316. The Therapy Session with Andrew Ryan and William Thompson

Sippers welcome! This week I'm joined by friends of the podcast Andrew Ryan and Willy T.

Tickets for Tea With Me Live in the SSE here - https://www.ssearenabelfast.com/whats-on/tea-with-me-2025

Join Patreon to support the podcast and get bonus content including Stars in Their Eyes, early access tickets and all episodes of LazyBoyz - https://www.patreon.com/teawithmepodcast

Tea With Me 'Holywood Blend' available to buy here - https://suki-tea.com/products/holywood-blend

Check out That Prize Guy for the latest competitions and the chance to win a million pounds - ⁠⁠https://thatprizeguy.co.uk/

Find Andrew here - https://www.instagram.com/andrewryancomedy/

Find Willy here - https://www.instagram.com/william_thompson_comedy/

EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://nordvpn.com/teawithme⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee!

Get 20% off and free shipping at - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://uk.manscaped.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ when you use the code TEAWITHME 

Instagram - 

Shane - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/shanetoddcomedy/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

One L Studios - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/one_l_studios/

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
To tell you this story, I got refused a seat in a restaurant
in Cork. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
We're recording now. See when?
See when someone comes in and goes.
I don't know if I should tell this story.
We're never going to go. Probably best you don't.
Quite. This is just you're only amongst
friends here. So I was in Cork, right?

(00:20):
Yeah. I mean, my family went to a
restaurant, OK, A restaurant that I would have gone to a lot.
You would have. They would know you.
Know they wouldn't know me right, but I would have gone
with me family like right and the restaurant was empty.
It's a half I've walked in. I was on I was I was in the
front. It was 86 of us.
I was in the front. I said hi man, how's it going?

(00:41):
Any chance of a table for six? He just looked at me and the
restaurant was empty like. And he went, Oh, you got
booking. They were no, no, no, no, no
booking. Is it well known that you got to
book this place? No, it's walk in like right when
you get bored, like. And then I went, all right.
And he goes for book, it's coming in now.

(01:01):
And I went, oh, OK, so I turned.Say booking since you asked for
the table he. Said, I said he's not got a book
in right. So we've book it's coming in a
bit. So sorry, like unless you have a
book and you know, so I turned around to my sister and I went,
no, there's no tables. And my sister went hold on.
So my brother-in-law went up andthen spoke to him.

(01:22):
No, no, no, no. When you say your brother's gone
up with a tone. No brother went up like, hey
man, how are you? Just a higher tone than your
show, but he just was. Like like The Big Lebowski.
Yeah, nobody just went like, he just went like, hey, man, Yeah.
Any chance at all? I know we got a.
Table also the brother-in-law swings it.
Yeah, right. So we sit down.

(01:43):
We're only having a mane, right?We sit down around 20 to 6 6:20
were done 40 minutes in quick main outright but my sister had
done some bits and bobs for me so I said look I'm buying the
dinner by the nephews all the dinner.
Anyway, lovely me a lovely place, really like the genre.
Oh, 80s like food. Like.

(02:06):
Wallpaper like. Yeah, but I mean, what kind of
sorry? Like like chicken, like chicken.
It's all weird people. Lasagnas like lasagnas and
burgers and stuff. So we're talking a little bit of
everything. Yeah, like fish and.
Stuff I mean like, is it Chinese?

(02:27):
Is it Italian? No, it's just normal.
Like let's play. No, no, no it's not.
Enough. No, no, no.
What I'm saying is this standard.
You could get a Curry, you couldget a chicken, you could get a
roast beef. It was normal.
You cover everything. Yeah, yeah, and cover
everything. Don't constantly for an atlactic
restaurant. Every every base is covered.

(02:50):
Yeah, yeah. It's brand like right so.
Show under a load of faces and play Chinese.
Or normal no no no anyway. So you just had the means.
You've had the means. Andrew Ryan says I'm getting.
It I'm getting it right. So I went up to the till I went
hi man, thanks very much. Absolutely fantastic.
Really nice meal. I said look, we're out of your
way and only received the tablesfor the bookings.

(03:11):
And he went, oh, there's nobody coming in here for an hour and a
half, two hours. And I was like, oh right.
Now this was a different waiter that I paid to.
So the first guy took a look at me, got a feeling I'm not giving
this this guy table. Yeah, my brother-in-law fixes
it. I go to a different waiter to
pay their. Laws definitely dodgy.

(03:33):
Go to a different way to pay thebill.
Bookings weren't coming until half 7.
No, I I'm going to play devil's advocate here.
I I'm also I'm just means I'm inand out.
I'm a man's guy. But I think they assume you're
going to be 3 course guy. They don't know you're just a
mean half. Five to half, seven congression.

(03:55):
Sorry, half five to half 7 Two hours?
You're telling me you can't eveneat 3 courses in two hours?
But what I'm saying is if you ifyou LED with, I'm just coming in
for means, I think that I said go ahead.
But like a table of 6-3 courses we're going to assume, we're
going to assume drinks are goingto be hard.
The club oranges. Like, but they don't know that,
yeah. They don't.
You need to. You look like a guy, he's going

(04:15):
to like hang about a bit. You have a loiter but.
Everyone on the table agreed that he didn't like to look at
me. And you didn't?
Like they said to me. They said to me like, they said
to me like I took didn't take shine to it all.
Andrew, when you went in, Yeah. And I was just like, I was
dressed not fine like. What do you think?
You think he looks like you looklike a pervert or something.

(04:35):
No pervert. Yeah, I was.
Hungry like it looked like a pervert.
Get hungry. Pervert right here.
He hasn't had a lot I can see. You haven't eaten for a while.
But I but do you think they had maybe seeing you on pods and
stuff? No, no, no.
Can I just say can I just say ping a second now?

(04:57):
Can I just say hold on a second now, right, I have no close and
what are you? What are you laughing?
I. Think you like the Pingu?
Reference I really enjoy. Pingu.
Never. See Pingu.
No, not no. Penguin.
Why would I fucking watch a Penguin?
Yeah, but it's Pingu like. I don't know what a Pingu is.
Did the kids thing? Yes, I don't.

(05:17):
Have kids, Yeah, but you can still.
You know, a kid I don't know on stage you weren't born at 30.
Yeah, you know what Rugrats is? You were a kid.
I hold on, actually don't think that's a good Rugrats.
I don't know if you were a kid. I think you were born at 33.
When I was born, man, I came outof a spreadsheet.
Yeah. Andrew's first word is Excel.

(05:38):
Like to be finished. Zippers, This podcast is
sponsored by none other than that Prize guy.
What is that prize guy? Well, it's Ireland's largest
prize site and probably bigger than price sites in a lot of
different countries in the world.
I don't, for example, I don't think and I don't want to be
careful saying the wrong thing here.

(05:59):
I don't think there's a bigger price site in Mozambique.
I don't think there's a bigger price site in Ukraine.
I don't think there's a bigger price site in Trinidad and
Tobago than that price guy. Huge £120 million has been given
away through previous competition.

(06:20):
Damn you queer anything I've said.
First, they did not say 125, butit's probably over 130 at this
point. Did I say, oh, 120?
Probably over 130, Yeah. When you take it all in, like
because I don't know if they're including like some of the
smaller price, not like, like say like a Walkman or a toaster.
Probably some of the early day prizes on that price guy.
Now we're talking about. I can hear Andrea in there.

(06:41):
We're talking about £1,000,000 prize winners.
The prize that prize guy has made 9 millionaires so far.
The prizes go from what I what mildly you would describe a
small amount of money because it's that price guy.
I'm talking 10 grand draws, 20 grand draws.
As we record, this is a 15 granddraw on for 15 P entrance. 15

(07:05):
grand prize tickets are 15 pence.
You're getting change of it out of a £20 coin, 20 if you didn't
change over 20P piece. If you could find one of those,
you could get. 20 PP. Seven, 5020 PPS. 20 PPS. 20 PPS.
20 PPS. 20 PPS. How bad?
That's unbelievable that price guy.co.uk, if you want to see

(07:27):
all of the prices that are that are going right now and and
that's where the £1,000,000 draws are that prize
guide.co.uk. We have a very small amount of
tickets left for the SSE Arena Tea with me live 23rd of May.
It's a Friday night is Friday, then Friday night.

(07:49):
It's going to be brilliant. There's going to be stand up.
There's going to be the main part.
Dan, talk us through the line uphere just so I because I forget.
Yeah. So stand up.
You're going to do some stand up.
Tim McGarry is going to do some stand up.
Andrew Ren's going to do some stand up.
That's a night in itself. Second-half is going to be the
podcast featuring William Thompson, Mickey Bartlett and
some other surprise guests. Well, that sounds great.

(08:12):
Sounds like even the first half,you people be happy enough.
Some people probably be leaving and go I'm delighted with this
and you go, there's another halfto come and there's going to be
a cool ending as well. So delay your boss, delay your
boss home day for the whole thing.
Trust me, the link for that is in the description.
Team with me live at the SSC Arena.
If you want to go back and watchsome of our other live podcasts,

(08:35):
they're all on Patreon, but someare on YouTube as well.
Let's get back into the set. But everyone at the table title
your man probably didn't like tolook here.
And I was like, did he not like to look at me?
And then my brother-in-law said,he said, oh, I know him, I know
him, I know him, his lovely fellow.
I just don't think maybe you know, he didn't probably know
you. I So here's what I think.
I think he does know you. I don't think no.
No, I don't have any clue. No one knows me.
I'll. Say this, though I'm on your

(08:57):
side here. That's not a good model for
running a restaurant. Can I come in?
Don't really know you like that.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, you don't have that kindof relationship.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird.
Yeah, it's a great play, honest to God, and I'll happily go
back. I think it's a right place.
Yeah. People stuff.
But I, I, you know the way now, maybe I could have judged this
completely wrong, but I just gotlike, oh, he didn't like to look

(09:17):
at me. That was my first take.
Not like the means that you're talking about.
Yeah. Yeah.
My brother-in-law, like went up to him and I've eaten there
maybe 20-30 times in my life. And I will continue to.
That's a lot. Yeah.
But from the age of like 10, right.
So we're talking once every 18 months, two years.
That's not that's not regular atall.
See what I mean? Now you say it like.
And a massive staff turnover in restaurants and stuff of that.
So like, you might be a new customer every time you come in.

(09:39):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But lovely meal and just.
Yeah, it was just a bit taken aback.
I thought maybe I got the. That was my vibe there could be
completely. What did your brother-in-law do
that you didn't? Well, my why?
Did his approach work? Because he's there every week.
Yeah, but still don't. You shouldn't be served a table
if you're there every week rather than someone's.

(10:00):
Just your point. Yeah.
Yeah. No.
Listen, at the end of the day, it's private business.
They can serve who the hell theywant to serve.
So possible. I mean, you say that, but if you
were a regular there and someonegot to say it ahead of you, you
would say the words. I'm here every week.
Yeah, there was loads of empty seats with him.
You're not Rosa Parks like you got the seat in the end.
I understand the frustration. But you said this isn't a modern

(10:22):
equivalent. Of No, it's not no.
This is Andrew Ryan not getting a table in a restaurant in court
that he's been up twice a year for four.
Years from the years I came herewhen I was 10.
Do you not Remember Me? I was just hungry.
How much do people come up to you at gigs and be like, what's
a crack, man? You're like, oh, good to meet
you. And they go, man, you.
I came up to you seven years agoto gig.

(10:45):
Not me. Oh, you.
Yeah, I get that from like you need.
There's like I run and do. You had a rave 12 years ago.
Yeah, I'm like, I wouldn't remember you the minute you
left. Yeah, had a rave.
Maybe it's kind of mean? Have you ever have you ever been
a refused service anywhere? What do you mean?
Like. When you were a kid or a
teenager, like you've gone in somewhere, like we're not

(11:07):
serving is like for any reason. Like no, not now.
I'm not talking like in your 20sor anything younger.
I mean younger as a kid you'd chance you're on try to buy a
drink. Yeah, but I in your situation,
I'm kind of like sometimes like people just want to do nice
things for me quite a lot. Do you know what I mean?
Like what? What?
I think people want the. Most R Kelly sentence.

(11:30):
Me with the usher cherry What I mean is Andrew, did you see
usher that you know the cherriesthat I.
Saw a thing this morning where Ihope your girlfriend isn't the
cherry receiver or. Something like that.
So, So what are Usher's doing onthis current tour as he brings a
cherry out and he just like, dangles it in the lady's mouth
and then she has to like, lick around it and stuff and eat it?

(11:50):
So basically he is picking a woman.
Is that kind of like picking? Picking cherries and picking
women, yeah. That's like, he's a cherry
picker. Yeah, but that's like sounds
like a slur, but that sounds like something that he could get
done for like. Well, apparently at a show
recently, you asked a girl what age she was first, and then he's
like, no, no, no cherries for you.
Yeah. She's like no, no, no.

(12:11):
You want a 14 year old kind of thing?
Yeah. He's like way too old pensioner.
Get away. Put your false teeth away.
What I what I mean is I think I have a vibe when I show up to a
restaurant where people are like, let's get, let's try and
get this guy a table. I come in with like I go, you
know, listen, I have a book. They go, do you have a book?

(12:32):
And I go, I don't, I didn't realize you should have booked.
Listen, it's not a problem. I'll come back some other time.
People go get in. OK, I can see why you think
that, because you only go to thesame Nandos, Yeah, you don't go
anywhere. I'm trying different places now.
Different Nandos? Yeah, it's the same Nandos.
Different restaurant but you drag different seating layouts.
I'm going to Bunsen. Tonight.

(12:52):
You're what? I'm going to Bunsen tonight or.
You're going to Bunsen Burger. Got to show a black box.
Going to go to Bunsen Burger. Are you doing a black box?
Totes it's like they're doing like a parody of comedy club
doing a party of the traders andI'm very excited for it.
Never seen the traders in my life.
Are you a participant or? I can say no because the show
the will already have happened. They picked 2 totes who are like

(13:12):
2 traders. I don't know how traders the
show works. I'm not one of the tights.
I look like a tote, but I'm not just like a tote.
I look like during the hose pipebomb, I was stitching everybody
up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But like. Like you're putting rubbish into
other people's skips, yeah. But I know I'm buzzing for it.
I do either. You watch your traders, no?
No, never watched it. I don't even get the concept of

(13:33):
it. See, weird that it's fun to do
because I've done that touch show.
In the actual show though, they all have to live together while
the series is on, which is a lotmore frustrating.
Someone told me that they do that.
For a White Lotus, you ever see White Lotus?
The cast have to live in the resort.
Why? Director I think it's like an
indulgence thing of they're likemake them uncomfortable and
everything that shows all about tension and that kind of stuff.

(13:55):
I hate you see, when actors are like, oh, to get into the the
mind of this guy who's in a wheelchair.
I was in a wheelchair for three years.
How about you act you didn't. How about you just?
Fucking act. You didn't have to.
Yeah, yeah. Jared Letto, when he was the
Joker was like killing pigeons and sending them to like his
castmates. And you're like, how about you
put on the clown makeup? Can I?
Can I? Maybe there's an understatement

(14:16):
as a bit much. It's a bit.
Much. I'd have gone up to him, but
like, man, not necessarily. Like, yeah.
Well, do you know Daniel Day Lewis when he played one of the
Guildford Four? Yeah, because obviously man was
in prison. Joined.
Yeah. No, no, he actually went to
prison for three days and stayedin.
Prison. Well, he's a man.
He is a method actor, Yeah, but I think he's an OK level of

(14:38):
because he does it. But I think he, I don't think
he'd be coming up and saying to you, well, he wanted to see what
I was doing there. He goes about it in the
background when he was doing he was doing some movie, went to be
a cobbler for like 3 months in Italy.
He wouldn't. He's not.
But he wasn't saying then his cast me.
It's fucking brogues that he's made.
He's not doing an Instagram story about it like.
Exactly. Yeah, he's, you know, he's just.
Doing it in the background. Not a film by Ken Loach to win

(15:00):
the shakes to barley question. My friend Shane was in that and
he said that when they did the scenes where the British Army
came in and attacked them, you weren't allowed to meet the army
until the till the scene started, right?
So basically like you you. Weren't catering having a having
a? Sandwich.
Shortbread with them before. Basically like they would be on
a different set and then they would come in as a scene saying
you January was the first time you saw them and they were

(15:21):
attacking you. So you had this genuine hatred,
you know, report with them and stuff.
I would not like to be around method actors.
No. People who take it away too
seriously, I can't get on board.What's your man called that's
married to you? One from neighbors or home and
away. The ginger herd curl.
Kylie Minogue. No, he was day.
He doesn't. He does add EG.
Oh, Sasha. Baron Cohen.

(15:41):
Yeah, he does that kind of stuff, doesn't he?
Just method like he does. He just does characters.
I think he does method. Yeah.
But he stays in the character all the time, not only oh.
When he's filming, maybe he does, no.
But like I taught that even whenthe cameras off to get into the
road that he stays in it. Like, I don't know.
I don't know. I used to, I love, like, hidden
camera shows, right? Like the idea of all that stuff.

(16:03):
But part of me watching it goes even though I get up on stage
and talk and be silly and be deprecating all that kind of
thing, making for themselves, basically.
Yeah. I don't think I could do that in
public when the person doesn't know.
Yeah, I know what you. Mean, if that makes sense.
Do you think you could do like ahidden camera show where you're
pranking someone? I've done ones that got videos

(16:25):
like that before, like what, when Mckagney dress up as
priests and go to Pride? Oh yeah, yeah.
And we like, interview all the like, really homophobic
Christian like preachers. But we're like putting out
rosary beads that are like anal beads and we're holding up like
big dirty signs. That's really funny to me
because I think those people areDick heads.

(16:45):
So it's OK. It's if someone's really nice, I
feel bad about doing it, yes. But those people like use your
pricks anyway. So I don't mind doing this.
There was such a golden age of that kind of show.
Yeah, Dumb Jolly. Remember Dumb Jolly?
Of course. Yeah, the big phone in the
library. There was a great Irish one as
well. It was a Oh, no that no, no.

(17:07):
Just for laughs though, Keith Keith Law Just for laughs, a
Local 1. God's name.
My memories gone. Balls of steel was my go to
balls. Of steel he's my read glasses
down if you got a problem e-mailme zippers.
Let me tell you this episode of the team with me podcast is
sponsored by none other than Nord VPN.
Say it with me Nord VPN, then the number one VPN in the game.

(17:33):
If you are, if you're someone that's ever abroad and you want
to watch, and I don't mean that like a 1940s New York way, you
can you can use Nord VPN and youcan access content from anywhere
if you're somewhere else. What I mean, let me give you a
scenario. You're in Santa Ponza, but you

(17:53):
want to watch what? Barra in the wild.
Clara best on cakes and you can go on nordvpn.com.
You can get yourself AVPN, whichis a virtual private network one
one account, one login will cover 10 devices and and you can

(18:16):
watch content from different places.
You can basically say to your device, no, actually I'm in
Belfast or you can say I'm say you want to watch Japanese
anime. You can say, baby, I'm in Tokyo
and then you get Netflix Japan. That's just an example.
You can do this anywhere. Nord VPN is, is the best.

(18:36):
It's got threat protection features and also, and Dan's
giving me the thumbs up saying you've gone over your time.
I'll just tell you, you're hiding your personal details
when you're in on public Wi-Fi. If you get the best discount of
your Nord VPN plan, go to nordvpn.com/twomme and our link
gives you four months extra on top of a two year plan.
The link is in the description. We're also sponsored by none

(18:57):
other than Manscaped, the numberone in Man's Below the Belt
grooming. I like my man.
I like my friends to be groomed.There's too much of a gap there.
I mean, what I'm saying is not where I like pubically, I like
my friends to be. I like my friends to have smooth
knots, right? And and what I mean by that is I

(19:17):
mean Manscaped have some of the best products in below the belt
grooming. They've got it all.
They've got the lawn more 5.0, they've got things like the weed
whacker, which is an electric nose and ear trimmer and that's
that's waterproof. So you can do that at sea.
You know, if you're a maritime type guy, they've got they've

(19:37):
got crop gels, they've got deodorants, they've got even
things like lip balm. You know, it's weird when they
do just a traditional product and you go that's it.
That is actually just aftershavelike because a lot of the stuff
concentrates on your deck and you know not, but the manscaped
are great. Every everyone in this room uses
manscape products, and you can put together little packages

(19:58):
online as well for for your little package or maybe you have
a big fat cock. You can still use the products
you whatever size you're that you're pick and balls are great.
You're great. You kick out your decking balls.
Travel friendly you know manscape.com musical tea with me

(20:19):
for and free shipping. The link is in the description.
If you've got both of yous got given a show.
Netflix comes up there and around and William Thompson
separately and goes unlimited budget one season, 6 episodes.

(20:40):
Whatever genre, whatever you want can be a drama, it can be a
sitcom, it can be a sketch show,a hidden camera show, a
documentary, a movie. Whatever you want, you got it,
Will ET. I'd want to make like bad boys,
something like bad boys. But you want you want to make
bad boys. I would like to just remake Bad

(21:01):
Boys. You want to be naughty little
boy and naughty little boy William Johnson.
Bad boys and I'm just, well, Smith in it and it is not
acknowledged. Everyone else is the same cast,
so. You're Martin Lawrence.
Still, I'm like who the fuck is Reggie right 30 is fucked.
Yeah, I'm just well Smith in it how we bald wife as well.

(21:21):
I'm just full well Smith, my kids his.
Character doesn't and Bob boys though.
No, but. But you so you you want.
I want a wee bald mental wife. So that's written into the
story, that's. In the story.
Yeah, right. And you want, like, his kids as
well. Jaden Smith is going to play
himself. Playing your son, Yeah.
Right. Yeah, and it's no one

(21:42):
acknowledges. And would you be willing to be
method for that? Would you move into Will Smith's
house? Yeah, and he moves in with Nanny
Sheila. Yeah, yeah.
And Ballybean, yeah. Right.
I would like, I'm not from Ballybean, but I can move in
there. Yeah, yeah.
Don't know, but yeah. Oh, I didn't like our boys.
He didn't like that. From when I was like fucking 12.
But I dropped it to your house recently, you know that

(22:03):
apartment blocked the year and Iwas going to buy the house next
to you know that I viewed the house next door to him.
He he, he made sure that didn't happen.
No, but no but. I went to every restaurant that
might never serve I. Didn't like to drive down.
Yeah, it's a fire like they keep.
Giving them more clothes but where he lives but I would love
that now that's a show you and Will Smith swap lives.

(22:27):
He tries to slap people around Tully Cornet.
Yeah, he's going to get, he's going to get one back.
A. 100%. You can't get on like that.
Like he's not getting the stand ovation after doing that, No.
Day I have to watch his wife go with his son's mates though,
because I'd be like, can you keep?
I'm watching. What she did?
Oh, you'd hate that, would you? Because of WWE.
You little. Pervert I wouldn't be in is
that. What she did?
Yeah, yeah. She cut off with.

(22:48):
Openly you're serious like they're in or.
They're swingers. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Oh so. I didn't know that.
I get a big Tom Jones I don't fancy.
Her at all like. I wouldn't touch.
Well, that ruins the. Swingers party.
Well, I'm not about that at all.No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't touch that.
Like no hair that's not. The hair thing.

(23:09):
Yeah. It's not the hair thing.
You don't like your attitude, actually.
It won't be for me, no like right?
He's racist, you see. No I'm not.
My ex-girlfriend was from India.I've had two ex girlfriends from
India. Now you're getting more and
more. Now you're not getting like a
fetish thing. Yeah.

(23:30):
And we're going back this year. My wife is Northern Irish so it
can't be like. Yeah.
So yeah, it's a diverse range ofaxes.
Yeah, I've had a lot of different nationalities, like
Spanish. Can we go through Just give us a
list? Philly, his father.
We're here, around the world, inany fucking dash.

(23:51):
High 5. Christopher Columbus, OK, give
us nationality. English, Irish.
Don't join them all. Yeah, yeah, Irish.
God, how long was it? How long was it?
9 episodes. A laugh like pipe man, right?

(24:13):
Irish first one. Irish.
Yeah. English.
Half Indian, half Trinidad and Tobago.
She was very nice English. Yeah, we've had that.
No, there's another one, all right.
DJ called. English South African.

(24:36):
Right. Which kind?
Lebanese. Oh.
Lebanese thought they didn't like it.
Yeah, that's all right. They're.
All good Lebanese, Irish. Yeah.
Indian. Yeah.

(24:58):
Northern Irish. It's that guy with Alabama
trying to remember what nationality is so.
That's my grandma trying to guess what.
Iraq and McDonald's. Iraq.
Iraq. Oh yeah, there's a girl.
From Iraq, she left me because she got an arranged marriage.
Right back home like. No in London, no.

(25:18):
I was only with her like 3 weekslike.
That's an ultimate relationship.My mom I was.
Only going on dates like where you going on dates and I have.
To get married here sorry yeah you like a better it's not fun
before she gets it's. Not you, It's my marriage.
Do you notice that every time mydate?
My husband's being dead weird about Was it Jada Pinkett Smith?

(25:40):
You notice every time I've datedsomebody, they all the next
person they meet, they always married them.
Are you? Good luck, Chuck.
I think I'm that guy. I but I think that's a good
thing about you. I think you're ready in them.
I'm getting them ready. Exactly because you can't
commit. Because you've got more
nationalities to take off your list.
No, Yeah, but I'm very, I'm getting married in a few months
and I'm absolutely. Do you have a global load to

(26:02):
text on? Do you have a global load to
text on? No, no, no, no.
But I like Judy knows like, yeah, like got him.
I'm 10 years old nurse. So I've 10 years and I've single
for quite a long time. Yeah.
So we've gone on dates and, you know, had like 345 week flings
and does work out, doesn't work out kind of thing like, you
know, but when I was living in London, like, I mean, sure.

(26:23):
Where's your? Everybody, every nationalities,
they're like, yeah, so it's great, you know, yeah, but yeah,
so, but no, I'm very happy now. Would you?
Like none with a nice white woman.
I'm happy because that's where it's stop.
And you stop and arranged The arranged marriage thing reminds

(26:44):
me of although it's not the same.
But like we talked about marriedat first sight love, everyone
can love you. He's obsessed.
I love it. But say you were.
Say you were single. Say Julie leaves you tomorrow
and she goes. Sorry, Andrew.
I know we're about to get married.
She was. I know she loves me.
I know we're about to get married in September.
But she was. But listen, my mom and dad have

(27:04):
only gone on the range of marriage for me here.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Right.
Andrew Ryan. Fast forward a year.
He's ready to date again. Right, OK.
The producers of First Dates go Andrew, we know you're a fan of
the show. We would love to have you on.
Yeah. Do you do it?
100%. See, I would have thought you
wouldn't be up for that no at all, because you're methodical
like. No, no, no.
I'd have gone on that because like when you're talking about

(27:26):
Willy there, but what show he wants to make?
There's two shows I'd love to make, one about mediation.
So basically I would like to make a documentary or TV show
where I go and I resolve disputes.
I'm the mediator like. Personal disputes.
Corporate. Disputes like instead of going
to the courts like that sounds, let me sit down with you and I.
Will in as that. Shoot, that sounds a good show.
Stephen Graham would be classing.

(27:47):
Yeah, the mediator. The.
Mediator like and I could. Listen to him, yeah.
You've never seen that Scottish sketch.
Scottish sketch where the husband and wife go to
counseling and the husband's like she's always nagging.
I mean, not let me watch football accounts.
Good. Yeah, you're right.
Me. I have a point anyway, I'd like
to do mediation or something to do with.
I got a phone call from First Dates London all by the 5-6

(28:10):
years ago, right. To see what I'd like to come on
to because I knew someone who was a producer and they knew I
was single and we're trying to, it was only in like second or
third season. They were trying to get people
in and who were kind of like would be able to talk and kind
of be on camera and stuff. And they asked me what I go on.
I was very close to doing a Zoomcall.
Not a Zoom call. I had two phone calls.
You had to go into the restaurant.
They were like, sorry, we actually don't have any.

(28:32):
But I've actually got a book. Don't like the look here like.
Friends like no no. So and a few people that have
done it done that show, but yeah, 100% go on maths.
See, Andrew Ryan has a People won't know this about you.
People, I think think you're very like very well thought out
and you weigh everything off fora long time.
I do yeah, any decision. But you also have a we we

(28:53):
fucking button. Oh, listen, I tell.
People don't know that bit about.
Listen, when the when the lightsare off, Andrew has a bit of fun
like or the lights go on. I don't know what's the phrase?
Is there a phrase? No.
When the lights go off, Andrew has some fun.
I've never heard that one myself.
Now see, you do have like a new hat.
I mean, that's your kind of onlysetting.
I yeah, it's like I listened to last week and you described me

(29:15):
as a Furby dipped in Red Bull, and that is entirely accurate.
Would you not use that as a as abiola?
Yeah, for stand up, I'm either agremlin you've poured water on,
yeah, or a barren hibernation. Yes.
Can I just say that the three ofus, you're what you're
describing there is an exact example of what happened in
Dubai. We have three different
personalities and each of our personalities came out in Dubai.

(29:36):
Yes, right. So for example.
Sum it up. Sum it up right, we go to Dubai,
OK, Shane's personality, I'm here to work, chill out, going
to have a sauna, going to go fora run, going to get me fluids in
or whatever he takes right and then I'm going to.
Have foods or whatever you whatever you take.
Water or whatever, what do you take?
Under first dates, what are you taking here?

(29:57):
Fluids or. Bodily.
Or alcohol you don't be very very very sort of like let's
have dinner at six after the show going to go back to the
hotel right kind of thing right whereas I.
Pour in. There is one people.
No, but you know what I mean, right?
I'm like very similar to Shane. But after the show I'm like, no,

(30:22):
I wouldn't mind one or two pints.
Maybe stay out for an hour and ahalf.
Willie, see you at 4:00 in the morning.
I have a. Basically, so like we had three
different stage. I have a plan that regiment the
plan I'll stick to. You have no plan.
You have a plan that you're willing to come off.
Yeah. Yeah, basically he goes to bed

(30:43):
first, I go to bed second, he goes to bed third.
You're lucky if I go to bed. You're lucky if I go to bed at
all. Yeah.
I remember seeing him in the fire at a hotel in in Dubai.
And Remember, Remember that night we went out, we watched
the football in the bar, yes, and we had two drinks.
Just a little mandate 2 of us. We whatever had a big dinner,
sat in the hotel bar, had a couple of pints.
He went off to meet his mates Willie and we had two pints went

(31:03):
to bed. Whatever say 10:00 whatever it
is right. We get up in reception following
morning, whatever 9:00 AM he comes down well times you get
out last night or half four where that literally just some
that trip. Yeah, yeah.
That's me everywhere so. We stayed out, but to a point,
yeah. You're right, I have no plan for
anything ever. I weighing my entire life.

(31:25):
But you would like with the Manjano and the weight loss and
like the more Gemin and all thatkind of thing, do you still get
that urge to just go for it or does it take that away it?
Takes it away, but that's where you know you persevere and it's
your well bar to be a Willy Pontiac.
Yeah, your Willy part yeah. So the the like compulsion, the

(31:46):
dude isn't there, but your dedication to it is there
because. Someone who was talking to me
recently about Manjano's epic, all that kind of stuff, said it.
It takes away cravings across the board.
Yeah, but I didn't know that. I thought it was just.
Food. Everything you don't want.
Do you know when you crave something, you feel like you
need to do it? Dairy Milk.
Almond Dairy Milk. You're there's.

(32:06):
No addictive substances in that.Substances in that.
Well, there's something that's like, you know.
Like there's no addictive substances.
In that I think there is, yeah, I think.
You can get, you know, I'm addicted.
To traits sometimes. Well, do you know what you
could? Get rid of that.
If you shed dog. If you got rid of all your yeast
in your stomach and your sugar is pulling in, your should.
Have a colonic. That's what I did as soon as I

(32:27):
got my colonic done. I never.
I didn't eat chocolate for months because I didn't have a
Craven for the sugar because I cleaned it all out.
Yeah. And how did the are you when
they give you a colonic? Are you like under anesthesia
or? You just sitting with your legs
up in a towel over you like you just put in yourself like.
Oh sorry, maybe you can do that yourself like.
If you need the machine like pumps the water in like.

(32:49):
Yeah, but just. They don't do.
Everything discounted from China.
Now you get one of those machines like £75 like.
Yeah, tariffs. Doing self clonies.
Tariffs coming? Down, don't worry.
But really, like, you look fantastic, man.
I think it's feeling good. Yeah, but it's all changes.

(33:10):
You look like a guy who's just got out of prison and started a
tech talk channel. Yeah.
Do you know what I mean about how he's trying to?
Expose something big, but we have to stay tuned.
Yes, but nothing ever. Happened not like you're trading
and it's very vague, but you know you're you're trade.
So you're saying like urges and things you would want to do
across the board. So cannot even be like.

(33:31):
They are talking about using it for Alex, like people like if
you're an alcoholic and you knowthose first two weeks, 3 weeks
are the hardest. They're talking about giving
them like the strongest strengthso they don't have.
The presence for it, yeah. Is this legal?
Yeah, it's entirely. Legal.
It's an NHS, yeah. What about sex drive?
That's still there, like, yeah, right.
That's still there. Can you get an injection to get

(33:53):
more of a sex drive? I know you can take Viagra and
stuff, but like you can get likewhat's the thing called?
Naise Testosterone. I feel like the most confused
pharmacist ever. Yeah, yeah, I'd like a wee bit
off before the holiday, but just.
These fisherman's friend Baraka because you know the way if
you're like trying to buy you buy other stuff yeah these hair

(34:13):
jet wet look hair jet and yeah and and Uber up is there a pill
for if I want that like that a lot of sex like could you yeah I
mean. Test these Jelly baby gummies,
do they? Yeah.
I think testosterone would does boost your sex drive, but I
think a lot of guys think their testosterone is lower than it

(34:36):
is. I I'm going to get like, I'm
like, I'm fine, yeah, that's OK.But like, I like, you're safe.
I like more of it like. You want more sex drive?
I'll. Just, you know, be good to get
married, like get married soon and be you don't.
You don't. It's called such a stride.
That's what holds me back, genuinely.
See, if I was neutered, I'd be abillionaire.

(34:57):
Yeah, he needs to be a eunuch. If he was a eunuch, he'd be
bigger than Dave Chappelle. Yeah, have you got a high sex
drive? Like.
Like you don't ever see dogs shagging lamppost.
Yeah, I look gotta be like you guys.
I'm trying to fucking Will Smithmy way into that.
So like. Can I ask you a question?
Are you with somebody? No, no, no.
OK. Friends.

(35:17):
Just got friends. Is it?
Yeah. Yeah, I've got friends, but I've
got friends. So how are you really?
It's like sandpaper. How are you, what are you doing?
What are you doing with the sex drive?
Are you going out like and meeting people or?
Not, not as much. I've got no because I'm like
after people at home, so I can'treally do that as much.
OK, but OK, it's. It's ripped off me, basically.
Yeah, yeah, looks like fucking. What's his name in the

(35:40):
Falklands? What's his name?
Of Jesus Christ. What's it time in Western?
It looks like a lion bar that's been left out for like two or
three seasons of weather. So what, are you pulling the
head off yourself? Yeah, yeah.
All right. Yeah, OK.
Yeah, leaving it for 10 minutes,coming back and finishing it
off. Jesus, that's.
Not right. But wanking?
No, leave it for 10 minutes for half a day.
I. Was making a Guinness joke.

(36:02):
Yeah, I, I, I, I I don't subscribe that either, Andrew.
What wanking? No like like boys who are like
Oh yeah like 4 a day bullshit. No, I'm not that many.
Bullshit. I know.
I've had three in the midst of this pocket.
Willie T doing kill Toddy or kill Toddy picture in a minute.

(36:24):
Oh yeah. Bought himself designer clothes.
Get an outfit. Get an outfit change.
Oh, you got it from, like, Houseof Fraser, and you were carrying
the bag. You know, they're like shopping
bags women get. Yeah.
You know, the shopping bags, theguys, because we're like, very
wanting to look like masking andstuff.
We would carry it in like, a really awkward way.

(36:45):
So we don't carry it like a handbag.
Yeah. Yeah.
You know, and it's way more hassle to carry it the way we
are. Yeah.
Willie swarmed in, and I mean swarmed in.
All four stone of them swarmed in with this designer bag over
his shoulder and said Willie's got options.
But he did an outfit change at the break and I went, why have

(37:05):
you changed clothes? And he said wasn't sure what I
wanted to wear. Yeah, and that's my like I still
I'm compulsive in ways. So I'm just like a wear both.
Yeah. What's are?
You when you see a compulsive inways when you did would like
have you had to buy a whole new wardrobe now because of your
weight loss? I'm not going to do that because
I'm that's the fat line of me trying to get.

(37:29):
Out. He's in there like I'm trying
not to do that because I've lostloads of weight before and then
get in the back and then had no clothes.
So like they're still it's like,have you ever seen Spider Man
and the Green Goblin mass talks to him.
That's my like XL jumpers just whispering to him.
Yeah, a turmeric Twix you still have.
Are you order a Chinese? Do you feel like like with your

(37:52):
cerebral palsy, do you feel the symptoms way less?
My knees are definitely a lot better because they're carrying
the fucking weight. Yeah, because I have, I have the
knees of like, do you like like Razor Roddick?
Like a 60 year old footballer who did not look after himself.
Like a wrestler who's still on the circuit at 70, Yeah.
Yeah. You're like, he's still got it.
You're like, he doesn't. He's MP.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so my knees are fucked.

(38:12):
So they're a lot better now. Yeah.
I'm delighted. I'm delighted, Freeman, because
you look great. I.
Think but I'm now panicking because I will have to stop it
eventually and the panic is do Ijust pilot?
Do I just no. Because I I think you're used
to, I think this is your size. I think.
I know it's easier said none, but I think you like this so
much. Say, but Graham, you know what,
Gremlin? Well, he's like he has Willy.

(38:34):
Graham, Willy. Have you ever gone to therapy?
Yeah, went to therapy once on his office, was in the Holy
Lands and he was awful. Yeah, you say you sly like.
It was such a decade, yeah, but.That's not that, you know,
that's. Did you just walk into did you
get the wrong address and you just went there was like some
students from Tyrone and you were like boys are just like I
need to love myself anything Shut up.

(38:55):
You're like it's terrible. What do you say?
What do you prescribe? He's like come to have a lie not
but what was he just like you don't think he was that well
qualified? I, I don't know, I just he was.
Did you lie down on like a shades long time?
No, I sat down on a chair like this.
On a creator tenant. My Basic Instinct.
Right. Yeah, yeah.
I'm a sitting like this and I was like, my job can't stress me

(39:19):
out. Like I can get I can get my head
about my job. And I went, what's your job?
I'm a stand up comedian. And I swear to God, he went.
And I'm actually, you actually said you could come.
I would have complained them there then.
Am I supposed to know who you are?
And I'm like you're, you're supposed to have an office where
I can't see people doing rock the boat outside it while I'm
talking about. It But what if you misheard him

(39:40):
and he went? How am I supposed to know who
you are if you don't know who you?
Are no, he didn't because I'm. There I should be a therapist.
It's burnt into my head of him gone.
Yeah, I'm like fuck. You well look.
He clearly don't stand up in 2012.
Yeah, he died at the power once.You've got unlucky there and I

(40:00):
think my experience of doing terrible.
He's trying to do is, he's trying to pitch his new show.
He's trying to pitch a mediationshow, yes.
What you got to do is. You mediate.
Between getting a therapist, like shopping for clothes, you
have to shop around until you get the right one.
Yeah, and I've had about four different ones.
Shagged Daniel. No, no.
Why are you doing? Statistically, Andrew for like.

(40:24):
Blank. Why you deny it?
No. Shagged any therapists?
There's not been mine but of dated therapists before.
Really. I think I'll be a big mine.
Fuck I. Hardest people after.
That they're like you think it was.
Hardest people today, Therapistsand teachers.

(40:45):
Hardest people to death. Therapists and teachers.
Why These teachers can only go on holiday a certain time of the
year, right? Most expensive time, Yeah.
Easter holidays, summer holidays.
And they like being in control, you know, teach talking to you
like you're a student. And you're arguing with them and
they're gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(41:06):
I need a piss. May I?
Can I go for? Can't.
You can, yeah. OK, I think you're old enough.
There was a guy there used to bea guy in my school thing called
Kenny Wong, right? Not in my ear.
An RRE teacher was like Kenny, he goes, Kenny won't play this
guy in this school. And I was that we thought about
he goes, he was in a he was, I don't know.

(41:28):
It stands out to be from like second year.
But RA teacher Mr. Walker was like once Kenny Wong put his
hand up, he was like, yeah, Kenny, But he said he had it up
for ages. I had to wait till I was
finishing what I was teaching and I was like, yeah, Kenny,
what is it? And he goes, Sir, may I vomit?
And the teacher was second class.
But I think that was nice of him.

(41:49):
Lastly. Yeah, that's really good.
That's really fast. Can I vomit?
Maybe. When was the last time you
vomited? About a month or two ago.
Really. Yeah.
Booze. Awesome.
And the paint man. No, I overdid overdid it in the
gym. I went to the gym with a bit of

(42:11):
a full stomach and I got vomited.
No very late just kind of then. But I've gotten sick other times
like. Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, you know, mostly, mostly. Mostly if I'm hungover or I've
had a good night, like the light's been off.
Well, he takes a wee book 9 again.
I'm a, I'm a tactical. Booker, he's away.
He's away on the DL. Booker Like yeah, yeah, yeah.

(42:31):
There's no shame, see? If you see me, see if we're on a
night out and you're like, well,even hitting the pints hard and
then I come back with my eyes water in a wee bit, I'm like,
no, I'm grand. Yeah, the tactical.
You've been that therapist in the Holy Land.
You're shag. Thank you.
That's £48. Would you, would you ever go
back and get a therapist, start again because you had a bad
experience? I wouldn't write them all off
like. No, I wouldn't.

(42:52):
I should. I should do it.
I think it's, it's great. I like normal, doesn't it?
Oh yeah. The idea of going to therapy,
like let's be honest, when you're younger and you're
probably a bit more insecure andall of if a friend said they
were in therapy, I think you youwouldn't be a deck, but you'd be
a bit like taken back. That would be shocking.
That could you in your head likeespecially when you're younger,

(43:12):
you think it's only for the mostextreme of things or whatever.
I'm a bad judgment off. You go to it for like no reason.
Well, do people do that though? Yeah, if they're like, Oh my
fucking pet Robert died and theywent to shut up.
When I see things, kind of watching this, definitely, yeah.
Do you know the only I've done therapy.
No fears then I finished in 28. Last time I did it was up until

(43:32):
20/22. And this was what I learned
overall that actually this is the only like I I went because
of family traumas and death and all that kind of stuff.
But I had an issue and what I learned the most about it, and I
really thought it helped me and it still helps me, is that I
used to really get anxious and stressed about other people's

(43:52):
behavior. Yeah.
About how they were behaving towards loved ones of mine or
whatever. And then what I did was when I
really got got true to me that like, I am not responsible for
other people's actions. I'm responsible for how I
respond to that, but not for that.
And when you can separate that and it really helped me is like,

(44:14):
well, I can't control how that person is going to behave, so
why am I going to worry about it?
Yeah, yeah. All I have to do is just react
appropriately and take the emotion out of the reaction and
then take emotions out. Don't react emotionally, you
know. Did you feel it was like a key
to it? And once you once that got in,
you can always apply that. Yeah, like I had to kick

(44:34):
somebody out of my life basically like and, you know,
and have done, you know, like and an incredibly difficult
thing to do, you know, and, and I did it as a form of self
protection. Yeah, Yeah.
And once I did that, I actually felt really guilty for doing
that because that person obviously wanted to come back
into my life, but I had to keep that wall up and keep that
boundary there. And once I did that and then I

(44:58):
was using therapy as a way to cope with that.
And once I, the therapist explained to me, like, why are
you feeling bad and upset for somebody who hurts you?
And I went, OK, that. So what you need to do is you
need to say, I feel great for protecting myself.
Yeah. Yeah.
And you know, and then the powerkind of flips.
Then that person then realizes that they can't get back into

(45:21):
your life. So what happens then is they
either go to rock bottom and they realize that they have to
change and go on their own journey, or you stay and keep
protect yourself. No, I'm not saying the door is
always closed for that person, but that club will only be
reopened when I can see that there's a significant change and
that they've done that work themselves.
So I would feel bad about that. I would feel bad like, oh, that

(45:42):
person's on their own and all that kind of stuff.
No, I can't be be around that person.
And ever since I got that might at my life bar a few things of
the things that only I can control you, I I'm very happy in
life with the things that I can control.
And then once I realized that's where my happiness is and the
things that I can control my health, my well-being, my

(46:03):
relationships, my work, anythingelse, I can't control that.
So why am I letting that impact my my mood?
And I think that was the best thing I ever got.
And I'm more confident. I'm such more confident
personnel because of that. And I think therapy does teach
you that. And if you're looking at trying
to kick any habits or substance or is there anything like that
you're trying to do, They don't go or just stop, they'll go to

(46:26):
the right. Why did you feel the need to do
it in the first place? And it goes all the way back.
He thinks that if I was a therapist.
He knows and he gave me with. Addiction that my advice would
be I'll just stop it. Like, yeah.
Yeah, you'd be like. Why?
It's just. It's an escape.
It's. An escape.
That's not true, you know, but like.
See, my thing is that I'm not anxious.
I'm angry because, you know, I was, you know, a little weird

(46:49):
kid. So sometimes I'll just randomly
think about times as in school where like they'd call me little
peg boy and like like slap my teddies and I go like the
teachers don't laugh. This is you're not like laugh so
that like slap the teddies and all be and like poor yogurt on
me and sometimes I'll just be what?
Yeah, Yeah, it was it was Harmon.

(47:09):
So they become a little pig boy and like, like slapping me
around like in PE and all like give me red pits and like
juggling my belt stop often thisis serious and the like.
I remember one time in PE I was like there was a girl I fancy
and I went over to talk to her and someone like I was like oh
hi and someone just came over and left them on top of like

(47:30):
jiggled my bed like shook me like a wee carton of juice.
So I will think of that every now and that's why I'm angry all
the time. Is that serious?
No, you see. No, that you know all that
happened. First of all, the barriers to
entry for you in therapy is just.
You've just proven it. You're right away.
Because there is not one way in which you can actually connect

(47:52):
with yourself straight away. You went to a joke there rather
than actually going. Why am I getting angry?
Oh, I'm the barrier, I. Am he does do that?
What call people we pick boys and.
No, you will like, you will like, make a joke first as like
I think we all do. Yeah, offense mechanism.
I'll. Actually say something very
serious and then the joke I'm I actually I'm quite in touch with

(48:15):
why I am angry. I think you're very glad.
No, no, no, no, no. I don't think you give yourself
enough credit. Yeah, I actually don't think
you'd give yourself enough credit.
Since you'd like lost the weight, Yeah.
And you and you like your appearance more.
You're way less harsh than yourself.
Yeah, but. Like after gigs and stuff you
canmore you you still, but be any gig, whether you did good or

(48:36):
bad, you'd be like I hated that and stuff.
Yeah, no, I come off stage and be like no one they're fucking,
no one loves me. It's like it's the power of me.
It's not that they. Yeah.
But now you're, I think you're just more like if you would have
in general had more of a furrow bra, you know, you're yeah,
yeah, yeah, I think. Even when I do that, I'm not
angry about it. I'm more logical about like, OK,
I did that and I need to change that, but it's not like fucking

(48:58):
yes, I wasn't coming. Up.
You're just more at ease in general.
Yeah, and also as well as the fucking.
Actually, I kicked them. Years ago, you know, if you're
another example there. Exactly, Andrew.
Yeah. You're right, go for it.
I bring a bit of light to this comedy.
I'm trying. To say to us, is that like now
the fact that you're feeling good about yourself and the way
you look and all the work that you've done in yourself, and I

(49:18):
think I said it when you walk inthe door, didn't I?
Don't you? Think you look fantastic.
So you've got you've got something really there to hold
on to. Yeah, You know what I mean?
I had to build on to go right. If I can, if I can make this
change over the last four or five months, what else can I
change? Because you know you can do.
It it's. About it's about taking every
day wake up, I don't want you. What I say to myself in the
morning, I don't know. It's good.

(49:39):
Not every day, but I said I'm incharge of me today.
I'm in charge of me today. Where do you say it?
Say to me head on the way, on the way to key radio.
I'm in charge of me today, yeah.Imagine you're out the traffic
lights neck and neck, Andrew. He just says it on the radio,
but your radio breakfast, I'm incharge today.

(50:02):
I am the captain. I'm in charge of me too.
See, I think the thing with me is I, even if I do something
well, inevitably in my head tellmyself I will fuck it up.
No, but I will almost fuck it updeliberately.
You're a sabotage. You're an overtinker.
I'm a sabotage. So is that because you're used
to failure? Yeah.
And you're used to being put down.

(50:22):
Yeah. Yeah.
OK. So what you've got to do is
you've got to work on yourself esteem, first of all.
You're right, you're so right. But I'm so uncomfortable and
that's. Your question and I I know this
is kind of got a bit off pace. By the way, people like.
People want stuff too. What do you like in a
relationship with a person, maleor female?

(50:42):
Like after six months, are you insecure?
Would you clash yourself as needy?
Would you clash yourself as like, like, you know what I
mean? Like if you were to ask your
last two relationships, a parent, ex partners, whatever
and said to him what were you like in the relationship?
You know the way some people areneedy, whatever or were you
distant? Were you not emotionally
connected? What was it give me?
That she and answer that. For why?
How would you do? Start therapy again, I'll go

(51:04):
with you. Can we go?
I'll go. Right.
So if he doesn't mind me saying Willie is very, I hope you don't
mind me saying this. I think he's like scared to be
happy because like you say, you think you'll fuck it up.
So he goes into it thinking either it's going to like end
soon or it's not going to be good.

(51:26):
So he can't enjoy it while he's in it.
And you also. Even if it's going well, we'll
start. Finding ways for it not to go
well, it's. Like you don't just, you know,
what is it like your fear of rejection?
So what you're doing is you're probably putting barriers in
place to protect yourself from being hurt.
Yeah, I don't like the idea thatsomeone else can be responsible
for my happiness. Yeah.

(51:47):
But which is silly because but what you should be in love is
class. But why are you putting your
responsibility, happiness on to somebody else?
No, but I mean in a relationshipwhen someone else can.
But you have to make yourself, you can't like, take my
relationship with Judy, right? We're both like, honestly, it's
the best relationship I've ever been in because Julie, I can be
myself 100% of them. I can.
And I know that on my worst days, she's totally cool and on

(52:09):
her worst days, I'm totally coolbecause we've got that level
right? And I and it's, you have to at
some point in your life take like I would probably say to you
is like, you're probably, Oh, I really like this person, but I'm
scared to commit because I'm worried that it's not going to
work out. So you're constantly trying to
protect yourself from being hurt.
So what you got to do is you've got to start repairing what's

(52:30):
going on inside yourself first to say to yourself, you know
what, go and take a chance with somebody.
And if and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't mean it's your
fault. It doesn't.
Maybe you're in a different place than where they are in
their life. Maybe you're looking for
something different than there you take it or go.
I've learned from that rather than I've been rejected again.
Oh, no, no, I don't learn from that.
It's just yeah, but I get what you mean.
But I. Think you're improving on it as

(52:51):
well? But I think I think I may like,
honestly, I've known you, known you like four or five years and
stuff like that, like, and you know, you're, I think you're a
lot more smarter than what you give yourself credit for like.
A lot more smarter. At least like I think he's.
This is such a lovely. One I think I think you've like
hold you 2720 May if I had what you had a 28 if I was 28 and I

(53:13):
was offered. You'd be a lot more happier.
No, but if I was 28 and I was offered your career, but when I
was 28, I'd have bitten your hand off.
Yeah, because what? I'm again See, I couldn't be his
therapist. I fuck about the winner.
I would Fuck yeah. I'm trying to get through this.
Is the problem you have such a wall?

(53:35):
Do you know what it is? Wall has like I will literally
let someone talk seriously for 10 minutes.
I'm not whole time go. Do you have like, you have like
a boss level, but like when you beat the boss, there's another
boss? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like it. Comes back up there's.
Too many like we tiny Furby typebosses.
Yeah, that's what you you're like, you're like a wee I think.
Do you remember Men in Black? The peel the guys face off and

(53:57):
there's like a wee alien in his head.
Control and everything. You just have a wee, cheekier
version of you. You have like a Wee Willie
driving in your and he's like, yeah, he's sabotaging.
Can I can I ask you this question?
I might ask you this question aswell.
Really. First, give me 5 things you like
about yourself. Oh easy, I can give you 10.
I'm getting, I'm getting give. Me 5 things you like about

(54:20):
yourself. My top lip give.
ME3. I'm very chilled out, I'm very
easy going. Chilled out, easy going, right?
That's one that's. 1 Good music taste.
Too. I do have great suck my deck
have great music test. Music is objective.
Well, that's an open mind. Like I wouldn't go like I won't

(54:41):
listen to that because it's so I'll listen to anything and I
can put a good pint away. OK, so first of all, the three
things that you said about yourself started great.
The first of all, the three things, drink pints, like a
drink pints, right? The three things that you said
about yourself there, not one ofthem was relating to you.
It was all related to other things, music, pints.

(55:03):
And I mean, you're going right? There was only two of the tree,
right? That was a great time.
That's a. Good time, right?
Right. That's a guy I want the stag do.
You see what I mean? Give me 3 things I.
Don't want to be dressed in a game suit at 2:00 in the morning
and he's like. What I'm going to ask what are
you happy about? I'm going to ask Shane his
treatment. Then I'm going to ask you 3
things you don't like about yourself.
So think about those treaties. Give me three things that you
like about yourself. OK.

(55:30):
I I like the like, I like peopleto be happy.
I like to try and make people happy, but less so when a people
pleasing way And I just like, I don't know, I like the.
Guy a good guy? Why?
I just like people to have fun and stuff and be.
Perfect #1 give me two. OK, I I'm I always try and see

(55:56):
the good and a bad situation. OK, right, 911.
Cheaper flights. So give me the good in 9/11
cheaper flights, OK? And.
America got with the deserves. I think I, I think I treat them,

(56:19):
I think I treat like I treat people with respect.
Like say for example, you go to a show and this sounds like a
given, but it doesn't speak to everybody in the venue, the same
person that the person that ownsit and.
OK. So all of the things that you
like that you like about yourself, you're doing it all
for other people, nothing for yourself.

(56:40):
Right. OK, the three things that you
like too, Yeah. Is music and playful to do it.
You know, give me three things that you don't like about
yourself. My constant fucking.
I have this desire that everywhere I go, even if I don't
like someone, I want them to like me even if I don't like
that fucking person, which is annoying.

(57:04):
I'm very cheeky and I don't meanto be.
I don't know how to fix that. That's, I can't help it.
Third one. Oh, now we're going deep.
Just anything. Anything.
Probably my nose. OK, physical appearance, right?
Give me 3 things you don't like about.

(57:25):
Yourself pig boy nose. Can be too competitive.
Both things, OK, His nose punctuality. 2.
People believe me. OK, straight away I've seen a

(57:46):
pattern. The three things that you like
about yourself are all to do with other things, other people
or other objects. The three things that you don't
like about yourself are all about you.
So you don't like the fact that you're smart and all this kind
of stuff. You don't like the fact that
your punctuality. So the three things that you
like are out in front of you. The three things you don't like

(58:08):
are all inside you. OK, you've got to flip that man.
So if you were to ask me what are the three things that I
like? 3 things are I like the fact
that I keep myself healthy and fit relative.
I like the fact that I work hardand I like the.
Fact that we're getting me to, yeah.
And I like the fact that I've come from a really good.
I was brought up really well by my mother.

(58:30):
See what I mean? Yeah.
The three things that I like areall I like around, kind of like
me and about like. And I like the fact, you know,
you can do four or five. I like the fact that, you know,
I go to bed at night and I feel good.
I don't go out of my way to hurtother people.
So my actions. I like the fact that I'm like
that. If you've said things, I, you
see what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So like all the things that you don't like are always about you,

(58:52):
but all the things you do like are all about other things.
You have to really start, start liking yourself.
Like, you know, so that's the kind of way I would look at it.
But you know what I mean? Like like that's just the
pattern straight away. I think I do like myself, yeah,
but I'm not in a. Arrogant way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but what I'm trying to say
to you is, is that like, I thinka lot of the time it's kind of

(59:15):
like, you know, especially in what we do and the world that we
live in, like, you know, the content you you can view people
like we all have a laugh and a joke and we all take the piss,
not have to crack and we all funny and blah, blah.
It's all great. It's all brilliant stuff.
But also I don't think especially comedians, I think
comedy comes probably sometimes from a place, from a weird

(59:36):
place. Whatever background we have, our
family dynamic and all that kindof stuff.
We don't actually turn around and realize like we're actually
good people. Like all the things that you do
like that we've done over the years, you've done over the
years I've done whatever, all the stuff that you've put on,
all the stuff that you've done, like it really helps people.
Like I think we don't give ourselves not same.

(59:56):
We need credit to be held. Held.
Time is 3 straight white meals so well.
Two straight, two straight meals, one by, straight one by.
Bicycle, yeah, is. That is it about time that we
just give ourselves a put in theback.
No, I think it's about time we learn to actually just go and
enjoy. Enjoy the like yourself.
Yes, people do like what we do, and we have.

(01:00:18):
We've done like it's good that people feel good, but that's not
a selfless transaction, in my opinion.
Yeah, We are not doing that to make people feel good.
We're doing it so people can go,you're good.
Yeah, well done. So what?
I'm trying. To say to you is that the only
thing I ever got out of therapy is I like, I know something like
I like myself. I'm not arrogant about it.
Like, you know, I'm an average fella.
I enjoy the fact that I enjoy mywork.

(01:00:40):
I enjoy my home life. I have.
I've played the cards that I've been dealt the best way I
possibly can, but I also feel I've played.
Stealing the name of his show. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a generic. But my point is, my point is, is
that like, actually, what are you doing that's so bad to
people? You're not doing it.
So why are you so self critical?Like I don't commit crime.

(01:01:02):
I pay my taxes. I'm a normal member.
So there's something I who you know what I mean, so.
It's kind of like, oh, actually when I think about it, like my
contribution and my thing actually go actually, you know,
I like myself as a person. I don't do bad by people.
I try and do the best that I canall the time.
So that's good. And I don't think, I think I

(01:01:22):
don't think people respect themselves enough.
Sometimes we're OK, you know, We're just, you know, so sorry,
did. You ever get a therapist you
didn't listen to? Because I had like, like a weird
face. Huh.
Just let you know. Like if he had a weird facial
expression. Yeah.
What? Yeah, yeah.
And like, of course, Eubank was your therapist.
I couldn't listen. Oh yeah.

(01:01:45):
Like have you ever seen Chris ifit was Chris Eubank
interviewing? Junior or senior senior?
Oh, it's like you need to love yourself.
That'd be like, I think you needto love yourself.
You need to love Express Express.
Yeah, that's more recent times. I'm talking not Chris Eubank,
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, even back in the day
you're. Not full of love.
Yeah, you have the. Yeah.

(01:02:06):
By the way, you don't need to manipulate your nose.
I don't know where I recognize that nose from.
That's a Chris Eubank senior. You gotta, you gotta, you gotta
learn to like yourself. But obviously not in an arrogant
way. Do you know what I mean?
Not like thinking you're above everybody.
Did you like Chris Eubank? Junior smashed the egg in front
of Ben's head. Yeah, I was up because he ate
too many eggs and he had poisoned.

(01:02:27):
Yeah, he failed the test. That's when this goes out, the
fight will have happened. Yeah, they see Chris Eubank
seen. You're talking about that?
Yeah. You think you're clever?
You're not clever. Yeah, You're disrespectful.
You die. How dare you?
How dare you mess anyone? But they don't talk, do they?
Father and son, not anymore. How long?
How many years? Four or five, Really.
Thanks. It's that bad.
Yeah, yeah, Chris Eubanks in your fellows went to bed loopy

(01:02:50):
doopy. And this is a guy who was loopy
doopy in 1983. Yeah, yeah.
And that's a long time ago. Now he's like doing interviews.
He's got like a fair coat, no shirt on, talking about the
queen. Jim Tommy Turner.
Yeah, all mate. I found it really difficult.
The spirit inside me, Tommy's like what's the spirit now?
And I was like, what is inside me?

(01:03:11):
Yeah, it just wasn't going anywhere.
How dare you ask me that? I know this is going out now
after the fight, but will Chris Eubank senior be at the fight?
No. He's banned, is he?
Not banned, but Chris, he won't.He won't acknowledge Junior.
Why did it fall out? Because Chris Eubank.

(01:03:31):
Chris Eubank lost the son. So like Chris Eubank, junior
brother. Yeah.
And that obviously, like hit thefamily very hard.
And in that time, just after that, Chris Eubank junior wanted
his dad not to be like his coachbasically didn't want him in his
corner because there was a big thing of like, he's holding them
back. So he wanted to switch trainer,

(01:03:52):
like boxer switched trainers a lot.
And Chris Eubank senior, took that very, very badly.
Rejection from yeah. Yeah.
So they don't talk at all. But the press conference is
unbelievable. Yeah.
Yeah, Chris Eubank Junior wants Eddie Hearn about £1,000,000
with him because Connor bands Chris.
Yeah, Connor bands Eddie Hearns Fighter.
And then there's this rumor thatand Chris Eubank Junior isn't

(01:04:15):
that. I know that he was Neymar. 4
million from Gamble. I've heard about that and every
time he's asked about it. That's none of your business.
Yeah, Neymar the football. Yeah, apparently Chris Eubank
junior owes Neymar £4 million. Did Neymar's coming after him
for it? But his injuries at the minute
fancy my chances. As he injured again.
It just gets injured all the time.

(01:04:35):
Is he Saudi? Arabia is it his sisters back
to? Brazil, I think he's, he's a
footballer, never reached his peak.
So he I disagree do. You think he was good?
I think he was one of the best players on the planet.
Yeah, but I think the. Style he didn't is good at is
not the style that's most effective now like if he hadn't
been about 20 years ago. Yeah, yeah, I agree.

(01:04:56):
But would have been bigger, so say bigger.
So he's going back fine. He's.
Going back to Santos right in Brazil, but he's got some injury
and I don't know if it's around the time of sister's birthday.
Like he always, he always. Goes to the court.
He was injured for Karen but. This is sister's birthday
separate. I think he always just goes to
his sister's birthday party withan injury, but apparently he's

(01:05:18):
injured. I'd be injured like.
If it was your sister. I'm not saying I'm in the says
there's but Neymar sister and make an exception.
If you were Neymar. Yeah.
Oh, really? But I'm but incest.
I'm me. Not alone, Not alone.

(01:05:40):
You feel like you feel like a teacher who's losing them to the
board. Insist against the rules.
Really, I thought we'd made progress in this podcast.
Love. Yourself, Neymar, Chester.
And your name? The crucial bit of it is your
Neymar. Yeah, I'm not saying a word if I
was Neymar, I'm just saying I understand, not saying I would.
You understand what? I I'd go visit her.

(01:06:02):
Have you seen a sister? Yeah, she's I think, I can't
really add picture, but I think she's beautiful, right?
Yeah. So you but if you're a Neymar.
But not then William. Walmart.
So you want to get off a Neymar?Sister, you want to get off a
Neymar, Sister and you don't care if you're a Neymar.
I'm William. You listen to me.

(01:06:25):
No, I know. But if you were Neymar?
If you were changed in the Neymar.
No, that's assistance, says justdevil.
How dare you? How dare it's my.
Sister, therapy will never fix you.
But I think. Not break the therapist.
But I think yeah, his, he's basically said to his club, he's
just signed for them and he's like, boys, I'm injured here, I

(01:06:47):
better go home and get treatmentfor it.
And they're like, now we'll justdo it at the club and he's like
better I go home and they're like, we have a physio
department. He's like.
Ah, sticking on the carnival beads.
It needs to be done Samba. So I don't know what's happened.
I do know that my son loves the Brazil Brazilian football ads
and night gods. I've been showing him like,
remember the one in the airport?Yeah, is everyone's first

(01:07:10):
favorite footballer Brazilian. Ohh do you know who I think?
Ronaldo, Janine, you're played from Middlesbrough.
Ohh Janine, Yeah, absolutely. Ravioli ohh absolutely.
What a what a time for. Him, he loves it.
He he just did it before his. Travanelli, Ravinelli.
Ravioli fucking. Carbonara.
For. Ravioli and

(01:07:31):
Carbonarafrontaglitelli was unbelievable.
Penny, he was great. Penny was phenomenal.
He had a great World Cup but he didn't really do much.
I think Bolognese was underrated.
Very simple. I will be out of the net.
Unreal. Daniel, he was good.
What about hoops at centre back?They were a good team, but you.

(01:07:57):
Would you? Would you go to the Carnival in
Rio? That's something you do.
No, a lot of crime. You get robbed.
Is there, especially if you're aforeigner.
Apparently I've heard visit Brazil but don't go to Carnival.
You visit Brazil, but you visit on a package, don't you think in
a safe? I'm.
Going to South Africa, South Africa mate, that's key.

(01:08:19):
Safari. Really.
Yeah, you think that's OK? I'm going to check it out.
See, if you're going with a rifle, you're going to have.
You had to kill once fire animal, but if you had to kill
one. I wouldn't have to kill one.
No, he has an answer. Hyena.
Why? Bastard.

(01:08:42):
I'd kill a giraffe. What the fuck?
Is this thing it would look funny as it fell.
Like he's gone, he's gone. Yeah, plus the cars behind me,
but you see that. Yeah, I know.
That. Yeah, straight people could see
it from all around the park. Yeah, yeah, I want JFK giraffe.

(01:09:04):
Right. I'd probably go like hanging.
I wouldn't feel bad about that. Yeah, we bastards.
Like no one likes hanging. They are vicious though, aren't
they? They're like mongrel.
Dogs. Oh yeah.
Yeah, I love, I love a pet monkey.
Like, let's get a monkey left. But what animal would you like
to shoot? Oh.
I'd love a pet monkey with you. Like, I don't know, like I mean,
what, what are they do? Like if you had a pet monkeys

(01:09:26):
you just it'd be like just the movie stepbrother.
I think the cracks like just be boys.
Just like hugging it and stuff. Yeah, so I can't cake them.
A monkey doesn't. Monkeys.
I have a cat. I have a cat now, Right?
Yeah. Finbar Martin Ryan, the Second,
the Duke of Cork. And I've googled a lot, like how
to make your cat happy. Weird if you rub the chin, like

(01:09:49):
if you like rub their chin and they like focus around their
ears, they don't like being rubbed on their back so.
Yeah, I need therapy. Don't they sketch fucking big
tissue massage in his cap? But he enjoys it like, like so
Annie, all the catty, all the catty animals, I keep them alive

(01:10:13):
like the lions and the tigers. Just real catty animals like
some some hippo. Here I was, I saw this thing.
You man the lion, you know man'sin prison the.
Lion Man. The king guy from the like the
guy from the pandemic. He's.
Gay. Yeah.
I didn't know he was gay. If you watch this show he fucks
a lot of guys. He's married to three men over

(01:10:36):
the course of the show. He's into a couple of things.
Tigers and deck and balls. Yeah, I didn't know.
All right. In the show, it's better.
I never. Watched the show.
Have you seen him? No, I've seen.
I've not seen the show. I.
Watched 12. So it's a slave to that guy.
Black the whole time, yeah. I didn't watch it right but I
heard that there's a fallout with him and a woman he had.

(01:10:56):
A called Joe Exotic. Yeah, but.
No woman, no girls. Like, Oh, you want to see my boy
Joe Exotic? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK. I didn't.
Get it? I've used Matt Dasley.
Fantastic. He's that much?
What's his Barry Fandango? OK, yeah, he's gay.
I mean, he tried, tried to get Tara Baskin killed.

(01:11:18):
That's why he's in jail. And she's still alive.
Yeah, yeah. So is he in jail for life?
Is this? He was hoping Trump would get
him out, but everyone's forgotten about the show and no
one gives a fuck anymore. Yeah, they still locked up.
Yeah, he's got married. He got married to a guy in
prison. Yeah, see, you knew that but
didn't know he was gay. No, but obviously.
You're you're. I.
Thought. It became gay in prison.

(01:11:40):
Right, that's not. My point?
I didn't know he was gay, but it's like, oh, he's gay.
Covered in depth on the Show Me but.
I didn't watch the shows and it's worth watching.
Is it worth watching? Yeah.
Yeah. Is it real?
Like proper real? Yes, right.
Sometimes when America, I don't know if half the stuff is real.
His husband accidentally shoots himself in the middle of the

(01:12:00):
show, and at his funeral he doesa eulogy where he just talks
about how much he loved his balls.
Yeah. What?
That's I know, this is cross. That's gay.
To stand up at the funeral and go.
His bollocks were amazing. Yeah.
Very gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chad Watch Tiger King. I watched that, so yeah, yeah.

(01:12:21):
Great show. Lovely.
But you'll have no one to talk about it with if you don't watch
it during lockdown. Brilliant.
It's all anyone. You'll be going up the people
like what about this? The best bit is when people are
trying to like kill them. Someone's messing with them.
And the poor like tuna juice allover his shoes and he gets in
with the Tigers and they go mad for him and he has he's like
fuck off. Will you?
Is that the same where after like no one's come to help him?

(01:12:42):
He's like I called for help twice.
Not a fuck you. What do you need?
Nothing. I love that.
Yeah. It's real.
Well, OK. If you put him in a wee
sleeveless like flannel shirt and how to run the bike Joe
exotic zoo. I'd look like one of his
husbands, yeah. Wow.
OK, I'm going to give it a go. Yeah.
Give it a go. Does anyone have anything they

(01:13:03):
would like to plug and promote before we do that?
Dan, We have, we have. We booked lunch today.
Yeah. Where do you want to go, Doc?
No time. Can I plug the Q Radio live
breakfast show? We're nearly so loud in Belfast
and we're off to Newry and also Derry.
Derry in May and Newry in September.

(01:13:24):
When's the Newry? Show September.
Is it a new Newry show or? Huh.
Are. You a different show when
although. Yeah, we're going to Belfast,
Newry, Derry, right? So we're on tour.
Well then, new Newry. Canal Court.
That's in Newry, OH. Yeah, yeah.
And then we're doing the Millennium Forum in Derry and
we're also in the Devonish. Devonish is just what sold out

(01:13:46):
so so oh. Is that Devonish?
Yeah, yeah. So close Q Radio live and filter
on the road. So come see us.
We'll put the link in the description.
Will he tell you anything you want to plug more, even if it's
just a film? No.
How are you feeling now? All right, all right.
Well, we've come to the end of the session.
See all those things you're feeling?
Yeah, all the way you're feelingabout yourself.

(01:14:08):
And stop. Feeling good?
Stop feeling, stop feeling in general.
It's £48 guys. Thank you for listening and
watching patronpatreon.com site TV podcast.
Check it out. It's coming up right here.
Look at that. That's all the exec producers.
All the exec producers from the execute the Latin tier of the

(01:14:31):
patron right here. Look at all these boys and girls
right here. We've got a name here.
We've got a name here, here, here, here.
Flash. Who was Jack the rapper name
here? Rainbow, thank you.