May 21, 2025 • 24 mins
🎯 In This Episode, You’ll Discover:
- Why chasing approval sabotages your authority
- How to reframe success around internal health, not external hype
- The danger of tying identity to income or image
- A two-step roadmap for building deep, lasting impact
📝 Episode Summary
We’ve been taught to chase influence by being impressive. But what if the real breakthrough doesn’t come from the applause—but from the inner work we’ve avoided?
In this bold and personal episode, Jim Burgoon dismantles the toxic hustle culture and invites you to stop performing for people who don’t care and start transforming lives with authentic impact. Drawing from his own story—ministry scars, leadership wounds, and a long-overdue internal commitment—Jim outlines a new definition of success rooted in internal health and legacy-level purpose.
This one’s not about performance. It’s about permission.
💡 Key Insights from Jim
- Impression vs. Impact
- Impressing others feeds your ego. Impacting others feeds your legacy.
- Success ≠ Worth
- Six-figure launches mean nothing if you're miserable. Internal victory > External applause.
- Commitment Starts with You
- Waiting for permission is a trap. Growth begins when you decide to show up.
- Your Circle Shapes You
- The right people challenge and lift. The wrong people drain and distract.
✝️ Faith Connection
Jesus didn’t chase status—He focused on mission. He impacted people by walking in identity, not image. What does it profit you to gain the world but lose your soul? (Mark 8:36)
🎨 Multipassionate Application
For Christian creatives juggling many callings, this episode reminds you: impact doesn’t require perfection or polished personas. It requires alignment. Start where you are—commit inwardly, and the clarity and clients will come.
❓ Reflection Question
Where are you still performing for approval instead of building with purpose?
📱 Connect With Us
Instagram: @leadwithjim
Facebook: facebook.com/leadwithjim
Website: www.leadwithjim.com
Youtube: www.youtube.com/leadwithjim
🙏 Support the Show
- Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio
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- Join our newsletter → www.leadwithjim.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Online Business forChristian Creatives, the show that
helps you build a businessthat honors God, fuels your creativity
and actually pays the bills.
I'm your host, Jim Burgoon,leadership coach, Faith first, entrepreneur,
and a guy who's made justabout every mistake so you don't
(00:21):
have to.
Let's get into it.
Welcome to the show.
Today we're going to dive intoa specific and top topic that surrounds
success.
And I think that we have beentold or taught to measure success
in a way that isn't toohealthy, in a way that's meant to
be.
We're more into the place oftrying to impress people instead
(00:43):
of impacting people.
And I think in this particularrealm, when we're trying to impress,
I think we, we have thisexternal focus on what success is
versus an internal focus ofI'm here to impact you, to add value
to you, to make your lifebetter than what it was before I
showed up.
And these are not arrogantstatements, but these are statements
(01:06):
of, hey, let's work toincrease the impact and increase
the experience that we're having.
Instead of me coming in or youcoming in.
And let's impress everyonearound us because here's the deal.
We're going to try to impresspeople that don't even like us, or
maybe if they do like us,they're not going to listen to us.
We're in rooms oftentimesspeaking to entrepreneurs where we're
(01:28):
trying to impress people whoare also trying to impress people.
And all they want, a lot ofthese guys do is want you to buy
their stuff as you may wantthem to buy your stuff.
And so I think we need tochange the dynamics of the way we
approach this.
We approach being in roomsfull of people, of entrepreneurs,
of your ideal audience, andstop trying to impress them with
(01:49):
your words and creating impactin the their life.
And we're going to do thisbecause we got to ask the question,
what are we really chasing?
What are we really chasing?
Because we live in a culturethat dec that really defines success
by the external results.
We hear things like, have youmade six figures this year?
(02:10):
Had you made seven figures?
And we hear this a lot.
And ever if you make this poston Facebook or other places, you
have all these people who arecelebrating, yeah, you made six figures,
you did this.
Yeah, you got the goal, yougot the 2 comma club award or whatever
cultural thing that you're in.
We oftentimes hear I got thething and we celebrate the thing.
(02:30):
But how often do you hear in the.
Especially in theentrepreneurial space where the person
comes in and says, I've gainedbreakthrough or victory over this
insecurity so that I can standin front of you and talk to you.
We don't usually when somebodymakes a post like that, it's crickets.
Because somewhere along theline we were designed or we were
taught, or we were.
(02:50):
You can even call itmanipulated or just bad toxic conditioning
that we were.
Say that if the breakthroughis somehow less than the six figures.
But what if I told you itdoesn't matter how much money you
have or what external thingthat you've created in your life,
if you can enjoy it?
(03:11):
And I think we need to reversethese things and start focusing on
the inner transformation thatmakes true sustainable success and
not just the momentary blips.
Because if we're real, ifwe're honest, there's portions in
our lives where we say, oh, Imade six figures.
And we may or may not know howwe did that.
We like, oh, I did this thingand everybody just loved it.
(03:32):
But then you can't recreate it.
Then what?
Or you could be on the otherside of this and be like, wow, I
have this breakthrough.
I'm less perfectionist becauseI oftentimes myself call myself a
recovering perfectionist.
Like, I'm less perfectionist,I'm less people pleasing, or I'm
more secure to stand on stageand talk to you when.
Why do we not see that as thegreater thing?
(03:52):
Because what's internal comes external.
Yet we focus on the external,hoping that it'll define the internal.
And if we do that, whathappens when the external goes away?
We suddenly are now chasingthe external.
And if it goes away, we nolonger can identify ourselves.
We no longer have this thing.
And this is a thing that'sbeen around for a while.
(04:15):
Honestly, when I was a new.
Let me tell you a story.
When I was a new leader, whenI was very young, and I've been doing
leadership now probably forover 20 years as a profession now.
I've been in leadership sinceI was a kid.
In different spots, you getelected to the student council through
the years and just differentthings like that.
I had a lot of spots in bandleadership, Triad, music, honor society,
(04:37):
all of those things.
And maybe you have too.
But when I say I've been inleadership for 20 years, this means
that I have been in some levelof leadership in inside an organization.
For me, much of that wasinside the church.
I was a church pastor forabout 15 years.
Outside, I've worked for other organizations.
I've been in leadership inschools, just different things, Right.
So I've been in leadership andleadership development, and I'm a
(04:57):
certified leadershipdevelopment coach.
I have been for the betterpart of 20 years now.
And so I remember when I was ayoung leader, I was like such.
Such a new, like they say,green behind the ears kind of leader.
And I look back on this momentbecause this was a definitive thing
that taught me a lot of stuffabout the toxicity of hustle culture,
the toxicity of many leaders.
I've had breakfast with thisone leader.
(05:17):
I'm gonna.
I'm getting to tell you thisstory, but I want to pretext it,
but says he's not the only oneI've met over the last 20 years like
this.
I've met more of thisparticular guy than I haven't.
So let me get into the story.
The story.
Like, I sat down, I was so excited.
I was brand new pastoring.
This was a brand new church.
I'm basically thrust intoleadership in this capacity.
(05:40):
And I was like, let me getconnected with people who do this.
And if I was to mention hisname, you, you would probably know
it.
If you've been in anywhere inthe past, pastoral ministry type
leadership thing, you wouldknow the name.
And I said, so he agreed.
And I was so excited becausehe had one of the largest growing
churches in the area.
He was a very high charismatic pastor.
(06:00):
So we're sitting down thereand we're eating.
We're just eating and we're talking.
And he asked me some questionsand I'm answering.
And then he asked me aquestion that really caused me to
have to be real.
And I told him, and I satthere and I said, hey, listen, I'm
new to all of this and I'mharboring some insecurities.
Now, at the time, I didn't know.
I had a lot of trauma growingup, so I didn't know how to communicate
(06:24):
a lot of that.
But I just shared simply, I'm insecure.
I feel like I'm out of myleague and out of my death.
Now, if you're a leader worthyour salt, you can actually come
back and say several things.
What could have been said,hey, we've all been there.
Here's what you do to getthrough that.
Or I know you're new to.
This will pass.
Just keep working on yourself.
(06:45):
Work on the inner game.
So the external game is good, right?
Because everything externalcomes from internal, or at least
that's how it should work.
But here's the problem isthat's not what was said.
This guy Put down his fork.
He looked at me and he said, Idon't find you attractive any longer.
As he said.
And then he went on, he says,as a matter of fact, I find you so
(07:05):
less attractive as a leaderthat I don't even want to finish
this conversation overbreakfast with you.
You can talk to my assistant.
And this.
And I'm just sitting here with flabbergasted.
I'm like, oh, my gosh, whatjust happened?
Number one, dude missed a huge opportunity.
Number two, I just shared I'mfeeling insecure.
And he just modified oramplified that insecurities to a
(07:25):
max.
Oh, my gosh, I am not worthy.
Because again, when you'reliving in insecurity, things just
get crazy.
I'm 20 years later, been doinga lot of internal work.
I don't think the same way,but I really thought about that.
And the assistant and I werejust chatting, but it was an awkward
meal.
At the end.
He never actually said another word.
It was like 20 minutes in, hefinished his food, got on the phone,
(07:46):
got up, and he walked out likenothing was ever said to me.
And I've never heard from him since.
And so.
And that's okay.
I'm not.
I've been out of the pastpastoring ministry for about eight
years.
And in entrepreneurship, whereGod called me, but it was like, wow,
this just shows that there area lot of gaps in what we consider
success, what we considerhealthy success.
(08:08):
And instead of being a leaderor basically church planners or entrepreneurs,
but instead of being a leaderworth their salt and saying, hey,
I've been there too.
Let me give you a few thingson how to get past this journey.
It was, you don't excite me.
You're nothing to me.
I don't want you around me.
So I'm not even going to givemy energy to talk to you.
(08:28):
And instead of taking thementor role, he just took the selfish
role.
And now we can argue, wasthere narcissistic tendencies and
all this stuff?
It doesn't matter.
What matters is, at the time,I'm an insecure leader trying to
be honest so that I can grow,meeting a leader who only wanted
them to, only wanted the otherleader to be excited and to have
all of these things figuredout so that he can be the leader
(08:51):
that takes you to the next level.
And all I was looking for wasa mentor.
And it's just.
It's a picture of the.
How unhealthy the world ofentrepreneurship and the world of
leadership is.
And it don't matter becauseyou're a leader in many different
things.
Entrepreneur, ministry, allthis leaders are leaders in all different
areas.
And it comes down to the thingwhich tells me, and I've spoken to
(09:14):
hundreds and coached hundredsof leaders by this time and entrepreneurs
and been in my other podcast,which is Grace and the Grind, where
I interview a lot ofentrepreneurs for that show.
And it taught me that thegoing thing out there is this lack
of focus on internal health,on this internal thing.
(09:35):
It's like there's no focus.
It's only what you can createand what you can produce.
There is no anything about whoyou are.
And everything that you createis coming from who you are, not what
you produce, right?
You should not be putting yourwhole identity on your results.
You should not put your wholestake everything on your results.
Because we all want to buildsomething great, right?
(09:58):
We all want to build something great.
But are we willing to put inthe work to become someone great?
Because long after thebusiness fades, you will have to
live with yourself.
When you're not producing thesame results, you're still going
to be with you.
So we want to be actuallybuilding ourselves to be great, not
just building something great,because out of the greatness of who
(10:19):
we are, we create.
And so many of us are chasingexternal success and chasing external
all these external things atthe cost of internal emptiness.
Or we lose or lack our tie tofulfillment because we're chasing
the external instead ofbuilding the internal.
And we want to build a great name.
But the problem is, if youdon't build a great life with a great
(10:41):
name, then you won't have alife to enjoy when your name becomes
big and P.
And even the Bible says, whatis it if a man gains the whole world
but loses his soul in theprocess, Is that really successful?
And then it also brings upanother question where we have to
get in is this whole idea of Iwant to be the best version of myself.
I hate that statement.
(11:02):
It sounds good, it's motivational.
But what do you measure that in?
How do you get to this placeof objective growth in that?
Because what I know is that ifI'm going to be the best version
of myself, then I have to havean understanding of my identity.
And in my identity, I've gotto know what the best version of
that identity, the fullness ofthat identity is.
(11:22):
And the challenge is over thenumber of people that I've coached
or chatted with.
Most people struggle with thatcore thing of identity.
We don't know who we are.
And if we don't know who we are.
How do we know to be the bestversion of who we are if we can't
figure out who we are?
Now, for you guys, some of youguys who do know who, you're already
ahead of the game, because themajority does not.
And so I want to justchallenge you a little bit as we
(11:45):
talk through this podcast is Iwant to challenge with you is that
it's exhausting and to try tomeasure something that's immeasurable,
it's exhausting to try to bethe best version of yourself when
the goal post keeps always changing.
Think about that.
If I make it to be the bestversion of myself, then that goal
post has to shift because I'mnot truly the best version of myself.
(12:05):
I'm just the best version inthat moment.
So the goal post shift and I'malways chasing goal post.
So I'm going to challenge youand shift this.
In our definition of successand going from impression to impacting
is to be the healthiestversion of yourself.
Now, healthy is measurable.
I can measure the quality ofmy relationships and measure if I
want certain types of thingsin my relationships or to remove
(12:28):
certain things, to havecertain types of people or remove
certain types of people, I canmeasure my emotional, my physical,
my mental health.
I can measure those things.
So if I'm the healthiestversion of myself, I'm ultimately
going to be the best versionof myself.
Because the difference reallycomes in is when you're chasing after,
you know, this impactfulsuccess, however you define success
(12:49):
is that we have something measurable.
Because what is measurable, aframework of growth can be put on
it.
And what a framework of growthcan be put upon, we can create a
roadmap on how to get there.
And the goalposts don't move.
When I get to the healthiestversion of myself, we become, we
maintain it, right?
We maintain the healthiestversion of ourself.
We can maintain.
(13:10):
Now do we can always redefineand what's more healthy, but there's
a goal that stays, and that'swhat I say.
So I challenge you to be thehealthiest version of yourself, not
the big, not the best versionof yourself.
And so inner growth is whatwe're really talking about, inner
growth versus external growth.
Now, we all want external growth.
So this is not a conversationthat says, listen, don't go after
(13:33):
externals.
No, please make your sixfigures, make your seven figures.
I want to make six, seven figures.
I want to do certain things inmy business, in my life, in my career.
So go after those things, butbuild in a healthy way to where the
external can support or theinternal can support the external.
You're building.
And we do this in two ways.
Now, as a preacher, which Ifind so funny, a former preacher,
I don't preach anymore, but aformer pastor, I always want three
(13:55):
points and four closings.
Right?
You get those.
But as a podcaster and aleader, I'm going to give you two
quick things on how to buildthose internal growth and just.
And we're going to close outfrom there.
So the first thing is we gotto have a commitment to ourselves,
right?
You don't need permission fromothers to chase your dreams.
I don't know where we got thisthing where I need somebody's external
(14:16):
permission to chase myinternal dreams.
You just need a commitment toyourself and give yourself the permission
we need.
If you're waiting forvalidation, you aren't really committed
to yourself.
Now, we want encouragement.
We need encouragement.
But having external validationto give us the permission to chase
our dreams.
Because here's the reality.
(14:36):
Those people's dreams are notyour dreams.
And they may never catch thevision of your dream.
And if they never catch thevision of their dream, how can they
validate what they don't see?
And if they can't validatewhat they don't see, then they're
going to give you informationor validation or permission based
on what they can see.
And what they can see may beless than what you're seeing.
So we've got to be trulycommitted to ourselves.
(14:58):
And because here's thereality, you are not stuck.
We get into this conversationthat you're stuck.
You're simply committed to apattern of behavior that helped you
in the past but is now holdingyou back.
So the pattern of behavior youcommitted to, you've stuck with you
weld it.
And you're not committingyourself to grow.
You're not committing yourselfto get out of your comfort zone.
(15:18):
You're not committing toyourself to get forward momentum
going.
But you want to just stay inthese patterns and wonder why you're
stuck.
You're not stuck.
You're just not committed tothe version of yourself that needs
to happen in order to go pastwhat happened.
The old version of yourselfthat got you to survive is no longer
needed.
And we need to have the funeral.
We need to put them to restand allow the new version of ourselves
(15:41):
to be born.
And in that version, we giveourselves the permission to go after
your dreams and we stopwaiting on others to give us the
permission.
And because I'll be real withyou too.
This is something I struggle with.
Like for instance, I was inDecember of 2024.
So depending upon when youlisten to this podcast, December
of 2024, we were just, I wasbebopping around, I was doing my
(16:04):
thing and my coach messed.
I have a business coach mycoach mentioned.
He said, hey, this is coachsuch and such.
And anytime somebodyintroduces themselves as coach such
and such, if they've neverused that as an introduction, what's
about get heavy, there's goingto be a cutting happening.
And so basically what he says,when are you going to commit to yourself?
And at first, deep down, I waslike, I, I was, I am committed to
(16:25):
myself because we haveexcuses, right?
Or we call excuses reasons asjustifications to stay out of the
showing up.
But there's.
The problem is our reasoningare ours.
This is really a deception, aself deception to keep us from growth,
to keep us safe, to keep ussmall, to keep us demure.
We want to grow.
(16:45):
So I, at first I started thatand he laughed and I was like, yeah.
And I was like, you're right,I've been hiding.
And this is what I told him.
I said, I thought this was areally interesting insight.
I said, I've been hidingbehind planning.
And we get into these thingsas entrepreneurs.
What's your ideal client?
What's your business model?
What's your product?
What's your funnels?
We build all these thingsbehind the scenes, but what we don't
(17:07):
do is we don't ever let it outto the public until we're done.
We don't ever let it out tothe public until it's perfect.
Especially if you're a multipassionate, creative like I am and
you're trying to makeeverything right so you don't get
rejected.
And I was like, yeah, I washiding behind things that looked
good but didn't serve me well.
And I said, you know what?
So I made the decision.
I said, yes, we're going to dothe thing.
(17:29):
I was going to be committed to myself.
And he asked me a question.
He said, are you really goingto be committed to yourself?
And I said, yes.
It's the first time in my lifesince I was 12 that I said yes to
that.
When I was 12, I had three tofour businesses running 12, 13 years
old.
I had.
My mom said some things thatreally rocked me.
And in a future episode I'mgoing to go over some of that, but
(17:49):
it really just warped mymindset and I quit for 30 years.
So now at this point, with thestatement of me, my coach, I, I'm
accepting what I was runningfrom for 30 years and, or yes, I'm
like 30, 35 years.
And so I said, yes, I'm goingto do it.
And it wasn't lip service.
So instead of going back tothe planning, I said, what can I
do first?
So I got myself a therapistbecause I'm going to deal with the
(18:12):
issues that, that I'm dealing with.
The ptsd, the simia, thethings that I'm dealing with.
So I got myself a therapist.
I upped my journaling in myBible because I read my bible all
the time.
But now I'm journaling again.
I quit for a few years, butnow I'm back to journaling.
I started doing the internal things.
I'm having my coaches, the conversations.
I'm challenging myself on deep levels.
And then I started get doingsome external things because remember,
(18:36):
everything goes from theinternal to the external.
So now I launched my firstoffer in two years, and that's another
podcast episode of how I gotto that place.
Because I had launchedmultiple offers before.
Some trauma happened, then abunch of trauma happened, I quit
and.
And now I'm back to this thing.
So I launched this offer.
So I got an offer, launch.
And in the same span ofthings, so I'm journaling, I'm doing
(18:57):
the internal work.
I get invited on five or sixpodcasts, I get invited on two virtual
summits.
I get invited to speak at amajor conference, which is happening,
has happened in March 2025called Movement Maker Live.
And so all of these things arehappening and I'm.
And people are starting torequest me, request my services again.
(19:18):
And I said the definitive timewas that I said yes to me.
I didn't wait for permission.
I gave myself permission.
I started working internallyand then I started launching externally.
And I didn't have to work at it.
I didn't have to make it happen.
It just started happening.
I was like, wow, God, thankyou so much for aligning these things.
(19:39):
And all it did was waiting forme to show up.
And so the second.
And that's the first thing.
So the second thing it says,surround yourself really with the
right people.
And so it's giving yourselfpermission and getting the right
people.
Because if you want to do thedeep inner work, you need the right
people around you, period.
There's no way to ever doanything beyond that because who
you are becoming is directlyinfluenced by who you put around
(20:02):
you.
The law of the inner circlefor you John Maxwell fans, you know,
the Five people around you iswho you become.
Right?
We've seen that and I thinkscience has even gone through that
and tried to see that as well.
It's basically be very carefulof who you put in your inner circle
because that's who you'regoing to become, right?
Because it directly influences you.
And the right people willchallenge you.
They'll challenge you to thinkbigger, they'll challenge you to
(20:23):
keep going when you want to quit.
They'll hold you accountable.
But the wrong people, theykeep you thinking small, they push
you back to giving up.
They'll, they're just yes people.
They'll, they'll disguisethings of helping you, but they're
really self serving and youwant the right people in your life
because the right people makethe difference.
The wrong people hold you back.
(20:43):
So we need to start looking atall of our relationships and saying
if I'm going to be healthyinternally, then I've got to start
looking at my relationshipsand deciding who's not healthy for
me.
It's not that they're badpeople, but who's not healthy for
me.
Because again, we're devotedto being the most healthiest person
in our lives and we startremoving people that aren't healthy
for us.
We just do.
And one of the biggestquestions we get is what if it's
a mom or something?
(21:04):
Then we go low contact, right?
I use this, the illustrationof a chair, which I find such a refreshing
illustration.
And the illustration of thechair is if you were to get somebody
on a chair and some.
And I was standing below thechair and they were going to just
imagine this because you'rehearing this on the podcast and you
get the person on the chairand you want them to, you want to
(21:25):
ask them because obviously setthis up, pull them down and watch
how easy it is for them tostep off that chair.
Now have that person get.
And imagine this in your mind.
Have that person or even tryit with your family or whoever you're
sitting with, have that personget back up the chair and, and have
them try to pull you up to.
On the chair with you.
Which one was easier?
What was easier was if I reachup and pull down.
(21:47):
That took barely any effort.
But what was harder is if Ireached up and they pulled up.
That took effort.
And that is exactly whathappens in life.
It's easier to pull someonedown than to lift them up.
So we have to have people,lifters in our lives who are going
to lift us up.
As we lift them up, we've gotto be our People lifter as well.
(22:09):
Not a people puller.
Downer.
That's my own terminology.
Pull a downer.
So who's in your circle andare they pulling you up or dragging
you down?
Because your inner circleshapes your world and so choose wisely.
And as we close out thisthing, let's bring this full circle.
Let's bring to a place wherewe understand that we're trying to
impact people, not impressthem, because we don't want to.
(22:30):
We don't care.
We should stop caring or careless about what we're trying to do
to make people like us andstart focusing on what we're going
to do to make people's livesbetter, to make them different, to
bring transformation.
So I'm going to give you two challenges.
Number one is here's a question.
These are two questions.
Journal about them, speak themto yourself, whatever.
(22:51):
Who are you surroundingyourself with and what internal work
do you need to start doing andstart focusing on in order to make
the shifts?
Use those as your guides.
Because when you stop chasingvalidation and permission and start
building something real, youcreate lasting impact that's fulfilling
and it's gonna be.
(23:12):
It's gonna outlast yourbusiness, it's gonna outlast everything
else.
Because long after the emotionin the business is gone, the work
inside remains.
And with that being said, youcan find me on mostly any platform.
I would highly suggest you goto www.leadwithjim.com.
there are three guides onthere you can pick up, they're free.
(23:32):
Or you can go in and connectwith the My socials, my other podcast.
I would love to chat with you.
Let me know if there'sanything, any questions you have
on this episode.
I'd love to dive some deeperin a future episode.
And with that being said,that's gonna be it for today.
And if this.
So if this episode spoke toyou, do me a favor, share it with
someone who needs to hear it.
And then if you're ready tostop impressing and start impacting,
(23:55):
let's connect, let's talk,have some conversation, let's get
it going.
If you're on whatever, ifyou're on YouTube, drop some comments,
hit the follow button or hitthe subscribe.
If you're listening is on oneof the podcast providers, hit the
follow.
Let's continue a conversation.
Please reach out and I wouldlove to be able to answer your questions
as we move forward.
And thanks for hanging out.
And with that, we'll see youon a future episode.
(24:24):
Sam.
Welcome to Online Business forChristian Creatives, the show that
helps you build a businessthat honors God, fuels your creativity
and actually pays the bills.
I'm your host, Jim Burgoon,leadership coach, Faith first, entrepreneur,
and a guy who's made justabout every mistake so you don't
(00:21):
have to.
Let's get into it.
Welcome to the show.
Today we're going to dive intoa specific and top topic that surrounds
success.
And I think that we have beentold or taught to measure success
in a way that isn't toohealthy, in a way that's meant to
be.
We're more into the place oftrying to impress people instead
(00:43):
of impacting people.
And I think in this particularrealm, when we're trying to impress,
I think we, we have thisexternal focus on what success is
versus an internal focus ofI'm here to impact you, to add value
to you, to make your lifebetter than what it was before I
showed up.
And these are not arrogantstatements, but these are statements
(01:06):
of, hey, let's work toincrease the impact and increase
the experience that we're having.
Instead of me coming in or youcoming in.
And let's impress everyonearound us because here's the deal.
We're going to try to impresspeople that don't even like us, or
maybe if they do like us,they're not going to listen to us.
We're in rooms oftentimesspeaking to entrepreneurs where we're
(01:28):
trying to impress people whoare also trying to impress people.
And all they want, a lot ofthese guys do is want you to buy
their stuff as you may wantthem to buy your stuff.
And so I think we need tochange the dynamics of the way we
approach this.
We approach being in roomsfull of people, of entrepreneurs,
of your ideal audience, andstop trying to impress them with
(01:49):
your words and creating impactin the their life.
And we're going to do thisbecause we got to ask the question,
what are we really chasing?
What are we really chasing?
Because we live in a culturethat dec that really defines success
by the external results.
We hear things like, have youmade six figures this year?
(02:10):
Had you made seven figures?
And we hear this a lot.
And ever if you make this poston Facebook or other places, you
have all these people who arecelebrating, yeah, you made six figures,
you did this.
Yeah, you got the goal, yougot the 2 comma club award or whatever
cultural thing that you're in.
We oftentimes hear I got thething and we celebrate the thing.
(02:30):
But how often do you hear in the.
Especially in theentrepreneurial space where the person
comes in and says, I've gainedbreakthrough or victory over this
insecurity so that I can standin front of you and talk to you.
We don't usually when somebodymakes a post like that, it's crickets.
Because somewhere along theline we were designed or we were
taught, or we were.
(02:50):
You can even call itmanipulated or just bad toxic conditioning
that we were.
Say that if the breakthroughis somehow less than the six figures.
But what if I told you itdoesn't matter how much money you
have or what external thingthat you've created in your life,
if you can enjoy it?
(03:11):
And I think we need to reversethese things and start focusing on
the inner transformation thatmakes true sustainable success and
not just the momentary blips.
Because if we're real, ifwe're honest, there's portions in
our lives where we say, oh, Imade six figures.
And we may or may not know howwe did that.
We like, oh, I did this thingand everybody just loved it.
(03:32):
But then you can't recreate it.
Then what?
Or you could be on the otherside of this and be like, wow, I
have this breakthrough.
I'm less perfectionist becauseI oftentimes myself call myself a
recovering perfectionist.
Like, I'm less perfectionist,I'm less people pleasing, or I'm
more secure to stand on stageand talk to you when.
Why do we not see that as thegreater thing?
(03:52):
Because what's internal comes external.
Yet we focus on the external,hoping that it'll define the internal.
And if we do that, whathappens when the external goes away?
We suddenly are now chasingthe external.
And if it goes away, we nolonger can identify ourselves.
We no longer have this thing.
And this is a thing that'sbeen around for a while.
(04:15):
Honestly, when I was a new.
Let me tell you a story.
When I was a new leader, whenI was very young, and I've been doing
leadership now probably forover 20 years as a profession now.
I've been in leadership sinceI was a kid.
In different spots, you getelected to the student council through
the years and just differentthings like that.
I had a lot of spots in bandleadership, Triad, music, honor society,
(04:37):
all of those things.
And maybe you have too.
But when I say I've been inleadership for 20 years, this means
that I have been in some levelof leadership in inside an organization.
For me, much of that wasinside the church.
I was a church pastor forabout 15 years.
Outside, I've worked for other organizations.
I've been in leadership inschools, just different things, Right.
So I've been in leadership andleadership development, and I'm a
(04:57):
certified leadershipdevelopment coach.
I have been for the betterpart of 20 years now.
And so I remember when I was ayoung leader, I was like such.
Such a new, like they say,green behind the ears kind of leader.
And I look back on this momentbecause this was a definitive thing
that taught me a lot of stuffabout the toxicity of hustle culture,
the toxicity of many leaders.
I've had breakfast with thisone leader.
(05:17):
I'm gonna.
I'm getting to tell you thisstory, but I want to pretext it,
but says he's not the only oneI've met over the last 20 years like
this.
I've met more of thisparticular guy than I haven't.
So let me get into the story.
The story.
Like, I sat down, I was so excited.
I was brand new pastoring.
This was a brand new church.
I'm basically thrust intoleadership in this capacity.
(05:40):
And I was like, let me getconnected with people who do this.
And if I was to mention hisname, you, you would probably know
it.
If you've been in anywhere inthe past, pastoral ministry type
leadership thing, you wouldknow the name.
And I said, so he agreed.
And I was so excited becausehe had one of the largest growing
churches in the area.
He was a very high charismatic pastor.
(06:00):
So we're sitting down thereand we're eating.
We're just eating and we're talking.
And he asked me some questionsand I'm answering.
And then he asked me aquestion that really caused me to
have to be real.
And I told him, and I satthere and I said, hey, listen, I'm
new to all of this and I'mharboring some insecurities.
Now, at the time, I didn't know.
I had a lot of trauma growingup, so I didn't know how to communicate
(06:24):
a lot of that.
But I just shared simply, I'm insecure.
I feel like I'm out of myleague and out of my death.
Now, if you're a leader worthyour salt, you can actually come
back and say several things.
What could have been said,hey, we've all been there.
Here's what you do to getthrough that.
Or I know you're new to.
This will pass.
Just keep working on yourself.
(06:45):
Work on the inner game.
So the external game is good, right?
Because everything externalcomes from internal, or at least
that's how it should work.
But here's the problem isthat's not what was said.
This guy Put down his fork.
He looked at me and he said, Idon't find you attractive any longer.
As he said.
And then he went on, he says,as a matter of fact, I find you so
(07:05):
less attractive as a leaderthat I don't even want to finish
this conversation overbreakfast with you.
You can talk to my assistant.
And this.
And I'm just sitting here with flabbergasted.
I'm like, oh, my gosh, whatjust happened?
Number one, dude missed a huge opportunity.
Number two, I just shared I'mfeeling insecure.
And he just modified oramplified that insecurities to a
(07:25):
max.
Oh, my gosh, I am not worthy.
Because again, when you'reliving in insecurity, things just
get crazy.
I'm 20 years later, been doinga lot of internal work.
I don't think the same way,but I really thought about that.
And the assistant and I werejust chatting, but it was an awkward
meal.
At the end.
He never actually said another word.
It was like 20 minutes in, hefinished his food, got on the phone,
(07:46):
got up, and he walked out likenothing was ever said to me.
And I've never heard from him since.
And so.
And that's okay.
I'm not.
I've been out of the pastpastoring ministry for about eight
years.
And in entrepreneurship, whereGod called me, but it was like, wow,
this just shows that there area lot of gaps in what we consider
success, what we considerhealthy success.
(08:08):
And instead of being a leaderor basically church planners or entrepreneurs,
but instead of being a leaderworth their salt and saying, hey,
I've been there too.
Let me give you a few thingson how to get past this journey.
It was, you don't excite me.
You're nothing to me.
I don't want you around me.
So I'm not even going to givemy energy to talk to you.
(08:28):
And instead of taking thementor role, he just took the selfish
role.
And now we can argue, wasthere narcissistic tendencies and
all this stuff?
It doesn't matter.
What matters is, at the time,I'm an insecure leader trying to
be honest so that I can grow,meeting a leader who only wanted
them to, only wanted the otherleader to be excited and to have
all of these things figuredout so that he can be the leader
(08:51):
that takes you to the next level.
And all I was looking for wasa mentor.
And it's just.
It's a picture of the.
How unhealthy the world ofentrepreneurship and the world of
leadership is.
And it don't matter becauseyou're a leader in many different
things.
Entrepreneur, ministry, allthis leaders are leaders in all different
areas.
And it comes down to the thingwhich tells me, and I've spoken to
(09:14):
hundreds and coached hundredsof leaders by this time and entrepreneurs
and been in my other podcast,which is Grace and the Grind, where
I interview a lot ofentrepreneurs for that show.
And it taught me that thegoing thing out there is this lack
of focus on internal health,on this internal thing.
(09:35):
It's like there's no focus.
It's only what you can createand what you can produce.
There is no anything about whoyou are.
And everything that you createis coming from who you are, not what
you produce, right?
You should not be putting yourwhole identity on your results.
You should not put your wholestake everything on your results.
Because we all want to buildsomething great, right?
(09:58):
We all want to build something great.
But are we willing to put inthe work to become someone great?
Because long after thebusiness fades, you will have to
live with yourself.
When you're not producing thesame results, you're still going
to be with you.
So we want to be actuallybuilding ourselves to be great, not
just building something great,because out of the greatness of who
(10:19):
we are, we create.
And so many of us are chasingexternal success and chasing external
all these external things atthe cost of internal emptiness.
Or we lose or lack our tie tofulfillment because we're chasing
the external instead ofbuilding the internal.
And we want to build a great name.
But the problem is, if youdon't build a great life with a great
(10:41):
name, then you won't have alife to enjoy when your name becomes
big and P.
And even the Bible says, whatis it if a man gains the whole world
but loses his soul in theprocess, Is that really successful?
And then it also brings upanother question where we have to
get in is this whole idea of Iwant to be the best version of myself.
I hate that statement.
(11:02):
It sounds good, it's motivational.
But what do you measure that in?
How do you get to this placeof objective growth in that?
Because what I know is that ifI'm going to be the best version
of myself, then I have to havean understanding of my identity.
And in my identity, I've gotto know what the best version of
that identity, the fullness ofthat identity is.
(11:22):
And the challenge is over thenumber of people that I've coached
or chatted with.
Most people struggle with thatcore thing of identity.
We don't know who we are.
And if we don't know who we are.
How do we know to be the bestversion of who we are if we can't
figure out who we are?
Now, for you guys, some of youguys who do know who, you're already
ahead of the game, because themajority does not.
And so I want to justchallenge you a little bit as we
(11:45):
talk through this podcast is Iwant to challenge with you is that
it's exhausting and to try tomeasure something that's immeasurable,
it's exhausting to try to bethe best version of yourself when
the goal post keeps always changing.
Think about that.
If I make it to be the bestversion of myself, then that goal
post has to shift because I'mnot truly the best version of myself.
(12:05):
I'm just the best version inthat moment.
So the goal post shift and I'malways chasing goal post.
So I'm going to challenge youand shift this.
In our definition of successand going from impression to impacting
is to be the healthiestversion of yourself.
Now, healthy is measurable.
I can measure the quality ofmy relationships and measure if I
want certain types of thingsin my relationships or to remove
(12:28):
certain things, to havecertain types of people or remove
certain types of people, I canmeasure my emotional, my physical,
my mental health.
I can measure those things.
So if I'm the healthiestversion of myself, I'm ultimately
going to be the best versionof myself.
Because the difference reallycomes in is when you're chasing after,
you know, this impactfulsuccess, however you define success
(12:49):
is that we have something measurable.
Because what is measurable, aframework of growth can be put on
it.
And what a framework of growthcan be put upon, we can create a
roadmap on how to get there.
And the goalposts don't move.
When I get to the healthiestversion of myself, we become, we
maintain it, right?
We maintain the healthiestversion of ourself.
We can maintain.
(13:10):
Now do we can always redefineand what's more healthy, but there's
a goal that stays, and that'swhat I say.
So I challenge you to be thehealthiest version of yourself, not
the big, not the best versionof yourself.
And so inner growth is whatwe're really talking about, inner
growth versus external growth.
Now, we all want external growth.
So this is not a conversationthat says, listen, don't go after
(13:33):
externals.
No, please make your sixfigures, make your seven figures.
I want to make six, seven figures.
I want to do certain things inmy business, in my life, in my career.
So go after those things, butbuild in a healthy way to where the
external can support or theinternal can support the external.
You're building.
And we do this in two ways.
Now, as a preacher, which Ifind so funny, a former preacher,
I don't preach anymore, but aformer pastor, I always want three
(13:55):
points and four closings.
Right?
You get those.
But as a podcaster and aleader, I'm going to give you two
quick things on how to buildthose internal growth and just.
And we're going to close outfrom there.
So the first thing is we gotto have a commitment to ourselves,
right?
You don't need permission fromothers to chase your dreams.
I don't know where we got thisthing where I need somebody's external
(14:16):
permission to chase myinternal dreams.
You just need a commitment toyourself and give yourself the permission
we need.
If you're waiting forvalidation, you aren't really committed
to yourself.
Now, we want encouragement.
We need encouragement.
But having external validationto give us the permission to chase
our dreams.
Because here's the reality.
(14:36):
Those people's dreams are notyour dreams.
And they may never catch thevision of your dream.
And if they never catch thevision of their dream, how can they
validate what they don't see?
And if they can't validatewhat they don't see, then they're
going to give you informationor validation or permission based
on what they can see.
And what they can see may beless than what you're seeing.
So we've got to be trulycommitted to ourselves.
(14:58):
And because here's thereality, you are not stuck.
We get into this conversationthat you're stuck.
You're simply committed to apattern of behavior that helped you
in the past but is now holdingyou back.
So the pattern of behavior youcommitted to, you've stuck with you
weld it.
And you're not committingyourself to grow.
You're not committing yourselfto get out of your comfort zone.
(15:18):
You're not committing toyourself to get forward momentum
going.
But you want to just stay inthese patterns and wonder why you're
stuck.
You're not stuck.
You're just not committed tothe version of yourself that needs
to happen in order to go pastwhat happened.
The old version of yourselfthat got you to survive is no longer
needed.
And we need to have the funeral.
We need to put them to restand allow the new version of ourselves
(15:41):
to be born.
And in that version, we giveourselves the permission to go after
your dreams and we stopwaiting on others to give us the
permission.
And because I'll be real withyou too.
This is something I struggle with.
Like for instance, I was inDecember of 2024.
So depending upon when youlisten to this podcast, December
of 2024, we were just, I wasbebopping around, I was doing my
(16:04):
thing and my coach messed.
I have a business coach mycoach mentioned.
He said, hey, this is coachsuch and such.
And anytime somebodyintroduces themselves as coach such
and such, if they've neverused that as an introduction, what's
about get heavy, there's goingto be a cutting happening.
And so basically what he says,when are you going to commit to yourself?
And at first, deep down, I waslike, I, I was, I am committed to
(16:25):
myself because we haveexcuses, right?
Or we call excuses reasons asjustifications to stay out of the
showing up.
But there's.
The problem is our reasoningare ours.
This is really a deception, aself deception to keep us from growth,
to keep us safe, to keep ussmall, to keep us demure.
We want to grow.
(16:45):
So I, at first I started thatand he laughed and I was like, yeah.
And I was like, you're right,I've been hiding.
And this is what I told him.
I said, I thought this was areally interesting insight.
I said, I've been hidingbehind planning.
And we get into these thingsas entrepreneurs.
What's your ideal client?
What's your business model?
What's your product?
What's your funnels?
We build all these thingsbehind the scenes, but what we don't
(17:07):
do is we don't ever let it outto the public until we're done.
We don't ever let it out tothe public until it's perfect.
Especially if you're a multipassionate, creative like I am and
you're trying to makeeverything right so you don't get
rejected.
And I was like, yeah, I washiding behind things that looked
good but didn't serve me well.
And I said, you know what?
So I made the decision.
I said, yes, we're going to dothe thing.
(17:29):
I was going to be committed to myself.
And he asked me a question.
He said, are you really goingto be committed to yourself?
And I said, yes.
It's the first time in my lifesince I was 12 that I said yes to
that.
When I was 12, I had three tofour businesses running 12, 13 years
old.
I had.
My mom said some things thatreally rocked me.
And in a future episode I'mgoing to go over some of that, but
(17:49):
it really just warped mymindset and I quit for 30 years.
So now at this point, with thestatement of me, my coach, I, I'm
accepting what I was runningfrom for 30 years and, or yes, I'm
like 30, 35 years.
And so I said, yes, I'm goingto do it.
And it wasn't lip service.
So instead of going back tothe planning, I said, what can I
do first?
So I got myself a therapistbecause I'm going to deal with the
(18:12):
issues that, that I'm dealing with.
The ptsd, the simia, thethings that I'm dealing with.
So I got myself a therapist.
I upped my journaling in myBible because I read my bible all
the time.
But now I'm journaling again.
I quit for a few years, butnow I'm back to journaling.
I started doing the internal things.
I'm having my coaches, the conversations.
I'm challenging myself on deep levels.
And then I started get doingsome external things because remember,
(18:36):
everything goes from theinternal to the external.
So now I launched my firstoffer in two years, and that's another
podcast episode of how I gotto that place.
Because I had launchedmultiple offers before.
Some trauma happened, then abunch of trauma happened, I quit
and.
And now I'm back to this thing.
So I launched this offer.
So I got an offer, launch.
And in the same span ofthings, so I'm journaling, I'm doing
(18:57):
the internal work.
I get invited on five or sixpodcasts, I get invited on two virtual
summits.
I get invited to speak at amajor conference, which is happening,
has happened in March 2025called Movement Maker Live.
And so all of these things arehappening and I'm.
And people are starting torequest me, request my services again.
(19:18):
And I said the definitive timewas that I said yes to me.
I didn't wait for permission.
I gave myself permission.
I started working internallyand then I started launching externally.
And I didn't have to work at it.
I didn't have to make it happen.
It just started happening.
I was like, wow, God, thankyou so much for aligning these things.
(19:39):
And all it did was waiting forme to show up.
And so the second.
And that's the first thing.
So the second thing it says,surround yourself really with the
right people.
And so it's giving yourselfpermission and getting the right
people.
Because if you want to do thedeep inner work, you need the right
people around you, period.
There's no way to ever doanything beyond that because who
you are becoming is directlyinfluenced by who you put around
(20:02):
you.
The law of the inner circlefor you John Maxwell fans, you know,
the Five people around you iswho you become.
Right?
We've seen that and I thinkscience has even gone through that
and tried to see that as well.
It's basically be very carefulof who you put in your inner circle
because that's who you'regoing to become, right?
Because it directly influences you.
And the right people willchallenge you.
They'll challenge you to thinkbigger, they'll challenge you to
(20:23):
keep going when you want to quit.
They'll hold you accountable.
But the wrong people, theykeep you thinking small, they push
you back to giving up.
They'll, they're just yes people.
They'll, they'll disguisethings of helping you, but they're
really self serving and youwant the right people in your life
because the right people makethe difference.
The wrong people hold you back.
(20:43):
So we need to start looking atall of our relationships and saying
if I'm going to be healthyinternally, then I've got to start
looking at my relationshipsand deciding who's not healthy for
me.
It's not that they're badpeople, but who's not healthy for
me.
Because again, we're devotedto being the most healthiest person
in our lives and we startremoving people that aren't healthy
for us.
We just do.
And one of the biggestquestions we get is what if it's
a mom or something?
(21:04):
Then we go low contact, right?
I use this, the illustrationof a chair, which I find such a refreshing
illustration.
And the illustration of thechair is if you were to get somebody
on a chair and some.
And I was standing below thechair and they were going to just
imagine this because you'rehearing this on the podcast and you
get the person on the chairand you want them to, you want to
(21:25):
ask them because obviously setthis up, pull them down and watch
how easy it is for them tostep off that chair.
Now have that person get.
And imagine this in your mind.
Have that person or even tryit with your family or whoever you're
sitting with, have that personget back up the chair and, and have
them try to pull you up to.
On the chair with you.
Which one was easier?
What was easier was if I reachup and pull down.
(21:47):
That took barely any effort.
But what was harder is if Ireached up and they pulled up.
That took effort.
And that is exactly whathappens in life.
It's easier to pull someonedown than to lift them up.
So we have to have people,lifters in our lives who are going
to lift us up.
As we lift them up, we've gotto be our People lifter as well.
(22:09):
Not a people puller.
Downer.
That's my own terminology.
Pull a downer.
So who's in your circle andare they pulling you up or dragging
you down?
Because your inner circleshapes your world and so choose wisely.
And as we close out thisthing, let's bring this full circle.
Let's bring to a place wherewe understand that we're trying to
impact people, not impressthem, because we don't want to.
(22:30):
We don't care.
We should stop caring or careless about what we're trying to do
to make people like us andstart focusing on what we're going
to do to make people's livesbetter, to make them different, to
bring transformation.
So I'm going to give you two challenges.
Number one is here's a question.
These are two questions.
Journal about them, speak themto yourself, whatever.
(22:51):
Who are you surroundingyourself with and what internal work
do you need to start doing andstart focusing on in order to make
the shifts?
Use those as your guides.
Because when you stop chasingvalidation and permission and start
building something real, youcreate lasting impact that's fulfilling
and it's gonna be.
(23:12):
It's gonna outlast yourbusiness, it's gonna outlast everything
else.
Because long after the emotionin the business is gone, the work
inside remains.
And with that being said, youcan find me on mostly any platform.
I would highly suggest you goto www.leadwithjim.com.
there are three guides onthere you can pick up, they're free.
(23:32):
Or you can go in and connectwith the My socials, my other podcast.
I would love to chat with you.
Let me know if there'sanything, any questions you have
on this episode.
I'd love to dive some deeperin a future episode.
And with that being said,that's gonna be it for today.
And if this.
So if this episode spoke toyou, do me a favor, share it with
someone who needs to hear it.
And then if you're ready tostop impressing and start impacting,
(23:55):
let's connect, let's talk,have some conversation, let's get
it going.
If you're on whatever, ifyou're on YouTube, drop some comments,
hit the follow button or hitthe subscribe.
If you're listening is on oneof the podcast providers, hit the
follow.
Let's continue a conversation.
Please reach out and I wouldlove to be able to answer your questions
as we move forward.
And thanks for hanging out.
And with that, we'll see youon a future episode.
(24:24):
Sam.
Host
Jim Burgoon
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Introducing… Aubrey O’Day Diddy’s former protege, television personality, platinum selling music artist, Danity Kane alum Aubrey O’Day joins veteran journalists Amy Robach and TJ Holmes to provide a unique perspective on the trial that has captivated the attention of the nation. Join them throughout the trial as they discuss, debate, and dissect every detail, every aspect of the proceedings. Aubrey will offer her opinions and expertise, as only she is qualified to do given her first-hand knowledge. From her days on Making the Band, as she emerged as the breakout star, the truth of the situation would be the opposite of the glitz and glamour. Listen throughout every minute of the trial, for this exclusive coverage. Amy Robach and TJ Holmes present Aubrey O’Day, Covering the Diddy Trial, an iHeartRadio podcast.
Betrayal: Season 4
Karoline Borega married a man of honor – a respected Colorado Springs Police officer. She knew there would be sacrifices to accommodate her husband’s career. But she had no idea that he was using his badge to fool everyone. This season, we expose a man who swore two sacred oaths—one to his badge, one to his bride—and broke them both. We follow Karoline as she questions everything she thought she knew about her partner of over 20 years. And make sure to check out Seasons 1-3 of Betrayal, along with Betrayal Weekly Season 1.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.