2-Year Anniversary "Listener's Choice" - Marinating Over Activating w/ Sarah Jakes Roberts

To celebrate 2 years of Keep It Positive, Sweetie, we’re re-airing one of your all-time favorite episodes — “Marinating Over Activating” with Sarah Jakes Roberts.

This conversation is a reminder that sitting still, waiting on God, and allowing yourself to be prepared is just as powerful as taking action.

If you missed it the first time — this one will bless you. And if you’ve already heard it, trust me… it hits even deeper the second time around.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hay, sweeties, it's Christophine Hazel and this is a special
reair of one of our most soul sterned conversations on
Keep It Positive.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Sweetie.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
Sarah Jakes Roberts came through and poured into us with
so much purpose and transparency, from her journey to redemption
to leading women into their own healing, This episode lets
something in so many of us. I still get messages
about how her words spart transformation. If you're just discovering
this episode, get ready for a word that will.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
Meet you right where you are.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
Enjoy This video is brought to you by Betterhelp.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
Thank you Better Help for sponsoring this video.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
When it comes to therapy, there is no secret of
the stigma that comes along with it. Sometimes you may
be embarrassed, or not know how to articulate how you
really feel, or not even know why you feel the
way you feel.

Speaker 2 (01:16):
I've been there.

Speaker 1 (01:17):
It was twenty twenty when I really decided to take
my therapy walk serious, and I must be honest, it
took me a while to find the right therapist.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
You know.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
I look at finding a therapist kind of like dating.
You gotta meet a few people to see which one
really is good for you, someone that you can trust,
someone that you can really be honest with, because it's
so important. Well, if you are looking for a therapist,
I have something for you, and that's Better Help. Better
Help is an app that you can use right on
your phone. Guys, just downloaded. They're going to ask you

(01:49):
a few questions to really get to know you and
your needs, and they will pair you with a licensed
therapist that specializes in what you need help with. Use
a taste between twenty four to eight hours for them
to get back with you. But guys, you can do
this from anywhere. Sometimes you may not want to leave
your home because this is where you're really comfortable, or
you may.

Speaker 3 (02:08):
Be on the go.

Speaker 1 (02:09):
There's no excuse. You can do it from anywhere.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
Guys.

Speaker 1 (02:13):
They do all the work for you. So let's do
this together. Let's get better with Better Help. You can
even use my code and get a discount at www
dot betterhelp dot com. Forward slash Christorine, Let's get better
with Better Help.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
Hello, and welcome to this episode.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
To keep it positive, sweetie, I am Christine Hazlet and
today I have with me Guys, I'm so excited about
this one. I have the Sarah Jakes Roberts.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
Hi, thank you.

Speaker 3 (02:40):
So much, Recco. I'm so excited.

Speaker 1 (02:42):
No, I'm so excited when you're on your book too.
Right now.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
We got you to stop by.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
When you DM me and ask me to be a
part of the tour, I literally was like, is.

Speaker 2 (02:51):
This a spam message? Just really hurt.

Speaker 1 (02:54):
So I had to go to the PANM like, wait,
this is really her.

Speaker 4 (02:56):
Of course, you're making such an incredible impact. I know
that you're gonna to add so much value.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
Thank you so much. I'm so excited.

Speaker 3 (03:02):
I'm so excited.

Speaker 2 (03:03):
I hope to see you guys there tonight. I can't wait.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
Well, by the time this airs, it would already happen,
but I hope to see you guys there. I like
to start off each episode with either a quote or
a song, and today I thought it would be only
fitting to do a quote from your new book. Okay,
power Mouse, make sure you guys get it.

Speaker 2 (03:21):
It is so good and it's so powerful.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
The quote says, the only thing worse than being powerless
is falling for the illusion that power can be a
mess by what you have instead of who you are
willing to become. Ye, when I read that I was like,
that is so powerful because a lot of times we
look around like, well I don't have this, I don't
have that, only have that, but not thinking, hey, it's
really what I need to be to get where I'm

(03:45):
trying to go, for sure, So ione to open up
with that, because I know a lot of times people
get caught up in the now and like looking to
where they want to go and like feel stuck, you know.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
So that really spoke to me.

Speaker 4 (03:55):
Thank you, or people who have a lot realized that
I still feel empty on the inside.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
Oh my gosh, my street. No, for sure, I feel like.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
My mom used to always tell me, it's never enough,
like you're never satisfied. And I feel like and Tyler
always says, once you hit the top of one level,
it's like starting all over grade in one.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
And I feel like that's where in my.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
Life right now, Like I reached another level and I'm like,
oh gosh, now I'm having to learn everything all over
again for this level. It's like trying to find new
codes and how to like a video game, like how
do I get past this level?

Speaker 2 (04:26):
And I'm in that space right now.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
But that's so true.

Speaker 4 (04:29):
Yeah, that makes me, what are you learning about this season.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
You know what I am learning is that this is
what I prayed for a lot of times, I feel
myself getting really stressed out. I'm like, oh lord, okay,
I asked you it's enlarge my territory, but I didn't
know this is what came with the enlarging of the territory.
So for me, I'm learning to just pause. Even yesterday,
I had a situation with my stylists.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
Not to call you out, but I'm calling you out.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
She was supposed to send something for tonight yesterday and
I'm like, hey, where's the clothes?

Speaker 2 (04:57):
And She's like, oh my gosh, I've been.

Speaker 1 (04:59):
So swamped I and get it. And I'm like in
the middle of studying the film next week and I
normally I would have had a panic attack just thinking
like I don't have time, so like it just necesses
everything up. When everything doesn't fall into place, I'm like,
you know what, give people grace? And you used to
be a silace figure it out, So like, what's the
solution because I used to like have a little pity party.
Now it's like, you know what, find a solution.

Speaker 2 (05:20):
Breathe.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
Everything's fine, and everything's fine, that's the main thing.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
And you still got a job as long as my
clothes get But no, I am.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
I'm learning to give myself grace and give other people grace. Yeah,
And that's the main thing, because I feel like a
lot of times we're so hard on ourselves. I have
a I had, I'm working on it, a perfectionist spirit
where and it came from a childhood like everything had
to be right just because I didn't want to get
in trouble or I was scared to make a bad
grade because I didn't certain different things I didn't want
to happen. So like this perfection thing just carried through

(05:55):
my whole life and even as an adult into relationships.
Just everything had to be perfect.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
And that's just not.

Speaker 3 (06:01):
Life, No, not even a little bit right.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
Seriously, have you ever dealt with anything like that?

Speaker 3 (06:08):
Man?

Speaker 4 (06:09):
I think my thing was once I figured I messed up,
like in the eyes of the church and the eyes
of my family, once I became a teen mom, I
felt like the bar was so low for me that
there was no there was no reason to try and
be perfect. So I think I just was like, we'll
try whatever, we'll do whatever. And so I think come

(06:29):
into a space where I find worth in value and
myself has allowed me to work on my own set
of ethics that weren't based on someone else's opinion or
perspective of who I was, because I didn't have a
lot to reach for.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
Wow, that is powerful.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
You touched on fourteen year old Sarah.

Speaker 1 (06:49):
Yeah, I want to talk to fourteen year old Sarah
because we have.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
Where you're going to try and make me cry.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
No, okay, no really no, no, no no. But we
have like a wide range of age groups in our community.
I have high school girls all the way to women.
Oh you say, are more mature women, are seasoned women? Yes,
So I want to talk to fourteen year old Sarah

(07:16):
because I know just being the daughter of bishop the
Bishop Tdjake's already carries a way to responsibility that you
didn't ask for even as a child. You know what
I'm saying. Growing up in the church and the church
can be one of the most judgmental places.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
That there is.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
What was that like in the mental of fourteen year
old Sarah realizing, Oh my goodness, I made a mistake
and what you probably felt was a grave mistake in
the eyes of a pastor's daughter.

Speaker 4 (07:44):
You know, I was so young, so I was technically
thirteen when I got pregnant. I was so young that
the worst thing I could think about was like, oh
my gosh, I'm going to get a wooman, I'm going
to get grounded. I wasn't even thinking about the implications
of like having a child. All I could think about
is how my parents would respond. It was their response

(08:06):
that let me know that this is bigger than trouble,
like your life has changed. There was something about the
way they responded that made me realize, like, this isn't
something grounding's going to fix. This isn't something that we're
going to take the TV away. I had no idea
what it meant to be a parent. I had no idea,

(08:26):
and then their grief let me know that this is
going to be hard. And then I begin to realize,
not only am I going to have to figure out
whatever it means to be a parent at fourteen years old,
I'm also going to have to do it with this audience.
And so the first time anyone at the church even
knew that I was pregnant, I had my son in
the October, so my Mother's Day, my parents knew the

(08:49):
mother's day before I had him. Yeah, and I wasn't showing.
But there was a family friend who knew and my
father did a prayer for mothers in the church and
he asked them mothers to stand and this woman grabbed
me by my hand and has me stand up.

Speaker 2 (09:03):
What I just got chills?

Speaker 3 (09:04):
What it was that was?

Speaker 2 (09:07):
Yeah, messy, like girl, what is your I was like, ma'am.

Speaker 4 (09:13):
But that see, I think part of how I think
I even ended up pregnant was like, so my parents
when we lived in West Virginia that's where I was born,
we would like it was a smaller family church. We'd
all sit together when we moved to Dallas because of
just how that church was set at, Like my parents
sat on the platform and we sat on the floor.
And so that separation at like seven eight years old

(09:35):
was the beginning me feeling like I don't know where
I fit like and then we had fifteen hundred people
joined the church that Sunday, and so it's like you
mean something to them, but you don't really know what
you mean to them.

Speaker 3 (09:47):
And then I don't have this.

Speaker 4 (09:48):
Comfort or security blanket which would have been my parents.
And so she didn't even know until after service. My
sister was so upset. My sister was so upset.

Speaker 1 (09:58):
It wasn't the place for that to do that. Yeah,
how did you feel that moment? Were you just like humiliated?

Speaker 3 (10:03):
Like what are you?

Speaker 4 (10:04):
Yeah, that was the beginning of shame. That was the
beginning of shame. I think before then, like I knew
my life had changed. I was still probably trying to
figure out what that meant. I knew my parents were
grieving and working through something. But the beginning of embarrassment,
and as shamed happened before I was even showing wow,
and it just carried on throughout then wondering like what

(10:25):
do people think about me? Or knowing what people thought
about me? You know, people like you know, fast girls
are contagious, so like we got to pull our daughters
away from you.

Speaker 3 (10:34):
So that was an interesting sting.

Speaker 1 (10:38):
It's funny when you say fast girls are contagions. We
had to pull our daughters away from you. I remember
my brother, he had gotten in trouble when he was younger,
and as parents, you want to when you you see
other people's children, saying, don't hang around him because he's
a troublemaker. And your son hasn't done anything yet. But
then when your son gets in trouble and you feel

(10:58):
what it feels like for other is like stay away
from him, crazy, it's a different feeling, and you're like, oh,
then you realize what that feels like. It's not until
it's your child that people are saying, don't hang around
that when I don't.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
She's a troublemaker.

Speaker 1 (11:11):
He's a troublemaker that they realize, Oh, this is what
I was doing too to understand their kids.

Speaker 4 (11:16):
And it's so interesting now that I am a parent,
I think that, like, separation is what we use instead
of conversation. So instead of talking about like what types
of conversations are you all having at your age? Like
how did you feel about that? And like what do
you think about your own body and your own like what,
we don't have conversations. We just separate, which doesn't necessarily

(11:37):
keep it from happening, because that's where having communication with
our children, we're just setting them up to do something
with a different friend group.

Speaker 2 (11:45):
You know exactly. That's so true.

Speaker 1 (11:47):
How do you have transparent and vulnerable conversations with your kids?

Speaker 4 (11:50):
Oh my goodness, okay, because you know now, I like
I'm probably overboard.

Speaker 3 (11:54):
They're probably sicking me.

Speaker 1 (11:55):
Mom.

Speaker 4 (11:57):
So a few years ago, my daughter was singing a
song in the car, is like some Lizzo song, and
she whatever it was, I don't remember exactly the song,
but whatever it was, I could tell she was talking
about something nasty, but she was it had some candy
on it. Someone nastiness, right, And so I paused it
and I was like, what do you think she just
meant by that? And she was like, I don't know,

(12:17):
I just like to be I was like, what she's
talking about is someone that I'm using like the biological
names body parts? Like how about this happening there? She's like,
I was like, in that gross, Isn't that terrible?

Speaker 1 (12:30):
Break?

Speaker 4 (12:30):
Because I just want you to understand that, like part
of the messages that are being sent are so sugarcoated
that you will be bopping your head to something that
you actually think is gross. And I'm like, okay, the
beat it like, I'm not trying to take your little
shoulder bop away. I just want you to know that
while your shoulders are bopping, they're trying to send you
a message exact.

Speaker 3 (12:47):
And so she was early in her.

Speaker 4 (12:49):
Life when we started asking when she when we had
that conversation.

Speaker 3 (12:53):
Another thing I've done is I'm like, anything in.

Speaker 4 (12:55):
The world that you asked me, I won't answer because
if you were grown enough to ask me, if it's
circling in your world, circling in your thoughts, I want
you to know that, no matter what, if you ask me,
I will tell you the truth. And my girls take
full advantage of this. I tell my husband sometimes some
of the stuff they're asking me, like, oh.

Speaker 2 (13:15):
I don't ask you, right, do not ask me that.

Speaker 4 (13:18):
But it's really funny to hear what's happening in their school,
Like I'm keeping up with all their friends, and like, oh,
what was she talking my house?

Speaker 3 (13:24):
Her friends?

Speaker 4 (13:25):
How are things with her mom? I'm not like the
other mom. I'm a cool mom right right.

Speaker 2 (13:29):
I can sense that.

Speaker 4 (13:30):
But it helps me. It helps me to keep a
pulse on their world. My kids are really really important
to me. And then the scheme of all of what's
happening in my life. I just want them to always
feel centered stage and I want them to know that
I want to be a part of your world. You're
not just in my world. I want to be a
part of your world. And we work towards that.

Speaker 3 (13:49):
I love.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
That is amazing.

Speaker 3 (13:51):
I thank you. I love being a mom.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
It's okay.

Speaker 1 (13:54):
Now let me tell you something personal. I go back
and forth if I want to have kids. I'm forty
one now, like you know, as we get older, it's
harder to have kids and PD. I go to change
church doctor Dais Daniels, and he told the story about Sarah,
and I was like, well, maybe I'll have a Sarah moment,
you know where, like later on in life, if God's willing,
then I'll have a have a child. But I am

(14:16):
so scared to bring up a child into the world
that it is today because it's not like it was
when we were growing up.

Speaker 2 (14:21):
It is so different.

Speaker 1 (14:21):
And I just think about all the influence from social
media to the music, you know, even like the music
we listen to back then in the nineties they were
saying some freaky stuff.

Speaker 2 (14:29):
Now and now I'm growing up, Like.

Speaker 3 (14:32):
I know.

Speaker 4 (14:35):
The fact that I could rap word for words due
to Christ's song I want to do things in the
back of the card.

Speaker 3 (14:43):
I mean word for word.

Speaker 4 (14:45):
I know I was when I think about it in context,
like now, I'm like, no, wonder you got pregnant.

Speaker 3 (14:50):
It's not didn't exist in your world, right. R.

Speaker 4 (14:53):
Kelly was out here talking about Ignition, Keith Ignition, like
there was a curiosity in the music. And that has
really help me to forgive myself too, because a lot
of times I was just looking at what I did,
but not the context that I was raised in when
I made those choices. So my parents are busy, they're working,
and I am literally being raised by the culture.

Speaker 3 (15:12):
Ye I'm being raised by hip hop.

Speaker 4 (15:14):
I'm being raised by music, and so it was not
as far off.

Speaker 3 (15:19):
As people people made it. Sing.

Speaker 4 (15:22):
Even seeing my daughter years ago, We're listening to a
song she's fourteen now, and they're talking about sex in
the song, and so it's not as like, oh my gosh,
where did this come from?

Speaker 5 (15:31):
Right?

Speaker 2 (15:31):
It's everywhere.

Speaker 3 (15:32):
It's everywhere, and.

Speaker 1 (15:34):
You turn TV on, it's on the TV, it's in
the music, it's on social media, like everywhere you turning them.
I was just like, oh, I was like, do I
want to bring up a checause I know how protect
volume of my nieces and nephews and people I love
I would get on my child's nerves.

Speaker 2 (15:46):
They'd be like, Mama, believe I'm like, where're you going?

Speaker 3 (15:49):
Where you going?

Speaker 4 (15:49):
So I totally support the women's you know, right to
be able to say, I don't know if motherhood is
going to be my thing, like I may be the
rich Auntie Vibes is very much couldn't been rich Auntie
Vibes in here definitely not giving toys. I'm gonna be
honest with you. Oh my gosh, it's not getting diapers.
But you know, you know it could.

Speaker 3 (16:11):
It could if you wanted to want to, but it
could not if you don't want it.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
I got a basement that all the walls are black,
dark ferns.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
Just dart down there. They can go down, they can
go down there, do all of the massive.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
My my brother's girlfriend was changing my nephew's diaper on
that sofa back there, how that custom sofa? Yeah, And
I came, I said, can you put him on the floor.
She's like, I'm not.

Speaker 2 (16:34):
She's like, I'm not gonna Can.

Speaker 4 (16:35):
You put him on the floor just to be safe?

Speaker 2 (16:38):
I don't even know.

Speaker 1 (16:40):
I was like, and it's so funny because he'll come
through her hands on And sometimes I tell the cleaning
ladies just leave that there just so I can see,
Like his little head on the window.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
I'm like, well, maybe I could.

Speaker 3 (16:51):
It is an incredible journey.

Speaker 4 (16:53):
Yeah, it's an incredible journey to see a version of yourself,
but also to experience this person who has their unique
imprint and identity. It's petrifying, it's exciting, but it's one
of the things I love.

Speaker 3 (17:12):
It is I mean, I love you in.

Speaker 4 (17:13):
My husband's wife, Yes, but it's one of the things
I love the most in my world.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
That's amazing. You talk about how you want your children
to feel like they're a part of your life, not
just in your life, and.

Speaker 2 (17:24):
A part of her book.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
You let me get to the note you talked about
here we go. You talked about imagine me, imagine with me.
You're standing in an empty parking lot with reserve spaces.
You can't tell what each spot is labeled, but each
time a new expression of your identity is added, a
car pulls into a spot. Eventually you see that there
are spots labeled child, friend, sibling, partner, leader, students, entrepreneur.

Speaker 2 (17:48):
Or colleague, each spot with its own car.

Speaker 1 (17:52):
When you are navigating the responsibility of your life, you're
moving from one vehicle to the next. So you were
on this tour, seven city tour. How are you finding
time for your children, your husband, your team?

Speaker 2 (18:05):
You got so much going on, Like how do you
balance it off? Preaching? You're doing everything well.

Speaker 4 (18:09):
I put a lot of time in with the family
before I go on the road. That's good, a lot
of time. So my husband and I are usually taking
them to school. My husband and I are picking them up,
so my whole world fits around their school schedule. It's amazing,
Like after two thirty, I can't take any meetings, Like
maybe I could take something at four thirty when I
get home, but my world centers around them when I'm home,

(18:31):
so that when I tell them that I need to
take some time to do the thing that I get
to do that I love to do that makes me
feel fulfilled, they are more willing because I put in
a lot of time at home. Even then, we're doing
a lot of texting, a lot of face timing. I
was on the face time last night with my daughter
having she's eight. We were definitely having some girl time,
some girl talk. But I stay in touch with them.

(18:52):
Then my husband's on the road with me too, and
he's like also helping me to facilitate everything connected with
the tour, so you know my soft place.

Speaker 3 (19:01):
When it's finished.

Speaker 4 (19:03):
Because a lot of this requires me to be more
extroverted than I am naturally and to have more energy
than I usually do. And I always tell people like,
he knows how much it cost me to beat me,
And so when the day is over, to be able
to have someone who's like, I know that was expensive,
it grounds me.

Speaker 2 (19:22):
That is so good. Yeah, I'm the same way. I
am like introverted.

Speaker 1 (19:27):
But then they tell me I'm the most introverted extrovert person. Really, yes,
because my bad social battery runs very fast.

Speaker 3 (19:33):
Okay, And I'm like, okay, I need I need a minute.

Speaker 1 (19:36):
I'll go to my corner so I can recharge. And
then I come back and I'm like, okay.

Speaker 2 (19:39):
Let's ask some fun that.

Speaker 4 (19:40):
See, I'm only introverted, I said, I'm so weird. I'll
be trying to tell people like I would love to
spend the day with you. I was like, you would
be so disappointed. I am so socially awkward it's not
even funny. But it tastes so much for me to
be like, all right, I'm gonna go talk to people,
like in a room.

Speaker 3 (19:59):
Full of people, girl, it's something because.

Speaker 4 (20:01):
You can put words together that that means you're not introverted.
But it's like, just because I know how to use words,
it doesn't mean I want to use right.

Speaker 3 (20:10):
That part is so true.

Speaker 1 (20:11):
I'm the same literally the same way my friends tell
me that I said.

Speaker 2 (20:16):
She'll ask me if I want to do something.

Speaker 1 (20:17):
I like no, no, you say no so easy and
like with no life no because there is no because no.

Speaker 2 (20:25):
I can't do it.

Speaker 1 (20:27):
I can The Nora will tell you that there's times
where I'm like, oh, like I just need a minute,
And she's like the best housemate because she knows, like
as soon as we're done working, go to our respective corners,
like she goes to yeah, and it's almost like nobody's here,
and I'm like, this is great.

Speaker 3 (20:42):
Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 4 (20:43):
I love traveling with people who who like don't make
me feel like we're traveling together.

Speaker 1 (20:48):
Yes, yes, I learned that with Tyler him, Yeah, understanding
that this person has a million things going on. They
don't need me talking. They just need to feel like
you're not there almost.

Speaker 3 (20:57):
That's the thing.

Speaker 4 (20:58):
That's the thing because a lot of times when I
am working with someone intimately like they're like, now here's
my chance to like tell you all of the things
that I want to tell you.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
You're doing this, I need you.

Speaker 3 (21:12):
A little less.

Speaker 4 (21:15):
I mean when I'm with my kids, like they're talking
twenty four to seven, So if I'm I'm constantly around talking,
so silence refueled me.

Speaker 3 (21:22):
So I need silence.

Speaker 1 (21:23):
Saying I am the same way. Oh my goodness, you
talked about Terray being your pastor Teray you, I'm the
respectful way pastor Terray being your sauce face, especially on
the road. Do you remember the first person that made
you feel seen and safe?

Speaker 4 (21:41):
Ooh okay, yes, the first I'm going to say people
who made me feel seen and safe were the people
who were around my parents. So there's their head of
security who with my son's godfather, Sean Smith. There was

(22:05):
a gentleman who worked in our home. His name was
Anthony Smith. He died suddenly and it felt like, you know,
losing an adoptive father. But he was there throughout my
pregnancy and said, baby girl, you're gonna be all right, Like,
baby girl, you're gonna make it through this. And Cammy Garner,
who was my mom's assistant, she's still a part of

(22:25):
my mom's team, and she's been there for like twenty years.
Even though my parents were balancing all of these things,
there were these people around them that took such good
care of me that they made me feel seen in
value just for who I was.

Speaker 2 (22:38):
That is beautiful.

Speaker 1 (22:38):
That is beautiful because I know oftentimes when I'm sure
being Bischo Jake's daughter, you feel like it takes a team,
for sure, And I'm sure those people are helped fulfill
all those spots where maybe Daddy wasn't there because when
he was all over the world.

Speaker 4 (22:53):
All over the world the world, especially at the age
that I was growing up, things had really taken off.

Speaker 3 (23:00):
So he would like preach on there was like three.

Speaker 4 (23:02):
Services on Sunday, a Saturday service. He'd get on the
plane and he'd like preach all of these different churches,
come home on Saturday, and then like leaving in on Sunday,
like twenty four Saturdays, and sometimes my mom would go
with him. It would just like we didn't know like
when this was coming, when he was going, But there
were these people who would like take the time to

(23:23):
be there for us and told us around the things
and God's in help.

Speaker 1 (23:27):
Yeah, no, for sure, it wasn't long ago that your
father passed down the torch of women there are loose,
And in that moment he didn't lose his power, but
you gained a huge set of responsibility and power in that.

Speaker 2 (23:40):
What was that like?

Speaker 4 (23:43):
So everyone knew that women that are loose was coming
to an end, and they were like, you know, you're next,
your next, But woman evolved already existed. So I was
a little confused with like, I don't know what people like,
I don't know what y'all think is about to happen.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
Here, because well you put that on your should.

Speaker 3 (24:03):
He dragged me so low, he dragged me.

Speaker 4 (24:07):
So first of all, I'm like, Okay, so he's gonna
honor what woman evolve is in the context of woman
that lose. I'm like, that's the extent of it. Like
maybe he's going to tell people, hey, woman evolved. But
I did not think it was going to be this whole,
entire thing.

Speaker 1 (24:22):
Yes, and it was a thing, a thing.

Speaker 4 (24:25):
It was a whole thing, down to a video of
like how we got here and yeah, so that was
ugly crying for the world to see.

Speaker 3 (24:38):
Oh, you know, I have a limit limits.

Speaker 4 (24:40):
I can't fool with you today, So don't even I'm
not really you know what I mean. I'm a little
because I don't know what you do to me today.
But I will say that above like what it meant for,
like woman evolved and woman that art loose, like that
was less important to me as much as and I
didn't know this until afterwards, the fact that my father's
poor so much of his life into women that aren't loose,

(25:03):
and for him to say, I'm going to lay this
at your feet, like my influence, the knowledge that I
have these people who I have walked through so many
different stages of life. I trust you with them, and
I trust that you can handle whatever comes with this platform.
It restored a part of me that felt like I

(25:24):
had lost his trust, you know, not just through my pregnancy,
but after I got pregnant. I was just kind of like,
I'm just prepare for disappointment out of me, Like I'm
not going to do any of the things you want
me to do. I waitress at the strip club, I
dropped out of college. They bought me a car when
I was sixteen. I was like, you know what, I
don't want the car because I don't want you thinking
you will live to tell me what to do, like

(25:45):
I'm my own person. I gave the car back, I
went to a car lot, got my own car. Like
I was constantly like, I don't want the expectations.

Speaker 3 (25:53):
I'm going to make it on my own.

Speaker 4 (25:55):
And I did, Like I mean, I got this incredible
job and I was looking for an Air Force contractor,
then became a receptionist and office manager government clearance like
I was making my own path.

Speaker 3 (26:06):
Wow, And I think I.

Speaker 4 (26:08):
Began to prove to him that I had the work
ethic to take care of myself. And he was like,
all right, you know, I didn't agree with the path
you took, but I see that you're making head away.
But I don't know that I ever felt like the
trust was fully restored from those moments. Wo, until that
moment until then?

Speaker 1 (26:25):
Wow? So how old were you then, like when my
time had passed, So you feel like this has been
restored in this moment.

Speaker 4 (26:33):
I think I will say that I felt like he
respected me, I felt like he loved me. I felt
like there had been forgiveness. But my dad's life, he
has poured his life into his work and he's very
protective about his work. So that level of trust. Man,
I mean twenty years. Wow, yeah, twenty years.

Speaker 1 (26:55):
So now you are carrying this towards you're at you're
an assistant pastor at in Dallas. What does that weight
feel like and how you carry that every week? Because
I'm sure like those are some big shoes to step in. Two.

Speaker 4 (27:09):
I do not see it that way. I don't see
it that way. I think if I saw it that way,
it would scare me. Yeah, I don't see it that way,
only because I never asked for this. So when we
were in Brooklyn, We're standing in this beautiful theater, and
I'm like, there's sometimes I don't always feel I guess

(27:29):
deserving of the influence and the impact, because there are
some people who are like I always knew one day
that I would be standing in a room like this.
I always knew one day that I would inspire millions
of people. I never felt that way. I never wanted this.
I want to be a good steward over it. I
love it, I respect it, I honor it, but I

(27:50):
never wanted it. And I'm careful to try and manipulate
something that God placed in my lap. I feel like
my response ability is to protect it, not manipulated, and
so even with that's being positioned in Dallas as assistant pastors,
I feel like my job is to stay pure, to
stay authentic, to stay obedient, but not to then think

(28:14):
that this is something that is mine when it's something
that God's given me.

Speaker 3 (28:19):
So it's interesting.

Speaker 1 (28:21):
Yeah, you're saying that you didn't feel deserving, and in
your book you dedicated it to anyone who wonders if.

Speaker 2 (28:26):
There are enough, so hear.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
I understand that now because I know there's still today
there's moments where I'm like, I don't know if I'm
made for this or I don't know if I deserve that,
you know, and even the life that I live, because
I've made mistakes. You know, We've all made them, and
a lot of them we carry it harder than God does.
Lots of him forgive us for it, and I'm still
carrying this all my back, like, oh Lord, please give

(28:49):
I'm saying, like just praying that I've been forgiven for
certain things, and then to look around like I am
so undeserving, you know, and then trying to get out
of that saying no, I'm a child of God. This
is what he wants from me, you know, at what
point did you or have you gotten to the point
where you feel like I am enough, I do deserve this,
or do you still walk in there like I know
you said, they'll You're like, dang.

Speaker 3 (29:19):
I don't know that.

Speaker 4 (29:20):
I feel like influence it's something.

Speaker 3 (29:29):
That like I deserve.

Speaker 4 (29:31):
I want to say this right because I know what
I feel in my heart. It's something that I honor.
But I see God loving on me, not from the
fact that I have influence or that my life means a.

Speaker 3 (29:46):
Lot to a lot of people. I see God loving
on me in the way that love.

Speaker 4 (29:51):
Comes through the people who are closest to me, and
that I have been able to accept. I will say
that one of the things I'm like trying to work
through Sometimes when I'm on the road, people are like,
oh my gosh, I love you so much and your
messages have helped me.

Speaker 3 (30:08):
They touched me.

Speaker 4 (30:09):
And one of the things I'm working through is like
that doesn't feel safe to me because I think that
I think it's a lot of it's rooted in what
I've gone through, but the idea that someone can love you,
but you could disappoint them and then you could be
the girl that nobody wants to be around anymore.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
Makes me feel.

Speaker 4 (30:27):
Unsafe with that level of love, and so I think
that I keep a healthy distance with the influence part
of it. And you know that could be healthier or
not healthy.

Speaker 3 (30:37):
We'll see. I'll talk to my therapists about it.

Speaker 4 (30:39):
But it's hard to feel safe and influence. So the
influence part I just try to honor and protect. But
my family, that's where I feel God's loved them most.

Speaker 2 (30:50):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
Oh my goodness, it's so crazy to say that because
as my I don't like tell im fans, but my
community grows so many people.

Speaker 2 (30:58):
Kind of stand over me like that.

Speaker 1 (31:00):
Oh my God, Cursal Criss, Cristol and that level of love.
You're my best friend in my head. You're my sister
in my head. I love you so much. I wake
up and watch your videos every day. You kept me alive.
I didn't kill myself because of you. That's a different.
It's scary, Yeah, it really is. And like you said,
one day, you can love me and if I do
make one mistake, your cancel.

Speaker 3 (31:20):
Culture is real and we see it happen all the time.
I want to believe.

Speaker 4 (31:24):
Like so, I call the community that's connected with woman
involved the delegation.

Speaker 3 (31:29):
And part of why.

Speaker 4 (31:30):
I've been really intentional about like being authentic and like
here I am, I'm on a journey just like the
rest of you, is that, like I know I may
disappoint you at some point, I'm not intentionally going to
disappoint you, Like I'm not out here living one thing
and saying a different thing. Like I am a woman
of integrity and I'm living the very thing that I
say to you. Even then, I know that we may

(31:50):
not agree about some things, and I want to believe that,
like we can work through and grow through anything.

Speaker 3 (31:56):
But I don't know, like.

Speaker 2 (31:58):
Because people are like they're so quick to cut you.

Speaker 1 (32:00):
Yeah, yeah, So I understand when you say, like your family,
those are close to yous where you feel the safest
and the most loved. It's the same way with me,
because I know these are people that's gonna ride with me.
If I fall down, They're gonna help me get back up.
She's gonna like walk over me and be like all right, girl,
we're done with you.

Speaker 4 (32:15):
And I want to believe though, and sometimes I remind
myself of this because even the people who have been
canceled haven't been canceled like there are still some people
who really rock with them or like, you know, I
love them, and so I also don't want to make
the people who would be willing to grow with me
feel like I don't trust them either, because there are

(32:37):
some people. I mean, you know, I've seen a lot
of people who look like, oh my gosh, this is
their downfather. They're never going to recover from this, but
there was a space creative for them. So I don't know,
we'll see what happened.

Speaker 2 (32:48):
That's so true.

Speaker 1 (32:49):
You talked about you're gonna talk to your therapist about it.
A lot of people don't want to mix Jesus with therapy.
When did you realize that God did create other tools
of resources that you could talk to someone and still
believe that your source is Jesus Christ.

Speaker 4 (33:02):
My relationship with God has become much more deeper as
a result of me being in therapy, because there were
moments where I felt something that I could not give language,
so my prayer was not as effective, you know, just
kind of like God helped me, God help me, God
help me. But to be able to say, like God,
I am feeling anxious about this transition that's taking place,

(33:23):
in my life, and I need your spirit to meet
me in a place in my anxiety. Like my prayer,
life became so much better. It was probably honestly, after
I dropped my book Woman Evolved and hit the New
York Times bestsellers list, and one of my friends came
up and she's.

Speaker 3 (33:37):
Like, oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, And I was like,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (33:44):
It's as I feel like I should probably be happy
about this, but I don't feel anything at all. And
so I started like reading some books. And then once
I went through a few books, I'm like, you probably
should talk to someone. But what I learned is that
like I have just been like emotionally frozen because I
was overwhelmed by shame and regret and depression. That I

(34:06):
can function and work and hit markers and hit goals,
but I can't celebrate myself. I don't know joy, I
don't even know anger. Like people can disappoint me, I
don't let it get to me because I won't own
or advocate for what I'm feeling in any given moment.
And so I feel like I've become a much better partner,
a much better leader, and a much better believer. As

(34:27):
a result of me going to therapy.

Speaker 1 (34:29):
Yeah, same did. My therapist definitely opened me up. My
therapist and I just talked about what I just learned
was the mother wound. And you did an episode with
your mom entitled Trauma to Hope. You also read the book,
which is a book that Denor int introduced me to
adult children of emotionally immature parents. What was that like

(34:51):
opening up to your mom, like in her actually apologizing
for not being there the way that you needed her
to be.

Speaker 4 (34:57):
It was interesting because we've never had the conversation before.
I just came to a place where I was like,
I'm gonna do this work on my own. I'm not
gonna invite either of my parents to be a part
of this journey because I don't know where they are
and I don't I don't know that they're going to
be receptive to this, So I'm gonna just figure it
out on my own. And I think I was actually
doing I was at that stage when we had this conversation,

(35:18):
and out of nowhere, she started it. Out of nowhere,
she said something like, I think I was talking about
being nervous about moving back to Dallas because I didn't
want to you know, I wanted to keep my family close,
and she was like, please do that.

Speaker 3 (35:30):
I didn't do that with you all.

Speaker 1 (35:31):
I was like just oof the accountability and saying it.

Speaker 4 (35:36):
She just said it, like she just said it. I
was like, I didn't I didn't know that you knew that.
Like wow, I felt that I didn't know that you
knew that. And that was I think I instantly turned
into a seven eight year old girl.

Speaker 1 (35:53):
I was gonna say, what did that do for seven
eight year old sister? I was going to ask you
that in that moment, I know she spoke to that child.

Speaker 4 (35:59):
Mommy sees me like it was like being at the
Potter's House Dallas with surrounded by thousands of people and
my mom grabbing my hand and saying, I see you wow,
and you're not by yourself. That's like, it doesn't matter
how difficult your relationship with your child has been, even

(36:21):
if they're an adult. Oftentimes we think it's too late,
but that wound is still there, and as long as
you're still here, you have an opportunity to speak into
that wound.

Speaker 3 (36:32):
And it really does restore, it really does heal.

Speaker 4 (36:34):
I think sometimes it can be discouraging for a parent
when it's like, Okay, I can see some areas where
I messed up, but there's nothing I can do about it.

Speaker 3 (36:41):
Now, that's not true.

Speaker 4 (36:43):
By acknowledging it, you can do something with what's left.
You can do something with where they're still growing and healing.
And my mom did that for me in a way
I didn't anticipate.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
That is beautiful.

Speaker 3 (36:53):
I was. I was the first of all.

Speaker 4 (36:55):
We were supposed to just be having like a little
cute Christmas or cute Christmas chat and all of us.

Speaker 3 (37:00):
I didn't do that with you.

Speaker 4 (37:01):
And because it was so raw for me, I just
immediately broke down in tears.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (37:06):
And then she said something.

Speaker 4 (37:07):
She was like, anything I can clear up talk about
ask like you tell me now She's like, cause my
mom's not here and I'll never get answers. And so
now I have this woman who's in her sixties and
I still have questions that I'll never get an answer to.
So as long as I can be your answer, I'll
share it.

Speaker 1 (37:25):
Yeah, that is beautiful, gess.

Speaker 4 (37:28):
My mom is so I mean, everyone's like, you know
your TJ's daughter, and I am about my mother.

Speaker 2 (37:35):
Yes, yeah, talk about it.

Speaker 3 (37:37):
She is the absolute best.

Speaker 4 (37:39):
She is so sensitive but also resilient and strong and
hilarious and loyal and like, she's just the absolute best.
I can remember I was going through it. I was
in college and I was going to football games in
college and they were having like family that at one
of the football games.

Speaker 3 (37:59):
But there was this girl. This girl HA gotten into.

Speaker 4 (38:03):
And I said, I was like sending my mom a
screenshot of and we were just talking about it offline.
And then so my parents are at the football game
and I saw the girl coming, but I was like,
you know, I'm not gonna look at her.

Speaker 3 (38:13):
She's not gonna look at me. My mom stands up.
I was like, girls, sit down, girls, sit down. What
are you doing? How did you even remember? That was
her sit down? She was like what are we doing?

Speaker 4 (38:24):
I was like, please sit down, She's.

Speaker 2 (38:31):
I love.

Speaker 4 (38:32):
I was trying to calm her down. I'm like, you're
sixty something. They think you're a queen. Put your crown on.

Speaker 3 (38:41):
For sure. She take that crown off in a minute.

Speaker 4 (38:44):
She has told some stories, even like on my podcast
at event about like beings doing things. I'm just like,
can you please stop telling people about you stealing? She's
probably like when you stop telling them you waitress at
the street club.

Speaker 3 (38:58):
Okay, I was like, she wait just at their club.

Speaker 1 (39:02):
Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 3 (39:04):
I was out here. I was.

Speaker 1 (39:09):
I just told a ship club story the other day
when we used to go out to the club of
these guys and maybe give us all these ones.

Speaker 3 (39:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:15):
I had hands too, so I'd be throwing.

Speaker 3 (39:20):
Right.

Speaker 2 (39:21):
That's the cable.

Speaker 3 (39:25):
Were prepared to spend it anyway exactly. I'm like, I'm
here to let me get a lit.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
I'm gonna take care of the girls too, but I
need to get my cut. That is hilarious. Your mom
that I love that.

Speaker 1 (39:37):
She's amazing And that's inspiring even for me as I
did an episode called get to Know Me and where
I just put it all out there and just just
with family and friends. It's what your stories inspire me.
Just open up and even maybe me be the person
to bring up the conversation how your mom just said it,
you know, So that's inspiring for me as well.

Speaker 2 (39:58):
That's good.

Speaker 4 (39:59):
That's I have people are more willing to have. Like
we talk about family sweeping stuff underneath the rug, like
this is the way that we do things. But I
have found that the person who doesn't mind like going
under the rug and be like, hey, can we talk
about this? Like they don't mind talking about it. It's
just we have been so conditioned to think that we
don't talk about it, that no one's courageous enough to say, hey,

(40:21):
I have some questions, like I want to know about
this person. I want to know what is in them
that could be in me too. Yes, And I have
found that, especially for people as they're aging and I
think they're wanting to leave a legacy, they're wanting to
leave an imprint, that they're more willing to have conversations
than we may give them credit for.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
Oh, I love that you just bless me. You talked
about how your mother said that I wish I could
have been there more. With your busy schedule and how
you're you're all over the place, how do you the
God talks about the Sabbath, do you take time or
do you take time to like, actually, this is my day?

Speaker 4 (41:00):
No, because well, like technically sure, like there may be
days where I'm not working, but because I have children,
even the days when I'm not working, there is an
element of working. So I have to be intentional about
taking time off. So I think tour ends for me
on a Tuesday, and I'm going home. But I was like,

(41:20):
I'm gonna ask the older kids to take the younger
kids to school, because if tour ends on Tuesday and
I got to be up at six on Wednesday to
take kids to school, it's like, yeah, tour is over,
but like I just got re enlisted. It's a whole
nother battlefield right here real and so I've had to
ask for help to piece my sabbathe together. I used

(41:42):
to just wait for a day when I'd be able
to take it off, but now I've had to be
proactive and asking for help in advance. And let me
tell you, doing that it changed my relationship. It changed
the way that I show up in my world. Instead
of being the person who allowed people to believe that
I have limitless capacity, that I could get off on

(42:03):
tour and jump into the mom thing and not skip
a beat, I had to be willing to say I
actually do need to skip a beat because I can't
dance this fast. And I think what part of the
issue with being like the strong friend or the person
who just has so much capacity is there is a
little pride, a little ego stroking that comes when somebody's like,
I can never do that.

Speaker 3 (42:22):
Did you be like, but I did? You know what
I mean?

Speaker 4 (42:28):
Now I'm probably depressed and I'm crossing binge eating and
I can't sit my clothes. But and so I've had
to learn to not seek out the accolades that come
with over exertion.

Speaker 1 (42:42):
Yes, o, because we live in this society where it's
like you sleep when you did.

Speaker 2 (42:46):
No, I'm asleep after this.

Speaker 3 (42:48):
I don't believe that. I don't believe he wants that
from me.

Speaker 1 (42:51):
No, I'm a napper.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
I have to have I got at.

Speaker 4 (42:54):
Yeah, So I'm learning to really ask for additional support
and not allow my ego to be fed by this
relentless you gotta keep going things.

Speaker 1 (43:03):
So true, I have to do that. I'm not good
at asking for help because I've always had to do
everything on my own and then finding good help, you know,
like I have like one or two people I can
call on and depend on, and then everybody else I'll hire.

Speaker 3 (43:16):
It's like, well you know.

Speaker 4 (43:17):
They're okay, So all right, So this is I don't
even know if it's gonna make the podcast at this point.

Speaker 3 (43:21):
This is so good one.

Speaker 4 (43:22):
My message tonight, like God changed my message, and I
think it's going to help you because it's about.

Speaker 2 (43:28):
Asking what I was struggling with.

Speaker 3 (43:32):
It's so ghetto.

Speaker 4 (43:33):
But you know, part of the reason why I feel
like it's like we can't find good help is because
I when I say I want good help, I want someone.

Speaker 3 (43:43):
Who's going to like work through the flu.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
Like literally, I.

Speaker 4 (43:48):
Want someone who's going to deplete themselves and overexert themselves
just like me.

Speaker 2 (43:52):
I need you, Michael Jordan Game six.

Speaker 4 (43:54):
All the time because like we're in it and we
don't have time for sickness, like and that's talk. I
say all of that to say, like I don't want
you to be lazy, Like I want you to push
it a little bit, but like.

Speaker 3 (44:09):
Maybe I should stop.

Speaker 2 (44:12):
No, I'm the same way, Like what do you mean
you have a headache? What do you mean you're sick?

Speaker 3 (44:16):
Like you can't come to work because you have a headache?

Speaker 2 (44:19):
But did you die?

Speaker 4 (44:21):
Are you you breathing that.

Speaker 3 (44:27):
I had a baby at fourteen, no headache?

Speaker 2 (44:31):
And that's that's weird.

Speaker 4 (44:32):
That's my trauma setting standards for people, and so you know,
I need to give people a tailand all.

Speaker 3 (44:38):
But I will say that people I work.

Speaker 4 (44:40):
The best with are people who are like, yeah, we
are a team of ten people, but if all ten
of them fall off, me and you could do all
of it right, and it's not true.

Speaker 3 (44:50):
But they make me feel good.

Speaker 4 (44:52):
It's like I like you, right, I like I like you.

Speaker 3 (44:55):
You sick me. We got the same disease.

Speaker 1 (44:59):
Literally, you say that in One of your toxic traits
is believing that you can do any anything. Literally, somebody
asked me that, I'm like, I can do anything.

Speaker 4 (45:07):
I could no, Like, I'm not even joking and like
this is not even a brad.

Speaker 3 (45:12):
I can do anything.

Speaker 4 (45:14):
Like if God, if God can, if someone else can
do what I can do it.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
I think the same way, Sarah, I'm serious like anything now.

Speaker 4 (45:23):
I did also say in that same paragraph that, like
I could build a house, it's gonna rain inside the house.
Like I'm not saying I can do anything every that
I can do everything well right exactly, but if you
give me a few shots at it, I could get
to well yeah, yeah exactly.

Speaker 2 (45:40):
I'm the same way.

Speaker 1 (45:41):
I just had my live show and I taught myself
how to play a piano.

Speaker 3 (45:45):
Period, Like I was like, I'm just.

Speaker 1 (45:46):
Gonna go buy a piano on YouTube and learn this.

Speaker 4 (45:49):
I don't see anything wrong with it. He is like,
I don't know if it's my Like, I don't know
if it's my husband's favorite thing about me. I don't
know if thinking about me, because I'll be.

Speaker 3 (46:01):
Like a babe.

Speaker 4 (46:02):
Like the handyman can't come and the dresser just got
delivered and he was like, okay, just schedule for next week.
I was like, I just got the tool.

Speaker 2 (46:09):
Can how he gets home?

Speaker 4 (46:10):
It's the dresser is going to be put to Yes,
now the drawers going to need a little.

Speaker 3 (46:19):
And that is sick. That cannot be healthy. I know
it can't.

Speaker 2 (46:25):
He's like, why didn't you just love me?

Speaker 3 (46:26):
I have not learned my lesson.

Speaker 4 (46:28):
Like if you put my back against the wall right now,
if the plane is going down, I can fly it.

Speaker 2 (46:34):
We're gonna put the fool.

Speaker 3 (46:36):
But I don't believe God put me in this situation.
Go out like this. I watched flight with Denzel Washington.
He did it high. I can do it with the
Holy Amen.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
Come on now, period.

Speaker 3 (46:49):
You are my kind of girl.

Speaker 1 (46:50):
I'm telling you. I call myself a handy woman. My
dad built every house he ever lived in. I grew
up on construction sites. I have a toolbox. Most I
have more than with me and having their house at
my age for sure, like you got I got that,
I can do it.

Speaker 2 (47:03):
They're like you fix it your someone like.

Speaker 3 (47:05):
Yeah that was when.

Speaker 4 (47:06):
So when I got married, I was a single mother
with two children. I have my own house. So there
were just certain things that like I was not used
to asking like a man in the house to do
and my husband be like, why didn't you ask me
to do that. I was like, I will ask when
I need, but I didn't think I needed. So now
I'm trying to be more. I'm like, I'm entering into
where of my princess era, you know where I'm asking

(47:26):
for help.

Speaker 3 (47:26):
We were traveling somewhere. We got home.

Speaker 4 (47:28):
There's this big box that got delivered on a crate.
Staple shut, screwed shut, and I like got the hammer
and he was like, what.

Speaker 3 (47:34):
Are you doing? What are you You just got off
the plane.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
I was like, I want to see what's in the Yes,
Oh my goodness, we're the same person.

Speaker 2 (47:43):
That's me. I would like straighten my back trying to.

Speaker 3 (47:44):
Get it's fine.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
I would go to Craigan barrel outlet and get a whole.

Speaker 4 (47:49):
Chair, like because the other thing, I will lift the
whole chair by I want to. I want things to
be the way that I want them to be. Yes,
And I don't want to wait it.

Speaker 1 (47:57):
Now, instant gratification. I need it now.

Speaker 3 (47:59):
I mean it. I'm saying that.

Speaker 1 (48:02):
I guess it is my trade.

Speaker 3 (48:04):
It's toxic.

Speaker 4 (48:04):
Oh my goodness, because when I say back sprung, when
I say back out, and you would think that it
would keep you from doing it. But as soon as
that back act like she's gonna be alright, we're back
at it. It can't be healthy. I know it can't.

Speaker 2 (48:20):
It is not.

Speaker 3 (48:21):
I'm a work in progress me.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
Too, girl. We're gonna work on maybe maybe because it's
been for years doing that. So that's a hard habit
to break. It is, and I don't know. It's something
that just it feels good.

Speaker 3 (48:36):
Fulfiling, fulfilming is.

Speaker 4 (48:38):
I do think that so much of my life is
out of my control that like to be able to
do what's in my control that feels.

Speaker 3 (48:46):
Good to me.

Speaker 4 (48:47):
I like that, Like there's so much that I'm not
gonna get, Like so much of this is going faster
than I can keep up with. I don't know what's
gonna happen. I'm so vulnerable, I'm so exposed to The least
I can do is pick this chair up.

Speaker 3 (49:00):
And put it in the corner where.

Speaker 2 (49:02):
Yes, that's the.

Speaker 3 (49:03):
Least I can do.

Speaker 2 (49:04):
That's real.

Speaker 3 (49:05):
I love it.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
I love that for you and us. Oh my goodness.

Speaker 1 (49:10):
So I'll be remiss if I didn't talk about your husband,
the pastor Trade Roberts. You are a powerhouse and he
is a powerhouse as well. So how do two powerhouses
come together and also keep your individualism and support each other?

Speaker 2 (49:24):
How does that work?

Speaker 3 (49:26):
We have a lot of respect for one another.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
I'll see that.

Speaker 4 (49:28):
We have a lot of respect for one another. It's
not a competition. I am fascinated by the gift of
God in his life in a way that I can't
even be jealous of. Like, he's so dope to me
that I'm like, I can't even be jealous. I think
he can be jealous of something that you think is
within reach. It's so out of reach to me. I
don't even know how you think like that. I don't

(49:49):
know how you do what you do the way that
you do. So all I can do is respect it
and love it and be grateful that I'm on your
squad because I would hate to be your opposition period.

Speaker 3 (50:00):
Do you understand.

Speaker 4 (50:02):
But it took, like I said, like that part about me.
I was a single mother. I'd accomplished enough by myself
to make me feel like I could live on my own,
and so welcoming in his perspective and his covering and
seeing the value in it without being intimidated by it. Yes,
was hard for me in the beginning stages of our

(50:24):
life because I thought that his perspective made mine invalid,
not broader.

Speaker 1 (50:31):
Oh that's good, Oh my goodness, I can imagine that. Yeah, yeah,
I remember. It was twenty twenty when I first like
really caught onto one church La and I would watch
you guys online, and then every time I would visit
a lot Ange, I would come to church and I
remember you said, if you're facing the pool pit, you
would sit on the left side in the front, and
I remember that, and I just remember just seeing like

(50:53):
just kept growing and growing and growing, and then before
I know, you guys are in Denver and then Dallas.
I was like, oh my goodness, but just the way
he livers the message, and then you come up and
I'm like, wait a minute, these two both are doing it.
You know what I'm saying, and everybody gets it. You know,
sometimes people preach over your head. You guys are reaching
people at the level that they are in a way
that we can understand that we see ourselves and it

(51:15):
inspires us to just be better people.

Speaker 4 (51:17):
Yeah, that means a lot to me. I wasn't in ministry.
I wasn't in ministry when I met him. I was blogging,
I was telling my little stories, but I wasn't preaching.
I wasn't praying out loud. So I was like, invite
me to be on a panel. I'll offer some insights
as a collective. So you know that Solodolo thing is

(51:39):
not me. And his church was the first church where
he was like, listen, if there's any place where you
could come and tell your story at a church, like
it will be my church.

Speaker 3 (51:48):
Like you'll be fine.

Speaker 1 (51:49):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (51:50):
And so he asked me to come speak on a
Sunday in twenty fourteen.

Speaker 3 (51:53):
I was like, oh, I don't do Sundays. Come in on.

Speaker 4 (51:57):
Wednesday, baby, Friday night, Friday, girls night, but Sundays that's
like where the real people are. And so one was
very much of the place where I feel like I
found my unique voice in ministry, and I just felt like, Okay,
well one will just be the place where I do
ministry because they get me, they understand me. And so
I attribute a lot of my spiritual development to his

(52:21):
anointing and my voice being cultivated in the spaces that
he created. And then as I became more confident, I
think as the gift began to grow and attract other
people and other spaces that He's been a covering for me.

Speaker 3 (52:35):
And it's just like, just do you everywhere you go?

Speaker 2 (52:38):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (52:38):
That's good, and that's what that's important to have that
type of support as a woman, just in every woman
needs that just type of support.

Speaker 2 (52:46):
Was like, baby, do you.

Speaker 3 (52:47):
Everywhere you go?

Speaker 2 (52:48):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (52:48):
And it's funny, so like most of the time when
we're in LA, people are like, oh, you're a pet's wife,
and then if it goes somewhere, they're like, oh, you're
S Jr's husband. That's like depending on where we are,
because like when I tell you, he is Hollywood like
on absolute lot, like New York, Atlanta, Like we do
not go anywhere without people being.

Speaker 2 (53:09):
Like PTT when he.

Speaker 3 (53:14):
So like for me, it's cool.

Speaker 4 (53:16):
Because I get to see my husband in his lane
and his purpose with his unique identity. I'm in my
lane and my purpose with my unique identity, and then
when we get to come together, it's amazing. But what's
better than all of that is like when we're doing
none of those things and we're at home. I took
my wig off the other day. I was sorry I
took my wig off.

Speaker 3 (53:35):
I was at home.

Speaker 4 (53:36):
I was scratching my hand and the bathroom it was
plates coming out of my grab your dignity. And I
was dying laughing because he was so right, because I
had just basically turned into I went from this to
like somebody else.

Speaker 3 (53:54):
And we were cracking up laughing.

Speaker 4 (53:56):
Because as valuable as those other things are that changed
the world and touch people, what means the most to
us are those moments where we're like clowning on each
other and.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
It can be my friend, Oh love, that's beautiful. The
best part of the day of taking the wig off.

Speaker 4 (54:13):
It is the best part of a little bit to it.

Speaker 3 (54:17):
It's time for me to take these breaks out.

Speaker 2 (54:22):
It's that is hilarious.

Speaker 1 (54:24):
I love that though.

Speaker 2 (54:25):
I love that for both of you. That is beautiful.

Speaker 3 (54:28):
It's funny.

Speaker 4 (54:28):
My fourteen year old daughter like she he's been in
her life basically all of her life at this point,
and so at night time, she's like her favorite part
of the day of seeing us, Like he had I
had usually have tea at night. He usually has like
peanuts and raisins in his neck, and we're like gossipping
about the other kids, like, well you know that one,
and Kenzy's like, will truth be told? But what you say?

Speaker 2 (54:54):
Please tell me?

Speaker 4 (54:55):
People sit up in the room with us talking about
her siblings, like you really too much?

Speaker 1 (55:00):
Oh my goodness, I love I just love your whole
family dynamic.

Speaker 2 (55:03):
It's just beautiful.

Speaker 4 (55:04):
Yeah, I'm really grateful for it. It feels very restorative
to create an environment for my family that I think
would have been really great for me, but to experience
it through them and to be a.

Speaker 3 (55:20):
Part of it, it's the.

Speaker 4 (55:22):
Only thing that matters to So even when you're like
you're always on the go, how do you balance it?
I'm really not always on the go. I say no
to a lot of stuff, so that when I say
yes to stuff like this where I'm gone for seven days,
back for two days, then gone again, that I haven't
been gone so much that I feel a whole lot
of guilt about being gone on these trips. I say

(55:43):
no to wait a lot of stuff.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
Wow, that's good for you. Yeah, that's my favorite word.

Speaker 3 (55:48):
It's a good word.

Speaker 1 (55:49):
I love it. I love it. So by the time
this episode airs, you have been finished with your seven
city book tours.

Speaker 2 (55:56):
What are some things that Sarah.

Speaker 1 (55:57):
Is gonna nurture when she is done and gets off
the road.

Speaker 4 (56:02):
My edges, I'm gonna get my hair, she said, my edges.
I'm gonna let these edges breathe. I'm gonna nurture my joy.
I am going to nurture I think my reflection because

(56:23):
this season hasn't allowed for a lot of reflection because
I'm into one thing into the next. But I want
to sit back and think about all of the ways
God showed up for me throughout this tour, throughout this
book writing process, throughout the whole because God gave me
this concept with this book that it made sense to me.

(56:44):
But I'm like, I don't know if I can put
it into language, you know, because I think when people
hear they're title, they're like power moves. You gonna show
me how to do something and It's really about the
fluidity of power and how I can be powerful as
a speaker and powerful as a mother if I'm in
the flow of God's power that everything I do is powerful.
And but I didn't. I kept second guessing whether or

(57:06):
not I made it make sense and to be able
to hear.

Speaker 3 (57:12):
I was.

Speaker 4 (57:12):
I was actually getting had a health scare in December,
and I'm like in the hospital, it's fresh out of
anesthesia with my manuscript, reading through this book because I'm
just like, it has to make sense.

Speaker 3 (57:22):
It has to make sense, and for people to say
that it makes.

Speaker 2 (57:25):
Sense, it does No.

Speaker 1 (57:26):
You should see my iPad because like I literally was
like it's purple, like it's so many highlights. It's crazy.

Speaker 3 (57:32):
That means so much to me.

Speaker 4 (57:34):
And then like you know, I've done these interviews and
I don't like thinking on my speed and I've had
to speak to people and like God has given me
language and words. When I did the Records Club, Jason
put me in a white button down and I was like,
I can't wear a white button down because I sweat
like a man, like a full I build things like
a man, I sweat like And I was like, no,

(57:54):
because I'm gonna be poorn. So I had so much peace.
I was so grounded, Like I didn't sweat through my
clothes like little things that are dumb to most people.

Speaker 3 (58:04):
Yeah, I am so.

Speaker 4 (58:05):
I just want to sit back and think I've received
so much love in these cities. Somebody in Houston told
me I had made the decision to commit suicide. And
I came with my eleven year old daughter because I
wanted that to be one of our last experiences.

Speaker 3 (58:19):
And she was like, I decided to live.

Speaker 4 (58:21):
Something happened in that room where I know I God's
got something for me, that there's power in me, more
power than this depression, and so just like to not
just let that be something.

Speaker 3 (58:30):
That goes by.

Speaker 4 (58:32):
And Houston was after the Houston date, I wanted to
cancel the whole tour.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
Really, Oh yeah, you want to go to Atlanta.

Speaker 3 (58:38):
I was like, Atlanta don't want me to come. I
was so was it just like, well, I've toured before.

Speaker 4 (58:45):
I usually have a worship team, doctor Nita Phillips comes
on the road with me sometimes, and so there's all
of these different elements. Well, I'm like, this is a
book tour. Most of the time on book tour someone's
being interviewed about their book. But I was like, but
no one knows this book better than me, and I
didn't know if the book let me do.

Speaker 3 (59:04):
Exactly weird. It's weird, it's weird.

Speaker 4 (59:09):
So I was like, I'm going to create this evening
that is going to allow me to set a foundation
for people to read the book. There is no worship.
I'm gonna like, I'm going to engage with them. I'm
going to interview people who I feel like embody the
message of the book, and then I'm going to speak.
But it's so different than anything that's been done. So
after Houston, I was like, it's too new, it's too different,
it doesn't make sense.

Speaker 3 (59:27):
I'm finished.

Speaker 4 (59:29):
But Power was moving even in my insecurity and uncertainty,
So I just I want to I want to find
all of the ways that power moved in this season
and collect them for whatever's next.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
Yes, I love that.

Speaker 1 (59:44):
Sarah, Hey, thank you, Oh my goodness, ladies and gentlemen,
Sarah Jakes Roberts, this has been amazing.

Speaker 3 (59:51):
Thank you, no.

Speaker 2 (59:53):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (59:57):
We are going to do my favorite part of the show.
This is and it's called positive Outcomes, and this is
where our listeners write into us and we give them advice. Okay,
so this one says, Hey, Crystal. First, I want to
say thank you so much for being obedient to the
voice of God. Your podcast has made me feel so
many emotions in every season. Thank you for letting me laugh, cry, sing, shout, dance,

(01:00:18):
evaluate life, get to the root, get closer with God,
and just overall, learn to be and embrace everything about me.
I am a thirty three year old single, single mother
of three, and I feel like I'm stuck where I
currently am. I know God has given me dreams and visions,
but I'm stuck on how to activate them. There have

(01:00:41):
been times where I was very adamant on my path,
what I wanted to do and win, but when the
time came forward to come forth, I became afraid. How
do you listen to the voice of God when it
seems as if everyone's voice is louder? How do you
get over your feelings of fear? What are some steps
that you recommend to someone who feels like it's too
late to get started?

Speaker 2 (01:01:02):
Ooh wow? Okay for thank you so much for writing in.

Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
I definitely can say that I have felt like I
got a late start in my career. You know, I
moved here and I wanna say two thousand and nine, okay,
And it was a ten year process before I got
my first show. Like so people are like, oh my gosh,
you just get out of nowhere. No, it was ten
years that I was over here grinding and struggling until
that hit. So it's never too late, you know, when
God says, yes, that's your time to go, baby, and

(01:01:30):
nobody can stop you when he says yes. As far
as other people's voices being louder than you can make
out the voice of God, for me, it's meditation and
sitting in the stillness in the morning when like nobody's up,
when I can just hear the birds waking up. That
is the best time for me to hear God's voice
because it's nothing going on. A lot of times, once
the day get started, it's like calls start coming in,

(01:01:51):
nobody giving you a pin. Oh, you shouldn't do that,
you shouldn't do That's when I feel like it's hard
to like really discern where, like God, where are you
really leading me? So I would say, for sure, just
find time that you can really until you get to
a point in your walk with guy where you really
just hear him. And sometimes you can be in New
York City Times Square and you can hear him clearly
like gotcha, you know. But sometimes you need to find
that still quiet space that you can really just be

(01:02:13):
a one with him where you can see what direction
he wants to take you to. But in Sarah jax
Robberts book Power Moves, she talks about marinating before you activate,
because honey, I didn't activated some things I should have loved.

Speaker 2 (01:02:27):
Marinate for a lot, Okay, So definitely I.

Speaker 1 (01:02:33):
Would just marinate on what you're trying to do before
you activate anything.

Speaker 2 (01:02:37):
Sarah, what do you got to say to her?

Speaker 3 (01:02:39):
Everything that you said?

Speaker 4 (01:02:40):
I would say as a part of marinating that I
would consider why do you feel stuck? I'm one of
those people who like to face off with the fear,
face off with the pain, the shame to understand the
messages that I am receiving. And so I am stuck
because I am afraid that blank It's gonna happen. I

(01:03:01):
am stuck because I believe that I do not have blank. Like,
what is it if that is making me feel stuck?
And is there anything that you can do to get unstuck, Like,
do I need to believe differently? Are there courses I
can take that? Are there conversations that I need to have?
Are these friendships the right friendships for me if I'm
stuck because I'm afraid people are gonna make fun of

(01:03:22):
me if I don't do this well? Like are these
the types of friends that I want to have in
the first place?

Speaker 3 (01:03:27):
Am I wrong? Or what I make fun?

Speaker 4 (01:03:28):
Like? I think there's so many things that when we're
marinating that allows us to see. Sometimes what I'm marinating
on isn't even something that's possible, Like these friends would
never make fun of me. They're so compassionate, you know
what I mean. And we get stuck believing something that's
not even true. So I would definitely say t ta
take some time to marinate to decide, like what exactly
makes me feel stuck? And is it really true? Because

(01:03:50):
a lot of times it's not true?

Speaker 2 (01:03:52):
So that's good, Yeah, it's real.

Speaker 1 (01:03:54):
A lot of times I'm an overthinker, so I always
overthink the words sometimes, like or I can overthink the
best and be like girl, okay, yes, calm down.

Speaker 4 (01:04:05):
I think that's part of what makes so much of
what we do successful, is that it is well thought out, yes,
but there are other moments where it is.

Speaker 2 (01:04:16):
Yeah, that is so true.

Speaker 1 (01:04:21):
Then we do something that's called what I'm growing through
and what I'm going through? And right now I am.
I talked about the asking God's enlarge my territory, but
with that comes finding my voice in this space of
my life. And right now I'm just really trying to
figure out exactly where I want to really go at

(01:04:42):
this as this next level expands. Because we were I
was in church. We were just talking about how as
you continue to get bigger your option there becomes more options,
and trying to decide, Okay, am I gonna go this way,
this way, this way, really figuring out those those places
and the avenues that I want to go down. So
right now praying for the discernment to know, Okay, this
is the way God wants me to go. Maybe I

(01:05:02):
should wait on this because I'm like, I like to
have a lot of what's in the fire fire and
a lot of different things going on, but making sure
that they're God things and their God moves because everything
he said, every good door is not a God door, right,
And I'm trying to make sure the doors I go
through now are the right ones, because that can determine

(01:05:24):
the future. It could be a good journey or it
can be a bad one. So right now it's just
a lot on my plate with trying to figure out
where to go next.

Speaker 2 (01:05:31):
So that's what I'm going through and growing through.

Speaker 4 (01:05:33):
Okay, Yeah, I am growing through and going through embracing
the I won't even call it a possibility, the reality
that I am lovable, Okay, but hear me out. So,
I think so much of my reconciliation with God came

(01:05:57):
down to me feeling like God loves me in spite
of all of these things I've done.

Speaker 3 (01:06:03):
God loves me.

Speaker 4 (01:06:04):
He sees all of my flaws and he loves me,
and it almost feels and the grace of that is
amazing and the charity of it, I think is amazing.
But I also feel like there's another level that I
am growing and going through that is like, yes, I
love you in spite of all those things, but also

(01:06:26):
you're just lovable.

Speaker 1 (01:06:28):
Yeah you are. And I just met you today. Thank you.
Yeah you got your energy is good?

Speaker 3 (01:06:32):
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (01:06:33):
Like just embracing the idea that like maybe you're just
a lovable person like you're not loved out of this
like charity, this pad on the head, like oh my gosh,
you know I love you, draggedy stuff. I love you,
and you know I was glad to be loved like that,
thank you, you know what I mean? I think that
has been my postures, like oh my gosh, but like

(01:06:55):
this idea that like no, like it wasn't a stretch.

Speaker 3 (01:06:58):
Yes, like we talked about God.

Speaker 4 (01:07:00):
Leaving or Jesus leaving the ninety nine to go get
the one, and if you're that one, you can feel like,
oh my gosh, he had to stretch, but you know
he found them. But like what if it wasn't a stretch,
Like what if it was its privilege and it's honored
to go out of his way because he knew that
You're so lovable that like I don't ever want you
to feel lost. So I don't know, it's a rewiring

(01:07:22):
that I'm rolling and going.

Speaker 2 (01:07:23):
I love that.

Speaker 1 (01:07:25):
That is so good. The last thing we do is
fill in the blank, keep it blank, sweetie, okay, And
I'm going to say keep marinating until it's time to activate, sweetie.

Speaker 3 (01:07:40):
I am going to say, keep it authentic, sweetye.

Speaker 1 (01:07:45):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:07:46):
I love that, Sarah. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (01:07:49):
I appreciate it. Guys, thank you so much for tuning
into this episode to keep it positive.

Speaker 2 (01:07:53):
Sweetie.

Speaker 1 (01:07:54):
If you want to write into our open listener letter,
you can write into keep it Positive Sweetie at gmail
dot com. That's Sweetie with an Ie. You can follow
me on all platforms that love Christine and that's luv
Sarah Tael the people that can find you.

Speaker 4 (01:08:06):
You can find me at Sarah Jakes Roberts on Instagram, Facebook,
and on TikTok the real Sarah Jax Robert.

Speaker 1 (01:08:14):
There we go, all right, guys, and make sure you
go right now to get her new book, Para Moves.

Speaker 3 (01:08:19):
It's everywhere.

Speaker 2 (01:08:20):
There's no excuse for me not to have it. Go
get this.

Speaker 1 (01:08:22):
It definitely make a difference in your walk. Thank you
so much, Sarah. I appreciate.

Speaker 5 (01:08:36):
Thank you Lord so much, Father God for this moment.
Thank you for bringing everyone here safely.

Speaker 1 (01:08:40):
Lord.

Speaker 2 (01:08:40):
Yes, we thank you so much for the opportunity.

Speaker 5 (01:08:42):
To converse vulnerably, openly, transparently.

Speaker 1 (01:08:44):
Father God.

Speaker 5 (01:08:45):
We just asked that you bless this moment and for
everyone that will watch this later on, Father God, that
they will receive what you want them to receive.

Speaker 3 (01:08:52):
We think you will. We honor you and your name.

Speaker 2 (01:08:54):
We pray Amen. Amen five