June 16, 2025 • 33 mins
Vanessa opens this episode with a powerful dedication to the sisters in the movement—those working tirelessly to improve the lives of Black women. Morgan then leads a transformative lesson on self-esteem, offering practical guidance on how to nurture confidence and attract the community that uplifts and sustains you. Finally, Renate returns with insights and well-deserved shoutouts to Black women and girls making phenomenal contributions to the world. This episode is a celebration of strength, connection, and the brilliance of Black womanhood.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:07):
We are. Sick and tired of being.
Sick and tired, the. Disrespected person in America
is the black woman, but still like dust.
Our eyes. Pretty girls in the VIP they
(00:29):
came with drain. They'll need ideas.
The revolution will not be televised, brother.
You are by the new Joe John, even if you are not ready for
the day, it cannot. Always be night.
(00:57):
Where are you pretty girls in the VIP?
Are you ready? Are you ready, Morgan, Are you
ready? We are here.
We have arrived. It is week 10, y'all.
It is week 10. I want to just give you Yes like
(01:17):
it ain't even your hands up. Put your.
Hands up. We need some praise.
Clap. We need a tambourine.
Because I promise y'all, I don'tknow where you were at 10 weeks
(01:40):
ago. I don't know what was going on
in your life 10 weeks ago. I don't know what you had in
your spirit or your heart. They said I'm about to commit to
this journey. But the fact that you have
arrived here 10 weeks later, like you have a whole new body,
you have a whole new spirit, youhave a whole new mindset.
I hope you hear the joy in our voices, y'all, because this is
Girl Trek. We are a million women.
(02:02):
Morgan and I have had the pleasure and just the blessing
of being able to Co lead the movement alongside so many other
wonderful women. A whole team of women who've
helped bring this self-care school experience to you from
behind the scenes, putting it onthe platform, from doing the
emails, from doing the research for doing the work that happens.
(02:25):
And I just want to thank them. I want to thank you Morgan for
being a part of this journey andI just want to thank all the
home girls for being a part of this this journey.
Y'all, we are getting ready to walk through the last and final
week of self-care School. Get ready to celebrate yourself.
Get ready to walk across that stage.
This final week is a powerful week where we are going to be
(02:47):
talking about the next generation, the generation who
we want to lead. And I want to start this
episode. We usually start with the
daughters of meditation because we are the daughters of so many
women who've come before us. We walk in their footsteps.
But today I want to this week, we're going to turn to those who
(03:09):
are walking beside us and to theones who are coming behind us.
And so I want to start with a dedication to them because we
are not just the daughters of freedom fighters.
We are the sisters of the girls who are next in line, the girls
watching us, following us, trusting us.
And we owe them more than survival stories.
(03:29):
We owe them blueprints. So to day, we're going to shift
the ritual. To day, we are going to say we
are the sisters of the girls whoknew how to braid before they
knew how to spill, The ones who lined their notebooks with
affirmations because no one elsewas saying them out loud.
The ones who carry Vaseline, pepper spray and poetry in the
same purse. We are the sisters of the girl
(03:53):
who log off Instagram for a month, not for clout but for
clarity. The ones who ghost the group
chat because they're learning tochoose themselves.
We are the sisters of NIA Collins, who founded Black Women
for Political Change at just 18 because she was tired of waiting
for permission. Of Tiara Gutten, who turned the
death of her cousin into a street level peace movement in
(04:13):
Detroit. Of Zala avant-garde who spelled
her way into history, then juggled basketballs and
brilliance like she was born to do.
Both of Marley Diaz, who said ifI can't find books about black
girls, I will build the damn library.
We are the sisters of girls at the clinic who translate for her
mother. The girl who makes Flyers for
(04:34):
her auntie's catering business on Canva.
The one who builds protest slides for her school's walk out
and still get gets A's in precalculus.
We are the sisters of the girls no one claps for, but who show
up anyway, with lashes, with locks, with lunch for their
little siblings, with dreams that can scare even them.
(04:56):
We are the sisters of the girls who call themselves healers
before they even had a therapist.
The girls who turn group chats into safe houses.
The girls who learn to block numbers and break curses before
they even learn to parallel park.
We don't walk ahead of them likewe have all of the answers.
We don't walk behind them waiting for them to earn our
(05:18):
trust. We walk with them because we
believe in them. Because they are not just the
next leaders. They are the right now
generation. And they deserve our honesty,
our presence, our steadiness, not our perfection.
We are not just the daughters ofHarriet.
We are the sisters of the girls becoming her.
(05:41):
We see you, we walk with you, we've got you.
Because freedom isn't a destination, it is a daily
practice. And sisterhood, radical,
intergenerational, sacred sisterhood, is how we survive
it, how we protect it, and how we pass it on.
(06:01):
Welcome to self-care school y'all.
Let's get ready to walk. And that poem was so good,
Vanessa, you got to, you got to copyright it, put it, it's so
good. All right, that was so amazing.
Now that you're on your porch, go ahead and move out to your
driveway. We're going to get started for
our walk. We're going to do a self-care
audit, y'all. The two skills we're going to
(06:23):
learn today is how to raise kindof your vibration and yourself
esteem. And two, how to find, locate or
create or build your community. And so I want to start with the
self-care audit where we really look at and turn into our own
sense of self. So stand firmly somewhere where
you remember so you can know if you're stepping forward or back.
(06:47):
I'd like for you to step forwardif you speak kindly to yourself,
especially when you make a mistake.
I'd like for you to step back ifyou often compare yourself to
others and feel less than. I'd like for you to step forward
(07:08):
if you make decisions based on your values, even when other
people disagree. I'd like for you to step back if
you hide parts of yourself to fit in or be accepted.
And I'd like for you to step forward if you regularly
(07:29):
celebrate your small wins or personal growth.
And I'd like for you to step back if you frequently feel
emotionally drained even withoutclear reason.
Y'all, it ain't no thing. It ain't no thing.
You might have got 1.1 Step 4. You might have got -1 point.
(07:49):
You might have stayed right in the middle because you might
just not even be thinking about none of this right now.
Go ahead and step out on your walk.
Feel the air on your skin. Feel the sun on your face.
Feel the power of your own forward momentum.
Y'all we out here walking? We in week 10 of self-care
school. This is a revolution.
(08:10):
Wherever you were walking on this big bright planet, know
that you are welcome here and you belong in the girl Trek
movement. Tell a sister to tell a sister.
Be a sister's keeper. Go on a walk with somebody this
week. Listen all the calls to action.
Stand strong. We're going to finish strong.
Sophie, I'd like to start with aclip about what some people call
(08:30):
a savior complex. I'd like to start with thinking
about identity on all generations of black women.
And I want to start with a clip from at philosophere.
Philosophere. All right.
The savior complex often starts at an early age, a young child
who grew up in chaos, experiencing endless shouting
(08:51):
matches, silent tension, or a parent's quiet pain.
They learn to be the fixer, the one who soothes tears or brings
calm. If they can make everyone happy,
maybe things will be OK. Love, they come to believe, is
earned through sacrifice. This belief follows them into
(09:12):
adolescence. They become the friend who
cancels their plans to support others, the student who stays
late to help, the sibling who bears the weight of the family's
struggles. Being strong for everyone else
becomes their identity, while their own pain and needs stay
(09:32):
hidden because showing weakness feels like betrayal of their
role. In adulthood, it gets even
harder. They're drawn to people they can
fix, jobs that drain their energy and crises they feel
obligated to solve. Their own heart, exhausted and
aching, goes unnoticed. Yet deep down, there's a
(09:54):
yearning to be cared for, to be loved without saving anyone.
But choosing themselves feels foreign, even wrong.
The hardest part of this journeyfor them is realizing that their
worth isn't measured by how muchthey give or fix, that it's OK
to let others carry their own burdens.
Even saviors deserve to rest. You know, what I was struck by
(10:15):
is so many women that I know like really prominent women,
powerful women liked that post. It resonated with women across
generations. And I wish Next Gen. and Ira
were on here because I am guessing it would resonate with
her and her generation too. And it's why I wanted to start
(10:36):
there because we talked last week about caretaking.
And this is really rooted in caretaking that we have this
responsibility to heal the worldor fix the world or like.
And I and I, I wonder if the next generation has that same
savior complex. Well, first of all, it's master
(10:56):
class Monday. So I'm going to bring my girl
Renata on to give us just a world view on what's going on
with the next Gen. But if we just talked about self
esteem before we go into the global statistics with Renata,
self esteem is first of all somebody's overall sense of what
they are worth. There is a difference between
what you are performing in termsof your worth or trying to
(11:18):
achieve in terms of your worth versus what you actually feel in
terms of your worth. And I think that distinction is
important for our listeners, especially our sisters, to
understand because 74% of Gen. Z report feeling overwhelmed and
stressed by daily life. 74% Thatwas a study from 2023, an APA
(11:45):
study from 2 thousand, 2374. That's 7 out of 10 girls in the
youth ministry. I'm not surprised, Morgan, let
me tell you. Let me explain you something.
I feel like when I was growing up, the aspiration bar was
certainly not as high as it is now.
I feel like the aspiration bar was like, it's great if you
(12:08):
could get into college, but not even necessarily necessary.
It's just great if you can, you know, figure out a way to
navigate life and be healthy. I feel like even our beauty
standards everything like the aspiration bar.
But now it feels like if you ain't out there starting your
own business at 18, figuring outhow you have 10,000 followers
traveling the world already. Like already in some sort of
(12:30):
booed up relationship. That you could take.
Pictures like they're so the barjust feels so high.
And I'm just saying at 47, I'm still like, Dang, like that's a
lot. I'm just trying to navigate.
So I'm just imagining the expectation and pressures of
what young girls must be feeling.
I agree with everything you justsaid.
V 42% of Gen. Z are diagnosed or receiving
(12:51):
treatment for a mental health condition.
That is the highest rate among all generations.
A 2021 study says that the Journal of in the Journal of
Adolescent Health said that selfesteem, we know this is strongly
correlated or strongly associated with increased risk
of depression, anxiety, substance abuse and suicidal
(13:15):
ideation. And then low self esteem
correlates with higher cortisol levels.
That's the stress hormone we talked about in week 1 that
causes things like like heart, heart disease and heart attacks,
right? So that impacts our sister's
immune function, their ability to sleep and their overall
well-being. And then last one I will say is
(13:38):
that social media exposure has significantly contributed to
negative self comparisons and body images.
Now we're going to talk about some solutions for self esteem.
But before that, I want to just get a more global overview.
Are you there, Renata? Hey, I'm here.
OK? So for 9 weeks I've been telling
y'all all the things that are stacked against us, right?
(14:00):
And then for the 9 weeks we havefound all the solutions together
and we've been finding out how to heal ourselves and heal our
communities. So today I wanted to bring a
little bit more light, especially Morgan, because you
already shared a little bit of the stats around our self esteem
as black girls and the things that are affecting that,
especially social media. So 2023 marked the first time in
(14:22):
U.S. history that more babies were born to women over the age
of 40 than they were to teenagers.
And I grew up in the 90s and everybody was pregnant.
So many people were pregnant in our generation and having babies
in our teens and early 20s. And so girls these days are
choosing to have children later,if at all.
So with this shift, I think it just clears up so much space for
(14:45):
women to to hone in on what's important to them.
And we were talking, you were talking a little bit earlier,
Morgan, about whether or not these girls care about certain
things. And I feel like it's like a
mixture, like they care or they don't like there's it's two
extremes, right? So they have all the feels or no
feelings. They're going to take those
vacation days. They're going to call out of
(15:07):
work and quit a job because it doesn't serve them or make them
feel good. But they also care deeply about
social issues, political issues.So we have a Mariani Coping
known as Little Miss Flint when she was just eight years old.
She was the voice of the children of Flint during the
water crisis. And she was the one who wrote
the letter to President Barack Obama, bringing national
(15:29):
spotlight and attention to the water crisis.
And since then, she's continued to be a vocal advocate for
environmental justice, raising thousands of dollars for clean
water initiatives, distributing bottled water and water filters.
We have next generation leaders like Imani Barbarin.
She's 35 years old. She's a writer, a public speaker
for disability rights, and she'san activist.
(15:51):
She goes by Crutches and Spice on Twitter, and she has nearly
1,000,000 followers. And y'all, she's, she's hella
funny, but she also is super real.
So all those things that we weretalking about with disability
rights, Imani Barbarin, they have Zionna Bryant, who at just
12 years old, she organized her first demonstration against the
police, against police violence.She's now a student at the
(16:14):
University of Virginia and the youngest member of the Virginia
African American Advisory Board.We have Nepal Khazzoli, a 21
year old activist and founder ofVOTE 2000, which is a campaign
to increase young People of Colors voter registration.
She also used to serve as a president of Black Lives Matter
Youth Coalition. We have this huge surge in voter
(16:37):
registration. Following Kamala Harris's
presidential nomination, the voter registration rate for
young Black women in 13 battleground states sky rocketed
by 175%, and that was nearly triple the rate from the
previous presidential election. We have women like Aaliyah
Gaskins, who's a public health professional and the urban
(17:00):
planner, but she's also the mayor of Alexandria, VA, and
she's the first Black female mayor there ever, 36 years old.
So we have an under representation in STEM fields,
especially engineering. So an organization called 400
Forward, which was founded by Tiffany D Brown is named in
(17:21):
light of the 400th living American, African American woman
becoming a licensed architect. And back in 2017, that's only at
that time, there was only 115,000 licensed architects in
the US period and 400 of them were black women.
So we have black women who are doing these things and who are
leading in different sectors. And I mean, I want to give a
(17:44):
shout out to our next Gen. on our team.
Naira, I can't wait to see how you lead our youth in girl
trade. Thank you for that, Renata, and
thank you for that beautiful counterbalance.
And I want to speak to the 74% of Gen.
Z girls who feel even overwhelmed by this reporting.
(18:06):
I want to talk about the 74% of Gen.
Z girls who feel like they are just holding on and have them
posted on social media in a few weeks because they're just
holding on. And so this is self-care school
for you today. And so I hope that you get some
aspiration and inspiration and affirmation that it is possible.
(18:28):
And I hope you get some reprievethat you don't have to do all of
that right now. All we're asking you to do is
take a 30 minute walk today for yourself.
Can you do that sister? Can you do that?
And so as we're taking that walk, you might be coming close
to your turn around time. I want to give you some
practical advice on how you can start to turn up your own sense
(18:53):
of self and worth and value. So one of them is a daily self
compassion break. And this is just a pause that
you can do as often as you need 3410 times.
And it's to put your hand on your chest and to breathe and
say this moment feels like struggle.
(19:13):
Struggle is a part of life. And I'm going to be kind to
myself. It really is just like
compassion for yourself. There are moments in life, y'all
that feel overwhelming and hard.And just acknowledging this
feels hard and I'm going to be kind to myself.
That's called a self compassion break.
So that's one thing you can do. Another one is a journal.
(19:36):
And Vanessa and I have been using an app for a long time.
It's called, I think it's called5 Minute Journal.
So I really love this mobile appbecause it sends you push
notifications to remember a gratitude practice.
And so every night, if you don'teven have the app, you can just
have a journal by your bed everynight.
I want you to write down one thing you did well, one thing
(19:57):
you are proud of and one thing you are grateful for.
And that self esteem journal rewires negative thinking
patterns and reinforces self worth.
And then the third one, y'all isto master something.
And you might think, oh, I'm going to become an architect
like Cherish, that's good. We encourage you to do that.
(20:18):
But what we're talking about here for self esteem purposes is
to just choose one small goal per day and to do it.
That might mean to just make up your bed, but just master one
experience a day. And what that does, Vanessa and
Renata is according to a recent study, is that it builds self
(20:38):
efficacy. The fourth piece of advice, it
is really practical that we've hinted at, but I really want to
encourage you, is to do a digital detox.
And a digital detox could be where you schedule one or two
hours per day. We heard from Doctor Dixon, our
sleep expert in our community that it should it should be
before bed. So if you plan to go to bed at
(20:59):
10:30 eleven, like by 738, just turn off everything.
And so scheduling one or two hours daily of social media
time, especially for self esteem, especially during the
morning and especially during bedtimes, really can reduce
your, your sense of wanting to compare and upward social
comparisons is what the study says that damages yourself
(21:22):
image. And then the last practical fact
that I would love to share with you is, oh, there's, there's two
more, but the, the last one's going to lead me into something
else. But the the last one I really
want to talk to you about is mirror work.
And I have mixed feelings about this Vanessa.
I have mixed feelings about about mirror work because I have
(21:42):
a friend who is just recently had a baby and she told me the
other day that she hadn't lookedin the mirror since she had a
baby. Y'all hormones are serious.
And it's like hard sometimes. And when I tell you she's easily
one of the most gorgeous people I've ever met in my entire life,
like supermodel gorgeous. And she was like, I haven't
(22:03):
looked in the mirror. And I sent her this video of
this girl who was was strugglingwith self esteem.
And she said, I used to feel badthat I didn't want to look in
mirrors. And she goes until I realized
that mirrors are a recent phenomenon in human history.
She goes, it's just in the last four or 500 years that people
(22:24):
had access to mirrors and they stared at at themselves in this
kind of way. That was that heightened self
criticism. She goes, you imagine the 5006
thousand. I don't, I don't know how many
thousands of years of human history, but you know, the, the,
the history, the millennia of human history, people saw
(22:45):
themselves in their other people's reactions and faces.
And so their beauty was from their actions and their beauty
was from their vibe and their beauty was from their communal
disposition and dynamic. Not how big their nose was or
how small their eyes are, but there's a lot of science that
says that if you look at yourself in the mirror squarely
(23:08):
and make peace with your face and your eye contact and whisper
affirmations to yourself, you'regoing to be OK.
You are safe, you are beautiful,you are loved.
That it is a really, really healthy practice.
Can I say something about that, Morgan?
Because I do. I love mirror work and I follow
like Louise Hay and a bunch of people who talk about mirror
(23:30):
work. And what I have found is when
I'm looking in the mirror is I'mlooking into my eyes, not at
myself, like, not at my featuresnecessarily.
I'm literally like looking into my eyes to like to bear witness,
to behold, to like, to even likecreate presence for myself.
(23:50):
And so I just offer that to somefolks, like really look into
your eyes. Like really try to see inside
your own soul, to see your own experience.
Look past because you're right about the mirror.
So like look past the like aesthetic of it to like see
yourself. And that for me is like really
looking in my eyes and just taking a beat.
And often it is a genuine momentof gratitude where I can just be
(24:14):
looking in my eyes and just be like you made it or like you're
surviving or like you got through that.
I love that and even I love likewhere how far we both have come
Vanessa, because I remember whenwe were like 19/20/21, we were
in College in LA and remember wehad this conversation this 30
years ago. Remember we had this
conversation, we were walking down the street and you would
check yourself out at every reflection and I would, and I
(24:37):
would be walking with like such like straight, like you know how
I am drum major, like let's go. And I would be like, why you
keep looking at yourself? He was like, because I just got
to see. I got to.
And I realized I was actually a boy avoiding looking at myself.
And you were, like, looking at yourself.
And I think we both have grown from, you know, from both of
those kinds of, or really our trauma responses.
(25:00):
Yeah. They're opposite trauma
responses into this sense of like true self and like making
eye contact with our true selves.
And that brings me to my last piece of advice, y'all.
And it really is about authenticity.
And the last piece of advice is to do a social authenticity
check. That is, connect with one person
(25:22):
authentically each day. Share how you really feel or
offer sincere praise for something that really happened
to you. How many times are we asked
throughout the day how you doingfor people who we do not feel
safe telling the truth to, right.
So this is a piece of advice that you find someone, someone
(25:45):
that you feel comfortable telling how you really feel, how
you really are, what really happened to you, what you are
really grateful for and do that social authenticity check at
least once a day. All right, so that though that
(26:07):
is your prescription for self esteem, y'all, It is meaningful
to connect with people. I I want to just play a clip on
authenticity by this brilliant brilliant brilliant content
creator on Instagram named at comfortable chaos and chaos is
with Aki invite you to follow the.
(26:28):
Reality is, you won't ever really be happy with your life
and soon Get comfortable living authentically.
For you, that means not living alife that your parents told you
that you're supposed to live. Not living a life that societal
construct deems as the American dream of what it's supposed to
be. Being married by 30 with kids, a
house, the car, the kids, a dog.Not living a life that you've
(26:51):
seen somebody else live because it's easier to attach to
somebody else's dreams, to do what it takes to actually go
after yours. True happiness comes from
authenticity, and it might be uncomfortable at first.
Being who you truly are at your core is how you attract the
better things into your life. Abundance is a frequency, and
(27:16):
authenticity and love are the highest.
And understanding that love and authenticity are the highest
frequencies. It's so important to operate
from these spaces to attract what you want in your life.
There is only one you, and that's what makes it so
beautiful because you can do whatever you want to do.
(27:37):
If you want to start a podcast, you want to be an author, you
want to be an artist, you might think, oh, there's so many
people doing that thing, but they're not you.
They're not going to bring what you bring into that space.
So give yourself permission to love every single part of you so
you can be the you you were meant to be and live the life of
your dreams. I love you.
(27:58):
I love you too sister like that is powerful powerful powerful
powerful powerful powerful y'allattract attracting What is meant
for you in your life comes from you being authentic.
The study that was referenced there in the clip was one where
they put electrodes Vanessa on on subjects right on on humans.
(28:24):
And they measured the kind of the frequency that was emitted
when a person was angry or the frequency when a person was
satisfied or when the person wasdelighted and a whole host of
emotions. And what they found is that the
(28:45):
highest frequency was what we would all expect love.
But connected to that, the highest frequency was when
people were being authentic is when they had the highest
frequency. And what we have always known as
a people is a vibration that they are vibrating on their
(29:08):
highest wave when they are authentic.
And so there's something really special about that.
And I suspect that so much of what is impacting Gen.
Z and all of us really on self esteem is this notion of
attractiveness, particularly with what's going on in social
media. Am I attractive?
(29:30):
And so I wanted to give a formula that is beyond physical
attraction that I thought was really good.
And you can spell out the word attracts.
OK, So A is, of course, authenticity.
The second one is tone in communication, how you speak
matters. Is your voice warm?
Is it clear? Is your body language engaging?
(29:52):
Are you leaned in? So the T is for tone.
The second T is for thoughtfulness.
Are you kind? Do you show care, empathy and
awareness for others? It signals reliability.
Kindness is very, very attractive.
If you're looking for a partner,if you are trying to find
(30:13):
friends, be authentic. Make sure that your tone and
your communication and your bodylanguage and your voice.
So tone, make sure that you are thoughtful.
The third one is resonance, right?
Your energy speaks, so being calm, being emotionally
regulated. The A in attracts I thought was
(30:34):
really interesting is ambition. People are attractive when they
have a sense of purpose over their life.
The C you would imagine is confidence.
How you stand, what you believe your actual worth is, is
attractive. The last T is for Twinkle, and
this is really a sense of humor.There's all these studies around
(30:57):
how people are attracted to people who can make them laugh.
And so finding the joy in life, sharing what makes you light up,
laughing by yourself so that youcan laugh with others.
And then last I loved reading about the science is S is for
scent. People are attracted to how you
smell, not just your pheromones,which we know Erykah Badu told
(31:22):
us about not just your pheromones, but actually the
different scents that you chooseto wear, the different perfumes,
the different essential oils, how your, I mean, your hygiene.
All of that is also very and deeply attractive.
So that is attracts authenticity, tone, your
thoughtfulness or kindness, yourvibration or resonance, your
(31:44):
ambition, your confidence, the twinkle or humor and your scent.
So I wanted to leave you all with that for today.
And we will end with one of the,I think.
I think she is a singer who appeals across generations.
She, I watched her Tiny Desk Concert and she is so beautiful.
(32:06):
And we all know what she's been through because she sings about
it in her songs. And it is the lightness that
comes out of her through her darkness, like a Lotus flower,
that makes her such an attractive and beautiful person.
And that is none other than MissJasmine Sullivan.
I want to end with some words ofadvice.
And mothers, if profanity is notfor you today, go ahead and log
(32:30):
off today. You did a good job on this Gen.
Z week. You did good.
We'll see you tomorrow. For everybody else, we will give
grace here. Jasmine Sullivan's going to give
us some great advice as we leavetoday.
We'll see you all tomorrow. Recently, maybe like last two
years, I'm making my business topost without filters because you
(32:51):
get addicted to filters and I'm all for fixing whatever the fuck
you want to fix. But if you're constantly using
it, it's like it's brainwashing each time that you use that
shit. Now, if you want to get a pimple
off pool, if you know your angle's great, but it's really
addictive. So I started doing it just
because I know that there's other girls that may be
(33:12):
following me and think that I feel secure every single day
when I fucking don't. It's so much better to just be
like, look, this is what it is, take it or leave it.
And then once you understand that motherfucker still.
Going to take it. You'll do it more.
We are. Sick and tired of being.
Sick and tired, the. Disrespected person in America
is the black woman, but still like dust.
Our eyes. Pretty girls in the VIP they
(00:29):
came with drain. They'll need ideas.
The revolution will not be televised, brother.
You are by the new Joe John, even if you are not ready for
the day, it cannot. Always be night.
(00:57):
Where are you pretty girls in the VIP?
Are you ready? Are you ready, Morgan, Are you
ready? We are here.
We have arrived. It is week 10, y'all.
It is week 10. I want to just give you Yes like
(01:17):
it ain't even your hands up. Put your.
Hands up. We need some praise.
Clap. We need a tambourine.
Because I promise y'all, I don'tknow where you were at 10 weeks
(01:40):
ago. I don't know what was going on
in your life 10 weeks ago. I don't know what you had in
your spirit or your heart. They said I'm about to commit to
this journey. But the fact that you have
arrived here 10 weeks later, like you have a whole new body,
you have a whole new spirit, youhave a whole new mindset.
I hope you hear the joy in our voices, y'all, because this is
Girl Trek. We are a million women.
(02:02):
Morgan and I have had the pleasure and just the blessing
of being able to Co lead the movement alongside so many other
wonderful women. A whole team of women who've
helped bring this self-care school experience to you from
behind the scenes, putting it onthe platform, from doing the
emails, from doing the research for doing the work that happens.
(02:25):
And I just want to thank them. I want to thank you Morgan for
being a part of this journey andI just want to thank all the
home girls for being a part of this this journey.
Y'all, we are getting ready to walk through the last and final
week of self-care School. Get ready to celebrate yourself.
Get ready to walk across that stage.
This final week is a powerful week where we are going to be
(02:47):
talking about the next generation, the generation who
we want to lead. And I want to start this
episode. We usually start with the
daughters of meditation because we are the daughters of so many
women who've come before us. We walk in their footsteps.
But today I want to this week, we're going to turn to those who
(03:09):
are walking beside us and to theones who are coming behind us.
And so I want to start with a dedication to them because we
are not just the daughters of freedom fighters.
We are the sisters of the girls who are next in line, the girls
watching us, following us, trusting us.
And we owe them more than survival stories.
(03:29):
We owe them blueprints. So to day, we're going to shift
the ritual. To day, we are going to say we
are the sisters of the girls whoknew how to braid before they
knew how to spill, The ones who lined their notebooks with
affirmations because no one elsewas saying them out loud.
The ones who carry Vaseline, pepper spray and poetry in the
same purse. We are the sisters of the girl
(03:53):
who log off Instagram for a month, not for clout but for
clarity. The ones who ghost the group
chat because they're learning tochoose themselves.
We are the sisters of NIA Collins, who founded Black Women
for Political Change at just 18 because she was tired of waiting
for permission. Of Tiara Gutten, who turned the
death of her cousin into a street level peace movement in
(04:13):
Detroit. Of Zala avant-garde who spelled
her way into history, then juggled basketballs and
brilliance like she was born to do.
Both of Marley Diaz, who said ifI can't find books about black
girls, I will build the damn library.
We are the sisters of girls at the clinic who translate for her
mother. The girl who makes Flyers for
(04:34):
her auntie's catering business on Canva.
The one who builds protest slides for her school's walk out
and still get gets A's in precalculus.
We are the sisters of the girls no one claps for, but who show
up anyway, with lashes, with locks, with lunch for their
little siblings, with dreams that can scare even them.
(04:56):
We are the sisters of the girls who call themselves healers
before they even had a therapist.
The girls who turn group chats into safe houses.
The girls who learn to block numbers and break curses before
they even learn to parallel park.
We don't walk ahead of them likewe have all of the answers.
We don't walk behind them waiting for them to earn our
(05:18):
trust. We walk with them because we
believe in them. Because they are not just the
next leaders. They are the right now
generation. And they deserve our honesty,
our presence, our steadiness, not our perfection.
We are not just the daughters ofHarriet.
We are the sisters of the girls becoming her.
(05:41):
We see you, we walk with you, we've got you.
Because freedom isn't a destination, it is a daily
practice. And sisterhood, radical,
intergenerational, sacred sisterhood, is how we survive
it, how we protect it, and how we pass it on.
(06:01):
Welcome to self-care school y'all.
Let's get ready to walk. And that poem was so good,
Vanessa, you got to, you got to copyright it, put it, it's so
good. All right, that was so amazing.
Now that you're on your porch, go ahead and move out to your
driveway. We're going to get started for
our walk. We're going to do a self-care
audit, y'all. The two skills we're going to
(06:23):
learn today is how to raise kindof your vibration and yourself
esteem. And two, how to find, locate or
create or build your community. And so I want to start with the
self-care audit where we really look at and turn into our own
sense of self. So stand firmly somewhere where
you remember so you can know if you're stepping forward or back.
(06:47):
I'd like for you to step forwardif you speak kindly to yourself,
especially when you make a mistake.
I'd like for you to step back ifyou often compare yourself to
others and feel less than. I'd like for you to step forward
(07:08):
if you make decisions based on your values, even when other
people disagree. I'd like for you to step back if
you hide parts of yourself to fit in or be accepted.
And I'd like for you to step forward if you regularly
(07:29):
celebrate your small wins or personal growth.
And I'd like for you to step back if you frequently feel
emotionally drained even withoutclear reason.
Y'all, it ain't no thing. It ain't no thing.
You might have got 1.1 Step 4. You might have got -1 point.
(07:49):
You might have stayed right in the middle because you might
just not even be thinking about none of this right now.
Go ahead and step out on your walk.
Feel the air on your skin. Feel the sun on your face.
Feel the power of your own forward momentum.
Y'all we out here walking? We in week 10 of self-care
school. This is a revolution.
(08:10):
Wherever you were walking on this big bright planet, know
that you are welcome here and you belong in the girl Trek
movement. Tell a sister to tell a sister.
Be a sister's keeper. Go on a walk with somebody this
week. Listen all the calls to action.
Stand strong. We're going to finish strong.
Sophie, I'd like to start with aclip about what some people call
(08:30):
a savior complex. I'd like to start with thinking
about identity on all generations of black women.
And I want to start with a clip from at philosophere.
Philosophere. All right.
The savior complex often starts at an early age, a young child
who grew up in chaos, experiencing endless shouting
(08:51):
matches, silent tension, or a parent's quiet pain.
They learn to be the fixer, the one who soothes tears or brings
calm. If they can make everyone happy,
maybe things will be OK. Love, they come to believe, is
earned through sacrifice. This belief follows them into
(09:12):
adolescence. They become the friend who
cancels their plans to support others, the student who stays
late to help, the sibling who bears the weight of the family's
struggles. Being strong for everyone else
becomes their identity, while their own pain and needs stay
(09:32):
hidden because showing weakness feels like betrayal of their
role. In adulthood, it gets even
harder. They're drawn to people they can
fix, jobs that drain their energy and crises they feel
obligated to solve. Their own heart, exhausted and
aching, goes unnoticed. Yet deep down, there's a
(09:54):
yearning to be cared for, to be loved without saving anyone.
But choosing themselves feels foreign, even wrong.
The hardest part of this journeyfor them is realizing that their
worth isn't measured by how muchthey give or fix, that it's OK
to let others carry their own burdens.
Even saviors deserve to rest. You know, what I was struck by
(10:15):
is so many women that I know like really prominent women,
powerful women liked that post. It resonated with women across
generations. And I wish Next Gen. and Ira
were on here because I am guessing it would resonate with
her and her generation too. And it's why I wanted to start
(10:36):
there because we talked last week about caretaking.
And this is really rooted in caretaking that we have this
responsibility to heal the worldor fix the world or like.
And I and I, I wonder if the next generation has that same
savior complex. Well, first of all, it's master
(10:56):
class Monday. So I'm going to bring my girl
Renata on to give us just a world view on what's going on
with the next Gen. But if we just talked about self
esteem before we go into the global statistics with Renata,
self esteem is first of all somebody's overall sense of what
they are worth. There is a difference between
what you are performing in termsof your worth or trying to
(11:18):
achieve in terms of your worth versus what you actually feel in
terms of your worth. And I think that distinction is
important for our listeners, especially our sisters, to
understand because 74% of Gen. Z report feeling overwhelmed and
stressed by daily life. 74% Thatwas a study from 2023, an APA
(11:45):
study from 2 thousand, 2374. That's 7 out of 10 girls in the
youth ministry. I'm not surprised, Morgan, let
me tell you. Let me explain you something.
I feel like when I was growing up, the aspiration bar was
certainly not as high as it is now.
I feel like the aspiration bar was like, it's great if you
(12:08):
could get into college, but not even necessarily necessary.
It's just great if you can, you know, figure out a way to
navigate life and be healthy. I feel like even our beauty
standards everything like the aspiration bar.
But now it feels like if you ain't out there starting your
own business at 18, figuring outhow you have 10,000 followers
traveling the world already. Like already in some sort of
(12:30):
booed up relationship. That you could take.
Pictures like they're so the barjust feels so high.
And I'm just saying at 47, I'm still like, Dang, like that's a
lot. I'm just trying to navigate.
So I'm just imagining the expectation and pressures of
what young girls must be feeling.
I agree with everything you justsaid.
V 42% of Gen. Z are diagnosed or receiving
(12:51):
treatment for a mental health condition.
That is the highest rate among all generations.
A 2021 study says that the Journal of in the Journal of
Adolescent Health said that selfesteem, we know this is strongly
correlated or strongly associated with increased risk
of depression, anxiety, substance abuse and suicidal
(13:15):
ideation. And then low self esteem
correlates with higher cortisol levels.
That's the stress hormone we talked about in week 1 that
causes things like like heart, heart disease and heart attacks,
right? So that impacts our sister's
immune function, their ability to sleep and their overall
well-being. And then last one I will say is
(13:38):
that social media exposure has significantly contributed to
negative self comparisons and body images.
Now we're going to talk about some solutions for self esteem.
But before that, I want to just get a more global overview.
Are you there, Renata? Hey, I'm here.
OK? So for 9 weeks I've been telling
y'all all the things that are stacked against us, right?
(14:00):
And then for the 9 weeks we havefound all the solutions together
and we've been finding out how to heal ourselves and heal our
communities. So today I wanted to bring a
little bit more light, especially Morgan, because you
already shared a little bit of the stats around our self esteem
as black girls and the things that are affecting that,
especially social media. So 2023 marked the first time in
(14:22):
U.S. history that more babies were born to women over the age
of 40 than they were to teenagers.
And I grew up in the 90s and everybody was pregnant.
So many people were pregnant in our generation and having babies
in our teens and early 20s. And so girls these days are
choosing to have children later,if at all.
So with this shift, I think it just clears up so much space for
(14:45):
women to to hone in on what's important to them.
And we were talking, you were talking a little bit earlier,
Morgan, about whether or not these girls care about certain
things. And I feel like it's like a
mixture, like they care or they don't like there's it's two
extremes, right? So they have all the feels or no
feelings. They're going to take those
vacation days. They're going to call out of
(15:07):
work and quit a job because it doesn't serve them or make them
feel good. But they also care deeply about
social issues, political issues.So we have a Mariani Coping
known as Little Miss Flint when she was just eight years old.
She was the voice of the children of Flint during the
water crisis. And she was the one who wrote
the letter to President Barack Obama, bringing national
(15:29):
spotlight and attention to the water crisis.
And since then, she's continued to be a vocal advocate for
environmental justice, raising thousands of dollars for clean
water initiatives, distributing bottled water and water filters.
We have next generation leaders like Imani Barbarin.
She's 35 years old. She's a writer, a public speaker
for disability rights, and she'san activist.
(15:51):
She goes by Crutches and Spice on Twitter, and she has nearly
1,000,000 followers. And y'all, she's, she's hella
funny, but she also is super real.
So all those things that we weretalking about with disability
rights, Imani Barbarin, they have Zionna Bryant, who at just
12 years old, she organized her first demonstration against the
police, against police violence.She's now a student at the
(16:14):
University of Virginia and the youngest member of the Virginia
African American Advisory Board.We have Nepal Khazzoli, a 21
year old activist and founder ofVOTE 2000, which is a campaign
to increase young People of Colors voter registration.
She also used to serve as a president of Black Lives Matter
Youth Coalition. We have this huge surge in voter
(16:37):
registration. Following Kamala Harris's
presidential nomination, the voter registration rate for
young Black women in 13 battleground states sky rocketed
by 175%, and that was nearly triple the rate from the
previous presidential election. We have women like Aaliyah
Gaskins, who's a public health professional and the urban
(17:00):
planner, but she's also the mayor of Alexandria, VA, and
she's the first Black female mayor there ever, 36 years old.
So we have an under representation in STEM fields,
especially engineering. So an organization called 400
Forward, which was founded by Tiffany D Brown is named in
(17:21):
light of the 400th living American, African American woman
becoming a licensed architect. And back in 2017, that's only at
that time, there was only 115,000 licensed architects in
the US period and 400 of them were black women.
So we have black women who are doing these things and who are
leading in different sectors. And I mean, I want to give a
(17:44):
shout out to our next Gen. on our team.
Naira, I can't wait to see how you lead our youth in girl
trade. Thank you for that, Renata, and
thank you for that beautiful counterbalance.
And I want to speak to the 74% of Gen.
Z girls who feel even overwhelmed by this reporting.
(18:06):
I want to talk about the 74% of Gen.
Z girls who feel like they are just holding on and have them
posted on social media in a few weeks because they're just
holding on. And so this is self-care school
for you today. And so I hope that you get some
aspiration and inspiration and affirmation that it is possible.
(18:28):
And I hope you get some reprievethat you don't have to do all of
that right now. All we're asking you to do is
take a 30 minute walk today for yourself.
Can you do that sister? Can you do that?
And so as we're taking that walk, you might be coming close
to your turn around time. I want to give you some
practical advice on how you can start to turn up your own sense
(18:53):
of self and worth and value. So one of them is a daily self
compassion break. And this is just a pause that
you can do as often as you need 3410 times.
And it's to put your hand on your chest and to breathe and
say this moment feels like struggle.
(19:13):
Struggle is a part of life. And I'm going to be kind to
myself. It really is just like
compassion for yourself. There are moments in life, y'all
that feel overwhelming and hard.And just acknowledging this
feels hard and I'm going to be kind to myself.
That's called a self compassion break.
So that's one thing you can do. Another one is a journal.
(19:36):
And Vanessa and I have been using an app for a long time.
It's called, I think it's called5 Minute Journal.
So I really love this mobile appbecause it sends you push
notifications to remember a gratitude practice.
And so every night, if you don'teven have the app, you can just
have a journal by your bed everynight.
I want you to write down one thing you did well, one thing
(19:57):
you are proud of and one thing you are grateful for.
And that self esteem journal rewires negative thinking
patterns and reinforces self worth.
And then the third one, y'all isto master something.
And you might think, oh, I'm going to become an architect
like Cherish, that's good. We encourage you to do that.
(20:18):
But what we're talking about here for self esteem purposes is
to just choose one small goal per day and to do it.
That might mean to just make up your bed, but just master one
experience a day. And what that does, Vanessa and
Renata is according to a recent study, is that it builds self
(20:38):
efficacy. The fourth piece of advice, it
is really practical that we've hinted at, but I really want to
encourage you, is to do a digital detox.
And a digital detox could be where you schedule one or two
hours per day. We heard from Doctor Dixon, our
sleep expert in our community that it should it should be
before bed. So if you plan to go to bed at
(20:59):
10:30 eleven, like by 738, just turn off everything.
And so scheduling one or two hours daily of social media
time, especially for self esteem, especially during the
morning and especially during bedtimes, really can reduce
your, your sense of wanting to compare and upward social
comparisons is what the study says that damages yourself
(21:22):
image. And then the last practical fact
that I would love to share with you is, oh, there's, there's two
more, but the, the last one's going to lead me into something
else. But the the last one I really
want to talk to you about is mirror work.
And I have mixed feelings about this Vanessa.
I have mixed feelings about about mirror work because I have
(21:42):
a friend who is just recently had a baby and she told me the
other day that she hadn't lookedin the mirror since she had a
baby. Y'all hormones are serious.
And it's like hard sometimes. And when I tell you she's easily
one of the most gorgeous people I've ever met in my entire life,
like supermodel gorgeous. And she was like, I haven't
(22:03):
looked in the mirror. And I sent her this video of
this girl who was was strugglingwith self esteem.
And she said, I used to feel badthat I didn't want to look in
mirrors. And she goes until I realized
that mirrors are a recent phenomenon in human history.
She goes, it's just in the last four or 500 years that people
(22:24):
had access to mirrors and they stared at at themselves in this
kind of way. That was that heightened self
criticism. She goes, you imagine the 5006
thousand. I don't, I don't know how many
thousands of years of human history, but you know, the, the,
the history, the millennia of human history, people saw
(22:45):
themselves in their other people's reactions and faces.
And so their beauty was from their actions and their beauty
was from their vibe and their beauty was from their communal
disposition and dynamic. Not how big their nose was or
how small their eyes are, but there's a lot of science that
says that if you look at yourself in the mirror squarely
(23:08):
and make peace with your face and your eye contact and whisper
affirmations to yourself, you'regoing to be OK.
You are safe, you are beautiful,you are loved.
That it is a really, really healthy practice.
Can I say something about that, Morgan?
Because I do. I love mirror work and I follow
like Louise Hay and a bunch of people who talk about mirror
(23:30):
work. And what I have found is when
I'm looking in the mirror is I'mlooking into my eyes, not at
myself, like, not at my featuresnecessarily.
I'm literally like looking into my eyes to like to bear witness,
to behold, to like, to even likecreate presence for myself.
(23:50):
And so I just offer that to somefolks, like really look into
your eyes. Like really try to see inside
your own soul, to see your own experience.
Look past because you're right about the mirror.
So like look past the like aesthetic of it to like see
yourself. And that for me is like really
looking in my eyes and just taking a beat.
And often it is a genuine momentof gratitude where I can just be
(24:14):
looking in my eyes and just be like you made it or like you're
surviving or like you got through that.
I love that and even I love likewhere how far we both have come
Vanessa, because I remember whenwe were like 19/20/21, we were
in College in LA and remember wehad this conversation this 30
years ago. Remember we had this
conversation, we were walking down the street and you would
check yourself out at every reflection and I would, and I
(24:37):
would be walking with like such like straight, like you know how
I am drum major, like let's go. And I would be like, why you
keep looking at yourself? He was like, because I just got
to see. I got to.
And I realized I was actually a boy avoiding looking at myself.
And you were, like, looking at yourself.
And I think we both have grown from, you know, from both of
those kinds of, or really our trauma responses.
(25:00):
Yeah. They're opposite trauma
responses into this sense of like true self and like making
eye contact with our true selves.
And that brings me to my last piece of advice, y'all.
And it really is about authenticity.
And the last piece of advice is to do a social authenticity
check. That is, connect with one person
(25:22):
authentically each day. Share how you really feel or
offer sincere praise for something that really happened
to you. How many times are we asked
throughout the day how you doingfor people who we do not feel
safe telling the truth to, right.
So this is a piece of advice that you find someone, someone
(25:45):
that you feel comfortable telling how you really feel, how
you really are, what really happened to you, what you are
really grateful for and do that social authenticity check at
least once a day. All right, so that though that
(26:07):
is your prescription for self esteem, y'all, It is meaningful
to connect with people. I I want to just play a clip on
authenticity by this brilliant brilliant brilliant content
creator on Instagram named at comfortable chaos and chaos is
with Aki invite you to follow the.
(26:28):
Reality is, you won't ever really be happy with your life
and soon Get comfortable living authentically.
For you, that means not living alife that your parents told you
that you're supposed to live. Not living a life that societal
construct deems as the American dream of what it's supposed to
be. Being married by 30 with kids, a
house, the car, the kids, a dog.Not living a life that you've
(26:51):
seen somebody else live because it's easier to attach to
somebody else's dreams, to do what it takes to actually go
after yours. True happiness comes from
authenticity, and it might be uncomfortable at first.
Being who you truly are at your core is how you attract the
better things into your life. Abundance is a frequency, and
(27:16):
authenticity and love are the highest.
And understanding that love and authenticity are the highest
frequencies. It's so important to operate
from these spaces to attract what you want in your life.
There is only one you, and that's what makes it so
beautiful because you can do whatever you want to do.
(27:37):
If you want to start a podcast, you want to be an author, you
want to be an artist, you might think, oh, there's so many
people doing that thing, but they're not you.
They're not going to bring what you bring into that space.
So give yourself permission to love every single part of you so
you can be the you you were meant to be and live the life of
your dreams. I love you.
(27:58):
I love you too sister like that is powerful powerful powerful
powerful powerful powerful y'allattract attracting What is meant
for you in your life comes from you being authentic.
The study that was referenced there in the clip was one where
they put electrodes Vanessa on on subjects right on on humans.
(28:24):
And they measured the kind of the frequency that was emitted
when a person was angry or the frequency when a person was
satisfied or when the person wasdelighted and a whole host of
emotions. And what they found is that the
(28:45):
highest frequency was what we would all expect love.
But connected to that, the highest frequency was when
people were being authentic is when they had the highest
frequency. And what we have always known as
a people is a vibration that they are vibrating on their
(29:08):
highest wave when they are authentic.
And so there's something really special about that.
And I suspect that so much of what is impacting Gen.
Z and all of us really on self esteem is this notion of
attractiveness, particularly with what's going on in social
media. Am I attractive?
(29:30):
And so I wanted to give a formula that is beyond physical
attraction that I thought was really good.
And you can spell out the word attracts.
OK, So A is, of course, authenticity.
The second one is tone in communication, how you speak
matters. Is your voice warm?
Is it clear? Is your body language engaging?
(29:52):
Are you leaned in? So the T is for tone.
The second T is for thoughtfulness.
Are you kind? Do you show care, empathy and
awareness for others? It signals reliability.
Kindness is very, very attractive.
If you're looking for a partner,if you are trying to find
(30:13):
friends, be authentic. Make sure that your tone and
your communication and your bodylanguage and your voice.
So tone, make sure that you are thoughtful.
The third one is resonance, right?
Your energy speaks, so being calm, being emotionally
regulated. The A in attracts I thought was
(30:34):
really interesting is ambition. People are attractive when they
have a sense of purpose over their life.
The C you would imagine is confidence.
How you stand, what you believe your actual worth is, is
attractive. The last T is for Twinkle, and
this is really a sense of humor.There's all these studies around
(30:57):
how people are attracted to people who can make them laugh.
And so finding the joy in life, sharing what makes you light up,
laughing by yourself so that youcan laugh with others.
And then last I loved reading about the science is S is for
scent. People are attracted to how you
smell, not just your pheromones,which we know Erykah Badu told
(31:22):
us about not just your pheromones, but actually the
different scents that you chooseto wear, the different perfumes,
the different essential oils, how your, I mean, your hygiene.
All of that is also very and deeply attractive.
So that is attracts authenticity, tone, your
thoughtfulness or kindness, yourvibration or resonance, your
(31:44):
ambition, your confidence, the twinkle or humor and your scent.
So I wanted to leave you all with that for today.
And we will end with one of the,I think.
I think she is a singer who appeals across generations.
She, I watched her Tiny Desk Concert and she is so beautiful.
(32:06):
And we all know what she's been through because she sings about
it in her songs. And it is the lightness that
comes out of her through her darkness, like a Lotus flower,
that makes her such an attractive and beautiful person.
And that is none other than MissJasmine Sullivan.
I want to end with some words ofadvice.
And mothers, if profanity is notfor you today, go ahead and log
(32:30):
off today. You did a good job on this Gen.
Z week. You did good.
We'll see you tomorrow. For everybody else, we will give
grace here. Jasmine Sullivan's going to give
us some great advice as we leavetoday.
We'll see you all tomorrow. Recently, maybe like last two
years, I'm making my business topost without filters because you
(32:51):
get addicted to filters and I'm all for fixing whatever the fuck
you want to fix. But if you're constantly using
it, it's like it's brainwashing each time that you use that
shit. Now, if you want to get a pimple
off pool, if you know your angle's great, but it's really
addictive. So I started doing it just
because I know that there's other girls that may be
(33:12):
following me and think that I feel secure every single day
when I fucking don't. It's so much better to just be
like, look, this is what it is, take it or leave it.
And then once you understand that motherfucker still.
Going to take it. You'll do it more.
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