Pillow Talks
Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!
Episodes
August 28, 2025 • 65 mins
The postpartum stage can be one of the hardest (and least talked about) seasons a couple will ever go through.
Your relationship changes. Your body changes. Your sex life changes.
And with all of that comes a swirl of feelings you might not have expected:
Resentment toward your partner
A crushing imbalance in the mental load
Feeling “touched out” 24/7
Nervousness (or fear) about having sex again
Worri...
Mark as Played
August 21, 2025 • 69 mins
Imagine this: your partner sits you down and says they want to open your marriage…
Not for a real-life person.
But for their AI companion.
Sounds like a Black Mirror episode, right? But it’s real.
In today’s episode, we’re diving into the wild, complicated, and very real intersection of AI and relationships.
From romantic connections with chatbots to emotional venting with AI companions, technology is evolving faster than most...
Mark as Played
August 14, 2025 • 69 mins
Ever wondered why you have a certain kink? Or if it’s OK to fantasize about someone else during sex? Or maybe you’ve been curious about cuckolding, breeding kinks, or pegging… but didn’t know who to ask.
Well some of you asked us! And today, we’re answering your questions about kinks and fantasies.
From the psychology of desire to navigating mismatches with your partner, we’re tackling the wild, the vulnerable, and the deeply hum...
Mark as Played
August 7, 2025 • 59 mins
The female orgasm: we’ve talked about it a lot over the years, but it never stops being one of the most requested, most misunderstood, and most fascinating topics we cover.
In this episode, we’re flipping the script and looking at orgasm through a partner’s eyes. What does it mean to be supportive? How can you tell if she’s actually orgasming? And why is it so inconsistent? We’re answering your most Googled questions, plus the one...
Mark as Played
July 31, 2025 • 63 mins
You’ve probably heard people say, “Oh, you’ll just know.”
But what if… you don’t know? 👀
This week, we’re diving deep into one of Vanessa’s all-time favorite topics (and the one she first became known for as a sex therapist!): the female orgasm. Whether you’re wondering if you’ve ever actually had one, struggling to feel much of anything, or just desperate to experience the kind of toe-curling, body-melting release you’ve seen i...
Mark as Played
July 24, 2025 • 62 mins
You thought last week’s icks were bad? Buckle up, friend.
Because in Part 2, we’re getting into the next-level icks — the ones that make you question everything.
Like… oral sex immediately after intercourse. Or the dreaded dick flop. Or your partner’s casual approach to burping, farting, and forgetting what deodorant is.
These icks go way beyond open-mouth chewing.
We’re talking postpartum rage, peeing with the door ope...
Mark as Played
July 17, 2025 • 66 mins
You love your person… but lately… the sound of them chewing is making you cringe.
You’ve got the ICK. So what do you do? And what does it actually mean?!
This week, we’re breaking it all down for you plus what to do when your partner’s quirky habits suddenly feel like a total turnoff. 🤮
We’re also sharing your ick stories — from when baby talk stops being not cute to when dirty texts majorly backfire.
Whether you’re cu...
Mark as Played
July 10, 2025 • 56 mins
Does this sound familiar? Your partner asks you to take control in the bedroom… and your brain completely short-circuits.
You freeze. You feel awkward. You suddenly have no idea what to do.
If you’ve ever found yourself defaulting to passivity during intimacy—or if the idea of “being in control” feels totally foreign—you’re so not alone.
In today’s episode, we’re asking the question: Are you letting sx happen to you… or ar...
Mark as Played
July 3, 2025 • 55 mins
Does it ever feel like you and your partner are just never on the same page when it comes to sex?
One of you wants it more often. One of you needs things to be just right. One of you initiates. One of you never does. It can feel frustrating, confusing, and even a little bit lonely.
But there’s a good chance the issue isn’t actually about how much you want sex… it’s about how you want sex.
In today’s episode, we’re breaking down ...
Mark as Played
June 27, 2025 • 55 mins
This week, we’re diving into something that seems simple but holds a lot of power in your relationship: touch.
Whether it's a lingering hug, a soft shoulder squeeze, or just holding hands while watching Netflix — physical touch is one of the most important (and underrated) ways to build connection, intimacy, and trust.
But if you’ve found yourselves touching less — or if touch feels off somehow — you’re not alone. We asked ou...
Mark as Played
June 20, 2025 • 66 mins
Have you ever wanted a peek inside a man’s brain? 🧠
We’re back with Part 3 of one of our most talked-about episode series — answering all the burning, bizarre, and brutally honest questions you’ve always wanted to ask men.
This week, we’re diving into what men really think about everything from doggy style to aging to the internet daddy of the moment, Pedro Pascal.
🎙️ Here’s what we’re getting into:
What are men actu...
Mark as Played
Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? It’s a term Vanessa coined—and when we posted about it on TikTok, over 8 million people watched. (You can watch that here 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@vanessaandxander/video/7206335375453867306?lang=en)
The Bristle Reaction is that moment when your partner reaches out for a hug or a kiss… and your body instinctively recoils. Even when you love your partner deeply, their touch can sometimes c...
Mark as Played
June 5, 2025 • 68 mins
Ask a sex therapist is back!
Have you ever Googled something about sex and then immediately deleted your search history? 🥵
In this week’s episode, Vanessa (a sex therapist with 20+ years of experience) and Xander (her ever-curious, regular dude husband) answer your most personal, pressing, wait-am-I-the-only-one? questions about sex, intimacy, and everything in between.
Here’s what we’re diving into:
Is it weird if my...
Mark as Played
May 29, 2025 • 66 mins
Maybe it’s a gross habit that totally kills the mood…
Maybe it’s a bigger issue that leaves you feeling unseen or disconnected…
This week, we’re diving into a question we hear all the time: Should I be putting up with this in my relationship?
Whether it’s your partner’s lack of ambition, a dead bedroom, constant yelling, or socks in the couch cushions (yep, really) — we’re breaking down how to tell the difference between h...
Mark as Played
May 22, 2025 • 63 mins
Does sex feel like a chore to you?
According to 86% of our audience? Yes.
Maybe sex doesn’t feel great. Maybe it it’s more about your partner getting their needs met than you. Maybe it’s just started to feel like another thing to check off your list.
But maybe the issue isn’t sex at all.
Maybe it’s that you’re carrying too much — between the keeping the household running (and kind of clean), parenting logistics, and the w...
Mark as Played
May 15, 2025 • 61 mins
In this episode, we’re giving you a realistic, 4-week plan to help you and your partner get out of that relationship rut — even if you're super busy, overwhelmed, or feeling disconnected.
No grand gestures. No impossible checklists.
Just simple, thoughtful actions you can start this week to feel closer again — emotionally and physically.
Here’s what we’re covering:
The difference between a rut and a red flag 🚩
...
Mark as Played
May 8, 2025 • 67 mins
Ready for our go-to masterclass on one of the most overlooked (but absolutely essential) parts of intimacy?
We’re bringing back one of our most downloaded episodes of all time — and trust us, it’s worth a re-listen (or a first-time bender if you’re new around here).
Foreplay — the most misunderstood, rushed-through, and skipped-over part of sex. But here’s the truth: foreplay isn’t optional. It’s not just a warm-up. It’s the wh...
Mark as Played
May 1, 2025 • 61 mins
We’re bringing back a fan favorite this week… and yep, we’re going there.
Butt stuff. 🍑
Back in 2021, we dropped an episode all about backdoor play, and it quickly became one of our most popular episodes of all time. With over 200 Pillow Talks episodes under our belts now, we figured it was time to make it a little easier to find the gems — so for the first time ever, we’re re-airing one of our top episodes.
Whether you’r...
Mark as Played
April 24, 2025 • 56 mins
We’re back this week with another coaching episode — where we listen to real voice notes from real listeners who are navigating some seriously relatable challenges.
From craving more pleasure but not knowing how to ask for it… to dealing with desire differences after kids and trying to orgasm for the first time (yes, ever) — we’re holding space for your stories.
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:
“Is this it?”
“Why don’t...
Mark as Played
April 17, 2025 • 55 mins
If you’ve ever joked about “peeing just a little” when you sneeze, or you’re the kind of person who always has to know where the bathroom is, this one’s for you.
Vanessa is sharing her personal (and super vulnerable) journey with bladder issues: how it started, the surprising symptoms, the anxiety it caused, and the expert-backed tools and tricks that actually helped.
We asked our community if they’ve experienced bladder problems...
Mark as Played
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