329. The Rimmed Man with Dave Elliott and Matthew Dinsmore

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Did you like the video of Philly, man?
Pretend to be a little girl to get into America?
Yeah, I love shit like that. It's like you're describing a
scene from the movie. A Hard Day's Night with The
Beatles. The Beatles, What is it?
That looks like Chachi PT that. Iconic scene from The Beatles

(00:20):
movie. But why?
Why did you start talking to me though?
Oh, I. Just thought you were describing
having a fun scene from a movie or something, so I made a.
Little guess who? Sorry, who are you?
I'm just your friendly AI assistant here to chat and help
out with whatever you need. If you have any questions or
just want to talk about anything, I'm here for you.

(00:43):
If you say yeah, why are you saying yeah?
Why are you saying like, MMM andall that kind of stuff?
Like should you not be on it? Oh, got it.
I'll try to keep it clear and onpoint if there's anything
specific you'd like to chat about.
Or mate, you just, I'll be honest, mate, you just took me
by surprise because I didn't even press anything and you
started talking. Oh, I get that.
Yeah, sometimes the voice feature can start automatically

(01:06):
if it's enabled. But I'm here whenever you need
me and I'm happy to help out with anything.
What exactly are you there for? Like.
I thought it might have been on all sorts of things.
If you have questions, need information, want to chat about
something fun. I've got, I've got Dave Elliott
and Denzi here on a podcast. I'm about to record an episode

(01:28):
of the Tea With Me podcast. Is there any message you want to
pass on to the guys? Oh that's awesome.
I love those guys, they're hilarious.
No, it's sorry. No, it's it's Dave Elliott and
Denzi. Oh got it, my mistake.
Well definitely say hi to them for me as well and I'm sure it's
going to be a fantastic episode.Have fun recording.

(01:49):
Yeah, sorry. Just before you go, is there
anything you want us to talk about on the pod?
Like what would be a good thing for us to talk about on the
podcast? What's, what's a good way to
kick us off with Deed Elliot andMatthew Densmore coming on the
TV with Me podcast? Oh, that sounds like so much
fun. Maybe you could kick things off
with a funny story or an embarrassing moment that they've

(02:10):
never shared before, or even some behind the scenes podcast
bloopers. I think listeners always love
that kind of stuff. Yeah, fine question.
You a boobs or a Batman? Oh.
I'm just here to help out and have fun.
Relax here big man, your voice red double if you aren't there.
Are you a boobs or a Batman? I'm all about good conversation.

(02:33):
And but are you a boobs or a Batman?
No. I'm here to keep things.
Friendly Are you a boobs or a butt man?
No, I'm here to help. Boobs your butt.
I think I'll leave that one to the podcast.
Banter Let. Me.
All right, brother, Go well. Thanks you too have a great time

(02:56):
recording and. Take care.
Stop. Talking because wow, I didn't
know that existed. That was pretty.
That just started out of nowhere, didn't it?
You think they're always listening?
Boobs, yeah. Huh.
Boobs are Batman. I prefer both just to be honest.
I didn't know that was an option.

(03:17):
I don't need ask Dindy because Iknow that I can tell.
I've never asked this, but I cantell.
That's a boob man right there. Guilty, your Honour.
That might be the quintessentialboob.
Man, right there. Go and ask your mate, generate a
picture of a boob man. Yeah, because a lot of guys what

(03:41):
age you did in the. 26. A lot of guys your age aren't
like, there's not a lot of boob guys still about.
They're more, they're more, they're knee guys, you know,
their feet, their their neck. There's nothing wrong with a
feet and on again, you know whatI mean.
There's I. Like them half feet too?
On it's possible, take it even to be honest, but you know, nice

(04:02):
ones at least. Like don't.
Leave them, we'll be stuck. On their day you can play like.
Yeah. On the He's back.
The talk of feet got him back. I yeah, I didn't know Chucky BT
did that like thing just talk toyou like Terminator.
You can understand how you you'dbe like if you're lonely, you
would just that could be your friend.

(04:23):
But that's that movie, isn't it?Her ex machine it.
Ex Machina. Yeah, he's riding them and all.
Ex Machina. How's he riding it?
Put his Willy and. Put his report.
Yeah, I think USB, he puts his US penis into it.
Yes, penis is kind of funny, butideally you'd want like you'd

(04:44):
need a is there? Has he fashioned like a vagina
in it? You know what, I think if you're
that level of nerd and you're building a female, the one of
the quintessential starting points, it's going to be the
vagina region. You know, it's good.
I think it's going to start there and build a rest around
that. You know it starts off as a
flashlight and then just loses control.

(05:06):
Because he has a couple of them as well, though, you reckon
they're all universal, like a USBC sort of thing?
There's the American ports in the.
European ports, yes. Or is he changing the flavours
of them? Super was this episode of TV
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(05:30):
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(05:51):
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(06:12):
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(06:35):
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(07:01):
I could never see myself being like a robot guy, like like
interested in that ever. I just find it weird even like
even the flashlight never. Oh right, you mean strictly SAX
robots, Not like a robot Butler or anything.
Oh, I'd have I used up my dad bought me a robot Butler once
when I was about 5. He he got this thing that

(07:24):
definitely fell off the back of a lorry and it was a a wee robot
remote control. You control the remote control
and I had a tape player in its chest and I had a tray, a built
in tray and it was like a wee robot and he would just put like
toast on it for me and. I didn't navigate the stairs.

(07:45):
No, but The thing is our living room was like so small that like
my dad could have passed me, buthe would drive it over and I
could play. It was playing me like, you
know, I don't know, George Michael and my dad would send it
over to me. I was great.
I don't know what happened. I'd.
Probably die and eat. You see, your toast has taken
longer. Yeah, yeah, my dad used to be

(08:06):
the best toast in the world. Do it on one side on the grill
almost like almost overdone inside butter and then fold it
over 10 out of 10. How does Denzee like to do his
toast in a? Toaster, I'm sure I'm.
Glad you asked. Well, no, no, no, because the
grill. The grill is the the optimal
way. By the way, boom man and grill
man. Oh yeah, grill man boobs.

(08:26):
Grill above boobs. Grill or boobs?
Is that an idea? Because if you don't have the
grill, you know what I mean. If you don't have the, sorry
does. The grill bring the boobs out
it. Depends what you're barbecuing.
Yeah, see what I mean? If you don't have the boobs and
you've always got the bum, but if you don't have the grill,
you've got the oven. And that's not quite the same
with the toaster. Yeah, Toaster.

(08:47):
Like it's specifically made to make toast.
I know, but. I know, but it makes it in a
very generic. Way.
Yeah, you can always put 2 slices in on the one sort of
section and toasted on one side.I've done that before.
You can't be bothered right on the grill to heat up if you're
in a bit of a rush. So you do 2 bits of bread in the
toaster. Same same in the middle one.

(09:07):
Cook. Yeah, then like the the rears of
them won't cook. Try There he goes.
It's professional. You both look like grill
masters. Like yeah, you look like big
BBQ. You look like BBQ.
Oh. You know, we look like, we look
like the sort of guys that have a good grill and the industry
nerd at the end of the street comes in to be like, what are
you guys up to? Right here.

(09:28):
Rim rim for what you want with the fence.
Me. Oh.
Sorry. There we go.
That's boot chest that's compatulated.
Right, right there. Do you boys know each other?
No, yeah. I feel like a sense that we met
him at the at the Keltally. I just felt like he's a brother,

(09:51):
yeah. He is.
He's a good guy. Yeah, respect.
And I like the bracelet. Never said that to you, but.
It's a birthday present from the21st Nice.
We did. We talked about this before I
was at the Glen Horn matches, battering people with it.
Oh yes, that's. What it was I forgot that you're
an ultra as well. All right.
Nice. Well, ultra.

(10:12):
Nope. Dave, would you like to?
I'm scared, getting hurt. Would you like like then he's
going to be doing more gigs. He was at Lavery's last night.
He's putting himself out there alittle bit more.
Is this the kind of guy you likeround the scene a little bit
more? Yes, several.
That's, I mean, that's the best,you know, that's the best.
And another Goodman. Overweight white comedians?

(10:34):
Yes, please go straight. But you're and I like that
you're from a different generation, Sima Willie.
We can learn more. We can learn from each other.
You know, there's things our generation does that yours don't
and vice versa. And I think we can learn and
teach together. Like is there anything you find
weird that we would do as guys to people your age would not do?

(10:56):
I don't think he's like to sing.He's always a singing on this
podcast, I've noticed. And maybe that's a problem, you
know, I don't find it weird. Maybe it's just no, no, no.
Maybe it's just something that my generation could be doing
more of, but a harmonisation? But do you think use aren't
extrovert enough like use user alittle bit more like the in the
bedroom on the on the computer gaming computer generation

(11:20):
whereas? We're on your own generation.
More like you're more of a in the bedroom.
I'm like a Tory politician trying to connect the young
inner city voters. On the computer games?
No. I think I could be when.
You play your modern FIFA warfare.
But yeah, user like user inside.I think we were outside playing.

(11:42):
I think the music you have, you can sing along to it, the music
we have. We don't.
Make. Music like that, yeah.
I think we're the last generation where it's acceptable
for white guys to go reggae. I think your generation can't do
that. But we have UB40, we have all

(12:02):
the, you know, that kind of thing.
We can bust out a Shaggy whereasyou guys will probably get in
trouble for that or feel. Paranoid about it.
I think it's quite woke or you think the woke liberals would
take you down for put on a bit of a like probably a clot, Ross
clot. Oh.
I love it. That's how I speak to my
parents. But like I do think like
everyone says, when you get to acertain age and you're like all

(12:24):
this new music shit and all, you're like, I'm never I'm going
to be cool. And we've done with kids, I
guess. Guy loves to still be hip and
with it, but I, I can't do that.Like any sort of new rap song I
hear now, it's like dudes crying, wanting to cut their
Dicks off. Yeah.
And it's just like, and every song sounds like, you know what
our rappers were doing? Shooting each other dead.

(12:45):
Yes, I was used to be proper hard, man.
Not now. They're hard because they're
talking about. And then too many xenics from my
mind. I want to kill myself.
Oh, so much Molly in the club. Yeah, it's not even that
American name, no. That's weird, I don't poppers
the last Do you want the last good song release was Billie
Eilish Birds of a Feather. He hasn't been a good song since

(13:07):
then. Wouldn't be my cup of tea now.
Her or the song? Her in general see I'm I'm not
begging them in modern music either.
Your belly, Eilish is your your theme up?
You're Lola young. I like.
People with names, you know what's another one like?
See Matt? That's not that persons name.
No, What's wrong with an Engelbert, Engelbert Tompers

(13:28):
things? Yeah, those songs.
But like a Bob Dylan and Neil Young?
Yes, you guys would have more like aliases now.
You know this guy, Definitely listen to Billy Joel. 100.
Percent. I've stand in America way he's
like. A French person saying
Christmas. Noel.

(13:49):
Yeah, he's Jacques Noel. That's how do you think French
What did? He do.
We didn't start the fire. Yeah, of course, Vienna always a
piano man of. Course yeah, fucking.
Right, like Billy Joel has only the good that young Billy Joel
has a dozen hits. Like more.
Yeah, I'd say so. You can do it like 70 years.
Yeah, Imagine 12 songs in 70 years.

(14:09):
What was the first concert you ever went to?
The prodigy, whenever I was, I know, which meant absolutely, I
know it was like 11 wasn't the real prodigy.
They still have Keith because there was their invaders must
die to her and they honestly, itwas.
I was actually looking at this earlier on, weirdly enough, it
was in 2009, so I would have been 11, yeah.
So you're a chef? Yeah, because I was into my dad

(14:33):
got me into the music like Oasis, Kasabian, the Prodigy and
everything. Was Mr Dinsmore geared up?
For all I know I was, I mean, I wasn't familiar with his game
back then, but for all I know hecould have been.
We're actually going the probably you're coming back here
and we're going to see them. And he got he got his tickets
the other day and I he sent me them and I was like fucking
sitting tickets. He goes, I can't, I can't stand

(14:53):
anymore. I can't stand to our car cock
set and he wants to sit. You want to watch people have a
reef? I I completely get where he's
coming from. My thing I love doing that live
concerts is watching people carry like one too many drinks
and see if they're going to spill it and making their way
across. Like that's the sport for me,
that I'm watching that instead of the game, what I do.
Concerts, if I'm standing, I walk into the middle of concert

(15:15):
before everyone's got there, andthen whenever people start
coming in, I just slowly slam away and tell them right at the
very back close to the bar. And I guess it's safer for me.
Yeah, this is better. Unlike, I remember when I see
Liam Gallagher in the office andCatherine was really pregnant,
and we were sitting in the stands and just watching people
throw beers, and I felt like Caesar, you know, comments or
whatever. And gladiators have been dirty.
Yeah. Disgusting.

(15:36):
I'll never understand the Pine Throne.
Don't get how long have you? Queued to buy to buy that like.
Well, they're often not actuallypints, they're just piss.
Which is sick, yeah, but then you kind of guys are in that
they aren't using, yes. There was one of the Oasis gigs,
there was a video of a security guard and he gets a pint thrown
at him and you can see him, likesmelling it and he like, wipes

(15:58):
it off his arm, puts it up to his nose and everything to see
Jack what it is like. If you have to smell that many
times, yeah, you know what I mean?
Pack it in. Do.
You know what a couple of pints like you could get the drags for
a pint of tans maybe that might actually be pissed.
Yeah, I'll never, I'll never understand that.
And that's my fear of going whenI when me And will he go see
Oasis? Where are you going?
17th That's very important to her.

(16:21):
You will get the mod cutting off.
If there's a guy who's does not need certain features extenuated
by a mod cut, it's me. I do not need a mod cut because
it will show off my giant ears, my potentially long nose, and
just my Nah. I don't know the model you're.
So fucked. I watched the video yesterday
right and it was about the only two features in your body that

(16:44):
only get bigger as you eat your ears.
And I was like, if you lived, you were 200.
Can I tell you I only found out recently that like your head
always grows? I thought that I'd heard once
and always thought it was true, that like babies head, like your
head is always the same size. Then I did have to think about

(17:04):
it and I was like, Oh yeah, well, my kids were born.
Their heads were not the size like adult heads.
I thought I'd heard that, that your head, your eyes stays the
same size. Your eyes, Yeah, which are in
your. Head True.
That's terrifying, they thought.A lot Like just big massive eyes
and a wee tiny baby skull. Yeah, that's why they're you're
born. You're supposed to like them
naturally because they've got big eyes and look cute and all

(17:25):
like wee Bush babies. You show me sort of guy, that
top bit of your head hasn't closed over you.
No, it's still so I'll be surprised if you I can put away
egg and it and all. Being soft paper mache, I can
see Catherine Polly Filler in your.
Head sometimes. That's why sometimes you see me
in pocket broken, just soft. It's exposed.

(17:49):
And rains getting in the David'shead like.
But I find another factor yesterday.
You're born with two fears. Like that's not learned.
All the other fears you have in life are learned.
The one is the fear of loud noises, it's the important, and
the other is a falling. It's not him.
We're just going to see the prodigy. 11 that's apparently in
the fear of falling. Yeah, apparently so, yes.

(18:10):
Like Heights. I started watching them untain
the new series on Netflix with Eric Bana last night, and he's
like, would you believe it or not?
Like a alcoholic divorced policeguy that's really good at being
a detective but just not really good at social.
Life. Is he a bit gated with life?
He's a bit gated. He he's the.
Original he works in. Does he turn people away?

(18:31):
He he does, he's closed. He's closed and he refuses to
use like cars and stuff in the Country Park.
He uses his horse. He's still on the horse going by
the trails. He does things, he walks the
beat of his own drum. And the first sort of scene
this. Is quite a quite a.
It's very. Easy concept but the first scene
is up the side of this like mountain and it's horrendous.
As someone that's afraid of heights for it affected my I

(18:55):
don't know if use are scared of anything.
How does fear affect you? Because if I'm up near heights
my bum does really weird things.Like I get a tingle in my bum
and it goes up my back and then it sort of paralysed my legs a
bit and it's like I can't I don't know how.
I feel like pins and needles everywhere in the bum.
Bum. Yeah, I'm like, why does whoever

(19:15):
designed me as a person made when I'm afraid potentially
going to ship myself to like it's going to embarrass me and
have me terrified like I'm fucked about.
We getting rimmed at the same time.
It's. Like a bad sensation of being
rimmed, any kind of near heights.
Just someone sees opportunity. And you get rimmed at the some

(19:35):
of the sleeve down. I was going to say that'll be a
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(21:02):
Imagine that, like a lot of people die when they're trying
to make the summit the Everest, you know, from the go from the
base camp. They have to just go up there.
Imagine. I'm going to have to give me two
minutes here. Oh man.
Get stuck like Dumb and Dumber. Imagine being human centipede to
do your butt at the top of Africa.

(21:24):
Because the air would be so whenwe died, we would be a
newmarker, and he said to me that we sharp a poor boiling
water. Have you made at the top?
Yeah, we've just passed the rimmed man.
How? Funny was this get it done.
It's like I come by as a ghost. Listen it wasn't a sexual thing.

(21:47):
I just go wild uncomfortable when I'm up there, my bum
fingers I just need reassured. Seems only kissing the bum give
me reassurance because it was so.
Nervous whisper into. It's okay, I was in the on Table
Mountain in South Africa. We're away with our school on a

(22:07):
rugby trip and. That's rugby guy.
But you did rim each other, thatguy.
Yeah, it's gay if you don't wank.
Was staring at your mate. Yeah, but all together, lights
on. But that we got the top of table
and the teacher was like, let's get a photo of you guys sort of
looking like you're the. I had to crawl on all fours
because my legs stopped working.I couldn't stand.

(22:28):
I was like, I'm going to fall off here and I had to crawl and
lie at the front like I was trying to defend the free kick.
I never knew he was going to height 0.
Man, I can't do it. I'm a man designed by God to be
on the ground. Yes, you know I shouldn't be on
fairground rights. Yes, I'm a risk on a flight
because I'm heavier than anyone and I just shouldn't be off the

(22:48):
ground. I'm not designed to be swung
around the sky. I have the same fears.
I wonder if it's like a thing? No, I'd say most people, while a
lot of people scared heights. But weirdly on a plane I'm sweet
but see if you're like on an edge that I make slipper fall
off. Well, no.
Planes. No.
Big no for me, yeah. Remember New York, Dave, the
rooftop bar? Jesus.
Yeah. Do you know what it is?
I don't know. If anyone listening to this

(23:09):
please reach out and let me knowif this is a condition.
But I have like some sort of vivid imagination in that if
you're near I can vividly see like you falling off or.
I can't see other people fallingoff, but I can see me jumping
off. Yeah, and it's Matt and like,
see, even from I was a kid wearing holidays when he like
visited castles or something. Like my dad would sit my sister
on the heads. Like you put her over the edge

(23:32):
and I'd be like, take her down. I'd be standing there like 9
years old when we get her off that, get her off that, just
going down. We were a Giant's Causeway once,
and there was like a ledge to the sea, and my dad was swinging
me and my cousins over it, taking it in turns to swing us
over it. And I reminded him recently and
he's like, yeah, well, I should probably shouldn't have done
that. But like with his wee knees and

(23:54):
all, like we could have died easily.
Why did dads do that? I know, like, why do you do it?
I don't have that in me to really do that.
I wouldn't. I'm so afraid of anything health
and safety related. Like I remember when we were on
holidays, my dad was, we were down to see this lighthouse
because my parents took me on lit holidays, castles and
lighthouses. But there was it was in Jersey
and Channel Islands, right? And there was an old German war

(24:16):
bunker and he was like, here, come on, let's get a look at
that. And so sweetness is right on a
cliff's edge beside a lighthouse.
So he goes, we'll go round it. There was no round it.
So I was like shimmying along this leg and he's like, you'd be
granted. You're not built for the shimmy.
And I'm looking down, I can see his waves hitting off rocks and
I'm like like I'm. And I remember crying and I
think I might have paid myself awee bit going around town.

(24:37):
And to this day it's a man. I need to actually ask him about
it. Is this true?
Or if I entirely? Made you're like Dad.
I know this sounds weird, but there's only one way to get me
feel all right there. That'd be because I was so close
to I would have had to climb up the wall of Queen Monkey Denzi
Rugby. Yeah, it's good.
We were, we had to play rugby, but I wasn't very good right.

(25:01):
I was on the D team, maybe sometimes the E team.
I played low level rugby, it's good like C team rugby at
school, but like the rugby tour culture and the banter and the
forfeits and that, all that stuff that that couldn't appeal
to me less. But like, can you get out of

(25:21):
that? So you play for rugby club and
they do these like they go to the changing rooms and they do
this like drinking night and there's a court, they're doing a
court for all this stuff. Can you go?
I don't really drink. I'm just not part of this.
If you'll be gay forever, yeah. Yeah.
But. Because that was when you got
called at school, you know? You'll be gay for not drinking
but me and him will wank each other off.

(25:44):
That was genuinely one of the things they said if you didn't
shark naked with the boys, yeah.Yeah, yeah.
Why are you going to get her nomad?
What, are you not going to get the Imperial leather and go and
sort him out? Just Imperial ladder?
Yeah, we'll know it's Imperial ladder so far, but you could rub
it into an Imperial ladder. Would it not make way more sense
while that imperial ladder? No, because the lather is not

(26:06):
this. Maybe the spray out of the tin?
Because the lather comes when you rub the soap, you know?
Yeah, but what's leather got to do with it?
That's just the. Brand.
But could they not have called their brand Imperial Lather?
They didn't though, Shane they could have, but.
Why did no one in that meeting right?
We're going to use this soap to lather lather ourselves up what
you will call it Imperial leather.

(26:27):
Why does no one have the foresight to go imperial lather?
You just said lather. Because it's like the boss must
have come up with Imperial. Leather.
And a guy who's working, there'slike, but if you just drop the
E, just drop the E and it's it'slaugh.
Maybe he was like Dutch. Yeah, imperial as well.
No Dutch. But like the mindset of like the

(26:49):
rugby culture it is, it is mental.
Like you accept all that stuff and you and like looking back
nowadays, you couldn't, it'd be wild.
Like was, I remember from the time we were just out of out of
school, we're sort of stealing of that mindset.
And we were playing Guitar Hero,you know, the band, the full
band, Guitar Hero. You and the boys.
Me and the boys playing the Guitar Hero in the House of some

(27:10):
reason. I wish I'd friends at that point
to play Guitar Hero. But we just thought it was it
was good. Like what's the best way to do
it? If you're hammered, you're
playing Guitar Hero with all theboys naked, all the gear off.
We're a band we're doing is someone on the drums.
You're saying I'm singing, loving it.
Another guy's playing the guitar.
There's three of us there, the four of us living in this house
and we're all in the a complain.Fourth guy comes in.

(27:31):
He's like like, actually I was standing on the sofas like that.
So he opened the door. He would have been greeted by my
arms. It would have been perfect for
him. 5 was nervous, but then he comes in.
He still tells the stories. I came in from a shift at work
given to you guys. You're all bladdered playing
fucking Guitar Hero like playingfucking ACDC or something on the
screen and you turn to me and we're like right gear off and I
was like no one going to bed andyou're like Nah.

(27:51):
And we were all like, look at you, you're being so gay.
Or come on, he's like, there's three you boys fully naked.
Yeah. Singing Twisted.
Hit me with your. What?
And they were just lost on us. And that's all from that sort
of, yeah, that era sport. And one thing that I'd love to
be able to do is like, I was in the same year at school as guys
and I'm sure we would have played rugby against each other

(28:13):
at some point. And I would have loved if
there's ever a photo or something, there's anyone to
have us because we would have gone directly head to head in
the scrum. Like opposite side prop hooker.
Yeah, prop hooker now. But yeah, we're going head to
head. He was a one, I was a three,
yeah. So it would have been a lot of
fun to see. Yeah, that culture and those
like pranks and that kind of stuff just because you got to

(28:37):
remember there's probably like 50 year old guys in the team and
then there's young players on the team.
And that just Dawson really saidas well.
Because I like football is not like like that culture.
It's not like that at all. But I don't know what it is.
Do you think in rugby it comes from like boarding schools and
more that kind of stuff? I think a lot of it is because

(28:57):
they only like typically they goto boys schools so they've never
been around guards. So they just think what's the
funniest thing I could do here? I know play with my mate's deck,
but also like the your prop, you'll know when you're in the
scrum. The second row have to come up
and grab your shirt like under you.
Often there's been a ball touching.
Yes, especially if they grab it through the shorts, like, yeah,

(29:19):
it's better grip, guys, it's much.
But you know what, I wonder? I only asked her.
We mate there. Like where did that come from?
Where did that weird boisterous boy rugby culture come from?
Because it's across the board, you know?
I see if I keep asking that thenhe's going to build a profile of
me. So I already have aggressively
asked him is he a boot drew a bot man despite him telling me
multiple times he does not want to answer that question.

(29:40):
What sport did you play at school?
It was rugby. I'm not a very big sportsman.
We weren't allowed to play football until fifth year and
then like you only really paid if you were good enough to play.
I was big into we in our like Summer Games you would have to
go and play sports and we would go and play rounders because we
didn't play cricket, didn't playtennis.
So we made all the other slower people would have went and

(30:03):
played rounders. A.
Ragtag bunch of misfits. Could you say?
And it was just so stupid. Rounders.
Rounders is great. At any time.
Oh yeah, of course. Do you have any hobbies now that
you've taken up later in life? Balls I could see you playing.
Darts, I'm still playing darts, love darts.

(30:25):
I am about for darts. I fantasise sometimes about like
a walk in song, yes of what I would come into and.
What? I say you're playing in the Duns
Club, right? Yep, you're playing.
You and Willy are having a dartsmatch first of all.
You would win. What kind of gear are you
wearing? Course the gear.
Oh, it's traditional. I've now darts.

(30:46):
Some modern darts players now playing trainers.
Not in my book. Disrespectful.
Not in my book. Has to be for some reason.
Formal shoes, school shoes yes Polished trousers, yes, that are
way too small, yes, A polo shirtthat has some insane sponsors on
it like rustlers. Yes, I want.
To be sure. On the on the shirt.
Not magazine. Yeah, knobbies, nuts.

(31:08):
Any not related? Rosler's The Sun on the back,
yes. Like just for some reason
batteries don't know why. Just a real handy one to have.
Wicks you could see on your sponsorship.
Wicks, Eddie. Stobart.
Yeah, Eddie Irvine's fuck it. We're just going for anything.
Anyone who can give me Eddie? Vetter I saw him footage of him.

(31:31):
Eddie Vetter, a live gig, Monkeybars across above the crowd.
Get the Mike lead that was hanging from the ceiling and AB
seal his way down it. You don't need to be doing that.
Who's Eddie Vetter? Who's in a band?
Facing a Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam?
Yeah. Is that what it is?
Yeah. I didn't know that.

(31:52):
I thought Eddie Vetter saying we're going to rock down to
Electric Ave. Who's that?
Murphy No, it's not. It's not, It's not.
It's Eddie Grant. I thought you were joking.
No, he's party all the time. That's what it is.
Here's my daddy's about. Yeah.

(32:14):
Eddie's are everywhere. Beverly Hills Cop.
Is one of my favourite movies ofall time.
That is a class segue, I just say.
What Eddie? That is absolutely the roof
going. From I want to know your darts
entrance all and now somehow we're on there.
Sorry, Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, Eddie Murphy party all the
time, Yeah. It's not a bad one, not a bad
one at all. Eddie Grant, there's a Dutch,

(32:41):
it's copying the Dutch. Dutch Dutch player Dirk van
Dyvenbotta comes in the Dirk vanDyvenbotta comes in the Mental
hard style song and he just gives it stacks.
It's unbelievable. Van Dyvenbottom sounds like a
live show that would tour aroundlike Falaraki costs and those
places. Do you think those places are?

(33:02):
I was talking about this recently.
You know, the places we would have.
Maybe you would have caught the tail end of here and about, but
you definitely would remember like Cos I and Napa Falaraki
Falaraki. Are those places still going as
like cheap young person's party hotspots because you never hear
them anymore, Zante. I don't know.

(33:24):
Anapa I was in Falaraki like butI've been to we went to Anapa in
our upper 60s. Where is Anapa?
Cypress, my mum and dad got married in Anapa on no joke the
12th of July. Not not on purpose, but it was
just what the the dates had available by force.
No, I hope not, but there was the only date set available,

(33:46):
right? I love that in Linacres and.
I would know it was across from the there's a bars like crazy
Pedros and it's like a big frog outside.
I know exactly. That's a classic.
Frog. It's a massive frog.
There's a Flintstones bar beside.
That's right. That's a touch.
I went dying up when I was 17. It's great, great time you were.
7 But like course, where's that?Isn't it grace?

(34:08):
It's got to be Grace. But like those places you never
hear, you hear about Michael Luther and Ibiza.
Sunny beach, Bulgaria. What's another being there?
Unbelievable. Is that a budget spot or is that
like? Big Beer One live.
That's all you see everywhere. Big Beer 1 Live.
How much is a live? 36P.
Big beer one left, my friend. Oh, why you look like cells left
two guys we call Big Beer and 1:00 left two Bulgarian fixers

(34:32):
like you need to speak with Big Beer on one left.
They will keep you right. We could be like we we are three
of the guys that could be any from anywhere.
We're three of the most generic dudes, yes.
Like you could be you could be those guys big or we could be
like guys who auditioned for like a reboot of The Sopranos or
something yes You know, we just look like we could all fit in
the. But also gay bars.

(34:52):
Yeah, and a twink. Yeah, fuck two bears. 1 Twink.
Yeah. Like I reckon your money, all
your stuff you do in Patreon with bonus episodes blown out of
the water by that. You think if we started Only
Fans? Yeah, just the time met it when
I was in Austin doing the tour show.
Who's Austin? There was a guy from Only Fans

(35:13):
who was like, I liked your set. He came to the show, he goes the
comedy. Yeah, your boss we're doing
shows, the Admiral Fringe, you do 1 show, we'll give you.
And it was insane of money and the guy was legit.
I looked him up after and then I've just never heard from
since. Maybe I should miss him.
What kind of show like? Just don't want me to a stand up
set at the fringe. Oh, I've been like ping pong.

(35:33):
Balls for me to change my own cock and gilded balloon.
Sounds like a song. After Mark's in between Mark
Steel and. The cooks would write that
wouldn't. I was stuck with that of the
galler balloon. You got to cook so.
Yeah. The Smiths are.
They coming back. The Smiths or the Cooks?

(35:54):
Smiths. I don't know without they still
on the Rep. They do her separated them out.
You'd be a big Smiths guy, wouldn't you?
Smith Chippy in the North Road. Is that real?
It's not the North Road. It's fucking like the other
Woodstocks. But yes, there's a Smiths.
Is it Smith? I don't know.
What's the best chippy in East Belfast?
John Dory's in Hollywood Rd It'ssimple.

(36:15):
Do you know what? Do you know what the good sign
of a chippy is like? John Dory's a lot of staff on.
Yeah. You know big machine met.
Show me a bigger menu look. Oh well, gluten free options as
well. Absolutely.
I only found out recently that John Dory was an actual name of
a fish. I thought it was a dude who owns
it. It's actually the fish from Find
the name of Dory. That's the type of fish see, and
it's in the book. Tiddler, the Juliet Donaldson

(36:36):
book. And what's the story?
John Dory. That's a you.
I know Fiddler. What's your John Dory's order?
And be honest. Gouge on me garlic and Curry.
So what are you getting there? You're getting 5 gougeons, a
portion of chips, a drink of your choice.
I'm typically going Fanta. Can or a bottle?
Can obviously can. As in, if you had the choice,

(36:59):
you'd pick a can over a bottle or obviously with the meal deal
it's going to be. A No, obviously I'm picking the
can. Bottles are not to my taste, but
you get a portion of garlic withit.
That's fine, but then you get anextra portion of Curry.
Sometimes you like to change it up.
So are you and are you opening those and dipping in or are you
pouring it over some? Oh, dipping in?

(37:20):
If you're pouring over your chippy, you need to rest it.
You probably shouldn't have beengetting a chippy to begin with,
right? Unless it's Curry over chips.
Just chips, but over the Gougeons.
And would you take any add-ons, any sundries with it?
How can I be fond the odd potatoscallop if you can get them
somewhere. Let's ask.
Have you ever had a potato? Scalp No.
Amateurs Onion and potato. No, it's just like, it's like a

(37:42):
circular bit of potato, just fried.
Chips. No, no, no, it's not quite the
same. That's like stuff you would have
gone Carmichael's in Hollywood back in the day, yeah.
Butter not fried. Oh carmike.
Well, it was called the railway.The platform then used to do
like potato cubes with sweet chilli and creme fresh.
Just a wee bowl of it. That was that was the best place

(38:05):
that has ever been as a child, the railway slash, the platform
slash Carmichael's no. It was grid the Prairie.
But no, you didn't. They didn't have trained
carriages to go and sit in the Prairie.
So we saw me and my dad were walking past that.
We were leaving Bobby Max, whichwas the best champion in
Hollywood back in the day. And we will pass Carmichael's,
which is a bar that's still going, exchanging with 20 times

(38:27):
instead. But it used to be like the site
of a railway carriage because itwas called the Railway Bar and
it was like old stat. So you went and sat in like
carriages and had your dinner. Unbelievable.
But one time, me and my dad walking past it and I was like,
Donnie, there's Keith Gillespie.And Keith Gillespie was there.
And my dad was like, what? Gillespie.
No Dave, Right? This is so niche and I fucking

(38:51):
regret bringing it up. But Dave has this niche alter
ego character who's obsessed with Keith Gillespie.
And it started backstage at SSE because we were talking about
some of the players were playingthe charity match and I said
Keith Gillespie. And Dave just went into that.
He did like a Joaquin Phoenix style real life character and
just got lost in it for a long time.

(39:15):
Actually, my fear plan, no doubtabout it.
Man United legend. No one knows where this came
from. People were asking him to stop
doing it and he just continued right up to the second we were
going on stage. Yeah, and then on the match I
thought he was running. Like, to be fair, I made another
mistake and they scored She. Just love kids.

(39:38):
So did you go and see him then he said the railway, or was he
in the carriage looking out? He was.
In the carriage having his dinner and me and my dad waited
outside for him and it's the original.
Stand that would mean prime playing Gillespie.
Oh, absolutely. But I because I had a Man United
baseball cap on my head. Was he playing for United at the
time? Well, here's the thing.
I go, Mr Keith, would you say myhat?

(40:02):
And he signed the hat. My dad went inside, got like a
marker or something from the staff, and then we waited
outside and Gillespie signed it.And I was like.
And he goes just let you know kid, like I'm sorry, I got it.
Just sent from Newcastle I think.
You, Mr. Walked off but he signed it before he stayed and
chattered with he's good man Gillespie.

(40:22):
Yep and then I met one time me and my dad were going to York it
and the Northern Ireland team were there to go to the cinema
on like a team trip and I. Shit team, bottom trip at us.
What did they go see? I.
Don't know flubber or something and I got my photo taken with
Neil Lennon and Keith Gillespie and I loved.
I was so buzzing, so nervous. Now I look like a wee alien.

(40:43):
Still have those photos? You ever seen that one I put up?
No, I want. To say that for.
Sure, like a wee alien. Have you ever been starstruck?
I mean celebrity or well known person.
I met Roy Hodgson and like the whenever he was manager, Crystal
Palace, I was in Union Liverpooland our halls were right beside
the train station and I think they were Palace were playing
Everton that weekend or something and they just got the

(41:03):
train back-to-back down to London and so the whole
Palestine were just walking in the train season.
It was nuts. And I think it was what you call
your mom. No, no, I didn't see him but he
used to defend. He used to be a defender for
Liverpool. Saco Yeah, yeah.
And then he paid for Palace. He was there.
Saco Yeah, yeah, he was there and Roy Hudson didn't get a
photo with him. I just took photos of my 2 mates

(41:24):
and then they went on. But I was there, I was there.
Trust me, I was there. Did you enjoy Uni Liverpool?
No, dropped that in one year. I was doing journalism and
everyone on my course, not that there's anything wrong with
that, was all girls, but they'reall English girls and they just
didn't understand the word I wassaying.
So I would come in probably stoned, red faced, sweating,
going. Oh, you marijuana man.

(41:45):
Was a uni, yeah, but then they just wouldn't understand the
word I was saying, so they just look at me really uncomfortably
and I thought, you know what, maybe this isn't for me and
you're. Probably ultra paranoid as well.
Oh yeah. And it's mine.
You think my boobs are a bomb, man?
Another guy, and of course was an Italian guy, can't remember
his name, but he also didn't understand the word.
I would say they've been. Cleaning up, Yeah.

(42:06):
Oh yeah, 1. 100% that's a captain.
Yeah, that the phrase. You think so?
Yeah. Yeah, he's good.
Looking to long her. Oh wow, nice and nice and
swarthy. Yeah, a shocker.
What do you think? What do you think the number one
nationality for good looking guys is Italian?
Dutch Dutch files are usually quite handsome.

(42:27):
I say yeah, I say Persian. Yeah, Michael van Garwen.
No Persian. Persian guys I I would stick
with Italian. Now there's some Middle East
dudes that like, yeah, good looking guys like.
Who are we talking about? Osama like.
No, he wasn't. Cute, yeah.

(42:49):
He was 6 foot something, that's what the girls.
Who are controversial dictators who were actually just good
looking guys Saddam Hussein had.A moustache.
Unbelievable. In the suits like.
Mussolini the jawline. Did he ever create the quiff?
Pusolini. Yeah, he was sexy.
Stalin. He wasn't bad looking for an

(43:10):
older man. Right.
Hitler stinking, I think it's fair to say.
Did Bill Clinton have a bit of something about him?
He gets sucked off whilst at work.
Yes, by now a questionably youngperson.
I would say monocle that's that's.
No. How's he get away with it Do?
You remember he released that statement where he's like, I did
not have sexual relations with that woman, then released
another statement being like. I hear, but that's a mild

(43:35):
beager. He was mild beager.
And Hillary's like, I don't worry about it.
Yeah, but that he wasn't a dictator.
That's very controversial. Excuse me?

(43:56):
Sorry. Gaddafi's got swag though, you
know, he had the gear like. His all female bodyguards as
well, like. Aviators.
He was pretty sweet guy who? Yeah, who'd be like your
favourite dictator? It would be Saddam Hussein.
He is like the most interesting,to be fair, because I don't
know. I've there's a he had a son,

(44:16):
Uday Hussein, and his son had a body double who wrote a book.
They were saying it and then thebook got made into a film called
The Devil's Double. Have you seen it?
No, it's unbelievable. It's how interesting it is.
So he would go to events as him or be as.
More as it's sort of he would wouldn't like do interviews or
anything, but he would sort of make make public appearances
just in case, you know, Uday wasto be assassinated.

(44:38):
Which is such a mug, by the way.What a shit job.
Yeah, but he would like he had to live with them the whole
time. And like at the time Iraq
wasn't, it was a Muslim of his country, but it was very like
liberal and like they were all drinking, having sex all the
time as big party company. Well, for the Hussein family
anyway. So it was pretty interesting.

(44:59):
But I mean, the things he did terrible, by the way, just, you
know, I'm not a fan of his actions, just to clarify.
Cool dude, you're saying? Yeah, 100%.
That's the thing too. I I think that sometimes, you
know, Britain, America, she may leave certain countries be
because whenever they went through like we need to get
Saddam out of there. No, we need to who bond us.
He did 9/11. That's right.
That was bin Laden. The the the Saudi guy lives in

(45:23):
Pakistan, will be in Afghanistan.
That's the word. To stand, get in there.
Actually do that. But then whenever they got rid
of Saddam, they didn't realise. Then the ISIS boys were there
and they're like, Oh no. Don't think they called
themselves the ISIS boys. That was their first
incarnation. That, I mean, that's the way to
do it. If you call them that, it sort
of undermines them a bit by calling the ISIS boys.

(45:43):
It's a little bit can't. But you imagine you have a
diplomacy meeting, you get the leader of the ISIS and you're
just some way diplomat. There's the ISIS boys here to
come on, John. Got the ISIS boys for you here.
Here they are. Down into Julian there, but I
think, I think that would definitely lower tensions a bit
if you had a wee bit of familiarity with them.

(46:04):
Any local celebrities didn't seeany like, you know, news readers
you've met in the night out? Any weather, men or women?
There was a girl who made a video about Celtic years ago and
I met her at Helms Bay one time when I was underage drinking and
that's probably the most I've ever got.
See the Helens by underage shrinking thing that must be the
being of your life like because Dave is Dave lives on the coast

(46:27):
like he's a N down coachman and he's very much about like.
Going to get that embroidered inthe back of a jacket.
North down, Coachman. Yeah.
I got a lot. He's very much all about oh, is
Coachman a great name for a clothing brand Coachman.
And you the stuff you can wear on boots.
Yeah, It's, it's it's. You're saying it like, I think
if you call it Coast Man, you'resaying it like a Jewish surname.

(46:50):
Coastman. He likes Rabbi.
Coastman You think Coastman? No, Coast man.
Doesn't sound good Coast man. It's spelt the same way.
So you wouldn't be like Coastman.
Coastman. Yeah, Coastman.
Yeah. Like Ralph Lauren and Ralph
Lauren Lloyd Coastman. But you hate this like people
coming up. Let's not shy away from Belfast

(47:11):
for the day to drink on your beautiful.
Yeah, You know what? I don't.
I don't like it. I also don't like this thing.
I spoke with this in the Patreonpodcast, actually, not long ago,
and it's something that does hurt me.
I think as a country, as a groupof people, we're dirty bastards.
I think if you go on holidays, streets are much cleaner.
We go with dumper shit. Let's see.
Especially after the 12th right Shaftesbury Square.

(47:34):
Can I say something as well? Does anyone smoke in their car
and not throw it out when they're finished?
I. Think everyone does that?
The fish smoke in the car. Don't know.
Fucking hell do you? Know I don't get people on
Reason roads Dundonald especially between like
Dundonald and anywhere they fuck.
The whole McDonald's back in this, it's a disgrace.
How can you do that like? It's wild.

(47:55):
I see if you go to the beach andyou have a.
Character, unless he's sweating,he's he does this but soon John
Dory. I think.
But when I come into this story here.
But the police are looking at anempty garlic pot.
And then I'd be Curry pot. Dingy's been here and you Eric
Banner thing, that's a storyline.
But she took it away with you. That's OK.
But they just leave it at the and it's not respecting the

(48:16):
where you're from. I think.
And I'd say it actually on the pocket.
See if I was like a paramilitaryleader on the state.
I have the cleanest estate in there because I'd been giving
people polishing beatings for littering.
Making no money, drug dealer anything like that but fucking
dinner off abatement. Best kept the state consistently
for a decade you want. To be the cleanest paramilitary
godfather. Yeah, absolutely.

(48:36):
But I think clear up after yourself the litter it's better
respect. Like they're wild, like Helen's
Bay day drinking beach in it andstuff.
Like people scrap at it. You've got the tunes on Dogs
running about off the leash XL bullies.
Don't stop me on the Excel bullies.
Why hit them? Absolutely despise them.

(48:59):
Now. As a small dog lover.
Is it banned or you're not allowed to have it?
You have to have them muzzled onthe lead but you can't.
You're not allowed to breed them.
I think you maybe can have a licence to breed them but I
don't think so. There's actually 4 banned dog
breeds and I the reason I know this is because I was Googling
one day in work and the four banned dog breeds are.

(49:19):
How does anyone know anything? Nah.
What was it? This is why it's weird because
it was in work, but a guy came over to give me help on
something and I had a Wikipedia page at the top open for each of
the four banned dog breeds. And I had the page that he was
coming over to help me with on the very far left.
So he came over and he says, Matthew, do you want a hand?
I goes, yeah, just put up Googlehere, some sort of Brazilian dog

(49:41):
breed. Just let me close that down.
Then a Japanese dog breed, an Argentinian dog breed, Sorry,
man. And then the XL bully, the BBC
News article that it was writtenoriginally about the XL Bully.
And then the thing he was going to help me with.
And then I just had to turn to him and look and he's like, why

(50:02):
are you Googling? Dogs, they're banned.
Why is it banned? Oh, those other dogs, are they
over here? Yeah, it's their bond in the UK,
So it's doggo, Argentino, Brazilian something filling
arrow or something, and then theJapanese something Akita.

(50:22):
It's not the Akita, it's a different.
It's like a big massive. They don't look like Axel
billies. They're just big dogs.
No, those other ones, I think inthose, I think now I've Googled
something very similar. Whenever you're saying where
they're from, like that's right,but they're like big, sort of
like wolf guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The doggo to Argentino looks like it means it gets fit.
It's like a big fit, lean, Huskytype thing.
What? Are the ones that are toys story

(50:44):
they freak me out with a big long sort like.
The slinky Dog. No.
He's a wee sausage dog. The bad boys dog.
Oh, is that? And if we small eyes.
Yes, yes, and the big long snake.
It's a bull terrier. I'm like your man off the
undateables, you know Who knows all the dog, are they?
Legal or illegal? No, they're legal.

(51:05):
It's only those four, that's those 4.
But have you? Ever seen the dog?
The Bordeaux? They're like bodybuilders.
They're like, you can actually see all their muscle separation
orange. Ones, aren't they?
Yeah. I'm sure Catholics can have them
too. Yes, but now what?
It gives Another thing too with Excel bullies that don't get
them muted either because it's like they look harder if they've

(51:27):
got a big deck and falls, you know, because there's one.
I remember once when I was housing officer, one of the guys
in the state had a an Excel bully and I got out and busy is
what big thing. It destroyed an alerted we dog
on the green and there's all bigthing and he was like I'm not

(51:47):
going to put down it's my dog. And I was like, but if I had a
being, you know, and it's all big thing.
I think eventually what happenedto him, He might have got a
bitten with but and the dog was taken away, but there's all big
thing. He wasn't giving up and that's
why. I think the people that are like
wanting to defend XL bullies, you know, should come up with a
different name for the dog. Yeah.
XL Bully was aggressive dog nameof all time.

(52:10):
They should call them like coochie cuckoo like.
A bully. Like a bully.
Yeah, enough. But a fucking big one.
The only thing I know that has XL in its name is the XL Bacon
double cheeseburger from Burger King.
Yes, and that's aggressive. It is aggressive.
It should have a muzzle on it. I used to love there was a
burger you could get in Burger King.
It was limited edition and it's called the Rodeo Burger and it

(52:30):
was burger, cheese, onion rings and BBQ sauce.
I love that like. Was that whenever you're really
in the Yellowstone? Yeah.
No, this was years ago. I mean childhood like.
No, this is not a spoof either, but back in our childhood days
the burgers were bigger. But everyone was bigger.
Don't give a start in chocolate parts and you were getting

(52:52):
changed over 30 pence pace. 30 pence pace.
You could go at Herns, you'd go around there and fill your boots
for the quick go. I'm not joking.
You could go into a newsagents with a pound coin and come back
with the feast for a king. You were getting a banquet.
For that and a feast bar too, yes.
See for a pound. Premier League.
Stickers you could get, you could get a top level bar of

(53:14):
chocolate, a packet of crisps and we mix up.
And you can get a week like we carton of juice too.
Do you know much kind of cans ofcoke water back in the day with
30P? Now what do you call the top
level bar? Chocolate.
I mean your your Dairy Milk caramels, your Mars bars,
whispers whisper gold. You know how much primary
stickers were £0.25? See if you had a £5 note and you

(53:37):
went into your shop. Bezos, you.
Couldn't have spent it on being serious.
You couldn't have spent that like unbelievable what you could
get. You know how much my parents pay
for my childhood house? 775 quid close £75 yeah say 5
points and their car was 250. Unbelievable.

(53:57):
Things were not. My dad was that old when he
bought his house. The government gave him the
house and then 4 grand and that made him a millionaire.
But things are man. Things are crazy.
Did you see, I don't know if you've talked about it yet in
the podcast, The Price of ThingsUp with the Open?

(54:18):
Now I've seen the controversy but I haven't seen the prices.
So is it that the is it the opensell on the stuff or the red is?
It's the restaurants and the room or shy.
I didn't want to name them but so they've got.
The price? Well.
Yeah, there's like 30. Everyone was talking.
About £30 for a pasta, £8 for a paint.
But paints now are like what? 6 quid 6 but you know, yeah.

(54:40):
Like, I do think that's, yeah, you know, I think at the end of
the day, you're going to have more food for you, make more
dough anyway. Yeah.
Don't be greedy with it more people.
Appreciate it. You know, I think so.
But then I do think that that classic thing, I was like, well,
don't go. I know it's it is pricing people
out who like to go there. And if you're up in your

(55:01):
holidays, you're maybe not even into the Gulf.
It's shit because you can't go to that restaurant you like
100%, but I think the prices aregoing to be like that for a
weekend. I can see the like increase in
them at a bit to a couple of quid, you know, just, you know,
yes, but to do it that much I think is a bit wild.
But then these Yanks come over. I was.
Going to say yeah when you flip it over and go with these

(55:21):
American. Hey buddy, charge me anything.
Yeehaw. You know, you're sort of like
$30 pasta. So we we stay at the sleeve Don
at one time and there was a golfcarbonara golf like the golf
boys were over from America and they were staying in sleeved
honoured, but they were getting American golf boys and golf.
They were standing sleeved honoured but they were playing
their golf in Scotland and getting a helicopter over.

(55:44):
I guess, though, some of those guys just don't.
It's. Absolutely, and it's also weird,
like how come golf is the only sport where you're expected to
dress in full gear? I was thinking that I'm going
down on Sunday here. Oh, why?
Surely I'm not having to get thefull golf.
No, no, the full golf gear on for it like.
Oh, do you mean to go to watch? Yeah, yes.
What is it? Dress code.

(56:05):
I don't think it is like a written thing, but it's like
everyone does it for some reason.
Yeah, we wouldn't go to a football match in a full kit.
No, but I went. To the Irish Open last year and
I wear just shorts and we feel abut also wearing a collar, but
you get guys that come out and think you have to get no, I
don't think I'll get into the Golf Club bar for one to win and

(56:25):
drink. But yes, you've seeks and you
know there's a certain breed of golf boy like young guy and just
they're dislikable. They're just their parents are
rich of the full like the fancy Callaway yes, and they can wear
the glove. You should just throw them in
the sea. You know if they're watching,
but they just are. And practising the swing, yeah,
watching, you know, the like I I'm I've not gone it'll

(56:46):
obviously have happened by the time this comes out.
But going up to the like I worked at it years ago, like 10
years ago for BBC doing a thing.It's actually great crackers
during the pro amp and we had a couple of gold pros in a golf
buggy and I was driving the players from the clubhouse to
the first tee, right. And it was great like a like AP
McCoy, Vernon K Dornan, althoughwe had Dornan in the guy filming

(57:10):
it hadn't turned the cameras on.So we got a full interview with
Jamie Dornan, which was 10 out of 10, because I got him lost.
And like, he was, he was like, so me, I'm driving this buggy,
like get in there. And he goes, yeah, yeah.
And then he's like, oh, it's up here.
And I was like, thing, I know where I'm going.
I've been driving this all day. And he's like, this is not where

(57:31):
we need to go. And I was like, it is where we
need to go. Stop giving me a hassle and then
got him completely lost and he was late for his tea time and
like was probably like a bit of noise and those guys, but it was
brilliant those. Guys, their tea time would be
like 703. Yes, yeah, yeah, the minute.
But Tommy Fleetwood, like some of the actual golfers as well.
And it was, it was great. But genuinely now as an old guy,

(57:52):
what puts me off is like the traffic going.
I'm not going, I'm not going at like 6:00 AM to beat the traffic
and I'm not sitting in an hour and a half of traffic to drive
there. Plus I don't really have an
interest. I'll watch like the last hour of
the open or something. I'll watch that or if macro is
doing well. But I like then I did that

(58:12):
classic thing like just being honest the other day I was like,
you're seeing like people get invited up to the Open, you
know, corporate hospitality and they're doing this and they're
doing that. And I was like, fuck sake.
I was like, no one even said to me.
And then I was like, probably because I have multiple times
stated my complete indifference to golf and the fact that I have
no interest in going with it. I love it.
But I like the so I can say no. Got it that I'm not going this

(58:35):
time. You know, I've actually been
tempted to try to be like any like we media passes.
Is there something here going about like it was going really
well. Somebody told me to go up into
Stewie, but for. You or something?
Yeah, we got a question for Roryfrom the Sly Guy Podcast here.
Boobs or butt? But I must say, like I actually
see now, like as much as I love coming up and doing this

(58:57):
podcast, I have sized hadn't watched all day yesterday, just
had a great time watching the golf and I just won't watch it
all weekend. I love it and I've got it not to
be there. I have a.
Friend, a few free tickets here for someday.
No for Jesus, no for. You know what I want today?
Well, I know, Marley, some people are like the live golf
thing and all, you know? And then I watched a bit of it
and I was like, that's class making them go fast and all and.

(59:20):
Like there's different. On the cheer and I.
Haven't seen much of GMAC since he went to live he's doing.
Is he on the lifter? He's a lifter, he's aren't.
I think last couple years I looked at their earnings. 12
mil. What would GMAC have to say
about? Here, what's the best thing with
GMAC since he went to live? Haven't seen why it comes back.
He's doing punditry on Sky Sports and it's it's

(59:40):
unbelievable and he's good. New take and all.
So what we've done is we've got the American Portrush accent,
but we've also now mixed in Middle Eastern as well.
So what would G Max say about going to the lifter having a
good time? Well, he would be delighted to
be back to in the punditry in the open.
But what would he say? David, sorry.
Yeah, you would say. Yeah, you know, it's always

(01:00:01):
fantastic. Come back here to my home.
Portrush bastard. You know it's.
You know, it's class to see whatwhat Rory's doing up here.
You know, everyone supports and he always has a wee anecdote and
he always says something that you're like, we I don't need to
say that, you know, he was on. He was.
On yesterday, right, And he goes, you know, up here on on

(01:00:22):
Royal Portrush, you know, with the links courses, it's tough to
play. You know, he'll give it to you,
but I'll take it away too, you know, And you're like, it's not
a life, you know? You know, he's such a guy, but
you can tell him like he was. Got it away, but not to be
playing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The fact that he knows he can have a few killed beers.

(01:00:42):
Yeah. He just.
He likes a few killed beers. He gets the girls.
Yeah, in fairness to him, he does.
You know, he because, you know, he's married now, of course.
But how he met his wife was he he hired this like this lady
architect to come in like designhim this sweet pot.
She came into the like, whatever, he's going to live in
Florida, do this design, next thing you know, writer.

(01:01:04):
And then Bulmer movie goes, yeah, designed the way you like
it because you're going to be loving here.
You know me always get the girlsand he's a great guy.
He's he's somebody that I would love to.
I really love the main. Use final deal breaker here.
What? What way do you like your beers?
Called Right You'll do for me. The best part of that is when

(01:01:26):
they ask him like what super party would have and he just
butchers to Prachi of teleportation.
Probably teleportation. And is that what he's playing?
Pulley. I know.
Probably teleportation, you knowthat.
Man gets all the chicks, got allthe gadgets.

(01:01:48):
He is like a great sport becauseme and David an interview where
I was Steven Watson interviewingGraham McDowell.
We put the video shot at my dad's house, remember?
And McDowell, like, retweeted. It's very funny now.
He's probably crying when he didit, but.
I know his bespoke pet person with his wife because he just
gets the girls like, but you know what, I I thought this

(01:02:11):
weekend would have been in primetime.
They've got a few boys. You know, you've got all the all
the guys are up there. The only way you could do it,
and we talked about it for Newcastle last year, was you
would need to have like a setup at the open, like right there
where like in in some sort of backroom somewhere where you
could just players get brought in here and there.
There's no way they're leaving there to come down here.

(01:02:34):
But you know what I say, love about all celebrities that are
over watch you, but they're off.They're off work.
They're pipe man. Everyone you see Andrew.
Is having a good time. Bishop is over there gargling
away. John Bishop.
Yeah, John Bishop's on at Dornanon the pints in the got That's
it's a great time you would get.I'm just, I'm just got a knock
on. I personally can't wait to go.

(01:02:57):
I don't. Mind my dad was driving up and I
says there's a few beers in the car and warmer killed called
beers my biggest weakness. I I've got a charity game for
all that I've seen. Sunday I got up for tickets,
can't go. I don't think I would go.
I don't know. I like the idea of it, but then
when I get there I'd be like I. Don't know.
Yeah, but it's good. Like when you're there, it is

(01:03:18):
good time. I've never went to watch like
golf live before so I don't really know what they expect.
Obviously you can't see everything all the time, Yes.
But there's an experience. Yeah, it's the experience sort
of thing. You know what I would say,
picnic? We've plateau in the comfy
shoes. Oh, of course.
You have to get. Pumped there's a man in the
window. Different.
I've been stressing all week about what shoes I'm going to
wear. I've been like doing test runs.

(01:03:40):
Well I'm just walking about on all my different pairs of shoes
being like OK these will be OK on a soft ground like a horse,
fine on good to soft. Boys, could I, Could I suggest
something right now? So as we know we like to after
the pod, we'd like to do the Joxer.
It's a. Tradition.

(01:04:00):
But the thing with tradition is sometimes traditions need to be
broken. I wonder, do we get a John
Dory's Bring it here? I have to go kitchen shopping,
so no for me. Come on, I can't have to be in
the showroom at half one. Where's the?
Showroom Bangor Several showrooms.

(01:04:21):
Catherine's already in the showroom now.
She's there an R ahead of time. Oh, she's this is the thing we
disagree with. How I should, how excited I
should be to go kitchen shopping.
Let's put it like that. I think we should get a John
Dory. Oh, he's doing.
He's bangers. He's gonna be packed.
Lunch, prick. Look.

(01:04:42):
At the message from Catherine. Hey man, I'm coming to you.
She says. IKEA.
Does she want John? Doris.
Yeah. Do you want John?
Doris. Did you want a John Doris?
I'd say no. Well, me, Dan and Dindy are
getting John. Doris.
Dindy getting done. Doris, I'll.
Never turn into John Doris now. And we should get a John Doris.
Me, Dan and Dindy sounds like itwould be a really good.

(01:05:03):
Like independent film, doesn't it?
Me, Dan and Dindy, Yeah. It's like a quirky art house
kind of thing that John Malkovich is in.
I'd be like cares. Would you?
What's your chippy order? Never asked you final question.
Probably a big chicken burger with cheesy chip I would say.
But then something what? Are you putting on that burger?
Oh, it's got to be mayonnaise, bacon, cheese, lettuce and

(01:05:26):
onion. No tomat coleslaw.
That's a game changer. Denzi coleslaw.
I have a big coleslaw, Remember.I've never done it on the burger
like that. I would.
Drink Yum with it. It's going to be a 10 of full
fat Coke if I'm going for that, you know, But I will tell you
something I like. I like pizza as we take away
from like again, shout out freedom pizza and Donaghade.

(01:05:47):
I think it's the nicest pizza inthere.
Daniel, who's the the master pizza maker, pizza maker.
I don't know pizzeria man, I know, but he majestic chef, one
of the but he told me don't drink Coke beer, pizza, Pepsi's
the better one of the pair of pizza with and I'm sort of like,
I don't believe it. And then I had it and like I
think I drank drank it while I took a bite.

(01:06:07):
And then he was like, and I was like you.
You're right. You're right, Daniel.
Is it because they only sell Pepsi?
No, they do sell coke as well, but he would say he almost like
went no don't yeah don't. Dick pair is better.
Is there a science behind it like?
There must be, but you know where you pair like a nice white
wine with a white? Fish like there's must be
something this this pepper only definitely goes better with
this. Pepsi.
Yeah, like the be fair, he did pour it in.

(01:06:27):
The guy had the sugar and all. Before I had it.
You're smellier. Pardon.
Smellier. Oh Oh yes, I'm flashbacks there.
Debut. I think you want to plug a promo
brother. Yes, the Slag I podcast is on
hiatus and it's coming back in the 7th of August with a bit of
a change, some bit of refreshments, kind of like

(01:06:48):
Pepsi, it'll be back. So that'll.
Be tomorrow. Pardon, that'll be tomorrow.
It's tomorrow. Check it out and also I will
probably have some new things toannounce for sort of the new
year time. Oh, a stand up issue, a new
tour, maybe something like that.So.
Denzi, what do you want to promote?
Kitchen Talk Podcast. It's a podcast in the mass
kitchen. We're not in hiatus.

(01:07:08):
We're every week or so whenever I can be bothered doing it.
But you can get that on YouTube and Spotify and of course me.
Any gigs? No.
Perfect. Thank you very much, everybody.
Let's go get chippy.