If You Don't Have Nothing Nice To Say.... feat. Carla Wilmaris | Bonus Episode

In this bonus episode of Selective Ignorance, Mandii B is joined by friend of the show Carla Wilmaris for a raw and thought-provoking conversation about abortion, parenting, relationships, and the cultural pressures that shape these decisions. The episode opens with [00:00] an introduction and book promotion, before shifting to [01:51] current events and personal opinions that set the stage for a deeper dive.

The hosts candidly address [04:57] abortion views and personal experiences, unpacking the stigma, complexities, and emotional realities of reproductive choices. From there, the discussion moves into [11:31] conversations around unprotected sex, highlighting the societal double standards and consequences that follow.

Celebrity culture enters the spotlight at [18:35] as Mandii and Carla react to Cardi B’s pregnancy controversy, examining how fame magnifies judgment and public opinion. This naturally leads to [26:23] judgment and parenting decisions, exploring how money, career, and outside scrutiny impact motherhood. The conversation then pivots to [29:05] the balancing act of motherhood and career, reflecting on how women navigate personal growth and societal expectations.

By [31:29], the dialogue shifts to relationships and their role in shaping personal growth, followed by [33:27] navigating time and life decisions that often come with compromise and sacrifice. The tension between [36:47] judgment vs. support in friendships takes center stage, where both hosts explore how empathy, communication, and honesty can either build or break trust.

The episode doesn’t shy away from the consequences of choices, unpacking [39:37] the fallout of poor decisions and [42:54] the power of empathy in communication. At [47:11], they expand the conversation to judgment in public life, connecting personal stories to the broader cultural dialogue. Finally, the episode closes at [57:39] with thoughts on growth, understanding, and self-reflection, leaving listeners with the encouragement to reconsider how judgment, support, and experience shape their own views.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Selective Ignorance. However,

(00:03):
before we get to this week's episode, I want to
remind you guys to purchase my book No Holds Barred,
a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power. So feel
free to go to your local bookstores preferably queer owned,
black owned, or woman owned to support them, but also
just click the button on Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, or

(00:23):
wherever you read your books. Again. That is No Holds Barred,
a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power written by
yours truly and my co host of the Decisions Decisions podcast, Weezy.
Make sure y'all get that. Now let's get to this
week's episode. This is Mandy B. Welcome to Selective Ignorance,
a production of The Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio.

(00:45):
It's your Girl, Mandy B. Welcome to another episode of
bonus episode your Friday drop of Selective Ignorance. Really excited
about getting to two days a week. I don't know
how I have so much to say, but I do.
And so Friday episodes are going to be a little different.

(01:06):
Friday episodes will either lean into a specific topic that
me and a friend that I'm dragging on a mic
are going to have publicly or it's going to be
the day too. I guess the week of current events
that I feel have to be discussed. If you have
it yet, make sure you subscribe to Patreon because these

(01:29):
full videos will only be available on Patreon. However, you
can listen to them wherever you listen to Selective Ignorance.
I'm excited to give you guys more content, and I'm
really excited to grow this platform to what I want
it to be. I've really been missing having these sorts

(01:51):
of conversations, and if you listened to see the thing
Is or even Periodsis, the conversations just go so much
deeper than what I am having over on decisions, decisions
formally horrible decisions, because again, that's such a niche platform.
But I do believe I have so much to say.
I do believe my opinions are one necessary that are needed.

(02:13):
And I also love to roll you motherfuckers up. And
I am joined today by y'all heard her on Tuesday
if you listen to the Tuesday Drop with my friend
who also loves to rile people up. No, I don't
know it just so happens. It just so happens that

(02:33):
it happens. And so the last time, not this week,
but the last time Karla joined me on Selective Ignorance,
it was her and Ray Daniels to talk about their
political somewhat stances or parties that they identify or don't
identify with, and we decided that they're both purple fucking blue,

(02:55):
fucker red. They definitely lean more towards the hue of bread,
but we're gonna call them purple. And so independents don't
make a dent in the goddamn presidential elections. So independence
to me are votes that could go to either or

(03:16):
that just end up in in fucking air personally. That
that's how I view it, you know. So AnyWho, I
have Carla on to have a conversation that will absolutely
get your blood boiling. Possibly, So we're gonna lean into

(03:37):
if you guys listen to Tuesday, I didn't do the
double down or take it back, because this essentially is
going to be a full lean into a double down
and take it back on her previous views on abortion.
We also have a clip from her podcast with her
co host Dexty, and they had a conversation around conversations
about planned I want to say, plain parenthood, but stop

(04:01):
playing parenthood right kind of around parenthood in terms of
having sex with a partner, and that conversation has had prior.
But then I also want us to lean into what
has had the Internet a blaze, and it is actually
Cardi B's decision to be pregnant with her fourth child

(04:24):
with a man she knew for six months while she
is still legally married. And we'll get into that to
wrap things up in But Carla, how are you? Are
you ready to fucking disagree? I'm ready. I'm ready. Listen.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
I am on day one of a waterfast, so I
don't know what's gonna come out of my mouth.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
And I am and I'm on my third cold broke
in the morning this morning, so I mad coffee. I'm
just drinking this water. I having ansint yesterday at five o'clock.
I am hungry. So, yeah, you're on the waterfast. I'm
on three cold bruise. We'll see where this conversation goes
because it is a he did one, and it's also
very interesting. We laid down our similarities before. I'm a

(05:05):
woman with no kids, doesn't want kids also aborted a kid.
Carla has is the mother of two. Have you had
an abortion before or no? I have actually never spoke
about it on my platform, but yes I have. Oh
so interesting, Oh the hypocrisy, can't wait to get into it.
So sorry, y'all. Shit. AnyWho, before we get started, and

(05:29):
how we're gonna start is to lean into the double
downer take it back. So I'm gonna play a clip
from Carla's podcast. Yeah, we're gonna start with that. That's
what we're starting with. And because out the gate, we're
gonna get into our thoughts on what conversations should be had,
what those conversations look like, if they're realistic, and all

(05:51):
the things. And of course this will also be an
episode where we get to share why we feel the
way we do, and of course we can't do that
without sharing stories of incidences in scenarios that we have
actually lived through and what decision we made and what
the outcome was. So real quick, We're gonna play this

(06:12):
clip from Carlo's Instagram just to get us going.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
All right, at what point do you give your body
up to a man without having a conversation when you're
having unprotected sex.

Speaker 3 (06:26):
All the time people hunch and don't have that conversation.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
Well, we need you.

Speaker 3 (06:29):
I'm not gonna let you like be misjudgmental. The last
person you hunch, you did not have a conversation. I
did swear before y'all hunch swear Carla.

Speaker 1 (06:37):
I'll tell you why, Carla.

Speaker 2 (06:39):
I promise you bro to takee Kyla.

Speaker 1 (06:42):
You're not listening to me on hunch. I'm thirty eight, Nona.
You know how traumatic an abortion can be on a woman. Bruh,
the abortion on a woman. Take that. Don't put the
trauma on a child. What trauma is she put in
a child?

Speaker 2 (06:56):
When the child gets older and sees the fact that
their father don't want them publicly.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
She don't have control over that, Yes she does. So
he's telling you don't want no baby, but you why
have the baby? You can't force her to have an abortion.
It's not a forced thing.

Speaker 2 (07:09):
It's more of like, let's think about before you bring
a child into this world.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
So would you have aborted if his dad said that
he didn't want him before he was born?

Speaker 1 (07:18):
By the way, curious to know For anyone who didn't
see that episode, that's the So What Now? Podcast for
anyone who has not seen that. What was your answer
to that? As someone who is anti abortion at your age?
Not anti abortion? Okay, well your anti a certain number
of abortions, yes, but I'm curious as a mother of two,

(07:42):
And before we get deep into this conversation, if the
father of your child expressed that he did not want
the child, what what would have been your conversation? So
she asked specifically about my child? Now, are right? That's
that's all I'm asking is my specific child? My child? Wow? Yeah,

(08:03):
and so and so you are actually more pro woman
having an abortion than having a child with a partner
who doesn't want it. So here's what's happening with me.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
And I want to give this disclaimer before I start talking.

Speaker 1 (08:19):
We talked about in the last episode and we'll do
it again today.

Speaker 2 (08:21):
Everything that we feel and we speak and the opinions
that we have literally come it's a direct correlation to
our past, our experiences, what we're going through. So at
the moment, I have a twenty year old.

Speaker 1 (08:32):
And a four year old. I was a single. I
was married to Ayama, my daughter's dad, until she was
about six.

Speaker 2 (08:38):
Then with my sons, I didn't want any more children,
and I was very adamant about it. Then I found
this new man and he was all about, I want
a child, and it just seemed perfect, and I'm like,
maybe I can do it again. And it moved really fast,
and we had this baby, and there was a baby
that he wanted, and I'm like, this is gonna be
my chance to.

Speaker 1 (08:57):
Do it again and have the family that I that
I always wanted.

Speaker 2 (09:01):
Right, So when he decides to completely want become physically abusive, leave,
have nothing to do with the children, like change his
entire story that he told me. If I would have
known this beforehand, I would not have had a child
with him.

Speaker 1 (09:18):
But again, twenty twenty. Hindsight is twenty twenty whatever, Hi,
I go, yep.

Speaker 2 (09:23):
So when I speak, I'm speaking from the point of
view of a thirty eight big, thirty eight year old
age with experience of what this looks like and also
the experience of being an eighteen year old mom as well,
like when you're younger. And I give grace and we
talked about this in an old episode of Yours. I
do give grace to people that do not have the experience,

(09:43):
because life experience gets you here, right, And it's like
it's up to us when we know better, we do
better to want to do better. But that's not the
case with everyone. So not everyone wants to do better.
Not everyone just it's just what it is right. They
want to stay in what they know and they're okay
with that. That's a little frustrating for me. And I've
also realized that I do give grace to other people,
and those that are closest to me, I happen to

(10:03):
not give them as much grace because I want to
kind of control and I feel like I've taken this
kind of I don't know if this is the right word,
but like a god complex in a sense where it's like,
let me help you. I want to help and I
know this door. I know this door right here. If
you open it, it's going to get you to this
great place of piece of success, of whatever it may

(10:24):
be that you may want. And I want to do
that for you. And that's not my role in this world.
It is support and to not be judgmental over what
you want to do. Everyone has a different road to
get there, Everyone has different experiences that they have to
get to. And I've realized in the last actually it
was this week that with those closest to me, I
don't give them the grace because I'm like, girl, let

(10:45):
me just fix it for you, and that's not what
I'm here for. So with that being said, the answer
to it was Yes, if I knew at thirty four
that the man that was promising me this life and
that I was on the same track with wasn't, I
would not have had my child because I don't think
it's fair to him.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
I mean, I think that that's real, and I think
that there's a lot of women that would would agree.
I mean, I think it's It's the interesting part to
me when I hear people say they would have children
if they get married, knowing that marriages don't all last,
so the idea that they die, I mean, I mean,

(11:24):
all the things right, And so it's interesting because in
watching this clip, I understand the difference between an opinion
and reality. Now I actually agree with you in this clip.
I think that if you do decide.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
To again, I've not heard that before me never, You've
never You've never heard that before.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
So but I agree with the sentiments that you both
had only because I understand you saying what should happen
and what you do, and deck saying the reality of
what does happen and what majority does and so so
you saying that if you're gonna lay with a man
and have unprotected sex, that the conversation around parenting and

(12:10):
childbirth and the consequence of unprotected sex should be a conversation.
It should be. I also understand the fact that a
lot of people just like that temporary quote unquote great
feeling of unprotected sex. Right now, I want to share
a story of something that recently happened with me and
one of my previous partners. We're we're not dealing with

(12:31):
each other now, but there was a partner that we
had had sex a couple times and no lie. We
were on the phone one day and he goes, how
many more times do we have to have sex before
I can take the kind of off? And my response

(12:54):
was never, because ay, we both don't want children with
each other. I mean, I don't want kids at all,
So I'll speak for the both of us there. We
won't be having kids together, and we also weren't. It
wasn't like we were talking about being in an exclusive
relationship and then fucking raw. He said, how many more

(13:15):
times do I gotta fuck you casually with a condom
before I could fuck you casually without a condom, knowing
that we both also have other partners. And it was
just interesting to me because I was just like this,
like he was dead ass, Like there was a real
seriousness that he had in asking me when he can

(13:41):
insert his raw ass penis into my vagina without any exclusivity,
any future planning and me not wanting a child. I mean,
he could give me a whole lot of things. Baby.
The list is like goes on and on and on
if y'all really look up all the STDs that can

(14:01):
be contracted or all of the things. And so listening
to this clip and us having the conversation of women
having rights to make decisions around their body in terms
of keeping a baby or not keeping the baby, but
also just to me, the irresponsibility of majority of the

(14:23):
people who genuinely are out here thinking that it's fine
and normal to casually have sex unprotected without the conversations
around child planning is insane to be.

Speaker 2 (14:37):
It's definitely more common than not, especially with you know,
we have secular music and we have.

Speaker 1 (14:45):
Movies, and we not you.

Speaker 2 (14:46):
Blaming entertainment now child well for sure, because again, like
we talked about last episode, this phone right here is
at everyone's fingertips at all times, is in our back pocket,
front pocket, our hand. It does not leave our side
for longer than too.

Speaker 1 (14:59):
How do you how do you blame music and our
phones as to why people are having unprotected sex. So
it's not a blame. I think it's a factor, right.

Speaker 2 (15:07):
But the same way that that those music or movies
are out there, so are we right here speaking right
So this is also at their fingertips, also on their phones,
also on their social media. So we can now tell them, hey,
from our past experience, maybe some young women will actually say,
you know what, I may want to ask someone about
what they want to do. Because my conversation with that

(15:27):
specific partner that I was speaking on was we know
each other for some months.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
Prior and we talked about he was very sure he
did not want children.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
He's like, if I have another child, I will tell
you I will not be in that child's life. I'll
pay child support and that's it. I don't want any
parts of it. And for me was I absolutely do
not want any more children. I am, I don't care.
The Lord himself has to come up here. To me,
I will have to be virgin Mary literally waking up
one day and I'm nine months pregnant, and you won't
want any more children. Now with that specific person, why,

(15:57):
I'm one of the reasons why it didn't work out
so many But I did not like the fact that
he was so adamant that he did not want any
more children but refused to aseectomy, but was okay with
me being on birth control.

Speaker 1 (16:09):
So that's I think the bigger conversation that I'm having
now too with my partners, and luckily, like my boyfriends
now are just as conscious and don't want kids. Either
one of them has has children and doesn't want anymore,
and then the other two have no kids. By the way,
I have three, and impossible one of them I'm not
having actually two of them, I'm not having sex. With

(16:31):
the two of them I am. And so the conversations
around that have been interesting because they've agreed to use
condumns because we're on the same page right in terms
of not wanting other children and also understanding that we
have multiple partners. But the conversation often does lead to,
if I don't want kids, why do I not just

(16:52):
get on birth control, and so this idea that I
have to put something into my body allow you to
enter me raw as if there's not all of these
other things at play, And it's just crazy. I don't
understand if a man does not want kids, why he

(17:14):
can't just go in get the surgery and snip his balls, like,
go get neutered, like and what the.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
Fuck to be through all these hormones in and out
And it's like, I could literally just let my body flow,
get a period when it's supposed.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
To, let my let let let me let me go,
my my brain, my brain, or all.

Speaker 2 (17:35):
These hormones going on, And you're trying to tell me
like if you get pregnant, if you get pregnant, I'm
not gonna be there. I don't want this kid da,
But I'm also not gonna do it. And it's not
just with me because obviously we parted ways. He's gonna
be with other women. But I'm like, you're constantly, not constantly,
but you're with other women risking having children.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
You're the one that shoots bru bird. Just pick the
clip out. B birth control affects your mood and hormones,
It affects your skin it affects your weight, it affects
all the things inside your goddamn body. And there's a
lot of men who you know that they're bringing up
allegedly the mail Berger Control And there's been men that

(18:16):
don't want to go on it because of the symptoms
that they would have to face. And I'm just like, oh, really,
but you want but you want me to be on it.
I want to get into the bigger part of this
conversation because in terms of making the decisions that you want,
another part of your take from your episode leads into this.

(18:41):
You talked about the trauma that the child would have
to endure by either knowing that their father didn't want them,
by bringing them into a single parent household, by whatever
trauma is brought about by a woman choosing to have
a baby and the man not or just a woman

(19:03):
deciding to have a baby and not the best of circumstances, right,
And I go, I say all that to lead into
there has been now a two to three week conversation
around Cardi B's announcement of her child with NFL star
Stefan Dicks, notably quoting that she was pregnant six months

(19:28):
after knowing him yeah. The current updates that two other
women just had children by him, and there's an alleged
third one still currently pregnant, which means Carti was pregnant
at the same time as two other women and another

(19:49):
woman gave birth to his child back in December. The
third tidbit of all of this is that she is
still currently legally married to her husband Offset and they're
actively going through a divorce. That is a lot. That

(20:11):
is a lot. Now, I want to start with my
quick thoughts on this and then Carla, I would love
for us to exchange a dialogue. Now, I love me
some Cardi B. Okay, I love me some Cardi B.
Cardi B has led with her personality. She is the

(20:32):
friend we all want. She is the woman that we
have been rooting for from the strip club to the stages,
from making you know, a couple hundred a night to
millions in a night. You feel me so. She is
someone that a lot of us see in ourselves, and
a lot of us like champion. Here is the problem

(20:54):
in the ways that we champion her. We can be
disappointed in her and I think that that's where Crystal
from the Red meant to go with her disdain of
the decision to be currently pregnant ahead of her sophomore album,
ahead of an arenatur and in leaving a current relationship

(21:16):
now here is the absolute truth. The ways in which
we have opinions about Cardi being pregnant are the sames
in which we would have for our dear friends and baby.
Let's be very very clear, I would drag for filthy
any about homegirls who chose to get pregnant by a

(21:38):
nigga she ain't known for even a year. Kick the baby,
knowing that there are other women currently pregnant. Bitch, we
are not having project babies around here in our thirties. Baby, Like,
at a certain age you have to make better decisions.
But also you are currently going through a divorce in
which you are still not's in a healing space from

(22:03):
a marriage that was traumatic. And we know it's traumatic
because girlfriend, the last you done broke up with them,
get them, fought like you don't. The relationship was to engagement,
bro The relationship was tumultuous, and you got into it
in your twenties at the ascension of a career that
is now fucking beyond. If we have any opinion on you, Cardi.

(22:26):
B the opinion does not stem from you choosing to
be a mother. You are already a mother of three
beautiful children. I don't care if you choose to be
the mother of five more kids. The problem is the
decision in which you made, with all of the other factors.
And if any of my friends chose to have a

(22:47):
baby by a whole ass nigga while she was still divorced,
still healing from a breakup, bitch, we would look at
her like, bitch, what are you doing and why? So
here's it's Carla. What are your thoughts on the outrage
around the pregnancy and also just her overall decision. So

(23:10):
I want to.

Speaker 2 (23:10):
Touch based on what you just mentioned, if you had
any friends, I think it'd be a little bit different
for me. I think we are able to have these
opinions on Cardi because we love her down like that
is of the like you said, the friend that we
all wish we had.

Speaker 1 (23:22):
Yeah, it's so bad. I'm like, party, can I DM you?
Can we hang out?

Speaker 4 (23:26):
Like?

Speaker 1 (23:26):
I love you, I love how I love truly how
you show up.

Speaker 2 (23:30):
But that is not my friend. That is a celebrity.
That is someone I don't know that is someone I
don't spend time with. So if a friend of mine
that I love and care about was in Carti's position,
I think that the best thing that I could do
as a good friend is to not judge them and
be there.

Speaker 1 (23:44):
Ah, bitch, I'm judging. I think you are my friend.
I'm supposed to be there for you.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
Well, I have an opinion myself, and I'm like, damn,
this doesn't seem like the best idea.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
But at the same time, that is her choice.

Speaker 2 (23:56):
And now, when you have your baby shower, and when
you have the baby's birthday, and where you need help
or something.

Speaker 1 (24:01):
I'm gonna be there. Be there. Okay, I'm gonna be there. Bro,
I'm judging you, and I'm telling you you a stupid
ass whole. I don't give a fuck, bro, Like, I'll
be there, get the friendship, I will be I will
be at the baby. I will be at the baby shower.
Let's be very clear, we think.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
Someone is gonna harder the baby after you don't call
them stupid and all kinds of stuff.

Speaker 1 (24:21):
Carlo, did you want so I shouldn't have came to
your baby shower. You didn't call me stupid?

Speaker 2 (24:26):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (24:26):
Maybe not to your face. That's to your face, oh bit.
But I definitely told you. I told you when you
got with him that I didn't think he was and
I often shared that he's but if you can share
that he wasn't a good.

Speaker 2 (24:39):
Partner, yeah that you You definitely did well. You said that,
But then we saw us side of him and we
were like, maybe I don't know. He's showing up in
a certain way there. It was taking me well, keeping
me in because it is friendship. It's like, at the
end of the day, as we grow, we have to know.
And this is me talking to myself as well. We
can't just sit here and judge people. And I am

(25:00):
a very judging person that I know that I have
tons of opinions, but I wouldn't I don't know CARDI.
So now going back to her keeping this child. I
told you in the beginning that a lot of my
views about parenting come from the trauma that I'm going now,
not trauma the ships that I've been through, it's a
lot of it, but the hardships that I've gone through

(25:22):
that I have to see my children go through because
of the men that I chose to be their fathers.
Now there it took two to tango. We both laid down,
we both made this baby, we both had the responsibility.
But sometimes I do guilt trip myself and I want
those women that out there listening because I'm literally currently
dealing with this, the intense guilt that I feel to

(25:42):
have given my children fathers that may not be as present,
that aren't that Just so many things think have gone wrong,
our have gone wrong in my eyes, that I wish
I could do better.

Speaker 1 (25:53):
But that's just life. We all are going to go
through it. I can't stop it. Now.

Speaker 2 (25:57):
You look at someone who you love and adoring you
to the trajector of their life, and I do wish
that card you would have maybe said, you know what,
it ain't the time. And I'm not anti abortion, but
sometimes I do realize that shit happens now, she's happening
every other every six months. Then we need to go
figure out what the hell's going on there. And that's
where I come with when it comes to abortion, it's like,
all right, let's not use this as breast control. That
takes a lot on your body, That takes a lot,

(26:18):
you know, It's just so much that can happen to
you mentally, physically through an abortion, but also a lot
can happen when you do go through with a pregnancy
that just wasn't planned, that maybe it's not the best.
You're in a marriage, you got all these other kids,
and money is not everything. Yes, sometimes it seems like
money will buy things and it can afford freedom.

Speaker 1 (26:37):
I think for the people who are like, oh my god,
she's so rich, she can afford all these kids, it's
funny because the idea that now a woman can make
these decisions solely because she can actually afford them is
also where that doesn't remove the again, I guess trauma

(26:57):
that you would be placing on you your child. And
so it's to me the money being the factor as
to why people are like Cardiacake can do whatever she wants. Like, Bro,
I could have a rich ass friend if she got
pregnant under these same circumstances. I heard Carla, bitch, I'm judging.
I ain't got so I could judge you. I'm a
human being. We judge people, bro like we judge them,

(27:19):
and I'm bro I'm judging my friend. I'm judging my friend.
I'm telling her she shouldn't have it. I'm sending bitch,
I done did this before I done sent my homegirl
flowers that said, realize, bitch, give a about a nigga,
And those were flowers to encourage an abortion when I
didn't think that a baby made sense. But then there's

(27:40):
like other instances where Okay, I understand the choice that
you made to have a child, especially if it's your first.
There's all these things, right, but I just it's weird
because again back to our stay right there, stay right
there with the money part. Let's stay right there with
the money part, okay, because I don't know who's sadness.

Speaker 2 (27:59):
If it was podcast or radio, I don't know what
I was listening to where they were like, let's look
at Donald Trump's children. Let's look at this rich elite
folks that end up their kids drugs, murder, trafficking, and.

Speaker 1 (28:13):
It's like I gave them everything. Yeah, you gave them nannies.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
There's a nurturing part so that we have to be
I don't know anyone who.

Speaker 1 (28:21):
It's weird because you even saying that though a parent
can be whether I mean, it's not even money, it's
not even all those things, because just because you are
raised in a loving, two parent household also doesn't indicate
that you're not going to be a drug using, sex
trafficking murderer, like like all the things. No, But so

(28:43):
that's what I'm saying, Like that's why we can't judge.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
And now I'm starting to learn, like you know what,
sometimes things aren't ideal.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
And yes, as much as we look at the big
picture and think that we can like place these pieces
here and there, for Cardi, we don't know what the
future of this baby is or what this baby is
gonna bring as a Cardi I truly for sure think
my friend Cardi bet galis right now is going through it.

Speaker 2 (29:05):
She's in the midst of smoke, with this heartache from
off set, this new love that feels so refreshing. But
when I tell you, when you've been through heartbreaker, when
you're lonely and you're looking for this specific type of love,
it show.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
Girl, anybody with a nice smile and some good dick
was gonna be what she was gonna love your garbage,
love on you, asking what you want to eat? You're like,
this is it? Especially when you're coming out of it,
there's still so much pain.

Speaker 2 (29:29):
The dust is gonna settle, the smoke is gonna go away,
and she's gonna open her eyes and be like, okay,
and now I got four kids, and hopefully with growth
should be like, all right, I got my kids. I'm
gonna get them their time taking take some more time.
She's gonna go on tour. I do not love the
fact that she's going on tour.

Speaker 1 (29:46):
But again, it's her body, her jewelries, her life. But
it's like, maybe give the time, sit down.

Speaker 2 (29:50):
I know you may have a sea section or have
a baby regular and get your nip and tucking all
this stuff your body.

Speaker 1 (29:57):
Let it rest.

Speaker 2 (29:59):
Yeah a literally your intestines reached shaped and removed in
your horn.

Speaker 1 (30:05):
Just take a break. But if that's not what she
wants to do.

Speaker 2 (30:08):
I did not like the fact that she equated being
able to get and go and work and do the
things to bear being strong. I think it's much stronger
of a woman to have to sit down for a
year and let everybody else continue to make their money
and their businesses and move forward and you're just But
that's the thing.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
Unfortunately, that's not the reality of a lot of women now.
Like the women are the breadwinners, Like she can't just
do that, Like and a lot of women who get
pregnant right now can't just afford.

Speaker 2 (30:35):
She's in a place where when she mentioned her mother
and her grandmother working so hard to get her what
she has, and it's like, yeah, I would say honor
them and showing them, look how hard your work got
me to be able to sit back and take care
of my babies the way you wish.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
You to look at her. Her job doesn't allow for that.
She took seven year that way.

Speaker 2 (30:56):
I think she took seven years off quite mind you,
seven years of hell with that.

Speaker 1 (31:03):
Moment one moment you're not listening. I'm talking. There was
seven years between album one and album two. I'm talking,
I am talking. I am talking about her job. Yes,
she did features in between, she did all this, but
what she has just had to do. Mind you, Wave
is less than a year old. So you have a
baby under one, or maybe just one, maybe just now one.

(31:26):
So you have a baby that is one years old,
and you're about to give birth to a baby again,
and so and so, even the idea that two of
your children aren't going to have the experience of the
first two kids where you could kind of stay home
a lot more often, where there was a father in
the household. These two babies aren't going to have that.

(31:49):
And yes, Carling, it could be little ones.

Speaker 2 (31:52):
These two new little ones may have a better experience
and a better mom than the first two had it.
I say that because when I was listen to her
for Sure interview, she was saying, I was so distraught
mentally going through it with this man. She's like, I thought,
I'm like, okay, I'm gona lay down in my depression
for two months. She's like, when I looked up, it
had been seven years. I don't think she wanted to

(32:16):
wait seven years to put out an album.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
But you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (32:19):
You also know, when you're in that tumultuous relationship, there's
not much you can fucking focus on.

Speaker 1 (32:25):
Oh no, I don't know that because I was in
a three year tumultuous relationship. And maybe I worked. Okay,
I worked too. I never stopped working. I was working.

Speaker 2 (32:34):
I was working money. But when I tell you, it
was not fulfilling. I wasn't able to be there and
give my kids everything.

Speaker 1 (32:40):
It wasn't me. I was sad. I worked.

Speaker 2 (32:43):
Everyone saw me on cameras, like everyone saw Cardi doing features,
But when she was home she was crying, she cann't eat.
She was calling Shakira. She's like, Shakira, help me, how
do I get through this? You know it's hard. So
hopefully these next two kids get a more healed version
eventually of Cardi when she comes up. But what we
want for her is not it's not the reality of it.

(33:03):
And we can just hope again.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
I love that word. We can just hope that she
heals more, that Offset gets his shit together and stop
asking for money. And she's hard to heal when hard
to heal when you get up under someone else. And
she literally said that on her when she sat down
with Alice on call her daddy. She literally talked about
how healing for her looked like leaving one man and

(33:26):
getting up under another one.

Speaker 2 (33:27):
And it was just like, that's her journey right now,
that's her journey right now. She'll get that she's only
thirty two. But she's only thirty two, a little older
than I than most, but she's thirty two, and now
it's I get closer to forty. I realized, Okay, sometimes
I'm my anxiety gets me to like feel I don't
have enough time, and that's where it comes from. Where
I'm really hard on my daughter, I'm really hard on

(33:49):
my friends, or I'm really hard on my clients. Like,
we don't have time to be fucking around. We don't
have time to make mistakes. But you know what we
do as part of our journey. Make that mistake if
it gets you there. But I've been living in a
for the past I would say maybe a year where
I'm gonna contact. I don't have enough time. I don't
have enough time. I can't go outside, I can't get
hurt what happens. Girl, Calm the fuck down. It'll be fine.

(34:11):
If you're gonna have that baby, have that baby. If
you're gonna have that abortion, have that abortion. Not too
many now, slow down on the abortions, ladies. But if
you're gonna have it, make the right decision for you.
And I really do got to shut the fuck up
and speak on my own experience, and I just it
hurts me to see my children hurt. It hurts me
to see other children hurt because we could have made
just a split second decision that I have a conversation

(34:33):
first with this person and say, hey, do.

Speaker 1 (34:35):
You even want children? How many children do you really
have out there? Hey? Do you mind getting your pasectomy? Hey,
do you also feel like what you're saying, what's your thing?
Sounds good? But at the same time, I also and
it goes off of what we talked about Tuesday. I
don't think that there is anything wrong with having an
opinion or judging somebody on the decisions they make. There's

(34:55):
people that do it every day for me, and I
feel like I can have an opinion on I want
better for someone else, or why I would have made
a different decision, or why I feel like their decision
was wrong. Like, I also don't think that there's somebody's
shoes we can't really give that opinion. It reminds me
of I mean, I've gotten an abortion, but no, but

(35:15):
that's the thing, even if we were in the same
shoes again, I've had an abortion my nigga that I
didn't need a baby with because I didn't know him.
So I can have an opinion on I can have
an opinion about a woman choosing to have a baby
with someone she's literally admitted to knowing for six months.

Speaker 2 (35:32):
Okay, so ru I know of someone who hadn't met
someone and within three months they got pregnant.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
They're now on their second I know Sowe right now.
I know Sowe right now got pregnant within three months
of heaving. I know two Pins right now got pregnant
within three months. He's so loving.

Speaker 2 (35:49):
It's not been like ten years and it just worked
out for them, right. So, and that's what I'm trying
to remind. I'm trying to I get where you're coming from.
I'm your opinion as judgy ass friend, yes, and I'm
trying to grow into the space of just don't know.
It sounds bad most likely can go statistics show, but

(36:10):
there's also people that it works for. So hey, what
can I do as your friend to support you versus
tear you down over a.

Speaker 1 (36:23):
Final destination that I don't know where it's gonna land. Yes,
does it seem like Cardi is good?

Speaker 2 (36:27):
Does it seem like things are stacked up against her
with him having all these new baby mamas and he
may not be the best person to go with, but
we don't know. Maybe Stefan Diggs at this point is like,
I'm gonna do right by this woman, and he maybe
take care of all his children.

Speaker 1 (36:41):
It'll be a big Brady bunch. We don't fucking know.

Speaker 2 (36:44):
So we can't as a friend to her if we
were friends to her or someone like Cardi in her life,
be like, girl, you're so fucking stupid.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
Da da da da.

Speaker 2 (36:53):
It's just like, you know, what is it the sison
you're going with? I would say, let's look at the
whole picture. But if this is what you want to
go with, how can I support you?

Speaker 1 (37:00):
Yo?

Speaker 2 (37:01):
This is dumb as fuck. I can't stand behind this.
I don't like it at all. I can no longer
be friends with you. And that's also a choice that
you can make.

Speaker 1 (37:08):
No, So that's so I think that that's Those are
two dramatic things. There's a lot of things about my
friends that I don't agree with their decisions in life,
with their opinions on things, and I still can remain
a friend. I think that it's okay for me to say.

Speaker 2 (37:22):
I think, say I don't like the way you're judging
me and you're talking to me and you're putting like
that negative.

Speaker 1 (37:26):
Oh, then then that's up to them. Yeah, oh, and
I'm fine with that. So I'm fine with people making
the decisions that they want around me. Like it's interesting
because to me, if someone decides that they don't want
to be my friend because of my opinion on them
or something because we disagree. Okay, I don't think it

(37:47):
would be disagreement.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
I think if someone feels attacked or it feels like
they're not it's like, hey, you no, And.

Speaker 1 (37:52):
I think for I will express my opinions, I think
it's stupid. And then what I'll do is I no
longer want to have this conversation with you. Like if
you gonna say what a nigga that lays his hands
on you? Don't bring your nigga up to me. If
you don't say what a nigga who does this? I
like the same way. I know I don't care about
my friend's opinions on people that I choose to date.

(38:14):
I won't share that stuff with my friends because I
don't care about their opinions. But if I express my
disdain for something and you're upset that I expressed my
disagreement or disdain for your decision making, and you now
don't want to be friends with me because I am
not going to support those decisions you made. Okay, I've

(38:35):
I've ended a friendship with a really good friend of
mine for multiple reasons, but a lot of it was
as well. She got with a partner and her whole
views on things started to shift and change, and I
can no longer agree with how she was showing up
in that relationship because I felt like she was losing
herself and in an essence of me expressing those things. No,

(38:58):
it wasn't. Oh, I never take authority over anyone's life. Again,
that's an extreme. I can express my disdain or dislike
for your decision making you taking offense to that and
wanting yes men around you, or wanting people to support
your bad decisions. Like if I was friends with a
drug addict, someone like if Hunter was my best friend
and he expressed how much he loved crack cocaine and

(39:20):
how he could live without crack cocaine. Bro, if I
had a friend talk about how much they loved crack
cocaine and they wanted to express to me how they
loved it, and I was like, Bro, that makes you
a crackhead. I think you sup with as fuck. Here's
the consequences that can happen with you using this. This
is what is doing to your body. And he didn't
want me to express those things, and now didn't want

(39:41):
to be my friend because I disagreed with his life
decisions because he didn't want to give up crack cocaine.
Then that's no longer a friendship, though, because that does
affect your life. How do these men having a baby?
Would a nigga affects your life? In another human's life,
You choosing to be with a nigga who is not
good for you or causing you harm does impact your life. Bro.

(40:04):
A bad relationship and bad decisions affect your life the
same way drugs can impact your life. I've been in
an not physically abusive, not sexually abusive relationship, but an
emotional and psychological one, and it definitely had an impact
on my body and my health. So, Bro, it's the
same fucking thing. So if I want to critique your

(40:25):
decisions because I want better for you and you don't
want better for yourself, in the moment, I am so
fine with you choosing to walk away from a friendship.
I will never walk away from my friends for their
decision making, even when I disagree. If you don't want
me to call you a stuper bitch, I won't. But
then we don't need to talk about where I disagree
with you. Okay, But if you feel bad that I

(40:49):
called you a stupid bitch, and now you don't want
to be friends with me because you know that I
internally and externally have told you that I am disappointed, disagree,
and think that you should be making other choices. And
now because I've done held the mirror up to you,
you no longer want to be my friend. I am
so here for mirror up to them. No, I'm holding

(41:10):
my No. But what I'm saying, it's not it's a mirror.
Your decision is stupid. The masses would think your decision
is goddamn stupid. You don't see it now, You're gonna
see it later. If I feel like your decision is
goddamn dumb for X y Z results, there's nothing not
stupid about keeping a baby with a nigga you've known
for six months. The masses would say that is done.

(41:33):
That a good result off of that. I do not
mind mind you, mind you No, I'm saying, so cool
you can the masses that is not the case. Every
single friend of mine with a child, outside of my
one friend who is married, every single friend with children

(41:54):
are single parents. Period.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
And that's and that's where so I remember when I
was saying where I come off very judges sometimes about abortions,
about speaking up, and I can come off very like, oh,
I'm telling people what to do. I think that's where
yours also comes from. And it's like I see this
all around me. My experience is that when this happens,
this follows, and that's when we sometimes I have to

(42:19):
take a step back. Where I'm taking a step back
and I'm saying, just because all I've ever seen is
when this happens, then this follows. These children are having
this hard time, and this is happening, I have to
take a step back and be like, Okay, just because
that's what I've seen doesn't mean that's what may happen
to them, So hey, what do you need from me?

Speaker 1 (42:38):
And then keep my opinion. There are there are people
or there's ways to also say, you know, Carla, there
are people who have literally gotten away with murder. What
I sit here and not judge any of my friends

(43:00):
who murder someone and say, well, I know what the
common outcome of this is, but there are people that
have gotten away with murders. So I'm not gonna have
a judgment on this. Literally is the same thing you're
saying you have one example, and there are examples of
people getting away with murder, with rape, with pedophilia, with assault,

(43:22):
with all these things. Yes, there are instances where people
have got one moment. Let me finish, there are people
who have gotten away with these things. Does that mean
if my friend does the same exact thing knowing that,
oh my god, in history it has ended up positively
for the person that I'm not gonna say this is
a dumb ass, goddamn decision to make, no when majority

(43:43):
of the time the result is the same. The result
is prison. The result is a consequence that leads you
to go to jail. The result is the fact that
this person will probably leave. Or you don't know this
person yet, you're bringing a child into the like, you
don't know his upbring, you don't know his genetic makeup,
you don't know really his finances and whole because you

(44:04):
just met the nigga three months ago. All of these things. Again,
my opinions aren't rooted just from fucking thin air. Bro.
There's little statistics that I think this shit you went
way left with murder. But I'm gonna give you a
really quick example. I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (44:20):
I have a friend that, without giving too much information,
she has a job and then she's like, you know,
I need more money, so I'm gonna get this other job.

Speaker 1 (44:27):
The second job that she saved to me and tell.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
Me she was getting requires her to be awake and working,
and she's a mom for like thirty six hours.

Speaker 1 (44:36):
Okay, go to.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
Work, and then you don't finish working for like another
thirty six hours when you can lay down, driving, doing
all these things. And I was like, every week, this
is happening when you get this job. So she's like,
I got this job, and I was I'm against it.
I'm like, that's not okay. You know you're driving, sleep deprived,
your body that told all this takes. I'm like, I

(44:57):
don't think you should do this. And she's like, why
told you just to kind of like like.

Speaker 1 (45:03):
Talk about it. I didn't call you to like condemn
me on it.

Speaker 2 (45:06):
And my response to it was like, look, we know
scientifically that if you don't sleep and you don't rest,
things go downhill. So I just want you to be careful,
go ahead and do the job. And as your friend,
I'm telling you, please watch your health and how it's
moving and how it feels and try to find something else.

(45:27):
Really what I wanted to say, and she probably listens
to I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Don't you fucking know that's a dumb ass idea. But
she has different circumstances than I do. She has different
Her life is different, what she has to do is different,
her responsibilities are different, everything is different, her journey is different.

Speaker 1 (45:43):
So if I would have came.

Speaker 2 (45:44):
Out with what when my brain was thinking at the time,
which is usually pretty fucking judging, you like, that's so
fucking stupid. What do you mean, get a different job,
go somewhere else. But this is what's in front of
her right now, and what she chose. Hey, just be
careful with the time. There is a way that I
could have talked to her where it could have off
for her. She would have been like, you know what,
I don't want to be friends with you because I
don't like the way you're talking to me. And I
would have understood it, but I've also would have felt

(46:06):
shitty because who am I to tell her?

Speaker 1 (46:08):
Don't fucking do well? I mean right now? Well in
this economy, well, I mean.

Speaker 2 (46:13):
Health issues, and I know that this can cost this
little death, literal death.

Speaker 1 (46:20):
I get that. I wouldn't blame her. I would blame
shout out to antidet. That's capitalism. I don't think I've
been what people choose to do for work and money
because I've had to don their health. Oh bitch, I've
fucked for money, and that's at by house. Like I
I in this economy, I'm not gonna lie with where
jobs are hard to get. Like my mom calls me

(46:42):
every time we talk on the phone. She complains about
this job that she's had for the last I don't know,
ten fifteen years now, she talks about leaving. It's difficult.
I just tell her, girl, you're not gonna leave, but okay,
go ahead and like to me, the job market and
how so one makes a living is something that I
actually don't actually ever condemn or have anything to say

(47:06):
about people, whether you choose to be a sex worker,
a stripper, a podcaster, working nine to five, work in corporate,
go to school to be something. I'm here for people
making a living, however they have to make a living.
You're like, I've had to fuck for money, you like,
but it's not only But I just want to say,
I mean it's any but it's anyone to me bringing
in a light like all the thing that we're talking

(47:27):
about is the decision in terms of relationships, being with
them and having a baby. That's what the premise of
this episode is. And in terms of expressing your thoughts
on that thing, I'm going to say what I want
to say how I want to say it, and if
you don't like it, you don't have to be my friend.
But I don't think it's wrong to sit here and

(47:48):
judge anyone. I think it's why we are judging God
damn Cardi because we wanted her to do better. And
it's why I'm a judge my motherfucking friends, because bitch,
I want better for you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:59):
And I think sometimes when just for those listening, not you,
you don't want it, but those listening think about the
fact that when it's a friend and it is someone
that you love, there's a way that within love you
can get through better than through judgment.

Speaker 1 (48:11):
And again it's just coming from the judges.

Speaker 2 (48:13):
People think I'm the judgest person in the world, and
I am at times coming from the space of I
want better for you, yes, But sometimes when you want
better and you say it in a way that is
judgmental or bringing them down. It just doesn't it doesn't
help the situation.

Speaker 1 (48:32):
You know what I'm gonna do. I think I'm gonna
start a segment on Fridays. What so this just came
to mind. Sorry, I have to get in my computer.
But y'all know, y'all know I love my husband. So
what we're gonna do is depending on how these conversations go.

(48:52):
Because he helps us so much. I'm gonna lean into
chat GPT to find the nice way, the least quote
unquote judgmental way to tell somebody what you want to say.
But it sounds harsh, So I'm gonna ask for this

(49:13):
time chat GPT. Here's what I here's the prompt. Please
tell me how to say in a nice, less judge
way that my friend is a stupid bitch for choosing
to keep a child with a man she has known

(49:37):
for less than one year, and that even though her
decision making was the worst possible decision, I feel that

(49:59):
she it isn't so much a stupid bitch because I
love her. Because that's exactly what This is what they'll
tell you. This is this is what the fuck? Okay,
mind you it says. It sounds like you care about

(50:19):
your friend and want to share your worries without hurting her.
Here are a few ways to phrase it more gently
and with love. So here we go. There are three here. Okay.
I really care about you and want the best for you.
I have some concerns about how quickly things are moving,
and I hope we can talk about it because your

(50:40):
happiness and safety mean a lot to me. Okay, Number two,
you can use I statements. I feel worried because this
is such a big step and it's happening fast. I
just want to make sure you have the support and
information you need now. This one is emphasizing support and

(51:00):
not judgment. I'm here for you no matter what. And see,
that's another thing that's a lie, because no matter what
is tricky, I'm not here for you no matter what. Uh,
especially if that nigga come and step into shit. But whatever,
I'm here for you no matter what. I might not
fully understand the decision you made, but I respect that
it's yours and I'll support you through it. All Right,

(51:24):
those are ways to say you stupid ass bitch.

Speaker 2 (51:27):
I got one here, I says, honestly, when you told
me your decision. I was worried because of my perspective.
It feels like such a huge step to take with
someone you've only known for a short time. I don't
always agree with your choices, but that doesn't change how
much I love you or how much I'll support you.
You're not stupid to me. You're my friend. I'll be
here no matter what, Which is what that was says
on there.

Speaker 1 (51:45):
But see, I don't like lying, don't I don't like lying,
and I do believe people be sup. That's not lying.
That's having kuth. That's having empathy.

Speaker 2 (51:53):
Not making sure, yes, that's making sure that your respond
I heard one time I don't remember where came from.
It was if you're walking around with a sword, right,
you know, a sword a thing that so you're walking
around it without the case, and you're running around and
cutting people, and you're basically saying, well, y'all, nigga saw me.

Speaker 1 (52:12):
Running around with the sword.

Speaker 2 (52:14):
You were gonna get cut, move out the way, versus
you're saying, you know what, let me go ahead and
put my sword and the thing in majiggi that it
goes in.

Speaker 1 (52:20):
So when I'm walking and I rub into you or.

Speaker 2 (52:21):
I bump into you in this in this crazy space,
I won't cut you so get I think you're covering
to make sure that the sword is still there, your
thoughts are still there, but you don't want to cut.

Speaker 1 (52:34):
Well. I believe in words meaning things, and the two
words that I dislike about people is when they show
up disingenuine and when they are performative. And so there's
disingenuine there one moment. I think it's disingenuine too. If
you say that someone, oh my god, you are so beautiful.

(52:55):
If you tell somebody that and in your mind you
think that they're ugly as fuck, you're performative and disingenuine.
If I think that you was stupid bitch and the
decision you made is stupid as fuck, I'm not gonna
tell you I don't think the decision is stupid as fuck,
because now I'm lying, I'm being disingenuine and I'm being performative. Okay.

Speaker 2 (53:14):
Have you ever said if you have nothing nice to say,
not to say it at all? So I think it's
more going in there. If you don't think someone is
beautiful and they're ugly, then don't tell them beautiful.

Speaker 1 (53:23):
That's a point. So then okay, I guess you're telling
me this.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
You know what, you want to give them a compliment,
maybe that day their hair looks really good.

Speaker 1 (53:31):
Wow, your curls look really good today. Your blonde looks
really good.

Speaker 2 (53:35):
To if I thought you, if I thought you were
the ugliest thing in the world, why I am I
gonna sit here and tell you, Oh my god, you're
so beautiful today. No, there's a reason, there's might, there's
something I want, or just shut the fuck up and
not say anything.

Speaker 1 (53:45):
So then I mean and again, that's where I actually
end up with my friends at the end of the day.
If I think your decision making is poor and stupid,
I will actually say I value our friendship. I don't
want to be brought into the decision making that you're
not say anything at all. Oh that's a choice too.

Speaker 2 (54:05):
You can absolutely just say nothing at all, because what
you're doing is you're cutting. You're choosing to cut and
then say and but here's a band aid. I'm not
gonna come around you with my sword. No more.

Speaker 1 (54:15):
Cut.

Speaker 2 (54:16):
I'm not coming to cut you no more. But here's
the cut. You don't have to cut them in the
beginning at all. If you truly feel that way, you
don't have a nicer way to say it. Don't say
anything at all. If they come to you and they're like,
I want your advice on this, that's when you go,
you know what, honestly you know, and then and then
talk to about Oh no, no, no, well I do that now,
That's what I do now.

Speaker 1 (54:36):
And I tell all my friends that you don't cut first.
No no, no, no, I I well, it depends how far
if I already know, we've gotten there. After a certain
amount of time of repeating my thoughts on something, I
will I will gladly about out of ever having those
conversations with someone that I don't feel like realistically will

(54:56):
take my advice and realistically doesn't want to hear my
though on it. And if my thoughts are not aligned
with your behavior or your thoughts on yourself, there's no
conversation to be had now with your friends. So you're
everything won't be aligned, So you shouldn't say it's aligned
or it's nothing. No, but that's where you carly, You're

(55:18):
you are literally speaking out of both sides of your mouth.
You said, if you don't have nothing nice, if you
don't have we're there, Well, that's already happen. Okay, now,
but now you're playing semantics. It's either if you don't
have nothing nice, don't say it at all, or don't
like you know what I mean, Like we're speaking on
those sides. I'm saying, but I'm saying moving forward. For
you. You brought the example of like I've already been there,

(55:39):
like I've already said it.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
Like now I don't want to say anything at all.
I'm saying moving forward. Maybe for you or for someone
who's listening. Right, someone who's listening is like when something
new comes up, it's like.

Speaker 1 (55:48):
Oh, what can I say? Do I have something nice
to say?

Speaker 2 (55:50):
No, if they come to you and try to ask
you for advice about something that you know that, you're like,
that's some stupid shit. That's when you're like, Okay, let
me think about it before I cut and say. You
know what, on say, I may not be the best
person to talk to about this because I have my
own personal feelings that I don't think it's I'm gonna
give you my perspective that's gonna it's its just it
won't be conducive to the decision you're trying to make
maybe speak to someone who can talk to you.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
Yeah, it ain't gonna be conducive because your decision making success.
But that part you don't say, all right, well that's
don't well wow, this one all over the place.

Speaker 2 (56:24):
So we're gonna go a thing and enjoy her music,
and Cardia can do her thing.

Speaker 1 (56:29):
We can enjoy her music, and we could judge her
ass for being pregnant by all sets because offset she's
pregnant by on set, she doesn't deserve that. And I
think everyone can judge and have an opinion. Like Bro,
everyone judges me, has an opinion on me. I would
like the opportunity to judge as well.

Speaker 2 (56:51):
Well, that's part of entertainment. We're talking about Cardi, so
that this last set, of this last conversation was about
our friends.

Speaker 1 (56:59):
This is what we do. Will live their lives in
a public platform.

Speaker 2 (57:02):
This is what we do, and we also try to
make sure that we don't let that carry on to
our personal lives.

Speaker 1 (57:07):
Again, I'm gonna judge. I'm gonna judge you Os. I'ma
judge you Os. I'm gonna judge you Owes, Lord have mercy.

Speaker 2 (57:16):
I recorded you on chat when you were talking about
somebody being pretty, says if you don't believe someone is beautiful,
saying you're beautiful, it's disingenuous. It's not kindness, it's performance exactly.
But then it says, but kindness does not require lying.
It just means you choose how an if to express
my point.

Speaker 1 (57:32):
But that's what I'm saying. Necessary heard you, But that's
why I don't like that disingenuine performance.

Speaker 2 (57:38):
Then you don't forget about the butt. It's like let them.
Remember for mel Roberts, she was like, let them. You
can't stop there, you gotta go.

Speaker 1 (57:43):
Let them.

Speaker 2 (57:43):
Then let me so then he goes. But choose kindness
and don't choose words or truth that causes unnecessary that's
the big unnecessary harm. There's no reason to harm certain
people with your words. Girl.

Speaker 1 (57:56):
People sensitive, they be harmed all of that. Damn time. Evenanda,
shu shut, We're out of here. That's it. This is it,
This is this is it.

Speaker 2 (58:06):
I love your listeners. I think they're all gonna have
real good conversations with their friends. They're gonna be like,
Amanda is a rough one.

Speaker 1 (58:13):
They're not gonna Amanda. It's Mandy B. Thank you very much,
Mandy Bee as a rough one out of there. Boys.
She don't go but what she said, but she gonna
do better. She gonna do better.

Speaker 2 (58:21):
We gonna do better because we get older in time
and we realize that some things.

Speaker 1 (58:24):
Just aren't worth it. Okay, girl with your monolagus. All right, well,
y'all we out of here. I'll hope y'all enjoyed this
bonus episode of content. Thank you guys so much, And
if you want to see the full video, head on
over to Patreon this patreon dot com backslash Selective Ignorance
and I'm really looking forward to keeping the conversation going
over there. All right, guys, Bye bye, Carla Bye, I'll.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
See y'all, lady bye.

Speaker 1 (58:53):
Selective Ignorance a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.
For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeart Radio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

Speaker 4 (59:04):
Thanks for tuning in The Selective Ignorance of Mandy B.
Selective Ignorance. It's executive produced to Buy Mandy B. And
It's a full Court Media studio production with lead producers
Jason Mondriguez. That's me and Aaron A. King Howard now,
do us a favor and rate, Subscribe, comment and share
wherever you get your favorite podcasts, and be sure to
follow Selective Ignorance on Instagram at Selective Underscore Ignorance. And

(59:27):
of course, if you're not following our hosts Mandy B,
make sure you're following her at Full Court Pumps Now.
If you want the full video experience of Selective Ignorance,
make sure you subscribe to the Patreon It's patreon dot
com backslash Selective Ignorance