331. Rent Men with Willy T and Alan Irwin

Sippers welcome! This week I'm joined by comedians and friends of the show William Thompson and Alan Irwin.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Each Baker has been handed a shot card to make everyone else
down a shot. Bakers start baking shot.
Shot. It's descended into absolute
case Fiona. It's not an ingredients, but
it's actually really good for your bones.

(00:24):
Shots. Shots, guys, you've got to have
a shot. We need to change it.
You need the man the fuck up. Excuse me?
Let's get shots lined up, guys. Did you have a note on you?
Everybody shots to good health. Shot separate Kerati gulpers,
motherfucker. Shot, shot.
Shot. Shot.

(00:44):
Whoa. Oh my God.
Sting now, then Now, then Smashing.
This is this is the worst thing.This is all.

(01:11):
Is there a lyric in that I'm on fire where he goes, Has your
daddy gone and left you all alone?
And then he goes, does he do things to you?
I don't do. What's a lyric?
It's so creepy. He's like.
I got a bad desire. No, but there's a line like.
Tell me now. Baby, is he good to you?

(01:32):
Does he do to you the things that I could?
Yeah. Hope.
Not I know, but that's weird. The Springsteen shut up line is
did your dad snog you? Because I'm.
I'm gonna. Snog you just like your dad,
yeah? Is your dad because I'm feeling
bad? Yeah.
All those she was like, because he to be fair, like he's an old

(01:54):
dude. She's probably singing those
songs. And what, the 70s?
80s are probably I think I'm on.I know.
What age is he now? No.
What age was he doing back then?He was.
He must have been in his 30s. So yeah, he wasn't.
Like, not like you can't be going.
What's your relationship with your dad?

(02:14):
Or go any further and are you home alone?
I it's not like the situation you're like.
Are your parents that. Beatles song that has like she
was just 17. We were like, well, he was about
19 when he wrote the songs. It's not that creepy, but this
is kind of it. So he's.
Going to go back like Neil Sedaka had Sweet 16 and I don't
know if you've seen him when he's singing it, but that guy
looks like he's 51. Happy birthday, Sweet 16.
How creepy. You're there on the day of her

(02:35):
16th as well, Neil. You know, it's like them
counting down whenever was it? Was it shot?
So we're counting down since he was legal.
You're like. In the song, yeah.
But also on that, it's not creepy until they go.
She was just 17, if you know what I mean.
I'm like, I thought I thought it.
Yeah, but. What he means is easily
manipulated, yeah. He's like 17 and the next lyric
is wink wink nudge nudge. Close enough.

(02:59):
A lot of artists were non skies.Like a lot of them.
Is that the technical term and? They were saying it in their
songs, like a lot of them. If you're to make a non super
group. Oh, Jackson.
Obviously Jackson's up there. He'd have to be in.
It. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, Jimmy. Oh, Jimmy Page.
Jimmy Page kept a girl is in hisbasement or something, didn't

(03:21):
he? I got he got it like he got like
her parents to sign over guardianship so that he could
take her with them on tour, which was like 14 or something.
Yes, and they get the Charlie Watts drummer The Rolling Stones
married like a 14. Oh, did he?
Yeah. Jerry Lee Lewis there's.
Loads you got, yeah. Like that Miss Jack Mcjarry.
What do you think of that? He went.
Megan, think you're avoiding thesubject?

(03:43):
This is Lloyd George, let's not just keep it to the strip.
Once he chained the wee boy to radiator.
But I think that wee ramp boy was of age.
I say what you want, the Boy George, but I think that ramp
boy chain, the radiator there's.Something said the police came
in so I'm cuffed a radiator and he went no.
He is 19, though. And he really does want to hurt
me. Also, there's something about
going here that rent boy is of age.

(04:04):
Yeah, at what point do you become a rent man?
I think it's 20. One, that's a landlord.
Rent boy, rent man, Landlord. Yeah.
Why do you have them change a radiator?
It comes and goes. We don't know enough of it.
There's actually so many non seas you could do like a really

(04:26):
upset and Live Aid. Yeah, I don't know.
What they're raising money for legal fees, presumably, but.
Ask your parents permission to both come to this and.
Your parents have to sign you over to go to it?
Yeah. Why back then were people's
parents just signing them off? Yeah.
Just there you go a couple of hours.
They're like kids are expensive.I earned $4.00 a day.

(04:48):
Elvis, you take her and I go she.
Was there like transfer pictureslike when you sign for a new
club like. What do you do is show Elvis
like the back of their head and be like who is this?
Announcement coming at 12:00. For Brittany Romano, here we go.
Deal done. Jenna will be joining Jimmy Page
on tour. They don't.
Have just 13 on the back of the shirt, that's how old they are.

(05:13):
Kita from the chilli Peppers. As much as I love the chilli
pepper. Really.
We've talked about this before is autobiography.
He tells if you if. You take what he's saying is
autobiography is like real. He basically tells a story where
he was with a girl on tour. She was like, man, I'm I'm like
14 and he goes and she was also my dad is the police sheriff,

(05:33):
like the main sheriff of this town.
And he's like, all better drive you back to him, but one more
time. They're like.
Men wrote a song called Catholics Go to Theirs Rule.
How did the Ghost Rider guy not go?
Anthony one second? Do you definitely want me to put
this? You sure?
No. A legal team looks at the book
before it's published, and they didn't go like Mick Foley.
The wrestler talked about whenever he wrote a book, he

(05:55):
said that the other wrestler, too Cold Scorpio, had an
enormous Dick. Yes.
And they were like, you can't put that in there.
It's slanderous. Like, how is it slanderous to
say somebody has an enormous? You think he's going to be like,
you bastards? Yeah, I have a big Dick.
You don't want it in someone's autobiography, like Pendek, Alan
Orwin, like you don't want that.What book did you read?

(06:15):
Colin Murphy finally got his autobiography.
I don't know. I couldn't see that being said
about you and any books. From what I've heard, you're the
two Code Scorpio on the scene. That's why I felt like I could
make that joke. Because Alan, if you know what I
mean, has a large penis. It was just 17 foot long.
Foot long, you went a bit farther.
Inches. We'll talk.

(06:38):
Why? Sippers, this episode of the TV
With Me podcast is sponsored by another than that Price guy.
Easy for me to say that price guy.co.uk I'm talking about
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(06:59):
cash, 50 grand, 100, you name it, he's doing it.
Dan, give me an example of a competition that's going on
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He's making his next millionaire.
The next millionaire, in the words of DJ Khaled, another one.
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(07:20):
that? It's probably £80.
At recording it is 1.80. Someone's going to get change
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(07:40):
If you want to watch the boozy Bake Off, our special in its
glory take a by Michael Foster and Team Georgia and Aaron.
I felt like I'd sounded like there was too many people from
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and just say like great job. But I like the sound of Michael

(08:01):
Foster and team. Michael Foster and team and no
one loved it more than him because I could see the temples
from the corner of my eye. patreon.com.
You got the bonus episodes of Friday Live streams.
Five years worth of content up there.
You can go back and watch it all.
I know, I know, I know. It was a few weeks ago after I
got released, but what? McGregor's Dick pic got out and
we were all like, what? We actually had a massive cock.
And then the internet's like, that's not a big cock.

(08:21):
And we're all like, no, no, yes,yes, yes, no, no.
It was amazing. Yeah, I was saying if it was
cold. Yeah, that's OK.
Did you think the weight was part of the Dick?
Is that what it was you were like?
Look at the size. Look at the curve on that.
He's only benching 3 Percy. I think a lot of people didn't
see the weight at the start and then this other weight somewhere
like that. It was larger than I expected it

(08:41):
to be. What?
Have you ever seen any celebritymale or female nudes that you
you were like wow? Wow.
Becomes creepy doesn't it? Like oh, I saw her tits that
were great. I mean ideally a male.
Well, I'm the full. Willem Dafoe's got a Willem
Dafoe. Yeah, Willem Dafoe once had to
wear a prosthetic penis in a film because they were like,

(09:02):
nobody would believe that his real penis was his Dick, it was
so big. It was scary like his Co star
said. It was scary.
I bet you he started that rumourbecause that sounds like
something you definitely. He gets all bashful about it
when he's like Nah, Nah, it's not that big and everyone else
is in there in the room like the.
Only thing bashing anyone in there.
That one. Yeah.
Willem. Willem's weird or something.
Would you ever consider becominga Willem?

(09:24):
William. Thompson, William.
That's what I get called when I'm in like a working men's club
and there's someone who's 80 talking to me.
Well, I'm not correct. Do you, Alan?
Do you know he hates being called Willie Do.
You. Because I've recently started
calling you Willie because I thought you didn't like William.
Well, I don't like William. He'll take William over Willie.
I'll take Willie. But guess that's so immature

(09:47):
that Panther, even though he did3 hours on radio.
But guess what? He would prefer a knight in the
world, right? This is genuinely what he would
like. The West man the the Dub man.
The West man. Wells, Wells, Wells, Todd.
Has that guy ever been less of aWells?
Wells. Wells is so like Prince William.

(10:07):
Do you know what you are Barney?You look like we Barney or
something Fucks happening. You're not, but I had a jacket
called Barney and you do look a bit like him.
You're not a Wells like. You look like if I shot shot a
torch over there, you'd like thewalls like he did.
You know what? I.
Mean I would. Yeah, he would.
Now you've heard my friends callme Well.
You've met my friend Sarah. She calls me Wells.
But she sort of says that like she looked at me after and went.

(10:30):
No, that was Dave during his eighth impression of a South
African. That's what that was.
That was terrible. What?
What context was this? He found out she was South
African and Dave was like, oh, do you want to hear?
I'm too far. Do you want everyone in the
Aragle to hear speaker? Right, OK.
All right, OK. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I was like someone came over the
tunnel and was like Massey Brew.It was really weird.
I think one of the things you turn upside down.

(10:54):
That's called a grown tube. Only you would know.
That no, I do. I know only Aaron Butler would
know that. I did his panel show and the
remember they were like had one and I was like it's called a
grown tube. Never knew that no by a name on
holiday but I think I don't think I would have been allowed
if my man knew it was called a grown tube.
Your dad would have bought your he'd go have a grown tube for

(11:15):
you. I don't like that it's for me.
No, but just forever. Like Dennis Springsteen, is your
dad home? I am your dad, Alan.
Have you ever met a rock star? No, no, I really haven't.
No, I, I, I haven't really hobnob with many celebrities.
A student next to Robert Patrickfrom Terminator 21 time.

(11:36):
Well, that's good. And he was, you know, he seemed
all right. I didn't talk to him, but he
seemed all right. No, I I really have not met very
many famous people. Because you love ACDC, would he
be the guy you'd like to meet the most?
Mr AC No. Brian.
Brian. Brian, I'd love to meet Brian
Johnson, but they're is that. What he's called, Yeah, I said
that like I'll say it and then we'll you'll tell me the real
thing. You know, Brian Johnson is the
singer. Yeah.
Like, like the guy that jacks his son's blood.

(11:59):
You know, that guy that's tryingto live forever.
That weird. Oh yeah, it's also.
Called Brian Johnson. Is that working?
No, Look at what somebody said. We'll know in 10 years when he
dies of old age. He looks terrible, or doesn't he
looks awful. He keeps being like, people tell
me I look 29. I'm like, I mean, I look older
than what you would be if you weren't doing all this shit. 29
BC dude, yeah. Did you see him before he did
all this? And he was just like a normal

(12:20):
looking, yes, reasonably handsome guy, yes.
But no, he looks, he looks like a healthy man that's got a
serious illness, you know, like he's like he's dying, yes, but
he has been healthy. And he's dressing too young.
It's like bro get the M&S like just bite the.
Blue Harbour, get it on. Where's Atlas?
Blue Harbour. It's the M&S like linen shirts
and stuff for. I'd never go linens you.

(12:43):
He loves you like a little linen.
Holiday, but what do? You love.
Don't look at me like that. You do love and love linen gear.
You love linen? Gear thing with linen.
Well, apart from your love, a little linen apart from your.
Old linen. Apart from your old linen
outfits you wear, we go to Australia.
You are a lot of linens. And the sun, it's different.
You dress like a York trip. Did you wear linen in new?

(13:04):
York. He was walking head to toe
around Manhattan. And you slur.
The dead and number do with the shirt can't call me the M word
and I'm like what the machine? When you wear linens, you look
like. When you wear linens, you look
like rich guy who they sent overto from part of the East India

(13:25):
Company. Yeah, we're colonising India.
That's what you look like. Do you?
Think people dressed like that in the 1600s?
What linens? Think they're rocking?
Some kind of linen, not like buttons and.
That buttons in the 1600s you don't.
Know they didn't. How did they not have buttons?
Not the way we have buttons. What?
There's no other versions of buttons.
There's loads of buttons. No, there's not.

(13:46):
Buttons. Buttons.
Clown. Buttons Clown Pantomime buttons.
Those buttons show buttons. Big red buttons.
And you know those things that you like strings and stuff,
drawstrings and things like that.
The button came before the drawstring.
No it didn't. Right.
Well, OK, but it. Would have, I don't know, you
just accepted. That that infantal by Harold
Button in 1787. Were the inventors by Harold?

(14:09):
Hold on, hold on. I'll play poker with this guy
because here's his tail. It's like my grandma used to eat
a supper with no teeth. That's how it's like a slobber.
You look, you're on the way. They're like a grand eating
this. You're grand eating and supper.
No further was a lot of slobber as well.
That's. Not immersing, listening to old
people eat, just die, just die. This is so annoying.

(14:35):
Eating crispy pancakes like what's a real old guy dinner?
Keppers God. Yeah, checking.
Sorry. Better question have been what
did you up for dinner last night, Alan?
Looks like guy always trying to find the loophole to order the
pensioner special. Like, come on, I'll put some
talent to my beard. Just eat yourself away.
A. Chicken Kievs, An old man's

(14:57):
dinner. With a couple of slices of
buttered bread. Butter bread with Mashed potato
is very old, like a lot of stewsand things like that.
Stew would be old. Yeah, that's a old people can't
really cook. No cottage pie, Yeah.
Shepherd. 'S pie, Shepherd's pie.
The only pasta that we need A little lasagna.
Yes, yes, and they only with chips.
Yeah, they love a boiled vegetable.

(15:19):
Aye, and kind of cabbage. On seasoned chicken like just.
Just a boiled boiled chicken. Yeah, and the.
It's a boiler broiled. Boiled, boiled, broiled.
Broiled is different, isn't it? But I don't know what it is, but
it is. Different.
You dare say it? What?
Don't you dare say it. What won't cause anything?
Yes, you are. You're going to say in different
parts of the world that's broiled.

(15:41):
I wasn't in this. Why would I say sure?
What part, What parts of the world would stay that?
Other parts that aren't here, you're like, yeah, it was.
Like like Spain. Yeah, what do you mean?
And so buttons. Yes. 2800 to 2600 BC.
Buttons. Let me let me see for this,

(16:03):
because this never happens. Yeah, fucking idiots.
I've I've got a fucking first class honours degree in history.
Yeah, I was just bullshitting. I just played.
I just played chicken. But I still stand over the linen
shirts didn't look like. The dinosaurs had buttons from
the sounds of that. When do you think the dinosaurs?

(16:23):
No, no, no. But like the Prius, no.
No, you answer that question. That's not prehistoric.
Do you know why? Because we fucking dated it.
That's not, that's a. Million years ago.
Dinosaurs 2,000,000 years ago. Or another give or take.
Give or take what a Millennium couple.
Million. 65,1,000,065 million years.
Old and the earliest ones, but the dinosaurs were around for a

(16:45):
long time, yeah. Did they exist?
Yes. We had this discussion.
Dan doesn't think dinosaurs exist.
Fuck off, Don. I didn't say that.
That's my, that's my opening statement.
Fuck off. Discuss.
You don't think the dinosaurs existed?
I didn't say that. What did you say?
I think. We'll find the guy who's burning
all the 5G tars and. If the earth was created when

(17:08):
Jesus said it was 6000 years ago.
Jesus didn't say that. The Bible.
Jesus didn't write it. Yeah.
OK, why the Bible like Jesus's boy?
He never said nothing what he said.
Fuck you talking about? He misquoted.
Jesus actually said fuck all andhe didn't write it because
that's why they were saying things like Jesus said and not
here's me. It's got more important things

(17:29):
to worry about. No Bible passage is open with
you know what it is, right? No.
But here's the thing though. I'll tell you about my
mother-in-law, right? Let's just use common sense.
I love when a taxi driver hits you with common sense and then
says the most mad. Thing Were humans ever alive at
the same time as dinosaurs? No.

(17:50):
No. Right, millions and millions of
years different for. The theory is a lot of
dinosaurs, well, a lot of them are killed by, you know, some
sort of cataclysmic event, an asteroid, Some.
Big freeze. Big freeze could be a big freeze
too. Could have been a comet.
Some of them evolved into birds.Oh, straight away as the comet
was coming down. Either like fuck evolve really

(18:10):
fast, it was like Digimon or something.
One of them was just like I'm freezing, just went and feathers
came out. But they're like your adult
teeth. They're already in there.
He's got a. Force.
Tonight, Yeah, one just did a big sneeze.
One guy's like, one guy sees them all flying off he goes, you
could turn David, you could turninto any kind of bird.
He goes sweet. He's just running about.

(18:36):
You think the first one to get feathers experienced homophobia?
Yeah. Big fruit.
Yeah, Tyrannosaurus fruit. Bomasaurus Rex.
Megasaurus. Let's make no mistake, the only
animals getting homophobic abuseof the guys with these them on
their heads. They're not philosophy Raptors.

(18:58):
Alan, you know who I'm talking about, guys it.
Kills Dennis Nedry in Jurassic Park and it sprays the goo in
his eyes. Oh, spraying a goo in his eyes.
You're ready for some goo in your eyes.
Those guys were fruity, right? Dip a lot of Diplodocus.
Some Diplodocus. In your butt?

(19:19):
Is that what they're called? You know your body is a docus.
You could not be a gay man. You've got a dirty toss down.
Diplodocus it's. Mad that's in your butt.
She Morgan. And then I club in like, yeah,
I'm just here for the butt because he's a ravenous game on
that doesn't swear. Here mate, do you eat bum?

(19:42):
You're coming to suck a. Penis up.
Toilet. Show me your wee man.
Are we Jimmy Joe? Is that what you call it?
You're there like. Willie or George Wells?
Armour Wills. Oh gosh, this podcast is also
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(20:03):
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(20:25):
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(21:11):
The description. The underneath the episode.
But I did breathe that the dinosaurs, they may have had
feathers. We have no way of talent.
Right, I think those Raptors were hurry.
Wouldn't. Change anything, would it?
Would it change your day? Make Jurassic Park.
The dinosaurs had feathers. Why do you think like finding
out something must change the course of your life that's so

(21:33):
intense? Like every bit of trivia you
ever learn, Alan met Robert Patrick.
I'm not sleeping tonight. Because here's what I'm saying.
Clayton Notley brought in the welfare state, but how's that
change on hang on. Why are we spending?
They're probably spending a lot of money on that.
See anything? They're thinking this thing
might be a thing. Scientists, nerds.

(21:54):
They'll be spending. I can't Clayton Notley or claim
it that way. I thought I called them Clayton,
I think. I thought I called them Clayton.
That would that would were in myday I.
Woke up in a nightmare there, sort of in conversation with
someone earlier I said Clayton that.
That would bother. Me.
Well, they actually prefer to becalled Clems athlete, so you got
to go. Exactly, Caldwells.

(22:20):
So if you're going to have a Coke.
There. What do you mean?
It's got a froth out of his mouth.
I. Had two cool heroes at lunch.
Oh fuck. Calm down, Ozzy Osbourne.
That's not fine. Yeah, just I'd like have so
much. That's what I'm saying.

(22:41):
It's. Fucking segment and I like a
laugh knob. Don't do it.
Literally talk about a bit the head of a baseball but.
Fucking segment. I he.
Put off Conor McGregor's Dick. So they're spending the money on
finding out if dinosaurs had feathers.
Let's spend money, guess. No, they're not.

(23:02):
They're guessing they're not going.
Just some boys shooting, shooting some.
Shit. Shooting some shit.
They'll be sitting down and going.
I think dinosaurs love Led Zeppelin.
Like there might be some research involved.
They'll be dusting stuff. They'll be dusting stuff in
beige cargo gear, dusting things.
You'd fit right in. You love loose fitting these

(23:24):
trousers and all I. Love the look but.
The financial year is here, Willie.
Just we monocle. Keep digging, Buzz.
I want me to find the feathered Rex.
So who cares if they find that out?
You care. I care, but we can just think
something could. Be buying people food but
instead of doing this research. Well, I mean, we could be bad
people food instead of recordingthis podcast.

(23:44):
Like how far do you take? Yeah, well, we know all.
That's such a that's such a likea dickhead watching live aids
attitude to take and why we spent money on this.
We could be spending money on don't matter.
You're spending money on this. Get over it.
I mean. Some things you're just
interesting. Give all your money to hungry
people. You passed three homeless people
on the way here. You didn't didn't give Amazon
much. I didn't.
You did. I didn't.

(24:04):
You did you Spot on. There's all Coke 0 as well.
I wasn't. I was doing the We Dressing Park
dinosaur thing. Blown goo in the rice.
I only get much sleep with the minute brother.
That's OK. Yeah.
In context, you're asking this because I'm just.
I'm not a baby, but you know, there's.

(24:26):
Like the first guy who would. I was threatening.
That you said naturally, yes. Are you saying I've got a belly?
Is that? No, no, not at all.
I just mean like, OK, it would be nice if it would happen.
To me specifically, just. Yeah, I think you would not be
against it. No, I'd do it if there were like
there's an easy way to do it. I'd do it like, you know?
Do you think so? Yeah.
Why not? Is the sleeping hard after you

(24:46):
first have a kid? Like is it because some people
say? It's not you don't say.
Well, we had the thing. So are we guard she first cup of
death, sleeping dead on like sort of 3-4 hours of time.
Brilliant. And then turned out she's
allergic to one of the proteins and normal milk.
So for weeks, like, while they were trying to figure out what
was going on, she just could notlie on her back, like, really
miserable up all the time, like squealing like 16 hours a day.

(25:08):
And then they changed her like special milk.
And it immediately, like, chain turned it round, like Shane.
Yeah, immediately turned it round.
And the first night that she waslike, had the full day of the
new milk, she slept for seven hours straight, which is like on
her. But.
And like I was saying to Dan downstairs, I was like, you'd be
thinking, oh, that's brilliant. It means you got to sleep for
seven hours. You go, no, the entire 7 hours

(25:29):
you're going. Why is she not waking up?
Yeah, yeah. What is?
What is wrong with? You do so many just breathing
cheques and the it's almost likeobviously it's not worth.
But like when they do a bit of sleeping at the start, that's
good. You go, well, this is it forever
now. Yeah.
I log into a false sense of like.
And like she's finally starting to settle.
But then tease and they'll startany week now.
So, but the first two nights, they tell you all the time, it's

(25:52):
like you don't let your baby sleep on its side, right?
It's dangerous. But what they mean is don't like
swaddle it up and leave it on its side all night.
What they don't tell you is for the first two weeks, they
instinctively turn on their sideand curl up like they're still
in the womb. So the first two nights, every
20 seconds, either me or Bruno were lifting the baby and
putting her onto her back. So you didn't sleep at all

(26:12):
because you're going, Oh my God,she's going to die if we leave
her on her side overnight. It was a fucking nightmare.
I think these are over cautious parents like.
You think so? In your experience?
Yeah, I've friends like none of my like I've friends who
parents, they weren't that strict on it like.
You've had the turn out. Fine, fine.
They weren't that strict on it. They.
Weren't that strict on that. Oh.
Not did Kelly. They'd be all they leave them in

(26:34):
the hotel, just go across the road.
No, it was great. It turned.
Out all right, Scottish lad, youwouldn't know.
What's his name? Never matter, never matter, said
Don't know, come in. Can't remember.
Come see a doctor, I think I meta new him.
I think he's that was. I was.
I think he's that was they're medicines they're now but
Zorbar's fine. 2 twins. McGinn or something?

(26:58):
You're here you are nasty piece of work.
That's who you are. You're now I.
Will say Maddie McGinn sounds like a different, very
different. Story Maddie McGinn sounds like
a an Irish born tenant. I don't know I just the name
just came to me. Sounds like an Irish bar.
Maddie Mcginns I better send like Turkey, yes.
Meeting Maddie Mcginns and then we'll go right after that, yeah.

(27:18):
Have you got any like trips coming up or you like what's
going to be the first? With the baby or without?
Without. Without where?
I'm going to Edinburgh next month.
Do you know what? You know what you'll do?
You'll go. I'm going to have a 12 hour
sleep and I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that.
Your body is going to be still in that clock.
Yeah, Oh yeah. Like even there's been a couple

(27:39):
a couple of nights where I say Iwas in the office the next day
and I do like 12 hours in the office because of condensed me
art. So I slept in the spare room,
just so you know, and you still wake as if, you know, every two
hours, as if you're have to get up, you know.
But yeah, I'm going over to CACDC in Edinburgh and then
stand for the French. Hello.
Sorry, is that it? Is that an ACDC tribute banner?
No, the actual ACDC. I thought you said you're going

(28:01):
to see ADC as in you're going tosee.
No no no, see actual ACDC in Murrayfield.
Which is why the Fringe is even more expensive for comedians.
This. Year he's not be out with me, so
he's going. To say I'm not going to get 12
hours sleep with him. Fuck, sick probably be able to
give us something to take the tiredness away.
Don't. Let him sleep on the side you
have to keep. Make sure he's on his back
sleeping. Ah, that's true.
Yeah, actually, yeah. That's weird, isn't it?

(28:21):
There's an adult that's the opposite.
They're like, don't let him sleep on his back, he might die.
He's a weird sleeper. What's that mean?
Like like in terms of what he does with the duvet, the sheets,
the way. That's the gear.
But he's like. I get night terrors.
I'm like, we'll strip the bed and.
Well, that's good. We're not.
I'm not sleeping with you, but I'm not.
I'm also not stay in your house,but I'm not saying.

(28:43):
See how well the show's. Going to go.
On ACDC, No, he's got to do some.
My compilation show or compilation show is over though.
Not what you do. Well just get nice level drunk
and go see some shit. Yes, that's I think that's about
an end. I mean.
Awful, Bruno, my partner's coming over for one night.
So you started. Willing show.

(29:06):
Well, you're not on it, so it might be good that time.
Just getting right camping here.What's going on?
And then yes, a brother's comingover for the last night.
So we'll that'll be the first night where we're both so well.
For it. That'll be good.
I asked a question in the plot earlier.
What was the latest friend you've made?

(29:27):
Like time frame? How long ago did you make your
last friend? That's a comedian or not a
comedian. Emmy.
I Franco was probably my latest friend I would think.
So you think he's the last in, in terms of?
Yeah, I'm trying to think. I mean, there's people that I
get on what's not, but I feel like he's most.
I mean like a friend. I would say Kieran Franco was a
mate of mine and he's probably the person I met most recently,

(29:48):
yes, so. Because the time is full.
But like. Do you think do you have any new
mates? I make new friends every day,
mate. It's going in the morning.
You smile. The stranger That's a new
friend. Tom Smith, what's going on?
Smile to the stranger. Oh fuck you with your hustle and
grind attitude. Probably last week.

(30:12):
You hustle on grinder. I don't think after a week you
can say somebody's your friend. No, I can't.
You can't. That's because you've got
attachment issues like this. Then I would never make someone
my friend. I absolutely no no.
No, no, attachment issues could be both ways.
It could mean you've differentlyformal attachments or that
you're overly clingy to people. Oh, no, it's interesting.
OK. I understand that.
Let's be honest, something I could never, I could no, I'll

(30:34):
say one thing I could never be accused of is being overly
clingy. No, maybe not in in his love
life, but maybe in his friendship.
No, he's not. I'm I'm honestly hard to get a
serious. Well, then you didn't make a
friend last week. You could.
These two things are gone, no? But I but I consider someone a
friend if like I get on with them and then I'll text them.
I'm like, that's a friend. Then there's tears.
My in school I was clinging to friends.

(30:57):
I don't know. I don't have any friends from
school because I was too like I realised not that long ago I
call, I used to call for people all the time, like mates when I
was younger. Don't remember anyone going for
me. Oh man.
I think I think I was too much for friends.
I was too much. Were you that friends where the
parents were coming to the houseand be like OK, shame we're
going to have dinner now and you're like, oh it's OK, yeah,

(31:20):
I'm gluten free by the way, so whatever is in the.
Cupboard. Absolutely.
And also, this is 1998, so I hope you've got something in.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was.
I think I was the clinger, yeah.Right.
OK, I don't know what I was likereally.
I was that when I was a kid? Yeah, I'm the opposite now.
Yeah. Where I'm like, I'm just going
to leave people like we want youto like chill them.

(31:41):
Like Matt's going to go. Yeah.
Oh yeah, I love not overstay my welcome.
Absolutely. Always even want more.
Yeah. That's.
Right. I've never heard anyone say we
want some more Alan Irwin. Try having sexually, they're
like that was not enough. We need some less Alan Irwin.
This here like 3 rooms away. Like a snooker here actually got

(32:07):
around my back. It's not like that, all right?
Leave the ring on a spur. I remember years ago at the
Pavilion, Ronan Linsky said no one can warm to a man with a big
penis. And he's right.
That's why comedians never go. Who made ducks massive?
But statistically, some of us must have big Dicks.
Yeah, she's trying to like one went up the other.

(32:30):
That's why I'm so friendly. That's not my one in me.
Like that's yeah, don't you? Comedian comedians aren't aren't
shot communal Sharon during sport.
Eh, there's no, yeah, there's nofolks.
No. Because we played the Man United
Legends game and after there waslike the comedians team had gone

(32:50):
off and there was like 5 of us in the change rooms and I was
like, well, I assume because we're doing we're going for like
a drink after we're all just going to get shot.
So I'd like Shard and then walked out of the shore and it
was like, Kieran, you maybe Darren and somebody else.
And I was having a conversation and I was like, everyone's like,
weird. And then I was like.
My friendly dressed at this point just just chilling.

(33:10):
Yeah, like no one else is short,you know what I mean?
Right. Were you naked?
Yeah, but not for like I wasn't did.
You have a towel around you. No, I was on my way to get my
tile. Hold on.
Why would you not bring your tile with you?
Well, because we're in the changing rooms.
Yeah, but he turned. Into.
Old man in Egypt, like he was trying to make conversation with
me and I'm like, dude, I'm just in here to get my bag and he's

(33:31):
like, show him game on it. I'm like, but yeah, I mean like,
here's. The thing where am I going to
put in the tile? Over like nearby, just nearby.
Nearby. My gear is nearby.
I'm here in the shower. So it's his.
Just hanging on Alan's deck. My gears there I'm.
Not even there. I said fucking could still do
it. Yeah.

(33:53):
Willie is going to go on trip ofa lifetime soon.
He was invited. I was, yeah.
But really, I can't go to Vegas for a fucking week next year.
Yeah. Although also Vegas I feel like
would annoy me. You're awake.
Absolutely. This guy's a party animal when
he gets going. Right, but see.
But see, in that case, this man needs one, maybe two nights in

(34:14):
Vegas. That's what I would.
I would like to go to Vegas as like part of a trip somewhere
else, if you know what I mean. Go for a couple of days.
We did as part. Of better gambling go and see
fucking I don't know what would be Elton John now but you know I
mean some fucking show Cher I don't know why I'm picking all
the gay icons but the. But you're right.
But it's a two night time, yeah.Yeah, a girl I worked with went
for two weeks and I can't even imagine that.

(34:35):
No, I think what we're planning to do is 3 or 4 days in Vegas
and then maybe go to Austin or LA.
Somewhere, I think that's but yeah, I'd go to California or.
Something WrestleMania 42 in Vegas, I'll happy.
Here's a phrase I hate, but it'sright in this context.
I love that for you. I love.
That I love that for him too. Men supporting men, I love that
for you. It was almost.
Like a picture of your wee face that's.

(34:57):
Him. Yeah, losing it over the most
niche wrestler. It's a Lethal weapon.
Steve Blackman. Could you imagine you're on in
the Steve Blackman? Even I remember him.
I was going to say Crash Holly, but you're unlikely to listen to
him. Actually, he's.
Yeah, a lot of the wrestlers aredead sure.
Oh my God, that's gold. So earthquake.
He's dead too. Is he?
Yeah, John, 10th is. Dead guys?
Yeah, let me use another common Internet phrase.

(35:22):
This isn't it. All right, but let me ask you
this. If you could run into an obscure
wrestler from like the 90s, who would you like to run into?
Viscera. Are.
You shocked the £600 love machine.
We would wrestle. For it would be a cool one for
a. Good.
The APA comeback. Yeah, I'd like that.

(35:43):
I might do the fun access. I might.
Oh. You should do you should the
rain. Coming down the Hulkster.
Are you that sad like? No, no.
I'm not. Oh no, an old racist is dead.
I don't. I'm not happy that someone has
died, no. Me neither, but like I'm not it
it it. I love it.
If you guys were talking to the family like this and all races

(36:05):
died, I mean, you know, no one. He didn't.
Speak to him. Either you know.
Oh yeah? Oh yeah, He'd never met his
grandkids. Oh no, refused to.
Oh no, brother, he refused to meet.
Them. He wasn't a nice man.
No, Yeah, yeah. But is he going to be like, will
they do a lot of remembrance stuff for him?
I. Think the half day is too big a

(36:26):
figure you know. And figures running about that.
They're actually they released footage of them getting like on
the Gurney from when he was coming out.
Right, that seemed really insensitive they would do that.
It's TMZ. They put up the 911 call all
like. But you couldn't tell it was
Hogan until you saw them during the compressions and then they
were doing that. I actually thought he's dead.

(36:47):
Then he got up and started going3 punches in a big book and.
Can't get the shirt off and he went, no worries.
Is it true he didn't die at the start?
Is it true that I see you? That's good.
That's good. That was good.
That was good. They actually could, they
actually got there early and they could have saved them.
But it was a black paramedic andHogan was like, get him the fuck

(37:09):
out of here. He's racist.
Yeah, very racist. Yeah, whenever his son was in
prison for causing a car accident, that power or put his
mate in a coma, Hogan said. Obviously, he says.
If we die, the worst thing you could possibly do is come back
as a black guy. He said the other guy who
influenced this, he said influenced the son.
The drink he goes, I'm glad he, I think he's like, I'm glad he's

(37:30):
dead and I hope he gets reincarnated as a black man.
I need a man. What you're going to do?
I loved whatever he got caught saying the N word on tape that
went right. You're going to have to
apologise to all the wrestlers because there's so many like
young black wrestlers that like looked up to you.
And his apology was, hey brother, you never know when

(37:50):
you're being filled, so be careful.
You know, no one wants a genuineapology to start with.
Hey brother. Hey brother.
There's no room for brother. But also in it's been
particularly when you're apolog for being a racist, don't look
at a little black guys and call them brother.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The hulks are like, what do it?
How did he die cardiac? Cardiac rest, but he hadn't been
in good health for a long time, I think.
What, 'cause people probably as a wrestler, always think you're

(38:11):
faking? Classic boy, you cried wolf.
He's a great seller, you know. Well, I'm having a heart attack,
brother. All right, mate.
Yeah, yeah. I can't believe Rick Flair
outlived him. I know.
I saw him do like an, you know, an interview with TMZ or
something and the wreck was on FaceTime or something.
He's like living. Me and Hog Brother, we would

(38:34):
make magic in the ring. It wasn't like me and Steamboat
Brothers fucking League. You can see, you can hear
bottles clinking every time. And then he has a wee cry and
then just scrunched his eyes, makes him bleed because the
forehead skin is so thin. You know, apparently it's now I
write a passage in Tampa to like, lift Rick Flair off.
The ground he was telling us something after.
He after he shit himself. He shits himself and passes out.

(38:55):
Is it real shit or is it a work?What do you think he's done it
for the Fanny? I think he's got a wee, wee toy
one and he's everything is staged, like everything,
everything. So he fake dog shit with him.
It's just the little joke I liketo do, brother.
I don't know why he talks so I don't know if that's.
It's not bad. It's like it's such an attempt.

(39:16):
It's not the best, it doesn't sound like him, but the manner
is you have. To say who you're doing one of
those ones. Well, he was on Sorry, Wills was
on my wrestle podcast The worst.It was a couple of years ago and
he did an impression of Rick Fair, but he did Cartman.
He like in my eyes. I can do everyone can do one

(39:38):
wrestling. I can do a decent Savage.
Robbie, Robbie. Yeah, I.
Was a world class player in my day.
Brother, Yeah. I love that story about Roy King
wanted to sign Robbie Savage forSunderland and he rang him.
He got his number off. He think he was a Derby and got
his number and Ryan he went thisis Robbie Savage.
What the And then he hung up. When I'm not fucking signing

(39:59):
that and. He told Savage up and he was
like, oh, I don't know. I don't think I can do any
wrestling impression. I don't know how people do.
I can only do Gordon Ramsay saying big boy, that's
impression. No, I don't know why you've
brought it because I'm saying hewould be a great raster though.

(40:21):
But. I'm on fucking raw.
Can you smell what the fuck cooking, big boy?
Yes. But other than going big boy,
that's it. That's the only celebrity
impression I can do. Fuck me he does.
Everyone can give Stone Cold andgo.
Oh well, I love it's whatever. He's a bad guy and he's like

(40:43):
lost all the things that are cool about him.
And Kurt Angle comes in with some gifts and and Austin goes I
love presents, which is I love it.
I love presents. Not the same.
I think it's down the road. Catch your ass down the road.
There's a bit more in the throat.
Down the road. Bob Dylan How many roads must a

(41:06):
sorry song bitch walk down? What would be doing your
favours, Kurt? What?
Was the best ever wrestling cameo from a celebrity.
Now we're getting into. It.
All the guys robo cops. Robo cops got to be up there.
Now we're getting into it. Oh boy.
Are going to blow up on this one, then we're going.

(41:28):
Viral. So.
The four, The four. Hulk Hogan just went viral.
The Four Horsemen locked Sting in a cage and they were like, Oh
no, how is going to get a singer?
No, the wrestler, That would be great too.
They were like, please just stop, go back to the police.
So they were like, and then speaking to the police, they
were like, who's going to save him?

(41:49):
And fucking RoboCop came out andbent the bars on the cage and
saved him. So in the world of wrestling,
RoboCop is a real guy. The 10 seconds clip is so funny
though. It's like and Sting has the
horseman in a cage and here comes RoboCop and just cuts off.
Trump's a good one. Yeah, Was he in a furlong?
For like 3 months like he was the general manager of RAW.

(42:09):
Yeah, yeah, Holy shit. He was a long time ago, too.
But yeah. He also did a storyline where
Vince McMahon got blown up in a limousine and he phoned WWE and
was like, I hear Vince has died.You're like, it's like, it's
obviously a fucking storyline. Impressions.
Maybe the worst Trump. I can't do it.
I'd love to be able to hear Trump.
Died. That was a bit Lily Savage.

(42:31):
You'd love to do a good Trump. Oh.
Stop talking about butts. Release the files.
No I meant like because meanwhile he do it every every
week. Oh yeah, also, Trump's in hot
water at the. Moment Paul Smith, Bring him on
Trump. What do you do that's gay?

(42:52):
And do you? Hello mate.
Oh, you're a teacher, pedo? I love Crump.
Crump. That's that's his bread range.
Donald Trump. Trump didn't crowd work would be
amazing. Alan, what was the last movie
you saw? Fuck.

(43:14):
Oh, watch a rewatch. Liar, liar.
Jim Carrey. Love Lara.
Lara. Really.
I I I've started to watch films that like you can watch while
minding a baby. So you'd like, you know, they're
just all in the background kind of thing.
Lara Lara is fucking great. Actually, I was brilliant, but
I've seen it like I come up the last new fellow my saw.
Yeah, I don't know the time. Well, isn't.
We said I'm a boy at the minute,I love going to cinema by

(43:35):
myself. Oh, me too.
Yeah, you're a cinema. Yeah, people say that about you.
Yeah. Do you love?
What do you do? You snack up if you're going by
yourself. Sometimes like once a week I'll
snack up but even recently I've been trying to snack up buying
all the stuff and then having tomy filled up and gone.
Like I actually can't eat that easy sick, but if I am.
Do you think when you go off theManjano you'll still feel like

(43:57):
it? No.
Right, that's usually why that'sthe problem you see for people,
isn't it? Then it's just they're offered
the creams all come back. What?
What is your snack in the cinema?
What do you go for? Sweet.
Popcorn. Yep.
Bag of peanut M&M's. No, Drop that into the popcorn.
Shake it up. You never know what.
No, I just get I, well, you do you know popcorn pop peanut
M&M's? I just get sweet popcorn on a

(44:18):
large coke. Fantastic shows.
No, the nachos are gross. Does my head and anybody order
nachos? Fucking cheese sauce now just
don't have it. Why is that not necessary?
Because it's loud. One more time, one second on the
Walters just eating some nachos you get you get annoyed, get

(44:43):
annoyed at weird things people do in public.
Yeah. If you fart around this guy.
No, he showed up at Lavery's on Wednesday night.
He was there. I mean, 20 seconds.
Karen Franco's just come off state, you know, lovely boy,
your newest friend Karen Franco.Franco comes off stage, everyone
saying like well done, fist bumper, high 5, whatever.
Willie just lands down, not on the bill.

(45:04):
Willie goes, yes mate, put it up.
Kieran, the most genuine guy in the world goes for high 5.
Willie takes it away and then fart.
That's weird, but like, but thatis.
Weird. The gig is going on, everyone's
being quiet and then he goes, I was like, oh, I was like, don't
do that. And he goes, why have you got a
problem with farting? I was like I don't as a concept
but the last 10 seconds have annoyed.

(45:27):
Me well, also like look, I'm going to say this.
I have no problem with farting. I think farting is fucking
hilarious, but also I do have a problem with you hurting my
newest friend Karen Franco, the sweetest boy and.
Christian doing a fart like. That's so funny.
Take your hand away and then fart not but that's so funny.
That's the funniest thing that'sever happened.
But he also went you're in public.
Don't be farting. No, and my voice don't you're.

(45:47):
Implied you know what now it depends on swung I'm starting to
side when I. Didn't say it like that.
And also it's, you know, weren'tthe fucking the Governor's ball,
We were just lads hanging out. We're just boys being boys.
Well, no, actually we were guys at work.
Yes, You know, Men At Work. Men At Work.
Yeah, we did. Yeah.
It was my horse, you. Would fart.

(46:08):
When you fart. Yeah, this is the sound of
willing to fart. No, no, it's cavernous.
Cavernous. That sounds like your phone's on
the bedside table. It sounds like someone's done a
Glade air freshener out of The Cave in Cave Hill.
So specific I know. Out of our cave.

(46:31):
No, it's that cave. Like some caves are small.
He then he got annoyed that. I yeah but show her fucking the
fucking earth thing what it called.
Caving it seems to be the worst hobby in the world.
Yeah, you see, I think where people go into those really
narrow fucking like. Nutty potty cave?
Did you ever read about that? Is that your arsehole?

(46:52):
Guys, I don't appreciate the rampant homophobia on this A lot
of. Men have got.
Something something we've been guessed to do.
You've been disgusting. A lot of men have gone into the
nutty potty cave that never return Willy's nutty potty cave
like. Homophobia is not cool guys 20.5
we're. Not talking about men.
Our allies are under. Attack.
No, we're not. Yeah, Willy, it's not just men
that go into your butt. Sure.

(47:13):
So I've been homophobic. Men, women, small woodland
credit. Credit.
Don't call them credit car keys.Yeah.
So critters is what Jimmy Page calls that we girl.
You know, he's like, like I said, that makes a year like a
wee nuns. Critters is what Pete Townsend
was just researching a book about.
Yeah, seriously, don't think about it.
That's fine. Not Pete Townsend.
Was Pete Townsend. Oh yeah, I think of Pete
Doherty. What's?

(47:34):
A naughty potty cave it. Was a guy, it was a cave in
America and a guy got stuck upside down in it for like 3
days and they tried to put him out and they couldn't.
He died. He's still there.
He's dead now like, but he's still there.
How do you know he's dead? Well, because he's been in there
with a food or water for years. So if you've read the twits, he
actually shrinks into himself some.

(47:57):
Maybe he's just fucking. Some Roald Dahl knowledge for
yourself. Well, he dropped a bit of Roald
Dahl banter. Like which favourite Roald Dahl
book? Mind boy.
I would be the man. Twits, I could say all for you.

(48:21):
Shop. I'm looking for a boy who they
book. Book.
Yeah. What's up?
Roald Dahl, I don't mind what he's called.
I like the book about his teenage years.
It's called Going Solo, which here we did a lot of that when

(48:42):
we're teenagers. Am I right, brother?
This. Is not boy and then man.
But no going solo. Because I read that one and then
there was one after. But is that I?
Didn't think you'd have any interest in man.
He gets up, he turns 13, he's like, that's enough.
That's enough. I'm I'm soft in here.
I thought it. Won't be called mom, boy, yeah
or boy man. Boy man, the world she had a

(49:05):
superhero. I'm just thinking the last two
minutes must be nice for you after the roast of Willy T.
What do you mean? Inferring someone else's
announce, Yeah. Yeah, a lot of people infer I'm
announce. Yeah, it's true.
Infer. Just tell the truth.
Whatever. Allege this.
Child bread that How good is that?
Child all here. I know.

(49:25):
Well, I put up a couple of really like I made a couple of
clips of it. I was like, it was a fucking
great night. So fun.
It needed a wee break in the middle.
Yes, but we've done it now, so. Yeah, it's trying, Lara, isn't
it? As well.
It's like and also just people need to be more rigid about
their time. Yeah, I think.
I also think like crowds here aren't used to what roasts are.

(49:45):
Well, they think of roast battles, you know, where it's
just back and forth between two people.
Yes. But obviously those are comedy.
Isn't being rude to each other like this specific brand of
comedy is exactly that? That's what it is.
Do you have a load of dad material you're doing at the
minute? Like are you?
I've I've started to write a fewbits and.
I find it's quite hard when you're in it.

(50:05):
Yeah, yeah. You need to have a better
perspective. You know what I mean?
But I'm trying to write a littlebit at the minute.
The baby should only really sleep if you play Lloyd YouTube
videos of ambient Cafe sounds. And I think it's driving me
insane. And also there she has these
lights on the walls that I cut. The room is so bright that it's
like sleeping on a rave. It's really horrible and I think

(50:27):
I'm losing my mind. Is this a bit or is this just
making therapy? I use those sounds too, but I've
had. The Why do you do rain?
Sounds but like. I'm so used to them now I fell
asleep to the other one of SMR. You're in the trenches at World
War One and you can generally just hear the cannon fire in the
distance on the guns fire in, but it's like ages away.
It's really nice. And that sends you to sleep.

(50:49):
You couldn't do that. Whatever the top loves.
Hold on, he's asleep. Uh huh.
Betty, do you wear headphones oris it playing on a speaker?
I play it on a speaker that's mental.
I like to think I'm in battle. But how casual are you that you
can sleep? You know what you need to put on
snicker. My old snicker matches.
Listen to this. I used to watch snicker

(51:09):
something he was sleeping and itwould be like this.
This is a sign this. Is a snicker impression of
snicker? This.
She and Todd didn't snicker. Close your eyes, both you.
He's definitely calling us a wagers on the night like there's
just no way these. And we're not.

(51:33):
I wrote in my eyes. Fuck you, I'm sorry.
Is that plugged in mate? I can't hear.
This is it coming, right? Ready.
Great. Shot add shit bars of comments.
Ronnie O'Sullivan now I've Sullivan wasn't a tiny but.

(52:05):
Oh, no, no. No.
No, that doesn't even. That doesn't even have Jim Davis
or John Virgo. It's not the kind of snooker.
They were doing the professionalsnooker matches though.
Yeah. No, they were doing big.
Brick. What was Big Brick?
It was a. Snooker.
Game show. What snooker and banter.
Was that all it was? No, that's a garage that was.
All all the contestants had a had a professional snooker

(52:26):
player paired up with them and if they.
He was involved, no. He was, yeah.
And. You got really annoyed at me
there. No, I was just like, I didn't
know what you meant. And I was like, I was like,
who's part? I thought I didn't know what I
thought was a problem. I was like, what the?
Fuck happened and so they would like they'd put a ball and then
give you a question. You got it right?
You want some money? Yeah.
But like bullseye but snooker, yeah.
And at the start of every game, John Virgo would hit one shot

(52:49):
and then he'd go, I need a rest.And Jim Davidson would go
already great. Theme tune as well anyway.
Like no theme tunes are just good night.
I'm gonna be snooker in you. Tonight, big break.
Yeah. That's a good one.
You're snooker Loopy. The song by Charles and Dave.
Snooker Loopy and him and me will show you what we can do the

(53:14):
rest and screw back for the yellow, pink and black Snooker
Loopy nuts. Away we're loopy.
No, I don't know. Imagine being in the the execs
in the listening room for that guys, Yeah.
Charles and they've surrounded by like the hose, like blonde

(53:37):
because I wear these goggles. That's actually him doing that.
Alan, you ever you ever go to a snooker hall?
A bit of pool occasionally but now snooker is.
I find snooker really boring so.Like, the table's too long,
you're not gonna walk around it,right?
Tony said. I met all the best.
Even like you have to pot on a certain order and all that shit,

(53:58):
who could be arsed? It's shite.
Yeah, snooker. Pill is also shite, no?
Who's all right? Like the pub or something, you
know you. Exactly phrase I'm shy to pull.
Oh, I don't. Be and bro.
Went. Just just to be thing to rest.
So yeah, no, me and me and Brunowent.

(54:19):
So the baby was with her mom fora couple of hours.
We just went for a pint and played pool and it was like it
was one of those bars were like old men.
And it was, it was the PD, you know, and, and it's a great bar.
And my dad just burst into flamethere and we were playing pool
and there was a couple of our lads like you sit at the bar and

(54:41):
one of them turned because he was really interested in our
put. And then after watching how bad
we were for about 5 minutes, he literally went and just turned
around and stopped watching. Didn't look at us again for the
rest of the night. Yeah, he's raging.
I hate playing. And then people were like moving
the ball with their hand, like, oh, don't worry about it.
What are we doing there? What are we doing?
Yeah, the number one we. I will cheat that every.

(55:03):
Year the rule Bender No. Cheat, you can tell.
I'm the Eddie Guerrero of board games.
And I used to think William was just a lovely, we wholesome guy.
Where did? You ever think that?
Honestly, I did think it for a while and then we would do board
game episodes, me, him and Karenand then we've been doing it for
like 2 years and then well he was like I'll cheat in this one,
I don't care I'll just tell you.And I was like, well, he's going

(55:24):
to cheat. They were like, yeah, he does.
If you watch him, he does it in every game you play.
I couldn't believe it was like find out something wasn't really
what. Do you mean cheat?
Like do you like move pieces? I'll move pages.
If you say an answer that's right, I'll tell you it's wrong,
but I don't do it every time. I just did every now and.
Then, well, it's like the oldestsay, the way to become a good
liar is to occasionally lie badly so people think that they

(55:44):
can tell when you're lying. That's He thinks he knows my
poker face. You know what?
I. Mean because then people go, Oh
well, when he lies he he can tell.
Yeah, that's why you don't know when I'm cheating, because you
think you know my tail. You don't know what that's the
tail I give you to make you. Think you've never played poker
against each other? I'm no, I don't like poker.
I'm actually really good at, well, I think I'm good because
my dad used to have poker scoreswith his friends.

(56:07):
I kicked ass out in Red Dead Redemption too, you know what I
mean? So I was like, that's.
So you're playing a computer game and you're kept making
your. Character Domino was on it as
well. You're doing it all, you know?
I know. Until I met Karen, Franco didn't
have many friends. Yeah, and now you've got 1
friend. One friend.
Yeah. Yeah.
But my dad would have poker skills and I used to win.
But I don't even like it. It's called up.

(56:27):
Why? I'm having a poker school.
That's what's called having guysaround to play poker.
Yeah. That's a poker school, right?
But I would win all the time. But now looking back, they were
all age like 7 or 8. But looking back.
Put you in. Shit, my dad.
No, she doesn't. Here's 100.
No, before he went to bed to go let Willie.
Do. We have you on and off.

(56:49):
Look you you got all the bakers.Well, I'm 7, my dad's fucking 24
like so it's not, it wasn't likea super responsible.
Dude, I just like they did. You've got happy families cards,
but they're just letting you in I guess.
No, looking back, I think they were all stoned as fuck and
they're, I was like, I'm a pokerprodigy.
And then they're just like, what's what is 7?

(57:09):
Yeah. Yeah, what is numbers?
What I I'd be a big Jack changerguy like I like about.
I like we better Jack changer. Jack Changer.
But I see, you know, the trends.I was like better Jack changing.
We're playing Jack, changing theway down to Oasis.
We're not. We're not.
Oh. You did you get tickets?
Yeah. When is it?
We're on the Sunday in Crow Park.
So is that next month or? Yeah, next month.
Yeah, great. I can't wait.

(57:30):
I'm making Willie fly back to Belfast instead of flying
directly to Dublin just so we can get the train up on me and.
I'll get you so drunk I'll fuck you up.
You need to be drunk for a week.You need to you know you'll say
you get well, you know what you when you say you'll do it, you
will do it. You can't.
He can't put pints away like. Oh, I could believe it.
He's quite a competitive guy, sohe's not going to just.

(57:50):
Be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, on a side do you were good fun.
Yeah. Mickey was a nightmare to keep
awake. Yeah.
Well, yeah, I know. Like it's Mickey.
I know. Have you ever properly painted
with Mickey? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, a good a load of times.
Did a lot in Edinburgh one year and then when I was opening firm
and Turf we, we, he, we honestlysaid we're doing our ma and he

(58:10):
was like, do you want to stay atmine after?
And we'll have a few beers. And I was like, yeah, sure.
And then I was just back from holiday.
We're done 3 solid desert drinking and it sort of went
will not bother. And then we were there that
early. We had one pint in the venue and
he went, Oh, fuck it. So we only, we went to a pub in
Lurgan and they, they had a lockin.
So we didn't go to bed to half four or something.
And then I was really hungover and got home and brought it home

(58:32):
and she was pregnant and I was like, this is a big day.
This is a big day. Yeah.
That's some hangover like. Messiest you been will make the
final space. I mean, during that podcast in
Dublin was pretty fucking messy.Yeah.
We were sent down to promote. Yes.
Yeah, we did a great job. I told them it was like sending

(58:52):
George Best, not like seconds down to do a product launch
somewhere. How did you think it was going
to go? I think it went good.
Then watch the bad guys like, ohwe were drunk like.
And really obviously drunk, likejust.
Like me and my care was like, ah, yeah.
So then you could beat Hitler ina fight.
Yeah, that was great. The messiest man Mickey I've
ever been, Joe. The messiest man Mickey have.

(59:13):
It's never been planned. Every time we were like, we'll
have a big one. It's never that.
It's always we'll have one here and then we end up fucking.
But that's that's the night's like that night in our mind, we
weren't doing anything. And then you're.
Having you I've got messy a few.Times.
Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, comedians, Christmas
theories are always messy. I was really the most recent
one. I was really hammered the year
before. I wasn't too bad, but that last

(59:34):
year I. Fucked me a year, Mckenney.
I passed in the bath when I got home.
As in you ran a bath, were in itand pesto you.
Know when I need a pest and turnto pest in the bath.
Do you have a toilet? It's just the.
Nose. No, I don't.
Know. I just shit in the bath and with
a stick. I was like, I told you, my

(59:54):
Tony's brother Ryan told his wife as a joke years ago that
there was something someone madea joke about shitting in the
shower. And she was like, oh, And he
turned to her and was like, sure, you know, I shouldn't
shower. And she was like, well, and he's
like, I just get in the shower from there and then just like,
kick it into the thing and all. He's like, no big deal.
And then years later she made reference to it and he was like,

(01:00:17):
I don't actually do that. And she was like, oh, I thought
you did. And.
She was still with. Him.
Yeah, Madam, you'd be like, That's not Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know if there's anybody that I would see and go here.
That's normal. You don't me rolling shirts in
the shower, I believe. Kidding.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Life is a roller coaster.
Like, you know what I mean? You just never.

(01:00:39):
Know all in the view. I think you'd like to plug and
promote bro. I'm not, no.
I mean I'm get Kill Your Darlings as a comical with a lot
of shows this month, you're doing a work in progress towards
the end. Dave's done a work in progress.
Colin's doing that with me, by the way, but.
Oh, is he great, even better. And then so killer down his
comedy on Instagram and also me and Ronan as he have a wrestling
podcast called The Worst There Was.
And at the minute, this season'sall About Hulk.

(01:01:00):
I'm enjoying that so. It's very time.
I I listened to their wrestling poem.
It's really good. Really, really good.
So other than that, you know. Wally, do you have anything you
want to plug in from? The Lazy Boys, me, Shane and
Mickey just being silly for an hour or two every week.
Check it out, it's very good and.
Then what about your Adam run? Because it'll still be on by the
time this comes out. I'll be there.
No, don't do that. I'm doing the best in Northern

(01:01:22):
Irish. Friends at 11:15.
Every year guys, thank you very much watching Pedro on the Com
Search TV podcast. Appreciate it.