Ep. 17 | Can Women Be Held Accountable For Picking Sh***y Partners feat. Carla Wilmaris

In this introspective and candid episode of Selective Ignorance, host Mandii B turns the spotlight on the often uncomfortable—but necessary—conversation around accountability in relationships. Specifically, she explores the ways women sometimes overlook glaring red flags in pursuit of love, security, or validation, and how societal expectations can blur the lines between empathy and accountability.

The episode begins with [00:00] an overview of accountability and relationship choices, inviting listeners to reflect on how early influences and personal history shape who we love—and why. [02:51] Mandii breaks down what red flags actually look like, why they're often ignored, and how our desire for connection can cloud our judgment. [06:02] The conversation shifts to how men and women pursue love differently, highlighting the pressures women face to “make it work,” even when the odds are against them.

Then, at [09:06] Mandii unpacks manipulation in dating, particularly the subtle financial and emotional tactics that can create long-term harm. Using [12:00] current events involving Skai Jackson and Halle Bailey, Mandii examines how the public reacts to young women in the spotlight choosing partners who may not be ideal—and how those reactions often lack the nuance and compassion real healing requires.

[15:02] The complexity of young love is laid bare, alongside [17:57] the challenge of balancing empathy for someone’s circumstances with accountability for their choices. Mandii explores [20:48] how age and experience change our perspective, making it easier to spot patterns and avoid repeating mistakes. In a refreshing turn, [23:53] the show takes a moment to celebrate healthy and unexpected love stories, like those of Cardi B and Stefon Diggs, before returning to [27:09] the individual journey of healing, therapy, and growth that precedes real connection.

By [34:51] the episode dives into emotional triggers, self-awareness, and the role of past traumas in how we show up in relationships. Mandii reflects deeply on [37:53] the societal narratives placed on women, especially around responsibility for making relationships work, and the burden of emotional labor. [40:38] Financial manipulation and power dynamics are explored next, emphasizing how money can be used as both bait and weapon in modern dating. That leads into [43:54] an honest discussion about the consequences of ignoring warning signs, even when they’re flashing bright red.

[50:53] Mandii shares personal experiences and stories of growth, laying out the uncomfortable but necessary truth: healing often requires accountability—not just for others, but for ourselves. Finally, [01:04:52] the episode closes on a hopeful note, reflecting on the human desire to be loved and how true fulfillment starts with self-completion, not partnership.

 “No Holes Barred: A Dual Manifesto Of Sexual Exploration And Power” w/ Tempest X!
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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Selective Ignorance. However,

(00:03):
before we get to this week's episode, I want to
remind you guys to purchase my book, No Holds Barred,
a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power. It is
currently available for pre order and I would love for
you to help me become a New York Times bestseller.
So feel free to go to your local bookstores preferably
queer owned, black owned, or woman owned to support them,

(00:25):
but also just click the button on Amazon, Barnes and Nobles,
or wherever you read your books.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
Again.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
That is No Holds Barred, a dual manifesto of sexual
exploration and power, written by yours truly and my co
host of the Decisions Decisions podcast, Weezy.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
Make sure y'all get that. Now, let's get to.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
This week's episode. All right, y'all, let's get uncomfortable real quick.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
Today.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
I want to talk about something that's been bruin in
my spirit and I need us to be real growing
about it. This one is for the lady. We see
a play out time and time again. A woman gets
a man who has red flags waving like the fourth
of July. He's got a checkered past, known history of cheating, abuse, toxicity, manipulation,

(01:11):
you name it.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
And what does she do? She walks right into the fire.

Speaker 3 (01:15):
Like she's flame resistant.

Speaker 1 (01:16):
Then when it all goes left, and it always goes left,
everybody want to cry foul, call.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
Her a victim, and act shot. Now, before y'all jump
down my throat, let me be clear.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
Y'all know I'm an equal opportunist and I will hold
both parties accountable. Nobody deserves to be abused, manipulated, or
gas lit.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
Period.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
But here's my question, Okay, where do we as women
put responsibility on us?

Speaker 2 (01:44):
Is it possible to hold space for a woman's pain?

Speaker 1 (01:47):
But still ask sis, what made you think you could
change him? What made you ignore what he did to
the last three women? Because if we're being honest, you
saw it coming. You just thought you'd be the exception.
But also, as we constantly ask people to believe women,
why is it that many women choose to actually ignore
the warning signs from women? So now the relationship crashes,

(02:10):
burns publicly, and here comes the performative empathy. Poor her,
he's a monster, and maybe he is, But where's the
accountability for walking in with your eyes wide shut.

Speaker 3 (02:21):
I'm legally blind. I could see barely.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
And let's take it even further, because that's what I do.
I can go through with that promise. Should we even care?

Speaker 1 (02:30):
Is it our business to sympathize, dissect, judge, or defend
or we just addicted to the trauma of women, especially
black women, being publicly torn down.

Speaker 2 (02:40):
This ain't about blame.

Speaker 1 (02:41):
It's about truth, and the truth is ignoring red flags
doesn't make you a bad person, but it doesn't make
you innocent either. So today we're gonna unpack all of
that where accountability meets sympathy and why some folks out
here care more about hating women than they do about
stopping abuse.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Let's get into.

Speaker 3 (03:01):
Well we get tequila before we start this.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
Not tequila.

Speaker 1 (03:05):
I ain't brought no tequila to do a episode like this.

Speaker 3 (03:08):
We're not drinking.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
You know what. I probably should have bought a little
bottle for this.

Speaker 3 (03:14):
We should have. You know, I don't been liking to
drink on a microphone. But my god, my god, that
intr alone. Let's walk out. Let's walk out and walk
out and come back again.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
WUSA.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
I hope I did not trigger anybody y'all, welcome to
another episode of Selective Ignorance.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
I'm your host, Mandy B.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
And this one will be an episode for the ladies.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
So as always, I am joined by my super producers,
Jason and A King.

Speaker 3 (03:38):
Who may chime in.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
But this is women holding women accountable. Here, baby, this
is a conversation between two vaginas.

Speaker 3 (03:45):
All right, and you gottaell anybody what I got. I
thought you were progressive. We don't talk about what parts
we have.

Speaker 2 (03:49):
I mean, we're not gonna get there.

Speaker 1 (03:52):
You see how you wanna samp me so bad. We're
not gonna do that, y'all. I am joined by my
good friend and let me read down her accolades before
I talk about how. I don't know how the fuck
we got here. But today's guest is Carlovo Maris. She
is an award winning podcast producer, strategist, and the forest
behind Idea to Launch Productions, the company that has helped

(04:12):
launch over nine hundred podcasts and sixty million listens in
Canton Beach. She's also one half of the podcast So
What Now. She is a mother, she is my friend,
and we have massion tattoos.

Speaker 3 (04:25):
We are both from Orlando, Florida, chop A City, Fall seven,
Chapa City, Brah Brah Braye, And this conversation comes off
of the heels of a lot of current events that
have been happening lately. So we are gonna dive into
the DDG and Hallie Bailey relationship. We are gonna dig

(04:49):
into Stefan Diggs and Cardi B's new budding relationship, also
sky Jackson. Also sky Jackson, I'm sorry. And then we
also may throw in a little bit of what we're
seeing in the trial with Diddy and all of the
people coming forward about that relationship. I'm sure there's way
more that will end up fucking climbing into. But what

(05:12):
I really love about this episode is where we talk
about the social discourse and people's outside views.

Speaker 2 (05:17):
On so many things.

Speaker 1 (05:18):
We're gonna storytelling kind of hold ourselves about accountable, hold
each other accountable, not even hold each other accountable as
much as just question right. I think so many times
when we're on Twitter, or we watching movies, or we
see somebody in a situation. It could be a family member,
a friend, we could just be like, now, girl, if
I was in that situation, this is what I would

(05:40):
have did, and I think that that's where we lack
sometimes the empathy for what a person is really going
through in their decision making for finding love, because you know,
if we really are talking about it, there's still this
idea that the Disney fairy tale ending is a thing.
I think there is still I think for women, more

(06:01):
than anything, the urge to find a soulmate, a love,
a partner. I think that's more a human You think
men equally are out there searching for the one like
like women.

Speaker 3 (06:15):
They wouldn't be paying for apps or for matchmakers or
going out on day.

Speaker 2 (06:19):
First off, it's because they want pussy. I think I
think a man wants pussy more than love.

Speaker 3 (06:24):
I think we're generalizing men.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
I mean in general.

Speaker 3 (06:28):
Yes, I don't want you know what I would say, majority.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
I'm gonna say majority.

Speaker 3 (06:34):
You go ahead, because you're ignorant sometimes like to be.

Speaker 1 (06:38):
Okay, real quick, actually, because we do have our super
produces here, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,
only because we have men in the house.

Speaker 3 (06:44):
And I'm generalizing.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
I don't know if Jason said nobody but a king
would you find with even your friends, your peers, your ecosystem. Jason,
you also literally were producers for for nas Mellow Merrow
you super producer. You were on Goddamn Combat Jack Show
with a lot of men. Do you believe that men

(07:05):
are out here seeking love to the same degree as
women or do you genuinely believe that pussy is wayed
a higher scale than love for men?

Speaker 3 (07:17):
I just said this yesterday.

Speaker 4 (07:18):
I think men want pussy for their dick, and I
think they want women on their arms so they could
flex for themselves.

Speaker 3 (07:24):
Does that include you? I'm the dee. I higher he's
very married or not, you're still married or not, You're
still a man. Do you believe that how did you
find your womanhere? You're looking for pussy where you're looking
for love where you were arm candy? Is that what
your wife is to you?

Speaker 4 (07:39):
My wife is not arm candy. I think for me
it's different because I'm also married a most ten years now,
So you change along the way. No, well, trying to answer,
but I think I think at the beginning, you're I
think at the beginning, men don't pursue love. I think
at the beginning, men are pursuing fun things to make
them feel better, whether that's sex or whatever. And then

(08:01):
you start realizing things that you are in and you
don't know that that's what you were pursuing initially, and
then you your your feelings start changing and then you
kind of open your eyes and stuff. I don't think
men go into it and they say, like, just what,
I don't I don't think the majority of I don't think.

Speaker 3 (08:14):
The majority of men. A man like you start as
a young boy and then you develop into as a man,
and as a man you grew and realize that you
want to love him. Yes, it's not only that though.

Speaker 1 (08:23):
If we if we even talk about how men are
are raised by other men and even the women in
their lives, they're not They're not fed the fairy tale
dreams or the Disney Channel outcomes right.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
They're fed to go get pussy, go be a man.

Speaker 1 (08:39):
The more pussy you get, the more that makes you mainly,
the more it makes you masculine.

Speaker 3 (08:44):
Question world. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (08:48):
On the contrary, the women in my family was total.
They was telling they would tell us, be careful when
you go to school, you know, be careful, pregnancy, be careful,
s t all those things, be careful, be careful, be careful.

Speaker 6 (09:01):
I mean.

Speaker 5 (09:03):
It didn't alter to pursue as as but wait, there's
levels to.

Speaker 3 (09:08):
This, ia, Jordy, hold on, hold on, wait, wait, wait,
remember said I did say college though I'm talking about
I'm particularly I'm speaking on levels of age, you know,
mature maturation.

Speaker 5 (09:22):
So eighteen year old to twenty twenty one, that's not
the same as a thirty year old in your mindset,
you can't go.

Speaker 3 (09:27):
Up to forty five. These niggas are thirty, still chasing pussy.
The problem is there's no.

Speaker 5 (09:33):
We need a whole reset in reimagining of what how
we deal with each other, women and men.

Speaker 3 (09:38):
Man I agreement.

Speaker 5 (09:39):
I think even to hold to the ideals of our elders,
there's things that got lost because they passed out, passed away,
tod and articulate these things, and we just need to
just reset this whole shit because we we're having these
bad experiences we shouldn't. I want love for you, I
want love for Carla, for Jason, and this example. We
don't have enough examples.

Speaker 1 (10:00):
I think what's crazy too is our views on relationships right,
and the dynamics between men and women in intimate relationships
looks and feels completely different than the relationships that you
have with your friends. And so for me, I've been battling,
essentially with the feeling that no one fulfills me.

Speaker 2 (10:22):
Like my friends do.

Speaker 1 (10:24):
And it sucks because I'm like damn is and I'm
not holding men to those expectations as well. But for
me and the men in my ecosystem that I speak
to and such, when I talk about the relationships or
what they want from women, it's not that they're looking
for the love like when I talk to my homegirls.
What they want from men is a whole lot deeper

(10:44):
than when I talk to men. It's just like I
want pussy.

Speaker 3 (10:47):
We're two different creatures. I think what makes it very
dangerous here is saying or generalizing men just because there
are great men out there and they are really shitty
men out there, just like there are shitty women.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
You know what's unfair about what you just said, though,
I didn't say that you were a bad man for
leading with wanting pussy, and I think that that's a.

Speaker 3 (11:06):
Well, no, no, I'm not saying just the pussy.

Speaker 2 (11:08):
But the generalizing isn't a bad thing.

Speaker 1 (11:10):
Like if you go into I think men will fall
into pussy and then grow feelings.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
Well, sex is a natural human urge, right, Yeah, So
just having that urge at first is like maybe what
you're looking for. But I don't want to discount the
fact that men also want love and women as well.
Do we look for love, yes, do we also have
physical urges, yes, some lean more towards the other one,
But I don't want to discount that they also don't

(11:37):
want to find love. Sometimes in our generation, it just
feels like that's what we see all the time the Instagram,
the models. There's ass, there's titties, there's born, there's all
these things going on. There's only fans now so available
to you. So what you're constantly thinking about it's sex
unless there are men out there that they're into something else, right,
and then that's not their primary a sexual ones the

(12:01):
way they don't want pussy at all.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
But but that pursuit is that I guess.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
I guess.

Speaker 1 (12:09):
How I like to normally start off the episodes is
a response to the introduction of what the topic is
and your face. First off, your chuckle. They heard your
voice on the mic before I introduced you. But the
introduction kind of led to what my stance will be
in this conversation in asking if there is room to

(12:31):
have both to empathize while also understanding what responsibility does
a woman have in selecting her partner. And we'll both
share our dating histories and things like that, but what
was your immediate like thought of always.

Speaker 3 (12:47):
Room for conversation, there's always room for understanding, there's always
room to grow and what you already believe in, what
your experiences have been, right, But should we hold each
other accountable? Yes, but I think there's there was a
little there also a nuance, not nuisance, I'm not from
this country, we're.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
Voting from Florida.

Speaker 3 (13:07):
Welcome to the Florida public education system. Nuance. There's also
I forgot I was gonna say, there's there's nuance to
holding a woman accountable for her sessions and also the
men that we date, knowing that sometimes you're not coming
in just like you said with the wearing red flags
and walking right into them. There is also a part

(13:28):
of that's not so black and white. Essentially, it's not
black and white like every situation. I like the gray
area because every situation is so different. Although sometimes you
hear it and you're like, oh my god, I get
triggered the words that people say. I'm like, you say
the same thing you move the same way, damn you're
dressed the same way, like you do the same things.
But at the same time, there's something about you and
that person that they were able to manipulate. Right, whether

(13:52):
it's coming from a man or a female, we're specifically
talking about men in this episode, and there's things that
these manipulators know how to manipulate, and there's something sometimes
is missing within us that we're yearning for that they're
able to pinpoint and attack us from that side.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
So, to be fair, what you just express to me
leans into why I said what I said. Even if
a man may want love at first, the idea that
a lot of men, even in dating and the pursuit
to have sex, that manipulation that only takes place prior
to the relationship. A man will show up in ways

(14:28):
to get just the box.

Speaker 3 (14:30):
Manipulating is different though you think I think men have.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
Of course, a man showing up as his representative.

Speaker 3 (14:37):
Everyone has a representative when they firs show up. You
don't think that manipulation. No, Okay, manipulation comes with time,
right when they start mirroring you. When they do that,
they see what you like and they go there and
start supporting what you like, and it's a it's a
very small, gradual thing that happens, just a man coming
in and buying you dinner and being nice, and then

(14:58):
you know, taking it to Disney World and then a
couple of days later and you know, trying to get
touchy and trying that's not necessarily manipulation. He's just courting
you and he's trying to get some pussy or whatever.
Manipulation is a very slow slowing thing that leads to abusing.
You don't realize you're in it until you're in it.
And I think that's part of what we're gonna see
here when we're talking about versus just a man trying
to get something and getting turned down eventually after a

(15:18):
couple of dates.

Speaker 2 (15:19):
Okay, well, I.

Speaker 1 (15:20):
Wanted to lean into the current events to have his
dissect this before witch, I jump on your ass. And so,
like the people that I mentioned earlier, I want to
start with let's start with the two sky Jackson and
her baby daddy. She recently just filed a restraining order

(15:43):
against her son's father. His name is DeAndre Virgin and
this is after she claims physical abuse. Twirky Turky or
tweaky tweaky. He has a nickname on the internet. Mind
you a little backstory. Sky Jackson Disney star found this

(16:03):
man while he was incarcerated. I did look it up,
and this is why it's important for you to do
your own research. There were a lot of tweets insinuating
that he was imprisoned for domestic violence or violence against
previous partners. That is not the case. It was a
gun possession and attempted robbery.

Speaker 2 (16:20):
I need, We're not gonna do the hierarchy of crimes.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
But basically, she found this man while he was in jail,
and they got into a relationship. A year later, had
a baby, and now she is requesting the restraining order.
In parallel to that, we have Halle Bailey and DDG.
Halle Bailey is a little mermaid and then DDG is

(16:44):
a streamer and rapper. And basically we see that she
was just granted her restraining order where DDG has to
say temporary restraining order where DDG has been ordered to
stay at least one hundred yards away from Halle Bailey,
and she is allowed to take the baby over to
Italy while she films her next movie. Now why I

(17:05):
want to draw the parallels between both of these relationships
is because if we're talking about the Red Flax, we
have Sky Jackson who chose to meet her partner who
was in jail when they met.

Speaker 3 (17:19):
I can look it up.

Speaker 1 (17:20):
Because baby, I'm gonna be screened man and doing everything
all at once, because we're gonna be ignorant, but we
go at least try to be a little bit on
par with the facts. She was born in two thousand
and two, so she is twenty three years old. She
is twenty three years old. In comparison, we know that
Hallie Bailey and DDG are also under the age of thirty.

(17:42):
Why I'm drawing this parallel is because you have Sky
Jackson who chose to be in a relationship with someone
who was in prison, and we'll talk about our views
on incarcerated men and forgiving them and all those things.
But on the other side, we have Halle Bailey who
started dating DDG post his very public relationship with rapper

(18:03):
Ruby Rose. Now Ruby Rose, she is a rapper, also
has the only fans, but she's a rapper, really good
raps too. So Ruby Rose, in her exit of the relationship,
pretty much let everybody know that she.

Speaker 3 (18:17):
Was getting physically abused by DDG.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
This was public. This was public.

Speaker 1 (18:23):
She also claims that he manipulated her into creating the
Only Fans as if that was her way and means
of making money, possibly not being in support of her
rap career. So she came out and said these things, right,
she came out and said these things, and nonetheless Sky

(18:43):
ignored the red flag of the man in jail. Hallie
Bailey ignored the red flag of this other woman saying
that she was physically abused by DDG. I want to know,
and I'll share my lack of empathy here because I'm
selectively ignorant. In no way do I empathize with a

(19:05):
woman who seeks an imprisoned man for a love connection,
because I do believe you have to lean into why
you're doing that, and it's because you're controlling, You're insecure,
You're you want this to be where you can control it.
So kind of not empathizing there, I know, y'all, go
y'all out.

Speaker 3 (19:27):
I know.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
And then in terms of Halle Bailey, which we'll get
into later too, if I'm online or if I'm dating
and there is any any and we've seen it on
Twitter for the for for years where people have been
outed as abusers, sexual abusers, physical abusers. I'm not dating

(19:51):
someone with those accusations, at least without hearing the other
person's side of the story and the fact that it
was kind of just dismissed. Mind you, how Bailey also
dismissed Ruby when she came out in the middle of
their relationship to say, your nigga's still in my DMS.
Hallie decided to say, hey, I'm not going to listen
to any information from a third party.

Speaker 3 (20:12):
So I think I remember that.

Speaker 1 (20:14):
So she was told that he's a cheater, was told
that he's a physical abuser, and she chose to still
get into that relationship and continued to say, I have
a lack of empathy for the decisions here, but I
want to know you, maybe from the other side, how
you can sympathize with the women who choose to get

(20:37):
into these relationships with I would say, not so law
abiding citizens.

Speaker 3 (20:44):
To give some perspective on my opinion. I have a
twenty year old daughter, Okay, I've also been twenty You're
saying you don't empathize with these women. These are young women,
Okay that when all this started we're probably twenty one
years old, okay. So when you say here, I would
not be with a man in prison, you're thirty four,

(21:04):
I'm thirty eight, So you might and let's go. You
might not have went for a man in prison, but
I will say the both of us have gone for
some questionable people when we were twenty one, okay. So
I believe that life is an experiences. Without the experiences,
you don't get any better. Now we're asking for these
young ladies who have never experienced anything outside probably of

(21:27):
their homes, maybe a high school boyfriend. For Sky Jackson
especially be coming up as a Disney star who knows
all the things that she saw I didn't see, and
just wanted something fucking normal.

Speaker 6 (21:36):
Normal jail, jail hold on normal is not jail, something
completely And I feel like as young women, sometimes you
rebel okay, And there's a part of rebellion when you're
young that you want to go for the bad boy.

Speaker 3 (21:54):
You want to go for what makes you feel good,
for someone who's putting you up. And that's what I
kind of feel that we don't know these mother we don't,
we don't, we just judge it. I love it.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
I love it.

Speaker 3 (22:03):
Saying my favorite thing to do.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (22:05):
This is why I love the freedom of speech, which
is why y'all are more than welcome to say, y'all
fucking can't see about.

Speaker 3 (22:13):
Freedom of speech. But the consequences do cost, and they cost.
They gotta be careful with that part. But again you're like,
I don't have compassion for them, but I see my child,
I see me at twenty one, twenty two making these
awful decisions, because you really don't realize the magnitude of
the consequences of what having a child is, what being
with a man in jail is, what having someone trying

(22:34):
to make you to drink bleach, to have an abortion,
what a man slamming your head into a steering wiell is.
You've never seen that experience it like, it's like, oh
my god, they're so young. So I think why I
always say, there's a great area we got to take
into consideration, the age of these women, the background of
these women, the trauma of these women. What allowed you
to be attracted to this type of person that also

(22:57):
clearly has gone through extremes amount of try in their
lifetime in order to be able to treat a woman
the way that dogs shouldn't even be treated.

Speaker 1 (23:04):
First off, patriarchy brings us all trauma. Let's start there.
But I do want to ask you, then, if these
same women were thirty five, do you hold the same
grace And y'all know I'm bringing grace into the goddamn
chat and I can't stand at home, man, I know
grace is not amazing grace, So yes, you have this,

(23:26):
You hold the same space thirty three when I got
got I was thirty three.

Speaker 3 (23:31):
That you know what I did, I wasn't doing because
it's a life. Look at thirty let's say we live
till we're seventy, Maybe thirty ain't even half of our life,
of our experiences of what we're gonna learn, like what
I knew at thirty three or thirty two. At thirty eight,
they're gonna get me now they could. I'm not and
I still could get god, you know, because they're so smart,

(23:53):
not that you call them ben smart smart and I'm
not like these manipulating people. Like these people are really
bad folks. They know how to more and be chameleons
into your life and sometimes you don't notice. But that's
when slowing down needs to happen. So if you look
at a lot of these abusive relationships, I feel like
now I can see a pattern, which is how fast
they move. They move so fast we don't take the time,

(24:15):
but I do give, I give grace, I give. I
don't want to be so rough into these young women
who just did not have the I know you're saying young.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
Okay, So then at what age is there an age to.

Speaker 3 (24:30):
Where these niggas can stop being asshole?

Speaker 2 (24:33):
Okay? Valid?

Speaker 3 (24:35):
Why I gotta have an age stat fucking putting your
hands on me? And what do we stop that?

Speaker 2 (24:39):
At zero?

Speaker 1 (24:40):
It should never start? I know, well, that's not the
life we live in. It it sounds that's why.

Speaker 3 (24:45):
We don't ask what age? Is it okay for us
not to be there because it sounds nice, but you're
going to be cut up in something. That's what life is.
But humans.

Speaker 1 (24:53):
I guess that that's where when you say the thing like, yes,
we can learn from our mistakes, right, And I think
for anyone listening to this at a young age, because
if we do go back, but you got to learn
from it, well, And that's that's I guess the tough
thing that I'm realizing, right, the individualism and how we
actually approach life keeps us from learning from other people's mistakes, right,

(25:18):
and so where we have the aunties an older woman
being like, baby, that ain't a good one, you shouldn't
date him. Unfortunately, You're right, nothing comes without us learning
from it.

Speaker 3 (25:28):
You have to hit your head like a hard head
makes a soft ass.

Speaker 1 (25:31):
So I love that you said that, because oh, I
love that you said that, because I've had the issue
with the celebration, the celebration of Cardi B and Stefon Diggs.
Now I know the ladies have gone onto the internet

(25:52):
and been like, ooh, y'all some haters let her live
our best life. Oh but she looks happy. Oh that's
literally how it sounds to me. If you were saying
as grown women, as a mother, as someone who has
went through a tumultuous relationship, an abusive relationship with a cheater,
a manipulator, all these things are abused. Where do we

(26:15):
quote unquote celebrate or hold accountable the woman who goes
after the same type. And I say that because this
bitch Cardi B, and I love Bardi B. I say,
bitches and dearing you my bitch bitch is endearing. But
Cardi B went from one manipulative, whole ass fashion ass
nigga to the next manipulating, whole ass, cheating ass nigga.

(26:40):
Cardi is you asking agency crazy?

Speaker 3 (26:43):
Because it's a thing. It's a thing.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
Cardi B is thirty two years old as a mother
of three recently.

Speaker 3 (26:50):
Yes, so that means she got with Offset around twenty four.

Speaker 1 (26:53):
They were together for seven years five and so let
me share my t I'm not gonna give all of it,
but there are videos circulating online and this is where
I talk about the proof being out there for a
woman to decide whether this makes sense or not.

Speaker 2 (27:11):
Right, So, there is a video of Sefon Diggs.

Speaker 3 (27:17):
Teammates.

Speaker 1 (27:18):
They made a video TikTok where they went and asked
every player on the team, which guy on the team
would you not let your sister date. Everyone on the
team said this man. Also, if you google an asshat GPT,
it says that Stefon Diggs is the father of one.
We most recently have been notified that he just recently

(27:40):
had a baby with another girl. I believe she was
like a star tender or stripper or something like that,
but nowhere on the record allegedly he got a whole
lot of babies out here. Okay, hol on, hold on,
there's also another woman publicly portraying her current relationship with
him while he's outside. I'll show you I G model

(28:05):
T is my page, girl, I begin all all the inside,
they begin everybody's stories.

Speaker 3 (28:13):
Finding out girl.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
Anyways, I say all of that to say, we've heard
and seen CARTI cry, and we've empathized with her for
wanting this relationship with her ex husband Offset to work.
We saw the manipulation of him even proposing on stage.
We saw the abuse in terms of the emotional abuse

(28:38):
with all of the cheating that took place.

Speaker 3 (28:41):
There were no reports on physical.

Speaker 1 (28:44):
Abuse, but y'all, emotional abuse is one of the ones
that we don't really talk about.

Speaker 3 (28:48):
I remember HEARDing a podcast that it takes about five
years to heal from the trauma of being cheated on.
So here's my question.

Speaker 1 (28:55):
Then, with the way in which Offset hurt her, why
would we celebrate her essentially being paraded around with a
man who has the same traits.

Speaker 3 (29:11):
Okay, my time, Yeah, that was my question. I think
it is finally beautiful to see her smiling, beautiful woman.
It is a celebrity culture. We just see her smiling,
we see her having a good time. We don't know
what the fuck she's doing behind the scenes. She could
be gett her as me by Steffan. We don't know,
but it's just well, they're also just having fun. It's
nice to see her smiling, to see her court side,

(29:31):
to be with her bat He's cute, you know, he's
nice looking. Do I personally not knowing the girl at
all or anything behind the scenes, we just do. I
think she should be dating. At my big age of
thirty eight and having enough experience, I don't think she
should be dating. There's so much work that you have
to do on the back end.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
What about sex too.

Speaker 3 (29:52):
So I do understand though that sometimes people deal with
the aftermath of a breakup in a very different way.
I don't know what wise counsel she has around her,
but if right now she's just having a little fun,
which in my beliefs and my morals. For me, and
I'm not a huge sexual person, casual sex is not
my thing. It might be hers. She was young, twenty

(30:12):
some years old. I can't even relate to her world
because it don't look nothing like that.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
Even before offset.

Speaker 3 (30:19):
She was going to man in jail, jail, she.

Speaker 2 (30:26):
Was holding him down in jail.

Speaker 3 (30:27):
Absolutely, so she has CARDI comes from a past and
a world back then that looks very similar to where
she's living right now.

Speaker 2 (30:35):
Then she gets this fame and this money.

Speaker 3 (30:37):
That's something that's not not very many people can relate to.
It's a very small percentage that can relate to where
she's living. So right now, she just she's been locked
in with this nigga popping babies, figuring out how to
deal with this world. She's like, that's not.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
Some fun, you know, the saying, Now, you could lead
a horse to water, but you can't make it, do you?

Speaker 6 (30:55):
Then?

Speaker 1 (30:57):
How do you empathize? And this is me Wait wait, wait, wait,
it's not it's not. I understand empathies, sympathy, all of
the things exists.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
We're humans. We have it in certain capacities.

Speaker 1 (31:10):
How do you physically feel or care or want someone
to do better then that wants better for themselves.

Speaker 3 (31:20):
There's nothing inside of me that I could ever look
at a person, perhaps inside of my baby daddy, that
I could think I wish something bad on you, you
know what I mean? And not even him. I don't
want to ever see any human being going through something
or if you're going to something saying ha, you deserve that, right.
I mean maybe like a pedophile or something like that
that really hurts someone, you know what I mean, go

(31:41):
under the jail, cut the nails all.

Speaker 5 (31:43):
But for me.

Speaker 3 (31:44):
But for me, those are two different things.

Speaker 1 (31:46):
What I'm saying is if a woman, if a woman
doesn't think she deserves better, if a woman continues to
go after Holland these same types and isn't seeking therapy,
isn't growing, isn't learning from her mistakes? Get take us
out the fucking group? You know how you get yourself
out of the group?

Speaker 3 (32:02):
Chat, you shoot your phone off, You're out the group.
Check live in the world when there's media, if it's
bothering you, and if you feel like you people say
that it ain't bothering me.

Speaker 2 (32:12):
I'm not that invested.

Speaker 3 (32:13):
I'm talking of the general we're talking about what we're
People are upset. I'm not saying necessarily you're not losing sleepy,
We're working. This is what this is what this is
what we do, and this is what the media does.
And why it's so important for you to have your
point that's what you're saying and what you're seeing your house.
Sometimes you're like, I don't really got sympathy and why
I have a voice to say, you know what? But
sometimes you just have to give people grace and let
them learn take their journey. That some people's journey are

(32:36):
just longer than the other ones. I'm trying to tell
my daughter a business decision right she's seeing her mother,
who's been extremely successful in business, my father a bit,
and I'm like, don't do that, don't do that, don't
do that. Boom, she does it. Don't go this way,
don't go this way. I'm telling her step by step
what's gonna happen, and she just runs right into that wall.
And then it's like, okay, it has to be redirected
and they're going to hit their heads. We don't learn

(32:58):
from other people's mistakes. Now, woman like Cardi, I just
see her. I'm like, look, if you're having fun, cool.
I don't think sharing energies with other people all the
time is making you feel any better. And I've told
you this is how I live. I just don't think
having casual sex is going I.

Speaker 1 (33:12):
Don't have casual sex anymore. It's unfulfilling. I feel empty
and indeed into the seal.

Speaker 3 (33:17):
Okay, first of.

Speaker 7 (33:22):
Everybody, shut talk about maturation. Hold on, stay here man,
you say this and twenty you know on Marvel when
you when you fuck up the timeline.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
We're not going to do that because let's be very clear.

Speaker 3 (33:41):
Yes, I'm not saying no, it's beautiful.

Speaker 2 (33:43):
I just I just I'm proud of you.

Speaker 5 (33:46):
Thanks all right, and you too, You're not saying I'm
just proud this part of the I love it.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
No, I guess, I guess that's my that's my thing, right,
Like when we're let's just.

Speaker 3 (33:57):
Give people, I just think, honestly, it's a great bitch.
It's just giving people grades. Just really let them do
their thing. If it's not affecting you, like personally, let
it go. Because even watching Carti's Journey, watching Hallie's Bailey,
there's still Hallie's.

Speaker 1 (34:13):
Baby, Carla Cooking, Carla Cooking is the new podcast, Carla's Cooking.

Speaker 3 (34:25):
No seriously, watching all of them, watching your auntie, your mama.
You could be at the home watching your mom g
asby and you'll still make the same mistake. Why because
we have to release it down. But it's really hard
to go through the fire of getting better, going through therapy.
When I left my the monster I was with. You know,
I had to lean in four times a week to
go to therapy.

Speaker 2 (34:45):
I'm two years out and you still came up.

Speaker 3 (34:49):
Shut up.

Speaker 2 (34:52):
It takes away.

Speaker 3 (34:53):
It should be a forever thing, because you have to
forever know that you're being triggered by certain things, because
it's not just them. They were able to tap into
something within you that you were already lacking from before.
So we put so much blame on this manipulator. But
I know for a fact that I was missing things
from my mother. I know that I was just hard headed.
I know that I wanted certain things that I wanted

(35:13):
to be mine, mind, mine, and for my own belief.
I wanted to follow my plan versus God's plan. Not Drakes,
but literally God's plan for me in my path, my journey.
And I'm just like, now, I'm gonna do it my own.
I can do it my way back. I was leaning
onto my own.

Speaker 1 (35:24):
Eyes, and I guess, I guess then that is my problem.
When I talk about accountability, we the ones with the mics,
the ones coming forward discussing the abuse, sharing their experience
with these.

Speaker 2 (35:38):
Quote unquote monsters.

Speaker 1 (35:40):
We don't hear a woman sharing the how she enabled
this to happen and she needs to work on And
so I.

Speaker 3 (35:47):
Guess that's what opens up the conversation to like, yeah, okay,
yes they're a bad person, Yes they did this to me,
But what happened to me to allow that? Why was
I yearning that kind of love? Why was why did
this man throw me a couple of scriptures and I
fell for it? Like why did I see there is
such a thing about religion manipulation and abuse like that

(36:09):
really does happen, And it's like you want to be
and and I know for myself for a fact that
I can say if there's I know there are a
lot of women that are saying, you know what, I
want a god fairy man. I want a man that's
into the church. But if you are just listening to
him talk to you about church, and you're not in
that Bible reading yourself, not what justin the Boy is posting,
not what spiritual world is posting, not what Megan Ashley

(36:31):
is posed Simona saying on these Christian podcasts, No, you
get your ass into that Bible and see what the
Lord is talking about to you, and then you'll be
able to see that monster clearly and thoroughly because he's
not really talking to you about what's really in that book.
I guess that's the thing with same thing with therapy.

Speaker 1 (36:48):
Yeah, but that's where I sit in again, there's a
thing to vocalize and do the work either through therapy.
There's a way to if you're going to bash a
man publicly, to address your own polite And so when
we talk about this dynamic between men and women which
we hate, we're calling it gender wars, and we're seeing
it on the podcast mics, we're seeing it on Twitter.

(37:11):
We're seeing it with the Diddy trial where people won't
even allow Cassie to be a victim, right.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
I think my frustration is the.

Speaker 1 (37:20):
Silence of women speaking forward in how they could show
it better.

Speaker 3 (37:26):
Where their faults lied.

Speaker 1 (37:28):
And again, this isn't too victim blame or say that
you can't be a victim in all of this because
of all the things at the hands of abuse. However,
it becomes a little bit frustrating for me as a
woman who does do the work to have friends that
do the work to see women continuously only ostracize men

(37:50):
their behavior and not leaning into how we can keep
ourselves out of these situations. I think I see when
I see the sky Jackson's and the Hollies. I think
one of the biggest problems for me is we talk
about listening to women right, and I guess it becomes frustrating,
specifically from a Halle Bailey standpoint or even Cardi where

(38:13):
people are warning her about Steph. I think it becomes
frustrating when we as women don't even listen to other women.

Speaker 3 (38:18):
Okay, let me's happening before I lose the train of thought. Yes,
we are talking. We are on the mics telling you
what we're doing. It's just not loud. It doesn't go viral,
it's not dope. You know who actually hears those the
women that are now going through something I have been
talking about for years, the work that I've done. And
I don't have a huge platform. I don't I mean
compared to like the Cardis and that I don't have

(38:38):
this huge bandies and the man. You're loud, loud, big,
like people hear you and you're ignorant selectively. But I've
talked about it for years. But you know what got
tens of millions of things that go viral. Me going
off on TK about something right and the way that
it was edited on purpose shout out to me know
on marketing right, But that's what goes Viral's of people

(39:00):
here loudly. We are talking about it, we are saying
what we're doing to fix things. It's just not cool.
It's not like it doesn't create as much conversation. It's
just not what's the word I'm looking for. It's not salacious.
It's not like I doesn't bring all these eyes. But
women are talking about it. I swear that I are here.

Speaker 2 (39:20):
So you believe as women then, which maybe I can't say.

Speaker 3 (39:23):
I know.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
I have absolutely empathized more with women who have stayed
too long, especially because I went back to my ex
thirteen times.

Speaker 3 (39:33):
And keep in mind, you have money, you had your
own house, you had your own everything. Most but yeah,
there are so many women, especially in this economy right now,
who have kids that we can't afford. On't try to
get as fire what we're gonna do with that kids.
They don't have a house, they don't have a car,

(39:54):
like I'm literally watching right now a neighbor of mine,
like going through this and it's wild seeing it like
front and center. I mean, I have a whole soap
opera happening here from my window in my office. While
I love it. One day, I'm gonna do a story
about it. But it's so hard to see. I had
a house, a car of business, money, people to fall
back on and stay longer than I should have.

Speaker 1 (40:12):
I would say the financial manipulation is absolutely and it's
just a strain.

Speaker 3 (40:16):
I can't we can't leave. We have children, we're breasting,
we can't find a job.

Speaker 1 (40:20):
I mean not only that, there's literally reports right now
coming out that more people are staying in these toxic,
unhealthy relationships because they can't afford rent by themselves.

Speaker 3 (40:30):
It just you go to a shelter, you're taking your
three kids. These men literally impregnate women to hold them back.

Speaker 2 (40:38):
Oh wait, is that women is doing the trip?

Speaker 3 (40:41):
Absolutely?

Speaker 2 (40:42):
Wait wait, wait to hold them back.

Speaker 3 (40:43):
To hold them You have to sit here now for
a litt bit longer.

Speaker 2 (40:45):
Now, you I need you to lean into this.

Speaker 1 (40:48):
Men are purposely impregnating women to hold the woman back.

Speaker 3 (40:52):
Some men that are toxic, uh huh, that are manipulative.
But there is something to be able to put because
you know the man is the one you have the choice.
As a woman, you're also having sex, yes, the woman.
You also maybe didn't get on birth control. As a woman,
you're choosing this, but the man is telling you something different, right,
so you're believing and you're loving it. This is sometime.
I'm not talking about a one night stand you got pregnant.
I'm talking about you're in a relationship with someone and

(41:13):
they meant consense, when things are happening, when you start
having certain questions and like, I need a baby right away,
I want a family, I want this once that baby
gets there. Now you're pregnant. Now you may have preclamcy
and they may have high blood presure. You have to
really take care of this child. And you have this baby,
you're going through postpartum, you're bleeding out, your baby's breastfeeding.
You really try to get your body back together. You're
a hormone a c section, you're healing. So can you leave? Yes?

(41:35):
Doesn't make it harder, Yes, it will take you a
little bit longer.

Speaker 4 (41:37):
Yes.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
And then in the time that you they're pregnant and
the baby's first year, you're wrapped up even more into
this shit. Mentally, Jesus, that's what a baby. But I not,
and we're looking on all three who we're talking about.

Speaker 1 (41:50):
I mean to me, I also want to generalize this
conversation just a little bit more as well, because.

Speaker 3 (41:59):
If I'm drawing parallels here.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
Right, because unfortunately y'all, if you haven't been able to
tell yet, I'm a lot more black and white.

Speaker 2 (42:06):
So so where.

Speaker 3 (42:10):
Yes, I'm very biracial, by that, I am black and white.

Speaker 1 (42:13):
But the way that my mind works, right, so I
want to draw the comparison to many women and their
thoughts and unalliances, say, with the election last year, right,
so there's a lot of black women that have done
a lot of work, and now if anything happens to

(42:34):
white women or even Latino women, there's like a black
woman throwing their hands in the air, like, y'all, we tried,
this ain't our problem no more?

Speaker 3 (42:41):
And there is.

Speaker 1 (42:42):
For me, that's kind of where I lean into a
woman who either went through an experience with a man,
was told or warned about what would happen if this
if this okay, let's do draw the parallel. If Trump
gets into the office, this will happen if you date
this man with this type of try work, this will happened.
I guess that's why I'm throwing my hands in the

(43:04):
air for giving a fuck and not feeling like, Okay,
yes the men are monsters, but also bitch and that's.

Speaker 3 (43:13):
A character heart post. I know that's a heart fostraight thing.
I feel like that's a human.

Speaker 1 (43:18):
Okay, heart at bitess.

Speaker 3 (43:21):
The skin is white, the heart is black. You're there
is an aspect of you can be frustrating, it extremely frustrating.
I'm looking at the state of our country when we're
talking about politics, and it's like, man, we tried. We
went in there as Republicans. I was talking about it later.
I tried, I didn't want this, you know, this is

(43:42):
not what I wanted this, and I was loud about it.
You know we're loud. But it still happens because there's
so many people that have different ones and needs. But
going back to women, why.

Speaker 2 (43:52):
Does then a woman think the thing?

Speaker 1 (43:54):
Keep it here with the politics, Come on with your
Republican ass views, with the way Kamala and everybody was
like Project twenty twenty five.

Speaker 2 (44:04):
This is where we are headed if Trump.

Speaker 1 (44:06):
Gets office, hold on, I want to ask, how with
your Republican ass views. Why you're surprised where where we're
at right now in comparison to a woman is being
pursued by a man, there is a warning sign that says, warning,
if you get into a relationship with this man, this

(44:26):
is the probability of this happening. What makes a woman
think that they're an exception to.

Speaker 2 (44:31):
What a man has already showed him to?

Speaker 3 (44:33):
The politic one, let's get away the politics. Yes, we're
looking from the outside in right This woman is in it,
so we have a bird's eye view of what she's
going through. And yes, we can see around what's about
to happen. She's in it. And let's not forget that
these men that we're specifically talking about have enablers all
around them. Okay, let's go back to my situation. Although no, no, no,

(44:53):
let's not get there yet.

Speaker 1 (44:54):
Okay, I also don't want to put us in a
relationship yet.

Speaker 2 (44:59):
So you're talking is the warning science, and you think you.

Speaker 3 (45:03):
Start talking to them, you're dating? Everything most times moves
really fast.

Speaker 1 (45:10):
There's not one said they need a date bitches for
a year to even make them their girlfriend.

Speaker 2 (45:14):
Where is shit moving fast?

Speaker 3 (45:16):
With people? These look at all of these scenarios, they
all moved extremely fast. They kids really fast. Everything my situation,
your situation moved really fast.

Speaker 2 (45:27):
Well it was the pandemic.

Speaker 3 (45:28):
Regardless of what it was it was, It doesn't matter
what it was. They all moved. It was bread. You
learn from zoom to in love in three point five
seconds twenty days, literally real quick. So let's just keep
in mind that all of this is happening really fast.
So we have a bird's eye view. They're in here,
they're having neighbors around them, and my situation, specifically, your
cly has to many people around him that you might

(45:49):
have known. No, there's not much that you could have known.
They were red flags told you about him, and you're listen.
So going around it, my guy had a lot of
en neighbors or people that were telling me this different. Wow,
look what he's doing. Oh, he's never done that before.
And when I think back to me, even in the
even over, you said that about everybody, even in the

(46:10):
over decades that we're friends. I was toxic, I was abusive,
I had really fucked up thoughts sometimes about certain things,
and I chose to do the work. So people do change.
So when you're a person until the thirty eight to
change word. Maybe pity you never know. But when you
think about the fact that I was able to get better,
I'm doing better. Why can't they do better? Why are

(46:33):
we holding people to the bed? You want people to
still think you a ho, No, you got better, you
did better? Whoa whoa Yes, it is because we have
to allow people grazing n for them to grow and
do better, because many people do. Many people do, but
some of them pretend like they do. On a hope,

(46:58):
I can't say, yeah, well, you're not an aggressive person.
I woo some mass hold on, don't put that out.
We're talking about relationship. I do bring that I am.
I am very.

Speaker 1 (47:10):
Probably I've never laid hands on a man again person.
As soon as the nigga raised his voice, you can be.

Speaker 3 (47:18):
I'm talking about a negative.

Speaker 1 (47:19):
People hear me on this mic and believe that I'm
an aggressor, and I really know because you.

Speaker 3 (47:24):
Are in a different way. You're very passive aggressive.

Speaker 2 (47:29):
This is podcast.

Speaker 3 (47:32):
I'm not you're admitting one word. You are passive. I'm
just okay. Hold on again, a king?

Speaker 2 (47:39):
Do you think hold on?

Speaker 1 (47:41):
Because A king has been my friend and in my
circle work wise and personal wise for for a lot
of years, going on almost ten years a king, would
you agree with this?

Speaker 3 (47:54):
Kings like I work here. I haven't processed it that way. Carlo.

Speaker 5 (48:01):
I appreciate you, you know our relationship, but Carl is
probably way more closer to you in terms of really
the nitty gritty of things.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
And three passively aggress I think pass aggress.

Speaker 5 (48:13):
I don't think it's passive aggressive in a toxic way.
I think it's just can't toxic ution, how interact could be.

Speaker 1 (48:23):
Passive aggression is the behavioral pattern characterized by expressing negative
feelings indirectly rather than openly.

Speaker 2 (48:30):
That's a lie.

Speaker 3 (48:30):
I told you not to be with this nigga because
he wasn't ship.

Speaker 2 (48:33):
I said it direct.

Speaker 1 (48:34):
It often involves a person's anger or frustration being expressed
through action, sarcasm, or sullen behavior rather than direct confrontation.

Speaker 3 (48:46):
Is there more.

Speaker 1 (48:49):
The key characteristics of passive aggression Mandy b yo, shut
suck my dick, indirect expression yes you do, okay, uh,
subtle actions. Passive aggression can manifest in various ways, including procrastination,
resistance to request, giving back, canded compliments, or intentionally making mistakes.
I never intentionally make mistakes, avoid avoidance of direct communication,

(49:13):
definitely do that.

Speaker 2 (49:15):
Potential for damage.

Speaker 1 (49:16):
Consistent passing passive aggression can damage relationships and negatively impact
work environments.

Speaker 3 (49:22):
Okay, listen, this is not for me to say that
you are so wrong and there's none of that. We
all have something toxic about us because of our child,
because of the way we grew up that we can change.
And you're working out. It's a baby steps to get there,
you know, no crawling. You might might have stood up already.
You know you're going for your baby steps, but you're

(49:42):
doing the work.

Speaker 2 (49:43):
If it's going fast, I know y'all don't see it,
but bitch on back and I'm doing.

Speaker 3 (49:47):
There's a little bit of work happening, and it's going
to take a long time. You're thirty four years old.
You just started this journey what two years ago? No girl,
first out there.

Speaker 2 (49:54):
I feel like you that's a backhand account four years?
Did you are the therapy week on? I have been
in therapy weekly.

Speaker 3 (50:06):
So you think that in four years once a week
undue thirty years adult, But the fact that you just
cut my therapy in hand, I'm sorry, I don't with
you if time passes really fast and I realize it's
been that long. But regardless, two or four years doesn't
make one lick of a difference of what I'm thinking
four years once a week versus thirty days day. I

(50:26):
mean thirty years every single day, twenty four hours a day.
But you got a long way to go. You got
a long way to go, as do I.

Speaker 2 (50:32):
As do.

Speaker 3 (50:32):
People are listening to this, and I forgo about the
fuck he was talking about because I got add if
you don't keep going on.

Speaker 1 (50:38):
I wanted to get into the personal dynamic, Okay, remove
from the generalization and bring the audience into someone who
may be in my position and agree with my thoughts.

Speaker 2 (50:50):
And misunderstanding of it.

Speaker 3 (50:53):
We're not gonna do that.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
Somebody else agree passive aggressive, she said, who agrees with
your thoughts?

Speaker 2 (50:58):
Bitch, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
Se Shout out to everyone listening to selective ignorance, shout.

Speaker 3 (51:03):
Out they don't agree, They're just listening. It's entertainment.

Speaker 1 (51:08):
Okay, So we are gonna get into our segment where
it's hypocritical me, hypocritical, you hypocrisy essentially into the dynamic
of your last relationship or previous relationships.

Speaker 3 (51:24):
So where.

Speaker 1 (51:27):
Even in experiencing it in person, my lack of empathy
continues to exist.

Speaker 3 (51:33):
Is that me is that.

Speaker 2 (51:36):
I thought I had the red the red flags was
being waved over here. Hold on, y'all.

Speaker 1 (51:41):
I was like, not only was I waving it like
the niggas they got to bring in the planes. I
was that guy outside the motherfucking car the little car dealership.
I was waving around the sign like like I was
selling mattresses. I said, I said, beware, I see all
for my friend.

Speaker 2 (52:02):
And what I believe she deserves. This is not the
nigga because I I I mind you.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
He was sharing who he really was publicly, and motherfuckers
thought it was entertainment. So my question to you is,
with the warning from a very close friend, but also
the warning from an ex, there were two women that
were warning you about what this relationship looked like.

Speaker 2 (52:28):
Well, no, because we knew from the chatter that there
was potential abuse and that he wasn't seeing his kids.

Speaker 3 (52:38):
I didn't know about one woman.

Speaker 2 (52:39):
No, that's what I'm talking about, just the one woman.

Speaker 1 (52:41):
So and even this, do you need numbers to listen
to what you believe a man will be Anyways, I
say this to bring up the personal and the real
life example of what made you not listen or believe
a woman who had experienced a negati relationship with this man,

(53:01):
and also as a friend who read every red flag
I saw it because I wasn't dating him, chose to
ignore and believe that you would be the exception.

Speaker 3 (53:13):
Okay, this is I want to preface it by saying,
this is not excuses. This is just kind of like
a timeline of what I thought that was happening right then,
and that I can then tell you hindsight is twenty
twenty what really was happening. So first of all, the
one person we knew about was ninety years prior. Okay,
it had been a long time in that time from

(53:34):
that person to when I showed up. There were no
claims of this at all, Like being from someone that's
next to him on a daily basis was like he
would never like he has never. I've never seen that
type of behavior. I don't think I can believe that,
right So I'm being told by people around him like
that moment is crazy. And to then give me proof

(53:58):
of that, there were voicemails, voice notes, text messages that
I'm seeing.

Speaker 2 (54:03):
That proved outside. But yes, well it's yeah.

Speaker 3 (54:06):
But I'm hearing her. I'm hearing the phone calls, I'm
hearing the text messages. I'm hearing the people tell me
that she I don't know, she's crazy. She's crazy. We're
seeing it. So you're like, wow, and it's been nine
years and nothing like this has ever happened again that
no one can give me anything so that we knew
of correct again, this is I'm in it. There's there's
no bird's eye view. I'm in it. I'm watching pause.

(54:29):
I don't want to be a bird.

Speaker 2 (54:34):
That's about segment.

Speaker 3 (54:37):
There is a there was time he knew what well, boss,
I knew what he was doing. He knew he was
going after They always know, they know what they know
what you got right, So there's tons of conversations. There
was a lot of flights of mine where it was
just like friendship, just casual talking from about a year prior.
Then I get into the situation. Everything starts moving really
fast at this time. Now, for about a year, he
was hearing from the mic from phone from with my friends,

(55:01):
what I was looking for, what I wanted, the work
that I was doing. He had the tools.

Speaker 4 (55:07):
The tools.

Speaker 3 (55:08):
Yeah, the inside are the words or the language to
make it seem like he was on the same page
with me and that and so that you were there
at this point, the actions were matching what he was saying.

Speaker 1 (55:24):
Oh no, no, no, no, no, Let's be very clear.
I always saw the actions even as red flags like
which like for us to be out and him to
show up and ruin our Like we would be out
and he would just show up.

Speaker 2 (55:37):
You yes, you thought that that.

Speaker 1 (55:40):
Was the cutest thing ever show up to bro. We
went to to clubs, like we we went to a
club him were you he didn't come he showed up
to us.

Speaker 3 (55:51):
You know what I'm saying, We didn't go. No, that
summer he would be at the house a lot that
wh I know always comes to the house.

Speaker 2 (55:57):
We would go out and have but he would pop
up and then drive us home.

Speaker 1 (56:01):
Oh yes, oh yes, So it would turn it would
turn into where as two girls hanging out.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
I'm thinking, who I'm hanging out with my friend?

Speaker 1 (56:11):
And maybe because he didn't trust me because I had
a show called Horrible Decisions and he thought I was
out here trying to.

Speaker 3 (56:17):
Whore you out. He would show me that he knew
that you would see past some ship and the way
that you read it like, ooh, he just wants to
be around me all the time.

Speaker 1 (56:26):
I love this as a woman, especially codependent women one woman,
they like that attention.

Speaker 2 (56:33):
I'm looking at it as Wait, this nigga's showing up,
ruining the fun.

Speaker 1 (56:37):
He's grabbing you away from me. You're now sitting down,
were not drinking, were not partying anymore. He's there, So
I'm like, I see what this is. Also, he's hungry, bitch.
It's one o'clock in the morning. You're cooking out those
compoile to feed this nigga at one So there's a
way that yes, you show up and care for man.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
But I'm seeing it. Oh are you still hearing?

Speaker 3 (56:59):
Get there? A lot of things have changed, but yes,
I still love to cook it.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
I don't cook.

Speaker 3 (57:08):
I don't, but I don't think I go in like
I did before. That comes from a space of me
needing something that I was fulfilling something through a man
and their need that I needed to fulfill by myself.
So I had never been a move. I've got pregnant
at seventeen, was married for six years, and I was
in a six year relationship and I was a relationship

(57:29):
and got into another one. I never was a longle
or alone, and I'm never alone because I've been a
mom since I was eighteen, so I'm always caring for someone.
So when i feel like there's someone there, I need help.
I wanted that and I didn't know how to do
that for myself. You know, I've been single fort that.

Speaker 1 (57:49):
Celebrating it, but no, I've been able to really find
what you would want in a partner and really address
your own traumas.

Speaker 2 (57:58):
Because and y'all made y'all don't know this, but it took,
and you're stealing it.

Speaker 1 (58:06):
You can name exactly the traits about you that made
you the perfect victim for a man like this, and
I want you for maybe because there's women listening. What
are list of five traits that you knew that your faults,
your traumas, that showed that baby gave him green flax,
that you would be the perfect candidate for him to

(58:28):
sink his clauses.

Speaker 3 (58:28):
My dad had just passed away, so you're your yearning.
You were great that male figure. Again, I've never had
a good relationship with my mother or a healthy relationship
my mother was someone that it was I learned to
get the affection and the love from someone by doing
something for them. So I had to do in order
to receive love or feel accepted. Okay, so that's another

(58:51):
thing I would say. Like I said, I didn't know
how to be alone, like my thoughts, being alone in
my thoughts and what I thought about me, and it's
like society telling me I'm not worth anything. Then i
have a baby out of wetlock. So I'm like, I
gotta find a husband. I want to I want to
do the right thing. I just want to college. I
have a degree. I still don't have this white picket. Friends,
It's like, oh my god. I thought I really needed
to be a wife and have another child and do

(59:14):
the right thing. I wanted to fix what I messed
up the first time I was married. It ain't work.
I had my daughter. I wanted to give her a man.
I'm now my daughter at the time when I meet
him as thirteen years old, she's twenty now, she's thirteen
at the time, and I'm like, I gotta show her
a healthy family. I have to show her a healthy man.
I have to And he was like like, I'm there

(59:35):
to show you exactly and said all the right words,
showed up. I have pictures of him showing her how
to mo along, but nah, think back this nigga' even
know how to turn that shit on Dan. You know
what I'm saying. Like they pretend to do all these things,
like teach her about all these things, but that doesn't
last very long. And if I would have just taken
my biggest fault here, if I was just not taking
it to me time, no, just regardless's not listening. If

(59:58):
I would have taken some time to down, and I
have another friend that was very against the the relations decks,
Dex didn't agree with the relationship. Deck saw the red
flags from day one two. But Dex is very different
from you. While she's like, this is gonna make you happy,
I'm here, like I'm here to when you need something?

Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
What do you right now?

Speaker 3 (01:00:14):
You're happy I'm there to support you, but I'm also
she'd be like, you want tool.

Speaker 5 (01:00:17):
That a little bit.

Speaker 3 (01:00:18):
You're like, Deck together, kind you must hold that a
little bit. You don't think it's going to.

Speaker 4 (01:00:21):
Go too fast.

Speaker 2 (01:00:22):
You sure you want to do this? It's crazy, it
is a plan. Well, you brought up and That's why
I said.

Speaker 1 (01:00:26):
We're all we all have trauma from patriarchy, right, We're
all victims of what people perceive a woman should look
like in happiness, and a lot of that is, well,
you would be happy if you were a mom, if
you were a wife, if you had a man that
was around, if you had a man to.

Speaker 3 (01:00:41):
Cook for, if you had a man, especially if you're
a teen mom.

Speaker 2 (01:00:43):
And so it's the it is, it's the it is.

Speaker 1 (01:00:46):
The fear of being alone that pushes women to just
accept the crumbs that sometimes these niggas have to offer
and to just unfortunately, I do believe that they're going
to get a different version of a man that has
showed up away.

Speaker 3 (01:01:01):
For someone or is you're like, I'm going to give
them grace that they've changed. I'm a thirty eight year
old team mom, literally, that's all I am. To many
people look at her, did it again? Fucked up again? Yeah?
I had a man who flew into a hurricane. Yeah,
to come help me, a man that would support everything
that I was doing. Or you need equipment for this

(01:01:22):
because at the time he had a job and he
paid for the support. Was it taken out of his check?

Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (01:01:27):
But he was paying the entire time I knew him
in years prior, you know what I mean. So there's
all these little things. I just didn't get to see
the things that he was the full picture when we
didn't when we weren't around. There were messages sent that
were deleted, there were phone calls we weren't a part of.
So when the person is reacting, that's all we see.

Speaker 1 (01:01:43):
What was your feeling like, having had talked to the
previous partner and learning her experience, what did you were
you upset with yourself for not believing her the woman
for a long time.

Speaker 3 (01:01:59):
Yeah, because while she's telling me, I'm like, I'm two
and a half years and I've never experienced this, never
experienced I didn't experience it. I out to Jersey, So
I'm like, I don't know what you're like.

Speaker 1 (01:02:08):
I I don't know this person you're saying. I'm like,
and then when you started experiencing that same person, I said.

Speaker 2 (01:02:14):
Oh shit, oh fuck, I'm fucking odell. There, I see
it now.

Speaker 3 (01:02:19):
And I moved pretty quickly because I was already I
never stopped. I started going to therapy right before him.
In twenty seventeen, twenty eighteen, him and I start talking,
and this all happens now twenty twenty, twenty one, twenty one,
twentyre as soon as the baby's born. So that's when
things change. And I'm like, yeah, I'm in it now, but.

Speaker 2 (01:02:40):
It's so funny. I don't know what the science is,
y'all know.

Speaker 1 (01:02:43):
I questioned science anyways, But I need the study of
why relationships go south after the baby.

Speaker 3 (01:02:50):
Because it's tough. It's tough you have immature men who
want all of your attention to the baby. Absolutely, he
used to hate breastfeeding me, breastfeeding him. Not that he
was bad that the baby was on a nipple, Yes,
it was like, oh, he didn't even give my teddies back.
First of all, we'd be in public and he'd be like,
you want a breastfet go in the bathroom. He's like,
go sit in the stall and breastfeedt if figuring in

(01:03:12):
a breastfeed not out here. I couldn't say the name
of another man. Once that baby was born, things change,
and as a woman you want to be there. Yeah,
as a woman, you want to make it work. I
just told you I came into this relationship because I
wanted to show my daughter, a new version of a family.
I need to show her what a marriage so so emotional.
I need to show her that she's about to be

(01:03:32):
a teenager, she's about to be a woman. She has
to know what love is, what respect is, what a household,
what a man looks like. So you look for that,
and I ended up showing her the worst.

Speaker 1 (01:03:42):
Unfortunately, course correction or wanting to do something in spite,
so the outcome of something else never ends well.

Speaker 3 (01:03:50):
When you go into something with a plan of your
own that you're just hyper focused and not willing to
see outside of it. Yeah, we're going hyper focus to
either despising some more nows or and by despise, I
mean like for me, I'm gonna show them that I
can get a husband, and I'm gonna show them that
could be a good wife. And I'm gonna show them
that I could, I could do the things the way
that they want me to do, because women they hyper
focus on. I just want to be loved and I

(01:04:12):
want a boyfriend. I want to partner, which is why
all of the outside, the people around us telling us
that's how, that's what it's good. I had to do.

Speaker 2 (01:04:19):
It's not not only about the outside people.

Speaker 1 (01:04:21):
Again, we could blame patriarchy, but kind of like how
we started this episode, women seek love, partnership, soulmates. Men
not so much, and so the blind is all on
the The blinded veil around it all is the fact
that a woman wanting to be loved so bad, wanting
partnership so bad, will literally ignore everything telling them that

(01:04:45):
this is not the person for them, just so that
they could say they got a nigga.

Speaker 3 (01:04:49):
Yes. There is an aspect of just saying that they
have a man. Yes, And there's also an aspect of
feeling fulfilled even though you're not. And when you are
a woman listening to this, regardless of what your age is,
if you really feel like you don't feel complete without
a man, this feels so dumb when you're in it,
when you're looking for that love. But if you don't
feel complete, baby, go find a way for you to
make yourself complete. I remember my ask you to say
all the time, you complete me, and I'd be like, no,

(01:05:13):
I'm come complete. You need to be complete. He's like, Nah,
that's not how it works. You guys have to complete minute.
I'm not complete. How I think that that's not good
listen to blame.

Speaker 2 (01:05:23):
I blame the Spice girls. What they say when to
become one? I need some line like I never needed you, bab.
You don't know goddamn when to become one?

Speaker 3 (01:05:38):
Sorry? No, I'm sorry, Barbie girl.

Speaker 2 (01:05:40):
Okay, no, that is oh my god. All right, y'all.

Speaker 1 (01:05:42):
On that note, I want to ask the audience a
question before we get out of here.

Speaker 3 (01:05:47):
I do want to know if you feel like there
is room.

Speaker 1 (01:05:50):
To hold empathy with the woman who chooses to keep
getting with the same folk niggas back to bet to bet.
That's well, that's a little bit of my question. Do
you have a question for the audience before we get
out of here? Carlo, I don't have a question. Want therapy, okay,
in a book, not some podcasts.

Speaker 2 (01:06:07):
Not speaking of listening to podcasts, where can they listen
to you?

Speaker 3 (01:06:11):
I have a podcast with my co host dex So
what Now podcast? We talk about women had a motherhood
after in your late thirties and forties and she's forty
and what to do now is like, so when I'm
getting older and all these things have happened to you,
now I've had therapy.

Speaker 6 (01:06:24):
So what now?

Speaker 3 (01:06:24):
I have therapy? I don't have to find a man.
I do not that I want one, but if it comes.

Speaker 4 (01:06:29):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (01:06:30):
And then I did launch production, So anything that has
to do launching a podcast, relaunching production behind the scenes,
virtual or in person, that is. I. By the way,
I hope y'all weren't rolling your eyes too much on
some God damn Mandy, you got a black ass heart.

Speaker 1 (01:06:42):
You don't fucking give grace, you don't have empathy, fuck
ass pussyss hope.

Speaker 4 (01:06:46):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (01:06:47):
Anyways, working on it. At the end of the day,
y'all can hate it or you can love it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:51):
Either way.

Speaker 1 (01:06:51):
Are you choosing to be selectively ignorant or are you
going to choose to get educated?

Speaker 2 (01:06:57):
For you, I will see bitch always.

Speaker 3 (01:07:02):
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 (01:07:03):
I educate myself and I learned through my experiences, let's
be very clear. And therapy of course, So y'all get
y'all asses and therapy. It works, believe it or go
to church. He just loves you, Okay, go to therapy.

Speaker 2 (01:07:15):
All right, y'all see you next week.

Speaker 4 (01:07:21):
Thanks for tuning in. The Selective Ignorance of Mandy B.
Selective Ignorance. It's executive produced by Mandy B. And it's
a Full Court Media Studio production with lead producers Jason Mondriguez.

Speaker 3 (01:07:31):
That's me and Aaron A. King Howard.

Speaker 4 (01:07:33):
Now, do us a favor and rate, Subscribe, comment and
share wherever you get your favorite podcast, and be sure
to follow Selective Ignorance on Instagram at Selective Underscore Ignorance.
And of course, if you're not following our hosts Mandy
B make sure you're following her at full Court Pumps. Now.
If you want the full video experience of Selective Ignorance,
make sure you subscribe to the patreons patreon dot com

(01:07:56):
backslash Selective Ignorance