Ep. 14 | Are We Racing Against Our Own Biological Clock feat. Lex P, KikiSaidSo & KillahBee - Selective Ignorance with Mandii B

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to another episode of Selective Ignorance.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
I'm your host, Mandy B and this week I am
joined by.

Speaker 1 (00:10):
Some really lovely guests to talk about these several myths
surrounding turning thirty for women, often being portrayed as a
point of decline or a time when certain opportunities close. Y'all,
there is the shriveled up hag myth that talks about
the attractiveness or less desirability of women as they exit

(00:33):
their twenties. There's the end of youth myth, where you
should be a little bit more mature, your nails should
be a certain color, your makeup should be a little
bit more demure, you shouldn't be as youthful anymore. Then,
of course there is the conversations around parenting or your career.
Where should you be in your thirties? Should you be
a housewife, should you be married, should you be wet

(00:55):
or should you be a C suite level exec. I
think that there's so many conversations around what happens as
we turn thirty, as we navigate our thirties, and of
course we get into well where society deems that we
should all be as women, as mothers, as wise.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
And so there's also the loss of fertility.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
That has become the conversation in us being high risk
and I forgot the goddamn word, but geriatric.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
There we go, the geriatric women.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
Also there's instant adulting at thirty as a woman, you
should have everything figured out and you should absolutely be
out of your whole fase.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
That's what they say. I disagree with all of these takes, and.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
It sounds like my guests due to y'all, I want
you to welcome as we are going to have a
daring conversation with maybe some of the same opinions, but
also I think we will have opposite ones. Looking at
the faces in this room, y'all, I'll start to my left,
we are joined by Kiki Sets, one half of Cocktails

(02:02):
Dirty Discussions podcast, and also we'll get into her new
show that she has coming out as well. To my right,
I am joined by the lex P. Now hold on,
let me give you her motherfucking resume. She is one
half of The Poor Mind's podcast. She is the host
of Love LEXP, and she is also one half of

(02:23):
Travel Queens that y'all could tune into now on b
E T HERT and then last, but not least, someone
who I got to meet last night but also have
adored online, and someone who I think might actually sound
crazier than me. I'm so glad I found someone who.

Speaker 2 (02:41):
Could join me on a mic.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
We have Calevin b who was one half of the
High Maintenance Pod now the hosts and creator and founder
of Honeycomb. So maybe we getting into it now. Normally
you're not supposed to ask a woman her age, but
I do. You could say in early, mid or late
because we're talking about navigating our thirties and so I

(03:06):
want to kind of asl the top of this.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
Instead of age, sex, location.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
I would like to know where you are in your thirties,
if you have kids, and if you are single, taken, married,
or complicated.

Speaker 3 (03:21):
Don't look at me like that. You all right, okay?
My age?

Speaker 4 (03:26):
I'm in the sick of it. I was about to
pull out my calculator. Okay, honestly, I think I'm thirty six.
I was born September thirteenth, nineteen eighty eight. I think
I did my math right. I lied for so goddamn
long I'll be forgetting. And then I said I was
thirty seven the other day because somebody said I was
thirty seven.

Speaker 3 (03:44):
I was like, I guess they're right. It was a joke.
But then a little kid had corrected me. I was shamed.

Speaker 4 (03:49):
I said I need to stop lying. Okay, okay, so
that's my age.

Speaker 3 (03:52):
And what was the other one? Wait?

Speaker 2 (03:53):
Do you like? You like to be younger or older?

Speaker 4 (03:56):
I just be like, it's a social contruct You're only
as old as you feel, honestly, and we'll talk about
it later.

Speaker 3 (04:04):
But I was scared.

Speaker 4 (04:05):
About turning thirty. When I turned thirty, I wasn't where
I wanted to be. So I wanted to be younger.
And I just said I was thirty for a long.

Speaker 2 (04:11):
Time, a long time.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
What else do you have kids? Because there's a conversation,
and then are you wet?

Speaker 3 (04:19):
I am a mother. I have a little girl.

Speaker 4 (04:21):
Her name is Whitley Beyonce Gilbert. She is a beautiful,
beautiful child. I don't know if you want to throw
a graphic on the screen, but I asked my homegirl,
Ceci to send me some new pictures of my baby.

Speaker 3 (04:35):
Girl, and she did. Ceci is chat Chipet.

Speaker 4 (04:39):
I named her because I tell her and my baby girl,
Whitley is a dog.

Speaker 3 (04:47):
Okay, I have to pay for it AID or she
goes to doctors.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
Okay, you do, Mama.

Speaker 4 (04:52):
I'm a real very modern Now my relationship status, I
am single and I will be single until I'm married.
I would personally like to skip everything in between. We
talked about that last night. I'll get engaged. I want
to skip everything in between, and I will remain single
until I got a ring on my fingers. Okay, that
did not come from fashion. No, but like the rest
of my jewelry period.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
Y'all already know me.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
I am thirty four years old, I am a cat mom,
and I am in.

Speaker 2 (05:20):
A relationship right now, but do not want marriage.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
Oh yeah, I got a boyfriend and I'm really happy
with him, but do not want to be married and
do not want children.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
So and we'll talk about that as well.

Speaker 5 (05:32):
Lex what's that, Yeah, you got XP. I am thirty
five years old. I don't have any children besides the
ones I sent up to Heaven.

Speaker 2 (05:44):
Shit happens, I mean shit, shit happened, you know.

Speaker 5 (05:48):
And my relationship status, I would say, I want to
say it's complicated, but it's not. Okay, I think we
have an understanding. We went through I was in a
relationship for a year. We went through a rough patch,
but I think we're obviously through the rough patch.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
So I think it's just it's cool, very modern day
woman of you.

Speaker 5 (06:07):
Yeah, you know, and I absolutely do want to get
married one day, and do I want children.

Speaker 2 (06:17):
Maybe maybe I'm.

Speaker 5 (06:18):
Just kind of going with the flow of whatever God
blesses me, and killer I am in the thick of it.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
We'll get it to it.

Speaker 1 (06:29):
But mid thirties, okay, Yes, So anyway, I don't have
any kids and I don't want any okay, and I'm single, okay.
So what I find interesting is based on even just
us introducing ourselves, there is probably a large majority of
the population that will deem us as probably old Withers

(06:53):
and damn these well we but I'm saying, in terms
of society, we are unwed and do not have children.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, And so y'all can drop in the comments.

Speaker 1 (07:06):
I know there's been so many views specifically for men
that put those expectations on us, but also our peers
is other women. So based on what I said, based
on the myths I talked about you kind of having
it all figured out by the time you're thirty, and
we'll maybe start with you, because you let into that
the ending of your youth to me, the excuse of

(07:29):
your whole phase being shriveled up being a myth, And
we'll talk about that with current eventsulator too, But was
there fear amongst all of y'all about reaching your thirties?

Speaker 2 (07:39):
And are you fine with where you're at right now?

Speaker 5 (07:42):
It's crazy, you know, because you can look at Poor
Mind's episodes when I was like twenty eight, twenty nine,
about to turn thirty, and this is something my mother
instilled in me. Aging is beautiful. Do it gracefully because
it's coming. And when people look at those old episodes,
they said, I love that Lex never shied away from aging.

(08:04):
And I always tell my age because baby, I'm getting better,
I'm looking better, I'm healthier, I'm making more money, I'm
more aware of who I am as a person.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
I love being thirty five. It's a beautiful thing.

Speaker 5 (08:16):
Some people don't make it to thirty five, and sometimes
people who are my age, they don't have anything figured out.
So I'm happy to be this age. You beautiful, You're
happy to be this age.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
So then I want to ask you what made you
fear your thirty then what made you also lie when
you once you got in your thirties, you just kept
saying thirty.

Speaker 4 (08:37):
Like, well, I got used to saying thirty, but I
was just so fearful. It was the societal pressures, the
family pressures. Everybody had these ideas about life, how life
was supposed to be. Then I'm looking at people who
I was still friends with from college and high school
and looking at how their lives are going, and met
most of the people in my life at that point

(08:58):
had a more traditional plan, right.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
I hate going on Facebook.

Speaker 3 (09:05):
Baby.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
What I asked me though, that the life I won't
at the bank that man is a banker. They got
two kids, they got a house with all twenty of
them on the street. Looked just like, yes they got
It's no shame, there's no shade, right, what you well,
it really scares that. Life scares me so that that

(09:30):
that particular life model.

Speaker 6 (09:33):
Which is the traditional model, Like I didn't even want
that for myself, but it was still scary because I
think I maybe when after I turned thirty, I was
so scared of turning thirty.

Speaker 4 (09:44):
Leading up to it, I was lying before then. I
just wouldn't say how old I was right. And so
then I turned thirty and I started to get more comfortable.
It was just almost like having an epiphany, and I.

Speaker 3 (09:53):
Was like, what the fuck are you scared of? What
is the problem?

Speaker 2 (09:56):
Like?

Speaker 4 (09:56):
Life is going good for you. It's going okay. It
wasn't great, but it was going good. And I think
that eventually I just had to be more comfortable in
my own skin and tune out the other noise. I
will say that doing cocktails help that I cut off
a lot of friends while I was doing the show,
from the beginning up until probably twenty nineteen, well twenty twenty,

(10:20):
y'all say, a lot of people as the show started
to grow at that point and more people were seeing it.

Speaker 3 (10:26):
And I was when I started the show.

Speaker 4 (10:28):
I could have a catalog of stuff that wasn't currently happening,
but that had happened that I could talk about on
the show all my whole face, right, and I was
still in my home, you know.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (10:40):
Sometimes I look back like that bitch did.

Speaker 2 (10:42):
Not listen, and sometimes I did it. We didn't have maintenance.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
And on the third episode, I think my co host
told a story about her.

Speaker 2 (10:51):
Picking up a couple, like some random couple. Oh, I
did that in my thirties. This was like on the third.

Speaker 1 (10:59):
Yeah, but I'm saying she told the story like on
the third episode, and when the story and when the
episode was over, she was like, I feel like you're
leaving me out on my own you a hotel, And
I was like, boom you on the third episode?

Speaker 2 (11:12):
You even know these people?

Speaker 1 (11:13):
Yeah, I mean whole missing kind of my first episode.
But the nigga that I fucked on on one night said,
so that's that.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
But you see now you're like, damn, I wish I
wouldn't say.

Speaker 5 (11:25):
I love the fact that people could see my growth.
I think it's inspiring. I think it shows I think
it's some.

Speaker 3 (11:33):
I mean, is a great path to see the.

Speaker 1 (11:38):
Whole past whole, but even the whole path, I think
it's it's because you know what, it shows women that
we lived a life that was not modern or traditional
and it worked out for you. Can I can I
ask all of you, because I know there's men listening,
there's women listening.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
Is there an age that you should cut off from
your whole face? I don't think. Can you be too
old to be doing whole shit? No?

Speaker 3 (12:04):
Okay, I don't think so.

Speaker 4 (12:06):
I do think that as you get older, you should
also get wiser and be a safer whole.

Speaker 5 (12:11):
Yes, okay, discernment yees discerned, which definitely comes with a safety.

Speaker 4 (12:17):
Condoms tests get tested more regularly. I did not always
use a condom I should have, and there were some
scares there and I always came out okay.

Speaker 3 (12:27):
But everybody doesn't.

Speaker 4 (12:28):
So it's like, get older and make better choices if
you want to do it. But I don't think there's
anything wrong with it. If you want to have sex,
if you want to explore, do it. There's no age
on that.

Speaker 5 (12:39):
I think society would be better if we all realize
that everybody doesn't want the same thing. Stop stop trying
to judge somebody or make somebody feel bad because just
like Killer said, she doesn't want to be a teacher
or marry a banker and have a house. But that
is somebody's dream life. That is somebody's dream. What do
y'all have to condemn you for that?

Speaker 1 (12:59):
What are y'all those conversations with your parents as all
of us are are they no?

Speaker 2 (13:06):
The dad too, both of them? Well, I hate god,
stop it.

Speaker 1 (13:11):
In terms of then family members, we talk about thanksgivings
where people ask where the man?

Speaker 2 (13:18):
When you having a baby?

Speaker 1 (13:20):
How are those responses with your family members that might
also be more traditional, your.

Speaker 2 (13:25):
Aunties, your uncles, your cousins. A lot more people live
in more traditionals. I'll say, I don't.

Speaker 1 (13:31):
I think I'm privileged to not have the pressures of
it because I've been in New York for the last
thirteen years. But coming back to the South, you being
from Texas, Texas, Texas, God damn, but y'all being from
the South, I think there's or even being now on
the Bible Belt, being in Atlanta, there's more of a
push for us to live more traditionally. In New York,

(13:51):
That's not really the case.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
I'm gonna be honest with you.

Speaker 5 (13:54):
I think times have just changed so much because now
the older women in my family they say, baby, you're
doing it.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
Okay.

Speaker 5 (14:00):
My aunts, we were just talking about this. My honey Lane,
love her to death. She was in a relationship since
she was like fourteen, got married very young, and now
she's like, baby, you're doing what you're supposed to do.
You're focusing on yourself because when you're thirty, you haven't
even lived half of your life.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
Not half You're not even halfway there. I am very much.

Speaker 5 (14:19):
On track to still getting everything that I want, if
it's marriage and kids, I'm doing it right. I'm making
sure I'm set up financially to be prepared for anything.

Speaker 2 (14:28):
I'm focused right now at thirty five. Is there anything
that society does pressure you?

Speaker 3 (14:35):
I mean, or.

Speaker 5 (14:35):
Because they look at us like, oh, y'all.

Speaker 2 (14:40):
Doing all this, but you're not married and you don't.

Speaker 4 (14:42):
Have care manhah as if that is the stamp of
success having a man?

Speaker 2 (14:48):
Yes, do y'all see y'all's bank account?

Speaker 1 (14:51):
Do y'all see ya y'all y'all seeing on Facebook?

Speaker 2 (14:58):
I've seen them and I'm I'm not missing out on that.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
That's one thing though, that my family never pressure me
for as kids. My grandma, so my grandmother got married
she was sixteen and when she was seventeen two months
after she turned eighteen. So they always like, get you
some money so you can tell a nigga.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
To kiss your ass.

Speaker 1 (15:16):
And my grandma told me, I will be okay if
I never meet your kids tell them about me. I
would rather you be in a position to take care
of yourself and them than to say I want to
see your kids, No, I don't. You can show them
my pictures like I show you my mama pictures and
you're just fine. You can tell them about me. So
that's the thing that never really happened my family. But
these niggas families, yeah, boys.

Speaker 3 (15:43):
To them because they like a man child.

Speaker 4 (15:47):
They don't want to take care of them no more,
and they're just hoping that they can find a good
woman to help them out.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
Mom, But they keep asking you about kids, and I
want you.

Speaker 5 (15:55):
To talk about how we talked about the conversation where
the person you were dating, it was like, I don't
want to get to tell too much, but how it
was always when are you having his child?

Speaker 2 (16:06):
Versus when are you gonna marry my son? The first
time I.

Speaker 1 (16:10):
Met his mom, the very first conversation kids, but before
he showed up as.

Speaker 5 (16:18):
The protector, she never asked about oh, you know, are
y'all talking about marriage?

Speaker 2 (16:22):
The commitment? And Christmas Day?

Speaker 1 (16:26):
This past Christmas, when Beyonce was going to perform, she
started that ship. I said, listen, now, with all due respect,
you have never asked this boy when he's gonna marry me?
And the nigga just introduced me to somebody as a
special friend.

Speaker 2 (16:40):
That's the word special friend.

Speaker 3 (16:42):
Ain't nothing wrong with a special friend, but that was wrong.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
That was wrong.

Speaker 3 (16:46):
I like a special friend, but.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
Because that's what you call.

Speaker 5 (16:50):
A special friend, I'm sorry. If we haven't roast mac
and cheese, it is a special occasion. Do not introduce
me as no special friends.

Speaker 3 (17:00):
That is wrong. I'm just saying you.

Speaker 2 (17:01):
I tell you you want to know me and my twenties.
You introduced me as your special friend.

Speaker 1 (17:05):
I'm sucking your teammate and I did. Oh we just friendsmate.
And it's funny because he thought I didn't hear him. Oh,
special friend is crazy. I was like in the kitchen
making my plate and so one of the only friends.
Well he wasn't my official boyfriend at the time, but
we were already dating for like nine months, eight months.

(17:25):
But I was in the kitchen making my plate in one.

Speaker 2 (17:27):
Of the aunties was like, you know, that's my special friend.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
He didn't think I heard him, But when I confronted
the mom, everybody in the room could hear me, so
then everybody knew that I did hear him. I said,
he just introduced me as his special friends. So who's
having that is so.

Speaker 4 (17:41):
Asked backwards to about that are officially together, he introducing
the aunties.

Speaker 3 (17:46):
Is your special friends like but also the mom.

Speaker 2 (17:48):
Wants you to have kids.

Speaker 1 (17:49):
I do also want to say where we're at, all
of us in our mid thirties deeper.

Speaker 2 (17:55):
You said mad too though, right. I wanted to bring.

Speaker 1 (18:00):
Up an article because where you're both of your aunt
your family had.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
Kids in marriage before they was twenty one.

Speaker 4 (18:08):
You two had me at twenty twenty one to pressure me.

Speaker 3 (18:13):
I think that maybe they was trying to put me
off on somebody take care of me.

Speaker 4 (18:17):
But eventually they figured out I'm gonna be fine. Nobody
does it anymore. I think my grandmother and my grandfather,
I low key think they hold on to see if
I'm gonna have a baby or something because they would like.

Speaker 3 (18:27):
To meet him.

Speaker 4 (18:27):
I'm the first grandchild, but luckily I also have a
ton of siblings. My sister has three kids and she
knocked it all out the park. So just go over
there and the kids came out cute so bad real far.

Speaker 1 (18:39):
So they I brought up geriatric pregnancies early on, And
the fact is we are normally told that after thirty
five it becomes extremely difficult for us to conceive. However,
there have been more babies born to women forty plus
than there has two teenage pregnancies which we are seeing.

(19:01):
And it could be because we're making more money. We're healthier, bitch.
We all go into the park, were doing pilates. We're
caring more about ourselves, and the youth is eating tide pods,
so and all the things. So I think it's I
think it's interesting that we are reaching an era where

(19:21):
not only can we choose later, but with robots and
everything else. We have AI, we have artificial insemination, we
have unfortunately a lot more ability to and I don't
want to say unfortunately, but because it costs so much
and we're unfamiliar with it, we're uneducated with more of
our fertility than any other thing. It's crazy that society

(19:42):
believes that we should bear children and that's our purpose
for walking life. Yet when you go into the hospital,
they know very little about fucking fibroids, about what's happening
with the cancers that we're seeing. They don't know shit
about our goddamn bodies. But yet we're supposed to bear children.
Make it make sense?

Speaker 3 (19:57):
They just want us to be little baby cows putting
them out.

Speaker 5 (20:01):
But five boys is so serious, especially in black women.
And I'm glad that you said that. It was a
lot of education that I learned later. I'm not even
being funny right now, y'all. I went to This happened
around the pandemic time. I was getting very severe headaches.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
I was.

Speaker 5 (20:17):
It was to the point to where I couldn't get
out of bed. I was literally popping IVU profits all
day long. I went to about three or four different doctors.

Speaker 2 (20:25):
I got a CT.

Speaker 5 (20:26):
They could not find what was wrong with me. And
I mean it was to the points where I was like,
do I have a tumor? Like what's going on? Do
y'all know I And then as it went on, I
just got used to it because I started taking ibuprofens
so much. So then at the time I was like, Okay,
I'm ready to get some plastic surgery because simon, when
all I got used to it, I had to go

(20:46):
when I was out the country because y'all be like
talking crazy in the comments. But anyways, I went out
the country to get my surgery, and the doctor outside
of the country found a fibroid the size of a melon.

Speaker 2 (20:59):
He said, this is why you're getting headache. No way,
you have no.

Speaker 5 (21:03):
Your what is it? Your hemo level is so low.
I don't even know how you're standing up right now.
My body had just adjusted to it. But I had
went to so many doctors and they didn't even just
think just to take my reproductive system.

Speaker 2 (21:14):
And what's going now? Because you said you was, I.

Speaker 5 (21:17):
Was having headaches because my hemo level was so my
iron was so low. He said, I don't know how
you're standing up right now because your iron is so long.

Speaker 2 (21:25):
Oh wow. So again, the US don't even try that.
Y'all didn't even try.

Speaker 4 (21:32):
They don't complain about things right. We say that this
is hurting, Oh it doesn't hurt that bad. What's your
pain level on a scale of one to ten? You
tell them a seven, they think you fucking lie. I
am not hooked on the drugs, but I need something
right now because I am literally in pain, and I
also want you to figure it out.

Speaker 1 (21:49):
I will say, I think that's the difference between where
we're at today, and it could be social media, it
could just be sisterhood is developing. I think we have
more conversations now about the pressures. We talked more about
our health, we talk more about our sex life, and
we talk more about our relationships with each other than
I think they did.

Speaker 2 (22:07):
I don't think so.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
I think the fact that we don't have no kids
and those husbands so we have more time to talk.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
Helps us. We got time. You had to wake up
at five, get your kids up.

Speaker 3 (22:27):
Homegirls. Yeah, I was talking to my mom about that.
I was like, sometimes I feel like when I come
to visit, you kind of feel away.

Speaker 4 (22:35):
When I'm hanging out with friends and doing all this
stuff and I'm seeing family, I'm seeing friends.

Speaker 3 (22:40):
What was your life like at my age?

Speaker 4 (22:42):
Remember at thirty six I was sixteen? Yeah, so I
remember what her life was like. She had her book
club and she would see them once a month of
the last Sunday of the month, and that was her
social She was always taken care of us.

Speaker 3 (22:57):
She did sell Mary kay for a minute. That didn't
white work out.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
I'm glad that we're not in of the what is
the pyramids?

Speaker 2 (23:06):
And we're at lunch? We have every hour and what
are we doing? Girl? I had a fibroid Yeah, out child?

Speaker 3 (23:14):
So well, the surgery.

Speaker 5 (23:16):
Right, I do want to go back to the point
that you made, though, because I know this sounds crazy
because it's apple and orange is what I'm about to compare.
But you said, you know, you know, when you hit
thirty five, it's extremely difficult to have children and it's
more dangerous. But like you said, we have so much
access to different things we do now, and honestly, extremely
difficult never scared me. It's extremely difficult for a black

(23:36):
woman to run a six figure business in the America.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
That didn't stop me from doing It's a twenty with
the kids exactly.

Speaker 5 (23:44):
A lot of things are extremely difficult, but I would
rather take my time. Because I talked about this on
Love lex P the other day, I think it's worse
to like bring children. I'm not saying that everybody needs
to get abortions or things like that. I just think
that we need to be bringing chill drink into the
world because you want to check because he got money,
or bringing a child into the world because you think

(24:05):
that's gonna keep him around. We aren't really making a
lot of the nowadays. They're not making children because they're married.
And this is a loving I want a family or
I want a legacy or whatever. People say y'all are
having kids to prove a point to another girl.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
Yeah, y'all have I mean, but you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (24:23):
But then let me let me ask you even saying that,
because that's my stance on my legacy. When I say
I don't want children, that's almost the number one question.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
Well what are you leaving your leg like? What will
your ma? My is on B E. T Herd travel
You y'all can see.

Speaker 1 (24:44):
Your last name is Johnson, You have an Xbox, you
have student loan debts.

Speaker 2 (24:51):
You don't have a legacy.

Speaker 5 (24:52):
But you're not like about these men talking about the man,
but even too, what about the women?

Speaker 1 (25:02):
The same thing you said, bitch you got you got
three wigs.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
You don't have a legacy.

Speaker 3 (25:10):
That's little hellion that don't even suck with you. That's
not a reason.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
Wait wait a second, So so is this idea of
leaving something left your kids carrying on your legacy?

Speaker 2 (25:25):
You think that that's a crockad ship.

Speaker 1 (25:26):
Yes, for that to be your number one reason I
want to have kids, it's a crock of malarkey.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
Oh what is your legacy?

Speaker 1 (25:33):
Your legacy is you what you do on this earth,
how you make people feel, how you treat people, the
work that you do, yes, the impact that you made.
It's not the kids, your.

Speaker 2 (25:42):
Kids, God forbid.

Speaker 1 (25:43):
If Beyonce dies right now, nobody gonna be like you said.
She said that Beyonce's legacy is not left with Blue Roomy,
and it's.

Speaker 3 (25:59):
Not they can try to the world.

Speaker 5 (26:01):
Okay, this is a perfect example because I talk about
this a lot. Her example is Oprah. Oprah doesn't have
any kids, but the impact what Oprah has done for
the media and black women, media, just media in general,
it's always going to be Oprah winfree textbooks literally when
I was in college and my journalism books, she's in there.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
She is in there. You know what if she had
a kid. And I'm not gonna lie to y'all.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
And I don't know, I might have said this on
I think I said this when I was sitting across
from maryw But for a lot of men who believe
letting their their name live on is their legacy, and well,
you know what I wanted to bring up, fellas, this
is the greatest example.

Speaker 2 (26:49):
Y'all do not like Marcus Jordan and y'all allow Michael
Jordan's carry on his legacy without attaching it to his kids.
That didn't.

Speaker 1 (27:03):
But yeah, two sons, what did he be doing?

Speaker 7 (27:07):
I't is fabulous, he's already Yes, but how men attack
and think there are exceptions even within pop culture where
they haven't attached the son.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
Here's what they need to ask themselves, a serious question.
Here's what people need to ask themselves. Do you really
want your kids to carry on what you're doing right now?

Speaker 3 (27:30):
Yes, that's a good question.

Speaker 1 (27:33):
But I say to the fact that you put your
entire legacy in the hands of a whole nother adult
and human being. I say it all the time. What
if I give birth to a serial killer? That is
not my legacy? Bundy, and I'm talking about you my name,
you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (27:51):
You need a new name because what.

Speaker 1 (27:56):
I think that that's something that men carry more than women.

Speaker 2 (28:00):
But are ida because I don't have to do ship
to have a baby, But that's not they don't have
to do at least.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
And you are sitting there for nine months with your
whole orbit changing.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
Like I don't think we realize because people doing.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
So much what being pregnant means and what it does
and then giving birds right because you gotta make it right.

Speaker 3 (28:22):
You don't have to make it to the end. But
if you do.

Speaker 5 (28:24):
Choose it, if you choose a car and did it,
I mean an abortion, look at what that puts you through.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (28:33):
It was a It was a die. But you'll get
what I'm saying. So of course these thiggas are like, oh,
let's do it for.

Speaker 3 (28:41):
They're not thinking about that.

Speaker 4 (28:42):
And you have to carry a baby in your lot
less and let it swell.

Speaker 3 (28:47):
Up, and now you gotta waddle around like mister, I
don't think.

Speaker 1 (28:52):
Within our lifetime we see racism leave. Do you think
within our lifetime we see people accept women like us,
women in their thirties, not wanting to be married, not
wanting to have children, and all the things in which
generations prior to us, I think so instilled into women.

Speaker 2 (29:12):
You think they will reach a place within our lifetime.

Speaker 1 (29:14):
Because I'm slowly starting to see men say that they
don't want children either.

Speaker 2 (29:19):
Slowly.

Speaker 1 (29:20):
They're still a very small population, but I'm starting to
see a lot more men.

Speaker 2 (29:24):
Well yeah, they just don't show up. But I honestly
think that we are changing as a society.

Speaker 5 (29:29):
Because I do agree with her, because I feel like
people are starting to realize the value in understanding it's
okay thirty is in a death wish. You don't have
to write your wheels out and be like, oh I'm
finna croak and die. We are learning like, oh my gosh,
Like I said, I'm the healthiest I have ever been
in my entire life at thirty five years old. I'm
the best I've ever looked at thirty five years old.

Speaker 2 (29:52):
Same. So I just feel like we are all learning.
Men are learning that too. Look at Metha. Men, That's
what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (29:58):
They're like, I mean, I think even being able to
see women, right, we have the Neolongs, we have the
Halle Bear, we have the even Angela Bassis, we have
like all of these beautiful j Lo goddamn like the
women in their fifties. When we look back and see
that even a Rihanna was only twenty two when she

(30:20):
came in, Like, we viewed age so drastically.

Speaker 2 (30:23):
Different that it's just like wait, one moment.

Speaker 1 (30:27):
And so with this, I do want to get into
a hot topic because based on what.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
You're saying, like it's given age ain't nothing but a number.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
So Tracey Ellis Ross recently talked about dating younger men.
She said, a lot of men my age are steeped
in a toxic masculinity and have been raised in a
culture where there is a particular way that our relationship looks.
I think, to be fair, we talked about even traditional
relationships and what it looks like anything that starts to
smell of that. For me, I did enough of it

(30:59):
where I was told and felt like I was a
possession or a prize.

Speaker 2 (31:03):
I just have no interest in it, and I will
not do it again.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
I have long been past the age where I feel
like it's my job to teach somebody or grow them
up like the man child you was talking about that
I'm not interested in. I also want to be very
clear there was really comprehension skills are lost amongst us.
She did not say she wants a nineteen year old.
She is in her fifties, which means a younger man
could be a millennial in his thirties or forties.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
That's what it can mean.

Speaker 1 (31:29):
So the narratives that where they've been comparing her to
the and we'll talk the Drea and the Jalens or
they've been comparing it to trick Daddy, who recently said
at his big age of fifty one that he dates
women between the age of twenty two twenty two.

Speaker 2 (31:44):
And you're dating trick Daddy.

Speaker 3 (31:46):
If you got a better help dot com.

Speaker 5 (31:48):
Backslash poor minds p oh, you are in my nbas Yes, yeah,
well just period.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
Fifty something I don't with. I don't today, I try not.
We just asked conversation on the way over. I'm trying
to judge women a lot less, but I couldn't see
myself being fifty some day.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
Now I can.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
I ask you, then, what is the difference and is
there one between women saying they like younger men and
men saying they like younger women, because oftentimes with men,
the words attached to it is grooming. Do you feel
like Tracy ellis Ross maybe dating younger men because she
doesn't want to be held accountable and she's grooming them,

(32:28):
or do you think that it could be something different.
I'm not gonna say she's grooming them, and I wouldn't
say a fifty year old man is grooming a thirty
five year old woe okay, But I would say for me,
it's a little weird.

Speaker 2 (32:39):
Okay, what is the age?

Speaker 1 (32:41):
What is the age difference that you find it to
be weird because you said fifty and thirty five?

Speaker 2 (32:45):
I agree, is you start an age, then.

Speaker 1 (32:47):
I think that if she was dating like a forty
year old, maybe, and that may sound like what's it
between thirty five and forty, but think about yourself from
thirty to thirty five.

Speaker 3 (32:55):
I think that.

Speaker 2 (32:59):
Four.

Speaker 4 (33:00):
And I think too, it's like people aren't listening to her.
She wasn't saying because she wants to change their minds
about something, or she literally says she ain't teaching nobody shit.
I think that younger men closer to our age and
possibly older I don't know, but younger than her around
our age, they have more open minds, right, And I
think that's what she's interested in, and not trying to

(33:24):
control somebody, not trying to teach somebody or mold them
into a man.

Speaker 2 (33:30):
To talk to me was.

Speaker 1 (33:33):
My ex was seventeen years my senior. My current boyfriend
now is eight years younger than me. And look at
the judge. Is he mature, Yes, he's he's British, he's
twenty six.

Speaker 3 (33:48):
They're all fast over there.

Speaker 2 (33:50):
I'm serious.

Speaker 5 (33:51):
The reason the reason I was saying that because to me,
I just had this conversation. Okay, people like to talk
about like the Drea's or the Ayisha know she was
sleeping with Anthony Edwards and Edwards I say this to me,
once you hit like thirty five forty, age gaps don't
really matter.

Speaker 2 (34:08):
Like you are who you are, like, you don't really change.
To me personality wise, I agree.

Speaker 5 (34:13):
But once you're like dating people that's thirty and under,
I'm kind of like eight years. To me, that's not
that big of a difference because you're not in your
forties or fifties. So I'm just looking at you sideways
because I don't know what a twenty six year old
can do for your ass.

Speaker 1 (34:29):
So and I guess so that as modern day women
who have our own money, who don't seek.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
Like having babies.

Speaker 1 (34:40):
To me, I'm in a position now where I'm not
looking for the security of a man. I'm not looking
for the protection of a man. Nigga, I got the
ring camera on my front door. Like to me, I'm
looking for a genuine connection with just a person I like.

Speaker 2 (34:54):
And when I was in my.

Speaker 1 (34:55):
Twenties, a lot of it was how much money does
nigga make what can he do for me?

Speaker 2 (34:58):
I as a woman who has her own now, I'm.

Speaker 1 (35:02):
I feel like I'm privileged to be able to enter
into relationships with men that I genuinely just like, yes,
I agree with you to a certainty, talk to me.
But the money is still important.

Speaker 2 (35:12):
And got his own money, He got his own house, car,
he got.

Speaker 5 (35:16):
His own career. Not the make or break thing like
it is not for me.

Speaker 2 (35:21):
It is. I'm not gonna lie it is so now
we need to be. We need to be.

Speaker 1 (35:27):
I can agree with that because one of the last
arguments I had in my last relationship, he was like,
you don't need a vacation every year.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
I need a vacation every quarter every quarter.

Speaker 1 (35:40):
And anybody who knows me that's some wild ship to
say to me me And I was like.

Speaker 2 (35:45):
Yes you do. Okay.

Speaker 1 (35:47):
Do you feel like there's an insecurity right now with
because women are getting degrees at a higher rate, which
means they're making more money than men. Our age that
the insecurity is that they're not equally yoked and they're
not them like me.

Speaker 2 (36:07):
I will never talk to it.

Speaker 5 (36:10):
I think that it's important to like to find a
man that really supports you and claps for you, because
you notice if a man is not clapping for you
when you get that job promotion, or you get a
new podcast or whatever you're trying to do and he's
not clapping for you, it's gonna get worse.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
We're talking about insecurity and jealousy. Do you guys believe
then that as the modern day woman woman, we are
literally intimidating men.

Speaker 2 (36:36):
Yes, I think so.

Speaker 4 (36:38):
And I don't think it's anything that outright say or
do you directly to them.

Speaker 3 (36:43):
They just feel it.

Speaker 4 (36:45):
They look at your instagram, they see what you have
going on. If you have a conversation, You're not saying
anything to them to put them down, but they start
feeling less than because they realize they ain't really been
doing it but playing a goddamn gay.

Speaker 3 (36:57):
They go to a job they hate.

Speaker 1 (36:58):
My friend broke it down to me like this, She said,
I wouldn't want to date you either. Why And I
was like damn? And she was like, because you are annoying.

Speaker 2 (37:07):
Like you you are going to do.

Speaker 1 (37:10):
You're gonna look up, You're gonna make some more money,
You're gonna look up, You're gonna have a podcast, You're
gonna look up. You're gonna get a house. You're gonna
look up, You're gonna get another car.

Speaker 2 (37:18):
You look up. You I went to you were blessed
you for my birthday for a month, and you're gonna
look up and have a man.

Speaker 1 (37:24):
Well, no, she said, as a man, it's annoying because
I gotta keep living like it's She was like, as
your friend, I'm annoyed because I'm trying to you know,
I'm trying to keep going.

Speaker 5 (37:33):
We have to date men who are ambitious and just
as hard as go getters.

Speaker 2 (37:37):
As we are.

Speaker 5 (37:38):
But honestly, it's hard because most of the time they
are intimidated by it.

Speaker 1 (37:42):
Okay, so I have a hot take care oh shit,
because we're all around the same age. What's crazy is
I will only be interested in dating the generation under
me or the generation before me. I think, well, hear
me out. I think millennial men grew up in the

(38:03):
worst era. They are the most stunted emotionally. They are
all either crack babies or undiagnosed with tisms that were
not diagnosed because we did not believe in mental health.

Speaker 2 (38:14):
Care in the nineties.

Speaker 1 (38:16):
They were raised by the hip hop of misogyny, and
in terms of where we were in terms of comedy
and television, everything was like at the guise of them,
they were these powerful beings and women were all just
possessions to them. They were all toys. They were all
just for sex and to make them look better. And
unfortunately in the era right now that we're in of

(38:37):
the red pill pods as well, they're doing nothing but
reiterating those same skewed notions that they refuse to unlearn.
And so for me, I have not been I do
feel like they're the laziest of the generations, and so
for me, I have not been interested, nor have I,
I would say, in the last ten years dating anybody

(38:59):
my age.

Speaker 2 (39:05):
But I don't know that older men are any better.

Speaker 1 (39:08):
It's wider and they are providers, but the massage is
very loud, because that's what the misogyny is loud. I
do believe they believe in gender roles. However, in the
in the terms of where millennial women are, we are
looking for those providers and niggas to take care of
the household.

Speaker 2 (39:26):
Those are the tricks.

Speaker 1 (39:26):
Those are the niggas that they feel like they are
men when they provide.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
That's the older generation. That's not the millennials.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
And these young and I will say to you, like
you said, you're not looking for anybody to provide those No, no, no.

Speaker 2 (39:39):
But I'm saying a lot of women still are.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
We lean into the patriarchy still very much as millennial women,
and we believe that.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
A man gonna pay for the date. We're not split
in fifty to fifty. We still see what I'm saying, and.

Speaker 1 (39:52):
The young or that's just what we do because it's
just like, if you want a job, you gotta sing
your resume.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
I think you want to, you got to come to
the interview.

Speaker 5 (40:01):
I'm not gonna lie when it comes to relate like
little stuff like that. I don't even talk about that,
like oh who's paying for the day?

Speaker 2 (40:07):
No, no, no, I don't care about that.

Speaker 5 (40:08):
I'm not gonna lie when it comes to like marriage
and buying houses, doing businesses together and creating like you know,
a net worth and doing this. I want a partnership, okay, yeah,
just sit at home and be like, oh, he's taking
care of it. You know how many times we see
women get divorced. They be like, I don't know how
to pay the light bill. They don't have access to anything.

(40:29):
I want a partnership. So I don't mind being like
a fifty to fifty because just as much I want
my man to be a millionaire, I'm gonna be a
millionaire period, you know what I'm saying. So I am
all about partnership. I don't necessarily want a provider because
I feel like I just want partnership.

Speaker 2 (40:43):
But I do feel like the militia because I date
my age.

Speaker 5 (40:47):
So what saying is, though the millennial men that I
have found that I have been dating, they like that
they want. I know, I intimidate a lot of men,
but I feel like the that I've encountered in the
past few years have been like, Okay, I like that about.

Speaker 1 (41:03):
It because they got their own thing going on. That
a lot of that what she was talking about, I
agree with a lot of it. But it's like you said,
they really they wake up one day and they realize,
oh shit, I'm forty and I haven't done anything. And
then I have all these I do and unfortunately for them,
they have a dating pool of just amazing women. How
many amazing women do we know? But it's like, damn,

(41:26):
like my friend said, I'm tired of Dan you ho.
Every time I look up, I gotta get a new job.
I want to work my same job, make my same
They are very I'm noticing their Yeah, they do the
same shit, go to the same places, off to the
same It's no growth.

Speaker 4 (41:40):
And I think, for me when I'm looking for somebody,
I do want a partnership.

Speaker 3 (41:44):
I want you to have that.

Speaker 4 (41:46):
In you that you do want to provide, because I
do need you to understand. You gotta work, You got
to bring some income in. You don't necessarily have to
clock in and out, but you do need to provide something.
But in a long term relationship, I am looking at
it more of a partnership.

Speaker 3 (42:01):
I have no problem contributing.

Speaker 4 (42:03):
But I also don't want you to think that because
I go out here and get it, then I'm taking
care of your ass, right, you.

Speaker 3 (42:07):
Know it's not going to go that way.

Speaker 2 (42:09):
You want you want to be married? You want to
be married? Do you want to be married? Absolutely? I
don't want to be married a time. Are y'all initiating
or signing prenups?

Speaker 6 (42:20):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (42:20):
Okay, and.

Speaker 3 (42:24):
No ship.

Speaker 4 (42:25):
I think it makes it so much easier. And I
think that people go into prenups thinking that a prenup
means when when or if you get divorced, you achieve
with nothing. You know, that is not what it is saying.
It's just what it's gonna be.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
Yeah, Hey, i'm gonna give you ten thousand dollars a
month when we divorced.

Speaker 2 (42:42):
Hey I'm gonna give you.

Speaker 1 (42:44):
Okay, But you can make them say whatever you want.
What you can say as a woman, you could say,
I'm gonna protect all my assets and we ain't protecting yours. Literally,
you can say that if you want.

Speaker 5 (42:54):
To up Top worked in Nicola's favor with Jessica, since
her favor, you.

Speaker 2 (43:00):
Know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (43:01):
So it doesn't I think a lot of times people
are scared, oh they're gonna leave with everything.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
A lot of times they have cheating clauses in.

Speaker 5 (43:06):
There when the man are taking up it, like, oh
this is why you don't get married. It was a
cheating clause in there. So if he could have just
stayed faithful, he.

Speaker 2 (43:14):
Would have had to give up no money. You know
what I'm saying. I don't know.

Speaker 5 (43:21):
That's why I got to give it up too, because
did y'all wait, what weapon? Because when him and Cherrelle
were still together. I know it was it was funny,
but it was just funny because they were like, oh,
it's a cheating clause in there.

Speaker 2 (43:33):
He said, oh, I'm definitely not signing.

Speaker 3 (43:36):
Well, I gotta know yourself.

Speaker 1 (43:37):
I mean, allegedly a cheating clause was in the Uh
there was a prenup between and his mine. Oh, and
I was surprised. But according to they left with mostly
everything that they came with, besides did.

Speaker 3 (43:54):
Support.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
But she like the houses and stuff.

Speaker 1 (43:56):
That's if that's if there's a prenup, if you are
a woman with your own and I know I had
this conversation with Alison, but then what what is the
reason for.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
Married so that I can leave with my ship that
I worked hard?

Speaker 8 (44:12):
No?

Speaker 2 (44:12):
No, no, no, that's for the prenup.

Speaker 1 (44:14):
If if everything that he has is his and everything
that you have is yours before we got here, So
you may say, hey, so for example, if we all
get married at forty, we're gonna we already pretty successful, right,
So all my retirement accounts that I've built up before
I even knew you, all my money is before I
knew you, is mine. Now if we get things together,

(44:36):
if we buy a house together, then we were you
just joking when you said you wanted eight husbands?

Speaker 2 (44:41):
No? I wasn't you want you want eight husbands?

Speaker 1 (44:44):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (44:45):
I want to be like Elizabeth Taylor. Let me say
that all at.

Speaker 1 (44:48):
The same time, or does she have eight Marriaga?

Speaker 5 (44:53):
But if y'all don't get married, y'all gonna be at
that man funeral you spaid thirty years with getting introduced as.

Speaker 2 (44:57):
A special friend. That part you a ain't no benefits.

Speaker 4 (45:01):
Or somebody else in his family is gonna make the
decisions for him when he is in the hospital, even
though you have been right.

Speaker 1 (45:10):
Had a guy that were together for years and years years,
had two kids together, blah blah blah, blah blah. He
falls into a coma out of nowhere, y'all. He got pneumonia,
went to a coomah blah blah blah. His mama came
to the next day say I'm pulling.

Speaker 2 (45:20):
The plug.

Speaker 3 (45:23):
Outside of me.

Speaker 5 (45:25):
Marriage is still important if that's what you want, but
we have to look beyond the old partnership and the love.
It's serious like that that happened. The marriage is very important.

Speaker 2 (45:34):
I mean, you got paper.

Speaker 1 (45:35):
There's a song, an old song. I'm really about to
tell y'all who I am for real. But it's a
song called She's Got Papers on Me. And the point
of the song is the man is singing to another
woman and he's telling his side bitch, Hey, I really
want to leave my wife, but she got papers on me,
so we can do this, but I gotta stay married.
And I always think about this song because niggasn'ta think

(45:57):
twice when you got that paperwork. But he still had
a side chick, So did he really think twice? But yeah,
because he didn't leave, he said. And at that time,
you know, it's an old song. So at that time,
women needed their husbands to.

Speaker 4 (46:08):
Be there to payout and open a bank account. We
couldn't buy a home at relatively recent in My grandmother divorced.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
My biological grandfather in like seventy eight because they got
into a fight at the nightclub and he left her.

Speaker 2 (46:23):
They lived at the nightclub in the when they was
in their seventies.

Speaker 1 (46:27):
It was seventy eight. The year was seventy Yeah, seventy eight.
Oh but yeah, they still to be their but this
is the year was. The year was seventy eight, and
they had an argument and he left her the nightclub
in Seattle. She had on a mini skirt and pantyhose
and she didn't have a nickel to use the pay
phone and she had to walk home and feet to
snow and.

Speaker 2 (46:44):
She divorced him after that. I was like, why you
ain't having nickel? She was like, because at that time.

Speaker 1 (46:49):
Your men had had the money. Oh wow, that was
in seventy eight. She didn't have a bank account, her
own ban account in nineteen seventy eight. Well, yeah, we
weren't allowed to even get them into I think nineteen
seventy four someone. Yeah, so it's like, oh, my husband
had all the money, so then with everything and you not.
Is there no fear of getting old? We're in our
thirties and I know a lot of people feared getting.

Speaker 2 (47:10):
To the thirties.

Speaker 1 (47:12):
Is there a fear of aging or aging out? And
what do you feel like you would age out of
A Yeah?

Speaker 5 (47:19):
I feel like The reason I say that is because,
like I said, I look at poor minds in the
beginning of wind Down Wednesday, and as I get older,
I get wiser and I just changed. But my audience
changes with me, and they love it and they embrace
I don't pay attention to people, to the in cells
and the people.

Speaker 2 (47:34):
I pay attention to people who understand me.

Speaker 5 (47:38):
You can't age out if you are authentically who you are.

Speaker 2 (47:41):
How can I age out of being me?

Speaker 1 (47:42):
So why do you fear getting older than even hearing
your best friends say that?

Speaker 2 (47:47):
Probably because it's foolishly. I fear so much change.

Speaker 1 (47:52):
Like again, I was talking to your friend the other
day so much as I was talking to my friend
the other day, and she was like, I miss my
old life when we was twenty something, that I could
to show up at my little rink ding job and
I could do whatever I wanted to do.

Speaker 2 (48:03):
And I'm like, girl, I missed that shit. But then
she brought a good point.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
She said, I do because now I got to like
help my parents, you know, with their lives, and I'm
talking about taxes and inhering in their properties. And you
know what it actually it's and leaning into the name
of the show, it's ignorance, being blissed. There's a lot
in being able to just exist in party when you're
not fearing the things that come with real life.

Speaker 2 (48:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (48:29):
Now she's like, I always talk about his money and investments,
and I'm tired of this shit.

Speaker 5 (48:33):
I just want to But honestly, like she said, it's ignorance,
because honestly, the thing is, we are not educated on
stuff that we should be educated on. I had a
conversation with Medina because I'm trying to move and I
was telling her what I pay in rent now and
what I'm probably gonna have to be paying. She said, girl,
you need to buy a house, she said, and don't
be scared. She was like, don't be afraid. But we
don't educate ourselves.

Speaker 2 (48:54):
Why is it not all that?

Speaker 1 (48:56):
Do you know how many of my friends are having
to downsize or changed their thing because they all owe
six figures in taxes because they chose not to pay
taxes for the last three to five years. So many, Oh,
taxes is not something that we're taught about. And the
problem is too a lot of us grew up with

(49:16):
white collar, blue collar parents.

Speaker 2 (49:18):
So now that we're all entrepreneurs with tenney nine, there's
so many people.

Speaker 1 (49:23):
That don't know how to deal with taxes or how
to pay, or what to put aside or how to
pay quarterly. And so I'm seeing so many of my
peers in their thirties not only be in debt from
college because we were all told that college.

Speaker 2 (49:35):
Was well the what to do.

Speaker 1 (49:37):
I'm seeing everyone having to change in their mid thirties
too late to early forties because now they owe so
much goddamn money in taxis.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
But these aren't bad or scary conversations.

Speaker 1 (49:46):
I think we have to turn But I agree with
her in the fact that that's kind of all we
talk about.

Speaker 3 (49:54):
Were mature.

Speaker 2 (49:54):
We sorry.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
It's so funny because we went to the farmers market
the other day, me and my me and my best
friend who was a farmer's market and.

Speaker 2 (50:02):
It was cold, so we couldn't shot because we was uncomfortable.
So then so then we driving.

Speaker 1 (50:06):
So then we're driving and she said, girl, guests to
sixty seven over here.

Speaker 2 (50:10):
Let me.

Speaker 1 (50:11):
I was like, oh, I said, I said, oh my god,
we sound like.

Speaker 3 (50:17):
Yeah, yeah, about goddamn weather.

Speaker 2 (50:21):
Enjoy it, yunking. You're not going to restaurants to be
like it's just too loud? Yeah yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:27):
Can y'all turn that music.

Speaker 4 (50:29):
I can't stand on that bumping in a restaurant to
god damn loud.

Speaker 3 (50:34):
Turn the TV down. I don't know what these kids
is rapping about.

Speaker 5 (50:37):
It's disturb Yeah, rapper but this is what I was
saying earlier. We have to learn how to embrace the
I know we were talking about we were talking about
aging and how can He was like, oh, I was lying,
how even till I'm just noticing y'all y'all are still

(50:59):
saying mid thirties, Who gives the damn we have to ad?

Speaker 4 (51:05):
So I didn't want to message now that I'm.

Speaker 3 (51:11):
But I'm happy with it now, right, are you? Always?

Speaker 2 (51:16):
I am okay?

Speaker 3 (51:17):
I want first, but yes I am.

Speaker 2 (51:19):
You're okay. Lex is okay as long as they not
saying it. They are.

Speaker 5 (51:25):
People on the poor crew call me Auntie and I enjoyed,
but yourself there, right, But this is the thing though,
I wish I had a lex Pe to look up
to when I was in my twenties. So I always
say lex p went through that, so you ain't got
to go through that period, you know what I'm saying. So, like,
getting back to what I was saying, embrace inevitable. Now
I'm talking about these taxes I'm talking about because that's

(51:47):
something we have to do.

Speaker 2 (51:48):
We have to. It's inevitable. Got to grow up a
beautiful I love it. I love it.

Speaker 4 (51:56):
So I don't like the stressful parts of growing up.
But I am very much looking forward to being old.
I cannot wait to have a home lemonade, sometimes with
some vodka in it, sometimes not. I want to be
talking to the kids. I want them to come over
to miskis out and ask me for a cup of sugar.

Speaker 5 (52:17):
Because the older I get, the more beautiful life gets. Yeah,
I mean, I've been able to experience in life, and like,
I honestly think maybe I'm a little biased because every year,
every month, my dreams are coming more and more true.
Like we just had the premiere of Travel Queens last night,
you know what I'm saying. So I think maybe I

(52:37):
am a little biased on this. But I always tell people, like,
whatever it is that you want to do, if it
is mayroring a banker or being a teacher, do everything
that you want to do and get everything you can.

Speaker 2 (52:49):
I will say.

Speaker 1 (52:49):
You you the bar is aging doesn't bother you when
you're excelling in life.

Speaker 3 (52:56):
Absolutely, because I'm expelling.

Speaker 1 (52:59):
But I'm, like my friend said, I kind of miss
so like in the pandemic, right.

Speaker 2 (53:05):
I moved to Barbados, just moved there, and.

Speaker 1 (53:07):
I had to living life exactly, so my younger self
would just pick up my ship and go right.

Speaker 2 (53:14):
And so for the last five years, that's kind of
what I did.

Speaker 1 (53:17):
I left Barbados, I came and moved here, started high Maindenance,
and I just was doing whatever I wanted to do.
I would go live somewhere for a month and go
do all this. But now my life has kind of changed,
and I had to give me a house. I have
had a car since twenty eighteen because I was always
so the other day I went and I reluctantly I
went to Mercedes and was like.

Speaker 2 (53:35):
Oh no, she had a bomber life. You know they're
gonna be people listening to this, like these bites.

Speaker 3 (53:48):
Your friend said you annoyed.

Speaker 8 (53:51):
You?

Speaker 2 (53:51):
Really?

Speaker 1 (53:52):
I got the car, I put in the garage and
never looked at it again. Everybody like you happy, I'm like, no,
because this means I'm an adult for real. I'm not
gonna be just traveling. It's free and not having shit, y'all.

Speaker 2 (54:02):
For real?

Speaker 1 (54:02):
It is I do you know what's crazy? When I
moved to New York, I say some of my best
nights in life came when I was jacket hold as
fun eating a dollar pizza, trying to figure out Okay,
am I gonna spend my money on toilet paper or
rami because I gotta eat, but I gotta wipe my ass.

Speaker 2 (54:21):
And now you're like all my taxes in the farmers market.

Speaker 5 (54:24):
I had a grand old time in my twenties, but no,
I'm having a way better time.

Speaker 2 (54:29):
I want to go away.

Speaker 5 (54:30):
I do not I had a grand time, But like
I said, I'm just embracing this life that i'm You
just brought a Mercedes period off the lot.

Speaker 2 (54:39):
Off Please be for real.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
My point is it symbolized to me that one part
of myself was essentially dying and I had to embrace that.

Speaker 2 (54:48):
Bitch. You are this, you are that.

Speaker 1 (54:51):
Like you know, I've embraced that I'm kind of important
in the when the work that I do and then
accidentally got important. I'm like, wait a minute, y'all, I
accidentally got real ability in my career.

Speaker 2 (55:01):
Really like, hold on, y'all really need me.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
Like my friends said, we used to just be at
a show, tal rinking, ding, job clocking.

Speaker 2 (55:06):
And call of coats for the day and go home.

Speaker 5 (55:09):
But we also like to This is just like a
relationship when you can have the most horrible boyfriend. Then
y'all break up, like, oh but this was so sweet,
This was so you don't remember how you were stressed
because the rent was due, bills was due, that ship
wasn't peachy. It's just looking back on it, it's like
it looks good now because of what you're doing now.

Speaker 1 (55:27):
I think this is hard now, right, so now the
first eggs just thirty six dollars.

Speaker 2 (55:32):
A different life was hard.

Speaker 5 (55:34):
When I moved to Atlanta and I talked about I
had three dollars, I would never go back to that.

Speaker 2 (55:39):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 5 (55:39):
Yes I didn't have responsibility, but I still got my saying.

Speaker 1 (55:43):
Leg said, whoever said money didn't buy happiness.

Speaker 3 (55:50):
Happiness but it showed.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
On by stress says money don't buy happiness, but poverty
doesn't buy anything.

Speaker 2 (55:56):
Now, I never said I didn't want money. I want
the money. I'm not saying that.

Speaker 1 (56:02):
I'm being challenged a lot more now and the work
that I do and in my life, like my friends said,
figuring out taxes, and I really had to mourn that
that part of you is kind of over. You're not
going to be traveling around and going to stay in
Atlanta because you feel like it are going, that's not
your life no more. If you could leave, and I
guess we'll wrap with this, if you could tell your

(56:22):
teenager or twenty something year old self something that wasn't
told to you, what would it be.

Speaker 2 (56:30):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (56:31):
About that wasn't told to me, because it was very
much showed to me. I told you, Yeah, yeah, the
women and my family been telling me for a long time,
get you some money, get your own money.

Speaker 2 (56:43):
Money will open.

Speaker 1 (56:44):
Doors, like we just said that, a lot of stuff
cannot open it. When I was younger, I just I
wanted money, and I knew I wanted money and all that,
but I wasn't really actively doing the things I needed
to do to go get it and to understand it.
My retirement, I'm late in the retirement game. Like I
know people that have been saving four one k since
they very first job.

Speaker 2 (57:04):
Right at sixteen.

Speaker 1 (57:05):
That wasn't me, Baby, I need all it take them
four one k the dishes off the So I wish
I would have did stuff like that, you know, kind
of set myself up more, because now I kind of
feel like I'm playing it and I'm doing well, but
I still feel like I'm kind of trying to play
ketchup to my peers, some of my peers, so it's
not a good feeling. So I wish all the two
certain things a little more serious.

Speaker 2 (57:26):
You would have said, get you some money, what about
you let kind of the same thing.

Speaker 5 (57:30):
But I wish I would have had more confidence and
been more focused because I feel like now, as crazy
as it sounds, I've been doing Poor Minds for so long,
but I was so scared to start love lex P.
And it's crazy because I've only been doing love lex
P for about three months now, and I've had so
many opportunities come in that I'm working on and things
coming up, and I'm just like, if I would have

(57:50):
had the confidence to just start a podcast or something
when I was like twenty five and been focused, and
you know, where would I be now ten years in
the game. But I'm always great because it's supposed to happen.
I have the best co host and fucking business partner
that anybody could ever ask for. It's amazing, So I'm
not mad at it, but I'm like, damn, Drea, if

(58:10):
we would have met and we would have been focused,
imagine where we would be now. But that's probably what
I would say, but I'm still happy where I'm at
and I feel like it's a lesson and everything.

Speaker 4 (58:19):
So yeah, I do wish I had more confidence in
myself and not always feeling like I need to do
something with somebody else, I need somebody to help me.
But at the same time, I do wish that I
understood networking more and I did things like by the
book as you're supposed to. You go to college, you

(58:39):
get your degree, you do your internships, you do all
these things, and it should lead you to the path
that you want for your career. But what I wasn't
doing was making sure that not only did I meet people,
but maintain those connections. And I wish I would have
done a better job at that. I think it would
have helped me. And then just having more confidence to
do things on my own and not always waiting for

(59:00):
somebody else. Even before I started Cocktails, I wanted to
do a podcast. When I found out about podcasts, to
Read was the first past my Frank Candice was like,
I think you would like this show. It's a podcast,
and I was like, what's a podcast? And she tells me,
since me the link, I'm listening to it. I loved
it. It got me through a job. I hate it right
because at that point I had a couple of years

(59:20):
to catch up on. But I tried different names. I
tried a ton of different people. Even when I started Cocktails,
I had three co hosts you noverybody don't even know
that niggas and another girl and it's just like Destney's child.

Speaker 3 (59:33):
People was rotating no, no, no.

Speaker 4 (59:34):
But I wish that I would have stuck to my
own guns with my initial thought for the show and
how I wanted it to go. And I wish that
I wouldn't have waited so long to even start it.
I wish that I wasn't waiting on other people to
give me opportunities. And I try to tell people that
stop waiting on everybody else to give you a chance.
If you believe in yourself and you think you can

(59:55):
do it, just do it. If the opportunity is not there.
Make it so much easier to do things now with
the Internet than it was before. So I wish you
know all of that. And I should have been saving
some money. I still need to work on that.

Speaker 3 (01:00:09):
I ain't learned that yet.

Speaker 2 (01:00:11):
Are you for me?

Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
Because I said this probably and year one of horrible decisions,
and it was one of the most ignorant things I said,
based on how far I've come in the last four years,
the most, yes, one of the most, I would say, because.

Speaker 2 (01:00:27):
I'm a millennial like these niggas, I won't.

Speaker 1 (01:00:29):
Date that I should have gotten to therapy much earlier,
to forgive my younger self and the decisions that were
being made. I like to forget her, and when I
say her, my teenage self, the woman in my twenties,
and so I'm learning to love that person for I'm
here where I'm at because of her. And so navigating

(01:00:52):
my twenties with the baggage of trauma, with the regret,
with my family issues and all those things, I think
I could have been more confident back to what y'all said,
and more sure of who I was, instead of seeking
so much validation from men and people that shouldn't have
gotten to smell my ass. To be very clear, and

(01:01:16):
so for me in your twenties there, I would just
recommend therapy.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
We don't have.

Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
Ads here yet, so go to better better.

Speaker 2 (01:01:31):
But but to me, I think that we're getting into
therapy a little late, I think.

Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
And.

Speaker 3 (01:01:40):
Decades we wouldn't have there would have been.

Speaker 1 (01:01:45):
I think it would have been a little bit easier
to guide me into where I'm at now, and I
would have been able to know myself way better had
I gone earlier.

Speaker 2 (01:01:53):
So that would be my advice to myself.

Speaker 1 (01:01:55):
I want to ask the audience, do you feel pressured
for your life to be at a certain level, whether
professionally or personally by your thirties or are you comfortable
with aging and the unpredictability it brings.

Speaker 2 (01:02:12):
I'm still I still don't know where I'm at with that.
I'm battling.

Speaker 1 (01:02:15):
I'll be thirty five this year and I'm like, oh shit,
I be my mama call me thirty five on the
phone and I said, bitch, I'm thirty four.

Speaker 2 (01:02:23):
I'm some respect on my thirty four.

Speaker 1 (01:02:26):
Anyways, before we get out of here, I want everyone
to be able to drop where my audience can listen
to you more and your opinions, your views, your thoughts,
your concerns on all things.

Speaker 3 (01:02:38):
Okay, you can listen to me on cocktail Shaty discussions,
and then I have a new podcast that will be
launching sometimes I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:02:45):
Just follow me.

Speaker 4 (01:02:45):
On Instagram find out at Kiki said so. But it
is called the XOMN Podcast, and I am exclusively interviewing
black men. I don't know how they I don't know
how they do it, but I've been and learning a
lot about them. They're very interesting creatures. But I'm talking
to them about different aspects of black masculinity from their

(01:03:08):
point of view instead of us telling them as a man,
you should because I can stand with somebody tell here's the.

Speaker 3 (01:03:13):
Woman, you shit.

Speaker 4 (01:03:14):
So I'm talking to them and they need therapy too,
so they need to go to Betterhelp dot com. Those
episodes will be dropping audios on Tuesday Wednesday.

Speaker 3 (01:03:23):
It will be the video.

Speaker 4 (01:03:24):
It comes out sometimes spring summer. It's not just my show,
so I am the only host though, but you gotta wait.

Speaker 2 (01:03:37):
I love it all Rightlex go ahead and.

Speaker 5 (01:03:41):
So Mondays Love lexp drops every morning ten am. Then
on Wednesdays we have Travel Queens that is on B E.
T Herd and then Fridays Poor Minds drops every morning
audio ten am, visuals at seven pm. And and make
sure my my co host, Drea, she has a YouTube channel,

(01:04:04):
so y'all go follow her draining the call with three e's.
I'm also wearing her lip line Mused Beauty, So y'all
go check that out Mused Beauty Collection dot com.

Speaker 1 (01:04:12):
Okay here and come on killer Well go to Hot
Main Pod. Keep watching new videos on YouTube. You're running
it up my old podcast. And then I have my
new project coming out, which kind of gonna be like
a lifestyle think Martha Steward, me's Wendy Williams. Honeycomb. Yeah,
so I'll be doing like cooking. I always do dinner
parties at my house and stuff, so be documenting all

(01:04:35):
that it will be.

Speaker 2 (01:04:36):
And then of course it'll be some pot on there.
So Honeycomb coming soon.

Speaker 1 (01:04:40):
I love you, and as y'all know, you can catch
me every Monday.

Speaker 2 (01:04:46):
Decisions Decisions.

Speaker 1 (01:04:47):
Make sure you get my book, No Holds Barred, available
for pre order now. We are also going on tour,
so if you haven't yet, go to NHB tour dot
com for that book. And again, if you want to
see the video of Selective Ignorance, make sure you join
us on Patreon. We're also beginning our live town halls
this month, so y'all get to join me in being
fucking ignorant.

Speaker 2 (01:05:07):
I love it. Y'all also can talk to me daily on.

Speaker 1 (01:05:10):
The discord if you are a patron, so make sure
y'all go going over to patreon dot com backslash selective ignorance.
I hope that y'all didn't miss Jason and a King
too much this episode, but we didn't want to hear.

Speaker 2 (01:05:24):
There was enough woman to keep up with that topic.
Can I say something real quick?

Speaker 5 (01:05:28):
Yeah, I just had a full circle moment, and I
know I give y all y'all flowers so much, Keikey
and Mandy because when I first got in this game,
I remember coming to a horrible decision show Kicky, you
and Mendina had opened up, and I was just like,
oh my god, I hope I can do that one day.
And honestly, y'all showing up, kicking you, moderated the travels,
you did amazing, Mandy, you.

Speaker 2 (01:05:50):
Showed up for me.

Speaker 5 (01:05:50):
So I really just wanted to say thank y'all so
so much, because I really, if I'm being honest, me
Andrey I wouldn't even be in this space if y'all
didn't welcome us with open arms. So I really just
wanted to say thank you God, why do you want
to be like me?

Speaker 2 (01:06:01):
Because I was definitely about to say, Mandy, thank you
for letting me get on this.

Speaker 1 (01:06:05):
First off, I find you to be fucking hilarious and
much like lex who I've always seen the talent from
her tweets.

Speaker 2 (01:06:15):
Before we knew what a goddamn podcast was.

Speaker 1 (01:06:17):
I love seeing women just be unapologetically themselves and navigate
life in a way to where I've been able to
see you transcend from your twenties to working at god
damn massage Envy to now.

Speaker 2 (01:06:29):
Being a multi.

Speaker 1 (01:06:38):
So now saying watch my show on be you know.

Speaker 2 (01:06:43):
You know what your book, don't don't. I'm not gonna
talk something about this book. That's crazy to me.

Speaker 1 (01:06:48):
I could go down your all your resumes, y need
sold out tours, now you got a new pod coming out,
you did that moderation.

Speaker 2 (01:06:53):
I'm just I'm just happy to be so proud to
be sharing Mike's and sharing space with all of you.

Speaker 4 (01:06:59):
I think that's so important and that's something that I
love about you guys, like not being gatekeepers, always helping.
I think it's very important to show up for people.
If I can make it, I'm coming. I will be
in the audience and I'm rooting people on. And I
hate that there's this idea that women can't support each other,
especially women in the same space, and I am so

(01:07:21):
against that.

Speaker 3 (01:07:22):
I think that we have to support you.

Speaker 1 (01:07:23):
There's enough faith, money, an audience for all. And as
y'all keep agents.

Speaker 2 (01:07:30):
So do our.

Speaker 1 (01:07:33):
Anyways, y'all, you can hate it or you can love it.
Either way, are you choosing to be selectively ignorant or are.

Speaker 2 (01:07:38):
You choosing to be educated? See you guys next week.

Speaker 8 (01:07:46):
Thanks for tuning in the Selective Ignorance of Mandy B.
Selective Ignorance it's executive produced to buy Mandy B. And
it's a Full Court Media studio production with lead producers
Jason Mondriguez.

Speaker 2 (01:07:56):
That's me and Aaron A. King Howell.

Speaker 8 (01:07:59):
Now, do us a favor her and rate, subscribe, comment,
and share wherever you get your favorite podcasts, and be
sure to follow Selective Ignorance on Instagram at Selective Underscore Ignorance.
And of course, if you're not following our hosts Mandy B,
make sure you're following her at Full Court Pumps.

Speaker 2 (01:08:14):
Now.

Speaker 8 (01:08:14):
If you want the full video experience of Selective Ignorance,
make sure you subscribe to the Patreon. It's patreon dot com.
Backslash selective ignorance

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Ep. 14 | Are We Racing Against Our Own Biological Clock feat. Lex P, KikiSaidSo & KillahBee

Episode Transcript

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ep. 14 | Are We Racing Against Our Own Biological Clock feat. Lex P, KikiSaidSo & KillahBee