Back to the Barre

“This next scene is genuinely one of the wildest scenes I’ve ever seen on television. I cannot believe the words that are going to come out of Melissa’s mouth,” notes Christi as Abby's long not-awaited return to the ALDC heralds just as much drama as one would fear on "Tap Versus Hip Hop". If Pyramid weren't enough to dredge back up the Chloe loosing to Maddie debacle from the previous competition, Abby once again pits the two girl...

“You get so much accomplished without ever moving all that much. God he keeps bringing that up!” Christi and Kelly note as even the guests struggle to breath life into "Dance Moms Chatter: Part 2". Although Abby is still in LA filming Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition, she stuck around long enough for a sit down talk with Melissa, Jeff, guest comedian Alec Mapa and blogger Nadine Rajabi. But unlike last week where the producers cou...

"My obnoxious level in this episode escalates very quickly," notes Christi as before "Dance Moms Chatter Part 1" can even begin she's already pretty drunk. But in a rare occurrence, Christi and Kelly don't have to hide their booze in coffee cups because this week, martini glasses are out in the open! With Jeff Collins moderating it's clip-show week on Dance Moms with special guests Patsy, internet blogger Nadine Rajabi and comedian...

"I could watch a 24 hour live stream of the shit that Cathy and Vivi talk about," remarks Christi as Season 3's "No Room for Rotten Apples" is another Cathy-centric episode. It's not the most eventful of affairs as the producers even included an inordinate amount of dance footage this week to compensate, but what is there is... deeply weird. For example: Cathy puts Vivi in charge of cataloguing her entire collection of ceramic bunn...

On this special episode of Back to the Barre, Christi and Kelly invite you to join them live from Mom's Weekend at Ohio University for a moderated Q&A in front of a nearly 1000 person crowd! With so many great questions from both the moderators and the audience, it only seemed fit to share them with our little Bitchettes as we're certain you've all been dying to ask some of these questions yourself! Like what do Christi and Kel...

“You were in Aruba and I had to work on my vacation, so I deserved a coffee cup,” Kelly says as she reflects on how unfair it was that even though the moms were ostensibly promised time off while Abby was filming Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition, she still got stuck being a stooge for the production this week while Christi enjoyed some R&R. Season 3's "An Apple a Day Keeps Abby Away" doesn't quite shake the ALDC entirely, but ...

“This is like Top of the Pyramid for Suckular behavior,” says Christi as things really do suck on "Two Girls, One Solo". First of all, what sicko thought it was ok to name the episode THAT!? There are children here! Second, this episode is easily in Christi's Top 3 worst Dance Mom experiences so you know it's a rough one.

Abby preps the next "powerful" group number, one that's dedicated to those living with cancer. It's a subjec...

What could have ticked Kelly off enough to once say, “I always knew in the back of my head that the day would come where Christ would stab me in the back, and you know what? She did...”? If you ask either Kelly or Christi now they'd be hard pressed to give you an answer! It's time once again for Christi and Kelly to be fighting one another for some reason as the second half of "Boy Crazy, Mom Crazy" just about has everyone up in a...

“I’m ready to shoot myself” is not something you want to hear aloud too often, but this week our beloved Bitches find themselves repeating that A LOT as they struggle to get through what might the first episode to really push them over the edge. "Boy Crazy, Mom Crazy" is such a wild episode that this recording managed to be almost two hours long and we still only managed to cover half the episode!

Abby is unsurprisingly ups...

"On a regular Dance Moms episode you drink on a scale from one to five. A reunion is a one to ten scale," says Christi as the Bitches start the 2nd Part of Season 3's reunion special "Tell All". While it might be a pretty easy episode for Christi herself, there's still enough Abby depravity to go around!

Kristie Ray joins the discussion and goes on the offensive, taking the other moms to task for complaining about Asia crying. T...

“This is not an opportunity to set the record straight, HERE is the opportunity now 10 years later to set the record straight,” explains Christi as even when the moms got to explain themselves, they were never REALLY allowed to. Consequently there's no hell for our Bitches quite like a Dance Mom's Reunion episode, and Season 3's "Tell All" is a two parter to make matters worse. It's always an excuse to get everyone riled up, and it...

“God, the first statement [of the episode] irritated me” says Kelly as she straps in for "The Mother of All Specials", Dance Mom's own Mother's Day celebration. For a show with plenty of moms you'd imagine the producers could focus in on pretty much any one of them, and yet this is an Abby centric episode. As Abby says, "Whom knows more about being a mother than Abby Lee Miller?" As these Bitches would like to point out, Abby does ...

"How does Abby get to call him an ass like that and then acted shocked when he responds back," wonders Christi as things begin to go downhill fast on the second half of "Candy Apple Showdown". With the ALDC arriving at the Masters of Dance Art Invitational, Kelly preps for what remains one of her worst Dance Mom memories.

Things get off to a rocky start with Cathy and Vivi M.I.A., so Abby has to start taunting Cathy's Dance Dads...

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“This is a drinky episode,” says Christi as she announces drink four only three lines into the first page of the "Candy Apple Showdown" notes. Though Bitch #1 and #2 are both incapable of drinking along this week, unfortunately for them this hulking t...

"The foot is done!" exclaims both Christi and Kelly as the arduous Mackenzie's Broken Foot Saga finally comes to a close. After all, would Melissa let Mackenzie's foot stay broken if it meant not getting to dance on The View? On Season 3's "The View From the Top", the ALDC hits New York for a special appearance on The View that is being guest hosted by Abby, all the while prepping for Masters of Dance Art Invitational the following...

"Do you want to vomit on her, or do you want to vomit on her?” asks Christi as things are as painful as ever on "May I Have This Dance". After coming in second yet again, Abby is fed up with everyone (but Maddie) and is starting to get particularly cruel with her comments during Pyramid (of course except for Maddie). Paige's treatment of the flag was supposedly so bad that she did "a disservice to this country," meanwhile Maddie wa...

"Life is just a lesson," remarks Christi, "My Instagram bio literally says I make mistakes...some are on TV." At least she can be assured that on the second half of "The Politics of Dancing" the only one making mistakes as per usual is Abby, who is determined to pit the kids against one another no matter the cost.

As the ALDC arrives in Philadelphia for Powerhouse Dance Invitational, Abby is already setting the girls up for fail...

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"You are 15 you piece of shit," is not exactly what Abby said to Brooke, but Christi couldn't have summed up the mood better as Abby froths at the mouth after losing to Cathy. As "The Politics of Dancing" begins, Abby is already throwing everyone under the bus, exc...