June 18, 2025 • 31 mins
We continue, Next Gen Week, with Vanessa guiding trekkers through a powerful foremother meditation inspired by the wisdom and resilience of Afeni Shakur—activist, mother, and visionary. Through this reflection, we honor the strength of those who came before us and ground ourselves in their lessons. Then, Morgan leads an illuminating exercise on value-based decision-making, helping us navigate two of life’s biggest choices—career paths and life partnerships. How do we define what truly matters to us? And how can we align those values with the futures we build? This episode is a call to clarity, care, and conscious selection.
Media Featured:
Cree Summer and Shan Boodram
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jES2iT2l4o&t=3109s
GloRilla interview on Angie Martinez
https://youtu.be/AAJ8E3e5zQ4?si=vIytpwzBOZmtldgm
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:08):
We are sick and. Tired I'm being.
Sick and tired, the disrespectedperson in America is the black
woman. But still like dust.
Our eyes pretty girls in the VIP.
(00:29):
They came with. Drain.
They'll need ideas. The revolution will not be
televised, brother. You are by the new Joe John.
Even if. You are not ready for the day.
It cannot always be. Night.
(01:03):
Y'all, we are sick and tired. Of being sick and.
Tired. That's why we.
Launched self-care School. It is a 10 week experience.
It is. It is inviting women all.
Over the world to walk. And talk with us.
And to learn really powerful lessons every day that are
rooting us down in self-care andstrategies for survival.
It is powered by Girl Trek. We are 1,000,000 black women.
(01:27):
It is hosted by myself, I am Vanessa and it is Co hosted by
Morgan. Who's on the line?
What's up, Morgan? What's up y'all?
What's up V? What's up?
It is week. 10 it is workshop Wednesday.
We are walking through a really beautiful week where we are
talking about the next generation because we want them
to lead and we want to learn howto help them lead and we want to
(01:47):
learn how to follow y'all. So we are going to get into
workshop Wednesday and I want toground Morgan, today's episode
and the Daughters of Meditation dedicated to a woman who I just
genuinely really admire and love.
Rest in peace. We are the daughters of Afini
Shakur. And like Afini, we are raising
revolutionaries. We are raising voices that won't
(02:10):
be silenced, minds that questioneverything, feet that March
before being invited, hands thathold the line.
We are raising daughters who don't ask permission, sons who
don't wait for instructions, children who don't want our
playbook because they're writingtheir own.
(02:31):
And that is not a failure, that is a plan.
Because Afini didn't raise Tupacto be obedient.
She raised him to see clearly, to rage with purpose, to write
what sacred is in the system, tosurvive what tried to kill him.
And she survived once he was killed.
She raised him to be free, even when that freedom broke her
(02:54):
heart. Even when it meant he challenged
her. Even when it meant he walked
into danger carrying her name. That's what it means to raise a
revolutionary. It means teaching them
everything you know and trustingthem to go further.
It means they might question you, reject you, surpass you,
and you still clap. Because your job wasn't to be
(03:16):
the hero. Your job was to light the match.
We are the daughters of a Feeny and we are raising
revolutionaries in our homes andour crews in this movement and
we do it with love and we do it with reverence for the women who
came before us. We are not women who need to ask
for permission and we are teaching our children the same.
(03:39):
We are teaching them to know andwalk in their power.
Y'all, this is self-care school and today we're going to walk in
our power together. Oh, thank you so much for that
poem, Vanessa, Thank you so much.
Y'all move out into the driveway.
Give yourself your favorite stretch from middle school.
Whatever that stretch is, hit that pose.
Hit that pose. Cross your arms over there we
(03:59):
go. Start walking.
We're going to do something a little bit different today.
We're going to do an assessment of our values.
Why do you ask? Are we going to do assessment of
our values? Well, we're teaching 100 skills
to save your life. This is the Next Gen.
Week and today we're going to betalking about two life saving
skills, how to pick a career that's going to keep you healthy
(04:19):
and how to pick a life partner or a relationship that's going
to keep you healthy. Let's get into it, y'all.
Let's get into it. We did this actually as a staff
and I wanted to do it as a movement because it's going to
be so important to both of the skills that we're talking about
today. So instead of a self-care audit,
we're going to start walking. Walk in the direction of your
healthiest, most fulfilled life.Straight to the left, to the
(04:40):
right, round the block, whereveryou want to walk. 15 minutes
out, 15 minutes back. Instead of a self-care audit,
we're going to walk and we're going to talk about our values.
We're going to do a meditation around our values.
So let's go ahead and play the music.
Now I'm going to read a long list of about 50 values.
Y'all. It's going to take about 3
minutes. Your only assignment is to pick
(05:03):
three. Now, I encourage you not to
think about your values. I encourage you to let your
values pick you, to feel in yourbody when you have a gut
reaction, to embody your beliefs.
And so that means to turn your brain and your thinking down.
(05:28):
And when your body responds to aword, the only thing I'm going
to ask you to do is step to the side, stop your walk, step to
the side and write it in your text message or jot it in your
notes or just write that word down.
My hope and prayer is that you do that at least two or three
times in this walk. OK?
So just listen to the words. Let them watch over you.
And then one of them words goingto be like, oh, that's me,
right? That's what I want or that's
(05:48):
what I feel. And that's something's resonant
there. And you don't need to think
about it. Now, if you step to the to the
side five times, that's fine. Then you can use your brain and
say, OK, of these five, I want to pick three.
All right, we're going to pick three of our most important
values, our most embodied values.
Here we go Accountability, achievement, adaptability,
(06:12):
adventure, altruism, ambition, authenticity, balance, beauty,
being the best, belonging, career, caring, collaboration,
commitment, community, compassion, competence,
(06:34):
competence, connection, contentment, contribution,
cooperation, courage, creativity, curiosity, dignity,
diversity, environment, efficiency, equality, ethics,
(06:58):
excellence, fairness, faith, family, financial stability,
forgiveness, freedom, friendship, fun, future
generations, generosity, giving back.
(07:18):
Grace, gratitude, growth, harmony, health, home, honesty,
hope, humility, humor. Inclusion, independence,
initiative, integrity, intuition, job security, joy,
(07:47):
justice, legacy, leisure, love, loyalty, Making a difference,
nature, openness, optimism, order, parenting, patience,
(08:08):
patriotism, peace, perseverance,personal fulfillment, power,
pride, recognition, reliability,resourcefulness, respect,
responsibility, risk taking, safety, security,
(08:34):
self-discipline, self-expression, self respect,
serenity, service, simplicity, spirituality, sportsmanship,
stewardship, success, teamwork, thrift, time, tradition, travel,
(09:02):
trust, truth, understanding, uniqueness, usefulness, vision,
vulnerability, wealth, well-being, wholeheartedness and
wisdom. Oh, that felt like a meditation
(09:25):
in and of itself. Y'all, For our listeners out
there, I want you to make sure you write down the two or three
values that stuck out the most. We're going to pause for a
second to make sure you got themexcellent.
Now hold on to those. We're going to listen to a
video. Our first solidarity spotlight
is from this amazing, brilliant sister who is a sister in girl
(09:49):
trek. She has been on our staff at the
stress protest and she has just blown up on news reality show
and especially on Instagram. She has such a huge following
and this particular and her name, this is Shean Bodrin.
And she just recently had an interview with our favorite from
a different world, Cree Summers,and it went viral.
It's very quick. Let's go ahead and play that
(10:10):
first. Oh.
So embarrassing to say at 55. I don't think I've clearly
chosen a partner that's compatible for me.
Yet with all I know, I'm too smart to have chosen what I've
chosen. You know, yeah, yeah.
I I could have given myself the credit for how intelligent I
(10:31):
really AM. Even actually when you were
talking in the beginning about, you know, the kind of people who
approach you and like, well, that's just who approaches me.
I'm like, well, what do you approach?
I don't approach anybody. I've never done that before,
ever. Ever.
I don't think I've ever approached a man.
I've never asked a man out. Why?
I don't know. Now that we're talking about, I
(10:52):
mean, now that I think about it,I mean, what, what is there to?
Lose, right and then you get to actually be in the driver's seat
and. And I do love the driver's.
Seat to give yourself credit to not just that you didn't pick
the right people, but you have to wait statistically for the
right person to pick you. Yes, you're what a lovely gift.
(11:13):
You're so right. Maybe I'll give it a try.
You really should I. Think I should?
Your best sex, your best relationship, your most erotic
life is like that way. That's really cool.
It's very cool. A lot of people it's.
White baby. I do now.
(11:33):
I want to try it. Oh my God, my girlfriends are
just going to be like, bitch, weheard you say it on camera.
It's on. I love Shannon so much and she's
still so just friendly and accept and accepting and like
accessible and like she's just kind.
Listen. General trends online dating has
become the predominant method that couples meet. 39% of
(11:54):
couples in the US met online andthat's a significant increase
from years and generations prior.
So to the young sisters who weretalking about today, it is
likely that many of you will meet your partners online.
Among same sex couples, 60% of people meet online, highlighting
the important terms for LGBTQ communities.
(12:18):
And then in terms of unmarried people, 52% of unmarried adults
have used online dating and 35% of adults who use online dating,
about 20 of them are in committed relationships or
married relationships. So online dating is really
important 32%, so just slightly lower of people meet through
(12:41):
friends and family, like a groupof friends or somebody know
somebody. And 20% of couples were
introduced through mutual friends, indicating that there's
there really still is an enduring role of the hookup.
All right, so get to it. And then only 18% of couples
meet at their workplace. So if, if you looking around and
it's looking dry at your job, it's all right.
Only 18% of couples meet at the workplace, 17% at educational
(13:06):
institutions, and then Vanessa. I was shocked that that like
traditionally at church, only 4%of people are meeting people in
church. I was shocked by that.
I was really shocked by that. So those are the statistics.
And so for those out there who are inspired by Cree or inspired
(13:28):
by Vanessa or inspired by Yolanda or inspired by what not
to do with me and want to choose, I am encouraging you to
explore at least the top way that people are meeting, which
is online dating. So the top online dating
services are the first one is Tinder.
There are 50 million monthly users on Tinder, so turn your
(13:50):
nose up if you want to. There are 50 million users on
Tinder and it really is best forcasual dating and like quick
connections. That's what we're going to call
it on this show. All right, so and then it's
really ideal for people who needa broad pool of dating, right,
Not something super specific. Then you can also try Hinge and
this Hinges has a reputation formore serious relationships.
(14:13):
There are 23 million regular users, and some of them are
paid, which means they're reallyserious.
About a million of them are paid.
They're really serious about finding someone.
And then there's Bumble. And Bumble, it really empowers
women for making the first move.So I want to play another video
that I hope brings us all together, and this is Angie
Martinez and Keyshia Cole. What's the best dating advice
you've ever gotten? Because I know what the best
(14:34):
dating advice I ever got was. Really.
Yeah, No, I haven't gotten any. I'm going to share with Brian
was. I'm so serious about it.
Like it was like it was from a matchmaker.
I was at this luncheon and he was there and he's said, what
are your 3 core values? And I couldn't answer the
question. God, that sure, look for those
three values in in your partner and make sure that those are the
(14:55):
first three things you're looking for.
Because we get distracted by howsomebody looks, by how somebody
acts, but how they're dressed, how they all they make us laugh
was that is cool. But like it's not the values
that will keep you connected to somebody.
So if you learn your 3 core values, then you put that at the
forefront of what you look for in a partner, you have a better
chance to find somebody that's like fit for you.
(15:17):
It's good, right? OK, you got it.
I take it. Will you take it?
It's good to know the type of man that you want, it really is,
or the type of woman or the typeof partner that you want.
It's good and it should really be a values based decision.
And so listen, Vanessa, give me one of your values, Grace.
Grace so I want you to think about, I want everybody to pick
(15:39):
one of their values. And I want you to think about
what that looks like, what behaviors that looks like in a
partner, because I often think we pick partners who do not
exemplify through their behaviorwhat we really, really value.
And so I think it is brilliant advice.
You know, you really should be driven by your values.
(16:02):
So I want all the Gen. Z folks out there to really
think about what you value and to seek and choose.
And if you're a believer in manifestation, manifest the
person that you need who can love you and share a world with
you and be to have a values driven life together.
(16:24):
So it's a piece of practical advice.
And then finally, Vanessa, I want to for relationships, I
want to talk about attachment styles.
And let's start with what the kind of attachment that we all
really should be seeking. And it is secure attachment,
right? And in a romantic relationship,
that means you're comfortable with closeness and independence.
(16:44):
It means that you communicate your needs and your feelings
directly and calmly. It means you trust others and
don't fear abandonment. It means that you resolve
conflicts constructively withoutstonewalling or without lashing
out. Stonewalling just means like I
ain't going to talk about it. Stonewalling or lashing out, we
know what that means. That's also crashing out, right?
(17:05):
Maintains boundaries while staying emotionally present.
OK, so that's called a secure attachment and it really is
gives you the best chance for a long term healthy relationship.
So the next video that I'm goingto show is one that really
helped me in one of in one of mymost trying relationships, and
(17:26):
it's by Brian Yang and it he created this concept called the
Loop of Doom. There are three stages to all
relationships and over 90% of all relationships will fail
during stage 2. And if you're watching this,
you're probably in stage 2 rightnow or it's coming for you soon.
Stage 1 is what we call the honeymoon stage.
We all know what this is. It's probably the most fun and
(17:48):
exciting part of the relationship.
This is where you guys are learning about each other for
the first time. You're having lots of lots of
fun, lots of fun dates, lots of sex, lots of laughs, but you're
also only really sharing the neatly filtered parts of
yourselves. It doesn't mean this is
completely fake, it's just massively distorted where you're
only sharing the socially acceptable parts of yourselves
that you learn to use to get attention, love, self worth and
(18:09):
so on. But like all honeymoons, it does
fade. And no, it's not because you're
not romantic anymore. Keep watching, because stage two
of the relationship is where it gets brutally real and you begin
to trigger each other. This is where all your
unresolved childhood traumas getpulled up to the surface.
This stage of the relationship particularly kicks in strong
after real commitment has been made to each other.
That can look like getting married or living together or
(18:32):
being together for 6 plus months.
It's also what I call the relationship loop of doom.
So how this loop of doom starts is maybe one partner gets
triggered first, let's say is this guy and let's say he is
feeling unworthy, unsafe, and maybe feeling guilty or ashamed.
Whatever these triggers are, it could be with work, maybe
stressed out and scared, whatever that is, it causes him
(18:52):
to to do these behavior patterns, these coping behavior
patterns. And that might look like
shutting down, stonewalling, it might look like distracting
himself. It might look like avoiding pain
and pulling away. Either way, this is his way of
coping with his triggers, right?But as he does this, this
perfectly triggers his partner. Where now his partner is feeling
alone, feeling unseen, feeling unheard.
(19:13):
As this partner is feeling thesepains, she is going to do these
coping behaviors, maybe start tocriticize, project emotion, get
controlling and manipulative, expressing loud emotions to try
to get connected again. Remember, this is all learned
from childhood. As she starts to do all these
behavior patterns, it will perfectly trigger this person's
(19:34):
wounds even more. And as he's feeling these
triggers more, he will do these behaviors more.
The shutting down, the distracting, the avoiding right?
And as this person, these behaviors to try to deal with
these uncomfortable emotions as a result of their partner's
behaviors, this will then trigger their partner's wounds
even more. And then the more that this
person gets triggered, the more they're going to do more of
(19:55):
these behaviors. And the more they do these
behaviors, the more it's going to trigger this person.
So it's literally an infinite loop of doom while where one
person in their attempt to feel safe and relax and soothe the
triggers these behavior patternswhich are learned from
childhood. It perfectly triggers the other
person's wounds. And then they do behavior
patterns that trigger the other person's wounds.
(20:15):
And like the very thing that they're both trying to do, to
feel loved, to feel safe, has the opposite effect of
triggering the other partner to do.
More of the behaviors that push them deeper into this downward
spiral, right? It's just the loop of doom.
It's very, very challenging and very, very few relationships
make it past this loop of doom. And I could be stuck in it for
years, 10 plus years even. But for the very few that make
(20:37):
it past stage 2, they learn to begin healing their traumas.
They learn to begin looking at their childhood where they
learned all these negative behavior patterns.
They learn to be more accountable for themselves and
begin the steps of healing and growing.
This gets them into stage 3, which is spiritual partnership.
This is the awakening where you both learn to realize that you
are in each other's lives for the purpose of growth.
(20:57):
Knowing that you can grow more, become more, and experience more
through your differences. Appreciating your differences
and you still might have momentsof conflict, but you can catch
it and see the bigger picture and be accountable for your own
triggers without blaming your partner or making it their
responsibility to soothe it. Knowing that triggers are not
personal. Stage 3 spiritual partnership is
(21:18):
also where you learn what real love is versus fearful
attachments about acceptance, passion, understanding,
appreciation, and forgiveness and less about control, fear, or
just getting something in return.
Getting out of Stage 2 to Stage 3 is a journey that I guide
clients through to help process the traumas and negative
behavior patterns that are causing them to be stuck in
(21:38):
Stage 2. And you can still be single and
can also not be in a relationship and work on this
stuff. And if you want to work with me,
visit my profile link or just follow me for more content.
Thank you for that Brian Yang for creating that loop of doom.
You can find him on Instagram atAwakening with Brian and he
creates such good content for relationships.
(21:59):
So I invite you and encourage you to follow him.
I just want to play this final video on relationships with
Pastor YPJ about relationships and reciprocity and making that
final choice. Lopsided relationships collapse.
It's inevitable if you're givingmore than you're receiving.
That lack of reciprocity does not allow for a structurally
(22:20):
secure emotional togetherness. But my issue was imbalanced
involvement made me believe thatall people who could not
reciprocate at the level I desired were bad people, that I
needed to cut them off. What I had to grow into was
understanding that some people don't need to be removed, they
just need to be repositioned. I had a toxic tendency of
putting people in places and positions they had yet earned,
(22:40):
and when they didn't reciprocateto the degree that I thought
they should, I got mad at them when the truth is they should
have never been in a position ora place that I allowed them that
much access to my heart. They were only giving what they
could give as opposed to being bitter and saying I'm cutting
you off. No, let me evaluate the person.
They're not a bad person, they just don't deserve to be up
here. So I'm going to reposition you
and I'm going to learn that I can only give you so much
(23:02):
because you can only give me so much.
How much we distribute is completely up to us, so we have
to do a better job of discerningwho deserves high level.
So people are not bad people if they cannot reciprocate your
love according to what you deserve or desire or want or
imagine, doesn't make them a badperson, but it might mean that
(23:23):
they are not your person. They are not the person that you
want to build a life with in that kind of way in terms of
life partnership. And so there are other roles
that that you can play in one another's life.
Let's wrap up today's episode bytalking about how to choose a
career path for our Gen. Z.
According to the National Centerfor Education Statistics, people
(23:45):
with bachelor's degree earn 67% more on average over their
lifetime than those who only have a high school diploma.
But the Federal Reserve Bank of Saint Louis reports that 40% of
recent college graduates are underemployed or unemployed.
There's an expert doctor, Anthony Carnival, who's at
(24:06):
Georgetown University, and he said that college is still the
surest path to middle class earnings in the US, but that
degrees and majors matter more than ever. the US Bureau of
Labor Statistics projects that 7million job openings of skilled
trades will open by 2030. And so expert Tammy Mcclutchen,
(24:28):
who's the president of the National Association of State
Directors of Career Technology Education, says that
apprenticeships provide young people a direct path to
employment with little or no debt and the wages often exceed
entry level jobs requiring A4 year degree.
And then finally, apprenticeships offer a earn
while you learn pathway, which is more cost effective and
(24:49):
directly aligned with the employers needs.
And then lastly, there is a hybrid lifelong learning model
and the World Economic Forum, says Vanessa, that 50% of all
employees will need reskilling in the next five years.
That it's this idea of front loading your education and then
(25:10):
working for 40 years doing the same thing doesn't exist anymore
because technology is changing everything.
You have to upskill. There's multiple pathways where
through college, apprenticeships, certification
programs that you can do upskilling, but every single
person kind of under the sound of our voice really needs to
think about how you create some new skills.
(25:31):
So then my last question around this was thinking about what are
the kind of highest return on investment degrees you can get
or the highest demand kind of future state degrees that that
our our sisters and our daughters should be getting and
especially to earn like a six figure salary.
And so here's what I learned. First of all, anything where you
(25:56):
develop human skills that AI can't replace, OK, we'll talk
about that in a second. Becoming tech comfortable, not
tech phobic. Keep learning, keep reskilling.
So the most promising high wage jobs in the next 10 years are #1
technology and engineering professionals.
We understand that median salarywill be between low, low, low,
(26:18):
90,000, a way upwards of 250,000.
And these are specialists, data scientists, cybersecurity
experts, renewable energy engineers, software developers,
AI specialists, those kind of people #2 healthcare
professionals. These are physicians and
surgeons, advanced practice nurses, pharmacists, biotech
(26:39):
specialists. With the aging population and
particularly with the retractionof lots of coverage we're going
to need like in home aids, all kinds of in person medical,
medical professionals. And that salary can range
usually starts around $150,000 and goes all the way upwards to
four and $500,000 if you're a surgeon.
(27:02):
And then financial analysts, managers, qualitative kind of
people, people always want theirmoney handled by a human
generally. And so like thinking about going
into finance is still recommended legal professionals,
but the legal professionals at the higher end because the legal
tech people and assistants and paralegals are now being
(27:27):
replaced by technology in many ways, doing all the research,
doing all of the stuff that thatparalegals have been doing for
decades. And so, but if you are going to
become a lawyer, people still want a human lawyer to be
discerning with them. And you can make upwards to
$200,000. And laughing because Morgan Isle
on Instagram. This man was hit court and he
(27:47):
had created him a. Fake AI lawyer.
Lawyer. And the and the lawyer started
going I would like to please address the court.
And the judge was like, what is this?
And the family was like, this ismy lawyer.
And the judge was like, ain't noway.
So y'all it ain't it ain't no way you can.
You might be. Able to create.
An AI lawyer, but the judge is going to be like you guys to get
out of. The court, no, it's true.
(28:10):
And then the, and then the last category that I just highly
recommend is still creative art design.
And while AI can write poetry, can even Vanessa and I were on
the floor of Ted where you just say words and AI creates a whole
painting, right? Or there's all sorts of tools
now to augment, to create videos, to create films, But
(28:32):
there's still something about the human spirit that is going
to become more and more valuable.
And so like, let's double down on art, y'all.
Let's double down on our voices and our humanity.
And then lots of technology can be can help augment that can
help listen, can't AI do what wedo?
It can augment it can support itcan create research.
(28:55):
But really this kind of human connection is still vital.
So those are that's some career advice that I just wanted to
share on today's episode on how to pick a healthy career
economically and how to pick a healthy relationship
romantically. All.
I hope you enjoyed it today. Be safe out there in them
streets representing your superhero blue and we will see
(29:17):
you tomorrow. Bye everybody.
It's power to 5.1. Glovilla is here today.
I think I've read something moreso something that you say you
when you made F&F that you have been on like a social media
break. It was so like a do break like
you was. Yeah, it was like me and my
friend, we said we were going togo 60 days.
(29:40):
No dudes, no clues and party, nodrinks.
But we cheated on the drinks part.
And why did you do that? Was it something that?
What was the purpose of your? Detox we was going through
something like we was like we can't go into 2022 the same way
we was last year. You know, we was just had a lot
(30:00):
going with the dudes one then you know, we would like we gotta
get our life together. Like we can't keep living like
this. So we were like, OK, we're going
to go on the cleans. We ain't going to talk to no
dudes because I feel like this distraction, we like no
partying, going out, you know, saving money.
It was something else. Oh, we was exercising, oh
(30:22):
exercising. Then in the midst of that,
because it was supposed to last from March the 1st to May the
1st and in the midst of it in April, I made it up and that was
towards the end of April, almostthe end of the season days and I
blew up. I'm like it must work.
Then they see today cleanse. I love this idea for people.
Yes. When you in the rut or you're in
(30:42):
the like, you feel like you needto make a change or something,
you have to cleanse yourself of whatever it's like in the way or
irritating you. Did somebody give you that idea?
Me and my friend and I am teasing and we just we.
I used to be at her house every day, and we just sit in the
living room and came up with it.I'm like, we got to exercise,
drink water. No more of these dudes we
talking to. That ain't work for them.
(31:03):
Let them go. Let this party and stuff go
because, you know, when you party, you spend money a lot.
Yeah. And that's just what it was.
It was like a mental detox. And you said 60 days, you just
put that in. 60 days, yeah. And the FNF came.
Yes, the last end of. This is like a big thing.
(31:23):
Somebody could use this and havesome similar type of success or
something could happen. This could this might be some
magic little potion y'all created that might actually work
for other. People, I most definitely feel
like it'll work. If you cut off what you know
that's holding you back. No matter how much you like it,
you got to cut it off and focus on yourself.
Something going to change?
We are sick and. Tired I'm being.
Sick and tired, the disrespectedperson in America is the black
woman. But still like dust.
Our eyes pretty girls in the VIP.
(00:29):
They came with. Drain.
They'll need ideas. The revolution will not be
televised, brother. You are by the new Joe John.
Even if. You are not ready for the day.
It cannot always be. Night.
(01:03):
Y'all, we are sick and tired. Of being sick and.
Tired. That's why we.
Launched self-care School. It is a 10 week experience.
It is. It is inviting women all.
Over the world to walk. And talk with us.
And to learn really powerful lessons every day that are
rooting us down in self-care andstrategies for survival.
It is powered by Girl Trek. We are 1,000,000 black women.
(01:27):
It is hosted by myself, I am Vanessa and it is Co hosted by
Morgan. Who's on the line?
What's up, Morgan? What's up y'all?
What's up V? What's up?
It is week. 10 it is workshop Wednesday.
We are walking through a really beautiful week where we are
talking about the next generation because we want them
to lead and we want to learn howto help them lead and we want to
(01:47):
learn how to follow y'all. So we are going to get into
workshop Wednesday and I want toground Morgan, today's episode
and the Daughters of Meditation dedicated to a woman who I just
genuinely really admire and love.
Rest in peace. We are the daughters of Afini
Shakur. And like Afini, we are raising
revolutionaries. We are raising voices that won't
(02:10):
be silenced, minds that questioneverything, feet that March
before being invited, hands thathold the line.
We are raising daughters who don't ask permission, sons who
don't wait for instructions, children who don't want our
playbook because they're writingtheir own.
(02:31):
And that is not a failure, that is a plan.
Because Afini didn't raise Tupacto be obedient.
She raised him to see clearly, to rage with purpose, to write
what sacred is in the system, tosurvive what tried to kill him.
And she survived once he was killed.
She raised him to be free, even when that freedom broke her
(02:54):
heart. Even when it meant he challenged
her. Even when it meant he walked
into danger carrying her name. That's what it means to raise a
revolutionary. It means teaching them
everything you know and trustingthem to go further.
It means they might question you, reject you, surpass you,
and you still clap. Because your job wasn't to be
(03:16):
the hero. Your job was to light the match.
We are the daughters of a Feeny and we are raising
revolutionaries in our homes andour crews in this movement and
we do it with love and we do it with reverence for the women who
came before us. We are not women who need to ask
for permission and we are teaching our children the same.
(03:39):
We are teaching them to know andwalk in their power.
Y'all, this is self-care school and today we're going to walk in
our power together. Oh, thank you so much for that
poem, Vanessa, Thank you so much.
Y'all move out into the driveway.
Give yourself your favorite stretch from middle school.
Whatever that stretch is, hit that pose.
Hit that pose. Cross your arms over there we
(03:59):
go. Start walking.
We're going to do something a little bit different today.
We're going to do an assessment of our values.
Why do you ask? Are we going to do assessment of
our values? Well, we're teaching 100 skills
to save your life. This is the Next Gen.
Week and today we're going to betalking about two life saving
skills, how to pick a career that's going to keep you healthy
(04:19):
and how to pick a life partner or a relationship that's going
to keep you healthy. Let's get into it, y'all.
Let's get into it. We did this actually as a staff
and I wanted to do it as a movement because it's going to
be so important to both of the skills that we're talking about
today. So instead of a self-care audit,
we're going to start walking. Walk in the direction of your
healthiest, most fulfilled life.Straight to the left, to the
(04:40):
right, round the block, whereveryou want to walk. 15 minutes
out, 15 minutes back. Instead of a self-care audit,
we're going to walk and we're going to talk about our values.
We're going to do a meditation around our values.
So let's go ahead and play the music.
Now I'm going to read a long list of about 50 values.
Y'all. It's going to take about 3
minutes. Your only assignment is to pick
(05:03):
three. Now, I encourage you not to
think about your values. I encourage you to let your
values pick you, to feel in yourbody when you have a gut
reaction, to embody your beliefs.
And so that means to turn your brain and your thinking down.
(05:28):
And when your body responds to aword, the only thing I'm going
to ask you to do is step to the side, stop your walk, step to
the side and write it in your text message or jot it in your
notes or just write that word down.
My hope and prayer is that you do that at least two or three
times in this walk. OK?
So just listen to the words. Let them watch over you.
And then one of them words goingto be like, oh, that's me,
right? That's what I want or that's
(05:48):
what I feel. And that's something's resonant
there. And you don't need to think
about it. Now, if you step to the to the
side five times, that's fine. Then you can use your brain and
say, OK, of these five, I want to pick three.
All right, we're going to pick three of our most important
values, our most embodied values.
Here we go Accountability, achievement, adaptability,
(06:12):
adventure, altruism, ambition, authenticity, balance, beauty,
being the best, belonging, career, caring, collaboration,
commitment, community, compassion, competence,
(06:34):
competence, connection, contentment, contribution,
cooperation, courage, creativity, curiosity, dignity,
diversity, environment, efficiency, equality, ethics,
(06:58):
excellence, fairness, faith, family, financial stability,
forgiveness, freedom, friendship, fun, future
generations, generosity, giving back.
(07:18):
Grace, gratitude, growth, harmony, health, home, honesty,
hope, humility, humor. Inclusion, independence,
initiative, integrity, intuition, job security, joy,
(07:47):
justice, legacy, leisure, love, loyalty, Making a difference,
nature, openness, optimism, order, parenting, patience,
(08:08):
patriotism, peace, perseverance,personal fulfillment, power,
pride, recognition, reliability,resourcefulness, respect,
responsibility, risk taking, safety, security,
(08:34):
self-discipline, self-expression, self respect,
serenity, service, simplicity, spirituality, sportsmanship,
stewardship, success, teamwork, thrift, time, tradition, travel,
(09:02):
trust, truth, understanding, uniqueness, usefulness, vision,
vulnerability, wealth, well-being, wholeheartedness and
wisdom. Oh, that felt like a meditation
(09:25):
in and of itself. Y'all, For our listeners out
there, I want you to make sure you write down the two or three
values that stuck out the most. We're going to pause for a
second to make sure you got themexcellent.
Now hold on to those. We're going to listen to a
video. Our first solidarity spotlight
is from this amazing, brilliant sister who is a sister in girl
(09:49):
trek. She has been on our staff at the
stress protest and she has just blown up on news reality show
and especially on Instagram. She has such a huge following
and this particular and her name, this is Shean Bodrin.
And she just recently had an interview with our favorite from
a different world, Cree Summers,and it went viral.
It's very quick. Let's go ahead and play that
(10:10):
first. Oh.
So embarrassing to say at 55. I don't think I've clearly
chosen a partner that's compatible for me.
Yet with all I know, I'm too smart to have chosen what I've
chosen. You know, yeah, yeah.
I I could have given myself the credit for how intelligent I
(10:31):
really AM. Even actually when you were
talking in the beginning about, you know, the kind of people who
approach you and like, well, that's just who approaches me.
I'm like, well, what do you approach?
I don't approach anybody. I've never done that before,
ever. Ever.
I don't think I've ever approached a man.
I've never asked a man out. Why?
I don't know. Now that we're talking about, I
(10:52):
mean, now that I think about it,I mean, what, what is there to?
Lose, right and then you get to actually be in the driver's seat
and. And I do love the driver's.
Seat to give yourself credit to not just that you didn't pick
the right people, but you have to wait statistically for the
right person to pick you. Yes, you're what a lovely gift.
(11:13):
You're so right. Maybe I'll give it a try.
You really should I. Think I should?
Your best sex, your best relationship, your most erotic
life is like that way. That's really cool.
It's very cool. A lot of people it's.
White baby. I do now.
(11:33):
I want to try it. Oh my God, my girlfriends are
just going to be like, bitch, weheard you say it on camera.
It's on. I love Shannon so much and she's
still so just friendly and accept and accepting and like
accessible and like she's just kind.
Listen. General trends online dating has
become the predominant method that couples meet. 39% of
(11:54):
couples in the US met online andthat's a significant increase
from years and generations prior.
So to the young sisters who weretalking about today, it is
likely that many of you will meet your partners online.
Among same sex couples, 60% of people meet online, highlighting
the important terms for LGBTQ communities.
(12:18):
And then in terms of unmarried people, 52% of unmarried adults
have used online dating and 35% of adults who use online dating,
about 20 of them are in committed relationships or
married relationships. So online dating is really
important 32%, so just slightly lower of people meet through
(12:41):
friends and family, like a groupof friends or somebody know
somebody. And 20% of couples were
introduced through mutual friends, indicating that there's
there really still is an enduring role of the hookup.
All right, so get to it. And then only 18% of couples
meet at their workplace. So if, if you looking around and
it's looking dry at your job, it's all right.
Only 18% of couples meet at the workplace, 17% at educational
(13:06):
institutions, and then Vanessa. I was shocked that that like
traditionally at church, only 4%of people are meeting people in
church. I was shocked by that.
I was really shocked by that. So those are the statistics.
And so for those out there who are inspired by Cree or inspired
(13:28):
by Vanessa or inspired by Yolanda or inspired by what not
to do with me and want to choose, I am encouraging you to
explore at least the top way that people are meeting, which
is online dating. So the top online dating
services are the first one is Tinder.
There are 50 million monthly users on Tinder, so turn your
(13:50):
nose up if you want to. There are 50 million users on
Tinder and it really is best forcasual dating and like quick
connections. That's what we're going to call
it on this show. All right, so and then it's
really ideal for people who needa broad pool of dating, right,
Not something super specific. Then you can also try Hinge and
this Hinges has a reputation formore serious relationships.
(14:13):
There are 23 million regular users, and some of them are
paid, which means they're reallyserious.
About a million of them are paid.
They're really serious about finding someone.
And then there's Bumble. And Bumble, it really empowers
women for making the first move.So I want to play another video
that I hope brings us all together, and this is Angie
Martinez and Keyshia Cole. What's the best dating advice
you've ever gotten? Because I know what the best
(14:34):
dating advice I ever got was. Really.
Yeah, No, I haven't gotten any. I'm going to share with Brian
was. I'm so serious about it.
Like it was like it was from a matchmaker.
I was at this luncheon and he was there and he's said, what
are your 3 core values? And I couldn't answer the
question. God, that sure, look for those
three values in in your partner and make sure that those are the
(14:55):
first three things you're looking for.
Because we get distracted by howsomebody looks, by how somebody
acts, but how they're dressed, how they all they make us laugh
was that is cool. But like it's not the values
that will keep you connected to somebody.
So if you learn your 3 core values, then you put that at the
forefront of what you look for in a partner, you have a better
chance to find somebody that's like fit for you.
(15:17):
It's good, right? OK, you got it.
I take it. Will you take it?
It's good to know the type of man that you want, it really is,
or the type of woman or the typeof partner that you want.
It's good and it should really be a values based decision.
And so listen, Vanessa, give me one of your values, Grace.
Grace so I want you to think about, I want everybody to pick
(15:39):
one of their values. And I want you to think about
what that looks like, what behaviors that looks like in a
partner, because I often think we pick partners who do not
exemplify through their behaviorwhat we really, really value.
And so I think it is brilliant advice.
You know, you really should be driven by your values.
(16:02):
So I want all the Gen. Z folks out there to really
think about what you value and to seek and choose.
And if you're a believer in manifestation, manifest the
person that you need who can love you and share a world with
you and be to have a values driven life together.
(16:24):
So it's a piece of practical advice.
And then finally, Vanessa, I want to for relationships, I
want to talk about attachment styles.
And let's start with what the kind of attachment that we all
really should be seeking. And it is secure attachment,
right? And in a romantic relationship,
that means you're comfortable with closeness and independence.
(16:44):
It means that you communicate your needs and your feelings
directly and calmly. It means you trust others and
don't fear abandonment. It means that you resolve
conflicts constructively withoutstonewalling or without lashing
out. Stonewalling just means like I
ain't going to talk about it. Stonewalling or lashing out, we
know what that means. That's also crashing out, right?
(17:05):
Maintains boundaries while staying emotionally present.
OK, so that's called a secure attachment and it really is
gives you the best chance for a long term healthy relationship.
So the next video that I'm goingto show is one that really
helped me in one of in one of mymost trying relationships, and
(17:26):
it's by Brian Yang and it he created this concept called the
Loop of Doom. There are three stages to all
relationships and over 90% of all relationships will fail
during stage 2. And if you're watching this,
you're probably in stage 2 rightnow or it's coming for you soon.
Stage 1 is what we call the honeymoon stage.
We all know what this is. It's probably the most fun and
(17:48):
exciting part of the relationship.
This is where you guys are learning about each other for
the first time. You're having lots of lots of
fun, lots of fun dates, lots of sex, lots of laughs, but you're
also only really sharing the neatly filtered parts of
yourselves. It doesn't mean this is
completely fake, it's just massively distorted where you're
only sharing the socially acceptable parts of yourselves
that you learn to use to get attention, love, self worth and
(18:09):
so on. But like all honeymoons, it does
fade. And no, it's not because you're
not romantic anymore. Keep watching, because stage two
of the relationship is where it gets brutally real and you begin
to trigger each other. This is where all your
unresolved childhood traumas getpulled up to the surface.
This stage of the relationship particularly kicks in strong
after real commitment has been made to each other.
That can look like getting married or living together or
(18:32):
being together for 6 plus months.
It's also what I call the relationship loop of doom.
So how this loop of doom starts is maybe one partner gets
triggered first, let's say is this guy and let's say he is
feeling unworthy, unsafe, and maybe feeling guilty or ashamed.
Whatever these triggers are, it could be with work, maybe
stressed out and scared, whatever that is, it causes him
(18:52):
to to do these behavior patterns, these coping behavior
patterns. And that might look like
shutting down, stonewalling, it might look like distracting
himself. It might look like avoiding pain
and pulling away. Either way, this is his way of
coping with his triggers, right?But as he does this, this
perfectly triggers his partner. Where now his partner is feeling
alone, feeling unseen, feeling unheard.
(19:13):
As this partner is feeling thesepains, she is going to do these
coping behaviors, maybe start tocriticize, project emotion, get
controlling and manipulative, expressing loud emotions to try
to get connected again. Remember, this is all learned
from childhood. As she starts to do all these
behavior patterns, it will perfectly trigger this person's
(19:34):
wounds even more. And as he's feeling these
triggers more, he will do these behaviors more.
The shutting down, the distracting, the avoiding right?
And as this person, these behaviors to try to deal with
these uncomfortable emotions as a result of their partner's
behaviors, this will then trigger their partner's wounds
even more. And then the more that this
person gets triggered, the more they're going to do more of
(19:55):
these behaviors. And the more they do these
behaviors, the more it's going to trigger this person.
So it's literally an infinite loop of doom while where one
person in their attempt to feel safe and relax and soothe the
triggers these behavior patternswhich are learned from
childhood. It perfectly triggers the other
person's wounds. And then they do behavior
patterns that trigger the other person's wounds.
(20:15):
And like the very thing that they're both trying to do, to
feel loved, to feel safe, has the opposite effect of
triggering the other partner to do.
More of the behaviors that push them deeper into this downward
spiral, right? It's just the loop of doom.
It's very, very challenging and very, very few relationships
make it past this loop of doom. And I could be stuck in it for
years, 10 plus years even. But for the very few that make
(20:37):
it past stage 2, they learn to begin healing their traumas.
They learn to begin looking at their childhood where they
learned all these negative behavior patterns.
They learn to be more accountable for themselves and
begin the steps of healing and growing.
This gets them into stage 3, which is spiritual partnership.
This is the awakening where you both learn to realize that you
are in each other's lives for the purpose of growth.
(20:57):
Knowing that you can grow more, become more, and experience more
through your differences. Appreciating your differences
and you still might have momentsof conflict, but you can catch
it and see the bigger picture and be accountable for your own
triggers without blaming your partner or making it their
responsibility to soothe it. Knowing that triggers are not
personal. Stage 3 spiritual partnership is
(21:18):
also where you learn what real love is versus fearful
attachments about acceptance, passion, understanding,
appreciation, and forgiveness and less about control, fear, or
just getting something in return.
Getting out of Stage 2 to Stage 3 is a journey that I guide
clients through to help process the traumas and negative
behavior patterns that are causing them to be stuck in
(21:38):
Stage 2. And you can still be single and
can also not be in a relationship and work on this
stuff. And if you want to work with me,
visit my profile link or just follow me for more content.
Thank you for that Brian Yang for creating that loop of doom.
You can find him on Instagram atAwakening with Brian and he
creates such good content for relationships.
(21:59):
So I invite you and encourage you to follow him.
I just want to play this final video on relationships with
Pastor YPJ about relationships and reciprocity and making that
final choice. Lopsided relationships collapse.
It's inevitable if you're givingmore than you're receiving.
That lack of reciprocity does not allow for a structurally
(22:20):
secure emotional togetherness. But my issue was imbalanced
involvement made me believe thatall people who could not
reciprocate at the level I desired were bad people, that I
needed to cut them off. What I had to grow into was
understanding that some people don't need to be removed, they
just need to be repositioned. I had a toxic tendency of
putting people in places and positions they had yet earned,
(22:40):
and when they didn't reciprocateto the degree that I thought
they should, I got mad at them when the truth is they should
have never been in a position ora place that I allowed them that
much access to my heart. They were only giving what they
could give as opposed to being bitter and saying I'm cutting
you off. No, let me evaluate the person.
They're not a bad person, they just don't deserve to be up
here. So I'm going to reposition you
and I'm going to learn that I can only give you so much
(23:02):
because you can only give me so much.
How much we distribute is completely up to us, so we have
to do a better job of discerningwho deserves high level.
So people are not bad people if they cannot reciprocate your
love according to what you deserve or desire or want or
imagine, doesn't make them a badperson, but it might mean that
(23:23):
they are not your person. They are not the person that you
want to build a life with in that kind of way in terms of
life partnership. And so there are other roles
that that you can play in one another's life.
Let's wrap up today's episode bytalking about how to choose a
career path for our Gen. Z.
According to the National Centerfor Education Statistics, people
(23:45):
with bachelor's degree earn 67% more on average over their
lifetime than those who only have a high school diploma.
But the Federal Reserve Bank of Saint Louis reports that 40% of
recent college graduates are underemployed or unemployed.
There's an expert doctor, Anthony Carnival, who's at
(24:06):
Georgetown University, and he said that college is still the
surest path to middle class earnings in the US, but that
degrees and majors matter more than ever. the US Bureau of
Labor Statistics projects that 7million job openings of skilled
trades will open by 2030. And so expert Tammy Mcclutchen,
(24:28):
who's the president of the National Association of State
Directors of Career Technology Education, says that
apprenticeships provide young people a direct path to
employment with little or no debt and the wages often exceed
entry level jobs requiring A4 year degree.
And then finally, apprenticeships offer a earn
while you learn pathway, which is more cost effective and
(24:49):
directly aligned with the employers needs.
And then lastly, there is a hybrid lifelong learning model
and the World Economic Forum, says Vanessa, that 50% of all
employees will need reskilling in the next five years.
That it's this idea of front loading your education and then
(25:10):
working for 40 years doing the same thing doesn't exist anymore
because technology is changing everything.
You have to upskill. There's multiple pathways where
through college, apprenticeships, certification
programs that you can do upskilling, but every single
person kind of under the sound of our voice really needs to
think about how you create some new skills.
(25:31):
So then my last question around this was thinking about what are
the kind of highest return on investment degrees you can get
or the highest demand kind of future state degrees that that
our our sisters and our daughters should be getting and
especially to earn like a six figure salary.
And so here's what I learned. First of all, anything where you
(25:56):
develop human skills that AI can't replace, OK, we'll talk
about that in a second. Becoming tech comfortable, not
tech phobic. Keep learning, keep reskilling.
So the most promising high wage jobs in the next 10 years are #1
technology and engineering professionals.
We understand that median salarywill be between low, low, low,
(26:18):
90,000, a way upwards of 250,000.
And these are specialists, data scientists, cybersecurity
experts, renewable energy engineers, software developers,
AI specialists, those kind of people #2 healthcare
professionals. These are physicians and
surgeons, advanced practice nurses, pharmacists, biotech
(26:39):
specialists. With the aging population and
particularly with the retractionof lots of coverage we're going
to need like in home aids, all kinds of in person medical,
medical professionals. And that salary can range
usually starts around $150,000 and goes all the way upwards to
four and $500,000 if you're a surgeon.
(27:02):
And then financial analysts, managers, qualitative kind of
people, people always want theirmoney handled by a human
generally. And so like thinking about going
into finance is still recommended legal professionals,
but the legal professionals at the higher end because the legal
tech people and assistants and paralegals are now being
(27:27):
replaced by technology in many ways, doing all the research,
doing all of the stuff that thatparalegals have been doing for
decades. And so, but if you are going to
become a lawyer, people still want a human lawyer to be
discerning with them. And you can make upwards to
$200,000. And laughing because Morgan Isle
on Instagram. This man was hit court and he
(27:47):
had created him a. Fake AI lawyer.
Lawyer. And the and the lawyer started
going I would like to please address the court.
And the judge was like, what is this?
And the family was like, this ismy lawyer.
And the judge was like, ain't noway.
So y'all it ain't it ain't no way you can.
You might be. Able to create.
An AI lawyer, but the judge is going to be like you guys to get
out of. The court, no, it's true.
(28:10):
And then the, and then the last category that I just highly
recommend is still creative art design.
And while AI can write poetry, can even Vanessa and I were on
the floor of Ted where you just say words and AI creates a whole
painting, right? Or there's all sorts of tools
now to augment, to create videos, to create films, But
(28:32):
there's still something about the human spirit that is going
to become more and more valuable.
And so like, let's double down on art, y'all.
Let's double down on our voices and our humanity.
And then lots of technology can be can help augment that can
help listen, can't AI do what wedo?
It can augment it can support itcan create research.
(28:55):
But really this kind of human connection is still vital.
So those are that's some career advice that I just wanted to
share on today's episode on how to pick a healthy career
economically and how to pick a healthy relationship
romantically. All.
I hope you enjoyed it today. Be safe out there in them
streets representing your superhero blue and we will see
(29:17):
you tomorrow. Bye everybody.
It's power to 5.1. Glovilla is here today.
I think I've read something moreso something that you say you
when you made F&F that you have been on like a social media
break. It was so like a do break like
you was. Yeah, it was like me and my
friend, we said we were going togo 60 days.
(29:40):
No dudes, no clues and party, nodrinks.
But we cheated on the drinks part.
And why did you do that? Was it something that?
What was the purpose of your? Detox we was going through
something like we was like we can't go into 2022 the same way
we was last year. You know, we was just had a lot
(30:00):
going with the dudes one then you know, we would like we gotta
get our life together. Like we can't keep living like
this. So we were like, OK, we're going
to go on the cleans. We ain't going to talk to no
dudes because I feel like this distraction, we like no
partying, going out, you know, saving money.
It was something else. Oh, we was exercising, oh
(30:22):
exercising. Then in the midst of that,
because it was supposed to last from March the 1st to May the
1st and in the midst of it in April, I made it up and that was
towards the end of April, almostthe end of the season days and I
blew up. I'm like it must work.
Then they see today cleanse. I love this idea for people.
Yes. When you in the rut or you're in
(30:42):
the like, you feel like you needto make a change or something,
you have to cleanse yourself of whatever it's like in the way or
irritating you. Did somebody give you that idea?
Me and my friend and I am teasing and we just we.
I used to be at her house every day, and we just sit in the
living room and came up with it.I'm like, we got to exercise,
drink water. No more of these dudes we
talking to. That ain't work for them.
(31:03):
Let them go. Let this party and stuff go
because, you know, when you party, you spend money a lot.
Yeah. And that's just what it was.
It was like a mental detox. And you said 60 days, you just
put that in. 60 days, yeah. And the FNF came.
Yes, the last end of. This is like a big thing.
(31:23):
Somebody could use this and havesome similar type of success or
something could happen. This could this might be some
magic little potion y'all created that might actually work
for other. People, I most definitely feel
like it'll work. If you cut off what you know
that's holding you back. No matter how much you like it,
you got to cut it off and focus on yourself.
Something going to change?
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