I convinced my husband to let my “teen mom” sister stay with us…but now he’s refusing to help financially! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories | EP1966 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I convinced my husband to let my teen mom sister
stay with us, but now he's refusing to help financially.
Let me start by saying that my parents had my
sister Jenna on accident when I was fourteen, so I
never really had a very close relationship with her until
a few months ago, as I moved out for college

(00:20):
when she was four. To keep a long story short,
Jenna found out she was pregnant a few months ago
during her senior year, and my parents immediately kicked her out.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
They literally had her by accident.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
Yeah, you would expect, you know.

Speaker 2 (00:34):
You would think they would be understanding.

Speaker 1 (00:36):
I have been no contact with my parents for roughly
eight years now, and I hadn't seen my sister since
she was about eleven. Ah, this is tough, by the way.
This comes from user final underscore Builder twenty eight ninety
eight on the r slash okay storytime subreddit. Apparently, after
she was kicked out, she stayed at my friend's place

(00:58):
on her couch for a few weeks before deciding to
call me via Instagram. I was shocked to see the
notification but answered anyways. We ended up talking for over
an hour as she cried and told me everything that happened.
She was pregnant, had no family accept me, and she's
just a teenager. It broke my heart, and the next
day we met up for the first time in years.

(01:18):
Seeing how much she's changed since the last time I
saw her broke my heart because of my parents in
an issue that happened with them that I won't get
into here. I missed getting to see my baby sister
grow up.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
This is just sad. I just can't imagine, like kicking
a child out.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
Jenna told me about her situation and how she wasn't
going to be able to go to college, even though
she had amazing grades and had been accepted to multiple schools,
because of the baby and the fact that she needs
to work to support him. She told me how she
was staying on the couch and the whole situation made
me frustrated. That night, when I got home, I was
telling my husband about it, and I brought up the

(01:55):
idea of her staying in our guest house for a
little bit of a context. My husband and I are
very well off, as we both worked paying jobs. We
have two daughters, aged five and six, and after my
youngest was born, we came to the mutual agreement that
he would be a SHD stay at home dad. Thank you.
Even with him at home, we have enough to afford

(02:15):
a large house and a guest house in the backyard,
which I am extremely grateful for. When I brought up
the idea to him, he immediately said no, he didn't
want Jenna and her baby in the house, as he
thought it would be add extra stress. After a bit
of back and forth and maybe ME guilting him a bit,
he reluctantly agreed and she moved in. After she came
to live with us, Jenna and I became way closer.

(02:36):
I was at her high school graduation. I was the
one who convinced her to go to college a few
minutes from our house. I was the only one in
the room when she gave birth, and I was the
second person to ever get to hold my nephew, Daniel.
We set up a crib next to her bed in
the guest house, and I thought the problem was solved.
Everything seemed okay until a couple of weeks ago when
Jenna started her new college classes. Oh that's where it

(02:58):
gets sticky. My husband hadn't complained much until then because
he never had to be around her or the baby much.
Jenna got a job after he was born, bartending, so
her shift didn't start until mine was over, and I
could watch Daniel while she was gone. However, now her
morning classes conflict with my work schedule, meaning my husband
has to watch Daniel sometimes.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
That I think it gets because he's sad he doesn't
want to. I think you do have to maybe look
into like daycares or you know.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
But also, you guys have two kids of your own.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. I feel like it's
a little bit complicated to ask your husband, who wasn't
interested in doing this, to take on that responsibility.

Speaker 1 (03:36):
This year, our youngest started kindergarten, meaning he has a
lot of free time. He still cleans the house and
does grocery runs, but he also has hours and hours
of free time during the day. He got pissed off
that he had to watch the baby, even though it's
just for three to four hours in the morning, and
basically yelled at me one night, saying, I shouldn't have
to suffer just because your freeloading sister made a stupid

(03:57):
decision and got pregnant. Harsh, that's pretty that's pretty harsh.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
But I mean, like, on the other hand, it isn't
his responsibility. It's not his responsibility. He said he didn't
want to do it. He made that clear.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
It's a harsh truth.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
It is a hard Yeah. In certain situations, you'll have
like a person say oh, yeah, let's do it and
then go back on the word. That's not the case here. Yeah,
he was two op he's on a vision, guilted into
this agreement.

Speaker 1 (04:19):
I think the husband, like, you got to give him
some slack here, they're in your guest house. Yes, they're
dealing with it. Great.

Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah, she should not be expected to take care of
this baby when he never wanted.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
To, Yeah, have a friend watch or pay for again
daycare or something like that, and went off on a
rant about the extra money we have to spend. I
tried to stay calm and reminded him that she's still
just eighteen and frankly, she works harder than he does.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
It's not how you win a life.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
No, it would be a different situation if we couldn't
afford it and she wasn't showing any initiative. But that
isn't the case. She takes college classes, works six nights
a week and still is a great mom to her son.
She has shown us nothing but gratitude and even found
time in her schedule to make my life husband a
cake for his birthday.

Speaker 2 (05:01):
It's nice, but again still not his like responsibility.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
Kicking her out and making her fend for herself would
be stupid. She wouldn't be able to stay in school,
she'd be barely scraping by to pay rent in some
crappy apartment, and she would be stuck barely staying afloat
for her son's whole childhood. It may cost us a
bit more time and money now, but when she gets
her degree, finds a stable job, and can move to
a decent place where she doesn't have to worry about

(05:25):
getting her son his next meal, it would have been
a small sacrifice.

Speaker 2 (05:28):
I don't think necessarily the answer is kick her out,
And I don't even think the husband is saying that
because it doesn't seem like he cared until he had
to watch the baby. Yeah, which is like maybe sitting
every day three four hours.

Speaker 1 (05:40):
Plus on top of the other kids and broceries, like
he's a stay at home dead.

Speaker 2 (05:43):
There are responsibilities that go into it, and it is
a lot of work.

Speaker 1 (05:46):
Yeah, and don't say she does more than you.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
Yeah, that's so rude. That's incredibly dismissive of what he's doing.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
He couldn't see that, though, and kept on arguing about
the money and the time he has to spend taking
care of a baby that isn't his. I went off
and said something along the lines of she's my sister
and it's my money. I'll spend it how I want.
And if you're going to be too much of a
child to help out for a few hours a day,
then I'll just use said money to hire a nanny
who might actually care about my family.

Speaker 2 (06:13):
So messed up, so messed up when you've made an agreement.
I feel like, if we're swapping the genders of this story,
if you know a man had said that to a woman, oh,
it's my money, like they had made an agreement where
she was like a stay at home mom or something,
and then he went, it's my money. I get to
decide how I get to use it. That is kind
of like financially manipulative one hundred percent when you've made

(06:33):
an agreement, and emotionally manipulative and emotionally manipulative like oh,
you have to do it my way or I'm going
to use the money that I'm bringing in. Even though
we said you would be a stay at home dad
so we could. Yeah, someone said he literally gave up
his career to be a stay at home dad. He
made a sacrifice for the kids.

Speaker 1 (06:49):
He doesn't need to make another sacrifice.

Speaker 2 (06:51):
For someone else's kids. Hope he's being an a whole.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
He was stunned, as I've never want to raise my
voice and generally try to avoid conflict. Then he made
a bit big stink about how I don't appreciate it
seems like you don't and if I cared about the
life we've built together, that I would be sacrificing it
for some teenage girl I barely.

Speaker 2 (07:09):
Know which I don't fully agree with that line.

Speaker 1 (07:12):
Now we're both mad, and for the last couple of days,
neither one of us have spoken to each other very
much unless we have to. I've been dropping off Daniel
at my friends my friend Ashley's house on my way
to work, and Jenna has been picking him up after
classes because my husband refuses to watch him. How can
I fix this situation and change my husband's mind? Kicking
Jenna out isn't something I'm willing to do.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
Yeah, Oh my goodness.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
It's not his problem.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
It's truly not his problem. Yeah. I think the thing
is that if you have the money to spend on
a nanny, then why didn't you bring up that as
like a why did you expect your husband to watch
this kid? There should have just been way more conversations
about what the arrangement would be and what was expected
from him, so that he could say, no, I don't
want to do that. But let's see this update.

Speaker 1 (07:54):
Edit to respond to the most common concerns. I agree
what I said about the money was out of line,
and I will a paul him for that. It's his
money as much as mine. Those of you saying it's
my sister's own fault she got pregnant and didn't get
an a portion should not speak on things you don't
know about unless you were there the night she got pregnant.
Don't assume that it was all her fault. I don't
think she exactly gave consent, and we live in a

(08:16):
state where getting a termination was not an option, especially
as late in her pregnancy as she was when she
found out. My main problem was the fact that he
seemed unwilling to meet in the middle. He doesn't have
a job and spends most of his time just lounging
while the girls are at school. He doesn't want to
help with the baby, or go back to work or
get a nanny, and I was frustrated he didn't seem

(08:37):
to be willing to compromise on any of these things.
When I said I guilted him into agreeing, that was
a poor choice of words. I just explained to him
that she had nowhere else to go and if we
didn't help, I was worried she and her son may
be put in an unsafe situation. You know it is
a safe situation. You can join us live on YouTube
every weekday at three pm PST. Just tap our profile

(08:58):
pap bit our little segues. I'm going to try and
make time to talk to the both of them later
about the situation, and I'll make sure that I take
both of their feelings into consideration, as things obviously can't
stay the way they are now. I appreciate the feedback,
as harsh as it was to hear, except that I'm
the one in the wrong here.

Speaker 2 (09:16):
Good.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
I'll try to stop being too controlling.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
Yeah, I mean she's recognizing it, but still is saying, oh,
he doesn't do that much, yeah, which is it's still
not seeing what he does for the family.

Speaker 1 (09:27):
That's not fair.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
Yeah, I mean it sounds like he's against the nanny.
But I wonder if he would have been so against
it if they had planned it out more in the
beginning and said, Okay, you don't want to be involved
in the baby raising, then let's get a nanny. Maybe
he would have said yes.

Speaker 1 (09:42):
Then they also didn't know how long this sister was
going to be there.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
That's true.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
If you said my sister could stay with us for
a short time.

Speaker 2 (09:49):
What is that?

Speaker 1 (09:50):
What does that mean?

Speaker 2 (09:50):
They had to talk way more. When you're bringing in
a new person that one party doesn't really know, there's
a baby involved, you have to talk a lot about
what your expectations are.

Speaker 1 (09:59):
And this is not paying any It wasn't said in
the story, but she's probably not paying any rent.

Speaker 2 (10:04):
Doesn't seem like it. Yeah, and maybe she can't afford to,
but yeah, So I.

Speaker 1 (10:07):
Think what the sister said too is when Jenna gets
back on her feet, then we'll see. But why don't
you just give your sister some money? Mhm, help her
out there too. I know it's just that the kid needs.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
Needs care, that is the issue. While she's at school.
I recorded my wife cheating on me, but I don't
know how to tell her.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
I know, that's just scratching my head. I'm like, I know,
you're cheating on me. Yeah, that's it, that's it's.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
A couple of weeks ago, I decided I wanted to
surprise my wife with a kid free night out. My
parents live about an hour and a half away from us,
and I arrange for the kids to stay with them
for the weekend. By the way, this comes from Lost
and Cheated on eight on the best udder updates for Usually,
when I go to my parents, I am gone until
later in the evening. We spend all day there and

(10:54):
leave around dinner time. This time, I was dropping the
kids off and immediately going home home so I could
surprise my wife and we could go out as soon
as possible. I had made reservations at a nice restaurant
and was hoping to go to a few places for
some drinks first. I left at eight thirty and was
back in her housing plan before twelve thirty. As I
pulled onto my street, I saw a truck parked in

(11:16):
front of my house. I did not recognize it. I
assumed it was someone seeing the neighbors, though, because it's
not that unusual for someone to park in front of
her house. I parked a few houses away, thinking I
would sneak into the house and surprise my wife. Instead
of pulling in the driveway and going in the garage,
I went in through a basement door. I was as

(11:36):
quiet as possible, but as soon as I walked in,
I heard her making sounds from the floor above. When
I first heard it, I thought she was just by herself,
maybe having some personal time. I didn't want to interrupt
her privacy and embarrass her, so I was going to
go back to my car and just go in the
garage so she would know I was home. Then I
heard a man's voice. I immediately felt sick. My heart

(11:59):
felt like it was going to blowed out of my chest.
It is hard to describe how I felt in this moment.
I decided to go upstairs. I had no desire to
confront them. I just wanted to see what was going on.
I moved slowly and quietly and went up the stairs.
It's like a horror movie. The door was halfway open,
the kitchen was empty, but I could tell they were

(12:19):
in the living room. It was obvious what was going
on at this point by the sounds. There was no
way for me to look in the living room without
them seeing me. I pulled out my phone and opened
my camera app. I put my phone just around the
corner of a wall. Why are you recording them?

Speaker 1 (12:35):
That's so weird.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
This part is so hard to write. I could see
my wife with a man I didn't recognize. I won't
go into detail on what they were doing, but I
think you can figure it out. I started recording it.
I was thinking that I needed a record of it
for whatever I decided to do in the future. I
don't think so. I just stood there in my kitchen
watching this all unfold on my phone screen. I felt

(12:57):
like I could just scream at any moment. For some reason,
I just froze completely. This went on for several minutes.
She finally jumped off of him and made a comment
about going to the bedroom, and they went upstairs. She
even made a comment about how much time they had left.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
Yikes.

Speaker 2 (13:13):
I walked into the living room and found the guy's pants.
I took his wallet out and took a picture of
his driver's license. I know his name and his address,
now I've never met him. I have no idea how
my wife knows him. I left the house the same
way I entered. I went back to my car and cried,
like the pathetic man I am. I decided to watch
the video to make sure it recorded. I watched it all.

Speaker 1 (13:33):
Dude, dude, dude, you're kind of like abusing yourself.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
Yeah, you're putting yourself through it over and over. Oh.
I'll spare the details, but I sat in my car
for at least half an hour. I couldn't drive to
my parents and get the kids, as I would have
to explain why. I decided that I would pull into
the driveway, open the garage, and just pretend like I
was there to surprise her. I took my time getting
into the house. I made a lot of noise. When

(13:59):
I saw her, she would very flustered, asking me why
I was home, et cetera. She was in a robe
and said she was just getting ready for a bath.
Ou I told her about my plans, and she seemed excited.
She poured us both a glass of wine and said
we should pregame before getting ready. I don't think I
talked much. Really, she took me into the living room.
I'm not proud of what I let happen. I could

(14:21):
faintly see the guy sneaking downstairs and going to the
basement stairs, but I didn't say or do anything. I
just let my wife continue doing what she was doing
to me. Since that day, I have watched the video
of her repeatedly. I can't bring myself to make any
decisions on what I should do next. She seems to
know something is wrong with me, because she's asked a
few times if I'm okay. I feel worthless, and every

(14:43):
time I hit a low point, I watched that video again.
I feel like I've watched it at least ten times
a day since I caught them.

Speaker 1 (14:50):
Dude, why are you doing that to yourself?

Speaker 2 (14:54):
Stop? Stop?

Speaker 1 (14:56):
Just call her out.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
Call her out, please yourself. I don't know why you're
putting yourself through this. Yeah, there is an update, but
divorce her, like you have the proof.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
You have the proof, but maybe he doesn't want a divorce.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yeah, I don't know. They have kids. Oh, this is
an update. I stopped watching the video after reading all
the comments on my first post, it has helped clear
my mind and allowed me to focus on next steps.
This has allowed me to mostly be back to my
normal self for both my kids and my job. I've
gone through my wife's phone and found nothing. I've searched
the guy's name from the driver's license. I figured out

(15:31):
how they met. He's a landscaper. She was calling some
a few months ago to clean up her yard and
ended up getting some mulching and cleanup done.

Speaker 1 (15:39):
Uh huh, yeah that's what it was.

Speaker 2 (15:40):
Oh yeah, that's why she was gone. I've driven past
his house many times. I think he is single, as
I couldn't find any records of other people living at
that address. I've only seen a truck parked in the
driveway when I have driven by. I've been avoiding my
wife after the kids are in bed to try to
limit one on one time. I don't want any awkward
conversations and I also don't want to have spicy sleep.

(16:00):
I have mostly been successful with this, but did slip
up one night when I had a little too much
to drink. I hated myself for it the next day.
I don't believe she has seen him since the day
I caught them. I've been paying attention anytime she's gone.
I obviously can't track her one hundred percent. I've read
about Apple air tags, but I use Android.

Speaker 1 (16:19):
What is he doing? You're making this so much harder.
You already have the proof, you already know the facts,
but you're just like, if she does it again, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:26):
I don't understand what you're waiting for.

Speaker 1 (16:29):
You're kind of like defending her.

Speaker 2 (16:30):
It feels like, Oh, he's just in this state of
shock and he's just gonna keep cruising until something kind
of pulls him out.

Speaker 1 (16:36):
He's making it very obvious that something has happening.

Speaker 2 (16:38):
Yes, I'm guessing any app I would put on her
phone maybe discovered. I have installed the doorbell camera on
her house, though, so I can always see the street.
When I did this, my wife didn't say anything. We
continue to do things as a family as we normally would.
I have done my best to not let her know
what I know and to continue to be a good
dad to my kids. So the weird thing I'm dealing
with now is that she's planned a night out with

(16:59):
a friend for drinks. It's a friend from work, so
I don't know her at all, and I'm not connected
with this person on social media. When she told me
I made up some excuse about work and said I
couldn't watch the kids, she ended up getting our neighbor
to agree to babysit. Now I'm debating if I should
follow her to really see if she's meeting her friend
or a guy. It seems like I'm heading towards a
confrontation either way when I just want everything to go back.

(17:21):
I'm going to leave my house soon and pretend to
be going to work. I'll probably just go to a
bar to kill time until I can drive by the
place she's supposed to be going to. I'm filled with
effing dread about all of this. I just don't understand why. Ope,
he's like, I need to get more proof. You already
know she cheated on you. Why do you need to
track her.

Speaker 1 (17:38):
Here's also the thing he's making it worse for the
relationship and the family.

Speaker 2 (17:42):
Yes, for the kids. There are kids involved in this.

Speaker 1 (17:45):
You're lying to yourself, you're lying to her, You're lying
to the kids. This should have been resolved or at
least confronted in the beginning.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
In the beginning, it's just you're making it so much harder.
Update two. I've had so many messages asking how oh
I am doing that, I felt I should probably post
an update. On the night when she was going out
with her friend, I still pretended I had work and
left the house after the babysitter arrived. I went to
a bar and had a few drinks. Then I drove
over to the restaurant she said she was going to.

(18:14):
I saw her car in the parking lot. I'm not
gonna lie. I was on edge and incredibly nervous, despite
the drinks earlier. I was so worried I would walk
in and see her with that guy.

Speaker 1 (18:25):
I think he's into this. I think he likes to
like the detective. I think he likes like kind of
like the the trauma detective right here.

Speaker 2 (18:32):
I was hoping to sneak in and get a look
without being seen, but that failed miserably. She saw me
as soon as I walked in the door. She was
with her friend and not the guy. We had that
what are you doing here? I thought you were working?
Expected conversation. I told her work ended early, so I
wanted to stop by to say hi. Since we had
a babysitter. I left after a couple drinks and went
home to relieve the sitter. So many of you have

(18:54):
commented on my last posts that I need to confront her, Yes,
and I decided in that moment that I would. I
couldn't hold it in any longer. I got the kids
to bed and waited for her to come home. I
watched the video again.

Speaker 1 (19:05):
Dude, just stop.

Speaker 2 (19:07):
To remind myself of what happened. You already know what happened.
When she got home, she was surprised I was still
up and apparently could tell from the way I looked
that something was wrong. I poured it all out on her.
It probably wasn't fair of me. I didn't even let
her sit down. I told her everything. I played part
of the video to show her what I saw. I

(19:27):
called her some harsh names, said she ruined our lives.
In that moment, I was incredibly angry. She was very upset,
heavily crying and shaking. She told me how terrible she
felt about everything that happened. I told her she had
to tell me everything that happened with that guy, and
she laid it all out. She cheated on me twice
with him after the time I saw them. She cut

(19:49):
things off because she knew it was wrong and she
loves me. That's not how love works. I asked her
for proof, but she said she had already deleted and
blocked him on her phone, Facebook and Instagram. She did
tell me that he's single and knew she was married.
She asked me to delete the video, but I refused.
She asked me why, and I really didn't have any
other reason other than I felt I needed to hold

(20:09):
on to it for now. She got a little angry
at that and asked if I was keeping it to
watch it again.

Speaker 1 (20:14):
Probably, bro, you've been watching it.

Speaker 2 (20:16):
She's been watching it. He's been binge watching it.

Speaker 1 (20:19):
It's just oh man.

Speaker 2 (20:20):
It was very late at this point, so we decided
to go to bed and talk more the next day,
when we had more time to think. She continued to
apologize repeatedly for what she did. We slept separately that night.
Over the next few days, things between us seemed better.
I felt some relief that it was all out in
the open, and we continued to talk, and it feels

(20:40):
like we're on the path to staying together and moving
past this out. I don't understand this, I don't get
this relationship he just wants to put himself through pain,
and I think, yeah, mast masochist. I have made it
clear that she is never to see or talk to
that guy again. While things feel like they are improving,
I am still struggling to trust her. Worse yet is

(21:01):
that I have a trip coming up from work and
I will be gone for a few days. I told
her that I'm not comfortable with leaving right now, but
I can't skip this trip. My boss made it clear
that I needed. She said I could put cameras up
in the house to keep an eye on her if
it would make me feel better. Sadly, I may do that.
I'll be gone for at least three days. And by
the way, you can join us live every weekday at

(21:21):
three PMPST. Just tap her profile. Overall, things are okay.
Kids are oblivious that anything is going on, and it
seems that slowly my wife and I will eventually get
back to normal. I hope so at least. I'm a
little ashamed to admit that I have watched the video
a few times since all of this.

Speaker 1 (21:38):
A few that's what he calls a few times.

Speaker 2 (21:41):
I'm thinking that I should probably delete it so it's
gone for my life. I don't know what's wrong with me.
You just like reliving the pain and Okay. The thing
is that he doesn't even have the excuse of, oh,
I want to keep it in case we divorce or
because I want a divorce. He's just keeping it to
put it like he just wants to go through it
over and over and over again.

Speaker 1 (21:57):
It seems like he's not even angry at his wife.

Speaker 2 (22:00):
It's weird. It's a very weird dynamic.

Speaker 3 (22:03):
I told my husband I'd forgive him if he cheated,
but now I'm worried that he already did.

Speaker 4 (22:09):
Damn that sucks.

Speaker 3 (22:11):
I have been insecure and have been open with my
husband about how I've been feeling. We've had a second
child and have been struggling with different parts of the
postpartum journey sleep deprivation, weight changes, schedules, weaning, and have
been feeling insecure once again. The beginning of motherhood literally
still at the hospital and raw from birth began with

(22:32):
another woman entering our space and asking to take him away,
even before any family of ours visiting. So yeah, I've
been insecure, but I'm not apologizing for how I felt
and acknowledged I have a lot of internal work to
do as a barner individual and parent. Regardless, my post
was asking how do I get over it? And therapy

(22:56):
has been the suggestion. Banks Again, by the way, this
from you slash deleted account on the r slash okay
storytime subreddit. A few years ago, my husband worked with
a VM and ees foreign national who he kind of
mentored at work and trained her. She seems sweet and
I never felt threatened. Then she started sending him home

(23:18):
with boxes of fruit, purchased some food for Thanksgiving and
send it home with him, would call him past midnight
from Vietnam.

Speaker 2 (23:25):
Well, maybe they just have different times.

Speaker 3 (23:27):
To talk to her about her parents, et cetera. I
called him out as she is married and I was
pregnant with our first child at that time. He told
me he wasn't close to her husband because they only
married for papers and even lived in separate apartments. Well,
the final straw of doubt was when she showed up

(23:48):
at the hospital the day after I gave birth to
our child. She was dressed in a full gallic gown
due to a work function for them that day, and
asked my husband in front of me if he wanted
to be her date that.

Speaker 2 (24:03):
Night for the event, since I couldn't go anywhere the
day she had a baby.

Speaker 4 (24:08):
Okay, you're the husband, what's your answer?

Speaker 3 (24:10):
No? Okay, Livid is a mild description of what I felt.

Speaker 4 (24:16):
He isn't going anywhere with you.

Speaker 3 (24:19):
We just had our baby blurred out of my mind,
and my husband had a brief look of disbelief in
his face, and he too told her no because he
was on paternity leave and was staying with his wife
and newborn.

Speaker 2 (24:31):
Thank God.

Speaker 3 (24:32):
It's been five years since then, and I can't shake
the feeling that he cheated on me while I was pregnant.
It's been hard to reconcile his serious demeanor and gentleman
ways with the evidence that there may have been something.
He swears she's just friendly and didn't have any friends
and maybe a cultural difference. Well, we had a date

(24:53):
night a few months ago in which an ineborated stay.

Speaker 4 (24:57):
I told him that.

Speaker 3 (24:58):
If he cheated on me, i'd him I decay what
I was expecting from that, and I guess I may
not have meant it, because when he just chuckled and
laughed it off, he did not deny it.

Speaker 2 (25:10):
Okay, but I'm just imagining she goes, if you cheat
on me, I still love you, and he's like, okay, baby, Okay,
that's what I'm imagining.

Speaker 3 (25:20):
He seems like a gentleman league guy. I'm scared to
compare me to this guy because he might do something crazy.
But right now it seems like this is like huh no.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
Because I feel like if she goes, if you cheat
on me, I'd still love you, and he goes, I
never cheat on you. I would never do that. That
would be so much more suspicious.

Speaker 4 (25:36):
Is there any right way to answer that question?

Speaker 2 (25:40):
No, because she's trying to like get him.

Speaker 3 (25:42):
I've been thinking of it as a hypothetical since these
past five years, and now it's turned into a real
possibility if.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
There's any proof here. Also, she like lives in Vietnam.

Speaker 3 (25:53):
I keep having dreams where he's cheating with coworkers and
fothering a child, et cetera. Not knowing is eating at me.
But if I keep prodding at him about it, I'm
my as well divorce. What should I do to let
it go and believe him? I definitely think therapy, Yeah,
Miss Jaberts's therapy.

Speaker 4 (26:14):
That's what everybody has been saying.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
I think you have to go to therapy.

Speaker 3 (26:17):
Other than therapy, is there anything we could do or
any suggestions we could give?

Speaker 2 (26:22):
I think communication is always helpful. However, if you were
to just start, I mean, like, right now, all of
your thoughts are based off insecurity, and I think if
you were to communicate, you might just end up accusing him.

Speaker 3 (26:34):
If I was the husband, would I'd be like, you
can look through my phone? Would that help?

Speaker 2 (26:38):
I think it would help. I think that would be
nice of him. But I honestly think right now she
doesn't have trust for him, which is not fair to
him if he hasn't done anything, which it seems like
he hasn't, Like she has literally no proof that he's
done anything. So I do think therapy is needed, okun
And then maybe you know once she works through it,
like the therapist can tell her, hey, this is how
you need to reproach this conversation to your husband. I

(27:00):
like that.

Speaker 4 (27:01):
But we have an update. Thank you all for the feedback.

Speaker 3 (27:04):
I needed to get it out of my system and
just process through it from different perspectives because even though
it has been discussed, it still weighs on me to
clarify it was addressed when I was postpartum, and he
did not cheat. After some thought, it's the hospital event
that bothered me the most at the start of our

(27:25):
parenthood chapter. Not knowing where she was coming from when
asking my husband to be her date was when I
was in my most vulnerable state.

Speaker 2 (27:34):
Very weird on her. But it doesn't necessarily mean that
your husband is cheating up.

Speaker 3 (27:37):
Yeah, no, no, no, And if that was the only
thing that bothered you, his response should be enough reassurance.

Speaker 2 (27:43):
Yeah. I also think this because this was five years ago.

Speaker 4 (27:46):
Right, this was five years ago.

Speaker 3 (27:48):
She's having the same feelings because they're having their second kids,
so these feelings are coming back.

Speaker 2 (27:53):
The thing is that she could have brought it up
to him at that point and said, hey, that made
me really uncomfortable when she came in, Can you say
up some boundaries with her? If she had done it,
then totally could have like communicate with him and it
would have been fine without her being necessarily overly insecure.
But now it's five years later and she's been holding
on to this when she should have been talking to him.

Speaker 3 (28:13):
Yeah, she might, or he might be just misunderstanding all
the women in his life.

Speaker 4 (28:18):
Socrates says, he's just like what do they want remy,
I'm just a guy.

Speaker 2 (28:22):
Yeah, Dutch Justsana says, is she even still part of
their lives? That's a great point. Is she even like
a problem anymore?

Speaker 3 (28:27):
Is she still a coworker? We have a few real
little comments here. Water Troup Girl says, maybe he laughed
it off, because that's a weird thing to say. My
partner said that to me in a drug and say
I'd be awkward af and throne. Bear in mind, I
would never chat. But like, what on earth? Girl, did
you even mean those words?

Speaker 4 (28:47):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (28:47):
And probably in that state she probably didn't like get
a good read on his body language.

Speaker 2 (28:52):
Yeah, you can't really get a super good read, Rogers says,
didn't They just say they had talked it out during
her postpartum time, which in that case, why is she
still holding on to this?

Speaker 5 (29:02):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (29:02):
Definitely therapy.

Speaker 3 (29:03):
Maybe go to some counseling sessions or something and try
to work it out if you really want to press
us further, and what it will mean for you and
your relationship if he has you did personally, I'd need
to know. I wouldn't be able to leave it alone,
but I wouldn't have awaited five years.

Speaker 4 (29:20):
Maybe ignorance is bliss. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (29:23):
Yeah, it does feel like a really odd thing to say.
I'd be so shocked and awkward if someone said it
to me then, when they were sober, I'd probably be
fuming that they've thought for five years that I am
a cheater when I'd never I'd be really defensive. My
partner once said they'd raise a baby with me that
came from cheating. I was really thrown, having never even

(29:47):
considered cheating. It felt like a very random and strange
thing to offer me. Sounds like they went through the
same thing and.

Speaker 2 (29:52):
That was their reaction and they were like, that was weird.

Speaker 4 (29:55):
I would never do such a thing.

Speaker 3 (29:56):
Another comment interested in Many one sixty two says, also,
so at no point in any of this as her
husband shown any behavior that should make her even think
he was cheating.

Speaker 2 (30:07):
Truly, it's all been this girl, and he doesn't seem
like he's reciprocating he was, or like was reciprocating because
this is five years ago. Any of the behavior.

Speaker 3 (30:15):
Yeah, he's just being a gentleman dude. He never went
off with her alone or anything like that. She never
found inappropriate text messages or anything like that. He did
not leave her to go to some party with the girl,
so I don't really know what he was supposed to
have done to indicate any of that. I mean, if
you work closely with someone, you were going to establish

(30:38):
some kind of friendship, and you could establish a friendship
with us if you join us live every weekday at
three PMPST just tap our profile.

Speaker 4 (30:45):
From what it.

Speaker 3 (30:46):
Sounds like, he has never done anything to indicate he
could cheat or even would cheat. And I think that
if I were in this situation, I would have laughed
about it as well. It's so random, and you tend
to laugh at people crazy random things when they're drunk.
I think she needs to let it go. There's nothing
to indicate that he has cheated, and I think her
continuing to push it isn't going to do any good.

(31:09):
It's almost like she wants that to be her answer
to justify oliver worries. But how can he prove something
never happened. That's a really good point. She wants to
justify this as happening. Maybe look into that. That would
be the first question I'd ask in therapy session.

Speaker 2 (31:26):
I actually have a question going back to the beginning
of the story.

Speaker 4 (31:29):
Yes, I would raise a child if it was from
someone else.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
Now, well, the part when she said I'm concerned because
he's been talking to her at two am? Do we
know was the wording he was responding at two am?
It seems like she was in Vietnam at that point.

Speaker 3 (31:43):
It seems like all of her evidence she has is
shaky like that. Yeah, it doesn't seem very I don't know.
That's confusing. Was she even.

Speaker 2 (31:51):
Yeah, or was she just texting him at two am
because she was in a time zone. Yeah, all a
little bit weird. I don't think there's any evidence of
him cheating, and I think you have to talked to him.

Speaker 4 (32:00):
Yeah, I talked to him.

Speaker 3 (32:02):
Couples maybe definitely therapy for you, and then if it
is really bothering you that much, couple therapy.

Speaker 4 (32:08):
Yeah, but nothing to divorce.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
I became a stay at home dad for our kids,
and now I feel like my wife is cheating on me.
That's tragic.

Speaker 4 (32:17):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (32:17):
Just here to get straight to the point. My wife
and I have been married since we were twenty five.
We are thirty eight, wow, thirteen years. We met in college,
got married, and everything has been great. We both graduated,
got good jobs, and started our lives together. Me and
my wife both made good money, so money was never

(32:38):
an issue for us. My wife worked for dad small business. Well,
I worked for a very large company. After a few years,
my boss left the company out of nowhere and they
needed someone to take over. The only person who knew
how to run the department wh is me. This guy,
this guy right the here's got two thumbs and can
run the department over here. So I got a major

(33:01):
pay jump, better bonus, better benefits. Let's go, baby, the works.
So at twenty eight, I was probably making three times
plus more than my wife, Okay, brag. At twenty eight,
the same year my wife gave birth to our first daughter.
Then two years later or second, my wife, due to
working for her father, was able to be more diverse
in working well. Around five years ago, my father in

(33:25):
law passed away unexpectedly. That left my mother in law
and wife in a hard position sell the company or
run it themselves. Yeah, my mother in law had no
clue how to run it, so my wife said she
would do it.

Speaker 5 (33:40):
Wow, it's interesting that like kind of same yeah situation
with both people. They're like having to like run big
things out of the blow Yeah.

Speaker 2 (33:48):
You guys are having to step up.

Speaker 5 (33:49):
It's weird step up.

Speaker 2 (33:50):
After my wife took the company, it did just as
well as when her father ran it. Wow, that's I mean,
that's really hard to do.

Speaker 5 (33:57):
Yeah, come over.

Speaker 2 (33:58):
Yeah, and be able to and still get it to function.
With that being said, my wife got a huge pay increase,
more than me. Oh brag. I was proud of her.
Going from a basic worker to running a whole company
isn't easy. Anyway, our daughters started suffering from not seeing
their parents. Me and my wife discussed one of us

(34:20):
staying home. She said, the company you work for will
be fine without you. Mine could go under. I agreed,
so I quit my job and became a stay at
home dad slash husband. I do everything. I make sure
the girls are taken care of. I cook, clean, fix things,
make sure errand's are run, you name it. I pamper
my wife when she gets home from working. This went

(34:43):
well for a while until about a year ago.

Speaker 5 (34:48):
What happened to me.

Speaker 2 (34:50):
My wife was always very appreciative of what I did
and loved it. She has become very mean lately, like
just saying things like do you do any or how
about you work for real. What out of the blue,
that's so incredibly rude. After they've had a discussion about
the roles that they need to.

Speaker 5 (35:08):
Play, After he sacrificed his career to support his family,
you asked him.

Speaker 2 (35:12):
To sacrifice it. I work my butt every day making
sure you don't have to lift a finger when you
get home at all. Also, I had a real job,
but I quit to raise and take care of the girls.
Are home, and you not to mention my wife is
very schmextual, always has been. She's quit initiating spicy sleep

(35:32):
and when I ask, she is never in the mood.
That was very odd. Eventually I quit trying. I just
thought with all the pandemic crap and everything else, she
was just getting very stressed and it was getting to her.
I started trying harder to make her happy. Nothing ever worked.

Speaker 5 (35:52):
Something's going Yeah, at.

Speaker 2 (35:54):
This point, if I noticed, like the behavior was shifting
and there was like a problem. I don't know if
Opie hasn't said whether or not he did this, but
I think you have a conversation. You say hey, yeah,
especially during the pandemic, when you're in close quarters and stuff,
say like hey, I'm doing this, this and this I
just need some support. And I've noticed that you've been
kind of very critical of me, and I think that

(36:17):
needs to change or something needs to change.

Speaker 5 (36:19):
Or it would just be like, hey, I quit my
job with your request to support our family, and you
were appreciative, and now you're like blaming or insulting me.
What's going I would like just be curious, what's going on?
What's going on here?

Speaker 2 (36:35):
Last weekend, my oldest has a softball game, so I
get everything ready and we go. During the game, I
wanted to take a video for my mom and dad,
since they live in another state and don't get to
see my daughters that often. I forgot my phone, so
I asked my wife I could see hers.

Speaker 5 (36:53):
What's going to be honest, she.

Speaker 2 (36:54):
Had been attached to it all day, so it would
be good for her to get off of it. Anyway.
She hands it to me and says she's going to
get a drink at a snack. She gets up. I
video my daughter. When a message comes up on some app,
I check and I can't even fathom what I see.
My wife and this guy from her work, who is

(37:16):
eight years younger, are spicy texting and sending videos and pics,
talking about how great the spicy sleet.

Speaker 5 (37:25):
Was, and then me and then me oh, and talking
about He is.

Speaker 2 (37:29):
Saying how I am some wimp who can't get a
real job taking care of his women, and my wife
agrees with him. How critical you asked him to quit.

Speaker 5 (37:40):
How devastating, just devastating.

Speaker 2 (37:43):
We're doing so much. You've sacrificed your career to take
care of your kids and to take care of your wife.

Speaker 5 (37:50):
And she's cheating, cheating on you, and then in.

Speaker 2 (37:53):
Soulding you for that decision that you guys made together
and she asked for you to make. I couldn't believe
this crap I saw. I was so devastated and angry
all at the same time. I heard my wife coming back,
so I closed the app and started videoing now on
the ride home, and when we got home, my wife
tries to talk to me, and I'm not in the mood. Eventually,

(38:15):
we lay in bed and for the first time, I
guess they hadn't met in a while, tried to have
spicy sleep. I tell her I'm not in the mood.
She says, if you're going to be a bee about everything,
you can sleep on the couch and also, regardless of
whether or not they were going through something, to punish
someone for not wanting to sleep with you is disgusting.

Speaker 5 (38:36):
Agreed. Also, why are you why the second you're in
private not bring this up? Yeah, bring up that you
know that she's cheating on you.

Speaker 2 (38:45):
People process processes things differently. I got up and went
to the couch, and it have been years since. I
don't know how to move forward with this. I really
just don't know where to start. My wife was my everything,
my girls, of my world, and all of that is dying.

Speaker 5 (39:02):
Yeah, Sophia, clone to make them feel a fake sense
of security. That makes sense, like your world's falling apart
and you just don't want to accept it, just for
a little bit.

Speaker 2 (39:12):
Yeah, just just hold off a little bit longer, especially
when you have kids. Yeah, I don't. I don't know
how to bring this up. I don't know how to
handle this.

Speaker 5 (39:19):
It's a lot.

Speaker 2 (39:20):
Any advice would be wonderful, as I really effing need it.
Edit should mention I did send screenshots of the conversation
to my phone. I do have the evidence.

Speaker 5 (39:28):
That's smart.

Speaker 2 (39:29):
That's good for Yeah. For divorce update update. Hi everyone,
I want to thank you all for the advice you
gave me. First off, I do have the text picks,
videos and everything. Second, I don't own any of the company.
It's fifty to fifty between her and my mother in law. Third,
I can't sleep in the bed. I have been sleeping

(39:50):
in the guest bedroom every night and that is where
I'll be staying. To answer, I have decided to divorce her,
which I mean. An thirteen says, first step is getting
evidence and talking to an attorney. Really important here because
he is a stay at home dad doesn't have income.

Speaker 5 (40:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:08):
Sure, Anyway, this morning I called a firm in another
town to avoid anyone finding out. Thankfully they were able
to get me in this morning as someone had canceled.
After dropping off my girls, I drove over there to
make a long story short. He is a very good lawyer.
I showed him what I had. But yeah, he said
that luckily for me, with the evidence I have, she

(40:29):
will be pretty much screwed in the divorce. Seeing as
I quit my job to raise our girls, she's never home,
she's having an affair, and prioritizes this man over me
and my girls. She will lose very easily. He basically said,
we will get child support alimony. I will keep the
house and she will have to pay for it as
long as my girls live there. Also, he stated that

(40:52):
we could even try for more money since I'm considered
no longer viable in the working.

Speaker 5 (40:57):
World because of his angel or maybe.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
You know, maybe like the skills that he had are
no longer applicable, something like that. Doubt me pay for
more education to get a job. Some of you are right,
he said, to not work until after the divorce is over.
He said, you are the husband. If you have a job,
you can lose a lot of this. He asked if
I wanted full custody. I said that I don't mind
my wife seeing her girls on the weekends every once

(41:21):
in a while. Yeah, but I would want mostly full custody.
He said, since she had an affair in the marital home,
I can basically do what I want. Since she started
bringing a strange man over to the house, putting the
girls in danger, making her guilty. So I will be
going for full custody where she can get weekends once
maybe twice a month. No man will be allowed around

(41:41):
my girls, and if there are, she could face problems
by me if I find out. I just don't want
that pos around my girls, which is totally fair.

Speaker 5 (41:51):
I don't know its full full customer.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
No, I mean not totally fair, not wanting a stranger
who was cheating with your wife around your kids.

Speaker 5 (42:00):
Sure.

Speaker 2 (42:01):
He eventually said to keep quiet until the drafts are ready,
and then he'll issue someone to serve her and have
it issued that she is required to leave the home.
He said he should have it done sometime next week.
And there is more to this update.

Speaker 5 (42:16):
She wasn't. I'm not defending her for the record, like
she cheated, Yeah, but I think that's breaking the family.
But she wasn't abandoning the kids. She was just she
was working. It's a normal family orientation for one person
to be at home and for another person to be working. Yeah,
abandoning your.

Speaker 2 (42:33):
Kids, I will say, from what we know, it doesn't
seem like she was like a super bad mom from
what we know so far, like a bad partner. Absolutely.
So that's what they said. So apparently they have some
sort of proof that he's been coming over to the house,
in which case is pretty not good. He asked me

(42:55):
to just keep quiet, He said, I know it's hard
and you're upset, but just shut the heck up till
everything is done. Once the divorce is over, you can
say whatever the heck you want about her, but until then,
keep your mouth shut. He said, act as normal. He said,
no fights, no issues, sleep in separate bed, and no
spicy sleep. I said, no problem. But why, he said,

(43:17):
trust me, just don't do it and do as I say.
This guy's like, don't don't you know?

Speaker 5 (43:25):
Why do you? I mean, how long? I guess you're
just like trying to keep the peace until you can
get some evidence.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
I so, yeah, and so like, oh, he can get
as much, you know, stuff as possible. I guess, so
to blindside them. I don't know. I don't know how
divorce proceedings work.

Speaker 5 (43:42):
Really, I hate.

Speaker 2 (43:44):
Harriet's spaghetti was personal. Harriets Spaghetti says people who bring
random adults there dating around their kids are not responsible.
Parents shouldn't introduce the kids until it's serious. I do
agree with that.

Speaker 5 (43:57):
Well, yeah, but he never said that the kids had
met the person she was cheating, just that they've.

Speaker 2 (44:02):
Been in the house. Yeah, that's what it seems like. Yeah,
I just got home and I've started getting ready for
dinner and acting and being normal.

Speaker 5 (44:10):
Zora from Missouri says the fair partner shouldn't be an
issue in regards to the kids unless he's been proven
to be dangerous.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
I agree, I think, I think again, I need to
know a little bit more about the relationship, like if
he's being brought around these.

Speaker 5 (44:25):
Kids, Like, for example, a mom could bring a friend
around the kids. People are bringing up, you know, conversations
around sexual abuse. Yeah, if a parent brings a friend
around their kids, and no one's going to be like,
how dare you bring a stranger around your kids? It's
someone that the parent has a relationship with. This is true,
and just because it's a it's a relationship where they're

(44:47):
breaking their marital relationship.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
Not necessarily putting the kids in dangerous Yeah, that's why
I need to know a little bit more information. I
will be acting as if everything is okay until she
has served next week, as I can only make two updates. Yes,
I actually read the rules on here. Anymore, we'll be
on my page if anyone cares. Thank you for the
advice and some very harsh words. And to the one
guy who asked for my wife's spicy pigs, just.

Speaker 5 (45:13):
No, the internet is crazy.

Speaker 2 (45:14):
You guys are weird. Yeah, it seems all you have
to do is ask her and she'll send them, so
it isn't that hard.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
A the.

Speaker 2 (45:22):
Quick at it, he recommended I get an STD test
plus a DNA test on my girls. When I asked why,
he said, it is pretty rare in incidents like this
where this is the first time this has happened. So yeah,
that effing hurt to hear and scared the heck out
of me. Let's get into this next update. Hey everyone,
I just want to thank you to all who sent

(45:43):
me good messages over this period. I have been feeling
down and things have been rough. To preface, I have
talked to my lawyers about these posts. I didn't go
into too much detail. They did tell me though, as
long as I could keep them brief and not super specific,
then I could post. But I just have to be
careful about what I put on to not lead to
too many details. That is that. So for a quick update,

(46:06):
like it said, it will be brief and not too
specific for legal reasons. We will start with the test.
I was able to get an STD on myself and
a paternity test on my girls. I came out that
I thankfully have no diseases. And I'm clear that's good.
Since I've been pretty much the spicy sleepless from her
for the last year, I wasn't all that surprised. Yeah,

(46:27):
I was gonna say if he was, like, I wasn't
sleeping with her at all, and the one time she
offered I said no.

Speaker 1 (46:32):
So yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
Now for the one that I'm sure most of you
are wondering, the test on my two girls. Am I
the dad? I will always be their dad regardless of
the vult of the results. However, I am here to
say that yes, I am their biological father.

Speaker 5 (46:49):
That was like, uh, that was like a hell mary
of a guest. I'm sure test, but like that was
out there.

Speaker 2 (46:57):
I have never been so happy to know that I
am their dad. Never thought I would have to question it.
But here we are. As for what has happened with
soon to be X while she is out of the
house and I have been granted full temporary custody.

Speaker 5 (47:10):
People are saying, I don't know what full custody is.
I don't.

Speaker 2 (47:15):
From what my understanding is, full custody means that you're
not necessarily seeing them, like, you're not necessarily not allowing
them to see their mom. It's just that you get
to say how much they see.

Speaker 5 (47:27):
Them all okay, so right now in charge of.

Speaker 2 (47:30):
The time, you're doling out the amount of time they
see their mom. So right now he's saying they're only
going to see her weekends once or twice a month.
So that's what the full custody means.

Speaker 4 (47:42):
Got it.

Speaker 5 (47:42):
Still disagree, but so for now.

Speaker 2 (47:45):
She's out of the house. My lawyer set everything up
for me to get my girls and make sure that
we legally handled her being removed from the home. It
wasn't pretty, but details for another time. She was served
at work and from on I know it wasn't pretty,
Like I said, though details for another time. My girls
know what's going on. My oldest nos we're separating and

(48:07):
one of her friend's parents split for the same reason.
She has seen what happened with her friend and doesn't
want us to split. She's been crying for me to
let Mommy come home. I will be getting them in
with a child therapist to explain and help them understand
from the direction of my lawyer. My youngest just wants
Mommy to come home and misses her. It kills me
and makes me feel like a terrible father. And they

(48:28):
probably hate me. Now. Sometimes I think I should just
let their mother cheat on me to keep the family unit,
to make my girls happy.

Speaker 5 (48:35):
That is a good decision.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
That's a bad Yeah. I just can't do that. Sometimes
I think about talking about allowing an open relationship and
we can just wait till the girls are older, But
that won't work for me. No, you're bad. Plus, I
know the girls will pick up on it and will
not like it that mommy and daddy don't love each other.
As for my ex, she is living with her mother
at this point. My mother in law has called me

(48:57):
and asked to meet. I agreed, and we will meet
at some point. She didn't ask for details, as she
said we will talk later, but begged me not to
take her granddaughters away from her. I said, you are
a great and loving grandmother, and as long as you
can separate my girls from what is going on between
your daughter and I, I see no issue with you
being able to see them, and I will not take

(49:18):
them out of your life. She thanked me, and that
is it. My ex has been trying to call me
and text me, trying to figure us out under direction
of my lawyer. He has had it set up so
that I can talk to her through a trackable method
and it is purely about the girls, no more, no less.
So that is it for now. We'll probably keep updating

(49:39):
and once this is all over, we'll make one big
update for all the details I have to be careful
about as of now, and there is an updates. Hey everyone,
I thought I would give everyone a small update on
some stuff that has happened. So first off, I had
Thanksgiving with my soon to be X and mother in law. Okay,
I did this purely for the girls and made sure
with my lawyer this was only about the girls and

(50:02):
not about reconciliation. That was taken care of. First, I
met with my mother in law pre Thanksgiving. We met
and had a pretty mutual discussion, mainly just thinks about
how we will handle my daughters. After my mother in
law did tell me some stuff about my soon to
be X. I guess my soon to be X was
cheated on by her high school boyfriend. What she's like,

(50:26):
she was cheated on? She had to cheat on you?
Uh huh, didn't even know she dated anyone. I guess
this guy comes from one of those families. According to
my mother in law, and they told her to avoid him. Well,
I guess one night she caught him with his head
under another girl's dress and tongue deep in a girl's
jewelry box. I know this is why my mother in

(50:46):
law couldn't believe she would do this.

Speaker 5 (50:49):
Oh, so it's more just like shock.

Speaker 2 (50:51):
Yeah, like she went through this. Why would she get
this to someone else. She had a couple boyfriends in college,
but she knew they wouldn't last. She said that as
soon as she met me, she found her son in
law says she is so sorry for daughter's actions and
will make sure that she doesn't try to do anything
problematic with the divorce anyway. A couple days before Thanksgiving,

(51:12):
my mother in law asked for me to come over
for dinner with the girls. I said, will she be there?
She said yes. I said I can't be with her there.
She said she understands, but asked if we could put
on the holiday once more, one more time for the girls.
She said, I know you have a lawyer. Ask them
and if they say it's a bad idea, I get it.
I did, and they said, tell your wife via the app.

(51:34):
This is purely for the girls to avoid any confusion.
So I did. She had contacted me before about coming over.
She's been begging me to see me and the girls.
The girls have been begging me to see their mom.
I swallowed my pride for my girls and we went.
It was awkward. My sonib acts gave our daughters a
hug fine, then tried to hug and kiss me. No, no, no, no, though, no,

(51:58):
get out of here. Weird.

Speaker 5 (52:00):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (52:01):
I just avoided her and went to give my mother
in law a hug. My soon to be X tried
to act like husband and wife and was trying to
talk to me. I answered with yes and nose and
help my mother in law finish dinner and clean up.
My mother in law is religious and wanted to do
a prayer, and my soon to be X sat next
to me. I held my daughter's hand and my wife
tried to grab mine. I pulled away. I know it

(52:23):
may seem petty, but I don't want her touching me.
I'm an atheist, but out of respect for my mother
in law, I go along with it. Dinner was fine again,
soon to be X trying to act like we're going
to be married and asking about Christmas and vacations. I
guess she wants to take with us as a family.
When she mentioned this stuff, I knew going over was

(52:44):
a mistake. We finished dinner and I pretty much got up,
cleaned my daughters and eye dishes, then was ready to go.
My daughters wanted to watch a movie with their mother
that we always watch. I let them, and my soon
to be X tried to cuddle next to me on
the couch. I sat in a chair after that. This
is really annoying, Yeah, because he is trying.

Speaker 5 (53:06):
Yeah, and then she's like giving him affection.

Speaker 2 (53:08):
I hate that. My mother in law was very mad
at my soon to be X the whole night for
how she acted. I could tell by the looks she
gave her. Movie ended and we started to leave. My
daughters fell asleep, so I carried them to the car,
went in to grab something, and my soon to BEX
grabbed me in tears, begging to work on things and
that she wants to be a family and is so

(53:30):
sorry for what happened. Before I could say anything, my
mother in law grabbed her by the hair, not joking,
yanking her, told me good night, and began yelling at
her daughter.

Speaker 5 (53:41):
You damn is fed up the whole night. What doing so.

Speaker 2 (53:45):
Yeah, told my lawyer everything and said nothing indicated reconciliation,
and you made that clear in your messages. You're fine.
Wife once again called and begged to work on us.
She gets left on red. I will only talk about
the girls, and I'm sure they're going to want to
do the same for Christmas. I don't know if I
can or if it's okay. Once again, I will discuss

(54:06):
it with my lawyer and you can discuss all sorts
of things with us by joining us live every weekday
a three PMPSD on YouTube. Just top our profile and
there is one final update. But I do really feel
for Op in this situation of like having to deal
with your ex for the kids, but just also having

(54:27):
to deal with someone who's hurt you so much and
who continues to hurt you. This will not be long,
but things have gotten very bad for my girls.

Speaker 1 (54:35):
No.

Speaker 2 (54:36):
Basically, my girls had two sessions this week with their therapist.
The first one was good. My girls came out what
seemed to be more peaceful and calmer than usual. I
talked to the therapist after and she seemed to be
very good and understood my girls well. So I took
them to their second one, and everything is completely a ft. Basically,

(54:57):
the therapist explained in age appropriate he that the reason
me and their mother are separating is that their mother cheated,
had an affair, and betrayed me. I knew eventually she would,
but I didn't think it would happen this soon. Why
would you not talk to the parents and say, hey,
we're bringing this up.

Speaker 5 (55:16):
That is insane, so inappropriate, inappropriate, close that information to
your kids.

Speaker 2 (55:23):
To kids, well, it seems like all people's like, oh,
I knew it was happening, but they never told him.
Like that's like a thing you say, hey, this is happening.

Speaker 5 (55:30):
Today, or it's a thing of like them have you.
It's not even the I'm a therapist, I placed to
tell the kids. You tell the parents job to tell
their kids.

Speaker 2 (55:41):
Oh my god.

Speaker 5 (55:42):
And if the therapist was going to do that, it's
like a kid's by a request of the parents and
it's not on their own discord of like like, oh,
I'm just going to tell.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
Them absolutely, this is crazy. That is a huge overstep.
I went to get my girls and basically it was
a burst of tea and them climbing all over me
and giving me hugs. Crying, saying they love me. I'm
happy they love me, but this is not what I
wanted to happen with my girls. I asked the therapist
why she told them. She said, the girls knew you

(56:12):
two are separating, and the girls noticed you seem to
be really mean and unloving with their mother. Your girls
aren't stupid, she told me. They know how you are,
and they know how you treat their Mom's something. They
wanted to know why you're separating. That's not your place.
That's what you talk to him about and you tell
him that, Hey, how you know I've noticed that they're
they've been thinking about.

Speaker 5 (56:33):
This and see you treating their mom in a certain way,
and they have questions about it.

Speaker 2 (56:40):
Literally, never go back to that therapist again. Yeah, they
wanted to know why you're separating. I tried to walk
around at the best I could. She said, but the
girls are not going to progress to progress in therapy if.

Speaker 1 (56:51):
We don't tell them decision.

Speaker 2 (56:53):
Literally, no, I'm not going to go into detail on
what exactly she said to them, but it was age appropriate.
But they know, oh, the age appropriate version of their
mom being unfaithful. I think my oldest could maybe handle
this and be okay, but not my youngest. So we
get home and my girls won't let go of me.
They're literally crying the whole night. So I ordered food,

(57:14):
put in their favorite movies in my bedroom, and we
laid there all night. Oh. They fell asleep and I
went to the bathroom and just cried. Also just imagining
this as like an adult, remembering this is like like
this childhood moment where your therapist told you that your
parents were like cheated.

Speaker 5 (57:32):
Yeah, that would.

Speaker 2 (57:33):
Be such a wild moment, be like what that happened.
They fell asleep and I went to the bathroom and
just cried. My soon to be acts doesn't even realize
the pain she's causing her girls. I don't know how
I'm going to deal with this. The therapist told me
we could try medication for a bit till they get
used to the new normal.

Speaker 5 (57:53):
Okay, ah, there you go to a different time.

Speaker 2 (57:55):
I feel like we shore maybe going to theist. I
refuse to do so, which she supported and said it
was just an option and I'm not drugging them. Disclaimer.
She cannot give the drugs. She said they would need
to see their primary and they would probably diagnose my
girls with something that would allow them to medicate them.
You know, they just found out that their parents are
cheating and they were like, oh, crying and stuff, and

(58:18):
she's like, you should drug them.

Speaker 5 (58:19):
You don't medicate people for going through hardship in life.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
What what?

Speaker 5 (58:24):
That's not the first response to hardship is to medicate.

Speaker 2 (58:28):
There is such a huge difference between being sad about
something that's just happened and going through like a depressive episode.
Those are like so different.

Speaker 5 (58:38):
Hardship is a part of life.

Speaker 2 (58:40):
You don't just medicate for hardship purely for ours. I'm
not saying that you don't medicate for other reasons, but
this is we don't what.

Speaker 5 (58:48):
This whole story is crazy.

Speaker 2 (58:50):
Oh my god, this therapist. Never go back to this
therapist ever again.

Speaker 5 (58:56):
There's so many like therapy wonderful, but there are so
many freaking therapists out there. It's crazy.

Speaker 2 (59:02):
I won't have to worry about Christmas as my daughters
hate their mother now because of this freaking therapist. I
hate this therapist.

Speaker 4 (59:10):
Yeah, how do I know?

Speaker 2 (59:11):
My oldest says she never wants to see her mom again.
I hate literally the service thought sucks.

Speaker 5 (59:17):
I mean, that's that's kind of probably would have been
her reaction and finding out absolutely.

Speaker 2 (59:21):
But like totally different. I don't know. There's just so
many better ways where both parents could have been.

Speaker 5 (59:28):
Fall for sure, and to share it in a way
that's just not dropping a bomb from a stranger.

Speaker 2 (59:33):
Yeah, And also, like these kids are valid in their
emotions if they don't want to see their parents, right,
like their mom, that's fair, but like could have been yeah,
and told much better. My oldest says she never wants
to see her mom again. My youngest follows follows what
her older sister says, even though she may actually agree.
I was shocked. I said, you don't hate her. You

(59:54):
may be mad, but you don't hate her. She loves
and cares about you. My oldest just said, no, she doesn't,
and then just cried in my arms until she fell asleep.
So did my youngest. So this is my life now,
and that is the end of that story.

Speaker 5 (01:00:11):
That one took a toll on that ouchy ouch ouch.

Speaker 2 (01:00:14):
That was that was ouch.

Speaker 5 (01:00:16):
That was an ouch one breather. What the kids are
saying now, it's not representative of you know, after after
things come to some new normal and after things settle
in some way, it's not indicative of you know, how
they're going to proceed or if they you know, when
they grow up, of like how they're going to go
about it. I think most kids react. I mean, yeah,
I think most people would react to this way and

(01:00:37):
to like say big things.

Speaker 1 (01:00:39):
But

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