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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
It's like bouncers. It's something, but I don't know
what. Weight Watchers.
You could post by the black shirt like bouncers at CX.
Badges. Another is Tesco.
Yeah, yeah. What are you talking some the
other week? You will be, we love.
(00:22):
There we go there. We go whoa.
Started. You mean to go?
On if you want £1,000,000 what would you do?
Do you have anything crazy questions like I just get it
started I'm thinking. Of Virginia, have we started?
We started, yes. Oh, oh cool, oh lovely, started
nice, just. Like you want separate Welcome
(00:42):
if. You want if you want £1,000,000
more. £1,000,000 Lord of Drugs no if I want £1,000,000
honestly. Nice house right?
Big back garden, couple of guns,heap of cans that you have to.
Oh. But shooting the cans go full
redneck sit at the back launches.
But that's not the sign. Like a wealthy rich man should
have a hands off the wall. That'll be pompous.
(01:03):
I'm white trash. Like I'm gonna.
Do that now you. Haven't the hair from mullet
either. That's not the problem.
See if you fucking start me today, right?
I'm just saying, I suppose maybethe back you could, it's just
it's the front. So I.
Suppose you couldn't do it back from all either.
You know you don't want to use top notes went bald.
Think I don't fucking see that'sbecause.
It's too tight not. Nice, I right now I have some
fucking job you have there. You fancy do that?
You got a cut today, Yes, Yeah, that is nice.
(01:26):
Like that is nice, a nice tight cut.
Because I told her I was going to see you in the portion.
See. If I grow the beard or two.
I think if I was to dream about you, a dreamy with a Skinhead,
because that's how I knew you for so many years.
Because of the whole new connotations, you knew me a
long. Holy fuck, can't even cut me
(01:48):
here. Jordana Crow actually is one of
those. I wish it was when I started.
Yeah, I always actually have that all the time for I wish.
You all the time now because there's way more happening in
the world. And then we could have done our
comedian Zoom quizzes and we would have way more to talk
about what we could have said. You guys like, what do you
really think about this, though?Yeah.
There's nothing happens when we laughed as much.
Yeah, my questions. What's the capital of Mexico?
(02:11):
Kizy, Tom Hanks. I think one of the questions I
gave general lockdown was about Diddy.
If you do. Remember, I do remember that
was. Your favourite size of Diddy?
Yeah, and I went with D you can't say G because that.
That's beyond Diddy. It's a slobber.
(02:32):
That's a milker. That's the question.
When do you? When does it stop being a Denny
McComb? A slobber.
Around 4243, right? That's well, that's why I'm
assuming I'm working on some good daddy's.
Right, you're about to be. Milkers like they are there now.
I've had milkers for a while. Yeah.
And there is a limit to size, yeah.
Yeah. It's a bud like a EE.
(02:55):
Right becomes in a. Comes in a bit of us, yeah, I
think. I like it though, I like having
to gather the boobies up. Oh, absolutely, yeah.
Like punchers at the end of the night.
Yeah. Yeah, Right.
That's it. Yeah.
Thank you. You don't have to go home, but
you can't stay here. Yeah.
Absolutely. I remember your.
(03:16):
Home in the bra. I always remember your first
joke of not your first joke. First joke.
I remember really sticking out, which was when you said about
you're getting so fat. Was it when you run down the
stairs you'd. Yeah, that's the first time it
happened. It's the first time you spread
toothpaste and it doesn't hit your dead, you go down.
In your dead. That's sticking out way too far
that I'm supposed to. Yeah.
I don't know what happened to me.
I told you recently I bought a like a smart scale and wet
(03:38):
myself naked and noticing that my nipples stick out further
than my Dick. And balls do if you were to look
down. Active and I looked down.
It was like, well, my, my daddy's worked further than
that. So you looked out but.
Your Dick shouldn't stick out. Unless it's hot, you shouldn't
notice it. Really.
Oh, it was fully hard because it's all my tits.
Naturally, which made me. Right, right.
(03:59):
Use. The fuck out of my yeah Oh.
Yeah, but you're not like, I don't even have nipples, but
like, unless you're. I have I have a damn thing that
I. Like I have problem.
But you do hold yours like you hold them.
What is it like? You're normal like.
Yeah, because they're there. You rest them.
You rest your hands. Do you use it when you're quiet?
(04:19):
Haven't quiet time? Yeah, have.
You ever had them? Oh man, I look in the mirror
like a normal man. That's like a trick put on my
dad's voices. So, you know, good.
You're saying you've like normalpeople.
You're saying I'm. Not gonna grab.
What do? What do you do with the other
hand? Oh, what are you do?
Do I want to choke myself and want to keep the door close?
(04:39):
That's how you wank it. I just turn on the Hoover.
You said you only wank the throat.
Oh 100%. I mean, not gonna touch me.
I'm not gay. How do you use it?
Weirdos. I wasn't injuring sex then.
How do you wank an egg when you don't have one?
Oh, I fucking show you, choke you.
(05:01):
Yeah. Fucking a Donald.
Shit. I know you're like a giraffe
yourself. I'm not a good.
We only get in the world who's tank topples doubles a polo
neck. Yeah, fucking fat bastard.
I don't feel your. Best like a fucking swear.
Gloves like a married couple times.
Oh. Boys without all the I was going
to say without all the sex, but others?
(05:23):
There's some sex like a. Separate, let me take a quick
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(05:45):
do kettles. He'll do you know what?
What will he do? Down like tickets?
To Champions League matches. The Dutch Grand Prix he's doing
and that's like that's like bottom levels, that's bottom
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He has made 8 millionaires, he'sgoing to do 9.
(06:06):
That prize guy.co.uk you can seeeverything they have going on.
The beauty of the prize guy is that price guy is, you know,
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been any travels recently, Brother I.
Was born in America just for theelection there, just to sort of.
(06:28):
See what's happening? See what's going on?
Check out what's on the street. Check in with that.
The drop every time Was coffee there, Where were you?
Away from him. Is it up?
No awesome. So not distracting at all.
All I can figure not pulling me fucking inside of my cheek.
I went to Indiana over to see myfamily.
(06:49):
Hey. I wasn't real near my deck.
It was so close. It was so close.
My rage and I must my Willy whenI got concentration, we're
looking down. Again, Yeah, over to Indiana,
over to family wedding, which was a.
Yeah, all everyone American or half the people from here.
So my aunt and uncle moved over there years ago and had.
(07:12):
So the kids are born there. They're American, but obviously.
They're not. And yeah.
I'm in the island to the walked on the aisle.
No, don't they should. Why in?
Dow Jones. Star Wars or what have done look
here No, what is he called? What's?
The margin manner, How to? Godfather, Yeah.
(07:42):
Look at me funny, I get on my plane.
You come to me on Father's Day. So what was question?
Star Wars. Star Wars.
No, no, no. Indiana Jones cowboy hat.
Yeah. Are you talking to me?
But is it like redneck there or is it like a?
(08:03):
Bad the state would be, but where they live is in South
Bend, where the Notre Dame University is.
What kind of wedding is it not compared to weddings here?
Shade. Really.
Started at 5 and finished at 10.Fuck got.
Everything all in like All in all in everything finished at 10
and all these Irish ones. What do you mean the barstool?
(08:23):
I think. They go away.
Like done. So like the ceremony was at 5,
right? The actual like nuptials, Yes.
And then he moved on to dinner and then next thing, just as the
groove was kicking on, free bar.Talk to me about the spread.
Similar. To here.
Sort of soup and fucking little bit of British steak, but no.
(08:44):
We. No, we we just had before this.
Meant will Wheaton Star Wars check.
Shrek. Shrek, I'm very tired.
Does Vader you're going the right way about a smack bottom?
In the morning, I'm making weapons.
(09:06):
That's the Emperor. This is I.
Have to look. I am like his.
I have to deal with this every fucking week.
We have a podcast by the way, people.
Yes, to deal with it every. Week I get to sorry I get to
deal with it every week. Probably get to feed other
experience. Five to 10 all in.
(09:27):
There's something I love about that, like.
But you know, you know what the way it has to be like.
The weirdest thing, and apparently this is a new Gen Z,
Gen ZI see, is no, that's not new.
That's been about for a long time.
It's just a call to something different.
For what? The call for that?
Tiramisu. What tiramisu?
They call the tiramisu that was a code word for.
Take out me saying shock munch and I don't normally say dirty
(09:48):
things like that. Shock, munch and.
Shock, munch and like. Another song which I'm over.
I like her brown. Then I like again.
You never got to lick my brown, no.
No shock. Brilliant at the naked World
Cup? That's good, Morocco.
Shock Munch are not one of Hitler's mates.
(10:11):
Sorry as muncher. But what I'm saying is five to
10 would be dead on if there waslike a resonance bar type thing,
if there was a kind of thing where it was like optional to
stay on we. Ended up bagging around this
high school and what the fuck was in here and then got proper
drinking but it was a free bar so we were all everybody just
get nice like 10:00 comes in andthen this is a new thing they
say. Can everybody please vacate the
room so the bride and groom can have their last dance?
(10:32):
I thought you're. Going to say that because it's
so they can. Have a.
That's the last. I would rather leave for that.
Yeah, the last dance. So then everybody's outside the
function room working in at themto dancing with nobody around
them except the. DJ But that fuck is that smart
out free drink because then theycan go.
We give everyone free drink. But if it ended before everyone
had really got their orders in, yeah, you know, you're probably
(10:52):
saving yourself. See, that's the smart thing,
but. If they say free bar but you
have to tip so it's not going free.
Oh yeah, but free bars are interesting because if you go to
free bar all night, nobody really panics if you go to free
bar between fucking 5:00 and 7:00.
All frenzy. Oh, I.
Forget about doing frenzy, become enemies.
That's what I'm. Doing.
(11:12):
With my life and. What else did you do when you
were? There went to a cannabis
dispensary. Oh yeah, just just out of
curiosity, just. Because I'm there, you know, I
mean, as a tourist, you know, I just want to go and try the
things just went, went in. Is that Mister Cage?
Your money's no good here. Yeah.
It's like when a cop walks down the street to give him coffee
and a paper. Keep walking.
There's. Already a picture of him for you
(11:33):
behind the counter. My only like style.
I just wish there were we were. You're not allowed mobile phones
or or any cameras in the dispensary dude.
You know otherwise you would youwould have seen my face as the
door open. We greener, but it was not.
Not moving very fast, but yeah, that was a that was an
(11:56):
experience because what's. There we like, are they, are
they big into it? Is it a new thing being legal?
This is the state of Michigan. Because where they are is like,
like Strabane delivered. So there's kidding, like a mile
or so to the border. And they're hoping to get that,
to get that green. Oh, I wasn't.
No, because that would be international across the
smuggling. That's federal crime, right?
I just went to see the dispensary.
(12:17):
Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes, I wouldn't.
Purchase it because that's. Gentleman to find establishment,
you have a top of the cup and I wish you well.
Because it was ground, brethren,Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, me like it appears,
Cheerio. Yeah, I didn't have fish.
So I actually obviously pronounced that wrong.
(12:38):
I'm so fucking tired. Let's wrap us up.
Maybe he said. Maybe he said, or T earlier, or
T and he thinks there's nothing wrong with that.
All right, Oh, this is the guy that slags me all the time.
What are we fucking second here for?
Annunciations at all times. Pronunciation.
Dickhead No. No, no, no.
Pronunciations, whatever. Annunciation.
Words. So what comes after?
(13:00):
What comes after Q? RRT not or.
It's or. He's like me, I.
Feel like it's hey person, hey. Not up here it's not.
He's like me because I say film.No, fellas, I slag you because
you say, well, you can't say Welsh.
Way Tom Jones Welsh. Welsh.
(13:23):
Well, I'm trying to get in with.It also and let your stand on
berries at the end of the Welsh.My Berry.
Chuck my Berry, listen. No, that's.
I can't believe everyone's it's all.
That's what you said PQRR. No, or and you would never say
that unless you were talking about being on an old.
(13:44):
Or if you were you don't know what.
Or if you were given somebody a choice.
Or if you had another option. And the option being said the
correct way. Yeah, that's.
Different. That's yeah.
Indiana I've never been shooting.
Hypothetically you would have to.
That would be classed as smuggling if you bring it back.
Indiana because not well. Indiana is not legal, so yeah,
in Michigan it is. So that will be what they call
(14:06):
Interstate smuggling. And hyper hypothetically, would
it be hypertherapy? Sorry.
Or. That's what I that's what I talk
to a councillor in a rave. No, I'm talking about.
Hyperpothetically, would you? Would you?
What's the penalty for that? I don't know.
The life. Give the chair big sparky.
Yeah. Pressure salad.
Yeah. That's what happens.
(14:27):
You'll be getting the vaccine when you want it or not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The final vaccine.
Yeah. The third dose.
Yeah. The the old AstraZeneca.
So I Indiana was good. That's great.
I only watched the documentary recently about the the water in
Michigan. That's why Flint.
Flint, Yeah. That's why.
(14:48):
But they it's bad and like what I would go over there even just
in Indiana, they they don't put like their tap water into
kettle. Yeah, they're they're all
bottled there for for as long asI've been going there for like
20-30 years. It's just the waters just full
of fluoride. And so drink ways it's not to
drink it. It's not good.
When the Flint thing first happened though, was there.
(15:08):
I don't know if it was just factbut a guy it was so bad he
turned his water tab on and thenlit it and I just fucking.
Oh, either was the meteor, Yeah.I was doing for one line no.
That's general. So much pollution.
LED. It's not what's in it.
LED poison. So it was because it was the car
factories started Detroit in Flint.
So there was a whole bunch of like fucking GM and a lot of
(15:30):
rebuilt factories. There were never Barry with a
fucking. Well, this Obama with.
The said the said Ford can have drinking water from the
original. So they changed over the source
and they were like we're going to get you better water and they
change it to a worse place. But they said the Ford Motor
factory could have the original source clean water, clean water
for the production of their cars.
(15:50):
Well, that makes sense. I mean the.
Cars are getting the water, the Fiesta is getting it, not your
Malik. Well that that makes, I mean
you, you would appreciate the Fiesta more.
Yes, yes, but. You'd value it more.
The trick behind that is you buya Fiesta when you're thirsty.
You. Just take your mother, take a
straight out of the car. I did the wintry.
Oh, I thought you were. Auto all right OK all my mother
just I was gonna say they got. Neck that's so disrespectful.
(16:16):
It's. My man, just watch this if you
do. Hello woman.
Oh me, oh me, oh me. The echo.
Shaded you and your cavern. Cavernous blurt.
Cavernous blurt is actually. He's especially.
The thing with Dublin? He was the doctor that founded
Queens University. Cameras blood, How do you do
(16:37):
professor the audio? I love it.
I've never been the. I've been off the beaten track
in America too much. The.
Place, Yeah. Because you're you've been the
more place. So I've only been at the same
Australia. I've only been the like the main
cities but you've done a few days and like the weird places.
No, I've only ever done New York.
(16:58):
Oh, you mean Australia? Yeah.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I've done some weird places in Australia.
I've only ever, like I would tryto find weird places in America
in New York as well though. Like I was there for a week and
pretended I was like a fucking suspended cop.
And just tried to find. This you had to turn the badge
in. Yeah, yeah, I just, I would said
drink a whiskey with a wee 2nd and go Dad Mccleskey.
Yeah. You're in New York, what, like
10 years ago? Maybe not that long 2. 1001
(17:22):
September. Oh yeah, I.
Remember that that was the two. 1002 two I went to see the hold.
I shouldn't call them up, but. You're not allowed to say that
these days. The.
Holes. No.
What do you call them? Cavernous blurts.
Oh, I forgot. Come along the sights into the
(17:46):
cavernous blurts as we call themout of respect.
Some big girl. Depend on their age.
Put on your poncho. Zippers, let me take a quick
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(18:28):
They've got oils, you know, they've got the ball after
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They've got it all. I'm going to America and I'm
going to if you've, if you've written sure, the camera what
that is because you've written something.
I was doing nothing, I promise. Right.
Well, don't be doing that sort of stuff, yeah.
(18:49):
I didn't realise you going to talk to me, so I'm.
Not going to talk? I'm not going to.
I thought I could just go on my phone.
All right, you can. I didn't mean sorry, I thought.
You can. Go back to and I wasn't
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Katie, you called the Daily Stuff back at the time I did and
is it has it played out what they said at the time or is it
(19:10):
different than what it was? Today is going to be good fun
because today they have seen files comes out.
Today. Today is.
It today, big launch. A lot of them come out today.
Yeah, most of them come out today and.
Is it Trump has gone? He's the one send releases, No?
Yeah, as well as Pam Bondi, who's the attorney General.
She said last night that they'recoming out today.
Do you reckon there'll be anything left?
And Epstein files are, I think the JLK files is going to be
(19:31):
like, Oh no, it's just a lone gunman.
I want to see that, I don't care.
I don't worry about the flight. I want to see the submarine logs
for Epstein. Like that's the fucking one.
The flight logs. Just a red herring.
The submarine logs is what you want to see.
Me and my family used. To live a submarine, yeah.
I did one of those last week whenever I had a solid.
Or Hardy Italian. So what are they saying?
(19:54):
People were so a bit of that youlook at this hand, you're not
looking at this. You're distracted from that.
Like always going in underwater.Well, Glenn Maxwell had a
submarine licence like. No, she's driving on herself.
She's actually. Takes a bit of the glamour off
it. I thought they would have like a
wee driver doing. Somebody but then.
She's like the guy doing the ferry at what he called the
island and a skill. Lusty bag she's like she's a guy
(20:17):
the. Owner of Lusty Bag picking you
up on the ferry. Except she hers was filled the
Haitian kids. Yeah, there's was called Lusty
Beggar. Yeah, Lusty Beggar lost all the.
Right. Yeah, I do remember you saying
on a Jim quiz with The Dirty stuff.
Yeah, and I remember specifically he's all laughing
at me, Yes. I laugh in Iowa.
(20:40):
That made me laugh in years. You know, we celebrated five
years there and a podcast. Five years from.
January, Yeah, beautiful. There's been long term marriages
that haven't lasted that. Long I've had about 18
girlfriends. Did this, did this it started.
And did you start just before locked?
(21:00):
Down. Just before it, yeah.
And then you did you do it and zoom all the way through.
No, no, we did. Yeah, because we were.
No, actually, if you were at work.
We were at work, we were at work.
Yeah. We were in a bubble.
It was an emotional one, but it was.
Technically, if it was an hour of exercise, you record.
If you're recording for an hour and you were exercising your
(21:22):
opinions. Which anywhere it was classed as
work, same as. We didn't know that till the
very end of lockdown. We could have been in the
studio. Same as the likes of Nolan
William Crawley. And it was they had to go into
work. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Same thing. Our people weren't meeting us,
you know? They were key workers.
You're welcome. Oh, you're a key worker?
Key unemployed right now, but ifanybody hasn't.
(21:45):
Working that key in right now. Key to the city.
Alicia Keys call me. That's why I hang up with him.
I don't even know Keys was last name.
My younger brother went to school when in the school when
Alicia Keys first released the bank.
I can't remember. The big song was what was the
(22:06):
big fall fallen. And he hadn't seen her.
He just heard the song on the radio.
I decided to celebrate. It was our cousin in America,
Alicia Keys. Yeah, that was no, no, because
she had a music video. No.
Why? Is that a wedding in Indiana
there bro? I'm heard from New York.
Did you did you have any role, the wedding or you just
(22:28):
chilling? No, I just brought the funk.
What the funk across the board. Yeah, boy.
That's all I do. No, I had nothing.
Thank fucking. When's the last time you did
something at a wedding it wasn'tyour own?
Dave, just. After 20 things.
In like groomsmen or yeah, I was.
Oh best man at 1:00 during the summer there.
Right, I did. I'm just going to say I was best
(22:50):
man at my youngest, but I wasn't.
There were two best men, but I was one.
End up giving the speech. See AT shirt Is that Deadpool?
Yes. Drama there.
Who's what team? You on your team, Ryan.
I can tell where your face you. Know how could you not be?
No, I'm not. I'm not he don't want.
To be can I tell you something right now?
I'm on. This might be a big day because
(23:10):
the Epstein fights are coming out.
What's bigger news in that in the showbiz works, Micky
Bartlett and Ryan Reynolds are done.
Fucking dumb. I have to say, did you see him?
Did you see him the other night at the The fucking chicken?
The chicken? Did you hear?
What would you hear? Yeah.
When you're making jokes about it, you're like, did you see?
He's trying to smooth. See the Prince of Thieves behind
him? Just fucking wrong, Kevin.
Costner, yes, being a right bitch.
(23:31):
Right. It's like Yellowstone yellow
bags. Yeah, depot dead sneaky, but
then Costner. Also people are like look at the
shady thrown at Ryan Reynolds. Also very old guy probably just
like not really knowing what wasgoing on the night.
(23:52):
Probably time for his meds. Yeah.
I mean, it's old. I think he just cost her.
No cost her. Must be in as well.
In the 70s. Not well into maybe 70.
I mean. He's run the big Yellowstone
National, I said, I said. In fairness.
You don't say that, I said. Because it was fucking.
Stop the fucking. What about Hackman?
What I and his wife and his dog I.
Don't know what the case is. We were talking about a little
bit earlier, but we don't know anything.
(24:13):
What are you hearing? How old was he, 95 so.
So yeah, so you have Hackman, his wife and the dog dead.
What's greatest, he said that off but earlier and he was
ragingly didn't. There's nothing worse than not
laughing Mickey joke. He'll get you at some point,
he'll come back and until the point you just have to give and.
(24:33):
I'm a Gillian Maxwell, we submarine full of jokes.
You can't say that. In a sea of punch lines, Sorry,
what? What?
What are the? What's the coincidence of
Hackman, his wife and his dog dying together?
First of all, that's that's verystrange.
If you tell me he was on Epsteindiamond, well.
On the day that Epstein logs gotare going to come out to find
(24:56):
him. No way, Big Gene.
I hope not. I hope.
I really thought your. Big Gene retired in fucking 2000
or something else? Hagman that I always class.
I hope he was on the good guys, I really do because I reckon I
fucking loved everything he was on.
He was fucking great. I reckon the you reckon, I
reckon, I reckon the whacked hackman, you said three times
first. It's a fucking show off now.
Or don't. Whackman.
(25:20):
But what are people? Fucking gets all coffee.
But if this enemy have been a gas leak or something. 95 would
have. It would the only thing that
makes sense other than the. Fucking murder suicide the last
five years is telling us anything.
Sure you know yourself. These things don't make sense.
The things that don't make the. Carbon monoxide thing would be
(25:40):
the most obvious thing if all three are gone, but I didn't
even I. Didn't know what.
Imagine it was only the dog involved.
No party. It was, it was, it was a colon.
No, it's a colon issue because they found him prostate on the
floor. Is that what really happened?
He was over there, but in prostate, no.
(26:02):
No, no. I don't think.
What about maybe? I don't know.
I don't know what the scenario could be.
That has to be something or elsethe dog, the two of them died
and the dog found them and then he thought, I can't go on and
overdosed on this. Yes, on pedigree, that's rough.
No, they're on a depressed. Can I say something?
(26:26):
You're on fire, I said. Hi.
I don't know what's. Going on, I'm not getting
involved in the round thing, that's what I'm saying.
He doesn't. Speak to you anymore.
I don't want to. Fair enough, Deadpool 4, I'm
out. Don't even contact my agent.
(26:50):
What superhero would you be? T boy sippers welcome.
Just spoons. You want me to teabag you?
Sorry you mean I can't even get a fucking blue lights One of
them are thinking and get her own Deb sorry from.
(27:12):
Green, do you think? Are you too famous for blue
lights? Is that the?
Problem probably are too famous for blue.
Lights you know if somebody going to go off a question told
what he didn't know whereas he was one of their 10 There's
there's your mountain, Bergen. Hypothetically, him being on.
I but Dave or whoever you know, I mean anybody that you couldn't
you. I'm not getting involved.
Not because no one's looking good in it.
(27:35):
The three of them aren't lookinggood, no.
Don't. He's looking alright.
Ryan Reynolds getting involved too much in his wife's work.
Have you read the lawsuit? I've read the screenshots, but
I'm read the lawsuit. She read the lawsuit, it's got
the screenshots and all, and thewhole see, you don't see the
whole story all the way through like and she definitely did take
over the whole fucking and badly.
(27:55):
They got turned everybody against them like this.
It's the worst thing a bully andI've seen them fucking
Hollywood's last fucking fight. It's brutal, you.
Should see me these. Guys, shut up, Dan, shut up.
The water's new bowl. Fussy, fussy, Not even bald.
I make him shave it like that, Idemand.
Those those headphones are actually glued on him.
(28:18):
Those head what? The headphones, it broke my
heart because, because I know how sad they really are.
Creators ask for Angela. That's not fair.
Yeah. I mean, I assume like Hollywood
movies or like have been seen bullying since they started.
(28:40):
Like, you'll do this, I'll be the star of this.
Here's how we'll do it. But now we're in an era where
you see it getting caught like people will.
Well, I just don't know if anybody.
Used to be sexual assault, now it's like he called me a name
like. But if anybody reads that
lawsuit, that's a producer or whatever, she'll she'll never
work again. Yeah, Because they couldn't take
that risk that someone's going to come in and the director is
the most important part of the same.
(29:01):
Thing today is when she was getting slagged off because she
there was the girl who was in Gossip Girl who died yesterday
as well. Trachtenberg or something?
Yeah, and so Black Library's been like, I want privacy and
I'm going to stay away from social media and blah, blah.
And then put this post up all about her Co host from her Co
star from Gossip Girl and everybody was just like, you've
made this all about you, you fucking bitch.
(29:22):
Like she's like, she was so brave and she stood up to
authority. That's the kind of like the
narcissist tactic of being like what I did is completely normal
because she was doing it too type of thing.
Have you seen the offer about the making of the golfer?
Yeah, 1. One of the things we've seen.
But like, you could obviously never make a production like
that. No, no.
Like the amount of illegal stuffjust to get that movie on screen
(29:45):
and the shit that they did. Even like the things they talked
about in that lawsuit with Lively was about the intimacy
coordinator and all like I. And the intimacy coordinator.
Yeah, yeah, Kiss, kiss her. We did.
Either I'd be good. I think I'd be rid of that.
And Right and all right. No.
Shake it all the way. Yeah.
(30:07):
And again, spit your hand. More, not so much.
All right. That's me.
Trying to call the dog over. Come on.
Who killed Jane Hyper? That's what it's all about.
Whoa. Yeah, the guy be a front of a
(30:31):
judge, Judge. Don't do.
Fucking don't do what? Don't even start.
Was going to do that old joke with the guy who wrote the
hokey. Pokey died last week.
Funnels a nightmare. Try to get another coffee.
I thought you were going to start from Omar Dan.
I thought he's going to RIP intobecause we.
Oh, you claim the guy who wrote the hoagie pokies for a moment.
Hokey cookie. That's such a normal thing to
(30:53):
claim that. I'm I'm yeah, such a normal.
Thing to claim that. Yeah.
Oh, Sam, he was one of us too. No, that's not really Kiwi guy
or why. He's not really well, they tell
him. Stop playing fucking people from
the north. He did it once.
I did a. Couple Hey Donut and pick a
blinders. Hi.
Hello, Mr shall buy. And maybe do the guy from
Rainbow. Man, yes, put 20 on man.
(31:25):
Definitely, definitely. Yes he did that bro didn't.
Apparently that was though all the time, yeah.
I thought his accent was 10 out of 10 but you blame.
Because a lot of people slag them off for it, but it was
like, if you go back to videos, it was a Carson or those guys.
Yeah, that's yeah. So he nailed it.
Yeah. But we're all nobody talking out
there anymore. Somebody should fuck.
(31:45):
They did the same in Michael Collins in that movie.
Remember the guy that came down from Belfast?
Obviously the bloom, but he talked exactly the same way.
Every movie there's a guy that comes from Belt, there's a guy
that comes down from Belfast andwe always get walked all over.
It gets like a load of shit. We'll take a blew up.
So yeah, yeah, case in point. You believe Southerners don't
know how to do this? Is a case on my face Jesus?
(32:14):
Christian, I can always put it Yeah, the offer is fucking
unbelievable. I would write my seller just
want to say it an absolute. And he would, he would, he would
treat you treat. You better not ran Reynolds
fucker anywhere Teddy. Fucking really was.
He'd be so fake. You know you're right there.
(32:37):
I reckon Ran Reynolds will be all you, yeah.
He'd be saying that when he's exit.
You'd be talking about games when you walked in, so we walk
in. It'd be all I said.
Bits, by the way, it's not bits.Yeah, he'd love that.
Don't mind, I don't know I'm thecoffees weren't off to be no one
quick. Yeah, I didn't know you to be a
big coffee until the last coupleof weeks.
I thought, I don't really drink it that much, so when I do I'm
(32:57):
like put a crash very quickly. Yeah.
So you go from coffee to coffee.Or none coffee, coffee, none.
Another coffee. So thank you very much.
Sister do we get for the other year on bad?
Habit to get into. Two nuns are in a 2 nuns are in
a car. 2 nuns are in a car at night driving back to the
convent. A man jumps in front of the car
(33:18):
by a club on like medal of nowhere slams his hands down the
bonnet starts getting like he's going to get into the car.
One of the one of the nuns goes the other sister sister, what
should I do? She goes show him your cross.
It will you fuck off your bastard you.
The saddest thing is you'd heardit.
And you, you felt. Sad because it's actually
(33:39):
supposed to be a vampire jump soit makes it more intense fellas.
And of course then you would show him your cross.
Yeah, fellas on. That's right in the shipwreck,
right? Fuck that.
You like A? Really.
Don't shipwreck right? And a shipwreck was just him.
Who is sorry but this? Is this guy just around?
And it could be anyone. Call him party.
Party right under what? He's shipwrecked shipwrecked
it's just him and a camel on this island right so he sees the
(34:01):
camel he's looking at camel becomes his friend.
After a couple of weeks, not a few more weeks, he starts
looking at the camel thing camel's not I might do me like
you know she was only tries to have a we go on the camel like
tries to ride it. The camel turn around Spitzel
camel spit in Japanese and so he's like fucking he's he's
processing. He goes.
I have another eagle. She calls up again in the middle
(34:22):
of the night, tries to ride the camel camel the fuck?
He's trying all these different tricks.
He's like jumping on the hedges and fucking glues coconutses
back and all and he's a camel, right?
Nothing. He eventually gives up, but a
month later he's landing The Cave and he sees the ship
exploding on the horizon. The fuck that's weird.
He wakes up the morning and Beyoncé is land on the beach,
right, completely fucking naked,passed out.
(34:43):
So he runs already, pulls all the seaweed out of her mouth and
like gets the water out of her lungs and stuff and blows her
mouth around her lungs, brings her back to life.
And Beyoncé, Beyoncé's like fucking hell, do you save my
life? He goes dead.
She was a wee stuck on this island together.
He says we are right. And she goes, we'll tell you
what, see, as long as we're herebecause you see it, my life, I
will do whatever you want. And he wouldn't have that
(35:04):
camel's head. They get it right.
Same fella right here. We go.
See a fella? Different island per guy, right?
This is your show. Take the take chairperson.
Take him for. Everybody else, right, So.
They will go through the region.Fellas on on island right there
for months by himself. Same guy, different island.
(35:24):
Bad times, right? No cancel there.
No, no camels. Right there, no.
No, he got there by just normal ship, right?
No camels or nothing. So he's really fucking antsy,
right? Antsy, right.
And then weirdly, same thing. Fucking ship explodes the middle
of night. He's like, I wonder who's going
to be this time? So wakes up in the morning, goes
over, there's Kylie Minogue Glenn Bollock naked.
Such an early naughty reference.Wow.
(35:45):
Completely naked. So he runs over and he fucking
brings back the life, Kylie Minogue says.
Right. As long as we're on the island
together, I'll do whatever you want.
So he's like 100%. I fell for this last time I was
riding the camel fridges, so himand Kylie's out of flat out for
months. Sex, sex, anything you can think
of, they're doing it right. The.
Locomotion, the local missionary.
Everything, everything missionary.
I'm talking missionary, missionary, missionary, right,
(36:07):
Everything right. And afterwards, six months,
Kylie was like. 69 Oh, she's training 96.
Yeah, right. She was this husband class.
It was been branches. There must be one thing left
where you haven't done. And he's like, no, no, no, no,
I'm grand. She goes, come on, there's
probably one thing we haven't done.
And it was right. There's one thing, but it's a
bit weird. She goes, I'll do it.
He goes. Right.
See you tomorrow morning. He's like, would you put my
clothes on? I just walk along that beach
(36:28):
like a man. It's just like what He's like,
just put my clothes on, walk on.The next morning Kelly gets up,
puts a big coat on, big pair of boots and sort of like danders
along the beach and he runs it behind her, tugs in the coat
goes here, mate, You're never going to guess her.
I'm bucking. Oh, that was a long what are?
(36:51):
You like with charity people coming to your door.
Not good. This morning 7:00 AM guy calls
to my house looking. 7. Options for trying to raise
money for a local swimming pool.I came.
All I'm thinking about there is the 7:00 in the morning thing,
(37:11):
so I wasn't even ready for the joke.
I was like. That's illegal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in the noise pollution
levels. Oh.
Boys, come on, get it. I get it.
Let's have an amnesty. Let's get them out.
I don't. Know I struggle.
With it, like, I mean, I love jokes.
Jokes are fun. The problem is if you remembered
some 10 out of 10 jokes from back in the day, but they just
(37:35):
to go. Well, you're not allowed to say
most of these days. True, I've.
Got one of the better workers. I can remember the punchline.
I can't remember the start of itright.
It's good. Just punch lines.
So guy walks, guy walks. Here we go.
Now there's like there's like algebra when they give you the
end result of the workout in themiddle.
(37:56):
I'll start the joke, you might know it right?
Guy walks into a pub, orders 2 pints and he opens his pocket
and this we fucking 10 inch. Guy jumps out and starts playing
the piano. Do you know the jungle?
Yeah. And someone's like, I'm trying
to remember it. Someone's like.
So it was a fun like I saw a meta genie.
Give you a wish. Give you a wish.
So in the guy makes a wish but Ican't remember what he ends up.
(38:17):
With yes, he ends up with something similar to what he
asked for. Yeah, like this lamp doesn't
work and he says do. You think I asked for a 10 inch
pianist? Yeah.
How big do you think you wanted the pianist to be?
I'd say at least a foot long. All right, You know what I mean.
Can we band? Kizi, let me ask you this.
That's my key. I know, but I want to ask.
(38:38):
You I put on. That's not nice.
That's the all blackout. Facility, I don't just want you
to start doing the hacker Is this the worst time in human
history to be alive? And if it is time, if it isn't,
why is everyone telling us it that we're this is the worst
ever. We're doomed.
It's the end of days. This is awful.
(39:00):
It's the worst time to be alive.Don't listen to them.
But what? What?
Why does a narrative get predictor?
Why is it all? Fuck, it's like psychological
warfare. They just want you scared and
anxious and worried. And I am, yeah.
I. AM.
But I was having a great time run the boat and now I feel
like. On, but it's kind of like the
same thing as as Journal lockdown if he didn't have
(39:23):
electronic devices on, everyone's fine.
Yeah. Realistically, until you
actually looked at your own community was fine.
Or tried to imagine porn. Yeah, yeah.
I can. You don't know.
I don't know. I don't know what face that is
which. Is that imagine?
I can't. I can't imagine it.
(39:44):
Porn. No, I get a Creek him and I say
he's going to make that you. Could get behind.
You guys are drinking? I have a neck.
Yeah, I have like a genuine neck.
Some neck. I have one I found it all part.
I remember I used to have a neck.
Yeah, he he used to have one. I had a core neck on my I.
Had a good neck like it was. Brass, mind you.
(40:06):
I had some neck on me, but. They weren't tired.
They look like a fucking purr. Braces.
That's the problem he sees. Must be just all the doctor and
Dave knows do. But your head you have got very
like your heads got very forwardand your shoulders back.
You know, you've got very like, good time going on this.
Is here going on That changes the whole dynamic.
That's when it goes this way, and then it's going further
back. Oh, sorry, Ruskin.
(40:27):
I'm sorry. I'll put you wrong to me.
Sorry. See, next week the pockets will
be called Deck Chair. All right?
Just be me. Folding.
Does he not? Does he not do the album in the
one sort of studio and stuff? Yeah, it's.
Probably more likely to just be.Yeah, good point.
Yeah. Nobody wants to hear that.
It seems like the people say like this is the worst time ever
(40:47):
to. But again, I got something we
talk about all the time in the podcast is like, I think at the
minute the way people are receiving their news is so
fucking algorithm based on individual that people are
freaking out because they don't know how to talk to each other.
Do you know what I mean? If you go, go for a couple of
pints, talk to your mate and you'll realise you're both
afraid of the same thing if everybody figured out right.
The matrix is collapsing once you realise that.
(41:10):
I was not sad. All right, OK, I wasn't.
Tell me more. Once you realise that this is
the destruction of the old guard, it's fucking great time
to be live. It's mighty.
Think about what we're doing. But what if the new guard just
turned out to be like the old guard?
I don't even know what we mean. Dad don't think they can.
I think the Pandora's box is open.
I think it's, there's no way where she she's fucking run the
(41:31):
boat. I don't yeah, I don't.
I generally don't think it's. But what about this?
But I'm saying what like this year?
So this like the fact that you can speak to like dozens of
people in the park. You know what I mean?
On the podcast I get. For our podcast.
AI is going to take all the jobs, that's what they're
(41:51):
saying. We'll turn it off.
If AI is going to take turn it off, it's too late.
Remember when Ultron got that far in?
My I've seen Terminator. But what?
What is that going to mean? I've been to it like.
It's already happened. I mean, take a bigger picture.
It's already happened. You go into most bar shops now
and you're working there, you'reself-serving.
There's no the jobs are going like they're going to machines
in the way. So embrace it and take.
(42:14):
What do you do if you want to work on a spar?
Dreams man, only for this comedythings just together just to get
just get me ready for spar. As you know past, you know where
AI let's itself down, where it shits itself petrol.
Yeah, exactly. Any fuel?
Yes, help. And then a human has to come
over. I'll sort it out from a wiki and
all underneath. What pump will you have it?
(42:36):
Unless they're going to be. Once they figure out that.
Wireless charging on the car what?
Do you mean if you get like an electric?
Car so electric car wireless charging you won't have to do
anything. Fuck.
What jobs can AI not take because?
We're, we're going, we're going.Comedy's gone.
Chachi, what he's doing. Apparently accountancy and
lawyer law are the two worst jobs we get under for the future
(42:57):
at the moment. Because they tried A.
A was tested on like 100 lawyersin California and I beat
everyone of them. Because law is based on text.
So in a way if you're like a bigcase will reference on the old
case the precedent and stuff. A found it like that and they
would take literally a team of lawyers to find the fucking case
files. You are guilty.
(43:18):
Yeah, like that's the robot judge.
You'll get a job as a robot if you can do that.
Oh yeah, unless the robots have Max, in which case they'll know.
Yeah, but there must be jobs youcan never take.
Well, it's like trades jobs really are the ones that can't,
you know, plumbers and joiners and brickies and stuff like.
(43:40):
That no people do that have a tail for a hand.
There they swell. Suppose if you see there is a
bricklaying AI as such now as well, but I don't know.
I would like to live in the fucking house I built it at the.
Moment a robot turn, it will cost you.
Your guttering is fucked. I guarantee it will be two
weeks. This is some job.
(44:01):
We're talking big bucks. The problem we have now is these
fucking Polish robots coming over here and taking our.
Can I shit in your house? Fuck I'm not bringing a portalu.
Those things are stinking. I'm choking for a copper tail
of. Sheila, get that kettle on
please. Sure, if it was easy everyone
(44:24):
would be doing it. People try to do during lockdown
and fuck their whole gardens midbecause they Start learning the
language so they can fucking blend in.
Blend in all the time already. Yes.
Would you like to donate to Pet?Do you think we know anyone
(44:45):
amongst our group? Just take us as a sample group,
our group of comedian friends. Do you think anyone has used AI
to write material? Yes or no?
They must have done something most of somewhere on the line
they must have. No, that's freaky.
Why? Just the idea that.
You any students in? Yeah, who is drinking?
(45:05):
That's all written for you. Wouldn't you would spotted like
they might be able to like tidy up, but there's something.
But you still have to have the premise, you know?
Yeah. I like the thing on X where you
is it called group? Or grog, Yeah.
Where you can like I was explaining that the Dave I was
like, it's like AI like you can make stuff.
Yeah, instantly. And Dave's like, what do you
(45:26):
mean? And I went what about this?
And I did R Kelly plan for Man United and I just made like 4
images like R Kelly Photoshop, like plan for Man.
You back in there? It's not for the shop, that's
the fucking. You're right, that's.
The fucking main blown thing. It's not photoshopped.
What is it? AI generated generated.
It's what it is. I've.
Ever got a chance to go to thispersondoesnotexist.com right
(45:50):
and just be going to and then just keep up and refresh and
every person you see doesn't exist?
Didn't they do something with AIpodcasts where they had like an
AI podcast host and then they got another separate AI podcast
host, made them interview each other and they worked out that
they were both AI? They.
(46:10):
Would probably figure out their yeah, their speech patterns and
their oh. Fucked is that?
Yeah, that's terrifying. So I think that there was, there
was. Done.
Gone. I thought it was leaving.
There and done. Jump out the window here.
I did see there was a oh, you'vegot to show us off.
There was again. But did you have this?
Stuff we don't have to cause this stuff.
So you're getting an AI term so.This, this is, yeah.
(46:32):
So she does not exist. No, she's not a real person.
They don't. These people do not exist.
These were computer generator. Or kezi.
Maybe they did exist, but they figured stuff out now.
You'll be there on the island. Yeah.
Just refresh every single. Time.
All these people have submarine licences.
That's me. So how does he not exist?
I do exist. That's you with my hurling.
That's me, but Coco's away. So how they go to me?
(46:55):
Everyone's better. She exists.
Nope. So yeah, So I mean, if you were
to see like, you can see how, you know, that's me, the likes,
the likes of catfishing and stuff.
You can see profile. That's me.
That is you, that's. You know 2007.
Oh, that's what I think I look like, yeah.
(47:16):
That's me making you. That's kind of Oh dear.
Oh, there we go. The last one.
Oh yeah, it's amazing what they can.
This is crazy. Isn't that because you would
assume that somewhere online that these are actual people,
but they're not? Watch this all there.
(47:39):
I don't. Need.
Long COVID and actually when youwhen you watch closely, yeah,
look what the you can spot the ones who aren't that good at
fucking programming. Yeah, yeah.
This is not right. We're we're done.
Let's give these people a name based on what do we think?
So go to the next one. We'll do.
Jacob. Yeah.
He's Jacob. That's 100 Trini lollipop man.
Oh, Amir. Oh, that could be an Amir, yeah.
(48:01):
I was going to call him Steve, but no more.
Sue. Glenn.
There's a bit of a. Yeah, not to, Deborah.
That actually, yeah, she's a Deborah.
Tiffany. Yeah.
Oh, Sarah. No, that's a Charlotte.
And it's a Charlotte. Yeah.
(48:23):
Damien, that's a fucking omen child lab.
That's me as a teenager in an indie band.
That's me and me and Johnny Burrell photoshopped together.
That's you if you time travel back to the 70s and join the
row. Yeah, that looks like do the
that video with a woman screaming at the breaths that's.
(48:44):
Right. Anyway, so I he's taking over.
Yeah, I know. I keep moving on.
And also, you know about the stuff they're doing.
What are, what are they developing?
Zippers. We have a massive tea with me
live. If you haven't already heard,
we're going back to the SSC Arena, 23rd of May.
If you've been or seen the live pods before, whether you've been
in person or watched it on YouTube or on our Patreon, we're
(49:06):
doing that again, but bigger, better, bolder.
Bloody hell, it's going to be fantastic.
There's going to be stand up on the night.
Is there going to be some sort of musical element?
I don't know. All I know is we've sold a lot
of tickets. There's not that many left If
you want to get them, they're inthe description.
Ticketmaster. If you enjoyed the podcast and
you'll want more if we've wet your whistle, if we've lifted up
(49:27):
the tea with me 90 enough and you want to see a little bit,
you know, you want to see a little bit more than just thigh.
They're not nudity on it, but patreon.com/team podcast there
could be if it sells will do it.Donald get a bum hole.
You know, may as well get paid to do that.
But there's bonus episodes, there's bonus episodes, there's
(49:49):
specials. This year we're doing loads of
one off kind of mad specials with friends from the podcast
and that goes on patreonpatreon.com/T with me
podcast. Appreciate watching the episode,
thanks for the support. They've always said that for
years is that they're always 20 years ahead of what the public
sees so. Well, we were just talking on
the bonus episode about Nikola Tesla.
(50:10):
Yeah. And like he said in 19 O six he
goes, phones are a bit mental. Switchboard operators, all this
you will make a wee tiny 1 and you don't even need to know
where the technology works and you just phone people on that.
Look at us now. We're watching.
You're watching porn. Who had a who've, you know, who
found his papers or who had to take his papers after they die?
(50:31):
No, John Trump. John Trump.
Donald Trump's uncle Kezie, he has all test as faves, all the
stuff that. How does?
Why does he have it? He was working for the company
that Tesla was working for at the time.
So he was in charge of Clayton, all the stuff.
So that's the other big conspiracy theory.
Is that Tesla's idea of free energy?
Yeah. It's been held back from us.
(50:52):
Yeah. And Trump has the.
Yeah, because he was developing that because he was working for
Thomas Edison, who was doing DC energy like a direct.
Direct current. Direct current.
Yeah. And then Tesla started working
on AC. Yeah.
Alternative. And then they were
thunderstruck. But his is together.
But hey, we got about four of those on the bonus pot out.
(51:15):
We've got TNT 10. OK, right.
It shook me all night long. But yeah, his just basically
like fire a stick into the ground, a metal pole into the
ground, and you've got free electricity.
And then they just shut that down.
Yeah. We tell the story with the guy
we know. Do you remember?
This yes. Yeah.
Now I'll explain this wrong because he explained to us and I
was like but we know a guy that tested out Nicola Tessa's theory
(51:38):
on. Yeah, he works for HE.
He installs electricity lanes and telecommunications.
So he had what, a big copper ball and he was trying to make
what No he. Was charged for grid.
He was, he was at the the what do you call the grid or whatever
for the local and he was able toturn off certain things and
yeah, he. Without access to it.
He he proved the the test of thing that it can work.
(52:00):
Don't I wish she should? Have started.
Because we didn't take the technicalities of it and just
went, fuck, Tesla works. And that's.
But yeah, we'll, we'll come back.
Listen to our podcast next week.He did a little bit of Dai
experiment. He tried himself, Yeah, because
most of them, like electricians stuff, are very interesting what
Tesla did. So they they try and sort of
replicated, but it's back to theconspiracy theory of the guy
(52:23):
that invented a car that runs onwater.
They had to kill him because obviously the oil companies
never need. To He got in too deep.
He was up to his neck. He had one of.
Them a stroke, backstroke, frontstroke.
Yeah, you're drowning. That was good because but I
(52:45):
remember seeing the thing, I always think I've definitely go
and see if it's still if the video still.
But there was a guy who was in Flint and he was given out fresh
water that he claimed that he'd managed to get from from the
air. So we should do that.
Managed to like just fucking somehow get clean water from
fresh air. Moses W.
He's called. So what?
(53:05):
Why isn't there? If you can do that, why?
Why isn't water high so? What's he doing, by the way?
Why does it say at the top of that video, Black engineer Moses
W turns air in the water? Why?
Why do we need the noise? Black could.
Just be Engineer Moses W turns air into water.
It's a good thing because it could have been way worse.
Here we go. They could have cut Engineer
out. That would have been real badly.
(53:26):
But you know how he does it? Parts there and then.
That's a go. Through it probably is something
because yeah, it was something like just what condensation.
But why? Why are people being charged for
water? You can literally fucking get it
for free. I think you might need the other
the two parts. A bottle and a cup.
Of yeah, both same things together.
Now they're attached. So yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so they're just one thing still.
(53:48):
No, you need, obviously we've got oxygen, but we need two
parts hydrogen, don't we? But see the way the same car.
You can buy that. But he must have done something
then to take hydrogen and you know, H2O, obviously we need to
have that for water, so. Yeah, but dance, that's great.
You're just going to put up the search.
They're not actually find out what they actually did.
That's good. That's great.
So. At least we know what race he
(54:10):
is, yeah. Water Story.
But yeah, I like it. But you can put that tablet in
water, can't you? You can put a tablet in water
and make it safe. Butler had to do it when he was
in India. I don't think it would work for
this stuff in Flint. Like it might work for some
(54:30):
bacteria and like even like boiling, say if you boil water,
you can make it fucking clean. But for really badly polluted
water you can't because even with luck now with the
alligator, I don't think you could do much with that.
When that happened, was that oneof the issues?
Do you not try that then? No, I gave that one a miss.
Yeah, but some machine like whatwas the last cool mentioned.
Do you think that they actually let get out there at the fart
(54:52):
machine? That's probably no one ever shut
that down. Like we should not know the spot
gun. Spot gun doesn't really, you
know, it hasn't really had a. Taken off, Yeah.
That was all right. Like what?
The Palers got involved in that.One they were, they took it off.
They were just chipping away to just.
(55:13):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What it is?
The tag of dolphin. Still waffle?
Laser Quest. That's a good one for invention.
That was a good invention. Laser Quest was a brilliant one.
Yeah, bring our back. Yeah, unlike.
(55:34):
Do you know what? I think are classic show then we
it's like a skateboard, but it'sonly one way into electric.
Yeah, but you cannot look cool on that.
I think you can. I think anyone of them looks
cool as. Well, you see.
Why do we not have the Segways here?
Why do we not have the the? The tell them on tour later in
the year. They were Speaking of getting
the places and actually didn't. I was like pretty rude.
(55:58):
This shot the conversation for your own
promotionshit.comedy.com. But I yeah, Segway should have
taken off way. No, it's not the guy.
Who invented Segway? I don't say wouldn't.
They. Yeah, he fucking drove off.
Is that that's the jealous? I'm not making that up.
Maybe he just fell forward. Yeah, he just like he's like, I
(56:20):
can't stop. Yeah.
Died in a Segway incident in 2010.
Oh well, that was a good fuckingsound.
I don't know. Segways don't look as cool as
then. We fucking warm with
skateboards. They do.
No, they don't. Segue, they tell you I did some
gig and Saint George's Market, some corporate and they went
less, some good budget here. We could do some sort of
(56:41):
production for your entrance if you want.
And there's like, what do you mean they're like?
Shaved your arsenal? How are you going to shave what
shaved they were? Basically like something was
waxed. They were like, they were like,
what do you want us to do? And I went, could I get a
Segway? And they went, yeah.
So I had a Segway for my, it wasa youth event.
And I was like, I'm going to Segway onto the stage right
(57:03):
through the crowd did it. No one gave a fuck.
But I said it'd be funny if you I would go think I'm cool coming
in the Segway play bat out of hell and I'll have loads of
safety gear on like helmet, elbow pads, knee pads, arm pads,
all this. It took me so long to take all
the gear off and the music couldstop.
By the time I by the time I spoke, no one was listening,
(57:24):
nobody give a fuck. It was the most awkward silence
in my entire life. I don't know which is worse, the
silence or the OR could you havedone?
And I had to have. Done a talk in the fall?
Safety. The.
Sound of Velko. Yeah.
That's a bit of a character. They made me wear a hive as
doing it. Fucking hell.
Shit, that was the last time I was.
Actually did a corporate for it was a company that made it was a
(57:45):
segue, similar segue adjacent kind of thing and what?
Happened. Well, the, the, I think it was
called, it was called the, the, the thing was called an MN.
A what? An MN.
And so it was kind of a similar situation.
Like what would you want to? And I went, can I get an MN?
They're all like a man. And I said, no, no, can I get an
MN? And they're like a man brother.
And I was like, no, can I get a name?
(58:06):
And they were like a man. I was like, fuck this.
And then by the time that all happens, it was time to go home.
Yeah, it's basically the was, the coffee's weren't off.
This is fucking. What have you got coming up?
I know you're getting taken up. Call Murphy.
Calling up. Yeah, I'm out in terrible Murphy
(58:28):
for the till. Oh, that's only starting.
Yeah, So this is the end of the first Monsters, end of February.
So we're always going. We're everywhere, ever around.
As we're done. Yeah, nobody's North Pole, but
we're going Yeah, everywhere. The Occupy 6 counties.
So not everywhere or. Northern Ireland or north of
(58:49):
Ireland or Ulster or whatever you perform is what I call it,
yeah. Yeah, because that's where the
heart is. That's right.
Yeah. No, there's only a few actually
in. There's a couple of draught and
dog stuff, but mainly everywhereup here.
What's coming up in dailies? Dailies we have Paddy is Dennis
to show is it Dagger? It's called there, that's next
(59:10):
week in dailies and then we haveback to the comedy club then for
the First Fridays, so. Mickey, Mickey Bartlett, you've
turned on. You're like me.
We're just floating about my. Avenue I'm writing the new show
so the The Turtle be on sale hopefully the next few weeks
from Mickey Barton comic I'll come get a website.
Where's Mickey? Where's that first announcement
going to be for? And I think it's actually going
to start in our mile. So I didn't know, no.
(59:35):
Sorry, Orma. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes,
we're starting there and then we'll see.
We're see. We're Texas.
Nice. Just go on the flow.
You have a website calledmickeybartlett.com.
Mickey Bartlett Comedy. Dot com Mickey.
No, but there was another website that I forgot to pay
for, so there's no man called mickeybartlett.com.
That belongs to you it. Belongs to me, was just sitting
there. Don't like I've lost the
(59:56):
password. Fantastic, So.
Will I be in America when this goes out or am I already home?
I think you'll be. Home check.
Don't was America. It was brilliant.
Thank you. People came to the shows and
there's someone. I'm so bad, but it'd be great.
But. When you.
Look. You do these things, you build
them up. If you build it, they will come
(01:00:16):
and they might not, but they might not.
You'd rather start humbly and build your way up than just
start. It's better to have done the
booked and done the show than never have booked it.
Yeah, true. He was me.
He was on here, he was a couple of times.
He was me. Live SSE Arena, 23rd of May
Tickets on sale in the description.
Anything else? No.
I think we're all good. I think we're all good, Connor
(01:00:39):
Machine, Jim, from bottom of my heart, call to the top of yours.
From the bottom of my cavender'sblurt.
Been a pleasure. Call the episode Caverner's
Block because blurt won't be picked up as a bad what?
YouTube won't know that is a badword.
No, just spell it. Different spell just.
Smell it different. I think I'm who?
Thinks bump and grind workout. Workout.
It's like bouncers. It's something, but I don't know
what. Weight Watchers.
You could post by the black shirt like bouncers at CX.
Badges. Another is Tesco.
Yeah, yeah. What are you talking some the
other week? You will be, we love.
(00:22):
There we go there. We go whoa.
Started. You mean to go?
On if you want £1,000,000 what would you do?
Do you have anything crazy questions like I just get it
started I'm thinking. Of Virginia, have we started?
We started, yes. Oh, oh cool, oh lovely, started
nice, just. Like you want separate Welcome
(00:42):
if. You want if you want £1,000,000
more. £1,000,000 Lord of Drugs no if I want £1,000,000
honestly. Nice house right?
Big back garden, couple of guns,heap of cans that you have to.
Oh. But shooting the cans go full
redneck sit at the back launches.
But that's not the sign. Like a wealthy rich man should
have a hands off the wall. That'll be pompous.
(01:03):
I'm white trash. Like I'm gonna.
Do that now you. Haven't the hair from mullet
either. That's not the problem.
See if you fucking start me today, right?
I'm just saying, I suppose maybethe back you could, it's just
it's the front. So I.
Suppose you couldn't do it back from all either.
You know you don't want to use top notes went bald.
Think I don't fucking see that'sbecause.
It's too tight not. Nice, I right now I have some
fucking job you have there. You fancy do that?
You got a cut today, Yes, Yeah, that is nice.
(01:26):
Like that is nice, a nice tight cut.
Because I told her I was going to see you in the portion.
See. If I grow the beard or two.
I think if I was to dream about you, a dreamy with a Skinhead,
because that's how I knew you for so many years.
Because of the whole new connotations, you knew me a
long. Holy fuck, can't even cut me
(01:48):
here. Jordana Crow actually is one of
those. I wish it was when I started.
Yeah, I always actually have that all the time for I wish.
You all the time now because there's way more happening in
the world. And then we could have done our
comedian Zoom quizzes and we would have way more to talk
about what we could have said. You guys like, what do you
really think about this, though?Yeah.
There's nothing happens when we laughed as much.
Yeah, my questions. What's the capital of Mexico?
(02:11):
Kizy, Tom Hanks. I think one of the questions I
gave general lockdown was about Diddy.
If you do. Remember, I do remember that
was. Your favourite size of Diddy?
Yeah, and I went with D you can't say G because that.
That's beyond Diddy. It's a slobber.
(02:32):
That's a milker. That's the question.
When do you? When does it stop being a Denny
McComb? A slobber.
Around 4243, right? That's well, that's why I'm
assuming I'm working on some good daddy's.
Right, you're about to be. Milkers like they are there now.
I've had milkers for a while. Yeah.
And there is a limit to size, yeah.
Yeah. It's a bud like a EE.
(02:55):
Right becomes in a. Comes in a bit of us, yeah, I
think. I like it though, I like having
to gather the boobies up. Oh, absolutely, yeah.
Like punchers at the end of the night.
Yeah. Yeah, Right.
That's it. Yeah.
Thank you. You don't have to go home, but
you can't stay here. Yeah.
Absolutely. I remember your.
(03:16):
Home in the bra. I always remember your first
joke of not your first joke. First joke.
I remember really sticking out, which was when you said about
you're getting so fat. Was it when you run down the
stairs you'd. Yeah, that's the first time it
happened. It's the first time you spread
toothpaste and it doesn't hit your dead, you go down.
In your dead. That's sticking out way too far
that I'm supposed to. Yeah.
I don't know what happened to me.
I told you recently I bought a like a smart scale and wet
(03:38):
myself naked and noticing that my nipples stick out further
than my Dick. And balls do if you were to look
down. Active and I looked down.
It was like, well, my, my daddy's worked further than
that. So you looked out but.
Your Dick shouldn't stick out. Unless it's hot, you shouldn't
notice it. Really.
Oh, it was fully hard because it's all my tits.
Naturally, which made me. Right, right.
(03:59):
Use. The fuck out of my yeah Oh.
Yeah, but you're not like, I don't even have nipples, but
like, unless you're. I have I have a damn thing that
I. Like I have problem.
But you do hold yours like you hold them.
What is it like? You're normal like.
Yeah, because they're there. You rest them.
You rest your hands. Do you use it when you're quiet?
(04:19):
Haven't quiet time? Yeah, have.
You ever had them? Oh man, I look in the mirror
like a normal man. That's like a trick put on my
dad's voices. So, you know, good.
You're saying you've like normalpeople.
You're saying I'm. Not gonna grab.
What do? What do you do with the other
hand? Oh, what are you do?
Do I want to choke myself and want to keep the door close?
(04:39):
That's how you wank it. I just turn on the Hoover.
You said you only wank the throat.
Oh 100%. I mean, not gonna touch me.
I'm not gay. How do you use it?
Weirdos. I wasn't injuring sex then.
How do you wank an egg when you don't have one?
Oh, I fucking show you, choke you.
(05:01):
Yeah. Fucking a Donald.
Shit. I know you're like a giraffe
yourself. I'm not a good.
We only get in the world who's tank topples doubles a polo
neck. Yeah, fucking fat bastard.
I don't feel your. Best like a fucking swear.
Gloves like a married couple times.
Oh. Boys without all the I was going
to say without all the sex, but others?
(05:23):
There's some sex like a. Separate, let me take a quick
minute to tell you that we're sponsored by none other than
that Prize Guy, Ireland's biggest prize site.
Look, this guy's made 8 millionaires and he's about to
make 9 at the end of March on the prize Guy site, they he does
draws for everything. This guy is giving away, not
this specifically, but like, youknow, he do like 10 grand, he'll
(05:45):
do kettles. He'll do you know what?
What will he do? Down like tickets?
To Champions League matches. The Dutch Grand Prix he's doing
and that's like that's like bottom levels, that's bottom
shelf for him. If you want the top shelf behind
the plastic packaging £1,000,000.
He has made 8 millionaires, he'sgoing to do 9.
(06:06):
That prize guy.co.uk you can seeeverything they have going on.
The beauty of the prize guy is that price guy is, you know,
someone who's won this kind of stuff before.
A friend, your auntie, your uncle's lover, you know, people
you know are winning this stuff.That prize guy.co.uk keys You've
been any travels recently, Brother I.
Was born in America just for theelection there, just to sort of.
(06:28):
See what's happening? See what's going on?
Check out what's on the street. Check in with that.
The drop every time Was coffee there, Where were you?
Away from him. Is it up?
No awesome. So not distracting at all.
All I can figure not pulling me fucking inside of my cheek.
I went to Indiana over to see myfamily.
(06:49):
Hey. I wasn't real near my deck.
It was so close. It was so close.
My rage and I must my Willy whenI got concentration, we're
looking down. Again, Yeah, over to Indiana,
over to family wedding, which was a.
Yeah, all everyone American or half the people from here.
So my aunt and uncle moved over there years ago and had.
(07:12):
So the kids are born there. They're American, but obviously.
They're not. And yeah.
I'm in the island to the walked on the aisle.
No, don't they should. Why in?
Dow Jones. Star Wars or what have done look
here No, what is he called? What's?
The margin manner, How to? Godfather, Yeah.
(07:42):
Look at me funny, I get on my plane.
You come to me on Father's Day. So what was question?
Star Wars. Star Wars.
No, no, no. Indiana Jones cowboy hat.
Yeah. Are you talking to me?
But is it like redneck there or is it like a?
(08:03):
Bad the state would be, but where they live is in South
Bend, where the Notre Dame University is.
What kind of wedding is it not compared to weddings here?
Shade. Really.
Started at 5 and finished at 10.Fuck got.
Everything all in like All in all in everything finished at 10
and all these Irish ones. What do you mean the barstool?
(08:23):
I think. They go away.
Like done. So like the ceremony was at 5,
right? The actual like nuptials, Yes.
And then he moved on to dinner and then next thing, just as the
groove was kicking on, free bar.Talk to me about the spread.
Similar. To here.
Sort of soup and fucking little bit of British steak, but no.
(08:44):
We. No, we we just had before this.
Meant will Wheaton Star Wars check.
Shrek. Shrek, I'm very tired.
Does Vader you're going the right way about a smack bottom?
In the morning, I'm making weapons.
(09:06):
That's the Emperor. This is I.
Have to look. I am like his.
I have to deal with this every fucking week.
We have a podcast by the way, people.
Yes, to deal with it every. Week I get to sorry I get to
deal with it every week. Probably get to feed other
experience. Five to 10 all in.
(09:27):
There's something I love about that, like.
But you know, you know what the way it has to be like.
The weirdest thing, and apparently this is a new Gen Z,
Gen ZI see, is no, that's not new.
That's been about for a long time.
It's just a call to something different.
For what? The call for that?
Tiramisu. What tiramisu?
They call the tiramisu that was a code word for.
Take out me saying shock munch and I don't normally say dirty
(09:48):
things like that. Shock, munch and.
Shock, munch and like. Another song which I'm over.
I like her brown. Then I like again.
You never got to lick my brown, no.
No shock. Brilliant at the naked World
Cup? That's good, Morocco.
Shock Munch are not one of Hitler's mates.
(10:11):
Sorry as muncher. But what I'm saying is five to
10 would be dead on if there waslike a resonance bar type thing,
if there was a kind of thing where it was like optional to
stay on we. Ended up bagging around this
high school and what the fuck was in here and then got proper
drinking but it was a free bar so we were all everybody just
get nice like 10:00 comes in andthen this is a new thing they
say. Can everybody please vacate the
room so the bride and groom can have their last dance?
(10:32):
I thought you're. Going to say that because it's
so they can. Have a.
That's the last. I would rather leave for that.
Yeah, the last dance. So then everybody's outside the
function room working in at themto dancing with nobody around
them except the. DJ But that fuck is that smart
out free drink because then theycan go.
We give everyone free drink. But if it ended before everyone
had really got their orders in, yeah, you know, you're probably
(10:52):
saving yourself. See, that's the smart thing,
but. If they say free bar but you
have to tip so it's not going free.
Oh yeah, but free bars are interesting because if you go to
free bar all night, nobody really panics if you go to free
bar between fucking 5:00 and 7:00.
All frenzy. Oh, I.
Forget about doing frenzy, become enemies.
That's what I'm. Doing.
(11:12):
With my life and. What else did you do when you
were? There went to a cannabis
dispensary. Oh yeah, just just out of
curiosity, just. Because I'm there, you know, I
mean, as a tourist, you know, I just want to go and try the
things just went, went in. Is that Mister Cage?
Your money's no good here. Yeah.
It's like when a cop walks down the street to give him coffee
and a paper. Keep walking.
There's. Already a picture of him for you
(11:33):
behind the counter. My only like style.
I just wish there were we were. You're not allowed mobile phones
or or any cameras in the dispensary dude.
You know otherwise you would youwould have seen my face as the
door open. We greener, but it was not.
Not moving very fast, but yeah, that was a that was an
(11:56):
experience because what's. There we like, are they, are
they big into it? Is it a new thing being legal?
This is the state of Michigan. Because where they are is like,
like Strabane delivered. So there's kidding, like a mile
or so to the border. And they're hoping to get that,
to get that green. Oh, I wasn't.
No, because that would be international across the
smuggling. That's federal crime, right?
I just went to see the dispensary.
(12:17):
Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes, I wouldn't.
Purchase it because that's. Gentleman to find establishment,
you have a top of the cup and I wish you well.
Because it was ground, brethren,Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, me like it appears,
Cheerio. Yeah, I didn't have fish.
So I actually obviously pronounced that wrong.
(12:38):
I'm so fucking tired. Let's wrap us up.
Maybe he said. Maybe he said, or T earlier, or
T and he thinks there's nothing wrong with that.
All right, Oh, this is the guy that slags me all the time.
What are we fucking second here for?
Annunciations at all times. Pronunciation.
Dickhead No. No, no, no.
Pronunciations, whatever. Annunciation.
Words. So what comes after?
(13:00):
What comes after Q? RRT not or.
It's or. He's like me, I.
Feel like it's hey person, hey. Not up here it's not.
He's like me because I say film.No, fellas, I slag you because
you say, well, you can't say Welsh.
Way Tom Jones Welsh. Welsh.
(13:23):
Well, I'm trying to get in with.It also and let your stand on
berries at the end of the Welsh.My Berry.
Chuck my Berry, listen. No, that's.
I can't believe everyone's it's all.
That's what you said PQRR. No, or and you would never say
that unless you were talking about being on an old.
(13:44):
Or if you were you don't know what.
Or if you were given somebody a choice.
Or if you had another option. And the option being said the
correct way. Yeah, that's.
Different. That's yeah.
Indiana I've never been shooting.
Hypothetically you would have to.
That would be classed as smuggling if you bring it back.
Indiana because not well. Indiana is not legal, so yeah,
in Michigan it is. So that will be what they call
(14:06):
Interstate smuggling. And hyper hypothetically, would
it be hypertherapy? Sorry.
Or. That's what I that's what I talk
to a councillor in a rave. No, I'm talking about.
Hyperpothetically, would you? Would you?
What's the penalty for that? I don't know.
The life. Give the chair big sparky.
Yeah. Pressure salad.
Yeah. That's what happens.
(14:27):
You'll be getting the vaccine when you want it or not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The final vaccine.
Yeah. The third dose.
Yeah. The the old AstraZeneca.
So I Indiana was good. That's great.
I only watched the documentary recently about the the water in
Michigan. That's why Flint.
Flint, Yeah. That's why.
(14:48):
But they it's bad and like what I would go over there even just
in Indiana, they they don't put like their tap water into
kettle. Yeah, they're they're all
bottled there for for as long asI've been going there for like
20-30 years. It's just the waters just full
of fluoride. And so drink ways it's not to
drink it. It's not good.
When the Flint thing first happened though, was there.
(15:08):
I don't know if it was just factbut a guy it was so bad he
turned his water tab on and thenlit it and I just fucking.
Oh, either was the meteor, Yeah.I was doing for one line no.
That's general. So much pollution.
LED. It's not what's in it.
LED poison. So it was because it was the car
factories started Detroit in Flint.
So there was a whole bunch of like fucking GM and a lot of
(15:30):
rebuilt factories. There were never Barry with a
fucking. Well, this Obama with.
The said the said Ford can have drinking water from the
original. So they changed over the source
and they were like we're going to get you better water and they
change it to a worse place. But they said the Ford Motor
factory could have the original source clean water, clean water
for the production of their cars.
(15:50):
Well, that makes sense. I mean the.
Cars are getting the water, the Fiesta is getting it, not your
Malik. Well that that makes, I mean
you, you would appreciate the Fiesta more.
Yes, yes, but. You'd value it more.
The trick behind that is you buya Fiesta when you're thirsty.
You. Just take your mother, take a
straight out of the car. I did the wintry.
Oh, I thought you were. Auto all right OK all my mother
just I was gonna say they got. Neck that's so disrespectful.
(16:16):
It's. My man, just watch this if you
do. Hello woman.
Oh me, oh me, oh me. The echo.
Shaded you and your cavern. Cavernous blurt.
Cavernous blurt is actually. He's especially.
The thing with Dublin? He was the doctor that founded
Queens University. Cameras blood, How do you do
(16:37):
professor the audio? I love it.
I've never been the. I've been off the beaten track
in America too much. The.
Place, Yeah. Because you're you've been the
more place. So I've only been at the same
Australia. I've only been the like the main
cities but you've done a few days and like the weird places.
No, I've only ever done New York.
(16:58):
Oh, you mean Australia? Yeah.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I've done some weird places in Australia.
I've only ever, like I would tryto find weird places in America
in New York as well though. Like I was there for a week and
pretended I was like a fucking suspended cop.
And just tried to find. This you had to turn the badge
in. Yeah, yeah, I just, I would said
drink a whiskey with a wee 2nd and go Dad Mccleskey.
Yeah. You're in New York, what, like
10 years ago? Maybe not that long 2. 1001
(17:22):
September. Oh yeah, I.
Remember that that was the two. 1002 two I went to see the hold.
I shouldn't call them up, but. You're not allowed to say that
these days. The.
Holes. No.
What do you call them? Cavernous blurts.
Oh, I forgot. Come along the sights into the
(17:46):
cavernous blurts as we call themout of respect.
Some big girl. Depend on their age.
Put on your poncho. Zippers, let me take a quick
minute to tell you that we're sponsored by none other than
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and fair play them for giving ita go, but it's only ever going
to be Manscaped. They have every product you can
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(18:28):
They've got oils, you know, they've got the ball after
sheave, lotion, clear groyne, shave in gaol.
They've got it all. I'm going to America and I'm
going to if you've, if you've written sure, the camera what
that is because you've written something.
I was doing nothing, I promise. Right.
Well, don't be doing that sort of stuff, yeah.
(18:49):
I didn't realise you going to talk to me, so I'm.
Not going to talk? I'm not going to.
I thought I could just go on my phone.
All right, you can. I didn't mean sorry, I thought.
You can. Go back to and I wasn't
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Katie, you called the Daily Stuff back at the time I did and
is it has it played out what they said at the time or is it
(19:10):
different than what it was? Today is going to be good fun
because today they have seen files comes out.
Today. Today is.
It today, big launch. A lot of them come out today.
Yeah, most of them come out today and.
Is it Trump has gone? He's the one send releases, No?
Yeah, as well as Pam Bondi, who's the attorney General.
She said last night that they'recoming out today.
Do you reckon there'll be anything left?
And Epstein files are, I think the JLK files is going to be
(19:31):
like, Oh no, it's just a lone gunman.
I want to see that, I don't care.
I don't worry about the flight. I want to see the submarine logs
for Epstein. Like that's the fucking one.
The flight logs. Just a red herring.
The submarine logs is what you want to see.
Me and my family used. To live a submarine, yeah.
I did one of those last week whenever I had a solid.
Or Hardy Italian. So what are they saying?
(19:54):
People were so a bit of that youlook at this hand, you're not
looking at this. You're distracted from that.
Like always going in underwater.Well, Glenn Maxwell had a
submarine licence like. No, she's driving on herself.
She's actually. Takes a bit of the glamour off
it. I thought they would have like a
wee driver doing. Somebody but then.
She's like the guy doing the ferry at what he called the
island and a skill. Lusty bag she's like she's a guy
(20:17):
the. Owner of Lusty Bag picking you
up on the ferry. Except she hers was filled the
Haitian kids. Yeah, there's was called Lusty
Beggar. Yeah, Lusty Beggar lost all the.
Right. Yeah, I do remember you saying
on a Jim quiz with The Dirty stuff.
Yeah, and I remember specifically he's all laughing
at me, Yes. I laugh in Iowa.
(20:40):
That made me laugh in years. You know, we celebrated five
years there and a podcast. Five years from.
January, Yeah, beautiful. There's been long term marriages
that haven't lasted that. Long I've had about 18
girlfriends. Did this, did this it started.
And did you start just before locked?
(21:00):
Down. Just before it, yeah.
And then you did you do it and zoom all the way through.
No, no, we did. Yeah, because we were.
No, actually, if you were at work.
We were at work, we were at work.
Yeah. We were in a bubble.
It was an emotional one, but it was.
Technically, if it was an hour of exercise, you record.
If you're recording for an hour and you were exercising your
(21:22):
opinions. Which anywhere it was classed as
work, same as. We didn't know that till the
very end of lockdown. We could have been in the
studio. Same as the likes of Nolan
William Crawley. And it was they had to go into
work. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Same thing. Our people weren't meeting us,
you know? They were key workers.
You're welcome. Oh, you're a key worker?
Key unemployed right now, but ifanybody hasn't.
(21:45):
Working that key in right now. Key to the city.
Alicia Keys call me. That's why I hang up with him.
I don't even know Keys was last name.
My younger brother went to school when in the school when
Alicia Keys first released the bank.
I can't remember. The big song was what was the
(22:06):
big fall fallen. And he hadn't seen her.
He just heard the song on the radio.
I decided to celebrate. It was our cousin in America,
Alicia Keys. Yeah, that was no, no, because
she had a music video. No.
Why? Is that a wedding in Indiana
there bro? I'm heard from New York.
Did you did you have any role, the wedding or you just
(22:28):
chilling? No, I just brought the funk.
What the funk across the board. Yeah, boy.
That's all I do. No, I had nothing.
Thank fucking. When's the last time you did
something at a wedding it wasn'tyour own?
Dave, just. After 20 things.
In like groomsmen or yeah, I was.
Oh best man at 1:00 during the summer there.
Right, I did. I'm just going to say I was best
(22:50):
man at my youngest, but I wasn't.
There were two best men, but I was one.
End up giving the speech. See AT shirt Is that Deadpool?
Yes. Drama there.
Who's what team? You on your team, Ryan.
I can tell where your face you. Know how could you not be?
No, I'm not. I'm not he don't want.
To be can I tell you something right now?
I'm on. This might be a big day because
(23:10):
the Epstein fights are coming out.
What's bigger news in that in the showbiz works, Micky
Bartlett and Ryan Reynolds are done.
Fucking dumb. I have to say, did you see him?
Did you see him the other night at the The fucking chicken?
The chicken? Did you hear?
What would you hear? Yeah.
When you're making jokes about it, you're like, did you see?
He's trying to smooth. See the Prince of Thieves behind
him? Just fucking wrong, Kevin.
Costner, yes, being a right bitch.
(23:31):
Right. It's like Yellowstone yellow
bags. Yeah, depot dead sneaky, but
then Costner. Also people are like look at the
shady thrown at Ryan Reynolds. Also very old guy probably just
like not really knowing what wasgoing on the night.
(23:52):
Probably time for his meds. Yeah.
I mean, it's old. I think he just cost her.
No cost her. Must be in as well.
In the 70s. Not well into maybe 70.
I mean. He's run the big Yellowstone
National, I said, I said. In fairness.
You don't say that, I said. Because it was fucking.
Stop the fucking. What about Hackman?
What I and his wife and his dog I.
Don't know what the case is. We were talking about a little
bit earlier, but we don't know anything.
(24:13):
What are you hearing? How old was he, 95 so.
So yeah, so you have Hackman, his wife and the dog dead.
What's greatest, he said that off but earlier and he was
ragingly didn't. There's nothing worse than not
laughing Mickey joke. He'll get you at some point,
he'll come back and until the point you just have to give and.
(24:33):
I'm a Gillian Maxwell, we submarine full of jokes.
You can't say that. In a sea of punch lines, Sorry,
what? What?
What are the? What's the coincidence of
Hackman, his wife and his dog dying together?
First of all, that's that's verystrange.
If you tell me he was on Epsteindiamond, well.
On the day that Epstein logs gotare going to come out to find
(24:56):
him. No way, Big Gene.
I hope not. I hope.
I really thought your. Big Gene retired in fucking 2000
or something else? Hagman that I always class.
I hope he was on the good guys, I really do because I reckon I
fucking loved everything he was on.
He was fucking great. I reckon the you reckon, I
reckon, I reckon the whacked hackman, you said three times
first. It's a fucking show off now.
Or don't. Whackman.
(25:20):
But what are people? Fucking gets all coffee.
But if this enemy have been a gas leak or something. 95 would
have. It would the only thing that
makes sense other than the. Fucking murder suicide the last
five years is telling us anything.
Sure you know yourself. These things don't make sense.
The things that don't make the. Carbon monoxide thing would be
(25:40):
the most obvious thing if all three are gone, but I didn't
even I. Didn't know what.
Imagine it was only the dog involved.
No party. It was, it was, it was a colon.
No, it's a colon issue because they found him prostate on the
floor. Is that what really happened?
He was over there, but in prostate, no.
(26:02):
No, no. I don't think.
What about maybe? I don't know.
I don't know what the scenario could be.
That has to be something or elsethe dog, the two of them died
and the dog found them and then he thought, I can't go on and
overdosed on this. Yes, on pedigree, that's rough.
No, they're on a depressed. Can I say something?
(26:26):
You're on fire, I said. Hi.
I don't know what's. Going on, I'm not getting
involved in the round thing, that's what I'm saying.
He doesn't. Speak to you anymore.
I don't want to. Fair enough, Deadpool 4, I'm
out. Don't even contact my agent.
(26:50):
What superhero would you be? T boy sippers welcome.
Just spoons. You want me to teabag you?
Sorry you mean I can't even get a fucking blue lights One of
them are thinking and get her own Deb sorry from.
(27:12):
Green, do you think? Are you too famous for blue
lights? Is that the?
Problem probably are too famous for blue.
Lights you know if somebody going to go off a question told
what he didn't know whereas he was one of their 10 There's
there's your mountain, Bergen. Hypothetically, him being on.
I but Dave or whoever you know, I mean anybody that you couldn't
you. I'm not getting involved.
Not because no one's looking good in it.
(27:35):
The three of them aren't lookinggood, no.
Don't. He's looking alright.
Ryan Reynolds getting involved too much in his wife's work.
Have you read the lawsuit? I've read the screenshots, but
I'm read the lawsuit. She read the lawsuit, it's got
the screenshots and all, and thewhole see, you don't see the
whole story all the way through like and she definitely did take
over the whole fucking and badly.
(27:55):
They got turned everybody against them like this.
It's the worst thing a bully andI've seen them fucking
Hollywood's last fucking fight. It's brutal, you.
Should see me these. Guys, shut up, Dan, shut up.
The water's new bowl. Fussy, fussy, Not even bald.
I make him shave it like that, Idemand.
Those those headphones are actually glued on him.
(28:18):
Those head what? The headphones, it broke my
heart because, because I know how sad they really are.
Creators ask for Angela. That's not fair.
Yeah. I mean, I assume like Hollywood
movies or like have been seen bullying since they started.
(28:40):
Like, you'll do this, I'll be the star of this.
Here's how we'll do it. But now we're in an era where
you see it getting caught like people will.
Well, I just don't know if anybody.
Used to be sexual assault, now it's like he called me a name
like. But if anybody reads that
lawsuit, that's a producer or whatever, she'll she'll never
work again. Yeah, Because they couldn't take
that risk that someone's going to come in and the director is
the most important part of the same.
(29:01):
Thing today is when she was getting slagged off because she
there was the girl who was in Gossip Girl who died yesterday
as well. Trachtenberg or something?
Yeah, and so Black Library's been like, I want privacy and
I'm going to stay away from social media and blah, blah.
And then put this post up all about her Co host from her Co
star from Gossip Girl and everybody was just like, you've
made this all about you, you fucking bitch.
(29:22):
Like she's like, she was so brave and she stood up to
authority. That's the kind of like the
narcissist tactic of being like what I did is completely normal
because she was doing it too type of thing.
Have you seen the offer about the making of the golfer?
Yeah, 1. One of the things we've seen.
But like, you could obviously never make a production like
that. No, no.
Like the amount of illegal stuffjust to get that movie on screen
(29:45):
and the shit that they did. Even like the things they talked
about in that lawsuit with Lively was about the intimacy
coordinator and all like I. And the intimacy coordinator.
Yeah, yeah, Kiss, kiss her. We did.
Either I'd be good. I think I'd be rid of that.
And Right and all right. No.
Shake it all the way. Yeah.
(30:07):
And again, spit your hand. More, not so much.
All right. That's me.
Trying to call the dog over. Come on.
Who killed Jane Hyper? That's what it's all about.
Whoa. Yeah, the guy be a front of a
(30:31):
judge, Judge. Don't do.
Fucking don't do what? Don't even start.
Was going to do that old joke with the guy who wrote the
hokey. Pokey died last week.
Funnels a nightmare. Try to get another coffee.
I thought you were going to start from Omar Dan.
I thought he's going to RIP intobecause we.
Oh, you claim the guy who wrote the hoagie pokies for a moment.
Hokey cookie. That's such a normal thing to
(30:53):
claim that. I'm I'm yeah, such a normal.
Thing to claim that. Yeah.
Oh, Sam, he was one of us too. No, that's not really Kiwi guy
or why. He's not really well, they tell
him. Stop playing fucking people from
the north. He did it once.
I did a. Couple Hey Donut and pick a
blinders. Hi.
Hello, Mr shall buy. And maybe do the guy from
Rainbow. Man, yes, put 20 on man.
(31:25):
Definitely, definitely. Yes he did that bro didn't.
Apparently that was though all the time, yeah.
I thought his accent was 10 out of 10 but you blame.
Because a lot of people slag them off for it, but it was
like, if you go back to videos, it was a Carson or those guys.
Yeah, that's yeah. So he nailed it.
Yeah. But we're all nobody talking out
there anymore. Somebody should fuck.
(31:45):
They did the same in Michael Collins in that movie.
Remember the guy that came down from Belfast?
Obviously the bloom, but he talked exactly the same way.
Every movie there's a guy that comes from Belt, there's a guy
that comes down from Belfast andwe always get walked all over.
It gets like a load of shit. We'll take a blew up.
So yeah, yeah, case in point. You believe Southerners don't
know how to do this? Is a case on my face Jesus?
(32:14):
Christian, I can always put it Yeah, the offer is fucking
unbelievable. I would write my seller just
want to say it an absolute. And he would, he would, he would
treat you treat. You better not ran Reynolds
fucker anywhere Teddy. Fucking really was.
He'd be so fake. You know you're right there.
(32:37):
I reckon Ran Reynolds will be all you, yeah.
He'd be saying that when he's exit.
You'd be talking about games when you walked in, so we walk
in. It'd be all I said.
Bits, by the way, it's not bits.Yeah, he'd love that.
Don't mind, I don't know I'm thecoffees weren't off to be no one
quick. Yeah, I didn't know you to be a
big coffee until the last coupleof weeks.
I thought, I don't really drink it that much, so when I do I'm
(32:57):
like put a crash very quickly. Yeah.
So you go from coffee to coffee.Or none coffee, coffee, none.
Another coffee. So thank you very much.
Sister do we get for the other year on bad?
Habit to get into. Two nuns are in a 2 nuns are in
a car. 2 nuns are in a car at night driving back to the
convent. A man jumps in front of the car
(33:18):
by a club on like medal of nowhere slams his hands down the
bonnet starts getting like he's going to get into the car.
One of the one of the nuns goes the other sister sister, what
should I do? She goes show him your cross.
It will you fuck off your bastard you.
The saddest thing is you'd heardit.
And you, you felt. Sad because it's actually
(33:39):
supposed to be a vampire jump soit makes it more intense fellas.
And of course then you would show him your cross.
Yeah, fellas on. That's right in the shipwreck,
right? Fuck that.
You like A? Really.
Don't shipwreck right? And a shipwreck was just him.
Who is sorry but this? Is this guy just around?
And it could be anyone. Call him party.
Party right under what? He's shipwrecked shipwrecked
it's just him and a camel on this island right so he sees the
(34:01):
camel he's looking at camel becomes his friend.
After a couple of weeks, not a few more weeks, he starts
looking at the camel thing camel's not I might do me like
you know she was only tries to have a we go on the camel like
tries to ride it. The camel turn around Spitzel
camel spit in Japanese and so he's like fucking he's he's
processing. He goes.
I have another eagle. She calls up again in the middle
(34:22):
of the night, tries to ride the camel camel the fuck?
He's trying all these different tricks.
He's like jumping on the hedges and fucking glues coconutses
back and all and he's a camel, right?
Nothing. He eventually gives up, but a
month later he's landing The Cave and he sees the ship
exploding on the horizon. The fuck that's weird.
He wakes up the morning and Beyoncé is land on the beach,
right, completely fucking naked,passed out.
(34:43):
So he runs already, pulls all the seaweed out of her mouth and
like gets the water out of her lungs and stuff and blows her
mouth around her lungs, brings her back to life.
And Beyoncé, Beyoncé's like fucking hell, do you save my
life? He goes dead.
She was a wee stuck on this island together.
He says we are right. And she goes, we'll tell you
what, see, as long as we're herebecause you see it, my life, I
will do whatever you want. And he wouldn't have that
(35:04):
camel's head. They get it right.
Same fella right here. We go.
See a fella? Different island per guy, right?
This is your show. Take the take chairperson.
Take him for. Everybody else, right, So.
They will go through the region.Fellas on on island right there
for months by himself. Same guy, different island.
(35:24):
Bad times, right? No cancel there.
No, no camels. Right there, no.
No, he got there by just normal ship, right?
No camels or nothing. So he's really fucking antsy,
right? Antsy, right.
And then weirdly, same thing. Fucking ship explodes the middle
of night. He's like, I wonder who's going
to be this time? So wakes up in the morning, goes
over, there's Kylie Minogue Glenn Bollock naked.
Such an early naughty reference.Wow.
(35:45):
Completely naked. So he runs over and he fucking
brings back the life, Kylie Minogue says.
Right. As long as we're on the island
together, I'll do whatever you want.
So he's like 100%. I fell for this last time I was
riding the camel fridges, so himand Kylie's out of flat out for
months. Sex, sex, anything you can think
of, they're doing it right. The.
Locomotion, the local missionary.
Everything, everything missionary.
I'm talking missionary, missionary, missionary, right,
(36:07):
Everything right. And afterwards, six months,
Kylie was like. 69 Oh, she's training 96.
Yeah, right. She was this husband class.
It was been branches. There must be one thing left
where you haven't done. And he's like, no, no, no, no,
I'm grand. She goes, come on, there's
probably one thing we haven't done.
And it was right. There's one thing, but it's a
bit weird. She goes, I'll do it.
He goes. Right.
See you tomorrow morning. He's like, would you put my
clothes on? I just walk along that beach
(36:28):
like a man. It's just like what He's like,
just put my clothes on, walk on.The next morning Kelly gets up,
puts a big coat on, big pair of boots and sort of like danders
along the beach and he runs it behind her, tugs in the coat
goes here, mate, You're never going to guess her.
I'm bucking. Oh, that was a long what are?
(36:51):
You like with charity people coming to your door.
Not good. This morning 7:00 AM guy calls
to my house looking. 7. Options for trying to raise
money for a local swimming pool.I came.
All I'm thinking about there is the 7:00 in the morning thing,
(37:11):
so I wasn't even ready for the joke.
I was like. That's illegal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in the noise pollution
levels. Oh.
Boys, come on, get it. I get it.
Let's have an amnesty. Let's get them out.
I don't. Know I struggle.
With it, like, I mean, I love jokes.
Jokes are fun. The problem is if you remembered
some 10 out of 10 jokes from back in the day, but they just
(37:35):
to go. Well, you're not allowed to say
most of these days. True, I've.
Got one of the better workers. I can remember the punchline.
I can't remember the start of itright.
It's good. Just punch lines.
So guy walks, guy walks. Here we go.
Now there's like there's like algebra when they give you the
end result of the workout in themiddle.
(37:56):
I'll start the joke, you might know it right?
Guy walks into a pub, orders 2 pints and he opens his pocket
and this we fucking 10 inch. Guy jumps out and starts playing
the piano. Do you know the jungle?
Yeah. And someone's like, I'm trying
to remember it. Someone's like.
So it was a fun like I saw a meta genie.
Give you a wish. Give you a wish.
So in the guy makes a wish but Ican't remember what he ends up.
(38:17):
With yes, he ends up with something similar to what he
asked for. Yeah, like this lamp doesn't
work and he says do. You think I asked for a 10 inch
pianist? Yeah.
How big do you think you wanted the pianist to be?
I'd say at least a foot long. All right, You know what I mean.
Can we band? Kizi, let me ask you this.
That's my key. I know, but I want to ask.
(38:38):
You I put on. That's not nice.
That's the all blackout. Facility, I don't just want you
to start doing the hacker Is this the worst time in human
history to be alive? And if it is time, if it isn't,
why is everyone telling us it that we're this is the worst
ever. We're doomed.
It's the end of days. This is awful.
(39:00):
It's the worst time to be alive.Don't listen to them.
But what? What?
Why does a narrative get predictor?
Why is it all? Fuck, it's like psychological
warfare. They just want you scared and
anxious and worried. And I am, yeah.
I. AM.
But I was having a great time run the boat and now I feel
like. On, but it's kind of like the
same thing as as Journal lockdown if he didn't have
(39:23):
electronic devices on, everyone's fine.
Yeah. Realistically, until you
actually looked at your own community was fine.
Or tried to imagine porn. Yeah, yeah.
I can. You don't know.
I don't know. I don't know what face that is
which. Is that imagine?
I can't. I can't imagine it.
(39:44):
Porn. No, I get a Creek him and I say
he's going to make that you. Could get behind.
You guys are drinking? I have a neck.
Yeah, I have like a genuine neck.
Some neck. I have one I found it all part.
I remember I used to have a neck.
Yeah, he he used to have one. I had a core neck on my I.
Had a good neck like it was. Brass, mind you.
(40:06):
I had some neck on me, but. They weren't tired.
They look like a fucking purr. Braces.
That's the problem he sees. Must be just all the doctor and
Dave knows do. But your head you have got very
like your heads got very forwardand your shoulders back.
You know, you've got very like, good time going on this.
Is here going on That changes the whole dynamic.
That's when it goes this way, and then it's going further
back. Oh, sorry, Ruskin.
(40:27):
I'm sorry. I'll put you wrong to me.
Sorry. See, next week the pockets will
be called Deck Chair. All right?
Just be me. Folding.
Does he not? Does he not do the album in the
one sort of studio and stuff? Yeah, it's.
Probably more likely to just be.Yeah, good point.
Yeah. Nobody wants to hear that.
It seems like the people say like this is the worst time ever
(40:47):
to. But again, I got something we
talk about all the time in the podcast is like, I think at the
minute the way people are receiving their news is so
fucking algorithm based on individual that people are
freaking out because they don't know how to talk to each other.
Do you know what I mean? If you go, go for a couple of
pints, talk to your mate and you'll realise you're both
afraid of the same thing if everybody figured out right.
The matrix is collapsing once you realise that.
(41:10):
I was not sad. All right, OK, I wasn't.
Tell me more. Once you realise that this is
the destruction of the old guard, it's fucking great time
to be live. It's mighty.
Think about what we're doing. But what if the new guard just
turned out to be like the old guard?
I don't even know what we mean. Dad don't think they can.
I think the Pandora's box is open.
I think it's, there's no way where she she's fucking run the
(41:31):
boat. I don't yeah, I don't.
I generally don't think it's. But what about this?
But I'm saying what like this year?
So this like the fact that you can speak to like dozens of
people in the park. You know what I mean?
On the podcast I get. For our podcast.
AI is going to take all the jobs, that's what they're
(41:51):
saying. We'll turn it off.
If AI is going to take turn it off, it's too late.
Remember when Ultron got that far in?
My I've seen Terminator. But what?
What is that going to mean? I've been to it like.
It's already happened. I mean, take a bigger picture.
It's already happened. You go into most bar shops now
and you're working there, you'reself-serving.
There's no the jobs are going like they're going to machines
in the way. So embrace it and take.
(42:14):
What do you do if you want to work on a spar?
Dreams man, only for this comedythings just together just to get
just get me ready for spar. As you know past, you know where
AI let's itself down, where it shits itself petrol.
Yeah, exactly. Any fuel?
Yes, help. And then a human has to come
over. I'll sort it out from a wiki and
all underneath. What pump will you have it?
(42:36):
Unless they're going to be. Once they figure out that.
Wireless charging on the car what?
Do you mean if you get like an electric?
Car so electric car wireless charging you won't have to do
anything. Fuck.
What jobs can AI not take because?
We're, we're going, we're going.Comedy's gone.
Chachi, what he's doing. Apparently accountancy and
lawyer law are the two worst jobs we get under for the future
(42:57):
at the moment. Because they tried A.
A was tested on like 100 lawyersin California and I beat
everyone of them. Because law is based on text.
So in a way if you're like a bigcase will reference on the old
case the precedent and stuff. A found it like that and they
would take literally a team of lawyers to find the fucking case
files. You are guilty.
(43:18):
Yeah, like that's the robot judge.
You'll get a job as a robot if you can do that.
Oh yeah, unless the robots have Max, in which case they'll know.
Yeah, but there must be jobs youcan never take.
Well, it's like trades jobs really are the ones that can't,
you know, plumbers and joiners and brickies and stuff like.
(43:40):
That no people do that have a tail for a hand.
There they swell. Suppose if you see there is a
bricklaying AI as such now as well, but I don't know.
I would like to live in the fucking house I built it at the.
Moment a robot turn, it will cost you.
Your guttering is fucked. I guarantee it will be two
weeks. This is some job.
(44:01):
We're talking big bucks. The problem we have now is these
fucking Polish robots coming over here and taking our.
Can I shit in your house? Fuck I'm not bringing a portalu.
Those things are stinking. I'm choking for a copper tail
of. Sheila, get that kettle on
please. Sure, if it was easy everyone
(44:24):
would be doing it. People try to do during lockdown
and fuck their whole gardens midbecause they Start learning the
language so they can fucking blend in.
Blend in all the time already. Yes.
Would you like to donate to Pet?Do you think we know anyone
(44:45):
amongst our group? Just take us as a sample group,
our group of comedian friends. Do you think anyone has used AI
to write material? Yes or no?
They must have done something most of somewhere on the line
they must have. No, that's freaky.
Why? Just the idea that.
You any students in? Yeah, who is drinking?
(45:05):
That's all written for you. Wouldn't you would spotted like
they might be able to like tidy up, but there's something.
But you still have to have the premise, you know?
Yeah. I like the thing on X where you
is it called group? Or grog, Yeah.
Where you can like I was explaining that the Dave I was
like, it's like AI like you can make stuff.
Yeah, instantly. And Dave's like, what do you
(45:26):
mean? And I went what about this?
And I did R Kelly plan for Man United and I just made like 4
images like R Kelly Photoshop, like plan for Man.
You back in there? It's not for the shop, that's
the fucking. You're right, that's.
The fucking main blown thing. It's not photoshopped.
What is it? AI generated generated.
It's what it is. I've.
Ever got a chance to go to thispersondoesnotexist.com right
(45:50):
and just be going to and then just keep up and refresh and
every person you see doesn't exist?
Didn't they do something with AIpodcasts where they had like an
AI podcast host and then they got another separate AI podcast
host, made them interview each other and they worked out that
they were both AI? They.
(46:10):
Would probably figure out their yeah, their speech patterns and
their oh. Fucked is that?
Yeah, that's terrifying. So I think that there was, there
was. Done.
Gone. I thought it was leaving.
There and done. Jump out the window here.
I did see there was a oh, you'vegot to show us off.
There was again. But did you have this?
Stuff we don't have to cause this stuff.
So you're getting an AI term so.This, this is, yeah.
(46:32):
So she does not exist. No, she's not a real person.
They don't. These people do not exist.
These were computer generator. Or kezi.
Maybe they did exist, but they figured stuff out now.
You'll be there on the island. Yeah.
Just refresh every single. Time.
All these people have submarine licences.
That's me. So how does he not exist?
I do exist. That's you with my hurling.
That's me, but Coco's away. So how they go to me?
(46:55):
Everyone's better. She exists.
Nope. So yeah, So I mean, if you were
to see like, you can see how, you know, that's me, the likes,
the likes of catfishing and stuff.
You can see profile. That's me.
That is you, that's. You know 2007.
Oh, that's what I think I look like, yeah.
(47:16):
That's me making you. That's kind of Oh dear.
Oh, there we go. The last one.
Oh yeah, it's amazing what they can.
This is crazy. Isn't that because you would
assume that somewhere online that these are actual people,
but they're not? Watch this all there.
(47:39):
I don't. Need.
Long COVID and actually when youwhen you watch closely, yeah,
look what the you can spot the ones who aren't that good at
fucking programming. Yeah, yeah.
This is not right. We're we're done.
Let's give these people a name based on what do we think?
So go to the next one. We'll do.
Jacob. Yeah.
He's Jacob. That's 100 Trini lollipop man.
Oh, Amir. Oh, that could be an Amir, yeah.
(48:01):
I was going to call him Steve, but no more.
Sue. Glenn.
There's a bit of a. Yeah, not to, Deborah.
That actually, yeah, she's a Deborah.
Tiffany. Yeah.
Oh, Sarah. No, that's a Charlotte.
And it's a Charlotte. Yeah.
(48:23):
Damien, that's a fucking omen child lab.
That's me as a teenager in an indie band.
That's me and me and Johnny Burrell photoshopped together.
That's you if you time travel back to the 70s and join the
row. Yeah, that looks like do the
that video with a woman screaming at the breaths that's.
(48:44):
Right. Anyway, so I he's taking over.
Yeah, I know. I keep moving on.
And also, you know about the stuff they're doing.
What are, what are they developing?
Zippers. We have a massive tea with me
live. If you haven't already heard,
we're going back to the SSC Arena, 23rd of May.
If you've been or seen the live pods before, whether you've been
in person or watched it on YouTube or on our Patreon, we're
(49:06):
doing that again, but bigger, better, bolder.
Bloody hell, it's going to be fantastic.
There's going to be stand up on the night.
Is there going to be some sort of musical element?
I don't know. All I know is we've sold a lot
of tickets. There's not that many left If
you want to get them, they're inthe description.
Ticketmaster. If you enjoyed the podcast and
you'll want more if we've wet your whistle, if we've lifted up
(49:27):
the tea with me 90 enough and you want to see a little bit,
you know, you want to see a little bit more than just thigh.
They're not nudity on it, but patreon.com/team podcast there
could be if it sells will do it.Donald get a bum hole.
You know, may as well get paid to do that.
But there's bonus episodes, there's bonus episodes, there's
(49:49):
specials. This year we're doing loads of
one off kind of mad specials with friends from the podcast
and that goes on patreonpatreon.com/T with me
podcast. Appreciate watching the episode,
thanks for the support. They've always said that for
years is that they're always 20 years ahead of what the public
sees so. Well, we were just talking on
the bonus episode about Nikola Tesla.
(50:10):
Yeah. And like he said in 19 O six he
goes, phones are a bit mental. Switchboard operators, all this
you will make a wee tiny 1 and you don't even need to know
where the technology works and you just phone people on that.
Look at us now. We're watching.
You're watching porn. Who had a who've, you know, who
found his papers or who had to take his papers after they die?
(50:31):
No, John Trump. John Trump.
Donald Trump's uncle Kezie, he has all test as faves, all the
stuff that. How does?
Why does he have it? He was working for the company
that Tesla was working for at the time.
So he was in charge of Clayton, all the stuff.
So that's the other big conspiracy theory.
Is that Tesla's idea of free energy?
Yeah. It's been held back from us.
(50:52):
Yeah. And Trump has the.
Yeah, because he was developing that because he was working for
Thomas Edison, who was doing DC energy like a direct.
Direct current. Direct current.
Yeah. And then Tesla started working
on AC. Yeah.
Alternative. And then they were
thunderstruck. But his is together.
But hey, we got about four of those on the bonus pot out.
(51:15):
We've got TNT 10. OK, right.
It shook me all night long. But yeah, his just basically
like fire a stick into the ground, a metal pole into the
ground, and you've got free electricity.
And then they just shut that down.
Yeah. We tell the story with the guy
we know. Do you remember?
This yes. Yeah.
Now I'll explain this wrong because he explained to us and I
was like but we know a guy that tested out Nicola Tessa's theory
(51:38):
on. Yeah, he works for HE.
He installs electricity lanes and telecommunications.
So he had what, a big copper ball and he was trying to make
what No he. Was charged for grid.
He was, he was at the the what do you call the grid or whatever
for the local and he was able toturn off certain things and
yeah, he. Without access to it.
He he proved the the test of thing that it can work.
(52:00):
Don't I wish she should? Have started.
Because we didn't take the technicalities of it and just
went, fuck, Tesla works. And that's.
But yeah, we'll, we'll come back.
Listen to our podcast next week.He did a little bit of Dai
experiment. He tried himself, Yeah, because
most of them, like electricians stuff, are very interesting what
Tesla did. So they they try and sort of
replicated, but it's back to theconspiracy theory of the guy
(52:23):
that invented a car that runs onwater.
They had to kill him because obviously the oil companies
never need. To He got in too deep.
He was up to his neck. He had one of.
Them a stroke, backstroke, frontstroke.
Yeah, you're drowning. That was good because but I
(52:45):
remember seeing the thing, I always think I've definitely go
and see if it's still if the video still.
But there was a guy who was in Flint and he was given out fresh
water that he claimed that he'd managed to get from from the
air. So we should do that.
Managed to like just fucking somehow get clean water from
fresh air. Moses W.
He's called. So what?
(53:05):
Why isn't there? If you can do that, why?
Why isn't water high so? What's he doing, by the way?
Why does it say at the top of that video, Black engineer Moses
W turns air in the water? Why?
Why do we need the noise? Black could.
Just be Engineer Moses W turns air into water.
It's a good thing because it could have been way worse.
Here we go. They could have cut Engineer
out. That would have been real badly.
(53:26):
But you know how he does it? Parts there and then.
That's a go. Through it probably is something
because yeah, it was something like just what condensation.
But why? Why are people being charged for
water? You can literally fucking get it
for free. I think you might need the other
the two parts. A bottle and a cup.
Of yeah, both same things together.
Now they're attached. So yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so they're just one thing still.
(53:48):
No, you need, obviously we've got oxygen, but we need two
parts hydrogen, don't we? But see the way the same car.
You can buy that. But he must have done something
then to take hydrogen and you know, H2O, obviously we need to
have that for water, so. Yeah, but dance, that's great.
You're just going to put up the search.
They're not actually find out what they actually did.
That's good. That's great.
So. At least we know what race he
(54:10):
is, yeah. Water Story.
But yeah, I like it. But you can put that tablet in
water, can't you? You can put a tablet in water
and make it safe. Butler had to do it when he was
in India. I don't think it would work for
this stuff in Flint. Like it might work for some
(54:30):
bacteria and like even like boiling, say if you boil water,
you can make it fucking clean. But for really badly polluted
water you can't because even with luck now with the
alligator, I don't think you could do much with that.
When that happened, was that oneof the issues?
Do you not try that then? No, I gave that one a miss.
Yeah, but some machine like whatwas the last cool mentioned.
Do you think that they actually let get out there at the fart
(54:52):
machine? That's probably no one ever shut
that down. Like we should not know the spot
gun. Spot gun doesn't really, you
know, it hasn't really had a. Taken off, Yeah.
That was all right. Like what?
The Palers got involved in that.One they were, they took it off.
They were just chipping away to just.
(55:13):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What it is?
The tag of dolphin. Still waffle?
Laser Quest. That's a good one for invention.
That was a good invention. Laser Quest was a brilliant one.
Yeah, bring our back. Yeah, unlike.
(55:34):
Do you know what? I think are classic show then we
it's like a skateboard, but it'sonly one way into electric.
Yeah, but you cannot look cool on that.
I think you can. I think anyone of them looks
cool as. Well, you see.
Why do we not have the Segways here?
Why do we not have the the? The tell them on tour later in
the year. They were Speaking of getting
the places and actually didn't. I was like pretty rude.
(55:58):
This shot the conversation for your own
promotionshit.comedy.com. But I yeah, Segway should have
taken off way. No, it's not the guy.
Who invented Segway? I don't say wouldn't.
They. Yeah, he fucking drove off.
Is that that's the jealous? I'm not making that up.
Maybe he just fell forward. Yeah, he just like he's like, I
(56:20):
can't stop. Yeah.
Died in a Segway incident in 2010.
Oh well, that was a good fuckingsound.
I don't know. Segways don't look as cool as
then. We fucking warm with
skateboards. They do.
No, they don't. Segue, they tell you I did some
gig and Saint George's Market, some corporate and they went
less, some good budget here. We could do some sort of
(56:41):
production for your entrance if you want.
And there's like, what do you mean they're like?
Shaved your arsenal? How are you going to shave what
shaved they were? Basically like something was
waxed. They were like, they were like,
what do you want us to do? And I went, could I get a
Segway? And they went, yeah.
So I had a Segway for my, it wasa youth event.
And I was like, I'm going to Segway onto the stage right
(57:03):
through the crowd did it. No one gave a fuck.
But I said it'd be funny if you I would go think I'm cool coming
in the Segway play bat out of hell and I'll have loads of
safety gear on like helmet, elbow pads, knee pads, arm pads,
all this. It took me so long to take all
the gear off and the music couldstop.
By the time I by the time I spoke, no one was listening,
(57:24):
nobody give a fuck. It was the most awkward silence
in my entire life. I don't know which is worse, the
silence or the OR could you havedone?
And I had to have. Done a talk in the fall?
Safety. The.
Sound of Velko. Yeah.
That's a bit of a character. They made me wear a hive as
doing it. Fucking hell.
Shit, that was the last time I was.
Actually did a corporate for it was a company that made it was a
(57:45):
segue, similar segue adjacent kind of thing and what?
Happened. Well, the, the, I think it was
called, it was called the, the, the thing was called an MN.
A what? An MN.
And so it was kind of a similar situation.
Like what would you want to? And I went, can I get an MN?
They're all like a man. And I said, no, no, can I get an
MN? And they're like a man brother.
And I was like, no, can I get a name?
(58:06):
And they were like a man. I was like, fuck this.
And then by the time that all happens, it was time to go home.
Yeah, it's basically the was, the coffee's weren't off.
This is fucking. What have you got coming up?
I know you're getting taken up. Call Murphy.
Calling up. Yeah, I'm out in terrible Murphy
(58:28):
for the till. Oh, that's only starting.
Yeah, So this is the end of the first Monsters, end of February.
So we're always going. We're everywhere, ever around.
As we're done. Yeah, nobody's North Pole, but
we're going Yeah, everywhere. The Occupy 6 counties.
So not everywhere or. Northern Ireland or north of
(58:49):
Ireland or Ulster or whatever you perform is what I call it,
yeah. Yeah, because that's where the
heart is. That's right.
Yeah. No, there's only a few actually
in. There's a couple of draught and
dog stuff, but mainly everywhereup here.
What's coming up in dailies? Dailies we have Paddy is Dennis
to show is it Dagger? It's called there, that's next
(59:10):
week in dailies and then we haveback to the comedy club then for
the First Fridays, so. Mickey, Mickey Bartlett, you've
turned on. You're like me.
We're just floating about my. Avenue I'm writing the new show
so the The Turtle be on sale hopefully the next few weeks
from Mickey Barton comic I'll come get a website.
Where's Mickey? Where's that first announcement
going to be for? And I think it's actually going
to start in our mile. So I didn't know, no.
(59:35):
Sorry, Orma. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes,
we're starting there and then we'll see.
We're see. We're Texas.
Nice. Just go on the flow.
You have a website calledmickeybartlett.com.
Mickey Bartlett Comedy. Dot com Mickey.
No, but there was another website that I forgot to pay
for, so there's no man called mickeybartlett.com.
That belongs to you it. Belongs to me, was just sitting
there. Don't like I've lost the
(59:56):
password. Fantastic, So.
Will I be in America when this goes out or am I already home?
I think you'll be. Home check.
Don't was America. It was brilliant.
Thank you. People came to the shows and
there's someone. I'm so bad, but it'd be great.
But. When you.
Look. You do these things, you build
them up. If you build it, they will come
(01:00:16):
and they might not, but they might not.
You'd rather start humbly and build your way up than just
start. It's better to have done the
booked and done the show than never have booked it.
Yeah, true. He was me.
He was on here, he was a couple of times.
He was me. Live SSE Arena, 23rd of May
Tickets on sale in the description.
Anything else? No.
I think we're all good. I think we're all good, Connor
(01:00:39):
Machine, Jim, from bottom of my heart, call to the top of yours.
From the bottom of my cavender'sblurt.
Been a pleasure. Call the episode Caverner's
Block because blurt won't be picked up as a bad what?
YouTube won't know that is a badword.
No, just spell it. Different spell just.
Smell it different. I think I'm who?
Thinks bump and grind workout. Workout.
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