Pillow Talks
Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!
Episodes
July 10, 2025 • 56 mins
Does this sound familiar? Your partner asks you to take control in the bedroom… and your brain completely short-circuits.
You freeze. You feel awkward. You suddenly have no idea what to do.
If you’ve ever found yourself defaulting to passivity during intimacy—or if the idea of “being in control” feels totally foreign—you’re so not alone.
In today’s episode, we’re asking the question: Are you letting sx happen to you… or ar...
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July 3, 2025 • 55 mins
Does it ever feel like you and your partner are just never on the same page when it comes to sex?
One of you wants it more often. One of you needs things to be just right. One of you initiates. One of you never does. It can feel frustrating, confusing, and even a little bit lonely.
But there’s a good chance the issue isn’t actually about how much you want sex… it’s about how you want sex.
In today’s episode, we’re breaking down ...
Mark as Played
June 27, 2025 • 55 mins
This week, we’re diving into something that seems simple but holds a lot of power in your relationship: touch.
Whether it's a lingering hug, a soft shoulder squeeze, or just holding hands while watching Netflix — physical touch is one of the most important (and underrated) ways to build connection, intimacy, and trust.
But if you’ve found yourselves touching less — or if touch feels off somehow — you’re not alone. We asked ou...
Mark as Played
June 20, 2025 • 66 mins
Have you ever wanted a peek inside a man’s brain? 🧠
We’re back with Part 3 of one of our most talked-about episode series — answering all the burning, bizarre, and brutally honest questions you’ve always wanted to ask men.
This week, we’re diving into what men really think about everything from doggy style to aging to the internet daddy of the moment, Pedro Pascal.
🎙️ Here’s what we’re getting into:
What are men actu...
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Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? It’s a term Vanessa coined—and when we posted about it on TikTok, over 8 million people watched. (You can watch that here 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@vanessaandxander/video/7206335375453867306?lang=en)
The Bristle Reaction is that moment when your partner reaches out for a hug or a kiss… and your body instinctively recoils. Even when you love your partner deeply, their touch can sometimes c...
Mark as Played
June 5, 2025 • 68 mins
Ask a sex therapist is back!
Have you ever Googled something about sex and then immediately deleted your search history? 🥵
In this week’s episode, Vanessa (a sex therapist with 20+ years of experience) and Xander (her ever-curious, regular dude husband) answer your most personal, pressing, wait-am-I-the-only-one? questions about sex, intimacy, and everything in between.
Here’s what we’re diving into:
Is it weird if my...
Mark as Played
May 29, 2025 • 66 mins
Maybe it’s a gross habit that totally kills the mood…
Maybe it’s a bigger issue that leaves you feeling unseen or disconnected…
This week, we’re diving into a question we hear all the time: Should I be putting up with this in my relationship?
Whether it’s your partner’s lack of ambition, a dead bedroom, constant yelling, or socks in the couch cushions (yep, really) — we’re breaking down how to tell the difference between h...
Mark as Played
May 22, 2025 • 63 mins
Does sex feel like a chore to you?
According to 86% of our audience? Yes.
Maybe sex doesn’t feel great. Maybe it it’s more about your partner getting their needs met than you. Maybe it’s just started to feel like another thing to check off your list.
But maybe the issue isn’t sex at all.
Maybe it’s that you’re carrying too much — between the keeping the household running (and kind of clean), parenting logistics, and the w...
Mark as Played
May 15, 2025 • 61 mins
In this episode, we’re giving you a realistic, 4-week plan to help you and your partner get out of that relationship rut — even if you're super busy, overwhelmed, or feeling disconnected.
No grand gestures. No impossible checklists.
Just simple, thoughtful actions you can start this week to feel closer again — emotionally and physically.
Here’s what we’re covering:
The difference between a rut and a red flag 🚩
...
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May 8, 2025 • 67 mins
Ready for our go-to masterclass on one of the most overlooked (but absolutely essential) parts of intimacy?
We’re bringing back one of our most downloaded episodes of all time — and trust us, it’s worth a re-listen (or a first-time bender if you’re new around here).
Foreplay — the most misunderstood, rushed-through, and skipped-over part of sex. But here’s the truth: foreplay isn’t optional. It’s not just a warm-up. It’s the wh...
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May 1, 2025 • 61 mins
We’re bringing back a fan favorite this week… and yep, we’re going there.
Butt stuff. 🍑
Back in 2021, we dropped an episode all about backdoor play, and it quickly became one of our most popular episodes of all time. With over 200 Pillow Talks episodes under our belts now, we figured it was time to make it a little easier to find the gems — so for the first time ever, we’re re-airing one of our top episodes.
Whether you’r...
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April 24, 2025 • 57 mins
We’re back this week with another coaching episode — where we listen to real voice notes from real listeners who are navigating some seriously relatable challenges.
From craving more pleasure but not knowing how to ask for it… to dealing with desire differences after kids and trying to orgasm for the first time (yes, ever) — we’re holding space for your stories.
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:
“Is this it?”
“Why don’t...
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April 17, 2025 • 55 mins
If you’ve ever joked about “peeing just a little” when you sneeze, or you’re the kind of person who always has to know where the bathroom is, this one’s for you.
Vanessa is sharing her personal (and super vulnerable) journey with bladder issues: how it started, the surprising symptoms, the anxiety it caused, and the expert-backed tools and tricks that actually helped.
We asked our community if they’ve experienced bladder problems...
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April 10, 2025 • 69 mins
Is it cheating if you go to sex club… but just to watch?
What about a flirty Snapchat streak with your ex?
A prostate massage with no orgasm? 👀
This week, we’re back with Part 2 of one of our most talked-about episodes. We asked our community to share the moments, confessions, and curveballs that made them ask, “Wait…is this cheating?”
And let’s just say… the gray areas are graying HARD.
Here’s what we’re dishing on in this e...
Mark as Played
April 3, 2025 • 54 mins
We’ve all had that moment — your partner brings something up, and suddenly you’re snapping back with a list of everything they did wrong. But wait… is that defensiveness, or are you just defending yourself?
This week, we’re diving into one of the trickiest relationship dynamics out there: defensiveness. And we’re not just talking about it — we’re unpacking real, raw stories straight from you.
From sex drive mismatches to mental l...
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🎙️ Welcome to our very first coaching episode!
Ever feel stuck in your sex life — like you know things could be better but have no idea how to fix them? That’s exactly where today’s couple is.
In this special, brand-new format, we’re coaching a real life couple, and diving deep into mismatched desire, stress, and the invisible walls keeping them from a more connected, fulfilling sex life.
We break down:
💬 When one partner feel...
Mark as Played
March 20, 2025 • 74 mins
🎉 We made it to 200 episodes! 🎉
It’s wild to think about how far this podcast has come. There’s one thing we know for sure… we couldn’t have come this far without YOU. That’s why for this very special episode, we decided to celebrate by letting you ask us…
…absolutely ANYTHING.
And you didn’t disappoint.
From personal confessions to relationship deep dives to behind-the-scenes business secrets, no topic was off-limits.
Tune ...
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March 13, 2025 • 57 mins
We’re back with a fan-favorite series—Am I The Asshole? 🎉 You know we love diving into the wildest relationship dilemmas, and today’s lineup is extra spicy.
We’re tackling situations that might hit way too close to home, like:
🚨 Masturbating - do you have to tell your partner every time?
🚨 Journaling about a past relationship—cheating or harmless?
🚨 Going through a partner’s phone (they found what?? 👀)
🚨 A partner pi...
Mark as Played
March 6, 2025 • 54 mins
Initiating sex in your relationship should feel exciting, not frustrating—but let’s be real… for most couples, it’s anything but smooth.
Whether you're feeling stuck, rejected, or just plain awkward when it comes to getting things started in the bedroom, today’s episode is here to help!
We surveyed our audience, and only 17% of people said they’re happy with how initiation is going in their relationship.
That means a lot of us...
Mark as Played
February 27, 2025 • 64 mins
Ever wish you had a sex therapist on speed dial? We get so many questions every week (because you guys are THE BEST) that we just can’t get to them all—so today, we’re dedicating an entire episode to answering your biggest intimacy and relationship dilemmas.
From navigating mismatched libidos to handling awkward bedroom moments, we’re here to break it all down with practical, shame-free advice.
In This Episode, We Cover:
💬 How ...
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