Survivor's Guide

Ash gives Naz a relatively brief guide to surviving being in the dating pool. Naz nonchalantly spins in his chair, starts tinkling away at the ivory, and the rest is musical history. I mean daaammmnnn son. This dude is suave. And then some.

Mark tells us about his daughter and her apparently sincere interest in street carrots. Naz inspires us with a story designed to make him look good.

Nat reveals how he stopped teenage bullies. Naz makes one of the stranger commissioning decisions in his first foray into the world of erotic fan fiction. The video we talked about at the top Nat on Twitter

Em generously covers for Naz when it's clear he doesn't know sex stuff and any stuff about lady bodies. That's good friending. Naz uncovers the secret to eternal love and happiness (that someone he doesn't know told him in a pub one time).

While she waits for her bath to fill (really slowly I guess), Pallavi diagnoses that Naz and James have a problem. Naz is unmoved by this, and wholeheartedly (cold-heartedly, amirighttt?) continues his merciless harassment of James.

In this bonus episode that Naz doesn't know about because he doesn't know when we're recording and when we're not, Sam tells us about the 45 coat hangers he bought.

Sam tells us now he can have friends over he has never wanted them less. Naz gets obsessed with yet another guest's hotness.

Joel gives Naz the scoop on his candle dream, which is really just another tedious dream story. Naz reveals that he follows his friends to their jobs, and he never explains why.

Briggs ditches Naz when Naz needs him most - in a House Party infiltrated by fans. Naz reminisces on other times when Briggs has been a bad friend.

Nick discloses an incident in which his infant son showed mutant abilities. Naz bought some light bulbs!

Casey invites Naz into the cult of shogging, where no one travels very quickly and one must communicate only with oneself and even then only by mouthing lyrics. Naz does jaw exercises.

Tommy confides in Naz about his confronting failure to beat his friends in a competition he invented himself. Naz becomes a life coach to no one.

Arj ventures with Naz through the magical, mystical POFOMO world, ascending all the dog stairs they encounter. Naz checks in with Moustafa Fahour OAM to talk ramadan and stuff.

Pia takes us into her home (virtually), and into her heart. Naz responds by trying to catch her out, in this the first sub-episode of our new spinoff sub-series: Nazeem Hussain - Corona Cop.

Gen gets a unique insight into Naz's shredding regime, and tells us about a concept we don't totally get. Naz just wants to talk about Sandra Bullock pashing.

Naz auditions for X Factor winner Dami Im! Does he make it to the next round? Listen to find out. Also - Naz asks Dami whether she's wearing pants, and we probably have to acknowledge he's crossed a line there.

Vyom considers Naz's recommendation that scientists ought to be taking Ritalin. Naz licks a doorknob.

Merrick imagines a reality in which he imposes on nursing home inhabitants against their wishes. Naz disrespects circus folk, but says NO DISRESPECT first, so it doesn't count. Nice try, circus folk.

Hughesy comforts Naz with tales of gigs gone weird. Naz wishes he had some stories about getting nude for strangers, and only conceals that wish very thinly.