July 31, 2025 • 42 mins
What does it take to build a life and career that's fully, unapologetically yours? In this episode (part 1 of 2), Danielle sits down with entrepreneur and creator Valeria Lipovetsky for a conversation that's less of an interview, and more of a mirror. They toss out the question cards, ditch the formal intros, and dive straight into the good stuff: ambition, motherhood, marriage, sex, social media, fertility, and the surprising superpower of asking better questions. Valeria shares:
- Why she never went to therapy—and what finally changed her mind
- The single moment that cracked open her authenticity
- Her unexpected (and poetic) obsession with secondhand shoes
- The timeline pressures no one tells women about—and what helped her reclaim her own
- The hardest season in her marriage—and how they're finding their renaissance now
- Why her son taught her more about self-confidence than any book ever could
- Her honest take on growing a massive following while still feeling like she's figuring it out
- The rules she broke to build a multi-million dollar business—and the one phrase that still haunts her from childhood
This is part one of a two-part conversation—come back next week for even more.
Follow Valeria on Instagram @valerialipovetsky
Book rec: A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Grab the QUESTION EVERYTHING card game (updated edition)
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
No one has all the answers, but when we ask
the right questions, we get a little closer, closer to truths,
closer to each other, even closer to ourselves. I'm journalist
Danielle Robe, and each week, my guests and I come
together to challenge the status quo and our own ways
of thinking by daring to ask what if, why not?
(00:28):
And who says? So? Come curious, dig deep, and join
the conversation. It's time to question everything. I have always
been a planner. When I went to meet Larry King
for breakfast for the first time, I went with fifteen
questions in my head and if I'm being honest written
(00:50):
down in my phone just in case I needed to
glance at them. So when Valeria Lipovetsky sat across from
me and said, let's throw away all of our prepped questions,
this episode was going to be different. We both had
our prep but we threw out our cards. So this
conversation is different than our usual interview. But hey, I
(01:10):
figured it's summer. Who needs a roadmap? This one is unfiltered, unscripted,
and we got to the real stuff quickly, ambition, motherhood, marriage,
self worth. We saved all the sex talk for Part two,
which is coming out next week, but I want to
give you a little bit of Valeria's backstory. She's one
(01:32):
of those rare people that is equally if not more
impressive in person as she is online. Valaria immigrated twice
before the age of ten, She modeled professionally as a teen,
and became a mother at twenty two, and somewhere along
the way, she built one of the single most impressive
content businesses I have ever seen, all the while doing
(01:55):
some deep inner work figuring out who she actually is.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
I have a debilitating fear of not like using every
single gift or a bit like anything that was given
to me.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
So how does Valeria one of the busiest content creators
in the business. Seriously, she works with over three hundred
brands a year and has a global audience of over
seven million followers across YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook. Her
podcast Not Alone has garnered over five point five million streams,
(02:33):
featuring guests like Miranda Kerr, Jessica Alba and I Got
to Be a guest last week. Valeria's authentic connection with
her audience shines through and everything she does. Whether she's
giving you an insightful fashion and beauty tip or talking
takes on innovative trends, or just glimpses into her life.
There's always more to the video, and that's why I
(02:55):
love her. She's funny and deep.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
I don't want to be remembered as a stressed woman
or a tired woman, or you know, someone who's always
on the in a rush. I don't want to be
remembered like that. And it's also not me.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
I have to tell you I like her so much,
like we had so much fun together, and I really
value her opinions. We don't agree on everything, and maybe
that's part of what's fun, but I think she's smart
and well thought out and interesting and has so much
value to share with us. So today we talk about
what it means to manifest something before you're even ready
(03:29):
for it. We also get into therapy or the lack
of it, ambition, self trust, shame hangovers, what it means
to be self full versus selfish, and how to have
deeper conversations without totally draining yourself. This is part one
of a two part conversation. So next week we're going
to get more into motherhood, marriage, sex, especially married sex
(03:51):
because I had questions. Okay, So here's the question we're
circling today in part one of the conversation. What does
it take to build the life that's yours, Not the
one you were taught to want or the one that
looks good on paper or on Instagram, but one that
feels good to live inside of, and one you're really
excited about. It's time to question everything with Valeria Lipovetski.
(04:25):
Should we start from the beginning? You went through so
much in your early life. You immigrated twice, You left
Russia with your mom when you were two, moved to Israel,
then you eventually went to Canada. What did your mom
teach you about resilience?
Speaker 2 (04:38):
It was more like modeling rather than teaching. She modeled
to me that anything is possible. Really like, there's going
to be a lot of shitty periods, but it all
works out at the end because I've seen it happen
over and over and over again. So I'm really kind
of in this space in my life where I'm so
big into if you can see it, then you believe.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
It has, like the visualization worked in your life in
the past. Is that why?
Speaker 2 (05:05):
It's just my analytical brain? I feel like my virgal
brain is like, oh I see here, I can point
to it like it happens. It's true, you know, rather
than this like fluffy fairy kind of like visualization. It's
a tricky one for me because it took me a
long time to learn how to manifest properly. Do you manifest?
Speaker 1 (05:24):
I think I've manifested most of my life but without
knowing it.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
But that's interesting because for me, I found it manifestation
like I was doing it wrong for a long time
because I would ask for things visualize them. But what
I didn't do is I didn't check with myself if
I am ready to receive it. So you can ask
for things, but if you don't believe you deserve it,
(05:47):
then coming for you.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Right, if you're not living at the place where you're
making decisions like that person.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Right, your hands are open, you're like, okay, I'm asking
for it, like come, I'm ready. I wasn't ready for
a lot of the things I was manifesting.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
But sometimes I think that's the power because like if
you wait until you're ready, no one's ever ready, Like
it doesn't happen. You have to almost have that urgency
and then maybe it doesn't happen for three years or
five years or ten years, but like, I don't know,
there's something about me that likes the rushing to get somewhere,
and I think eventually I do.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So, what is something you manifested that felt like so
far away that happened.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
To I definitely manifested a job at E I manifested
Hello Sunshine. I knew that that was going to be
the next place.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Walk me through it. What does that manifestation process looked like?
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I get these feelings and I just know that it
feels right. And so I was like, I loved what
Reese Witherspoon was creating and the rest of the team
at Hello Sunshine. A lot of my career has been
female focused, and I was like, I want to work
at a female media company, and I align with so
many of these values. But Hello Sunshine was a film
(06:59):
and TV company. I'm not an actress. I was not
going to be in film and TV. And so I
sat with it for a little while and eventually I
put a deck together. I love to read, so I
put a deck together and pitch them a show about books,
and they'd never created anything like it. They were super
sweet and like, listen to my whole pitch. It was
(07:20):
during COVID, it was virtual and my mom was in
LA that weekend and she was on the couch like sweating,
nervous for me. And nothing ever happened with the show.
But about a year and a half later, one of
the executives emailed me and said, you know, we're thinking
of starting a podcast. Will you meet with our podcast
exec And then six months later I was launching their
first podcast. And I think when you have those I
(07:42):
mean Oprah calls them whispers, but when you have them,
I think you owe it to the universe to follow that.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
One hundred percent. But you also knew that you can deliver,
Like you pitch something that you knew that you can
truly do and do it really well.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
That's a really good point.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
This is what I'm saying. It's like, No, it took
me a while to kind of like process it and
be like, what am I doing wrong?
Speaker 1 (08:07):
What's one that comes to your mind that I did
wrong or that you did right that came true? Like
did you manifest your career?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Well, if I think about Little Valeria, one hundred percent,
I manifested it, like I think from the age of
I would say fifteen to around nineteen. I was sitting
and I was like, I'm going to be a political journalist.
Where did it come from? What inspired it? I have
no idea. I always loved to write, and I used
(08:34):
to have a lot of blogs growing up, anonymous blogs.
But I was just like, I'm going to be a
political journalist. And I really knew that I somehow will
find myself in journalism one way or another, or like writing,
but didn't even know, especially since I started moving and
(08:54):
immigrating to different countries, like how would it even look? Like?
I don't speak proper English, I don't have the grammar,
I don't know how to write something. Because I was
thinking about it when I was still living in Israel,
and I'm like, okay, I can do it here and
now here I am, in one way or another doing journalism,
wild whirlinggud dresses. This is perfect. I manifested this.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
You did, and you manifested your version of it, the
version that fits you right.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
But back then I didn't know as much as I
know now. As you get older, we just know too much.
Everything becomes harder to do. You see more challenges than opportunities.
But back then at fifteen I was like, yeah, political journalist. Obviously.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
I think a lot of us know what we want
to do when we're like six years old, and then
the world sort of gets to us. But if you
think back at like who you were and what you
were doing book reports on and what you were interested in,
were there any three lines for you?
Speaker 2 (09:49):
I was always a big reader and I always loved storytelling, definitely,
so that was always something that was part of my life,
but also like playing roles. I shared with you how
one of my childhood friends reminded me the other day.
She's like, do you remember when I asked you what
you want to be at when you were like nine
or ten years old? And my answer was like, oh
(10:09):
my god, I have so many options, Like I can
be a dancer or a writer or a lawyer. And
that is so magical because I agree with you, it's
all the possibility that you see when you're those ages.
It's like we need to in a way write it
down so we can go back to that.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
But there's this through line of like authenticity, and I
know that word is so overused online. I have like
a HIGHBS meter. I would call it.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Do you one hundred percent, and.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
So I don't have that with you, Like I'm like,
you are this person, You're the same person on an offline,
like there's not a separation. But I'm curious if when
you started out creating content, if you felt that sort
of pressure to show up as a different person and act,
and if the authenticity is something you grew into or
if you've always been this.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
I think that throughout my life, I played so many roles,
like I was trying to be so many different things
in order for other people to approve of me or
I don't know what it was, maybe feel like valuable,
I don't know, but I remember it in relationships. I
remember it in friendships. I remember it at work. And
(11:19):
its interesting even with my line of work, Like I
was modeling from the age of fifteen to around twenty
two or so, and you show up on set, you're
playing canvas, and you're like, Okay, here's the role you're
playing today, And so I got so used to putting
all these masks that with social media it was interesting
because it started as like Okay, I'm gonna be I
(11:40):
guess something close to what I think I am, but
like I don't know what it is yet. But that's
I think what really made me excited about it because
it was my vehicle to really find out who am
I because I'm at this age where I already had
two kids when I started social media, and I'm like,
I can't continue playing roles because now there are no
(12:00):
roles that are giving to me to play and I
got to like figure this out. So social media was
very much like a place of what is authenticity? How
do I show up as myself? But it was a little,
you know, journey to figure it out because at first
it was like timid me and even watching videos now
from like twenty eighteen twenty nineteen, oh my god, I
(12:22):
just want to hug her. She's like so wiet and
like very uncertain, which is exactly where I was. And
it's beautiful to see obviously the evolution. You can see like, Okay,
she's searching for herself.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
When did it click though this year? No, it must
have clicked earlier because the videos wouldn't have caught on.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
But my audience grew with me, so a lot of
them saw themselves in me. You can tell that I'm
still trying to figure it out, and I'm talking about
me trying to figure it out, so it connected with
other people. So it's like that authenticity was not from
a place of like this is who I am. It's like,
I don't know who I am, but I'm trying.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
You ever have shame hangovers though? When you share a lot?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Yeah, especially with the podcast.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Do you on social media? Every time I post something
even slightly personal for three days, I want to crawl
in all and I'm not exaggerating. I'll call all of
my friends, my mother like was that embarrassing? Should I
take it down? Was it too much?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Why?
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I don't know. I really like when the story is
about somebody else. I'm a trained journalist, it's not about me,
and so as soon as it's about me, I want
to crawl into my own skin.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Which is funny because I feel like with social media
it has to be about you in order to connect
with other people.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
The only videos that people have like really shared or
come up to me and said something about are the
videos where I'm real and I'm honest and I'm sharing
about myself. But I'm so nervous all the time to
do that.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Why are you nervous? Look what judgment?
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Yeah, judgment? I think one of my childhood wounds. I've
always wanted to be taken seriously, and I felt like
my teachers didn't take me seriously, like I had a
big chest, and I felt like people at work didn't
take me seriously because I had big boobs.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
I remember for me at school, especially something that's always
been triggering me and haunting me. Honestly, all the teachers
used to say the potential is there, which is just.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Like, not were you not giving it? You're all no,
obviously not no.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
There was a lot of truth in what they were saying,
but it became this like haunting phrase. And maybe that's
why I'm doing so much because I'm like, there's so
much potential. I got to make sure I get it
all done. You know.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Do you feel like you're always chasing that?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Yeah, I have debilitating fear of not using every single
gift or anything that was given to me. If I'm
not using it, I'm like, I'm scared. I don't know
what it is. Maybe because life is so short and
you're like, there's so much to learn and so much
to find out about myself.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
If I could armchair therapy you for a second, my guests,
is you in some ways grew up quickly because of
your upbringing, and so you understood consequences or death or
grief or hard things in life more so than maybe
other people your age. And then moving a lot is
(15:20):
traumatic in itself when you're a young person, and I
feel like you understand time and that it could.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
End any second. But I also think growing up in
a country like Israel where tomorrow is not promised, I
think that's in general the way people live, and I've
always walk around with that. You know, there were so
many moments where I was like, this could be it,
you know, going on a bus, like could be it.
Someone can blow up. I grew up with that feeling.
(15:51):
So I think that that shaped a lot of that
and it's both obviously a blessing.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
And a curse.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
And I don't know, maybe it's also the effect of
social media. But I think to myself, I'm never going
to be this young again.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
I think about that. I think about that with like
dating and love, because I'm like, if I do something
like I go for a weekend with a guide to
Saint Bart's, is it reckless? Maybe I should have been working.
I don't know, But like when I'm going to get
to do this again and feel this like love and
lust and dance and drink and like have fun.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Absolutely always go to Saint Bart's. But yeah, for me,
that's a phrase that's hunting me from my childhood. Do
you have one from school or teachers that just in
someway or another or even maybe for you? Right now,
it's this like aha moment, like, oh my god, it's
been in the back of my mind all these years.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
It's not being taken seriously. But I actually have like
such a weird moment because I interviewed somebody recently who
felt it in me, and after the interview they said,
you can calm down like you did it. I hated it.
I felt so naked, But I think they were right.
I'm constantly chasing something. Do you feel like Gary's a
(17:00):
mirror for you?
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Definitely a mirror that sometimes I want to break. Enough
with the mirroring. But that's like a big blessing for
me because from the minute we met, he was like,
your life is going to be your art. This is
before I got on social media or did anything at all.
One of the first days that we had he was like,
(17:23):
your life will be your art. And now looking back,
It's something that I remembered literally a couple of years ago,
and I set him down. I'm like, do you remember
when you said that? And he's like, yeah, do you
understand what we've built? It's literally our art and our
business is my life. Like that's insane, But he from
the get go was so vocal about like, there's so
(17:43):
much potential and I won't let you waste it. So
the ability to have somebody that is so close to
you that you trust that is always like shaking you
and being like, hey, you're cutting corners or I know
that you can do more. It's really powerful for someone
like me because to me, that's what I need. Some
(18:04):
other people can look at it and be like this
is too much, this is demanding, But for me, that's
the kind of love I wanted.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Here's something I've always wondered with you guys, because your
life and your art and your work is Valeria's life.
How do you maintain a mutual, two sided relationship. How
do you make sure that things are about Gary too?
Or does he not require a lot?
Speaker 2 (18:32):
That's a great question, and I think that's something that
I'm trying to find a balance with. He doesn't require
a lot, but I also know that I can do better,
you know what I mean, I'm naturally a selfish person.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
You keep saying that, but I actually don't think that
you are.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
To me, it's like it's a good thing. It's like
a metal Okay. Like for me, when I hear a
woman says that she's selfish, I applaud that because because
it's so not something women feel comfortable saying.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
But I don't think you make decisions. Correct me if
I'm wrong. I don't think you make decisions just based
on you, like you think about Gary, you think about
your kids, you think about your mom.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Of course, yes, but a lot of the times I
noticed in my life that when I operate from a
place of like what will make me feel good, it
benefits everyone else. Everyone at the end are happy, you
know what I mean. It's the weirdest thing because I've
experimented with that because for a long time I felt
bad about it because I went to the other direction
(19:35):
than what I saw my mom was operating. She was selfless.
There was no her in the equation. Everyone else came first,
and I hated that. So I went to a whole
other side. And then I was like this a little
bit wrong, but I have found that throughout my motherhood journey,
because we're naturally nurturers. It really benefited myself but also
(19:59):
my family. That makes sense, It makes a lot of sense.
But I really want to go back to this armor
you're wearing. Listen. You're very good at what you do.
And I asked you prior to it. I mean, you
always knew that you want to be in journalism. You
said you wanted to be Barbara Walters. You were asking
all the questions. It's interesting to me that your goal
was always to be taking seriously. Is that also what
(20:23):
made you learn like ask questions armchair therapists.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
That's pretty good. I'd never thought about that. Maybe that's
part of it for sure. I think two things did One.
I grew up in a very conversational family, and I
feel like lucky for that. I would go to friends'
houses for dinner sometimes and like the dinner table would
be sort of quiet, Like my dinner table was loud.
Everyone always had something to say, we were debating topics,
(20:50):
Like I remember I had Sunday night dinners with my
grandparents always, and I would sit next to my grandfather
and at seven years old, he would be like, so,
what do you think about President Bush? I wanted to
be able to have an answer because I respected him
so much, and so I'm grateful that they instilled that
in me. I think when you ask kids questions, it
(21:11):
gives them confidence. And then I learned when I got older,
because I was naturally curious and asking questions. But something
happened to me that really changed my perspective. I got
a dream job that ended up not being a dream job,
and I quit and I was depressed because I loved
what I did so much. I just didn't like doing
(21:32):
it there.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Why was the dream job? How old were you?
Speaker 1 (21:35):
I was twenty four, twenty five maybe twenty five. It
was at an entertainment outlet, and I was like one
of the youngest people they had hired. And it was
the big moment.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Like huge validation to what you wanted to be exactly,
and I felt like, this is why I moved to
LA and this was worth the sacrifice.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
I would break out into hives. I would like cry
in the bathroom at lunch. I just hated it. And
my mom said to me, just quit, and I was like,
I have no money, I can't quit, and She was like,
if you got hit by a bus tomorrow, wouldn't you
be so pissed that you were in that dingy office
in Burbank, Like, just quit, you'll figure it out. And
I was like, you're right. So I quit, and I
(22:17):
decided to take myself to grad school because I had
all this time, and I was like, Okay, I'm gonna
watch hundreds of hours of interviewers that are doing at best,
like Larry King and Robin Roberts and Bob Costas and
Charlie Rose, like all the greats. And I would take
notes and I'd write down questions they asked and how
they move their hands and how they transitioned and how
they made people cry. And I had a list of
(22:40):
like a thousand questions. And I looked at that list
one day, and this was pre therapy, and I looked
at that list of questions and I was like, I
asked people questions for a living. I think about questions
all day, and I've never asked myself one, not one.
And so I thought, you know what, maybe I'll try
and I'll do five a day. And I asked myself
like five questions, And after months, I got through the
(23:02):
list and I was a different person. Like I was
walking through the world more confident in myself because I
knew myself better. I had more to say, more to share.
But also, asking great questions is literally about practice. And
I know no one wants to hear that because everything
in life is about practice, but that's all it is.
(23:22):
And I was like people were like magnets to me,
strangers when I would ask questions, they were drawn to me,
even my own parents, who know me better than anyone else.
I would ask them questions more and I felt like
they wanted to call me more and like we were
having better conversations. And I was like, Oh, this is
a superpower, Like everyone can tap into this. I'm not
(23:43):
going to play in the WNBA. I'm five to one,
Like that's not my superpower, but like everyone can ask
great questions. And I was like, Oh, this is a thing.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
So you didn't realize that it was a superpower until then,
which is crazy because you were already on the path.
I mean, you were interviewing, you were doing all the
things you think you did it differently before you did
this exercise.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
I saw people before I was just asking questions out
of curiosity. I wasn't feeling who they were or seeing them.
And because I'd asked myself questions, I started to feel
different emotions and I could recognize them and other people.
I understood people more. I always say like, the people
that have been through the most have the most to give.
And it's not to valorize hardship in any way, but
(24:27):
I do think that people that have been through so
much feel such a broad range of things that they
can connect to others in a different way. And I
hadn't had hard things happen yet. I had it later,
But the asking questions was the starting point of seeing people.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
That's so powerful. Not until I started doing the podcast
did I started to get curious about the art of
conversation because you never really think about it. You don't
think about practicing it. You're just like, this is it?
And remember when I picked up this.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Well, how to Know a Person David Brooks.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Yes, when he broke down the whole concept of really
having a conversation and seeing people and asking questions, it
was like all of a sudden, the podcast, in these
conversations became like a whole new world to me. It
was like so exciting. There were so many elements within it,
but I didn't realize how many of them I did
(25:25):
wrong before I read that book.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
There's no wrong, I don't think.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
I mean, I don't know about you. But when I
started the podcast, what hit me the most was that
I thought that I was a really good listener, but
I was listening to answer and to participate also because
you know, to show that I know what I'm talking
about and I'm really smart and we're on the same level.
And I didn't want to have any moments where I'm
(25:50):
just taking a breath or I'm thinking about something like
that really scared me because to me, I think I
looked at conversations like we're playing ball, and anything that
wasn't as fast something is broken. So the podcast really
taught me the art of like active listening.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Do you feel like you're having different types of conversations
in your own life now because you've practiced it in
this way?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Yes and no. Yes, because I know now what kind
of conversation can be held. But no, because I choose
not to have them because it's very draining. Is it
not draining for you to like have these big conversations
all the time.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
It is so draining for me to be at a party.
I don't like crowds. I was so tired before I
got here because I was up at five, And this
will fill me up, like I'll be able to go
work the rest of the night because I love this.
But with a lot of people, it's just drained.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
What do you do? How do you small talk?
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Before we started recording, Valeria asked me about a dinner
that I had thrown for the card game Shock Callers
that I created, and I was telling her that one
of my goals was to be able to throw dinners
or small intimate gatherings because when I moved to La,
I didn't know a single person and I didn't have
(27:03):
any money, Like you can't go anywhere when you don't
have any money. I felt like I was missing out
by not being in the room. No one ever invited
me anywhere, and I always felt like I had to
claw my way in. And now that I'm invited into
some rooms, it sounds corny, but like I always think
to myself, who's not here that could like gain something
(27:26):
from this experience and add value to the room. And
there's so many amazing people who didn't get the invite.
I have a thing from growing up. I don't like
when anyone is left out, and so I just want
to create rooms where women in particular can meet each
other and do business, because I think that's like what
happens with men. They just do it at dinners or
at golf courses or whatever. I think sometimes people look
(27:46):
at women's activities as silly. You know, when you go
to a lunch, it could look like you're going there
for an Instagram photo or just to be seen, But
a lot is happening at that lunch. You're meeting new people,
you're talking business, you're learning tips from other women and
that are doing what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
It's actually very very powerful. You're so right. I think
we're minimizing a lot of what's happening in those circles,
in those environments.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Aside from friendships, which is really powerful in itself. Have
you ever had business opportunities come from those things?
Speaker 2 (28:15):
One hundred percent? But you know what, aside from business opportunities,
it's just so maybe now because I can see people
and I can have conversations, like real conversations, I learned
so much from just the way people talk about their
lives and their work. And you pick up so many
things because now you know how to pick it up.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
People must ask you all the time about how you're
doing what you do, Yes, all the time, because you've
created something that I'm not sure any other influencer has.
It's a machine. And I say that with so much respect.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Thank you. I love machines. Yeah, I do get asked
that all the time. That's so interesting that you're saying it.
I find that people ask me that question and then
they say, it must be so tiring, you must be
like so busy. And for the longest time, I was like, yeah,
it's a lot, you know, with the kids and this
like it was like an autopilot. I don't know what
(29:10):
it is. And then this week I caught myself. I
was about to say like, yeah, it's been so big,
and I'm like, what the hell am I doing. I'm like, yes,
I work hard, but I rest hard, like I know
how to rest, you know, Like, I don't want to
be remembered as like a stress woman or a tired woman,
or you know, someone who's always in a rush, Like
(29:31):
I don't want to be remembered like that. And it's
also not me. So this is another like you speak
of authenticity. I feel like throughout life, if you pay
attention and you're like connected to yourself, you kind of
start seeing It's like that's not really in line with
how I really feel or who I am. It's just
something that I just got so used to oh hearing
(29:51):
or like saying, and you're kind of like signaling, you know,
someone signaling to you, and then you're signaling it back,
but it's not the truth. So like, I'm going to
be that annoying per that next time someone's like, oh,
how are you must be so busily Like no, I'm
like living my purpose my life. That's going to be
the end of the conversation because I feel like people
need to connect on that, especially women.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Do you take advice from people?
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Well, well, I've made a decision that I don't want
to hear people's opinion. But that's a decision I made
earlier this year. Before that I would get everybody's opinion
on different things.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
Give me an example, like let's.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Say with a project that I'm doing. You know, it's
something that let's say I'm working on or the podcast.
When I was working on it, I would ask so
many different people and even people that didn't necessarily like
they don't know, they're not doing it themselves. How would
they be able to advise me? Or friends that I
love dearly and they know me in a certain capacity,
but not in that type of capacity. So I was
(30:51):
just like looking for validation or some kind of I
don't know what. I wasn't connecting with my own intuition,
which I always know what I need to do. What
about you?
Speaker 1 (31:02):
I used to do that too. I have to credit
therapy for getting me out of that.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
I know, no, I'm doing this because I haven't done
therapy yet, but you know so many things.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
How do you know it without therapy? I have this cheap,
cheap It's because you've been through a lot. You lived
a lot of light.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
But I also left home so early that I had
so much time with myself that I've learned so much
about myself.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
You ask yourself questions.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Yes. And for the longest time, whenever I was like,
maybe it's time for therapy, intuitively, I'm like, no, I
have all the tools that I need in order to
understand how to navigate it. Until recently, recently I'm like,
I think it's time to get therapy. Why Because I
think that I've reached a certain point where I know,
(31:49):
like I can't get myself any further. Now I need
an outsider. So now I'm going to be speed dating therapists.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
That's what you have to do because you have to
really like your therapist, like you can't dread talking to them.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Yeah, I've been kind of testing it out with Chagipt.
We started talking and I'm just like, I don't need
you to validate me. I need you to be honest.
And how do I ask the therapist to do therapy
without like the cliche.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Like placating you. Yeah, there are therapists that tell you
the truth.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Where do I find them?
Speaker 1 (32:20):
I do something called geshtalt therapy, And so there's like
CBT like cognitive behavioral therapy that I think is when
you like go back in time a little bit more,
you dissect your behavior via childhood gestalt. It means like
you're always in relationship to something, like you're in relationship
to the tree. You're always in relationship. And so it's
very much talk therapy, which works for me. But you
(32:42):
may need like a half life coach half therapist.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
I definitely don't want a life coach. But again, you
see I have preconceived notions. It's not even fair what
I'm doing right now because I don't know. So I
had this incident. I had my first ever panic attack
last year. I never experienced it before, and I tried
hypnotherapy and I really liked it. And I think that
the kind of therapy that I need because I'm somebody
(33:06):
that it's very easy for me to use my head
and like intellectualize everything, like I can ask questions. And
maybe that's where I've been able to get to where
I am because I know how to dive deep and
ask the questions. But what I need now is something
that will move me away from here because I can
rationalize anything and everything.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Are you intellectualizing your feelings?
Speaker 2 (33:30):
I intellectualize everything, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
But that means you're not actually feeling the feelings.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
No shit, I know.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
So you do need a therapist, right it.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
But I wonder if it's more of like an experience
that's more like body focused rather than here.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
That's cool, So matic therapists could be really cool.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
I have a question, So how long have you been
doing therapy for on and off for like six years?
So what made you decide to go to therapy?
Speaker 1 (33:54):
So I was dating somebody who was very different than me.
I'm Jewish, he was Muslim, he was Persian, and I
really loved him, but we had a lot of fundamental differences.
And so about a year in, maybe even less, which
is crazy, we were like, let's go to therapy and
(34:15):
see if we can talk some of these out. And
we went twice and he was like, I'm done with this.
We ended up breaking up, but I loved it, and
I think the couple's therapist recognized that I was not
being my full self in that relationship. My voice was squandered,
(34:37):
which is my fault, you know, and so I continued
on with her. The coolest part for me was that
it almost had nothing to do with my personal life
at that point. Because I care so much about my career.
I used to feel frustrated at work. I'd feel frustrated
by conflict, by emails, like annoying emails people would send
me I didn't know how to reply, or like I
would get into a situation with my where I had
(35:00):
to communicate something really difficult and stand up for myself
and I wasn't used to it, and therapy helped give
me the tools to be able to navigate all of it,
and I didn't have any stress anymore. Like I was like, oh, yeah,
I can handle this. I know how to use my words,
I know what to say, I know what makes me
feel good. And then it started trickling into my personal life,
and my relationship with my parents got better, my mom
(35:23):
in particular, you know, like I think everything got better.
And then I started attracting different men too, which was great.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
And what wait, like, how did this new man look like?
Speaker 1 (35:34):
I think I required somebody who was willing to have
hard conversations with me, because there was no way I
couldn't have them anymore. I think once you go deep,
like you can't sit at the surface any longer. Do
you feel that because you seem like you had that
with Gary early on?
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Yes, I was also so young, so I don't know
if I required those kind of conversations. We're definitely talking
about a lot of things. I think with the years,
I mean, we've been together for twelve years, we kind
of reach new depths. But it's because I also changed
and I wanted to have different kind of conversation. But
initially it's like the feeling that my partner can have
(36:10):
those and create a space to have those. I think
that's definitely something that was important that I saw right away.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
I've always wanted to create a card deck of questions
to ask someone before you get married.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
I was literally about to tell you that you should
have a deck. First of all, it should be like
the first ten dates, and then a deck before getting married.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Here's a question we never asked because it's weird to ask,
but what do you envision your retirement to look like?
What your third act? Because people have very different ideas.
And what if one of you wants to be picketing
on the hill in Washington, d c. And the other
one wants to be on an island fishing barefoot. You
should know that about each other.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
One hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
You know.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
What's another good question I heard that people ask them
like the first day, if you want like ten million
dollars today, what would you do with that money? Because
it also shows you like what that person values?
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Interesting?
Speaker 2 (37:06):
What would you say, Oh, I don't know, I feel
like on a first date, it's different.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
What would you say now?
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Nothing?
Speaker 1 (37:12):
Actually you just put it in the bank, convest it.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Yeah, because I wouldn't want to upgrade anything. I don't
need any more than what I have. What would you
do with that million dollars?
Speaker 1 (37:22):
You're gonna be like, you're so annoying. I can't even
tell you.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
No if you're gonna be like I'm gonna build a
norphanage and no, my god, I gat with you for real. No.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
I have this crazy dream that I hope I get
married one day. And I have a dream that my
wedding is a service trip. Wait, I actually love that
because I think weddings no offense to anybody who wants
a big wedding, because that's great for you. But for me,
I've never dreamed of this big moment. It kind of
makes me uncomfortable. I feel like a lot of things
in my life are about me, Like I don't need
(37:51):
that moment. And so I'm like, what a cool opportunity
to get all the people you love together to do
this like amazing experience like habitat for humanity, like all
build a house somewhere and then you get married at
the end of it, and it's like, this is what
your love did.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
But bib, how long is this wedding?
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Oh? So you can't like invite people to come. Worse,
it's not nice. And my older relatives are like I
can't come.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
Don't you love this whole? Like, I love that for you.
That's my favorite thing these days.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
So a friend of mine is a comedian and some
guy DMed me the other day and he was like,
so proud of you, okay, and I was like, that's
so nice, thank you. And my friend who's a comedian,
was like, that's a line. I was like what and
he goes, yeah, it's a really good line A guy
uses and I go, well, what is the female equivalent?
And he goes, I love that for you. I was like, okay,
(38:39):
I guess I thought it was a nice line.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
I thought so too. Wait, I want to know how
you're navigating dating because you're so smart. I feel like
it's hard to do when you're so smart.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
I think you're giving me way too much credit.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
No, but like, first of all, you know how to converse,
and you ask questions and you're like, okay, now I
need dep and you make my like you don't need
anyone or anything. I don't know how you date with
these conditions.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
That's hilarious. To be fair, I don't go out on
a lot of dates, but I feel lucky like I've
met really interesting people like smart, ambitious, emotionally in tune, curious.
I just haven't met the one for me, you know,
like how there could be like a great guy, he's
just not your guy.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
But do you ever question yourself?
Speaker 1 (39:25):
Yeah? Every day? What if I'm missing what's right in
front of me because I'm messed up?
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Right? Or maybe you're looking into deeply into certain things
and maybe not as important in the long run.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Well, you've been married for twelve years and you really
seem like you have a beautiful relationship. So like, what
did you think was important that isn't or vice versa.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
I can't answer that question because I wasn't out there
in the wild, Like I don't know, you know what
I mean, I don't know what it's like, especially these days.
Speaker 1 (39:51):
Have you ever been like, what would it be like
to be out in the wild?
Speaker 2 (39:54):
No? I would one hundred percent die alone. You know
what's my favorite person to reference? Jane? Have you seen
the documentary The Best? Okay? So I absolutely love how
she lived a different version of herself with every relationship
and man that she was with, and then in her
seventies she's like, I'm done and now I'm going to
(40:15):
do what I want to do, which is just hang
out with my girlfriends and not have a man.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
So part of me thinks that that's awesome, and I
love that for her.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
We're proud of her.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
I'm proud of her for that truly, because that was
her life's journey from her childhood. But there was this
great story my therapist actually told me years ago about
this woman who was in New York, got divorced and
decided to kind of eat prey love, but in her
own way. She went to India, went to an ashram.
She was supposed to stay for three weeks and she
ended up staying for ten years. She didn't have kids,
(40:49):
and she just like loved her life in this ostrom
and she was learning and growing and evolving. And she
went to I don't know what it's called, like the
Buddha Master whoever like the guy was, and she said,
I think I'm ready to leave. And he said, I've
been waiting for you to say this. How did you
come to this decision? And she said, I think I've
done enough healing on my own. In order to get
(41:12):
to the next level, I need another person. I need
the relationship to be the mirror I have to say,
aside from therapy, my greatest growth has come from being
in romantic partnership, because when you love someone so much,
you're willing to show up and like be the worst
of you and let someone see you yes, and work
(41:35):
things through because you care about the relationship. So maybe
she had done enough of that.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Or not enough.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
No really, maybe.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
Jane Fond that you're listening fish and ghosting therapy.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
When anybody says, like, what do you want to be
when you grow up? I'm like, Jane Fonda.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
Absolutely no. Don't get me wrong. She hasn't figured out.
We're just dissecting.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
We're joking. Okay, you know what time it is. Today's
a good day. To have a good day. I'll see
you next week.
No one has all the answers, but when we ask
the right questions, we get a little closer, closer to truths,
closer to each other, even closer to ourselves. I'm journalist
Danielle Robe, and each week, my guests and I come
together to challenge the status quo and our own ways
of thinking by daring to ask what if, why not?
(00:28):
And who says? So? Come curious, dig deep, and join
the conversation. It's time to question everything. I have always
been a planner. When I went to meet Larry King
for breakfast for the first time, I went with fifteen
questions in my head and if I'm being honest written
(00:50):
down in my phone just in case I needed to
glance at them. So when Valeria Lipovetsky sat across from
me and said, let's throw away all of our prepped questions,
this episode was going to be different. We both had
our prep but we threw out our cards. So this
conversation is different than our usual interview. But hey, I
(01:10):
figured it's summer. Who needs a roadmap? This one is unfiltered, unscripted,
and we got to the real stuff quickly, ambition, motherhood, marriage,
self worth. We saved all the sex talk for Part two,
which is coming out next week, but I want to
give you a little bit of Valeria's backstory. She's one
(01:32):
of those rare people that is equally if not more
impressive in person as she is online. Valaria immigrated twice
before the age of ten, She modeled professionally as a teen,
and became a mother at twenty two, and somewhere along
the way, she built one of the single most impressive
content businesses I have ever seen, all the while doing
(01:55):
some deep inner work figuring out who she actually is.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
I have a debilitating fear of not like using every
single gift or a bit like anything that was given
to me.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
So how does Valeria one of the busiest content creators
in the business. Seriously, she works with over three hundred
brands a year and has a global audience of over
seven million followers across YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook. Her
podcast Not Alone has garnered over five point five million streams,
(02:33):
featuring guests like Miranda Kerr, Jessica Alba and I Got
to Be a guest last week. Valeria's authentic connection with
her audience shines through and everything she does. Whether she's
giving you an insightful fashion and beauty tip or talking
takes on innovative trends, or just glimpses into her life.
There's always more to the video, and that's why I
(02:55):
love her. She's funny and deep.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
I don't want to be remembered as a stressed woman
or a tired woman, or you know, someone who's always
on the in a rush. I don't want to be
remembered like that. And it's also not me.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
I have to tell you I like her so much,
like we had so much fun together, and I really
value her opinions. We don't agree on everything, and maybe
that's part of what's fun, but I think she's smart
and well thought out and interesting and has so much
value to share with us. So today we talk about
what it means to manifest something before you're even ready
(03:29):
for it. We also get into therapy or the lack
of it, ambition, self trust, shame hangovers, what it means
to be self full versus selfish, and how to have
deeper conversations without totally draining yourself. This is part one
of a two part conversation. So next week we're going
to get more into motherhood, marriage, sex, especially married sex
(03:51):
because I had questions. Okay, So here's the question we're
circling today in part one of the conversation. What does
it take to build the life that's yours, Not the
one you were taught to want or the one that
looks good on paper or on Instagram, but one that
feels good to live inside of, and one you're really
excited about. It's time to question everything with Valeria Lipovetski.
(04:25):
Should we start from the beginning? You went through so
much in your early life. You immigrated twice, You left
Russia with your mom when you were two, moved to Israel,
then you eventually went to Canada. What did your mom
teach you about resilience?
Speaker 2 (04:38):
It was more like modeling rather than teaching. She modeled
to me that anything is possible. Really like, there's going
to be a lot of shitty periods, but it all
works out at the end because I've seen it happen
over and over and over again. So I'm really kind
of in this space in my life where I'm so
big into if you can see it, then you believe.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
It has, like the visualization worked in your life in
the past. Is that why?
Speaker 2 (05:05):
It's just my analytical brain? I feel like my virgal
brain is like, oh I see here, I can point
to it like it happens. It's true, you know, rather
than this like fluffy fairy kind of like visualization. It's
a tricky one for me because it took me a
long time to learn how to manifest properly. Do you manifest?
Speaker 1 (05:24):
I think I've manifested most of my life but without
knowing it.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
But that's interesting because for me, I found it manifestation
like I was doing it wrong for a long time
because I would ask for things visualize them. But what
I didn't do is I didn't check with myself if
I am ready to receive it. So you can ask
for things, but if you don't believe you deserve it,
(05:47):
then coming for you.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Right, if you're not living at the place where you're
making decisions like that person.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Right, your hands are open, you're like, okay, I'm asking
for it, like come, I'm ready. I wasn't ready for
a lot of the things I was manifesting.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
But sometimes I think that's the power because like if
you wait until you're ready, no one's ever ready, Like
it doesn't happen. You have to almost have that urgency
and then maybe it doesn't happen for three years or
five years or ten years, but like, I don't know,
there's something about me that likes the rushing to get somewhere,
and I think eventually I do.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
So, what is something you manifested that felt like so
far away that happened.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
To I definitely manifested a job at E I manifested
Hello Sunshine. I knew that that was going to be
the next place.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Walk me through it. What does that manifestation process looked like?
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I get these feelings and I just know that it
feels right. And so I was like, I loved what
Reese Witherspoon was creating and the rest of the team
at Hello Sunshine. A lot of my career has been
female focused, and I was like, I want to work
at a female media company, and I align with so
many of these values. But Hello Sunshine was a film
(06:59):
and TV company. I'm not an actress. I was not
going to be in film and TV. And so I
sat with it for a little while and eventually I
put a deck together. I love to read, so I
put a deck together and pitch them a show about books,
and they'd never created anything like it. They were super
sweet and like, listen to my whole pitch. It was
(07:20):
during COVID, it was virtual and my mom was in
LA that weekend and she was on the couch like sweating,
nervous for me. And nothing ever happened with the show.
But about a year and a half later, one of
the executives emailed me and said, you know, we're thinking
of starting a podcast. Will you meet with our podcast
exec And then six months later I was launching their
first podcast. And I think when you have those I
(07:42):
mean Oprah calls them whispers, but when you have them,
I think you owe it to the universe to follow that.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
One hundred percent. But you also knew that you can deliver,
Like you pitch something that you knew that you can
truly do and do it really well.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
That's a really good point.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
This is what I'm saying. It's like, No, it took
me a while to kind of like process it and
be like, what am I doing wrong?
Speaker 1 (08:07):
What's one that comes to your mind that I did
wrong or that you did right that came true? Like
did you manifest your career?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Well, if I think about Little Valeria, one hundred percent,
I manifested it, like I think from the age of
I would say fifteen to around nineteen. I was sitting
and I was like, I'm going to be a political journalist.
Where did it come from? What inspired it? I have
no idea. I always loved to write, and I used
(08:34):
to have a lot of blogs growing up, anonymous blogs.
But I was just like, I'm going to be a
political journalist. And I really knew that I somehow will
find myself in journalism one way or another, or like writing,
but didn't even know, especially since I started moving and
(08:54):
immigrating to different countries, like how would it even look? Like?
I don't speak proper English, I don't have the grammar,
I don't know how to write something. Because I was
thinking about it when I was still living in Israel,
and I'm like, okay, I can do it here and
now here I am, in one way or another doing journalism,
wild whirlinggud dresses. This is perfect. I manifested this.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
You did, and you manifested your version of it, the
version that fits you right.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
But back then I didn't know as much as I
know now. As you get older, we just know too much.
Everything becomes harder to do. You see more challenges than opportunities.
But back then at fifteen I was like, yeah, political journalist. Obviously.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
I think a lot of us know what we want
to do when we're like six years old, and then
the world sort of gets to us. But if you
think back at like who you were and what you
were doing book reports on and what you were interested in,
were there any three lines for you?
Speaker 2 (09:49):
I was always a big reader and I always loved storytelling, definitely,
so that was always something that was part of my life,
but also like playing roles. I shared with you how
one of my childhood friends reminded me the other day.
She's like, do you remember when I asked you what
you want to be at when you were like nine
or ten years old? And my answer was like, oh
(10:09):
my god, I have so many options, Like I can
be a dancer or a writer or a lawyer. And
that is so magical because I agree with you, it's
all the possibility that you see when you're those ages.
It's like we need to in a way write it
down so we can go back to that.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
But there's this through line of like authenticity, and I
know that word is so overused online. I have like
a HIGHBS meter. I would call it.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Do you one hundred percent, and.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
So I don't have that with you, Like I'm like,
you are this person, You're the same person on an offline,
like there's not a separation. But I'm curious if when
you started out creating content, if you felt that sort
of pressure to show up as a different person and act,
and if the authenticity is something you grew into or
if you've always been this.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
I think that throughout my life, I played so many roles,
like I was trying to be so many different things
in order for other people to approve of me or
I don't know what it was, maybe feel like valuable,
I don't know, but I remember it in relationships. I
remember it in friendships. I remember it at work. And
(11:19):
its interesting even with my line of work, Like I
was modeling from the age of fifteen to around twenty
two or so, and you show up on set, you're
playing canvas, and you're like, Okay, here's the role you're
playing today, And so I got so used to putting
all these masks that with social media it was interesting
because it started as like Okay, I'm gonna be I
(11:40):
guess something close to what I think I am, but
like I don't know what it is yet. But that's
I think what really made me excited about it because
it was my vehicle to really find out who am
I because I'm at this age where I already had
two kids when I started social media, and I'm like,
I can't continue playing roles because now there are no
(12:00):
roles that are giving to me to play and I
got to like figure this out. So social media was
very much like a place of what is authenticity? How
do I show up as myself? But it was a little,
you know, journey to figure it out because at first
it was like timid me and even watching videos now
from like twenty eighteen twenty nineteen, oh my god, I
(12:22):
just want to hug her. She's like so wiet and
like very uncertain, which is exactly where I was. And
it's beautiful to see obviously the evolution. You can see like, Okay,
she's searching for herself.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
When did it click though this year? No, it must
have clicked earlier because the videos wouldn't have caught on.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
But my audience grew with me, so a lot of
them saw themselves in me. You can tell that I'm
still trying to figure it out, and I'm talking about
me trying to figure it out, so it connected with
other people. So it's like that authenticity was not from
a place of like this is who I am. It's like,
I don't know who I am, but I'm trying.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
You ever have shame hangovers though? When you share a lot?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Yeah, especially with the podcast.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Do you on social media? Every time I post something
even slightly personal for three days, I want to crawl
in all and I'm not exaggerating. I'll call all of
my friends, my mother like was that embarrassing? Should I
take it down? Was it too much?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Why?
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I don't know. I really like when the story is
about somebody else. I'm a trained journalist, it's not about me,
and so as soon as it's about me, I want
to crawl into my own skin.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Which is funny because I feel like with social media
it has to be about you in order to connect
with other people.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
The only videos that people have like really shared or
come up to me and said something about are the
videos where I'm real and I'm honest and I'm sharing
about myself. But I'm so nervous all the time to
do that.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Why are you nervous? Look what judgment?
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Yeah, judgment? I think one of my childhood wounds. I've
always wanted to be taken seriously, and I felt like
my teachers didn't take me seriously, like I had a
big chest, and I felt like people at work didn't
take me seriously because I had big boobs.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
I remember for me at school, especially something that's always
been triggering me and haunting me. Honestly, all the teachers
used to say the potential is there, which is just.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Like, not were you not giving it? You're all no,
obviously not no.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
There was a lot of truth in what they were saying,
but it became this like haunting phrase. And maybe that's
why I'm doing so much because I'm like, there's so
much potential. I got to make sure I get it
all done. You know.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Do you feel like you're always chasing that?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Yeah, I have debilitating fear of not using every single
gift or anything that was given to me. If I'm
not using it, I'm like, I'm scared. I don't know
what it is. Maybe because life is so short and
you're like, there's so much to learn and so much
to find out about myself.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
If I could armchair therapy you for a second, my guests,
is you in some ways grew up quickly because of
your upbringing, and so you understood consequences or death or
grief or hard things in life more so than maybe
other people your age. And then moving a lot is
(15:20):
traumatic in itself when you're a young person, and I
feel like you understand time and that it could.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
End any second. But I also think growing up in
a country like Israel where tomorrow is not promised, I
think that's in general the way people live, and I've
always walk around with that. You know, there were so
many moments where I was like, this could be it,
you know, going on a bus, like could be it.
Someone can blow up. I grew up with that feeling.
(15:51):
So I think that that shaped a lot of that
and it's both obviously a blessing.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
And a curse.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
And I don't know, maybe it's also the effect of
social media. But I think to myself, I'm never going
to be this young again.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
I think about that. I think about that with like
dating and love, because I'm like, if I do something
like I go for a weekend with a guide to
Saint Bart's, is it reckless? Maybe I should have been working.
I don't know, But like when I'm going to get
to do this again and feel this like love and
lust and dance and drink and like have fun.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Absolutely always go to Saint Bart's. But yeah, for me,
that's a phrase that's hunting me from my childhood. Do
you have one from school or teachers that just in
someway or another or even maybe for you? Right now,
it's this like aha moment, like, oh my god, it's
been in the back of my mind all these years.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
It's not being taken seriously. But I actually have like
such a weird moment because I interviewed somebody recently who
felt it in me, and after the interview they said,
you can calm down like you did it. I hated it.
I felt so naked, But I think they were right.
I'm constantly chasing something. Do you feel like Gary's a
(17:00):
mirror for you?
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Definitely a mirror that sometimes I want to break. Enough
with the mirroring. But that's like a big blessing for
me because from the minute we met, he was like,
your life is going to be your art. This is
before I got on social media or did anything at all.
One of the first days that we had he was like,
(17:23):
your life will be your art. And now looking back,
It's something that I remembered literally a couple of years ago,
and I set him down. I'm like, do you remember
when you said that? And he's like, yeah, do you
understand what we've built? It's literally our art and our
business is my life. Like that's insane, But he from
the get go was so vocal about like, there's so
(17:43):
much potential and I won't let you waste it. So
the ability to have somebody that is so close to
you that you trust that is always like shaking you
and being like, hey, you're cutting corners or I know
that you can do more. It's really powerful for someone
like me because to me, that's what I need. Some
(18:04):
other people can look at it and be like this
is too much, this is demanding, But for me, that's
the kind of love I wanted.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Here's something I've always wondered with you guys, because your
life and your art and your work is Valeria's life.
How do you maintain a mutual, two sided relationship. How
do you make sure that things are about Gary too?
Or does he not require a lot?
Speaker 2 (18:32):
That's a great question, and I think that's something that
I'm trying to find a balance with. He doesn't require
a lot, but I also know that I can do better,
you know what I mean, I'm naturally a selfish person.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
You keep saying that, but I actually don't think that
you are.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
To me, it's like it's a good thing. It's like
a metal Okay. Like for me, when I hear a
woman says that she's selfish, I applaud that because because
it's so not something women feel comfortable saying.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
But I don't think you make decisions. Correct me if
I'm wrong. I don't think you make decisions just based
on you, like you think about Gary, you think about
your kids, you think about your mom.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Of course, yes, but a lot of the times I
noticed in my life that when I operate from a
place of like what will make me feel good, it
benefits everyone else. Everyone at the end are happy, you
know what I mean. It's the weirdest thing because I've
experimented with that because for a long time I felt
bad about it because I went to the other direction
(19:35):
than what I saw my mom was operating. She was selfless.
There was no her in the equation. Everyone else came first,
and I hated that. So I went to a whole
other side. And then I was like this a little
bit wrong, but I have found that throughout my motherhood journey,
because we're naturally nurturers. It really benefited myself but also
(19:59):
my family. That makes sense, It makes a lot of sense.
But I really want to go back to this armor
you're wearing. Listen. You're very good at what you do.
And I asked you prior to it. I mean, you
always knew that you want to be in journalism. You
said you wanted to be Barbara Walters. You were asking
all the questions. It's interesting to me that your goal
was always to be taking seriously. Is that also what
(20:23):
made you learn like ask questions armchair therapists.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
That's pretty good. I'd never thought about that. Maybe that's
part of it for sure. I think two things did One.
I grew up in a very conversational family, and I
feel like lucky for that. I would go to friends'
houses for dinner sometimes and like the dinner table would
be sort of quiet, Like my dinner table was loud.
Everyone always had something to say, we were debating topics,
(20:50):
Like I remember I had Sunday night dinners with my
grandparents always, and I would sit next to my grandfather
and at seven years old, he would be like, so,
what do you think about President Bush? I wanted to
be able to have an answer because I respected him
so much, and so I'm grateful that they instilled that
in me. I think when you ask kids questions, it
(21:11):
gives them confidence. And then I learned when I got older,
because I was naturally curious and asking questions. But something
happened to me that really changed my perspective. I got
a dream job that ended up not being a dream job,
and I quit and I was depressed because I loved
what I did so much. I just didn't like doing
(21:32):
it there.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Why was the dream job? How old were you?
Speaker 1 (21:35):
I was twenty four, twenty five maybe twenty five. It
was at an entertainment outlet, and I was like one
of the youngest people they had hired. And it was
the big moment.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Like huge validation to what you wanted to be exactly,
and I felt like, this is why I moved to
LA and this was worth the sacrifice.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
I would break out into hives. I would like cry
in the bathroom at lunch. I just hated it. And
my mom said to me, just quit, and I was like,
I have no money, I can't quit, and She was like,
if you got hit by a bus tomorrow, wouldn't you
be so pissed that you were in that dingy office
in Burbank, Like, just quit, you'll figure it out. And
I was like, you're right. So I quit, and I
(22:17):
decided to take myself to grad school because I had
all this time, and I was like, Okay, I'm gonna
watch hundreds of hours of interviewers that are doing at best,
like Larry King and Robin Roberts and Bob Costas and
Charlie Rose, like all the greats. And I would take
notes and I'd write down questions they asked and how
they move their hands and how they transitioned and how
they made people cry. And I had a list of
(22:40):
like a thousand questions. And I looked at that list
one day, and this was pre therapy, and I looked
at that list of questions and I was like, I
asked people questions for a living. I think about questions
all day, and I've never asked myself one, not one.
And so I thought, you know what, maybe I'll try
and I'll do five a day. And I asked myself
like five questions, And after months, I got through the
(23:02):
list and I was a different person. Like I was
walking through the world more confident in myself because I
knew myself better. I had more to say, more to share.
But also, asking great questions is literally about practice. And
I know no one wants to hear that because everything
in life is about practice, but that's all it is.
(23:22):
And I was like people were like magnets to me,
strangers when I would ask questions, they were drawn to me,
even my own parents, who know me better than anyone else.
I would ask them questions more and I felt like
they wanted to call me more and like we were
having better conversations. And I was like, Oh, this is
a superpower, Like everyone can tap into this. I'm not
(23:43):
going to play in the WNBA. I'm five to one,
Like that's not my superpower, but like everyone can ask
great questions. And I was like, Oh, this is a thing.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
So you didn't realize that it was a superpower until then,
which is crazy because you were already on the path.
I mean, you were interviewing, you were doing all the
things you think you did it differently before you did
this exercise.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
I saw people before I was just asking questions out
of curiosity. I wasn't feeling who they were or seeing them.
And because I'd asked myself questions, I started to feel
different emotions and I could recognize them and other people.
I understood people more. I always say like, the people
that have been through the most have the most to give.
And it's not to valorize hardship in any way, but
(24:27):
I do think that people that have been through so
much feel such a broad range of things that they
can connect to others in a different way. And I
hadn't had hard things happen yet. I had it later,
But the asking questions was the starting point of seeing people.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
That's so powerful. Not until I started doing the podcast
did I started to get curious about the art of
conversation because you never really think about it. You don't
think about practicing it. You're just like, this is it?
And remember when I picked up this.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Well, how to Know a Person David Brooks.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Yes, when he broke down the whole concept of really
having a conversation and seeing people and asking questions, it
was like all of a sudden, the podcast, in these
conversations became like a whole new world to me. It
was like so exciting. There were so many elements within it,
but I didn't realize how many of them I did
(25:25):
wrong before I read that book.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
There's no wrong, I don't think.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
I mean, I don't know about you. But when I
started the podcast, what hit me the most was that
I thought that I was a really good listener, but
I was listening to answer and to participate also because
you know, to show that I know what I'm talking
about and I'm really smart and we're on the same level.
And I didn't want to have any moments where I'm
(25:50):
just taking a breath or I'm thinking about something like
that really scared me because to me, I think I
looked at conversations like we're playing ball, and anything that
wasn't as fast something is broken. So the podcast really
taught me the art of like active listening.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Do you feel like you're having different types of conversations
in your own life now because you've practiced it in
this way?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Yes and no. Yes, because I know now what kind
of conversation can be held. But no, because I choose
not to have them because it's very draining. Is it
not draining for you to like have these big conversations
all the time.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
It is so draining for me to be at a party.
I don't like crowds. I was so tired before I
got here because I was up at five, And this
will fill me up, like I'll be able to go
work the rest of the night because I love this.
But with a lot of people, it's just drained.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
What do you do? How do you small talk?
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Before we started recording, Valeria asked me about a dinner
that I had thrown for the card game Shock Callers
that I created, and I was telling her that one
of my goals was to be able to throw dinners
or small intimate gatherings because when I moved to La,
I didn't know a single person and I didn't have
(27:03):
any money, Like you can't go anywhere when you don't
have any money. I felt like I was missing out
by not being in the room. No one ever invited
me anywhere, and I always felt like I had to
claw my way in. And now that I'm invited into
some rooms, it sounds corny, but like I always think
to myself, who's not here that could like gain something
(27:26):
from this experience and add value to the room. And
there's so many amazing people who didn't get the invite.
I have a thing from growing up. I don't like
when anyone is left out, and so I just want
to create rooms where women in particular can meet each
other and do business, because I think that's like what
happens with men. They just do it at dinners or
at golf courses or whatever. I think sometimes people look
(27:46):
at women's activities as silly. You know, when you go
to a lunch, it could look like you're going there
for an Instagram photo or just to be seen, But
a lot is happening at that lunch. You're meeting new people,
you're talking business, you're learning tips from other women and
that are doing what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
It's actually very very powerful. You're so right. I think
we're minimizing a lot of what's happening in those circles,
in those environments.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Aside from friendships, which is really powerful in itself. Have
you ever had business opportunities come from those things?
Speaker 2 (28:15):
One hundred percent? But you know what, aside from business opportunities,
it's just so maybe now because I can see people
and I can have conversations, like real conversations, I learned
so much from just the way people talk about their
lives and their work. And you pick up so many
things because now you know how to pick it up.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
People must ask you all the time about how you're
doing what you do, Yes, all the time, because you've
created something that I'm not sure any other influencer has.
It's a machine. And I say that with so much respect.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Thank you. I love machines. Yeah, I do get asked
that all the time. That's so interesting that you're saying it.
I find that people ask me that question and then
they say, it must be so tiring, you must be
like so busy. And for the longest time, I was like, yeah,
it's a lot, you know, with the kids and this
like it was like an autopilot. I don't know what
(29:10):
it is. And then this week I caught myself. I
was about to say like, yeah, it's been so big,
and I'm like, what the hell am I doing. I'm like, yes,
I work hard, but I rest hard, like I know
how to rest, you know, Like, I don't want to
be remembered as like a stress woman or a tired woman,
or you know, someone who's always in a rush, Like
(29:31):
I don't want to be remembered like that. And it's
also not me. So this is another like you speak
of authenticity. I feel like throughout life, if you pay
attention and you're like connected to yourself, you kind of
start seeing It's like that's not really in line with
how I really feel or who I am. It's just
something that I just got so used to oh hearing
(29:51):
or like saying, and you're kind of like signaling, you know,
someone signaling to you, and then you're signaling it back,
but it's not the truth. So like, I'm going to
be that annoying per that next time someone's like, oh,
how are you must be so busily Like no, I'm
like living my purpose my life. That's going to be
the end of the conversation because I feel like people
need to connect on that, especially women.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Do you take advice from people?
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Well, well, I've made a decision that I don't want
to hear people's opinion. But that's a decision I made
earlier this year. Before that I would get everybody's opinion
on different things.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
Give me an example, like let's.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Say with a project that I'm doing. You know, it's
something that let's say I'm working on or the podcast.
When I was working on it, I would ask so
many different people and even people that didn't necessarily like
they don't know, they're not doing it themselves. How would
they be able to advise me? Or friends that I
love dearly and they know me in a certain capacity,
but not in that type of capacity. So I was
(30:51):
just like looking for validation or some kind of I
don't know what. I wasn't connecting with my own intuition,
which I always know what I need to do. What
about you?
Speaker 1 (31:02):
I used to do that too. I have to credit
therapy for getting me out of that.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
I know, no, I'm doing this because I haven't done
therapy yet, but you know so many things.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
How do you know it without therapy? I have this cheap,
cheap It's because you've been through a lot. You lived
a lot of light.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
But I also left home so early that I had
so much time with myself that I've learned so much
about myself.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
You ask yourself questions.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Yes. And for the longest time, whenever I was like,
maybe it's time for therapy, intuitively, I'm like, no, I
have all the tools that I need in order to
understand how to navigate it. Until recently, recently I'm like,
I think it's time to get therapy. Why Because I
think that I've reached a certain point where I know,
(31:49):
like I can't get myself any further. Now I need
an outsider. So now I'm going to be speed dating therapists.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
That's what you have to do because you have to
really like your therapist, like you can't dread talking to them.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Yeah, I've been kind of testing it out with Chagipt.
We started talking and I'm just like, I don't need
you to validate me. I need you to be honest.
And how do I ask the therapist to do therapy
without like the cliche.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Like placating you. Yeah, there are therapists that tell you
the truth.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Where do I find them?
Speaker 1 (32:20):
I do something called geshtalt therapy, And so there's like
CBT like cognitive behavioral therapy that I think is when
you like go back in time a little bit more,
you dissect your behavior via childhood gestalt. It means like
you're always in relationship to something, like you're in relationship
to the tree. You're always in relationship. And so it's
very much talk therapy, which works for me. But you
(32:42):
may need like a half life coach half therapist.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
I definitely don't want a life coach. But again, you
see I have preconceived notions. It's not even fair what
I'm doing right now because I don't know. So I
had this incident. I had my first ever panic attack
last year. I never experienced it before, and I tried
hypnotherapy and I really liked it. And I think that
the kind of therapy that I need because I'm somebody
(33:06):
that it's very easy for me to use my head
and like intellectualize everything, like I can ask questions. And
maybe that's where I've been able to get to where
I am because I know how to dive deep and
ask the questions. But what I need now is something
that will move me away from here because I can
rationalize anything and everything.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Are you intellectualizing your feelings?
Speaker 2 (33:30):
I intellectualize everything, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
But that means you're not actually feeling the feelings.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
No shit, I know.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
So you do need a therapist, right it.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
But I wonder if it's more of like an experience
that's more like body focused rather than here.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
That's cool, So matic therapists could be really cool.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
I have a question, So how long have you been
doing therapy for on and off for like six years?
So what made you decide to go to therapy?
Speaker 1 (33:54):
So I was dating somebody who was very different than me.
I'm Jewish, he was Muslim, he was Persian, and I
really loved him, but we had a lot of fundamental differences.
And so about a year in, maybe even less, which
is crazy, we were like, let's go to therapy and
(34:15):
see if we can talk some of these out. And
we went twice and he was like, I'm done with this.
We ended up breaking up, but I loved it, and
I think the couple's therapist recognized that I was not
being my full self in that relationship. My voice was squandered,
(34:37):
which is my fault, you know, and so I continued
on with her. The coolest part for me was that
it almost had nothing to do with my personal life
at that point. Because I care so much about my career.
I used to feel frustrated at work. I'd feel frustrated
by conflict, by emails, like annoying emails people would send
me I didn't know how to reply, or like I
would get into a situation with my where I had
(35:00):
to communicate something really difficult and stand up for myself
and I wasn't used to it, and therapy helped give
me the tools to be able to navigate all of it,
and I didn't have any stress anymore. Like I was like, oh, yeah,
I can handle this. I know how to use my words,
I know what to say, I know what makes me
feel good. And then it started trickling into my personal life,
and my relationship with my parents got better, my mom
(35:23):
in particular, you know, like I think everything got better.
And then I started attracting different men too, which was great.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
And what wait, like, how did this new man look like?
Speaker 1 (35:34):
I think I required somebody who was willing to have
hard conversations with me, because there was no way I
couldn't have them anymore. I think once you go deep,
like you can't sit at the surface any longer. Do
you feel that because you seem like you had that
with Gary early on?
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Yes, I was also so young, so I don't know
if I required those kind of conversations. We're definitely talking
about a lot of things. I think with the years,
I mean, we've been together for twelve years, we kind
of reach new depths. But it's because I also changed
and I wanted to have different kind of conversation. But
initially it's like the feeling that my partner can have
(36:10):
those and create a space to have those. I think
that's definitely something that was important that I saw right away.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
I've always wanted to create a card deck of questions
to ask someone before you get married.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
I was literally about to tell you that you should
have a deck. First of all, it should be like
the first ten dates, and then a deck before getting married.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Here's a question we never asked because it's weird to ask,
but what do you envision your retirement to look like?
What your third act? Because people have very different ideas.
And what if one of you wants to be picketing
on the hill in Washington, d c. And the other
one wants to be on an island fishing barefoot. You
should know that about each other.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
One hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
You know.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
What's another good question I heard that people ask them
like the first day, if you want like ten million
dollars today, what would you do with that money? Because
it also shows you like what that person values?
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Interesting?
Speaker 2 (37:06):
What would you say, Oh, I don't know, I feel
like on a first date, it's different.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
What would you say now?
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Nothing?
Speaker 1 (37:12):
Actually you just put it in the bank, convest it.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Yeah, because I wouldn't want to upgrade anything. I don't
need any more than what I have. What would you
do with that million dollars?
Speaker 1 (37:22):
You're gonna be like, you're so annoying. I can't even
tell you.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
No if you're gonna be like I'm gonna build a
norphanage and no, my god, I gat with you for real. No.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
I have this crazy dream that I hope I get
married one day. And I have a dream that my
wedding is a service trip. Wait, I actually love that
because I think weddings no offense to anybody who wants
a big wedding, because that's great for you. But for me,
I've never dreamed of this big moment. It kind of
makes me uncomfortable. I feel like a lot of things
in my life are about me, Like I don't need
(37:51):
that moment. And so I'm like, what a cool opportunity
to get all the people you love together to do
this like amazing experience like habitat for humanity, like all
build a house somewhere and then you get married at
the end of it, and it's like, this is what
your love did.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
But bib, how long is this wedding?
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Oh? So you can't like invite people to come. Worse,
it's not nice. And my older relatives are like I
can't come.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
Don't you love this whole? Like, I love that for you.
That's my favorite thing these days.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
So a friend of mine is a comedian and some
guy DMed me the other day and he was like,
so proud of you, okay, and I was like, that's
so nice, thank you. And my friend who's a comedian,
was like, that's a line. I was like what and
he goes, yeah, it's a really good line A guy
uses and I go, well, what is the female equivalent?
And he goes, I love that for you. I was like, okay,
(38:39):
I guess I thought it was a nice line.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
I thought so too. Wait, I want to know how
you're navigating dating because you're so smart. I feel like
it's hard to do when you're so smart.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
I think you're giving me way too much credit.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
No, but like, first of all, you know how to converse,
and you ask questions and you're like, okay, now I
need dep and you make my like you don't need
anyone or anything. I don't know how you date with
these conditions.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
That's hilarious. To be fair, I don't go out on
a lot of dates, but I feel lucky like I've
met really interesting people like smart, ambitious, emotionally in tune, curious.
I just haven't met the one for me, you know,
like how there could be like a great guy, he's
just not your guy.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
But do you ever question yourself?
Speaker 1 (39:25):
Yeah? Every day? What if I'm missing what's right in
front of me because I'm messed up?
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Right? Or maybe you're looking into deeply into certain things
and maybe not as important in the long run.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Well, you've been married for twelve years and you really
seem like you have a beautiful relationship. So like, what
did you think was important that isn't or vice versa.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
I can't answer that question because I wasn't out there
in the wild, Like I don't know, you know what
I mean, I don't know what it's like, especially these days.
Speaker 1 (39:51):
Have you ever been like, what would it be like
to be out in the wild?
Speaker 2 (39:54):
No? I would one hundred percent die alone. You know
what's my favorite person to reference? Jane? Have you seen
the documentary The Best? Okay? So I absolutely love how
she lived a different version of herself with every relationship
and man that she was with, and then in her
seventies she's like, I'm done and now I'm going to
(40:15):
do what I want to do, which is just hang
out with my girlfriends and not have a man.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
So part of me thinks that that's awesome, and I
love that for her.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
We're proud of her.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
I'm proud of her for that truly, because that was
her life's journey from her childhood. But there was this
great story my therapist actually told me years ago about
this woman who was in New York, got divorced and
decided to kind of eat prey love, but in her
own way. She went to India, went to an ashram.
She was supposed to stay for three weeks and she
ended up staying for ten years. She didn't have kids,
(40:49):
and she just like loved her life in this ostrom
and she was learning and growing and evolving. And she
went to I don't know what it's called, like the
Buddha Master whoever like the guy was, and she said,
I think I'm ready to leave. And he said, I've
been waiting for you to say this. How did you
come to this decision? And she said, I think I've
done enough healing on my own. In order to get
(41:12):
to the next level, I need another person. I need
the relationship to be the mirror I have to say,
aside from therapy, my greatest growth has come from being
in romantic partnership, because when you love someone so much,
you're willing to show up and like be the worst
of you and let someone see you yes, and work
(41:35):
things through because you care about the relationship. So maybe
she had done enough of that.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
Or not enough.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
No really, maybe.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
Jane Fond that you're listening fish and ghosting therapy.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
When anybody says, like, what do you want to be
when you grow up? I'm like, Jane Fonda.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
Absolutely no. Don't get me wrong. She hasn't figured out.
We're just dissecting.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
We're joking. Okay, you know what time it is. Today's
a good day. To have a good day. I'll see
you next week.
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