception participates in Mary's Fiat. Since then, I've suffered eight miscarriages. On Palm Sunday, hearing Jesus was entering Jerusalem, I felt intense pain. Given the J...