August 7, 2025 • 38 mins
What happens after you build the life you always wanted? In Part 2 of this intimate conversation, Valeria Lipovetsky returns to open up about the messy, beautiful middle—marriage, motherhood, sex, ambition, and what it really takes to grow with your partner over time.
She shares the honest truth behind her 12-year relationship, how becoming a mother in her early 20s shaped (and tested) her identity, and the quiet decisions that helped her rediscover herself—without blowing up her life.
Valeria reveals:
- Why her marriage nearly broke under the weight of early parenting
- The new season she's entering with her husband—and what changed
- Her personal "renaissance" and what it means to prioritize connection again
- Why she believes motherhood is the ultimate mirror
- The surprising (and hilarious) truth about sex after kids
- What she's learned about boundaries, ambition, and giving yourself the big piece of chicken
- How she protects her peace while living a public life
- Plus, Danielle opens up about freezing her eggs, feeling like time is running out, and how a list of 1,000 questions (and a stranger's offhand comment) changed her life.
This is part two of a two-part series. If you missed Part 1, go back and listen!
Follow Valeria on Instagram @valerialipovetsky
Book rec: A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Grab the QUESTION EVERYTHING card game (updated edition)
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
No one has all the answers, but when we ask
the right questions, we get a little closer, closer to truths,
closer to each other, even closer to ourselves. I'm journalist
Danielle Robe and each week, my guests and I come
together to challenge the status quo and our own ways
of thinking by daring to ask what if, why not?
(00:28):
And who says? So? Come curious, dig deep and join
the conversation. It's time to question everything.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
It took me a long time to learn how to
manifest properly. I found it manifestation like I was doing
it wrong for a long time because I would ask
for things visualize them. But what I didn't do is
I didn't check with myself if I am ready to
receive it. So you can ask for things, but if
you I don't believe you deserve it, Dan coming for you.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
That was from last week when you heard part one
of my conversation with Valeria Lipovetski, And if you haven't
listened yet, I'd recommend going back because we threw out
all of our question cards. We sat down face to
face and talked about everything from manifesting the life you
want before you're ready for it to the childhood wounds
that shaped our ambition to why authenticity online isn't about
(01:26):
having all the answers, but being honest about the search.
And if you are new to the episode, this week,
I want to catch everyone up. Valeria is a creator, entrepreneur,
and former model who built a multi platform empire. I'm
talking over seven million followers while raising three boys and
discovering who she is outside of the roles of wife,
(01:48):
mother and influencer. She's thoughtful and hilarious, and as you're
about to hear, she's unafraid to say the things that
most people keep inside. So today, in part two of
our conversation, we're going even deeper. We're talking about the
impossible trade offs women make when they're building something they
(02:09):
care about, and how guilt sneaks in even when you
love the life you're creating. We talk about timeliness, egg freezing,
reparenting yourself through motherhood, and the quiet courage it takes
to say I want more. We also had a really
interesting conversation about marriage. She's been married to her husband, Gary,
(02:29):
who is a character in many of her videos, and
they met when she was very young and have built
something pretty special together.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
This is before I got on social media or did
anything at all.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
He said, your life is going to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Literally one of the first days that we had when
we talked about like things that I.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Fell in love. He was very poet.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
He was like, your life will be your art. And
now looking back, it's something that I remember literally a
couple of years ago. And set him down. I'm like,
do you remember when you said that? And he's like, yeah,
do you understand what we've built? It's literally our art
and our business is my life.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
She also talks about what changes when your kids grow up,
what no one tells you about sex after babies, and
why some women, including me, are terrified to lose that
romantic can't get enough feeling. Like when I was at
dinner with women who said they didn't want to have
sex with their husbands, Okay, we get into.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
That, or they're not allowed to say stuff like that.
If there's a non married woman at the table.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
There's like a rule. They broke the rule.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
They broke the rule, they.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Go to jail.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
There is a phase in marriage, especially when the kids
are little.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Okay, I'm jumping back in because the best parts are
in this episode. And I love that Valeria does not
sugarcoat one bit of it, but she does offer hope.
We laugh a lot, we open up, and we even
pulled a card from the Question Everything card deck because
of course. So if you've ever found yourself stuck between
the life you built and the life you're still dreaming of,
(04:00):
the one that's on your vision board, this one is
for you. It's time to question everything with Valeria Lipovetski
Part two. Okay, So I think a lot of people
look at your life and think it looks really shiny
and bright, which I'm sure it is, but there's definitely
(04:20):
sacrifices and struggles that people don't see. What's the first
thing that comes to your mind.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
I don't think it's unique to me. I think every
woman da picks up any project or passion or fully
actualizes herself, feels this guilt that I should be somewhere
else or like with the kids or at home. And
I'm getting comments all the time. I even had a
video recently that Gary took a video of me. I'm
(04:47):
walking in and he's like, you're walking in with the mission,
and I'm like, I have fomo. Like this week, there
were all these things that I wanted to be part
of but I couldn't because I had to work. But
I also wasn't at home with my kids and my husband.
And it's like I want to be I want to
do everything, and he's like, it's okay, just to show pass.
And one of the comments was of this like older lady,
(05:07):
which I understand. She's like, you know, really savor these
years with the kids because they're going to grow up,
and like I get it, yes, but also I'm never
going to be this age again, you know what I mean?
Like it's this I don't know. It feels like you're
always sacrificing something. It's either you or what you want,
or it's either the time with the family something else
(05:28):
like work, Like there's always something.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Do you feel like when you say yes or no
to things, there's like an immediate hell yes or hell
no for you.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
I'm learning how to recognize them better.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
I don't know if we ever get it right in life.
If there's a woman out there who's figured that out,
I love to know she's lying.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Maybe I'm telling you. I don't think you ever get there.
Do you have it figured out?
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Or like close to No, I'm really working on this
because I love people. I'm in the business of people,
and so I can find somebody interesting anywhere I go.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
That's actually amazing. How do you get to care though?
Do you always care? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I have cared since I was a little kid. I
just want to hear people's stories. It's the way that
you're so good at the share.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
I'm not, you know what, I think that I'm playing
a role. I think that I do love people, and
I think that I do love stories. I don't know
why I said that I do like people, but.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
I keep saying yes to other people and know to
myself because there's only a certain amount of time in
the day. So people that listen to the pod are
going to laugh because they've heard me talk about this
for like four years. I have not figured it out.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Something's going to happen.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Hopefully I'll have a baby and then it don't make
me choose them at least.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
No, but you still will go back to having experiences
where you have to choose yourself one hundred percent. I
would try to figure this out before you have the baby.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
I'm trying to figure out as much as I can
because I feel like once you have a kid, you're
just like reparenting yourself all the time.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
You'll do that anyways. I have to say the biggest thing,
Like a lot of people talk about how amazing it
is to have children, because there's obviously you love them
so much and all of that. Yes, but I think
that the most beautiful aspect of becoming a parent is
that you are seeing your inner child so clearly when
you have your own kid, and they are the greatest
(07:17):
teachers to everything that you need to attend to. They
really shine light on everything.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Is there a lesson that your kids have taught you
that adults never could?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Well, each of them taught me different things. I mean
my eldest, he has so much confidence and he moves
in the world like he owns it, like I never
had that as a kid. I don't know even how
it feels like. There was this one incident where it
was a big school function and it was actually honoring
someone that the school lost. My son did not know
(07:50):
that person. There was no interaction there, and he decided
to go on stage in front of like three hundred
people and make a speech about this person. And I
couldn't even control myself. I literally went under the table
because my inner child was like screaming, I could never
and I was holding I was like squeezing Gary's legs.
I'm like, what do you think. I've never experienced that
(08:14):
in my life.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
And how did he do?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
He did amazing, Like he made such a beautiful speech.
He was so thoughtful, so beautiful, you know for his age.
Like everybody came up to us after and we're like, wow,
this is amazing, and I don't know what happened. It
was like took over me physically. So he really taught
me the art of really owning who you are. And
I'm still learning, Like I'm watching him and learning and
(08:39):
this idea of just like they don't like me, Yeah whatever,
I don't care. I don't know if it's a show
or not. But I'm like inspired. My middle one, he's
more of like the asking questions. Like he's very philosophical,
so the questions that he ask always inspire me to
dig deeper.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Is the middle one the one you did the podcast with.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
I did it with two of them, the eldest and
the middle one. But Benjamin is like it's it's not
his first time here. This kid just knows, you know.
He's very like insightful and then my little guy is
just so joyful. And that's the theme of this.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Year for me. Joy That was my word this year.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Really mine too. Wait why was it your word?
Speaker 1 (09:18):
The honest answer is there was a guy that I
had dated a little bit and he was like, you're
so intentional and thoughtful and strategic, Like, what would it
be like to just throw it all to the wind?
And I thought, I've never even considered that.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
What does that even mean?
Speaker 1 (09:40):
To not center work and thinking about strategy and how
do I get to a certain place in my career
and just follow the joy? And I love it. It's
actually really been working for me to move from joy. Okay,
I'm trying to move with what feels good, not what
I think I should do.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
I think that's beautiful. Though. I feel like for me,
joy came out actually from observing other people, and I'm like, oh,
it showed me that I'm not fully leaning into joy
in my life. I'm not fully like in there, you know,
I feel a little bit, I feel like fifty percent
sixty percent, but I'm always like in control. Trauma Re's
(10:18):
found maybe, but it's also I don't know, it's kind
of scary to move with purely joy.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
It is, but it's also kind of freeing.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Have you experienced it? Did you have an experience where
you like, that was I moved from joy here?
Speaker 1 (10:34):
I did?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Actually, you know what, You'll be surprised the fact that
your word was joy, My word was joy. You'll be
surprised how many people words worse joy this year. That's
always the case. I told you, we don't have unique experiences.
It's all the same. So for me, I observed other
people doing it and I was like, Okay, I need
to do that more. And because they modeled it, I
now know how it looks like that to me is
(10:57):
one of the greatest gifts of womanhood observing. Yeah, because
when you see a woman living in a way that
you admire, it took a lot of sacrifices and hardship
and discovery for her to get there. And it's almost
like she's giving you a cheat code. You're like seeing
it and you're like, I could do that. I don't
know how, but that looks good. Yeah. It takes a
(11:18):
lot of courage. I've been really loving thinking about the
amount of courage it requires to fully figure yourself out
and kind of do the rounds and come to this
self actualization. You know what I mean. Courage is a
big word for me. Why because it takes a lot
to stand up and say I'm stuck, or I don't
(11:42):
like the way I live, or there's more for me
to find out, and then the courage to make the
changes and to take the action, and then the courage
to stick to it, to the boundaries and the new
rules that you made, the courage to stand up to
the norms that are not your norms anymore. Like courage
throughout that whole cycle. That's a big word. I think
(12:03):
that for me, we don't mention that word enough. With women.
Let's talk about timelines. Because you've been sharing your experience
of you decided to freeze your eggs. You already did it.
Was it like a big conversation on your podcast or
social You shared a journey.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I shared the whole thing, And that was actually one
of the first times I've ever been really vulnerable on
the internet. And I felt like I had the courage
to be vulnerable because it didn't feel like it was
about me. It felt like I was trying to demystify
something that I felt at the time. Women weren't really
talking about and so I did like a docu style
thing and I shared my stomach, distended the needles, all
(12:41):
my feelings, the whole thing, and then I did a
podcast with the people the doctor who did it with me.
Because there's not a lot of information around it. It's
not been around as long as IVF, so there's a
lot more studies that have been done with IVF. And
just for clarity, IVF is when you take the egg
and then the man's sperm and make an mber. When
you freeze your eggs, it's just the egg. It's the
(13:02):
first half of IVF, and the eggs are more fragile,
they're harder to dethaw. You don't have as great of
a success rate when you dethaw them, so you need
more eggs.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Was that a big decision for you to make?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Yeah, it was huge. I'm a really holistic person, like
I try not even to take advil if I don't
have to, and so the idea of putting hormones in
my body terrified me. And I'm glad I did it.
I got fifteen eggs, twelve that were genetically healthy, which
is not really enough. I should have done another round
to get twenty eggs. I just could not imagine doing
it again.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Yeah, I heard, it's a really hard one.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
It was tough. The six months after were harder for
me actually than the actual process because.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
You have to rebalance your hormones.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Yeah. I didn't even recognize it because I treat my
body like a machine and I'm just like, let's get
to it. But in hindsight, like I was overly emotional.
I think for six months I was bloated. I didn't
fit into my genes the same way. Like it was
just a lot of discomfort. But I'm glad I did it.
And I never felt more proud of my body, which
was cool. And I think you feel proud regardless of
the outcome. You had the courage to try something.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
What made you do it? Because you're only thirty four now,
so when did you do it?
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Thirty two?
Speaker 2 (14:15):
So what made you do it?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
I really want kids. I do not want to miss
that opportunity in my life. And I didn't have a partner.
I still don't have a partner, And I was like,
I don't know how long I'm not going to have
a part What if I never find a partner?
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Why would you think that I think I will, but
you never know. But I feel like also that pressure
of the timeline.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
I constantly feel like I'm running out of time because
of it. I wake up sometimes like ready for my day,
like I'm running out of time I have to go
have kids.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
That's kind of crazy. So many people don't realize that
this clock ticking is so loud in your body and
in your head as you get older, Like men don't
have to think about it.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
The clock ticking is so loud because you had kids
so young. Do you feel like the clock is ticking
in other ways or no?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
No, And you know what, when people ask me about
how it is to be a young mom, there's obviously
cons to it as well. But I have to say
the advantage is the fact that it's done and I'm
still young and I can raise them and I can
live my life. But on the other side, because I
also had them so young when they were little, like,
(15:27):
I don't remember a lot of the first couple of
years because I was in such a daze. I was
a child myself in a way, you know. So I
feel like when you're older, you're present, you can really
appreciate the experience. I wasn't as present.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Did you feel that with your third more?
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Even the birth. The birth with the third was so
different because with my first, when they pulled him out
and they put him on me, I didn't have this
like maternal instinct kicking out of me. I was just
like what am I doing now? Second was a little
bit better, but the third was just an out of
body experience where it was just like him and I.
(16:03):
Even Gary still is mad at me because he's like,
you didn't let me into that experience. He was beside me.
I was twenty eight, but it was such a moment
of just me and Maxie and he did not have
room in there. I feel so sad for him because
he really wanted to be.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Part of it. But you're full of self.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
But I'm full of self and that child that came
out of me, and there wasn't enough room for everybody.
But I think that was kind of the birth that
helped me be at peace with the other two where
I didn't feel it. I'm happy that I had a
completely different experience, but that was my third, so I
think that older moms really like immersed themselves in that experience.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
My good friend from growing up just had a kid
at thirty eight, she's starting thirty nine, was her first child,
and she's so calm, and I'm like, how are you
so cam I'm more nervous than she is. But I
do think some of that is her age.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Yeah, really brings you down, Like you don't think about
stupid stuff, you know, you kind of really focus on
what matters. I was thinking about a lot of stupid stuff.
That's kind of the minus of it. But I can
only imagine and like really sympathize with this idea of
like I need to do all of this. I need
(17:19):
to build my career, and I need to find a partner,
and I need to get married.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
That's a lot. Well, what's hard to I think for
a women is a lot of times when you hit
that stride in your career, because it takes time if
you're building, unless you get like super fortunate, it doesn't
happen overnight. So I'd say I'd probably hit a stride
last year for the first time. I was thirty three,
and like that's peak parenting age, you know, And so
(17:43):
a lot of times I think those two things collide.
It's the one part of feminism that I think we're
still trying to figure out. It's really hard.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
That's really hard. But I think you're doing a great job,
and freezing the eggs is a great move to kind
of reclaim some of that time.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
I feel that way. I do. I think it took
a little bit of the pressure off. It's almost like
buying insurance. Do you think being a boy mom shaped you?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Yeah, I honestly I think I would mess a girl up.
If I had a daughter, I would be so scared.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I think you might have another baby. Why you say that.
I just have this feeling and I think it's gonna
be a girl. I'm on record, I don't think so,
because I just got used to this, Like I'm in
a honeymoon stage with my kids, and yes, I see
them growing and I'm like hmm. But I also just
really believe there's like season for everything in life, and
(18:34):
you can't be greedy. I don't think i'll do well
with a baby. Now you're in career mode.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
I'm in career mode. I mean, like, I really want
to prioritize my marriage, you know, And now we have
the space too without like feeling someone is abandoned, you know,
So I want to like get into that phase in
our lives.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
I'm going to ask you the most personal thing you
can totally tell me to buzz off. Okay, So I
was at dinner with some of my camp friends I
used to go to overnight camp, which your kids are
about to do, and there was probably eight women there ages.
I was the youngest, so thirty four to forty four,
maybe even forty eight, And somebody made a joke like
(19:14):
who wants to have sex with their husbands? And they
all laughed and were like, yeah, who wants to have
sex with their husbands? And I was like, no.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
What I always think about when you are not married
or don't have kids, and you are in that group
of people that have kids and are married, they're not
allowed to say stuff like that. If there's a non
married woman at the table, there's like a rule.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
They broke the rule. I still think about it. I'm like, so,
should I just be having all of the good stuff now?
Speaker 2 (19:43):
I mean yes, But also there is a phase in marriage,
especially when the kids are little. Listen to me, you
really learn like all the things that you dislike about
your partner when the kids are little, because they really
amplify not only did your sleep, you also stress, especially
if it's your first and you're figuring out this whole
(20:04):
parenting thing and there's just so many things at play,
and not even take into consideration where you're at with
your career or anything else, there's just so many factors
that are really there, like to test the kind of
bond that you have. So those years are kind of interesting,
and you also don't feel good. You don't feel like yourself,
(20:25):
and it's difficult to get back to that feel. But
the reason why I'm saying like, at this point in
my life I want to prioritize my marriage is that
we're past that phase and there's so much to like
explore and do, and we're like different people than we
were when we had kids or when the kids were
five and six. Like, we're different people, especially Gary and
(20:46):
I were very active and we're developing ourselves together and
a part. So if you don't like remember that and
go back to that, then it's like, hey, I need
to now, you know, go back to this and prioritize this.
Then yeah, then you're like, oh, yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Just don't want to feel that. I know this may
sound strange, but every guy I've ever seriously dated there
will be a moment where I'm on the couch and
like I have to go to the grocery store. Somebody
has to go get food, and I'm like, no, don't go,
Like I don't want to be apart from you. But
that's still there, and that's what I'm hoping is not lost.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
No, I don't think it's lost when you are connected
with your partner one hundred percent. It just looks different
than the way it is when you just first start dating.
But it's also you have to participate. I don't know.
I think that there's a lot. We talked about it
with Gary. I'm like, I feel like it's our renaissance
now because the kids are older and they're going to
go to sleep away camp. It's fun, it's nice. It's
(21:40):
like discovering each other again, you know, because you'll be surprised.
Throughout the marriage. There are times where you feel like
roommates because you are taking care of everything else.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
So you have a rule you don't talk about it
in front of unmarried women.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Yes, it's the same thing with birth. I have like
girlfriends that are like giving birth. I'm not going to
talk about negative birth experiences, like you don't know.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
But sometimes they should know no, no.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Because you amplify everything, Like you were sitting there being like,
what do you mean? No, I'm not going to have
sex with my husband, you know what I mean. But
they're not giving you like contacts, and they're not giving
you the complexity of it all and the seasons. Like
there's so much there.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
That's very wise. Is it ever hard putting your marriage
out into the public, because I see some of the
comments when you talk about Gary or have videos, and
the two of you are very honest. I respect it
a lot.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
To honest for America, especially Gary, Oh my god, Gary
triggers people. Gary triggers women, and I understand because he
has a way and the way he speaks and carries himself.
Also with his age, it's just like he knows who
he is. He's unapologetic about it and that's it. But
(22:52):
the way he speaks sometimes it sounds like facts. So
for people, especially these days where everything is like a
question market the end, it's hard.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
That's interesting. I do think that's what it.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Is, one hundred percent. I'm telling you I've been sitting
dissecting and for years now.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Does it ever affect your actual relationship? No?
Speaker 2 (23:10):
I think that it benefited our relationship because there are
certain things where I was like, oh, that's so interesting,
you know what, Yeah, that is a bit. I wonder
if he ever like looked at the way he responds
to certain things and I bring it to him, and
I'm like, just you know, see if that's something that
you like about yourself or don't like about yourself, and
do whatever you need to do with it. I never
(23:30):
want to change him. That's, to me, is like the
number one thing that I've seen my mother fighting an
uphill battle trying to change her partners. So I never
wanted to change Gary. But as much as he brings
things to me to show my potential, I bring things
to him. And I feel like a lot of people
because I believe that everyone is a mirror. Through a
(23:52):
lot of conversations, I was like, hey, this is an
interesting point, you know, And he did take some of
those to consideration. I did notice that his communication changed
a little bit, but otherwise he's like I loved him
when he was just very direct, rugged and unapologetic, so
I don't want that to change.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Well, you were also used to direct communication, Like it
sounds like your mom's direct.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Yeah, I appreciate that. I feel like it saves a
lot of time. I also don't need things to sound
a certain way in order for me to understand the message.
Does that make sense, Yes, I think that right now,
at this time and age, we're focusing a lot on
delivery and less about the message. And I personally value
(24:37):
more the message and what you're trying to teach me
or show me than the other nuances. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Again, I think that's pretty wise.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
So I'm not triggered by those things, but I understand
how others are. You know what else that so many
people got triggered, which was so interesting because you know,
when you do snippets from the podcast, people don't have
contacts to the conversation. So there was this moment where
I said, when the kids were little, Gary wasn't as
present as I wanted him to be. He was, obviously there,
(25:05):
was providing, was playing with the kids, he was doing
all the things, but you can tell that it's like
he's not in.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
It in your relationship or in the family.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
With the kids. He wasn't like skipping to do bad
time or read a story or change a diaper, which
in my head, I was like, that's what you'll be
so happy to do. But in reality that wasn't the case.
When I came to him and I talked to him
about it, he was very upfront with me and he said,
I don't enjoy it at all. I give you the
(25:36):
support you haven't any I'm there when you need me,
you need me to be there, I'll be there, but
I don't love doing it. So I'm just being honest
with you. But I will come into the picture fully
in a way that will exceed your expectations. When they're
going to be a little older, and I had to
make the decision of like, am I making this an issue?
(26:00):
Like are we fighting about this? Or am I trusting him?
And this is what it is right now. I'm nurturing them.
This is the years of like mommy, mommy, I have
an annea of help. He's there obviously around, but not
in this capacity that I saw it to me. And
when they turned like I would say, five six, he
(26:22):
became super dad. And thank god, because otherwise I'll be
so fucking annoyed because you promised me. But I had
this fear in me. I'm like, is he going to
do what he promised me? He'll do? And obviously he
did above and beyond, Like he's now the main parent
in the house, which is amazing because the boys really
(26:43):
need him now, Like he's shaping the men they're going
to become, where I am kind of taking the back seat.
I'm there, but he's leading the way. And it's also
amazing timeline because now I am able to focus on
my career and what I want to do.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
It doesn't sound like such a bad thing if it
works for you.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Oh my god, the things that people there were people
there was this one woman. I confronted her because it
pissed me off. She shared the video being like, oh
my god, I feel so sorry for Valeria, Like who's
going to save her and tell her that this is
not right? And I'm like, girl, you got a two
month old, like your first baby. You know, it's so
(27:24):
interesting to me. But again I'm like, no, this is
not about me. This is how she It's okay, everybody
can have their opinions. But that was very controversial for
a lot of people. But again, also, you know, people
watch thirty second snippet and they don't get the full context.
But yeah, things like that, I think that these are
real conversations and real life that's happening that no one
(27:46):
talks about. So when women or men, married couples are
dealing with it, they're like, something is broken, something is
wrong with us, but it's so normal and that's what
we need more of.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
And you're never afraid to share it, which is why
to me time ready to share everything?
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Well not everything, you shared some stuff. I feel that
you are ready to start opening up.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
That's wild because I saw a psychic and she told
me the same thing.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
That's all the confirmation you needed.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
So I always do rapid fire. Do you want to
do them? Let's do it, Okay.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Best perk of your job meeting different people from all
walks of life.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
Oh I like that, I would say being in the
room some rooms, not all the rooms, but like same thing.
You get to meet interesting people.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
And there are not part of your network per se,
you know, which that I love.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
A simple way to build more of a following online
A quick tip.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Open up, share yourself, tell your story. People need something
to connect to, you know. And I go back to
this idea that social media made me such a better
version of myself because in a way that was my therapy.
I didn't need a therapist because I was going through
it doing it. So if you're just listening and are
(29:04):
okay to ask yourself the questions through these mirrors, you're
able to learn a lot about yourself. It takes a
lot of vulnerability, but it's a work that, like, I'm
so happy that I did.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
I always tell people to have pillars, brand pillars, like
four things, because sometimes, like if you're an expert on everything,
they don't know what to come to you for.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
But I think that happens naturally you do. Yeah, Like,
who do you see that is expert in everything? You
have natural inclinations towards things.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
That you love to talk about. I don't know. I
see people that like are experts in psychology and they're
posting about cooking and then they're posting their kids.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Yeah, but you see, these are people that are doing
it wrong. And I'll tell you why, because they need
the pillars, you know what, You're right? Actually it's social
media one on one is you know, we have creator methods,
so we talk about it all the time. But yeah,
pillars are very important. But I also think that a
lot of people when they take their pillars too seriously,
they're blocking their creativity. So towards you, I'll talk about
(30:04):
the psychologist right, not to put you on the spot,
but the psychologists, let's say they have their expertise, they
have their pillar. I think it's a beautiful way to
connect with the audience when you show your humanity and
different aspects of your life, if it's cooking or children.
But if you don't have an aspect of your main
pillar in that other content, then you're losing it. So
(30:26):
when you're cooking, you can talk about something that connects
to psychology. When you're with your kids, you somehow connect
it to a lesson or something in psychology. That way,
you're able to play around connect with your audience. But
it's very clear that you're an expert in this.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
That's a really great tip. One thing you love most
about your life right now?
Speaker 2 (30:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I love everything.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
I'm so annoying. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
I love everything that's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
I've been very intentional in creating the life that I
have now, so no complaints.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
How long have you felt that way?
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I would say the past two years. But I think
moving to Miami was a huge shift for me because
I didn't realize how much energy I was spending trying
to match my energy to the city I was living
in before Toronto, which I love. I love Canada, I
love Toronto, But at some point I was vibrating in
(31:22):
a different way and that environment wasn't fostering, you know,
like it wasn't something that kept me going. So I
was working so hard to continue being motivated and inspired.
And once we moved to Miami, it's like click. It's
truly magical. What happens to you when you're where you're
meant to be.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
What's hard about your life right now?
Speaker 2 (31:43):
I wouldn't say hard. I would say challenging. Sometimes it
is just the constant balls in the air that you
need to catch. But I don't think it's something that's
hard to figure out. It just requires me to be
more diligent and like clear scheduled.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Think mine is that a lot of times when we
want professional growth, it actually comes from personal growth. And
I think I probably have to make some decisions in
my personal life in order for everything else to flourish.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
I mean, I think that you know exactly what you
need to do because you actually it's suck. A team
that came up a few times in our conversation.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
The version of you from ten years ago could see
you now. What would surprise her the most?
Speaker 2 (32:26):
Oh my god, that I have the courage to do
what I do, just like showing up every day and
sharing my point of view. It's insane to me. It
goes my mind.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
What about you? I think making a living doing something
I love that I kind of like created from thin
air when I moved here, Like everyone thought it was
a joke. How do you make money being a TV
host or like a journalist or any of that, like
in today's world without a proper job. I like started
on the internet. I didn't start at a local news station.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Well, but you did your rounds, you did all the things,
you took all the stops. You just did it very
quickly and realized very quickly that it's not the path.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
Okay, a book that changed your life, something you think
everybody should read.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
I feel like I say the same books every time,
but I've realized that that book needs to meet you
at a certain point in your life.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
Because there's so many books that got recommended to me
and I picked them up, and I'm like, that does
not make sense. So it really depends where you are,
but for me in different points in my life. New
Earth Echer totally was really powerful for me. That really
made me look at motherhood and emphasize how important for
me to find kind of my own identity aside from
(33:44):
all the roles that I was playing. So that was
New Earth. How to know a person was very amazing
for me when I started with the podcast, just really
gave me an insight into how to have conversations and
see people. And then a man search for meaning was
also very powerful that I still like go back to
all the time. So those three I would say my
(34:06):
top three.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Those are great. I can't believe you read a New Earth.
I pick it up and I'm like, what does any
of this mean?
Speaker 2 (34:11):
But that's the interesting thing. I didn't read it entirely,
and it's the kind of book that I pick up
once a year and it connects. Sometimes I land on
the chapter I'm like, this is exactly what I needed,
And a lot of other times I'm like, yeah, no,
not there yet to understand this, you know. But that
to me is one of the most powerful books, the
(34:33):
ones that you know there's something in there, you just
haven't reached that point to really understand it, yet I
love it, so I always go.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Back to it. I want to hear yours. Mine is Oprah,
which sounds trite, but her book that is Wisdom on
Sundays or something. The chapters are titled like Purpose Resilience,
and so sometimes when I feel like I need to
pick me up, I go to whichever chapter is calling
me and I feel like, Okay, that's what I need it,
like I just needed whatever those words were.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
I never read that.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
I'll send it to you. It's a quick read, something
every woman should try once.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
I think everything you need to try once. What do
you mean you're only here once?
Speaker 1 (35:12):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
What it would be your answer?
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Really being on your own just once? Yes, like you
don't have to be on your own for like a
long time, but like feeling like you could stand on
your own two feet without anybody else, I think is
like so powerful for a woman. I think you can
do that in partnership.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Yes, definitely, but you first need to know how it
feels on your own. Yeah, I'm telling you. The number
one thing I keep reminding myself, especially as my kids
getting older. Now, I think the most monumental moment in
my life was when I left home early on because
I learned to be alone without being lonely. That was
(35:54):
really powerful, and I was never scared being alone again.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
And there are many times in your life for all
you have is you. I always do the card at
the end, but I forgot them because I only gave
them to you. Can we do one?
Speaker 2 (36:08):
So you go first?
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Okay, mineus. What's your superpower? I think I am able
to pretty quickly see what is special about a person.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
I can see that. Okay, I want to hear mine. Yeah,
tell me something about yourself that sounds made up, but
it's one hundred percent true. That I am an introvert
and I really like secondhand shoes.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
That does sound made up, Hilaria.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
I love as Selene. I buy mostly secondhand shoes.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Not persons, just shoes, shoes, and where do you get them.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
On the real reil? In general, that's what I love
about vintage and thrifting and stuff. But just I feel
like I get to walk in someone else's shoes. There's
something about it that's like there's a story here, and
I'm like I get to be part of it. After
I spray some alcohol on it to.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Kill the drums. See, you really do love people's stories.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Yeah, and their shoes.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
All of this cameable circle. I can't believe you buy
secondhand shoes all the time.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
All the time, the best ones, and I save money.
It's a win win for everything.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Yeah, especially Gary.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Gary doesn't know this weird thing that I have, Like,
these are great shooes. I'm like, thanks, they're new. But
one day I would love for the Real Real or
whatever other consignment store to have like a QR code
where you can scan and then see who it belong
to and maybe it will trace back to like nineteen nineteen,
you know.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
And I think it actually might increase the value, Like
what if Marilyn Monroe owned the shoes? We don't know.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
I think we're onto something here.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
Good shoes take you places. Okay, you know what time
it is. Today's a good day. To have a good day.
I'll see you next week. It is abst
No one has all the answers, but when we ask
the right questions, we get a little closer, closer to truths,
closer to each other, even closer to ourselves. I'm journalist
Danielle Robe and each week, my guests and I come
together to challenge the status quo and our own ways
of thinking by daring to ask what if, why not?
(00:28):
And who says? So? Come curious, dig deep and join
the conversation. It's time to question everything.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
It took me a long time to learn how to
manifest properly. I found it manifestation like I was doing
it wrong for a long time because I would ask
for things visualize them. But what I didn't do is
I didn't check with myself if I am ready to
receive it. So you can ask for things, but if
you I don't believe you deserve it, Dan coming for you.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
That was from last week when you heard part one
of my conversation with Valeria Lipovetski, And if you haven't
listened yet, I'd recommend going back because we threw out
all of our question cards. We sat down face to
face and talked about everything from manifesting the life you
want before you're ready for it to the childhood wounds
that shaped our ambition to why authenticity online isn't about
(01:26):
having all the answers, but being honest about the search.
And if you are new to the episode, this week,
I want to catch everyone up. Valeria is a creator, entrepreneur,
and former model who built a multi platform empire. I'm
talking over seven million followers while raising three boys and
discovering who she is outside of the roles of wife,
(01:48):
mother and influencer. She's thoughtful and hilarious, and as you're
about to hear, she's unafraid to say the things that
most people keep inside. So today, in part two of
our conversation, we're going even deeper. We're talking about the
impossible trade offs women make when they're building something they
(02:09):
care about, and how guilt sneaks in even when you
love the life you're creating. We talk about timeliness, egg freezing,
reparenting yourself through motherhood, and the quiet courage it takes
to say I want more. We also had a really
interesting conversation about marriage. She's been married to her husband, Gary,
(02:29):
who is a character in many of her videos, and
they met when she was very young and have built
something pretty special together.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
This is before I got on social media or did
anything at all.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
He said, your life is going to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Literally one of the first days that we had when
we talked about like things that I.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Fell in love. He was very poet.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
He was like, your life will be your art. And
now looking back, it's something that I remember literally a
couple of years ago. And set him down. I'm like,
do you remember when you said that? And he's like, yeah,
do you understand what we've built? It's literally our art
and our business is my life.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
She also talks about what changes when your kids grow up,
what no one tells you about sex after babies, and
why some women, including me, are terrified to lose that
romantic can't get enough feeling. Like when I was at
dinner with women who said they didn't want to have
sex with their husbands, Okay, we get into.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
That, or they're not allowed to say stuff like that.
If there's a non married woman at the table.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
There's like a rule. They broke the rule.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
They broke the rule, they.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Go to jail.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
There is a phase in marriage, especially when the kids
are little.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Okay, I'm jumping back in because the best parts are
in this episode. And I love that Valeria does not
sugarcoat one bit of it, but she does offer hope.
We laugh a lot, we open up, and we even
pulled a card from the Question Everything card deck because
of course. So if you've ever found yourself stuck between
the life you built and the life you're still dreaming of,
(04:00):
the one that's on your vision board, this one is
for you. It's time to question everything with Valeria Lipovetski
Part two. Okay, So I think a lot of people
look at your life and think it looks really shiny
and bright, which I'm sure it is, but there's definitely
(04:20):
sacrifices and struggles that people don't see. What's the first
thing that comes to your mind.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
I don't think it's unique to me. I think every
woman da picks up any project or passion or fully
actualizes herself, feels this guilt that I should be somewhere
else or like with the kids or at home. And
I'm getting comments all the time. I even had a
video recently that Gary took a video of me. I'm
(04:47):
walking in and he's like, you're walking in with the mission,
and I'm like, I have fomo. Like this week, there
were all these things that I wanted to be part
of but I couldn't because I had to work. But
I also wasn't at home with my kids and my husband.
And it's like I want to be I want to
do everything, and he's like, it's okay, just to show pass.
And one of the comments was of this like older lady,
(05:07):
which I understand. She's like, you know, really savor these
years with the kids because they're going to grow up,
and like I get it, yes, but also I'm never
going to be this age again, you know what I mean?
Like it's this I don't know. It feels like you're
always sacrificing something. It's either you or what you want,
or it's either the time with the family something else
(05:28):
like work, Like there's always something.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Do you feel like when you say yes or no
to things, there's like an immediate hell yes or hell
no for you.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
I'm learning how to recognize them better.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
I don't know if we ever get it right in life.
If there's a woman out there who's figured that out,
I love to know she's lying.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Maybe I'm telling you. I don't think you ever get there.
Do you have it figured out?
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Or like close to No, I'm really working on this
because I love people. I'm in the business of people,
and so I can find somebody interesting anywhere I go.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
That's actually amazing. How do you get to care though?
Do you always care? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I have cared since I was a little kid. I
just want to hear people's stories. It's the way that
you're so good at the share.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
I'm not, you know what, I think that I'm playing
a role. I think that I do love people, and
I think that I do love stories. I don't know
why I said that I do like people, but.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
I keep saying yes to other people and know to
myself because there's only a certain amount of time in
the day. So people that listen to the pod are
going to laugh because they've heard me talk about this
for like four years. I have not figured it out.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Something's going to happen.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Hopefully I'll have a baby and then it don't make
me choose them at least.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
No, but you still will go back to having experiences
where you have to choose yourself one hundred percent. I
would try to figure this out before you have the baby.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
I'm trying to figure out as much as I can
because I feel like once you have a kid, you're
just like reparenting yourself all the time.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
You'll do that anyways. I have to say the biggest thing,
Like a lot of people talk about how amazing it
is to have children, because there's obviously you love them
so much and all of that. Yes, but I think
that the most beautiful aspect of becoming a parent is
that you are seeing your inner child so clearly when
you have your own kid, and they are the greatest
(07:17):
teachers to everything that you need to attend to. They
really shine light on everything.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Is there a lesson that your kids have taught you
that adults never could?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Well, each of them taught me different things. I mean
my eldest, he has so much confidence and he moves
in the world like he owns it, like I never
had that as a kid. I don't know even how
it feels like. There was this one incident where it
was a big school function and it was actually honoring
someone that the school lost. My son did not know
(07:50):
that person. There was no interaction there, and he decided
to go on stage in front of like three hundred
people and make a speech about this person. And I
couldn't even control myself. I literally went under the table
because my inner child was like screaming, I could never
and I was holding I was like squeezing Gary's legs.
I'm like, what do you think. I've never experienced that
(08:14):
in my life.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
And how did he do?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
He did amazing, Like he made such a beautiful speech.
He was so thoughtful, so beautiful, you know for his age.
Like everybody came up to us after and we're like, wow,
this is amazing, and I don't know what happened. It
was like took over me physically. So he really taught
me the art of really owning who you are. And
I'm still learning, Like I'm watching him and learning and
(08:39):
this idea of just like they don't like me, Yeah whatever,
I don't care. I don't know if it's a show
or not. But I'm like inspired. My middle one, he's
more of like the asking questions. Like he's very philosophical,
so the questions that he ask always inspire me to
dig deeper.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Is the middle one the one you did the podcast with.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
I did it with two of them, the eldest and
the middle one. But Benjamin is like it's it's not
his first time here. This kid just knows, you know.
He's very like insightful and then my little guy is
just so joyful. And that's the theme of this.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Year for me. Joy That was my word this year.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Really mine too. Wait why was it your word?
Speaker 1 (09:18):
The honest answer is there was a guy that I
had dated a little bit and he was like, you're
so intentional and thoughtful and strategic, Like, what would it
be like to just throw it all to the wind?
And I thought, I've never even considered that.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
What does that even mean?
Speaker 1 (09:40):
To not center work and thinking about strategy and how
do I get to a certain place in my career
and just follow the joy? And I love it. It's
actually really been working for me to move from joy. Okay,
I'm trying to move with what feels good, not what
I think I should do.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
I think that's beautiful. Though. I feel like for me,
joy came out actually from observing other people, and I'm like, oh,
it showed me that I'm not fully leaning into joy
in my life. I'm not fully like in there, you know,
I feel a little bit, I feel like fifty percent
sixty percent, but I'm always like in control. Trauma Re's
(10:18):
found maybe, but it's also I don't know, it's kind
of scary to move with purely joy.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
It is, but it's also kind of freeing.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Have you experienced it? Did you have an experience where
you like, that was I moved from joy here?
Speaker 1 (10:34):
I did?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Actually, you know what, You'll be surprised the fact that
your word was joy, My word was joy. You'll be
surprised how many people words worse joy this year. That's
always the case. I told you, we don't have unique experiences.
It's all the same. So for me, I observed other
people doing it and I was like, Okay, I need
to do that more. And because they modeled it, I
now know how it looks like that to me is
(10:57):
one of the greatest gifts of womanhood observing. Yeah, because
when you see a woman living in a way that
you admire, it took a lot of sacrifices and hardship
and discovery for her to get there. And it's almost
like she's giving you a cheat code. You're like seeing
it and you're like, I could do that. I don't
know how, but that looks good. Yeah. It takes a
(11:18):
lot of courage. I've been really loving thinking about the
amount of courage it requires to fully figure yourself out
and kind of do the rounds and come to this
self actualization. You know what I mean. Courage is a
big word for me. Why because it takes a lot
to stand up and say I'm stuck, or I don't
(11:42):
like the way I live, or there's more for me
to find out, and then the courage to make the
changes and to take the action, and then the courage
to stick to it, to the boundaries and the new
rules that you made, the courage to stand up to
the norms that are not your norms anymore. Like courage
throughout that whole cycle. That's a big word. I think
(12:03):
that for me, we don't mention that word enough. With women.
Let's talk about timelines. Because you've been sharing your experience
of you decided to freeze your eggs. You already did it.
Was it like a big conversation on your podcast or
social You shared a journey.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I shared the whole thing, And that was actually one
of the first times I've ever been really vulnerable on
the internet. And I felt like I had the courage
to be vulnerable because it didn't feel like it was
about me. It felt like I was trying to demystify
something that I felt at the time. Women weren't really
talking about and so I did like a docu style
thing and I shared my stomach, distended the needles, all
(12:41):
my feelings, the whole thing, and then I did a
podcast with the people the doctor who did it with me.
Because there's not a lot of information around it. It's
not been around as long as IVF, so there's a
lot more studies that have been done with IVF. And
just for clarity, IVF is when you take the egg
and then the man's sperm and make an mber. When
you freeze your eggs, it's just the egg. It's the
(13:02):
first half of IVF, and the eggs are more fragile,
they're harder to dethaw. You don't have as great of
a success rate when you dethaw them, so you need
more eggs.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Was that a big decision for you to make?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Yeah, it was huge. I'm a really holistic person, like
I try not even to take advil if I don't
have to, and so the idea of putting hormones in
my body terrified me. And I'm glad I did it.
I got fifteen eggs, twelve that were genetically healthy, which
is not really enough. I should have done another round
to get twenty eggs. I just could not imagine doing
it again.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Yeah, I heard, it's a really hard one.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
It was tough. The six months after were harder for
me actually than the actual process because.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
You have to rebalance your hormones.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Yeah. I didn't even recognize it because I treat my
body like a machine and I'm just like, let's get
to it. But in hindsight, like I was overly emotional.
I think for six months I was bloated. I didn't
fit into my genes the same way. Like it was
just a lot of discomfort. But I'm glad I did it.
And I never felt more proud of my body, which
was cool. And I think you feel proud regardless of
the outcome. You had the courage to try something.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
What made you do it? Because you're only thirty four now,
so when did you do it?
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Thirty two?
Speaker 2 (14:15):
So what made you do it?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
I really want kids. I do not want to miss
that opportunity in my life. And I didn't have a partner.
I still don't have a partner, And I was like,
I don't know how long I'm not going to have
a part What if I never find a partner?
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Why would you think that I think I will, but
you never know. But I feel like also that pressure
of the timeline.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
I constantly feel like I'm running out of time because
of it. I wake up sometimes like ready for my day,
like I'm running out of time I have to go
have kids.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
That's kind of crazy. So many people don't realize that
this clock ticking is so loud in your body and
in your head as you get older, Like men don't
have to think about it.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
The clock ticking is so loud because you had kids
so young. Do you feel like the clock is ticking
in other ways or no?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
No, And you know what, when people ask me about
how it is to be a young mom, there's obviously
cons to it as well. But I have to say
the advantage is the fact that it's done and I'm
still young and I can raise them and I can
live my life. But on the other side, because I
also had them so young when they were little, like,
(15:27):
I don't remember a lot of the first couple of
years because I was in such a daze. I was
a child myself in a way, you know. So I
feel like when you're older, you're present, you can really
appreciate the experience. I wasn't as present.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Did you feel that with your third more?
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Even the birth. The birth with the third was so
different because with my first, when they pulled him out
and they put him on me, I didn't have this
like maternal instinct kicking out of me. I was just
like what am I doing now? Second was a little
bit better, but the third was just an out of
body experience where it was just like him and I.
(16:03):
Even Gary still is mad at me because he's like,
you didn't let me into that experience. He was beside me.
I was twenty eight, but it was such a moment
of just me and Maxie and he did not have
room in there. I feel so sad for him because
he really wanted to be.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Part of it. But you're full of self.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
But I'm full of self and that child that came
out of me, and there wasn't enough room for everybody.
But I think that was kind of the birth that
helped me be at peace with the other two where
I didn't feel it. I'm happy that I had a
completely different experience, but that was my third, so I
think that older moms really like immersed themselves in that experience.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
My good friend from growing up just had a kid
at thirty eight, she's starting thirty nine, was her first child,
and she's so calm, and I'm like, how are you
so cam I'm more nervous than she is. But I
do think some of that is her age.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Yeah, really brings you down, Like you don't think about
stupid stuff, you know, you kind of really focus on
what matters. I was thinking about a lot of stupid stuff.
That's kind of the minus of it. But I can
only imagine and like really sympathize with this idea of
like I need to do all of this. I need
(17:19):
to build my career, and I need to find a partner,
and I need to get married.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
That's a lot. Well, what's hard to I think for
a women is a lot of times when you hit
that stride in your career, because it takes time if
you're building, unless you get like super fortunate, it doesn't
happen overnight. So I'd say I'd probably hit a stride
last year for the first time. I was thirty three,
and like that's peak parenting age, you know, And so
(17:43):
a lot of times I think those two things collide.
It's the one part of feminism that I think we're
still trying to figure out. It's really hard.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
That's really hard. But I think you're doing a great job,
and freezing the eggs is a great move to kind
of reclaim some of that time.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
I feel that way. I do. I think it took
a little bit of the pressure off. It's almost like
buying insurance. Do you think being a boy mom shaped you?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Yeah, I honestly I think I would mess a girl up.
If I had a daughter, I would be so scared.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I think you might have another baby. Why you say that.
I just have this feeling and I think it's gonna
be a girl. I'm on record, I don't think so,
because I just got used to this, Like I'm in
a honeymoon stage with my kids, and yes, I see
them growing and I'm like hmm. But I also just
really believe there's like season for everything in life, and
(18:34):
you can't be greedy. I don't think i'll do well
with a baby. Now you're in career mode.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
I'm in career mode. I mean, like, I really want
to prioritize my marriage, you know, And now we have
the space too without like feeling someone is abandoned, you know,
So I want to like get into that phase in
our lives.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
I'm going to ask you the most personal thing you
can totally tell me to buzz off. Okay, So I
was at dinner with some of my camp friends I
used to go to overnight camp, which your kids are
about to do, and there was probably eight women there ages.
I was the youngest, so thirty four to forty four,
maybe even forty eight, And somebody made a joke like
(19:14):
who wants to have sex with their husbands? And they
all laughed and were like, yeah, who wants to have
sex with their husbands? And I was like, no.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
What I always think about when you are not married
or don't have kids, and you are in that group
of people that have kids and are married, they're not
allowed to say stuff like that. If there's a non
married woman at the table, there's like a rule.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
They broke the rule. I still think about it. I'm like, so,
should I just be having all of the good stuff now?
Speaker 2 (19:43):
I mean yes, But also there is a phase in marriage,
especially when the kids are little. Listen to me, you
really learn like all the things that you dislike about
your partner when the kids are little, because they really
amplify not only did your sleep, you also stress, especially
if it's your first and you're figuring out this whole
(20:04):
parenting thing and there's just so many things at play,
and not even take into consideration where you're at with
your career or anything else, there's just so many factors
that are really there, like to test the kind of
bond that you have. So those years are kind of interesting,
and you also don't feel good. You don't feel like yourself,
(20:25):
and it's difficult to get back to that feel. But
the reason why I'm saying like, at this point in
my life I want to prioritize my marriage is that
we're past that phase and there's so much to like
explore and do, and we're like different people than we
were when we had kids or when the kids were
five and six. Like, we're different people, especially Gary and
(20:46):
I were very active and we're developing ourselves together and
a part. So if you don't like remember that and
go back to that, then it's like, hey, I need
to now, you know, go back to this and prioritize this.
Then yeah, then you're like, oh, yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Just don't want to feel that. I know this may
sound strange, but every guy I've ever seriously dated there
will be a moment where I'm on the couch and
like I have to go to the grocery store. Somebody
has to go get food, and I'm like, no, don't go,
Like I don't want to be apart from you. But
that's still there, and that's what I'm hoping is not lost.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
No, I don't think it's lost when you are connected
with your partner one hundred percent. It just looks different
than the way it is when you just first start dating.
But it's also you have to participate. I don't know.
I think that there's a lot. We talked about it
with Gary. I'm like, I feel like it's our renaissance
now because the kids are older and they're going to
go to sleep away camp. It's fun, it's nice. It's
(21:40):
like discovering each other again, you know, because you'll be surprised.
Throughout the marriage. There are times where you feel like
roommates because you are taking care of everything else.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
So you have a rule you don't talk about it
in front of unmarried women.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Yes, it's the same thing with birth. I have like
girlfriends that are like giving birth. I'm not going to
talk about negative birth experiences, like you don't know.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
But sometimes they should know no, no.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Because you amplify everything, Like you were sitting there being like,
what do you mean? No, I'm not going to have
sex with my husband, you know what I mean. But
they're not giving you like contacts, and they're not giving
you the complexity of it all and the seasons. Like
there's so much there.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
That's very wise. Is it ever hard putting your marriage
out into the public, because I see some of the
comments when you talk about Gary or have videos, and
the two of you are very honest. I respect it
a lot.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
To honest for America, especially Gary, Oh my god, Gary
triggers people. Gary triggers women, and I understand because he
has a way and the way he speaks and carries himself.
Also with his age, it's just like he knows who
he is. He's unapologetic about it and that's it. But
(22:52):
the way he speaks sometimes it sounds like facts. So
for people, especially these days where everything is like a
question market the end, it's hard.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
That's interesting. I do think that's what it.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Is, one hundred percent. I'm telling you I've been sitting
dissecting and for years now.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Does it ever affect your actual relationship? No?
Speaker 2 (23:10):
I think that it benefited our relationship because there are
certain things where I was like, oh, that's so interesting,
you know what, Yeah, that is a bit. I wonder
if he ever like looked at the way he responds
to certain things and I bring it to him, and
I'm like, just you know, see if that's something that
you like about yourself or don't like about yourself, and
do whatever you need to do with it. I never
(23:30):
want to change him. That's, to me, is like the
number one thing that I've seen my mother fighting an
uphill battle trying to change her partners. So I never
wanted to change Gary. But as much as he brings
things to me to show my potential, I bring things
to him. And I feel like a lot of people
because I believe that everyone is a mirror. Through a
(23:52):
lot of conversations, I was like, hey, this is an
interesting point, you know, And he did take some of
those to consideration. I did notice that his communication changed
a little bit, but otherwise he's like I loved him
when he was just very direct, rugged and unapologetic, so
I don't want that to change.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Well, you were also used to direct communication, Like it
sounds like your mom's direct.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Yeah, I appreciate that. I feel like it saves a
lot of time. I also don't need things to sound
a certain way in order for me to understand the message.
Does that make sense, Yes, I think that right now,
at this time and age, we're focusing a lot on
delivery and less about the message. And I personally value
(24:37):
more the message and what you're trying to teach me
or show me than the other nuances. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Again, I think that's pretty wise.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
So I'm not triggered by those things, but I understand
how others are. You know what else that so many
people got triggered, which was so interesting because you know,
when you do snippets from the podcast, people don't have
contacts to the conversation. So there was this moment where
I said, when the kids were little, Gary wasn't as
present as I wanted him to be. He was, obviously there,
(25:05):
was providing, was playing with the kids, he was doing
all the things, but you can tell that it's like
he's not in.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
It in your relationship or in the family.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
With the kids. He wasn't like skipping to do bad
time or read a story or change a diaper, which
in my head, I was like, that's what you'll be
so happy to do. But in reality that wasn't the case.
When I came to him and I talked to him
about it, he was very upfront with me and he said,
I don't enjoy it at all. I give you the
(25:36):
support you haven't any I'm there when you need me,
you need me to be there, I'll be there, but
I don't love doing it. So I'm just being honest
with you. But I will come into the picture fully
in a way that will exceed your expectations. When they're
going to be a little older, and I had to
make the decision of like, am I making this an issue?
(26:00):
Like are we fighting about this? Or am I trusting him?
And this is what it is right now. I'm nurturing them.
This is the years of like mommy, mommy, I have
an annea of help. He's there obviously around, but not
in this capacity that I saw it to me. And
when they turned like I would say, five six, he
(26:22):
became super dad. And thank god, because otherwise I'll be
so fucking annoyed because you promised me. But I had
this fear in me. I'm like, is he going to
do what he promised me? He'll do? And obviously he
did above and beyond, Like he's now the main parent
in the house, which is amazing because the boys really
(26:43):
need him now, Like he's shaping the men they're going
to become, where I am kind of taking the back seat.
I'm there, but he's leading the way. And it's also
amazing timeline because now I am able to focus on
my career and what I want to do.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
It doesn't sound like such a bad thing if it
works for you.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Oh my god, the things that people there were people
there was this one woman. I confronted her because it
pissed me off. She shared the video being like, oh
my god, I feel so sorry for Valeria, Like who's
going to save her and tell her that this is
not right? And I'm like, girl, you got a two
month old, like your first baby. You know, it's so
(27:24):
interesting to me. But again I'm like, no, this is
not about me. This is how she It's okay, everybody
can have their opinions. But that was very controversial for
a lot of people. But again, also, you know, people
watch thirty second snippet and they don't get the full context.
But yeah, things like that, I think that these are
real conversations and real life that's happening that no one
(27:46):
talks about. So when women or men, married couples are
dealing with it, they're like, something is broken, something is
wrong with us, but it's so normal and that's what
we need more of.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
And you're never afraid to share it, which is why
to me time ready to share everything?
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Well not everything, you shared some stuff. I feel that
you are ready to start opening up.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
That's wild because I saw a psychic and she told
me the same thing.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
That's all the confirmation you needed.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
So I always do rapid fire. Do you want to
do them? Let's do it, Okay.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Best perk of your job meeting different people from all
walks of life.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
Oh I like that, I would say being in the
room some rooms, not all the rooms, but like same thing.
You get to meet interesting people.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
And there are not part of your network per se,
you know, which that I love.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
A simple way to build more of a following online
A quick tip.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Open up, share yourself, tell your story. People need something
to connect to, you know. And I go back to
this idea that social media made me such a better
version of myself because in a way that was my therapy.
I didn't need a therapist because I was going through
it doing it. So if you're just listening and are
(29:04):
okay to ask yourself the questions through these mirrors, you're
able to learn a lot about yourself. It takes a
lot of vulnerability, but it's a work that, like, I'm
so happy that I did.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
I always tell people to have pillars, brand pillars, like
four things, because sometimes, like if you're an expert on everything,
they don't know what to come to you for.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
But I think that happens naturally you do. Yeah, Like,
who do you see that is expert in everything? You
have natural inclinations towards things.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
That you love to talk about. I don't know. I
see people that like are experts in psychology and they're
posting about cooking and then they're posting their kids.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Yeah, but you see, these are people that are doing
it wrong. And I'll tell you why, because they need
the pillars, you know what, You're right? Actually it's social
media one on one is you know, we have creator methods,
so we talk about it all the time. But yeah,
pillars are very important. But I also think that a
lot of people when they take their pillars too seriously,
they're blocking their creativity. So towards you, I'll talk about
(30:04):
the psychologist right, not to put you on the spot,
but the psychologists, let's say they have their expertise, they
have their pillar. I think it's a beautiful way to
connect with the audience when you show your humanity and
different aspects of your life, if it's cooking or children.
But if you don't have an aspect of your main
pillar in that other content, then you're losing it. So
(30:26):
when you're cooking, you can talk about something that connects
to psychology. When you're with your kids, you somehow connect
it to a lesson or something in psychology. That way,
you're able to play around connect with your audience. But
it's very clear that you're an expert in this.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
That's a really great tip. One thing you love most
about your life right now?
Speaker 2 (30:47):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I love everything.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
I'm so annoying. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
I love everything that's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
I've been very intentional in creating the life that I
have now, so no complaints.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
How long have you felt that way?
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I would say the past two years. But I think
moving to Miami was a huge shift for me because
I didn't realize how much energy I was spending trying
to match my energy to the city I was living
in before Toronto, which I love. I love Canada, I
love Toronto, But at some point I was vibrating in
(31:22):
a different way and that environment wasn't fostering, you know,
like it wasn't something that kept me going. So I
was working so hard to continue being motivated and inspired.
And once we moved to Miami, it's like click. It's
truly magical. What happens to you when you're where you're
meant to be.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
What's hard about your life right now?
Speaker 2 (31:43):
I wouldn't say hard. I would say challenging. Sometimes it
is just the constant balls in the air that you
need to catch. But I don't think it's something that's
hard to figure out. It just requires me to be
more diligent and like clear scheduled.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Think mine is that a lot of times when we
want professional growth, it actually comes from personal growth. And
I think I probably have to make some decisions in
my personal life in order for everything else to flourish.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
I mean, I think that you know exactly what you
need to do because you actually it's suck. A team
that came up a few times in our conversation.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
The version of you from ten years ago could see
you now. What would surprise her the most?
Speaker 2 (32:26):
Oh my god, that I have the courage to do
what I do, just like showing up every day and
sharing my point of view. It's insane to me. It
goes my mind.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
What about you? I think making a living doing something
I love that I kind of like created from thin
air when I moved here, Like everyone thought it was
a joke. How do you make money being a TV
host or like a journalist or any of that, like
in today's world without a proper job. I like started
on the internet. I didn't start at a local news station.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Well, but you did your rounds, you did all the things,
you took all the stops. You just did it very
quickly and realized very quickly that it's not the path.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
Okay, a book that changed your life, something you think
everybody should read.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
I feel like I say the same books every time,
but I've realized that that book needs to meet you
at a certain point in your life.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
Because there's so many books that got recommended to me
and I picked them up, and I'm like, that does
not make sense. So it really depends where you are,
but for me in different points in my life. New
Earth Echer totally was really powerful for me. That really
made me look at motherhood and emphasize how important for
me to find kind of my own identity aside from
(33:44):
all the roles that I was playing. So that was
New Earth. How to know a person was very amazing
for me when I started with the podcast, just really
gave me an insight into how to have conversations and
see people. And then a man search for meaning was
also very powerful that I still like go back to
all the time. So those three I would say my
(34:06):
top three.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Those are great. I can't believe you read a New Earth.
I pick it up and I'm like, what does any
of this mean?
Speaker 2 (34:11):
But that's the interesting thing. I didn't read it entirely,
and it's the kind of book that I pick up
once a year and it connects. Sometimes I land on
the chapter I'm like, this is exactly what I needed,
And a lot of other times I'm like, yeah, no,
not there yet to understand this, you know. But that
to me is one of the most powerful books, the
(34:33):
ones that you know there's something in there, you just
haven't reached that point to really understand it, yet I
love it, so I always go.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Back to it. I want to hear yours. Mine is Oprah,
which sounds trite, but her book that is Wisdom on
Sundays or something. The chapters are titled like Purpose Resilience,
and so sometimes when I feel like I need to
pick me up, I go to whichever chapter is calling
me and I feel like, Okay, that's what I need it,
like I just needed whatever those words were.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
I never read that.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
I'll send it to you. It's a quick read, something
every woman should try once.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
I think everything you need to try once. What do
you mean you're only here once?
Speaker 1 (35:12):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
What it would be your answer?
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Really being on your own just once? Yes, like you
don't have to be on your own for like a
long time, but like feeling like you could stand on
your own two feet without anybody else, I think is
like so powerful for a woman. I think you can
do that in partnership.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Yes, definitely, but you first need to know how it
feels on your own. Yeah, I'm telling you. The number
one thing I keep reminding myself, especially as my kids
getting older. Now, I think the most monumental moment in
my life was when I left home early on because
I learned to be alone without being lonely. That was
(35:54):
really powerful, and I was never scared being alone again.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
And there are many times in your life for all
you have is you. I always do the card at
the end, but I forgot them because I only gave
them to you. Can we do one?
Speaker 2 (36:08):
So you go first?
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Okay, mineus. What's your superpower? I think I am able
to pretty quickly see what is special about a person.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
I can see that. Okay, I want to hear mine. Yeah,
tell me something about yourself that sounds made up, but
it's one hundred percent true. That I am an introvert
and I really like secondhand shoes.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
That does sound made up, Hilaria.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
I love as Selene. I buy mostly secondhand shoes.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Not persons, just shoes, shoes, and where do you get them.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
On the real reil? In general, that's what I love
about vintage and thrifting and stuff. But just I feel
like I get to walk in someone else's shoes. There's
something about it that's like there's a story here, and
I'm like I get to be part of it. After
I spray some alcohol on it to.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Kill the drums. See, you really do love people's stories.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Yeah, and their shoes.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
All of this cameable circle. I can't believe you buy
secondhand shoes all the time.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
All the time, the best ones, and I save money.
It's a win win for everything.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Yeah, especially Gary.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Gary doesn't know this weird thing that I have, Like,
these are great shooes. I'm like, thanks, they're new. But
one day I would love for the Real Real or
whatever other consignment store to have like a QR code
where you can scan and then see who it belong
to and maybe it will trace back to like nineteen nineteen,
you know.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
And I think it actually might increase the value, Like
what if Marilyn Monroe owned the shoes? We don't know.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
I think we're onto something here.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
Good shoes take you places. Okay, you know what time
it is. Today's a good day. To have a good day.
I'll see you next week. It is abst
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