December 5, 2025 • 36 mins
In this bonus episode of Selective Ignorance, Mandii B tackles a mix of relatable and thought-provoking topics—from uncomfortable encounters with Uber drivers to the unwritten rules of friendship gift-giving. She dives into the importance of establishing healthy work-life boundaries, emphasizing how protecting your time and energy directly impacts personal and professional relationships. Mandii also explores the delicate art of holding secrets in relationships and the communication required to maintain trust. Packed with humor, honesty, and real-world insight, this episode sheds light on the everyday social norms we often overlook.
“No Holes Barred: A Dual Manifesto Of Sexual Exploration And Power” w/ Tempest X!
Sale Link
Follow the host on Social Media
Mandii B Instagram/X @fullcourtpumps
Follow the guest on Social Media
Follow the show on Social Media
Instagram @selectiveignorancepod
Tiktok @selective.ignorance
X/Twitter @selectiveig_pod
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Mandy be Welcome to Selective Ignorance, a production
of the BLACKPEC Podcast Network and Iart Radio. Welcome back,
classmates to another episode of Selective Ignorance bonus style, Baby,
and we are doing another am I Ignorant? Now It's Friday,
(00:21):
which hopefully means Heyday for some of you. Nicholas. Now,
in my am I Ignorant rant this week, it's not
about me being ignorant, and it's also not about me
not wanting these people to get paid. But at this point,
speaking of payday, some of you do not deserve a check.
(00:44):
And I'm calling out the uber drivers of Atlanta. Now
this could be in other major cities as well. However,
I was just living in New York City and I
didn't seem to have this goddamn problem, the problem that
I'm having. And boy, I need y'all to tell me
(01:05):
if I'm overreacting or not, because Baby, the only ignorant
thought right now I have is how I'm ready for
the fucking robots to bring their asses on over way
more about to see way mo of me? Okay, if
I keep having this problem in Atlanta. So this is
(01:25):
something that has been brewing probably since I've moved here,
so I've been sitting on this for a fucking year,
and this week it happened in like four cars. So
here we are. Let me know if I am overreacting
to the fact that these uber drivers feel the need
(01:48):
to have full blown personal conversations when I'm in the vehicle.
Are you not on the clock? Are you not working?
Is it old school to have the mindset that when
you were doing a job that you shouldn't be taking
(02:09):
personal calls. Now here's the other problem with it, bitch,
I'm getting into the car and I got a call.
Why does it sound like I'm in the clurb shouting
over somebody else's conversation to have a conversation on my
phone when I am paying, When I am paying to
(02:31):
sit here in your paying school. Yes, the pause was
intentional because it just really grinded my gears. Make it
make sense. I don't know if I should start complaining.
(02:52):
I don't want niggas to like knock my stars down
for telling them to get off their motherfucking phones, because yes,
I'm also in their motherfucking car, But also, this is
a motherfucking job. What's happening here? And then that's the
other thing, these phone calls are not appropriate. WHOA, Yes
(03:16):
coming from me, I'm calling bro. I got on the
phone with this one girl and she talking to her
homegirl about a nigga that's playing. Where Why am I here? Bitch?
You just don't need to even be fucking with that
nigga no more because whoa and the curse words. So
we're on the phone and using profanity on the clock.
(03:43):
And I guess, because it's like a ten ninety nine
entrepreneurial kind of gig, there ain't really no HR. But
call me Karen, bitch, I'm about to be HR on now.
Next time I get in a motherfucking car and a
(04:05):
motherfucking uber driver decides to have a personal conversation, you
know what, I need y'all to join me on the discord.
Head on over to the discord if you haven't, y'all.
Discord access is granted to patrons, so if you haven't yet,
for as little as five dollars a month, you can
join me on Patreon. That'spatreon dot com. Backslash selective ignorance.
(04:29):
Now do I tell the driver to get off their phone?
Or do I just leave them overview one star and
write that they were on the phone, Like, which one
do you think I'll get? More? Like if I leave
(04:51):
enough one star reviews cause niggas is talking on the phone,
maybe it'll impact something. Maybe they don't get a bonus
for that week. I don't know, but I'm about to
start doing one or the other, because baby, get off
(05:12):
your phone. Anywo If y'all take ubers or lifts and
you're having the same problem, please tell me. I would
like to know. And also before I get into the
AMTI ignorant letters, if you haven't yet, send yours over
to Selective Ignorance Pod at gmail dot com so we
(05:36):
can talk about how ignorant you. Niglas is now really
excited about this first one because we are heading into
Christmas season, Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, whatever you celebrate. It's the
gift given time. And this first one I'm assuming is
(05:57):
a birthday gift. But wow, let's get into it. Did
I miss the mark? All right? So my best friend
has been on a huge healthy lifestyle kick, meal prepping,
gym classes, the whole thing. For her birthday, I got
(06:20):
a really nice dessert making kit because growing up she
always loved baking and making treats. I thought it would
be nostalgic in something she could enjoy on cheat days.
She politely thanked me, but later I heard from another
friend that she was disappointed because it felt like I
wasn't supporting her lifestyle change. I wasn't trying to undermine her.
(06:45):
I genuinely thought it would make her happy. Am I
ignorant for not realizing how my gift might clash with
her current goals? Now, bitch, you know what? The now
bitch may have to be the introduction to you know,
you an ignorant as motherfucker. And honestly, this made me
(07:10):
think you not really her friend. I ain't even gonna
hold you story time because I'm going to share with
you something that is completely unintentional and how I would
have never done it. And this is the scenario I
want you to sit in. Right, So when was it?
(07:33):
This was maybe like twenty fourteen, twenty fifteen. I actually
bought a gift for like my little booth thang. I'm
gonna call it my booth thang. It was a little situationship.
He was like my little nigga. He was my nigga
that basically wasn't going nowhere right, And we used to
get fucked up together. You hear me. We partied, we
(07:56):
were rock stars. We could kill a bottle by ourselves
chilling at the crib. Now, I think we ended up
falling out a little bit over something. So there were
a few months I didn't talk to him. We ended
up rekindling right around the time of his birthday. Okay,
So I sent a gift to his house. It's one
(08:17):
of them nice little kgnac sets again twenty fourteen, twenty fifteen.
Bitch's back when it bitch was drinking hennessy. Okay, so
I sent him this cute ass KGNAK sipping set with
two cups, a nice little bottle. It's in the case
and all that shit. He gets it, and I could
(08:39):
tell there was an awkward, polite thank you. But bitch,
I didn't know that this nigga was going sober and
had just got out of AA. My heart sunk because
imagine this here. Imagine you get a recovering alcoholic or
(09:04):
someone battling an addiction, the thing that they have to
steer clear from. That's what I get when I read
this letter. But the only thing was I didn't know
the Nigga went to AA and I completely know how
inappropriate that gift would have been had I gotten this
(09:27):
information prior. You, bitch, know that your friend is on
a healthy lifestyle kick where they're going to gym classes,
meal prepping, probably watching a calories, watching a sugar and take,
and you decide to get a dessert making kit. Let
(09:54):
me take these puffers up from under my eye. Not
only is you ignorant, not even selectively, bitch, you ignorant
as hell, And I don't think you like your friend
very much because I don't think and this is this
goes to the gift giving side of the year right now.
(10:14):
If you intentionally get somebody something that goes against what
they're working towards their goals or brings them back into
something that they're fighting to get away from, you ain't shit.
And at this point, you ignorant, and you kind of
an ain't shit person. I ain't even gonna hold you
because wow, because wow, I'm glad that you had another
(10:41):
friend that could come and let you know, but don't
do this shit again. And at this point, I actually
do think that you owe your friend not only an apology,
but another gift. Go on over to class past, get us,
some get us some some classes. Get her a B
(11:03):
twelve shot, get her like an IV drip. I don't
know what all the healthy bitches is doing, but you
need to get her something else in replacement of this
bullshit gift that you got her, and you need to
hope that you go into the new year a better
person and a better friend, because goddamn, goddamn, goddamn. All right,
(11:28):
let's see what else we have. Ooh, I like this one.
I like this one, especially around this time of year
as well, because baby, work life balance, work life balance
six seven sixty seven, you know, is it a thing?
All right? So the title for this email is work
(11:51):
life boundary blind spot question mark. All right, Hey, Mandy,
So I worked in a fast paced industry let's say
tech adjacent. But I've been really intentional about protecting my
evenings because I burned out horribly at my past job. Bitch,
(12:13):
is this internet? Let me find out internet? Right in?
Because this is what it sound like. So after five PM,
I mute all my notifications and answer everything. The next day,
my team keeps making snide comments like we didn't hear
back from you last night, or hard to collaborate when
(12:34):
people go dark. I'm hitting my deadlines and doing my
job well, but they seem annoyed that I'm not available
twenty or seven like many others. I thought I was
modeling healthy boundaries, but they think I'm slowing the team down.
Am I ignorant about what's realistically expected in my field?
(12:57):
Or are they just too used to burn out culture?
This is a good question, and it brings me to storytime.
Y'all know what I'm gonna do is always relate shit
back to my life. And here's why, Because people who
share their opinions, where the fuck do they come from?
If it's not from their personal life experience, I'd be
(13:20):
wanting to know. But I actually had something very similar
happened when I worked at Ernst and Young. So Ernst
and Young big four firm accounting, and I worked in
the tax sector for hedge funds, private activity funds, and
(13:42):
investment banks. So K one season was very busy, which
was like in July, then you have October for the deadlines. Right.
So my first year, which I only really did my year,
but I'll never forget my it was either my first
or second review, mind you, first year accountant Okay, I
(14:05):
go in from my quarterly review and y'all know, lie,
I'm sitting across from from my senior my senior manager,
and they literally had the nerve to tell me that
they felt like I wasn't staying late enough. Now, y'all
(14:26):
ain't gonna believe this. My work life boundary you ready
was three am, y'all. This is a salary position. You
had to come in at nine am. New York has
a has a little leniency. Really, everyone comes in the
(14:47):
office between nine am and ten am. But during this time,
not only were we requested to come in on the weekends,
but we were saying late. And again, my boundary was
three a m. Now the other year one tax accountants, baby,
(15:11):
some were spending the night and sleeping under the desk.
Some other people left at four, left at five. Now,
the only incentive we got was that we got a
car ride home that we got to expense on our card,
and we got dinner capped to twenty five dollars. Bitch,
(15:32):
I worked in Times Square. That's a sandwich. So the
only incentives on top of my sixty four thousand dollars
salary was a dinner and a car ride home. If
I stayed past six pm. So I'm sitting in this
meeting and y'all know lie to hear that I wasn't
(15:54):
staying long enough or showing that I was a team player.
Because my boundary it was three am. It's probably what
pushed me to leaving that job. And when I tell you,
burnout was real. I was crying at lunch, I was
calling and complaining to my friends between work, and I
(16:15):
just wasn't happy. And I think that a lot of
us get to a place where we're working jobs where
we're giving them more than we give ourselves. We're giving
them more time than we give our family and friends.
We're there, honestly sometimes more hours than we are in
our own homes. And so, knowing how many jobs I
(16:41):
had and left or hadn't got fired or hadn't felt
that I gave them more than they gave me, when
I hear this work life boundary, I think that it's
so important to have. After that meeting, I literally had
(17:07):
to pull my senior manager aside and ask, hey, my
eye starts twitching at three am. My brain shuts down.
I am a corpse sitting at my desk. This is
what I've realized is my shutdown moment. Mind you do
(17:28):
the these are again? What is this? Sixteen hour days,
sixteen hours in front of three monitors. It's inhumane. It's
in Hugh Maine. And so what I did was that
was I had the conversation. Listen, I'm gonna go above
(17:48):
and beyond. If you need help on black Rock, if
you need help on this, if you need help on
this account, if you need help on Goldman, I can help.
I'm here to assist while I'm present. I am no
good after this time, and I don't want that marked
against me as if I'm not a team player. And
so my advice to you, I don't think you're ignorant
(18:12):
about what's potentially expected, but I do think work life
culture in America is ignorant as a whole. This ain't
even your fault. However, I would figure out who you
need to speak with, because if you got hired for
(18:33):
a nine to five role and clearly you are needed
after work hours or when you get home, that is
a conversation to have. And that's because A not sure
if you're within your ninety day probationary period. But I
do know jobs can let you go for shit like this.
(18:53):
So and this is not the economy to be getting
let go because they think that you're a lazy. So
my advice for you would be to go to your
superior and figure out what really is needed from you,
and you know, maybe you could waiver maybe Tuesdays and Thursdays.
(19:13):
You'll look at them goddamn emails and the work chats
after hours, you know what I mean? This here. The
only ignorance I would say would be as if you
don't address it and you don't speak to it, at
this point, you're getting the little you know, snide comments,
the passive aggressiveness. And yeah, that would be my advice. Again,
(19:39):
let me know if I'm giving good advice. But also
again I love sharing my stories because boy, did I
have this? And how dare a fucking company tick me
in my quarterly review for not say past three am? Bitch,
I'm giving you fifteen sixty our work days, fifty sixty
(20:03):
hour work weeks. I've reached seventy two hours one week,
y'all in a forty hour salary. My job is forty hours.
I'm getting paid on forty hours. And there were fucking
weeks I was clocking seventy hours, y'all. Seventy seventy litsten y'all.
(20:30):
Work life boundary is very important. The economy is where
it's at. Jobs are scarce, but baby, it ain't worth
dying over. None of these jobs is worth dying over,
you hear me? Not a naw motherfucking one. All right,
let's see how many relationships shit? Ooh, yes, here goes
(20:53):
one from a man by the way. Shout out to
my mail listeners. I know some of y'all come over
from decisions decisions, and this is kind of giving a
decisions decisions question. So I appreciate y'all. I appreciate y'all
a lot, and hope that y'all are enjoying the content
I'm putting out. And y'all already know, but the lady's
already fucked with y'all. Alrighty y'all. The title is forgot
(21:19):
to mention My ex is my coworker. All right, Hey, Mandy,
I think this is a dilemma, and I may be ignorant.
My wife and I have been married for five years
before I met her. Before you met her, you would
put that little thing you out before I met her,
(21:41):
I hooked up a few times with someone in my
college friend group. It never turned into anything serious. Though.
Fast forward to now. I just started a new job
and on my second day I realized that that girl
is now on my team. I didn't bring it up
(22:02):
because one it was forever ago, and two nothing is
happening and nothing will happen. Last weekend, we went to
a work event and my wife met her later on.
She asked, did you two know each other before? And
I said yes, but kept it vague. Eventually, though I
(22:27):
did it meant to the hook up history. She wasn't
mad about the past. She was mad that I didn't
voluntarily mention it. I honestly didn't think it mattered. Am
I ignorant for thinking this wasn't something worth disclosing? Okay,
(22:50):
a few things here because tricky, because words mean things now.
In the motherfucking title the sub jackline, you mentioned this
girl as your ex. Forgot to mention my ex is
my coworker. Now. I don't know if people are referring
(23:11):
to exes as ex flings. Ex bouta calls X. We
used to get it on, but it wasn't really nothing.
I don't know if X is being used universally now,
but you're referred to her as an ex. Secondly, your
wife after meeting her, did you two know each other before?
(23:37):
Now hear me out as women, we have spidery fucking senses. Okay,
fuck the webs coming out of the hands as women.
Oh baby, the tingles, the tingles ting when we meet
women in proximity to our partners, and we felt like
(24:02):
we left out of something. So if your wife felt
the need to ask you if y'all knew each other before,
old girl was giving off weird energy. I'm just gonna
say it, old girl, I don't know if she was
too friendly. I don't know if she said something clearly
(24:23):
she didn't say, just for you know, I used to
suck your husband's dick in college. That's not what was said.
But she gave her the vibes that she sucked your
dick before, which is the problem. Man, You don't get
to choose what you share, don't she to your wife?
(24:44):
To me, honestly, this should have been something that became
a joke on your second day when you realized she
was on your team, you immediately should have came home
and been like baby the whole days, then call up
to me, because tell me why this bit y'all used
to fucking college is on my team. There's no reason
(25:08):
why your wife of five years should have found this out. However,
much later at a work event. I also feel like,
if it wasn't that serious, if it wasn't anything that
you know amounted worth anything, why not volunteer it? Unless
(25:31):
your wife was made to believe that you was a
virgin when y'all walked down the aisle. Your wife knows
that you had somebody's before her. What is the harm
here and sharing that a girl you fucked in college
(25:53):
now works at your job. Unless, bitch, it was more
than what you're saying it was. And that's what I'm
saying here, y'all gotta be honest with yourself. The ignorance
is you thinking this wasn't worth disclosing, and later on
your wife having to be like, why did you keep
(26:15):
this a secret? Because now what are you hiding? And
that's where a woman's mind goes. She might have not
thought anything of it, but the fact that you didn't
disclose this, why what does the CARDI B mean? What
(26:36):
was the reason? What was it? All?
Speaker 2 (26:40):
In?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
All? This was selective ignorance here because I believe you
know that you should have disclosed this earlier, and it
wasn't something not worth disclosing, So I feel like you
playing mental gymnastics to make it seem like some it
(27:01):
wasn't when it was. And I do think that if
you and your wife have been together for five years,
this is something that should have just been laid out
on the table period. Pooh, all right, Oh we got
another relationship one Okay, okay, kind of similar, kind of similar. Ooh,
(27:24):
but maybe not boundaries versus insecurity mix up? All right,
Mandy helped me out here. My boyfriend who's thirty, and
I have been together for a little over two years. Okay.
Before we dated, we had a pretty tight friend group
(27:46):
that includes his ex of five years. Okay. I wish
I knew the backstory here because a friend group. Okay,
maybe they dated back in middle school or high school
or something, you know what I mean. Okay, they broke
up ages ago, though, no drama, and they genuinely stayed friends.
(28:11):
When he and I first got together, I told him
I didn't want to be the kind of girlfriend who
gets territoriabal to who gets territorial about past relationships, so
I always just tried to play it cool. Recently, he's
been grabbing quick lunches with his ex, maybe like twice
(28:32):
a month. I never questioned it because I feel insecure
if someone questioned me about my friendships. But last week
he mentioned something about her talking to him about their
old relationship patterns, and I casually said, ah, nostalgia stuff,
it's good. You guys can be open. He got quiet
(28:55):
and told me he felt weird that I didn't even
think to ask why they were meeting alone so often
or how it made me feel. I genuinely thought being
unfazed made me look mature? Am I ignorant about emotional
boundaries and what reasonable curiosity in a relationship looks like? Ooh,
(29:20):
this is where I actually wish I had Jah or
a king or just a man's insight. Only because hear
me out, hear me out, I am my best friend
as women. I'm trying to bring this into what's been
told to me so in a previous relationship, actually my
(29:44):
last two relationships, there's been multiple moments, and the one
before last, he felt like I didn't care about him
because I didn't display bouts of jealousy and sometimes didn't
over inquire about his whereabouts. Now I knew he was
(30:04):
a cheating ass nigga, but also wasn't really a deal breaker.
Really didn't care if he was fucking other women. And
what was crazy is, in hindsight, when we did, when
we were able to have conversations, he took it as
I didn't like him as much. Now, if you guys,
(30:25):
listen to decisions, decisions. I also had a recent instance
where my ex accidentally ordered an Amazon package to his
ex's house. It happens she got the package and wanted
(30:46):
to bring it over, and he was so nervous about
telling me that his ex was coming over to his
house to drop off a package. And apparently he had
the conversation with a couple homegirls and their assumption was
that I would be upset about that, and I wasn't.
(31:07):
And it's weird because he knew his ex would not
have been down for that shit at all. And when
it didn't phaze me, we got into a conversation and
I literally just expressed, like, bro, I'm not insecure, and
I trust you. I don't what you think. I think
that your ex is gonna bring your Amazon box over
(31:30):
to your house, drop down to her knees and suck
your dick. No, I don't think that's gonna happen. And
so for me with this question, I don't think you're
ignorant about, you know, not asking your partner these questions,
or you thinking that you did look more mature, because bitch. Yes,
(31:52):
it's weird though that we attach really negative reactions and
emotions to loving and carrying someone. So we attach jealousy
to you really liking someone, We attach heavy level of
insecurities and questioning and overly warped behaviors as ooh, this
(32:17):
person must really like me, this person must be obsessed
with me. And unfortunately, when you show up more in
a way that allows your human your partner to move
in a way that humans move, it triggers like some
level of weight. This bitch let me just hang out
(32:39):
with my ex and isn't tripping what's happening here? I
actually think that you and him should maybe just have
more conversations about it. When he goes and have these
quick lunches look at me. I had to stop myself
because I don't like talking too much about what a
(33:03):
man does with other bitches, because it's weird, to me
like I genuinely don't care. That's probably the problem. I'm
actually probably maybe niggas be right. I sometimes just don't
be caring, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
Ooh ooh. I think that you and him need to
(33:25):
have a talk now, a sit down. I also think
maybe what you should do, because y'all are in a
tight knit friend group, see if you could join on
one of these quick lunches. I think you need to
see how both parties are acting, because that's gonna let
you know if something is happening that shouldn't be happening. Again,
(33:49):
spidy senses and the shits with the ships is you
probably genuinely feel like your nigga not doing nothing, which
is why you're unfazed at these little wait wait, wait, wait,
why you want me to care? Why do you want
me to be insecure? Maybe you need to ask that question,
(34:10):
ask that question, m to see what's happening. That's what
I think you should do. AnyWho. Anyway, though, if you
want to send your questions, send them over to Selective
Ignorance pod pod at gmail dot com. I'm really, really,
(34:31):
really excited y'all come top of the year, Baby, we
drop in full fledged bonus episodes and I'll be having
my boy Jason Lee. That's right, Joall will be joining
me once a week on one of the episodes, either
on Tuesday or on Friday, and we getting into all
(34:52):
the ignorant talks. Baby. I am really excited about twenty
twenty six coming. I'm excited to meeting some of the
classmates as well. I'm looking to do some intimate stuff. Baby,
this is grassroots. This is a new show over here.
We're only like forty some episodes in Okay beer with me.
I'm really excited to grow this platform and to you know,
(35:13):
get the Selective Ignorant community on tilt. Anyways, again, if
you want to send your letter in your am I Ignorant,
make sure you send it on over to Selective Ignorance
pod at gmail dot com. And thank you for tuning in, classmates.
I'll see y'all next week. Bye. Selective Ignorance a production
(35:39):
of the Black Effect Podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Thanks for tuning in the Selective Ignorance of Mandy B.
Selective Ignorance. It's executive produced to Buy Mandy B And
it's a Full Court Media studio production with lead producers
Jason Mondriguez. That's me and Aaron A. King Howard. Now,
do us a favor and rate, subscribe, comment and share
wherever you get your favorite podcasts, and be sure to
follow Selective Ignorance on Instagram at Selective Underscore Ignorance. And
(36:11):
of course, if you're not following our hosts man Dy b,
make sure you're following her at full Court Pumps. Now.
If you want the full video experience of Selective Ignorance,
make sure you subscribe to the Patreon. It's patreon dot
com backslash Selective Ignorance
This is Mandy be Welcome to Selective Ignorance, a production
of the BLACKPEC Podcast Network and Iart Radio. Welcome back,
classmates to another episode of Selective Ignorance bonus style, Baby,
and we are doing another am I Ignorant? Now It's Friday,
(00:21):
which hopefully means Heyday for some of you. Nicholas. Now,
in my am I Ignorant rant this week, it's not
about me being ignorant, and it's also not about me
not wanting these people to get paid. But at this point,
speaking of payday, some of you do not deserve a check.
(00:44):
And I'm calling out the uber drivers of Atlanta. Now
this could be in other major cities as well. However,
I was just living in New York City and I
didn't seem to have this goddamn problem, the problem that
I'm having. And boy, I need y'all to tell me
(01:05):
if I'm overreacting or not, because Baby, the only ignorant
thought right now I have is how I'm ready for
the fucking robots to bring their asses on over way
more about to see way mo of me? Okay, if
I keep having this problem in Atlanta. So this is
(01:25):
something that has been brewing probably since I've moved here,
so I've been sitting on this for a fucking year,
and this week it happened in like four cars. So
here we are. Let me know if I am overreacting
to the fact that these uber drivers feel the need
(01:48):
to have full blown personal conversations when I'm in the vehicle.
Are you not on the clock? Are you not working?
Is it old school to have the mindset that when
you were doing a job that you shouldn't be taking
(02:09):
personal calls. Now here's the other problem with it, bitch,
I'm getting into the car and I got a call.
Why does it sound like I'm in the clurb shouting
over somebody else's conversation to have a conversation on my
phone when I am paying, When I am paying to
(02:31):
sit here in your paying school. Yes, the pause was
intentional because it just really grinded my gears. Make it
make sense. I don't know if I should start complaining.
(02:52):
I don't want niggas to like knock my stars down
for telling them to get off their motherfucking phones, because yes,
I'm also in their motherfucking car, But also, this is
a motherfucking job. What's happening here? And then that's the
other thing, these phone calls are not appropriate. WHOA, Yes
(03:16):
coming from me, I'm calling bro. I got on the
phone with this one girl and she talking to her
homegirl about a nigga that's playing. Where Why am I here? Bitch?
You just don't need to even be fucking with that
nigga no more because whoa and the curse words. So
we're on the phone and using profanity on the clock.
(03:43):
And I guess, because it's like a ten ninety nine
entrepreneurial kind of gig, there ain't really no HR. But
call me Karen, bitch, I'm about to be HR on now.
Next time I get in a motherfucking car and a
(04:05):
motherfucking uber driver decides to have a personal conversation, you
know what, I need y'all to join me on the discord.
Head on over to the discord if you haven't, y'all.
Discord access is granted to patrons, so if you haven't yet,
for as little as five dollars a month, you can
join me on Patreon. That'spatreon dot com. Backslash selective ignorance.
(04:29):
Now do I tell the driver to get off their phone?
Or do I just leave them overview one star and
write that they were on the phone, Like, which one
do you think I'll get? More? Like if I leave
(04:51):
enough one star reviews cause niggas is talking on the phone,
maybe it'll impact something. Maybe they don't get a bonus
for that week. I don't know, but I'm about to
start doing one or the other, because baby, get off
(05:12):
your phone. Anywo If y'all take ubers or lifts and
you're having the same problem, please tell me. I would
like to know. And also before I get into the
AMTI ignorant letters, if you haven't yet, send yours over
to Selective Ignorance Pod at gmail dot com so we
(05:36):
can talk about how ignorant you. Niglas is now really
excited about this first one because we are heading into
Christmas season, Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, whatever you celebrate. It's the
gift given time. And this first one I'm assuming is
(05:57):
a birthday gift. But wow, let's get into it. Did
I miss the mark? All right? So my best friend
has been on a huge healthy lifestyle kick, meal prepping,
gym classes, the whole thing. For her birthday, I got
(06:20):
a really nice dessert making kit because growing up she
always loved baking and making treats. I thought it would
be nostalgic in something she could enjoy on cheat days.
She politely thanked me, but later I heard from another
friend that she was disappointed because it felt like I
wasn't supporting her lifestyle change. I wasn't trying to undermine her.
(06:45):
I genuinely thought it would make her happy. Am I
ignorant for not realizing how my gift might clash with
her current goals? Now, bitch, you know what? The now
bitch may have to be the introduction to you know,
you an ignorant as motherfucker. And honestly, this made me
(07:10):
think you not really her friend. I ain't even gonna
hold you story time because I'm going to share with
you something that is completely unintentional and how I would
have never done it. And this is the scenario I
want you to sit in. Right, So when was it?
(07:33):
This was maybe like twenty fourteen, twenty fifteen. I actually
bought a gift for like my little booth thang. I'm
gonna call it my booth thang. It was a little situationship.
He was like my little nigga. He was my nigga
that basically wasn't going nowhere right, And we used to
get fucked up together. You hear me. We partied, we
(07:56):
were rock stars. We could kill a bottle by ourselves
chilling at the crib. Now, I think we ended up
falling out a little bit over something. So there were
a few months I didn't talk to him. We ended
up rekindling right around the time of his birthday. Okay,
So I sent a gift to his house. It's one
(08:17):
of them nice little kgnac sets again twenty fourteen, twenty fifteen.
Bitch's back when it bitch was drinking hennessy. Okay, so
I sent him this cute ass KGNAK sipping set with
two cups, a nice little bottle. It's in the case
and all that shit. He gets it, and I could
(08:39):
tell there was an awkward, polite thank you. But bitch,
I didn't know that this nigga was going sober and
had just got out of AA. My heart sunk because
imagine this here. Imagine you get a recovering alcoholic or
(09:04):
someone battling an addiction, the thing that they have to
steer clear from. That's what I get when I read
this letter. But the only thing was I didn't know
the Nigga went to AA and I completely know how
inappropriate that gift would have been had I gotten this
(09:27):
information prior. You, bitch, know that your friend is on
a healthy lifestyle kick where they're going to gym classes,
meal prepping, probably watching a calories, watching a sugar and take,
and you decide to get a dessert making kit. Let
(09:54):
me take these puffers up from under my eye. Not
only is you ignorant, not even selectively, bitch, you ignorant
as hell, And I don't think you like your friend
very much because I don't think and this is this
goes to the gift giving side of the year right now.
(10:14):
If you intentionally get somebody something that goes against what
they're working towards their goals or brings them back into
something that they're fighting to get away from, you ain't shit.
And at this point, you ignorant, and you kind of
an ain't shit person. I ain't even gonna hold you
because wow, because wow, I'm glad that you had another
(10:41):
friend that could come and let you know, but don't
do this shit again. And at this point, I actually
do think that you owe your friend not only an apology,
but another gift. Go on over to class past, get us,
some get us some some classes. Get her a B
(11:03):
twelve shot, get her like an IV drip. I don't
know what all the healthy bitches is doing, but you
need to get her something else in replacement of this
bullshit gift that you got her, and you need to
hope that you go into the new year a better
person and a better friend, because goddamn, goddamn, goddamn. All right,
(11:28):
let's see what else we have. Ooh, I like this one.
I like this one, especially around this time of year
as well, because baby, work life balance, work life balance
six seven sixty seven, you know, is it a thing?
All right? So the title for this email is work
(11:51):
life boundary blind spot question mark. All right, Hey, Mandy,
So I worked in a fast paced industry let's say
tech adjacent. But I've been really intentional about protecting my
evenings because I burned out horribly at my past job. Bitch,
(12:13):
is this internet? Let me find out internet? Right in?
Because this is what it sound like. So after five PM,
I mute all my notifications and answer everything. The next day,
my team keeps making snide comments like we didn't hear
back from you last night, or hard to collaborate when
(12:34):
people go dark. I'm hitting my deadlines and doing my
job well, but they seem annoyed that I'm not available
twenty or seven like many others. I thought I was
modeling healthy boundaries, but they think I'm slowing the team down.
Am I ignorant about what's realistically expected in my field?
(12:57):
Or are they just too used to burn out culture?
This is a good question, and it brings me to storytime.
Y'all know what I'm gonna do is always relate shit
back to my life. And here's why, Because people who
share their opinions, where the fuck do they come from?
If it's not from their personal life experience, I'd be
(13:20):
wanting to know. But I actually had something very similar
happened when I worked at Ernst and Young. So Ernst
and Young big four firm accounting, and I worked in
the tax sector for hedge funds, private activity funds, and
(13:42):
investment banks. So K one season was very busy, which
was like in July, then you have October for the deadlines. Right.
So my first year, which I only really did my year,
but I'll never forget my it was either my first
or second review, mind you, first year accountant Okay, I
(14:05):
go in from my quarterly review and y'all know, lie,
I'm sitting across from from my senior my senior manager,
and they literally had the nerve to tell me that
they felt like I wasn't staying late enough. Now, y'all
(14:26):
ain't gonna believe this. My work life boundary you ready
was three am, y'all. This is a salary position. You
had to come in at nine am. New York has
a has a little leniency. Really, everyone comes in the
(14:47):
office between nine am and ten am. But during this time,
not only were we requested to come in on the weekends,
but we were saying late. And again, my boundary was
three a m. Now the other year one tax accountants, baby,
(15:11):
some were spending the night and sleeping under the desk.
Some other people left at four, left at five. Now,
the only incentive we got was that we got a
car ride home that we got to expense on our card,
and we got dinner capped to twenty five dollars. Bitch,
(15:32):
I worked in Times Square. That's a sandwich. So the
only incentives on top of my sixty four thousand dollars
salary was a dinner and a car ride home. If
I stayed past six pm. So I'm sitting in this
meeting and y'all know lie to hear that I wasn't
(15:54):
staying long enough or showing that I was a team player.
Because my boundary it was three am. It's probably what
pushed me to leaving that job. And when I tell you,
burnout was real. I was crying at lunch, I was
calling and complaining to my friends between work, and I
(16:15):
just wasn't happy. And I think that a lot of
us get to a place where we're working jobs where
we're giving them more than we give ourselves. We're giving
them more time than we give our family and friends.
We're there, honestly sometimes more hours than we are in
our own homes. And so, knowing how many jobs I
(16:41):
had and left or hadn't got fired or hadn't felt
that I gave them more than they gave me, when
I hear this work life boundary, I think that it's
so important to have. After that meeting, I literally had
(17:07):
to pull my senior manager aside and ask, hey, my
eye starts twitching at three am. My brain shuts down.
I am a corpse sitting at my desk. This is
what I've realized is my shutdown moment. Mind you do
(17:28):
the these are again? What is this? Sixteen hour days,
sixteen hours in front of three monitors. It's inhumane. It's
in Hugh Maine. And so what I did was that
was I had the conversation. Listen, I'm gonna go above
(17:48):
and beyond. If you need help on black Rock, if
you need help on this, if you need help on
this account, if you need help on Goldman, I can help.
I'm here to assist while I'm present. I am no
good after this time, and I don't want that marked
against me as if I'm not a team player. And
so my advice to you, I don't think you're ignorant
(18:12):
about what's potentially expected, but I do think work life
culture in America is ignorant as a whole. This ain't
even your fault. However, I would figure out who you
need to speak with, because if you got hired for
(18:33):
a nine to five role and clearly you are needed
after work hours or when you get home, that is
a conversation to have. And that's because A not sure
if you're within your ninety day probationary period. But I
do know jobs can let you go for shit like this.
(18:53):
So and this is not the economy to be getting
let go because they think that you're a lazy. So
my advice for you would be to go to your
superior and figure out what really is needed from you,
and you know, maybe you could waiver maybe Tuesdays and Thursdays.
(19:13):
You'll look at them goddamn emails and the work chats
after hours, you know what I mean? This here. The
only ignorance I would say would be as if you
don't address it and you don't speak to it, at
this point, you're getting the little you know, snide comments,
the passive aggressiveness. And yeah, that would be my advice. Again,
(19:39):
let me know if I'm giving good advice. But also
again I love sharing my stories because boy, did I
have this? And how dare a fucking company tick me
in my quarterly review for not say past three am? Bitch,
I'm giving you fifteen sixty our work days, fifty sixty
(20:03):
hour work weeks. I've reached seventy two hours one week,
y'all in a forty hour salary. My job is forty hours.
I'm getting paid on forty hours. And there were fucking
weeks I was clocking seventy hours, y'all. Seventy seventy litsten y'all.
(20:30):
Work life boundary is very important. The economy is where
it's at. Jobs are scarce, but baby, it ain't worth
dying over. None of these jobs is worth dying over,
you hear me? Not a naw motherfucking one. All right,
let's see how many relationships shit? Ooh, yes, here goes
(20:53):
one from a man by the way. Shout out to
my mail listeners. I know some of y'all come over
from decisions decisions, and this is kind of giving a
decisions decisions question. So I appreciate y'all. I appreciate y'all
a lot, and hope that y'all are enjoying the content
I'm putting out. And y'all already know, but the lady's
already fucked with y'all. Alrighty y'all. The title is forgot
(21:19):
to mention My ex is my coworker. All right, Hey, Mandy,
I think this is a dilemma, and I may be ignorant.
My wife and I have been married for five years
before I met her. Before you met her, you would
put that little thing you out before I met her,
(21:41):
I hooked up a few times with someone in my
college friend group. It never turned into anything serious. Though.
Fast forward to now. I just started a new job
and on my second day I realized that that girl
is now on my team. I didn't bring it up
(22:02):
because one it was forever ago, and two nothing is
happening and nothing will happen. Last weekend, we went to
a work event and my wife met her later on.
She asked, did you two know each other before? And
I said yes, but kept it vague. Eventually, though I
(22:27):
did it meant to the hook up history. She wasn't
mad about the past. She was mad that I didn't
voluntarily mention it. I honestly didn't think it mattered. Am
I ignorant for thinking this wasn't something worth disclosing? Okay,
(22:50):
a few things here because tricky, because words mean things now.
In the motherfucking title the sub jackline, you mentioned this
girl as your ex. Forgot to mention my ex is
my coworker. Now. I don't know if people are referring
(23:11):
to exes as ex flings. Ex bouta calls X. We
used to get it on, but it wasn't really nothing.
I don't know if X is being used universally now,
but you're referred to her as an ex. Secondly, your
wife after meeting her, did you two know each other before?
(23:37):
Now hear me out as women, we have spidery fucking senses. Okay,
fuck the webs coming out of the hands as women.
Oh baby, the tingles, the tingles ting when we meet
women in proximity to our partners, and we felt like
(24:02):
we left out of something. So if your wife felt
the need to ask you if y'all knew each other before,
old girl was giving off weird energy. I'm just gonna
say it, old girl, I don't know if she was
too friendly. I don't know if she said something clearly
(24:23):
she didn't say, just for you know, I used to
suck your husband's dick in college. That's not what was said.
But she gave her the vibes that she sucked your
dick before, which is the problem. Man, You don't get
to choose what you share, don't she to your wife?
(24:44):
To me, honestly, this should have been something that became
a joke on your second day when you realized she
was on your team, you immediately should have came home
and been like baby the whole days, then call up
to me, because tell me why this bit y'all used
to fucking college is on my team. There's no reason
(25:08):
why your wife of five years should have found this out. However,
much later at a work event. I also feel like,
if it wasn't that serious, if it wasn't anything that
you know amounted worth anything, why not volunteer it? Unless
(25:31):
your wife was made to believe that you was a
virgin when y'all walked down the aisle. Your wife knows
that you had somebody's before her. What is the harm
here and sharing that a girl you fucked in college
(25:53):
now works at your job. Unless, bitch, it was more
than what you're saying it was. And that's what I'm
saying here, y'all gotta be honest with yourself. The ignorance
is you thinking this wasn't worth disclosing, and later on
your wife having to be like, why did you keep
(26:15):
this a secret? Because now what are you hiding? And
that's where a woman's mind goes. She might have not
thought anything of it, but the fact that you didn't
disclose this, why what does the CARDI B mean? What
(26:36):
was the reason? What was it? All?
Speaker 2 (26:40):
In?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
All? This was selective ignorance here because I believe you
know that you should have disclosed this earlier, and it
wasn't something not worth disclosing, So I feel like you
playing mental gymnastics to make it seem like some it
(27:01):
wasn't when it was. And I do think that if
you and your wife have been together for five years,
this is something that should have just been laid out
on the table period. Pooh, all right, Oh we got
another relationship one Okay, okay, kind of similar, kind of similar. Ooh,
(27:24):
but maybe not boundaries versus insecurity mix up? All right,
Mandy helped me out here. My boyfriend who's thirty, and
I have been together for a little over two years. Okay.
Before we dated, we had a pretty tight friend group
(27:46):
that includes his ex of five years. Okay. I wish
I knew the backstory here because a friend group. Okay,
maybe they dated back in middle school or high school
or something, you know what I mean. Okay, they broke
up ages ago, though, no drama, and they genuinely stayed friends.
(28:11):
When he and I first got together, I told him
I didn't want to be the kind of girlfriend who
gets territoriabal to who gets territorial about past relationships, so
I always just tried to play it cool. Recently, he's
been grabbing quick lunches with his ex, maybe like twice
(28:32):
a month. I never questioned it because I feel insecure
if someone questioned me about my friendships. But last week
he mentioned something about her talking to him about their
old relationship patterns, and I casually said, ah, nostalgia stuff,
it's good. You guys can be open. He got quiet
(28:55):
and told me he felt weird that I didn't even
think to ask why they were meeting alone so often
or how it made me feel. I genuinely thought being
unfazed made me look mature? Am I ignorant about emotional
boundaries and what reasonable curiosity in a relationship looks like? Ooh,
(29:20):
this is where I actually wish I had Jah or
a king or just a man's insight. Only because hear
me out, hear me out, I am my best friend
as women. I'm trying to bring this into what's been
told to me so in a previous relationship, actually my
(29:44):
last two relationships, there's been multiple moments, and the one
before last, he felt like I didn't care about him
because I didn't display bouts of jealousy and sometimes didn't
over inquire about his whereabouts. Now I knew he was
(30:04):
a cheating ass nigga, but also wasn't really a deal breaker.
Really didn't care if he was fucking other women. And
what was crazy is, in hindsight, when we did, when
we were able to have conversations, he took it as
I didn't like him as much. Now, if you guys,
(30:25):
listen to decisions, decisions. I also had a recent instance
where my ex accidentally ordered an Amazon package to his
ex's house. It happens she got the package and wanted
(30:46):
to bring it over, and he was so nervous about
telling me that his ex was coming over to his
house to drop off a package. And apparently he had
the conversation with a couple homegirls and their assumption was
that I would be upset about that, and I wasn't.
(31:07):
And it's weird because he knew his ex would not
have been down for that shit at all. And when
it didn't phaze me, we got into a conversation and
I literally just expressed, like, bro, I'm not insecure, and
I trust you. I don't what you think. I think
that your ex is gonna bring your Amazon box over
(31:30):
to your house, drop down to her knees and suck
your dick. No, I don't think that's gonna happen. And
so for me with this question, I don't think you're
ignorant about, you know, not asking your partner these questions,
or you thinking that you did look more mature, because bitch. Yes,
(31:52):
it's weird though that we attach really negative reactions and
emotions to loving and carrying someone. So we attach jealousy
to you really liking someone, We attach heavy level of
insecurities and questioning and overly warped behaviors as ooh, this
(32:17):
person must really like me, this person must be obsessed
with me. And unfortunately, when you show up more in
a way that allows your human your partner to move
in a way that humans move, it triggers like some
level of weight. This bitch let me just hang out
(32:39):
with my ex and isn't tripping what's happening here? I
actually think that you and him should maybe just have
more conversations about it. When he goes and have these
quick lunches look at me. I had to stop myself
because I don't like talking too much about what a
(33:03):
man does with other bitches, because it's weird, to me
like I genuinely don't care. That's probably the problem. I'm
actually probably maybe niggas be right. I sometimes just don't
be caring, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
Ooh ooh. I think that you and him need to
(33:25):
have a talk now, a sit down. I also think
maybe what you should do, because y'all are in a
tight knit friend group, see if you could join on
one of these quick lunches. I think you need to
see how both parties are acting, because that's gonna let
you know if something is happening that shouldn't be happening. Again,
(33:49):
spidy senses and the shits with the ships is you
probably genuinely feel like your nigga not doing nothing, which
is why you're unfazed at these little wait wait, wait, wait,
why you want me to care? Why do you want
me to be insecure? Maybe you need to ask that question,
(34:10):
ask that question, m to see what's happening. That's what
I think you should do. AnyWho. Anyway, though, if you
want to send your questions, send them over to Selective
Ignorance pod pod at gmail dot com. I'm really, really,
(34:31):
really excited y'all come top of the year, Baby, we
drop in full fledged bonus episodes and I'll be having
my boy Jason Lee. That's right, Joall will be joining
me once a week on one of the episodes, either
on Tuesday or on Friday, and we getting into all
(34:52):
the ignorant talks. Baby. I am really excited about twenty
twenty six coming. I'm excited to meeting some of the
classmates as well. I'm looking to do some intimate stuff. Baby,
this is grassroots. This is a new show over here.
We're only like forty some episodes in Okay beer with me.
I'm really excited to grow this platform and to you know,
(35:13):
get the Selective Ignorant community on tilt. Anyways, again, if
you want to send your letter in your am I Ignorant,
make sure you send it on over to Selective Ignorance
pod at gmail dot com. And thank you for tuning in, classmates.
I'll see y'all next week. Bye. Selective Ignorance a production
(35:39):
of the Black Effect Podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Thanks for tuning in the Selective Ignorance of Mandy B.
Selective Ignorance. It's executive produced to Buy Mandy B And
it's a Full Court Media studio production with lead producers
Jason Mondriguez. That's me and Aaron A. King Howard. Now,
do us a favor and rate, subscribe, comment and share
wherever you get your favorite podcasts, and be sure to
follow Selective Ignorance on Instagram at Selective Underscore Ignorance. And
(36:11):
of course, if you're not following our hosts man Dy b,
make sure you're following her at full Court Pumps. Now.
If you want the full video experience of Selective Ignorance,
make sure you subscribe to the Patreon. It's patreon dot
com backslash Selective Ignorance
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Betrayal: Weekly
Betrayal Weekly is back for a brand new season. Every Thursday, Betrayal Weekly shares first-hand accounts of broken trust, shocking deceptions, and the trail of destruction they leave behind. Hosted by Andrea Gunning, this weekly ongoing series digs into real-life stories of betrayal and the aftermath. From stories of double lives to dark discoveries, these are cautionary tales and accounts of resilience against all odds. From the producers of the critically acclaimed Betrayal series, Betrayal Weekly drops new episodes every Thursday. Please join our Substack for additional exclusive content, curated book recommendations and community discussions. Sign up FREE by clicking this link Beyond Betrayal Substack. Join our community dedicated to truth, resilience and healing. Your voice matters! Be a part of our Betrayal journey on Substack. And make sure to check out Seasons 1-4 of Betrayal, along with Betrayal Weekly Season 1.