Refamulating

Refamulating

Refamulating is a podcast that celebrates different ways to make a family. A generation ago, most Americans were guided by the idea of the nuclear family: a mom, a dad, two kids, and a derpy dog. Many still have a family like this, and that’s great! But the numbers show it doesn't represent the majority of American households. In fact, there is no one-size-fits-all for what a family should look like. We’re collectively reformulating our understanding of what makes a family in today’s world. We call this refamulating, and this show invites us to understand it one story at a time. On each episode of Refamulating, host Julia Winston delivers emotionally honest stories of real people with nuanced experiences that census data could never tell us. Think queer parents, egg and sperm donors, surrogates, blended families, child-free folks, tales of communal living, and much more.

Episodes

REFAM CHAT: How To Find Your People (And Community) with Katherine Goldstein

June 24, 2025 • 47 mins
For a lot of Americans, it’s getting harder and harder to find community. Fewer people are religious, we move around more and with more things online, we spend less time running errands and interacting with people in real life. In this Refam Chat, Julia talks to Katherine Goldstein, author of the upcoming book "How to Find Your People" and creator of The Double Shift substack, which gives advice on how to cultivate an in person com...
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REFAM CHAT: It’s Okay To Put Friendship At The Center Of Your Life (with Rhaina Cohen)

May 27, 2025 • 37 mins
Our culture spends a lot of time talking about the importance of romantic love: finding it, keeping it, and normalizing it as THE most important person in your life. But that completely discounts the deep, meaningful friendships so many of us have. In this Refam Chat, Julia talks with author Rhaina Cohen about her book The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship At The Center. Rhaina and Julia talk about the impo...
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REFAM CHAT: Cracking ‘The Mother Code’ with author Ruthie Ackerman

April 22, 2025 • 41 mins
When Ruthie Ackerman was in her late 30s, she realized she wanted to have a baby. But there was a problem- she was married to someone who didn’t. So, she got divorced and began a transformative process to motherhood. In this Refam Chat, Julia talks to Ruthie about her experience with IVF and egg donation to finally get pregnant, what it was like to confront the stories about motherhood she grew up with, and how she’s created a new ...
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20 I Refriendulating: A celebration of platonic soulmates

March 11, 2025 • 52 mins
To wrap season 2, we honor and celebrate the unsung heroes of our emotional lives—our closest friends. While we celebrate romantic milestones with parties and gifts, our friendships—often life's most enduring relationships—frequently go unhonored. In this episode, Julia shares an intimate conversation with her platonic soulmate, Lia, about what makes their friendship special and how they’ve stayed close through hard moments that co...
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19 I Finding Peace with Parents Who Don't Fully Accept You with Jedidiah Jenkins

February 25, 2025 • 52 mins
Show Notes:  Disagreeing with your family is nothing new. But in the last decade, as politics and culture in the U.S. have become increasingly polarized, so have many of our families. Jedidiah Jenkins felt this kind of division in his family from a young age when he realized he was gay in an evangelical Christian home. Now an adult, Jedidiah has figured out how to maintain a loving, supportive relationship with his mother despite ...
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18 I There’s Nothing Wrong With You! You’re Just Single

February 11, 2025 • 48 mins
Almost half of American adults are single, yet we still treat being unpartnered as a problem to solve. But being single is not better or worse than being in a relationship, it’s just a different experience. In this episode, Julia interviews her single friends about what they love about being single and how they navigate a world built for couples. Then she chats with author Glynnis MacNicol about challenging the narrative that women...
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17 I Caregiving & Family Pt 2: The Realities of Caring For Children with Disabilities

January 28, 2025 • 52 mins
Erica spent her childhood living with a disability and needing a lot of care from her mom. As an adult, she’s now the caretaker to two children with disabilities. In this episode, Erica talks about what she learned from her mom as a caregiver, the day to day realities of caring for children who need a lot of assistance and how that impacts her career, her marriage and her finances.  Check out Erica’s newsletter at Caffeinated Care...
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16 I Caregiving & Family Pt 1: What It's Really Like To Receive Long-Term Care When You Have a Disability

January 21, 2025 • 46 mins
In this episode we meet Kathleen Downes- a 31-year-old woman who lives with her parents and dog in New York. Kathleen has cerebral palsy, which means she needs constant care to do daily activities. Kathleen talks about the complicated relationship between care recipients and their families, the broken policies that force impossible choices, and the radical act of finding joy despite a system designed for isolation.  _ The episode ...
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15 I Family Preservation in Foster Care: Building a bridge between two families through radical compassion

January 7, 2025 • 62 mins
Aaliyah and Jamyla have three moms - their birth mother Nicole, their foster mom (soon to be adopted mom) Chalice, and Chalice's fiancée Rachel. Chalice and the girls met eight years ago when the girls needed a foster parent. In the eight years they’ve known each other, Aaliyah and Jamyla have learned how hearts can expand to love many parents in their blended family.  _ The episode transcript can be found here.  _ Subscribe to ou...
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REFAM CHAT: Recognizing All Of Our Milestones

December 26, 2024 • 46 mins
Something we’ve realized while working on this project is that the nuclear family has infiltrated so much of our lives. (For example, housing in America is designed for a single, nuclear family.) Another example of that is what we consider milestones in our life. Think about it- the list of big milestones in our lives is fairly short: graduations, getting married, and having a kid. These are the events where we throw parties, send...
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14 I The Single Greatest Choice: Embracing solo motherhood

December 10, 2024 • 60 mins
Katie Bryan grew up in a nuclear family in Texas, and always dreamed her future family would include a doting husband, a beautiful house in the suburbs, and of course, children. She spent almost 20 years searching for the right partner so she could make this dream come true, but at 39 she was still single and child-free. That’s when she realized she didn’t have to wait for a husband, she could have a baby on her own. In this episod...
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REFAM CHAT: The name dilemma

November 28, 2024 • 36 mins
A lot of us refamulating have faced a similar challenge: as we choose a new path or carve out a different role in a family, we realize there is no name for us. A step-parent wants a more warm and loving name. An egg or sperm donor with an emotional tie to the family doesn’t want to be referred to by this clinical title. Or maybe a close friend plays an important role to your kids but isn’t technically an aunt or uncle. On this Re...
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13 I Don’t Tell Mom: Grieving the “living death” of family estrangement

November 26, 2024 • 61 mins
When Emily was a child, a family member abused her and told her to keep it a secret. She kept that secret until she was 34, but her family didn’t react well once she told the truth. Eventually Emily chose to stop talking to them, and in this episode she explains her choice to be estranged from her family and why estrangement has been important for her healing. - Join us for this month’s ReFamily Dinner, where we’re talking about ...
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12 I Reframing The American Dream (Pt 2): Communal Living Makes a Family

November 12, 2024 • 54 mins
Show Notes: What happens when you expand beyond the nuclear family home? In this episode, we meet people who've chosen to share their daily lives with others in unconventional ways - from two married couples buying a house together to raise kids, to a man who's spent 14 years living on a hippie commune. Their stories challenge our assumptions about what makes a successful adult and show how living communally might be an antidote ...
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11 I Reframing The American Dream (Pt 1)

November 12, 2024 • 63 mins
The nuclear family has been held up as the ideal for generations, but it's actually a relatively recent invention. From college dorms to pandemic pods, some of our happiest moments come from living in community with others. So why do Americans cling to independence as a marker of success? In our Season 2 premiere, we explore how our individualistic lifestyle developed, what it's costing us, and how reimagining family structures cou...
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REFAM CHAT: Love is in the air + Sister Wives

November 5, 2024 • 40 mins
Before season 2 officially starts Tuesday, Nov 12, Julia and Claire chat about a few things: Julia is officially a Fairy Godmother and shares an update (the twins are born! she's held them!) Claire is getting married, which has brought up a lot of refamulating feelings. And then we have a special segment where Claire, a reality TV junkie, makes Julia, a reality TV virgin, watch an episode of Sister Wives and talk about how they are...
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Season 2 Trailer

October 29, 2024 • 4 mins
We're back with season 2 of Refamulating! We have more stories of personal and family transformation including being a solo mom by choice, how caregiving impacts families, polyamory and more. Season 2 launches November 12, 2024. _ Subscribe to our Substack for more refamulating! We write about how refamulating looks in our lives, share resources we’re using as we make this show and share special bonus content for paid subscrib...
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Curious about non-monogamy? Join us for the October ReFamily Dinner!

October 14, 2024 • 4 mins
Each month we host a live, virtual event called The ReFamily Dinner! It's a way for us to connect with other refamulators outside of the podcast. This month’s ReFamily Dinner will feature a conversation with Heath Schechinger, a psychologist and co-founder of The Modern Family Institute, about ethical non-monogamy. Whether you're considering this lifestyle or simply curious to understand it better, this talk will provide insights ...
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10 I Seahorse Dad: Planning for pregnancy as a transgender man

July 2, 2024 • 46 mins
Liam is a transgender man who has spent the last eight years embracing his true life. He changed his name, took hormones, and got top surgery. But recently he had a big realization. He wants to be a father – and he wants to carry his own child. Now Liam has stopped taking hormones and started preparing his body to do something he never imagined: get pregnant. Listen to Liam’s Terrible, Thanks For Asking episode here.  Here is Liam’...
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09 I Sister Moms: From foster care to chosen family

June 25, 2024 • 48 mins
Show Notes: When Lindsay lost custody of her toddler, Gabriel, an acquaintance named Rachel stepped in as his foster mom. As Lindsay worked toward reunification with her son, she and Rachel developed an unlikely friendship. The journey they’ve shared has led them to create a new family unit with Gabriel at the center. The episode transcript can be found here.  _ Connect with us:  EMAIL: hello@refamulating.com.  WEBSITE INSTAGRAM...
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