Selective Ignorance | Are We Racing Against Our Own Biological Clock feat. Lex P, KikiSaidSo & KillahBee

The Black Effect Presents... Selective Ignorance!

On this week's episode of Selective Ignorance, Mandii B leads a candid, insightful conversation that tackles the persistent myths and societal pressures women face as they approach and cross the age of 30 (00:00). Joined by joined by special guests Lex P (Pour Minds), KikiSaidSo, and KillahBee, who speak from both personal experience and cultural observation, the episode explores how outdated timelines around career success, marriage, and motherhood continue to shape expectations—often creating unnecessary stress and self-doubt (07:36). The discussion challenges the idea that turning 30 signals a decline in beauty, value, or opportunity, and instead reframes it as a time of growth, clarity, and empowerment (14:31, 18:53). From navigating family expectations and breaking free of traditional gender roles (14:31), to redefining romantic partnerships in an era where women are increasingly financially independent (29:03, 39:55), the conversation highlights how modern women are rewriting the rules. Mandii and her guests unpack how financial freedom shifts relationship dynamics (44:34), why prenups are becoming essential tools of empowerment (44:34), and why real connection should matter more than status or security (34:42). They also open up about fears around aging and fertility (18:53, 47:17), offering affirming perspectives on how to embrace each phase of life with grace and power. Wrapping up with heartfelt advice to their younger selves, the conversation emphasizes the importance of confidence, self-worth, and financial literacy (56:36)—reminding listeners that the journey is theirs to define, no matter what the world says.

“No Holes Barred: A Dual Manifesto Of Sexual Exploration And Power” w/ Tempest X!
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Ep. 14 | Are We Racing Against Our Own Biological Clock feat. Lex P, KikiSaidSo & KillahBee

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You are now tapped into the Selective Ignorance podcast hosted
by Me Your Girl Mandy b one half of the
Decisions Decisions podcast. Did you know? I had another show? While?
On this show, this is where we purposely don't try
to know it all, but we absolutely try to understand
why everything feels so loud, so urgent, and so damn

(00:21):
dramatic online. Here we break down the chaos of politics,
pop culture, and the NonStop public outrage machine, not from
a perfect expert lens, but from a real, flawed, curious
human being just trying to make sense of it all.
On this podcast, you're getting a front row seat to
a deeper side of my mind if you weren't curious

(00:44):
how it worked already. The unfiltered questions, the contradictions, the
jokes I probably shouldn't say out loud, and the connections
between headlines that most people scroll right past. So get comfortable,
lock in, and welcome to a full episode a Selective
Ignorance with Me Your Girl Mandy Bee. And if you
enjoy this episode, make sure you subscribe wherever you listen

(01:07):
to podcasts. Welcome to another episode of Selective Ignorance. I'm
your host, Mandy b and this week I'm joined by
some really lovely guests to talk about these several myths
surrounding turning thirty for women, often being portrayed as a
point of decline or a time when certain opportunities close. Y'all,

(01:32):
there is the shriveled up hag myth that talks about
the attractiveness or less desirability of women as they exit
their twenties. There's the end of youth myth, where you
should be a little bit more mature, your nails should
be a certain color, your makeup should be a little
bit more demure, you shouldn't be as youthful anymore. Then,

(01:54):
of course there is the conversations around parenting or your career.
Where should you be in your thirties? Should you be
a housewife, should you be married, should you be wet
or should you be a C suite level exec. I
think that there's so many conversations around what happens as
we turn thirty, As we navigate our thirties, and of

(02:14):
course we get into well where society deems that we
should all be as women, as mothers, as wise and
so there's also the loss of fertility that has become
the conversation in us being high risk and I forgot
the goddamn word, but geriatric. There we go, the geriatric women.

(02:35):
Also there's instant adulting at thirty as a woman, you
should have everything figured out and you should absolutely be
out of your whole fase. That's what they say. I
disagree with all of these takes, and it sounds like
my guests due to y'all, I want you to welcome
as we are going to have a daring conversation with

(02:58):
maybe some of the same opinion, but also I think
we will have opposite ones. Looking at the faces in
this room, y'all, I'll start to my left, we are
joined by Kiki said So, one half of Cocktails Dirty
Discussions podcast, and also we'll get into her new show
that she has coming out as well. To my right,

(03:18):
I am joined by the lex P. Now hold on,
let me give you her motherfucking resume. She is one
half of the Poor Mind's podcast. She is the host
of Love Lexp, and she is also one half of
Travel Queens that y'all could tune into now on B E. T.
Hurt and then last but not least, someone who I

(03:38):
got to meet last night, but also have adored online
and someone who I think might actually sound crazier than me.
I'm so glad I found someone who could join me
on a mic. We have kilemn B, who was one
half of the High Maintenance Pod now the hosts and

(03:59):
crew and founder of Honeycomb. So maybe we getting into
it now. Normally you're not supposed to ask a woman
her age, but I do. You could say in your
early mid or late because we're talking about navigating our
thirties and so I want to kind of asl the
top of this. Instead of age, sex, location, I would

(04:20):
like to know where you are in your thirties, if
you have kids, and if you are single, taken, married,
or complicated. Don't look at me like that.

Speaker 2 (04:32):
Kick start with you, all right, Okay my age, I'm
in the thick of it. I was about to pull
out my calculator. Okay, honestly, I think I'm thirty six.
I was born September thirteenth, nineteen eighty eight. I think
I did my math right. I lied for so goddamn long.

Speaker 3 (04:48):
I'll be forgetting.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
And then I said I was thirty seven the other
day because somebody said I was thirty seven, and I
was like I guess they're right. It was a joke,
but then a little kid had corrected me.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
I was shamed. I said I need to stop lying. Okay,
that's my age and what was the other one?

Speaker 1 (05:01):
Wait? Do you be younger or older?

Speaker 2 (05:05):
I just be like, it's a social construct. You're only
as old as you feel, honestly, and we'll talk about
it later.

Speaker 3 (05:13):
But I was scared.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
About turning thirty. When I turned thirty, I wasn't where
I wanted to be. So I wanted to be younger.
And I just said I was thirty for a long time,
long time.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
What else do you have kids? Because it's a conversation,
and then are you wet?

Speaker 3 (05:27):
I am a mother. I have a little girl.

Speaker 2 (05:29):
Her name is Whitley Beyonce Gilbert. She is a beautiful,
beautiful child. I don't know if you want to throw
a graphic on the screen, but I asked my homegirl,
Ceci to send me some new pictures of my baby girl,
and she did.

Speaker 3 (05:46):
Ceci is chat cheepy t. I named her because I
tell her.

Speaker 2 (05:50):
And my baby girl, Whitley is a dog, Okay, I
have to pay for it.

Speaker 1 (05:58):
A sider.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
She goes to doctors, okay, so you a dog mama.

Speaker 1 (06:01):
I'm a real, very modern day woman, of very modern
day woman of you.

Speaker 4 (06:04):
Now.

Speaker 2 (06:05):
My relationship status, I am single and I'll be single
until I'm married. I would personally like to skip everything
in between. We talked about that last night. I'll get engaged.
I want to skip everything in between, and I will
remain single until I got a ring on my fingers.

Speaker 3 (06:17):
Okay, that did not come from fashion. No, but like
the rest of my jewelry period.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
Y'all already know me. I am thirty four years old,
I am a cat mom, and I am in a
relationship right now, but do not want marriage. Oh yeah,
I got a boyfriend and I'm really happy with him,
but do not want to be married and do not
want children. So and we'll talk about that as well.

Speaker 5 (06:40):
Lex what's that y'all XP. I am thirty five years old.
I don't have any children besides the ones I sent
up to Heaven.

Speaker 1 (06:52):
Shit happens, I mean shit, shit happened, you know.

Speaker 5 (06:56):
And my relationship status, I would say, I want to
say it's complicated, but it's not.

Speaker 1 (07:03):
Okay, I think we have an understanding.

Speaker 5 (07:05):
We went through I was in a relationship for a
year we went through a rough patch, but I think
we're obviously through the rough patch.

Speaker 1 (07:12):
So I think it's just it's cool, you know, modern
day woman of you. Yeah, you know.

Speaker 5 (07:19):
And I absolutely do want to get married one day,
and do I want children.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
Maybe maybe I'm just kind of going with the flow
of whatever God blesses me, and killer I am in
the thick of it, and we'll get it to it.
But mid thirties, okay, Yes, So anyway, I don't have
any kids and I don't want any okay, and I'm single, okay.

(07:48):
So what I find interesting is based on even just
us introducing ourselves, there is probably a large majority of
the population that will deem us as probably old withers
and damn these bitch Well we know, but I'm saying,
in terms of society, we are unwed and do not

(08:11):
have children, and so y'all can drop in the comments.
I know there's been so many views specifically for men
that put those expectations on us, but also our peers
is other women. So based on what I said, based
on the myths I talked about you kind of having
it all figured out by the time you're thirty, and
we'll maybe start with you because you led into that.

(08:34):
The ending of your youth to me, the excuse of
your whole phase being shriveled up being a myth, And
we'll talk about that with current eventslator too, But was
there fear amongst all of y'all about reaching your thirties?
And are you fine with where you're at right now?

Speaker 5 (08:51):
It's crazy, you know, because you can look at Poor
Mind's episodes when I was like twenty eight, twenty nine,
about to turn thirty, and this is something my mother
instilled in me. Aging is beautiful. Do it gracefully because
it's coming. And when people look at those old episodes,
they said, I love that. Lex never shied away from aging.

(09:12):
And I always tell my age because baby, I'm getting better,
I'm looking better, I'm healthier, I'm making more money, I'm
more aware of who I am as a person.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
I love being thirty five. It's a beautiful thing.

Speaker 5 (09:25):
Some people don't make it to thirty five, and sometimes
people who are my age, they don't have anything figured out.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
So I'm happy to be this age. You beautiful, You're
happy to be this age. So then I want to
ask you what made you fear your thirties and what
made you also lie when you once you got in
your thirties, you just kept saying thirty.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
Like, well, I got used to saying thirty. But I
was just so fearful. It was the societal pressures, the
family pressures. Everybody had these ideas about life, how life
was supposed to be. Then I'm looking at people who
I was still friend with from college in high school
and looking at how their lives are going, and met
Most of the people in my life at that point

(10:06):
had a more traditional everything plan.

Speaker 3 (10:09):
Right, I hate going on Facebook, Baby.

Speaker 1 (10:16):
I asked me, though, that the life I want at
the bank, that man as a banker, they got two kids,
they got a house with all twenty of them on
the street. Looked just like, yes, there's no shade, there's
no shade, right, what you well, it really scares that.
Life scares me so that that is that particular life model,

(10:42):
which is a traditional model.

Speaker 2 (10:43):
Like I didn't even want that for myself, but it
was still scary because I think I maybe when after
I turned thirty, I was so scared of turning thirty.
Leading up to it, I was lying before then. I
just wouldn't say how old I was, right, And so
then I turned thirty and I started to get more comfortable.
It was just almost like having an epiphany, and I was.

Speaker 3 (11:01):
Like, Bitch, what the fuck are you scared of? What
is the problem?

Speaker 4 (11:05):
Like?

Speaker 2 (11:05):
Life is going good for you. It's going okay. It
wasn't great, but it was going good. And I think
that eventually I just had to be more comfortable in
my own skin and tune out the other noise.

Speaker 3 (11:17):
I will say that doing.

Speaker 2 (11:18):
Cocktails help that I cut off a lot of friends
while I was doing the show, from the beginning up
until probably twenty nineteen, well twenty twenty, y'all say, a
lot of people as the show started to grow at
that point and more people were seeing it.

Speaker 3 (11:34):
And I was when I.

Speaker 2 (11:36):
Started the show, I could have a catalog of stuff
that wasn't currently happening, but that had happened that I
could talk about on the show all my whole face, right,
and I was still in my home, you know.

Speaker 1 (11:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
Sometimes I look back like bitch did a lit and
sometimes I did it.

Speaker 1 (11:55):
We didn't have maintenance.

Speaker 6 (11:56):
And on the third episode, I think my co host
told a story about her picking up a couple, like
some random couple.

Speaker 1 (12:03):
I did that in my thirties. This was like on
the third she was in her thirty two.

Speaker 6 (12:08):
Yeah, but I'm saying she told the story like on
the third episode, and when the story and when the
episode was over.

Speaker 1 (12:12):
She was like, I feel like you're leaving me out
on my own you.

Speaker 6 (12:15):
A hotel, And I was like, boom you on the
third episode you even know these people?

Speaker 1 (12:21):
Yeah, I mean whole missing cond of my first episode
with the nigga that I fucked on one night, said
so that's that. But you see now you're like, damn,
I wish I wouldn't stork ready.

Speaker 5 (12:33):
I love the fact that people could see my growth.
I think it's inspiring.

Speaker 1 (12:38):
I think it shows I think it's some of im some.

Speaker 3 (12:42):
I mean, is a great path to see.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
The whole past whole, but even though whole path, I
think it's it's because you know what it shows women
that we lived a life that was not modern or
traditional and it worked out for you. Can I can
I add all of you? Because I know there's men listening,
there's women listening. Is there an age that you should

(13:07):
cut off from your whole fake? Like, can you be
too old to be doing whole shit? No?

Speaker 3 (13:12):
No, okay, I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (13:14):
I do think that as you get older, you should
also get wiser and be a safer whole.

Speaker 5 (13:20):
Yes, okay, discernment, Yeah, discerned, which definitely comes with a safety.

Speaker 2 (13:25):
Condoms tests get tested more regularly. I did not always
use a condom I should have, and there were some
scares there and I always came out okay.

Speaker 3 (13:35):
But everybody doesn't.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
So it's like, get older and make better choices if
you do it. But I don't think there's anything wrong
with it. If you want to have sex, if you
want to explore, do it. There's no age on that.

Speaker 5 (13:47):
I think society would be better if we all realize
that everybody doesn't want the same thing.

Speaker 1 (13:52):
Stop stop trying to judge.

Speaker 5 (13:55):
Somebody or make somebody feel bad because just like Killer said,
she doesn't want to be teacher or marry a banker
and have a house. But that is somebody's dream life.
That is somebody's dream.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
What do y'all? What are y'all's conversations with your parents
as as all of us are you know the dad too,
both of them? Well, I want to know I had
stopping in terms in terms of then family members, we
talk about thanksgivings where people ask where the man? When

(14:27):
you having a baby? How are those responses with your
family members that might also be more traditional, your aunties,
your uncles, your cousins. A lot more people live in
more traditionals. I'll say, I don't. I think I'm privileged
to not have the pressures of it because I've been
in New York for the last thirteen years. But coming
back to the South, you being from Texas, Texas, Texas, goddamn.

(14:50):
But y'all being from the South, I think there's or
even being now on the Bible Belt, being in Atlanta,
there's more of a push for us to live more traditionally.
In New York, That's not really the case.

Speaker 5 (15:01):
I'm gonna be honest with you. I think times have
just changed so much because now the older women in
my family they say, baby, you're doing it really okay.
My aunts we were just talking about this. My honey Lane,
love her to death. She was in a relationship since
she was like fourteen, got married very young, and now
she's like, baby, you're doing what you're supposed to do.
You're focusing on yourself because when you're thirty, you haven't

(15:23):
even lived half of your life, not half You're not
even halfway there. I am very much on track to
still getting everything that I want, if it's marriage and kids,
I'm doing it right. I'm making sure I'm set up
financially to be prepared for anything.

Speaker 1 (15:37):
I'm focused right now at thirty five. Is there anything
that society does pressure you?

Speaker 5 (15:43):
I mean, or because it's the camp, they look at
us like, oh, y'all doing all this, but you're not
married and you don't.

Speaker 2 (15:50):
Have care man bah bah as if that is the
stamp of success a man, Yes, y'all.

Speaker 1 (15:58):
See y'all's bank account, y'all see ya.

Speaker 3 (16:02):
Y'all on Facebook. I've seen them.

Speaker 1 (16:07):
And I'm not missing out on. That's one thing though,
that my family never pressure me for as kids. My grandma.

Speaker 6 (16:14):
So my grandmother got married she was sixteen and when
she was seventeen two months after she turned eighteen. So
they always like, get you some money so you can
tell a nigga to kiss your ass.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
And my grandma told me, I will be okay if
I never meet your kids tell them about me. I
would rather you be in a position to take care
of yourself and them than to say I want to
see your kids, No, I don't.

Speaker 6 (16:35):
You can show them my pictures like I show you
my mama pictures and you're just fine. You can tell
them about me. So that's the thing that never really
happened my family. But these niggas families, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:47):
The.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
Boys to take there them because they like a man child.
They don't want to take care of them no more,
and they're just hoping that they can find a good
woman to help him out.

Speaker 4 (17:01):
Mom.

Speaker 1 (17:01):
But they keep ag to you about kids, And I
want you to talk about how we talked about the
conversation where the person you were dating, it was like,
I don't want to get to tell too much, but
how it was always.

Speaker 5 (17:12):
When are you having his child? Versus when are you
gonna marry my son?

Speaker 1 (17:18):
The first time I met his mom, the very first
conversation kids, but before he showed up as the pro,
she never asked about oh you know, are y'all talking
about marriage? The commitment? And Christmas Day?

Speaker 6 (17:34):
This past Christmas, when Beyonce was going to perform, she
started that ship. I said, listen, now, with all due respect,
you have never asked this boy when he's gonna marry me?
And the nigga just introduced me to somebody as a
special friend.

Speaker 1 (17:49):
That's the word special friend.

Speaker 3 (17:51):
Ain't nothing wrong with a special friend, but that was wrong.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
That was wrong.

Speaker 3 (17:54):
I like a special friend.

Speaker 1 (17:55):
But because that's what you call a baby with a
special friends.

Speaker 3 (18:00):
I'm sorry. If we having.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
Roast mac and cheese, it is a special occasion. Not
introduce me as no special friends.

Speaker 3 (18:08):
That is wrong. I'm just saying you.

Speaker 1 (18:10):
I tell you you want to know me in my twenties.
You introduced me as your special friend. I'm sucking your
teammate and I did. Oh we just friends, tamates. And
it's funny because he thought I didn't hear him. Oh,
friend is crazy. I was like in the kitchen making
my plate and so one of the only friends, well
he wasn't my official boyfriend at the time, but we
were already dating for like nine months, eight months.

Speaker 6 (18:34):
But I was in the kitchen making my plate and
one of the aunties was like, you know, that's my
special friend. He didn't think I heard him, But when
I confronted the mom, everybody in the room could hear me,
so then everybody knew that I did hear him. I said,
he just introduced me as his special friends. So who's
having that is so.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
Asked backwards to y'a are officially together? He introducing the aunties,
is your special friends?

Speaker 4 (18:55):
Like what?

Speaker 1 (18:56):
Also the mom wants you to have kids? I do. Also,
I want to say where we're at, all of us
in our mid thirties deeper? You said med too though, right, yeah, y'all.
I wanted to bring up an article because where you're
both of you, your aunt, your family had kids in

(19:16):
marriage before they was twenty one.

Speaker 2 (19:18):
You two had me at twenty made twenty one.

Speaker 3 (19:22):
To pressure me.

Speaker 2 (19:23):
I think that maybe they was trying to put me
off on somebody to take care of me. But eventually
they figured out I'm gonna be fine. Nobody does it anymore.
I think my grandmother and my grandfather, I low key
think they hold on to see if I'm gonna have
a baby or something because they would like to meet him.
I'm the first grandchild, but luckily I also have a
ton of siblings. My sister has three kids and she

(19:44):
knocked it all out the park. So just go over
there and the kids came out cute, so bad pal.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
Part so they I brought up geriatric pregnancies early on.
And the fact is we are normally told that after
thirty five it becomes extremely difficult for us to conceive. However,
there have been more babies born to women forty plus
than there has two teenage pregnancies, which we are seeing.

(20:11):
It could be because we're making more money. We're healthier, bitch.
We all go into the park, were doing pilates. We're
we're caring more about ourselves, and the youth is eating
tide pods, so and all the things. So I think
it's I think it's interesting that we are reaching an
era where not only can we choose later, but with

(20:34):
robots and everything else. We have AI, we have artificial insemination,
we have unfortunately a lot more ability to and I
don't want to say unfortunately, but because it costs so
much and we're unfamiliar with it, we're uneducated with more
of our fertility than any other thing. It's crazy that
society believes that we should bear children and that's our

(20:55):
purpose for walking life. Yet when you go into the hospital,
they know very little about fucking fibro, about what's happening
with the cancers that were seeing. They don't know shit
about our goddamn bodies. But yet we're supposed to be children.
Make it make sense.

Speaker 3 (21:07):
They just want us to be cows, right, putting them out.

Speaker 5 (21:11):
But was just so serious, especially in black women. And
I'm glad that you said that. It was a lot
of education that I learned later. I'm not even being
funny right now, y'all. I went to This happened around
the pandemic time. I was getting very severe headaches.

Speaker 1 (21:27):
I was.

Speaker 5 (21:27):
It was to the point to where I couldn't get
out of bed. I was literally popping IVU profits all
day long. I went to about three or four different doctors.
I got a CT. They could not find what was
wrong with me. And I mean it was to the
points where I was like, do I have a tumor?
Like what's going on?

Speaker 1 (21:43):
Do y'all know I? And then as it went on,
I just.

Speaker 5 (21:48):
Got used to it because I started taking ibuprofens so much.
So then at the time I was like, Okay, I'm
ready to get some plastic surgery because simon, when I
got used to it, I had to go when I
was out the country because y'all be like talking crazy
in the comments. But anyways, I went out the country
to get my surgery, and the doctor outside of the
country found a fibroid the size of a melon. He said,

(22:10):
this is why you're getting headache. You have no your
what is it? Your hemo level is so low. I
don't even know how you're standing up right now. My
body had just adjusted to it.

Speaker 1 (22:20):
But I had went to so many doctors and they
didn't even just think just to take my reproductive system
and what's going on.

Speaker 5 (22:26):
Because you said you was having I was having headaches
because my hemo level was so my iron was so low.
He said, I don't know how you're standing up right
now because your iron is so long.

Speaker 1 (22:35):
Oh wow. So again, the US don't even try that.
Y'all didn't even.

Speaker 3 (22:40):
Try complain about things, right.

Speaker 2 (22:45):
We say that this is hurting, Oh, it doesn't hurt
that bad. What's your pain level on a scale of
one to ten? You tell them what seven?

Speaker 3 (22:51):
They think? You fucking lie.

Speaker 2 (22:53):
I am not hooked on the drugs, but I need
something right now because I am literally in pain, and
I also want you to.

Speaker 3 (22:58):
Figure it out.

Speaker 1 (22:59):
I will say, I think that that's the difference between
where we're at today, and it could be social media,
it could just be sisterhood is developing. I think we
have more conversations now about the pressures. We talked more
about our health, we talk more about our sex life,
and we talk more about our relationships with each other
than I think they did. I don't think so.

Speaker 6 (23:18):
I think the fact that we don't have no kids
and no husbands, so we have more time to.

Speaker 3 (23:22):
Talk helps us.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
We got time to have conversations. You had to wake
up at five, get your kids up homegirls. Yeah, I was.

Speaker 3 (23:39):
Talking to my mom about that. I was like, sometimes
I feel like when I come to.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
Visit, you kind of feel a way when I'm hanging
out with friends and doing all this stuff and I'm
seeing family, I'm seeing friends. What was your life like
at my age at thirty six? I was sixteen, so
I remember what her life was like. She had her
book club and she would see than once a month
of the last Sunday of the month, and that was
her social always taken care of us. She did sell

(24:07):
Mary kay for a minute, that might work out.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
I'm glad that we're not in the of the what
is the pyramids?

Speaker 3 (24:16):
And you know we're at lunch?

Speaker 1 (24:17):
We yeah every hour? And what are we doing? Girl?
I had a fibroid, Yeah, taking out so surgery right.

Speaker 5 (24:28):
I do want to go back to the point that
you made, though, because I know this sounds crazy because
it's apple and orange is what I'm about to compare.
But you said, you know, you know, when you hit
thirty five, it's extremely difficult to have children and it's
more dangerous. But like you said, we have so much
access to different things we do now, and honestly, extremely
difficult never scared me. It's extremely difficult for a black
woman to run a six figure business in the America.

Speaker 1 (24:48):
That didn't stop me from doing. It's also with a kids, exactly.
Extremely A lot of things are extremely difficult. But I
would rather take my time.

Speaker 5 (24:59):
Because I talked about this on Love Legs p the
other day, I think it's worse to like bring children.
I'm not saying that everybody needs to get abortions or
things like that. I just think that we need to
be bringing children into the world because you want to
check because he got money, or bringing a child into
the world because you think that's gonna keep him around.
We aren't really making a lot of the nowadays. They're

(25:20):
not making children because they're married. And this is a
loving I want a family or I want a legacy
or whatever. People say, y'all are having kids to prove
a point to another girl.

Speaker 3 (25:29):
Y'all have.

Speaker 1 (25:32):
I mean, but you know what I'm saying. But then
let me let me ask you even saying that, because
that's my stance on my legacy. When I say I
don't want children, that's almost the number one question. Well,
what are you leaving your leg like? What will you're making?
My dog is on B E. T Herd Travel. Y'all
can see that your last name is Johnson, You have

(25:56):
an Xbox, you have student loan debts. You don't have
a legacy.

Speaker 3 (26:02):
But you're not like you were talking about Oh.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
Wait about these men. I'm talking about the man, but
even to what about the women? The same thing you said, bitch,
you got a day, you got three wigs. You don't
have a legacy.

Speaker 3 (26:20):
That's a crazy little hell that don't even fuck with you.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
That's not a reason by wait wait a second, So
so is this idea of leaving something left your kids
carrying on your legacy? You think that that's a crock
of shit?

Speaker 6 (26:36):
Yes, for that to be your number one reason I
want to have kids, it's a crock of malarkey.

Speaker 1 (26:40):
Oh don't way what is your legacy.

Speaker 6 (26:43):
Your legacy is you, what you do on this earth,
how you make people feel, how you treat people, the
work that you do, yes, the impact that you made.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
It's not the kids, not your kids. God forbid. If
Beyonce dies right now, nobody gonna be like, oh, you said,
she said that. Be y'all say's legacy is not left
with Blue roomya sir, it's to the world. Okay.

Speaker 5 (27:13):
There's a perfect example, because I talk about this a lot.
Her example is Oprah. Oprah doesn't have any kids. The
impact what Oprah has done for the media and black women, media,
just media in general. It's always going to be Oprah
winfree textbooks literally when I was in college and my
journalism books, she's in there.

Speaker 1 (27:34):
She is in there, you knowwork if she had a kid.
And I'm not gonna lie to y'all. And I don't know,
I might have said this on I think I said
this when I was sitting across from maryw But for
a lot of men who believe letting their their name
live on is their legacy, and well, you know what

(27:55):
I wanted to bring up, fellas, this is the greatest example. Y'all. All.
Do not like Marcus Jordan and y'all allow Michael Jordan's
to carry on his legacy without attaching it to his kids.
That didn't But yeah, two sons an old, so what

(28:16):
did he be doing? Son is fabulous, he's already yes,
But how men to attack and think? There are exceptions
even within pop culture where they haven't attached the son.

Speaker 6 (28:33):
Here's what men need to ask themselves, a serious question.
Here's what people need to ask themselves. Do you really
want your kids to carry on what you're doing right now?

Speaker 1 (28:40):
Yes, that's a good question. Yeah, but I always say
to the fact that you put your entire legacy in
the hands of a whole nother adult and human being.
I say it all the time. What if I give
birth to a serial killer? That is not my legacy? Bundy,
and I'm talking about you can't name you know what

(29:01):
I mean?

Speaker 3 (29:01):
You need a new name because what are you?

Speaker 1 (29:06):
I think that that's something that men carry more than women.
But are I Yeah, because I don't have to do
ship to have a baby. But that's not they don't
have to do at least, and you are sitting there for.

Speaker 6 (29:21):
Nine months with your whole orbit changing, Like I don't
think we realize because people doing so much what being
pregnant means and what it.

Speaker 3 (29:29):
Does, and then giving birds right because you gotta make it.

Speaker 1 (29:32):
You don't have to make it to the end.

Speaker 3 (29:34):
But if you do choose, make it.

Speaker 1 (29:36):
If you choose a car and did it, I mean
an abortion, look at what that puts you through. You
know what I'm saying. It was a It was a die.
But you'll get what I'm saying. So of course these
niggas are like, oh, let's do it for a lead.

Speaker 3 (29:51):
They're not thinking about that. And you have to carry
a baby in your lot less and let it swell up,
and now you gotta waddle around like mister pingu.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
I don't think within our lifetime we see racism leave.
Do you think within our lifetime we see people accept
women like us, women in their thirties, not wanting to
be married, not wanting to have children, and all the
things in which generations prior to us, I think so
instilled into women. You think that we'll reach a place

(30:23):
within our lifetime.

Speaker 6 (30:24):
Because I'm slowly starting to see men say that they
don't want children either.

Speaker 1 (30:29):
Slowly.

Speaker 6 (30:30):
They're still a very small population, but I'm starting to
see a lot more men.

Speaker 1 (30:34):
Yeah, they just don't show up.

Speaker 5 (30:35):
But I honestly think that we are changing as a
society because I do agree with her, because I feel
like people are starting to realize the value in understanding
it's okay thirty is in a death wish. You don't
have to write your wills out and be like, oh
I'm finna croak and die. We are learning like, oh
my gosh, Like I said, I'm the healthiest I have

(30:55):
ever been in my entire life at thirty five years old.
I'm the best I've ever looked at thirty five years old.

Speaker 1 (31:02):
Same.

Speaker 5 (31:03):
So I just feel like we are all learning. Men
are learning that too. Look at metha man, That's what
I'm saying that they're like.

Speaker 1 (31:11):
I mean, I think even being able to see women right,
we have the Neolongs, we have the Halle Bear, we
have the even Angela Bassis, we have like all of
these beautiful j Lo goddamn like the women in their fifties.
When we look back and see that even a Rihanna
was only twenty two when she came out, Like, we
viewed age so drastically different that it's just like, wait,

(31:36):
one moment, and so with this I do want to
get into a hot topic because based on what you're saying,
like this's given age ain't nothing but a number. So
Tracey Ellis Ross recently talked about dating younger men. She said,
a lot of men my age are steeped in a
toxic masculinity and have been raised in a culture where

(31:58):
there's a particular way that her relationship looks. I think,
to be fair, we talked about even traditional relationships and
what it looks like anything that starts to smell of that.
For me, I did enough of it where I was
controlled and felt like I was a possession or a prize.
I just have no interest in it, and I will
not do it again. I have long been past the
age where I feel like it's my job to teach

(32:19):
somebody or grow them up like the man child you
was talking about that I'm not interested in. I also
want to be very clear, there was really comprehension skills
are lost amongst us. She did not say she wants
a nineteen year old. She is in her fifties, which
means a younger man could be a millennial in his
thirties or forties. That's what it can mean. So the

(32:40):
narratives that where they've been comparing her to the and
we'll talk the Drea and the Jalens, or they've been
comparing it to Trick Daddy, who recently said at his
big age of fifty one, that he dates women between
the age of twenty two twenty two. You're dating trick Daddy.
If you got a better help dot com backslash poor
mind p A. You are in my NDAs?

Speaker 2 (33:03):
Yes, yeah, well just periods fifty something.

Speaker 1 (33:08):
I don't would I don't today, I try not. We
just had conversation on the way over.

Speaker 6 (33:11):
I'm trying to judge women a lot less, but I
can see myself being fifty some day.

Speaker 1 (33:17):
Now I can. I ask you, then, what is the
difference and is there one between women saying they like
younger men and men saying they like younger women, because
oftentimes with men, the words attached to it is grooming.
Do you feel like Tracy ellis Ross maybe dating younger
men because she doesn't want to be held accountable and
she's grooming them, or do you think that it could

(33:39):
be something different.

Speaker 6 (33:40):
I'm not gonna say she's grooming them, and I wouldn't
say a fifty year old man is grooming a thirty
five year old woman?

Speaker 1 (33:46):
Okay, but I would say for me, it's a little weird. Okay,
what is the age? What is the age difference that
you find it to be weird because you said fifty
and thirty five? I agree? Is you st an age?
Then I think that if she was dating like a
forty year old, maybe, and that may sound like what's
between thirty five and forty, but think about yourself from
thirty to thirty five.

Speaker 3 (34:05):
I think that it's four.

Speaker 2 (34:10):
And I think too, it's like people aren't listening to her.
She wasn't saying because she wants to change their minds
about something, or she literally says she ain't teaching nobody shit.
I think that younger men closer to our age and
possibly older I don't know, but younger than her around
our age, they have more open minds, right, And I
think that's what she's interested in, and not trying to

(34:34):
control somebody, not trying to teach somebody or mold them
into a man.

Speaker 1 (34:40):
Tries out to me, I was my ex was seventeen
years my senior. My current boyfriend now is eight years
younger than me. And look at the judge.

Speaker 3 (34:52):
Is he mature.

Speaker 1 (34:53):
Yes, he's he's retish, she's twenty six.

Speaker 3 (34:58):
They're a fast over there.

Speaker 5 (35:00):
Yeah, I'm just saying the reason No, the reason I
was saying that because to me, I just had this conversation. Okay,
let people like to talk about like the Dreas or
the Ayisha. You know, she was sleeping with Anthony Edwards
and Edwards. I say this to me, once you hit
like thirty five forty, age.

Speaker 1 (35:17):
Gaps don't really matter. Like you are who you are, like,
you don't really change. To me personality wise, I agree.

Speaker 5 (35:23):
But once you're like dating people that's thirty and under,
I'm kind of like eight years. To me, that's not
that big of a difference because you're not in your
forties or fifties. So I'm just looking at you sideways
because I don't know what a twenty six year old
can do for your ass.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
So and I guess so that as modern day women
who have our own money, who don't seek uh like
having babies. To me, I'm in a position now where
I'm not looking for the security of a man. I'm
not looking for the protection of a man. Nigga. I
got the ring camera on my front door, like to me,

(35:59):
I'm looking for a genuine connection with just a person
I like. And when I was in my twenties, a
lot of it was how much money does nigga make?
What can he do for me? I as a woman
who has her own Now I'm I feel like I'm
privileged to be able to enter into relationships with men
that I genuinely just like, yes, I agree with you
to a certain part, talk to me, but the money

(36:22):
is still important. And money he got his own house, car,
he got his own career, not to make or break
thing like it is not for me. It is I'm
not gonna lie it is so now we need to be,
We need to be.

Speaker 6 (36:37):
I can agree with that because one of the last
arguments I had in my last relationship, he was like,
you don't need a vacation every year.

Speaker 1 (36:47):
I need a vacation quarter every quarter. And anybody who
knows me that's some wild ship to say to me
me And I was like, yes, you do. Well, Okay,
do you feel like there's an insecurity right now with
because because women are getting degrees at a higher rate,
which means they're making more money than men, our age
that the insecurity is that they're not equally yoked. They're

(37:12):
not them. Why you like me? I don't like. I
would never talk to it.

Speaker 5 (37:20):
I think that it's important to like to find a
man that really supports you and claps for you, because
you'll notice if a man is not clapping for you
when you get that job promotion, or you get a
new podcast or whatever you're trying to do and he's
not clapping for you, it's gonna get worse.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
You know, we're talking about insecurity and jealousy. Do you
guys believe then that as the modern day woman woman,
we are literally intimidating men. Yes, I think so.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
And I don't think it's anything that outright say or
do you directly to them.

Speaker 3 (37:54):
They just feel it.

Speaker 2 (37:55):
They look at your instagram, they see what you have
going on.

Speaker 3 (37:57):
If you have a conversation.

Speaker 2 (37:58):
You're not saying any thing to them to put them down,
but they start feeling less than because they realize they
ain't really been doing it.

Speaker 3 (38:05):
But goddamn gay, they go to a job they hate.

Speaker 1 (38:08):
My friend broke it down to me like this, She said,
I wouldn't want to date you either. Why And I
was like damn? And she was like, because you are annoying,
like you you are going to You're gonna look up.

Speaker 6 (38:21):
You're gonna make some more money. You're gonna look up.
You're gonna have a podcast. You're gonna look up. You're
gonna get a house. You're gonna look up, You're gonna
get another car.

Speaker 1 (38:28):
You look up. You I went to you're a blast
year for my birthday for a month, and you're gonna
look up and have a man? Well, no, she said,
A man's annoying because I gotta keep living like it's
She was like, as your friend, I'm annoyed because I'm
trying to you know, I'm trying to keep on.

Speaker 5 (38:43):
We have to date men who are ambitious and just
as hard as god getters as we are. But honestly,
it's hard because most of the time they are intimidated
by it.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
Okay, so I have a hot take care all ship
because we are all around the same age. Yes, what's
crazy is I will only be interested in dating the
generation under me or the generation before me. I think, well,
hear me out. I think millennial men grew up in

(39:14):
the worst era. They are the most stunted emotionally. They
are all either crack babies or undiagnosed with tisms that
were not diagnosed because we did not believe in mental
health care. In the nineties, they were raised by the
hip hop of misogyny, and in terms of where we
were in terms of comedy and television, everything was like

(39:36):
at the guise of them, they were these powerful beings
and women were all just possessions to them. They were
all toys. They were all just for sex and to
make them look better. And unfortunately in the era right
now that we're in of the red pill pods as well,
they're doing nothing but reiterating those same skewed notions that
they refuse to unlearn. And so for me, I have

(39:59):
not been I do like they're the laziest of the generations,
and so for me, I have not been interested, nor
have I, I would say, in the last ten years
dating anybody my age. But I don't know that older

(40:19):
men are any better. It's wider, and they are providers,
but the massage is very loud, because that's what the
misogyny is loud. I do believe they believe in gender roles. However,
in the in the terms of where millennial women are,
we are looking for those providers and niggas to take
care of the household. Those are the tricks. Those are
the niggas that they feel like they are men when

(40:41):
they provide. That's the older generation. That's not the millennials
and these young And I will say to you, like
you said, you're not looking for anybody to provide those No, no, no,
But I'm saying a lot of women still are. We
lean into the patriarchy still very much as millennial women,
and we believe that a man gonna pay for the date.
We're not split in fifty fifty weeks what I'm saying,

(41:03):
and or this just what we do because it's just
like if you want a job, you gotta send your resume.
You want a job, you gotta come to the interview.

Speaker 5 (41:13):
I'm not gonna lie when it comes to relate like
little stuff like that. I don't even talk about that,
like oh, who's paying for the day? No, no, no,
I don't care about that. I'm not gonna lie when
it comes to like marriage and buying houses, doing businesses
together and creating like you know, a net worth.

Speaker 1 (41:29):
And doing this. I want a partnership.

Speaker 5 (41:32):
Just sit at home and be like, oh, he's taking
care of it. You know all many times we see
women get divorced. They be like, I don't know how
to pay a light build they they don't have.

Speaker 1 (41:39):
Access to anything.

Speaker 5 (41:40):
I want a partnership, So I don't mind being like
a fifty to fifty because just as much I want
my man to be a millionaire, I'm gonna be a
millionaire period, you know what I'm saying. So I am
all about partnership. I don't necessarily want a provider because
I feel like I just want partnership.

Speaker 1 (41:55):
But I do feel like the midlium because I date
my age. So she's saying, is though, the millennial men
that I have found that I have been dating, they
like that. They want to I know I.

Speaker 5 (42:09):
Intimidate a lot of men, but I feel like the
men that I've encountered in the past few years have
been like, Okay, I like that about it because they got.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
Their own thing going on. That a lot of that
what she was talking about, I agree with a lot
of it.

Speaker 6 (42:20):
But it's like you said, they wake up one day
and they realize, oh shit, I'm forty and I haven't
done anything, and then I have all these I do
and unfortunately for them, they have a dating pool of
just amazing women. How many amazing women do we know?
But it's like damn. Like my friend said, I'm tired
of dan you.

Speaker 1 (42:40):
Every time I look up. I gotta get a new job.

Speaker 6 (42:42):
I want to work my same job, make my same
They are very I'm noticing their Yeah, they do the
same shit, go to the same place and talk to
the same It's no growth.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
And I think, for me when I'm looking for somebody,
I do want a partnership. I want you to have
that innu that you do want to provide, because I
do need you to understand. You gotta work, You got
to bring some income it. You don't necessarily have to
clock in and out, but you do need to provide something.
But in a long term relationship, I am looking at
it more of a partnership.

Speaker 3 (43:12):
I have no problem contributing.

Speaker 2 (43:14):
But I also don't want you to think that because
I go out here and get it, then I'm taking
care of your ass.

Speaker 3 (43:19):
Right, you know it's not going to go that way.

Speaker 1 (43:20):
You want you want to be married? You want to
be married? Do you want to be married? Absolutely? Don't
want to be married a time? Are y'all initiating or
signing prenups?

Speaker 3 (43:31):
Yeah, okay, And if he.

Speaker 2 (43:36):
Ship, I think it makes it so much easier. And
I think that people go into prenups thinking that a
prenup means when when or if you get divorced, you
achieve with nothing.

Speaker 3 (43:46):
You know, that is not what it is. It's just
what it's gonna be.

Speaker 1 (43:50):
Yeah, Hey, i'm gonna give you ten thousand dollars a
month when we divorced. Hey I'm gonna give you. Okay.
But you can make them say whatever you want. You
can say, as a woman, you could say I'm gonna
protect all my assets and we ain't protecting yours. Literally,
you can say that if you want to.

Speaker 5 (44:07):
Becausepreingup worked in Nicholache's favor with Jessica Sinson her favor,
you know what I'm saying, So it doesn't. I think
a lot of times people are scared, oh they're gonna
leave with everything. A lot of times they have cheating
clauses in there when the men are taking up and like,
oh this is why you don't get married. It was
a cheating clause in there. So if he could have
just stayed faithful, he would have had to give up
no money, you know what I'm saying, I don't know, Claus.

(44:32):
That's why I got to give it up to Sinko
because did y'all wait what weapon? Because when him and
Charrelle were still together fake, I know it was, but
it was just funny because they were like, oh, it's
a cheating clause in there.

Speaker 1 (44:44):
He said, Oh, I'm definitely not signing.

Speaker 3 (44:47):
Well, I gotta know yourself.

Speaker 1 (44:49):
I mean, allegedly a cheating clause was in the Uh
there was a prenup between Tiana and he mine.

Speaker 6 (44:55):
Oh, and I was surprised, but according to they left
what mostly everything that they came with.

Speaker 1 (45:01):
Besides, didn't she get some support? But she like the
houses and stuff? That's what. So if that's if there's
a prenup, if you are a woman with your own
and I know I had this conversation with Alison, but
then what what is the reason for married so that
I can leave with my ship that I worked hard? No? No, no, no,

(45:24):
that's the prenup. If if everything that he has is
his and everything that you have is yours before we
got here, So you may say, hey, so for example,
if we all get married at forty, we're gonna we
already pretty successful, right, So all my retirement accounts that
I've built up before I even knew you. All my
money is before I knew you is mine. Now if

(45:46):
we get things together, we buy a house together, then
we spent Were you just joking when you said you
wanted eight husbands? No? I Wasn't you want you want
eight husbands? Yeah? I want to be like Elizabeth Taylor.
Let me say that all at the same time. But
if y'all don't get married, y'all gonna be at that

(46:06):
man funeral you said thirty years with getting introduced as
a special friend, that part you ain't had no benefits.

Speaker 2 (46:13):
Or somebody else in his family is going to make
the decisions for him when he is in the hospital,
even though you have been.

Speaker 6 (46:20):
End had a guy that were together for years and
year years, had two kids together, blah blah blah blah blah.
He falls into a coma out of nowhere, y'all. He
got pneumonia, went to komah blah blah blah. His mama
came to the next day say I'm pulling the plug
and it.

Speaker 3 (46:33):
Was nothing outside of me.

Speaker 5 (46:36):
Marriage is still important if that's what you want, but
we have to look beyond the Oh, the partnership and
the love.

Speaker 1 (46:42):
It's serious like that that happened. The marriage is very important.
I mean, you got paper There's a song, an old song.
I'm really about to tell y'all who I am for real,
But it's a song called She's Got Papers on Me.
And the point of the song is the man is
singing to another woman and.

Speaker 6 (46:57):
He's telling his side bitch, Hey, I really want to
leave my wife, but she got papers on me, so
we can do this, but I gotta stay married. And
I always think about this song because a niggas don't
think twice when you got that paperwork.

Speaker 1 (47:11):
But he still had a side chick, So did he
really think twice? But yeah, because he didn't leave, he said.
And at that time, you know, it's an old song.
So at that time, women needed their husbands to be there.

Speaker 2 (47:19):
To open a bank account. We couldn't buy a home.
Relatively recent in, my grandmother.

Speaker 6 (47:28):
Divorced my biological grandfather in like seventy eight because they
got into a fight at the nightclub and he left her.

Speaker 1 (47:35):
They lived at the nightclub in the when they was
in their seventies. It was seventy eight. The year was
seventy Yeah, seventy eight. Oh, but yeah, they still be
the go.

Speaker 6 (47:43):
But this is the year was The year was seventy
eight and they had an argument and he left her
the nightclub in Seattle. She had on a mini skirt
and pantyhose and she didn't have a nickel to use
the pay phone and she had to walk home and
feet to snow.

Speaker 1 (47:56):
And she divorced him after that, And I was like,
why you ain't having a nickel? She was like, cause
that that time your men had had the money. Oh wow,
that was in seventy eight.

Speaker 6 (48:04):
She didn't have a bank account, her own ban account
in nineteen seventy eight.

Speaker 1 (48:08):
Well, yeah, we weren't allowed to even get them into
I think nineteen seventy four somewhat. Yeah, so it's like, oh,
my husband had all the money, so then with everything
in you not, is there no fear of getting old?
We're in our thirties and I know a lot of
people feared getting to the thirties. For me, is there
a fear of aging or aging out? And what do
you feel like you would age out of a shit? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (48:31):
Ag.

Speaker 5 (48:31):
I just feel like the reason I say that is because,
like I said, I look at poor minds in the
beginning of Wine Down Wednesday.

Speaker 1 (48:37):
And as I get older, I get wiser and.

Speaker 5 (48:39):
I just changed, but my audience changes with me, and
they love it and they embrace they. I don't pay
attention to people, to the in cells and the people.
I pay attention to people who understand me. You can't
age out if you are authentically who you are. How
can I age out of being meat?

Speaker 1 (48:54):
So why do you fear getting older than even hearing
your best friends say that? Probably because it's foolishly. I
fear so much change.

Speaker 6 (49:04):
Like again, I was talking to your friend the other
day so much as I was talking to my friend
the other day, and she was like, I missed my
old life when we was twenty something, that I could
just show up at my little rinkiding job and I
could do whatever I wanted to do.

Speaker 1 (49:15):
And I'm like, girl, I missed that shit. But then
she brought a good point. She said, I do because
now I got to like help my parents, you know,
with their lives. And I'm talking about taxes inhering in
their properties. And you know what actually it's and leaning
into the name of this show, it's ignorance being blissed, right,
there's a lot in being able to just exist and

(49:36):
party when you're not fearing right the things that come
with real life. Yeah. Now she's like, I always talk
about his money and investments, and I'm tired of this shit.

Speaker 5 (49:45):
I just want to But honestly, like she said, it's ignorance,
because honestly, the thing is, we are not educated on
stuff that we should be educated on. I had a
conversation with Medina because I'm trying to move and I
was telling her what I pay in rent now and
what I'm probably gonna.

Speaker 1 (49:59):
Have to be paying.

Speaker 5 (50:00):
You said, girg, you need to buy a house. Yeah,
she said, and don't be scared mortgage. She was like,
don't be afraid. But we don't educate ourselves.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
Why is it?

Speaker 1 (50:06):
And not only that, do you know how many of
my friends are having to downsize or change their thing
because they all owe six figures in taxes because they
chose not to pay taxes for the last three to
five years. So many, Oh, taxes is not something that
we're taught about. And the problem is too a lot
of us grew up with white collar, blue collar parents.

(50:29):
So now that we're all entrepreneurs with ten ninety nine.
There's so many people that don't know how to deal
with taxes, or how to pay or what to put aside,
or how to pay quarterly. And so I'm seeing so
many of my peers in their thirties not only be
in debt from college because we were all told that
college was what we had to do. I'm seeing everyone
having to change in their mid thirties too late to

(50:53):
early forties because now they owe so much goddamn money
in taxis. But these aren't bad or scary conversations I
think we have to turn. But I agree with her
in the fact that that's kind of all we talk
about were mature. Sorry, it's so funny because we went
to the farmers market the other day. Uh, me and
my me and my best friend was the farmer's market

(51:13):
and it was cold, so we couldn't shot because we
was uncomfortable. So then so then were driving. So then
we're driving and she said, girl, guess to sixty seven
over here.

Speaker 4 (51:21):
Let me.

Speaker 1 (51:23):
I was like, I said, I said, oh my god,
we sound like.

Speaker 3 (51:29):
Yeah, goddamn weather, enjoy it, y.

Speaker 1 (51:34):
You're not going to restaurants to be like it's just
too loud?

Speaker 2 (51:38):
Yeah, can you'll turn that music. I can't stand on
that bumping in a restaurant. It is to god damn loud.
Turn the TV down. I don't know what these kids
is rapping about. It's disturb yeah, rapper.

Speaker 5 (51:54):
But this is what I was saying earlier. We have
to learn how to embrace the I know we were
talking about we were talking about aging and how you
was like, oh, I was lying how even till I'm
just noticing y'all y'all are still saying mid thirties.

Speaker 1 (52:11):
Who gives a damn? We have to age?

Speaker 2 (52:16):
So I didn't want to message now, but I'm happy
with it now, right, are y'all?

Speaker 1 (52:25):
Always I am okay?

Speaker 3 (52:30):
But yes I am.

Speaker 1 (52:30):
You're okay. Lex is okay as long as they not
saying it. They are.

Speaker 4 (52:36):
Well.

Speaker 5 (52:37):
People on the poor crew called me Auntie and I enjoyed.
But yourself there, right. But this is the thing, though,
I wish I had a lex P to look up
to when I was in my twenties, So I always
say lex P went through that, so you ain't got
to go through that period, you know what I'm saying. So, like,
getting back to what I was saying, embrace it inevitable
now I'm talking about these taxes. I'm talking about because

(52:58):
that's something we have to do.

Speaker 1 (52:59):
We have to. It's inevitable. Look up a beautiful I
love it. I love it.

Speaker 2 (53:07):
So I don't like the stressful parts of growing up,
but I am very much looking forward to being old.
I cannot wait to have a home lemonade sometimes with
some vodka in it. Sometimes I want to be talking
to the kids. I want them to come over to
Miskis and ask me for a cup of sugar.

Speaker 1 (53:28):
Because the older I get, the more beautiful life gets.

Speaker 5 (53:31):
Yeah, I mean the thing I've been able to experience
in life. And like, I honestly think maybe I'm a
little biased because every year, every month, my dreams are
coming more and more true. Like we just had the
premiere of Travel Queens last night, you know what I'm saying.
So I think maybe I am a little biased on this.
But I always tell people, like, whatever it is that

(53:52):
you want to do, if it is marrying a banker
or being a teacher, do everything that you want to
do and get everything you can.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
I will say you you the bar is aging doesn't
bother you when you're excelling in life.

Speaker 3 (54:08):
Absolutely, when you say that because I'm exelling.

Speaker 6 (54:11):
But I, like my friend said, I kind of miss
so like in the pandemic, right. I moved to Barbados,
just moved.

Speaker 1 (54:18):
There and I had life exactly so my youngest self
would just pick up my ship and go right. And
so for the last five years that's kind of what
I did.

Speaker 6 (54:28):
I left Barbados, I came and moved here, started high Maindenance,
and I just was doing whatever I wanted to do.
I would go live somewhere for a month and go
do all this. But now my life has kind of
changed and I had to give me a house. I
have had a car since twenty eighteen because I was
always so the other day I went and I reluctantly
I went to Mercedes and was like.

Speaker 1 (54:46):
Oh no, she had to buy life.

Speaker 4 (54:49):
You know.

Speaker 1 (54:54):
They're gonna be people listening to this like these b.

Speaker 3 (55:00):
Your friend says, you annoyed.

Speaker 1 (55:02):
You really? I got the car I put in the garage,
never looked at it again. Everybody like you happy. I'm like, no,
because this means I'm an adult for real. I'm not
gonna be just traveling. It's free and not having shit, y'all.
For real? It is do you know what's crazy. When
I moved to New York, I say some of my
best nights in life came when I was jacket hold

(55:24):
as fun, eating a dollar pizza, trying to figure out, Okay,
am I gonna spend my money on toilet paper or
RUMI because I gotta eat, but I gotta wipe my ass.
Now you're like all my taxes in the front of
the market. I had a grand old time in my twenties,
but no, I'm having a way better time. I want
to go away.

Speaker 5 (55:42):
I do not. I had a grand time, but like
I said, I'm just embracing this life that i'm You
just brought a Mercedes period off the lot off.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
Please be for real.

Speaker 6 (55:52):
My point is it symbolized to me that one part
of myself was essentially dying, and I had to embrace that.

Speaker 1 (56:00):
Bitch, you are this, You are that.

Speaker 6 (56:02):
Like you know, I've been brace that I'm kind of
important in the when the work that I do and
then accidentally got important.

Speaker 1 (56:08):
I'm like, wait a minute, y'all accidentally got my career.
Really like hold on, y'all really need me. Like my
friend said, we used to just be at a show
tal rinking ding job clocking and kind of coats for
the day and go home. But we allso like to
This is just like a relationship when you can have
the most horrible boyfriend, then y'all break up and be like,
oh but this was so sweet.

Speaker 5 (56:28):
This was so you don't remember how you were stressed
because the rent was due, Bill's was due, that.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
Ship wasn't peachy.

Speaker 5 (56:34):
It's just looking back on it, it's like, it looks
good now because of what you're doing now.

Speaker 1 (56:39):
I think this is hard now, right, So now the
first eggs just thirty six dollars. Different.

Speaker 5 (56:44):
Life was hard when I moved to Atlanta and I
talked about I had three dollars, I would never go
back to that.

Speaker 1 (56:50):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 5 (56:51):
Yes I didn't have responsibility, but I still got my
stating leg said.

Speaker 1 (56:55):
Whoever said money didn't buy happiness?

Speaker 3 (57:02):
Happiness, but it's showed on by stress.

Speaker 6 (57:05):
That says money don't buy happiness, but poverty doesn't buy anything. Now,
I never said I didn't want the money. I never
said I didn't want the money.

Speaker 1 (57:13):
I'm not saying that.

Speaker 6 (57:13):
I'm being challenged a lot more now and the work
that I do and in my life, like my friends said,
figuring out taxes, and I really had to mourn that
that part of you is kind of over. You're not
going to be traveling around and going to stay in
Atlanta because you feel like it are going that's not
your life no more. If you could leave, and I
guess we'll wrap with this, if you could tell your

(57:34):
teenage or twenty something year old self something that wasn't
told to you, what would it be.

Speaker 1 (57:42):
I don't know about that wasn't told to me because
it was very much showed to me. I told you, Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 (57:48):
The women and my family been telling me for a
long time, get you some money, get you get your
own money. Money will open doors, like we just said
that a lot of stuff cannot open it. When I
was young, I just I wanted money, and I knew
I wanted money and all that, but I wasn't really
actively doing the things I needed to do to go
get it and to understand it. My retirement, I'm late

(58:10):
in the retirement game. Like I know people that have
been saving four one k since they very first job
right at sixteen. That wasn't me, baby, I need all
it take them four one k the dishes off the
So I wish I would have did stuff like that,
you know, kind of set myself up more because now
I kind of feel like I'm playing it and I'm
doing well, but I still feel like I'm kind of
trying to play ketchup to my peers, some of my peers,

(58:33):
so it's not a good feeling. So I wish all
it took certain things a little more serious, would.

Speaker 1 (58:38):
Have said get you some money, what about you let
kind of the same thing.

Speaker 5 (58:41):
But I wish I would have had more confidence and
been more focused because I feel like, now, as crazy
as it sounds, I've been doing Poor Minds for so long,
but I was so scared to start love LEXP. And
it's crazy because I've only been doing love lex P
for about three months now, and I've had so many
opportunities come in that I'm working on and things are
coming up, and I'm just like, if I would have

(59:02):
had the confidence to just start a podcast or something
when I was like twenty five and been focused, and
you know, where would I be now ten years in
the game. But I'm always grateful because it's supposed to happen.
I have the best co host and fucking business partner
that anybody could ever ask for. It's amazing, So I'm
not mad at it, but I'm like, damn, Drea, if

(59:22):
we would have met and we would have been focused,
imagine where we would be now.

Speaker 1 (59:26):
But that's probably what I would say.

Speaker 5 (59:28):
But I'm still happy where I'm at and I feel
like it's a lesson and everything.

Speaker 2 (59:31):
So yeah, I do wish I had more confidence in
myself and not always feeling like I need to do
something with somebody else, I need somebody to help me.
But at the same time, I do wish that I
understood networking more and I did things like by the
book as you're supposed to. You go to college, you

(59:51):
get your degree, you do your internships, you do all
these things, and it should lead you to the path
that you want for your career. But what I wasn't
doing was making sure that not on did I meet people,
but maintain those connections. And I wish I would have
done a better job at that. I think it would
have helped me. And then just having more confidence to
do things on my own and not always waiting for

(01:00:12):
somebody else. Even before I started Cocktails, I wanted to
do a podcast. When I found out about podcasts. To
read was the first past my friend Candice was like,
I think you would like this show. It's a podcast,
and I was like, what's a podcast? And she tells me,
since me the link, I'm listening to it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:28):
I loved it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:28):
It got me through a job. I hated it right
because at that point I had a couple of years
to catch up on. But I tried different names. I
tried a ton of different people. Even when I started Cocktails,
I had three co hosts yeahbo didn't even know that,
two niggas and another girl. And it's just like Destney's Child.
People was rotating no, no, no. But I wish that
I would have stuck to my own guns with my

(01:00:50):
initial thought for the show and how I wanted it
to go. And I wish that I wouldn't have waited
so long to even start it. I wish that I
wasn't waiting on other people to give me opportunities. And
I try to tell people that stop waiting on everybody
else to give you a chance. If you believe in
yourself and you think you can do it, just do it.
If the opportunity is not there, make it. It's so

(01:01:11):
much easier to do things now with the Internet than
it was before. So I wish you know all of that,
and I should have been saving some money. I still
need to work on that.

Speaker 3 (01:01:21):
I ain't learned that yet.

Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
Are you for me? Because I said this probably and
you're one of horrible decisions, And it was one of
the most ignorant things I said, based on how far
I've come in the last four years, the most, yes,
one of the most, I would say, because I'm a
millennial like these niggas, I won't date that. I should

(01:01:43):
have gotten to therapy much earlier, to forgive my younger
self and the decisions that were being made. I like
to forget her. And when I say her, my teenage self,
the woman in my twenties, and so I'm learning to
love that person for I'm here where I'm at because
because of her, and so navigating my twenties, with the

(01:02:05):
baggage of trauma, with the regret, with my family issues
and all those things, I think I could have been
more confident back to what y'all said and more sure
of who I was instead of seeking so much validation
from men and people that shouldn't have gotten to smell

(01:02:25):
my ass. To be very clear, and so for me
in your twenties. There, I would just recommend therapy. We
don't have ads here yet, so go to better better.
But but to me, I think that we're getting into

(01:02:46):
therapy a little late. I think and.

Speaker 3 (01:02:51):
Decades we wouldn't have there would have.

Speaker 1 (01:02:56):
Been I think it would have been a little bit
easier to guide me into where I'm at now, and
I would have been able to know myself way better
had I gone earlier. So that would be my advice
to myself. I want to ask the audience do you
feel pressured for your life to be at a certain level,
whether professionally or personally by your thirties or are you

(01:03:17):
comfortable with aging and the unpredictability it brings. I'm still
I still don't know where I'm at with that. I'm battling.
I'll be thirty five this year and I'm like, oh shit,
be my mama call me thirty five on the phone
and I said, bitch, I'm thirty four. I'm so respect
on my thirty four. Anyways, before we get out of here,

(01:03:39):
I want everyone to be able to drop where my
audience can listen to you more and your opinions, your views,
your thoughts, your concerns on all things okay.

Speaker 3 (01:03:50):
You can listen to me on Cocktail Shaty Discussions.

Speaker 2 (01:03:53):
And then I have a new podcast that will be
launching sometimes.

Speaker 1 (01:03:56):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:03:56):
Just follow me on Instagram to find out at Kiki
said so.

Speaker 2 (01:03:59):
But it is called the xomn Podcast, and I am
exclusively interviewing black men.

Speaker 3 (01:04:07):
I don't know how they.

Speaker 2 (01:04:09):
But I've I've been learning a lot about them. They're
very interesting creatures. But I'm talking to them about different
aspects of black masculinity from their point of view. Instead
of us telling them, as a man, you should, I
can stand with somebody tell here's a woman you should.
So I'm talking to them and they need therapy too,
so they need to go to Betterhelp dot com. Those

(01:04:31):
episodes will be dropping audios on Tuesday Wednesday. It will
be the video it comes out sometimes spring summer.

Speaker 3 (01:04:44):
It's not just my show. So I am the only
host though, but you gotta wait.

Speaker 1 (01:04:49):
I love it all Rightlex go ahead, and.

Speaker 5 (01:04:53):
So Monday's Love LEXP drops every morning ten a m.
Then on Wednesdays we have Travel Queens that is on
b E t her and then Fridays, Poor Minds drops
every morning audio ten am.

Speaker 1 (01:05:08):
Visuals at seven pm. And make sure my my co host, Drea.
She has a.

Speaker 5 (01:05:15):
YouTube channel, so y'all go follow her during the call
at three e's. I'm also wearing her lip line Mused Beauty,
so y'all go check that out Mused Beauty collection dot com.

Speaker 1 (01:05:24):
Okay, here are you and come on Killer Well. Go
to Hot Main Pod. Keep watching new videos on Youtubeke's
running it up my old podcast. And then I have
my new project coming out, which kind of gonna be
like a lifestyle think Mark the Steward Mets Wendy Williams
called Honeycomb. Yeah, so I'll be doing like cooking. I
always do dinner parties at my house and stuff, so

(01:05:46):
be documenting all that will be and then of course
it'll be some potting on there. So Honeycomb coming soon.
I love and as y'all know, you can catch me
every Monday. Decisions Decisions. Make sure you get my No
Holds Barred available for pre order now. We are also
going on tour, so if you haven't yet, go to
NHB tour dot com for that book. And again, if

(01:06:08):
you want to see the video of Selective Ignorance, make
sure you join us on Patreon We're also beginning our
live town halls this month, so y'all get to join
me in being fucking ignorant. I love it. Y'all also
can talk to me daily on the discord if you
are a patron, so make sure y'all go go on
over to patreon dot com backslash selective ignorance. I hope

(01:06:30):
that y'all didn't miss Jason and a King too much
this episode, but we didn't want to hear from your
niggas there was enough woman to keep up with the topic.
Can I say something real quick?

Speaker 5 (01:06:40):
Yeah, I just had a full circle moment, and I
know I give you all, y'all flowers so much, Keiki
and Mandy because when I first got in this game,
I remember coming to a horrible decision show Kicky, you
and Medina had opened up and I was just like,
oh my god, I hope I can do that one day.
And honestly, y'all showing up, kicking you moderated the travels amazing, Mandy,

(01:07:01):
you showed up for me. So I really just wanted
to say thank y'all so so much, because I really,
if I'm being honest me Andre, I wouldn't even be
in this space if y'all didn't welcome us with open arms.

Speaker 1 (01:07:10):
So I really just wanted to say, thank y'all, why
do you want to be like me? Because I was
definitely about to say, Mandy, thank you for letting me
get on this First off, I find you to be
fucking hilarious and much like Lex who I've always seen
the talent from her tweets before we knew what a
goddamn podcast was. I love seeing women just be unapologetically

(01:07:32):
themselves and navigate life in a way to where I've
been able to see you trendsend from your twenties to
working at god damn massage envy to now being a
multi to now im saying watch my show on be
you know you know what your book don't don't. I'm

(01:07:57):
not gonna talk something about this book. That's crazy to me.
I could go all your resumes.

Speaker 6 (01:08:01):
Y'all need so out tours. Now you've got a new
pod coming out, you did that moderation. I'm just I'm
just happy to be.

Speaker 1 (01:08:06):
I'm so proud to be sharing Mike's and sharing space
with all of you.

Speaker 2 (01:08:10):
I think that's so important and that's something that I
love about you. Guys like not being gatekeepers, always helping.
I think it's very important to show up for people.
If I can make it, I'm coming. I will be
in the audience and I'm rooting people on. And I
hate that there's this idea that women can't support each other,
especially women in the same space, and I am so

(01:08:33):
against that.

Speaker 3 (01:08:33):
I think that we have to support.

Speaker 1 (01:08:35):
There's enough that face, money and audience for us all
and as y'all keep agents. So anyways, y'all, you can
hate it or you can love it. Either way, are
you choosing to be selectively ignorant or are you choosing
to be educated? See you guys next week.

Speaker 4 (01:08:57):
Thanks for tuning in the Selective Ignorance of Men. Selective Ignorance.
It's executive produced to buy Mandy B. And it's a
full court media studio production with lead producers Jason Mondriguez.

Speaker 1 (01:09:08):
That's me and Aaron A. King Howell.

Speaker 4 (01:09:10):
Now, do us a favor and rate, subscribe, comment, and
share wherever you get your favorite podcasts, and be sure
to follow Selective Ignorance on Instagram at Selective Underscore Ignorance.
And of course, if you're not following our host Mandy B,
make sure you're following her at Full Court Pumps. Now,
if you want the full video experience of Selective Ignorance,
make sure you subscribe to the Patreon It's patreon dot

(01:09:32):
com backslash selective Ignorance.

Speaker 1 (01:09:35):
It's Segro Mady b And you just checked out my
new podcast, Selective Ignorance. If you enjoyed this episode, make
sure you head on over and hit that subscribe button
and check out Selective Ignorance every Tuesday and every Friday
wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts