309. Marvel Auditions, Face Lifts and Dating Fails!!! with Diona Doherty and Aaron Butler

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
That was a great moment. I I was asking about what AD
reads I got to do for the starting down and said we're
changing it up, we're changing the way we do things.
That's such principal energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like the school is the moderators have been in.
Yeah like this is not working. Yeah, so the robot look out the
window we're. Doing like a Scandinavian thing,
You know, they're like, oh, school starts at like 1 and it's
over 2:10. And the smartest kids in the

(00:21):
world. Yeah, yeah, I think it's
Denmark. Kids don't start school until
they're six and they're academic.
They're smart levels or math. And yeah, you started school at
9 and the press in the pudding, you.
Started school at 9:10. But the apparently kids aren't
supposed to start reading. No, I started school.
Oh, sorry. Yeah.
Pardon. Mcgahee.
Yeah. And your partner kids can't read

(00:44):
prop. Like they're not supposed to
learn to read until they're about six or seven.
Whereas we teach them their brain probably isn't like ready
fully for it. They can learn to read really
quickly when they're like six orseven.
But we teach them at what age? Like four or five.
Yeah. Are we forcing?
I think we're like forcing theirbrain.
Their brain's like, we can't. And you're like, just read it.
Can't put bad mental attitude doyou?
Remember learning the read. I just remember.

(01:05):
Being able to read. Yeah, I don't remember a journey
where I was like, what is? I remember the journey.
Do you? Yeah, I absolutely.
Are you? Scaling back.
Yeah, yeah. No, because you start with the
alphabet. That's where it all begins.
That's. Right.
Starts with the alphabet starts,not ABCD.
Why do you hit it 2025? Are you OK?
We'll change the way we do things here.
Are you all right? We'll talk about that, yeah.

(01:27):
Brilliant. People the way you start the
alphabet or app. Yes, Sir.
K. Or not.
Not in Saint Kevin's primary school in in, you know, 1993.
Yeah, but you saying that's a new thing?
Phonetics, yes. Yeah.
That's a new way of teaching. That that must be.
Just. Go in, no kissing.
Oh, in West Belfast and early 90s people.

(01:48):
Even kissing, well, Belfast, I feel like they don't.
There's not a lot of kissing. What do you think has happened
straight in the like? No, not like.
Just like. Do you think kiss the tongue?
What are you talking? But you can.
You can kiss. That's a long.
That's a long tongue. Yeah, you could just do tongues
only no kissing. Yeah, yeah, it's all whatever
they're into. These, I'd say when you snog and

(02:10):
I've seen you snog, I think you do a lot.
I see. I think you did a lot of face
touching. He does.
Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
But it's like this. It's your.
Own bed on. Your own face.
He lies on his front. I'm doing this.
Yeah, I could see you doing a lot of like I would describe.

(02:30):
No thanks picking. Early naughties R&B kissing.
No, stop it. Take me back to the exact time
that you see SNOG. Can I?
Can I say when I say? How long it wasn't?
I'll give you 1 snog in. Pugs.
He snogged a pug after. Show after show was a box.
Yeah. Was after my Yeah.
And I like not tell the story, but like a bit of it.

(02:50):
Is that OK? Well, hold on, when was it
again? I think maybe I did an Ulster
Hall or something. It's busy.
All there is this I remember, I remember.
It was an after party and then Ijust started.
Oh yes, you can. You can absolutely tell.
People were going, you seen what's happened over there, you
assume it's a fight pack bar loads of.
People I tongue wash. It's fucking by the way, to see

(03:10):
over. There, by the way, that that was
quite passionate that I know younow to remind.
Me it was it was Brian McKnight in the corner just like and run
out of early knowledge on yeah, but not it was Trey Songz just
like yeah, do what I can really describe is like but.
How did intense? But how do you feel about it,
man? I was.
Everyone was mesmerised. The bar stopped and people were

(03:30):
like, look at this. I create magic.
OK, I get people's face. Standing up or be sitting down
so. We're sitting down.
That's awkward now, yes. Like your your knees are at each
other, so you have to bend over the knees.
This guy was at the wheel. I'll also.
Just say this right, you know the lady was interested.
The lady. You would hope so.
For this one, the lady was interesting they and look, I was

(03:54):
just like, OK, you're both. Variant.
It looked like you were both very keen.
Was this a one time smooch or did you do it again with the
same lady? It happened multiple smooches
yeah yeah, the new my new show guys multiple.
Switches. But it was.
It was. Involved slowly, but look here.
You always have. A good kisser guys, we can

(04:14):
spread. The I honestly don't like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, it is what it.
Is you. Bite the leop a wee bit.
Yeah, he does. Whatever they're into, Yeah,
yeah. But anyway.
I actually feel so. Uncomfortable.
I know, I know. Yeah.
I think. I'm such a virgin.
Yeah, I'm just like, I know about people's isn't but.

(04:35):
Yeah, OK. But but it's OK because I'm
single guy, you know, it's not like a married or anything.
You're just servicing ladies left, right and centre.
Servicing Lane, Yeah, you're like D Centre.
Yes, I'm like oh, need to changebrakes.
Aren't you need to get lanes in your driveway where you park up
and ladies go number? Girls are told lane four.
Yeah. Yeah, come to the lane.

(04:56):
Yeah, you. Might not passport, you might be
calling back. You have to be this tall.
You can't get an appointment, soyou've got to go see.
Him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like this one's fucked. Yeah, we need.
To I got a waiting list. Yeah, yeah.
You need to have another appointment.
You need to come back. You send people away you like,
get your get your tits fixed andcome back.
I saw him get out of a taxi on the way here.
Yeah, and you are? I said it looked like David

(05:19):
Guetta, on his way to do water, gets out of a taxi.
Not making this up, £20 note in his hand says to the driver.
There's a 20 and who the fucks had Butler Metallica's backpack?
Tiny backpack that we poach. Yeah, oh, the the is it.
What would you call that people say?
Not sad your man purse? Is it like?
If I say something, can we be but done zippers.

(05:40):
This episode of the podcast is sponsored by none other than our
good friend at that prize guy You're going.
I've seen it everywhere. When I open my eyes in the
morning, that prize guy is therenot Paul himself in person in
your house. I'm talking about the Brandon
people posting. Maybe it just won this or I
entered in this and one not I'm talking about that price guy.

(06:02):
You might have seen it not know what it is the biggest price
site in Ireland constantly giving away amazing things.
Sometimes they have what I wouldcall we cheeky prizes and that
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That's a speedboat trip for two to Dubai, a trip for two to
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And if you want to enter competitions I got, it's usually
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(06:46):
through some sort of link. You know, it could be you.
I think I was National Lottery. So we're going to distance
ourselves from that slogan because we don't need the
National Lottery. We've got that prize guy.
It might be you and and it mightbe you.
Well, we don't we can't enter it.
But what I'm saying is if you want that prize guy.co.uk right
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(07:09):
the million. And we appreciate this port.
The link is in the description. Let me tell you about that bag.
That bag is important because ithas.
You want to. See it I I could get go down and
get it. But anyway, it's it's just
because you can word on your body.
So what that means is. It looks like you keep the bomb
in it and nothing else. I have my.
Passport and my and memories allthe guards I've.

(07:32):
Smooched tiny back. Your list.
And yeah, then basically I have my passport, my IDs in it and
they're always, and I also will sometimes put my Nintendo Switch
in there if I'm playing it on the aeroplane 36 in April.
The the bug. Yeah, I've, I've basically, I'm
very well travelled. I know how to do it.

(07:52):
I'm a, I'm a pro. Edit I've got everything nailed
down. Will you be smooching some
Scottish last season? In Edinburgh and on the plane,
we'll see what happens. From Edinburgh Smitches.
Playing Donkey Kong, smooching. Are you a good traveller?
Like organise? Organisation wise, Yeah.
I wouldn't have thought I'm not.I I would have thought you're
also not. No, I'm good, but I must
flights. Is that the opposite to being?

(08:12):
That's not in terms of like being a good traveller that
would have you. That would suggest the opposite.
No, what I do you have is a verywell packed bag.
OK, the things are easy to access, right?
You know what? I.
Mean the bag you packed me but you miss flights and but you
think you're a good traveller. So what do you mean by good

(08:33):
traveller? Do I turn up and arrive on time
and get on the plane? No.
I remember bringing them, bringing a holiday, I mean my
first holiday, and I was like, I'll sort all the details.
I'll sort it. I was going in the Valentine's
going into the gym like the weekbefore and got an e-mail from
like brooking.com whatever going.

(08:54):
How was your? How was your experience?
At this hotel in the South of France.
And I was like, they're getting in early with this e-mail, like
a week early. Wrong week, no?
Yeah. But they never contact you to
go. You haven't arrived, Mr Todd.
No, I think they just they, they, I don't know.
But then I don't I I had to be like, oh, mix funny, mix up and

(09:15):
I had to read Booker. But I was so dear because I had
the Booker like the week before.I've had so many mishaps with
flights, like flights and cars. I'm not supposed to travel.
I'm not supposed to be on the. Road Your.
Car troubles by the. Chocolate Brothers for a while,
yeah. Yeah, too many.
Even this week I scratched somebody's car and didn't
notice, and then a few days later they spotted me in the
same car park. I was like, have you been?

(09:37):
Waiting. They've noticed when you drove
off. No, didn't I put earphones in?
But you're not supposed to do when it's parking.
But they came over driving. Do you know what happened the
other day? Sean goes, I was, as I was
parking, I put them in quickly because I was going straight
into the gym and I was in a rush.
But Sean goes to me the other day there's scratches in our
car. Someone scratched our car and I
said that's awful. And then literally 24 hours
later, some guys told me you scratched my car the other day.

(09:58):
And I saw did I? And he showed me his scratches
on his car, which are like a jigsaw puzzle with mine.
And I immediately went that's that sounds right.
Just here's my number. I'll pay.
Just get like let me know what that cost was sorted in 30
seconds because I just accepted.I bet you he cheated himself up
for like a big. Conference.
Yeah, Yeah, I think he did. But also I was like, have you
been here since this happened? Like waiting?

(10:20):
And he's like, no, somebody's seen it and told me you did.
There was, here's a suspicious one.
I was doing a gig at also SportsClub.
You might have been home. And I I didn't think there was a
car behind me for like, no reason.
Like, I never looked. I just had this feeling.
Yeah. You just get a feeling in your
stomach as if there's no car behind me.

(10:41):
So reversed, out of the space, spoiler, full car behind me.
Yeah. But also that if you were doing
a driving test and you're like, but I have feeling on my stomach
you. Just go on instinct.
Yeah, instead of blind spots. And I Oh yeah, I was like, there
was no one in the car and it's not outside the house.
It was in the city centre. So I wrote down The Reg and I
was like, I googled it. I was like, if they're not there

(11:04):
at the time, what do you do? Leave a letter in their
windshield. Right.
But I was like, I've got The Reg.
So it's like the first thing youdo is call your insurance and
give the registration. But I didn't know it meant
theirs. So I drive home and I'm on hold
for ages and I'm like, yes, I'vehad a car.
Here's where it was, here's The Reg.
And I was like, can you, do you get in touch with their
insurance provider or whatever to tell them?

(11:25):
And the guys like, no, it's up to you.
So I had to drive all the way back and I left.
I would have left that alone. No, that's hit and run.
That is hit and run. Do you know why I have I do not
care about cars that I'm like surely everyone doesn't care
about the old scratch and bang and fishing boss who?
Needs a bumper? Who needs?
But I eventually the guy phoned me.

(11:47):
It was like days later and I went made, I was like, I, I
reversed, I hit your car. I said, if you want to take it
to a mechanic or whatever, just keep me in touch, like let me
know or if you want to go through insurance, whatever.
And the guy goes, no, no, honestly, don't worry about it.
And I was like, no, I was like, I definitely did hit it.
And there is a slight scratch inyour car because I photos of it.
I was like, so let me like pay for that.

(12:08):
And the guy goes, no, no, ratheryou didn't.
And I said that's why I think itwas like not you're some sort of
pervert. Oh, and he was doing some sort
of perverse thing. Gotcha.
Why he was why he didn't bugs. So the guy goes, I'd rather you
didn't. And I said look, what about
this? I went, why don't I just give

(12:30):
you some money then and you don't even have to do, I'll give
you like £100. This is becoming a sexual
transaction, yeah. You're talking about me giving
£20, the taxi drivers you're literally just offering random
amounts of. Money.
I was like, I'll just give you like 100 LB a £150 because I
think that's what it cost. If that is scratched, they like
get those scratches. I don't know how much it cost
well. You guys said to me.
On the car. I get.

(12:51):
I get 3 or 4. Right.
But anyway I was like which? Is why I run run ignoring.
It but he could have done a big shop on this money.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's been put out by me and the
guy goes no, no, I'd rather leave it there.
I. But why do you think I was?
I think is there's dead bodies in his boot or umm or just like
are we better character? Drama Netflix Pitch, You hit a

(13:15):
car and the whole show was aboutlike tracking down the person
but they don't want to be fined and you just want to give them
£150. But you get in there like a web
of stuff. Yeah, like this person has to be
like some sort of murderer or drug dealer, don't they, if
they're trying to get away? And there's a scene where
they're like in the trailer, they they say to you, you're
like in their house or something, and they go, you

(13:38):
should have just left it. Yeah.
And the twist at the end is thatyou actually didn't cause the
scratch. The scratch was already there
from another misdemeanour, from another crime that they
committed, you didn't commit. He's like, no, no, no, leave it
because you that scratch is not yours.
Yeah. Fuck me and then Westwood comes
back for pimp my ride and fixes the scratch and also it's a fish

(14:00):
tank in your front seat. Boom that's what we're all
about. I my neighbour scratched my car
recently and knocked the door and was like I'm so sorry like
and I was like finds an old car don't care.
And she and she was like amazed that I was just like, it's no
big day. Like their scratches.
Ask for cash, call 500 lbs. I also I remember getting in an

(14:23):
incident one time when I was 18.I was in a Skoda Felicia estate.
This is the car drove I. Thought you were in a Skoda with
Felicia. Well, I was with a date.
At the estate. I was with a date at the time
and. I was in the 50s.
So, yeah, so I remember telling her she was like, where we're
going, I need to know what to wear and stuff.

(14:44):
And I was like, hey, it's a surprise.
You don't need to know where we're going.
Which in hindsight, awful way topropose a date to someone.
Yeah, creepy. Wait, Yeah, you don't need to
know what. In my you.
Need an address to give family members?
You need to tell our friends, yeah.
In my head, I was going, it's better If it's a surprise for
you, this is. One man's surprise is another

(15:05):
woman's kidnapping. Yeah, and by the way, I was only
taking her to the Donald Ice Bowl for ice skating, right?
But. I think someone would rather
just be like, left somewhere, yeah.
Yeah. Any have to go ice skating?
On Donald Ice Bowl yeah, bring me into the forest they.
Would hate that. But yeah, well, she did as well
because on the way to the date aguy dinged me in the back and I

(15:26):
had that sounded way down. Yeah, yeah.
But I had I didn't get out and put on a show for her to be
like. You roll the sleeves up at.
All Yep keep in mind I'm 18 I'm a pube of a man that I'm still a
pube of a man but like then especially I was like an all
broken voice and all but like you made yeah I need to know
where you're going and all I hadno idea what to do at the.

(15:48):
Time. I just, I just kept looking at
it like, yeah, this is what am Idoing?
And then he was like, dented. Bad.
No, it you barely scratched me, but you could just feel a wee
knock and I was like like, yeah,it's like give me a Reginald.
I have no idea. What to do?
Was Reg just I? Just cook it.
I didn't even write it down properly.
I typed it in the Nokia phone onthe contacts list that it's
like, hopefully that saves. There's no notes app.

(16:09):
So then she's already startled by this, like she's a wee bit
shaken up and she's like, you'regoing to tell me.
And I'm like, we're near there, don't worry, Get her done.
An old ice bowl. And her face immediately turned
like white. She's like.
Massive phobia of ice. Well, her mum had been an ice
skater. Yeah, Comus cryogenically.
Her mum is Elsa. Hermes buried under the dulled

(16:32):
ice bowl and the. Why was she scared of the ice?
Because her mum had been an ice skater and had got in an
incident and had sliced like apparently I fell on the ice and
the blade had like gave her a big gash in the arm.
When we were making light of this 30 seconds ago, now it's
the most harrowing I. Heard knife A normal person
would have heard that went let'sjust go get ice cream fuck this

(16:54):
I was so. Stop giving her more cold ice
the. Butler man's pre booked.
Yeah, he'll only do. Cold.
Yeah, he's like no, no, no. He's like let's do an ice back.
Then yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've an igloo.
We're staying off the Blacks Mountain.
Trust me, it's going to be good.Let's go.
Where groceries? Nice man.
But I have a Magnum for dinner. I was I was dying to go ice

(17:18):
skating, so I. She sit in the car.
So I had a boner, but it was forthe ice skating.
I was like, trust me, you're going to love this.
When we get out onto the ice, weget out on there.
I I love. Her eyes question.
Yeah, previous day. No, but you and someone has a
Volapobian, they're scared. Like they're scared of like
small spaces. He's like, no, trust me, you'll
love this small space. No, but I I'm I'm like I will

(17:40):
die of a heart attack. Yeah, yeah.
But this small. I had like a romantic idea.
My. I'm like, see, once you get out
here, you're gonna love this. Yeah, you're gonna trust me.
You just haven't got the skates on yet.
Once you do, it's. Gonna be a whole different, you
know, the thing that sliced yourmother's arm off?
Yeah, yeah. So we get out on the ice.
She's. Face your fears.
She's clinging to the side. I'm in the middle, spinning like

(18:04):
heroin. I'm Torvill and Dean and I could
see you. Being good at ice.
Yeah, yeah, I'm having a, I'm going backwards and all I'm
doing and I'm trying to get her to come into the middle and
stuff. And she's like, no, no, no, no,
no. And then we eventually like sit
down on the like, we see the bleachers, the bleachers, and
I'm just like. He's like some love.

(18:25):
Like you're having a good time, Toots.
Like it's, she's like, no, it's awful.
And then, yeah, brought her backhome, then to the Holy Lands
after that, and we never had another date.
That is so traumatic for. Her Now can I ask an.
Awful. Place she's married now with
kids and stuff. It all worked out.
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(18:48):
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Was she there when nothing happened to her mom?
I don't know. Because if she wasn't as a weird
thing. Then considered a 10 year old in
me who was just dandy. I skate then.
My dad like had that horrific accident on a motorbike and I
like I don't panic when I see. Motorbikes.

(21:19):
My mom's diabetic. I don't cry at horrible, you
know what I mean? I mean, my dad is.
Generational trauma. She's one present.
Oh. Yeah, See if this, if this is a
bottle of something that I don'twant, it is, no.
Orange. We tiny 10s.
That's like you get in the aeroplane years ago.
Do you remember? Do you know these remind me of

(21:39):
Woolworths? Remember, Woolworths would
always. So you.
Oh. Thank you very much.
It's not 0. This is very so you.
Can't do you don't do. I wouldn't do your fault.
I'll taste, I'll track. Yeah, but.
Only a week. Only a week.
Test your I'm going to take you to a sugar.
Factory sleep in it. No, my mom's diabetic.
I can't have a full sugar. Genuinely though, in our house

(22:00):
growing up we never had full sugar drinks because my mom's
diabetic so I don't ever drink full sugar.
Why should your mom, no offence,ruin the phone forever?
Genuinely, she's no self restraint.
At Christmas time we would have a box of quality St.
My dad would have to bring her out in a Sunday so she could
have one or two and then put them away and hide them because
she will kill herself. Oh wow, she'll die.
She'll die back. Quality St.
She's happy day. You're like, how'd your mom

(22:21):
died? Purple triangle?
Where is that? No, no, no.
Green, you fucking? Do you have any genuine fear?
And. Your phobias.
I have an irrational one I can tell you about right now.
Like we're all friends, comfortable, share things with
each other, little secrets and all dinosaurs.
You're scared of dinosaurs, but.When's the last time you've seen

(22:43):
one? I feel like that's OK.
Fear to have in 2025. I think you'll be good.
I know no, it's OK to have living and.
I'd be if I saw a dinosaur. I'll be honest, I have a
rational fear of. What do you mean like like a toy
dinosaur? No, no, no no.
A toy, one I can handle but likeif I'm if I.
Tolerate him, but I don't want to.
Talk hard man over here. Yeah, like Reptar from rats I'm

(23:03):
coming with. So so explain the fear.
The fear. There is.
I never felt more giant. When I watch.
Yeah, it doesn't feel like a master person.
Not what I need for myself. But yeah, 2. 150 millilitre
count. No whenever I watched like the
Jurassic parks and all. Jesus.
Really. Now, do you get like a genuine,
like wee bit jittery, like a real?

(23:23):
I I went on the Jurassic Parkwayriding Universal Studios
terrified me like. Oh, partly.
The dinosaurs weren't as big as we think.
And they also were feathered. They were more feathered.
They weren't reptilian. Yeah, that was a Flamingo.
More. More yeah, T Rex wouldn't be as
scary if he was all feathery, right?
Yeah, yeah. You're like.
OK. Man bag and all this stuff as
well. Laptop.

(23:48):
But yeah, those that would be anirrational fear.
So do you think because you saw maybe Dress Park when you were
really young, so freaked out andyou've always kept that fear?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, I used to have a
massive fear of Wasps and Sean kicked.
It out of. Wasps.
White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. But then Sean got your word.
Fear hide. You should put honey on you and
leave you in a high. That's what I would do, yeah.

(24:10):
I would go to head underneath. I grown up, I think so I think
what happened is my brother, it was a bee.
He left one when he was like oneor two and did that there and
strong him and then my ma has a really rational.
Feel why AB question was why didyour brother do that?
It was about Animal Realty. Did he left?
I think he was curious about what it was.
He was like one or two. Oh, that Bible bee.

(24:32):
The context I thought he. Meant he was like.
Twice to capture worms. I used to capture worms and put
them in like a wee tin and then I used to keep them as pets.
But then I'd come back the next time because they weren't in
soil, they'd be all hardened. I think you used to Richard Gere
worms him with a hamster, if youknow what I mean.
You've heard that Richard Gere words.
No Richard Gere in that the. Richard Gere hamsters theory.

(24:52):
Parting an old tub is. Apartment.
Richard Gere put that live hamster up his tushy.
Why? Because he funds his Richard
Gere. But then what's the rest of the
story? That's the story.
You just. Love it.
That's why Richard do. You think he put worms up his
arse? I could just say I'm doing
something weird with it. Nah.
Not at that age anyway, no. No, it's good.

(25:13):
I have a picture. You really young.
Do you like doing performances for your family?
So you're doing like a magician,Like you got a magic set for
Christmas and you're like, I'm going to put a warm up one
national. It's going to come out the
other. Yeah.
And you put it up and then you're.
Oh, shit. And then it never came back.
Yeah. And now lives in your brain.
Like RFK, that's what happened to him.
He had the brain worm. Yeah, but he didn't.
He wasn't doing a trick for people where he put it up.
Yeah. Do you know, man, You're not.
You weren't there. So darn, my brother grabs a bee,

(25:36):
I think it was. It's like strong him.
And then my ma has always been really afraid of Wasps and
things. She'd run around screaming and
crying. So we watched her do that.
And then obviously we copied that behaviour.
So I've always like ran afraid of them, too afraid of them.
But when I met Sean, I shot him literally one day just very
stern. I was like, you may cut that
out. That's a red flag for him.
No woman of mine's gonna be scared of Wash.

(25:58):
He was like, we cannot be teaching our kids to run away
from us. He goes who?
Who thinks gonna collect this honey?
Yeah, and then I just stopped. Just because he said it.
Just because he laid it out likethat.
I think he just went, you know how stupid that as you know,
he's small. They obvious even if you get
stung, So what? And then I just, I did a wee bit
of, yeah, no, I did a wee bit oflike just like 1 summer, just

(26:23):
like exposure therapy. But if there's Wasps and bees
around, I was just gonna like not move and see what happened.
And it turned out we got on fine.
OK. And then I've been.
I've been fine ever since. I was preseason training once
running around Redburn woods near here and that it was like
this room where there would be like coaches, like every, like
half mile to let you know, like,you're going the right way.
Yeah. And I'm run the long run through

(26:45):
these woods and as I'm running there must have been like a
wasp, like just chilling like inthe air.
And I've ran straight into its path and then travelled with it
on my face for a while because Iwas like, Oh, that's still on me
because I'm I'm not scared of them, but I was, I was like, I'm
not allergic so why don't be scared of them?
I'd be fine. I remember it being on my face

(27:05):
and I went to flick it away, butit has stoned me and I was like,
fuck. So I'm running on.
I was like she bit stingy like and it passed like the next
coach and I was like I washed onme in the face or based on me in
the face. I was like, is that is there a
mark there? As I run past him, he's like no,
no, I went Agra see the next coach like a mile later or
whatever. I was like, is there anything on
my face? Feels weird.

(27:26):
He's like you're all right. Was about nought .3 miles away
from the next coach. He's like, whoa, what the fucks
happened in there? Will speak.
Jack yes, in in Hitch, that's exactly what I was like.
Big giant mind on my face. Took like a week to go with a.
Wasp Bazaar. And then shot the film Richard
Gere. Yeah.

(27:47):
And you never seen Hitch? No, no, no.
Hitch is, we bit you. I know.
I've probably. Heard Yeah.
Who's the only? Date with Eva Mendez.
Even and it was 1 when it was a babe.
You know even Mendez is a betteryou.
Is she sure? You know Miami by Will Smith.
You know the lady's voice in Miami?
Yes. Yeah.
That's her voice. Whose voice?
Sorry. Eva Mendez.

(28:07):
Who's who's she doing? Will Smith, Miami.
Eva. Mendes.
I didn't know that's a little bit triby.
For now, you're not. You better not be doing your
fake news but here. No.
OK, we're I really search. Her and Ryan Gosling are weird
pairing aren't they? Definitely.
They're married with kids. Yep, are.
They weird. I just don't see it.
I don't see. It I don't see it.

(28:28):
I feel like he seems a lot. I feel like she seems like much
more of a woman than he can handle.
Can't handle the ladies? I think he can.
You get acts like he can, but hecan't.
I don't know. I find I I I would say I'd say
she definitely wears the trousers.
Not relationship. She's far lost Pantalones.
She wears them. All class where I went to
Tenerife. The other, he's there all the

(28:50):
time. Lost Pantalones.
He was, he'd be the live stream when he was in Tenerife, Yeah.
And I went, tell me where you are.
And he genuinely was like, man, I don't want to give too much
away about where I am. And he goes, but outside my room
is the like hotel. There's like a bar directly
outside the room. And he goes, I'll show you.
And he walked out, like he walked out the door.

(29:13):
You could see the room number, right?
Like the giant room number. And then he flipped the camera
and you could see the bar and the name of the bar.
And people in the chat straight away were saying to Dan, like, I
know what hotel that is. Yeah.
Yeah, in seconds. But I mean, when I the door to
my room, you're in the bar like you're, you're like, I'm not
exaggerating. What you wanted?
No. No.
I've ever a man wouldn't want that.

(29:35):
That was the opposite of what I wanted, but it was fine.
You went to Tenerife. You just went to Tenerife too?
Yeah, like two couple weeks ago.Yeah, three weeks ago.
We have a lot to it. Nice place.
We're going to Lanza later in the year too and we're bringing
my parents. You do that when you go on
holiday from G bring bring otheradults to help with the kids.
Yes, definitely don't book that for the next time because that
will be. You get them to overlap for a
little bit of the trip. Perfect.

(29:56):
That's good. It's it's you can have a wee
dinner date. Yes, we smooch on the play.
My Spanish is fucking great, by the way.
Yeah, I got good spanioli. Now be prepared to say this in a
pod too much recently. Lanza is shit.
I've been to last about five times.
Shit, I don't think it is. I've never.
Been big boring rock which when they there's nothing happening

(30:18):
on everyone's bored. There's not.
There's no activities to be with.
My auntie loves there, she wouldagree.
Otherwise she would she she wouldn't agree otherwise.
That does make sense. But I I have not been it as a
bit as a big born strip of land,do you know what I mean?
But if you've got your resort and it's nice and you've got
your pill and you've got whatever, that's all you need.
Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm there for the kids.
Because we normally just stay somewhere like Airbnb, but we go

(30:42):
on holiday this summer, we're going resort.
Hi, we're all in. Yeah, I love the resort for two
reasons 1 is that they have likeentertainment on which is like
the tackiest shit you ever seen in your life.
But actually, when you invest the best night ever, like the
many discos for the kids, Bingo.And I want to be in tribute act
Yeah. Guy from Bolton.
Yeah, and like film night. No where.

(31:05):
It's like a quiz about movies. No.
Oh, I want to be involved in allthat shit.
I love it. OK.
And then also is it's just like you don't have to travel very
far. Like there's always food,
there's always a bar, there's always stuff there.
It's just easy. What factor are we all putting
on our faces these days? You should be in big skin guys
at the minute 5050 you need to get on the 50 brother.
I'll never go 50. I'll be leathered up.

(31:26):
My face will be leathery. Do you know what the factor and
do you know what that means? How?
What do you think it means? The lower it is, the harder you
are. You factor 15 nerds for your
fucking nice skin and me and theboys are dying at 8 just like
bad boys. You know I don't go it.
But do you know what it means? It's how long you can rate it

(31:49):
takes you before you can reapply.
Yes, it. Doesn't matter what number you
put on, you know what I mean? Like if you put on 8 and you do
reapply it every half an hour. Or if you put on 50 and it lasts
4 hours, you're getting the sameexposure to the sun but it lasts
longer on your face. Oh.
There's a chance that's not true.
That's not true. I think I learned that.

(32:09):
Now Dan is invested. Dan has skin in the game here,
yes. Right.
Yes, Dan, What's Craig I? Don't know what it is but it's
not that well. I think it is because.
I did a daily. Training whenever I was to work
for urban decay makeup counter and they were like bringing in
skin care and they like taught us about I may not.
I mean I may dipped in and out and then put like one start of
one sentence to the end of another sentence.

(32:31):
And that's the information I've soaked.
Up I bet you at the start they were like here's some myths
about some cream and that's the thing they say and you're like
brilliant because I do I do the red light thing I have a red
light mask you. Know you're a red light mask.
Every other night I put it on. Do you so I only bought mines a
couple weeks ago so I've only used it twice.
Are we LED mess? Yeah, I think you need to use
it. More No, I know I need to use it

(32:51):
like most nights, but when you when I have it on, I can't.
How do you read your book? I can't see through you're.
Reading a book while you're doing?
Yeah. Like I, yeah, I mean.
See sure you're doing there you're eyes.
Eyes are still visible. Yeah.
No, no. But I still feel like there's
too much redness that I couldn't.
See, I don't see the redness mine have we.
I might have mine that too mine don't know.
How long have you been using yours for?

(33:12):
But two weeks? 3 weeks.
Oh, OK. I'm new to the game.
We're. Not seeing results yet.
Yeah, yeah. I think, I think it's like a no,
it's a long, it's a long term plan here isn't.
It. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's a long term What do you do with your face?
Oh, a lot of things, but I'm doing so much I what like.
See if Aaron Butler gets into something.

(33:34):
Yeah, he gets into he. He goes all in.
I'm like that guy Brian Johnson,who's trying to keep himself
alive for 200 years. That's currently my face plan.
I'm doing cleansers, molecular water.
No muscular water, basically. That's for taking makeup off,
but whatever. But but it's for pores too.
It's for like all the cleanses. So I'm doing the cleanse and.

(33:54):
By the way, I love how you thought it was more scientific
than as you. I'm going with the molecular
water I'm. Trying to really just.
Yeah, it's muscular. Such a man, the other.
Such a man. Tell me more about your regime
collagen serum. Yes, we collagen serum.
No. Do you put like people are gonna
will give me a show for this. There's two ways to put on like

(34:16):
face cream moisturiser. You put on like a man, we put on
like. How do you put moisturiser on
like a man? That's what Sean does.
I hate that Sean does that. Here's what ladies do.
Back of it, no. Yeah, why do that?
But then what you also do is sometimes use the back of your
hand, put a drop there and then touch.
Do you see what you did on your hand?
Waste of. Product Yeah 50.

(34:37):
Percent that products under yourhand.
Pointless waste of product. But my hands are lovely.
Directly under your face. We don't need anti age your
palms, do you? You want to see these things?
Magically, a power metre, she's like you're 14.
But you're doing that and then I've got.
Every night. Oh well, every day I'm not.
Because you. Cleanse you cleanse.
You're sorry? That's a niche reference to five

(34:59):
people get. I have liquid exfoliant as well
sometimes if I really want to doa deep clean on the pole.
I also have salicylic acid. Sometimes I'll do that once a
week as well. And then I've got the Elements
moisturiser, daily moisturiser if the Factor 50 spray.
I'm not, I'm, I'm bitters. How long does this take?
This, this regime? 10 minutes.
Five to 10 look good and I've got the firm and eye cream.

(35:21):
I do that as well. Yeah, under.
There, be careful because that'sthe thinnest skin that you have
under those eyes. Oh, that was like the time in
New Zealand where I didn't put moisture, I didn't put remember,
I didn't put sun cream near my eyes.
And then I was on the connectingflight in Dubai and I was like,
why is everyone looking at me? And I just had these like purple
eyes. And my eyes are still recovering
from it. Do you ever see some people have
like really thick puffy under there, right?

(35:44):
Well, there was a woman one timewho had that there big thick
bags under her eyes. So she kept using cream, kept
using cream, kept using cream totry and fix it because she was
like, I need to obviously use eye creams.
And she went to the doctor and the doctor says the problem is
the eye creams that's seeping through that skin and they
sliced her open and all of this thick.
How satisfying would that have been?

(36:04):
Amazing. I'm loving.
Going out of her. Fucking gorgeous.
You've been going for lymphatic massage.
Yeah, you're willing to get him drained at the moment.
What is? Getting drained like a Python.
What? What's that analogy?
No, it's a deck thing. Yeah, getting drained like a
Python. That's like there was a guy used
to host a quiz down the Frisky Bear and we were doing the pub

(36:26):
quiz one night like 1520 years ago and he like stopped the quiz
just like mid round and he went hey folks I'm away to sighting
the Python winked and just went for a piss which I thought
beautiful. I just, that's good.
It wasn't a wank though. I was like, I'm going to.
Well, we. Don't know we.
Don't know. We don't know.
Yeah, evacuate took something out of it, but yeah, but my face
though, I've decided. So I'm doing guasha, which is

(36:50):
like to know that stuff where you like massage your face to to
drain the lymph nodes. Look at him.
But yes, but is it, do you thinkthis will be one of the things
things I guess come around? Everyone.
No. Then they go.
Wash has been around since the age of dawn.
All right? What's happening now?
There's people using fancy toolsthat they don't need, right?
God's tools use your hands, Right.

(37:10):
Right. And basically it's like all this
here and you're draining. I just do this.
Yeah. I can't do makeup on.
It's OK. I usually out there.
And then you do on your jaw as well and you're draining the
liquid out. And where's it going?
Yeah, Where's it going? You're gonna.
Piss it out, right? This is making me piss.
You're gonna drain it down to your lymph nodes down here then.
But then I've got to drain my neck.

(37:31):
When there are the lymph nodes, so when they go under there,
then they'll just come out through your normal system.
Perfect. So I do that every day.
Oh, is. That it I do.
I do every day now. Young am I 12 now?
Yeah, right. So you drain your how long you
spend doing this? Like 2 minutes, OK, I do
immediately when I get out of the shower and then I do I'm
just now doing like a hyaluronicacid and I do a retinol at night

(37:54):
and then I just do a really cheap we shitty moisturiser.
I don't believe you have to spend lots on a moisturiser.
I think it's a very simple that they're capitalising.
I think I do, but I do like elements because it smells nice
and all. And and then I you're just, and
then I'm going to do the LED thing.
I've been like trying to get under that.
But do you know it's? I'm worried about these lines
here. I the the nasolabial folds.
That's what you call them. Same.

(38:15):
Here same here. Now I did get a high frequency I
I got a non ultrasound. Is it an ultrasound?
I got some sort of facial done at the start of the year that's
been. Ultrasound done on your face.
High intensity. Frequency Your face is bright.
I got, I got a HIFU high intensity facial ultrasound,
Yeah. And.
Someone saw you come in and madethat you.

(38:35):
Got ROB. Ed but they it stings like it
all burns your reface and all whenever they do it.
Like they shoot like lasers and all that.
But yeah, it done something. Do you think?
Because here's the thing we're clinging on.
We're. All clinging on, We're all
clinging on as we're getting older, we're ageing with this
policy. It's all good, it's all good.
It's all. Good it is, it is.

(38:57):
But I do think you have to take care of the ageing process so
you age well and it's not about aesthetically, it's not about
all what you look like, it's about keeping your skin healthy.
Right. It's true for the long term,
yes. It's like.
Protected against the sun, protected against itself, it
will eat itself. Do.
You want to look like Tom Cruiseor Dog the Bounty Hunter?
That's your options, yeah. Those nasally able folds.

(39:21):
I don't want to get the. I don't want to get the.
What? Are you going to do with them?
I don't want to get the. Neck drippy the dog.
I know. I think I'd have a tendency my
cheeks will come down to get with gravity.
We can we can do like a 2 for one and get like a facelift me
in you. Would you go to Turkey for it?
Now we'll just go here. I would, I could.
I could get myself nice. But then here's.
We can tape. Let's get tape and tape it.

(39:42):
Up people are taping their ears up at night time now their.
Threads ever seen the threads? But I had a friend that got
those done were like they literally make it isn't me but
because they're like fucking £800 or something.
But they like literally put likethis thread that dissolves in
your face and it like does a weeleft but only last for like a
year and a half or. Something.
That's the thing with all this thing.

(40:03):
No, no. No, it's a lot in it.
Yeah, just just. I'm just fox.
I'm resigned to. I'm resigned Doodle.
Do you? It's different for a man.
Yeah, we we get better with the age.
Well, that's it. But like, women aren't a lot
like when you get over a set, westart looking over a certain
age. Like you tell me when you last
seen like the love story in ATV show and the woman was over 40?

(40:26):
That's true. Yeah, never happened.
Jermaine, when's the last time you saw a sex scene and the
woman was over 40? Except you've looked for.
Search for on purpose. Only one still out there going
for it on like the. The only person like still on
the planes of that is Nicole Kidman.
Yeah. She's still like they're banging
on camera. Yeah.
Sure. Yeah, she's like they're
banging. She's.

(40:47):
Not giving it up. She's not giving up.
She has had loads of work done to keep looking younger.
Yeah, so there you go. You can't bang on camera if you
look older as it should be able to.
Well, Desperate Housewives the word, remember.
But it's in the title. But I remember like every, it's
probably harder to do now, but like I used to know, like
actresses who look always lie about their age.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But.

(41:07):
You probably can't do it as muchnow because it's easier like to
find out. You're not allowed to ask an
actor's age when you're auditioning.
Really. No.
You have a playing age. You never get asked your age.
You're not allowed to because immediately it changes your
thought and how they look. So if they were doing like a
remake of The Boy in the StripedPyjamas and I showed up to play
the lead and they're like, what's going on here?
I go, what do you mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you mean? No, but your playing age would

(41:28):
be down. It'd be like, you know, 16 to
825 or whatever. And then you they audition you
for within that playing age. But you could be 30 sex.
Yeah, because like, obviously the girls and Derrick guys are
all much older than their parts,but they all look the right age
and that's all that matters. Yes, Inbetweeners exactly the
same. Exactly the same.
Yeah, but then there's also thatthing where people who shoot
like shows, like even when you look back at Grease or stuff

(41:50):
like anyone who plays a teenageropportunity was like older.
They're always like I know I have June.
But then we also have the agent software now we.
So you can like, like plant looka plant of the apes.
You can make people look like apes.
Yeah, so you can make fucking this guy look 14 do.
You know she bother, you know shows like the OC and they're
all like 15 and you all catch yourself on you all like 28 and

(42:10):
we can but also use look 28. The main guy in that.
Yeah, look, look. Like full beard?
Yeah, full facial hair. Big uncle vibes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, A tattoos and all.
Yeah. And you're like, you don't look.
California. I love that show.
Oh man, it was brilliant. It was like at the time that
Laguna Beach and all was on the hills.

(42:32):
So I watched the reality side, but that was that to me is
Sunday was obviously Sunday morning.
T4 Lion. Amazing.
Television. Yeah.
Order. Take me back.
And then do you remember whenever everyone realised that
Mischa Barton was the girl in The Sixth Sense?
He was in the tent, I. Didn't even know that that's.
Graham Graham, you know Mischa Barton from the game, the man

(42:55):
would you know in the tent when,eh, in the in The Sixth Sense,
there's a scene where they go inthe tent and the girls go and
she just vomiting previously as Mischa Barton when she's like
10. Oh, it's like, do you know what
I'm talking? About I have no idea.
Have you seen the 6th Sense? Oh, I know.
That a guy's alive. Yeah, I know that, but the other
guy's been dead the whole time. Bruce Willis isn't it?

(43:16):
Yeah, Well, well. Bruce isn't getting a good run.
To me, no, no, no. He might be.
He might be doing more 6th sense.
You should give me your skin care routine, Jim.
Up hanging. Mischa Barton.
It's good to scared the sense. Just to clear up the factor,
sunscreen. Oh, Dan's got the sunscreen,

(43:37):
Yeah. SPF 4 is 75% coverage, SPF 50 is
98%. So it's UV are blocked.
So it's amount to UV it's letting in.
Yeah, I want the let in about 20%.
I think that is what I would. Say I want the let in about 20%.
Here what a factor fair to you. This is Misha Barton.

(43:57):
Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, why should bogan? Law, right?
By the way, have you ever, has any of your children ever booked
directly in your mouth? No, I have a photograph of me
and. I'm weird like that.
I won't let them, I forbid it. I photographed me holding winter
at that one time and she just took after feeding her and she
burped, burped and booked at thesame time and I'm like, ah, and

(44:20):
it's all in my mouth and all. And Sean took a photograph the
exact same time. I have a photograph of me
basically like she's mommy bird and I'm baby bird that.
Would actually be, no joke, a great tour.
I was. About to say that.
Oh, really? Yeah, 1000% out.
Here a bad. Idea be a great tour poster.
Right. Get someone on the phone,
cancel, cancel. Get your pink pack.
You know, I want, I'm on the American Saturday.
I want 20% of the UV rays getting through, not all day,

(44:44):
but I just, I look, I want to sit in the sun.
I want a little bit of a. Say, even if you're exposed to
overcast like you should be morein fact.
I wear sun sunscreen. Is that American sun clear?
So yeah. Most days.
Fuck yeah. We think we look like babies.
Yeah, we're babies. You're getting on the even when
like they say, like during the summer, we're not even getting
vitamin D here. We're not getting vitamin D, but

(45:06):
we're getting all the bad shit. We're getting the UV rays.
All the yeah, we're like we tinfoil had conspiracy theories
here. Umm, we so taught me that you're
going to Edinburgh. And Edinburgh and I'm leaving in
5 minutes time because I have a plane to catch because I have a
very important team facilitationto get to in Edinburgh tomorrow.
Did you ever think we live in a world where he was doing?

(45:26):
Anything important? Facilitation with the business
world. Yeah.
Aaron Butler. I used to do team facilitation.
Adult guy right here. You know, I mean, 35 years old,
got a mortgage, got everything. You know, I mean, we're, we're,
we're an adult now. We're an adult now.
When you get there, when you getto a hotel, what are you doing
with? Mickey Mouse.

(45:47):
You get to your hotel, like, what's your thing?
What do you do when you get on there?
Uh. Hang up my clothes first
because. I do unpack for one night.
Well, I don't want wrinkles in my shirt and all for.
Or your face. I'm alright.
Exactly that's you're gonna get on, you can unpack.
Unpack, get the shirt hung up, Uh, get all my toiletries and
all into the bathroom because I have a toiletry bag of.
Course you do. It it it unfolds and has all

(46:09):
different compartments and skin care, teeth care, deal teeth
care. You mean toothbrush?
Well, yeah, just take my side teeth car.
I mean toothpaste there's not. And maybe.
Lister, big end of Madento. Yeah, there's not much else.
Go ahead. You've you're really No, no, no.
I don't know what else, I thought you had something to
add. But no, no, no.
No, no. And then you've also got to get
dinner. So it'll be straight down, get

(46:31):
some food and then after that I'll get settled for the night,
go over my notes on laptop, reply some emails, maybe watch
some Netflix, wake up the next day and.
Get you drink the coffee in a hotel room.
Never, never. Never.
I don't. I don't like the cops.
Nope, don't don't like anything about it.
What about if they give wheat biscuits while we think about?
Those I'll not be able. To I don't like the biscuits.
I've had some good biscuits and hotels like I don't eat or.

(46:53):
Drink any of the stuff, but I'llfume if I don't have it in the
room. Yeah, I'll be like ring up for
extra and stuff. What was the last thing you
auditioned for? Can tell us.
It was today. You're in addition today.
Do you think you did well? Yeah, do, yeah.
I can't tell you what's for though.
No, no. But were you in the room or was?
In the room I met with the director.

(47:15):
Yeah, think about. Well, it's one I I did audition
for like a Marvel Marvel before.He loses mind.
Oh yeah. And do you know who got it?
Diane Beckers. No, your girl who is in Canto,
She was in Orange is the New Black.
Oh, Diana or Diane? Hold on.

(47:36):
No idea, but what was the Marvel?
Are you allowed to say the Marvel project you audition?
I can't even remember. Was it ATV show Disney?
It was a movie. It was a superhero movie.
Oh my. God about five years ago and.
Self tape or you went. Went to London to audition for
it and the Girl of God, it was like really, really famous.
And I was like, this was one of those like projects.
We'll just bring in a few randomunknowns and see how we get on.

(47:58):
But. I say every audition is that.
Diana Guerro yes, Guerrero, wasn't it I Diane Guerrero, do
you work from Orange is the new black?
She's the she's one of she's oneof the she's the garden Encanto.
Anyway, whatever, but it a really exciting addition this
morning went really well. I think the part was written for
me. It wasn't, but it seems like
it's like a. Wicked part too.

(48:18):
Yeah, was it? Was it here?
Yeah. OK, the, the have you ever done
an audition where you've had to do anything extraordinary?
No, like, we're like, I'll do it.
Can't do a bit of juggling or can't do, oh, trapeze?
Or what about the guy who was like, this guy went, I'd love to
put you in a play. He was like, yeah, me on
Twitter. Yeah, this is.

(48:38):
To put you in a play is such a great opening line.
He's like, I want such a showbizthat I'd love to put you in a
play, Darling, I'm. Gonna make your stuff.
But he goes, listen, I'm puttingon a play, I want you in it.
And I said I like, I'm not interested.
I was like, thank you. But like time commitment.
It would stop me doing stand up.I don't love a player, something

(49:01):
I probably wouldn't really like to do at this point.
And the guys like, it's going tobe really great to hear me.
Once you get the skates on, it'll be fun.
He goes out. Would you like, would you come
and have coffee? Me to chat about it?
And I was like, yeah, I'll definitely meet you for coffee.
But just to let you know, I willnot be doing the play.
And the guy goes right. He goes meet at like 2:00 at the

(49:25):
Mac on Wednesday or whatever. And I was like, great.
Tuesday he text me. He said, really look forward to
seeing you tomorrow. Is there any way you could
prepare a little bit, a little bit of a number?
And I was like, what is it? He's like, yeah, like a song and
a bit of a dance to go with it. No, because I'm, I was like, I'm
not going to be in it. And the guy goes, I hear what

(49:48):
you're saying, but I daily if you could come with a song and a
dance, that'll be perfect. He was like, hey.
But he kept, he just kept awesome.
And I was like, no. And we never had the meeting.
Yeah, I was like, this is I was like, I don't, I can't.
I'm also not a guy. I can't just give you ask him
for a song about some 3 seconds notice he give you.

(50:10):
Yeah, yeah. I can't give you a message to
the wrong guy there. Yes, it may.
I'd be I'm going tomorrow. The play happened and you
probably know people that were in it and it is all song and
dance. Was it a year ago?
Yes. Was it?
No, you wouldn't. Know it, OK?
You wouldn't know it. OK, I did an audition one time
where I did the whole it was like a monologue edition.
So it was the for like a plane. And then afterwards the director

(50:32):
was like, can you redo that? Because that shit?
But could you redo that? But every sentence is going to
invoke a different childhood memory and I'm going to be able
to read that from your face. And I had to redo the monologue
just like saying things. And everyone been like, she was
like, oh, and then my mum came in and then she went over there
like and I had every line. About your mother.

(50:53):
Like a nest of bees in her head and a Toblerone.
Yeah, enforcement. I said jump through all these
different emotions for every line.
It was the stupidest thing. And I think it was just like at
the end of the day. And they were just like, let's
fuck this. She's not gonna get 4.
We'll put her in the. Four, we were ready to cast the
part. Yeah, let's just mess around.
I had the guy, yeah, when I was doing 1 like this year, I don't

(51:14):
know what in last year and it was in the Clayton or additional
people and again one of those ones where they're like go
whenever you need to go, but. I'm literally just texting but
I'll be two minutes. And they're basically like you
look, we'll run this in a numberof times, try it different ways.
The first time I did it, they were like, Shane, that's great.
We'll we'll give you a shout, man.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, what?
I'm not going to. Some of the auditions just feel

(51:36):
like P Diddy humiliation ritualswhere they're like just trying
to see how far they can push you.
I had one for extras and I one time, I can't remember what the
project was or what it was, but and who even got me it.
But I just remember being in a room sort of similar to this
size. It was empty.
It was one chair in it and the director, the casting agent was
behind her and the director was with her and the casting has his
phone. He's just filming me like all

(51:58):
these different we angles, but he's so one.
But he made me make like animal like faces.
He was like you need to be like you haven't.
You don't know how to talk, You don't know how you like you've
been locked away. You're like basically like a
Fritzel kid, like you've been fucking but and I had to just I
didn't know what way it is. So I just kept like being like.
Do you know? Do you know where?
I don't think that was a vibe ofthe Fritzel kid.

(52:21):
Yeah. Dead anyway.
See you later, have a good time.A bit of a zippers.
We have a massive tea with me live.
If you haven't already heard, we're going back to the SSC
Arena 23rd of May. If you've been or seen the live
pods before, whether you've beenin person or watched it on

(52:43):
YouTube or on our Patreon, we'redoing that again.
But bigger, better, bolder. Bloody hell, it's going to be
fantastic. There's going to be stand up on
the night. Is there going to be some sort
of musical element? I don't know.
All I know is we've sold a lot of tickets.
There's not that many left If you want to get them, they're in
the description Ticketmaster if you enjoyed the podcast and
you'll want more if we've wet your whistle, if we've lifted up

(53:06):
the tea with me 90 enough and you want to see a little bit,
you know, you want to see a little bit more than just thigh.
They're not nudity on it, but patreon.com/T me podcast it
could be if it sells will do it.Donald get a bum hole.
You know, may as well get paid to do that, but there's bonus
episodes, there's bonus episode,there's specials.

(53:29):
This year we're doing loads of, uh, one off kind of mad specials
with friends from the podcast and that goes on
patreonpatreon.com/T with me podcast.
Appreciate watching the episode.Thanks for the support.
Do you know Keith Singleton the actor?
No, Keith Singleton. He was in and so.
I shared a Keith Singleton. Soft Border Patrol big after.
We Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah.

(53:49):
Really funny, yeah. And one time him and I did
script development for a show, which meant like you read the
script and then you sort of get and you're feeding like
improvise lots bits of it to tryand see if the writer can like
improve the script. And we spent like a whole day
improvising the rules as animals.
So I was a cat and he was a dog.And it was just him and I in
this rehearsal space. I'm the director and him and I

(54:09):
walked around doing the parts, but as the cat and the dog.
I just. I literally couldn't do that.
No, I know. I just can't.
I just it's weird I don't have any me to do.
It it's almost like they condition you when you're in
there and you're like, maybe this is fine and like maybe this
is fun and then. You do it.
He's loads of stuff I remember. He's really great.
Seeing him in like 3 things in aweek and then he was just on no

(54:31):
come on come on, come on. And then he was just at the
Paddy Power festival like yeah paid to like walk around and
chat to people and stuff is great.
He's. On the lot of.
Ads one pervert exchange for another.
Here he is weird. Fetish fucker.
Hello, David, you. Guys send me a fetishes.
We just have decided. To dressed in like half GIMP
gear. Well.

(54:51):
And a collar of. Can I actually tell you about
these trousers? Yeah, I don't.
Want to know? Well, I'm in a pair of black
leather trousers, right, Full leather, I think.
But somebody got in contact withme a couple months, about six
months ago and they reckoned me send you some clothes and I was
like, well, can you let me a brand, a brand company, right.
And then they were like I said, well, can you let me see what
the clothes are first, because Idon't want you to send me stuff
I'm not going to wear. That's a waste of whatever.

(55:13):
And you said you want those. No, shut up, right.
Well, and he sent me a picture of like a pair of leather
trousers and a jacket, whatever.And I would, yeah, I'd wear
those. Here's my sizes, send them.
And then I give them a differentaddress to send off to.
So then they sent the stuff. But what arrived was 3 pairs of
leather trousers and three leather jackets, all from like
River Island, H&M, Zara, Mango, places that I was like, well,

(55:34):
which brand are you? If you're stalking all these,
I'm pretty sure River Island don't stalk in like a random.
And then and then I start looking more into it, but
interim. They had messaged me one day,
going by the way, what weight are you?
And I was like, whoa, are you mydoctor?
What do you need to know this for?
And then when I looked on their page, I can't remember what the
name of the count was, but it was like they were just like
very generic boutique, like a boutique place, you know what I

(55:56):
mean? And then I was all, are you
looking for me to tag you if I wear these clothes or whatever?
And then they were like, yeah, if you want.
And then I was like, but what's your store like?
Where is your store? Where is your shop is an online
company. And they just kept being like,
send us a photograph and then we'll like talk about it.
And then I just blocked them, gave away all of the clothes

(56:16):
except for these charges that I love dearly.
And I'll keep wearing them. And I don't care who's what
they're are so. High meant that is a.
Bit better than that. And like I get asked all the
time about these specific charges.
I always have to go. They came from a pair of it,
yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
These are kind of matched up like I've come in and user like
sort of, well, user. I asked.
You yelled. I was like, sure, you watch
yellow because a very Yellowstone jacket.

(56:36):
I'm wearing Yellowstone jumper. No, I've never watched
Yellowstone, but I wore this jacket last night in Maddens and
Sean Mcalevey said to me, that'svery Yellowstone.
And I was like, I don't know what that is.
David, I just started watching Yellowstone, okay?
And I think it's only a matter of time.
Never would a guy suit that sortof cowboy gear more than Dave.
Yes, RIP, RIP. Yeah RIP.
You are ripped from here by the way.

(56:56):
He will love that. I do love that.
Yeah. Thank you, Dan.
Yes, that's a kind. RIP does a lot of shagging and
you also. Top shagger but the person he's
currently shagging is mentally unwell so it takes away from.
Would you consider like a nice like no Yellowstone type jacket?
I thought you're going to be like a nice looking person.
Who's mad? You.
Know you're all good. Would you consider that kind of
gear? I mean, not to your extent, yes.

(57:17):
Like you watched and you've comeout in the full like I watched.
Squid. There was a period where I was
like 2 on the notes. Yeah, you were.
And like you, you'd been a guy who over the years, no
disrespect, shout out of phone sponsor Paul Carhartt.
You'd been like Carhartt. Wick you watch 2 episodes
Yellowstone Carhartt stats. I'm buzzing for the Philadelphia
leg of the tour because in New Jersey, which is like 25 minutes
away, there's a Carhartt outlet and I'll be going to get.

(57:39):
Like I know what Carhartt is. It's Carhartt brand.
It's like that. People would have like that, but
a car that's like a knockoff Carhart jacket, no.
You guys that do like work like workmen would wear Carhartt but
now I like hipsters wear it. Right.
I think it's cool. Yeah, OK.
But it is kind. Of I've just come back from we
holiday crack off in Poland and there's a lot of like world
warhead stuff and you 2 guys do look like user kind of Nazi

(58:01):
shake. You're like the sort of the
brown shirts in. The I think he more looks like
he's he's banged up more. He's the Aryan guy, I mean.
I'm banged up. And we're joking.
You obviously you're not. You're obviously one of the.
But you know what? You could be either side of the
wire My. Friend, I know you could be.
Yeah. I I don't know whether I would
not get shocked because that or both would be trying to shoot
me. Yeah, but if I was anywhere near
no man's land. Because you're circumcised.

(58:21):
Too, so you'd be it'd be a double confusion.
Where did I'm a Decker go in themidst of World War 2 battle?
If ever there's a guy. Black and white pictures in the
song you're like why is this guygot his background design?
You have heard it somewhere, like in a drinking bar
somewhere. It'll be like apparently it
really puts a sniper off of the decks.
You'd be like this lads, get it out, come on.
Yeah, they're like waving a white flag means surrender.

(58:42):
But what is that guy? What is waving a circumstance?
Like mine? Yeah, what's it saying?
Lovely when you've heard that ina drinking bar like a troll.
Like dude, I got here over here things in a bar wrong.
You would just pick it up and run with it.
Where do you hear this all Trust.
Me, man, it's golden. In a drinking.
Bar I was I was pulling. It was cold and good.

(59:04):
It's good time apart from the the.
Obvious that. Can still be good you went, but
it can still be like a good experience.
I'm not coming out of it going. I was a vibe, yeah.
It was like it made you go, oh goodness.
Man, was there people there doing pictures that you thought
were weird? By the way, go when you do, you
go certain time. I'll go in 5 minutes.
What do you mean like people like Yes.
In front of like baby shoes. There was no none of that stuff.

(59:26):
But there was the tour guide wasa Polish lady and she was pretty
sombre, but don't think she's serious.
She's like, she wasn't like a club 18 to 30.
She wasn't like a red dude, but she was pretty much like, let me
just remind you that this is like totally not cool to take
photos. It's like cemetery.
And I say, yeah, yeah. Why you didn't bore that voice
that's making me laugh. Let's make.
Yeah. But then, like, there's, like,

(59:47):
guys taking photos of the signs and on.
You're like, man, you can read that online.
Yeah. And then it's like, don't take
photos or videos in certain places, like the gas chambers or
the place where the hair and theshoes are, and it's just this
old guy's iPad. On.
Your record for me. Sean and I spent our first
wedding anniversary and I switch.
On and how do you find when he'sgetting?
Romantic. One year.

(01:00:08):
Lovely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like this is like a representation of the rest of
our marriage. Fast.
Yeah, I don't know. I don't think, I don't gassy.
I couldn't even do it. It was I couldn't do it.
No. No, I could just be like.
You wouldn't want to. Go no, I can.
I, I didn't think it like, I knew sad, but I didn't feel as

(01:00:29):
sad as maybe I thought I would feel, you know, I was there
like, because now, now, bear with me.
You'll probably be able to back this up or else go wise up,
Dave. But you know, the shoes and the
bat, the clothes and all. Yeah.
I thought from seeing it online there was more than so did I.
You know what I mean? I'm here and you get a wee bit
disappointed. Yes, there's not more dead
people's shoes. A little.
Bit of that's maybe Have they taken some of these away for a
different exhibition? You're on TripAdvisor.

(01:00:50):
Like, yeah, I don't mean to be slow.
Yeah. But whenever not enough props.
No, not good enough. But then whenever we went to
Birkenau and I saw how big it was, yeah, I was just like,
whoa. Do you know, actually what I
find quite sad, it's when the dothe train tracks that just end,
you know, And then you feel likeobviously a sense of like people
came in on those train tracks. Yeah.
And that was in that. Just like I would just be really

(01:01:12):
sad. You'd be like, you'd be getting
off the thing. They're like, fuck, here we go
again. Yeah.
But the Christmas markets are really nice there.
Yeah. That makes it all better if you
leave and you can go get like a churro.
Yeah, I, I'm doing your partner.Yes, yes.
So I assume you'll tell me more about it there.
Yeah, well, well, you know what I was because I know your man

(01:01:32):
needs to bounce, so I was just going to do that.
We bit myself so I just talk about silly stuff to.
Go. Yeah, everyone.
Home. Because I came in here and
there's bloody suitcase and all down the bottom.
I was like, am I back in Ashford?
And I prefer a night to talk to people about business.
Why has he got a a like a full bag and a full travel case?

(01:01:54):
I thought he was away for a week.
Umm, do you know you're on tour?Yes, get your pink back.
When you saw after starts in May, the first well, there was
probably. Won't be May the 1st.
No, no, no, not the May the 1st,the 1st work in progress is this
week. But yeah, May, June, all of
Edinburgh Fringe. Good.
Do you have a website? Dot UK.
Said about slower if people aren't.

(01:02:15):
Do you wanna Doherty or do you wanna Doherty if you're not one
of the 100,000 people from derry.co.uk?
Davey, you weren't here long. Enough.
Yeah, man it. Doesn't matter.
We'll put a link to that in the description for this.
Guys. Thank you very much for
listening, for watching. Go Well Go well.
Yeah, I can think anything Go Well.

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