April 19, 2023 • 43 mins
Attention!! Are you the golden unicorn we have been searching for? We start off this week, with moments of Junkyard Joy: Disney Edition. Also, with our IVF journey beginning we are talking out the details of what this process might look like, to calm our nerves. We end with a little game to deeper our relationship.
For transcripts of this week's podcast click below:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/j7djgdxnqjousut/Junkyard%20Mayhem%20-%20Episode%2024%20-%20Transcriptions%20.pdf?dl=0
Thank you to this week's sponsor
Zoc Doc - Go to Zocdoc.com/JUNKYARD and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.
For more Mayhem follow us at:
https://instagram.com/junkyardmayhem
https://instagram.com/shaneburcaw
https://instagram.com/hannahayl
https://www.facebook.com/squirmyandgrubs/
https://www.squirmyandgrubs.com/junkyardmayhem
Watch full episodes of the podcast and more:
https://www.youtube.com/SquirmyandGrubs
We would love your feedback... If you enjoyed this episode, tell us why! Leave us a review and make sure you subscribe on your favorite podcast platform.
Executive Producers are Riley Peleuses + Michaela Garrison for YEA Networks / YEA Podcasts
If you are interested in advertising on this podcast or having Shane and Hannah as guests on your Podcast, Radio Show, or TV Show, reach out to podcast@yeanetworks.com
For transcripts of this week's podcast click below:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/j7djgdxnqjousut/Junkyard%20Mayhem%20-%20Episode%2024%20-%20Transcriptions%20.pdf?dl=0
Thank you to this week's sponsor
Zoc Doc - Go to Zocdoc.com/JUNKYARD and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.
For more Mayhem follow us at:
https://instagram.com/junkyardmayhem
https://instagram.com/shaneburcaw
https://instagram.com/hannahayl
https://www.facebook.com/squirmyandgrubs/
https://www.squirmyandgrubs.com/junkyardmayhem
Watch full episodes of the podcast and more:
https://www.youtube.com/SquirmyandGrubs
We would love your feedback... If you enjoyed this episode, tell us why! Leave us a review and make sure you subscribe on your favorite podcast platform.
Executive Producers are Riley Peleuses + Michaela Garrison for YEA Networks / YEA Podcasts
If you are interested in advertising on this podcast or having Shane and Hannah as guests on your Podcast, Radio Show, or TV Show, reach out to podcast@yeanetworks.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Yay Networks. Well, I'm backto Jen jerd Mayhem. Two weeks ago,
I worked up on the day thatwe were supposed to hoard our next
episode of Mayhem. To this Janehe gets. We told them that they
(00:25):
heard my voice yes, and sowe had to unfortunately canceled holding that day
as hand ups sounded like human standpaper. We did that little like best
episode in place. Today we're holdingour next episode and I raked up too.
Shane. I know you don't believethis, but I think I have
(00:49):
pinned die. I didn't know.First of all, I'm not recovered yet
from the voice issue. Now youare still you have something. I still
have the same cold, and todayit manifested itself as pink eye, which
I didn't know adults get I Idon't know anyone who has recently had pink
(01:15):
was only for children? Well,I don't know, like who, what
adult in your life has ever beenlike, Shane, I have pink eye.
I've never heard of that. That'strue. It's only kids. It
is because kids are jeremy and sharingthere. You know, I thought that
pink eye only came from fieces.So my response this Moree was well,
(01:38):
maybe some of the clois popt underyour fingernails, which you're very long and
detriative and beautiful. Maybe some poopdown under there and you touched your eye
that was my and I was like, what in the world is wrong with
you? And she was like,well, pink eye comes from poop,
and I was like, uh no, pink eye can also come from other
things. Pinky's very contagious. Andit turns out you can have pink eye
(02:01):
as a manifestation of a cold,like a virus, which is what happened
to me. It was like,if you have an upper respiratory infection,
it's not very uncommon to then getpink eye, and people might not know
that it can also be a manifestationof sin. God anyway, So one
(02:22):
of these things caused Hannah to developedpink eye. Hannah's internal kind of landscape
right now is junkyard mayhem. There'sa lot of bad stuff going on in
there. Thankfully, she tested forKevin and it's not bad. So many
times, a lot of times we'revery thankfully. It's not that I don't
even know. For a time Ithought, at this point, I think
(02:44):
it's a new thing. You'll hearabout it in a couple of months.
Hanna may or may not be patientzero for our next pandemic. Shane's not
getting it, which is making methink that maybe this is just like a
you know, like a me thing. Sorry, there it is. It's
making me think that maybe it's justa me thing. Like, is it
possible that I'm just I'm naturally naturallysick. Yeah, like I'm having an
(03:08):
issue, but it's not an outsideforce. At this point, it's been
about two weeks and things are seemedto be going downhill. Yeah. Um,
so we'll keep you updated on Hannah'sstate. Yeah, I'm well enough
to do this podcast. So that'sgood. Are you kid? Positive for
you to talk? See, I'mgetting through it. I didn't you know
(03:30):
so that they had your experience whatI've been experiencing this whole week, whole
two weeks. Is we'll just leaveall you're hopping in there. Please don't.
This is a note to our editor. Leave every girdle, every tough
in. No one wants that.Um. All right, Well, we're
gonna have a fun episode today.We are talking about hiring a caregiver slash
(03:58):
baby helper IVF is beginning in likeyour week ish and so we're going to
talk about all of those details andour thought about all of it right now,
it's scary, families, It's basicallylike a job offer that we're putting
up. This is a learned byhelp wanted ad and then at the end
(04:24):
we are going to learn together howto forge a deeper relationship. See the
ways that we talk to one another. Wow, if that doesn't pique your
interest, I don't know what will. Yeah, but to begin, let's
do a recab before you were sick. The amazing adventure that leads out to
(04:48):
go on with Disney. Yes,we got to go on the Disney Creator
Celebration trip, which yeah, wetalked about before we went right for those
for those of you not familiar,the Disney Creator of Celebration is something that
Disney does obviously where they invite abunch of creators like us to enjoy a
(05:13):
week in Disneyland and then on aDisney trus It's a pretty elusive thing to
get invited. You not the twoaround homes. But Handover was invited and
brought me as head plus one.Thank you for doing that. Of course,
I thought maybe what we to dois over some moments of joy,
(05:33):
some jump joy from throughout that wholeweek, just to give people a little
flavor of what we doctor experience.Oh, it's such a blur now,
you know. It's been like acouple of weeks. It was such a
huge week. I have to pickout all the moment rand. It was
a gym packed week, like theymind us up with so many fun activities
(05:54):
and meals and things. I know. One of my moments of joy was
the Pitto horn dog. Oh thatwas the last night at disney Land.
Well, it changed my life.You're probably familiar with the hancept of it
horn dog, which is a hotdog wrapped in horn flower and then deep
(06:15):
fried delicious. Okay, the petelhorn dogs. Step further. You take
a hot dog, you shove itinside of a thick boy pittole, then
you towed it in horn flower,then the deep faget. It was a
(06:36):
It was a tongue burner. Itis a domination, the hottest, like
every bite of that pickle corn dogfrom the top to the bottom was and
we just fried our way through itbecause it was so good. Hanted,
we cried, it has everything,it is good. M hmmm. It
was really good. So if you'venot tried a deep fried horn dog,
(07:00):
I don't remember that. It wasfrom Blue Ribbon corn dog and something I
think they're breading is what made it. I mean, I love a hot
dog out to pickle whatever, butthe corn breading on that corn dog was
super. They're adding something in thereand it was very fresh, like we
watched the woman make it, andthen we brought it back to our hotel
(07:24):
room. We ate it ten minuteslater and it was a million degrees.
It was very fresh. So unfortunatelyI didn't mean for that said thirty minutes.
But one of your moments enjoy Okay, Well, going off of that,
uh to another food item. Wegot to try a bunch of food
(07:45):
from the Food and Wine Festival atDisneyland, which is happening in April.
And one of the items I'm goingto dream about you're doing another food Yea,
that's what I said. Going offof pickle dog to another food item.
I almost wish I hadn't had it, because now I know that I
(08:07):
have to live the rest of mylife probably never having it again. It
was a Snickers macaroon mickey shaped dessertmacaroon's top and bottom sandwich in the middle.
Chocolate do yeah, like snickers inardsand then there was like some peanut
(08:30):
butter some some peanuts on it.I have never had anything to taste to
that good. And like now I'mgoing to have to learn how to make
it myself or I hope that theybring it back next year. We have
to get a Mickey mold so good. So I think let's not talk about
food anymore, because we could goitem item of all the stuff we ate.
(08:50):
We ate a lot on this trip. Does it really does food the
right way they do? And sowe ate very much is important to us.
Obviously I did get a moment ofjoy that you and I can that
we will share. Is making friends. Yes, uh, we were so
excited to get to meet other creators, um, other interabled prea years um
(09:13):
and just hang out with them andshare our experiences as you know, people
who are kind of dealing with theconvergence of being a creator and being disabled.
We have a lot in common.Um, so just seting to hang
out with our new friends and Uknowing that you know, our friendship will
move beyond this like together. Now. I just did a whole, a
(09:39):
whole little film there and I didn'tsay one Shay Castle film. Wow,
she's genuine from the heart, speakingmy truth. Wow. I like making
friends. Okay, moving on toour cruise for my next Junkyard joy.
One of the things on a Disneycruise is that you have the same server
(10:00):
for dinner every night, so theygo with you from restaurant to restaurant.
Actually held your hand. No,they do not, but you have the
same people so you really get toknow them. It's a it's a really
nice part of the Disney cruise.And on this cruise we had the best
server. He did amazing magic tricks. I missed him. I know.
They were blowing our mind these magictricks. And she would be like,
(10:22):
please do it again, we needto see it again. I was like,
dove it slower. They were thebest magic tricks ever. They were
amazing magicians, but like also justreally friendly. Yeah, like m on
hers can be a bit like theyhave a lot of tables that they have
to manage, but it didn't feellike that. It felt like they were
(10:43):
completely invested in our happy nights ofcomfort. Um. You know, every
time I sipped my beverage, itwas refilled instantly, you know, just
very hands on and friendly. Rememberedyour drink or drink order. Yeah,
he gave. He was like thewhite line beggery. Yeah. I was
like, yep, you got it. Um, so great experience. Yeah.
(11:05):
I would do One Joy and thatis my nightly movie. Yeah on
the bill, which we did withAmanda and Michael, our new friends.
Yeah, every single night we hada movie night with them. We just
heard that the who we were onhad this amazing movie theater showing amazing movies
every night, like multiple movies.It's almost nobody went to because there was
(11:28):
other stuff going on, you know, there was a bunch of stuff for
like kids to do, right,So the movie theater was not packed at
all. There were probably like fiveother people in there with us most nights.
Yeah, the real chair accessible seats. Friend of all, I would
get it. Well. We wouldget our popcorn first, yes, Then
I would get my nice little spotclime night chair and covered me with a
(11:50):
blinding I brought a pillow and wewould head down to the movie theater with
like armfuls of betting. I nevereven just said whether they get humped for
either one or two movies. Andthen when we're done, we had a
sleepy eye our way back to ourroom. It's just a wonderful little setup.
I would like a movie theater walkingdistance to our bedroom at home.
(12:13):
It was the best. We havea TV. The TV is not the
same. There's something about a movietheater that is so wonderful. I think
it's the pop port stand honestly.Well, and it was the big screen.
We had friends. It's more funwith friends, you know. It
was just a fun expense friends friendsin a movie theater by our house.
I don't know. That was probablythe highlight of my nights. We also
(12:37):
saw dolphins do more more joy.Yeah. Overall, it was a fantastic
week. We went accad Disneyland umand all of their teams that Hampstead ushere.
There's an amazing am we We reallyhad a great time. It was
amazing and it was it was tired, yeah, but apparently wiped out my
(13:01):
whole body. I've needed weeks torecover. And it gave Hannah Pink die.
Yeah you just here right, allright? Everyone reriteritate break and then
we will be bad to talk aboutour intention of hiring a caregiver for me,
you know, my recent mystery illnessand now the development of pink eye
(13:24):
really leads us nicely into thinking thesponsor of this episode zoc doc. Yes,
and I would let the dot becausewhenever Hannah developed symptoms of any time,
the first thing she does is umto me and present them to me.
She lifts off all of her usingand reaping and congestion, and then
(13:46):
she reached for me to give hermy diagnosis. I am not qualified.
So after I excuse myself to throwup, come back, didn't I say
you know where you could get muchbetter help then whatever I'm about to give
you where thousands of qualified doctors areavailable to give you the attention and care
(14:11):
that you need to handle everything thatyou have going on. Okay, Shane,
I admit that you're right. Zacdoc is the only free app that
lets you find in book doctors whoare patient reviewed, take your insurance,
are available when you need them,and treat almost every condition under the sun,
including mystery pinky. That's because you'vehad almost every mischiei condition under the
(14:33):
sun. Yeah, and when you'renot feeling well, the last thing that
you want to be doing is it'sspending unnecessary energy to find great medical care.
And that makes it so that youdon't need to do that. Millions
of people rely on their app becausethey may find it in the right doctor
that meets your needs and fits yourschedule extremely easy. In fact, you
(14:56):
can behind an appointment but just afew taps their app and hopefully Hannah start
feeling better faster with zo do goto zok doc dot com slash junkyard and
download the zoc doc app for free. Then find and book a top rated
doctor today. Many are available withintwenty four hours that zoc dc dot com
(15:16):
slash junkyard, zoc doc dot comslash junkyard. Well, Hombat, we
take a nice long break for Hannahto hack up her left long but now
she's feeling refreshed. I feel great, ready to go. All right.
So in this segment, we're gonnathis has a bit of an experiment.
(15:39):
We are having a conversation with oneanother. Oh about what was your hind
of what a podcast is? Butwhy acted surprised? I'm saying, there's
no real like formula or structure here. Yeah. But as we are beginning,
IVF to hopefully get pregnant by likemiddle of this summer, ish um
(16:03):
really just start seriously thinking about howmy care and our life is doing the
look and get done wants. Wehave a baby and while you're pregnant and
you know, not able to listme and do all those things. So
we've long talked about hiring the careyou ever, when this time comes.
(16:26):
Now, the time has come,and we're both feeling, I would say,
overwhelmed. So let's just talk aboutit. I think you're more optimistic
about it than I am. Ionly see obstacles and You're like, no,
we'll find someone, and I'm like, no, we won't. Yeah,
(16:48):
so I think the bid then it'smaking him and I feel so scared
and nervous about this whole thing isthe actual process of finding you know,
sufficient person or persons to carry outwhat we'd be done. And we want
to be one I think we wantedto be one person like a more of
(17:08):
like a full time employee. Ourdream for this position is someone who is
with us all the time. Notsome of this might not end up not
like not like a I mean theyneed there then it's a forty hour work
we not. I just want thisis people to be like, why do
(17:30):
you think someone will work for you? Twenty four stef I don't mean tell
your rods of it. Yeah,I usally and they are readily like with
us. Yeah, um that theyare able to carry out all of my
physical carry event as well as likeit's just me with non carry event damas
you know, like just but that'swhat a personal care assistant is. Helps
(17:52):
you cook and clean and go tothe grocery store exactly. Yeah, so
that type of like life management stuff. Yeah, and help out with the
baby, which again is like meas the dad being like, oh hey,
I'm now going to give my babyat bath like carry giver, maybe
please help with that as well asall of that aside, someone that cam
(18:19):
and wants to be involved in ourwork and hold the camera and maybe you
know, be a creative input forus, you know, someone that has
a tilt towards all the business thatwe do as well. Yeah, which
is less important. That's less important. But like I'm speaking dream position here,
(18:41):
Yeah, I mean it would benice if the person was interested in
what we were doing so that theyfelt more right. That would just be
a better fit. Yeah. Someonewho's like that, I don't want to
be anywhere near that. Someone thathates implementers. I did social media.
I was uminate our society all right, time to back there. Um.
(19:03):
But then I did the biggest likedream thing that we hope for, which
is also probably the hardest to findif someone that is able to travel pretty
freely. But to us, yeah, that's the problem. That's where I
see the biggest obstacle of like,there's no person who is going to want
(19:23):
to spend three months in la andthe way like who, yeah, you
know, who doesn't have those tiesright to want to stay in one place
some of the to just go whereveryou go. Yeah. And then in
the nature of our businesses sentially likewe can get an offer tomorrow for a
special engagement in Utah in two beaks. Yeah, and it's just not wildly
(19:48):
path to hold, to assume orto require that a terry giver can pick
up and you have somewhere for youknow, ob terry begam whatever it is.
So that's kind of like the pictureof what this terrydiver position needs to
fulfill, Like you're feeling what thatis going to be impossible to find?
(20:11):
Yeah, I think for me atthat point it makes almost more sense to
like hire someone for three months inMinnesota and then what fire them and then
try to find someone for three monthsin California dog like, it's just you
know, I just don't see howit's going to be possible. Yeah,
And I think right now I'm relatingit very much in my mind to when
(20:33):
we had to find a dog sitterfor our dog and maybe handled out was
we made a post about it onsocial media. We got all these people
say, hey, I am inthe area, like I would love to
help out. We interviewed some ofthem, and that was that I have
a feeling or I hope. I'mvery optimistic that when we like put out
(20:53):
our official call for half of thetens, that the same thing will happen,
and then we'll have a large poolto pick from and then we will
end up finding someone that satisfies atleast most of our hopes were dog sitter
wasn't easy. Dog sitter in Minneapolisarea. Okay, well that's pretty simple.
(21:17):
But this is like who has notime dedicated to the area, wants
to travel, spend different amounts ofmonths in different places, uh, can
lift sixty pounds, wants to holda camera, doesn't hate dogs, will
hold a baby, also wants to, like, you know, cook with
(21:40):
Shane likes cooking often Shane likes cooking. Um, I think if I had
to speech about, like if Ihad to identify Rare my biggest source of
lights, hesitation and nervousness about allthis is it's led him someone into that
vulnerable level of my life, likeyou've been doing my Harry gibbing now for
(22:03):
five years, like only you andwe are so humpedibol with one another obviously
that like evely just a friend helpsout for like a day. It feels
like, oh, this is weird, Like I have to change how I
am, you know, I can'tlike just I have to describe how to
(22:29):
do things, and I have tomake constant reminders of like films that you
know, like the back of yourhand. You know. I no longer
have to tell you anything about mycarrygibbing for another for a stranger, Like
there are so many my new detailsand just like some of them are very
(22:52):
personal, like okay, to wipemy butt, here's what you do,
and I pull down my under thingis that I don't think we need to
have a caregiver do all of thatstuff, you know, like that doesn't
need to be hoping wipe your buttdoes not need to be part of the
job description, but it might beif you're like laid up in bed with
(23:14):
a you know, like say oryou know, maybe whatever it is,
like, there might be moments likethat where I have to do those thilms
and I know that I can getthrough it because you know, thousands of
disabled people do it every day.But I'm a baby and I'm scared and
I don't want to know. Iwant Hannah doing it. But also,
(23:37):
like we've had discussions about Shane beinglike I am worried about having a caregiver,
you know, a stranger doing something, and I'm like, but at
that point, it wouldn't be astranger. So you know, imagine if
it was like so and so frienddoing something and Shane is like, oh,
that would be okay, and I'mlike yeah, but at you know,
the caregiver will also by this pointfeel like someone, you know,
like you're not just gonna get aperson off this street not know them and
(24:00):
like put you in the shower.I need a shower. Are you available?
Uh? Yeah? And I knowI know that you're right. Like
when my brother came out to takecare of me, it was a little
bit you know, we'red in thefirst day, but then we like fell
into our old rhythm and it wasfine. Yeah. I think it's the
process of getting from stranger, goingthrough that, like getting to know you
(24:25):
and like becoming comfortable and then likethat it's my belt hoole, like you
know, it's it's not a straightline and it's not a simple line.
Um, and then do that isyou know, not the most fun thing
in the world. Um, ButI do, like I'm excited because I
(24:45):
felt that it will be really goodfor us for to have another pair of
hands that are not use Mandel mandeledhands. If you're not watching this visually,
Shane is lifting up his hands barelyas high as it. Yeah,
about too many ches um, Butyeah, I I I said, I
(25:07):
didn't. I hope it ends upbeing you know, beneficial and fun.
Yea, there I say, andnot something that ever like oh, Marlins
have been younger for her shift,Like, No, that's the other huge
thing is this has That's that isthe you just said. The thing that
I think is the most stressful tome is that this has to be someone
that we like and want to havearound almost as much as like you know
(25:32):
each other or like a very closeas much as each other. Like,
okay, scenario here we are inbed. You are incapable of caring for
me in this moment because you justgave birth yesterday and Bill Hall has not
been cut yet, and I havean emergency bathroom experience in the middle of
(25:56):
the night and have to all caregiverwho's in the the room. We're not
gonna have an overnight you think someonethat's gonna have to be there if I
you know whoever it is, Ratherit's a family member, Christian, I
don't think we're gonna have an overnightcaregiver right after I give birth. We're
probably gonna have like your dad herefor a week, Just so you know.
We can't hire someone to live withus twenty four seven and be on
(26:18):
call all the time, if notthe stame in person, but twelve hours
ships. We're not doing that.We're not doing that. But anyway,
like whoever it is, after Igive birth, I have no one in
the house to help, and youwere having an emergency bath from incident.
Maybe it was a bad example.Let's say there reach down the road middle
(26:42):
of the night. It's not middleof the night. All I'm saying it's
like, just go with having themiddle of the night is the least problematic
time, No, because we're broth, didn't bad. I don't care about
them being but like if they tipedinto the room to do something for me,
it can't be someone that we're like, oh my god, like any
more of a problem. Lunchtime,we're all sitting down to eat lunch.
(27:03):
That is a way better example thanyou having diarrhea in the middle of the
night. I'm saying that having acomplete stranger or this person that we are
now marlaw in our bedroom or inour bathroom or like in our close,
private what was once private spaces,like we have to be so humpty.
(27:29):
Yeah, that's all I'm saying.I don't care about comfort. I'm talking
about I want to like them.At lunchtime, we're out to dinner and
they're there. You know, thathas to be someone that we really like.
So we need to play on thejob opplication. Are you funny?
Please submit a five minute reel yourbest tumor. It's just like, oh
(27:51):
god, I don't you know.I can count on one hand the number
of people that I would want around that much. Yeah, Like yeah,
that's that's concerning. But at thesame time, we may not have
the luxury of like finding that wow, that all star person. Not also
but the crawling out of bed BCsection because I'm not having some person I
(28:11):
don't like her around. I'm onthe front of the hospital. Yeah,
our stitches came out again. Shedoesn't want Marla do it yet. Oh
my god, she's fired Marla.I think, not to be dramatic,
that this is going to be oneof the biggest and most stressful like things
(28:36):
that we do together in life,like like obviously having a baby, Yeah,
but like getting a terryer Rid thatwill become a part of our day
to day life is huge. It'snot easy for any disabled people. Yeah,
you know, finding a Terry Riverfor anyone is a very difficult and
you know, often unfair process becauseof the way carry your works in the
(29:03):
United States get to it. Yeah. And I think also we may like
this is kind of an impossible ask, and I feel like we may end
up having someone short term for likethe end of the pregnancy, early birth,
whatever, someone who doesn't want togo to California or wherever we're going.
And then you know, transitioning thatinto just having a nanny for the
baby, right, you know,like once you're able to do my care
(29:26):
out with all of these things,but isn't specifically like doing your care And
that's a pretty normal, that's muchmore normal. That's the thing in like
the US that's way easier to findthan a caregiver. So but if you're
watching or right now and you're intoto yourself, I kick every one of
their boxes. I am a literalgolden Please, by all means, reach
(29:52):
out, name your price. Literally, are you really to realize? Hey?
Often again and again really it's it'sonly Minneapolis in LA. But yeah,
so well with you know, traveledwith some travel. I'm just saying,
like we spend a lot of timein LA and a lot of time
(30:14):
in Minneapolis that we don't spend.We're not going to Utah for speak engagement
for like a month. I believewe will find the golden unit horn they
are out there, wow, AndI believe we will find a short term
caregiver and a long term babysitter.But we'll see, we'll see who we're
at right now in this process.I'm excaded. You see, you know
(30:36):
in two or three months where we'reat. Yeah, if I had to
guess, knowing ourselves, in threemonths, you will be saying, shit,
we haven't been done yet. Uh, we really didn't make that add
that is how these things tend togo. No, we will not put
us today on this the biggest decisionof our life. Yeah, we will
(30:56):
get it done proactively. Oh boy, all right, let's take your trick
break and then we'll be back todeepen our relationship, which we might need
as we as we get into thiscare yegger. All right, we are
back and we are ready to askquestions that we'll get a better answer than
(31:21):
how are you? Why are wedoing this? These are alternatives to asking
how are you to get the realanswer. I don't know, Shan you
found this article. This is anartohole that I saw this morning. Literally
the headline was don't say how areyou say these eight domes instead better relationships?
I was like, oh, thatsounds fake. Um sold it.
(31:44):
It was an artohole on CNBC,which, like all of the content is
finance and business stuff. So Idon't quite understand why they decided to don't
hold this or hole. But theclaim by this time tribute is that using
these conversation starters will help you havea deeper, more positive relationship with whoever
(32:13):
you're speak into. See just lookingat these, you know the first couple.
I find these very uncomfortable to beasked, Well, let's get into
it, Hannah is now, don'tyou try to deep in our relationship and
test out some of these? Soinstead of how are you? How are
you really really? That's number one? How are you really all right?
(32:37):
For all of this, I justwanted to imagine walking into light a coffee
shop, Flabrius is like, hey, how are you? And I you
say, did how are you really? How are you really doing well?
Hannah? I am really doing themgreat? Wow for you? That's a
(33:00):
little would have said if you justsaid how are you? I'm great?
But how am I really really great? Great? I'm great? Well,
how are you doing right now?Right now? Right now? My hands
are profusely sweating. Apparently it's somethingabout the Minnesota environment where we are now
(33:25):
back in I set off my hand, uh sweat lands once again, and
shorts that I am I am seemto be very absorbative, absorb absorbent the
author because as I rest in myhands here, I just wanted to feel
(33:47):
the sweat spread yam wants throughout allareas of my pants. Yeah. See,
I don't want to ask these things. That's how I'm doing. I
am right now. I'm a littlegreat tie. Okay. At the end
of this podcast, I'm very hungry. Okay, do you feel like we're
dead in deeper? Yeah, thatwas a lot of information, all right,
(34:09):
Number three, Number three, verydeeper relationship. What's been on your
mind lately? Lately? That shelately is pretty big? I guess like
lately it's the past few days.Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about
your illness that does not see himto be getting better. And you know
(34:29):
how strongly and need to urge youto see medically tear the iddition of the
pink eye today is make it itmore dire. Please go to the DoPT
there you know, Shane, Let'skeep this about you, Okay. I
want to get to know you.I've been what was it? I have
another question, if you were beingcompletely honest with me, if how would
(34:55):
you describe your feelings lately? Well, if I normally I'm not, yeah,
normally usual to assume that I'm justlying, If though I was being
if you were completely honest with you. How are my feelings? How are
your feelings lately? How are myfeeling as lately? How would you describe
(35:17):
your feelings lately? Be honest?Average, pretty average. I have moments
of the day where I'm you know, happy and working, productive, feeling
goode having fun. Other moments ofthe day when I'm facing a challenge or
something annoys me. So pretty standardhuman existence. I wouldn't say maybe a
(35:45):
little bit to the negative side ifI had to, really, like,
if I had to be honest withyou, really, because I'm just having
a great time in La Yeah,and now I'm back in Minnesota, yeah,
which is fine. Well that kindof leads me to my next question,
what's feeling good and what's feeling hard? It sounds like maybe being back
(36:09):
in Minnesota is feeling hard. Youknow, I didn't or try during this
h not feeling good? Is thatsaid? Filly? The weather here has
been wonderful since Yatten, It's beenhot like eighty eighty eight yesterday, And
(36:29):
just like getting back into our normallife does really feel me joy? I
think it does the opposite for you. Yep, you know you realize very
spontaneity and adventure I like routine.I'm feeling trapped and we just got home
and let's feel like you're hard.This isn't about me anyway. What's feeling
(36:51):
hard for you, Sha, Reallyhard is the enormity of beginning IVF and
finding you care yet. Yeah,that's been on us since like two years
ago, and now it's finally likego time, and I'm scared. I
don't feel ready. I am barelyan adult. Yeah, I don't.
(37:13):
I don't think I can do it. So I'm letting you know right now,
no kids. Oh no, Well, let me ask you a follow
up question to that. What wordwould you describe? No, what word
would you use to describe your liferight now? Heavy? Oh? I
(37:35):
thought you were feeling good. Iam. I'm feeling average. I've been
with your heavy films. I alwayskind of maintained or like everything's fine.
Yeah, do me in Europe.But and I think that enrages you sometimes.
Um, but yeah, I shouldgood. But everything just feels very
heavy right now. We have alot of very big decisions, a lot
(37:57):
of very big films that may ormennot leads to like difficult emotions, yeah,
and did emotions, but like they'reall big and that feels heavy.
Yeah, I actually do you feelI know midfront of the in the beginning.
I love this game. I'm likea great questions. The last time
(38:20):
we talked, you were dealing withX problem and no, you're supposed to
feel that good diarrhea in the middleof the night. Yeah, the last
time we talked, you were dealingwith anxiety about having midnight accidents. How
smart? How has that been lately? It's been fine. There was thankfully
(38:45):
no midnight accident. It was aclose at hall. But I have a
great caregiver of life who rescued mein that moment. So you did have
an incident recently, just a momentof pandit I did that was fed poison
by my wife and the resulted inmidnight. Yea moment midnight mayhem, if
(39:06):
you will, resulted in a steer. But yeah, they're right. I
don't remember what she did as me, but I just said that the last
time we talked, you were dealingwith anxiety about having midnight accidents. Right,
it wasn't subsidy accidents. Asking howhas that been lately? It's been
dead. Um. Hannah has reassuredme that I did have a million midnight
(39:30):
almost accidents, and she would stilllove me just the same. Luckily you
haven't had you haven't had many,only one in like three months. Yeah,
and so I'm feeling really good aboutthat. I'm feeling you're the hump
digits over. And I did notwait to tell my future hired Terry Giver
(39:53):
about the possibility of this. Terry. I only have one question left for
you, Shane. Do you feellike we've gotten the big defair? Or?
I mean I knew most of this, Most of it relates to things
I did not fathom asking a stranger, any of you saying that's why that
(40:13):
makes me so. I do notlike the kind of person that would ask
this to like their server at arestaurant, or their barista, or like
their maleman. You know, Idon't like that with a casual friend.
Would you appreciate that? No?Even then, you know, I find
that uncomfortable. But I understand whysomeone would want to do this. Yeah,
but unprompted. I find that likein a game. Sure, but
(40:36):
if you just come up to meand say, like, what's feeling good
and what's feeling hard? I couldn'tbe like, what is wrong with you?
Okay? So on to our lastquestion, Oh, what question do
you wish someone would ask you?Right? I hate this question. Yeah,
this puts the whole like you're theone shine to find out how I
(40:57):
am. Don't put it on meto do all the work. Figure out
your question and my answer? Well, Shane, what question do you wish
someone would ask you? I wish, Yeah, I wish. I wish
you would ask me how you canabsolutely blow my mind today with it's was
(41:20):
it meals, surprise gifts? Um, ask me what you need to do
to make sure that that happens?What do I need to do to blow
your mind with exquisite meals and gifts? It's pretty much that if you could
prepare something for breakfast that like I'mnot aware we have, you know,
(41:44):
like a secret she's your meal thatjust presented to me. I haven't high
attempts. Maybe yeah, we don'thave any with your ball salmet blaze,
don't have drizzle avocados save that thatLike, that's what I want you to
ask me so you can figure itout and then make it happy. Wow,
m I feel like read Big debirth and we read before. Now
(42:06):
you know my anxieties, my hopes. Yeah, and if anyone would like
to use these questions in your dayto day life, go for it.
I would find you very uncomfortable,but you will forge much better relationships.
Dany body if you want the justsurface level untarrib routes of how are you
(42:31):
bah? Where are you going toget from that? Yeah? All right,
everyone? That is Mayhem. Episodetwenty three four three was meant to
be a theory. Oh you're right. We did our our recap episode,
so it's twenty four now, andas is the taste. Every time I
(42:52):
say this doesn't matter, Yeah,it doesn't matter. Episode numbers don't matter
here. Let's hope that I'm wellby next week. I doubt it.
If you're not well, I'm goingto do it involuntarily commit you somewhere.
I have to admit you to urgentcare or something she needs to be and
I see you or something. Allright, every well, I'll probably have
a bad nights sake everyone. Ifyou enjoyed this podcast, please leave us
(43:16):
a five star review, leave uscomment if you're watching in an area where
you can leave comments, which wouldbe YouTube. Probably yes, Share it
with your friends, think happy thoughtsabout us. Do you know anyone that
might want to be a caregiver fora nice, nice, friendly boy in
(43:38):
Minnesota. Please reach out and rememberit is a jo yard out there,
and it is filled with Anna's pinkguy get away. We are allos the
business. It's bad.
Yay Networks. Well, I'm backto Jen jerd Mayhem. Two weeks ago,
I worked up on the day thatwe were supposed to hoard our next
episode of Mayhem. To this Janehe gets. We told them that they
(00:25):
heard my voice yes, and sowe had to unfortunately canceled holding that day
as hand ups sounded like human standpaper. We did that little like best
episode in place. Today we're holdingour next episode and I raked up too.
Shane. I know you don't believethis, but I think I have
(00:49):
pinned die. I didn't know.First of all, I'm not recovered yet
from the voice issue. Now youare still you have something. I still
have the same cold, and todayit manifested itself as pink eye, which
I didn't know adults get I Idon't know anyone who has recently had pink
(01:15):
was only for children? Well,I don't know, like who, what
adult in your life has ever beenlike, Shane, I have pink eye.
I've never heard of that. That'strue. It's only kids. It
is because kids are jeremy and sharingthere. You know, I thought that
pink eye only came from fieces.So my response this Moree was well,
(01:38):
maybe some of the clois popt underyour fingernails, which you're very long and
detriative and beautiful. Maybe some poopdown under there and you touched your eye
that was my and I was like, what in the world is wrong with
you? And she was like,well, pink eye comes from poop,
and I was like, uh no, pink eye can also come from other
things. Pinky's very contagious. Andit turns out you can have pink eye
(02:01):
as a manifestation of a cold,like a virus, which is what happened
to me. It was like,if you have an upper respiratory infection,
it's not very uncommon to then getpink eye, and people might not know
that it can also be a manifestationof sin. God anyway, So one
(02:22):
of these things caused Hannah to developedpink eye. Hannah's internal kind of landscape
right now is junkyard mayhem. There'sa lot of bad stuff going on in
there. Thankfully, she tested forKevin and it's not bad. So many
times, a lot of times we'revery thankfully. It's not that I don't
even know. For a time Ithought, at this point, I think
(02:44):
it's a new thing. You'll hearabout it in a couple of months.
Hanna may or may not be patientzero for our next pandemic. Shane's not
getting it, which is making methink that maybe this is just like a
you know, like a me thing. Sorry, there it is. It's
making me think that maybe it's justa me thing. Like, is it
possible that I'm just I'm naturally naturallysick. Yeah, like I'm having an
(03:08):
issue, but it's not an outsideforce. At this point, it's been
about two weeks and things are seemedto be going downhill. Yeah. Um,
so we'll keep you updated on Hannah'sstate. Yeah, I'm well enough
to do this podcast. So that'sgood. Are you kid? Positive for
you to talk? See, I'mgetting through it. I didn't you know
(03:30):
so that they had your experience whatI've been experiencing this whole week, whole
two weeks. Is we'll just leaveall you're hopping in there. Please don't.
This is a note to our editor. Leave every girdle, every tough
in. No one wants that.Um. All right, Well, we're
gonna have a fun episode today.We are talking about hiring a caregiver slash
(03:58):
baby helper IVF is beginning in likeyour week ish and so we're going to
talk about all of those details andour thought about all of it right now,
it's scary, families, It's basicallylike a job offer that we're putting
up. This is a learned byhelp wanted ad and then at the end
(04:24):
we are going to learn together howto forge a deeper relationship. See the
ways that we talk to one another. Wow, if that doesn't pique your
interest, I don't know what will. Yeah, but to begin, let's
do a recab before you were sick. The amazing adventure that leads out to
(04:48):
go on with Disney. Yes,we got to go on the Disney Creator
Celebration trip, which yeah, wetalked about before we went right for those
for those of you not familiar,the Disney Creator of Celebration is something that
Disney does obviously where they invite abunch of creators like us to enjoy a
(05:13):
week in Disneyland and then on aDisney trus It's a pretty elusive thing to
get invited. You not the twoaround homes. But Handover was invited and
brought me as head plus one.Thank you for doing that. Of course,
I thought maybe what we to dois over some moments of joy,
(05:33):
some jump joy from throughout that wholeweek, just to give people a little
flavor of what we doctor experience.Oh, it's such a blur now,
you know. It's been like acouple of weeks. It was such a
huge week. I have to pickout all the moment rand. It was
a gym packed week, like theymind us up with so many fun activities
(05:54):
and meals and things. I know. One of my moments of joy was
the Pitto horn dog. Oh thatwas the last night at disney Land.
Well, it changed my life.You're probably familiar with the hancept of it
horn dog, which is a hotdog wrapped in horn flower and then deep
(06:15):
fried delicious. Okay, the petelhorn dogs. Step further. You take
a hot dog, you shove itinside of a thick boy pittole, then
you towed it in horn flower,then the deep faget. It was a
(06:36):
It was a tongue burner. Itis a domination, the hottest, like
every bite of that pickle corn dogfrom the top to the bottom was and
we just fried our way through itbecause it was so good. Hanted,
we cried, it has everything,it is good. M hmmm. It
was really good. So if you'venot tried a deep fried horn dog,
(07:00):
I don't remember that. It wasfrom Blue Ribbon corn dog and something I
think they're breading is what made it. I mean, I love a hot
dog out to pickle whatever, butthe corn breading on that corn dog was
super. They're adding something in thereand it was very fresh, like we
watched the woman make it, andthen we brought it back to our hotel
(07:24):
room. We ate it ten minuteslater and it was a million degrees.
It was very fresh. So unfortunatelyI didn't mean for that said thirty minutes.
But one of your moments enjoy Okay, Well, going off of that,
uh to another food item. Wegot to try a bunch of food
(07:45):
from the Food and Wine Festival atDisneyland, which is happening in April.
And one of the items I'm goingto dream about you're doing another food Yea,
that's what I said. Going offof pickle dog to another food item.
I almost wish I hadn't had it, because now I know that I
(08:07):
have to live the rest of mylife probably never having it again. It
was a Snickers macaroon mickey shaped dessertmacaroon's top and bottom sandwich in the middle.
Chocolate do yeah, like snickers inardsand then there was like some peanut
(08:30):
butter some some peanuts on it.I have never had anything to taste to
that good. And like now I'mgoing to have to learn how to make
it myself or I hope that theybring it back next year. We have
to get a Mickey mold so good. So I think let's not talk about
food anymore, because we could goitem item of all the stuff we ate.
(08:50):
We ate a lot on this trip. Does it really does food the
right way they do? And sowe ate very much is important to us.
Obviously I did get a moment ofjoy that you and I can that
we will share. Is making friends. Yes, uh, we were so
excited to get to meet other creators, um, other interabled prea years um
(09:13):
and just hang out with them andshare our experiences as you know, people
who are kind of dealing with theconvergence of being a creator and being disabled.
We have a lot in common.Um, so just seting to hang
out with our new friends and Uknowing that you know, our friendship will
move beyond this like together. Now. I just did a whole, a
(09:39):
whole little film there and I didn'tsay one Shay Castle film. Wow,
she's genuine from the heart, speakingmy truth. Wow. I like making
friends. Okay, moving on toour cruise for my next Junkyard joy.
One of the things on a Disneycruise is that you have the same server
(10:00):
for dinner every night, so theygo with you from restaurant to restaurant.
Actually held your hand. No,they do not, but you have the
same people so you really get toknow them. It's a it's a really
nice part of the Disney cruise.And on this cruise we had the best
server. He did amazing magic tricks. I missed him. I know.
They were blowing our mind these magictricks. And she would be like,
(10:22):
please do it again, we needto see it again. I was like,
dove it slower. They were thebest magic tricks ever. They were
amazing magicians, but like also justreally friendly. Yeah, like m on
hers can be a bit like theyhave a lot of tables that they have
to manage, but it didn't feellike that. It felt like they were
(10:43):
completely invested in our happy nights ofcomfort. Um. You know, every
time I sipped my beverage, itwas refilled instantly, you know, just
very hands on and friendly. Rememberedyour drink or drink order. Yeah,
he gave. He was like thewhite line beggery. Yeah. I was
like, yep, you got it. Um, so great experience. Yeah.
(11:05):
I would do One Joy and thatis my nightly movie. Yeah on
the bill, which we did withAmanda and Michael, our new friends.
Yeah, every single night we hada movie night with them. We just
heard that the who we were onhad this amazing movie theater showing amazing movies
every night, like multiple movies.It's almost nobody went to because there was
(11:28):
other stuff going on, you know, there was a bunch of stuff for
like kids to do, right,So the movie theater was not packed at
all. There were probably like fiveother people in there with us most nights.
Yeah, the real chair accessible seats. Friend of all, I would
get it. Well. We wouldget our popcorn first, yes, Then
I would get my nice little spotclime night chair and covered me with a
(11:50):
blinding I brought a pillow and wewould head down to the movie theater with
like armfuls of betting. I nevereven just said whether they get humped for
either one or two movies. Andthen when we're done, we had a
sleepy eye our way back to ourroom. It's just a wonderful little setup.
I would like a movie theater walkingdistance to our bedroom at home.
(12:13):
It was the best. We havea TV. The TV is not the
same. There's something about a movietheater that is so wonderful. I think
it's the pop port stand honestly.Well, and it was the big screen.
We had friends. It's more funwith friends, you know. It
was just a fun expense friends friendsin a movie theater by our house.
I don't know. That was probablythe highlight of my nights. We also
(12:37):
saw dolphins do more more joy.Yeah. Overall, it was a fantastic
week. We went accad Disneyland umand all of their teams that Hampstead ushere.
There's an amazing am we We reallyhad a great time. It was
amazing and it was it was tired, yeah, but apparently wiped out my
(13:01):
whole body. I've needed weeks torecover. And it gave Hannah Pink die.
Yeah you just here right, allright? Everyone reriteritate break and then
we will be bad to talk aboutour intention of hiring a caregiver for me,
you know, my recent mystery illnessand now the development of pink eye
(13:24):
really leads us nicely into thinking thesponsor of this episode zoc doc. Yes,
and I would let the dot becausewhenever Hannah developed symptoms of any time,
the first thing she does is umto me and present them to me.
She lifts off all of her usingand reaping and congestion, and then
(13:46):
she reached for me to give hermy diagnosis. I am not qualified.
So after I excuse myself to throwup, come back, didn't I say
you know where you could get muchbetter help then whatever I'm about to give
you where thousands of qualified doctors areavailable to give you the attention and care
(14:11):
that you need to handle everything thatyou have going on. Okay, Shane,
I admit that you're right. Zacdoc is the only free app that
lets you find in book doctors whoare patient reviewed, take your insurance,
are available when you need them,and treat almost every condition under the sun,
including mystery pinky. That's because you'vehad almost every mischiei condition under the
(14:33):
sun. Yeah, and when you'renot feeling well, the last thing that
you want to be doing is it'sspending unnecessary energy to find great medical care.
And that makes it so that youdon't need to do that. Millions
of people rely on their app becausethey may find it in the right doctor
that meets your needs and fits yourschedule extremely easy. In fact, you
(14:56):
can behind an appointment but just afew taps their app and hopefully Hannah start
feeling better faster with zo do goto zok doc dot com slash junkyard and
download the zoc doc app for free. Then find and book a top rated
doctor today. Many are available withintwenty four hours that zoc dc dot com
(15:16):
slash junkyard, zoc doc dot comslash junkyard. Well, Hombat, we
take a nice long break for Hannahto hack up her left long but now
she's feeling refreshed. I feel great, ready to go. All right.
So in this segment, we're gonnathis has a bit of an experiment.
(15:39):
We are having a conversation with oneanother. Oh about what was your hind
of what a podcast is? Butwhy acted surprised? I'm saying, there's
no real like formula or structure here. Yeah. But as we are beginning,
IVF to hopefully get pregnant by likemiddle of this summer, ish um
(16:03):
really just start seriously thinking about howmy care and our life is doing the
look and get done wants. Wehave a baby and while you're pregnant and
you know, not able to listme and do all those things. So
we've long talked about hiring the careyou ever, when this time comes.
(16:26):
Now, the time has come,and we're both feeling, I would say,
overwhelmed. So let's just talk aboutit. I think you're more optimistic
about it than I am. Ionly see obstacles and You're like, no,
we'll find someone, and I'm like, no, we won't. Yeah,
(16:48):
so I think the bid then it'smaking him and I feel so scared
and nervous about this whole thing isthe actual process of finding you know,
sufficient person or persons to carry outwhat we'd be done. And we want
to be one I think we wantedto be one person like a more of
(17:08):
like a full time employee. Ourdream for this position is someone who is
with us all the time. Notsome of this might not end up not
like not like a I mean theyneed there then it's a forty hour work
we not. I just want thisis people to be like, why do
(17:30):
you think someone will work for you? Twenty four stef I don't mean tell
your rods of it. Yeah,I usally and they are readily like with
us. Yeah, um that theyare able to carry out all of my
physical carry event as well as likeit's just me with non carry event damas
you know, like just but that'swhat a personal care assistant is. Helps
(17:52):
you cook and clean and go tothe grocery store exactly. Yeah, so
that type of like life management stuff. Yeah, and help out with the
baby, which again is like meas the dad being like, oh hey,
I'm now going to give my babyat bath like carry giver, maybe
please help with that as well asall of that aside, someone that cam
(18:19):
and wants to be involved in ourwork and hold the camera and maybe you
know, be a creative input forus, you know, someone that has
a tilt towards all the business thatwe do as well. Yeah, which
is less important. That's less important. But like I'm speaking dream position here,
(18:41):
Yeah, I mean it would benice if the person was interested in
what we were doing so that theyfelt more right. That would just be
a better fit. Yeah. Someonewho's like that, I don't want to
be anywhere near that. Someone thathates implementers. I did social media.
I was uminate our society all right, time to back there. Um.
(19:03):
But then I did the biggest likedream thing that we hope for, which
is also probably the hardest to findif someone that is able to travel pretty
freely. But to us, yeah, that's the problem. That's where I
see the biggest obstacle of like,there's no person who is going to want
(19:23):
to spend three months in la andthe way like who, yeah, you
know, who doesn't have those tiesright to want to stay in one place
some of the to just go whereveryou go. Yeah. And then in
the nature of our businesses sentially likewe can get an offer tomorrow for a
special engagement in Utah in two beaks. Yeah, and it's just not wildly
(19:48):
path to hold, to assume orto require that a terry giver can pick
up and you have somewhere for youknow, ob terry begam whatever it is.
So that's kind of like the pictureof what this terrydiver position needs to
fulfill, Like you're feeling what thatis going to be impossible to find?
(20:11):
Yeah, I think for me atthat point it makes almost more sense to
like hire someone for three months inMinnesota and then what fire them and then
try to find someone for three monthsin California dog like, it's just you
know, I just don't see howit's going to be possible. Yeah,
And I think right now I'm relatingit very much in my mind to when
(20:33):
we had to find a dog sitterfor our dog and maybe handled out was
we made a post about it onsocial media. We got all these people
say, hey, I am inthe area, like I would love to
help out. We interviewed some ofthem, and that was that I have
a feeling or I hope. I'mvery optimistic that when we like put out
(20:53):
our official call for half of thetens, that the same thing will happen,
and then we'll have a large poolto pick from and then we will
end up finding someone that satisfies atleast most of our hopes were dog sitter
wasn't easy. Dog sitter in Minneapolisarea. Okay, well that's pretty simple.
(21:17):
But this is like who has notime dedicated to the area, wants
to travel, spend different amounts ofmonths in different places, uh, can
lift sixty pounds, wants to holda camera, doesn't hate dogs, will
hold a baby, also wants to, like, you know, cook with
(21:40):
Shane likes cooking often Shane likes cooking. Um, I think if I had
to speech about, like if Ihad to identify Rare my biggest source of
lights, hesitation and nervousness about allthis is it's led him someone into that
vulnerable level of my life, likeyou've been doing my Harry gibbing now for
(22:03):
five years, like only you andwe are so humpedibol with one another obviously
that like evely just a friend helpsout for like a day. It feels
like, oh, this is weird, Like I have to change how I
am, you know, I can'tlike just I have to describe how to
(22:29):
do things, and I have tomake constant reminders of like films that you
know, like the back of yourhand. You know. I no longer
have to tell you anything about mycarrygibbing for another for a stranger, Like
there are so many my new detailsand just like some of them are very
(22:52):
personal, like okay, to wipemy butt, here's what you do,
and I pull down my under thingis that I don't think we need to
have a caregiver do all of thatstuff, you know, like that doesn't
need to be hoping wipe your buttdoes not need to be part of the
job description, but it might beif you're like laid up in bed with
(23:14):
a you know, like say oryou know, maybe whatever it is,
like, there might be moments likethat where I have to do those thilms
and I know that I can getthrough it because you know, thousands of
disabled people do it every day.But I'm a baby and I'm scared and
I don't want to know. Iwant Hannah doing it. But also,
(23:37):
like we've had discussions about Shane beinglike I am worried about having a caregiver,
you know, a stranger doing something, and I'm like, but at
that point, it wouldn't be astranger. So you know, imagine if
it was like so and so frienddoing something and Shane is like, oh,
that would be okay, and I'mlike yeah, but at you know,
the caregiver will also by this pointfeel like someone, you know,
like you're not just gonna get aperson off this street not know them and
(24:00):
like put you in the shower.I need a shower. Are you available?
Uh? Yeah? And I knowI know that you're right. Like
when my brother came out to takecare of me, it was a little
bit you know, we'red in thefirst day, but then we like fell
into our old rhythm and it wasfine. Yeah. I think it's the
process of getting from stranger, goingthrough that, like getting to know you
(24:25):
and like becoming comfortable and then likethat it's my belt hoole, like you
know, it's it's not a straightline and it's not a simple line.
Um, and then do that isyou know, not the most fun thing
in the world. Um, ButI do, like I'm excited because I
(24:45):
felt that it will be really goodfor us for to have another pair of
hands that are not use Mandel mandeledhands. If you're not watching this visually,
Shane is lifting up his hands barelyas high as it. Yeah,
about too many ches um, Butyeah, I I I said, I
(25:07):
didn't. I hope it ends upbeing you know, beneficial and fun.
Yea, there I say, andnot something that ever like oh, Marlins
have been younger for her shift,Like, No, that's the other huge
thing is this has That's that isthe you just said. The thing that
I think is the most stressful tome is that this has to be someone
that we like and want to havearound almost as much as like you know
(25:32):
each other or like a very closeas much as each other. Like,
okay, scenario here we are inbed. You are incapable of caring for
me in this moment because you justgave birth yesterday and Bill Hall has not
been cut yet, and I havean emergency bathroom experience in the middle of
(25:56):
the night and have to all caregiverwho's in the the room. We're not
gonna have an overnight you think someonethat's gonna have to be there if I
you know whoever it is, Ratherit's a family member, Christian, I
don't think we're gonna have an overnightcaregiver right after I give birth. We're
probably gonna have like your dad herefor a week, Just so you know.
We can't hire someone to live withus twenty four seven and be on
(26:18):
call all the time, if notthe stame in person, but twelve hours
ships. We're not doing that.We're not doing that. But anyway,
like whoever it is, after Igive birth, I have no one in
the house to help, and youwere having an emergency bath from incident.
Maybe it was a bad example.Let's say there reach down the road middle
(26:42):
of the night. It's not middleof the night. All I'm saying it's
like, just go with having themiddle of the night is the least problematic
time, No, because we're broth, didn't bad. I don't care about
them being but like if they tipedinto the room to do something for me,
it can't be someone that we're like, oh my god, like any
more of a problem. Lunchtime,we're all sitting down to eat lunch.
(27:03):
That is a way better example thanyou having diarrhea in the middle of the
night. I'm saying that having acomplete stranger or this person that we are
now marlaw in our bedroom or inour bathroom or like in our close,
private what was once private spaces,like we have to be so humpty.
(27:29):
Yeah, that's all I'm saying.I don't care about comfort. I'm talking
about I want to like them.At lunchtime, we're out to dinner and
they're there. You know, thathas to be someone that we really like.
So we need to play on thejob opplication. Are you funny?
Please submit a five minute reel yourbest tumor. It's just like, oh
(27:51):
god, I don't you know.I can count on one hand the number
of people that I would want around that much. Yeah, Like yeah,
that's that's concerning. But at thesame time, we may not have
the luxury of like finding that wow, that all star person. Not also
but the crawling out of bed BCsection because I'm not having some person I
(28:11):
don't like her around. I'm onthe front of the hospital. Yeah,
our stitches came out again. Shedoesn't want Marla do it yet. Oh
my god, she's fired Marla.I think, not to be dramatic,
that this is going to be oneof the biggest and most stressful like things
(28:36):
that we do together in life,like like obviously having a baby, Yeah,
but like getting a terryer Rid thatwill become a part of our day
to day life is huge. It'snot easy for any disabled people. Yeah,
you know, finding a Terry Riverfor anyone is a very difficult and
you know, often unfair process becauseof the way carry your works in the
(29:03):
United States get to it. Yeah. And I think also we may like
this is kind of an impossible ask, and I feel like we may end
up having someone short term for likethe end of the pregnancy, early birth,
whatever, someone who doesn't want togo to California or wherever we're going.
And then you know, transitioning thatinto just having a nanny for the
baby, right, you know,like once you're able to do my care
(29:26):
out with all of these things,but isn't specifically like doing your care And
that's a pretty normal, that's muchmore normal. That's the thing in like
the US that's way easier to findthan a caregiver. So but if you're
watching or right now and you're intoto yourself, I kick every one of
their boxes. I am a literalgolden Please, by all means, reach
(29:52):
out, name your price. Literally, are you really to realize? Hey?
Often again and again really it's it'sonly Minneapolis in LA. But yeah,
so well with you know, traveledwith some travel. I'm just saying,
like we spend a lot of timein LA and a lot of time
(30:14):
in Minneapolis that we don't spend.We're not going to Utah for speak engagement
for like a month. I believewe will find the golden unit horn they
are out there, wow, AndI believe we will find a short term
caregiver and a long term babysitter.But we'll see, we'll see who we're
at right now in this process.I'm excaded. You see, you know
(30:36):
in two or three months where we'reat. Yeah, if I had to
guess, knowing ourselves, in threemonths, you will be saying, shit,
we haven't been done yet. Uh, we really didn't make that add
that is how these things tend togo. No, we will not put
us today on this the biggest decisionof our life. Yeah, we will
(30:56):
get it done proactively. Oh boy, all right, let's take your trick
break and then we'll be back todeepen our relationship, which we might need
as we as we get into thiscare yegger. All right, we are
back and we are ready to askquestions that we'll get a better answer than
(31:21):
how are you? Why are wedoing this? These are alternatives to asking
how are you to get the realanswer. I don't know, Shan you
found this article. This is anartohole that I saw this morning. Literally
the headline was don't say how areyou say these eight domes instead better relationships?
I was like, oh, thatsounds fake. Um sold it.
(31:44):
It was an artohole on CNBC,which, like all of the content is
finance and business stuff. So Idon't quite understand why they decided to don't
hold this or hole. But theclaim by this time tribute is that using
these conversation starters will help you havea deeper, more positive relationship with whoever
(32:13):
you're speak into. See just lookingat these, you know the first couple.
I find these very uncomfortable to beasked, Well, let's get into
it, Hannah is now, don'tyou try to deep in our relationship and
test out some of these? Soinstead of how are you? How are
you really really? That's number one? How are you really all right?
(32:37):
For all of this, I justwanted to imagine walking into light a coffee
shop, Flabrius is like, hey, how are you? And I you
say, did how are you really? How are you really doing well?
Hannah? I am really doing themgreat? Wow for you? That's a
(33:00):
little would have said if you justsaid how are you? I'm great?
But how am I really really great? Great? I'm great? Well,
how are you doing right now?Right now? Right now? My hands
are profusely sweating. Apparently it's somethingabout the Minnesota environment where we are now
(33:25):
back in I set off my hand, uh sweat lands once again, and
shorts that I am I am seemto be very absorbative, absorb absorbent the
author because as I rest in myhands here, I just wanted to feel
(33:47):
the sweat spread yam wants throughout allareas of my pants. Yeah. See,
I don't want to ask these things. That's how I'm doing. I
am right now. I'm a littlegreat tie. Okay. At the end
of this podcast, I'm very hungry. Okay, do you feel like we're
dead in deeper? Yeah, thatwas a lot of information, all right,
(34:09):
Number three, Number three, verydeeper relationship. What's been on your
mind lately? Lately? That shelately is pretty big? I guess like
lately it's the past few days.Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about
your illness that does not see himto be getting better. And you know
(34:29):
how strongly and need to urge youto see medically tear the iddition of the
pink eye today is make it itmore dire. Please go to the DoPT
there you know, Shane, Let'skeep this about you, Okay. I
want to get to know you.I've been what was it? I have
another question, if you were beingcompletely honest with me, if how would
(34:55):
you describe your feelings lately? Well, if I normally I'm not, yeah,
normally usual to assume that I'm justlying, If though I was being
if you were completely honest with you. How are my feelings? How are
your feelings lately? How are myfeeling as lately? How would you describe
(35:17):
your feelings lately? Be honest?Average, pretty average. I have moments
of the day where I'm you know, happy and working, productive, feeling
goode having fun. Other moments ofthe day when I'm facing a challenge or
something annoys me. So pretty standardhuman existence. I wouldn't say maybe a
(35:45):
little bit to the negative side ifI had to, really, like,
if I had to be honest withyou, really, because I'm just having
a great time in La Yeah,and now I'm back in Minnesota, yeah,
which is fine. Well that kindof leads me to my next question,
what's feeling good and what's feeling hard? It sounds like maybe being back
(36:09):
in Minnesota is feeling hard. Youknow, I didn't or try during this
h not feeling good? Is thatsaid? Filly? The weather here has
been wonderful since Yatten, It's beenhot like eighty eighty eight yesterday, And
(36:29):
just like getting back into our normallife does really feel me joy? I
think it does the opposite for you. Yep, you know you realize very
spontaneity and adventure I like routine.I'm feeling trapped and we just got home
and let's feel like you're hard.This isn't about me anyway. What's feeling
(36:51):
hard for you, Sha, Reallyhard is the enormity of beginning IVF and
finding you care yet. Yeah,that's been on us since like two years
ago, and now it's finally likego time, and I'm scared. I
don't feel ready. I am barelyan adult. Yeah, I don't.
(37:13):
I don't think I can do it. So I'm letting you know right now,
no kids. Oh no, Well, let me ask you a follow
up question to that. What wordwould you describe? No, what word
would you use to describe your liferight now? Heavy? Oh? I
(37:35):
thought you were feeling good. Iam. I'm feeling average. I've been
with your heavy films. I alwayskind of maintained or like everything's fine.
Yeah, do me in Europe.But and I think that enrages you sometimes.
Um, but yeah, I shouldgood. But everything just feels very
heavy right now. We have alot of very big decisions, a lot
(37:57):
of very big films that may ormennot leads to like difficult emotions, yeah,
and did emotions, but like they'reall big and that feels heavy.
Yeah, I actually do you feelI know midfront of the in the beginning.
I love this game. I'm likea great questions. The last time
(38:20):
we talked, you were dealing withX problem and no, you're supposed to
feel that good diarrhea in the middleof the night. Yeah, the last
time we talked, you were dealingwith anxiety about having midnight accidents. How
smart? How has that been lately? It's been fine. There was thankfully
(38:45):
no midnight accident. It was aclose at hall. But I have a
great caregiver of life who rescued mein that moment. So you did have
an incident recently, just a momentof pandit I did that was fed poison
by my wife and the resulted inmidnight. Yea moment midnight mayhem, if
(39:06):
you will, resulted in a steer. But yeah, they're right. I
don't remember what she did as me, but I just said that the last
time we talked, you were dealingwith anxiety about having midnight accidents. Right,
it wasn't subsidy accidents. Asking howhas that been lately? It's been
dead. Um. Hannah has reassuredme that I did have a million midnight
(39:30):
almost accidents, and she would stilllove me just the same. Luckily you
haven't had you haven't had many,only one in like three months. Yeah,
and so I'm feeling really good aboutthat. I'm feeling you're the hump
digits over. And I did notwait to tell my future hired Terry Giver
(39:53):
about the possibility of this. Terry. I only have one question left for
you, Shane. Do you feellike we've gotten the big defair? Or?
I mean I knew most of this, Most of it relates to things
I did not fathom asking a stranger, any of you saying that's why that
(40:13):
makes me so. I do notlike the kind of person that would ask
this to like their server at arestaurant, or their barista, or like
their maleman. You know, Idon't like that with a casual friend.
Would you appreciate that? No?Even then, you know, I find
that uncomfortable. But I understand whysomeone would want to do this. Yeah,
but unprompted. I find that likein a game. Sure, but
(40:36):
if you just come up to meand say, like, what's feeling good
and what's feeling hard? I couldn'tbe like, what is wrong with you?
Okay? So on to our lastquestion, Oh, what question do
you wish someone would ask you?Right? I hate this question. Yeah,
this puts the whole like you're theone shine to find out how I
(40:57):
am. Don't put it on meto do all the work. Figure out
your question and my answer? Well, Shane, what question do you wish
someone would ask you? I wish, Yeah, I wish. I wish
you would ask me how you canabsolutely blow my mind today with it's was
(41:20):
it meals, surprise gifts? Um, ask me what you need to do
to make sure that that happens?What do I need to do to blow
your mind with exquisite meals and gifts? It's pretty much that if you could
prepare something for breakfast that like I'mnot aware we have, you know,
(41:44):
like a secret she's your meal thatjust presented to me. I haven't high
attempts. Maybe yeah, we don'thave any with your ball salmet blaze,
don't have drizzle avocados save that thatLike, that's what I want you to
ask me so you can figure itout and then make it happy. Wow,
m I feel like read Big debirth and we read before. Now
(42:06):
you know my anxieties, my hopes. Yeah, and if anyone would like
to use these questions in your dayto day life, go for it.
I would find you very uncomfortable,but you will forge much better relationships.
Dany body if you want the justsurface level untarrib routes of how are you
(42:31):
bah? Where are you going toget from that? Yeah? All right,
everyone? That is Mayhem. Episodetwenty three four three was meant to
be a theory. Oh you're right. We did our our recap episode,
so it's twenty four now, andas is the taste. Every time I
(42:52):
say this doesn't matter, Yeah,it doesn't matter. Episode numbers don't matter
here. Let's hope that I'm wellby next week. I doubt it.
If you're not well, I'm goingto do it involuntarily commit you somewhere.
I have to admit you to urgentcare or something she needs to be and
I see you or something. Allright, every well, I'll probably have
a bad nights sake everyone. Ifyou enjoyed this podcast, please leave us
(43:16):
a five star review, leave uscomment if you're watching in an area where
you can leave comments, which wouldbe YouTube. Probably yes, Share it
with your friends, think happy thoughtsabout us. Do you know anyone that
might want to be a caregiver fora nice, nice, friendly boy in
(43:38):
Minnesota. Please reach out and rememberit is a jo yard out there,
and it is filled with Anna's pinkguy get away. We are allos the
business. It's bad.
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