History of the Germans

Germany was invented by Julius Caesar who also believed Moose had no knees. Herman the German was an officer in the legions, ritual car washing dates back to the 1 century BC and Constantine relied on Frankish soldiers to gain control of the Roman empire. These and other stories about the first 500 years of German(ic) history are part of the Prologue in which I attempt to run through the first 1000 years of German history before 9...

Part 2 of our Prologue to the History of the Germans kicks off with the last western emperor, Romulus Augustulus handing over the insignia of his reign to his German general Odoacer. The next two centuries are dominated by hair-obsessed crime lords, some long-haired gingers, others bearded Lombards. Clovis, first "King of France" and descendant of sea monster, chooses the correct faith to be baptised in. His descendants wade throug...

Part 3 of the Prologue is dedicated to Charlemagne, one of Europe's greatest rulers. and less because he conquered most of Europe and became the first Roman emperor for 325 years, but because he saved many books from antiquity, increased literacy and numeracy and made it possible for you to read this text comfortably.

The music for the show is Flute Sonata in E-flat major, H.545 by Carl Phillip Emmanuel Bach (or some claim it as BWV...

The year is 919 AD and things are not going well. The mighty empire of Charlemagne has splintered into a multitude of puny kingdoms. Its feeble rulers are being pushed around by their formidable barons. The frontiers are breached. In the north the Vikings and Danes are ransacking towns and villages along the coasts and even deep inland. In the east the Slavs are burning Hamburg. And in the south the most terrifying of them all, the...

Henry the Fowler ended the tradition of splitting the kingdom amongst the male heirs.  

So far, so wise. But, and there is always a but, what he did not work out was what to do with the spares. And there were quite a few spares about, three in total. How will Henry's designated heir, Otto I manage?

The music for the show is Flute Sonata in E-flat major, H.545 by Carl Phillip Emmanuel Bach (or some claim it as BWV 1031 Johann S...

His brother and his biggest vassals are rebelling, the kingdom remains under threat from Hungarians and Slavs - and now the king of France comes in on the side of the opposition. Only a series of very fortunate events can rescue king Otto, or a man of short stature, fierce temper, extraordinary bravery and a dislike of apples and women?

The music for the show is Flute Sonata in E-flat major, H.545 by Carl Phillip Emmanuel Bach (or s...

After the civil war with his brother Henry Otto gets to reorganise the kingdom and focuses on foreign policy. There is conflict on all borders, with the Slavs, the Bohemians, the Hungarians, and the French. Great opportunities for the fine sports of pointless sieges, burning of crops as well massacring peasants. But what do you say to a magnate who offers to swallow seven Saxon lances in one go?

The most interesting story plays out ...

Adelheid's rescue creates tension not only in the family of king Otto but across the realm. Younger members of the powerful families feel cheated out of the gains of the Italian campaign and worry about their prospects. And Otto makes again one of these mistakes he is so adept at, resulting in much bloodshed and pain...

The music for the show is Flute Sonata in E-flat major, H.545 by Carl Phillip Emmanuel Bach (or some claim it as B...

The devastation of the civil war lures in the largest Hungarian army anyone had ever seen anywhere. Enticed by the disinherited sons of former Bavarian dukes, the mighty host makes for Augsburg, a city whose walls are as weak as their defender is steadfast. This time they are here to conquer not just to plunder. Otto has to run hell for leather south gathering an army from wherever he can get his hands on soldiers to face the most ...

955-963 AD After the battle on the Lechfeld Otto has reached the zenith of his career. All he lacks is the formal recognition of his imperial position within the ancient realm of Charlemagne. For that he has to travel to the malaria-infested swamp that is 10th century Rome where a 23 year old promiscuous and duplicitous pope awaits him...

The music for the show is Flute Sonata in E-flat major, H.545 by Carl Phillip Emmanuel Bach (o...

Otto's final desire is to be recognised as a fellow emperor by the Basileus in Constantinople. When the Byzantines refuse him the purple-born princess Anna he wages war. The new emperor, John Tzimiskis comes up with a better solution and sends across the most glamorous figure of German medieval history - Theophanu Skleraina...

The music for the show is Flute Sonata in E-flat major, H.545 by Carl Phillip Emmanuel Bach (or some claim ...

When Otto II succeeds his father Otto the Great he inherits a strange construct of interwoven rights, relationships and privileges. He might rely on the church's resources to a degree but to succeed he needs military skill, charisma, proof of the grace of god and luck. With his father being the luckiest man in German history is there any of that elusive substance left for his son...

The music for the show is Flute Sonata in E-flat ...

Having suppressed the customary early reign rebellion, Otto II makes some poor appointments that result in war with France and estrangement from his mother. Once that has been patched up, he embarks on his major project, incorporating the south of Italy into the empire and thereby bottling up the popes.....

The music for the show is Flute Sonata in E-flat major, H.545 by Carl Phillip Emmanuel Bach (or some claim it as BWV 1031 Johan...

When 4-year-old king Otto III is crowned king riders bang on the door of Aachen Cathedral with news that his father, Otto II had died 16 days earlier. Immediately the archenemy of the family, Henry the Quarrelsome is released from prison where he was held for treason and is made guardian of the child. Otto III's chance of survival is bleak and his only hope is his mother, the Byzantine princes Theophanu who musters an odd assembly ...

Having rescued the reign and possibly life of 4-year-old king Otto III his mother, the byzantine princess Theophanu and later his grandmother Adelheid continue Ottonian policies. This time gives birth to the election of the French dynasty that will rule until 1789 (1830), a length of reign only surpassed by the emperors of Japan. It also witnesses the emergence of Poland as a sovereign nation under the pope.

The music for the show ...

Otto III is one of the most controversial emperor in German medieval history. Was he just an uncontrollable teenager with dramatic mood swings? Or did he plan the Restoration of the Empire of the Romans as his propaganda stated? Was he cruel man who executed and mutilated his opponents or was he a deeply spiritual man torn between his piety and the demands of the office?

The music for the show is Flute Sonata in E-flat major, H.545...

After part one of Otto III's "Restoration of the Empire of the Romans" had been a bloody affair, he now embarks on a strenuous display of religious devotion. That includes a trip to Gniezno, the grave of his friend and mentor Saint Adalbert, a trip that has huge consequences for the development of Poland as an independent nation.

His excessive ascetism, long periods of prayer and devotion may look incomprehensible to us today, but...

In this episode we talk about the economy, society, infrastructure and art at the turn of the first millennium. We will look at changes in climate, agriculture, monetary system and warfare. We will take a look at towns and cities, take a deeper dive into Cologne and Magdeburg, muse about the trade in Eunuchs and medieval bathing habits. It is the 10th century when society splits into those who pray (Oratores), those who fight (Bell...

This is part 2 of our rundown of the economic and social situation in Germany around the year 1000. The third and highest social strata were the "Oratores", those who pray, the priests, monks and bishops. We look at how a village priest is educated, why monasteries became so rich (spoiler, it is not about piety alone, money is key) and the role of bishops in the Imperial Church System that made the German emperors the most powerful...