306. Trauma Dump with Justine Stafford and William Thompson

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
How'd the big shows go? Unreal.
Two of the best nights in my career.
Crowd were amazing, venue perfect.
We Nando's unreal. What's your plan for next year
Going bigger and better? Next year I'm just going to
relax with a big cup of tea. So welcome to this episode of

(00:41):
the Tea with Me podcast. With me, she and Todd.
Before we get into this episode,got to tell you a couple of very
quick things. We are sponsored by none other
than that prize guy. A lot of people walking around
saying the prize guy, me being one of them, that prize guy,
Ireland's largest prize site. Willy, I know you didn't think

(01:04):
you'd be involved in the intro without looking at that screen.
What you think TPG is giving away?
£50. 50. Quid £50 higher What?
Higher? 60 higher?
No way it's above. 125 million pounds 125 million after we

(01:27):
recorded this episode in the time we recorded this to the
time it goes out, they will madetheir 8th millionaire.
Last weekend. Last weekend.
Imagine that. Imagine being I'll just join
Rain. You're born.
You're a millionaire. Without voice be tagged.
Even believe it if that was the voice.

(01:48):
Your voice is Halloween witch. You know, but it's, it's, it's,
it's not that 8 millionaires have been made thanks to that
prize guy, the prizes going on all the time, sometimes for, you
know, 100 grand, 20 grand, a van, a car, a jet ski, some of

(02:09):
these I'm making up from now, a hamster, you know.
Lamborghini yours or 120 grand A.
Lamborghini. How much?
How much to enter or a? 120 grand How much to enter £100
for a ticket? 85 P. 80 pence pence some anger,

(02:30):
some not right That's it's too it's that tanky meant to make it
£85 and he's done done it by mistake.
He's. Done.
Thatprizeguy.co.uk there's loadsof stuff going on if if you live
here, you will know someone for sure at least one person who's
won something before on that price Guy, thank you for
sponsoring us. I've got to also point you

(02:50):
towards our patreonpatreon.com site, Team Me podcast if you
want all that extra stuff, the Live Waterfront podcast is like
the second one will be coming out stars and your eyes will be
coming out. We're doing an event that we're
talking about that's going to benext month.
It's. Going to be April.
It's going to be in April. You're involved in that by the
way, you know. But does he know about that?
No, you're doing some of us. We're doing a special event.

(03:13):
I'm a millionaire. No, you're not.
Sorry you're not £1,000,000 but this is even better.
You're part of AT With Me Live special event.
OK, It's going to be a lot of fun, you'll love it.
Available. No, you're available.
You'll don't. Know.
You'll love it. OK, you told me that a certain
tour I'm doing clash with your UK tour dates and they checked
your website. And you don't listen to me.

(03:34):
You're right, actually, you did say that Pedro on the with me.
Fuck. Be in my assistance.
There's times in one shot you went, why can't you do this?
Or like you didn't tell me this and I'll have to go up, get the
message and go, yes I did. The link for that is in the
description. TV Podcast live at the SSC

(03:56):
Arena, 23rd of May 21st 23rd of May Boom Bang Bang boom
surprises, grand things. It's going to be great.
This episode of TV Podcast features 2 fantastic comedians.
We have the man with the voice that you've heard there, the
Blackpool visitor he loves. Not anymore.

(04:19):
Umm, ladies and gentlemen, William Thompson.
And we are joined by, I want to say Dublin based, but that's
making an assumption, you know, probably probably don't live
that far from Dublin really. I'm actually from Dublin.
Umm, fantastic stand up comedianactress, eh, you might have seen
some stuff online which is absolutely brilliant.

(04:40):
I just watch the sketching with four arms and Hog, which was 10
out of 10 part of RT sketch series that's on at the minute.
The brilliant Justine Stafford. Please enjoy.
I've I've already done the the intro.
This is start of the episode. Oh wow, so I've already done the
intro. I was telling you I've that top.
I love that. I bloody love it now.
I love free stuff. No, but like Guinness is like,

(05:01):
you know the the dream scenario here.
What's the best free thing either of you have ever got?
I think it has to be. I get a laugh from Guinness.
They're very good fans of mine. Yeah, I got another jersey this
week for bows. Yeah, it's a white stunning
with. Their with all that's great.
Yeah, I would like to have that.There so that I got.

(05:23):
Basically give me. No target, I will have that.
Thank you. Come back to your awareness.
When Banshee Bones came back, they sent me two boxes for a
little. Just and, you know, banshee
bones. I do indeed.
They yeah, they sent me a jumper.
Yeah. I didn't get the crisp.
I wanted the crisp. Yeah, I don't want Tato merch.
Give me the. Crisp, the crisp itself because

(05:45):
I did I dressed up as it for Halloween one year as the
banshee bones. So I got I had to sacrifice a
piece so. When I when I asked you, did you
know, not only do you know of the existence of banshee bones,
you have been a banshee bone yourself?
Yeah. I was a very fat child, so if
you're talking any kind of food related thing, I'm going to be a
fan of it. But yeah, I sacrificed the PS1
dance match and like had to put myself through it and had the

(06:06):
wig and all. And that was just, they were
coming back the month after. So I was, yeah, I was a big fan.
I was in P7 fancy dress strand show strand primary school.
I Father Ted was like huge, obviously on TV.
You're going to say something dodgy, like as in something you
could never do anymore. A costume would be like, Oh no.
Robert Mugabe. Yeah, I went.

(06:29):
You went as Father Ted with the episode where he does the
Chinese eyes. That's who you went this.
I went as Father Todd, which I thought was 10 out of 10 hours,
but it was just me and like me with the collar on the
preschool. But then I had a sign on that
said Father Todd. So it was so reliant on the fact
that I was telling you what I was.
You know what I mean? So was it.
I had to do that one year. And it does.

(06:50):
You kind of feel like if I have to explain what it is, is it
that good of a costume? But still, I mean, you're,
you're young. I got like oh back then.
Yeah, can't need to know. Not now.
I was like. Oh Christ, no.
I you have an older energy than me.
I told you before this episode, you look like you're on G being
used to defend Joey Barton. Yeah.
Because life. So you're dressed me down.
I have a weathered spirit. You become a hat guy in a OH.

(07:13):
Man, I love you're. Hot girl just.
I am, I do. I've like six months of the year
it's the woolly hat, and six months of the year it's the cap,
right? I just don't.
Yeah. For the summer, yeah.
Yeah, No, sometimes I mix it up,sometimes even this in the
summer, just to keep, just to keep people guessing.
You and Tenerife for that. Like just bacon.
And I keep it on in the shower. I just like to have it, you

(07:34):
know, it's. You become a real hot guy.
Yeah, and there's bad you duringthis hot because like I feel
more aggressive when. I Yeah, you look, you look at
yeah. We're trying to say.
Yeah, you had the hat in Blackpool.
He loves Blackpool. Just.
A Really. Yeah.
Why? He's banging on a bit for months
telling everyone to go I. Have no reason.

(07:54):
I've never been so I can't speakfor my feelings on it.
I liked it the first time I wentbecause it was a fun place,
right? Like it just has a it has like,
arcade beach, Pleasure Beach, fish and chips.
You want to go see Roy Chubby Brown?
He's there. Yeah, he's there a lot.
It's just like a we sell your. Mental right?
Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Model myself after yeah. So I was like, I just.

(08:16):
By the way, Halloween next year.Yeah.
Chubby, Brian. I hope not.
I can't put it back on that quickly.
Roy Chubby Brown But that's because that's this time I last
time I stayed on the north side of the sea front.
My biggest sea. Front it's literally like a 10
minute walk but I swear to God it's like the Berlin Wall.
The difference between the Northand South goes up north.

(08:38):
That's where all the tour. That's the tourist event.
So nice. This time I accidentally stayed
in the South side. Awful awful.
Like shops boarded up, nothing open.
I forgot to bring a toothbrush, went to go and buy one and
passed people on the way and thought I might not get one
here. OK, I don't think they.
Do the one, yeah. It's all a guy with four teeth,

(08:58):
and he had the most, yeah. Yeah.
And they were just in his hand. He didn't.
Even you know you need to go. If you like, you'll back me up
on this. If you like seaside resorts,
post. Oh, stunning.
Yeah. Where's hope?
In fact, we went. Remember Me, you and Andrew
before the Olympic gig? Went see swimming and then had
lunch. Fancy lunch?
When that? Last year, you don't remember,

(09:20):
we went swimming. In the city just doesn't
remember it's Blackpool or nothing.
Yeah, You know, we didn't play Time Crisis at any stage, so I
don't know. I've had two, isn't there?
I don't remember it. Because I thought you were going
to say Betty Stone. Yeah, it's in me.
It'll be like, I think they havetime crisis too.
It's very like, not fancy fancy.It did, because that's where I
yes, I do remember this because that's why I had the idea for

(09:42):
the Edinburgh show, because it's.
Like in 51st dates when the showwere the VCR of her life and
then she just. It all comes back, yeah.
I remember nothing. The one in Newcastle I've been
up to, it's nice. Newcastle here, yeah.
Yeah, It's nice. You explored the North much?
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(10:06):
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(10:51):
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(11:13):
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(11:35):
Hang on. I'm trying to think of something
that rides a fat bastard. Hang on.
You were doing a trot. Were you over the travel show
this week? No, that was last October.
It was filmed but only came out this week, so we went to Greece.
Dara Ennis, he's the chaser on. Yeah, that's right.
I remember just thinking that was like it was a straight, not
a strange. No, but like, because generally
I think that shows like you bring two people who are friends

(11:57):
away, but I think they kind of reached a point that they were
like, we're running out of it. We just put amalgamated people
together and it worked out really well.
Is he always just learning? He is a walking Wikipedia page.
You know, I mean, and is that fun or is that?
I know he was great. Like for, you know, he didn't
ever need a tourist guide. Yeah, just, I know everything,
which is very handy because I don't know a lot about anything.

(12:19):
Where did you just go, Eh, Tess and Aliki in Greece, Right.
And it was lovely. But it's the whole concept is
someone gets a expensive luxury holiday and the other one gets a
cheap one. I got the cheap 1.
So that was an idea. Like, he went on a wine tasting
tour and I did an olive oil taste into her.
Yeah, right. And like the woman doing the
tour took the first sip and started choking.

(12:40):
I was like, this isn't confidence.
At all what? What chaser would you most like
to go away with? I go like I do a beta with a
beast look. He'd have a good time.
This is cousin there. He'd have a great time.
That's right. I come there, be through with me
and my cousin wife. We're going to stay with my
father and nephew as well. We're just having a fucking fun

(13:03):
time. He has married his cousin.
I'm not making that. Oh yeah.
I think there was, I think it was more, I think it was like a
second cousin or something that's.
What I was going to ask, I was like, are we talking first here?
Still not OK? Yeah.
No, I don't think it is, but I just mean like, you know.
I'm also pretty sure it was an open marriage, which is mental.
For other cousin only other cousins.

(13:28):
Putting the keys at the bowl in your granny's wake is mental.
I would love to go with only because, like, I've met him a
few times. He's lovely.
Paul Sinner, the Cinnamon. One of your You said this
cinnamon. Yeah, the cinnamon.
You said the cinnamon. Like the spice?

(13:49):
Hey also, it's gonna blow your tits off when you realise what
that name is meant, no? I know, but you said it like not
the word plate. But I heard the spice.
Yeah, you said. The cinnamon, Yeah, the
cinnamon, But it's the cinnamon because it sounds like cinnamon.
Yeah, the cinnamon I would love to go on a holiday with so.
You're still saying it. You're still saying it.
Yeah, his name, Yeah, his name is.

(14:10):
Paul Cena the cinnamon, Yeah. Paul Cena the cinnamon.
I would love to go. Fuck.
OK. On a holiday with him, yeah, but
he he does that thing too that like Dara would do where you're
you're just walking past something he hits you like 5
it's. Incredible.
And like, how do you know so much?
It's incredible, but by the 8th one you're outright.
Yeah, I. Don't need to know this much

(14:30):
about in in a bath house. There's something to be said for
not revising. You know what I mean?
You know, but it did, it was funny because it did on like
they did funny edits where it islike Dara on fact one and then
it cuts back and he's on fact 8 and it's like, OK.
And they just start closing the door in front of them and be
like, yeah. Did you, you said you've been
Newcastle them up here a bit like did you ever holiday here

(14:51):
when you were younger or anything?
No, but I like I where I'm from a home about about 25 minutes
from like Jonesboro and then you're on up and I.
Said you were from Dublin, started this party.
No, yeah, no, I'm from Meads. I love how much research from me
saying it's, I feel very, you know.
So where the bait? Where the I'm.
Wearing the is me. Yeah, OK.

(15:14):
Do you know what I need to hear?I do.
I do. There you go.
I said thank you, There you go, based.
I said based. Based in Dublin, your spot on.
So you wouldn't holiday it over the border or anything?
Wouldn't it? But like I would have again, I
was a fat child and there was a lot of things in Sainsbury's
like postman packed crisps, right they so.
You couldn't have got couldn't. Have got no but I was dead set

(15:34):
and getting them and also tubby toast.
OK, it was only a Marks and Spencer's it was it was brioche.
It was brioche bone I. Am an S Teletubby, OH.
You better believe it. And I was up here age days, just
filling the trolley for all of. Us, that's a weird collab, Yeah,
Teletubbies and M&S, you would think Teletubbies, Tesco's or as
the hand in hand. Yeah, or B&M job sounds like

(15:56):
Toby Toast, but yes, yeah, no, but that's when a lot of they
don't really do it so much anymore.
But almost every TV show had a food.
Yeah. As a kid, Bob the Builder had
crisps. Oh my God, Barney as well.
What was the ham? Billy Roll.
The ham, but he was on the TV. Philly bar.
There's not Billy Barry, so we bars face.

(16:16):
It there's a, there's a clown one there's a bear one, there's
a yeah, yeah. So you had the what?
You had to head up to Newry, to Yeah, to.
Get snacks. To get all.
This and then this is pathetic now, but even when I was like
late 20s, they stopped doing ricicles because there's too
much sugar in them. And don't get me wrong, it's
just Rice Krispies. I could put sugar, but it's not
this. You're.
Right. No, you're right.

(16:37):
Not the. Same.
You're right. Yeah, I want to lose my teeth
like so I would go up again and I.
It's like, you know, all cornflakes with sugar doesn't
necessarily give you Frosties. Yeah.
I'm not annoying, not grace and annoys me.
I get why you can't have them. It's bad for kids, you know it's
bad for sugar to be and everything.
But also, I'm a grown man. Yeah, do you ever put cinnamon
on your cereal or anything? I do put cinnamon on my shirt.

(16:57):
I have Cinnamon grammes, which is a delicious and educational
cereal. Yeah, cinnamon.
Great, we said. I said before I said it again,
Cinnamon grammes are the best. They're.
Unreal. We're the best.
They used to do golden grammes as well.
I remember them. This is finally my people.
I'm not excited. Were you?
Like I just fought kids around this.
Top three breakfast cereals backin the day Back in the day when

(17:19):
kids nowadays, they'll live longer, but they'll never
appreciate but. I don't want to live.
And they're also no crack kids. You're happy to.
You've been to you've been to Greece with Darren from The
Chase. They.
Discontinued Telly Teletubby toast.
What is there to live? For?
Shame. Yeah, the kids these days are no
crack. They're no fun.
Yeah, because they're not getting that sugar.
We were funks. We had that sugar rush of yeah.

(17:40):
And then you would say whatever came in your head.
Yeah. Now, as a parent, it's probably
beneficial. Oh big.
Time yeah, big I can see the benefits there but as the child
my. Son had strawberries breakfast
this morning. I wouldn't even if you'd have
said that to me as a child, that.
I've been like, are the are the depth in chocolate?
It's the strawberry half the. 20s on them, yeah.
Pop Tarts. Yeah, it was the strawberry jam

(18:01):
pop. Tarts.
When my when my mom used to workearly mornings so I'd be left in
the house by myself when I was like 9 or 10 You.
Matilda And then you've got magic powder.
So I got the obviously I got less part in my body disabled.
So when my mom just a hot, the hot throws it off man, the

(18:25):
hotter like. There's no way it throws it off.
All right, Spinelli, from Recessyou.
Know. That's just been out.
But so when my mom would go out,she used to make sure I would
eat healthy because like you said, you know, I was, I was a
chunky child myself, but I wouldgo out and I would have, I would
have Willy breakfast, but Willy wanted 4 pop tarts.

(18:47):
Really, breakfast could be very different thing some listeners.
4 pop tarts and a litre of coke.Oh God.
And it was. So litre of and it would be.
Are you sure you have cerebral palsy and you're not just
knackered from that? I would have the two different
flavours. The chocolate one.
The chocolate one and the strawberry 1.

(19:07):
So I would make a little sandwich with the strawberry one
in the middle of the two chocolate ones and then the
extra strawberry one for dessert.
God I respect this so much. I would have shook your hand as
a 10 year old and said teach me your way.
Hey, I think. You're lucky I still have the
hunt of the diabetes I. Think.
Sugar shakes. Black kids have more, I tell you

(19:27):
what it is. It's character building, all
right, because you have to be like, well, you know, I have to
have a personality. Always happy, sweaty and happy.
Always. Because that happiness isn't
real. It's either the sugar or they're
going. No, I'm fine.
Yeah. I don't like getting picked for.
Things, yeah. Who wants a girlfriend?
No. But I always got picked first
for goalie, so you have to look at the positives.

(19:49):
I was like, I take up more space.
It was the dream scenario. Tug of war.
They're like the literal ball are getting.
Anchored in the team, yeah. The human cattle bell will get
him in. But there was times I remember
going on a family holiday and toAmerica to visit my cousins and
we went into an Applebee's restaurant and I was 11.
And for some reason, Applebee's that day were doing a campaign

(20:10):
where it was pay what you weigh for kids under 12, right?
Yeah, My family had to get remortgage like, but we were
there and like, I was with all my cousins who were just not
built the same way I was built. And all of them went first.
And then before I stood, in thiscase, my own goes, I'd say this
will be a bit more. And I was like, yeah, no, this

(20:31):
isn't helping. I really feel safe in my own
skin here. But it was like 100 and
something pounds so then it was $1.12 like it was.
But all my cousins were like Godfor $0.49 type thing.
If that was me when I was 11, they'd have owed me like £20.
Yeah, I was like, well, I can say this because my grandma's
dead now, but he used to call methe Ethiopian.

(20:57):
Oh, it's not racist. He's dead.
The Ethiopians got him and killed them.
For that remark, I can say that my grand is dead.
Mental defence from you, OJ Simpson.
I can say that my wife's dead. The regret on Justine's face.

(21:22):
She has an RTE show. She doesn't.
Realise it's like a lot of debt.When someone dies, it still the
family still have to pay it. I thought it dies with him but
it doesn't. It doesn't be a generational
trauma. He said that to me.
Did you have a moment where you realised you were fat?
Many, I think there was a harrowing 1 when I was shopping
with my mom and we went to get clothes and I got 12.

(21:45):
I was like, finally I'm age 12, I'm wearing 12.
And my mom explained to me, no, that's a woman size 12.
And I was like, oh, I thought I'd just been proven that I am
just a normal kid. That was one of many moments.
There's moments where you realise like.
Oh, I'm not like other kids. Because you don't realise you're
Especially because my dad was heavier when I grew up.
Like my dad was a big Stoner. So we come in, live from work,

(22:07):
smoke a joint, order Chinese like 2:00 in the morning, wake
me up to have half of it and then send me back to bed and
then wonder why I'm not sleeping.
It's two hours. I'm a pop Tart sandwich.
Exactly. Like, OK, this explains a lot,
yeah. My mom was like, he doesn't eat
breakfast. I'm like, it's not a charming in
half an hour. Breakfast a chance?

(22:28):
So I didn't know. So you just grow up around that
and then you like do PE. By the way, you don't.
You said that like we all do. You grew up like that.
Yes, for your dad waking you up.The fucking chunky brothers over
there. We did like we knew and I
remember it was in pain, gettingchanged in pain.
We all got changed in the same room and I just remember taking

(22:48):
my top off and another kid came up to me and grabbed me by my
very ample bosoms and sort of made them clap.
I made them clap for a real G and that's when I realised, Oh,
no one else can do that, Yeah. But that's par.
No, it's not part well to clap another boy's tits that's par
over him so. We had a moment like that
because I was in a safe space, because it was me and there's

(23:10):
another boy in my school and we were the two we were in it
together. We were both chunky kids like,
but there was a harrowing moment.
I still it's it's when I knew we're going to be friends for
life because when the girls in our class who was very thin,
like came up to my friend Brian and was like, ha, you have
boobs. And then Brian went, huh, you
don't. And I shook his head and I said,

(23:31):
we're going to be friends for life.
That's phenomenal. But yeah, I there was many
moments of that realisation. The chair sank under my weight
in primary school. Oh really?
Yeah, it's not ideal. And then the teacher's like, oh,
dodgy chair, I'm like, please don't.
And did you just like grow out? Like did it just stop being a
thing? Well, no, I ended up with
anorexia, so it's by the dark root I took.

(23:53):
We're not going into that. Fucking hell.
No, we're not going to do it in the pub.
How many pockets? What could do it?
Let's ruin everyone's afternoon.Let's get dog with it.
No, Yeah. So like.
I used to hit me if I didn't finish your champion.
I'll talk about that one night Ididn't need, I didn't need to
spare ribs. And he left.
He actually deadly deadly overspare ribs.

(24:17):
No, no, he took spare Reds breath.
I'm actually like far. He left me with prone crackers.
I'm like I don't need these and I'm the paint in them.
Pop Tarts and the prone cracker.Useless.
My mom died with the Bush when Iwas three months old.
Shut up. What's not?
Nightmare, you know that's. It's not ideal.
But I just made difference. You don't know any different.
Yeah. It is kind of that feeling
known. They're like, is it my fault?

(24:38):
Like 3 months is pretty. Has to be me like that's.
Your. Fault probably a last resort was
like have them and see yeah. Give it three months.
Give me 12 weeks and I don't do anything.
I'm just. I can imagine it was your dad
was trying to crack banter. Be you, but you were 3 minutes.
He's like, look at, look at the whole on her and you're like,
man, he's like, I can't stop him.
Well, was your grandda still around as well?

(24:58):
Maybe things just got difficult with your grandda around.
He was. He was.
He was around. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not anymore. God love.
Well, this is fine. Now we've all shared something.
We can move past this. We all.
Yeah. This was wonderful.
I love favourite. Ever gig?
I did a gig to some fat fuckers Super Bowl party.

(25:22):
I used to, I used to wear hoodies to try and hide the fact
that I was, you know, yeah, bigger.
But then I'd wear a fucking waistcoat over that.
That just shapes back around thefacts like I was actually
demented. A waistcoat.
A waistcoat. Like the?
Because I thought this would hide.
Justin used to play snooker professional.
Yeah, as a kid I was like serving orders at a school.

(25:44):
A bouncer with a hoodie on at that point, I love it, yeah.
But then it was again, I was just wearing the waistcoat over
that. Like I thought people won't
notice that. That's just reshaping the fat
around. Yeah, I used to just wore full
football kits because I was too embarrassed because they would
give a have a better give. They were by a baggy or fit
then, yeah. Yes, but that was just more
football kits everyone's like. Yeah, you're not playing.

(26:07):
Yeah. But I do think, I think like I
won't be the person I am today if I didn't go through that.
It's character building. You have to develop a
personality. You need to.
You need to be either ugly or fat at one stage to be.
Interested. Very ugly.
Yeah, very ugly. Giant teeth.
I've told the story before, but I used to sound about it.
Is that like big buck teeth and giant ears and a big peanut

(26:31):
shaped head? Yeah, but I used to have a
shaved head up and I was like 16.
I just had like one all over my hair.
And whenever I was in primary school, some of the boys in the
class were called me Ronaldo. And I thought this was unreal
because remember the the old Ronaldo, Ronaldo was like the
best football in the world at the time.
And I thought this was brilliant.
And I was trying to make it extend outside the school,

(26:52):
outside the school of friends. I was being like, call me
Ronaldo. And I and then some of the girls
in the class were like, no, it'sbecause you have like big ears
and buck teeth and you look likethem shit of football.
I got called Ronaldo too, but itwas oh sex World Cup Ronaldo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Past the prime, but.
You know what, I think, looking back at things now, I think
people that blossom too soon, you're actually doomed because

(27:15):
you don't have to develop a personality and you can swan
through life. And I actually tend to find
these people that went through or weren't that, you know,
conventionally attractive or whatever you want to say as a
kid. You actually grow up.
Look at them now. Yeah, Look at you.
Yeah. I don't know what you look like
previously, but. I look like the new Ronaldo from
a distance, if he'd been like I'll for a long time.

(27:35):
Yeah, like didn't have his face or body.
I guess I'm the worst. Look, I.
Read William. What every time I get tagged in
that you look like this. Big boy.
I know I don't. I look like, what's his name?
We the actor Louise Guzman. Yes, he does.

(27:55):
He. Do look like Louise Goodman.
You just seen you just seen him and stuff.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, That's that's
everyone that we pick knows that's what I look like.
Yeah, I'm fine. Yeah, because I'm lovely.
I don't like, yeah. But you find, like, 99% of
people who do stand up were either, like, bullied or were
weird kids or like something. I've yet to meet anyone who's
like, not everything's been all good.

(28:16):
But yeah, yeah, yeah. Or if they do, they don't last
long doing this. Yeah.
Because they have a gig and theysee what people are like.
And they're like, Oh no, this I don't like.
This Why do I put this in my life?
Everything's been fine up until this point, Yeah.
I also love when it like a comedian gets up and goes, you
know, I had a bit of trauma and I'm like, we all did.
Yeah, I know. Shut up.
Because that's what I used to do.
Bits about like mental health. I'm like, there's no point
because the comedian is going tohave a bit about that.

(28:37):
I'm like. Yeah, you.
Go a different angle here with this.
Yeah, yeah, I think we're talking about Electric Picnic
earlier because I'm doing Port Leash on the day we're recording
this. Umm, I wonder, did we meet
Electric Picnic, I wonder, a couple years ago, because I did.
Ivy couple year, did you do it last year before I met you
Briefly, I think of that. Year before I was getting
bananas for people. Oh, there's a weird.

(28:59):
Not like I was there to gig, but.
Thank God your granddad didn't see that.
Yeah. Oh, what he would have said.
Oh God, tell me it says hot bad juju man says hot makes me say
that's how it. Stop the slurs.
So, so I heard backstage that there was there was a spread

(29:25):
somewhere, an artist's spread. Yes.
And I love a spread right from my football top some free gear.
And also here's a weird one. I told the boys we were doing a
pod. I went like I kept texting down.
Am I going being like boys keep an eye out in the office because
prime are sending me a load of free gear, right?
I was like prime or sort don't did you?

(29:46):
I never replied to the message because I didn't want to.
I don't want cans of prime. I didn't know what it was going
to be, so I said Yep, here's my address, send it down.
They sent me a message how you enjoying your prime and I
replied and said, oh, I haven't got it yet or anything, but like
I can't wait. And then I said last work and
then we were doing a bonus episode and I went, oh, prime,

(30:09):
I'm like a primer. I said that prime athlete.
I was like, I'm getting stuff sent out and I was like, wonder
what they gave us a lot of stufffor doing the marathon.
We're doing podcast marathon andI went and people were like,
yeah, right. Like prime message.
I was like they've said about being like part of the Prime
family and stuff. Yeah.
So I went, I'll fucking shoot, send you the message.
I'll show it to the camera and you can put it up.
I went in, deleted all their messages.

(30:31):
What? They deleted all their messages.
I have the original screenshot because I sent somebody else.
But I was like, Prime, what do you?
Do you got ghosted by Prime? Yeah, and.
I met a message and sentiment like what's happening here.
Now you're just needy though. But I need that gear they
promised me. Taking the top call out, Logan
Paul. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I replied to them, I never did. I replied them and get in touch

(30:52):
about never mind me. I wonder what Todd is getting
his supply. Yeah, it's the worst thing he's
done since that for Japan Forest.
This is worse. Stringing me alone.
He tried to delete that video too.
He has a string. Me along with Badger words.
What do you say? He tried to.
Do hanging awesome. Very annoying.

(31:17):
Yeah, I have some regret. Don's going to be cutting
tonight. Also in the.
Not to not to brag, but I told you I did get a black card for
the kebab house on normal roads.You did.
You did. If you ever want to fight.
Childhood. You guys would have loved that.
OK, Yeah. I got your boy gets trying to.

(31:38):
Bring you back the childhood. Yeah.
You know they're trying. To call you back rings and
chilli sauce. Oh, no.
But that's the thing. You never go out of it.
Like I will always be a fat child inside me.
Like you have to get disciplinedor else I would still be.
Yeah. And the lifestyle we lead, like
the gigs and film and stuff. Like, because I'll talk to you
about the schedule, but like thehours that you're doing that and

(31:58):
the way you just got to eat on the go.
Yeah, it's not. And I always do this thing on
tour where I'll go. Brilliant Eat healthy now I'm on
tour it's. Funny, it's worse.
I'm an American in a couple of weeks and it's good.
It's not going to be good. But you and it's not a benefit
because you do have a disease. Yes.
Yeah, it's Crohn's. Yeah, but you still you
physically can't eat as bad as you maybe could.

(32:21):
Yes, you still have to have my idea of like, I'm like, oh,
don't let anyone see this. And machine is like, you know, a
bit to three biscuits. Yeah.
I'm like, I'm having three gluten free hold.
And I was don't tell my wife, you know, it's not like I'm like
off of really letting myself go.Yeah.
America's harder, though, as well, because they're.

(32:41):
It's not real, just. Wild, yeah.
You read the ingredients and it just says you don't want to
know, you know? You're like that.
And then you'll come into my hotel room and I'm sitting like,
you know, the bad guy from Toy Story 2, Just, like, asleep of
crisps on me, Yeah. I sometimes do with hang on a
night out called the Bang Bang where you go to one take away
and then no. Judgement.

(33:03):
I wish. But no, you go to one take away
and then directly afterwards yougo to another.
That's the thing I like. To.
So what's the? What's the system?
I am, I will inhale all food when I've had a few drinks.
Because you, you're, you're Instagram.
You're Rachel Mcpeak. There was a there was a period
of about a year where you guys were like Anthony Bourdain run

(33:24):
around there's. Another league now.
It was pints and food, but it was like, it was like banquets
mediaeval kings would have afternights out.
You talk about a spread. It was like Henry the Eighth,
no? Because we went for food there
last weekend. We went for oysters and then we
went for pints and listen to that and.
Oysters and pints. And then it can say.
Dublin's lost their own of it. No, but that was a Bang, Bang

(33:46):
because we had oysters and then we had pints and then we got a
kebab to just finish off the night.
Sounds like a great time. No, I see.
That's that's the inner child. Whenever I'm hammered, it's
like, oh, she's free again, let's just let her go wild.
But and if you're doing 2 two types of take away watch like I
feel like you can't go Chinese first because you're talking a

(34:06):
lot of thick sauces. You'd think that Shane, right?
You would think that Bush. Well, like, yeah, before that it
would have been. I got Chinese 1st and then I
want to got a brio. So is it straight from 1:00 to
the other or start of the night?This pints finish here.
It can be either, right? Yeah, it's.
Versatile like in. So if I'm very much going home
alone, I think that's when I do one in a row because no ones

(34:29):
going to in a row rather becauseno ones going to see this.
You don't need to see me at my worst.
Well. I did like a but less extreme
version of this when because I just got my, I didn't look at
the time me and Willie went for a fry at like 10:00 AM on like
we're doing radio 10 AM on a Tuesday morning.
And then at like 12 I went, let's go to Nandos and I had
like a full banquet there. Respect.

(34:50):
That so much. But I didn't realise I'd done it
and. I and you thought I was just
being weird because I didn't want to have.
Yeah. And those after we just had a
full meal. You're taking his dad and stuff
too seriously. You know, it's been an R Yeah, I
also got it though. If I was all night out and
someone turned around like you wanna come for a bang, bang, and
then I turn around and they've just got a pan.
You're an Apache. Pizza.

(35:10):
You've got a Taco chip and a calzone.
Dublin night out food is brilliant.
It is solid. There's a there's a Chinese
place. I quit a bit.
No, Rachel actually recommended it.
Yeah, it's near since Stevens Green.
It's like 2 words. It's like yeah or something was

(35:33):
not that I. Don't know now which.
You know, it sounds like I'm saying telling you the hotel was
there not just to tell you, but it's near the Westbury Hotel,
It's near the pub I love umm. All Georgie Best over here and
if he loves a pub you know it's a good 1/3.

(35:56):
OK, OK. Oh, and it is, Yeah, I know I
can't pronounce, but I know whatyou're talking about.
Best place back in Dublin in there.
Really. Yeah, really good, Bunsen.
Oh, phenomenal. I'm gonna be in Dublin two
weeks. I might go for a bang.
Bang, yeah. Get a Bang Bang.
I'm not this is it. Why are you joking yourself?
I'm not, I'm feeling, I'm feeling my neck fat.
But thank you. I want to ask you about the

(36:21):
schedule that's out of the minute that you guys are making.
Yes, that seems like a lot of fun.
We had that as well where you kind of like just make a
schedule with your mates. Oh, it's the dream, like as I
was talking to the lads here foryou were back with coffees.
But it's because I need to catchup on all the episodes from
Chances as well. But the stuff I've seen from it,
it's just the quality when you have a team that can shoot your
stuff like it's. And did you guys get the like we

(36:45):
got a lot of sort of freedom with that in terms of being able
to do it the way we like? And I think as we've done the
first series, we kind of learnedmistakes from that and things we
wanted to do better. And like going in, we'd like a
meeting to decide. Like can we all suggest people
that we've worked as well doing videography and stuff and
directing That was such a benefit because I think comedy

(37:05):
is specifically is such a thing that needs to be done.
Comedy editing I just think is make or break for.
Catering. Editing Cinnamon.
So I think that makes such a difference.
I wasn't, I knew it wasn't great.
I was just like met. It was like I was messing.

(37:26):
Sorry, Willie has to go to sign a petition for Excel Bullies.
Yeah, two family bags of crisps.It's your fault.
Bang Bang, but. Yeah, like you could be the best
like cinematic feature film editor in the world, but.
It won't work for comedy. Yeah.
Because it can. You could have something that
isn't usable and someone, if you're able to edit right, can

(37:47):
actually make something out of it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Funny. So I think that was the big
difference for us this time around, that we'd all worked
with people who do comedy that we could suggest and get on
board as well. But you probably know as well,
similar to us, like the turnoverturn around time is wild.
Like I think we 2-3 weeks to write and then get into shooting
and which was insane and becauseall of us series 1 was just

(38:10):
after COVID. So like we were all like just
it's great we actually have work.
Whereas this time around we wereall busy and other things.
So it became a nightmare to evenfind times where people were
free and all available to be together.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But with more freedom, but like
you do still have the constraints of like budget and
things that aren't able to do with.

(38:31):
I've seen like like a seems to be a really good reaction to it.
Yeah. Which is always good.
I know because yeah. Because it you know.
Oh, this thing, you can think this is the funniest thing
you've ever seen. And then when you put it online
like rice, OK, death threats, lovely.
I wasn't expecting that reaction.
So that was the thing because wewere all so much happier with

(38:52):
season 2. But it kind of felt like, but
will the public think that if weput it out with reaction has
just been fucking dreams now? It's been great because.
There's people differ on that, like when people give you shit,
a lot of people go just ignore them, don't respond.
That's not my mantra. I can't help it.
It depends on the day. He's told me a phrase he wants
to start using. Don't bring.

(39:12):
I can't, I can't, I can't tell her off.
But he he says there's a phrase he's pretty close in the future,
he's going to start just replying to all comments with
it. Can you, can you whisper?
Do you even feel bad about? Yeah, I don't know that well
that I can say, OK. You're right, you're right,
you're right. It's a wild.
It's a doozy. It's dark.
But he's going to start using that.

(39:33):
But like, but we always talk about how someone can write
whatever they want and like really personal about you and
your work and you can say the most innocuous thing back and
they're like, whoa. What the fuck?
No, that's exactly it. And I think there's days where I
see something and then I go on to their page and I see, Oh my
God, you live with 19 cats and you're the biggest loser and
you're like telling me a bit of a stretch to say comedian.

(39:55):
I'm like. Oh this God, it shouldn't
matter, right? But if you're really nasty about
me and I go under your profile picture and I see that you're
very ugly, it kind of hurts my feelings a lot less, yes.
There was the guy you. Say more.
No, no, I kind of go, oh, you've, you're just.
Hungry. You've got your own issues.
Going on? Yeah.
I'd put ugly fuck. I put up a sketch.

(40:17):
Not political, non controversial.
Some guy wrote this felony shot.I looked at his picture.
He and yes I'm aware of people in class houses even more so
than me. Like he was like his eyes were
like he was very cross eyed, right?
I have a bit of lazy. I won, I was going to the shop.
They always come back to the change like yes.

(40:39):
So two different takeaways. They're going to, yeah.
His eyes were going to Bang, Bang.
Bang blue eyes. But this guy was fully cross
eyed. OK and he's just said I need
shot and I replied with a picture of him, screenshot a
picture of him and I said well hopefully it's you taking the
shot and he deleted his comment and sent me Adm just saying out

(41:06):
of order. Stop.
So his death threat, my jibe about his eyes was worse than
his death. They can't fucking take it like
they can give it. And I'm like, I could.
There's so many times I'm like, I have the perfect response to
you, but I know what's going to happen.
This scenario, you're going to screenshot that and you're going
to go for me or like say. I did some really petty do a
troll. I'm a bollocks like for being

(41:27):
petty. I did something.
I just remember it like this. This is this is out of order.
There was a guy who years ago had been trolling a lot of
stuff. I was doing personal enough kind
of stuff and I was filming a thing and that they needed
extras and I looked over and this guy just happened to be
there. Oh my God.

(41:49):
How funny is this? So I said to the producer,
what's mad is I went that guy has been like on at me for ages
writing like pretty, like nasty enough stuff.
And the guys like you want me tosay to him, I was like, no, I
was like, I don't care. I was like, it's just funny.
We're going to be in the, he's going to be the background of
the scene. Producer goes, he doesn't
necessarily need to be in it. And what do you mean he goes,

(42:13):
I'll just like, I can just have him wait here all day and not be
in it. And I was like, yeah, so they
made him wait for like 8 hours unpaid.
And then the producer guy was like, man, you just head on.
But I just kept walking past andhe was just sitting.
It was in the lyric and he was just sitting on like a chair in

(42:33):
like the hall all day, didn't say a word.
That's. Wild.
That's the. Thing, if I had that kind of
power, I'd I'd abuse that. So really like, I'm like, we're
doing a sketch that's a copy of From Dusk Till Dawn Joe when
Quentin Tarantino takes a shot off Simon Hayek's food.
I'm Salma Hayek. You have to drink mayonnaise off
my food. That.

(42:53):
That's the sketch. But it is that it's it's wild
when it's like personal, I'm like, fuck you.
Or then, you know, wild things people say and they look at the
page and it's like a wife and kids.
Yeah, like, yeah, what? Is wrong.
And then the thing says be kind.I'm like, oh really?
There's like a biblical quote onit.
It's. Or mental health.

(43:14):
Be kind. Yeah.
Guys, I love to shoot you in thehead and kill you.
Yeah. But if his if his wife and kids
are ugly, they will feel fine because.
I'm like, yeah, really. It's like, oh geez, that could
have been so much worse. Yeah, it's it's the most
annoying is we fake ones where like the profile pictures a car.
At least have the balls have your fucking face on it.
If you're going to call me something horrific, you have

(43:35):
your actual identity there. That's the thing with it that I
hate. And just be anonymous.
Bart Simpson smoking a joint. Yeah, you know.
I appreciate it when someone would like their face, their
name and like their full like business.
I'm like, oh far, you really hate me because you don't get.
Your respect. Yeah, respect.
Like far enough. Yeah, yeah.
But I remember seeing a girl on TikTok talking about someone
sent her like fat shaming A really And she clicked on her

(43:58):
page, she was a therapist and soshe screenshot it and sent it to
her employer and she lost her job.
And I'm like. I couldn't do that.
I don't think I could. I would hate like someone.
No actually like get in trouble.But a funny jibe back is totally
fair. But the fact she's working as a
therapist is why. I don't think I'd get a fire,
but if it was my therapist, I'd stop going.

(44:19):
My therapist was running, going like you're a fat fuck to you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah on that. One that's fair though, if.
Your therapist is trolling you. I think that's a good reason to
leave. Yeah, I, I just, I did go to the
therapist before and I went my job can stress me out and I
went, he went, what's your job? I went on my stand up and he
went, am I supposed to know who you are?
I was like what the fuck? But maybe you walked out too

(44:42):
soon. Maybe he was going to flip it
and go. Because if you don't know who
you are, how do I know who you are?
Not stayed there for like I let that hang for 10.
Seconds. And then just being slight.
No, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't like, I I would hate
for a therapist give me too muchto think about, you know, stuff
that you didn't think before. For example, I I was getting

(45:05):
head shots done and the centre back and then I looked at a bit
closer and my wife noticed she went, oh, they've taken out your
mole. And I was like, all right, I
won't paranoid with that before,but I am now and I'm nearly sure
the turn one of my the turn thisI in a bit at the even about and
I was like, that's that. No, that's in my head.
But I wouldn't want to go to because I think everything's

(45:26):
fine, but I wouldn't want to go to a therapist and they tell me
it isn't. And they're like, what about
that? Kind of worms like, yeah.
I said before I have the astronaut helmet on.
You know, in life, like you can't get in.
Yeah, I just if I don't want to have a thought, it can't get in.
Oh, God knows I've tried, Yeah. You just need you need to get
the helmet on. No, I can fit you with.

(45:47):
It's not it doesn't work it. Trust me, it works.
You know what, I used to have a line.
I still obviously will have bothabout mental health, but last
year or two getting to be a bit more.
You get the astronaut helmet A. Bit yeah, absolutely.
It makes such a difference. Not because I think I would have
oftentimes felt like, sorry for myself and like, get into that

(46:08):
loop of misery and like, not being able to get out of it.
And I think the more I've coppedon a bit about like Akama,
Justine, like you're not the only one going through rough
stuff and trying to be a bit more like, come on, you can get
through this. And comedy is a great outlet.
Yeah. For anything like that, because
you can say, you can say dark stuff, OK, you can go overboard
or you can present it in a way where you're like, this isn't
connecting with people, but you there's nothing funny than with

(46:30):
someone was like, I've had this thought recently and you're
like, that's great yeah, to say it out loud and make a joke,
but. And also around comedy, you're
around very empathetic friends who you can open up to, and when
you're feeling down, you can tell them and they'll listen,
right? He's bringing this up because we
were driving recently in the car.

(46:50):
What was that I was listening to?
Don't know, No. Limits.
No, no, no. There was nothing on the radio
all right initially. And William said to me now it
was a long drive and I sort of Zoom, I was just like focusing
on the road. And William said, and he was
like, he's like, ah, yeah, I've just not been like, feeling too
good recently. Like, just like not been having
the best of thought. By the way, my hand was already

(47:12):
on the way to do this. I turned the music, like, way
up, but I was already on route to do it.
And I was just buffering a bit because then I did turn it down.
I was like, oh. What's wrong?
No, he didn't. You didn't.
We sell for two minutes and I just went.
You're a dickhead. What?
Song bom bom bom. Those like things are just rough
in the house at the minute. But that's what you need from a

(47:39):
friend sometimes, you know? Yeah, you need tough love.
That's not what you need. You need the opposite.
No, you needed love. Yeah, I also actually, but I
need a joke about it, yeah. When I want to be sad, listen to
you. And also he says that the radio
was on the way up. There was a solid 5 seconds
pause before it just started. It was like it was this.
I'm just feeling about down at the minute.

(48:03):
No, no, no, no, no. But you want.
The problem is you can't. You couldn't see the helmet.
No. I didn't want that in the
helmet. Yeah, it's No one went to take
the helmet off though. Shame.
He is very good. I am joking.
He is very. If you do need him for
something, well, it's just a very funny moment.
Like that time I text. You like, like tell me whatever

(48:23):
is wrong with you and I'll do everything.
I'm up. I will do, I'll listen.
I'll do everything about help. But don't let a good song be on
at the same time. Yeah.
There was that time I text you as like I love you, thank you
forever. On the 12th of July he sent me a
picture of him sitting out in Belfast with Union Jack
sunglasses on and sent me a text, a picture of that and he
sent me a message and said thanks for everything, love you

(48:45):
and I thought he was trying. But the picture didn't load and
so he's like mate, do you want me to come to you?
Are you alright? And then the next message just
speak with like 3 WKD's a month.Cry for help because I've been
to therapist though. Have you ever had that where
they look at their watch? Like that's not.
Good. I'm like, oh, like a meeting
with a producer. Or something.
You're pitching the idea of yourlife, like, yeah, definitely has

(49:06):
this good arc, yeah. I paid for this like.
You were saying, though, didn't you have the belt where you're
like you said you went to therapy, but it was like it was
too cheap it. Was like a pound an hour.
Yeah, it's nice Pound, Yeah. It's not enough.
That's just on Groupon or something I've.
Never. His office was in the Holy Land.
The student area, but OK, yeah, you don't want rock the boat

(49:27):
going on when you're like, oh, just my childhood wasn't great.
Yeah, sitting, talking to therapist.
He's a traffic cone his. Head jersey like.
Brutal. That's the one who went to me is
like, am I supposed to know who you are?
I'm like, no, but your office issupposed to have walls.
Like what the fuck is this? Is it awful?
And that's the only time I've went to the therapist.
So in my head, that's what therapy is.
Well, don't. Judge him on him.

(49:48):
Which saying that, I did comedy as well.
And then they're like, Oh well, so tell me a joke.
I'm like, you're having a laugh.And I was like, I don't really
think that'd be what I want to. Do they do the thing where
they're like, what's this? No, I've always wanted that.
Rorschach test. I've always wanted that.
Isn't a Rorschach test Rorschach?
Yeah. Yes, maybe it's just in.
Movies. No.

(50:09):
Maybe it's just the movies, you know?
Yeah, I know, because I've always seen that.
Do you lie on a coat like a She's long?
No, it's just a chair. I wouldn't I?
Don't know what you had, probably a bean bag.
I don't empty create a cards Berg.
So if they did that, like what do you thought we rush our test
and like, what would you say? I would just be like N Berkeley
crazy. Yes, that would be the only

(50:30):
thing I say that. Works for everyone, yeah.
He's done listening. He's done.
Cee Lo Green, Yeah. Is he?
Yeah, what happened? Don't know something?
Oh yeah, I remember. I'm not get into it, but I
remember what he tweeted. Something really mental.
Just an Irish comic. Who?
Belfast Live Cee Lo Green Multiple number heads number

(50:54):
number hits. Number one hits who?
Yeah, Never heard of them. Yeah, yeah.
But they can't, they help us really.
Entertainment. Yeah, I'll tell you this one
after because I'm not saying it,but it's just when you have a
beautiful, it's like sometimes I'd love to roast battle some of
the people that have sent me comments.
Yeah. Like I have lists of ones that I
could send back. Have you?
Ever done a roast bottle? Yeah, what?
Did you think of it, the whole experience of it?

(51:15):
I think you have to be able like, I'd never do it again
unless it was like someone that I was really close with to be
like, you know, we know each other and we're friends.
I just. Remember that we're friends.
We kind of like, I knew the stuff that he was going to go
for, maybe mental health and disorders and stuff.
So I had kind of written comebacks to those in my head as

(51:36):
well. Yes.
And but I had then also. Yeah, it was a.
That was a fun one, but I would be 1 and done with it.
Exactly the same with me. I loved it.
We don't want for Williams birthday.
Loved it, would never do it again.
Yeah, I adore them. I was like, but that's a great I
can look back and go. I did that.
We had a great time. Everyone's friends after it was

(51:56):
the right tone. So I don't want to do it again,
not enjoy it, and then I'll go ahead and like it.
No. And because as well I won.
So I'd like to, you know, leave with the victory and I don't
need to do that again. I fucking adore them because I
think, I think it's the fat kid and me mentally has.
I've. Roasts for everyone I've ever
met. Because I'm expecting it to come
my way, yes. But I just really enjoy.

(52:17):
It yeah and if someone's like really plate and like just
playfully erosion and you're like, you've got this anger and
you're like you need to like because you're prepared for like
war and they're just. Like shoes your mas dad, How's
that? That's Myanmar.
I fucking idea like. They are actually nice shoes.
They're. Dirty though.
That's all right. Now I need to get them cleaned.

(52:38):
Yeah. Do you know get those shoes?
What a weird question. But a valid one put.
Them in the put them in the washing machine.
That's controversial people giveoff but.
I do it and they get a bit damaged but.
I often know. Not that often.
I think you do, and you didn't mean to say it.
And every day you're putting your shoes in a washing machine.

(52:59):
They're. Always wet.
It's so annoying but I bought a hat in once and it destroyed my
house. Destroyed it and it was my
favourite hat. She doesn't take them off.
Don't. Yeah, never take it off to find
out. Yeah, you'll never know.
Yeah, I did this podcast 3 weeksago.
You gave me a hot and I've wore a hot every day since.
It's just I hate my face, my hair, so it just hides both.

(53:19):
And I want to be a hot guy. Just seemed like I would love to
be a hot guy. Here's the issue.
That's it. OK.
Yeah, Yeah, I see. Yeah, I see what you mean.
I feel like The Avengers are going to come through that door
any minute now. It weirdly as well as given like

(53:40):
because. You want to meet them as your
last wish. Yeah.
You look like you look like yourforehead, so.
It's maybe like a papal athlete range as well, like if the Pope
had his. Yes, I'm not feeling when you
said like something about athlete range, I was like, yeah,
like like an NBA player or something doing like a Oh,

(54:01):
right. Your forehead looks huge in that
it's because it's sitting. On your head, like your
therapist now. Yeah, no, but because it's
sitting on your head, so it's not properly down there, you
have better. That's better.
It's like he's the. Fucking conductor in The Polar
Express there. How is this?
I'd actually go out to. It's better, sorry.
I'd search it. Yeah, Wagwan.
You feel a little bit more alright.
Your grandma's coming through again.

(54:22):
Yeah. You feel a little bit more
aggressive when you've caught one, don't you?
Yeah, you take steroids? Yeah.
Do you do do not feel? It don't know if I do.
I feel like you want to go through fireworks at old people
or something. Like I feel like I'm more here
as a token female now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's good to have you zone. We have one on every month.
Yeah. Yeah, we do our bit here.
We have you on yeah, feminine products and toilets.

(54:44):
Yeah, women's football. Don't watch it but more.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be the best in the world
ever played it, but no for ladies.
For ladies, it does. You seem very like you play
golf. You do play golf though, right?
No. Do you not?
No, don't know why that surprises me.
I either look like. You play golf or tennis?
Yeah, with that now I could see as a golfer.

(55:06):
But not used to back in the day but.
What's your hand bigger than mine?
That's weird. Don't know.
I thought I'd be the big hit. You definitely are big hitters.
Yeah, I mean, look, I give a time.
I don't think the hat is right. No, it's not right, but maybe
Beanie? I've got a couple in Primark, a
couple of caps and Primark last week and I went.
These are actually a nice fit. I have a weird shaped head and

(55:29):
it's more the standard hats don't fit my head, don't suit my
head. Have you ever done a shoot where
they had to meet? Like that costume didn't fit
your head? Oh.
I would hit. No, I would hit that.
I couldn't do it. I'd have the back out of
whatever it is. I couldn't come back from that.
Do you audition for a lot of stuff?
I just didn't audition for the I'm terrible at auditions.
We well, it's funny, I've been doing self tips a bit now.

(55:49):
Yeah, they're soul destroying and I think they go into this
void that never exists. I don't know how many of those
tapes actually get watched. Using like just before you die
you're going to get or hell, maybe it's just you get played
on a loop or yourself tapes. Tapes as what I find like I
could spend a day doing 25 of them and I was out of 10.
I picked one of the 1st 2 that Itook.

(56:09):
It's actually ridiculous when first one of the 1st 2 like, oh
really? Yeah, yeah.
No, it's got better. I think I'm, I think I go the
opposite. I lose my mind you.
Think you overtake it and then you you look like you're active,
look like you're acting. I think I'm like, oh, it's just
that one little thing I need to fix in the next take.
And then while fixing that thing, I've forgotten about all
the other things. Yeah.
When you were saying when you you feel it, all the tapes have

(56:31):
went in to avoid having been on the other side where you're the
one watching the tapes and picking something. 100% my mind.
We Willy Weinstein. Yeah, running through the town,
yeah, seems so much more. And if you call Wee Willie
Wines, then there's. A hard drive out there

(56:51):
somewhere. Yeah, yeah.
But you said no to your credit because Willie made a show for
Channel 4 and loads of our friends and local actors edition
for it. But you.
None of our friends got in. Yeah, but you didn't.
You could have. Fucking shit.
You could have sent those tapes around or you know, where do you
see this and that, but you didn't.
No, but but I. Also could have picked any of
you, and I didn't know you didn't, but I could have picked

(57:14):
some of our friends and I didn't.
Yeah. Well, that'd be hard if you can.
Only if there's only one part and all your friends are going
for it. I would find that very
different. Parts do you know what I do you
know I had was awful. I addition for a thing a couple
of months ago and it was in the Clayton Hotel in Belfast.
Walk in to do it. There's the produce like an in.
What I was going to say, yeah, that's a difference.

(57:34):
I went in, they went. Listen, they went, we'll run
this a lot of times, OK? You're comfortable that we'll
try a few different things, run the lines once they went.
Thanks a lot. No, see, that's.
Not I used to think that was a good thing, being like a nail it
yeah, you're like see if you've done it 8 times that means.
You're really I used to leave every see whatever you the

(57:55):
minimum amount of time you had to be in an exam hall was Yeah,
I'd leave on that button and go.Nailed it.
Yeah, Oh. No, if it was you have an hour
and a half, but you can leave after half an hour.
After half an hour I'd be like, we're going to poison away.
Because I used to think when youdid an audition and if you had
to do something 7 or 8 times, you're like, I'm not getting it
right. What that is, is they're going.
Can you take direction? Here's the rate.
Yes, that's exactly. See if they go once, they go

(58:17):
you, you're not even in the ballpark about this character
is. Yeah, yeah.
Awful. Because that's what I've never
done. I often gotten to do a lot of in
person, yeah, which is where I think I'd be able to be better
to be like, I can't take directions anytime I do stuff.
I think it's far better. You know, honestly, because like
even I did sketches with like follow my hog and stuff that
they were saying you. I was just talking about that
earlier because that was great. But they like they were saying

(58:39):
they're like, you take directions so well that I'm
like, I just need someone to physically see me audition
because these tapes don't get seen.
Because yes, realistically, there's probably a few names
already in the mix anyway. And they're not going to my name
is bottom of that list that they're coming to.
So that's the problem. Because I'd love to do more.
I, I, I love seeing comedians doact.
And because it's just, I think comedians make class actors.

(59:00):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So many examples of it and I
think sometimes they can be pigeonholed and pigeon holed
into like comedic role, but I think there's.
Yeah, what's your like? What will be your number one
passion? Is it like is it stand up?
Is a sketchmaking act in. I suppose like I started out
making short films when I was 11, so I was always doing comedy

(59:21):
sketches and film, but it was meacting in them as well.
So that's the thing I've, I'm most comfortable doing because
I've joined the longest as opposed to stand up.
Like I do enjoy stand up, but I go through bouts of I'll do it
intensively and then I'll come away from it because I don't
have the same love for it that Ido for.
Which I think, by the way, is like better than just doing it
for the sake of it. I think so because I end up

(59:43):
getting very down when I do thatfor too long.
And then, you know, you're down doing a gig like in Sligo and in
a hotel on your own and I'm like, Oh no, I might jump now.
So like I need to realise that. When the fuck head comes back
from for me, yeah. 11 at night. Like if I could climb up on that
wall, I would. Yeah.
I can't. Run away from my problem, just

(01:00:04):
having to wait for a foodie. Yeah, no.
Who alone in hotels? That's been like the crisps
you're gonna find. Demons come in.
You're gonna find me one day OD Don't like something vinegar?
Pringles. What do?
We to go though. Oh.
That's how I want to die. Right #1 hotel snack.
Give me the brand, give me what it is.

(01:00:25):
So I'll give you hypothetical gonna get in Sligo.
We're in the get back the hotel.It's half nine.
It was an early start. I arranged up.
I love it's half nine productionteam come in a runner.
He goes more fire. Guy says I can get out of the
party get you whatever you want.So don't just thank Ireland

(01:00:47):
you're talking about having to go to Sainsbury's first you any
anything around the world. So if it's an American snack,
whatever it is, then get you what will it?
Be. 11 snack, one drink. If you've got the answer, give
me it, because. She's Doritos big bag.
Yep, and a Coke. Coca-Cola Original Coca-Cola

(01:01:07):
bottle. Yep, glass bottle.
Won't glass bowl could give you a litre and a half.
Oh. Yeah, but the glass bottle, give
me a six pack of the little glass bottles.
They're into the nicest ones because they still have all the
food sugar in them. OK, from.
Mexico. Yes, Mexican coconut.
Like I did that when I was staying in Dubai.

(01:01:28):
I, you know, I splashed out, gota nice hotel, right?
And the the walls were all like fully white.
Nice white. When I was done with them the
way. Cleaner earn the money there,
but I came in one night and had like a big family bag of

(01:01:49):
Doritos. I must have fallen asleep like I
was eating them as I was walkinginto the room blacked out.
Woke up. The elevator snack guy way to
the. Door closes before they opened.
Them I couldn't even that night I was hammered and I blacked out
and just woke up with like cheese Doritos everywhere.
The white crisp white linen bed sheets just covered origin ham
prints. It looked like I'd beaten the

(01:02:09):
fuck out of something. Beloopers in my room there was
just cheese Doritos everywhere. Yeah, I'm not smelly snack.
I yeah, I'm going to go. I'm going to go like cookies.
I'm going to go like milk chocolate cookies.
No, like subway type cookies butsmaller.
Do you ever get them the heat, the micro, or the cookies in the

(01:02:31):
oven? Oh, the toaster cookies for you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Subway.
Yep, I'm going. To go Oh my God, I'm.
Going to go a big bag of cookiesand my drink will be Doctor
Pepper. Wow, I respect you so much
because that was I. I grew up obsessed for Doctor
Pepper. And me too.

(01:02:51):
I used to have a can, a can, or the bottle.
Doctor Pepper. Every single day.
Yeah, every day. And I would sing the song all
the time because I had no friends really, so I was just
singing to. Myself, I should do a show of
some sort. I don't know what it is, but
it's Doctor Pepper. That makes I'm delighted with
that because it's not that often, but now.
Good idea for sketch. Go on 94 sketch, it's set in

(01:03:15):
that. What age?
You just need 30. 1. Right.
It's set in the early naughties.Right.
You're in it. OK, you, you, you.
Can. Cast it as well, you pervert,
right. So it's it's all the key, all
the key at lunchtime, all the kids in the school or college or
whatever have Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola, right?
And they're loving it. And they're like, you know,

(01:03:37):
giving each other the nod and like cheers.
And they kept the cans. And you and I are weird kids in
two different corners of the canteen.
And we're sitting there just sipping on a Doctor Pepper, and
we make eye contact. And it's just a really sad,
like, you're not across. Yeah.
Thumbs up. And.
Yep. It's a short film.

(01:03:57):
I can see it's a feature. It's a feature.
That's a Where's Anderson movie.I love the build up for an hour
and a half. Just for that, just for a nod,
that nod, just a mutual nod. And then we could beat up, you
know, then there's like a tray on on its way to our face.
Just as the nod. Yes, very moving actually.
I get to play the jog because that's my natural role,

(01:04:19):
obviously. Yeah.
What would you be cut if they were like casting for like
Freaks and Geeks? You know, that started to show
like a high school. What do you think you would
viewed as play casting agent? I've know what I would play so
well. Like a guy who wears sleeveless
denim jacket and he's fuming constantly.
Yes. That's I play so well.

(01:04:40):
Why I order yeah all the time if.
Joe Pesci could do it like that's I'm a wee Joe Pesci.
I could play that kind of kind of.
Character The jocks hold you at arms length while you're
swinging punches. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's 100% what I would play and everything.
What about you? What would you play?
I would be on the like American football team, but only because

(01:05:03):
my dad is the Dean of the school.
I can see it. I can see that.
Not American football team, but the.
Cross. Oh yeah, like a really decky
sport, but you think it's cross rolling, like you're captain of
the volleyball team, something like that.
It's. Kind of cool by boys.
Yeah, if we're going by things that aren't cool, it's the.
Coolest No. When's the cross?

(01:05:24):
Rolling or something like that is a bit more, yeah.
No, Rowan's cooler than volleyball, the arms and the
back strengthening for that. Nah, volleyballs.
An impressive, incredibly tough sport.
Volleyball players have the lifelike they're on the beach.
On the beach, barbecues, Yeah. Sandals Dr. Pepper Lady and.

(01:05:46):
You have to do this a lot like that.
Would be then someone just did the spike.
What about you? Who would you play?
See, I like I I was a nerd. I was the biggest nerd in
school. Yeah.
Umm, so I could probably lean into that.
But I mean, you I think categorise me quite well of
this. Kind of like, yeah, recess.
That makes me feel nasty now. No, not at all.

(01:06:07):
Forget my words have impact. No, it's because I'm in the
hats. Yeah.
But here's here's the arc go. On.
One day one of the like popular girls is like in the like at
lunch, grabs your account of Doctor Pepper by mistake,
doesn't realise sepsit and she'slike and then everyone starts
drinking it so you're like you got everyone into it.

(01:06:28):
I know here I could play one of the popular girls, ugly mate.
Nor brother her. Brother, Yeah.
He got held back a year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I want to be an ugly mate. You're an ugly mate who got held
back here all. Right.
OK, I'm stupid and ugly. Yeah.
I can play. That yeah, yeah.
Yeah, double down, double down. Love it.

(01:06:49):
Umm. Are you, are you, are you up
here gigging anytime soon? Are you doing anything?
Well, I think I waiting. I think it was confirmed today.
Exclusive in there. What is it?
No, I won't say exclusive, but we did play in Edinburgh last
year for the Fringe the full month and we're doing 2 week,
possibly three-week run of it inPleasants in London now in May.

(01:07:11):
So that was fun because it was kind of like theatre because it
was again, I wanted to do more like act and stuff and it can
we. Please go and sit like this.
Please do, I would love that. I'll be That would be great.
The opening, it's about insults,so it's quite dark comedy and it
was kind of nice in that sense because I was like, OK, it's a
bit of comedy. It's about a topic that we've

(01:07:32):
all fucking encountered on the Internet, so it was a bit
cathartic. Yeah, you and I do feel bad for
the guys cast and though, because the one comment people
kept saying they're like perfectly cast.
We need a William. Thomas these.
Guys all look like himself, say.Whatever you've done to get into
character for this, whatever costume you already, he's like,
no, I haven't. My jumper.

(01:07:53):
I'm I'm here to see it. I'm not in this.
But yes, we're doing because basically he runs pleasant game
season Edinburgh and loved it and was like, I'd love to give
this a run of it. So it's it's funny as well.
It's a funny play. It's dark and I get to cry in it
as well. So it was kind of getting to do
you have to really. Yeah.
So it was fun. Did you have to do any research

(01:08:16):
into in sales for it? Yeah, and I didn't realise how
much research and things. I didn't realise it's so dark.
Yeah, so fucking. Sometimes I feel bad for them
and then that's the thing. And then I hear them speak and
I'm like, I get it. There's no because actually what
happened was people came to the play and one guy came up after
saying I used to be an insult and like that's how we got out

(01:08:36):
of it. And a girl then once was like I
dated an insult. I didn't realise that till after
and then I discovered all his online stuff.
He was, it was wild. But but yeah, so that's
happening in May. I'd love to see that and sales
fascinate me. Like just high mental.
There. It was so hard in Edinburgh
though, because people like all Irish comedy will come to that

(01:08:56):
now in the opening like 10 minutes they must roar contour
slot at me on loop for like hardsell to a 70 year old woman.
I'm like. I just have my head.
Just Dougal from Father Ted. But just like with a horrendous
Reddit account, sure, she's a slut herself, Ted.

(01:09:16):
Father Todd. Yeah, me back with the name bag
Justine, like people probably know your clips, but the
Instagram, all that kind of thing.
Just just Justine Stafford. Justine Stafford underscore on
Instagram. You know what kills me more?
I had the original and then I said, oh, Instagram is not going
to take off. And I deleted it.
And in that time another JustineStafford came along.

(01:09:39):
But anyway, Justine Stafford underscore on Instagram and then
Twitter. Justine Stafford and then
TikTok. Yeah, Justine Stafford comedy on
TikTok. Well, I tell you, want to plug
some tour dates? Yes, from the 21st to 23rd of
March I will be in Edinburgh, Glasgow and Liverpool.
Edinburgh and Glasgow are nearlyso loud, so please come to
those. Liverpool is not, Please come to

(01:10:00):
that. I do.
Want to Blackpool? No.
No. No, the cast of The Hills Have
Eyes will not have me. Shintocomedy.com for my When
will this go down? First week of March last.
Wednesday. Oh my America shows a couple set

(01:10:20):
Canada sound great, thank you Canada.
Some of the America shows not good, but we'll have a good time
anyway. That's the worst one, if you
don't mind me asking. For the amount of capacity
that's been there and the amountthat I've sold before San
Francisco, we need help, OK, we need.
Love, I'd have a great time. San Francisco.

(01:10:41):
I can't. I'm on a stag.
Yeah, but only for a couple of days.
Come to the rest. I can't, Willy.
Shorts. I can't.
William. My funds cannot do I.
Choose Doritos. San Francisco, like a very calm,
vibrant city, yeah. OK.
Fuck. It is Blackpool on acid.
Oh. I love.
That, oh, Speaking of, must haveheard us.

(01:11:02):
There's Steve Elliott. You look like he's dressed like
he's going to San Francisco. Guys, thank you very much for
listening to watching this pod. Justin, Willy, thanks a lot.