November 14, 2025 • 47 mins
In this bonus episode of Selective Ignorance, Mandii B opens with a candid breakdown of how the recent government shutdown has thrown travel into chaos—from delayed flights to system failures—setting the stage for a conversation rooted in both humor and frustration [00:00 Government Shutdown and Travel Chaos]. She shares her own travel nightmare, using the experience to highlight how political decisions trickle down to everyday inconveniences, especially for frequent travelers.
The episode transitions into the delicate territory of weight gain in relationships, where Mandii discusses how partners often struggle with honesty, sensitivity, and boundaries when broaching the topic [18:29 Navigating Weight Conversations in Relationships]. She unpacks the emotional complexity behind body changes, emphasizing communication over criticism and the importance of approaching loved ones with empathy rather than judgment.
As the conversation deepens, Mandii explores family dynamics during the holidays, especially for queer individuals navigating acceptance, identity, and the pressure of returning home to families who may not fully understand or respect their experiences [29:14 Family Dynamics and Queer Identity During Holidays]. She reflects on the emotional labor that marginalized people often carry during these gatherings and encourages listeners to honor their own comfort and boundaries.
The episode concludes with a thoughtful discussion on microaggressions and diversity in the workplace, where Mandii breaks down the subtle biases that marginalized employees encounter and how companies frequently fall short in fostering truly inclusive environments [36:40 Microaggressions and Workplace Diversity Issues]. She stresses the need for accountability, open dialogue, and intentional change—both in corporate culture and in personal interactions.
“No Holes Barred: A Dual Manifesto Of Sexual Exploration And Power” w/ Tempest X!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Mandy B. Welcome to Selective Ignorance, a production
of the BLACKPEC Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Hey, classmates, it's
your girl, Mandy B. And it is a bonus episode
of Selective Ignorance. On this Friday day, Hopefully it's payday
for some of you, and hopefully it's payday for some
(00:23):
of y'all who wasn't paid for forty three days. It
looks like the government shut down is finally done, is
finally over. I still feel like we are living in
I don't know, y'all know, I'm trying to think of
another word besides ghetto, but that's what it is. If
(00:43):
you guys follow me on social media, the government shutdown
impacted my motherfucking travel. I guess that's how I'm gonna
start this. If you tuned into my Instagram story on Sunday,
you will see I had the travel day from hell.
(01:04):
And basically, as we know, last weekend, because of the
government shut down, air traffic controllers were calling out TSA employees,
we're calling out and the airport was in shambles. Basically
across the board. They went to canceling about ten percent
(01:24):
of flights, which impacted thousands of travelers, including your girl.
I guess I'll try to get into my storytelling bag
so that y'all can experience the frustration with me. So
I was in New York this past weekend. I was
(01:45):
on stage with Tonight's Conversations. Shout out to Ace metaphor,
shout out to Mona. Got to like kick it with
Mona for a little bit and really just love her.
She has her own podcast called Don't Call Me White Girl.
She's recently a new addition to the Joe Butden podcast.
Love her down on that podcast, okay, like the replacement
(02:08):
that took place there. Also got to kick it with
doctor Schi and Bryant, who I actually really enjoyed. I
had to like come to her like, girl, your team
be playing on my motherfucking face and I don't like it.
She basically was supposed to do probably like three different
(02:28):
episodes of Decisions Decisions, and I think one time we
couldn't get a hotel for her team, and the second
two times they like rescheduled. And here's the thing with me,
it could be my ego, but bitch, if we plan
(02:52):
for you to come at twelve o'clock and you hit
us the morning of and say, hey, double booked, can
we push it to five? Sorry? No, suck my dick
from the back. I immediately feel disrespected because I know
that's something you wouldn't ask of a breakfast club. I
know you wouldn't ask of a larger platform, like as
(03:14):
a creative as someone being in the creative space. People
know like photographers are books, studio times are book. People's
days are coordinated around this time slot. So I felt
the kind of way. But we got to actually like
sit and chat, and I was like, all right, I bitch,
(03:35):
don't do it again. But I really like her now.
So hopefully we get doctor Shy and Brian either here
on selective ignorance or on decisions decisions, and then just
everyone else. Kendred g again, got to see Kitty Rose
ac tral A c. It was really good to be
around everyone. So I was in New York for work,
(03:57):
not leisure, and so Sunday I have my flight back
to Atlanta. The bullshit starts on Saturday. So right before
I hit the stage, I get a text message that
says I've been upgraded to first class on my flight
from LaGuardia to Columbus, Ohio. And I'm like, bitch, is
(04:22):
this a spam? Like, bitch, ain't nobody going to Columbus.
So I go to my Delta app and it says
that I have a flight at six am to Columbus
and then Columbus to Atlanta. But as I go to
the app, bitch, that flight from Columbus to Atlanta is
(04:43):
already showing delayed. Y'all it's nine thirty at night. So
I'm like, okay, so my eight o'clock then I put
to a six o'clock with a layover. Yeah, no, and
that shit showing delayed. Who do I know in Columbus?
The only thing I know about Columbus, Ohio is little
bow Wow. You just don't know the way you move
(05:05):
so fast across the floor, Like I know, I know
bow Wow's from there. Other than that, what the fuck
is in Columbus, Ohio? And I'm like, a bitch, ain't
getting stuck there? Like ooh. So I called Delta and
boys looking tricky, but they were able to get me
on a six eight m direct flight to Atlanta. So
(05:29):
I was like, okay, Well, I'm not gonna be done
with work till like ten thirty. I was going out
with my friends after I had a little fling after that.
So I said, bitch, I'm pulling the all nighter six
o'clock flight. I got luggage to check in. I need
to be at the airport at least at like four
point thirty. Bitch. We partying this last night in New York.
(05:53):
So I end up uptown, uptown baby, uptown baby. I'm
with my brother, I want my friend, I want my
little thing thing, and we drinking. We having a good time.
We wrap up maybe around like one point thirty. I
get back to my room at like two o'clock. Bet
(06:15):
lit keep drinking and pretty much get fucked through the
mattress for the next two hours. Right, So four o'clock
creep around. I'm like, who all right, time to go
to the airport, y'all. I get my luggage ready, I
(06:36):
turn on the shower. Bitch, I get an alert to
my phone again. Six am. Flight canceled. They booked me
onto the seven oh five heading to Charlotte with a
layover and then go into Atlanta. And I'm like, fuck,
(06:58):
let me fuck for another forty five minutes. I'm not
too mad. I'm like, Okay, Charlotte is at least heading
in the direction of Atlanta. Whatever, if anything happened and
I got too long a layo, I'm gonna call a sante.
So maybe get on the flight at seven, mind y'all,
(07:20):
quick little detail. I'm so drunk, exhausted and dehydrated from
all of the liquids that left my body for the
last three hours that I decide I don't really want
to get dressed. And then my luggage is a Turkey onesie.
(07:44):
That's right, a Turkey onesie because Thanksgiving is coming up
and I chose to put journalism Jason, my super producer,
in this costume for our Thanksgiving Day episode, and I
decided I really liked that shit. So I kept that
(08:07):
goddamn costume and was like, fuck it, this will be
a quick travel day. Just gonna put on a goddamn onesie,
hide under the goddamn gobble gobble, and be in Cognegro. Nope.
I don't know how people recognize me as a Turkey,
but niggas was fired me in the airport as a Turkey,
(08:30):
and I feel a way about it because I a fuck,
did you notice me in a Turkey onesie? AnyWho? I
bought the flight. I'm like all right, layover eight no layover.
It's literally like a twenty five minute layover. So I
was like about to hot for one flight to the next.
(08:50):
I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia by ten thirty a m.
So landing Charlotte, the gate is directly next to it.
It's already boarding. As we land. I go from one
flight to the next, sit cozy woesy in my fucking seat,
and I'm ready to take off. Bitch, tell me why.
(09:13):
In the middle of boarding, they stop and they say
we have to deplane. This plane needs maintenance, stamped a
two hour delay. Immediately, I'm like, but so I go
up to the goddamn lounge, get a little breakfast. I'm like, okay,
(09:38):
let me get on Live. Just a little bit waste
some time. I go to leave the lounge and I
see that there is an eleven thirty eight flight. Oh,
because I don't think I told you thirty minutes before
we were supposed to board the flight that was delayed
for maintenance, they cancel it. It's canceled. Christmas is canceled.
(10:04):
So I'm like, oh, nah, bitch, let me get on
this other flight. So there's an eleven thirty eight flight
they're boarding. Baby, there's about six semn people at the counter,
including myself, trying to get on this flight. So they
start naming us one by one, one two. I did
(10:25):
skip this white lady and I looked at her and
she looked sad, so I said, go on ahead. I
know I skipped you. Anyways, there's three seats left. They
call this white man, this white lady, and then it's me, y'all.
I'm just like, yes, I got the last seat on
(10:50):
this flight. So I gather my wings. I figure if
deal with my luggage later, and I take my ass
on this flight. I'm supposed to be sitting in twenty
seven E, y'all. I walk all the way to the
(11:10):
back of the plane. Someone is sitting in twenty seven E.
There are no more seats. They miscalculated. This is now
the second plane that I've gotten off, gotten on and
after d plane. By this point, y'all, I've been up.
Y'all know I didn't go to I've been up since
(11:31):
the day before, did two shows, went out, got put
through the mattress. This is now my damn me and
my third cancel flight. I've had three cancel flights by now, y'all.
I get to the desk and I start crying. I do.
There are tears coming down my turkey eyes, and I'm like, fuck.
(11:57):
I called Delta. They they have nothing, but they put
me on a seven thirty PM and I'm like, bitch, pressure,
I've been seeing these flights get canceled left and right.
You got all these people figuring out how to fucky
about to get home. I don't want to stay in
Charlotte till seven o'clock. And not mind y'all, it's eleven
(12:19):
thirty in the morning. You're telling me I got away
eight hours. I'm like, fuck, there's a two thirty flight
that's already been pushed back to five thirty because of
maintenance and everything else they're telling me is sold out, y'all.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Like what?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
At this point, I decided to go on Expedia. I
reserve a car, I reserve a hotel because the bitch
got to sleep. I go all the way down the
baggage claim get my bags because I'm like, let me
figure this shit out. Call Delta one more again because
I'm like, can y'all get me on a flight. She's
showing the two thirty flight and I'm like or two fifteen,
(13:04):
and I'm like, bitch, it's showing five thirty here for maintenance. Well,
it's not showing that on my end. So I asked
this the guy at the baggage claim if he sees
anything on his end, because clearly the systems are not
even showing the same thing, y'all. He found a five eleven.
Put me on the five eleven. I get on the
(13:25):
five eleven. I kind of doze off. Wake up, bitch,
we are still there. I immediately am like, what the fuck.
So pilot comes on and says, hey, guys, we're delayed,
not for anything except there is low staff for the baggage,
so it's just taking a bit longer to get everyone's
(13:46):
bags aboard. But bear with us, y'all. Eventually I get
home at we land at seven thirty. I get home
about eight o'clock, y'all. Thirteen hours, thirteen thirteen hours. It's
how much it took me to get from LaGuardia to
(14:08):
atl I do have an ignorant take about this government
shut down real quick. That also is probably gonna come
off a bit selfish, but maybe not. We know that
snap benefits were impacted. We know that government and federal
employees were not getting paid and we wanted the Democrats
(14:32):
to hold out. Now there were eight Democrats, I believe,
one when I hadn't faltered, and then the other six
or seven when I had and signed. And I, after
experiencing this, was dreading and could not even fathom what
holiday travel would look like. Now my ignorance is that, bitch,
(14:55):
this is gonna impact my flight to Dallas. But in
a way that I was caring about other people. I
was like, but damn for the people that this may
impact and see their families that they haven't seen in
a while, their family members that are sick, that this
may be their last chance to see them. I was really, really,
really like thinking really just about these flights and was like,
(15:19):
this government shut down need to end. However, the goddamn
Orange Cheeto has already put into effect these premiums that
are going up. I'm gonna try to maybe share some
of the charts that I've seen, things that are really
(15:40):
easy to break down what happened. But basically, there's like
one where I saw a premium going from six hundred
dollars to twenty two hundred dollars a month a month
and just the breakdown of the deductible rates, the percentage
that people have to pay in regards to different things.
And I'm just just like, y'all, the midterms are not
(16:04):
till next November, so these premiums are going to be
in effect for the next year. And I don't know
if y'all see but Bernie Sanders, I don't know if
I can even find the clip in time, but Bernie
Sanders pretty much said this new impact on you know,
our medical insurance is going to lead to about fifty
(16:26):
thousand people dying. And I'm just like, oh, I just
don't know what the hell to say between the Democrats
the Republicans, What the fuck is happening with this goddamn government.
We live in some bull shit, And so I really
(16:48):
want y'all to look at the impact of the new
rates for medicare and medical insurance. I want y'all to
also look at this proposal for this new fifty year mortgage.
I don't know what the fuck this fucking sweet potato
is doing. I don't I don't know what Trump is doing,
(17:10):
but it's definitely uh. And then apparently all of this Democrats,
if you wanted the Republicans to like succeed this a
little bit. Did y'all not threaten this epsteam file bullshit
during the last forty five days? Did you not? Now
(17:31):
we're seeing that Trump is listed in these random epsteam
files that just came about. Bitch, you should have just
goddamn blackmailed that nigga with these. I know he didn't
want it out. I just feel like the Democrats are
playing too safe of a goddamn game. Get your hands dirty,
that's what the Republicans do. Get messy, oh, fight with mess,
(18:02):
fight mess with mess. I just don't know why we
succeeded this. I don't want to say early, but it's
going to have an impact, And y'all the year is
routing up. We are in the second week of fucking November. Bitch,
can we get this nigga impeached? Fuck? But also then JD.
(18:25):
Vans ain't the answer either. Ah. Any who travel for
me was ghetto, and what I learned from my experiences,
if my travel was fun, traveling in a Turkey onesie
is not too bad. So what I am gonna do?
(18:46):
Because Mad Costumes is on sale right now, because bitch,
it's after Halloween, I'm about to buy Mad onesies of animals,
and that's how I'm about to try problem, because why
the fuck not. It puts smiles on people's faces. And
(19:06):
I don't know if people were sad, but they got
happy to see me as a turkey, And I just
want to make people smile across the country because there's
not much to smile about anyways, y'all, this is another
am I ignorant? Make sure if you want me to
(19:26):
read your letter, you submit it to Selective Ignorance pod
at gmail dot com, where I can tell you if
you are being ignorant is fuck or selectively ignorant? And
this week I got like a political one, I think,
or two political ones, a relationship one, and I think
(19:48):
of a holiday one. So we're gonna have fun this
week again. Send yo letters in. I also love how
y'all are sponding to these over on the discord. If
you are a part of the Patreon community, we get
to dissect episodes and be ignorant like live y'all, So
(20:11):
you get to join me over on the discord. To
join in on the conversation weekly, just head over to
patreon dot com backslash Selective Ignorance. You also are able
to see the full video here of me in my
lightbeat in my streaming room. All right, let's get into it.
(20:33):
This already pisses me off. I thought I was being
honest about her weight. Aw all right, let's get into it.
I have been with my girlfriend, let's call her Nia
for three years. Over the last year, she's gained some weight.
She's mentioned feeling insecure about it a few times, and
(20:54):
has talked about wanting to get back on track, but
nothing consistent has stuck. Ooh, I think you better just
get her to pen. Recently, she tried on outfits for
a wedding that we're attending in December. She came out
in a dress she used to wear a couple of
years ago and asked, all right, be honest, does this
still look good on me? I hesitated and said it
(21:17):
looks fine, but you can tell you put on some weight.
Maybe we can use this as motivation to hit the
gym together. Oh, Nikka, yes, but no. Her whole face dropped.
She went back into the room and changed into something
back here. Later that night, she told me she felt
humiliated and said I confirmed her worst fears confirmed. Bitch,
(21:41):
She don't she know she gain weight? I told her,
you literally asked me to be honest. I'm not going
to lie just to spare your feelings. I also said
health is important and I'm just trying to make sure
we both stay in shape. She brought up that when
I get during COVID, she never said anything about that.
(22:04):
She just started cooking healthier and inviting me on walks.
I told her, well, that's your communication style, this is mine.
I don't really sugarcoat shit. A couple days later, she
was quieter and less affectionate. When I asked what was up.
She said she feels I see her as a project
and not as someone who deserves love at every size.
(22:27):
I told her she's being dramatic and twisting my concern
into an attack, and that this is why men lie
when women ask for honesty. Ooh, nigga, I don't know
why I'm feeling triggered. Now. She's talking about taking a
break to work on her self esteem without me and
her ear and my friends are split. Some say I'm
(22:50):
just keeping it real, and others say I was being
insensitive and a bit controlling. Was I being ignorant about
honesty in the moment and where it would land for
her or is she overreacting? All right? Tricky because there's
(23:12):
a thing there's a thin line between being brutally honest
and honest, and I think that there's a difference between
also being considerate and sugarcoating. Hear me out, sugarcoating is
a lot of fluff. But if you know that someone
is already a bit sensitive about a matter, there is
(23:37):
a way to be honest without being a dick. Let
me see what you were you really said. I mean,
here's the thing, though, I ain't gonna hold you. I'm
reading what you said. And if you said, disporbade him
because niggas be lying. And I don't know what tone
(23:57):
you had. But your response to her asking you to
be honest and if the dress still looks good on her,
was that it looks fine. What you can tell you
put on weight. Maybe we can use this as motivation
to hit the gym together. I actually see that as
a good response. I don't think it was an ignorant
(24:18):
response because she did say be honest. Now I've said
this before, and that's why I don't speak for all women,
because women be de lulu and a lot of women
actually do like to be lied to. Oh, a woman
will know that her nigga is cheating, but she don't
(24:39):
really want to know if he's cheating. It's almost like,
I don't know, I don't know why we're like that.
I do feel like men have almost been programmed to
lie to women because a lot of women can't handle
the truth. And that's whether it's about their weight, it's
about their hair, it's about whether outfit really looks nice.
(25:01):
It's about whether you you know a partner even really
likes your friends or your parents or not. There's a
lot of things that when a woman is told the truth,
maybe you might just have to brace for the response.
I do think that bringing up the communications style when
(25:22):
you're with somebody, especially around the holiday time, it gets tricky.
I also understand the double standard around weight gain, So
I do think men are less sensitive about gaining weight,
but also men are able to lose the weight quicker
weight game for women is just sensitive overall, but also ladies.
(25:48):
And here's where I'm gonna sound ignorant. If you gain weight,
do you want your partner to tell you you've gained
it and motivate you to join the gym with him,
or do you want him to be less attracted to
you and cheap. I know that sounds crazy, but like, yeah,
I think that weight gain is one of those things
(26:10):
when you're in a relationship you have to be able
to address and you have to be able to receive.
You should be able to tell your partner, hey, you're
getting a little big. The cheet shose is cheat showing.
Then pants don't fit you the same as when we
(26:32):
got together. Ay, then, but is about to poe? I,
in the most ignorant of ways, actually feel like we
should all be addressing weight gain a weight loss if
(26:55):
we feel like it's even changing our attraction, or if
we know that it's a affecting the the way in
which someone views themselves. Because let's be very clear, depression
and security, those things have an impact on relationships, and
so you should be able to nudge your partner to
(27:16):
be motivated to get that shit checked at the dome.
Let's address this now and find a way to where
you don't keep getting bigger. If you're listening to this
right now and you and your partner, you or your
partner have gained weight or are having the weight gain conversation,
(27:40):
you don't need to bring them in securities into the relationship.
You know when you get a little big, You know
when things are starting to fit you a little different. Bitch,
Maybe maybe only eat one plate for Thanksgiving you ain't
got to eat too. Maybe plan the gym over the
(28:03):
next couple of weeks. Get in the gym now. Don't
wait till January first, don't wait for the new year.
Get in that hole now. I will say, in terms
of this, even asking for a break to work on
her self esteem, the bitch is overreacting. You were selectively
(28:25):
ignorant because you know a woman really can't take honesty.
But I don't feel like you were being completely ignorant
in how you're honest. You were being selectively ignorant, not
completely ignorant, because you knew women can't take honesty for men.
But I will say, she's absolutely overreacting here, and I
(28:47):
hope that y'all are able to work this out. All right,
let me see another one. We got time for about
two mo We got time for about two Okay, here's one.
Don't ruin Christmas before it starts. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
(29:09):
let's see, let's see, let's see. Hey, Mandy, all right,
So I am already stressed about the holidays and it's
only mid November. My big family does Christmas at my
grandma's and this year is the first one since my
cousin came out as queer. Some of the older Caribbean aunties, Oh, bitch, Caribbean.
(29:36):
I wonder if you Jamaican, because baby, we probably don't
talk about it enough. How goddamn homophobic the islands is bitch.
Some of the older Caribbean aunties have already said slick
stuff in the family WhatsApp like, I hope we don't
(29:57):
have any confusion at Christmas with the side I amog Now,
y'all know I suck at it acceps and I should
have a better fucking patois, but I don't. So this
is what the fuck you're getting out of me. Okay.
Last week my aunt sent a message, let's just keep
(30:20):
things respectful and traditional this year. No need for all
these moder lifestyles at Grandma's house. I immediately replied, y'all,
can we please not start drama before Christmas? It's the holidays.
We're all blessed to still be here. Can we just
(30:41):
focus on family and not make everything about identity and lifestyle.
My cousin d and me after and said that message
felt like I was lumping her in with the drama
and telling her to shrink herself for the sake of
family peace. Ooh, bitch, your cousins say, you ain't got
to speak for me. She did the same thing that
(31:04):
Tyler said to Tea with savage bitch, you don't have
to speak for me. I know what I said. I
told her, I'm literally trying to just prevent them from
coming at you. And if I push back to her now,
they'll be on ten by December. She said. If she
don't push back, they'll be on ten. She said, I'm
(31:25):
being ignorant by treating her existence like a pro problem
to manage and asking her to be grateful just to
be invited. I told her the older generation just doesn't
know no better, and then she should pick her battles
because it's not that deep and it's just one dinner.
Now she's low key discent, and my mom says that
(31:47):
I might have just made it worse by trying to
keep the peace in a way that now throws my
cousin under the bus before the holidays even start. It's
a tricky one. Am I being ignorant by trying to
shut down the conflict early in the group chat instead
of just directly defending Jade ooh ooh. Now I will say,
(32:14):
if you are not queer, you just sitting here trying
to be an ally and kind of making it to
where these people now just need to shut up, or
making it seem like Jay does have to kind of
shrink herself. Here's the thing when it comes to sexual identity,
(32:37):
when it comes to women having babies, when it comes
to just the things that we are preparing ourselves to
bring up during the holiday season, just let people fight
their own battles. I actually agree with your cousin. It's
(32:57):
not for you to sit here and tell the people
what they can or cannot bring up. But also I
think that someone who's queer, someone who may be battling
with infertility, someone who has to defend their ain't shit partner,
leave that shit to them. Yes, it's only one dinner,
(33:19):
but I think that this is always and should be
one of those teaching moments. I think that politics is
something that's going to be brought up in the holidays,
especially this year. I think that identity and lifestyle is
something that continuously needs to be brought up because even
(33:39):
for an older generation, why do we want to keep
them ignorant? This could be your cousin's moment to educate,
This could be your cousin's moment to show them their
ignorance and hopefully change their mind, whether your cousin is
bringing her partner or his partner, whether your cousin is
(34:02):
gonna come super flamboyant and make them see that they
are a human being and that they shouldn't be judged
because of their identity. Like, I ain't gonna hold you.
I think you ignorant as hell for trying to shut
down something that's inevitable. The older generation be ignorant, gonna
(34:24):
be ignorant, whether your cousin come in there swirling and
what they rainbow flag or not. And so you just
inserting yourself in a way that does now make your
cousin feel like they can't show up as themselves only
to protect the ignorance of this older generation. But you
(34:49):
dead ass wrong, You dead ass wrong. And so a
way to make this up would be to go in
there with your with a rainbow flag and stand and
solace at dinner if things get uncomfortable. But yet you're
kind of actually amplifying the issue before goddamn Christmas dinner
(35:12):
even comes about. Now, elephant in the room. The Aunties
don't like the gays because they're homophobic. So hey, gay
queer cousin, tone that shit down so we could just
sit in peace. No, girl, So I actually do think
(35:35):
that you was ignorant for trying to bring peace to
the family prior, because at the end of the day,
your queer cousin's identity and sexuality isn't going to change
before Christmas, so the elephant will still be present. And
who wants to be around a whole bunch of phony people. Nah,
(35:55):
set that shit on fire. This is the time where
we have to push back on the ignorance, and what
better time to do it than the goddamn holidays. Ha ha,
look at my evil laugh. I think it's great. I
like hearing all the debates and seeing why you don't
(36:15):
deal with family members throughout the year, because bitch, they're
human and y'all saying this blood is thicker than water. Bullshit.
Some family members fuckome, absolutely fuck them. Speaking of let's
see if we can do one kind of political one. Ooh,
(36:36):
I like this one, the diversity higher joke. All right, now,
let me see if this is some black and white shit.
Oh all right, y'all. Hey, Mandy girl, hear me out.
(36:57):
Hear me out? Is crazy. Let's see. I'm a twenty
seven year old black female working in a mid sized
marketing firm. Our team recently hired a white man as
a junior copywriter. During his first week, our manager casually
(37:18):
joked in the break room well hr said we needed
more diversity, so we got let's call him Liam with
the nosering and everyone laughed. I guess Liam is the
white junior copywriter. I gave a tight smile but didn't
say anything. Later that day, we were chatting as a
(37:41):
team and I made a joke like, yeah, they already
filled their diversity quota this year, with me more awkward laughter.
After the meeting, another coworker of color pulled me aside
and said that those jokes bother her because they minimize
our work and make it sound like we're only here
(38:02):
to check boxes. I told her, I get it, but
I'd rather laugh than be the angry black woman in
the office. If I call it out, it becomes a
whole hr thing. She said that making the joke myself,
I'm normalizing it and giving other people permission to say
wild stuff. The next day, Liam said in a lighthearted tone, hey,
(38:26):
can you help me with this? You're the diversity expert
around here, and I snapped and said, I'm not your
diversity mascot in front of the team. Now people think
I overreacted, and Anna says I helped create that environment
by joking along. Was I ignorant in how I handled
the situation or are they ignorant for not seeing the
(38:48):
impacts of those quote unquote jokes. Tricky. It's tricky because
as Black women specifically, we like overly feel microaggressions. And
(39:09):
I'm not sure if it's because we've received them for
so long throughout school, throughout work, just within even maybe
some social settings. Microaggressions are overly thrown at us, and
a lot of times we just have to laugh or
(39:31):
smile it off. Like literally, this week, my friend and
I spoke briefly about a microaggression that she experienced in
a job interview. So my homegirl has been having these
interviews and she gets on the phone, this is the
second interview with a woman and she gets on the
(39:51):
call and they start talking and literally midway through the interview,
the lady says, wow, you speak so well. And at
this point now my friend's like, we'll beat you and
see my resume and I'm almost forty and so she
(40:16):
received and it certainly was a microaggression, because are white
women telling other white women that they speak well? Mitch? What?
And so we spoke about this, right, and so here's
(40:40):
the thing, the manager bringing up, we need more diversity.
So we hired Liam with the nose ring. I don't
know if this is in office that is predominantly black
or people of color, or if the nose ring part
(41:02):
was the joke that as the diversity It's it's weird
because microaggression can happen with us too. Ooh, that can
sound ignorant. You making the joke in front of the
team that you feel the diversity quota in front of
(41:23):
the team, and then getting mad when someone on the
team brings up diversity behind you. It was the person
that also just got quote unquote hired as a diversity
higher right, snapping after telling the other girl in the
office that you don't want to be seen as the
(41:44):
angry black woman that's the thing. It's like, it's kind
of what we'd be saying about the N word. And
this is just where my mind goes, right, we say nigga,
n ni, nigga, nigga all through the office, and then
(42:06):
someone else says the in word, and it's like, nah, bit,
you can't say that. It's like, in certain spaces, if
we don't want people to feel comfortable saying the things,
we have kind of an unspoken responsibility not to say
(42:27):
the things. Now, the inWORD is a stretch. I know
that's that's like an over exaggerated example. But if you
genuinely are tied emotionally to what's happened with the removal
of DEI and what's happening across companies with diversity, if
(42:49):
you are a little bit inside feeling like a diversity higher,
that's not something to make a joke lightly of out
of your own mouth, because if you're almost allowing someone
else to be able to say that to you, which
in this case happened all the way around here, actually
(43:09):
you're ignorant for how you handle the situation and snapping
at him and saying I'm not your diversity mascot girl,
and I think you removed their ability to be ignorant
around not seeing the impact of the jokes. When you
led with be in the punchline for the jokes, you
(43:29):
kind of waved the flag and was like, I'm the
diversity higher bitch, I already met you know, I was
the quota for that. Yeah, I'm looking at this and
you're all the way not only ignorant, you playing victim
when you brought it on yourself. Girl, I ain't even
(43:50):
gonna hold you. Your coworker. Let you know, girl, your
coworker said, girl, it is not for you to sit
here and make these jokes. And then when when when
the crackers bring the jokes? Now you offended, Now you snapping,
and now unfortunately you look like the angry black woman
(44:11):
in the office. I actually agree with your coworker. It
shouldn't have been a laughing matter. You shouldn't have made
yourself the butt of the joke. Because now that you're
the butt of the joke and someone else's joke, you're offended.
You gotta take a little bit of responsibility here. Nonetheless, yeah,
(44:33):
I'm gonna say you're all the way ignorant here, babe,
all the way all right, Well, y'all. Next week we
have a really really, really really good episode coming to you.
Make sure you check that out on Tuesday. This is
another am I Ignorant? Again? Do not forget to send
(44:53):
your letters to me at Selective Ignorance pod at gmail
dot com. Enjoin me on the discord. I like to
hear your thoughts. Am I dissecting these questions wrong? Or
do you agree with me on whether these people are
fully ignorant, slightly ignorant, or have no hell to die
on or maybe they're dying on the hill. Either way,
(45:17):
thank you guys for tuning in to another bonus episode
Am I Ignorant. We're adding it to the end of
the Tuesday drops right now. We're doing it here. But
I'm really excited, y'all. There are some changes coming. I'm
bringing on somebody for these Friday episodes. The Friday episodes
are getting a whole new facelift, Chris Jenner style, and
(45:39):
I'm really really excited for you guys to see what's
happening with the end of the year and the top
of the year. Rock with me. I'm dropping y'all some
good shit, okay, k leaving out the other K. Anyways,
y'all have a good weekend. I have a safe weekend.
And when I say safe, no drinking and driving, no
(46:00):
sex without condoms. Okay. Anyways, y'all, this has been another
episode of Selective Ignorance, where controversy thrives hot and conversations matter.
I forgot the other part. I'm gonna get it though.
I'm gonna get it when I don't have my shit
in front of me. Thank you guys so much, See
you all next week. Bye. Selective Ignorance a production of
(46:24):
the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Thanks for tuning in the Selective Ignorance of Mandy B.
Selective Ignorance. It's executive produced to Buy Mandy B. And
it's a full Court Media studio production with lead producers
Jason Mondriguez. That's me and Aaron A.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
King Howard.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Now do us a favor and rate, Subscribe, comment, and
share wherever you get your favorite podcasts, and be sure
to follow Selective Ignorance on Instagram at Selective Underscore Ignorance
And of course, if you're not following our hosts Mandy b.
Make sure you're at full court pumps now. If you
want the full video experience of selective Ignorance, make sure
you subscribe to the Patreon It's patreon dot com backslash
(47:09):
selective Ignorance
This is Mandy B. Welcome to Selective Ignorance, a production
of the BLACKPEC Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Hey, classmates, it's
your girl, Mandy B. And it is a bonus episode
of Selective Ignorance. On this Friday day, Hopefully it's payday
for some of you, and hopefully it's payday for some
(00:23):
of y'all who wasn't paid for forty three days. It
looks like the government shut down is finally done, is
finally over. I still feel like we are living in
I don't know, y'all know, I'm trying to think of
another word besides ghetto, but that's what it is. If
(00:43):
you guys follow me on social media, the government shutdown
impacted my motherfucking travel. I guess that's how I'm gonna
start this. If you tuned into my Instagram story on Sunday,
you will see I had the travel day from hell.
(01:04):
And basically, as we know, last weekend, because of the
government shut down, air traffic controllers were calling out TSA employees,
we're calling out and the airport was in shambles. Basically
across the board. They went to canceling about ten percent
(01:24):
of flights, which impacted thousands of travelers, including your girl.
I guess I'll try to get into my storytelling bag
so that y'all can experience the frustration with me. So
I was in New York this past weekend. I was
(01:45):
on stage with Tonight's Conversations. Shout out to Ace metaphor,
shout out to Mona. Got to like kick it with
Mona for a little bit and really just love her.
She has her own podcast called Don't Call Me White Girl.
She's recently a new addition to the Joe Butden podcast.
Love her down on that podcast, okay, like the replacement
(02:08):
that took place there. Also got to kick it with
doctor Schi and Bryant, who I actually really enjoyed. I
had to like come to her like, girl, your team
be playing on my motherfucking face and I don't like it.
She basically was supposed to do probably like three different
(02:28):
episodes of Decisions Decisions, and I think one time we
couldn't get a hotel for her team, and the second
two times they like rescheduled. And here's the thing with me,
it could be my ego, but bitch, if we plan
(02:52):
for you to come at twelve o'clock and you hit
us the morning of and say, hey, double booked, can
we push it to five? Sorry? No, suck my dick
from the back. I immediately feel disrespected because I know
that's something you wouldn't ask of a breakfast club. I
know you wouldn't ask of a larger platform, like as
(03:14):
a creative as someone being in the creative space. People
know like photographers are books, studio times are book. People's
days are coordinated around this time slot. So I felt
the kind of way. But we got to actually like
sit and chat, and I was like, all right, I bitch,
(03:35):
don't do it again. But I really like her now.
So hopefully we get doctor Shy and Brian either here
on selective ignorance or on decisions decisions, and then just
everyone else. Kendred g again, got to see Kitty Rose
ac tral A c. It was really good to be
around everyone. So I was in New York for work,
(03:57):
not leisure, and so Sunday I have my flight back
to Atlanta. The bullshit starts on Saturday. So right before
I hit the stage, I get a text message that
says I've been upgraded to first class on my flight
from LaGuardia to Columbus, Ohio. And I'm like, bitch, is
(04:22):
this a spam? Like, bitch, ain't nobody going to Columbus.
So I go to my Delta app and it says
that I have a flight at six am to Columbus
and then Columbus to Atlanta. But as I go to
the app, bitch, that flight from Columbus to Atlanta is
(04:43):
already showing delayed. Y'all it's nine thirty at night. So
I'm like, okay, so my eight o'clock then I put
to a six o'clock with a layover. Yeah, no, and
that shit showing delayed. Who do I know in Columbus?
The only thing I know about Columbus, Ohio is little
bow Wow. You just don't know the way you move
(05:05):
so fast across the floor, Like I know, I know
bow Wow's from there. Other than that, what the fuck
is in Columbus, Ohio? And I'm like, a bitch, ain't
getting stuck there? Like ooh. So I called Delta and
boys looking tricky, but they were able to get me
on a six eight m direct flight to Atlanta. So
(05:29):
I was like, okay, Well, I'm not gonna be done
with work till like ten thirty. I was going out
with my friends after I had a little fling after that.
So I said, bitch, I'm pulling the all nighter six
o'clock flight. I got luggage to check in. I need
to be at the airport at least at like four
point thirty. Bitch. We partying this last night in New York.
(05:53):
So I end up uptown, uptown baby, uptown baby. I'm
with my brother, I want my friend, I want my
little thing thing, and we drinking. We having a good time.
We wrap up maybe around like one point thirty. I
get back to my room at like two o'clock. Bet
(06:15):
lit keep drinking and pretty much get fucked through the
mattress for the next two hours. Right, So four o'clock
creep around. I'm like, who all right, time to go
to the airport, y'all. I get my luggage ready, I
(06:36):
turn on the shower. Bitch, I get an alert to
my phone again. Six am. Flight canceled. They booked me
onto the seven oh five heading to Charlotte with a
layover and then go into Atlanta. And I'm like, fuck,
(06:58):
let me fuck for another forty five minutes. I'm not
too mad. I'm like, Okay, Charlotte is at least heading
in the direction of Atlanta. Whatever, if anything happened and
I got too long a layo, I'm gonna call a sante.
So maybe get on the flight at seven, mind y'all,
(07:20):
quick little detail. I'm so drunk, exhausted and dehydrated from
all of the liquids that left my body for the
last three hours that I decide I don't really want
to get dressed. And then my luggage is a Turkey onesie.
(07:44):
That's right, a Turkey onesie because Thanksgiving is coming up
and I chose to put journalism Jason, my super producer,
in this costume for our Thanksgiving Day episode, and I
decided I really liked that shit. So I kept that
(08:07):
goddamn costume and was like, fuck it, this will be
a quick travel day. Just gonna put on a goddamn onesie,
hide under the goddamn gobble gobble, and be in Cognegro. Nope.
I don't know how people recognize me as a Turkey,
but niggas was fired me in the airport as a Turkey,
(08:30):
and I feel a way about it because I a fuck,
did you notice me in a Turkey onesie? AnyWho? I
bought the flight. I'm like all right, layover eight no layover.
It's literally like a twenty five minute layover. So I
was like about to hot for one flight to the next.
(08:50):
I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia by ten thirty a m.
So landing Charlotte, the gate is directly next to it.
It's already boarding. As we land. I go from one
flight to the next, sit cozy woesy in my fucking seat,
and I'm ready to take off. Bitch, tell me why.
(09:13):
In the middle of boarding, they stop and they say
we have to deplane. This plane needs maintenance, stamped a
two hour delay. Immediately, I'm like, but so I go
up to the goddamn lounge, get a little breakfast. I'm like, okay,
(09:38):
let me get on Live. Just a little bit waste
some time. I go to leave the lounge and I
see that there is an eleven thirty eight flight. Oh,
because I don't think I told you thirty minutes before
we were supposed to board the flight that was delayed
for maintenance, they cancel it. It's canceled. Christmas is canceled.
(10:04):
So I'm like, oh, nah, bitch, let me get on
this other flight. So there's an eleven thirty eight flight
they're boarding. Baby, there's about six semn people at the counter,
including myself, trying to get on this flight. So they
start naming us one by one, one two. I did
(10:25):
skip this white lady and I looked at her and
she looked sad, so I said, go on ahead. I
know I skipped you. Anyways, there's three seats left. They
call this white man, this white lady, and then it's me, y'all.
I'm just like, yes, I got the last seat on
(10:50):
this flight. So I gather my wings. I figure if
deal with my luggage later, and I take my ass
on this flight. I'm supposed to be sitting in twenty
seven E, y'all. I walk all the way to the
(11:10):
back of the plane. Someone is sitting in twenty seven E.
There are no more seats. They miscalculated. This is now
the second plane that I've gotten off, gotten on and
after d plane. By this point, y'all, I've been up.
Y'all know I didn't go to I've been up since
(11:31):
the day before, did two shows, went out, got put
through the mattress. This is now my damn me and
my third cancel flight. I've had three cancel flights by now, y'all.
I get to the desk and I start crying. I do.
There are tears coming down my turkey eyes, and I'm like, fuck.
(11:57):
I called Delta. They they have nothing, but they put
me on a seven thirty PM and I'm like, bitch, pressure,
I've been seeing these flights get canceled left and right.
You got all these people figuring out how to fucky
about to get home. I don't want to stay in
Charlotte till seven o'clock. And not mind y'all, it's eleven
(12:19):
thirty in the morning. You're telling me I got away
eight hours. I'm like, fuck, there's a two thirty flight
that's already been pushed back to five thirty because of
maintenance and everything else they're telling me is sold out, y'all.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Like what?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
At this point, I decided to go on Expedia. I
reserve a car, I reserve a hotel because the bitch
got to sleep. I go all the way down the
baggage claim get my bags because I'm like, let me
figure this shit out. Call Delta one more again because
I'm like, can y'all get me on a flight. She's
showing the two thirty flight and I'm like or two fifteen,
(13:04):
and I'm like, bitch, it's showing five thirty here for maintenance. Well,
it's not showing that on my end. So I asked
this the guy at the baggage claim if he sees
anything on his end, because clearly the systems are not
even showing the same thing, y'all. He found a five eleven.
Put me on the five eleven. I get on the
(13:25):
five eleven. I kind of doze off. Wake up, bitch,
we are still there. I immediately am like, what the fuck.
So pilot comes on and says, hey, guys, we're delayed,
not for anything except there is low staff for the baggage,
so it's just taking a bit longer to get everyone's
(13:46):
bags aboard. But bear with us, y'all. Eventually I get
home at we land at seven thirty. I get home
about eight o'clock, y'all. Thirteen hours, thirteen thirteen hours. It's
how much it took me to get from LaGuardia to
(14:08):
atl I do have an ignorant take about this government
shut down real quick. That also is probably gonna come
off a bit selfish, but maybe not. We know that
snap benefits were impacted. We know that government and federal
employees were not getting paid and we wanted the Democrats
(14:32):
to hold out. Now there were eight Democrats, I believe,
one when I hadn't faltered, and then the other six
or seven when I had and signed. And I, after
experiencing this, was dreading and could not even fathom what
holiday travel would look like. Now my ignorance is that, bitch,
(14:55):
this is gonna impact my flight to Dallas. But in
a way that I was caring about other people. I
was like, but damn for the people that this may
impact and see their families that they haven't seen in
a while, their family members that are sick, that this
may be their last chance to see them. I was really, really,
really like thinking really just about these flights and was like,
(15:19):
this government shut down need to end. However, the goddamn
Orange Cheeto has already put into effect these premiums that
are going up. I'm gonna try to maybe share some
of the charts that I've seen, things that are really
(15:40):
easy to break down what happened. But basically, there's like
one where I saw a premium going from six hundred
dollars to twenty two hundred dollars a month a month
and just the breakdown of the deductible rates, the percentage
that people have to pay in regards to different things.
And I'm just just like, y'all, the midterms are not
(16:04):
till next November, so these premiums are going to be
in effect for the next year. And I don't know
if y'all see but Bernie Sanders, I don't know if
I can even find the clip in time, but Bernie
Sanders pretty much said this new impact on you know,
our medical insurance is going to lead to about fifty
(16:26):
thousand people dying. And I'm just like, oh, I just
don't know what the hell to say between the Democrats
the Republicans, What the fuck is happening with this goddamn government.
We live in some bull shit, And so I really
(16:48):
want y'all to look at the impact of the new
rates for medicare and medical insurance. I want y'all to
also look at this proposal for this new fifty year mortgage.
I don't know what the fuck this fucking sweet potato
is doing. I don't I don't know what Trump is doing,
(17:10):
but it's definitely uh. And then apparently all of this Democrats,
if you wanted the Republicans to like succeed this a
little bit. Did y'all not threaten this epsteam file bullshit
during the last forty five days? Did you not? Now
(17:31):
we're seeing that Trump is listed in these random epsteam
files that just came about. Bitch, you should have just
goddamn blackmailed that nigga with these. I know he didn't
want it out. I just feel like the Democrats are
playing too safe of a goddamn game. Get your hands dirty,
that's what the Republicans do. Get messy, oh, fight with mess,
(18:02):
fight mess with mess. I just don't know why we
succeeded this. I don't want to say early, but it's
going to have an impact, And y'all the year is
routing up. We are in the second week of fucking November. Bitch,
can we get this nigga impeached? Fuck? But also then JD.
(18:25):
Vans ain't the answer either. Ah. Any who travel for
me was ghetto, and what I learned from my experiences,
if my travel was fun, traveling in a Turkey onesie
is not too bad. So what I am gonna do?
(18:46):
Because Mad Costumes is on sale right now, because bitch,
it's after Halloween, I'm about to buy Mad onesies of animals,
and that's how I'm about to try problem, because why
the fuck not. It puts smiles on people's faces. And
(19:06):
I don't know if people were sad, but they got
happy to see me as a turkey, And I just
want to make people smile across the country because there's
not much to smile about anyways, y'all, this is another
am I ignorant? Make sure if you want me to
(19:26):
read your letter, you submit it to Selective Ignorance pod
at gmail dot com, where I can tell you if
you are being ignorant is fuck or selectively ignorant? And
this week I got like a political one, I think,
or two political ones, a relationship one, and I think
(19:48):
of a holiday one. So we're gonna have fun this
week again. Send yo letters in. I also love how
y'all are sponding to these over on the discord. If
you are a part of the Patreon community, we get
to dissect episodes and be ignorant like live y'all, So
(20:11):
you get to join me over on the discord. To
join in on the conversation weekly, just head over to
patreon dot com backslash Selective Ignorance. You also are able
to see the full video here of me in my
lightbeat in my streaming room. All right, let's get into it.
(20:33):
This already pisses me off. I thought I was being
honest about her weight. Aw all right, let's get into it.
I have been with my girlfriend, let's call her Nia
for three years. Over the last year, she's gained some weight.
She's mentioned feeling insecure about it a few times, and
(20:54):
has talked about wanting to get back on track, but
nothing consistent has stuck. Ooh, I think you better just
get her to pen. Recently, she tried on outfits for
a wedding that we're attending in December. She came out
in a dress she used to wear a couple of
years ago and asked, all right, be honest, does this
still look good on me? I hesitated and said it
(21:17):
looks fine, but you can tell you put on some weight.
Maybe we can use this as motivation to hit the
gym together. Oh, Nikka, yes, but no. Her whole face dropped.
She went back into the room and changed into something
back here. Later that night, she told me she felt
humiliated and said I confirmed her worst fears confirmed. Bitch,
(21:41):
She don't she know she gain weight? I told her,
you literally asked me to be honest. I'm not going
to lie just to spare your feelings. I also said
health is important and I'm just trying to make sure
we both stay in shape. She brought up that when
I get during COVID, she never said anything about that.
(22:04):
She just started cooking healthier and inviting me on walks.
I told her, well, that's your communication style, this is mine.
I don't really sugarcoat shit. A couple days later, she
was quieter and less affectionate. When I asked what was up.
She said she feels I see her as a project
and not as someone who deserves love at every size.
(22:27):
I told her she's being dramatic and twisting my concern
into an attack, and that this is why men lie
when women ask for honesty. Ooh, nigga, I don't know
why I'm feeling triggered. Now. She's talking about taking a
break to work on her self esteem without me and
her ear and my friends are split. Some say I'm
(22:50):
just keeping it real, and others say I was being
insensitive and a bit controlling. Was I being ignorant about
honesty in the moment and where it would land for
her or is she overreacting? All right? Tricky because there's
(23:12):
a thing there's a thin line between being brutally honest
and honest, and I think that there's a difference between
also being considerate and sugarcoating. Hear me out, sugarcoating is
a lot of fluff. But if you know that someone
is already a bit sensitive about a matter, there is
(23:37):
a way to be honest without being a dick. Let
me see what you were you really said. I mean,
here's the thing, though, I ain't gonna hold you. I'm
reading what you said. And if you said, disporbade him
because niggas be lying. And I don't know what tone
(23:57):
you had. But your response to her asking you to
be honest and if the dress still looks good on her,
was that it looks fine. What you can tell you
put on weight. Maybe we can use this as motivation
to hit the gym together. I actually see that as
a good response. I don't think it was an ignorant
(24:18):
response because she did say be honest. Now I've said
this before, and that's why I don't speak for all women,
because women be de lulu and a lot of women
actually do like to be lied to. Oh, a woman
will know that her nigga is cheating, but she don't
(24:39):
really want to know if he's cheating. It's almost like,
I don't know, I don't know why we're like that.
I do feel like men have almost been programmed to
lie to women because a lot of women can't handle
the truth. And that's whether it's about their weight, it's
about their hair, it's about whether outfit really looks nice.
(25:01):
It's about whether you you know a partner even really
likes your friends or your parents or not. There's a
lot of things that when a woman is told the truth,
maybe you might just have to brace for the response.
I do think that bringing up the communications style when
(25:22):
you're with somebody, especially around the holiday time, it gets tricky.
I also understand the double standard around weight gain, So
I do think men are less sensitive about gaining weight,
but also men are able to lose the weight quicker
weight game for women is just sensitive overall, but also ladies.
(25:48):
And here's where I'm gonna sound ignorant. If you gain weight,
do you want your partner to tell you you've gained
it and motivate you to join the gym with him,
or do you want him to be less attracted to
you and cheap. I know that sounds crazy, but like, yeah,
I think that weight gain is one of those things
(26:10):
when you're in a relationship you have to be able
to address and you have to be able to receive.
You should be able to tell your partner, hey, you're
getting a little big. The cheet shose is cheat showing.
Then pants don't fit you the same as when we
(26:32):
got together. Ay, then, but is about to poe? I,
in the most ignorant of ways, actually feel like we
should all be addressing weight gain a weight loss if
(26:55):
we feel like it's even changing our attraction, or if
we know that it's a affecting the the way in
which someone views themselves. Because let's be very clear, depression
and security, those things have an impact on relationships, and
so you should be able to nudge your partner to
(27:16):
be motivated to get that shit checked at the dome.
Let's address this now and find a way to where
you don't keep getting bigger. If you're listening to this
right now and you and your partner, you or your
partner have gained weight or are having the weight gain conversation,
(27:40):
you don't need to bring them in securities into the relationship.
You know when you get a little big, You know
when things are starting to fit you a little different. Bitch,
Maybe maybe only eat one plate for Thanksgiving you ain't
got to eat too. Maybe plan the gym over the
(28:03):
next couple of weeks. Get in the gym now. Don't
wait till January first, don't wait for the new year.
Get in that hole now. I will say, in terms
of this, even asking for a break to work on
her self esteem, the bitch is overreacting. You were selectively
(28:25):
ignorant because you know a woman really can't take honesty.
But I don't feel like you were being completely ignorant
in how you're honest. You were being selectively ignorant, not
completely ignorant, because you knew women can't take honesty for men.
But I will say, she's absolutely overreacting here, and I
(28:47):
hope that y'all are able to work this out. All right,
let me see another one. We got time for about
two mo We got time for about two Okay, here's one.
Don't ruin Christmas before it starts. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
(29:09):
let's see, let's see, let's see. Hey, Mandy, all right,
So I am already stressed about the holidays and it's
only mid November. My big family does Christmas at my
grandma's and this year is the first one since my
cousin came out as queer. Some of the older Caribbean aunties, Oh, bitch, Caribbean.
(29:36):
I wonder if you Jamaican, because baby, we probably don't
talk about it enough. How goddamn homophobic the islands is bitch.
Some of the older Caribbean aunties have already said slick
stuff in the family WhatsApp like, I hope we don't
(29:57):
have any confusion at Christmas with the side I amog Now,
y'all know I suck at it acceps and I should
have a better fucking patois, but I don't. So this
is what the fuck you're getting out of me. Okay.
Last week my aunt sent a message, let's just keep
(30:20):
things respectful and traditional this year. No need for all
these moder lifestyles at Grandma's house. I immediately replied, y'all,
can we please not start drama before Christmas? It's the holidays.
We're all blessed to still be here. Can we just
(30:41):
focus on family and not make everything about identity and lifestyle.
My cousin d and me after and said that message
felt like I was lumping her in with the drama
and telling her to shrink herself for the sake of
family peace. Ooh, bitch, your cousins say, you ain't got
to speak for me. She did the same thing that
(31:04):
Tyler said to Tea with savage bitch, you don't have
to speak for me. I know what I said. I
told her, I'm literally trying to just prevent them from
coming at you. And if I push back to her now,
they'll be on ten by December. She said. If she
don't push back, they'll be on ten. She said, I'm
(31:25):
being ignorant by treating her existence like a pro problem
to manage and asking her to be grateful just to
be invited. I told her the older generation just doesn't
know no better, and then she should pick her battles
because it's not that deep and it's just one dinner.
Now she's low key discent, and my mom says that
(31:47):
I might have just made it worse by trying to
keep the peace in a way that now throws my
cousin under the bus before the holidays even start. It's
a tricky one. Am I being ignorant by trying to
shut down the conflict early in the group chat instead
of just directly defending Jade ooh ooh. Now I will say,
(32:14):
if you are not queer, you just sitting here trying
to be an ally and kind of making it to
where these people now just need to shut up, or
making it seem like Jay does have to kind of
shrink herself. Here's the thing when it comes to sexual identity,
(32:37):
when it comes to women having babies, when it comes
to just the things that we are preparing ourselves to
bring up during the holiday season, just let people fight
their own battles. I actually agree with your cousin. It's
(32:57):
not for you to sit here and tell the people
what they can or cannot bring up. But also I
think that someone who's queer, someone who may be battling
with infertility, someone who has to defend their ain't shit partner,
leave that shit to them. Yes, it's only one dinner,
(33:19):
but I think that this is always and should be
one of those teaching moments. I think that politics is
something that's going to be brought up in the holidays,
especially this year. I think that identity and lifestyle is
something that continuously needs to be brought up because even
(33:39):
for an older generation, why do we want to keep
them ignorant? This could be your cousin's moment to educate,
This could be your cousin's moment to show them their
ignorance and hopefully change their mind, whether your cousin is
bringing her partner or his partner, whether your cousin is
(34:02):
gonna come super flamboyant and make them see that they
are a human being and that they shouldn't be judged
because of their identity. Like, I ain't gonna hold you.
I think you ignorant as hell for trying to shut
down something that's inevitable. The older generation be ignorant, gonna
(34:24):
be ignorant, whether your cousin come in there swirling and
what they rainbow flag or not. And so you just
inserting yourself in a way that does now make your
cousin feel like they can't show up as themselves only
to protect the ignorance of this older generation. But you
(34:49):
dead ass wrong, You dead ass wrong. And so a
way to make this up would be to go in
there with your with a rainbow flag and stand and
solace at dinner if things get uncomfortable. But yet you're
kind of actually amplifying the issue before goddamn Christmas dinner
(35:12):
even comes about. Now, elephant in the room. The Aunties
don't like the gays because they're homophobic. So hey, gay
queer cousin, tone that shit down so we could just
sit in peace. No, girl, So I actually do think
(35:35):
that you was ignorant for trying to bring peace to
the family prior, because at the end of the day,
your queer cousin's identity and sexuality isn't going to change
before Christmas, so the elephant will still be present. And
who wants to be around a whole bunch of phony people. Nah,
(35:55):
set that shit on fire. This is the time where
we have to push back on the ignorance, and what
better time to do it than the goddamn holidays. Ha ha,
look at my evil laugh. I think it's great. I
like hearing all the debates and seeing why you don't
(36:15):
deal with family members throughout the year, because bitch, they're
human and y'all saying this blood is thicker than water. Bullshit.
Some family members fuckome, absolutely fuck them. Speaking of let's
see if we can do one kind of political one. Ooh,
(36:36):
I like this one, the diversity higher joke. All right, now,
let me see if this is some black and white shit.
Oh all right, y'all. Hey, Mandy girl, hear me out.
(36:57):
Hear me out? Is crazy. Let's see. I'm a twenty
seven year old black female working in a mid sized
marketing firm. Our team recently hired a white man as
a junior copywriter. During his first week, our manager casually
(37:18):
joked in the break room well hr said we needed
more diversity, so we got let's call him Liam with
the nosering and everyone laughed. I guess Liam is the
white junior copywriter. I gave a tight smile but didn't
say anything. Later that day, we were chatting as a
(37:41):
team and I made a joke like, yeah, they already
filled their diversity quota this year, with me more awkward laughter.
After the meeting, another coworker of color pulled me aside
and said that those jokes bother her because they minimize
our work and make it sound like we're only here
(38:02):
to check boxes. I told her, I get it, but
I'd rather laugh than be the angry black woman in
the office. If I call it out, it becomes a
whole hr thing. She said that making the joke myself,
I'm normalizing it and giving other people permission to say
wild stuff. The next day, Liam said in a lighthearted tone, hey,
(38:26):
can you help me with this? You're the diversity expert
around here, and I snapped and said, I'm not your
diversity mascot in front of the team. Now people think
I overreacted, and Anna says I helped create that environment
by joking along. Was I ignorant in how I handled
the situation or are they ignorant for not seeing the
(38:48):
impacts of those quote unquote jokes. Tricky. It's tricky because
as Black women specifically, we like overly feel microaggressions. And
(39:09):
I'm not sure if it's because we've received them for
so long throughout school, throughout work, just within even maybe
some social settings. Microaggressions are overly thrown at us, and
a lot of times we just have to laugh or
(39:31):
smile it off. Like literally, this week, my friend and
I spoke briefly about a microaggression that she experienced in
a job interview. So my homegirl has been having these
interviews and she gets on the phone, this is the
second interview with a woman and she gets on the
(39:51):
call and they start talking and literally midway through the interview,
the lady says, wow, you speak so well. And at
this point now my friend's like, we'll beat you and
see my resume and I'm almost forty and so she
(40:16):
received and it certainly was a microaggression, because are white
women telling other white women that they speak well? Mitch? What?
And so we spoke about this, right, and so here's
(40:40):
the thing, the manager bringing up, we need more diversity.
So we hired Liam with the nose ring. I don't
know if this is in office that is predominantly black
or people of color, or if the nose ring part
(41:02):
was the joke that as the diversity It's it's weird
because microaggression can happen with us too. Ooh, that can
sound ignorant. You making the joke in front of the
team that you feel the diversity quota in front of
(41:23):
the team, and then getting mad when someone on the
team brings up diversity behind you. It was the person
that also just got quote unquote hired as a diversity
higher right, snapping after telling the other girl in the
office that you don't want to be seen as the
(41:44):
angry black woman that's the thing. It's like, it's kind
of what we'd be saying about the N word. And
this is just where my mind goes, right, we say nigga,
n ni, nigga, nigga all through the office, and then
(42:06):
someone else says the in word, and it's like, nah, bit,
you can't say that. It's like, in certain spaces, if
we don't want people to feel comfortable saying the things,
we have kind of an unspoken responsibility not to say
(42:27):
the things. Now, the inWORD is a stretch. I know
that's that's like an over exaggerated example. But if you
genuinely are tied emotionally to what's happened with the removal
of DEI and what's happening across companies with diversity, if
(42:49):
you are a little bit inside feeling like a diversity higher,
that's not something to make a joke lightly of out
of your own mouth, because if you're almost allowing someone
else to be able to say that to you, which
in this case happened all the way around here, actually
(43:09):
you're ignorant for how you handle the situation and snapping
at him and saying I'm not your diversity mascot girl,
and I think you removed their ability to be ignorant
around not seeing the impact of the jokes. When you
led with be in the punchline for the jokes, you
(43:29):
kind of waved the flag and was like, I'm the
diversity higher bitch, I already met you know, I was
the quota for that. Yeah, I'm looking at this and
you're all the way not only ignorant, you playing victim
when you brought it on yourself. Girl, I ain't even
(43:50):
gonna hold you. Your coworker. Let you know, girl, your
coworker said, girl, it is not for you to sit
here and make these jokes. And then when when when
the crackers bring the jokes? Now you offended, Now you snapping,
and now unfortunately you look like the angry black woman
(44:11):
in the office. I actually agree with your coworker. It
shouldn't have been a laughing matter. You shouldn't have made
yourself the butt of the joke. Because now that you're
the butt of the joke and someone else's joke, you're offended.
You gotta take a little bit of responsibility here. Nonetheless, yeah,
(44:33):
I'm gonna say you're all the way ignorant here, babe,
all the way all right, Well, y'all. Next week we
have a really really, really really good episode coming to you.
Make sure you check that out on Tuesday. This is
another am I Ignorant? Again? Do not forget to send
(44:53):
your letters to me at Selective Ignorance pod at gmail
dot com. Enjoin me on the discord. I like to
hear your thoughts. Am I dissecting these questions wrong? Or
do you agree with me on whether these people are
fully ignorant, slightly ignorant, or have no hell to die
on or maybe they're dying on the hill. Either way,
(45:17):
thank you guys for tuning in to another bonus episode
Am I Ignorant. We're adding it to the end of
the Tuesday drops right now. We're doing it here. But
I'm really excited, y'all. There are some changes coming. I'm
bringing on somebody for these Friday episodes. The Friday episodes
are getting a whole new facelift, Chris Jenner style, and
(45:39):
I'm really really excited for you guys to see what's
happening with the end of the year and the top
of the year. Rock with me. I'm dropping y'all some
good shit, okay, k leaving out the other K. Anyways,
y'all have a good weekend. I have a safe weekend.
And when I say safe, no drinking and driving, no
(46:00):
sex without condoms. Okay. Anyways, y'all, this has been another
episode of Selective Ignorance, where controversy thrives hot and conversations matter.
I forgot the other part. I'm gonna get it though.
I'm gonna get it when I don't have my shit
in front of me. Thank you guys so much, See
you all next week. Bye. Selective Ignorance a production of
(46:24):
the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Thanks for tuning in the Selective Ignorance of Mandy B.
Selective Ignorance. It's executive produced to Buy Mandy B. And
it's a full Court Media studio production with lead producers
Jason Mondriguez. That's me and Aaron A.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
King Howard.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Now do us a favor and rate, Subscribe, comment, and
share wherever you get your favorite podcasts, and be sure
to follow Selective Ignorance on Instagram at Selective Underscore Ignorance
And of course, if you're not following our hosts Mandy b.
Make sure you're at full court pumps now. If you
want the full video experience of selective Ignorance, make sure
you subscribe to the Patreon It's patreon dot com backslash
(47:09):
selective Ignorance
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