September 16, 2021 • 26 mins
Kurt and Scotty tell listener stories about a very boring professor and accidentally attacking a mail delivery person!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
I don't world understead. Would you believe it's not my
sillion pieces? Would you do? Bas?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Oh? Oh look at this?
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Mm who is it? It's us again with the minisode.
Hi Scottie, Hey Kurt, what's up?
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Man? We're gonna do minisod your stories on bananas. The
silliest little podcast server was. I'm sitting here. I'm just
having a great afternoon. It's ninety degrees and sunny and
beautiful Los Angeles, Califuns.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
You don't have air conditioning. I wonder what would Why
don't you buy a unit, an AC unit?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
I don't know. Okay, I think I have that new office.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
I have a new office in loft space, and that
is fully hvaced in every way, so I have it
whenever I'm writing during the day, I have it pumping
like sixty eight degrees. Wheem she used to it. It
opens up everything screened in the in the little cabin.
So I just, you know, I keep it easy, breezy man.
That's my whole thing.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
All right.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I love it. I love it.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
And you don't sweat. That's what I appreciate about you. Yeah,
I mean I swell.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
I sweat all the time.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Not a big sweater.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
I once had an next girlfriend that got mad at
me because my feet didn't smell and I didn't sweat,
And I think she was implying that her feet did
smell and that she sweats a lot. And she used
to be like she would get outraged by it. I'm like,
I'm pretty sure these are positive traits.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah, I don't think.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
I think this is a sign of a bigger problem
in the relationship if you're mad at me about not
having two knocks again.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Anyway, did I ever tell you this story?
Speaker 3 (01:54):
It was I because it was like I always had
an interview you to direct, and I'm not a director,
you know, I made good At some point in the future,
I would be. But I had directed these these web series,
this web series back in the day. I was probably
twenty nine or so, and I got brought in because
(02:16):
of these web series. Got brought in to interview to
direct the Electric Company, like on PBS.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
You know, I remember, sure.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
And so, And it was summertime and I was wearing
classically what I used to always wear was a T
shirt and then a button like a buttoned up, short
sleeved T shirt over it, right, Yeah, And I was
like looking at the subways to on how to get there,
and it was right on the side of Central Park,
and I was like, oh, well, I could like wait
(02:46):
and transfer and go to right where it is, or
I could get off on the other side.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Of the park and then walk through the park. And
I love walking through the park.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
And for those of you who haven't been to New York,
Central Park is very big. It's pretty wide as well,
but it's beautiful, very fun to walk through.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Yeah, it's paradise.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
But I didn't just I just didn't think about it.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
It's ninety five degrees out and I walked through the
park and by the time I get to the elevator
to like go up, I am pouring sweat. And then
also I'm nervous because I've never interviewed for a directing John,
I don't know what is in fast here.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yeah. No, So I like go.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Up and I sit down and uh and I go
in and I'm still sweating. I've swept through one shirt
and then the other shirt. And they're so alarmed. They're like,
do you need water?
Speaker 1 (03:36):
And I was like, I guess, I guess I do
need water. So that I started drinking water, and then
they would die like.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
They would just stop and be like, do you do
you want to like take a break, and I'd be like.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
No, I'm fine. I just I walked across the park.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
And then new people would come into the meeting, They're like,
he walked across the park.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
They would have to explain it through that before me.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
Yeah, he fell in a pool. He didn't fall into
Central Park Lake. He fell in the ice skating rink.
They dragged him around behind the zign bony for two hours.
That's so, I mean, you must have just looked in
over your head. Yeah, you must have just looked like
you had never been to a job interview ever.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Before, or inside a building. That's probably what it looked like.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Like.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
I just spent my life on the streets and I
was so nervous to be inside a room.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
You have the most extreme clusterrophobio nonder Man just buildings
in general.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Can we take this outside.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
The head coach of the University of Maryland basketball team,
Gary Williams, used to sweat through his suit and I
always thought that that blew my mind. That in like
an and it's an air conditioned the arena, but it's
so intense and like by the middle of the second
half he would be just sweating through a suit jacket.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
That is not serious sweat pleasant.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
I have definitely done it before and it is not pleasant,
especially when you're like in you know, for me, it's
performance and that's why I don't wear a suit anymore.
But I had a suit. I actually had a suit.
Oh man, I'm such an idiot. I had a suit
that I used to wear when christ and I would
do our double act in Australia. It was a three
piece suit, polyester like just made of plastic essentially.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
I remember it well, yeah and uh.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
And I never fucking dry cleaned it the entire we
were We did twenty nine shows in thirty days.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Oh my god, it was by the end.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
It was so discuss like disgusting and I it smelled
like shing guards and I was just like, I was like,
this is my performance jacket.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
You guys were very alternative. Kristen's going to be on
an upcoming regular Eppie of Bananas again, which is so fun.
But you guys were true alt performer comedians back before
you know, hm, the rise, It's true.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Well that's cool, homeboy. First, I'll go. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
So this is from Matt bush Row from Seattle. And
the thing I like about Matt bush Row from Seattle
is he gave us a headline to his own story.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I like, so we could say best in the biz.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Yeah, so this one, brilliant but mildly unstable university professor
brings down the house for an audience of one.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Oh wow. Okay, so this was written by Matt Busher
from Seattle. Love it. Thank you Matt.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
That guy can write. He is the best in the business. Hi,
Banana boys, I think the show is great. I was
delighted to hear you invite the audience to submit their
own weird stories. So stand by for a moment while
I crack wise about a pedantic professor. I knew once
upon a time.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I mean, I am into this writing. Very good, right,
alliteration right off the bat. All right, I'm in very
good writer.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
Early in the new millennium, I was a student studying
economics at a prominent university in Louisiana. The professor was
a professor of one of my classes, was truly an eccentric,
a statistical genius. He held multiple doctorates and published many
scholarly papers and several disciplines, but of his brains there
could not be a speck of doubt. But his lectures
(07:05):
were so extremely theoretical and lofty that nearly everybody would
sit down in class and promptly falsely, we've all been there. Yeah,
we know what that's Yet, especially in cold weather like
up at u Masks, you'd wear a jacket. You'd go
into like a four point thirty class when the sun's
aready down, you're asleep, and then you think you can't see,
and then you give a presentation and you just see
(07:26):
every sleeping fed You see that head bob. Thing's the
best that happened to me in rhetoric. Once I took
a rhetoric class and I was giving a presentation on
green eggs and ham uh, and I looked out in
every one of my classmates was asleep, and except the
professor in the back.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
And I'm like, oh, they can see it so flagrantly.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
Teachers all are teachers and professor, but animals, you know
what we're saying.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Anyways, back to the story.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
Meanwhile, his appearance was always somewhat shocking for its lack
of presentability. He always had on a rumpled white buttoned
down shirt half untucked with a collar square. He us
and buttoned way up to his double chin, staying by
cuts from his morning shave.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Great writing.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
His tie was always hideously cheap and outdated. He had
a bald Oh is it peate? It is Pat, isn't
it pat? Pat is right? I think he had a
bald pate. Uh.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I thought it was when you have a spot on
the back of your head.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Oh, okay, that's not a bald pate.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Let's go bald pate.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
He had a bald patee with uncut and unruly curly
hair sticking around the perimeter of his head. Now, maybe
it's like Larry David's style bald pate, the George Costanza
bald patee. I had a knack for statistics and an
enormous respect for his intelligence, but it was like he
(08:50):
was a living caricature. So one day I'm in class,
as it was often the case, everyone else has totally
passed out and I'm the only one actually awakened listening.
He's going on and on lecturing about some complicated anomaly
of the stock market, when all of a sudden, one
of his denture slides out of place. Gets ejected fully
from his mouth by the sheer exuberance of what he's saying,
(09:11):
and is launched into space, out from the lectern where
he's standing. Before I could even fully comprehend what I
was seeing, he shot out one of his hands, snatched
his dentures out of the thin ail, and jammed it
back into his mouth, and continued lecturing as if nothing
out of the ordinary had ever happened. I cannot tell
you how overwhelmed I was with the conflicting feelings of
(09:32):
both shock and awe and outright hilarity over what I
had just seen.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
And I was the only soul in the class who
was awake to see it.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
He gave an absolutely Oscar winning moment that probably couldn't
be reproduced if it was attempted again and again and again.
And that is the story of how one of my
favorite professors made the fantastic contribution to my odd and
outrageous stories that are truly or that are true but
completely uncorroborated thing.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Oh that is great. I love that.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah, you don't recognize denthers anymore.
Speaker 4 (10:07):
Like I feel like when I was a kid, I
must have watched a lot of Jeopardy and wheel fortune,
and it was always for polydent or like whatever sticks you,
but you never think about dentures. Maybe dental care has
gotten so much better in the States or something.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Yeah, possibly, or maybe I'm just not looking at enough
old people's mouth.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Yeah, is a land of the young and veneered.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
So God, I had this professor, I mean, I had
this high school teacher, a physics teacher. Mister vant Hall
was his name. He was from a foreign country. He
had one of the craziest accents I've ever heard, and
he knew I was too stupid to be in physics,
but I had to take it, so he would let
me explain why I thought things were the way they
(10:52):
were without showing any trigonometry.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
O nice guy.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
His hobby apparently he had a identical twin brother. I
don't know if he's ever verified, but he really liked
doing experiments to prove physics to us, and that included
his hobby where he was the president of the Maryland
Hang Gliders Association.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
There it is there.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
It is something he brought up proudly and often. And
when you're sixteen or seventeen whatever I was, it's like, sure,
hang gliding is on the list of things you'd like
to do before.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
You die, but you don't give a shit about it.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
You're happy to have a car, You're happy to have
taco bell down the street. So one day we're studying
lyft and all that stuff. So he takes us outside
and surprises us. There is his hang glider. He had
it fully set up, and there was this nice little
running hill down to sort of the football fields and
the soccer fields on our campus.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
And he talks.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
He's got a highlighter in his hand, as he always did,
and he's explaining lyft and why air passes over and
pulls up and not down and blah blah blah. And
so then he's like, so I'm going to show you
how that works. So this guy is the president marylnd
Hangli's association. He picks it up in front of my
(12:09):
class of thirty five people or so, he runs down
the hill about five steps, not in the bag, just
he's going to just hold onto the bar whatever, the
crossbar thing, just to show the lift. And the idea
was he was going to let us do this too.
Oh wow, okay, because he wanted us to see, which
is also I doubt you could even do that with
some smartphones these days. So he runs full speed, this
(12:30):
little man, just in his science teacher outfit, puts his
highlighter in his back pocket and it takes off from
the ground and crashes so violently down that he is
holding his shoulder like I think he's dissiocated his shoulder.
And he gets up sort of laughing and smiling in
the way that only Europeans do after tragedy, and nobody
else was allowed to do it. We were all like,
(12:51):
what do you do? It's like when an old when
an adult gets hurt, and you're just kids. You're just horny,
angsty kids. And so he like limps back up. I
think he just left it at the bottom of the hill,
and like we just kind of limp back into the
class and he's just like working it out for the
rest of the day.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
But you could tell it was his moment to fly.
He wanted to shine.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
This was his hobby, this was his thing. And to
say he crashed it was like just as if a
twister came out of nowhere and just leveled him into
the ground.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Oh man, Two.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Years ago, I tweeted it.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
I tweeted the same thing and a guy that I
went to high school with that I didn't know follow
me on Twitter, goes, I can confirm this.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
This dude, Ryan was like, I.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Was there, man, I know his pain so intimately because
an embarrassment. I an embarrassment. I So I am a
lifelong surfer. Started surfing when I was fourteen. I've been
you know, body surfing and boogiey boarding before.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
That for my whole life.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Yeah, and I surf in the winter. I used to
surf in the winter in New York City for ten years.
Would surf for work.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
I would surf at like six am, twenty degree temperatures.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
And and so my buddy Joanah Ray had this TV
show which was a travel It was kind of like
a documentary of a travel show, which you guys should
really go and watch.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
It's very funny.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
And one of the episodes was in Cleveland, which is
on Lake Erie. And he's like, Hey, do you want
to surf Lake Erie and in the winter? And I
was like, I sure totally do yes.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
Yeah, for sure, the most curt thing you could get
at exactly.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
And so they wrote this whole bit about surfing in
cold water.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
But then we're gonna actually get footage.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Of me surfing, and it was like we get there
and this is like the surf beach in Cleveland, and
so you can you have to understand like the when
I didn't understand this really the Great Lakes, Like when
surf comes, it's what's called wind swell, which means it's
very choppy. It's not like the ocean where the has
been traveling across the water for a long period of
(15:02):
time and you just have these nice rollers.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
It's just like wave.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Wave wave wait wait, wave wait wait wave.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
And the people who are used to surfing that like
that is you know, they just gotten used to it
and how to do it.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
Yeah, there's swing staters. Yeah, they just do everything a
little wacky out there.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
So it's probably like twenty eight degrees or something. And
I get into it. It's a five mil wet suit,
tachable hood, lobster, clog gloves. I bring my own wetsuit,
but they're going to provide the surfboard, okay, okay, And
uh so they provide the surfboard. Yeah, and then I'm like, well,
is there a leash? And then they're like no, there's
no leash, and I was like okay. And then they
like mounted a camera on the front of the surfbo
(15:41):
and it was like literally dooring production and I like
and you know, it's just like we gotta get out,
we gotta shoot me. And I was like yeah, yeah,
and I was just wasn't taking straight. And also because
they brought the surfboard, no one brought me any surf wax,
and so I didn't have wax.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
It's a very slick, unleashed surf yes, okay.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
And uh and for you of you don't know, you
have to put wax on the top of the surfboard
so you can stick to it.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Otherwise it's very slippery slide right.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Yes, like a wet linoleum floor. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
So four cameras go and like start shooting this beach
where I'm gonna go out, and I start paddling out.
The moment I hit the water, I'm like, fuck, I
need surf wax, Like this is almost impossible to do.
And then like eight waves hit the camera on the
front of the board and immediately look it off. So
(16:28):
now I'm trying to hold a camera and paddle an
unwaxed surfboard with like and it was like the waves
were probably like four feet high, but just like just
crashing constantly and I can't even make it out. I'm like,
am I gonna get I'm like, this is the most
embarrassing I could ever be in my life to not
(16:50):
be able to like. And also I had been exactly
and I was in like this five mil wet suit.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
And I've been in LA for nine years at that.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Point, you know, I've been only surfing in a two
mill wet suit, much less rubber.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
It's two million dollars. That's two million dollars wet suit.
It's it's gold, it's got copper on the inside, diamond encrusted,
two million dollars.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
So I didn't even catch one wave and I was
for the whole the whole time.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Did it make the episode?
Speaker 3 (17:20):
There's no surf, no footage of me surfing whatsoever. So well,
it's not your fault, embarrassing.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
You're set up to fail, like mister van Hall and
his my fault.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Oh okay, well next time.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
That's why you always travel with doctors, sex, wax or whatever.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Mister, That's why I should have always traveled with wax.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
I hope, I hope when you fly to Denver this
week and you take sticky bumps.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
You got sticky bumps is my brand, sticky Bumps.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I knew it. I knew it.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Oh man, god damn it. All right, do we have
do we even have time for this?
Speaker 2 (17:54):
We can? We could do a story.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
I'm gonna back us out when we maybe we don't
tell a story to it.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Here we go, kadoki. This is see how we feel.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
This was email to us by Laura Olsen.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Thank you, Laura, Thank you Laura.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Hello to my favorite banana boys. All right, so I'm
gonna it's a long one, all right, you bright in
my week every Tuesday, much love. All right to tell
you of a silly story of my friend that I
thought you would enjoy. It's a bit long and kind
of holiday theme, but I figured i'd forget to write,
So here you go. As we all know, the holidays
(18:28):
foster lots of joy eating, drinking, family arguments, and increased
petty crime. My friend, I'll call him Jason, bravely defended
his home and neighborhood from a holiday purp. Jason is
a good old Boston boy, large billed, thick beer, very
intimidating if you know this, normally, his normally kind nature
and He's come back from home from Denver for the
(18:50):
holidays at Truster, a night of drunken shenanigans with old friends.
He returns home in the wee hours of the morning
to pass out on the living room couch because his
childhood bedroom is occupied by other visiting family members.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Great.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Then a few hours later he hears some tinkering on the porch. Alarmed,
he gets up to check out the situation, only to
find a person standing there with a bag and a
car running idle in the driveway, a holiday purp. Jason
may have been in his boxers and t shirt, but
he braves the winter night and charges outside, ready to
defend his home. The poll Yeah, runs back to the car,
gets in, and drives away. He goes back inside feeling
(19:25):
so good. Jason sounds like the personification of a dog.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Yes, yes, he does, like a really good saint Bernard yep.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
But he goes back inside. Uh, who got that mailman
out of here?
Speaker 2 (19:39):
But no, the purp.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Car did not go far, merely next door.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
He sees the purp get out of the car, leaves
it running idle, and approaches the neighbor's house. He thinks, oh,
hell no, this fucker thinks he can just escape like
that and get away with some shit. The only logical
conclusion for him at the time, a man pumped up
by Boston fueled testosterone, lots and lots of alcohol, very
little sleep, and a deep sense of family and neighborhood pride,
(20:03):
is to grab a knife from the kitchen and go
show the Purp what's up.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
That's a whoa, that's Boston pride out the.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Doors, charging, screaming, knife in hand.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
The Purp sees him and flees back to the car
and tries to drive away. This does not deter Jason.
This fucker already tried this once. He's not gonna let
this go. He jumps on the hood of the car.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Oh boy, big mistake.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
He hold on, yelling many threatening remarks and displaying his knife. Unfortunately,
his grip isn't very good, and he almost immediately slips
off the car once moving, and thankfully doesn't impale himself
on said knife.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Who the Purf drives off.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
The Purp drives off in a hurry, clearly frightened and
unlikely to return.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Wow, but you never jump on the other car, guys.
Speaker 4 (20:48):
We get sent so many banana stories, real stories of
people going down the highway on the front of somebody's car.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
You don't want to do it, especially not holding her kitchen.
No kidding.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
He returns home absolutely with pride. A few minutes later,
he sees several cop cars roar by, thinking someone must
have seen or heard the commotion and called the cops. Right,
Jason is so proud, and he passes out once again,
knowing all is well and safe. In the next morning,
the family's eating breakfast and his mom says, oh, I
just can't believe what happened last night. Thinking it was
(21:20):
his time to shine, he prepares to be lauded by
his family for his bravery. She continues, someone terrorized the
poor male girl. She had to call the cops because
some lunatic tried to attack.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Neighborhood.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Gossip had already gotten around that the teenage male girl
called the cops early in the morning to report an incident,
and there were soon many cops on the street trying
to investigate this odd attack. While my friend slept in
toward off his impending hangover in se not willing to
go from brave hero to assailant, my friend simply shook
his head and said, oh, my god, that's fucking horrible.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
Yeah, that's the but that's see, Jason's a genius that
he just got out of it.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
That's wonderful. Ah. Man, that's terrible. Who would do that?
That's so good. What a story. Great story, crazy, great story.
I have a real quickie.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
And I might have told this one before, but recently,
like last I guess it was pre the Great Choar.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
But I was lying in bed and no ac.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
I had my screen window open, and I heard footsteps
outside of my house. And about two nights before, my
former a guy that used to live he used to
AIRBN but one of his house and somebody tried to
open my front door.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Oh yeah, screen door.
Speaker 4 (22:39):
Twice and I heard it and I look out there
and there's two Asian men standing there and I was like, hey,
wrong house, and they like they like look at the window,
really scared, and so I just slammed my window really
hard and then I get up and by the time.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
I go, they're gone. And so I was.
Speaker 4 (23:00):
I told my neighbor. I was like, did you guys
see anybody? Somebody just tried to break in my house?
As the two guys who goes, oh, they're Chinese. Exchange students.
They were looking for their Airbnb. They got the numbers
mixed up, and so they weren't trying to just enter
your house. And so I yelled at them, Hey, wrong house,
and then slammed a window in their face. So it's
like they had just gotten off the plane at Lax.
They had taken an uber taxi here and they know
(23:23):
why live in this weird these cabin clusters that's in
the trees, and it's kind of dark, and it's definitely
like a weird place.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
And so I probably scared the shit out. So two
nights later, two nights.
Speaker 4 (23:34):
Later, I'm lying in bed and I hear footsteps and
I'm like, what the hell? Because it was like a
new air Andbnb property. I'm like, is this going to happen?
Is the listing wrong? Do they have my address?
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Like?
Speaker 2 (23:46):
What the hell?
Speaker 4 (23:47):
And so I hear my gate to my backyard. I
put a little shop bell on the back. That's my
security system. It's a shop bell, and I hear it
ring and I look and there's a guy with a
back pack on. So I think it's an airbnber And
in my sleepy deep voice, I go Yo, wrong house,
(24:08):
and he freezes and he puts the latch back on
the gate. He takes a couple steps and then sprints
up the stairs full speed. And it was uh tiger.
It was a graffiti guy that they later caught in
the neighborhood, and we had caught him on security cameras
and he was actually trying to break into my backyard
to spray the back of my fence. But in my
in my trying to be polite, but also it's three
(24:30):
em and I'm pissed off.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
My brain went.
Speaker 4 (24:32):
Yo wrong house, and that's all he needed to hear.
He probably thought I had like a cannon pointed out.
He was like, seea But they got that guy. But
sorry to those Chinese Exchange students, I'm sure you're huge bananimals.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Well we did it again.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Thank you so much, Scottie, Thank you exactly right.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
Thank you to our producer Keay Levine into our intern
Lisa Magadho helps us compile these stories. Keep your bananas
real stories. The weirder the better. Give us the details.
We like funny details. Send them to The Bananas Podcast
at gmail dot com or the Bananas Podcast on Instagram.
You guys know it. Thanks for following us. My name Gurnambers.
(25:21):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Produced and engineered by Katie Levine.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
The music by Kahan, and all of our.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Artwork is done by Travis Millard.
Speaker 4 (25:30):
You can follow us on Instagram at the Bananas Podcast,
where we post stories every day and things that we
don't cover on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
Listen, subscribe, and please leave us a review on Apple podcast,
Stitcher or wherever you get your podcast.
Speaker 4 (25:42):
And if you're interested in advertising on Bananas, please email
us at the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com. That's
the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
But balance that he
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Put there, but beara
I don't world understead. Would you believe it's not my
sillion pieces? Would you do? Bas?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Oh? Oh look at this?
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Mm who is it? It's us again with the minisode.
Hi Scottie, Hey Kurt, what's up?
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Man? We're gonna do minisod your stories on bananas. The
silliest little podcast server was. I'm sitting here. I'm just
having a great afternoon. It's ninety degrees and sunny and
beautiful Los Angeles, Califuns.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
You don't have air conditioning. I wonder what would Why
don't you buy a unit, an AC unit?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
I don't know. Okay, I think I have that new office.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
I have a new office in loft space, and that
is fully hvaced in every way, so I have it
whenever I'm writing during the day, I have it pumping
like sixty eight degrees. Wheem she used to it. It
opens up everything screened in the in the little cabin.
So I just, you know, I keep it easy, breezy man.
That's my whole thing.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
All right.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I love it. I love it.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
And you don't sweat. That's what I appreciate about you. Yeah,
I mean I swell.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
I sweat all the time.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Not a big sweater.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
I once had an next girlfriend that got mad at
me because my feet didn't smell and I didn't sweat,
And I think she was implying that her feet did
smell and that she sweats a lot. And she used
to be like she would get outraged by it. I'm like,
I'm pretty sure these are positive traits.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah, I don't think.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
I think this is a sign of a bigger problem
in the relationship if you're mad at me about not
having two knocks again.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Anyway, did I ever tell you this story?
Speaker 3 (01:54):
It was I because it was like I always had
an interview you to direct, and I'm not a director,
you know, I made good At some point in the future,
I would be. But I had directed these these web series,
this web series back in the day. I was probably
twenty nine or so, and I got brought in because
(02:16):
of these web series. Got brought in to interview to
direct the Electric Company, like on PBS.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
You know, I remember, sure.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
And so, And it was summertime and I was wearing
classically what I used to always wear was a T
shirt and then a button like a buttoned up, short
sleeved T shirt over it, right, Yeah, And I was
like looking at the subways to on how to get there,
and it was right on the side of Central Park,
and I was like, oh, well, I could like wait
(02:46):
and transfer and go to right where it is, or
I could get off on the other side.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Of the park and then walk through the park. And
I love walking through the park.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
And for those of you who haven't been to New York,
Central Park is very big. It's pretty wide as well,
but it's beautiful, very fun to walk through.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Yeah, it's paradise.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
But I didn't just I just didn't think about it.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
It's ninety five degrees out and I walked through the
park and by the time I get to the elevator
to like go up, I am pouring sweat. And then
also I'm nervous because I've never interviewed for a directing John,
I don't know what is in fast here.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yeah. No, So I like go.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Up and I sit down and uh and I go
in and I'm still sweating. I've swept through one shirt
and then the other shirt. And they're so alarmed. They're like,
do you need water?
Speaker 1 (03:36):
And I was like, I guess, I guess I do
need water. So that I started drinking water, and then
they would die like.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
They would just stop and be like, do you do
you want to like take a break, and I'd be like.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
No, I'm fine. I just I walked across the park.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
And then new people would come into the meeting, They're like,
he walked across the park.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
They would have to explain it through that before me.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
Yeah, he fell in a pool. He didn't fall into
Central Park Lake. He fell in the ice skating rink.
They dragged him around behind the zign bony for two hours.
That's so, I mean, you must have just looked in
over your head. Yeah, you must have just looked like
you had never been to a job interview ever.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Before, or inside a building. That's probably what it looked like.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Like.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
I just spent my life on the streets and I
was so nervous to be inside a room.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
You have the most extreme clusterrophobio nonder Man just buildings
in general.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Can we take this outside.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
The head coach of the University of Maryland basketball team,
Gary Williams, used to sweat through his suit and I
always thought that that blew my mind. That in like
an and it's an air conditioned the arena, but it's
so intense and like by the middle of the second
half he would be just sweating through a suit jacket.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
That is not serious sweat pleasant.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
I have definitely done it before and it is not pleasant,
especially when you're like in you know, for me, it's
performance and that's why I don't wear a suit anymore.
But I had a suit. I actually had a suit.
Oh man, I'm such an idiot. I had a suit
that I used to wear when christ and I would
do our double act in Australia. It was a three
piece suit, polyester like just made of plastic essentially.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
I remember it well, yeah and uh.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
And I never fucking dry cleaned it the entire we
were We did twenty nine shows in thirty days.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Oh my god, it was by the end.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
It was so discuss like disgusting and I it smelled
like shing guards and I was just like, I was like,
this is my performance jacket.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
You guys were very alternative. Kristen's going to be on
an upcoming regular Eppie of Bananas again, which is so fun.
But you guys were true alt performer comedians back before
you know, hm, the rise, It's true.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Well that's cool, homeboy. First, I'll go. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
So this is from Matt bush Row from Seattle. And
the thing I like about Matt bush Row from Seattle
is he gave us a headline to his own story.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I like, so we could say best in the biz.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Yeah, so this one, brilliant but mildly unstable university professor
brings down the house for an audience of one.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Oh wow. Okay, so this was written by Matt Busher
from Seattle. Love it. Thank you Matt.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
That guy can write. He is the best in the business. Hi,
Banana boys, I think the show is great. I was
delighted to hear you invite the audience to submit their
own weird stories. So stand by for a moment while
I crack wise about a pedantic professor. I knew once
upon a time.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I mean, I am into this writing. Very good, right,
alliteration right off the bat. All right, I'm in very
good writer.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
Early in the new millennium, I was a student studying
economics at a prominent university in Louisiana. The professor was
a professor of one of my classes, was truly an eccentric,
a statistical genius. He held multiple doctorates and published many
scholarly papers and several disciplines, but of his brains there
could not be a speck of doubt. But his lectures
(07:05):
were so extremely theoretical and lofty that nearly everybody would
sit down in class and promptly falsely, we've all been there. Yeah,
we know what that's Yet, especially in cold weather like
up at u Masks, you'd wear a jacket. You'd go
into like a four point thirty class when the sun's
aready down, you're asleep, and then you think you can't see,
and then you give a presentation and you just see
(07:26):
every sleeping fed You see that head bob. Thing's the
best that happened to me in rhetoric. Once I took
a rhetoric class and I was giving a presentation on
green eggs and ham uh, and I looked out in
every one of my classmates was asleep, and except the
professor in the back.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
And I'm like, oh, they can see it so flagrantly.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
Teachers all are teachers and professor, but animals, you know
what we're saying.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Anyways, back to the story.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
Meanwhile, his appearance was always somewhat shocking for its lack
of presentability. He always had on a rumpled white buttoned
down shirt half untucked with a collar square. He us
and buttoned way up to his double chin, staying by
cuts from his morning shave.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Great writing.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
His tie was always hideously cheap and outdated. He had
a bald Oh is it peate? It is Pat, isn't
it pat? Pat is right? I think he had a
bald pate. Uh.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I thought it was when you have a spot on
the back of your head.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Oh, okay, that's not a bald pate.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Let's go bald pate.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
He had a bald patee with uncut and unruly curly
hair sticking around the perimeter of his head. Now, maybe
it's like Larry David's style bald pate, the George Costanza
bald patee. I had a knack for statistics and an
enormous respect for his intelligence, but it was like he
(08:50):
was a living caricature. So one day I'm in class,
as it was often the case, everyone else has totally
passed out and I'm the only one actually awakened listening.
He's going on and on lecturing about some complicated anomaly
of the stock market, when all of a sudden, one
of his denture slides out of place. Gets ejected fully
from his mouth by the sheer exuberance of what he's saying,
(09:11):
and is launched into space, out from the lectern where
he's standing. Before I could even fully comprehend what I
was seeing, he shot out one of his hands, snatched
his dentures out of the thin ail, and jammed it
back into his mouth, and continued lecturing as if nothing
out of the ordinary had ever happened. I cannot tell
you how overwhelmed I was with the conflicting feelings of
(09:32):
both shock and awe and outright hilarity over what I
had just seen.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
And I was the only soul in the class who
was awake to see it.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
He gave an absolutely Oscar winning moment that probably couldn't
be reproduced if it was attempted again and again and again.
And that is the story of how one of my
favorite professors made the fantastic contribution to my odd and
outrageous stories that are truly or that are true but
completely uncorroborated thing.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Oh that is great. I love that.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah, you don't recognize denthers anymore.
Speaker 4 (10:07):
Like I feel like when I was a kid, I
must have watched a lot of Jeopardy and wheel fortune,
and it was always for polydent or like whatever sticks you,
but you never think about dentures. Maybe dental care has
gotten so much better in the States or something.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Yeah, possibly, or maybe I'm just not looking at enough
old people's mouth.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Yeah, is a land of the young and veneered.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
So God, I had this professor, I mean, I had
this high school teacher, a physics teacher. Mister vant Hall
was his name. He was from a foreign country. He
had one of the craziest accents I've ever heard, and
he knew I was too stupid to be in physics,
but I had to take it, so he would let
me explain why I thought things were the way they
(10:52):
were without showing any trigonometry.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
O nice guy.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
His hobby apparently he had a identical twin brother. I
don't know if he's ever verified, but he really liked
doing experiments to prove physics to us, and that included
his hobby where he was the president of the Maryland
Hang Gliders Association.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
There it is there.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
It is something he brought up proudly and often. And
when you're sixteen or seventeen whatever I was, it's like, sure,
hang gliding is on the list of things you'd like
to do before.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
You die, but you don't give a shit about it.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
You're happy to have a car, You're happy to have
taco bell down the street. So one day we're studying
lyft and all that stuff. So he takes us outside
and surprises us. There is his hang glider. He had
it fully set up, and there was this nice little
running hill down to sort of the football fields and
the soccer fields on our campus.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
And he talks.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
He's got a highlighter in his hand, as he always did,
and he's explaining lyft and why air passes over and
pulls up and not down and blah blah blah. And
so then he's like, so I'm going to show you
how that works. So this guy is the president marylnd
Hangli's association. He picks it up in front of my
(12:09):
class of thirty five people or so, he runs down
the hill about five steps, not in the bag, just
he's going to just hold onto the bar whatever, the
crossbar thing, just to show the lift. And the idea
was he was going to let us do this too.
Oh wow, okay, because he wanted us to see, which
is also I doubt you could even do that with
some smartphones these days. So he runs full speed, this
(12:30):
little man, just in his science teacher outfit, puts his
highlighter in his back pocket and it takes off from
the ground and crashes so violently down that he is
holding his shoulder like I think he's dissiocated his shoulder.
And he gets up sort of laughing and smiling in
the way that only Europeans do after tragedy, and nobody
else was allowed to do it. We were all like,
(12:51):
what do you do? It's like when an old when
an adult gets hurt, and you're just kids. You're just horny,
angsty kids. And so he like limps back up. I
think he just left it at the bottom of the hill,
and like we just kind of limp back into the
class and he's just like working it out for the
rest of the day.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
But you could tell it was his moment to fly.
He wanted to shine.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
This was his hobby, this was his thing. And to
say he crashed it was like just as if a
twister came out of nowhere and just leveled him into
the ground.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Oh man, Two.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Years ago, I tweeted it.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
I tweeted the same thing and a guy that I
went to high school with that I didn't know follow
me on Twitter, goes, I can confirm this.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
This dude, Ryan was like, I.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Was there, man, I know his pain so intimately because
an embarrassment. I an embarrassment. I So I am a
lifelong surfer. Started surfing when I was fourteen. I've been
you know, body surfing and boogiey boarding before.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
That for my whole life.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Yeah, and I surf in the winter. I used to
surf in the winter in New York City for ten years.
Would surf for work.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
I would surf at like six am, twenty degree temperatures.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
And and so my buddy Joanah Ray had this TV
show which was a travel It was kind of like
a documentary of a travel show, which you guys should
really go and watch.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
It's very funny.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
And one of the episodes was in Cleveland, which is
on Lake Erie. And he's like, Hey, do you want
to surf Lake Erie and in the winter? And I
was like, I sure totally do yes.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
Yeah, for sure, the most curt thing you could get
at exactly.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
And so they wrote this whole bit about surfing in
cold water.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
But then we're gonna actually get footage.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Of me surfing, and it was like we get there
and this is like the surf beach in Cleveland, and
so you can you have to understand like the when
I didn't understand this really the Great Lakes, Like when
surf comes, it's what's called wind swell, which means it's
very choppy. It's not like the ocean where the has
been traveling across the water for a long period of
(15:02):
time and you just have these nice rollers.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
It's just like wave.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Wave wave wait wait, wave wait wait wave.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
And the people who are used to surfing that like
that is you know, they just gotten used to it
and how to do it.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
Yeah, there's swing staters. Yeah, they just do everything a
little wacky out there.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
So it's probably like twenty eight degrees or something. And
I get into it. It's a five mil wet suit,
tachable hood, lobster, clog gloves. I bring my own wetsuit,
but they're going to provide the surfboard, okay, okay, And
uh so they provide the surfboard. Yeah, and then I'm like, well,
is there a leash? And then they're like no, there's
no leash, and I was like okay. And then they
like mounted a camera on the front of the surfbo
(15:41):
and it was like literally dooring production and I like
and you know, it's just like we gotta get out,
we gotta shoot me. And I was like yeah, yeah,
and I was just wasn't taking straight. And also because
they brought the surfboard, no one brought me any surf wax,
and so I didn't have wax.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
It's a very slick, unleashed surf yes, okay.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
And uh and for you of you don't know, you
have to put wax on the top of the surfboard
so you can stick to it.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Otherwise it's very slippery slide right.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Yes, like a wet linoleum floor. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
So four cameras go and like start shooting this beach
where I'm gonna go out, and I start paddling out.
The moment I hit the water, I'm like, fuck, I
need surf wax, Like this is almost impossible to do.
And then like eight waves hit the camera on the
front of the board and immediately look it off. So
(16:28):
now I'm trying to hold a camera and paddle an
unwaxed surfboard with like and it was like the waves
were probably like four feet high, but just like just
crashing constantly and I can't even make it out. I'm like,
am I gonna get I'm like, this is the most
embarrassing I could ever be in my life to not
(16:50):
be able to like. And also I had been exactly
and I was in like this five mil wet suit.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
And I've been in LA for nine years at that.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Point, you know, I've been only surfing in a two
mill wet suit, much less rubber.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
It's two million dollars. That's two million dollars wet suit.
It's it's gold, it's got copper on the inside, diamond encrusted,
two million dollars.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
So I didn't even catch one wave and I was
for the whole the whole time.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Did it make the episode?
Speaker 3 (17:20):
There's no surf, no footage of me surfing whatsoever. So well,
it's not your fault, embarrassing.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
You're set up to fail, like mister van Hall and
his my fault.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Oh okay, well next time.
Speaker 4 (17:33):
That's why you always travel with doctors, sex, wax or whatever.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Mister, That's why I should have always traveled with wax.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
I hope, I hope when you fly to Denver this
week and you take sticky bumps.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
You got sticky bumps is my brand, sticky Bumps.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I knew it. I knew it.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Oh man, god damn it. All right, do we have
do we even have time for this?
Speaker 2 (17:54):
We can? We could do a story.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
I'm gonna back us out when we maybe we don't
tell a story to it.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Here we go, kadoki. This is see how we feel.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
This was email to us by Laura Olsen.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Thank you, Laura, Thank you Laura.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Hello to my favorite banana boys. All right, so I'm
gonna it's a long one, all right, you bright in
my week every Tuesday, much love. All right to tell
you of a silly story of my friend that I
thought you would enjoy. It's a bit long and kind
of holiday theme, but I figured i'd forget to write,
So here you go. As we all know, the holidays
(18:28):
foster lots of joy eating, drinking, family arguments, and increased
petty crime. My friend, I'll call him Jason, bravely defended
his home and neighborhood from a holiday purp. Jason is
a good old Boston boy, large billed, thick beer, very
intimidating if you know this, normally, his normally kind nature
and He's come back from home from Denver for the
(18:50):
holidays at Truster, a night of drunken shenanigans with old friends.
He returns home in the wee hours of the morning
to pass out on the living room couch because his
childhood bedroom is occupied by other visiting family members.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Great.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Then a few hours later he hears some tinkering on the porch. Alarmed,
he gets up to check out the situation, only to
find a person standing there with a bag and a
car running idle in the driveway, a holiday purp. Jason
may have been in his boxers and t shirt, but
he braves the winter night and charges outside, ready to
defend his home. The poll Yeah, runs back to the car,
gets in, and drives away. He goes back inside feeling
(19:25):
so good. Jason sounds like the personification of a dog.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Yes, yes, he does, like a really good saint Bernard yep.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
But he goes back inside. Uh, who got that mailman
out of here?
Speaker 2 (19:39):
But no, the purp.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Car did not go far, merely next door.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
He sees the purp get out of the car, leaves
it running idle, and approaches the neighbor's house. He thinks, oh,
hell no, this fucker thinks he can just escape like
that and get away with some shit. The only logical
conclusion for him at the time, a man pumped up
by Boston fueled testosterone, lots and lots of alcohol, very
little sleep, and a deep sense of family and neighborhood pride,
(20:03):
is to grab a knife from the kitchen and go
show the Purp what's up.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
That's a whoa, that's Boston pride out the.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Doors, charging, screaming, knife in hand.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
The Purp sees him and flees back to the car
and tries to drive away. This does not deter Jason.
This fucker already tried this once. He's not gonna let
this go. He jumps on the hood of the car.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Oh boy, big mistake.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
He hold on, yelling many threatening remarks and displaying his knife. Unfortunately,
his grip isn't very good, and he almost immediately slips
off the car once moving, and thankfully doesn't impale himself
on said knife.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Who the Purf drives off.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
The Purp drives off in a hurry, clearly frightened and
unlikely to return.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Wow, but you never jump on the other car, guys.
Speaker 4 (20:48):
We get sent so many banana stories, real stories of
people going down the highway on the front of somebody's car.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
You don't want to do it, especially not holding her kitchen.
No kidding.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
He returns home absolutely with pride. A few minutes later,
he sees several cop cars roar by, thinking someone must
have seen or heard the commotion and called the cops. Right,
Jason is so proud, and he passes out once again,
knowing all is well and safe. In the next morning,
the family's eating breakfast and his mom says, oh, I
just can't believe what happened last night. Thinking it was
(21:20):
his time to shine, he prepares to be lauded by
his family for his bravery. She continues, someone terrorized the
poor male girl. She had to call the cops because
some lunatic tried to attack.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Neighborhood.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Gossip had already gotten around that the teenage male girl
called the cops early in the morning to report an incident,
and there were soon many cops on the street trying
to investigate this odd attack. While my friend slept in
toward off his impending hangover in se not willing to
go from brave hero to assailant, my friend simply shook
his head and said, oh, my god, that's fucking horrible.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
Yeah, that's the but that's see, Jason's a genius that
he just got out of it.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
That's wonderful. Ah. Man, that's terrible. Who would do that?
That's so good. What a story. Great story, crazy, great story.
I have a real quickie.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
And I might have told this one before, but recently,
like last I guess it was pre the Great Choar.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
But I was lying in bed and no ac.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
I had my screen window open, and I heard footsteps
outside of my house. And about two nights before, my
former a guy that used to live he used to
AIRBN but one of his house and somebody tried to
open my front door.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Oh yeah, screen door.
Speaker 4 (22:39):
Twice and I heard it and I look out there
and there's two Asian men standing there and I was like, hey,
wrong house, and they like they like look at the window,
really scared, and so I just slammed my window really
hard and then I get up and by the time.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
I go, they're gone. And so I was.
Speaker 4 (23:00):
I told my neighbor. I was like, did you guys
see anybody? Somebody just tried to break in my house?
As the two guys who goes, oh, they're Chinese. Exchange students.
They were looking for their Airbnb. They got the numbers
mixed up, and so they weren't trying to just enter
your house. And so I yelled at them, Hey, wrong house,
and then slammed a window in their face. So it's
like they had just gotten off the plane at Lax.
They had taken an uber taxi here and they know
(23:23):
why live in this weird these cabin clusters that's in
the trees, and it's kind of dark, and it's definitely
like a weird place.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
And so I probably scared the shit out. So two
nights later, two nights.
Speaker 4 (23:34):
Later, I'm lying in bed and I hear footsteps and
I'm like, what the hell? Because it was like a
new air Andbnb property. I'm like, is this going to happen?
Is the listing wrong? Do they have my address?
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Like?
Speaker 2 (23:46):
What the hell?
Speaker 4 (23:47):
And so I hear my gate to my backyard. I
put a little shop bell on the back. That's my
security system. It's a shop bell, and I hear it
ring and I look and there's a guy with a
back pack on. So I think it's an airbnber And
in my sleepy deep voice, I go Yo, wrong house,
(24:08):
and he freezes and he puts the latch back on
the gate. He takes a couple steps and then sprints
up the stairs full speed. And it was uh tiger.
It was a graffiti guy that they later caught in
the neighborhood, and we had caught him on security cameras
and he was actually trying to break into my backyard
to spray the back of my fence. But in my
in my trying to be polite, but also it's three
(24:30):
em and I'm pissed off.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
My brain went.
Speaker 4 (24:32):
Yo wrong house, and that's all he needed to hear.
He probably thought I had like a cannon pointed out.
He was like, seea But they got that guy. But
sorry to those Chinese Exchange students, I'm sure you're huge bananimals.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Well we did it again.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Thank you so much, Scottie, Thank you exactly right.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
Thank you to our producer Keay Levine into our intern
Lisa Magadho helps us compile these stories. Keep your bananas
real stories. The weirder the better. Give us the details.
We like funny details. Send them to The Bananas Podcast
at gmail dot com or the Bananas Podcast on Instagram.
You guys know it. Thanks for following us. My name Gurnambers.
(25:21):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Produced and engineered by Katie Levine.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
The music by Kahan, and all of our.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Artwork is done by Travis Millard.
Speaker 4 (25:30):
You can follow us on Instagram at the Bananas Podcast,
where we post stories every day and things that we
don't cover on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
Listen, subscribe, and please leave us a review on Apple podcast,
Stitcher or wherever you get your podcast.
Speaker 4 (25:42):
And if you're interested in advertising on Bananas, please email
us at the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com. That's
the Bananas Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
But balance that he
Speaker 1 (26:01):
Put there, but beara
Host
Scotty Landes
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